#but it never happened and I hate it
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There's something painfully insane about mourning the life you could have had.
#I just keep thinking about that. I feel like that idea hasn't left my mind since December#because I know I could (and should) have had a different life. I mean it was all on me#I was supposed to be successful. but I'm not and I don't think I'll ever be#but I just keep thinking about me having my own place and hosting dinner parties#it's such a particular thought that attacked me around Christmas time (and I understand why)#but it's almost May why do I still miss the Christmas parties with friends I never got to host????#and let's not even talk about the idea of hosting a 'cousins night' with all the cousins#cousins who hate me. cousins that I hate#because in the world that we were sold when we were kids we were going to be best friends forever#but that never happened. and the idea of what it could (should) have been hurts a lot#I'm fine though. but it's a constant sadness that never leaves because I WANT to be that Christmas party host#and welcome people to my place and laugh and dance and create beautiful memories with love#but it never happened and I hate it#anyway... I'm fine#just thinking way too much#random#personal#my shitty English
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LINKTOBER DAY 20: ZORA WELLSPRING
Sidon plays packhorse. Link and Zelda play with electricity and water. Everybody leaves happy except for the fried aerocuda.
(Something’s in the water temple.)
This is a self indulgent totk au called Familiar Familiar where link and zelda travel through upheaval hyrule! Masterpost can be found here:
Patreon here too, if you wanna feed me a slice of bread like a duck
#art#critdraws#lonks diary#familiar familiar au#loz#zelda#link#botw#totk#totk au#botw au#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#breath of the wild#sidon#prince sidon#aerocuda#mucktorok#botw link#botw zelda#botw sidon#totk sidon#totk link#totk zelda#look the mucktorok is a genuinely fascinating weird little guy#i may hate that boss fight but its pochita esque pulsating heart thing is COOL okay#anyways the weird gravity thing happens too i just couldnt fit it into the script#((also yes!! those r yonas gifts from the last comic being put in use. everybody say ty yona)#i am never designing architecture ever again get ready for milktoast for the next to regions#loz comic
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.
and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.
...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.
see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.
while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.
especially if the president of the united states is on board.
yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.
and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."
but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.
...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.
not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.
yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.
but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire
#kai rambles#so like#i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like#i dont really care for warships#i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them#apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod#or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter#like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED#but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water#william d porter#uss william d porter#ww2#world war 2#world war ii#warships#again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny#uss iowa#fdr#franklin d. roosevelt#this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck#shipposting
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:) hello! :D hope you have a nice day and absolutely do not think of the possibility of one of the last story cards being of silver! and that his groovy will very probably be crying!!! THERE'S SO MANY CRYING PEOPLE IN STORY CARDS LATELY!!! SPECIALLY LIGHT USERS!! I AM!!! SCARED!!!! bc so far we got Lilia and Sebek in the beginning book 7.... so at the end.... so we're missing story Silver... and Malleus is the one with less cards, so they might add one for him... but... the tears... ego.... THE TEARS!!!! EGOOOO!! (LOVE YOUR ART BTW EVERYTIME I GET A NOTIF FROM YOUR BLOG I RUN HERE TO SEE!)
(thank you! 💚💜💚)
YES I am ALSO like...90-95% convinced that we're going to be getting a story card for Silver once we wrap around back to diasomnia. 👀 especially because the way things are going, Silver will be the only character whose dream we haven't seen -- yet???? -- and that just. y'know. makes me wonder!
although I do think it would be VERY funny if he got a story card and the groovy was just "regular Silver except with one beautiful single crystal tear". this is actually a lot coming from him.
(he used up all his emotion yelling at a baby that one time, there's none left for a proper groovy-level cry.)
#art#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 10 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 10 spoilers#maybe not quite that far but just in case we'll go with the latest out as of now#i would absolutely love some more expressions for silver though#i saw someone point out once that he only has one smiling/happy animation and now i can't unsee it#LET HIM SMILE MORE#anyway my personal dipping-deep-into-speculation theory is that if we do get his dream and a story card from it#i'm leaning towards thinking it might be some kind of au where lilia never adopted him (and/or mel was never killed?)#because of how absolutely and intensely he was convinced that lilia MUST hate him and blame him for everything that happened#and while sebek punched some sense into him at the time i could see silver's wish being some kind of 'they'd be better off without me' thin#(plus blonde silver would be different enough to justify the card probably)#idk they might go in a TOTALLY different direction but that's where my thoughts are at the moment!#there's gotta be some kind of resolution between lilia and silver at some point at least#i'm just still holding out for someone to actually say the words 'silver vanrouge' please it is all i want
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#messyr#something happened on the way home- smth that brought old memories.#i hate it. I hardly cry out of distress but i cant handle this one#iyak saglit. tas patayin nalang ulit utak HAhA#'m never taken seriously anyway#vent art#vent post#artists on tumblr#dissociation#sa tw
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it makes me so insane that rhaenyra is doing to jace exactly what viserys did to her. while obviously rhaenyra cannot acknowledge her children's parentage publicly, this episode makes it clear that she has refused to acknowledge it to said children, even in private, ever. even though said children have been forced to live through stares and bullying and derision their entire lives because of it. and she continues to do things that undermine jace's claim, such that he is set up to face a potential civil war of his own when he tries to ascend to the throne. she is content to leave the consequences of her actions in having bastards for jace to deal with once she is dead, just as viserys was content to leave the consequences of his actions in making rhaenyra heir for rhaenyra to deal with once he was dead.
#i'm surprised jace isn't more insane actually. from this episode it is clear that rhaenyra has literally NEVER talked to him ab this#which is absolutely insane#imagine living your whole life with people hating you and knowing that they're probably accurate in the words they throw at you as insults#but your mom just like pretends it isn't happening even though again you have to live through it every single day#like damn this poor kid#jacaerys velaryon#jacaerys#jacaerys targaryen#jacaerys strong#rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra#viserys i targaryen#viserys#viserys i#viserys targaryen#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon spoilers#hotd s2 spoilers#house of the dragon season 2 spoilers#house of the dragon s2#hotd s2#hotd s2 e7#house of the dragon season 2 episode 7
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#except that never happened#because badwolf made rose immortal#ergo when tentoo died#I HATE THAT MAN WITH ALL MY BEING#she comes and finds the doctor again#and they live happily ever after#STFU IDC THEYRE IN LOVE#rose tyler#ninth doctor#mickey smith#meanwhile on the tardis#jack harkness#tenth doctor#doctor who#eleventh doctor#amy pond#timepetals
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banging on the wall of my asylum room can anyone hear me.
#pokemon#kieran#trainer kieran#florian#sghr#candyappleshipping#hrsg#rival kieran#trainer florian#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sv#indigo disk#art#fanart#persona 5#shuake#trust me bro….#tealmaskshipping#suguharu#WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NAMES#giggling cackling sobbing maniacally#yknow throughout the game I was waiting for kieran to pop the ‘I hate you Florian’ like any self respecting rival yaoi would do#but he never…. did it……#HIS SPEECH IN THE TERAPAGOS ROOM WAS CLOSE ENOUGH THO!!!! CLOSE ENOUGH…..#speaking of which yeah maybe the bg being terapagos room instead of bb entrance would’ve fit better but whatever man#begging you not to look at any mistakes too closely I did this in a feverish frenzied state#does anybody get me or do I have to go insane all by myself#anywa i thought i was being delusional and mentally ill with my interpretation of kieran but then terapagos room happened and#HE JUST SAYS ALL THAT? HES ACTUALLY EXACTLY LIKE THAT. HES SO FUCKED#rank 8 akechi has such a special place in my soul. I’ve never been the same person since.
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guys estrogen and emotional regulators would have saved her
#inspired by that one line in riddler year one where eddie literally says ‘i hate this body’ or something#guys if she had estrogen and emotional regulators the batman (2022) would have never happened#the batman#the riddler#fanart#art#doodle#comic#shes so pretty guys in gonna throw up
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Here's the thing though. The people who say they saw Jon watching them in their dreams didn't say anything about a monster version of him with glowing eyes or many eyes or floating or whatever.
I love a good monster Jon design but just think THINK about how scary it is that he isn't. You met a fairly normal guy once and you told him the worst thing that ever happened to you. Now that man is there staring blankly while you suffer, over and over. You don't understand why it's happening. There's nothing you can do. The man is still out there, somewhere.
#Tma#The Magnus archives#jonathan sims#For real correct me if I'm wrong bc it's been a while since I relistened#But in tma they never do a monster looking Jon right?#They do hints like with the voice or the sleeping with his eyes open#But they never say that he looks different#But with the dreams specifically tho#I love the ambiguity that comes with him not looking or acting like a monster#Like if he were some terrifying thing it's like oh shit fuck I've been tricked by a demon ghost monster#But if it's just SOME GUY#Who is he?#What does he want?#Why is he doing this? Does he hate you? Is he doing it on purpose?#Why does he work in an archive#how is this happening#It's so fucked I love it
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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some Maria outfit variations I did for fun because I miss her leopard print :'>
#Silent Hill 2#SH2#maria sh2#We lost a baddie today......#RIP pink leopard print#I spent all day hating on her pink leather blazer#she looks like she wants to sell me a house now#I also feel like she NEEDS that deep wine red color to even read as Maria...It's so iconic and screams lynchian horror#also just to make it clear: absolutely NO hate to the concept artist who worked on her redesign#you never know what happened behind the scenes and what kind of feedback they got#Also hey some people liked the redesign....I still find it atrocious but oh well#it's all a matter of taste
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Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.
When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”
Diavolo responds:
“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.
Along with how Diavolo describe his father.
It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.
Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.
Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.
His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.
The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.
Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.
#Demons and Humans can’t get married even in the present so it adds an extra layer him wanting to introduce us.#There’s a lot more you could add onto this (please do I’d love to hear other’s thoughts).#Like how Diavolo’s childhood affected him just look at the way he describes himself:#“The truth is I am a child in a way. A child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting.”#A lot of Diavolo’s poor behavior while not excused comes from his childhood.#How Diavolo admits to using his position to force others to do what he wants. Along with how he doesn’t like sharing.#Diavolo’s insecurities in his friendships with others.#Mainly Lucifer and Barbatos which makes sense with how they happened.#IE Forcing Barbatos to become his butler and the oath/deal with Lucifer regarding Lilith.#It’s clear Diavolo is very lonely and carrying a heavy burden.#I like that MCs presence is helping him change into a better person.#Also I don’t think Diavolo hates his father their relationship just isn’t good and very complicated.#Diavolo is such a wonderful character if you have any in-depth posts about him please tag me I’d love to read them!!!#I AM FILLED WITH SAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT DIAVOLO TONIGHT!!!!#Obey Me#Obey Me Spoiler#Obey Me Nightbringer#OMSWD#Obey Me Diavolo#Diavolo#MaddyMajolish#Is it obvious I can’t sleep because I’m riddled with Blorbo thoughts
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Let Danny’s Parents Be Criminals
I hate the reveal gone wrong trope in the dpxdc fandom because we know Jack and Maddie end up supporting Danny and Dani in the end. His parents have some major flaws but wanting to torture their actual child isn’t one. What they are guilty of is going way too hard on any plan they cook up without thinking of the consequences.
If I were writing a dpxdc fic and I wanted Danny in adoptable status I’d just have Jack and Maddie in jail on charges of domestic terrorism after they killed off GIW agents and destroyed the GIW’s bases. They realized their ghost kids were in potential danger and went at the government the same way they went at ghosts, guns blazing and with reckless driving.
They end up in federal prison and they Vlad wins custody cause he’s rich and there is your runaway Danny plot starter.
#been thinking about this a long time and idk why it never seemed to be thought of or used by anyone else#not agnsty enough maybe??#people do love whump#rambles#dpxdc#dp x dc#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x batman#batman x dp#I hate having to write that fucking tag a bajillion ways#dpxdc prompt#dp x dc prompt#it’s a prompt if you squint#just realized I misspelled angsty but I’m on mobile and I’d have to rewrite the whole tag so that’s not happening#oc
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Trans men are literally just a joke to so many people. I’ve seen multiple Tik Toks like “When the trans man with HUGE BOOBS(!!!) in a crop top gets mad at me when I misgender him.”
One of these had the OP’s comment of “Why are so many people in my comment section being transphobic towards trans men?”
It’s because you made this a safe space for people who hate trans men!!! You decided to describe trans men’s bodies in dehumanizing, sexualizing ways to make a joke out of us! In what world does “smh trans men are SO EMOTIONAL and expect us to instantly know everything about them and cater to them even though it makes my life so hard (I have to change a word),” not come off as repackaged sexism?
If you say that this is a made up situation, these people will immediately claim that this happens and has happened to them. It’s interesting that either they’re lying or they’re admitting that they’re sexualizing a real man’s body in a way that could easily trigger his gender dysphoria.
#transandrophobia#transmisandry#sexism#trans men are easy targets for them because they can claim that these trans men (who allegedly do not pass and just look like girls)#have male privilege#like#do you hear yourselves???#it makes me dysphoric and this has never happened to me#so sorry that I’m not a skinny man with a binder or top surgery!#I also hate how every one of these that I’ve seen are women!!!#you’d think that women would relate to being spoken of like sex objects but apparently it’s cool when they do it#‘I am not transphobic. I just don’t respect trans men and treat them like women and misgender them on accident so they deserve to be��#misgendered on purpose on the internet for all of my followers to laugh at! But I said that I hate transphobes once 🥺🥺🥺.’
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