#but it's been 2 years and i am so so tired of feeling like i have to vet every person i rb from bc of the state of fandom discourse

[comesatimecomesashadow]

wintery night w/ yan!capitano

・❥・

the snow outside fell gracefully, the wind carrying the small white particles with little to no effort as the blizzards of Snezhnaya went on. the cold reached the inside of the manor even though the windows blocked the brunt of the eternal winter from you. at times, it was easy to get lost in the eternal snow. especially when you were not used to so much of this weather.

as you gazed out of the window, parting the long, navy curtains just a little to peak outside at the blizzard, your husband stood at the doorway of the ballroom. he would often find you here in silence, he figured that maybe it helped you cope.

but he could be selfish at times, like now.

"Dove." he addressed, his voice oddly soft but still stern. you, however, paid him no mind and kept your gaze on the outside of the window. "What is it? .. Do you need something?" reluctantly, you shifted your gaze from the blizzard, to the storm in your own life — your husband.

though.. nowadays he seemed more like a refuge than a storm. but you had yet to give in.

the harbinger walked into the ballroom towards you. his footsteps on the lacquered wooden floor resounded throughout the room. a year ago you would have stepped back, this time you found yourself almost anxious to be in his arms.

"You've been distant as of late." your husband was never one to beat around the bush. like his sword, his words pierced any and all doubt from your mind. "Are you perhaps missing Natlan?"

with a sigh, you glanced back at the snow outside. such a lonely sight.. "It is much colder here.. I am unfamiliar with it." being the observant man he was — and your husband as well — he knew your words had more meaning than you led on.

"if you are cold, you need only come to me for warmth. for i shall provide you with any and everything you desire." his words were like obsidian. unbreakable, completely trustworthy. in just a short year of his life, he managed to make himself seem reliable, despite the fact that you very well knew the truth of who he was.

but in this lavish prison, who else were you to rely on — if not your very own captor-turned-husband? who else was supposed to tend to your every ailment and whisper words of reassurance when you felt hopeless? who else was to be the fire that cradled your shivering form as you struggled in this foreign environment?

who else was to soothe the aches of your heart..?

capitano could sense your resignation. it had been a long time coming, he was starting to wonder just when exactly you would give in and change the way you viewed him. reluctantly, you stepped away from the window, the navy curtains closing as you made your way to him.

without a word, he welcomed you into his arms. you laid your head against his chest as he cradled you in his warm embrace. his arms were less like a rope that suffocated you and more like the inviting arms of a husband concerned for his lover.capitano had been waiting for this moment, he had been patient in his pursuits. and as the saying went: good things did in fact come to him. for the first time, you returned his embrace and he could feel the way your body craved him.

his warmth. his touch.

capitano held you close and softly ran his hand over your hair while holding you. "i will be your warmth in the blizzard, i shall never leave you." with these words, you found yourself almost able to drift off the sleep in his arms.

while his touch consumed you, like a fire to a field of grass, you found yourself forgetting about the blizzards outside. suddenly, they didnt matter as much. they faded to the dark corners of your mind..

where you would never once think of them again.

・❥・m.list

(sorry im making so many drabbles im 2 tired to make an actual post TwT)

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S3 Musings - Armand, Lestat, & Marius

I am SO glad Sam Reid properly contextualized Lesmand's mess, cuz folk keep ignoring the most crucial aspect of Armand's entire psycho-sexual obsession with Lestat: MARIUS.

Autumn Brown went and pulled out the same tired quote people always use from Blood Communion, Armand raving how Les is "it" for him, wigging TF out. But Sam shut that ish down immediately:

Cuz people constantly decontextualize the circumstances under which Armand even said that to Lestat in the first place:

I explained this all the way back when 2x3 aired and Armand gave that BS fanfic about Les "abandoning" him & Nicki & the coven--I knew Armand was lying, cuz that's NOT how Les leaving went down!

In the BC quote, Armand is saying that he loves & hates Lestat, cuz he's JEALOUS of Lestat. Armand was abandoned by Marius (I posted a whole tirade against Marius about this), and resented that Marius had forsaken his "beloved Amadeo" in his hour of need after being indoctrinated by the CoS; meanwhile Marius didn't know Lestat from a stranger in the effing street and still let the man live with him and told him all his deepest darkest secrets that he never told his own Blood Fledgling Spouse Child Amadeo. What makes Lestat so effing special, that Marius--who keeps EVERYONE at arms length--was suddenly welcoming this rando French blonde chaos demon with open arms; doing eff all to Les when he ran blabbing about TWMBK to the entire world?! Amadeo was the one Marius said he loved most, who he then kicked to the curb when Amadeo broke the rules/disappointed Marius, and never heard Boo! from him for the next 500 effing years! Why HIM and not ME, when you were MY everything?

Armand felt abandoned, and more than anything, he was TERRIFIED in BC, cuz just when Marimand were just starting to reconcile and get along again after a good 30+ years of tension post-reunion in QotD, Marius got kidnapped by the Big Bad Rhoshamandes, who'd already kidnapped the other people Lestat loved most: his son Viktor, his mom Gabrielle, & his Blood Spouse Louis. Armand was never kidnapped--Rhosh skipped right over him, and took Lestat's father-figure Marius. Armand was certain that if Lestat went after Rhosh he'd be killed, that he'd "vanish into the same darkness that has swallowed Louis and Marius." Armand panicked, cuz if Marius & Louis & Lestat were all dead, who would Armand have? What "imitation of purpose" would he have?

The Elders were actually SCARED for Armand in BC, afraid that he'd try to kill himself again (a la Memnoch).

Armand was speaking from a place of panic & pain, clinging to Lestat as his last life raft. Cuz Lestat always represented a type of hope & inspiration for Armand. All old AF vamps need someone who can help them "Make Contact With The Age" and learn about the modern world from--cuz vampires are mimics & hungry ghosts who parasitically feed off of others. (Louis is an extremely modern vampire, even in the books, who becomes the Contact for Lestat AND Armand.)

Armand DESPERATELY wanted Lestat to be his Contact, but Lestat ALWAYS rejected him, knowing Armand was just a bottomless pit that could never be fulfilled.

But Armand's a psychopath who loves the chase (a la Devil's Minion), so in a way, Lestat's rejections kept Armand pushing forward. Lestat wanted Armand to learn how to stand on his own 2 feet. Lestat loves Armand like a little brother, and cares about his well-being, and sees the potential in Armand because he IS a powerful coven master with nerves of steel--he has what it takes to lead, but he insists on following Lestat--the "Fool for God."

Amadeo ("Beloved of God") worshipped Marius; if Les had let him, Armand would've worshipped him, too. Cuz they're White Jesus.

God Complex Lestat believed that all vamps are gods in & of themselves; who shouldn't feel the need to worship anyone, God or the Devil. They should all live like him, devil-may-care, middle finger & fist to the sky. He's always been a FIGHTER. And if there's one thing Lestat doesn't like in a companion, it's a simp effing doormat who never does anything to stimulate or excite him; who just lies on their back & takes anything & everything the world throws at them--no challenge or fight whatsoever. Armand never stood a chance; just like Sam said: "they're not really compatible in that way."

Louis had BITE to him--"there's the spark!" but ironically, Lestat's oppressive domineering behavior contributed to all the factors that chipped away at Louis' confidence, till he was literally broken in Ep5. Lou's 2x8 speech that he's ready to reclaim his agency & autonomy is a step in the right direction for Loustat as a couple, as they both learn to respect each other's individualism, without Les tryna force Lou to be the type of vampire HE thought was best; allowing Louis to (re)grow into his skin & not think it's a personal rejection of him if Lou decided to not follow Les's every effing word about vamps (which would become CRUCIAL in PLatRoA)--and Lou learning to not be so condescending & judgemental against Les's hedonistic impulses.

There is no way for Armand to ever ingratiate himself to Lestat, when he's ALWAYS looked to Lestat to tell him how to act & live & dress & behave. Lestat wants a partner/parent to love, NOT a child to raise. Louis was a fledgling whom Les barely even managed to teach how to be a vampire--but Louis never relied on Lestat to teach him how to be his own person. Louis was never looking for Lestat to be his effing father. But Armand's literally an orphan child who's been looking for a father-figure to teach him how to be a person, ever since he was kidnapped & sold into slavery as a human; and Marius left the kind of hole in Armand that no one ever filled--not Louis, not Daniel, not Benji or Sybelle. But Lestat looked into that hole, pointed & laughed, and said fill it yourself, or die.

So thank frikkin god Sam brought all this up: the dynamic b/t Lesmand isn't REALLY about Lestat at all. It's about how deeply Armand's been affected by Marius being GOD to him, and how Armand's suffered from abandonment issues & PTSD--that I'd argue are even WORSE than Lestat's.

[bunnyboy-juice]

NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.

[deoidesign]

.

[rapidhighway]

venting like an idiot

the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired

[chiropteracupola]

historically accurate trip to clifton's cafeteria!!!

[progress shots under the readmore]

[ghostofasecretary]

it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!

[puthyflapps]

Swifties prove everyday that they’re the dumbest people on the internet and that’s really saying something cuz I’ve dealt directly with blarkes

[flitterywings]

I can’t believe I’ve lost two years of my twenties to health problems and disability. it’s still baffling me that I’m not anywhere close to recovering

[orcelito]

Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

[derpinette]

i need a girl to be tomboys with soon. or i will Die

[h20]

if my abusive ins*nely controlling parent didn’t randomly just show up to our place of residency WHOLE STATES AND MANY HOURS AWAY from where they live with absolutely no warning other than “I had a change of plans, we’re coming up there and you’re coming to breakfast with us” and when I say “that actually doesn’t work for us can we plan something in advance?” I’m met with “no. I’m coming, it’s not a big deal” that would be great if this could fucking end

[girlivealwaysbean]

my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and

[perilegs]

i miss the era of internet where all we got were anime fansubs made by people who had the time to do what they enjoyed