#something happened on the way home- smth that brought old memories.

[sunlit-mess]

[bestworstcase]

Thanks for your response ala Ruby & Yang, great stuff!

Idle aside, but do you have any thoughts on Yang's role as the sort of black sheep of the family by dint of Raven associations?

Cos like, Tai overtly favors Ruby, projects Raven onto Yang, resents Raven being rough up and is bad enough about reminders of her Yang feels she has to apologize for his negative reactions. Let alone his... Everything else.

Then there's Qrow who doesn't seem to interact with Yang over much at all and one of if not their most major interaction. Involves him straight up saying he thinks she's either a liar hurting people for fun or "crazy".

I recall someone I was chatting with wondering: Imagine doing everything you can to keep your family from breaking apart & being compared to the woman who left you when you were a baby?

Cos I do wonder how Yang feels about all that given she seems to downplay and or try to work around her family's issues when she can. Let alone what it says about the adults in the room.

smth i think about a lot is the way yang’s narrative about her childhood shifts between v2 to v5

’cause in v2 it’s: “it was tough. ruby was really torn up, my dad kind of shut down. it wasn’t long before i learned why…” all to provide context for this anecdote about putting ruby in a wagon and running away to find her mother. and then her conclusion is “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.”

and while there is a degree here of yang framing the story to emphasize the point she wants blake to understand, it’s also very obvious in her delivery that the emotional reality of this memory for yang is “the time my stupidity and stubbornness almost got me and ruby eaten by grimm”—when she was [checks notes] like five, six years old, and regularly left at home unsupervised.

but in v5, it’s: “my mom left me. ruby’s mom left too. tai was always busy with school, and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to pick up the pieces. alone.”

aside from the telling slip (tai, not dad)—yang centers her own feelings and the harm this situation did to her this time. which is something she’s always felt but i don’t think she could have brought herself to say it out loud to anyone during the beacon arc, because it was pressed down under the guilt on display in burning the candle, the feeling of having been inadequate and too stubborn and too selfish and and and–

coughs quietly. “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.” / “you were predictable. and… stubborn. and maybe a little boneheaded.” yang’s narrative about the wagon incident—which happened when she was five or six!—pinning the blame on the thing tai imagines to be her fatal flaw is…probably not coincidental. yang in v4 after a year of being loved by her team and supported by mentors like glynda / oobleck / port has the perspective to know that tai doesn’t know what he’s talking about; but as a small child who’d just had a terrifying near-death experience with her baby sister… 😶

it definitely had a big impact on the way yang sees herself

BUT i do read qrow's talk with yang in 3.8 pretty differently ->

because the context is: yang saw mercury attack her and struck back in self defense, then had like a dozen synthetic soldiers point guns in her face, then looked up and saw the replay footage of herself walking over to shoot a boy who was just kneeling on the ground. and some of the most powerful authority figures in the world are pushing this narrative that stress and adrenaline "clouded her judgment."

like this would make anyone doubt their sanity. bc holy shit.

yang, though...a couple weeks ago, yang after being knocked unconscious woke up and blearily saw someone she thought was her mother walk away from her and disappear in a flash of red light. she hasn't mentioned it to anyone, because it's just so bizarre—yang doesn't know about raven's semblance yet—she must have just been seeing things. right?

aside from raven (who isn't here) and yang (who believes she hallucinated), the only other person who knows that yang saw her mom on the train is qrow, because raven told him about it. he also knows that:

tai insisted on not telling yang ANYTHING about her mother, and qrow respected that up until now; so yang doesn't know about raven's semblance and can't make sense of what she saw.

salem's infiltrators are the same people who attacked amber, and qrow didn't get a good look at them because they seemingly vanished into thin air—pretty damn good chance that one of them has a semblance that manipulates what you see.

ozpin wants #2 kept secret, so yang has some very powerful people actively trying to convince her that she's crazy. ironwood is straight up gaslighting her.

qrow also—based on the first thing he says, which is "why'd you do it?"—seems to consider it a possibility that it is what it looked like but yang did have a good reason, and i actually do not think that is an outrageous thing for qrow specifically to think. because qrow was emotionally abused as a child, and he knows yang, and in the event that yang really did suddenly turn around and punch a guy who was kneeling on the ground, why would she do it?

glances at shay d. mann. well. maybe this kid has been harassing her? maybe he said something horrible or threatening to her and in the heat of the moment she just snapped? maybe "he attacked me, i saw him attack me" isn't really a lie per se, she's just scared that "he's been picking on me ever since he got here and he made a disgusting remark and i just couldn't take it anymore" won't be taken seriously? as in, he did attack her—verbally/emotionally.

it's probably worth asking, at least!

so, qrow leads with "why'd you do it?" in case there is some invisible reason justifying the apparent action. yang says "you know why." qrow goes okay, well, i only know what i saw, so you're either lying (i.e., yang had a reason she now isn't telling) or crazy (i.e., yang saw something different from reality that was very real to her).

she says "i'm not lying." qrow believes her: "crazy, got it."

at this point, he knows the most probable explanation is that one of salem's infiltrators fucked with her head. the inner circle's gaslighting doesn't sit right with him; he's not going to buck ozpin by telling her the truth outright, but he wants to make sure yang knows she isn't losing her mind. he also has all the info needed to guess that yang is actually really really scared that she might be crazy.

which is why he kicks off the wall and begins to pace around. the language he uses sounds dismissive, but his tone is mild and his body language implies "let's talk about it, let's figure this out."

leading to:

YANG: Who knows? Maybe I am. QROW: And here I thought your dark-haired friend was the emo one. YANG: I saw my mom. …I- I was in a lot of trouble, took a pretty hard hit. But when I came to, the person attacking me was gone, and I thought I saw… her. Her sword. Like the one in you and dad’s old picture. QROW: You’re not crazy, Yang. That was your mom, alright. Let me guess—she didn’t say a word, did she? YANG: How did you know that? QROW: I don't see my sister very often, but she does try to keep in touch... whenever it suits her. YANG: Wait—you mean you talk to her? That was real!? QROW: Yeah, she found me. Had a tip from my most recent assignment and wanted me to give you a message.

it's really telling that yang responds to him this way. 'cause we've seen how yang acts when she feels dismissed or belittled:

TAI: Well, "normal" is what you make of it. YANG: What is that supposed to mean? Do you want me to just pretend like nothing happened? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone. And it's never coming back. TAI: You're right. It's not coming back. But that doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you wanna be. You're Yang Xiao Long, my sunny little dragon. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So whenever you're ready to stop moping, and get back out there? I'll be there for you. YANG: I– I...

she freezes and shuts down! her teachers have to come to her rescue!—but when qrow goes "crazy, got it" and suggests she's being "emo," yang blurts out her big secret. i saw my mom. to me that suggests a level of trust and understanding that isn't there with tai: qrow says stuff like "okay, so you're crazy" and "here i thought your friend was the emo one" but what he means is "hey, i know something's really bugging you, tell me about it," and yang picks up what he's putting down.

it's akin to how ruby goes "did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME??" and qrow's like "nope" and they both laugh. or the back-and-forth ribbing between him and the girls in 3.4. there's this layer of mild ironic meanness in the way qrow converses with his nieces that all of them are fluent in, and in this scene he's using that mode to signal that "crazy" is not off-limits, that it's okay to talk about openly.

crucially, there's a code-switch in the middle of the conversation: as soon as yang gets real and says "i saw my mom," qrow reflects that seriousness back to her. you're not crazy, that was your mom, she found me afterward and told me about it. it was real. you're okay. qrow's ability to do that—to shift into a more serious mode when irony isn't appropriate—is why yang can have this rapport with him that she doesn't have with tai, because tai isn't... being ironic when he says mean or dismissive things to her.

anyway, qrow passes on raven's terrible message and then kind of annotates it: "raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that i don't particularly agree with, and she's dangerous." (which is a very diplomatic way of saying he thinks raven is full of shit. lol.) but then he connects this whole conversation about raven back to what happened after the match: "you're a tough egg, kiddo. don't let this tournament thing getcha down. you had a slip-up; sometimes bad things just happen."

implicitly: yang isn't crazy. what she saw on the train was real, a product of raven's personality and her semblance. sometimes bad things just happen. qrow believes that yang had the experience she says she did when she punched mercury. he doesn't know why she had that experience—yang doesn't either!—but he knows she isn't just "crazy." sometimes things that seem crazy are actually real.

remember what he tells the girls in 3.4? "you may be acting like huntresses, but you're not thinking like one." same thing here. he's telling yang, hey, you're not crazy, you know what you saw, but you don't know what or who caused you to see it. "you cut off the head of the king taijitu, but now the second head's calling the shots."

hint, hint.

it's subtler than the hints qrow drops for ruby in 3.12, but very much in the same vein, and yang is plenty smart enough to figure it out. she might... not have? in the couple of hours between this conversation and everything going to straight to hell, but if they'd had literally just one more day, just long enough for the wheels turning in yang's head to click together with what ruby heard from velvet about coco hallucinating during her and yatsu's 2v2 against emerald and mercury, she would've had it.

more... generally, i've never gotten the sense that qrow projects raven's flaws onto yang in the way that tai does; qrow is definitely a lot closer with ruby than yang, but i think that has less to do with favoritism on qrow's part than it does ruby thinking he's like the COOLEST uncle ever and wanting to use a scythe like he does.

'cause like, qrow isn't their parent, he doesn't live with them, he's not responsible for raising these kids like their dad is, so while he obviously did contribute to fucking them both up because: alcoholic, ultimately there just isn't the same degree of betrayal or emotional abandonment; he's not their dad. both times yang talks in detail about her childhood, it's "my mom left, ruby's mom left, tai wasn't really around, ruby couldn't even talk, i was alone"—she doesn't mention qrow. there isn't that deep hurt, that feeling that qrow is someone who left.

when he isn't drunk, yang seems to feel pretty okay around him, and qrow likewise treats her... honestly a lot better than tai does:

he stops by their dorm in v3 to hang out with both his nieces; yang is fully in sister mode—cheers for ruby to beat him until ruby loses, immediately shoves her out of the way like "my turn!! >:D"—and qrow ribs them both, takes ribbing from both of them in good humor, tells both of them "you two are gonna go far."

qrow nicknames to show affection; ruby is "pipsqueak," yang gets "firecracker."

we only see qrow's goodbye to ruby, but in 5.4 yang indicates that qrow came to talk to her before he left, too. she also has complete trust that he's keeping the promise he made to look after ruby.

yang, as noted, opens up to him about seeing her mom; she's also shocked that he's still in contact with raven and indignant that he didn't tell her sooner, but—unlike with tai—she doesn't seem surprised that qrow is willing to talk about raven in general.

which tracks with what tai says in 4.11: "despite asking him numerous times not to, i know qrow told you where you're mother's been at these days"—meaning, this was a point of contention between him and qrow. behind the scenes, while tai refused to discuss raven at all, qrow was going okay well, let me tell her then, she deserves to know. and then ultimately he just bit the bullet and told her behind tai's back. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out qrow had been straight with yang that her dad wanted to be the one to tell her the important stuff, and he wanted to be respectful of that, but raven wasn't an off-limits topic.

general contrast between yang-tai and yang-qrow dynamics; for example both of them say almost verbatim "you've got a long way to go before you're ready for the real world" (3.4/4.4). from tai it's belittling, he's insulting her; from qrow, it's meant to encourage, it's "remember you're still new to this, you'll make mistakes, just keep learning, keep trying." (rwby does stuff like this all the time, refracting an idea in different directions to highlight contrasts between characters; ozpin's advice to ruby vs port's advice to weiss is another example.)

a lot of qrow's resentment toward raven is centered on her abandonment of yang: "did you know yang lost her arm? [...] rhetorical question, i know you know. it's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist. [raven: "i saved her."] once. because that was your rule, right? real mom of the year material, sis." like he is PISSED on yang's behalf that raven won't even try.

my impression is that qrow—although a) often away on long missions in far away places and b) an alcoholic who sometimes got blind drunk and became a burden yang and ruby needed to take care of—when he did manage to be there, made a serious effort to connect with both of them. he ended up being closer to ruby bc she wanted to learn scythe-wielding, but i do think qrow would've trained yang too (or instead) if the girls had different combat interests.

and while his relationship with ruby has a mentorish aspect, i don't get the sense either of the girls see him as a parental figure: he wasn't part of their household, he traveled a lot, his alcoholism in combination with tai's neglect eroded the adult-child boundaries because they had to be responsible for him as often as the reverse. he's a friend who also happens to be related to them. and that's especially true for yang, because he wasn't her teacher.

(i know it's a... pretty common headcanon / fanon that qrow lived with them, but i really don't think that's supported by the text? whenever ruby or yang look back on their childhoods, the family unit is always them + tai, and qrow isolates himself out of fear that his semblance will injure those he cares about. plus ozpin sending him all over the place as the one member of team strq still active. it makes way more sense to think he lived alone, and visited when he had the chance. which is the main reason i'm WAY softer on him than on tai, 'cause qrow wasn't in a caretaker/parent role; at most he was an occasional babysitter. so while his incidents of turning up drunk on the doorstep contributed to the harm... it's like, it would absolutely have been better for them if qrow were sober, but that wouldn't have changed anything about their home life. they'd just have somewhat easier relationships with qrow.)

TO WRAP THIS BACK AROUND TO THE QUESTION, tai is unfairly judgmental and harsh with yang bc he projects his idea of her mom onto her; yang also has a better relationship with her mom's brother than she does with her dad. how do these two dynamics interact? how does yang feel about hearing from tai that she's too branwen, so to speak, while also getting along better with the branwen side of her family? how might that fuel her desire to find raven?

if her uncle treats her better than tai does, then... maybe her mom would too, if only yang could reach her?—obviously it's not rational, but like. i don't think five year old yang put her baby sister in a wagon and ran away to find her mom because she thought she would ask "why did you leave me?" and then get her answer and go home. as yang grew older and developed a more realistic perspective it shifted to "i just need to know why she left" and she projects that backward onto herself as a child, but at the time what she wanted, what she was looking for, was someone who would take care of them.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

okay I have an idea for a request: soft and shy bucky (maybe when he lived in romania and is hiding?) got hurt in some way, like his arm got electrocuted or smth and he comes to readers apartment seeking care and she freaks out and bandages him up and then sits on his lap looking over his entire body and kissing his face because she's so relieved he's alright and is peppering him with kisses all over his face

meanwhile hes just shy and blushing and trying to relieve her

pairing: bucky x reader

warnings: fluff, a bit of angst. mentions of injuries

Bucky was lost, with no identity, no one he knew was around and even if he knew anyone, he couldn't remember. He'd ended up in Romania, stuffed in a bad flat he'd paid upfront with cash with furniture he'd gotten from the roadsides and cheap thrift shops. Everything was dark and moldy green, no decorations, no paintings, just a place which he could quickly drop if anything happened. Everything was just ... liveable. If home is where the heart is, then Bucky’s home held broken shards of a non working heart. It was just there, as he’d explain it to himself whenever he questioned what he was doing. He didn’t know, he didn’t want to know or maybe he couldn’t know so instead he just went through the motions. He went through the tide highs and lows of not knowing what to do, something that he’d never expect to feel like back in the 40s. 

In his youth, he never questioned what to do with his life. He knew what was expected of him, join the army, come back home, get married to a nice girl, have a family and a good paying job but now, now he just stood and watched life pass by them in the eyes of those who walked past him in the street. Life for. him was nothing but waking up and trying to get by, drawing and writing shards of memories which would come back to him. His past, however, always caught up to him and some HYDRA agents tried their hand at controlling the Winter Soldier again. Today was no different and as he dragged himself up the stairs to his flat, arm disabled and some nasty cuts to his face and neck, he felt like the soft grip he had on his life was becoming looser and looser. He sighed against his own door, resting his head against the worn out wood after realising his keys probably now laid in a narrow street along with his broken groceries. He felt like crying, hoping his mother would come and hug it all away like she used to do when he was a kid, hoping this was all a nightmare and he’d wake up back in the 40′s, back when he knew who he was and who he’d be. His eyes glazed upon the baby pink painted door to his right, the gold number hanging from the high point as part of his brain was yelling at him to drag himself to that door, to drag himself into her embrace. His neighbour. His girl, at least in his mind. She couldn’t be much older than her mid twenties and while the two had spoken so many times before, Bucky refused to ask her how old she was. After all, you never ask how old a lady is.  

Before the darker part of his brain could intervene and tell him to break down his door, he was dragging himself to her door, fist banging on the pink wood with as much strength as he could muster. Small footsteps were heard from inside the flat and soon enough she opened the door, dressed in pink gingham and an oversized beige cardigan with her gold heart locket dangling from her neck as it always did. Bucky thought she looked absolutely darling, and probably a smile mindlessly stretched across his lips, she was absolutely horrified, pulling him inside with whatever strength she had.  

     - Bucky, what happened? - she probably intended to sound less scared than she did. If only Bucky knew she was scared for him, not of him. 

Her hands trembled as her fingers slowly dragged at a wound in his cheek which was small enough to have started to heal by itself. Her breathe hitched into her throat as her mind threw her into trying to make him not be in pain. She left his side for a few moments, returning with a white caboodle. Bucky’s arm was still numb, standing still and heavy on his shoulder, just like it used to whenever he didn’t obey and he wanted to scream out. He wanted to scream his agony out, all his anger, but her gentle touch, holding his jaw straight as she cleaned the cuts on his face brought that storm right down. He was still angry, still wanting to just disappear but looking at her through heavy lashes, all he could think about was just staying there, staying there with her. Her touch and the necklace dangling from her neck almost hypnotised him, lulled him into the man he used to be. Yet, he knew he didn’t deserve her, but he couldn’t help but want her for himself. He couldn’t help but be selfish.

    - I was worried. - she spoke through shaky breathes. - You didn’t come home yesterday ... you didn’t come say hi. I was scared you had left without saying goodbye or that someone had hurt you.

    - I’m okay. - he reassured, pushing her hair away from her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace they both needed. Her lips grazed the skin of his jaw, soft kisses which melted whatever ice was still in his heart and made his cheeks heat and redden. God, how he wanted that pre planned life with her. He wanted her so much.  - I could never leave without saying goodbye to you.

    - What happened?

    - Nothing happened, just got into a brawl.

    - This is Bucharest, not West Side Story, Buck. You need to file a complaint with the police, they could’ve killed you with these wounds. 

    - Dove, it’s fine ... I’m okay, now. I’m with you.

   - Buck ... - she sighed, burying her head on the space between his neck and shoulder. - I don’t want you hurt.

   - I’m with you. No one can hurt me. 

[kittybellestark]

Hi ! I don't know if this is where you send requests, but maybe a fic where peter gets all jealous of Morgan and Harley, and its fathers day, but he feels like he shouldn't be there and stays in the room the Stark's have for him- (Tony lives) OH! and maybe Mays dead idk whatever ya want thank you ! <3 Oh! and can I be on the taglist?

hi milove sorry for taking literal months to do your request i recognize you requesting this on nov 18th and it is now February so i hope this is smth that was worth the wait !! 

So I played with the timelines a lil bit bc i suck and i also just kinda took this to a place i don’t think you were asking me to do whoops, it’s not just some cute sibling jealously

also not very irondad based, like sprinkle amounts. also no comfort. my bad 

Post-endgame, Tony lives, Harley & Peter are the same age, Peter got snapped Harley didn’t 

TW: Grief, implication of suicide(minor character), suicidal thoughts,  

-

There wasn’t many things Peter liked. He remembers liking a lot of things, life, school, home, himself. But that was years ago, and yet it was only a few months for Peter. The world was different now, older.

Those who survived held grief in their eyes, they moved slow and while they have grown since the loss of their world, they also had survived the return. They mourned and grew older, making new family and friends. But some who survived couldn’t hold the weight of their loss, and in the 5 years their family was gone, they went to be with them.

The returned came back, and lived in denial. Their eyes were empty, and every movement was carefully thought through. They were left behind, monuments in their place. Those who returned saw how the survived struggled to cope, and in turn they struggled as well. There was no place for them anymore. Especially when they didn’t have a family to go to.

Like Peter.

Peter returned to the world five years later to find May was gone. She was one of those who survived the initial snap, only to not be able to carry the grief. He hated that he came back to life and had no home, no family. Peter was alone.

Tony was nice enough to offer Peter a place to live with his own family. But they couldn’t relate to him, they didn’t know what it felt like to be left behind like this, to be dropped in the future and expected to be okay. Tony had a family now. A child born in an empty world, and another kid, Harley. He was barely a teenager before the snap and now he was 17, just as old as Peter.

He couldn’t help but hate living with them. Harley’s family had returned, but he wasn’t going home. Morgan was a child who was scared by Peter. Tony and Pepper sometimes forgot Peter was there, after spending so long without him they would act as if they’ve seen a ghost when Peter rounds the corner and into whatever room they’re occupying.

Peter missed May. He wished that he could still be in Queens, living in their apartment. Peter missed Ben and he missed the idea of his parents. He should have never returned. There’s no room for him in this world.

He hated how Harley took advantage of their situation. He hated that Harley had a family, a mother and a sister who returned and are alone and he didn’t go back to them. His family returned to him and yet he’s here with Tony. And he hated how Morgan took her family- her full, completed family for granted.

If Peter’s family came back to life there wouldn’t be anything stopping him from being with them. He would cherish every single nano-second if they were alive again.

And yet they all expected Peter to be okay. Adapted. Used to the future like he didn’t just blink and find himself lost and alone. He brings up that he misses May and someone frowns and tells him how long ago she died. How was that supposed to help him? No one even brought him to the cemetery. How is Peter meant to move on from a life that was stolen from him?

It’s not like any of them were okay. Tony and Pepper and Harley all crumbled as whenever there was a reminder of everything that they lost. Peter, unfortunately happened to be one of those reminders.

Tony and Pepper tried their best. They involved Peter in family bonding time and they tried their best not to flinch when Peter is unexpectedly there. Because they survived, they didn’t understand and talking to them led to dead ends.

He tried communicating with them. Cried over May’s death, had been confused about these new things that are actually years old. For them it was so long ago, a literal lifetime ago, so they never really saw the point in talking about these things. It wasn’t that they thought Peter would figure this out, they just assumed he already knew.

Talking to Harley didn’t really work that well either. He didn’t want to talk about the things Peter missed out on and when asked about his family he would shrug and say that he’s moved on.

And, well, Morgan was a kid. She was born in an empty world, told stories of people that she never should have met and now faced with the world doubling and not understanding any of it. Peter Parker was just a character is bedtime stories and now he’s a ghost who wants her home. She used to cry whenever Peter is around and still tries to hide behind people’s legs. 

God, he hated being this kid. Never wanted to be the one who envied others. Before- when it was still just May and Peter, he didn’t feel this gnawing inside him, while they didn’t have much Peter still had someone who fit all the rolls he needed. He hated being jealous, he didn’t feel this when he used to look at anyone who had two living parents.

He shouldn’t be here. Not in this room, which came decorated with everything Peter had loved before he died- and not alive. He didn’t fit. Not into this family who struggles with the idea he’s alive and not on this planet where the world is still mourning the people who came back. 

“Are you coming downstairs?” Harley asked.

Peter can’t be here. He had no right.

“I have a taxi coming to get me.” 

That wasn’t a lie. Something he scheduled last night at some point, between the tears and holding his breath. Peter didn’t think anyone would be awake at this time, Sunday’s were always the day that everyone slept in and Peter could just be alone outside of his room.  Sometimes he would just sit in the living room and other times he’d wander around the property, often ending up by the lake. By the time everyone would start waking up Peter would be back in his room with some breakfast and try not to bother anyone. 

“Okay, well it’s fathers day, so I think they might be expecting your presence in some form. We have plans and all that.” 

Of course they do. They always make plans where Peter only finds out the day before or day of. Maybe Peter has plans. They could consider that. Okay, maybe Peter never really has any plans, nothing more than trying to understand this new world. And maybe he didn’t make the active effort to find where he fit in this home, but he is the child and it shouldn’t really be up to him. Harley probably didn’t have to engage with the adults first. Tony and Pepper more than likely got input from Harley on their plans. 

With a sigh Peter nodded. “I’ll cancel the taxi.”

“Cool! I’ll tell everyone you’ll be down soon.”

Harley made sure to give a big smile, before heading downstairs, a bounce in each step he took. Peter really hated Harley for his happiness. 

Taking a moment after canceling the taxi, Peter tried to pull himself together. He forced a smile and pulled his shoulders back. All that needs to be done is sit and nod, occasionally laugh. Pay no mind to the way Morgan looks at him in fear, and don’t see the look of mourning on Tony and Pepper’s face. He needs to not remember Harley’s family alone in Tennessee. 

He went down the stairs and followed the noise to the kitchen. There was laughter and the sounds of dishes clinking against one another. It smelt of pancakes and cinnamon and hash browns and coffee. Standing here Peter could close his eyes and pretend this was seven years in the past, with him and May and Ben. He could imagine Ben making the food and singing along to the radio with May dancing along as she sets the table. But this wasn’t 2016, this was 2023. Instead it was a finished family forced to bring him in, a harsh reminder that he doesn’t belong.

Peter stepped into the kitchen, Pepper was just finishing up breakfast and Harley was setting the table. Morgan was sitting on Tony’s lap whispering into her fathers ear. Food was laid out ready to be served, with orange juice, iced tea and coffee all in their own pitchers waiting to be poured. He moved through the room, trying to not to intrude before sitting down at the table. It didn’t take much longer for Pepper and Harley to sit down as well, Tony moving Morgan into her proper chair. 

Everyone around Peter fell into easy conversation while he stayed silent, trying to focus on his food instead of the way Morgan was starring daggers at him. They talked about their favourite family vacations and laughed at their own jokes. Peter couldn’t help but feel like he was actually sitting out on the porch. This family had five years together, five years of memories and laughter, of love and pain, and Peter wasn’t apart of any of it. He wasn’t a part of any family, his own buried and far too dead.

“Peter, what about you? Did you have any Father’s Day traditions?” 

Hearing Harley address Peter pulled him back to this world, and welcomed in his deep rooted desire to have his family back. Harley had two families now and he left one completely. Abandoned them when they came back to life. And Morgan was sitting here glaring at Peter completely oblivious to the fact that she has her entire family and how privileged she was for it.

“Well I don’t have any memories of my parents, so I don’t think there were any traditions with them. The only people I could ask about that are now dead. Unless you consider going to the cemetery to go visit your dead father you can’t remember a father’s day tradition, then no.”

The entire table stopped eating, all sounds coming to a complete end. Everyone stayed still as if Peter was some volatile bomb that would explode if anyone nearby breathed too hard. He could feel his jaw clench, as he tried to breathe in and out. It wasn’t working.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Should I not bring up my very dead family? Was that inappropriate to say that my father is dead I have no memories? My absolute bad! Next time I’ll consider how uncomfortable it makes everyone here. I mean jeez, Harley has a whole family in Tennessee he hasn’t seen since they reappeared. You’ve got two whole families to choose from, Harls! What an accomplishment. And Morgan, well she’s older than I was when my parents died, so she’s definitely on the right track. And wow, I got a whole second set of parents out of May and Ben. Which was great until I watched Ben die. Until I die and find out while my death was temporary, May’s wasn’t. Whenever I want to be with my family I have to go all the way back to Queens and visit the cemetery. But you all just live in the same house. So genuinely, I’m sorry for not considering your emotions about my dead family.”

“Peter...” Tony whispered, reaching his one hand out to Peter.

Peter shook his head, pulling away, he didn’t want to see the empty eyes starring back at him. He didn’t want to acknowledge the way Tony looks at him with regret and how Pepper looks at him like he’s lost. He didn’t want to see how the three that lived through both snaps always held pain in their eyes. And Peter most certainly didn’t want to see Morgan, who had no idea how lucky she is, that she was born never knowing loss.

Peter didn’t want to see a family who was pulled together in a time of pain. He wanted to see his family. Peter wanted to look across the table and see Ben and May throwing little balls of napkins at each other. He wanted to be Harley and be able to go home and see his family whenever he wants. He wanted to be Morgan and do science experiments with his parents. Peter wanted the one thing he didn’t have, something that Harley and Morgan had an abundance of.

“I don’t have a family anymore. I never got to say goodbye to May. I would give up the rest of my life to see them again. And you guys just can’t understand that. You have you family. You get to see them whenever you want. I can’t ever see mine again. I can never go home. They’re gone.”

After all, Peter was just a ghost, another person who returned, who had been dead for too long. He didn’t belong in a world of survivors. Peter was just another person long gone who no longer fits into the world around him.

-

Taglist: Ask/DM to be added

@peter-is-a-bean @jean-and-diet-coke @dead-inside-pt2 @they-were-cloudsinmycoffee @parkersjiggle @7peternotparker7 @thatonecrackheadshipper @kevinthewoman @faline4you @lynxshinon @narutoyaoifan @pastelwheeler @thecrazymarvelfan @bonjour-gays @thebestqueenoftheworld

[pokemonswshbutionlyplayedsword]

I’m curious as to how other gym leaders reacted to piers becoming a gym leader, especially ones like Kabu and Opal who could probably see how he was struggling more before that. Do you have any other gym leader hcs?

Great question, anon. Before we get into it, we have to cover a few quick things.

Timeline of Piers’ life:

Went on Gym Challenge (Age 12, still lived with abusive parents, Marnie was not born yet) –> Marnie is Born (Age 13, Parents are still around, and still abusive, but only to Piers) –> Parents Left (Age 15, Marnie is Age 2) –> Became Gym Leader (Age 18, Marnie Age 5, Morpeko is given to her shortly after)

Piers’ family wasn’t very wealthy, but they had a house and enough food for one meal a day. I’ve been skirting around it for a while, but Piers’ parents were really shitty. They spent most of their cash on drugs and alcohol, and were verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. They manipulated Piers almost every day. They were not cruel in any way to Marnie when she was born, but they were still addicts. They were neglectful to her. I know these things can be kind of touchy, so I will add a tw in the tags. I always say this when I have smth like this, but if there’s an additional tag that you need me to add, please let me know and I will be happy to do it for you.

Not all of the gym leaders that are gym leaders in the game were gym leaders when he became one. The gym leaders that are still around in the game and were there when Piers joined their ranks were Milo (Who Was Pretty New), Nessa (Also Very New), Kabu (Who Had Been a Gym Leader for a While), Melony (Had Been a Gym Leader for a while), Opal (Had Been A Gym Leader for a Very Long Time), and Raihan (New). Leon had been Champion for some time now, and was also part of the group that Raihan and Piers had been in when they went on the gym challenge, though he was probably the youngest there, as he was 10 and most other kids were 12.

OKAY, now we can get into the actual headcanons.

Milo:

-He was a new gym leader when Piers joined the ranks.

-Milo was part of Piers’ group in the gym challenge, but they didn’t interact much.

-When Piers became gym leader, there were a lot of rumors about him being a bad person (bc he’s a dark type user) that Milo believed so he avoided Piers for a while.

-However, when someone becomes a gym leader, the others are supposed to visit and get to know them. This is when Milo really met Piers and learned about his situation with Marnie (vaguely, Piers doesn’t pour his life story out for anyone). And he changed his mind.

-They get along alright. They don’t hang out much, but they’re friendly towards eachother.

-Bonus headcanon: Milo is the tallest person in his family. He and his younger brother get along very well and are quite close.

Nessa:

-Like Milo, Nessa was new when Piers joined.

-She did not partake in the gym challenge, so she never saw Piers battle before. She was a bit skeptical since he always looked “dead” to her.

-When he became a gym leader, she was the first to march over to Spikemuth and welcome him to the team. She learned about Marnie and Piers’ situation (again vaguely) and was absolutely smitten. She thought it was so sweet that Piers was taking care of her and she absolutely loves little kids. She thinks Marnie is just the cutest.

-They get along well, and bc crazy shit always seems to happen at his concert, Piers will call Nessa just so she can get her drama fix.

-Bonus headcanon: She’s got an insane appetite. She can eat for like hours and still be hungry (and skinny cause she’s also got a crackhead metabolism). She’s scared away more than one date with this.

Kabu:

-Kabu’s not great at reading people, but when Piers came to challenge him, he could tell he was stressed and upset. He figured it was nerves, so he gave Piers the same advice he always does “You can challenge me as many times as you’d like.” Piers beat him in the first try (w/o dynamax so yeah he doesn’t need help with battles Kabu)

-Years later, Piers became the gym leader and Kabu came to congratulate him. Learned about Marnie and was all “oh is this what you seemed upset about? People are usually unhappy about being separated from family during the challenge” and Piers was like “um no she wasnt even born yet” so Piers ended up telling Kabu about his parents.

-Kabu tries to be supportive of Piers and help him feel better about his parents and past abuse (but Piers is already doing better bc he has Marnie). Piers appreciates it, but Kabu and Piers aren’t very close.

-They get along pretty well because Kabu really respects Piers’ strength both in battles and emotionally.

-Bonus headcanon: Opal thinks he’s a fool who focuses too much on pokemon battles to even notice anything else around him. She is correct. Sometimes he gets so involved in training he doesn’t notice his pokemon accidentally set his clothes on fire.

Melony:

-By the time Piers made it to Melony’s gym, he was tired, upset, frustrated. His parents had berated him for not dynamaxing, but he wanted to stay true to Spikemuth. He ended up telling Melony this after their battle. She comforted him and stayed with him until he was ready to move on from Circhester.

-Not long after Piers’ parents vanished, they got back in touch. Piers needed her help with Marnie and she practically adopted them. She brought them groceries, invited them to dinner and holidays. Really, she saved Piers more times than he cares to count.

-She was so thrilled to hear Piers was a gym leader. She always knew he was a talented trainer and was sad when he decided he didn’t want to do battles anymore. She’s glad he’s able to do both training and music at the same times, bc he loves them both and is good at them.

-They get along fantastically and see each other on a regular basis just bc they’re practically family. Piers gets along well with Gordie bc of this, but now that they’re fighting, Piers comes around less. He doesn’t like to hear people getting angry and doesn’t want to have to pick a side.

-Bonus Headcanon: Absolutely the best hugger. She always wears fluffy clothes, she’s pretty tall and somewhat stout so she’s pretty soft herself. Everyone loves Melony. There’s not a single person alive who can say they genuinely hate her.

Opal:

-Opal may be a fairy type trainer but she’s like a PSYCHIC. Give her 3 seconds and she’ll know your name, your favorite food, your favorite color, your BMI, your great great great great grandfather-

-She knew something was up with Piers the second she saw him, and being who she is, used her quiz to figure out what it was. Eventually, he spilled and told her everything during the challenge. She gave him some solid advice about protecting himself and sent him on his way with his badge.

-Later, when he became gym leader and she came to see him, she was able to get what had happened after the gym challenge out of him. She offered some more advice and then played with Marnie like old ladies do.

-They’re pretty friendly. Piers is slightly scared of her and she knows it, but she really cares about Piers and hopes he’s doing okay.

-Bonus headcanon: “I’m old, I can do what I want.” -Opal

Raihan:

-Raihan was the challenger that knocked Piers out of the gym challenge during the finals/semi-finals. Raihan was obsessed with how strong Piers was and kept trying to coax him into challenging him again and dynamaxing. Piers left after he lost and didn’t bother to see the rest of the challenge. Piers went home to his parents, who were livid that he lost.

-Not long after Piers’ parents left, he ran into Raihan again, who quickly figured out that it was just him and Marnie. Not long after that, Raihan became a gym leader and used that to help Piers get by and coax him back into training his pokemon.

-It was Raihan who got him to become the new Gym Leader for Spikemuth, so he was very happy. He was the one who introduced Leon and Piers.

-They’re close friends, even though Piers doesn’t act like it.

-Bonus Headcanon: Raihan was raised by a single father. His mother died when he was very young and he has no memory of her. Time to be sad, fellas.

Leon:

-Leon became champion in the finals that Piers was beaten in. He bested the old champion and then met back up with Raihan, who became his friend over the course of his gym challenge. Raihan spoke of nothing but beating Leon and finding Piers. Leon wasn’t very familiar with Piers. They never really met.

-When Piers became Gym Leader, Leon was supposed to go congratulate him, but he was really busy. Raihan weaseled his way into his schedule and dragged him to Spikemuth. There, he met Piers and Raihan explained Piers’ experience from his parents (which Raihan found out about later on) to his situation with Marnie. Leon really began to feel sympathy.

-Leon attempted to become friends with Piers, and it worked to an extent (through Hop I suppose mostly). It wasn’t until much later that Piers and Leon would become good friends.

-They’ve always been on friendly terms, though.

-Bonus headcanon: When Leon became champion, he became very arrogant and distant from his family. Hop was born after he became champion and he wasn’t the best bro at first. He simmered down, though, and really began to bond with his family again.

Thanks for the ask! This one took a while to write because I hadn’t really thought of that.

[starry-bi-sky]

Malevolent Au

It’s not complete, but on the Felinette Discord we made an au based off the song ‘Queen of Mean’!

@unmaskedagain idk if this’ll help you get ideas, since I found your fic after I made the au, but I hope you like it anyways!

Me - Black, Bee - Orange, Lefty - Blue

Okay but guys

A modified version of ‘Queen Of Mean’ as an akumanette

Idk if this has a bittersweet ending or a bad ending but either way it’s salty and not ending in the class’s favor

Her akuma item would probably be her ribbons because I don’t want that for tikki

I’m thinking that Akumanette has an outfit that looks like a suit but there’s a skirt-tail type thing that ends at her ankles. Idk how to explain it other than it’s fancy but practical

It’s black and red

There’s black paint on her face that serves as the mask and she has her hair in a braided ponytail and she has a circlet with black framing and a red gem in the center

She’s terrifying and one of the more fashionable akumas

I don’t have the story fully fleshed out but smth happens that Lila blames Marinette for and Alya, when she’s yelling at Marinette, calls her the ‘Queen of Mean’ and Marinette, tired of literally everything just says ‘if that’s what you think, then fine’ in this really cold tone before storming off

Maybe she goes to the theater room or something, she just goes to an empty classroom to rant

She’s too exhausted to fight back the akuma and maybe Tiki says ‘you deserve a break, it’s not healthy to keep all these emotions bottled up, I know you won’t do anything bad’ but just to be safe Marinette takes out the earring before the akuma gets close so it possesses the ribbons instead

Akumanette (who I will be calling Malevolent for the time being) manages to get CN’s ring and the other miraculi too, but instead of going to Hawkmoth she goes to her room to hide them before going on the hunt for Hawkmoth because she needs his miraculous too

I have no doubt that she toys with them, picking them off one by one

Then gets Hawkmoth in a big spectacular moment

Or maybe she's made copies of the miraculous for cosplay and goes to meet him with those, the old switcheroo and she takes him out while hes distracted

Could be interesting if, as part of her power, she could corrupt the miraculouses and give them to the people who upset/offended her. But instead of giving them powers, they were warped to instead punish the wearer in a way that fits the miraculous's original intent. Kinda a reversal on the way she gave out the miraculouses and granted powers before. Like, the Black Cat Miraculous, it causes the person to relive their most painful memories as the element of destruction, and the fox one forces the wearer to tell the truth no matter what, or traps them in an illusion or something.

And maybe how she goes to a new school. And meeting the others was maybe when shes revealed as the akuma she claims shes had enough of her classmates shit and exposes what they did to her live on tv and her parents transfer her because of all the stress they put her under. She's never become an akuma before. And just because of one lying little brat, their daughter has become one of the strongest akumas they've ever seen

And she gives the miraculi back to Fu apologizing out her butt for everything...but he just lets her keep the earrings, fearing that something grander may be at scale...but he refuses to give the ring back to Adrien because had he been by Mari's side, they wouldve been able to prevent the akuma and help Mari over come Lie-la.

And now Fu chooses a new Black Cat for Mari....

I would assume that the peacock is still lost....maybe Adri could find it amd becomes determined to get both his ring and. "His" lady back from that Fake Cat

And maybe before the ring gets taken Adrien has no idea who the akuma is because Marinette returns to class all normal if just closed off and even after he doesn’t know until it’s revealed to everyone. The whole of Paris is wondering where tf LB is everyone Malevolent shows her face

Or she could claim that she took the earrings before Ladybug even had a chance~

So the whole of Paris is rightly terrified

And the QK kids are slightly cautious but they see the nerd trip and get flustered then they just decide that she's totally fine to hang out with

Ooh why would they be cautious?

The QK would totally be the ones to find out Marinette’s the akuma first and they’re all really concerned for their friend because she’s been an akuma for MONTHS now and what happened that made her such a powerful akuma?

But if she just transformed back and went to the new school, wouldnt u be cautious too

Like

ThTS THE GIRL WHO BROUGHT PARIS TO ITS KNEES TO BEG FOR MERCY

and she chose mercy

Imagine...what it would take to bring her, the strongest akuma to kill all of Paris

(I should probably point out that I’m still going off the idea that Marinette is still Malevolent when she goes to her new school, feel free to ask for clarification if you’re still confused)

“Be wary of the quiet ones, the sweet ones, the kind ones, because they’re the ones with the saddest smiles, the darkest pasts. They’re the ones you watch out, for even demons run when good men go to war.”

Hawkmoth, once he realizes that Malevolent is on the prowl for him, tries to call back the akuma, but because of Marinette’s sheer stubborn will power and the help of Nooroo he can’t do it

So he’s basically useless as Malevolent numbers his days as a super villain

Maybe Malevolent only comes out at night. She has less chance of being seen, less chance of being caught

Except that just makes her 10x more terrifying because in the daylight she’s scary enough as it is, but at night the shadows highlight only half of her face and it makes her harder to see

Maybe Malevolent decides to torment her classmates first before picking off the heroes, so perhaps by the time she’s at her new school and prowling at night she’s picking off the heroes one by one

Maybe she does it slowly instead of night by night

And like the first half is her taking the heroes and Hawk down while the other half if her recovering and learning about the new villain and her new allies

She fucking stalks her classmates, planting incriminating evidence. Maybe for Lie-la she records the girl bragging about her lies and how much shes dragged Mari through the mud while shes at home, then the next morning a video is released on the Ladyblog....

The class is rightly scared out of their pants because there’s an akuma after them but they don’t know who and she hasn’t been caught yet

LB is gone and Malevolent, even in the daylight, is hard to see so other than the major bad luck and her first debut there’s almost no trace of her

Her debut was video taped so Paris knows that there’s an akuma on the loose but she’s so quiet that it leaves everyone on edge

Maybe while Malevolent is hunting Hawkmoth she stops other villains like low level (and high profile) criminals and outs corrupt politicians and the likes

And they've obviously taken poor Mari because Mari could never get akumatized! Shes too good!

Oooh!! Going back on the ‘Mari can change out of villain form’ maybe the only proof she’s Malevolent in her civilian form is that her ribbons are a darker red than they should

And poor Mari makes herself smaller and scared hah, as if. These idiots dont know whats gonna hit them.... she looks...terrified~

Her parents try and reassure her that the akuma will be caught and Mari feels bad for tricking them but at the same time she’s still angry so that anger outweighs the guilt

Marinette is paler than she was before akumatization and maybe her eyes are a bit more dull

Or perhaps just a smidge too bright

It’s not noticeable, but there’s just something.. off about her eyes

They look... almost brighter than they should be

Maybe too attentive

Too... analytical

But then the look is gone and perhaps you were just imagining it?

That seems likely

The QK, when they first meet Marinette, adopt her immediately because she’s so pale and small and she looks so tired

And at first Marinette is wary but after Claude trips and falls flat on his face trying to cheer her up she warms up to them

Then one day someone gets a clear full body shot of Malevolent and while QK are looking at it Marinette approaches them and they start noticing... similarities

Like how her ribbons are the same color as her circlet, or how her eyes hold the same wary attentiveness and are the same bright blue

And maybe they try to deny it

But it’s all there

I’m still trying to figure out how Marinette reveals herself as Malevolent

Perhaps a rude encounter with her classmates? Maybe someone tries attacking her friends (Hawkmoth has resorted to using the peacock miraculous at the point maybe) and she saves them??

When she transforms her ribbons wrap around her in a whirlwind

That’s all we got!! Maybe it’ll be continued on, maybe it won’t, but it was super fun to think up!

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 15 notes

Ok true crime as in my new addiction is true crime podcasts specifically about serial killers

Back to the session

 After getting a bit of a reality check from durnan about the supposed strength and power of the xanathar guild…

Protected our home w glyphs of warding

Last day of our contract

Spell is set to fade soon

Asyna is feeding ot

Ot looks at asyna like he's a cornered animal

"ot here's some meat"

Why is krystal roasting me about my lover

He wants poison

Ot is calling his jailers idiotic

Oh no aerana might be spilling beans

I really shouldn't be allowed to play games

Because I will always turn to the chaotic evil character

Aerana isn't giving anything up

Theo tells us about the plumbers who came over last night

Aerana is going to typ, rest of party is staking out house

Shifts to watch ot, adam takes front, asyna tower lookout (it's foggy tho so perception check at disadvantage, 9; city looks a little eerie in the fog)

Cel puts immovable rod across cellar door

Ot is suspicious whenever cel comes in

"you cannot fool me xanathar"

Cel making theo a new cloak

Ot asks cel when he'll turn him into dust

The xanathar can turn ppl into dust

Flare ?

Is flare the brain boy ?

I don't like the energy we've created around the word "enlightenment"

Cel rolls 18 insight check

Ot doesn't think cel is cel

Cel is gonna just vibe witth him

"WHEN U SLAY ME I WILL THINK NOTHING BUT HATEFUL THOUGHTS"

Sorry didn't mean caps but too lazy to fix

Everyone else

Adam in front hissing at neighbors and cats, 7

Hears pavement scuffle, someone approaches and reddish gtray beard person w non-descript gray cloak approaches; trench

Doesn't remember cellar and plumbers guild coming by night before

Trench says he can help

Help get bar open

Used to drink there a lot

Gets parchment and quill with ink

Rolls insight to see if bar was only thing he wasd interested in, 13, trench seems v interested

Works in surveillance, protection

Gives him cel and theo's name "5 copper please"

Gets 5

Adam picks his nose

Theo patrols entrances

13 for perception

Overlaps path w adam's

Aerana to typ

Afternoon when there

Similar pattern to those there; frequent patrons

"if I'm making up words, it's not really hitler"

8 perception

Place feels open, not as packed as it usually is

Still feel sensation of cold from the well

Wizard w pointy red hat a regular

You see goliath wizard talking to a dwarven woman

Aerana sees an elven man (bard) w "ugliest guy you've seen in your goddamn life" dom says but only after we point out he looks like legolas, tuning a lute

Sense you've seen him before

The wellllllllllllllllll

It is better told by a bard

Some patrons old and strange, others just like to drink

But ritual in the storytelling

Durnan built

Gwyliam

Talking in elvish

Place formerly not too populated

But one of durnan's ancestors came over to build upon it and discovered the well

Network of tunnels underneath

20 for history check

Familiar with some of what he's saying

Parents would throw you into the undermountain if you were bad

Undermountain = stirs weird memory in your head

Being told as a child stories of undermountain

Deep dark fearsome place

Mt waterdeep wizard came here once named hallister the black cloak

Hallister - ppl don't know where he was from / if he was real but legendary

Brought apprentices trained in magical arts

Tunneled on peak of mt waterdeep

Legend of undermountain could not be verified as truth

Durnan's ancestor came to typ

Climbed into well

"I wouldn't bring this up around him" - doesn't talk abt

When ancestor returned was fabulously rich

Split money with best friend

Built typ

Occasionally engages in ritual of going

No one truly knows what lies in undermountain but there's something there bc some return but most do not

"it might just be the sewer" - "but don't tell anyone I said that"

Differing renditions

Some say durnan was the one with magical powers and killed everyone in there, or more nuanced speaking only of tragedy of those who return who come back fearful or returning with smaller parties; others talk more of hallister and argue over his life; every night a different story

Ask if he knows anyone who's come back

Gestures to half-orc in corner playing variation of solitaire; great celebration when he returned, he came back with riches

He is a regular

21 history check

Undermountain

Familiar name

"Deepest dungeon of them all"

When sewers were built many passages abandoned bc other halls + passages found, many teams from cellars and plumbers guild died during construction of the sewers

Prisoners often thrown into "undermountain"

Says even tho he's here most days there's still stuff he doesn't understand about it; new community reforged every night

At some point durnan talking to wizard and having a conversation which is odd ? Eventually wizard looks at aerana (old man) skinny pointy red hat

Wizard squinting at aerana then turns back to conversation

Try talking to half-orc

Interesting plated beard almost like that on dwarves wrt ornamentation; jewelry running through it

Wiry half-orc

Not skinny but muscled

Weird tattoos covering one side of his face looking like they change a little bit

Balanced a little precariously

Ask if he wants to play a two-person card game bc he's playing solitaire

Ask for his favorite game, Skipper (slapjack)

Dexterity check

5, 20, 10

First round you lose, his fingers have strange looking rings beautiful but rough-worn bands of steel or other heavy metal

Second you win

Third round he takes

"say not many people can beat me in that game"

"luck favors the bold"

In the well

Hell but now look at him can gamble all he wants

City of balder's gate

Large city rough place to grow up

Turned into rough child living on streets

Says his name is Sand

Balder's gate warlords make life difficult so he decided to leave

Was found in youth by someone who turned his anger into smth holy

Ran into thieves and plunderers of forgotten relics, became brother and sister and decided to take on deepest dungeon of them all

Horrible things - asks if you've heard the song

The yawning portal song

Not many people know the full tale

Was taught to be skeptical (it's in his nature or maybe his name)

Not sure how long he was in there or didn't know when he was in there

No light

Tunnels are confusing and without it would've been lost; found room with throne with snakes for arms

Great hallway with ancient trap

Living things also in there; all manner of beasts and creatures; ppl don't come back bc of those

Killed goblins down there but after the things he's seen and after the things he'd had to do could've gone with killing a few more goblins

Advice ? Some will sell maps of what they found or what they think they've seen; anyone can tell u abt beasts down there

Durnan wouldn't lower us down

Durnan doesn’t send ppl to their deaths

Durnan lowers people he deems worthy

Strong brave smart fast bold enough or some combo

But even then not everyone comes back

It's a place of death

Not buying him lunch lmao

Has broken into dangerous old elf dungeons like in the ones up north and would do it again if he could unsee some of the things he saw down in the well

A place of death but things move in the shadows w tombs down there and tunnels for miles hallways great and tall, treasures, beasts keeping it for themselves

Ask about tattoos

Gift from master

The person who saved him in balder's gate

Steeped in magic of shadows

Powerful bc he is strong but qi is stronger still

Aerana gets back home but starts to rain heavily

Ppl still patrolling

Adam

Sees drow ? W purple colored eyes silver-ish hair hiding weapons under his cloak steps up and says "pardon me" and asks if adam's seen a cat

Large cat - would've know if saw it

Adam sends drow to trench

Adam gives him good up and down look, can he see weapons ? Carrying two cinotaurs ??? Sinotaur ???? Adam rolls insight for cat

14, seems like he's talking abt a cat

Heads off to trench

Asyna in watchtower guessing ppl's names

Cel and theo switch

Theo says hi to ot, ot curled up in corner

Whispers "hey ot what's up"

Says he should've gone with his gut on the day theo arrived

"dark elegance" "the way you glided into the room" - ot on theo

Ot says he knows how the xanathar pays theo

"I guess seeing you was a realization of my deepest fear" a fear he couldn't name or place or knew he had but out of the darkness theo stepped forward

"I'm curious . How long do you leave your victims like this"

Ot starts to cry and says he would beg her to keep him in this place

"this voice you're using I find it sweet"

"I just don't want to wake up before the end"

Theo is gonna get him food

"the poor dead tiefling told me yesterday"

7 insight

Theo does not know what's happening

Says the water theo gives him looks real

Looks at the wall drinks some water

"and it tastes real"

We kinda fucked ot up LMAO OOPS

"I know that you don’t have a heart… but if there's any chance that anything I've ever said or thought about you could take root in your soul"

Theo says she'll consider his request

Sits there for a half hour then asks if that's her real name

"nithlur" or smth like that

Nihloor

"where'd you hear that"

In his head lmao

What if this is like

A tapeworm

In his head

"what does knowledge taste like"

Asks if it's a feeling or a thought

Theo says it's a feeling

Ot says whatever knowledge is it's valuable to the right thing

Wonders if he can take a nap

Gonna take a nap

Adam forgot he made ott think he was dead

Aerana is taking over for theo

Adam takes first watch

Perception check, 22

Raining ohp so at disadvantage gotta do it again

New roll, 12

Rain is still falling

Hears a weird noise coming from outside the house

Uses thaumaturgy to boom voice saying "wake up"

Everyone sleeping wakes up

Goes toward sound

Hears weird growling noise

Goes semi-toward noise w pyrotechnics prepared; darkvision does he see anything

Sees shape

It's not the cat

Unfamiliar, looks like it's flying but more like it's floating

Bobbing up and down in air

Creature w large glassy eye and sagging mouth w lots of sharp teeth

Sticking out from form are eyes attached to a slug protruding off it w glassy eyes hanging off it

Intense stench making icky moaning noise

Adam shits his pants

It's big

The size of its mouth is human size

I've been listening to serial killer podcasts all day

[bangtanficrecs]

Lost & Found Batch #20

Can’t start up the blog again without posting the newest batch! As always, if you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

                                                      --------------

1) Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read quite a while ago and if you can help me i’ll be forever grateful... it was about namjoon having powers and accidentally causing damage, so seokjin (who was a kind of a social worker assigned to him) sent him to live with yoongi as a way to make up for his “crime”. Yoongi was also magical and lived isolated from society. If I remember correctly hoseok was also guilty of something and sent to yoongi with namjoon. Sorry if it’s too vague, but that’s all I remember

2) Hi, I decided to give this a try though I think the fic may have been deleted because I just can't find the fic anymore. Basically its ot7 and the main character (Jungkook?) took the boys to meet his mom. The author had the boys super athletic, tall and in college;they were also from Texas. Jungkook sadly had to deal with homophobic classmates. It was a one shot I believe.

Hey, Momma by CaridwenAngetueur1

3) hi!! i’m trying to find a yoonmin fic i read a while ago, where yoongi lived in this small town and had an apothecary and jimin would come and sing in the town centre, and yoongi would give him something for his nerves before he’d go on stage. i remember jimin would glow and light would shoot out from him when he sung. it was a completed fic on ao3, i can’t seem to find it. thank you so much for your help!!

4) Hello! If you don’t mind helping me, im looking for a jikook fic i can’t seem to find again on ao3. Its a time travel, canon au where present day bts where in japan and Jungkook had went through a shrine? He ends up in the past with younger!bts and acts as like a cousin to Jungkook until they can figure out how to send him back. I remember there being a scene where younger!bts miss their flight to help older!jungkook get back to the future? If you need more details please let me know. Thank you!

5) Hello! I'm looking for a vmin fic where flowers literally grow on Tae and he's really insecure about it and gets depressed. It's super soft and fluffy and the entire thing is pretty much just Jimin taking care and comforting him. I'm pretty sure it's a one-shot and that they are the only two that are explicitly brought up. I love it so much and I hope that this isn't too vague.

6) hi idk if any of u can help me find this fic but imma try: its an au in which kids go disappearing often and i can only remember that one day taehyung is one of them and jungkook takes it up on himself to find him bc he firmly believes that he isnt dead yet. not sure bout this but i also think tae got kidnapped to get tested on? and seokjin is one of the doctors in that institution??? this fic is written by a fanboy as far as i can recall and had a reallyyyyyy hard to remember title sigh 😔

kotov syndrome by wormkun Note: The fic is locked and requires an AO3 account to view

7) Hey so I read this fic a while ago but no matter what i search, i can't seem to find it. Namjoon was a depressed ?college student? and he wrote songs that he only showed to his friend Jimin. He and Jimin go to a coffee shop where Yoongi works and yoongi keeps leaving notes to RM on Joon's coffee cups, but namjoon doesnt' know who RM is. I think it turns out Jimin had been posting Joons songs and yoongi recognized his voice and wanted to encourage him. NJ writes always and almost attempts suicide

8) Hello, I was wondering if you could help find this fanfic I've looking for forever. It's an ot7 relationship fic ( I think it's jimin centric). it was still not completed. The summary was something like taehyung asking jimin if he wanted to be in a relationship with them and jimin saying No. Because technically he already knew they were all in a relationship and he felt betrayed that he was left out for so long. There is something about a creepy sasaeng fan too. I would really appreciate it.

Last to Know by Meadow_Wanderer

9) Hi! Im looking for an au fic where Jungkook was depressed, and was with V who had anger problems bc of past child abuse. Jhope didn’t like Jungkook bc of something about his dark past involving his sister who I think was raped and died. I also remembered RM having a tattoo and being an ex member of a mafia group. He blew a gas station up, and Jin thought he died but he came back, and they had sex on the window. JK attempted suicide as well but Jin saved him. Thanks!!

10) I'm searching for a vminhope fanfic. It was I believe an A/B/O one. It was on aff. Hoseok was a berserker, Jimin was a beta and Tae was an omega.

11) Hi!!!!! I've been looking for this one fic forever. It's about jungkook who's an art student and jimin and taehyung are cops who look out for him. Jungkook talks a lot about suicide and he's a university art student. I think one of the art projects in the fic was a corpse painting with flowers. Jungkook also stole from a convenience store and when jimin and Rae caught up to him they noted he had a red beanie in his pocket. Thats all. Thank you!!!

12) There was this fic where Jungkook was lonely and lived alone in a hut on the woods, and he saw Jimin in a club took him to that hut and Jimin tried to run away but Injured his leg and had to stay. It's wip, and now i can't find it :( help please?

13) i'm having trouble finding a fanfic about taekook, where jungkook finds taehyung in a lake (or any body of water), and it turns out that he's from past times. he shows taehyung around present day, and taehyung at one point dresses up as a cowboy. jungkook gives taehyung's peepee the big succ, they get caught by the police, but they run away. from my memory, that's where it ends, or there may be more to it. even tags from ao3 to jog my memory will help.

14) I read this Taejin fanfic a while ago and now I can’t find it, all I know about it is that Taehyung was in some way abused and Jin brought him to his home, also that Jin had a twin brother, also it had many chapters, if you can find it I’ll be very grateful!!!

15) Hi! I read a yoomin fic in ao3 when I was new in the Fandom and I can't find it anywhere, I remember it being angst, mostly Yoongi's pov, it was set in the I need you era and Yoongi played the piano for jungkook's dance, I also remember Jimin struggled with eating disorders and alcoholism and that at some point they had a big fight when jimin came home drunk in a random cab d

16) Hi! I can't find a fic I read few years ago, so I was wondering if you could help)) It was Taehyung/Namjoon fic, and Namjoon hired him as his fake ex-boyfriend so that his friends (Hoseok and Jimin if I remember correctly) would stop asking him to go on dates or smth like that.

if it bleeds by wertstoffhof (roachprince)

17) Hello! I’m hoping you can help me find a fic, it’s a mental hospital one where all the members apart from jin and namjoon are in the mental hospital and another member (maybe jungkook) arrives and it turns out jin is making up their diagnosis because he thought they’d want to stay longer. If that’s too brief i can remember specific bits but i couldn’t find anything on your tags, thank you! Jin is a sort of like a therapist who looks after them and namjoon is like the manager of sorts i think

Seeking Heaven by fullofsuga

18) Hello, hope you're well! I was wondering if you could help me find a Jihope fic that I've been looking for forever! Jimin was friends with Taehyung and didn't know the rest of the boys until he was added into a group chat. I remember that Jimin worked in a shop that was broken in to, and that Taehyung didn't want Jimin and Hoseok to date? I think the chapter titles were all days of the week as well - thank you!!

19) Hey do you know the name of this historic au fic where Yoongi is a chaebol and I think he buys Jungkook from his abusive dad to be his servant? I remember he teaches him how to read and even gives up his money just to be with jungkook and becomes an author

tear the moon from the stars tonight by euphoriae

20) Hi! I'm looking for a YoonMin fanfic that's a pretend/fake dating au, where Jimin was at the grocery shop and his ex suddenly came up and started teasing/mocking him? Then Yoongi suddenly came up behind him and started pretending to be his bf? Thank you so much and I'm so sorry for the bother!

21) Hey! I've been looking for this fic forever (i've tried every tag on ao3, god help me). It's a v/yoongi fic where tae is really into public sex and yoongi too, but yoongi is shy at first. there's a scene at the beginning where yoongi is on a date with a girl and he goes to the bathroom to masturbate. at the middle they both are in a restaurant with 2 other people (from bts, i can't remember which members) and tae touches him. at the end tae masturbates yoongi in a restaurant/karaoke booth?

Hands-On Learning by pornographicpenguin

22) Hi! Looking for this multi chaptered abo fic where Yoongi is a omega and kookie presents as an alpha during practice and triggers yoongi's heat. Later on jin and joon become mates but it's mainly about yoonkook slowly getting together... Idk if that's helpful but it's driving me crazy because I can't find it

23) Hi, I'm looking for an old jin/yoongi fic that had a magical element in it I read a while ago and need a little help. Yoongi is an underground rapper and he always passes by this shop. One night after a gig he actually stops in front of it and goes in. Jin runs it and gives him a drink. (I think its tea but idk) he also gives him a muffin or cupcake. At the end jin tells yoongi he was looking for love and that's what led yoongi into the shop.

24) Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read a year back. It has Jin as an assassin and he saved the maknae line from abuse and stuffs and they fell in love with him. And he also has a relationship with Suga

25) Weird fic I read but I want to see if more came out. Anyway it's super weird, bts is the a werewolf gang and they go to a party for the higher ranking alphas. There they meet an omega of a high ranking alpha and then more stuff happens that I can't remember. I just thought of it randomly and I wanted to see if you could find it. It's okay of you can't I appreciate the help either way.

26) Ok color me corrected if you manage to find this fic, but I can’t seem to remember anything about it. It’s a red string of fate/soulmate au but I CANNOT remember the pairing. I think it was canon divergent, they lived in the dorm together. I remember that the string was actually tangible and the pair would always trip over it. Thanks haha

27) I am looking for a fic I read ages ago. It was jikook, they were in high school. Jk is really rich and loves taking photos one day he sees jm and is compelled to take a photo of his bright orange hair. Tae sees the photo and hires jk so take photos of jimin as he never sees him smile. Jm is very poor, he is freinds with joon and tae I think. Jin is jks brother. Jm initially gets mad at jk but eventually they become friends and fall in love. There was some past stuff with taegi too I think.

Imperfectly Perfect by whenIseeUsmile

28) Hi. I'm looking for a fic on ao3. It's a historical royalty au and I think it's yoonmin. I think it's incomplete too. Yoongi is a prince and his brother is JK. Jimin and Jin are spys from a neighbouring kingdom that's on the verge of war. The last chapter I remember has the castle being invaded and the royal family being killed, there may have been a fire. I hope you can help

Death In Disguise by pikachoi

[lostheathseeker]

Yule / Winter Solstice

Yule is a beautiful holiday celebrated on the 21st of December (don’t be stressed my pagan/witch friend, if you have much to do during that day, Yule can be celebrated from 20th to 23rd of December).

The light that comes out of darkness, the rebirth, creepy Krampus, merry winter spirits, ice-cold Faeries, and warm Yule log- this is what might come to mind thinking about Yule.

Cooking - Go for gingerbread men. You can find many recipes everywhere. Those cookies contain ground ginger, and I, personally, use it for speeding things up/making spells more powerful/containing more energy. Try thinking about things you wish would happen or happen faster while eating gingerbread. - Bake cookies. The smell of cookies brings such positive memories. I recommend cinnamon cookies that really make you feel the spirit of Winter. - For cozy Yule/Winter cooking use regional/seasonal products like turnips, green cabbage, potato (they can still be stored like pears and apples), Hokkaido pumpkins are available until December, leek, carrots can be stored throughout the winter, beetroot, champignons, white cabbage, onions, From meats pork, beef, hare, boar, goose, wild duck (carefully, season is about to end), chicken, lobster, carp, mackerel, cod, herring are in.  Seasonal foods are cheaper. I didn't count any exotic fruits in here as I live in Germany and I try not to support the transport of food from southern countries because of ecological reasons. - Linzer Torte always make me think of Yule, They taste like winter Activities - Change your coffee/ tea for smth winter-ish (add some orange/hibiscus/cinnamon taste) - try some cute winter make up - go to a nursery garden and pick up a tree you will decorate. Invite the good forest spirits with you, while taking the tree home. They will keep you safe and warm this winter - leave an offering for winter faeries. Make a faery home from pinecones and moss. - Keep care of wild birds. Leave them some seeds - Go skiing - DIY Yule gifts, guys, buy reusable wrapping paper or go creative and use some materials you might already have. I like giving small gifts in cute decorated jars.  - Ice skating! - Send postcards! - Make a spell to invite cold weather and snow. Let us help the climate change - donate to a charity, this is a time when many charities happen. Support others. - Clean your home - Bring a holy home. It will invite good faeries. - Pick a mistletoe. Carefully, it is believed that gathered mistletoe cannot touch the ground, either way, it loses all magical properties.  - Make your own Yule wreath for your door - Visit Christmas markets. They are so cute and you can find mulled wine there Krampus A winter demon. His day falls on the 4th/5th of December. He is the one that comes when there is no good left during this month. This demon is a big part of my preparation for Yule. He symbolizes the darkness of the month. He shows us that we need to cherish the moments, the happiness that is brought to us by the Winter, even tho so many of us can’t appreciate it. Even though his day falls at the beginning of the month, I sense his presence until the last days of December. He usually is shown as something evil, a big half-man, half-goat creature, carrying a bag and leaving coal footprints behind. But he brings much good to December as well. He just makes sure that everyone celebrates this time and not just complain about everything... Do not try to summon him. This is a lesson I had to learn because I am not as smart as I wish I could be. Frau Holle/ Mother Holle She is another german spirit of Winter that I also like to associate with Yule. She is the one that through her magic could change the weather. Mother Holle doesn’t exist in this realm but in Germany, we say that when it snows Frau Holle shakes her featherbed pillows. I like to think of her as an old spirit, bringing us snow and icy weather.

[kians-blog2]

when you try to come up with smth witty to say cause you’re a tru comedian but end up floppin HARD! literally smash that heart if you can relate! but hey i’m mikhia or if you’re into nicknames then you can call me mikki i honestly truly don’t...... care lmao? i haven’t been in a roleplay in a long time because like school fuckin sucked my dudes but i recently turned eighteen and i’m now ready to hang ten ZZDMDKF! k anyway lemme get on with it i’m tiredt! if you prefer plotting on discord or just wanna talk some shit then you can find me at YUKHEI’S WHITE GIRL LAUGH #5355 but without the caps! i don’t actually know if that makes a difference but anyways.....

messy info dump

* ↪ jeon jungkook. he/him. cismale. ╱ i thought i saw kian ko getting questioned by the police. the nineteen year old is in their second year at west bridge studying film production. there’s a rumor that everyone there always called them the cataclysmic because they were beguiling but at the same time morose. do you think they had something to do with her death? + chipped nail polish, morning light peeking through the curtains, soft curls parted down the middle, blinking neon signs, fresh tattoos, shattered iphone screens, missed calls at two in the morning, and long drives down isolated roads.

growing up it was just kian and his dad living in a big, isolated house at the end of a road where no one knew each other. he never knew what happened to his mom, but he also never asked. him and his dad didn’t have the kind of relationship for that; him and his dad were never close enough to have personal conversations. 

the two of them only spoke like ten words to each other by the time the boy was ten and had been completely raised by a nanny. but then everything changed when she just didn’t show up one day and his dad decided to play the role of a parent for once.

he was shit at it and constantly yelled at kian, even pushing him around and smashing his toys just cause he felt like it. he didn’t understand what he had ever done wrong and a part of him thought that this was just how every parent treated their child.

when he was twelve, he ended up finding an old camcorder and instantly fell in love with filming everything around him. it all looked so beautiful through a lens, untainted. but he was young and kids can be dumb. he ended up recording over one of the tapes inside and when his dad found out, he completely lost it.

apparently kian had taped over an old home video of his mom, one that his dad watched frequently, and it became the catalyst for events that would change his life forever. it was the first time his dad was ever physically abusive towards him.

he doesn’t really have much memory of the event, but he does remember being at the top of the stairs filming before everything went black. he found out later that his dad had pushed him down the stairs, but it was ruled an accident and he was put back into his care after he healed.

things only got worse from there with his dad constantly telling him that he was a monster, that no one would ever love him, and that no one would care if he died. these things clawed their way down his throat and found a home in his lungs until he felt like he could no longer breathe.

when he got older and a little colder, he started fighting back and it ended up just being a big brawl between him and his dad all the time. they would literally beat the shit out of each other multiple times a week until, suddenly, it all stopped when he was sixteen.

his dad remarried and the woman brought in two younger children. then, suddenly, his dad was someone else entirely. it was like the bitter old man had been replaced by the most wholesome being in the world. he acted like a completely different person and it pissed kian off. but it also inspired him in a way.

he changed his personality too, became the picture perfect son who played sports and got good grades. he held up his image well, but the monster his father always told him he was never went away. it just waited under his facade until the perfect time to strike.

it was after his first real girlfriend that he decided he liked hurting people. he liked breaking their hearts because it made him feel like a god. he was the perfect boyfriend, dating girls and boys and anyone that was dumb enough to fall for his tricks. he would make sure that he was all they thought about, that they were sure they were in love with him, and then he would rip the rug right out from under them.

nothing made him happier than watching them cry and beg him not to do this. they looked so ugly and broken and he couldn’t think of anything more beautiful. he liked seeing people at their most vulnerable, got off on it.

it was around that same time that he also got into drugs, cocaine specifically, and it helped to perk him up; it helped to make him not look so dead inside. he was a great actor, but the eyes are the window to the soul and his held nothing inside.

when he left for college, he constructed a backstory where he was the son of a pastor who graduated as valedictorian and blushed when complimented. none of that was true, but it didn’t matter. everyone would believe him and would never question it.

he stuck to his story, but things changed when he met annya at freshman orientation. things were different with her and he knew he was fucked, but he let it happen anyway. she brought out a side to him that he thought was long gone and he almost started to believe he could be loved.

but then his dad showed up one day letting him know that he was divorcing kian’s step-mother and it was obvious that he had turned back into the man that would push his son around and make him feel worthless.

so kian regressed as well. he became ugly and cruel towards the one person that made him feel alive and, because of that, she left. it was a hard blow but it brought him back to reality. he couldn’t afford love so he knew it was better off that way, no matter if it hurt.

so he was back to his original plan. he started dating anyone and everyone, cheating on them, breaking their hearts in the worst possible way, all while holding up his perfect little church boy persona.

k so i wanted to add more to this but i’m just so over it i’m too tired to think atm lmao! but a few other things are that he’s a part of a frat and he does play sports. he probs mostly plays more physical sports to get out his aggression like football, lacrosse, hockey, etc so rivals/teammates come thru! i’m sure y’all can tell that i’m a sucker for angst so hit me with that good shit ya? i don’t have a page for specific wanted connections so if you wanna brainstorm or whateva then just GIVE THIS POST A LIKE and i’ll come to you or add me on discord and we can plot there!

[brvckin-blog]

in all forms except physical i can write an intro, know that ( ! ) i’m mikhia, you can call me mikki if you want tho idc lmao, i’m eighteen, and i live my life by the word of park sooyoung. in her name we pray, amen! i’m always tryna come up with some kind of witty intro but LMAO that never happens and probs never will so this is it.......... this is what y’all get! if you wanna plot then read this shit and gimme a mf smash of that heart and i’ll hit you up! or, if you prefer plotting on d.iscord then you can find me over at YUKHEI’S WHITE GIRL LAUGH #5355 just like tell me who you are when i add you!

▶ BASIC INFORMATION

breckin rhee isn’t as innocent as he seems. on the outside they’re just another twenty-one year old junior who’s looking to get through college with a degree in biology, but let me be the first to tell you there’s more than meets the eye. although they were ingrid’s party buddy, they were the one who held her still while she was bound and gagged. hopefully nobody finds out what they did!

▶ BULLET POINT BACKGROUND

the following overview contains triggering topics such as abuse, drug use, manipulation, and murder. if any of these topics make you uncomfortable then please click away as your well being is a lot more important than the background of my character. however, just as an fyi, none of the topics are talked about in depth, just more-so mentioned!

growing up it was just breckin and his dad living in a big, isolated house at the end of a road where no one really cared to get to know one another. he never knew what happened to his mom, but he also never asked. him and his dad didn’t have the kind of relationship for that; him and his dad were never close enough to have personal conversations.

the two of them only spoke a handful of words to each other by the time the boy was ten and had been completely raised by a nanny. but then everything changed when she just didn’t show up one day and his dad decided to play the role of a parent for once. and, just like with his mom, he had no idea what happened to his former parental figure.

he was shit at it (go figure) and constantly yelled at breckin, even pushing him around and smashing his toys just cause he felt like it. he didn’t understand what he had ever done wrong and a part of him thought that this was just how every parent treated their child.

when he was twelve, he ended up finding an old camcorder and instantly fell in love with filming everything around him. it all looked so beautiful through a lens; untainted. but he was young and kids can be dumb. he ended up recording over one of the tapes inside and when his dad found out, he completely lost it.

apparently breckin had taped over an old home video of his mom, one that his dad watched frequently, and it became the catalyst for events that would change his life forever. it was the first time his dad was ever physically abusive towards him.

he doesn’t really have much memory of the event, but he does remember being at the top of the stairs filming before everything went black. he found out later that his dad had pushed him down the stairs, but it was ruled an accident and he was put back into his care after he healed.

things only got worse from there with his dad constantly telling him that he was a monster, that no one would ever love him, and that no one would care if he died. these things clawed their way down his throat and found a home in his lungs until he felt like he could no longer breathe.

as he got older and a little colder, he started fighting back and it ended up just being a big brawl between him and his dad all the time. they would literally beat the shit out of each other multiple times a week until, suddenly, it all stopped when he was sixteen.

his dad remarried and the woman brought in two younger children. then, suddenly, his dad was someone else entirely. it was like the bitter old man had been replaced by the most wholesome being in the world. he acted like a completely different person and it pissed breckin off. but it also inspired him in a way; it changed his outlook on the world around him entirely.

so he changed his personality too, became the picture perfect son who played sports and got good grades. he held up his image well, but the monster his father always told him he was never went away. it just waited under his facade until the perfect time to strike.

it was after his first real girlfriend that he decided he liked hurting people. he liked breaking their hearts because it made him feel like a god. he was the perfect boyfriend, dating girls and boys and anyone that was dumb enough to fall for his tricks. he would make sure that he was all they thought about, that they were sure they were in love with him, and then he would rip the rug right out from under them.

nothing made him happier than watching them cry and beg him not to do this. they looked so ugly and broken and he couldn’t think of anything more beautiful. he liked seeing people at their most vulnerable, got off on humiliating them.

it was around that same time that he also got into drugs, cocaine specifically, and it helped to perk him up; it helped to make him not look so dead inside. he was a great actor, but the eyes are the window to the soul and his held nothing inside.

with his new life planned out, breckin made the decision to go to college and major in biology with the hopes of getting into med school and becoming a doctor like his father. in some weird way, it was almost like he wanted to be just like him, to show him that he was only monster because of him.

it was at his high school graduation that he found out what really happened to his mother when she suddenly showed up trying to act like everything was ok. in his mind, he had already come to terms with her death, deciding that his father more than likely killed her. but the truth hurt a whole lot more. she had just left........ left him with a monster who didn’t love him. and, not only that, but she had a whole new family with two children (his half siblings) and one of them was even close to him in age. it enraged him and, so, the next morning he cut the brake line in her car and killed her off permanently. she was dead to him so dead she would stay.

when he left for uni, he constructed a backstory where he was the son of a pastor who graduated as valedictorian and blushed when complimented. none of that was true, but it didn’t matter. everyone would believe him and would never question it so it didn’t matter.

at freshman orientation, he found his first victim and really set everything back into motion. he began dating anyone and everyone before ultimately cheating on them, and breaking their hearts in the worst possible way all while holding up his perfect little persona until the end.

it was a cruel game, but he was able to keep others quiet about who he really was either through blackmail or through them being so humiliated that they left school and moved away.

over the years though as he’s gotten busier and has gotten closer to graduating, he’s really been too exhausted to keep up his facade as much so he’s basically half himself and half good church goin boy lmao!

▶ LIST OF SECRETS 

obviously no one knows about these (unless we’ve plotted something out surrounding them) so keep these to your ooc self beetch! i honestly just wanted to throw ‘em down here because my memory is shit!

breckin plans on going to med school after graduation so, in preparation for becoming a doctor down the road, he will oftentimes practice on willing peers who are looking for a little extra cash.

he has a weird obsession with death but, more specifically, what comes after. it’s something that no one knows the answer to so he has taken it upon himself to try and figure it out. how, you ask? think flatliners. he hooks himself (and other people occasionally) to a machine then injects them with a drug to stop their heart. they die, the two minute countdown begins, then they’re resuscitated. he’s been getting a little too brave lately though and letting himself flatline for longer periods of time.

even though those two things in particular could get him not only kicked out of school, but ruin his chances of getting into med school, there are others that would pretty much bury his entire reputation six feet under. since he was in his early teens, breckin has been living a sort of double life. he pretends to be a nice boy who only has good intentions, but he couldn’t be more opposite. he loves breaking hearts, hurting others, and humiliating them. more often than not, he dates people solely for that.

even though he doesn’t need the money, he loves attention so he started up his very own little artistic porn blog on tumblr (throw it back to when that shit was still allowed). he began when he was a freshman and has accumulated around forty thousand followers in that time. he never shows his face or anything but he posts pretty racy photos and sells pictures, videos, and audio recordings to those that are willing to pay.

breckin has a very packed schedule between studying pre-med, playing sports, and keeping up with all of his other extracurricular activities that he doesn’t find much time to do normal things like sleeping, eating, etc. this has pushed him to find other means to sustain him that mostly include divulging in various drugs of choice.

▶ POTENTIAL PLOT IDEAS

these are just barebone ideas that could and should be expanded on. but, again, they’re only ideas and i’m really open to plotting just about anything? especially if you have smth in particular that you really want filled, please don’t be afraid to come to me about it! all plots are also open to any muse of any gender!

TEAMMATE(S) — breck is really into sports (specifically more aggressive ones) so if your muse plays any such as: football, lacrosse, hockey, etc then hmu! we can do full blown rivals, playful rivals, mates who just help keep each other motivated to do their best, etc.

HALF SIBLING — if you read the background info then you’ll know that breck’s mom pretty much disappeared then showed back up with two new kids who are his half siblings. however, one of them is pretty close to his age so it’d be cool to have them around? especially considering the fact that he ended up killing their mother yikes! even though they obvs don’t know that it could make for some good writing to explore them finding it out in the future!

ROMANTIC(?) — i’m talkin fwb, exes that he’s played, one night stands, etc. considering the fact that his schedule has only gotten busier and busier, he doesn’t really have time to date around like he used to but he still has needs, damn, so essketit!

PARTY BUDDY — breck likes to party a lot and likes to get fucked up so he needs some friends who’ll humor him and who can keep up with all of his wild shenanigans.

DRUG DEALER — with the amount of shit he does (both personally and otherwise) he could keep your character completely funded himself lmao! hes got a lot of money so let his dumbass give it to you!

NEIGHBOR(S) — breck doesn’t live on campus cause fuck that hes too old for it and he hated it anyway so he lives in an apartment which means your muse? could be his neighbor idk this is super vague but we could do a lot with it just trust me!

SECRETS(?) — considering a couple of his secrets are a little out there it’d be kinda cool to have someone in on them. like, with his whole experimenting on people thing and basically killing them then bringing them back to see what they experienced ya....... could be fun literally someone gimme it!

[libraryscarf]

i had approximately One BILLION Feelings about this art by @ahshesgone, so i wrote smth to heal myself and maybe some other people. the title’s a meme. the fic is not. (thx ash for letting me write for your art, it was cathARTic haha get it hahA i’m leaking sadness onto my keyboard)

god, interrupted ( ao3 )

Hiyori didn’t feel the weight of the tiny shrine Yato had placed in her hands. Her hands were cold and numb, useless blocks of ice at the ends of her arms.

“All right,” he was saying. “Take care of this for me.”

No.

No.

What was he asking of her? He couldn’t think this was right. No. He couldn’t leave it like this.

He couldn’t vanish, leaving her with nothing but a shrine in her hands and an ache in her throat.

“No.”

Yato was already turning away, but her cry surprised him. He looked at her, and his expression instantly shifted to one of concern. Hiyori didn’t understand why until the hot salt of tears stung her lips, and she realized she was crying. Hard.

“Hiyori.” His voice carried a hard edge of worry. “What—?”

She dropped the shrine.

It splintered on impact, sending slices of painted wood and crumbs of old glue skittering across the pavement. Yato’s eyes darted between Hiyori’s face and the wreckage, his eyes and mouth round with shock.

Hiyori stared down at the destroyed shrine. Her legs turned to water, and she sank to her knees next to it, empty hands at her sides, balling into tight fists and then releasing, balling, releasing. Her fingernails bit ruthlessly into her frozen palms.

“I broke it,” she said stupidly. Her fingers fluttered over the splinters like nervous butterflies.

Yato dropped to his knees in front of her, catching her hands in his.

“You’re going to cut yourself, Hiyori.”

He gripped her fingers between his, rubbing the raw, chapped skin. His touch was so warm; it burned straight through her icy flesh and sank into her chest, quivering like an arrow. Quickly, she realized that the heat was rising in her throat, that it tasted like bile and brass, that she was going to scream.

“You idiot!” she wailed. She snatched her hands from him and shuffled backwards on her knees. Pieces of the shrine dug splintery teeth into her legs. Yato stared at her, flabbergasted. His hands were still outstretched, cradling air.

“What do you mean, you’re leaving?” she snapped. “What would happen to Yukine?”

Yato’s mouth opened and shut several times.

“I’ve—listen, Hiyori—I have thought this through.”

She snorted loudly. “Well. Even if you have, it’s a stupid, terrible, reckless plan, and I won’t let you do it.”

His jaw dropped. “Let me?”

“You heard me.” Hiyori sat back on her heels and drew her eyebrows together. The effect of her stormy expression was somewhat undercut by the tears racing each other down her cheeks.

Yato didn’t answer. After a few seconds of silence, Hiyori’s eyes dropped to the ground, where a few of the larger pieces of the shrine lay together, jagged along their edges. Her heart ached fiercely along the same fault lines.

“But I have to,” he said, quietly. “At least, I have to try.”

“But why now? Why alone?”

He met her eyes, and a small, sad smile crossed his lips.

“I’m finally brave enough to do this on my own, Hiyori. That’s because of you.”

It was like a piece of cold iron had been shoved into one of those fault lines, wedging it brutally open. She gasped at the white, sudden agony of it. “Don’t,” she breathed.

But he was almost on his feet again. And then he would turn away from her and vanish, and there she would be still, sitting on the ground, with the brokenness of herself for company.

She lurched to her knees and reached out, blind with tears. Her fingers found the front of his zippered jersey, fisted in the cloth, and yanked. Yato yelped loudly as he crashed to the ground. Several pieces of wood snapped under his knees.

“Hiyori—!”

He choked off with a gasp as she threw herself against him, winding tight arms around his neck. Her nails burrowed into his shoulders, and she tucked her face against his collarbone, trying to calm the tight, gutting sobs that broke from her throat. His breath was hot and shallow on her neck.

He couldn’t leave if she didn’t let go.

“I didn’t make you that shrine so you could reincarnate,” she whispered furiously, forcing the tears back down her throat. Her fingers strangled the fabric of his jersey. “How could you think that?”

Yato stiffened at her words. He wasn’t touching her, wasn’t holding her like she held him.

Finally, he exhaled.

“But…you did make it because you knew…you knew I wanted one, right?” But he wasn’t so certain, now.

Hiyori nodded against his shoulder. “Yes.”

“Then what do you mean—”

“I made it because I love you, Yato.”

Hiyori felt it: the harsh tremor that took his whole body as he let out an involuntary whimper.

It felt so good to have said it. Every nerve was bright and alive; her heart soared with conviction.

“I love you,” she repeated, relishing the syllables on her tongue.

She gasped when his arms wrapped around her, crushing their bodies closer. There was a desperate tightness in his shoulders, in the taut arch of his back.

“Hiyori.”

A shiver skipped down her spine as his lips touched her neck. “Yes?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

A breathy, half-crazed giggle burst from her. “Well. You could say it back.”

Yato let out a shaky exhale against her neck—one that could have been a laugh. “I think you know already.”

A thrill sped through her veins.

“But…would you say it?” she begged. “Please?”

One of his hands moved up to smooth over her wind-tossed hair, and then settled there, cupping the back of her neck.

“Hiyori,” he whispered, like he was praying.

As though of the two of them, she were the god.

“I love you.”

She shut her eyes. This was it: how it should be, how it was always meant to happen. There would be no mention of leaving. There would be no talk of reincarnation.

Then Yato trembled. “I love you so much, it fucking scares me.”

Hiyori flinched at the raw anguish in his voice. Like this was a bad thing. Like it was just something more to fear.

She released her grip on him, sliding her hands around to his chest and gently putting distance between them.

“Please,” she said. “Please, don’t go. At least not right now. Can you wait? Can we talk about it?”

He slowly shook his head, not meeting her eyes.

“Yato.” She reached out and took his chin. Tilting it upward, she forced his gaze to meet hers.

Though she had been too appalled to blush, the open yearning in his face was more than enough to send a hot wave of color into her face. She cleared her throat and looked away. As her hand dropped from his chin, he caught it.

“But isn’t this just all the more reason not to forget me?” he asked, stroking her thumb.

Hiyori bridled. Now that wasn’t quite fair.

“No! It’s all the more reason for you to stay put and not do something absolutely psychotic to try and look like a hero.”

Now it was Yato’s turn to bristle with defensiveness. “I wasn’t going to try and look like a hero!”

“Oh, really? So not even the smallest part of this whole idiot scheme to martyr yourself was to look cool and valiant?”

Yato’s face was completely red. His jaw worked silently for a few seconds before he sputtered:

“That’s—that’s so—such an immature—I can’t believe you would—”

Hiyori smirked in victory. Yato frowned and grumbled and stared at his knees, but he didn’t let go of her hand. Her skin tingled where it touched his.

The corner of her lip twitched.

“Besides, have you thought that without this shrine, my memory might fail me entirely? You really shouldn’t go anywhere until it’s fixed.”

He looked up, stricken. Hiyori felt a twinge of guilt at the hurt on his face, but his expression softened into fondness when he saw she wasn’t serious.

“That is a good point,” he said after a brief hesitation.

She nodded. “It is. A very good point.”

There was a long pause, inhabited by the not-quite-silence of the evening around them. Crickets sang in the long grass. Far away, a car engine coughed.

“So…can we raincheck the suicide mission?”

“It’s not a suicide mi—”

Yato choked on his words as Hiyori brought his hand suddenly to her lips. She brushed her mouth across his knuckles, her senses singing with the giddy, peculiar godsmell that clung to his skin.

“Sure, okay. Yeah, raincheck,” he wheezed.

Hiyori grinned, more than a little shocked at herself. But it had worked.

“Can we go home?” she asked.

Yato lifted his other hand and moved hair away from her face. Her eyes fluttered closed when his fingers ghosted against her temple. Before she realized he moved, he leaned toward her, and there was the softest pressure of his lips on her forehead. She squeaked, and a laugh rumbled through his chest.

“Another good idea,” he murmured. “You’re full of them tonight, Hiyori.”

This time, the blush simmering in her cheeks boiled all the way up to her scalp.

“Yes—s-sometimes,” she stammered.

Yato took hold of her elbows and helped her to her feet. She brushed bits of shattered shrine off her knees.

“Ugh, I’m going to have to start from scratch.” She plucked a splinter of wood off her skirt and flicked it away.

“Maybe you can include ‘Yato-sama’ on it somewhere?” he asked hopefully.

Hiyori’s mouth twisted. “Maybe. There might not be enough room.”

“It wouldn’t take that much space!”

“No, I meant in your huge head.”

Yato reeled dramatically from the mild insult. Hiyori giggled. Then, threading her fingers through his, she added:

“If you really want me to put Yato-sama on it somewhere, then I’ll see what I can do.”

“I love you.”

It was immediate, unhesitating, like he’d just been waiting for a reason to say it again. And again, Hiyori had the wind knocked out of her.

“I-I—” She faltered, even though she could say it—had said it.

Why did he smell so deliriously sweet? Why was his hand so warm and large and—

He was there in front of her, too close. Much, much too close. Her head swam. It felt like no matter how deep a breath she drew, it wasn’t enough.

“It’s okay,” he said, and Hiyori realized he was holding her upright.

He smiled at her. A winner’s smile, mischievous. And then leaned in.

“You don’t have to say it back.”

[fanciful-follies]

burramy who grew up together and, as teenagers, go to a playground at the elementary school they went to (like during summer so no kids) and talk about memories and shit and then it starts raining so they hide in those plastic tunnels and first kiss?? or smth idk i thought it was kinda cute i guess

(thank you for sending a prompt that fits perfectly into my vague undefined Burramy verse)

Bellamy tilts his head back to look up at the sky, squinting even though the sun is hidden by a mountain of gray clouds. The air is hot and muggy, his clothes sticking to him, and he can feel sweat at his temple and nape of his neck.

But he breathes out a content sigh anyway, his legs swinging back and forth from where they’re hanging over the edge of one of the platforms on the playground. 

It’s empty, quiet, no sound except for the occasional car driving by, and Bellamy loves it. Loves the calm and the summer heat and the strange sense of freedom he feels sitting there, feet dangling and head thrown back. It’s perfect.

Something sharp hits him in the back, and Bellamy jumps, twisting to look behind him, his eyes landing on Aaron, who is sitting a few feet away, a wood chip in his hand and a smirk dancing across his lips.

“I still don’t get why you wanted to come here,” he says, letting the other wood chip drop now that he has Bellamy’s attention. “It’s hot as fuck, and this is just a dirty old playground. We’re probably gonna get some kind of disease.”

Bellamy smiles, turning around fully so he can look at Aaron. It’s a better view. “It’s not that dirty. We played on it all the time when we were kids.”

“Yeah, and I also ate play-doh as a kid.”

Bellamy just laughs, his shoulders rising and falling a shrug as he looks around. “I think it’s nice. There’s memories here. Remember we used to play lava? And would always get in trouble with the recess aides?”

“Because we refused to get off the playground even when recess was over?” Aaron finishes, giving Bellamy a fond look. “Yeah, I remember. I got a lot of detentions because you of.”

“Worth it,” Bellamy tells him with a grin. Cause they were. “We met here, too, you know.” He goes silent after that, watching Aaron as he holds his breath for some reason, as if breathing too loud would cause him to miss Aaron’s reaction.

And Aaron glances away, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “I remember,” he murmurs, hand dropping back to his side. Then he raises it again, pointing over to the slide. “It was there. You ran into me.”

Bellamy’s breath stutters in his chest when he finally allows himself to breathe again. He remembers. Almost ten years later, and Aaron remembers. Bellamy didn’t think he would. But maybe that day is jus as important to Aaron as it is to him.

“You were sitting at the bottom of the slide,” Bellamy says, continuing the story. “On the ground. Counting the wood chips.”

“Organizing them,” Aaron cuts in, turning back to look at Bellamy. “Not counting.”

Bellamy nods. “Either way, not a smart thing to do when sitting at the bottom of a slide.”

“I think it turned out okay.”

Butterflies flutter in Bellamy’s stomach at those words, and it’s like Aaron knows, because he smiles, lips curving up in a way that makes Bellamy want to melt. 

“Well,” Bellamy continues after a moment, having to look away. “I just hope your organizing of the wood chips was worth me barreling right into you when I came down the slide.”

“No harm was done. You were pretty scrawny.” Aaron smirks. “Still are.”

Bellamy sticks out his tongue, which makes Aaron laugh, the sound filling the air around them and making Bellamy shiver despite the heat. “You just stared at me after,” Bellamy says, the scene replaying in his mind. “Didn’t get mad, or cry, just stared.”

Aaron hums, the noise drawing Bellamy’s attention back to him. His eyes are distant, like he’s remembering it all, too. “You apologized. Then helped me reorganize the wood chips.” He chuckles, eyes meeting Bellamy’s. “Although now that I know you thought I was counting them, you must have screwed up my system.”

Bellamy grins, and his eyes stay on Aaron’s, the air around them seeming to become impossibly hotter as the seconds go by, neither of them saying anything, content to just inspect the other. 

After some time, Aaron’s expression shifts, and Bellamy watches as he swallows thickly, his throat working. His eyes are still locked on Bellamy’s. Then he’s opening his mouth, getting ready to say something, and Bellamy feels the hair on his arms rise. 

Then something wet hits his nose. Then again on his neck. Then the rain is coming down hard, the drops splattering against his skin and clothing, and he finally rips his eyes away from Aaron’s when a flash of lightning brightens the sky, thunder rumbling seconds later. 

Bellamy keeps his head tilted up for a few moments, letting the rain wipe away the sweat on his face, but then a hand is tugging at his shirt, and he looks back down to see Aaron standing in front of him.

Bellamy stands, too, taking Aaron’s hand and dragging him over to the blue plastic tunnel that is connecting their platform to one on the other side of the playground. Bellamy slides in first, Aaron sighing behind him as he crawls in as well.

Then they’re both getting situated, Bellamy’s legs barely fitting as he puts his back to one side of the tunnel. And Aaron rests his back on the opposite side, facing Bellamy with a disgruntled look on his face.

“I told you it was a bad day to come here.”

Bellamy just shrugs, shaking his head and sending droplets of water flying through the air. “Well, too bad it isn’t your birthday. I wanted to spend mine here.”

“I still don’t get why,” Aaron grumbles, wringing out some of the rain from his shirt, the water pooling on the floor of the tunnel. 

And Bellamy just stares, the dimness of the tunnel making him less worried about Aaron noticing how much he’s staring. Everything is tinted blue, and that combined with the rushing noise of the rain outside makes Bellamy feel as if he’s under water. Like he’s floating.

“I already told you,” he murmurs. “It’s where I met you.”

Aaron’s hands stop their movements, his head jerking up to stare back at Bellamy, expression shocked and open in a way that it rarely is. “What?”

Bellamy takes a deep breath. “That’s why I wanted to come here,” he says, “because it’s where I met you. It’s where we grew up, where I…” 

He trails off, not knowing how to tell Aaron that it’s the place where he felt warmth up fill his chest for the first time, all because Aaron had cheered him on when he finally got across the monkey bars. Or the second time after Bellamy had picked up a dandelion and given it to Aaron, the smile Aaron gave him in return making his heart leap. 

And that warmth kept filling him up, time and time again until he knew what it meant. Until he knew that warmth was because of Aaron, was because of the way Aaron made him feel, was because he loved Aaron. Years later, and that warmth is still there.

“Sorry,” Bellamy says, laughing and looking away, his face heating up. “Being silly.”

He can feel Aaron’s eyes on him, but he keeps his gaze down, not wanting Aaron to see what’s going through his mind. He’s never told Aaron, not in words. But he’s sure Aaron knows. Aaron knows him better than anyone.

The sound of Aaron clearing his throat causes Bellamy to look back up. “If I had known coming here would make your birthday that special,” he starts, “I would have brought you here every year. You’re easy to please.”

Bellamy chuckles, grateful for the change in topic, not sure how much more his pounding heart could take. “Don’t think this gets you out of getting me a gift.” He smiles at Aaron, who is giving him a thoughtful glance. “What?”

“Close your eyes,” Aaron tells him, sounding strangely determined.

“I…what?” 

“Close your eyes,” Aaron repeats, his voice firm. He stares at Bellamy, waiting, and Bellamy swallows, his throat dry.

“Okay,” he whispers, eyes fluttering shut. 

The sound of rain seems to get louder, and Bellamy strains to listen, to pick up on what else is happening, to hear something other than the way his heart is beating in his chest.

He thinks he hears Aaron moving, and that thought is confirmed moments later when he feels Aaron’s hand rest on his knee. Then gentle fingers are cradling his cheek, angling his face up.

And Bellamy holds his breath again, scared that any noise or movement he makes would break whatever is about to happen. So he holds still, and he waits.

A gentle pressure on his lips makes Bellamy inhale, and he feels Aaron’s fingers shake slightly against the skin of his cheek, but then there’s more pressure, Aaron moving in closer, and his fingers steady themselves.

The kiss is soft, hesitant, nothing more than a barely there press of their lips. But Bellamy’s chest is filling with warmth anyway, spreading all the way to his toes, and he wonders if Aaron can feel it under his fingers, how warm he is. 

He doesn’t touch Aaron back, doesn’t try to push any further, doesn’t try to get more. This is enough. This is more than enough. 

Aaron deepens the kiss for a moment, his lips firm against Bellamy’s, unpracticed but insistent, and his fingers stroke over his cheekbone, making Bellamy shudder, humming deep in his throat.

Then Aaron is pulling away, and Bellamy has to force himself not to chase after him. 

He takes a deep breath as he opens his eyes, blinking as he takes in Aaron’s face, which is surprised but thoughtful, confused, and Bellamy knows he’ll go home and think about what just happened until it drives him crazy. Wishes he could spare Aaron all of that worry. But he knows he can’t.

So he smiles instead. “Was that my present?” He asks, and Aaron nods, tongue darting out to run over his lower lip unconsciously. “You Burr’s think mighty highly of yourselves, don’t you?” Bellamy teases, grateful that Aaron smiles back, his expression growing softer, less distracted.

Aaron reaches his hand out, fingers slowly twining with Bellamy’s. “Happy birthday, Bell.”

And Bellamy hums, staring at their hands and wondering if Aaron can see the blush that he knows is on his face. He squeezes Aaron’s hand, knowing that’s all he can do for now, all he can do until Aaron is ready. But he doesn’t mind in the slightest.

Aaron is more than worth the wait. 

[odrseasonone]

Lauren’s Plans for Kate!!

So I was reading through old odr asks and I unearthed some moments Lauren had in mind for Kate!  It’s not much, but it can at least alleviate some of what we’ve been struggling w in terms of taking her on and at least guide us in the right directions, yknow?  Also, some of these moments that are Kateric we can either use for that obv or, if she eventually moves on, we can transfer them to a potential future lover.  We may or may not want to use any of them, but here’s a collection of things she said about future Kate things!!

Though tbh I’m sure Cedric thought she’d continue to think he was joking until the end of their days, I’m thinking it’s at some point during the rebellion, maybe after Kate has her scare with the guards burning down her bakery, that he says it to her to get her to calm down as she’s stressing/freaking out about what to do now that she can’t be of any use to the rebels/to the villagers who had looked after her. Cedric just starts saying “Kate, look at me. Kate… Kate!” and takes her face in his hands to make her look at him and gives her that brilliant smile and asks her to marry him for the millionth time. And she doesn’t know why, but for some reason, maybe something in his eyes, it’s the first time she believes he mans it. So she says yes. And I bet Cedric doesn’t believe her at first. Doesn’t think he heard her right. But Kate probably swallows and puts her hands over his and says yes again and then aLL THE SMOOCHES PROBS NGL.

i said in my tags, he’d say something like 'you’ll always have me, kate.  no matter what happens, know that.’

and

laurenplayspeople wondered, CEDRIC COMING TO SAVE KATE AFTER ROWENA/HER SOLDIERS/WHOMEVER COMES AND BURNS DOWN HER COTTAGE/BAKERY/HOME/ETC BC THEY HEARD SHE WAS HELPING THE REBELLION. I CRY.

AND YOU KNOW THAT KATE IS PROBABLY HALF-SINGED HERSELF FROM TRYING TO SAVE ~TRINKETS THAT WERE MEMORIES OF HER PARENTS, PROBABLY HAD TO BE FORCIBLY DRAGGED BACK FROM THE FLAMES, TRYING TO SALVAGE WHATEVER SHE COULD BEFORE EVERYTHING WAS DESTROYED.

TBQH, IF CEDRIC TOOK HIS EYES OFF HER FOR TWO SECONDS SHE’D PROBABLY DASH BACK INSIDE.

i said: I CRY BC YOU KNOW HE’S HOLDING HER TIGHT, ONE HAND BEHIND HER HEAD TANGLING WITH HER CURLS, AND LOOKING DEEP INTO HER EYES AND GOING, “Look at me, Kate, Kate, look at me.  There’s only one thing left worth risking EVERYTHING to save.  You’re the only rememberance your parents ever treasured.  You’re all that matters, now.”

lauren: I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING. THIS IS TERRIBLE. EVERYTHING HURTS. BC YOU KNOW SHE’D JUST HAVE THIS ~LOOK OF DEVASTATION ON HER FACE AS SHE LOOKS BACK UP AT CEDRIC, TEARS IN HER EYES, AND SAYS IN A VERY QUIET VOICE: “I am all that matters? How can you say such things? Without my bakery… how i will be able to make enough bread to feed everyone?? Your camp will have no bread to keep them sustained when supplies run low, there are children in the village who will starve without what little scraps I could give them. What will they do now if I cannot feed them?” BEFORE SHE JUST BREAKS DOWN AND LEANS INTO CEDRIC, SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE IT IS ALL GONE AND SHE CAN’T GET IT BACK. 

lauren: I KNOW RIGHT?! I’m sitting here in bed crying a lil because it is sO CEDRIC AFTER PULLING KATE FROM THE FLAMES, I JUST. “Please, come with me.” i’m killing myself slowly here. Probably says it too, bc he knows that if he doesn’t, Kate’ll just stay here, sifting through the ashes of her entire life that’s been burnt to the ground, trying to find any little piece of her past that is left, most likely to later be set upon by whatever soldiers were lying in wait for her to do just that. And she’ll be so shell-shocked still, so weary from crying until she had nothing left to give that she’d just go with them. Probably become bait for the Rebellion. (bc lord in heaven above knows that Cedric would most likely come after her.) And honestly…. This would be the one time she would listen, though. The one time she would go with Cedric, because even though she doesn’t realize it, for whatever reason, she knows that being with Cedric always makes her feel safe and protected and cared for.uGH.

#ALSO IMAGINING THAT DESPITE KNOWING HOW IMPROPER IT WOULD LOOK/SEEM #KATE QUIETLY ASKING CEDRIC IF SHE COULD SLEEP NEXT TO HIM IN HIS TENT THAT FIRST NIGHT #JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ALONE AND WANTS THE COMFORT OF A WARM BODY NEARBY #BUT STILL TRIES VERY HARD TO KEEP HER CRYING V QUIET WHEN SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF FROM THINKING ABOUT HOW SHE WILL BE LETTING DOWN SO MANY #*PEOPLE THAT DEPENDED ON HER FOR SUSTENANCE

me: NO BUT LAUREN HE ABSOLUTELY WOULD  He lost his family and his home as well, and he knows what that’s like and how it impacts a person and he knows the one thing that brought him back was making the Resistance his family and he wants that for her, too.  He would lay down his life in a second for her and he would absolutely come for her if she were taken, but he’d never willing allow her to fall into enemy hands, either.  So he’d take her back and care for her and help her rebuild her life, however he can, bc she’s his life, too. EVERYTHING HURTS LAKSDJFKLJSAD

lauren: aUUUUUUUUGHHHH.BABIES.I JUST.Because I think something like that would be such a wake-up call for Kate, too? Like I think she’s going to be very much in the dark about her true feelings about Cedric until he’s dying and she has to rush to Dezod bc she’s at the end of her rope and cannot imagine a life without him.Especially if something like that happened where she no longer had her bakery or her home–having nothing by Cedric and the Rebellion and the camp they all share. Losing him would be like losing the one piece of her past and her life she had left, and Kate finally realizing that she couldn’t bear it for so many reasons, not the least of which is just how much she truly loves him, and i’M CRYING. NOTHING IS OKAY.But ugh, those hours right after when she lets him lead her away. Cedric probably has to half drag, half carry her through the woods because she’s still so shell-shocked she can barely move, all wide-eyed and barely-there breaths, fire still bright in her mind. And once they get back to the camp, I can see her just sticking very close to Cedric bc his presence is such a comfort. Perhaps even more so than Guin or Alaric, even despite them also being good friends of hers. AND STILL NOT OVER THE IDEA THAT SHE WOULD V TIMIDLY ASK IF SHE COULD SLEEP IN CEDRIC’S TENT WITH HIM LIKE: “I–I know it’s not very seemly, and I’m not certain Alaric would approve, but I…. oh, I just really don’t wish to be alone right now, Cedric, and I would be very grateful.” ALL WRINGING HER HANDS AND LOOKING AT THE GROUND, STILL SO KNOCKED OUT OF SYNC BY THE EVENTS OF THE DAY.AND HER TRYING SO HARD NOT TO CRY WHEN THE NIGHT COMES AND LEAVES HER SILENT WITH HER TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW SHE CAN NO LONGER HELP THE CAUSE OR HER PEOPLE, FOR WHAT USE IS SHE IF SHE CANNOT FEED THE ONES SHE LOVES??? AND HER JUST LYING THERE, HANDS PRESSED TIGHTLY OVER HER MOUTH AS SHE TRIES TO STIFLE HER SOBS, BUT CAN’T HELP BUT TO PRESS HER FOREHEAD AGAINST CEDRIC’S BACK BECAUSE KNOWING HE IS THERE IS THE ONE SMALL THREAD STILL KEEPING HER TOGETHER.

and she said this (maybe she wears it after he dies or smth idk if this was in response to smth or just smth she wanted kate to have but 100% he wOULD <3

kaTE nO.

CEDRIC’S MOM’S RING.

FOR KATE.

AND HE CARRIES IT AROUND.

JUST WAITING.

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS WHILE I’M ALSO LISTENING TO A BUNCH OF INDIE-FOLKSY LOVE SONGS.

lauren: You always know what you’re doing” she said muzzily. “You’re important with your green eyes looking at me like I mean something. It’s okay that you have better things to do. It’s enough that I get you sometimes. Once in a while. I know I’m lucky for that, to get you just a little. —Denna, The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

#JUST HAD TO SHARE THIS SLICE OF THE MOMENT I'M READING #BC IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING KATE WOULD SAY TO CEDRIC #ONLY REALLY THO IF FOR SOME REASON SHE WAS DELIRIOUS OR DRUNK OR JUST NOT QUITE IN HER FULL MIND #BUT IT'S WHAT'S IN HER HEAD AND IT'S SAD AND BEAUTIFUL AND I JUST #DENNA AND KVOTHE REMIND ME SO MUCH OF THEM I CAN'T HANDLE IT

uGH.I can just see it so clearly too. Kate sick with the fever or dozily full of some fruit wine that one of the Rebellion snuck away from one of the nearby Lords. Curling up in a small pocket of warmth against Cedric’s side (something she does much more often than she’d ever admit–it’s comfortable and warm and feels like a place that was made for her, whether she’ll let herself think about why or not) and just mumbling half-mad under her breath that she understands. He doesn’t like her like that, he’s important and doing important things and has no time to think of her, but she’s content with having him sometimes. Sometimes is better than not at all. and just slowly falling asleep or shivering into that fitful sleep of the sick and mending, holding onto Cedric’s hand tightly–because after all, she has to hoard those sometimes whenever she can.

me: !!!!!! And you know he’s absolutely stunned & overwhelmed that she thinks this & tells her how important she is - how he couldn’t do any of it w/o her, none of them could - and AsdhncDBJKFFAC also laughing bc the local lord is Dmitrei

lauren: uGHHHHHHHHHH.And Kate just half-smiling in that droopy way of the half-asleep, squeezing his hand a little and nodding with eyes closed. Thanks him for saying these things to make her feel better. That it helps a little in the in-between times when she doesn’t get to have him, when he’s off being important and saving them all from reckless tyranny. But she knows what she is, who she is. She’s a simple Miller’s girl, grinding wheat and making bread. Just one lucky enough to get to brush greatness every once in a while.aND OMG HOW DID I FORGET. THAT’S BEAUTIFUL. (Just imagining the Rebellion randomly sneaking things away from Dmitrei is the best. His fACE.)

#I S2G MY OWN OTP FEELS HAVE JUST DEVOLVED INTO KATE HAVE ~SUPER SECRET SUBCONSCIOUS FEELS FOR CEDRIC #WHICH I MEAN I GUESS I KINDA HAD ALWAYS PLANNED ON??? #I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE ANYTHING SHE'D EVER VOICE EVEN IN A ROUNDABOUT WAY #BUT SHE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT IT WHEN DISTRACTED OR IN VERY SIDEWAYS MANNERS OR TO HERSELF IN HER HEAD #UGH #BABIES

and finally, [ this ] tho i don’t think we’ll use it hahaha

[omgkatsudonplease]

You asked for it. When the Scot Ties The Knot AU. 😜

okay, bit of background. we were talkin in discord about scottish twitter, which then transmuted into a talk about scottish romance novels, and then i brought up the greatest romance novel premise i’ve ever heard of: when a scot ties the knot by tessa dare. i’ve never actually read this book besides the back cover and some choice passages from my friend @galpaladvns who got it for her birthday or smth (all i really remember from that night was @funnythingsandphysics hunting through the pages for the smut which apparently took ¾ths of the book to get to?) but basically….. what happens next is the rough premise of the book, but viktuuri. and (very heavily winged) historical, because @kazliin and i are in agreement that there should be more period drama viktuuri anyway 

When a Russian is Rushin’ to Marry: Or, the Unexpected Consequences of Inventing a Boyfriend

“I’m so jealous of you,” Phichit laments as he helps Yuuri get ready for the evening’s events. “I remember my first season like it was yesterday. Everything’s so exciting and bright your first time around; I wish I could experience it again!”

Yuuri says nothing, only turns slightly to watch the way the light catches on his blue brocade waistcoat in the mirror. “I don’t know,” he admits after a moment. “I’m probably going to be dreadfully old, especially in comparison to young Mr Plisetsky who’s also debuting this season.”

“Well, sometimes people like a late bloomer,” Phichit chides, patting his forearm. “Now turn, so I can help with your ascot.”

Yuuri lets him adjust the silken material with a weary sigh. He’d been putting off his entrance into society for as long as could be deemed socially acceptable, mostly for his nerves. But with each passing season, his parents would get more and more concerned that he wouldn’t marry and settle down, and eventually he’d caved. Tonight’s soiree would mark his debut, and it was about as quiet an affair as he could manage. Still, the thought of being approached tonight with potential suitors continues to threaten to overwhelm him at any given moment. 

“Deep breaths, Yuuri,” Phichit offers kindly as he pats at his now properly-tied ascot. “You’re going to be just fine.”

“You sound more confident about this than I feel,” Yuuri retorts. Phichit helps him into his tailcoat with a grin.

“You’re a divine dancer, Yuuri,” he points out. “Who could say no to you?”

As it turns out, Phichit is right. Overwhelmingly, terrifyingly right. 

Yuuri almost runs out to the back patio right after concluding yet another dance with yet another pretty girl whose name he can’t remember. Collapsing onto a bench, he takes a couple deep breaths before consulting his watch. Groaning, he puts it away, and dabs at a couple beads of sweat threatening to pool on his forehead. Had it really been just thirty minutes into this entire affair? He feels like his collar is going to strangle him. He’ll never last the night.

“Mr Katsuki?” Yuuri looks up to see one of the girls he had danced with poised at the entrance back into the house. 

“…Miss Crispino, right?” he asks. She nods, coming out and stopping just a couple feet shy of him. 

“May I?” she asks, gesturing to the space on the bench next to him. Yuuri nods, and Miss Crispino sits down next to him, kicking off her slippers as she does so. Yuuri makes no comment, only fiddles with his handkerchief.

They sit like that for a moment, and then Miss Crispino speaks up again. 

“It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?”

Yuuri nods, not looking at her. He dimly hears her sigh.

“This is the only time I’ve managed to get to myself. My brother has appointed himself as my chaperone for the season and it’s been impossible to shake him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Yuuri says. “Should I consider it a miracle he let you dance with me?”

“Yes,” she says simply. “He vets all of my suitors, even though I told him it was none of his business.”

Yuuri nods. Miss Crispino sighs again.

“Don’t tell him I was out here alone with you,” she requests after a moment. “I just needed some fresh air.”

“I don’t think I know your brother,” Yuuri remarks, “so there’s no danger there.”

She laughs. Yuuri looks over at her, at the light purple frock she’s wearing and the elegant chignon her black hair is twisted in, and smiles. 

“Are you debuting this year?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “I’ve been here for a while,” she says, with a sigh. “My brother is convinced Mr Nekola of Anastasis is intent on courting me. He doesn’t know I’ve already accepted someone else’s hand.”

“Oh,” says Yuuri. “Congratulations.”

She smiles. “You’re welcome.” And then, a pause. “What about you, then? Any tempting choices tonight?”

Yuuri shrugs. “No,” he admits. And he’s not sure what possesses him to say the next couple of lines, but they’re tumbling out of his mouth before he can even stop himself. “But then I suppose it’s a bit hard when I already have a fiance who lives out of the country.”

He sees Miss Crispino’s eyes and mouth widen in shock. “Really!” she exclaims. “Who?”

Yuuri swallows. “You wouldn’t know him,” he lies, casting around him for ideas of a country of origin. But then he sees Mr Plisetsky pass by in the house, and the word ‘Russia’ is tumbling out of his lips before he even realises it. “He lives in Russia.” 

Over the next couple of days, Yuuri develops this imaginary Russian fiance.

Firstly, he is a handsome, much sought-after man in Saint Petersburg. He plays violin, and dances as elegantly as the sylphs of the Bolshoi. In fact, Yuuri had first encountered him on a trip to London, when they had sat next to one another while watching the touring ballerinas. 

Secondly, he is of the House of Nikiforov, and his father’s name is Yakov. 

And thirdly, but most importantly, he is absolutely devoted to Yuuri, and Yuuri is absolutely devoted to him, which is why he’ll dance with everyone, of course, but marriage is definitely off the table. Without question.

Phichit sighs and rolls his eyes when Yuuri shows him sketches of his imaginary Russian beau. Yuuri likes to think he’s not completely abysmal when it comes to his skills at drawing, but he suspects Phichit’s sighs have nothing to do with the artistry of the piece, but rather the concept behind it.

“You don’t need to go to so much trouble to cover up the fact that you’re just not interested in marriage,” he points out.

Yuuri sighs, and adds a couple more highlights to the curtain of hair falling in his imaginary fiance’s eyes. “Do you think this would make for a good miniature for my watch?” he asks.

“Yuuri.” He feels Phichit take a seat beside him. “Come on. No one’s expecting you to actually choose a spouse by the end of the season. Why can’t you just have fun without worrying about that?”

“Unless I make it apparent that I’m spoken for, then people won’t stop,” Yuuri states. He puts aside the drawing, and takes out the letter he’s also been drafting to Mr Nikiforov. When he looks over at Phichit, the man’s eyes are wide.

“You’re writing letters to him, too?”

“To keep up the authenticity,” replies Yuuri, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I – I just feel better making people think I have someone already instead of having to listen to people work their way around ‘I’m not interested’, you know?”

“I don’t,” Phichit states. But then Yuuri wouldn’t have expected anything different – Phichit is a social butterfly, and has never had to live with something as muddling and as terrifying as Yuuri’s brain can be sometimes. 

Yuuri reads over his letter again, adding in a couple tweaks here and there. Next to him, Phichit watches him with concern emanating from his every pore.

“Yuuri,” Phichit says after a moment. “Just don’t get too carried away, okay?”

Yuuri nods. “I won’t,” he promises.

My Dearest Niki,

I cannot believe it has been months since I saw you last. Each day stretches out into an eternity. I only hope you are doing well in Saint Petersburg, for the only thing that gives me solace is the promise of more letters from you.

I remember most fondly the afternoons we spent in London walking through Hyde Park, boating along the Thames. You had the loveliest laugh, and the most childlike wonder at all of the sights and sounds of the city. You told me it reminded you of your home in Saint Petersburg, especially when the gulls cry along the promenade. Even now when we are parted, I hold these memories close to my heart to keep me warm, like flickering candle flames. 

Please return to me soon, my dearest. The season is drawing to a close, and as the days get shorter and colder I do not wish to have only memories to keep me warm. I would like nothing more than for you to stay close to me, and never go.

With all of my heart,

Your Yuuri

“What was that about getting too carried away?” Phichit demands, several parties later, as Yuuri adjusts the black crepe of his tie.

“If people think I’m in mourning, they’ll leave me in peace for the rest of the season.”

“And you think I’m going to tell everyone that your infamous Mr Nikiforov has suffered a terrible accident in Saint Petersburg and is now dead.”

Yuuri laughs, a little drily. “He’s imaginary, Phichit,” he points out. “We haven’t really killed anyone off here.”

There’s a sudden knock at the door. Yuuri calls for the person to enter. His butler comes in looking extremely flustered and short of breath, as if he had ran all the way up the stairs.

“Mr Katsuki, Mr Katuski!” he exclaims, before gasping.

“Morooka!” Yuuri exclaims, waiting patiently for his butler to recover himself. Morooka heaves one final breath before straightening up again, his eyes wide. 

“Mr Katsuki, there is a Mr Nikiforov waiting for you downstairs in the drawing room.”

Yuuri blinks. “What,” he states. Phichit’s expression lights up.

“Really!” he exclaims, sending a gleeful glance towards Yuuri. Morooka nods.

“He says he has something of grave import to discuss with you.”

Yuuri feels ice settling into the base of his stomach. Evidently the real Mr Nikiforov is angered that Yuuri has been writing love letters to him out of some mad desire to avoid the pressures of society, and has come to tell him to cease and desist. He fiddles with his gloves, and then grabs his tie and tugs it free in an instant. 

“Tell him I’ll be down in a moment,” he says. Morooka bows, and departs. Yuuri sinks down onto a stool, and Phichit snickers.

“I told you so,” his dear traitorous friend gloats. Yuuri sends him a withering glare. 

“I’ll – I’ll go and apologise to him,” he says. “And we’ll stop this entire mess by killing off the other Mr Nikiforov anyway.”

“About time,” replies Phichit. Yuuri straightens his collar, hoping Mr Nikiforov will excuse his lack of neck accessory at the moment, and leads the way out the door with a stiff bravado he certainly doesn’t feel.

Morooka meets him at the drawing room door. “He’s through there, sir,” he says. Yuuri nods. His butler opens the door, and then Phichit is practically herding him over the threshold.

The room is empty save for them and a silver-haired figure at the mantelpiece. Yuuri clears his throat, and the man turns around, fixing him with a blinding smile. He looks exactly like he’d just stepped off one of Yuuri’s drawings, handsome with his fringe lightly brushing over one of his brilliant blue eyes. Yuuri feels his heartbeat pick up just at the sight of him.

“Yuuri!” the man exclaims, extending a hand. “I am Viktor Nikiforov, your fiance!”

Yuuri immediately swoons to the ground.

[nyanced]

i’ll keep you safe.

ok so it’s been Years since i last wrote something like this or just anything from roleplaying so!! please forgive me if i’m quite rusty i wanted to do smth to commemerate ;) this event like ok i used to not like ocs much back then but because of archie’s angel that changed because i love them so and i love the bond they made with my shintaro sobs like julian carter is pure and so here goes

(inspired by THIS please listen to it sobs)

happy birthday to the light of @shigukyos​ life, jules!

          The sounds of the train’s electronic humming comforted the man who sat near the sliding doors, eyes closed as he crossed his arms to gain extra warmth. Thankful that he finished his work early because the January breeze seems hell-bent on making him suffer; after all, Shintaro is never good with winter (or any seasons at all, he noted painfully) since he always preferred indoors. He blinked the exhaustion away, walking onto the platform as soon as he heard an announcement, and headed his way out of the station and into the bustling streets.

           It had always been like this for years after he moved from his hometown and tried to make something of himself. Wake up, snooze button, arrive late, work until late, eat, work; rinse and repeat. Waste away. Pick up the trash. Shoot it at the garbage bin. Cry in frustration because it won’t fucking go in. Won’t leave him alone. An inconvenience when feelings grow on you. When people barge in your life just to create a giant hole in your chest as they disappear or when they just decided to stay and grow on you.

          Slight irritation and a minor headache accompanied a deep sigh as soon as the silent apartment greeted him with today’s mayhem earlier in the morning. Books were everywhere, the floor was still damp, dishes from last night and today’s morning undone, clothes scattered, and he had to pinch his nose and inspect…are those burned noodles? Quickly, he raced to the kitchen, opened the microwave and thanked the heavens to find nothing before surrendering to get a lot of trash bags and decided to put everything in. Apparently, the urge to clean won than the plea to go with the trash instead even if the kitchen is almost a lost cause.

           So, he started with the living room. Grabbed a mop and rags to dry the floor. Nearly killed himself when he almost hit his head against a table corner as he suddenly slipped; although his arms suffered the heavy blow from his body as he groaned in pain. Standing up to hit the same table with a knee as the books on the table fell on his toes, and he bit down his lip before the whole neighborhood hears words he’d later regret.

           Regret, huh. Calming down, Shintaro picked up the books as faded photos fell, reflecting red and orange colors off a small kid laughing hard at him on the day they went to slide in the park. Like how can a teenager mess up a landing, face-first in the dirt? A thin line formed on his lips, worry etched on his features, as he remembered clearly how he could’ve given the kid a broken arm or leg back then if he didn’t cushion their fall. The surface on that old slide sucked and hurt, but it was worth it when he heard the kid laugh as if it was his first time in the playground.    

           Or when the small kid turned into a brat many years later, hiding his stock of soda every time he crashes in his room back at his house; or when the brat gave him a thoughtful Christmas present by throwing soda on the floor, knowing he will never have god-like reflexes; or when the kid took a photo on new year, as he brought home the same brand of ice-cream the brat loves; or when the kid cost him a microwave and a reminder to get a life insurance because Shintaro discovered that over the years, Julian Carter is a walking disaster as he kept growing older and taller than him.

           It’s been years since he left town with this small brat who lost himself in a park. It’s been years since the kid grew into this little shit he kept because he thought who else could’ve supported him, Shintaro never saw this kid’s parents formally, and he was afraid the kid might die early if he weren’t there. That he could waste away just like what he did. Like it was shame to let this kid rot like he did because he saw the best he could be, the potential in Jules, to aim higher, to do whatever he cannot, to grow and be a better person despite what everyone says about him.

           Because he saw himself in him, and it hurt because he remembered his regrets. Regret that he cannot make anyone stay. Regret that he didn’t do anything to make anything stay. Regret that he stayed only in one spot, took him two years, before moving on with his life and try to do something with it. Ever since he met these amazing people he never thought he’d acquaint with, especially Jules.

           Jules, who he remembered had these chubby, tiny hands he held and teased about, but never let go even if the kid did not display signs of upset, although there was slight clash of his eyebrows that he didn’t tell the kid. Jules, who was quietly distant with those eyes staring at the ceiling, and whom he placed a hand on his shoulder to squeeze, remind him that Shintaro is here to listen, because “damn, kid you’re not a machine, you’re not a robot; just cry if you need to”.

           Jules, who gave him chocolates on valentines’ day and offered to give him a human

(“What is this, a sacrifice?”

“If that’s what will get you laid, then yes.”

“Leave me and my love life alone, dammit!”) and reminded him that Jules is grown up, away from the kid who shied alone on that summer day. That Shintaro fucked up or is a fuck up, that he swore never to forget again but here he was––

           Pulled the red scarf off the coat hanger to wrap around his neck, as he raced out of the apartment and back to now tame streets, compared to two hours ago. Cursed the cold slap of air against his face as he forgot to put on mittens, and an actual two layers of a jacket and a hoodie. But he resigned when he went inside a shop, held the box with a ribbon tightly, and shook the snow off his boots when maybe, he’d tolerate winter if Jules wouldn’t see an opportunity to bury him in it again. “It’s just like being buried in sand!” his ass. Honestly, just bury him properly 6 feet underground next time.

           He walked briskly back to the station, one hand secured the package, and the other hand held a phone when he called. Ringing. Ringing. Dead. Breath caught in his throat, putting the phone back in his jeans after few rings as the anxiety kicked him in the guts. Worry. A bad feeling. His watch showed 11PM while he knew the guy should be back at least four hours ago. Why isn’t he answering his phone? Washed out? Drunk? Punched his lights out in an alley where no one can find him? His headache began, matched with winter being a bitch right now. He was shaking, as he stopped at the platform, and his eyes were searching. What the hell did he wear earlier? Did he even wear a jacket? He knew he should’ve bought him mittens or something. They’re both weak to the cold, right? He angrily reached to his phone, trying to contact the––

           Shintaro almost slapped on his forehead with his phone when Jules showed up, exiting from the train; his shoulders tensed, and his dumb face showed…what was that? Did he turn his head away? Or did Shintaro just imagine it?

           “Where the hell have you been?” 

          But it didn’t matter because Shintaro’s blood was running to his head, his hand gripping the phone hard. He could hear silent pleas from those eyes to shut up, don’t say anything but, the concern gnawed him, he couldn’t think straight as the words just flowed out. 

          “Your phone is dead, and you didn’t even try to call or text me. You were never this late! How could I have known if something happened to you? What the fuck were you thinking? I was––”

           Caught off-guard when Jules only stared at him, jaw locked, but there was something in his eyes that told him “enough”; and Shintaro could only stop, groaning under his breath when he broke eye contact, only to seek Jules’ hands. He placed his phone back in his pockets again, walked toward the boy (Jules always is, in Shintaro’s eyes), and tried to hug him with only an arm. It was awkward as hell, two grown ass men before a running train, in a tight embrace as Shintaro could manage with one arm, but he didn’t care. That look Jules gave is enough signal for Shintaro’s anger to dissolve for a while, even if he is still mad out of concern. The same look Jules gives whenever things don’t go his way, when the ice cream melt before he ate it or when he think he failed at something he’s fucking good at, but still believed he didn’t make it. It’s been years they both adopted each other as guardian and responsibility, as a make-shift family, as brothers. They both know subtle things each other show, even if they unconsciously do so or intentionally hide.

           “We’ll talk about this later, alright?” Shintaro mumbled as he pulled away from Jules, gazing at him fondly but he kept a small frown because he was ready. Ready to rain hell down on anyone who hurt this kid, because this kid is his brother, a part of himself and he swore, he swore he’d never forget. Never let anything happen as long as he stood watch.

           “Hey, kid.” Shintaro faked a cough, as he shoved the box to the kid’s chest and shake it a little, so that Jules will know better to carry it. He still have the order privilege from the last game they played so the brat better play with the rules. “We’ve got to buy twenty candles and a lighter because I forgot while I’m on the way here. You still have to clean your shit in the kitchen before we eat the cake, and for the love of everything sane, how did you break the modem again?”

           He turned his back to walk away, hiding the smile under the cover of his hands, and he puffed his breath to his freezing hands. 

                    Turns out, not everything he throws in the trash is trash. Sometimes, he mistook that damn red scarf that gave him happy memories; sometimes, he mistook the soda he drowned with when he was grieving; and sometimes, he almost mistake putting everything away in the garbage bin, including the people and the emotions that made him feel alive, that made him alive again. Almost including the kid who brought back everything. Somehow, it’s not bad at all to feel something. 

         “C’mon, Birthday Boy.”