#poor marty he had so much going on in this scene alone

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

was having trans marty thoughts again and i came to a realization about this scene

[reds-writings]

Hey!!! I wanted to start this out by saying that your writings for Rust has been nothing short of amazing ! There aren't enough fics out there for Rust, and yours have honestly been getting me through it.

Now, idk if this is the type of ask you were looking for, but with Old Man Rust, especially when he was in Alaska all that time- I've always wondered the details about his time out there (besides the obvious/what we already know). I mean- it's Rust we're talking about, and that poor tortured man...it couldn't have been great.

I know he spent most of his childhood up there alone with his father and such, but this time around? After everything happened? I've always assumed his self-isolation was probably at the highest it'd ever been, especially with how he talked about it.

Idk- I've always wanted to know his thoughts/feelings about so many different scenes/things within the show, but this is definitely one of the biggest ones. Even if you relate it to the jj universe- I think adding a partner adds layers to my curiosity on his experience/thoughts/feelings. I know when you answered that fluff prompt ask, them being away from each other for all that time was talked about; he still loves her very much, and is incredibly troubled about all of it.

Anyways! I feel like I've gotten a bit carried away, so I'll stop before I keep going 💀. You definitely don't need to feel obligated to respond or spend time on this, but know that your contribution to the true detective community on here is greatly appreciated 🥺.

Howdy! I love this ask!! The more detailed the more fun! And thank you so much for the love ahhh!!

(this will include some spoilers ahead for the JJ universe pls don't kill me lol)

I love the dissection of Rust's reasoning for returning to Alaska, of all places, after the big fight of 02. My fave idea being that he did it as a form of self-punishment for taking part in hurting his only companions in Louisiana. Applying these events to the JJ universe: the incident with Maggie will still be taking place sadly. But hear me out!!!!

In 02 with the resurgence of the Yellow King/Carcosa Rust easily found himself obsessively spiraling back into the Dora Lange case. With all the frustration and lack of support from the department (and Marty), he resorts back to nastier habits and ways of regarding those around him with JJ!Reader unfortunately being in the crossfire more often than not. It places a heavy strain on the relationship to the point where she reaches a breaking point bc tbh he is not being a very good partner at all (stress and frustration can only be an excuse for so long). They break up with her telling him to practically get it together if he wants them to ever continue but of course, shit just spirals more out of control with his hurt and anger so of course it reaches its crescendo with him having to quit then Maggie using their incredible emotional vulnerability to an advantage which he ends up regretting immediately of course because even if he's not currently with JJ!Reader it's no less of a pathetic form of betrayal.

When the fight goes down and he loses Marty it's one thing. Seeing the reader and the tie between them being severed completely with no one else but himself to blame is just about as close to dying as he'll get in that moment. He shit on her trust once and for all and took a friend from her in the process. He knows that there can be no forgiveness even if he were to beg with whatever last bit of reverence he had or sell his sorry soul.

Alaska is a bitterly lonely time for him and from tidbits he mentions in the show he didn't do much to change that loneliness while he was away. Circling back to before I think it was his way of extreme penance and if it weren't for another resurgence in the case he would've probably let himself die there alone with all the drinking/carelessness and wouldn't have had it in him to feel sorry about it if it happened.

Coming back to Louisiana things have changed plenty with Marty, Maggie, and the reader. I think the way he prioritizes his crumbled relationship with Marty (for both the case's sake and his) versus how he passively regards Maggie in the bar will forever be interesting to me. I feel like he'd be scared as hell to even come near the reader knowing she still harbors hatred and pain but Marty the Meddler drags her back in because he knows the two will never be able to truly stay away from each other. It takes a lot and the relationship may never be exactly what it once was but he'd selfishly rather have her near in some capacity than never at all once he's gotten a taste of her presence after so many years. I can't wait to write all that angst and yearning bc we love tension 🤭

Now that was a ramble omg! Hopefully, I didn't stray too off course!

[msfbgraves]

Even TIG can’t get over Daniel. Every time there is an interview, he manages to bring up Daniel somehow. He doesn’t care about Kreese (hilariously Marty himself thinks super poorly of Terry haha). Marty is so pro Johnny, and TIG is Daniel’s number one fan. The writers just Don’t Get It. The Senseis adore their respective students.

I think we would have gotten something entirely different had TIG been allowed to write Terry and Daniel’s story. What a pity.

I think that Marty being pro Johnny is adorable, and as it should be, and both Marty and Billy understand those two characters better than the Trio. I have no issue with that. And I also feel that Marty, if the rumors that he didn't want TIG returning are true, knew that Terry Silver would take over the show. The Trio can't contain him and that is not what they thought would happen. They were desperate to have him back. So he came and took over the whole entire show. Da Eun whomst? Kreese - why? Johnny who? And kudos to Marty who played season 4 really well but he's no match as Kreese for the real Terry over the one who is in his head.

As for Terry and the Trio - I think they've soured towards him because they can't control him. We first saw that with the weird animosity they wrote for Da Eun against him. Dafuq's that about? It's not like she's that awesome a tutor. But I don't think all the writers hate him.

The Trio can't stand him because I feel that Thomas was heavily involved in shaping Terry. He's a writer with decades of experience and he's married to one. There is no way he wasn't because his Terry and Twig have nothing in common, and yet the transition from movie to series was one of the most flawless I've seen. So it's not the Trio's writing alone that makes this good and it's not the acting either because Ralph had to fight for a whole series to get to play Daniel LaRusso, instead of their disdainful version of him. Billy had less to fall back on, poor man. And yet. Terry in S4? Ponytail scene, there he is! I also feel that a lot of the staff writers have been binging some Silverusso fic. Every trope is right there.

Now the Trio doesn't like him anymore so they are probably going to give Kreese some bullshit victory over him. And I'm really curious as to how that is gonna read. But probably not before he is going to torment his Danny boi a little more so Thomas is game. Hell, I think even Ralph is very much game. And some of the writing team too. TIG meanwhile lights up at the very mention of Ralphie and Ralph is still in awe. I mean Billy, Billy is his bestest buddy and hottest babygirl - these two adore each other - but Thomas is still so tall ���� so intimidating 🥰 such control 😚 so careful😏 he almost hit me 🤪 but not really ☺️💕💋

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future Part II, The Novel by Craig Shaw Gardner: Thoughts, commentary, and general ramblings

Part 3: A trip to Hilldale

Previous posts here

• We get a decent amount of information on the two police officers who take Jennifer to Hilldale, which is interesting. Their names are Reese and Foley (a fact I did already know), and we spend some time in Foley’s head as they bring Jennifer home.

Reese is evidently the by-the-book, serious cop while Foley is the more compassionate and easy-going one. Reese is always citing regulations and laws and refusing to bend them even slightly, and Foley thinks a lot of the rules are silly and should be bent when the situation calls for it—particularly if a regulation actually prevents them from helping someone. Foley wants to take Jennifer into the house so she’s safe, but Reese says it’s against regulation to enter a house without permission, so their original plan is to leave her on the porch until she wakes up on her own.

Poor Jennifer can’t stop getting moved to various locations and then just Left There.

• It’s mentioned twice that Foley hates her job. She’s worried about it turning her cruel and emotionless, and after saying goodbye to Jennifer, she feels, “—empty, deep in her stomach.” Someone write a fanfic where she quits and finds a career she loves.

• After Jennifer wakes up and is trying to figure out what on Earth is going on, she concludes something must have happened to Marty and Doc because, “They wouldn’t just leave her all alone—would they?”

LOL, YES, THEY WOULD, JEN.

• As Jennifer hides in the closet and watches Marlene, Lorraine, and George, she notes that Marlene is built, “—sort of huskily for a girl,” and that she’s probably an athletic type. This reminds me of the “pop up facts” feature on the DVDs I have and how one of the facts is that one of the jackets in the closet of the 2015 McFly house is a letterman one that supposedly belongs to Marlene’s boyfriend. So, yeah, I can see Marlene as a jock who is also dating a jock.

It also reminds me of how, years ago, I went for a checkup and the doctor was like, “You’re built like an athlete. You must play sports, huh? Soccer?” and I was like, “Ma’am I have never played a sport in my life.”

• In the movie, we learn George threw his back out on the golf course, but the book tells us that he was hit by a car that FELL OUT OF THE SKY. (while he was on the golf course)

• After Junior arrives on the scene and says hello to Jennifer, he hurries by too quickly to get a good look at her. Jennifer is relieved and thinks, “Lucky for her, he paid as much attention to most things as his father did!”

I love that line. Jennifer is quite aware that her boyfriend has no attention span and limited awareness of his surroundings at any given moment.

• After being firmly told by Doc to stay put and change back into his regular clothes, Book Marty—much like Movie Marty—quickly gets to work Not Listening. Except the book makes Marty’s disobedience sort of adorable because, after seeing the dog being walked with the drone, we’re told, “Maybe, Marty considered, now that he had his shoes on and all, maybe he should take a closer look at that dog, and, maybe, whatever else might be around the corner, like his future house.”

I can’t with Marty. This is the thought process of a six-year-old. “Well, Doc told me to change my outfit and sit here and not move, but, but…I did put my regular shoes back on! I did that one whole entire thing already, which is good enough, right? So maybe, maybe, I should go and Look At That Dog now. And if my house happens to also be there by some chance, maybe I can check it out too. Maybe.”

Ridiculous guy.

[red-tree]

PART 7 PART 6 PART 5 PART 4 PART 3 of my insanity PART 2 PART 1 I wonder if their reasoning to choose which way to go to get to the grand central the fastest is true to the real new york Considering all new york themed jokes and references I guess it is

Melman's tissue boxes on his hooves He prepared and do this boxes say "Nosebloids"???

I don't know why but this shot looks so funny to me

I like how Melman's tongue is spiraling once pulled also Alex wiping up his paws afterwards

go get this urinal cake Melman (please don't eat urinal cakes)

Melman's tail is clipping!!!

I wonder if there are still police officers in new york on horses and also "Can I shoot it?"

"my aunt's constipation"

He looks so happy!!!

squad goals

"we are running out of time" HA get it? time

THIS is a back up??? isn't it too much people for escaped zoo animals

SHUSH I also love how after getting angry he immediately changes to smiling towards people

not dreamworks gaslighting children that getting high off tranquilizer is cool

I love how this all backfired on them. They didn't want to escape at all, as well as Marty, he said that he was going to come back

Alex's panic attack and this whole scene is golden

also squad goals they all so happy to hear each other!!

I like how the Alex's box is covered in danger line I also like how Melman's box clearly says which way to put it, but it ended up upside down anyways

"Melman, you always feel nauseous"

once again we can blame the penguins for all shenanigans the main cast goes through

I love how the keys correspond with the symbols on the screen they could get lazy and do random bits, but they do actually in sync, that's cool

he shakes in fear :^( he is so scared being alone!

thanks for lifting up this moment a bit with "Alex is scared of water" joke

I love this little "thud"

He has some bright moments

I had no idea this was a billiard joke when I was little where did he get this tree?

I like how Melman was actually faking seeing Gloria and then it turns out true poor Melman, he is so lucky

how many times Ales got hit in the crotch? sound effects are everything here

WHAT DO YOU MEAN FUN'S OVER

I love love love love this little hug o my god, you can't imagine sometimes I think the present cartoon movies media lacks this emotinally subtle tactility I can't even describe it oh and once again, squad goals

[skamamoroma]

Skam Italia S4: The Hide and Seek Scene

I was asked to write about my favourite scenes from Skam Italia s4 and this one specifically first which is a risk because, so far, I haven’t been able to watch it without crying, to the point where I am 100% sure the music is emotionally coded or I have eventually gone mad.

Anyway, this post was inevitable because if you know me, you know I adore Marti and Nico so much and have written long posts all those months ago that, I guess, this had to be done! And it’s long but it’s me, it was never going to be short! (I type fast)

Before I go through the song... at this point in the season, it’s kind of heartbreaking watching Nico sit there and look at Marti with so much longing and emotion. You can tell he misses him desperately. And Marti? Ah my favourite idiot. We KNOW how upset he is. I think at this point, he is telling himself he’s fine and that he’s drawing a line and he hasn’t got anything left to say to Nico… mainly out of sheer stubbornness. Nico’s lies and the way he tried to hide things clearly hurt and frightened him, triggering worries of loss and being left behind, of not being good enough, of Nico’s past changing what they have, of Nico’s past actions with Maddalena being something that could happen again. Neither of them are NOT understandable. I look at them both and I see the foundation they built back when they first got together and how that can only have strengthened immeasurably because of how long they’ve been together… I am reminded that the look in Nico’s eyes spells out what he told Marti on that balcony - “i’m thinking about the fact that I’m in love with you and I’ve never felt this way before”. Marti isn’t a stop gap or a second best because he couldn’t have Luai… Marti is hugely important to him. Nico adores him and not only that, adores him FOR who Marti is. I think it’s that basis that didn’t once make me feel anxious when episode 7 arrived. I feel I know these characters and their hearts. We know Marti’s so well and know that when he loves you, you’re his family. We know he considers Nico to be that… he left his father and step family behind, reconciling his past anger and walked away towards those he considers his family: his mamma, Gio/Luchino/Elia and Nico… he chose them and he specifically walked towards Nico with so much honesty to tell him he was by his side. The idea that ANY of that could be disrupted and that Nico perhaps isn’t who he thought he was… “somebody that I used to know” - not only an amazing song choice for Nico/Luai but also for Marti/Nico. Marti’s face screamed “I don’t know all of you” when he realised Nico’s past had been hidden from him. Marti’s fear of losing Nico caused him to cut and run and he effectively broke his own heart… but at the same time, Nico didn’t help himself. By trying to do the right thing, he made it worse and I think the bottom line is that eventually Marti felt left behind, felt that Nico’s extended secrecy and lies were a reflection of their relationship…

But he didn’t have all of the facts and his own fear and freak out meant he wasn’t seeing clearly. We know Nico loves Marti with his whole heart not only because he told us but because of that comfort they give off as a couple… it’s just a FACT. 

And this is where this clip makes me weepy. Because we know Nico’s past now. We know 3 pretty important things

Nico always felt spoken for and lost in his relationship with Maddalena. He wasn’t trusted, was spoken over, was belitted at times and felt he lost his voice. He was subject to all of that but put up with it. She wasn’t a bad person… their relationship just wasn’t healthy. His extended Last Man metaphor was his own way to ‘escape’ and be with Marti, someone who made him feel safe and listened to and cared for. Marti is his safe space.

Luai wasn’t just a mistaken kiss. He meant something. He may not have meant what Marti means or even close to it but that doesn’t matter. He was SOMETHING and if Nico’s eyes and smile in the piano video are any clue, Nico was so fond of him. That became dark and upsetting and ultimately damaging for both of them and poor Luai. Poor poor soul. Poor Nico for having that so cruelly removed from him, perhaps wondering if he was to blame or if he’d stayed away all would have been fine. It makes sense now why Nico was so unwilling for Marti to see the real him, to give in to what he felt with Marti because, ultimately, Nico internalises. His worries must have been overwhelming. He must have feared that history would repeat or that somehow HE was the one who was toxic… which we know is so untrue. 

By meeting Marti, Nico suddenly has this whole group of lovely, fun, ridiculous, warm and inclusive friends who show so much love and support. It is SO TELLING that Nico is still there at Silvia’s birthday party. Nico is NOT simply Marti’s boyfriend. He is a part of their group and they care about him so much too.

Knowing those 3 things is why the song that Ludo chose will FOREVER make me cry the second I hear the words. How he found a song SO perfect for Nico’s story is astounding to me. Every lyric works and I think the only way to talk about this scene is to track it with the lyrics… I suggest listening to it as you read (if you’ve even got this far because IT IS JUST SO PRETTY). 

This scene is, if nothing else, a moment to honour Nico as a character and his relationship with Marti and I swear I’ll never be over it. 

I lived my life alone before you

We see Nico alone with his eyes closed. The idea that we KNOW Nico felt alone before he met Marti. He told him he felt alone in his head, in a crowd and alone with people he loved. Marti changed that. 

And with those that I’d never succeeded to love

Maddalena. Luai. Neither of them worked out. The first being unhealthy and damaging and the second being a tentative step into a hopeful romance which resulted in trauma.

But we know Nico is someone with a huge heart. He still wants to love and be loved in return… but he feared it so much because of his mental illness but also, we now understand, because of what happened to Luai

And I grew so accustomed to that kind of solitude

We saw he had. He told us that when he and Marti were in his bed. He lives his life feeling alone… so much so that the thought of being the Last Man frightened him so much.

I fought you, I did not know how to give it up

Well, even writing that made me cry. We WATCHED him fight his feelings for Marti. His own worries and fears making his route to falling for Marti full of bumps in the road. He felt unworthy and frightened… and yet he still couldn’t give Marti up. Time and time again he fought his way back to Marti - Halloween, Bracciano, by his plan for the apocalypse, on the balcony when Marti came out of the twinkle lights and then finally accepting to live life minute by minute despite his fear. 

Before you, had I ever known love or had I only known misuse of the power another had over me? The power another had over me.

Oh. This line. This is the one that gets me. Full on tears. The fact that Nico, as a lovely kind gentle creative beautiful soul knew more pain than most his age by the time he met Marti. Not only did it come from parents and a girlfriend who failed to listen to him, who always decided his feelings for him, his battle with his mental illness causing him to feel shame and as if he couldn’t be loved and listened to as Nico and not a product of his mind. As Stefano Benni and La Giraffa helped him find strength that he could know real feelings despite his brain being poorly, he kept trying and fighting. 

He watched a boy he liked, Luai, subject to significant mistreatment and trauma and no doubt partially blamed himself… never received closure for that and was left with clear scars from it

“Had i ever known love or had I only known misuse” - those words are so emotional for me. Had he? I don’t know if he had. It makes what he found with Marti so fundamental and meaningful. How safe Marti must have made him feel. No WONDER he tried to hard to cling on. 

I crossed the country and I carried no key, couldn’t I look up at the stars from anywhere?  And sometimes I did, I felt ancient but I still sought peace and it never came to me

I heard this and immediately thought of his mental health and also his path through his struggles. That idea of ENDURING and going through so much… never being able to see the stars or a way out. That overwhelming shame. That feeling of being weary and exhausted. The fact that he DID always keep going, always seeking peace and comfort and contentment but “it never came”….

They often spoke as thought I had been set free, but I travelled only in service of my dreams. I stood before them all, I was a sleepwalker

AH. Oh god this song. Every line, man. The idea that Nico has had people who have told him how to behave or have caused him to question his own mind… the fact he must have been told time and time again that he’s getting better or that he’s being monitored… but he chose to keep going if anything, for his passions. We KNOW he is a renaissance guy, a creative quirky soul. He plays piano and draws and sculpts and is a lover of film and the arts as a whole. All of that makes him deeply passionate and he uses it to help him, often to cope. But the idea of being a sleepwalker… the idea that he walked through life half asleep a lot of the time because of his past experiences even in the face of those who told him they cared.

Couldn’t hold my misery down, not even for you. 

Nico can’t change who he is. He was never able to and nor should he. But he felt he wasn’t good enough for Marti. Meeting Marti made him want to change… but ultimately he realised that meeting Marti meant the opposite. He didn’t need to, he was loved as he is. 

But I long for you now even when you just leave the room

OH my. Tears again. We have just watched him stare at Marti across the room with so much love in his eyes, so much longing for his best friend, his love. Not having Marti must hurt and hurt badly.

And of all of the roads and cities that I passed through, of all of the eyes I have searched inside, the one sense of permanence that I came to feel was mine, only beneath your gaze

FUCK ME. Haha. That last line. Marti is his person. Of all of the things he has experienced, the people he has encountered and tried to love or tried to make connections with, none of them worked out and never once did he feelable to be himself entirely… until Marti. Beneath Marti’s gaze, he could feel that sense of permanence… he could see and be himself. 

I can’t even tell you how stunned I am at this song and how truly PERFECT it is for Nico… but that this last line… the fact the song tracks Nico through the house alone and ends with him finding Marti makes me want to weep into a cushion! 

The fact he’s helped by those who also love him. They orchestrated this because Nico means something to them and so does Marti. They want them to be happy and he’s helped to find his way back to Marti by true friends. 

The thing that CANNOT be ignored is that this whole thing happens because of Gio. Of COURSE it does. He spends this season trying to keep peace: with the girls, Nico/Marti and with Marti/la rosa squad. His heart is enormous and he just likes people to get along. My dude, how I love him.

As for the way the clip unfolds and the specifics, I love that it is the boys only who point Nico in the right direction. It had to be them. Gio being the one to lock the door. Gio’s smiles as he does it. It is SO reminiscent of the fact Gio left the cabin in Bracciano for them. He’s always there for Marti but that also means he’s there for Nico too and he won’t allow them to be unhappy. 

I can’t handle how small Nico look, how cuddly in his sweater with his tumbly curls. He’s just the most endearing. The warmth of the lighting and of the house is a classic Skam Italia thing and is, as ever, like a comfort blanket.

The fact that Marti is under the bed makes me laugh with Nico having to bend down to see him… not to mention the “bastardi”. Oh my sweet idiot boy. He was never going to be able to get away with his self destruction and stubbornness forever and his boys won’t let him. I love that it’s so Marti. The whole exchange is so in character… Marti’s “I can jump out of the window” is his ever sarcastic self at play and I adore him for it and so does Nico because in the face of everything, Nico laughs. There’s just this overwhelming send of comfort and sweetness, I can’t explain it.

The fact that Nico asks “can I come closer?”. The softness of his voice, the way he ASKS and doesn’t just do it, the way he KNOWS he must go to Marti and that Marti’s stubbornness is fierce but also that he fell in love with Martino Rametta… he needs to spell things out for Marti and let him know what he wants. 

What is also REALLY sweet is that it’s kind of Gio AND Elia who stand at the front of the door with Elia looking to Gio and celebrating their little trick. Their unspoken words and communications throughout Nico and Marti’s story was fundamental and we see it again. The characterisation is just so unbelievably consistent and meaningful. Their little high five at the end is adorable.

The fact they’re all outside, all hopeful and full of love for both boys is so heartwarming. I can’t! 

I also LOVE the way Filo is there cuddled into Gio’s arm. THE SWEETNESS. Everyone must love cuddles from Gio. But Filo being a part of it is just PERFECT as he’s fundamental to them both too. 

Then the ending being so so so sweet with Sana being so filled with love for her friends and for Marti and Nico that she uses that to spur her on to make a big decisions of her own. How I adore and cherish this scene so very very much. 

I think their story in s4 carries on so well with so many ideas from s2, not just filling in the gaps about Nico’s past. It adds SO much to s2 and things we see, heard and experienced with both Nico and Marti.

The thing that most surprises me is that we are effectively handling an Evak couple “breaking up” in this season. Yes, it wasn’t a proper break up but still, in Evak terms that could be catastrophic. It isn’t and it wasn’t and I hold Ludo entirely responsible for the fan’s ability to understand and appreciate why he chose to test them. He didn’t allow them to become background mannequins, didn’t allow them to be unrealistically perfect, didn’t villainise either of them and made them both understandable. This would have, in other circumstances, caused a total fandom meltdown but all I’ve seen are insightful posts about why YES it hurt to see them upset and going through a rough time but NO it didn’t ruin them and, if anything, made them feel more real and more connected and determined to be better. The way Ludo  loves Marti and Nico is all over this season despite it being Sana’s and, for me, it never takes away from her story. All anyone wanted from the inclusion of Nico’s past was that he was gifted some focus to honour his experiences and Ludo tried in so many ways to give him that and… well, this scene, to me, is a gift for Nico as a character.

If you got this far then GOD BLESS YOU but it is a testament to Ludo that I can always write damn essays on his work. I am so grateful to him for finding a moment in Sana’s season to do this and for it to mean SO MUCH despite it being so simple.

[arashi-no-megami]

Andi Mack is back so here’s Tyrus fic #10 🎉🥴

TJ was rummaging through his locker, looking for his History book for his next class. He heard a familiar voice call out to him. As he turned around, he met face-to-face with Kira.

“Hey!” she smiled brightly.

“Hey, what’s up?” TJ smiled back.

“Are you doing anything on the 24th? There’s this amazing movie that’s coming out and I really wanna see it. You down?” Kira bounced up and down on her tiptoes.

“Uh, sure, let me check,” TJ opened his phone and checked his calendar.

“Ah, wait...I’m busy that day...” he said a little bit quieter than usual. That was the day of Bex and Bowie’s reception for the wedding they eventually decided to have. Which was literally less than a week away. Why would he go to Bex and Bowie’s wedding reception in the first place? Well, because Cyrus asked him to, of course. He tried to prepare his answer for the inevitable question incoming.

“Really? What are you doing?” Kira looked up at him. Just then, the bell rang. Whew.

“Uh, I’ll tell you later. I got to go to class.” TJ turned around and started walking away. Kira trotted after him and giggled.

“We’re in the same History class, genius. Now tell me what you’re doing,” she clutched her books to her chest and playfully bumped her shoulder into his.

“Uh, well...I’m going to a wedding reception that day.”

“Oh, wow! That sounds SO nice. Are you taking anyone?” Kira smiled somewhat mischievously. Now, this was the question TJ wasn’t prepared for. What would she do if he said Cyrus asked him already? What would happen if she knew he was going to a formal event with another boy, let alone Cyrus?

“Uhhh...”

“We could always see that movie another time. You’re allowed to bring a plus-one, right? Let’s go to the wedding reception together!” Kira beamed over at him. TJ stared blankly as he kept walking. He was silent. Kira knitted her eyebrows.

“Hello? What, are you already going with someone? Who?” Kira kept looking at the taller boy beside her. TJ had no idea what to say to her, so he just blurted out a ‘nobody’, and started to walk faster. He hated that word when he was referring to Cyrus. Cyrus was far from ‘nobody’. Kira skipped and caught up with TJ.

“Okay, great!! This will be so much fun!” Kira grinned. ‘Damn it, TJ,’ he thought to himself. He just didn’t know how to say no to this girl. His History classroom couldn’t be any farther away.

A couple days have passed and TJ didn’t know what to do. The reception was days away, and he couldn’t tell Kira that he was already going with someone else. He couldn’t tell her that that someone was Cyrus. He should have lied and said it was a family outing or something. The last thing he wanted was to have a repeat of the Costume Day incident. Well, it wasn’t like him and Kira were going as a couple. He could still bring her along as a friend, and still go with Cyrus...right? Did Cyrus even want to go with him in that way? TJ was deep in his thoughts when Cyrus himself seemed to have materialised in front of him.

“Hey, TJ,” Cyrus smiled up at him. It took TJ a second or two to return to reality and he smiled back at the brown-haired boy.

“Just wanted to ask, what time did you want to go to the reception?” Cyrus started. “My mom wanted to know if she should pick you up, or—“

“Uh, maybe like 5, or something. And tell your mom thanks, but I already have a ride,” TJ tried to sound as calm and collected as he could. “Uh, is it okay if I brought a friend?” TJ asked quickly. Cyrus blinked before he responded.

“Yeah, Bex said we could bring whoever we wanted. Who—“

“Great! I’ll, uh, catch you later. Gotta go,” TJ practically ran off. Cyrus watched TJ until he turned a corner and was out of sight. Cyrus didn’t want to think too much about it, but he had a good idea of who that ‘friend’ was.

TJ sat in the back seat of his parents’ car with his elbow on the armrest, staring out the window. TJ’s father was driving, and his mother was in the passenger seat. ‘Why did they both have to come?’ he wondered. They pulled up to the driveway of a house TJ’s been to a few times. A curly haired girl in a beautiful dress came bounding down the steps and eagerly approached the car. TJ’s father looked at his wife and they both smiled at each other.

“Aw, Timothy, your date is so adorable!” TJ’s mother cooed.

“I told you, she’s not my—“

TJ was interrupted by the sound of the car door opening and Kira greeting TJ and his parents. Ugh, this would be a long car ride.

After a grueling twenty minute ride to the reception venue, they finally made it. TJ’s parents were insufferable; asking Kira all sorts of questions about how she and TJ met, and how long they’ve known each other. It was painfully awkward, but at least it was over. TJ flung open the car door and said bye to his parents.

“Text one of us when you’re ready. Have fun, you two,” TJ’s dad grinned at the pair, and then drove off.

It had been 10 minutes since TJ had texted Cyrus that he was on his way. Cyrus was sitting at a table with Jonah, Buffy, Andi, Amber, and Marty. Buffy noticed Cyrus hunched over and staring at his phone.

“You good?” Buffy put a hand on Cyrus’ back.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just waiting for TJ to text me to tell me he’s here...” Cyrus suddenly stood up. “I think I’ll go walk around and see if he made it.”

Buffy turned around and looked at Andi with a slightly worried look on her face. Cyrus thought of texting TJ, but he didn’t want to come off as annoying, or anything. He just wandered about, scanning the faces of the people around him. Then, finally, he found the tall blond boy standing around the juice table. Cyrus began to walk towards him but something caused him to freeze in his tracks. Kira was there too. ‘Oh, right...’ Cyrus thought to himself. Cyrus decided to be cordial and started walking towards them again. He had barely made two steps before he saw something else that would make him stop walking. He saw Kira wrap her arm around TJ’s and shortly put her head on his shoulder before pulling him around to walk somewhere else. Suddenly, he was locked in eye contact with TJ from across the room. Cyrus felt his face grow hot with embarrassment, and he stormed away from the scene. TJ released himself from Kira’s grip and started to go after Cyrus. Kira also started to follow behind him until TJ made a sharp 180 turn and looked down at Kira, stopping her in her tracks.

“Kira, no. I need to talk to him. Alone,” TJ left Kira standing by herself and tried to find Cyrus.

TJ found Cyrus outside the building, sitting on a bench in front of a campfire. TJ sighed to himself before walking over and sitting down beside him.

“Hey,” TJ smiled softly at the boy beside him. Cyrus looked over at TJ and looked back at his shoes.

“Hey...” Cyrus replied quietly.

“Look, Cyrus, I...I’m sorry I brought Kira. I know I should have told you. She pretty much invited herself and I didn’t know how to tell her no...” TJ began to explain.

“You shouldn’t have to tell her no for my sake, TJ. If you wanted to go with her, who am I to stop you?” Cyrus continued looking down at his shoes.

“That’s the thing...I didn’t want to go with her, because you had asked me already.”

“It’s fine, TJ. I don’t want to come between you two. You look really happy.”

“I told you before, we’re not a couple. And we will never be. I...I’m sorry.” TJ looked down at his own shoes.

“I was probably deluding myself anyway,” Cyrus sighed and looked up at the dark sky. TJ looked back up at Cyrus and turned his body on the bench to face him.

“What? What do you mean?” Cyrus didn’t look at TJ. He was silent. TJ’s gaze was fixed on Cyrus’ expression until it traveled downwards and stopped on his hand that was resting on the bench in the space between them. TJ moved his hand slightly and ever so softly brushed it over Cyrus’.

“Cyrus...is there anything you want to tell me?” Cyrus’ felt a shock go through his body as he felt TJ’s fingers touch his own. He looked down at their hands and looked up at TJ almost with tears in his eyes. Cyrus took a deep breath, his heart almost beating out of his chest.

“Promise you won’t say anything until I’m done,” Cyrus pursed his lips and watched TJ nod his head.

“Well...” Cyrus had no idea how he was going to do this. He took another deep breath and decided he would just say whatever came to his mind. There would be no way that he would ever be prepared to come out to the boy he liked, so he might as well just wing it.

“In the past year I found out two important things about myself. One, I’m gay. Two, I have a bad habit of getting crushes on cute athletic green-eyed boys who turn out to be straight,” he pitifully chuckled to himself. “My first crush was, you guessed it, Jonah Beck. But that faded over time, and I found a new crush.” Cyrus looked over at TJ and the poor boy was staring at Cyrus with his mouth slightly hanging open. Cyrus continued. “I think I actually started to like you back when you got that muffin for me, and my feelings only got stronger as time went on. But I already knew you would never be interested in me in that way, so I just never thought about it. I just enjoyed every second I got to spend with you. But the thing is, I think I realised how serious it was when I started to see you hanging out with Kira. I know it’s selfish, because clearly you two are close, but I felt extremely sad and jealous. I can’t believe I’m actually admitting to this but...yeah. I saw you two always on the basketball court, always getting lunch together, and even on the swings in the park. I tried to convince myself that you and Kira were a thing, even if it wasn’t true. Then, maybe, that would get me to stop liking you. But—“

“Cyrus...I—“ TJ attempted.

“No, TJ, please, don’t. I’m not finished yet...I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I ended up liking you. I’m sorry that I got in between you and Kira’s friendship, or relationship, or whatever it is. I’m sorry that I just made our friendship weird. I’m sorry that—“

TJ, in one fluid motion, grabbed both sides of Cyrus’ face and pulled him closer until their lips crashed together. The kiss lasted no more than five seconds, but it was long enough to cause tears to come streaming out of Cyrus’ eyes. TJ’s eyes were still closed when he pulled away from Cyrus. He let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes. TJ immediately moved his thumbs and swiped the tears from Cyrus’ cheeks. TJ lightly chuckled.

“Can I talk now?” Cyrus stuttered out an incomprehensible noise, which TJ took as a ‘yes.’

“You...have nothing to be sorry about.”

Cyrus laughed with tears still streaming down his face. He rested his hands on top of TJ’s which were still cupped around his cheeks. TJ rested his forehead against Cyrus’, closed his eyes and smiled.

[wings-of-a-storm]

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the  frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.12 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- YAS TOM AND SIERRA ❤️❤️❤️ Also Josie and Kevin are sibling excellence

- Ew Moose’s dad. “I’ll check my calendar, Sierra” that bitch is so not doing it lmaoooo

- Choni. this is the greatest scene bye. Oh right I forgot about the SAT’s bc they didn’t go.

- TONI’S SCORE WAS FLAWLESS?! OMFG

- Veggie ❤️❤️ I hate how after all of Veronica’s attempts she’s STILL being sucked into the fucking criminal life!

- Mevin. Wow. They’re fucking going AT IT and I am actually kinda here for it? Like??? FUCK.

- “Told you they ere in here, sir.” what a fucking tattle tale bitch

- SWOSIE. OH YM GOD GTHEY’VE HAD FLINGS. HIS SMILE. I’M FUCKING— HE FUCKING LIKES HER I’M—AW SWEET PEA “I’m not built that way, maybe that makes me needy” BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH HE IS SUCH A FUCKING SOFTIE I’M SO—HE DESERVES SO MUCH I’M SO!!! UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW THIS IS ALL I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT FOR THE NEXT YEAR (Also did we just see his fucking trailer? Because I need to see more of it please and thanks. Also please tell me he has a sweet grandmother named Lily because then my fanfic will come to life and I will legit burst into tears)

- Wow Penelope is really trying to stop Cheryl from going to school huh

- MCKELLER AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHH. Ugh this ascension night and gargoyle king shit is so annoying

- CHERYL AND KEVIN FRIENDSHIP LET’S FINALLY HAVE WHAT WE DESERVE!!! Wait I thought all of the mains know about Mevin lmao this is why we need basically every episode like this. LOL Bumble is the Grindr of Riverdale. KEVIN MOOSE NOT COMING OUT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BBY. Oh no don’t nudge him to come out don’t force him that’s so bad!

- CHERYL OFFICIALLY CALLED HERSELF A LESBIAN BITCHHHHHH AND TONI LISTENING SO CUTELY. Oh no… she basically just outed Moose is this why her and Toni fight??? /.\ I feel so bad for Moose thought they’re like backing him into a corner!!!

- “THAT’S WHY THE SERPENTS WERE SO IMPORTANT TO ME, THEY WERE LIKE MY NON-JUDGEMENTAL FAMILY” OH I HATE THIS SO MUCH BUT I LIKE THE ANGST. CHERYL BEING SO SOFT AND TONI BEING SO FIERCE AGAIN YES

- JOSIE IS CRYING POOR BBY but also ARCHOSIE!!! SHE WAS GONNA ASK SP TO DRIVE HER BITCH I’M SOFT! I’m glad they’re not making him out to be an asshole though I love that for my baby Sweet Pea

- Reggie calling Veronica Ronnie ❤️❤️❤️ “Is robbing banks still a thing?” Reggie lmao ONE OF MY IDEAS SORT OF COMING TO LIFE I’M—VEGGIE BEING SO CUTE I LOVE IT

- This has nothing to do with McKeller, Penelope but okay. You’re sounding like you know something… lmao if you need Hiram you’re probably fucked. And also EW MARTY MANTLE GO SUCK A BIG FUCKING TOE

- Josie is such a cutie! And this is the first time we’ve ever seen her nervous! But I imagine what it’d be like if SP drove her like he’d be so enamored with her

- REGGIE GOT SHOT. I saw this in the promos but STILL

- So no one can hear the camera going off like??? “We know how to dominate, too” BITCH CHERYL—

- I’m sorry our queen Josie didn’t get it? Mmhm sounds fake but okay… but is this how they’re setting up for Josie’s spin off? “And I’m alone” BITCH NO YOU’RE NOT MY POOR CHILD!!! I really like how Archosie is being there for each other and we get to see emotional Josie

- Really Reggie’s dad had a dye pack? Nah this bitch is definitely doing illegal shit and the car dealership is a front. OMG IF THAT’S TRUE MY FUCKING STORY UNHOLY—PLEASE I NEED THIS RIVERDALE.

- OMG MOOSE ACTUALLY DID IT? HE LOOKS SO CUTE AND HAPPY… BUT THEN WHY THE FUCK DOES HIS DAD DRAG HIM TO SOQM? If it’s a part of the fucking game… AND OMG MAYBE I AM FUCKING STARTING TO SHIP MEVIN? I’M SO SORRY JOAQUIN. 

- CHERYL HELPING TONI TO GET INTO THE SCHOOL I’M—

- THE BUYER IS GLADYS ARE YOU KIDDING. OMG SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT THAT’S HER SON’S FUTURE WIFE LMAO oh she does know Veronica

- Why did they have to make Gladys deal drugs like it would be a bit more interesting to see her be the “Good” parent

- CHERYL APOLOGIZING TO MOOSE AWWWW why is Moose suddenly so attractive??? BUT HE’S OPENING UP TO CHERYL HOW CUTE. LMAO “I’d bring new sheets, a lot of people have had sex on that cot” oh no isn’t that where Mevin gets interrupted

- You’re trusting Penelope… with cyanide antidote? Mmhm… ugh Hiram…

- So how tf does Moose’s bitch ass father find out about the bunker???

- Oh of course it’s Penelope who finds the thing. HOW FUCKING COINCIDENTAL.

- BITCH VEGGIE IS SO HOT. Charmila is making a show. And thank GOD Bughead stopped but also why is everyone deciding to fuck at the same time? That’s weird

- Bughead actually stopping to answer their phones? Unrealistic

- CHONI’S ALMSOT SEX SCENE AND IT’S INTERRUPTED ARE YOU KIDDING

- Poor Moose like he finally is able to be with the guy he likes (I know I’ve said it didn’t seem like he was into him but to be fair we never really saw Kevin together okay? Okay. I am repenting until Joaquin is suddenly alive and Joavin can rise again lmao) and him and Kevin are fucking dragged away by the gargoyle gang.

- AW KEVIN. omg yes BITCH!!!!

- Really… Moose’s father? Are you serious? But if he ends up dragging Moose to SOQM why the FUCK is he let go after this? MOOSE’S DAD LIKED GUYS TOO WHAT ohhh nvm that was Moose playing the younger version of his father

- JELLYBEAN!!!!!! But FP’s scared look when Gladys says they’re going to be staying awhile because he’s getting with Alice lmao Falice will totally survive in the end because him and Jug will find out why they’re really there and then he’ll realize he really loves Alice. We love Falice!

- And what I was going to say was that we’re probably going to meet the gk as the gk but think that it’ll be just another fucking rip off bc it’ll be a side character no one ever sees.

- Jughead is so happy to see his mom and realizing that when he finds out, and ultimately finds out that V knows about the drug thing, he’s going to be an unnecessary asshole to her leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At least it won’t be fueled by Betty’s dislike of her but STILL LET JERONICA BE A THING

- I’M SORRY… WE DIDN’T GET TO SEE MCKELLER GET MARRIED?!

- ARCHOSIE SINGING TOGETHER YES PLEASE! Is it bad that I lowkey want a scene where SP walks in to Archosie flirting and shit and gets all sad and meets up with Fangs

- MOOSE IS MOVING TO GLENDALE. “I’m gonna miss you Marmaduke” “I’ll miss you Kevin Keller” THE SECOND YOU MAKE MOOSE LIKABLE AND YOU FUCKING SEND HIM AWAY!!! Also why do all of Kevin’s boyfriends move away to towns nearby

- OMG CHERYL GAVE TONI ANOTHER GANG!! THE PRETTY POISONS OMG FUCK ME UP. IS THE TATTOO GOING TO BE THAT WOLF TATTOO WE SAW VANESSA SHOW OFF

- Honestly i’d be more surprised if Gladys and Jellybean weren’t coming back into Jughead and FP’s lives again just to fuck it up smh

- Archie asking to kiss her BITCH WE LOVE CONSENT. CONSENT IS SEXY. FUCK ME UP. YES.

- THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND NOW I’M SAD BECAUSE NEXT WEEK WE’LL BE BACK TO HAVING BUGHEAD SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS UGH

[demiiharperr]

The issues I have with That 70’s Show:

The different ways the Intro Song is sang throughout the seasons. I was content until they introduced Randy and then the whooooole vibe in the song changed.

The on and off relationship of Jackie & Kelso. Their relationship was very unhealthy. The way Jackie would speak to Kelso, followed by Kelso repeatedly cheating on Jackie.

After Season 1 Episode 3, we rarely ever see Steven Hyde without his sunglasses.

In Season 1 Episode 2, Eric got the Vista Cruiser and Red told him all the responsibilities that come with owning the car BUT how was Eric going to afford it? He didn’t get a job until Episode 5.

Season 1 Episode 2, Midge mentions their daughter Valerie but, we never see Valerie. In fact, as the series goes on we’re made to believe Donna is an only child.

Bob. Don Stark’s cheesy acting was sometimes almost unbearable. The delivery on all of his punch lines just never stuck. Every scene they attempted to make him funny always seemed forced. Especially when he’d go “oh boy”. Bob was too corny for me to ever like his character.

Jackie wears a sweater vest with the initials JSB. I’m assuming it stands for her name except... we later find out Jackie’s middle name is Beulah. Her initials would then be JBB. I need answers!

The air hockey game at The Hub that was there for Season 1 Episode 4 and then never again.

You never see the entire view of The Forman’s house or The Pinciotti’s house.

Season 1 Episode 5 Donna mentions her little sister Tina. Again, another Pinciotti daughter that winds up disappearing. She only makes one appearance and then she’s never seen again.

The Forman kitchen table goes from having 3 legs (S1E4) to then only having 1 leg (S1E5)

Danny Bonaduce is another character who’s lines never landed.

(S1E6) Jackie’s mom (Eve Plumb) is showing the house where the gang is trying to throw a kegger. Jackie’s mom in this episode is not the same woman we later came to know as “Jackie’s Mom” (Brooke Shields) way later in the series.

How pot is perceived throughout the show with the moving wall, the floating heads, demonic voices etc.

Donna occasionally entertaining Hyde’s crush he had on her. She then gets upset with Eric when he makes out with Laurie’s friend, Kate, from College.

Hyde willing to learn how to dance, buying gifts — i mean, the lengths this man will go & step out of his own character in order to impress Donna. But, when he begins dating Jackie, the poor girl almost has to pull teeth to get a romantic gesture out of him. HE WAS WILLING TO DANCE TO DISCO FOR DONNA!

(S1E8)The customer service at Blanigans is quite appalling. Between the rude hostess and the singing employees nearly running over The Forman’s, what kind of restaurant is this?! Then as The Forman’s are storming out, you can see a casting extra mouth the words “what the fuck [.....]”. I couldnt make out what the last few words were but my guess is he said “what the fuck is that guys problem?” How did no one catch that?!

(S1E8) Kitty & Red get caught hooking up in their car by a police officer. Them getting caught isn’t the part that’s the issue, it’s the way Red speaks to the officer and then the officer cowers away from him. What kind of cop is this guy?

(S1E9) Kate, Laurie’s friend from college, not giving two fucks about making out with Eric, a boy who is underage. Kate being unmoved by the possibilities of jail time is worrisome.

When do they ever actually go to school?!

How does Laurie stay Red’s favorite? She smokes in front of him, flunks out of college, drinks all of his beer, marries Fez, is caught lying repeatedly, & is openly slut-shamed by the whole gang in front of Red. CAN THIS GIRL REALLY DO NO WRONG?! It’s only when she gets caught living with a man that for a brief moment Eric is the new favorite.

(S1E17) That cringe worthy moment when Bob picks up Donna’s birth control from the Pharmacy and Bob recreates the Macaulay Culkin/Home Alone face. One of the many cheesy Bob moments that I mentioned before.

(S1E18) The frustration of having absolutely no idea what Kelso’s dad actually does for a living. Based off of many Google searches he’s a Senior Executive Statistical Analysis Technician. If you read the description of what a Statistical Analysist does I could see how a teenager like Kelso would get extremely confused.

(S1E18) “Gross Edna” aka Hyde’s mom asks Hyde if he has his fake i.d., to which he replies “you know it”. So, if Hyde has had a fake i.d. this whole time then why is the gang always on a mission to steal beer?!

(S1E18) Jackie working on Red’s car with him on Take Your Kid To Work Day. This is so out of character for Jackie and her knowledge about cars is never brought up again.

The show starts off in 1976 but, halfway through season 1 we’re in 1977. We chill in ‘77 until the end of season 3 when we finally enter 1978. But then, we stay there until season 6. We then wrap up the show with the final seasons all taking place in 1979. Time really doesn’t make any sense throughout That 70’s Show.

THERE’S A BRITISH VERSION OF THIS SHOW?!?! Why do we as human beings continue to do this?! I get it that the remake of a television show into an American version or the remake into a British version can be a huge hit! I also know how much of a fail this can turn out to be. The British tried with recreating the classic Golden Girls (UK: Brighton Belles), Saturday Night Live aka SNL (UK: Saturday Live), Friends (UK: Coupling). Then America tried with Skins (UK: Skins) and The Inbetweeners (UK: The Inbetweeners). Sometimes you just gotta leave the originals alone. But, if you’re interested in watching the British remake of That 70’s Show, the show is called Days Like These.

(S1E22) Eric tells Hyde that he can’t leave for New York because they were “gonna paint that pot leaf on the Water Tower”. BUT WAIT — HOLD UP!! We already saw them paint the pot leaf on the Water Tower (S1E21). The painting of the pot leaf literally happened one episode before Forman says this to Hyde!! It’s the same episode where Kelso falls off the Water Tower and breaks his arm while he was trying to perfect the Pot Leaf Painting to Hyde’s liking. How did Hyde & Eric forget all of this happening? How did the That 70’s Show crew forget this just happened?

Danny Masterson (Hyde) is a Scientologist IRL?! This has nothing to do with the show, i’m just shook.

There’s never a discussion of Hyde losing his virginity. With the rest of the gang they would all sit around and speak in detail about how it was for them. But, not with Hyde. I’m assuming he lost his virginity to Christy (S1E22) since this is the first sexual partner of his we are introduced to but, since the gang doesn’t talk about it WE DONT KNOW!

(S1E23) The very odd almost accepting nature of The Forman family losing Bernice Forman aka Mother Forman. Other than Red’s brother Marty, nobody really showed sadness to losing a loved one.

(S1E10) We finally get to meet Red’s mother, Bernice. She’s very transparent about her hatred for Kitty, which causes everyone to be on edge and want to stay clear of Bernice’s sharp tongue. Fortunately for Eric, his friend Fez is an admirer of Bernice’s feet and rubs them until her whole demeanor changes. She leaves The Forman home complimenting Kitty’s cooking, as well as complimenting their car. Which brings me to this.. They left episode 10 on such a good note! What happened inbetween episode 10 and episode 23 (the episode covering Bernice’s death and funeral)?! By episode 23 Bernice was back to her snarky self and I need answers as to why she couldn’t just stay nice!

(S1E23) The Funeral Director walking over to Bernice’s casket to close her eyes. This is 1. confusing to me & 2. kind of morbid if you think about what that must’ve looked like.

(S1E23) What ever happened to Red’s train set? You can clearly see how much that train set meant to him and how bad he wanted it for himself but, we never see that sentimental train set again.

(S1E23) The cemetery where Mother Forman is buried and Eric goes to visit at night looks a whoooooole awful lot like The Forman’s backyard. Change the stucco of the house and the fence, then add a tomb stone... boom! Eric’s backyard is now a cemetery.

(S1E24) The gang all go skinny dipping meaning they are swimming butt naked. The skinny dipping isn’t where I find an issue. The issue is actually in the episode later on (S4E20) when the gang is reminiscing on the time they’ve spent together over the years. One of the memories being that Kelso is the only one who’s never seen Donna’s boobs. WHICH DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE! They all went skinny dipping together. They were all naked. Kelso being Kelso.. he would’ve definitely made sure he never blinked. Not even for a second if that meant he could see any girl naked. So, Kelso claiming to have never seen Donna’s boobs seems false.

(S1E24) Midge welcoming the members of the Women Warriors group into her home only to have Sharon so disrespectfully flirt with Midge’s husband, Bob. Bob is not clueless to Sharon’s flirting. He actually seems to enjoy as well as entertain this woman making passes at him. This is one of the first signs that Bob & Midge’s marriage may not be eternal.

(S1E24) This is the episode when Hyde moves in with Eric because Edna (Hyde’s mom) has abandoned him. But, what ever happened to the house that Hyde left behind? We’re aware that his mom was renting the place but, he never went back to pick up anymore belongings. Edna was ok with all of her clothes and other things she owned just being tossed out?

(S1E24) Fez’s tattoo. Fez tells the gang that it’s a tattoo of the Blessed Virgin of Yorba Linda. What that looks like we don’t know because we never see it & after this episode we never hear about it again. The only thing Google gave me was that Yorba Linda is a suburban area in California. Who this Blessed Virgin is, we may never know.

(S1E25) Eric attempts to bounce a bowling ball in the living room, resulting in the ball breaking Red’s TV. I understand wanting to replace the television but, I’m also confused as to why they didn’t just take the TV from the basement in place of the broken television until Eric could afford to buy the house a new one. In fact, you never hear of or see Eric purchasing a new TV for the family after this episode. The replacement is all-of-a-sudden there. AND how did Red expect him to buy one? Eric hasn’t had a job since the Fatso Burger episode. Just as soon as he started working, he quit.

(S2E1) The Forman’s & The Pinciotti’s not realizing that they were high. Midge reveals in a later episode(S3E1) that her & Bob partake in smoking marijuana stating “That stuff was right here in our neighborhood? And to think of all the times we have to drive across town..” after finding out that Hyde was arrested for possession. So, if The Pinciotti’s know what smoking pot feels like you’d think they’d know that they were stoned after eating Hyde’s brownies (S2E1). And Red of all people not noticing that something felt a little off after eating the brownies? How’d he not catch on that something felt different? Which would be a solid reason for Red to be mad once he sobered up. But, I guess he never caught on. Weird.

According to an article I read, Red Forman threatened to put his foot in someone’s ass 38 times. I actually question whether or not this is accurate because I swear it felt like he said it at least double that amount of times. Even if he did only threaten people with his foot 38 times, he still never actually followed through with any of his threats. Red was all bark & no bite.

(S2E5) The gang finds out the Kelso is a year older than all of them meaning he could have been buying them beer this whole time. But, let’s not forget that Hyde has also had a fake i.d. and could’ve been doing the purchasing of the beer as well.

There were several times throughout the series when you can see that it was hard for the cast to execute their lines without cracking a smile or laughing. Thankfully they’re playing teenage stoners so, breaking into laughter can be overlooked.

The on going shame the gang continues to throw at Donna for not having sex with Forman. A teenager wanting to wait isn’t a reason for people to not respect her decision.

(S2E7) Donna tells Eric she loves him and he can’t say it back. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK! Eric has been in love with Donna since they’ve met & for him to leave her hanging like that, ugh—- I cant!

The racist references made throughout the whole series. They were mostly directed towards Fez & I’m aware that the 70’s were a different time. But, racism is racism no matter what era we’re talking about. The jokes about not knowing where he’s from or that his accent is weird— this is can be funny. But, once we cross into poking fun at his skin color by calling him by names of people of color.. that’s disrespectful.

(S2E18) Red forgets Eric’s age.

(S2E24) Red forgets Eric’s age AGAIN! His memory is becoming a concern.

(S2E20) How come we’ve never heard of The Pinciotti’s cat, Mr. Bonkers, until now?! & as quick as we’re introduced to the cat he’s out of our lives. RIP Mr. Bonkers’ short lived screen time.

(S3E2) I’m not a fan of watching The Forman’s & Hyde break out into song.

(S3E8)(S3E9)We jumped from Veterans Day to Christmas. What happened to Thanksgiving?!

(S3E15) The way Donna eats this one piece of candy. Very odd.

(S3E16) Red confirms with Eric that Kelso’s parents are dumb. But, in an earlier season we are to believe that Kelso’s dad is a Statistical Analysist. Not a job for dumb people.

(S3E18) The way directors thought we were suppose to believe this poor excuse of a fight between the Girls Lacrosse Team and Eric, Hyde & Fez. The girls were barely even lifting their legs. Unbelievably Unbelievable.

Eric is way too big for his bed. His feet literally hang off the end.

[jean-and-ali-liveblogs]

Jean: A pleasant episode. Very climatic, very family. The very fist scene put me in a cozy mood. The falling rain, drops banging on the van. I truly felt the closeness Greg and Steven have for each other.

When it comes to the song, I felt like I am standing down there, under the stage and Greg is singing for me. I felt like Greg is directing it at me. I moved me. I had a feeling like if Greg is upset with me and singing at me. That he wants to prove something to me, but not that I need to change my mind or that I am thinking badly of him. Greg doesn’t want to force me to change my mind. To change the way I think. He just wanted me to stop and truly look at him. So I could feel his emotions, his sadness and hope and everything, so I could see there is no indifference in it and he doesn’t take life as lightly as I keep accusing him of. How I keep accusing him of not caring about anything and wasting his life. Those emotions hidden in Greg’s heart, the sadness and more, how he doesn’t want to be nobody and life seems to be too tight for him while he wants to be happy. And even though he has moderate talent and singing voice, he still made me stop. I stopped for a moment and let myself be swept with the melody and lyrics. From the very beginning there is something special about it. I think it was just this one and only time and never again will there be performance like this. I will remember it and I will remember what Greg showed me. I appreciate it a lot. I even had shivers running down my spine. There is just something in that melody in the voice.

You know what, like, when Greg was singing “I am just a comet”, in my head, it was like if he was also telling me “because I am not comedy”, like if he wanted to open up my eyes, tell me he knows well what I think about him, and now he sings this to focus my attention on him, because he can reach me with music. And his life has nothing to do with comedy.

(Polish: “Comet” - “Kometa”,“Comedy” - “Komedia” - Ali)

Beach City really disappointed me that nobody showed up. That was really sad.

I wonder how Rose got there exactly? Did she come specifically for the concert? Did she hear music from the temple and raced there instantly? I am really curious.

What does she thinks about the music? Did it give her an impulse she could not resist?

Vidalia was a really interesting character, I liked seeing her, she is amazing! I wonder if she is friends with Greg now. Or were they friends and now they are not? Who exactly is she?

Was Marty really fully all that bad? Greg wasn’t an easy artist, he was a bit inadvertent and not much mature for going on a big stage like that. And it was all on Marty’s head, and true Marty was using Greg, but at least he was also giving him an opportunity, it was a weird thing when Marty technically was wrong, but in some twisted way he was taking care of Greg. Holding Greg in some rules that were good for him. Marty didn’t want Greg to fantasize too much, he wanted to turn Greg into a star, who will sing and earn money and fulfill himself. I think Greg made a mistake. Why? Because he didn’t give Marty a chance. I think once Greg would actually start being a big star, somebody well known and with established career, then Marty would stop being so demanding. What we saw were slow poor beginnings, and those poor beginnings showed Marty in a bad light, but I think he could really turn Greg into a real star. Marty would need to change, because Greg would start to grow more independent and Marty would be threatened by that. Marty was telling Greg a good think about not giving stuff for free. If you want to be a star then you need to start by having a business, you need money to record songs, to reserve stage, to buy everything. And that won’t happen if all the money you invested into shirts and CD’s will be given out for free. People appreciate more stuff they had to pay for, and the same about the shirts, Greg would have more respect and respectability among his fans if he would be more serious about that. Only later when you have everything under control you can let yourself give stuff to other people for free. I don’t like that when everything is planned, when they are about to have a concert in a big city, and people are going to want to go for that, all Greg thinks about is some stranger he just met. Ok, it is fine. But Greg could separate his feelings from what was important and real, what brings him money, his next concert on his tour. Such crazy turning back and insane race after your love when you are having a business and just starting your road to becoming a star causes it all to not work out for you. The truth is if you want to focus on music and concerts, then unfortunately your mind and heart can’t be all focused on loving some other single person, you need to focus on your fans, on what you are working on, on quality. Music is a sacrifice, and being famous requires a lot of maturity and hard work, and Greg didn’t grow up to that yet. Of course Marty was cold, but you could clearly see he was trying to clear Greg’s mind, from the thoughts that came too quick, Greg can’t just look at life through the view of his feelings and run to one person and leave everything behind him like that. It’s very immature. I don’t really like that Greg put Rose above everything, it should not be like that. The music was first in his life, not Rose, and Rose should wait, not music. A lot of stars can separate that. They throw their career for love and then they are left alone. Because love comes and goes and music will always stay.

(Well, I don’t think Greg expected Rose would be one day… GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE. Also, come on Jean. Money and carrier is not eveeeeerything in life. I personally value love more. And I am pretty sure Greg is quite content with his life choices.  - Ali)

You can’t leave music for love, never, Greg should wait for a better time, for some break after the tour when he could come back and do things properly.

Greg really annoyed me with that behavior, he acted like a spoiled kid, who struck by one idea of love drops everything and burns all bridges behind him, for a person he can’t be even sure about. For the person who is not even out of this world.

I feel like Rose’s attitude towards Greg is somehow irreverent, mocking, but at the same time full of surprise and something positive. And then she kinda approaches his feeling in more level-headed way. I don’t know what to think about it. Generally it was nice how she said that Greg’s dreams are important and that his life is short, that she cared about that and showed that care, while she was also kinda flirting and also having some distance to it. Rose is interesting and I don’t know what to think about her.

Rating is 7/10

[junkyardlynx]

Pt. 11

Nothing worked. The world happens, the world changes, the world, it is written here, in the next line, is only its own membrane—

Enlightenment. Vijay Seshadri.

---

Thomas scratched his cheek meekly, regarding the problem of the stranger he’d brought home as he stood in the kitchen, waiting for some water to boil. He had no parents to speak of and the uncle that was supposed to be his “guardian” simply left him money for food each month. There wouldn’t be any teen movie hijinks of hiding someone in his room only for his kind-but-suspicious mother to “accidentally” make too much dinner or anything like that. 

Rummaging around in the cupboards for a couple of tea bags, Thomas sighed. Why was he doing this? Obviously Jeal was being attacked and Sarisa defended him. The lady with the sword and mask was some kind of crazy ninja assassin. A crazy ninja assassin sitting on his couch. Was it because Jeal was rich? Like, he didn’t seem rich, but his crazy-weird dad owned a couple local businesses and they had that huge house. By all means, Thomas should be taking the side of his close friends.

But, ah. It was obvious.

Sarisa had used some kind of...magic. 

Not some Harry Potter wand waving stuff with dementors and the like. Like. Final Fantasy magic. With the elements and the -ga suffixes and the mana cost and the really overpowered party member who learned all the good spells and had the best materia.

Thomas was unable to be considered a thoughtful boy and that was because he simply couldn’t let the sheer wonder at such an event go. He had to know, and if he knew his friends (which it felt like he didn’t, really) he knew they wouldn’t tell him. They always “protected” him. They’d lie and call him crazy and make him doubt his own eyes until he buried the subject himself. They’d done it before. For his sake, they said.

Truthfully? 

He felt a little betrayed.

Jeal moved with supernatural grace and speed, stepping between every slash that girl had levied at him like it was boring. Every time Thomas replayed that scene in his head, it was more and more apparent that Jeal was simply playing with her. His friend’s red eyes, which seemed like a curious touch of albinism, now seemed preternatural and overly cruel. He was more a sculpture of ice than a person.

Shaking his head and sighing again, Thomas poured the boiling water over two bags of blueberry chamomile in two matching mugs, both reading “World’s Coolest Kid.” He thought it was funny. Steeping them for a practiced three-and-a-half minutes, he then discarded the bags in the trash and brought the tea out to the living room.

He sat one down in front of his guest, who regarded him with one cursory glance before picking it up. She seemed to use it as more of a hand-warmer than anything else as it was still far too hot to drink comfortably. 

“How’s the jaw?”

She winced at his words, rubbing it with her right hand. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) it had merely been dislocated and Thomas had been able to snap it back into place for her. 

“Fine. And your hand?”

He gave it an exaggerated shake. She’d bitten into it when he was performing what one might call “amateur non-invasive surgery.” 

“Probably broken, I’ll chop it off later.”

She didn’t really smile, but her eyes seemed to lighten up.

“So uh, what’s your name?”

“Fujiwara. Yours?”

“Damn, you really get to the point. Not one wasted word. Uh, I’m Thomas. Nice to fix your face and also meet you.”

“Pleasured.”

He noted that for whatever else, she didn’t seem to actively dislike him. The thought was strangely comforting. Fujiwara was probably her family name or whatever.

“So uh, Fujiwara. Can you tell me why you were trying to fillet that weirdo alive?” 

“You know who he is.”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Of course she knows I know him if she’s hunting him, Thomas thought. It’d be stranger if she didn’t.

“I agreed to this because you do not know what he is. I would ask that you dispense with falsehoods.” 

“Uh, fair enough. So why were you trying to kill Jeal?”

“He’s a demon.”

In spite of himself, Thomas laughed. He laughed so hard that tea splashed out of his mug, landing with a wet little splat on the coffee table. He apologized quickly.

“Sorry. Uh. I’ve known him since we were like, four feet tall. Jeal’s not a demon.”

“You think demons cannot simply be born like any other creature? What do you know of demons? What do you know of Sarisa? What do you know of Jeal? Of magic? What do you know of any of this?”

Her words were cold, but not cruel. Fujiwara seemed to be genuinely inquiring as to what Thomas knew.

“I mean, I’m sure you know I’m gonna say magic isn’t real outside of games and books. Jeal and Sarisa are weird, but they’re not like, demons. Where’s the horns and flames and stuff? Or where’s the like, overwhelming sex appeal? Neither of ‘em have it for me, man.” 

“I only said Jeal was a demon, but your outlook is fair. They’ve lied to you and done the utmost to keep you from finding out the truth. I suppose it is a sort of mercy. After all, magic has a tendency to destroy the lives of whatever it touches.”

It sounded to Thomas like she was speaking from experience. He went to apologize again before swallowing his words with a swig of tea from his mug. Empty platitudes never served anyone well.

“Jeal Culaine is a demon, born to a family of mages from his father’s side while his mother is a youkai - a yuki-onna, to be precise. In the past, we pursued his mother as a matter of honor, but now our sole concern is Jeal’s existence. He should not be.”

“Well, right away I can tell you that you’ve got the wrong guy. Jeal’s last name isn’t Culaine, it’s Innhamlet.”

She looked terribly sad for a moment.

“Have you ever heard of the scion of a wealthy family attending a public school under an alternative name? This is a...similar case.”

Thomas set the mug down before he could drop it, masking his frustration and surprise remarkably well. He scratched behind his ear - all of his scratches were something of a nervous habit - and then spoke.

“So you’re telling me his last name is Culaine and he’s half-Japanese? Jesus, how many lies can one dude tell? That’s one hell of a backstory. What’s next, you’re gonna tell me that he’s like, some sleeping demon lord and he’s gonna nuke the entire earth? That’s a little too Marty Stu for me, Fuji.”

“You may not enjoy how close to the mark you are. I spoke of Jeal being a demon; this is both figurative and literal. In the figurative sense, he is simply too powerful to be left alone. His heritage gives him strange powers and draws strange things to him. His natural talent is also...quite terrifying.”

“So he’s really strong? But Jeal’s really kind. I don’t see how that’s a problem. He usually just does his own thing, and the only time I’ve ever seen him act out was to help, like...people like me. Mostly me, actually. Pretty much just me.”

“We have observed as much. Were this and this alone, we would simply be content to leave him be. The heart of the matter comes from the literal sense of the word demon.”

“I know enough about folklore to know that youkai are kinda demons or whatever, is that what you mean? Like, he’s a halfsies on his mom’s side, he should be pretty normal. A little cold, haha, but y’know. Normal.”

“Your poor humor aside, that is both what I mean and not entirely what I mean. As he is the offspring of a youkai, his mana - think of it as life essence - is heavily intoxicating to the inhuman. This, coupled with the sorcerer’s blood from his father, has attracted the attention of what you might equate to, ah, the devil.”

“Oh, okay. I see. So you’re fucking with me.”

“I am not. Do you know how many bled against Emirus to find information on this vessel?”

“Jeal’s dad? He’s way nice, too. I find this all really hard to actually beli-”

Fujiwara had begun to levitate off of the couch, still sipping her tea. Thomas realized that an innumerable amount of eyes stared back at him, peering from every exposed piece of Fujiwara’s skin. She levied her multitudinous stare at him.

“Okay. I get your point. Magic’s probably real. I still don’t really believe any of this, but go on.”

His words seemed more like a prayer to himself rather than a real denial. All the pieces were coming together, all the strange things he chose (or was told) to ignore. All the doubts he had, all the vague feelings. Every inconsistency lining up with a lie revealed by this stranger from a strange land.

“His name is Soritoroth. All of the classic Abrahamic demons draw their origins back to him, along with a few others that are somewhat more difficult to categorize. A detailed history would be a waste of time, but suffice it to say he is a calamitous event unto himself.”

“And what, he wants to wear Jeal like some kind of humansona?”

“Why do you insist on using words that both vex and amuse me? But yes. Jeal’s body and power are acting as a beacon for Soritoroth, though he can make use of any vessel that has bathed in the proper pow...ah, this is....”

Thomas found her two dark eyes on him, regarding him with a stark and clinical look. The rest had vanished. He wasn’t sure if they were an illusion or simply a part of her. He wasn’t very interested in finding out for sure.

“Uh?”

“It’s nothing. I was going to tell you that you seem to be a viable candidate due to your prolonged exposure to Jeal, but I’m sure your own latent magical prowess is far too lacking. As we thought, there appears to be the one vessel. That makes my mission all the more pressing.”

Fujiwara stood up, checking her body with a few pats. She pulled the mask out of her robe, channeling a bit of her strange power into it. It seemed to ripple, restoring the lost material, once again reflecting the face of a terrifying oni. She gave Thomas a short bow.

“The tea was...delicious. Thank you. I appreciate your help. If I may offer a word of warning?”

“Uh, shoot.”

“Do not act differently around those two. They are uncannily attentive. Though I know quite little about Sarisa, her own lineage is storied and the both of them are, frankly, absurd; both seek out trouble and revel in it.”

“And you’re gonna try and murder him again, knowing that?”

“I suppose. It is all I can do.”

“How about...”

His voice trailed off. This was betrayal most supreme. He’d have to change his name to Thomas Judas after this. But he felt that this was the only way to really save his friends.

“How about you let me help?”

“Excuse me?”

“I love those guys. There’s got to be another way. Just let me be your inside man and I’ll do what I can, you know? There’s always another way that doesn’t involve Jeal mopping the floor with you again.”

“You are...not entirely incorrect.”

“So it’s a deal?”

Fujiwara considered Thomas for a long moment, arms crossed over her chest. Eyes simultaneously like honeyed amber and black mud regarded him, dissected him a thousand ways, looked into what he was. At least, that’s how it felt to Thomas. He felt very small under her stare.

“If you continue to serve tea of this quality and allow me to reside here as I plan, then I suppose it is.”

Thomas thrust his hand out and Fujiwara took it, thin and pale lips finally curling into a real smile. She was terse at first, but she had gradually opened up over the course of their questionable conversation. It felt like all disjointed pieces were coming together now. He could begin to see the big picture - where his friends would go when they gave vague excuses, what they were doing, who they really were. In the end, it didn’t matter to him. They were the people he loved, and he was going to protect them this time. He’d help them like they always helped him. He’d save Jeal from both this assassin and whatever was coming for him. Things felt good. Things finally made sense.

Of course, their hard times had just begun.

[jasper-unofficial]

things i want from the new season of 2 moons ( be warned , spoilers from the novels ahead ) :

our five moons coming back , those being bass , copgi , kimmon , tee and tae . get rid of g*d already , but leave the rest of the cast alone ;

the new phana being an awesome nice guy , who will fit perfectly into the group and will easily become the 6th moon ;

a little less focus on phayo , a lot more focus on mingkit and forthbeam ;

mingkit having their get together scene in full without leaving anything out , regardless of the fact that that’d probably take up at least half of the episode ;

forthbeam’s first time being much more mature and healthy , meaning safe fucking sex ( for reference - in the books they don’t use a condom or lube , which in my opinion is total bullshit , because forth is a very responsible experienced guy , and he’d just never do that , especially considering the fact that he wasn’t even that drunk ) ;

them not being petty and , thanks to cutting some phayo moments , and being able to add some moments to other couples , give a proper ending to forthbeam . they actually get together only by the middle of the third novel , but since i’m about 85% sure we are not getting season 3 , they gotta have them be boyfriends by the end of season 2 , especially considering the fact that the reason why they couldn’t get together for so long is just beam being a stubborn tsundere ;

some annoying unnecessary moments being completely cut out . like 1/4 of the second novel is literally just everyone bugging wayo about who he’s dating - the moon campus of last year or this year ( meaning phana and ming respectively ) , which was irritating as fuck , and didn’t matter at all , so just throw it into the trash can , just like all other dumb moments like this ;

all of the friendships ! phana , beam and kit . ming and wayo . beam , kit and wayo . beam and ming . definitely add forth somewhere into the mix , when he stops having a crush on wayo ;

speaking of forth’s crush on wayo - maybe don’t . like , i get that he liked him and everything , but again - he is a smart , respectful guy . he would let it go much quicker than the novel said he would , since in the novel he literally only stopped caring about wayo in that way after he slept with beam , and even though it doesn’t explicitly state that beam is just a rebound guy , it will still kind of feel that way , so again - maybe don’t . also , all the stupid , weirdly obsessive moments that were caused by forth’s crush , and the whole ‘ two alpha males fighting for their wifey ‘ narrative just need to leave and never come back to be honest ;

beam not having a crush on kit . this was such an unnecessary thing , i’m gonna be honest . it just didn’t make any sense , and the fact that the reason why beam got drunk that night and slept with forth was because he was trying to prove that he didn’t have any feelings for kit is just fucked up and needs to fuck right off . beam having a crush on kit also made the whole ‘ i’ll pretend i’m dating kit to make ming jealous ‘ thing make much less sense . honestly , i didn’t mind that storyline - it was a good force to kick ming back into reality a little , but it can be done in many other ways . they can take it or leave it , but whichever they choose - beam having a crush on kit ruins both , so just cross it the fuck out ;

can we have less tsundere behavior ? just once in our lives , please ? at least leave it all to kit , would you ? considering ming’s numerous girlfriends , poor ability to reject someone , and kit’s trust issues and fear of getting hurt , it makes sense for kitkat to act like a little bit of a tsundere . beam , on the other hand , had literally no fucking reason to be such a gigantic tsundere , so throw the tsundere beam in the garbage can . by doing that , they can both save us the trouble of watching someone being an idiot for no reason whatsoever , and give forthbeam a proper happy ending ;

stop making wayo into a marty sue , and by extension making phana into the picture perfect marty sue’s significant other . the first season wasn’t as bad with this as the novel , and it better fucking stay that way , or better yet - have none of it at all . the whole narrative of wayo not being that good looking , but actually being good looking , and everyone swooning over him , and always making half-genuine jokes about how much they want to date him - stop that shit . and , also stop making phana into this perfect super human , who doesn’t need to study at all , gets the highest possible grades , stop making everyone mention how good looking he is , stop making everyone fall on their knees in front of him . all this is unrealistic , dumb , annoying , yet very easy to get rid of , so do just that - get rid of it .

feel free to add something , or fight with me in the comments or in my inbox 55555 . i’m excited and scared about the new season , but i’m sure it’s still gonna be fun ( unless they recast everyone - then it’s not only not gonna be fun , but also is not gonna be watched by me , and many others - let’s be honest ) .

[mentalcurls]

3.5 Ammucchiate

Here’s a masterpost of my thoughts on and reactions to 3.5 Ammucchiate, translated from this post, that I mostly compiled from my tweets from that day, because I had A LOT to say. They’re not properly in chronological order and I’ve added a couple of observations I made in hindsight at the end of the season.

While the girlsquad is singing “Bello e impossibile”, Emma sings along and she touches Marti’s shoulder to catch his attention and communicate to him something like “Hey, hear me out, I’m singing about you” but he’s impassive, then lowers the sunglasses to his eyes and doesn’t smile until his eyes are hidden by the lenses

“Bello e impossibile”, by the way, stops right when Emma says “Io adoro i gay”/”I love gay people”, so right at the beginning of Niccolò’s roast

So let’s talk about Niccolò roasting Emma: first thing he does is retract his arms from around Marti’s and Emma’s shoulders (breaking the united front of the three “disertori del terrazzo” he himself had established earlier), then he makes the most unimpressed face ever, then he quotes an extreme example that forces a polarization (“Tutti gli arabi sono terroristi”/”All Arabs are terrorists”; this is a bit of a fallacy, but it’s also a pretty smart move because it makes Emma sound homophobic by association and forces Marti to side with Nico in the event he needs to choose between the two of them), while he could have chosen as an example of generalising something like “All women are bad at driving”, which would have been closer to Emma’s personal experience, but also closer to a direct attack on her (therefore counterproductive if Martino had to pick sides)

Kudos to Niccolò for studying Greek and Latin rhetoric very well, and philosophy too, YAY FOR LICEO CLASSICO

Martino’s dumbstruck expression when he breaks away from kissing Emma, aka when he hears that Niccolò has gone to them and is talking to them. Marti, by the way, doesn’t smile at all during the rest of the conversation with Niccolò (whereas when he was alone with Emma he smiled most of the time, but with his eyes hidden by the sunglasses, which makes me think they were fake smiles)

(I do believe Marti’s positive reactions during the conversation about Apparat were genuine)

Niccolò Fares sitting on the couch between two people who were making out until a second before without an hint of shame, which means he not only positions himself near Marti and manages to put his arm around Martino’s shoulders, but he also physically separates his boy from his love rival Emma. An inspiration.

DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO USE ELIO of all possible names, in the year of CMBYN (I know the reference here is to Elio Germano, not Pearlman, but my brain only recognizes some types of references)

LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY  did he really say that oh God help me

Can we talk about the way Niccolò says “homosexuality” in a normal way, the emphasizes “latent” stressing every syllable?

My heart hurts both because of Nico’s little speech about generalising and because of the way Marti and Emma just leave him alone on the couch

Niccolò looking at his hands, his smile disappearing and the corners of his mouth turning down

During Self Control, Martino doesn’t consider Covitti at all, she tries to get his attention dancing closer, putting her arms around his neck, turning his face to kiss him but 2 seconds later he breaks the kiss and even when she goes for his neck he completely ignores her (p.s.: and we know now that Marti actually likes “neck action” a lot so this is very significant)

This lasts until Niccolò starts watching him, of course, then Marti has to try and make him jealous(?)/show off(?)/follow some kind of weird mating ritual (?)

Martino doesn’t stop watching Niccolò even when he stops watching Marti

10 minutes standing ovation for Rocco Fasano’s eyes 🔥🔥🔥

So that was Martino in the Self Control scene, now let’s talk about Eva. Her expressions! At first she smiles, then she sees Marti with Emma and she stops smiling, she studies them, she notices Marti is distracted, then when they start making out she makes a face and turns away (p.s.: she’s definitely disappointed, because at this point the things she knows are 1) that Marti told her he likes her before the summer 2) he allegedly made her and Gio broke up because of that 3) he has gay porn on his phone 4) he hasn’t approached her and he turned her down just a couple of weeks before with an excuse, so up until now her working theory is that he’s gay, has a thing for Gio, lied to her cause he’s in the closet/in denial; except now? he’s kissing Emma? a girl? who’s not her? She feels confused and betrayed, a feeling that stays with her at least until 7.1 Era per lui)

Then there’s Federica, poor thing, heartbroken and for the completely wrong reason

Eva directing everybody to hide any and all evidence of the party is very me tbh

(except that if it was me and I sent one person out with the trash and he DOESN?T COME BACK AT ALL, I’d kill him? I mean, I appreciate the moment as a fan, but not as my group of friends’ designated problem-solver)

Martino and Emma freezing and not doing anything even after Eva yells “Regà che cazzo mi guardate, dai, dai!” and freaks out

Maddalena and Emma are shown while they do the same thing aka taking the red cloth off the lamps (and this details gives me feels that are entirely unreasonable given that I was about to link this detail to Schopenhauer’s Veil of Maya) (p.s.: I mean, there’s definitely a lot of symbolic meaning I couldn’t quite articulate at the time of the clip, because unveiling = revealing and this is the clip in which the boys reveal their mutual attraction beyond any doubt, plus it’s Emma and Maddi “eliminating” the red light which is so important for Marti and Nico’s relationship, it’s their thing for their most intimate moments)

“Elio” and “Colino” keep silent for 11 second after throwing the trash in the bins, 11 second of fidgeting, 11 second of I’m-looking-I’m-not-looking, 11 seconds of awkwardness, 11 secondi of disaster gay Marti not knowing whether to say something or not

BAM! Niccolò smiles, steals a joke from Emma and Martino starts smiling again for the first time since Nico arrived to the party, since he interrupted Emma to kiss her (and no glasses this time!)

COLINO

God, how sad is this pet name? The allergy pseudo-explanation is even worse, sorry Maddalena, you do you, but Colino is afwul

Martino: ”How long have you been together?” Niccolò: "Since we were 16, but we’ve known each other since middle school. To be honest, we’re more like siblings than anything else. We haven’t fucked in, like, two months.” Let’s analyze this answer: Niccolò gives the information Marti requested, adds a relevant qualifier, then an unnecessary qualifier and another even more unnecessary information (that’s unnecessary when compared with the literal content of the conversation, discounting the context, [which is Niccolò trying to justify his being with Maddalena while undressing Martino with his eyes at every chance to Marti himself])

Marti’s confusion when Nico says “But I can’t break up with her” breaks my hearts, just like the fact that despite everything he genuinely feels bad for Maddalena’s “hypertrichosis”

Seriously, what’s with Niccolò and feet? They’re part of the human body, let them live, or is always mentioning them with a negative connotation some kind of reverse psychology thing to tell the world you’ve got a fetish?

8:53 is the precise time at which Nico cracks and you can see just a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth AND MARTI SEES IT RIGHT AWAY I mean, with all the Nico-watching he does of course he’s carefully catalogued his every tiny change of expression and of course he can’t possibly not notice

So how much time will Martino lose trying to decide whether Niccolò was only joking about the hobbit feet thing, about the whole hypertrichosis thing or about the fact that he can’t break up with Maddalena, too?

That hint of hope and affection you can read in Nico’s eyes while he’s watching Marti right before he starts to move his pinky (thank you Rocco, ily)

My son Niccolò? who can’t stop smiling? when he’s alone with Marti? and who acts so brave??? going for his hand first????

Martino, you’re such a dumbass though, that’s a classic movie move and you look down like an idiot, look at the stars you can’t see instead, look at the street lamp!

Martino’s absolute lack of chill when he looks down towards their hands as sson as Nico touches him kind of makes me homicidal (because it breaks the convention a classic rom com scene), but it makes his answering, reciprocal move even more significant because it’s intentional (p.s.: over time, I actually got a different perspective on this? And I actually completely love it now, cause it makes sense for Marti, it makes sense for a teenager like him and it gives us a feel of disbelief over the whole situation he has to be feeling too cause that shit happens in movies alright, but not in RL, not to people like him, except it’s happening; on top of that, I love LudoBesse for breaking another stereotypical romantic trope and making our boys fucking FEARLESS - I mean, if something like that happened to me I’d be shitting myself and I would ignore it as hard as possible out of fear that if I pointed it out it would scare the other person away, but that’s me)

And then, a herd of mammoths DARES TO INTERRUPT MY CHILDREN you deserve the worst things, folks

Finally, I would just like to state for the record that I’m kind of disappointed Silvia’s 80s party only had 80s music, Eva and Silvia dressed up kind of eighties and a girl in a Madonna-ish outfit, stop

It’s a real shame, I have see no huge bows, no fluo tutus, no legwarmers, no oversized blazers with the big shoulders, no Memphis group style prints on sweatpants, no Puma-Fila-Kappa-Champions N O T H I N G WHERE’S FIORUCCI? 

[skamamoroma]

Episode 4: Wtfock S3

Thank you so much for all of the lovely messages about these posts. Who knew people would want to ready my rambly thoughts. I wrote these kind of overly long in-depth emotional spiral posts about Skam It s2 and enjoyed it so much so it’s good to know wtfock inspires similar spiralling!

I’ve tagged these posts specifically so if you want to read the others, then follow the tag below :)

Anyway, I love that the episode opens with someone interested in Robbe’s life. We’re reminded that Milan cares even if he does want a bit of gossip, he’s sitting there looking at the videos and taking an interest. I love that he and Robbe had that ‘little club of two’ moment about Zoe being jealous… it makes you remember Robbe’s not alone and he has the beginnings of a home.

Seeing Robbe just chilling on his sofa, headphones on and scrolling through photographs is so similar to Isak and every other remake where they search and end up finding something to stare at and obsess a little over. It kills me that all Robbe has are photos of Sander with Britt. Sander is in the background and Robbe still smiles to himself. This isn’t a video like Marti, Lucas and Isak had… he has less but he’s had more of Sander in real life and it just reminds you of that DISTANCE. I love how in other remakes, you still felt that longing but it was more exciting whereas here I feel a little bit heartbroken for Robbe as he’s had to spent days and days keeping himself away from Sander and nearly gave in. He came so very close to letting himself lean into his feelings and it was abruptly ended… he wasn’t thinking when he nearly kissed Sander, he was clearly acting on impulse but now he has this distance, he’s thinking and it’s easy and harmless and means nothing in his head. I think he’s fully aware of how he feels but Sander is so far away in every sense of the word that the reality isn’t as overwhelming. That’s really kinda sad to me.

Then there’s Milan again with his casual sexuality chat. It’s so important in every remake to have this moment because it’s the Isak of it all being faced with an open homosexual man who is talking about relationships and sex and guys and they use that to ask questions they wouldn’t ordinarily ask… and the answers always kill me because Eskild said the whole “if he talks about blow jobs” thing which made Isak remember Even did EXACTLY that… but here, Milan says that sometimes you can tell is someone else is gay from subtle signals, a look in their eye “something trapped inside that desperately wants to come out”. That look at Robbe is VERY telling. I’m not sure if Milan knew 100% but he certainly had the whole shady history of the girls telling him Robbe might be but the fact that Milan tells him that being gay can be SENSED… yeah it’s kinda true but also kinda wildly untrue in many many many cases but Robbe believes it in that moment. He’s left wondering whether that part of him can simply be SENSED by looking at him, by assessing him and that clearly freaked him out. We don’t know the intensity of his internalised homophobia but Milan’s words here were so different from the original that it had such an effect for Robbe personally and for his story. His face at the end is A LOT. That moment when he’s about to download Grindr, to actually accept and lean into his feelings, the feelings he KNOWS are there… and he doesn’t. It’s hugely important to understand Robbe because he’s fighting it massively. BUT THE SONG. Oh the song. Hahaha. Todrick Hall and ‘I Like Boys’ could not have been more perfect for this moment. It’s kind of tongue in cheek, it’s a little like we’re seeing the reality of the part of Robbe’s mind he’s denying and it’s a little nod to Milan too… so so so good and I think when I realised that this season’s music was going to be killer!

But aside from an adorable moment with Yasmina, we’re straight into THE DANCERS SCENE. Ah the classic. This episode mirrors the original so closely but they’re made subtle changes that are really telling and specific for Robbe. He isn’t sitting there looking bored and check out like Isak, he’s UNCOMFORTABLE. He looks like he wants to be anywhere else. It’s all kind of oversexualised and he looks a little like he’s sorry for witnessing it and isn’t that something he does a lot - he always feels BAD for objectifying women or seeing the stuff his friends talk about play out in real life. He clearly looked almost sorry for touching Noor in his bedroom, he had to check nobody was watching when he was sweet to her in the sand dunes and now he looks embarrassed to be watching what he’s watching. Poor kid. He can’t accept it’s a piece of art because all he’s doing is connecting it to how he feels WRONG in himself, how he’s not experiencing what his friends are, how he didn’t want to come along in the first place, how ALL OF IT ties into Noor, a girl he’s dating but doesn’t feel attracted to… it’s so overwhelming and poor love looks like he wants to crawl out of his own skin. 

And just like he did with Milan, he sees a chance to distance himself from being gay by using the dance teacher. His internalised oppression rears it’s ugly head but what I LOVE about this moment and god KUDOS to Willem H is when Jens kicks back and Robbe immediately questions if Jens has a problem with it….. Robbe’s FACE. It’s a 360 turn around and instead of wanting that distance between GAY and himself, he’s now terrified that actually Jens might have an issue with it. Talk about being crippled by fear and insecurity surrounding something true about yourself. How terribly sad and Willem H sells that little moment because his eyes are full of fear. 

I kind of understand Jens in this moment. At the time it was difficult to because of how the whole group had been framed. Jens has consistently checked in with Robbe and given him those moments of friendship and support and yes, the group has failed to notice Robbe’s obvious discomfort and unhappiness and they wound him up over the vlogs and the pranks but here, Jens has no real reason to understand why Robbe would flip. It IS out of nowhere but it’s another moment of Robbe just being so overwhelmed and hating himself and the situation he’s in that he snaps and retreats. I find it so tough watching Robbe do this knowing how much he changes and how much more comfortable he becomes with who he is and the world around him… this all feels like he’s constantly feeling suffocated and fights to get out of any situation so he can breathe. 

Oh isn’t this the episode of being bombarded by ideas of sexuality. I LOVE watching it in this way as episodes because every single clip is another prod at Robbe, another way for him to realise he’s DIFFERENT and to feel like he doesn’t fit, not with his friends, not with Milan and his life, not as someone who appreciates the attractiveness of women, not with religious folks… he feels set aside from all of that, confused, alone and every part of him is saying that the fact he feels uncomfortable is because it’s wrong and then you have Yasmina saying that homosexuality is perhaps a ‘disorder’ or a ‘choice’... and isn’t that the nail in the coffin of misery. It’s that confirmation the dark part of his brain has been looking for.

ENTER SANDER. The one person who makes something in him feel nice. Sander reminds him of when he was in his little bubble dream world of the seaside, when he was able to pretend his life was different. Sander’s mentioning Bowie again and being interested and friendly and making Robbe special by including him in his interests. It’s incredibly sweet and the moment Robbe lies down and listens to Space Oddity, I remember feeling like this season could be something really impactful. That spinning camera, the stillness, the close up of his eyes makes you feel like Robbe is kind of day dreaming he’s back there… and the fact that day dream is interrupted by Sander’s call is just PERFECT. Sander, ever the whirlwind, doesn’t just message, he calls to chase up! And the whole moment of Robbe preening himself is so youthful and cute, I can’t handle it. God, he KNOWS he likes Sander. He goes in and out of allowing himself to act on that feeling that he gives himself whiplash. 

I think I genuinely feel, way more than any other remake, that Sander feels like a dream. EVERY SINGLE TIME Sander appears (and it’s true of the end of this episode too), he takes Robbe out of himself, transports him and it’s like Robbe is dreaming, existing in some other place because Sander shakes everything up and he’s this platinum haired dreamboat figure… it’s almost like he’s unreal and he feels that way on a proper rewatch like this. He feels otherworldly and isn’t that kina cool given how much he loves Bowie. 

Maybe Sander is like the Ziggy Stardust working his way through this alien planet?! To Robbe, he’s a walking dream and Robbe gets mesmerised and forgets himself… and it isn’t until that distance kicks in that Robbe returns to reality with serious force. 

Their telephone call is so CUTE. Sander is a little flirty and you can see how endeared Robbe is. Willem H’s FACE when Sander suggests Robbe bribe him… that moment of shock and awe. PERFECT, my god. But the moment that kills me is just how utterly devastated Robbe looks when Britt appears. His whole face falls and you can see he’s so instantly saddened at the realisation that he’s not ‘special’, that Sander isn’t ‘his’. We, with the benefit of knowing the future, know that that’s nonsense and Sander is clearly doing all of this because he’s 100% smitten and wants Robbe in every conceivable way… but Robbe’s little forlorn look makes me want to crawl into the screen and squish him. 

Robbe collapsing onto his face, that tortured youthful angst is PERFECT and Sander yet again makes him believe he can do thing. Sander’s presence moves Robbe’s progress on even a fraction… and Robbe can’t ignore these feelings so he tries Grindr again and that moment of “but this isn’t me” that crosses Robbe’s face is gut wrenching. He’s looking at the comments not recognising himself in that behaviour and it’s not wrong, it’s just not him…. Although he’s not able to make that distinction yet. He sees “not him” and meaning he can’t be gay rather than he’s just a different type of person. What a horribly relatable moment. And then the music dictates the entire mood yet again - “shout shout let it all out” because he needs to and things are so tangled and confusing and upsetting and there’s Noor reminding him he has a girlfriend. 

And now we have Noor. Overreacting. I still laugh. He was like half an hour late and she absolutely loses her shit. I can’t take her seriously. I get that she later explains that she feels like he’s not fully into their ‘thing’ but she’s talking about love and it’s WAY TOO MUCH… and hahahaha the fact that this segues into the shot between Britt and Sander while Sander pretends he’s going to feed Britt and actually feeds himself is… i mean it’s genius. ABSOLUTELY brilliant… Sander is everything Robbe wants and kinda needs in this moment and he looms large as Noor and Robbe appear in the background, all the while we’re reminded of Britt also looming large but that Sander has fed Robbe before, enjoyed it and found it incredibly cute and he chooses not to do that with Britt, chooses to be a little selfish and cheeky and think of himself…. Kinda, maybe how he was when he chose to openly flirt with a boy at the seaside while Britt was elsewhere. The four of them in the shot in this way is just AMAZING. 

Robbe, YET AGAIN, doesn’t like to hurt people. He doesn’t like to cause pain but Noor is talking about LOVE and they’re known each other a few weeks. It’s almost laughable if it weren’t for the fact that they’re young and also we know Robbe feels this way about Sander pretty quickly too. Poor Noor really thought they were something. I think Robbe finally shouting that he feels suffocated is so important because we’ve seen it, we’ve seen him explode and then run but he’s always alone. He retreats and we never follow him and he’s rarely honest with his shouting… here he is honest and he retreats but Sander is waiting right there when he does.

I love love love that! This time, Robbe doesn’t end up alone.

The fact that Sander, currently Mr Walking Day Dream or the whirlwind personified, makes a bit of a joke of it all and sings Bowie is endlessly funny and sums Sander up in a second but it’s this flippancy again. He doesn’t really care if Britt hates him or finds him weird or if he doesn’t feed her and certainly doesn’t care about Noor and Britt following her. All he cares about is Robbe and I said this so much at the time but Sander reminds me so much of Eliott in that respect. That “nothing else matters” idea, that all of the MESS around them and the mistakes and confusion means nothing because there’s this strength to the feelings there and there’s an inevitability to them. I think Sander feels that and believes it aka “I saw you in the moonlight and thought he is the one”. 

Sander is just SUCH a bitch in this moment and it’s hilarious. Bleach blonde bitch or what. 

The fact we get an extended shot watching Sander’s response to Robbe’s misery is perfect. He’s not bothered in the slightest about Britt and Noor. He doesn’t know why Robbe wants to message them, he’s waiting for Robbe to engage with him and then that downing the drink…. BALLSY AS HECK. He’s like “ok dude, I’ll do this for us” - he knows what he wants. He wants Robbe to himself and that smug little moment when Britt confirms that they don’t want to be bothered is perfect because Sander gets his wish.

I love that we segue into 21:21 and another Sander dream sequence. These moments with Sander are just overwhelming and almost TOO MUCH. They’re cinematic and they’re bold and send Robbe spiralling… and he gets to rest into the moment, to be present and Sander’s presence makes him forget everything which is why I think he’s able to be so balshy! He’s able to be himself. Nobody else is around, nobody is there but Sander and Robbe knows he’s safe there.

Not to jump the gun but I think this is what makes 22:53 aka the attack feel all the more devastating because Robbe’s dreamlike existence when Sander is around is so brutally ripped from him and torn to shreds. It’s metaphorical but it makes me wish they’d included a moment post attack with Robbe feeling a little more uncomfortable being open with Sander in public. We kind of had a moment of it but not enough, personally, and I feel like it would have served the story well. That said, they brought the comfort with Sander and the defiance hard after the attack that it worked in its own way, I just feel, by way of constructive criticism, that they could have shown the impact that the brutality of beating attacked for being open and comfortable could have on someone like Robbe in a more obvious way to then show how you can overcome that. Anyway…. MUCH lovelier things to talk about!

Sander coming out of that shop and Robbe grinning to himself just reminds me of the words “it’s just you and me”. That club of two thing feels so strong with these two. I felt it with the original and the remakes in very subtly different ways but with these two, I have this real sense of breathing out in comfort when they’re together and it makes you want it for them all the time. Robbe is so relaxed and again, it’s that jarring change. Sander is just smitten and so giddy he gets to have Robbe to himself and Robbe’s making Booking.com jokes and being all cute… how Sander didn’t melt on the floor at all of this knowing what we know about how he felt about Robbe. Bless him! I love that Robbe winked. He’s in his comfortable dream state… he can do that and it’s all fine and lovely and wonderful and Sander’s there looking like a dream and buying him sugary drinks and has a head full of adventure that Robbe just can’t help but smile, swoon and FOLLOW. Because when Sander says “come”, Robbe follows. Every time. Ah Sander, such an Even.

This entire montage is so beautiful. Wildfire is THEIR song. I kind of feel like the words are for Robbe this time. He’s so free. YET AGAIN, he’s with Sander and everything is fun and free and he doesn’t need to worry. 

“When you release, when you let go, you can find yourself where you belong” - those words and for Robbe. The song is for both of them… different verses for different parts of them that represent their struggles. IT STUNS ME. This song could not have been better chosen or used… and thank GOD we got it back when Sander needed saving. This moment, the endless tunnels to bike through and the city at night to sing in… all of it is Robbe’s journey to comfort and knowing what it’s like to let go and feel and experience.

I like that Sander retained the Even rebelliousness, the smugness, the slight pretentiousness… it fits him perfectly and the getting naked does not AT ALL seem weird. He’s extra as all hell and he doesn’t seem out of character… if anything, if they’d have done the same as the original then it would have perhaps felt out of character !!!!!

Then we have Sander’s “all the way or no way”. His motto in life. His character summed up in a few words. He’s perfectly WONDERFUL. You can see why Robbe is so enamoured and in awe. Sander is just the type to turn someone’s world upside down. 

The fact that Robbe is free and at the whim of someone SO freewheeling as Sander is overwhelming. 

THE LYRICS. Wildfire breaking me again and again. 

“Darling, please. Don’t give up. Trap your hate and sing for love, let me be the one who sings along”. MY GOD.

Those lyrics just before Robbe kisses him is so beautifully done. They’re like Sander’s words to Robbe although unspoken. That idea of  - just let go, give in, be free, do what feels right and what your heart is telling you to… because I’ll be right here with you”. GOOD GOD, the music is so perfectly chosen, the moments it fades in to spell out what’s happening in the clip is just so well done. 

I love their first kiss. It’s kind of messy but entirely desperate. It is shot like a dream sequence with that blurry underwater moment, the whole thing sparkly and bathed in shimmery blue light… and Robbe looks dazed and lost to the moment. It’s exactly the effect Sander has on him and what life and the world feels like when Sander’s around. 

Then Sander is gone. 

And we know what happens when Sander goes and Robbe is left to his own mind and the influence of others. Robbe looks exhausted and Zoe’s words slap him round the face. He’s reminded that he’s hurting people, that he has betrayed someone. He looks like he’s going to cry. He doesn’t like to hurt people and once again, he’s WRONG, what he’s doing is BAD.

Space Oddity playing again to remind him of that spiralling and Sander… it’s all acoustic and sweet but Robbe’s alone and Sander isn’t there to help him believe. The way Robbe strokes the screen over Sander’s face and blocks him… the dream’s over and he’s back in his brain and in the real world where he has been told he is wrong.

And the scene that I can barely watch. Sander is so sweet and optimistic and beautiful. We know he’s so utterly smitten with Robbe and how MUCH this must have hurt. Robbe’s choice of words is stark and worrying and just so totally WRONG. He was cruel and calculated and everything he isn’t and you can see the way he shakes when he’s on the other side of the door. Sander’s beauty and promise and that glittery dream world aren’t real and Robbe’s so firmly in reality now, is rejecting that lovely freedom and he actively broke his own heart.

It hurts. It’s not ok that he said what he said and in the way he said it but I understand, in the context of his story, why at the end of THIS episode where is feels WRONG and he believes who he is hurts people… that he chose the WORST but most effective way of putting that distance back where it was.

Poor poor Sander. Poor sweet boy feeling like he has done something wrong and hurt the person he adores… but part of me knows Sander understands behaving in ways that might hurt people, knows the damage your brain can do when it tells you that you aren’t allowed happiness and loveliness. I think thats why Chernobyl and the concept of exploding brains and fucking up because you felt terrified… well, he get it, doesn’t he? And I think he saw Robbe’s truth when he met him. He saw his sweetness and I think Sander always understood Robbe’s heart…

That “i save you, you save me back” concept had to be strong here and thank god it was!!! 

So yeah, this was LONG but this episode is an important and beautiful if brutal one! If you’re still awake, you deserve a bloody huge medal. Thanks so much for reading all my nonsense. These are just my own ideas and interpretations and it’s so interesting to read what others think too! The show lends itself to that so perfectly. 

[zoilathemom-blog]

stuff i wish i knew

Dakota was not planned. In fact, Zach and me were very much mending ourselves back together when we found out I was pregnant. We intended to have a baby at some point, but Winter 2018 was not penciled into our agenda. When we got the news there was no question. We were doing this, we’d made it 10 years at that point and had survived a 6 month separation, we could handle anything. And let me tell you, we really can handle anything. 

Thank goodness we trusted our path because we are so in love with our little human. Dakota is a blessing, the perfect combination of us both and I am so excited for our life as Dakota’s parents. BUT I’d be a lying fool and a faker if I pretended my pregnancy wasn’t riddled with what ifs, doubts and confusion. Even more so, being a mother is terrifying - I’m constantly wondering if I’m fucking up. And the truth is, I probably am. But also, that’s OK.

My time as a pregnant woman was quite isolating. You see, we moved to LA in November of 2015 and hadn’t quite solidified a community here. I always imagined this time in my life would be filled with family and my best girl friends. It wasn’t. So I did what women do best, I adapted. With constant check-ins on my “Mothers.” chat - a group chat of 3 amazing girlfriends who are moms, advice from my mother and a lot of reading, I made it to motherhood. But that was just the beginning,  there is still so much for me to learn. Motherhood is like getting to the top of a 5 mile high mountain only to find that the peak is still 15 miles up. Or like that scene in Titanic when they discover the iceberg has a side that juts out and the sailor screams “it’s got a head!”  That’s motherhood. Always another step on a constant learning curve. BUT, the reward, the reward is so damn good. The first time Koda smiled a non gas triggered smile? I DIED!!!! Dying just thinking about him. Hold up, now I need to run into his nursery and check that he’s breathing....

OK, back now :) 

So, in the spirit of sisterhood and the belief that real talk is the only talk that should exist, I’ve asked for advice. I asked for advice from some of the most amazing moms I know (please take or leave what you’d like - none of this is fact!). I asked them to share what they wish they had known or anything they feel is relevant for first time moms. This will be an ongoing document that I hope mothers will use and share, far and wide. Being a mom is hard. It is scary. It is also incredibly exciting & fulfilling. It is all the damn things and you don’t have to go through it alone. But if you are feeling alone (been there!!), I am here and so is this mama tribe. 

On Support:

“Find plenty of moms who have been through it already and cry on their shoulders.” - Marti Cuevas; Mama to Martin Carle, 39 and me :)

“My advice is to reach out to other moms, either friends w kids or try to make some. Talking out weird questions or just being able to relate is so key.” -Kristina; Mama to Isabel, 8 Months

“Ask for what you need. Your partner or anyone around you for that matter cannot read your mind. Be vocal and direct.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

On Post Partum Bodies:

“I wanted to lose the baby weight right away, in my head, but it wasn’t until my son was 18 months that I felt my post-C-section body was ready and able. Everyone said breast feeding will make the weight drop on it’s own; well not for my P.C.O.S.-ridden reproductive system. My advice to first-time moms is to not succumb to the pressure of obsessing over baby weight loss. Follow your heart, mind and body on your post-partum journey back to your pre-pregnancy jeans.” - Rachel Muniz-Strauss; Mama to Donovan, 3 + one on the way.

On Self-Care:

“Don’t put undue pressure on yourself! We do that so much and it serves no one. You are a fabulous mama.” - Sadye; Mama to Rafi, 2

“New moms should do ONE thing a day. Like if it’s going to the store or a doctors appointment or whatever. One thing! Healing after labor and delivery or a cesarean birth takes time emotionally, physically, and spiritually! Over exertion is no bueno when dealing with a baby and a partner who is also struggling to find his or her place in the new family unit as well as probably recovering from the birth!” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“BREATHE: things are going to get super hectic and really noisy. You will get hit with a poop explosion, loud crying and screaming, dinner burning on the stove, phone ringing, your partner asking "hey did you do the laundry yet?", while you have been holding your pee in for the last 3 hours cause you've been running around the house like a chicken without a head trying to do it all...You start to panic...but DON'T! JUST BREATHE and don't cram it all in at once...this is a recipe for ANXIETY. Yes you are a super hero and a bionic woman but you can't do everything at once. So stop for a minute and breathe, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes...let the baby cry, let hubby figure it out and BREATHE...in through your nose and out through your mouth and tell yourself "I GOT THIS"..then go out there and conquer each thing one by one with a huge smile on your face... I know it's so simple but trust me it will save you a world of anxiety” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

ACCEPT HELP. While being a new mom is certainly a sensory awakener, and a super cool and interesting experience that you wanna soak up all to yourself, you MUST accept help, especially from those with some wisdom and experience, and if someone whom you trust offers to watch the baby while you shower or nap, ACCEPT! - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2 

“SLEEP: every mom I have ever received advice from tried to sell me this little bit of information and guess what...I did not buy it! A sleep deprived mama is an unhappy, unhealthy, and uncomfortable mama. When that baby is sleeping, lay your ass down and close your eyes. Being rested allows you to be productive and allows you to be happy and healthy. When you are sleep deprived you make poor food choices (typically lots of sugar to keep you awake) which lead to a poor mood...and when mama is in a bad mood, everyone suffers! So try and sleep...the laundry will wait, the dishes will wait, the dinner will wait, your partner will wait, the whole world will wait for you to wake up!” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

On “The Way Things Are Done:”

“I would advise not to share with others the name choice for your child. I feel that it should be between you and your partner (if there is one) as you are the parents, and deserve 100% creative control, if I may, in naming your child. I’ve found that when sharing my top name choices, the opinions of others really Jaded me (since when?!) BUT, while I love the names I gave my kids, I wish I had been more private on that aspect.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Breastfeeding is INCREDIBLY hard. If it does not come naturally to you, rest easy knowing you are not a mutant who can’t provide for their child. Almost every woman struggles with some aspect of breastfeeding. It doesn’t really start to feel normal until after the 3rd month. Don’t beat yourself up. Also, if you don’t want to breastfeed, that is your choice too and NO ONE has the right to shame you for it.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

“Your choice for Feeding source..  I 100%  think should be kept as personal as possible. We all go into this mom thing with an idea of what we want to do, or not, but often times as I now know, things don’t go according to plan with regards to really anything, but especially nursing... lactation issues, latching or lack thereof, allergies, your schedule…. , or formula feeding may just be your personal preference... so regarding nursing vs formula, I found it best to keep mum. Everyone has an opinion, but do what your maternal instinct tells you.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Be patient with trial and error. Things that might work for your best friend might not work with your family. Flexibility and letting go of the idea that parenting should “look” a certain way” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“SOMETIME'S LET THE BABY CRY: babies are designed to cry! It actually helps strengthen their vocal chords. I remember with baby # 1 I would be on the toilet while he was napping and I would hear him wake up and cry his little heart out and I would get up without finishing my business; run, trip, fall just to get to him as quickly as possible and help stop him from crying! No need for all that...take care of your shit mama! (NO PUN INTENDED) That baby won't brake. That baby will be fine!  A few extra bouts of crying won't change anything. Yes it sounds painful and you want nothing more than to nurture your baby and protect it...but a little crying is OK...I promise.” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

Tricks & Products That Save Lives:

“BABY WEARING: is a game changer! I can't begin to tell you how much this practice works. Especially for my super busy super moms who like to multi task...when you wear that baby in an Ergo or a MOBY Wrap (two of my faves), you can do anything you need to around the house, at the store, or outside...that baby is happy to be snuggled up against you, and you're happy that you can knock out a few birds with one stone. Your hands are free to type, clean dishes, make dinner, talk on the phone, fold laundry, speed walk, etc...(all in standing posItion - which is great for your back anyways!) I literally pull a 4 hour work shift out of the house just by wearing my baby. He's happy and I am getting shit done!!! - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months