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puppyeared · 7 months ago

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whenever someone asks me for help or advice i want to beam all my lived experience and advice that helped me through it directly into their mind to try and spare them as much pain and stress as possible, but because i cant actually do that what ends up happening is i dump everything i know related to that topic hoping something helps them like

#and yes. i am the older sibling i am quite literally the guinea pig by birthright #its hardwired into me to make thing as painless as possible for my little brother that it ends up becoming a huge part of my personality #but i also have adhd so my version of advice is 'blurt out everything that might be even a little related to the situation #and pray that something sticks with them'#also like its hard to describe but sometimes you wont really get what someone means because its just the wrong person or wrong time #when i was a kid my dad would explain how to solve a math problem and i wouldnt get it until someone else explained it to me #and something *clicked*. and then when id tell my dad i learned smth new he'd say i LITERALLY said the same thing you just #werent listening or smth. but its not that at all.. i cant really know what its like for smth to click until it happens #i used to think i wasnt ace bc everything i saw talking abt asexuality didnt ring any bells until i found someone talking abt #something that i DID resonate with and then i went from there. so i guess what im trying to say its one thing to share what i learned #and another thing for someone to go through something or hear it from someone else to really get what i mean. shrugs #yapping

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fleshdyk3 · 3 months ago

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god i fucking hate my dad

#he came home today from a bike trip he went on and he's been arguing with me about honeybee the whole fucking day #he keeps saying just let her out let her run around! every time i put her in her pen to nap #and he refuses to stop her from biting him #and he got mad at her for playing with his socks when she'd just been playing with mine and he threw them on the floor of the living room #which first of all stop being such a fucking slob #and second of all what the fuck did you expect to happen? it's a soft new toy on the floor where she spends most of her time. where all her #toys are. very similar to the two soft items she's allowed to play with (my socks)#she's fucking 3 months old she doesn't understand the difference between my socks and his socks #and i keep telling him i know what im doing i was doing all the research while he went to buttfuck nowhere on his midlife crisis motorcycle #but he just wont fucking listen to me #and hes like oh youre at that age where you think youre right about everything and are so stubborn like fuck you actually #first of all im stubborn about this because its a living breathing puppy and his actions will affect her behaviour as an adult #and bc i know what im fucking doing. ive been an animal person my entire life. i did all the research. i did this exact same thing with #parrots for five years.#and hes like you cant just put her in her pen every time shes being a dog like no i fucking dont. i only put her in her pen when it's time #for a nap and she's getting overtired. you can't just let her run around until she collapses bc for one she never fucking will #second that's only going to make her energy threshold higher and then she'll be absolutely impossible to handle #and i told him that and that i read that on like every professional dog training source i read #and he said that might be true or might not be #like it fucking is bitch omfg #and then he tried to one up me like um i actually raised you guys for a long time i know what im doing #like a child is not a fucking dog. also my mom raised us lets be fucking serious. and look how well adjusted i turned out #and he told me to relax and calm down like i wasnt even arguing with him but i sure as hell will now #like dont tell me to fucking relax. when has telling anyone to relax ever made anything better. especially a teenager. especially a (for #simplicity's sake) woman.#and i told him dont tell me to relax and he got all pissy and stormed off #like literally fuck you #im my fathers daughter. im just as stubborn as he is.#rambles

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berryblu-soda · 5 months ago

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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly #our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd #also oh goshhhh #so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway #my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car #but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me #last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed #no seatbelt for her obviously #she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair #i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha #i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever #half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye #dammit im crying now hahaha #saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo #but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently #that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age #it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral #did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think #a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around #now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha #freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!

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orbdotexe · 2 months ago

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can i just say that Longing For Acceptance Already Given is STILL rotting my mind? its tooth-rotting-ly sweet but its not straight fluff and my brain goes haywire everytime I read the line "They settle instead for a soft rippling in the Light; the feeling of tucking a sleeping other’s hair away." bc oh my GOD what possessed me when i wrote that. holy shit

Look. i know "pining" is usually used in a romantic way, but i think Wolf is just generally pining. Like anything they touch could shatter or wilt in their hands at any given moment and they hate it and they hate themselves but they're too tired anymore for there to be any real fire behind it and they want so badly to reach out but its tiring and dangerous and do they even deserve it?

If, by taking this hand, theirs would be cut off? Are they the offered hand, hiding a blade, claws? Are they capable of dulling their edges, of meeting gentleness with gentle hands?

Which, while it's not the highest quality, Against Better Judgement (ch2 of One Mirror, Two Reflections) comes back to this in that brief misc Wolf POV. Their sort of amazement/realization/mild crisis that they're holding something, wrapped in their hands, and its warm and its alive and it's not trying to run from them and- Its someone who trusts them, implicitly, not to hurt him.

It's the hand they're so afraid of and they can't figure out if they want to hold on to it and never let go or if they want to run, just keep running, and never let anyone so close ever again. Maybe he should be afraid of them, actually, maybe that terrifying hand is really theirs and their claws are going to cut him open when- if they try to hold on.

And the question of "theirs or his?" after calling the touch a lifeline... "Did that even matter?"

and the line "This quiet destruction– progress?" back in Longing? oh dont get me started.

hi helloo i am Not crying over my old writing. this is a perfectly normal thing for me to be doing. hi hey hello do you hear me. i did NOT mean to write a wholeass essay here it was just supposed to be reminding people about that one line, how did we get here. and anyway the very fact that i barely mentioned Ghost here isnt really a crime bc he's almost an extension of them. another piece of their soul. that softness comes so natural with him, another limb, and he responds in kind, and they both know the other is fragile, and they both know its in two so very different ways and yet they just get it. There's no one else like each other even if they both need more friends. theres nothing more important than each other and they're all they've got and and and-- if you know whats good for you, you will NOT read these tags

#orb rambles #the forsaken exile #SMITE ME NOW #PLEASE JUST SMITE ME #romantic or platonic who CARES they Just Are and they all need one another. help me #the dynamic between you and the guy who killed you when they're the only other one who understands the burden on your shoulders #and understands being treated as a weapon. but you know that what happened to them is why your trainers (formerly theirs) are so distant #and hesitant to know you more. and you know these people did it to themselves and your killer didnt deserve any of this. betrayed by family #and left for dead and maybe youre even scared it might happen to you too. everyone's scared you might become your killer even as they becom #your best friend even they dont want you to become like them but you already are and it wasnt by choice. for either of you.#and then the dynamic between you and the guy who gave the other half of his soul to give you a new life.#forgiven of whatever the past one was. and maybe he even IS your soul not just the other half and it doesnt really matter either way #because now you're both in so deep and maybe there never was a surface to swim to but there is a landmass and that landmass is (you) (him)#and you've already been doing this for so long now. dedicated to each other (before he even found you) (but you had a bigger burden to #shoulder that kept you from holding him) so it wasnt even a great change between you and him to just latch on again. so maybe #you already drowned but youre breathing the water fine (but youre not) so maybe itll be okay one day (it wont have the chance to be)#ANYWAY im fine yeah. the crow says hello and the wolf stays by your side right #dont know what just possessed me (TFE itself maybe. or maybe Luna yeah lets blame Luna actually)#[big red text saying LIAR appears over my head]#(I AM ILL)

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girlcrushau · 8 months ago

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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fellhellion · 1 year ago

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I’m sorry I have to speak my truth lmao it’s a little bit hilarious that kingpin is stylistically offered such flourish and creativity, when writing wise he’s so fucking generic.

#another day ANOTHER POST OF ME BEING ANNOYED FUCKINGGGGG KINGPIN IS GIVEN ROOM TO BE A THREE DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER AND AARON GETS SUBTEXT #AND THE CHOICE BETWEEN NEBULOUS VILLAINY AND FAMILY HE LOVES #LIKE IM SORRY BUT EVEN W HALF THE EXPLORATION AARON IS MORE THAN TWICE AS INTERESTING AND YET WE HAVE LIKE. THREE SADMAN KINGPIN MOMENTS #IM SORRY SPIDERVERSE THIS IS THE ONE AREA I THINK WASNT THAT. INTERESTING. GIVEN HOW FRESH AND REVITALISED EVERYTHING ELSE FEELS #LIKE. COULD WE GET JUST A SMIDGE MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT LED AARON HERE? SO WE KNOW WHAT HE GIVES UP FOR MILES?#LIKE IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE MILES I *LOVE* THAT ITS MILES BUT ITS LIKE #DEVOID OF TENSION BECAUSE WE HAVE ONLY DEVELOPED THE DIMENSION OF AARON IN REGARDS TO HIS FAMILY #LIKE DID HE GET IN TOO DEEP WAS THIS A SECURITY THING HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING WHERE THE PROWLER DOESNT BLINK AT BEING ASKED TO KILL #A CHILD #AGH #tunes talks critical #tunes talks spiderverse #I don’t even dislike kingpin lmao (I don’t rlly think anything of him beyond the fact I’m glad miles kicks his ass) I just think it’s almost #a bit of a waste that stylistically he’s interesting and fun to look at and watch be animated but writing wise he’s so generic #he provides nothing new to the trope motivation he’s embodying #the story his actions set into motion is interesting. the actual character is like. just stylistically interesting execution of a trope that #is just not that emotionally compelling for me. esp when nothing really NEW is being done w it

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gidle · 2 years ago

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how am i supposed to let go of her when they havent?

#i'll say this with my dying breath gidle is SIX #HOW am i supposed to move on. HOW.#how do i pretend i dont miss her like a limb how do i go on like the thought of her doesnt make me want to cry #how do i let go when what happened to her changed the way i interact with kpop forever #like coming back to this blog wasnt SO difficult. like i dont look at everything and think she should be there with them #like i dont look at insta posts and think is she behind the camera? i mean shuhuas bday? could she have missed it? it seems so unlikely #yes old nevies are insane and unhinged and we hope and hope and hope and hope and hope #we pray and pray and pray and pray and everyday we wait but how can we NOT?#we all know villain dies is soojin coded but this???? might be a little crazy i think #nye i was actually going to make a post abt new year 365 new chances for sj comeback but i did that in august 21 and im still traumatized #holding on is just so difficult but i dont know how to let go

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lycanthian · 11 months ago

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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week #genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life #but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected #i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off #bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl #and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like #6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual #and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything #and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions #like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now #i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it #he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome #i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it #aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh #i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much #i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally #logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own #gamey rambles #💜

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devotedlystrangewizard · 2 years ago

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character hyperfixations suck actually because theyre the only way i can be invested in media but also they will have me going "hey where are they" "i wonder how theyre doing rn" right up until either the character or my interest dies

#currently in garlemald #i JUST realized while writing his post. the dying thing. i lose interest when a character dies bc no more new content #it happened with destiny & cayde it happened with zenos in ffxiv #but the thing is. these games have a fuckton of lore and story to comb through.#my interest in either game didnt die with the character hyperfixation i just. got a new one.#in theory i can be somewhat normal in ffxiv and actually appreciate most characters but. yeah. replaying shadowbringers except #im only interested in the cutscenes.#i didnt care about the first the first time through bc i was that fixated on zenos #i do care about the first NOW but only because gaia is my dearest & she & ryne deserve to be happy #but obviously gaia isnt in the msq so #shadowbringers felt formulaic in the same way hunting down the primals in arr msq did #while yes the overarching plot of shadowbringers is good and the writing is great and the villain is fantastic and graha is there.#going to a region doing a bunch of quests killing a lightwarden 'and now go do this four more times :)' is not my personal idea of fun #stormblood is still my favorite but hey man what do i know #it wouldve been endwalker if it wasnt for the ending & the way it sent me into 3 days of constantly ranting about #narrative redemption vs narrative condemnation for characters #but hey what do i know im just a teenager with weird opinions on things #really wish i was more confident in my takes i have so many posts i could make

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strawbrains · 2 years ago

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Literally feel like i went to arkham fr what the hell why is my luck so terrible

#LITERALY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID IT GET THAT BAD #i just needed supervision to not hurt myself and they even failed at that and then made my ptsd worse like they purposefully triggered me #and thats just scratching the surface #OHH MY G0D AND I WAS STARVED AND MY SEIZURES NEGLECTED I HAD A SEVERE REACTION TO MEDS AND NEGLECTED ABOUT IT A FULL NIGHT UNTIL A NEW NURS #if it weren't for the morning nurse idk if id make it im srs like even other nurses and patients knew it was so wrong #so much happened ugh im still processing #vent #BET THEY DIDN'T THINK I WOULD READ MY RIGHTS! I DID BITCH! AND THEY WERE VIOLATED!#this wasnt my first rodeo bitch i learned the hard way i cant let this slide #i know nurses see me as an easy target im not letting it slide again

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youmakethelight · 4 days ago

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OBSESSED with this scene between them. 🥺🫶

Also, she is Sooo beautiful.

And side noteee - ezekiel out here calling his full ex-wife and mother of his adopted child and woman who he "will never stop loving" his friend. Bc you don't have to be one or the other - someone tell the spinoff showrunner.

I have to admit, though. It feels special. After all we’ve been through, as close as I came. I got a fresh start. And it was important to me that my friend know just how much I appreciate her. It must feel really really good.

#been in this fandom 3 months now and im finally starting to re-learn/feel I dont need to justify how I feel about minute aspects of the show #it seems like in this fandom if you seem like maybe you like carol too much or you dont hate ezekiel or connie or something something you..#get insta blocked by various people #i dont know if people in this fandom are just traumatised or what #but im new so I wasnt and I just did not know what was happening when I first joined #I've made friends now w people who have varying opinions on the show so now I know not everyone is like that #we dont have to auto assume we're at war 🙃#but when I first joined I had no reason to think bad of anyone and I went in super open but I honestly got bullied??#and you know who the worst people were for it #- the very people I got enticed to join the fandom by bc of their positive seemingly friendly attitudes and content #the way they made me feel was as bad as the anti-caryl fans that I think most people know about #but I definitely want to shout out to the friends ive made who have been able to stay more positive #positive doesnt mean toxic by any stretch but the most hurtful fans I've come across have claimed to be positive #please it definitely isnt everyone I just really trusted the people and the spaces I was in and that made it hurt so much worse #but I also found some lovely people in those same spaces #anyway clogging a post with drama tags that doesnt deserve them bc I want to say it but somewhere these people hopefully wont see it #they seem to hate that I love carol and enjoy her dynamic with ezekiel #please just let me be #shes just a baby and he loves her it ok #no I still dont like darabelle and thats ok too #yes shes nearly 60 and what #if you dont like it just dont read my posts please??#I would call it gatekeeping tbh

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synonymroll648 · 3 months ago

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IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY

#FUCK YEAH WE GOT MY FIRST EVER MURAL LOOKING SICK AS SHIT SO FAR #TORTUGA AS BIG AS ME AND DETAILED ENOUGH THAT STRANGERS COMPLIMENTED IT MY BELOVED #HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE GUY DRIVING BY THAT ROLLED DOWN THEIR WINDOW AND SHOUTED “dude that’s amazing!” AS THEY PASSED #CAME OUT AS TRANS TO MY AUNT THAT IM PAINTING THE MURAL FOR AND SHE IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY FIRST BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME OUT TH #GATE #HER ONLY THINGS WERE THAT SHE WASNT GONNA BE PERFECT ABOUT MY PRONOUNS AND THAT SHE WISHED ID COME OUT TO HER SOONER SO I WOULDNT HAVE #GOTTEN ATTACHED TO A NAME THAT I DIDNT REALIZE WAS LINKED TO MY REALLY SHITTY BIO DAD AND WANTED TO COME UP WITH A GENDER NEUTRAL NICKNAME #FOR ME THAT WOULD WORK NO MATTER WHAT I IDENTIFY AS FROM HERE ON OUT AND WORKS AROUND PEOPLE IM NOT OUT TO #AND SHE GAVE ME A CHAMORRAN NICKNAME!!!! A SIDE OF MY HERITAGE THAT I DONT GET TO CONNECT TO A TON!!! SHES GONNA CALL ME TAKKA (WE MESSED #WITH THE SPELLING OF “TOCA” A BIT TO SOUND LIKE “TALK-A” SO WE CAN MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW I TALK A LOT IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY SO FAR I #LOVE IT)#AND SHES GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE KELAGUEN (A CHAMORRAN DISH) SOMETIME #AND SHE GAVE ME AN OVERSIZED SHIRT THAT BASICALLY SAYS FUCK T-MOBILE #AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT AND TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED HOW I PRIORITIZED KINDNESS ABOVE ALL ELSE AND I GOT TO TELL HER ABOUT HO #I THINK KINDNESS AND CRUELTY ARE TRAITS BEYOND GENDER AND SEXUALITY AND THAT I WANT TO BECOME THE ADULT I NEEDED AS A KID AND THAT I NEEDED #SOMEONE KIND THAT FREELY GAVE HUGS AND TOLD A LOT OF SILLY JOKES AND WAS FORGIVING WHEN IT COUNTED AND THAT WHEN I GROW OLD WHETHER IM AN #OLD MAN OR OLD WOMAN OR OLD SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA BE A GEEZER THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU CAN PLAY CARDS WITH ANYTIME AND #SAVES YOU CHOCOLATE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU LIKE IT AND I WANNA BE THE TYPE OF KIND MAN LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP HOPING ARE REAL AND LABELS ARE #CLOTHES THAT SOMETIMES FIT A MONTH OR FIT FOREVER BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THEYRE COMFY IN THE MOMENT AND THAT I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I #LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONALITY AND IM WEIRD ABOUT KISSING BUT I HAVE MY PARTNERS BACK AND THAT MATTERS MORE TO US AND WERE HAPPY #AND I TOLD HER WHAT IM PLANNING ON MY NAME TO BE WHEN IM AN ADULT AND SHE LIKED MY IDEA FOR MY NEW SURNAME #AND WE SANG TO SONGS TOGETHER AND BITCHED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND AND DID A LITTLE JIG IN THE STREET AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY #BECAUSE OF THE TURTLE IM PAINTING HER AND BECAUSE I TRUST HER AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE ARE WORKING OUT AND THIS EVENING WAS A #PERFECT SUMMER EVENING TO BE ALIVE. THIS MAY HAVE HAPPENED ON MY PERIOD BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THERE IS BEAUTY #IN THE WORLD IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THERE IS BEAUTY IN BEING TRANS AND BEING SAFE WITH YOUR AUNT AND TALKING TO HER HONESTLY ABOUT YOUR #HOPES FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BODY AND YOUR GENDER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN MAKING SILLY POSES WITH YOUR MURAL IN PROGRESS WITH YOUR AUNT AS TH #PHOTOGRAPHER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN LISTENING TO NOSTALGIC MUSIC WITH YOUR AUNT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR LIKING #THERE IS BEAUTY IN WEARING YOUR BANGS UP IN A STUPID PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL SO IT DOESNT FALL IN YOUR EYES AND WEARING CLOTHES YOU DONT CARE #ABOUT AND GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND SINGING MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND GENUINELY THAN YOU HAVE IN A LONG TIME. THERE IS BEAUTY IN CLEANING #PAINT BRUSHES AND MEASURING CUPS IN HER KINDA BROKEN SINK AND MEOWING AT HER CAT AND THANKING HER FOR HELPING YOU CLEAN UP THE PAINTS SHE

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butt-puncher · 7 months ago

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I wish that I was more

#sad hours at the huskin bee #personal #graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive #and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them #and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other #and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year #i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college #also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it #or itll be really half assed #ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C #idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience #than they had #ahhhh #i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group #that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt #bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol #this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class #i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends #and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know #also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily #anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild #and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of #point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew #which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w #their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room #so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full #man i shouldve gone on more college field trips #shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of #tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder

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orcelito · 4 months ago

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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

#speculation nation #and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it #then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day #just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them #but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else #and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself #and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao #why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc #honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year #and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this #bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.

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saintfrenetic · 7 months ago

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having a normal one tonight boys <- me when i'm lying

#thinking about that post about how loneliness begets lonely #because whouhh. yeahg. it do indeed be doing that #genuinely ive just never been Great at social interaction as the world expects you to be #but im beginning to realize that ive never? not be lonely?#and for a while that was okay because i didnt know any better #and then i did know better #and then i wasnt good enough #and i didnt communicate enough #and i used to try a lot harder but after covid homelessness and moving like 6 times in a year #and being alone in a new city with no connections but my deeply codependent ex #i just. i dont know.#sometimes i genuinely feel like i dont know how to be a person anymore #its not even that i don't want to talk to people i just....?#cant? forget you can do that? gaslight myself into thinking what i have to say is unnecessary and worthless?#took to long to respond and its awkward now? cant think of a functional response?#how do i forget to care about things that i care about.#how does that happen.#why does that happen.#in so many ways i am doing the best i ever #in arguably more ways i am doing fucking horrendous #but i think this is probably the biggest one

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toytulini · 7 months ago

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lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny

#toy txt post #i knew it wasnt their fault they just dealt with So Many Names and i couldve corrected them and i used to #but the thing is that it just kept happening w so many teachers??#so i was like fine whatever idc that much. but also they did usually remember my name if there was someone in the class who actually #had the wrong name they usually called me. i think bc it would stick in their heads more since they had to differentiate so instead of #looking at me and going [letter] name......[common name starting with that letter that isnt mine]#theyd look at me and go [letter name].....but theres 2 names in that class with that letter and theyre different and this one is Not the #easy more common one. [gets name correct]#what really would throw me is when theyd try a DIFFERENT but i think still more common name with the same letter and then lile #like*. sorry bud im not used to that one i cant help u there #my favorite was the print production teacher who USUALLY GOT MY NAME RIGHT (i think smaller class size helped?)#who called me the more common one that im not used to and then stared at me in puzzlement and he was like #why did i do that. thats not your name. and i was just like lmao idk bro #anyway. this has been a really annoying way to discuss this event without actually revealing my name but #its not quite a deadname now but like. as far as yall are concerned im Toy. if you know me irl you almost certainly know it tho #and if youve been following me long enough you could probably know it cos i was less careful about it when i was younger #if youre like burningly curious and we're mutuals u can dm me ig and ill tell u just dont call me that lol #oh if u have me on fb u know it for sure unless u forgot and you see me (rare and unlikely on fb) nd youre like who the fuck is that #it probably wouldnt be hard to guess even. but whatever. if u feel the need to guess (why) just do me a favor and do it via #dm or ask or smth lmao #ALSO: uhhh i try not to tag this anymore cos it feels like its not coming across the way its intended and it has a weird vibe to tag these #days but i feel like this post could use the 'Im a white person this experience im referencing is with a layer of white privilege #and i understand that for many ppl of color or ppl with non english names this happens and its less funny #altho i think due to the vastness of human experience there are probably ppl with non english names who have this happen but it doesnt #affect them strongly and they just laugh it off and part of me wonders how much of that has to do with how much you LIKE and Identify with #your given name WHICH i ALSO recognize can be a more nuanced experience for someone with a non english name thats like #got cultural significance ETC. okay THERE. the annoying disclaimer that pisses everyone off bc everyone HATES disclaimers now.#just imagine. i could be writing these disclaimers for a FICTIONAL ROMANCE BOOK IVE WRITTEN. and wouldnt #that piss you off more? new disclaimer to piss you off more: i understand this is my personal blog and im not obligated to provide a #fuck i was gonna do another disclaimer as a bit but i ran out of tags! fuck okay bye. youll have to make up the joke disclaimer

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