#a bit of a waste that stylistically he’s interesting and fun to look at and watch be animated but writing wise he’s so generic

[fellhellion]

I’m sorry I have to speak my truth lmao it’s a little bit hilarious that kingpin is stylistically offered such flourish and creativity, when writing wise he’s so fucking generic.

[pinchraccoon]

Cuphead Mini-Review

Recently on my stream as per the request of my chatters, I played Cuphead on my stream. I'd played it a bit before, and reached maybe halfway through the game, but this time I intended to hunker down and play the whole game.

For those unfamiliar, Cuphead is a 2d platformer primarily focused on boss battles inspired by 1920-30s rubberhose cartoons and movie tropes that are confidently considered "retro." Players can expect difficult but fair gameplay across the board, and hand-drawn animation with a whole lot of style and soul for the whole game.

I can confidently say that Cuphead is a very good game, but you've heard that before. Cuphead features tight, polished gameplay, extremely strong visual and audio design, and every character has a ton of design origins to dissect and reasons for the attacks they make. I had a lot of fun looking at every boss and figuring out what each of their attacks were references to and I really think that visuals and stylistic choices are Cupheads greatest strong suits. My favorite boss in the game is Cala Maria, for the reasons above. (also she's a pretty lady and I'm a little bit of a hopeless gay)

There isn't a lot to say about Cuphead that hasn't already been said, especially considering that I didn't play the DLC content added last year. If it seems that I rag on the game a bit from here forward, I assure you it's because I love this game, and not because I feel that it's a game-breaking experience.

Roughly halfway through Cuphead I reached a boss named Grim Matchstick, who has something of a reputation among players for being a skill gate, I have no issue with the bosses' design, I'd like to clarify, instead I have an issue with how the game around him and how that game provides you tools to potentially deal with him.

In Cuphead, the player has access to six different types of primary fire, of which the player can have two equipped at once. These are unlocked by purchasing them from a vendor, who takes a currency that is only found, and is finite, within levels known as 'Run n' Gun' levels.

These, unlike the rest of the games, are somewhat traditional difficult platforming levels, and frequently intend to prey on player's bad habits and frustrations. They are without a doubt the hardest part of the game, no boss gave me quite the same amount of trouble as the RNG's did on average.

My issue with the RNG's aren't that they frustrated with their difficulty, but instead that the coins found within them are finite, and that the rewards for doing them can be wasted on any given fight.

What can make Matchstick difficult is that he is best challenged using very specific gear, and without that gear, which becomes missable, the fights become significantly harder because you lacked the foresight to look ahead to bosses you'll fight before you have the opportunity to earn more coins and buy more types of shots.

This is my only issue with Cuphead, and I found that the RNG's insistence on existing makes the game such that certain challenges become far harder in ways that aren't your fault.

I feel that the game might be better without these levels, and while their inclusion does provide a degree of gameplay variety, the purpose that they serve I feel is an overall negative toward the game in general. I would much rather have had 6 more bosses in exchange for the 6 Run and Gun levels, but I've seen other opinions. I am not a game developer, of course, this was just my impression.

Overall though, Cuphead is a fun and interesting experience that I would recommend to anyone looking for a challenge. If you have the option though, don't buy it on the Switch, it's perfectly passable, but higher framerate and shorter load times will certainly be felt if you play on PC or other more powerful consoles.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 18 Fire and Steel Part 3

Content warning for suggestive themes and death. Almost 6,500 words! I apologize for how long this is, but it’s tons of fun! And I’m finally writing again! Even though I’m totally playing video games after posting this. Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @knmartinshouldbewriting, and @drabbleitout (This also counts for the Fluff Friday/#FridayKiss tag, right? Also, thanks for Garnet, Ives, and Niner!)!

Sure enough, Aeflin wasn’t there, and I breathed a sigh of relief. But there also wasn’t a room for me, so I would have to sleep on the couch. That sucked, but it was still better than staying with Aeflin. Now that I was away from her, I thought of what she did to me, and I didn’t like it, I felt uncomfortable. Why?

I instead went to the food car and piled a plate high. I honestly hadn’t really had a chance to eat. Aeflin would just inject the nutrients into me, not wanting to waste precious resources. So, I hadn’t tasted real food for a while.

Garnet and Ives walked into the car after a while, and Garnet tried to sit in front of me, but Ives scooted Garnet over and sat in front of me instead, sitting straight and not getting any food.

I tossed some food to Niner, who had come in with Ives and immediately sat beside me. I kept watching Ives as Garnet got some food. “You want any food? It’s fucking good.” It really was the best food I had had in a while.

“Eating isn’t necessary for me.”

“Yeah?” Garnet mumbled through a mouthful of food. “Well, how’s it gonna go out in the arena if your battery dies?”

“I’m capable of solar charging as well as thermal charging.” Ives looked around.

“That sucks, because she’s right. It is really good.”

That was awful. He hadn’t been able to eat? “Can you at least try it?” I held my plate out to him.

He hesitated, but he did try the food. His face scrunched up, and I deflated a little. He didn’t like it, did he?

“You like it?” Garnet snickered.

“I’m neutral. I’ve never eaten anything before to compare it. But it does have a complex taste.”

Wait, he’d never had food before? I knew kind of what that was like. Most of the time, when I wasn’t required to be at a place where I would be eating, Aeflin would just inject nutrients straight into me, so as not to waste precious resources. “Well then you should try a lot of different things.” I piled small bites of all the different foods on a plate.

Garnet snickered as he started eating again. Was something wrong?

Ives took the plate. “Thank you,” he whispered, grabbing a fork. “So, what kind of arena were you in during your last Game?”

I sat back, eating the food again and tossing some to Niner, who gobbled it up. “It was a forest. Mostly with deadly animals and not much water. Tributes mostly fought over what little water we found.”

“Deadly animals…?” Garnet stopped mid-bite, paling a bit. “You think we’ll have deadly animals?”

“Does that scare you? Are you scared?” Ives eyed him.

“Uh, yeah. I’d be scared of a fuckin’ bear,” Garnet snapped, and Ives hushed him. “Are we gonna see bears?”

I shrugged. It depended. “I don’t know. There were monkeys and deer and squirrels. It could be anything depending on the arena.”

“Can you kill a bear?” Garnet asked Ives.

“If I say yes, will you stop talking about bears?” Ives grumbled, taking a bite. “So are you going to be the one picking out what we wear for the Chariots?”

“Bet you’d like that,” Garnet half choked out.

I frowned a bit. Why did he think Ives would like that? I was probably horrible at fashion. Still better than the stylists, though. “No, unfortunately. The stylists are generally horrible and normally have really garish outfits.”

“Great,” Garnet wheezed.

“A bit strange to do for children.” Ives paused. “Have you heard anything about our competition?”

I shook my head. I didn’t particularly like watching the reapings. “But there’s a place to watch the reapings, if you’re interested?” I tossed more food to Niner.

“No thanks.” Garnet frowned. “Think I’ve had enough of that.”

Ives nodded. “Well, what else can you tell us about you? Where do you come from? What about your skills?”

He wanted to know about me? I didn’t understand. “I don’t really know where I came from. I lost my memories of everything before my Games. I don’t even know the circumstances behind these.” I held up my prosthetic arm. “Though the Capitol tells me I was forced to have these by rebels. And I learned any other fighting skills before and during my Games, and I’ve kept my skills good through practice.” I tilted my head. “Why do you want to know?”

“Curious about you,” Ives said. “I thought since you’re the one teaching us, it wouldn’t hurt to get to know one another. I imagine we’ll be spending a good bit of time together, may make it easier to get to know one another. Plus, depending on your skills it may help improve one of ours or, if not, help us see from a different perspective.”

I nodded. “That makes sense. My skills are mostly fighting. I’ve forgotten a lot of the survival skills, unfortunately. But I’d be a good sparring partner, if you’d like one.” Wait. With Garnet’s snickering beforehand, my mind wandered to the other meaning, and I blushed, especially when I saw Garnet hiding a grin. Fuck.

“Thank you. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Ives said. He looked over at Garnet. “What do you do?”

“What do you mean? I fight. I’ve got military training.” Ives hummed as if he was unconvinced.

I nodded, trying to get rid of my blush. “I could see that. You look tough. I think it would be good for both of you to go the intimidating route, unless you want others to underestimate you.”

“I wonder if being intimidating will make people leave us alone?” Garnet said. “I dunno about you big guy, but I’ve had about enough of people.”

“I’d like the least amount of blood on my hands if it’s any consolation.” Ives looked down at his plate. “Perhaps meaner now would result in having to be less mean later…” He took a bite of a dessert. “I like the sweet stuff,” he added awkwardly.

A warmth bloomed in my chest. I had done something right! I grabbed the desserts on my plate and gave them to him. “Well, here, I like spicy more anyway. And I think so. People left me alone because they thought I’d be an easy target. And they’ll leave you alone because they’ll think you’re going to be hard to kill. They’d rather get you worn down first before trying to kill you.”

“What do you think? Taken a lot to get you worn down?” Garnet smiled at Ives. “Maybe you should take some sparring time with Chess. See if she can figure out what gets you worn down.”

Fuck, that was an innuendo too?? I blushed completely. “I…” Well, might as well go all in. Ives was gorgeous. I straightened my back. “Well, I’ll probably get worn down before him, and I’ll need a bed! And I don’t even have a room.”

“You don’t have a room?” Ives frowned, seeming to not even realize the double nature of my comments. “Do you not have a room because they think you’re a monster?” I opened my mouth, but he kept talking. “I won’t stand for it. I don’t need a bed and probably won’t use mine. You should use it.”

Oh shit. I had to keep going. “I’m honestly not a fan of sleeping alone,” I mumbled. It always meant that Aeflin would be coming to bother me sometime during the night.

Ives shrugged. “I could be there. If you wanted me to. I didn’t bother to look to see how big the beds were.”

“You can fit.” Garnet grinned wickedly. “You can both fit.”

Oh double shit. My cheeks heated up more, and I glanced at Garnet. The bastard (affectionate). But I needed to get us back on track. “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss about the Games?” My voice sounded strangled.

“Not at the moment.” Ives kept eating as if he hadn’t just invited me to his bed.

Garnet flashed me a toothy grin and suddenly turned to look at Ives. “So, Ives, I didn’t see many people show up for visiting. For you either. You don’t have any friends, or, you know, more intimate acquaintances?”

Oh shit. My cheeks burned worse as Ives’s expression went blank. “I don’t have any relationships, Garnet,” he droned, “and I’m not interested in you.”

Garnet scowled, but kept his attention. “Oh, but you’re interested in someone? Maybe someone who likes dogs, like Niner? Do you like long or short hair?”

I had short hair, but I wanted it long. Ives scoffed. “Are you going to try and set me up with someone?”

“Maybe, you never know.”

My cheeks got even hotter. Ives was so pretty. Well, maybe I could run with it? “A relationship can win you points with the sponsors.”

“Yeah, see, there you go.” Garnet jabbed Ives’s shoulder. “Maybe you should see who you can shack up with to see if you can get us some perks. Now let’s see, who could you pair up with?” He very obviously looked around the car before his eyes landed on me. “Hmm, if only there was a cutie you could hang around.”

Wait, actually, Garnet made a point. Ives needed to be around someone who would help him. I wouldn’t be able to help him. People hated me. So, they wouldn’t want to help Ives or Garnet if they were seen as being too friendly with me. And anyway, if Garnet was going to tease me, I was going to tease him back. I smiled innocently. “Yeah! Good idea. You should have a relationship with Garnet! He’s cute! And he seems very interested in your love life. If nothing else, maybe a fake relationship?”

“Whoa, wait. What?” Garnet’s smile slipped. “That’s not what I meant.” But it was what was best for both Garnet and Ives.

Ives smirked. “Is that why you’re so interested?”

“No!”

“You don’t have to be shy. That’d be a win-win for you, wouldn’t it?”

Good. Garnet wasn’t trying to hook me up with Ives, even though that didn’t sound bad. “Oh, c’mon. The sponsors seeing two men willing to kill for each other? They’ll eat it up.” I leaned forward with the biggest grin.

“Ives isn’t exactly the one inviting me into his bed,” Garnet hissed across the table. And my cheeks totally got warm again.

“You’re jealous, so that’s it.” Ives nodded solemnly. “Understandable.”

“Screw you.”

“Hold on now. You’re rushing things, don’t you think?”

Garnet ignored him. “They wouldn’t buy that. He’s a…a…a fucking machine.”

“Again. Rushing things.” Ives smiled at him.

I tilted my head. “And they would buy it with anyone else? I think you’re just scared to admit your feelings.”

“I hate him,” Garnet hissed, leaning farther over the table. “Do you know, he threatened to kill me within five minutes of meeting me? He was gonna kill me.”

“You were hardly a victim,” Ives said.

At least the conversation wasn’t about her anymore. I smiled smugly. “It’s passion, you just need to flip it a little, and the sponsors love passion.”

“Passion of murder!”

“I think she has a point,” Ives said, “it couldn’t hurt if it would help in the long run.”

Garnet gaped at him, looking him up and down. “Wait a second,” he scoffed. “You’re telling me you actually wanna try and win this thing now?”

“Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because, even if we survived, regardless if we’re ‘together’, one of us would have to go.”

I perked up. “I’ve heard rumors that there’s a chance that more than one person might be able to win, if they put on enough of a show and are convincing enough. And there’s always been the rumors of people escaping from the arena.”

“Escaping?” Garnet perked up. “You’ve been there. You really think someone could do that?”

“Skipping right over the convincing part, are we?” Ives asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I was on my own mostly in the arena, and I was just trying to survive, honestly. But I have heard plenty of rumors of tributes escaping. I bet it could be done.”

“I doubt we’re going to make many friends,” Ives said. “I’d imagine anyone finds out we were Peacekeepers and we’re going to be on our own too. I think Chess is right. We need to be intimidating and try to win audience favor.”

I nodded. “But I still think the relationship idea, even if it’s fake, will win points too.”

“Even if it’s fake -of course it’d be fake,” Garnet grumbled.

“You hate them,” Ives said. “Why not try to make a game of it. See how well you can trick them?” He smirked. And damn, he was so pretty when he smiled.

I laughed. It had been so long since she had last laughed. “You wanna practice now?”

“I’m trying to eat,” Garnet grumbled. Ives reached over and held his hand. “You’re fuckin’ pushing it.”

“People like tender touches when they’re being affectionate, right?” Ives asked.

I frowned. Did they? “I…think so. The people who pay to sleep with me generally aren’t gentle or tender.”

Garnet frowned at me. “Is that…like a Games thing or an all the time thing? Shouldn’t you make them stop if they aren’t treating you right?”

I played with my food for a bit. I had turned 18 right after the previous Hunger Games, and that was when the people paying for my time started. “It started happening once I turned 18. And the door’s locked, so I can’t leave, and Aeflin already warned that if I tried to fight back, the Capitol would just restrain me next time. The Capitol has some big payers for me.”

Garnet hissed, yanking his hand free from Ives’s grip. “You’re gonna break bones man!”

“Aeflin?” Ives looked intensely at me, and my cheeks warmed up. “Who is that?”

I frowned. Why did he want to know? “My caretaker. The one who keeps me from going out of control.”

Ives frowned. “If they’re to take care of you, why would they let terrible things like that happen to you? They aren’t a very good caretaker in my opinion.”

“Are they here?” Garnet looked around the car. “I’ll tell ‘em.”

I shook my head. “Thankfully, she isn’t. Or I’d have to deal with her the whole time. I usually stay with her during the Hunger Games because the tributes from this district never want my help. And she’s just there to make sure that I don’t go out of control. She says I’m a monster too.”

Ives tilted his head sharply. “So you don’t enjoy her company? And what kind of caretaker would call you a monster? I’m beginning to doubt you ‘need to be controlled’ at all.”

“I agree with you on that.” Garnet nodded.

That didn’t make sense. I had destroyed a whole arena with my magic! How was I not a monster? “I…” I wilted a little. They wouldn’t look at me the same if they really knew what I had done. “I’m terrified of my magic, and what I can do with it. Whenever I’m around her, I feel calm about that.”

“Calm? Or too terrified to move a finger?” Ives asked. Garnet nudged him in the side, and he spoke calmer. “Maybe there’s other ways to control you’re magic. Like practice.”

No, that wouldn’t work. “If I use it, I’ll just hurt someone.” I fiddled with my hands. “And, I've only now really realized that I don’t like being around her.”

Ives stayed quiet, just frowning. “Well,” Garnet said. “Then maybe you shouldn’t spend as much time around her. Use the excuse you’re training us.” He shrugged. “I’ll vouch for you.”

I nodded, a smile pulling at my lips. Wow. I’d love to spend time with them. But still, it would be nice to not talk about Aeflin anymore. It made me feel uncomfortable even talking about her. “That sounds nice. And, speaking of which, you should keep practicing your romance.” I grinned wickedly. It would be a good distraction for all of us.

Ives frowned down at his plate, but Garnet took some food from it. Garnet looked over at Ives. “What, she said practice. You’re supposed to share it with me.” Ives just kept staring down as he pushed the plate toward Garnet. Shit, I had said something wrong. “Okay, so we’re gonna need a backstory. We met while on duty?”

I relaxed a little. At least we weren’t talking about Aeflin anymore. “Maybe one of you saved the other’s life? The Capitol will love that.”

“Oh, it was me,” Garnet announced. “And he wouldn’t stop following me around like a lost puppy after that.”

“Highly unlikely,” Ives said. “I can be uploaded if anything were to happen. The danger isn’t there for me. It would make more sense if you had needed saving.”

“Okay, but then you realized you saved the right guy by how awesome I am.”

“I’m so glad you’re taking this seriously,” Ives grumbled. “And I’m assuming we’ll weave the story one of us volunteered when we found out the other was chosen at the reaping.”

I nodded. “They’d love that too. Caesar Flickerman is going to hound you two about details.” I snickered. That would be fun to watch.

“Hear that, that means you’re gonna have to tell them what you like about me.” Garnet grinned as he took another bite.

“You’re brash and opinionated, stubborn, also brave, and you’re not afraid to stand your ground even when it’s not in your best interest,” Ives said without missing a beat. Garnet stared at him. “Don’t look so surprised. You should see the list of things I hate about you.”

I looked over at Garnet. “What about you, Garnet? What do you like about Ives?” Garnet grimaced, hesitating.

“Wow, please, don’t strain yourself,” Ives muttered.

“I’m thinking. I’ve known you, like, two days!” Garnet huffed. “You’re, well, you’re resourceful and protective.”

“I’m glad that was your best attempt.”

I laughed. “I guess that’s something to think about. And also, just to warn you, the Capitol is not modest by any means. They’ll probably insist on a kiss.”

“C’mon!” Garnet threw his hands up. “It’s probably like a bear trap in there. Are you trying to get me killed?”

I smiled innocently. “I’m sure he’ll be tender. He was the one to point out that couples are tender with each other anyway.”

Garnet propped his chin on his hand, fighting a smirk. Oh no. What was he planning now? “You think he will? You know, I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’ve ever kissed anyone before. Why don’t you two show me how it’s done? You know, so it looks convincing.”

I knew exactly what he was doing, but I did want to help. And Ives was gorgeous. Shit. I blushed. I braced myself though. I had never particularly liked kissing. The Capitol people were always rough and unpleasant. But maybe that wasn’t how it was supposed to be? “I’ve only kissed Capitol bastards who weren’t tender, but I’ll try.”

“I’m not going to kiss you just for his entertainment if it’s going to make you uncomfortable then.” Ives frowned at Garnet. “You don’t have to agree with him.”

I blushed more. He was so nice. But that actually made me want to kiss him. “But it would be good practice, and I want to help you any way I can,” I mumbled. Especially if I couldn’t help them much during the Games.

Ives stood up, glaring at Garnet and his shit eating grin as he walked around the table. His expression softened when he looked over at me, and I blushed more. “You’ve given us plenty of information to be helpful, you know.” He sat down beside me. “If it’s too much you don’t have to. Please don’t feel like you have anything to prove to that gremlin.”

My cheeks were burning. I never felt this flustered around the bastards I was forced to sleep with. So, why was Ives so different? "They'll call for it, and it'll be a good way to make it believable." I looked up at him. "I want to help." Then I looked over at Garnet. "Which means that you should practice with me too." A small smirk played on my lips.

Garnet smirked as well.

"Well, I'll be gentle," Ives said. "Please tell me if I make you uncomfortable." He reached out and cupped the side of my face. I tensed, but he was very gentle, and I automatically melted as he leaned in and closed his eyes, stopping just inches from my lips.

He gently pulled me closer until our lips met, and he kissed me gently and passionately at the same time. I melted more, closing my eyes and kissing him back. This was how kissing was supposed to be? How did people do this every day and act like everything was normal? This was amazing. I never wanted to stop.

Too soon, Ives moved back, placing a soft kiss on my cheek that I knew was burning. I sat there for a bit, trying to force my thoughts to stop thinking about how to convince him to kiss me again. I laughed a bit. "You...you don't have anything to worry about Garnet." Fuck, my voice sounded strangled.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to bite my tongue off."

"It wouldn't be the first time you'd nearly lose it, would you." Ives chuckled, sitting back in his chair. Niner trotted over and sat between us.

I still couldn’t think of much besides how nice it had been to be close to him, how nice the touch had felt, and how much I wanted to kiss him again. So, instead I ducked my head so hopefully, Ives wouldn’t see what I was thinking in my expression. I petted Niner, especially giving her ear rubs.

Garnet pulled me out of my wandering thoughts. "So if we're supposed to be a couple, they're gonna ask us questions about it? And you think if we can really convince them, they'll give us a better chance at surviving? Like I'm not gonna have to cry or anything, right?"

I nodded, still not looking at either of them. I was totally still blushing. "If you can convince them, you should have a lot better chance of surviving. Last year's Games had a couple that got parachutes every day. And the Capitol audience was falling over trying to get them out alive."

"If I get out, the Capitol is gonna be pissed," Garnet chuckled. "Ok, fine. If this can help out, I'm game. Maybe if we can play it up, Chess can take a vacation."

"I agree," Ives nodded.

I frowned, tilting my head. "Why would I be able to vacation?"

"Because, if we're putting on a show and have the audience wrapped around our finger, you wouldn't have to convince anyone to send in favors." Garnet shrugged.  "You can just kick back and look smug."

"You won't owe the Capitol anything." Ives said. "And maybe if we win it, no one will think you're a monster anymore. You'll be just an extremely good mentor.  Victors in your first year."

I laughed. This certainly wasn’t my first year. "It's my sixth year trying, I just haven't actually been able to mentor before this. But the Capitol audience doesn't know that. And Aeflin won't let me go that easily. I'm pretty sure she's controlling and possessive."

"Pretty sure?" Garnet grinned. "From what I've heard, she is. But you'd know it, and I'm sure other tributes would find out too."

"And maybe once this is said and done, it won't matter what Aeflin has to say about it." Ives’s eyes darkened, "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Wait, what? Why would he want to help me? I didn’t deserve any help. "She's...she's not human. I always feel weird around her, and I've heard that Shades like her are immune to physical attacks. And she can shapeshift."

"Shades?" Garnet tilted his head.

"Well, I'm not human either," Ives crossed his arms. "No one should be making anyone do any of this. And certainly not be used by the Captiol."

"Ok, that's something I like about you," Garnet admitted.

No. He couldn’t see Aeflin. He would get hurt. “But…but…” How could I argue that? “Please don’t get hurt…”

"I've already kinda accepted we're probably gonna get hurt during these games. And no one should get comfortable with what the Capitol is doing. Not even a Shade," Garnet snarled. "The Games. What she makes you do. It's all corrupt." Ives nodded.

"Yeah, but...you're the first people in a long time who've been kind to me." I looked up at them, even though my cheeks were still burning. They were both so kind. "I'm going to do whatever I can to keep you safe." Anything. It didn't matter what that cost me.

"We appreciate that, but we also want you to be safe," Ives added. "We're a team now, the three of us. And if one of us isn't safe, none of us are. I understand we're going to be in danger, but we don't need to take unnecessary risks."

But the only way that I could help them was to put myself in danger. "Which means I need to protect you as best I can."

Ives and Garnet shared a glance that I couldn’t read. "Well, I think we should focus on getting things ready between the three of us. We have a backstory, something of a game plan, we just have to keep ourselves in check," Ives said. "You'll both need rest."

I nodded, ducking my head, trying to think of a way to stop blushing. "You do too. But yeah, I'm tired." I glanced over at Ives, my cheeks burning even worse. "Is it still okay to sleep in your bed?"

"Of course, if you'd feel comfortable to." He nodded. "And I think resting will be the most important thing we should do right now."

I nodded. That sounded so nice to sleep in a comfortable bed with no worry about Aeflin bothering me and to be around someone who was nice and kind. I currently wanted to be very close to Ives. I stood up, still petting Niner. “Can Niner be there too?”

"Absolutely, I'm too nervous to leave her out on her own. Especially around people who may want to sabotage us." He stood, Niner also getting to her feet.

The best news ever! I smiled and hugged Niner. She licked my cheek. “That’s so good! You’re such an amazing dog!”

"If you'd like, if I'm unable to take her with me, she can stay with you. Make sure no one is unfair to you." Ives smiled down at us, and I nodded. That was an amazing idea! I would take good care of her. Ives looked over at Garnet. “You should rest too. Especially when we’re on the train. There’s no telling what we’ll get into next.”

I looked over at Garnet with an innocent smile. “Yeah, because tomorrow, you’ll have to practice your kissing skills too.”

“Yeah, yeah, ha-ha.” Garnet stood up. “Just try not to practice too much with my fellow tribute.”

Oh shit. I could kiss Ives again? My cheeks got hotter at the thought. “I’ll try my hardest. Just not sure if I’ll be trying to listen to your advice or not.”

“Maybe you should practice calling me your boyfriend.” Ives grinned. “You can’t be jealous until then.”

I laughed, coming up with the best idea. “Yes, that’s a great idea. And you should share a goodnight kiss.”

“That’s right.” Ives grinned.

“Like you’d be gentle like you are with her.” Garnet chuckled, but it died off when Ives stepped around the table. “Look, you’re supposed to be taking her to your room.” He tried to take a step back, but Ives took his face in his hands and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

Yes! I cheered with a grin. “You’ve met a milestone in your relationship!”

Garnet wrinkled his nose and stepped back. “Alright, there. You have your goodnight kiss. Let me go to sleep.”

I nodded and smiled. “Have a good night!” I stood up, still petting Niner as I followed Ives.

He brought me to his room, opening the door for me. “I don’t mind sleeping in the floor if it would make you more comfortable.”

That didn’t make any sense. I shook my head. It would also be so nice to be close to him. “No, I wouldn’t let that happen. That’s not fair. It’s your room. And you deserve the bed.”

“I don’t agree.” He shook his head. "I don't require rest like you do. I'd really not get any use from it, and I don't want to share it with you if it may remind you of... less tolerable company. You'll be under the same amount of stress as we will. You need adequate rest."

I couldn’t argue that, but I could explain that he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable like the bastards did. “I…don’t think I will. You’re a lot different than them.”

He paused from readying the bed. "Thank you, I take that as a compliment, but it should be standard, I'm afraid. I don’t entirely understand your situation, but I do think you should be shown the way you should be treated." He looked over at me, and I had to look away before he could see how red my cheeks were. I didn’t understand. "I can share the bed as long as you tell me if it makes you uncomfortable at any time."

I nodded. He made me feel comfortable enough that I could say I’d do that. When I was just with the other Capitol people, I had learned to stay quiet. But I probably would tell him if I felt uncomfortable. “I will, but I think it will be nice sleeping with you.” Oh fuck, that sounded wrong. I froze, and my cheeks burned worse. “I didn’t mean it that way!” I focused on petting Niner, not looking at him.

“It’s alright, I didn’t think you meant it that way. And I hope I don’t make you nervous. I don’t mean to.”

That wasn’t why I was blushing. “N…no. I’m just flustered. You’re really attractive.” I ducked my head, embarrassed at the words that slipped out.

He paused, and I could feel his eyes watching me. Oh, I had said the wrong thing, hadn’t I? He finally turned back to making the bed. "Thank you. I... well, I'm not accustomed to being called as much, so I'm not certain what I should say in turn. I," he hesitated. "I don't know if I would consider it attraction, but I am certain I want to be sure you leave these Games well protected. I want you to be safe and happy."

Oh fuck. A warmth bloomed in my chest, and I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. It was stronger than just happiness. I rubbed Niner’s ears. “I don’t really understand. But I want the same for you.”

“Then maybe we can look out for one another.” He nodded. “And the first step can be making sure you get a good night’s rest tonight.”

I nodded, my cheeks burning completely. I walked over to the bed, tensing a bit at the memories, but this was different. Ives was kind and gentle and didn’t want to hurt me. He said I wasn’t a monster, and I didn’t really believe that, but I appreciated the kindness. So, this was different. I took off my shoes and sat down on the bed and pulled up the sheets around me, patting for Niner to jump on the bed as well. She did, curling up in the crook of my legs.

Ives got in the bed after taking off his shoes and laid on the other side, not getting close. Which was nice, but I did want to be close to him. He looked over at me and carefully took one of my hands. “Are you alright?”

His touch was so gentle. I nodded, not able to find my voice right away. “I’m alright.” I cuddled closer to him, and he was so comfortable and warm and…and I felt safe around him. I didn’t think he would try anything or be mean. I finagled myself around so I had one arm wrapped around Ives and the other arm wrapped around Niner. I buried my face in his shirt. “This is so nice. I’ve never felt such gentle touch before.”

“That should be a crime,” he whispered playfully, eventually wrapping an arm around me as well and pulling me closer. And instead of stifling, like it felt whenever the people who paid for my time fell asleep on top of me, he felt like a weighted blanket, comforting and safe. I released a long, relaxed breath. This was amazing.

“Thank you. I feel so safe.” I relaxed in his arms, and I fell asleep soon afterwards.

*

I was back in the arena, and Naivi was next to me. But she was bleeding out but not looking bothered. She was actually smiling at me. "You have that power, and you still let me die? You wanted me to die, didn't you?"

I shook my head, starting to cry already. "No. I wanted you to live. I wanted you to live even more than I wanted to live. Please. I'm sorry."

She laughed and pulled me close, the blood getting on my hands and arms and creeping up to my shirt and towards my head. "You never cared. You just wanted me to die."

"No! I didn't!" I started sobbing as my fire appeared out of nowhere, and Naivi screamed, burning in the flames. I screamed and surged forward, but I blinked, and Naivi was gone, and I was surrounded by the charred remains of the arena, all of the kids' bones piled in front of me.

I sat up and started sobbing, curling in on myself. I was a monster. And I didn’t deserve kindness. Ever.

Ives jumped awake beside me, and that was something else to hate myself for. I had woken him up. He needed rest. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, sounding disoriented. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to invade your space.” He sat up, not getting close to me. Which was what I deserved. “Are you okay?”

I buried my face in my arms, hiding from him as I sobbed worse and coughed up some smoke. “I’m just a fucking monster. That’s all I am.”

“I know that isn’t true. If you were a monster, you wouldn’t be trying to help Garnet or I at all.” He placed a hand on my back, and I wanted to lean into the touch, but I didn’t deserve it.

I shook my head. “I couldn’t save my ally.” I couldn’t say Naivi’s name out loud. “And you didn’t see the arena after I was through with it. Everything was gone. All those kids…” I started shaking and curled up on myself more.

“You didn’t do it on purpose. It wasn’t intentional.” His voice was low and soothing, and I found my sobs calming down. “It was an accident, and accidents don’t make you a monster.”

I…I had killed half of the tributes who had gone in. I was a fucking monster. “I…I can’t…I can’t forgive myself. I have these nightmares so often. I need to be controlled. I can’t let that happen again.”

Ives leaned over and gently took my hand, and I flinched away. "Chess, you are the only one who should control yourself. You control yourself, and no one else should claim control over you. Even if you can't forgive yourself, you've kept going. You're here, helping us. That isn't what a monster would do."

I couldn’t agree. The arena. The bodies burned to a crisp. “I can’t believe that. I’m sorry. With everything I’ve done, I deserve to be hurt.”

“Then I’ll prove it to you,” he whispered, placing his hand beside me instead. "I believe you deserve to live a better life for what you've been through. When none of this has been your choice. And regardless what you say, think, or what they tell you, I'm going to stay right here with you to help you believe it."

Niner moved closer to me, whining, and I petted her, which helped calm me a bit more. “I…” I don’t deserve it. But he wouldn’t believe that. He’d already proven that. So, it was pointless to say that out loud. "Thank you. It’ll probably take a lot of work.” I tried to laugh, but it wasn’t as effective because I was still crying a little.

“That’s alright, I’m made for a lot of work.” Niner scooted closer and licked my face, focusing on the tears, and another laugh spilled out of me. “And it will certainly be worth it.”

It was hard to believe, but I did trust him. “Thank you. You and Garnet are the nicest people I’ve met.” I petted Niner and found Ives’s hand, squeezing it.

“That’s…well, that makes me sad, really. I don’t think we’re the best candidates for ‘nice’.” He chuckled. “But we’re here for you. You’re on our team and I…I worry about you.”

The touch was comforting, so I moved closer to him, leaning against him. I felt so much safer. I sighed, and the tears finally stopped. “You are both nice. And thank you. I’m going to protect you to the best of my ability.”

“I know you will, and that, the fact you want to care for others, that disqualifies you as a monster.” He squeezed my hand. “And I think we’re lucky to have you as our mentor.”

“Thank you. I’ll earn that, I promise.” I closed my eyes, actually getting tired again. Normally, I didn’t fall back asleep after a nightmare.

“I know.” He combed a hand through my hair, and I melted. That felt so good. “You’re going to do great things, and prove them wrong.”

“I’ll do whatever I can,” I mumbled, my eyelids getting heavy. “No one will listen to me, so I’ll offer favors to get you sponsors.” I leaned completely on him, everything feeling heavy and tired.

I barely registered Ives frowning as he held me, petting over my head before I fell asleep.

[rheawritessometimes]

Model AU Headcanons

{ Model!Albedo/Diluc/Kaeya x Photographer!GN!Reader }

{ Summary } Taking pictures of pretty boys. Model AU Masterlist

{ Warnings } Flash Photography, Zero Research Done.

{ Notes } Oh to spend one's days taking pictures of the Mondstadt men...

{ Word Count } 1,480

Diluc

Diluc comes to every shoot wearing an expensive pair of sunglasses. You’re so used to seeing him in sunglasses that you have had to restart a shoot on more than one occasion because he forgot to take them off and you didn’t notice.

There are two reasons he hardly spends any time in the makeup department. His skin is near flawless naturally and everyone hates him for it and he hates sitting in the makeup chair so the stylists just let him leave after enough huffing.

Diluc is a super serious model, which means it doesn’t take long to finish a shoot. Everything is done as efficiently as possible with him. It’s as if he hates the job, but you know he has enough money to quit if he wanted to.

Actually, once he gets comfortable with you Diluc isn’t a very serious model at all. He’s just a little shy.

“Diluc, please stop doing the Cha-Cha Slide.”

There was always a little bit of music playing during your shoots. Usually, you just put on an instrumental playlist. This was not a playlist you had curated and currently playing was a song that vaguely resembled the Cha-Cha Slide, which leads to the current situation of Diluc dancing when you were supposed to be starting.

The redhead turns to look at you, staring you dead in the eye as he proceeds to cha-cha real smooth. It’s not the first time you’ve seen a genuine smile from Diluc, but it is the first time you hear his laugh.

The model took one look at your expression and lets out a sound you’ve never heard before. He laughs so heartily and the sound leaves you in awe, you can do nothing but stare. It wasn’t fair, he was already so beautiful but somehow he looked a million times better when he laughed.

Always brings you a drink when he comes to set. He had to stop at Starbucks for a coffee on the way here, so he thought it would be nice to get you something. He definitely doesn’t have your drink preferences memorized and certainly doesn’t go out of his way just so he can catch a glimpse of your smile when you thank him for the drink.

Invites you out to lunch every so often. Totally doesn’t want to lunch with you every day but holds off because he doesn’t want to seem too interested so he overthinks about how long he should wait to invite you again. Nope. Usually opts to go to a casual cafe type place and orders a sandwich, but a fancy sandwich. Turkey, brie, cranberry, bacon, and spinach.

Even on your lunch dates outings, Diluc wears a dark pair of shades. He apologized about it once, saying he hated being recognized when he was out in public. You told him he’d fare better covering up his bright red hair. He didn’t have a response to that.

Despite any protest on your end, Diluc always pays for your meals. He says he has plenty of money, but you argue about the principle of the matter. He just laughs.

Albedo

Most of the time Albedo looks like he’d rather be somewhere else. His nose is often in a book when he’s waiting between shots.

Diluc may be near flawless but Albedo’s skin is actually flawless. Surely he can’t be human, you’re not even sure he has pores.

Despite looking like he wants to be elsewhere, Albedo is on set a lot. Even when he doesn’t need to be.

He’s really intelligent, but also very absentminded.

Kaeya flashed a genuine smile when you announced the end of his shoot, making his way over to you. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to chat after a long day.

However, he stopped when he noticed a drastic shift in your expression, gaze following yours. Soon he had an expression of horror to mask your own as he noticed Albedo sitting up in a patch of faux flowers that adorned the set.

“No, please no,” you muttered as you flipped through the shots you had gotten throughout the day. Of course, luck was against you and Albedo was visible in every single shot, blending in with the soft tones of the background. Still, how had no one noticed him?

“Sorry,” Albedo had said, but he didn’t sound very apologetic. Despite brushing it off nonchalantly, the next day Albedo did bring in baked goods to appease you. He was lucky they were delicious.

Albedo doesn’t smile for his pictures, but he’ll smile when he talks to you. You only brought it up once and he just said something about ‘maintaining his apathetic image’.

This man puts headphones on specifically to protest your music. Usually, he doesn’t mind, but every so often a song he doesn’t like will come on and he makes a point of looking you dead in the eye as he puts his headphones on.

Hands you a beaker and tells you to watch it for him while he models. Never says what you’re supposed to be watching for or what to do with it.

Albedo knows the beaker is full of water, but you don’t know that and he finds it endlessly entertaining to see you eye the glass suspiciously when you remember it exists. He brushes off any attempt by you to ask about it, he can’t reveal that it’s his excuse to talk to you and sometimes touch your hand when you exchange it.

Well, putting it like that makes it sound super creepy. Albedo just doesn’t know how to initiate a conversation with you in any other way, and this also includes an element of fun! At least, it’s fun for him to see your confused expression when he hands you the beaker.

Kaeya

An absolute menace to work with. He'd much rather goof off and he's so charming that you don't even notice until you've wasted half an hour with him.

Pretends to be hurt over you not wanting to spend more time with him when you realize you've wasted so much time. Actually, Kaeya ends up staying late a lot.

This time it wasn't Kaeya's fault. Albedo shouldn't have been sleeping on your set and someone should have realized it sooner. Unfortunately, things just weren't as they should have been and you would need to redo the entire shoot.

You tried apologizing to Kaeya, but he didn’t seem at all upset about it. He just smiled at you and told you not to worry about it, he’s happy to spend a few more hours in your company. You roll your eyes at him when he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Kaeya might not be upset about it, but you could hear Diluc’s grumbling from over the phone, poor man was already on his way to pick Kaeya up only to hear the shoot would go on for a while longer. You think Kaeya might actually be happy about having an excuse to bother Diluc.

“Okay, let’s make this quick.”

“Why not take our time? Don’t tell me you’re not looking forward to spending all this extra time with me.”

Stands beside you when you’re photographing Diluc, just staring at him. He only does it to throw Diluc off, because he thinks it’s funny. Also, his Diluc impression consists of him taking Diluc’s sunglasses and making an angry face.

Sometimes you make a rule that siblings are not allowed to be in the same room, but it never lasts. At least it’s nice when they do get along. Intense discussions about new cafes and coffee.

Wants to hang out after every shoot and you have a million pictures of him on your phone as a result.

You’re friendly with most of the models, but you find yourself spending the most with Kaeya. It makes sense, he’s the most outgoing and doesn’t have as many responsibilities as Diluc and Albedo. He’s easy to get along with, but sometimes he truly does test your patience.

“Take a picture of me,” Kaeya demands as he drapes himself dramatically over a park bench, causing the surrounding pigeons to eye him curiously. You need to unsilence your phone, because Kaeya won’t move until he hears the sound that indicates you’ve taken a picture. Once you take it, he’s on his feet and peering over your shoulder to look at the result.

“I look pretty good,” he muses as he leans over and taps on the screen. He’s quick and you don’t have time to prepare before he’s accessed the front-facing camera to take a picture of the two of you. Kaeya capture’s your moderately annoyed expression as he leans over your shoulder with a bright smile.

“Send that one to me!”

You notice it’s saved as his lock screen the next time he comes in for a shoot.

[juni-ravenhall]

reactions (mild spoilers!) on sso comic song of darkness

bc i read it before bed. this is a mix of random reactions + commentary/criticism. no pics sry! under cut bc spoilers, but i dont spoil the story itself, just some content -

- the pages at the intro with character information for some reason made me feel really nostalgic and happy, like, “wow this is a real comic” idk its hard to explain. it reminded me of reading stuff like W.I.T.C.H. as a kid (ive read a billion comics in my life but i compare to this bc its closer in general vibe) 

- anyway wow sso comics. on paper. wow (yeah i have clouds over silverglade but that was a while ago)

- hhehehehehhe south hoofers and raptor in the bg!!!!!! after this panel i kept looking at the bgs for other cameos kjhdsfg

- i can tell the swedish translation is... a bit... meh. like, yeah this is standard, especially today’s standard, but it could be smoother and more natural, which would make it more fun to read (and supportive of the language in the country where sso was made like? idk...)

- AVALON?? U HAVE A FACE??? he looks way more like evergray than i’d have thought though, youd have imagined he wouldnt want to style himself similar to him lol

- its a bit depressing how even tho this comic tries to express everyone’s personalities, lisa still barely feels like she has a personality. she can sing! ok... and... we’re wating... what else? (there are plenty of “boring” people irl, but in media you usually want to exaggerrate or simplify things a little bit) the current lisa seems like she could have more anxiety/depression in her narrative, the old lisa looked like she was tough in a different way than alex, both of those are things that could be pushed. or anything else. 

- my only like, “art related criticism”, also relates to the above - i think more work could be done in using individually unique expressions. im generally not a person who agrees with the idea of “same face syndrome” (often its a stylistic choice which is fair) but i think here it could be a good idea to work a bit more with various expressions - you can have charas who would almost never make huge shocked eyes for personality reasons, charas who always have a very obvious expression (alex does have this a lot in this comic!), charas who always look annoyed or frustrated or scared alongside whatever new emotion they get, etc. just very simplified description bc im already rambling. but basically, letting all charas emote in a similar way also removes layers of personality expression. 

- it’s cool that kora is in here!! love to see many known charas!! not rly interested in random new charas since sso already has a ton to work with 

- was a bit surprised when they said “mistfall, so youre a long way from home?” to kora when they.. were riding to firgrove from valedale? i could have understood this if they were in like epona or golden hills.. but firgrove?? shes specifically not a long way from home? confused

- i do like that the horses’ personalities get expressed, altho it does feel a bit shoved in, it’s still nice to see them. many of us are here bc of loving horses after all, and this comic delivers in featuring them a lot, even if they dont talk. i get that theres a level of “explaining everything to newbies” in this whole comic, even though i could wish that wouldve been done less blatantly. (kids arent dumb!) 

- i do kinda wish the overall story hadn’t been a standalone random thing but something more tied to what we have, exploring parts of the story & charas in sso in more detail, BUT, i think thats a valid direction to go with comics and its more just a personal preference for me. i would anytime take more sso comics that are standalone random stuff than to not have sso comics at all. 

- it seems like the reason concorde is an alive adult in this comic, is bc its an AU where concorde “almost died” but didnt, if i understood it right (they just said “she almost lost concorde”). i think thats a bit weird BUT valid, its ok to have differences in canon between different media of the same story, it tends to be like that between books and movies for example. however personally i wouldve preferred to see comics that explore, for example, the 2 years (?) between SSL and SSO, or each soul rider’s life history in general until now, or exploring in more depth events that happen in the main storyline (in sso or ssl which counts as backstory to sso)

- there were times i committed small giggle during this comic even as an adult man, tho arguably a childish adult man, but just to say that it was enjoyable, and overall i thought it was really exciting and fun to read a full sso comic book, and i hope to see a lot more (even if i’d prefer stuff like what i described - more exploration of existing story/charas). like i said at the beginning, i also got good nostalgic feels etc. i feel a bit sad now that its “over”, i wish i could have a whole pile of volumes to read for the rest of the summer. 

(when i criticise something, it means i care enough about it to criticise it! i tend to criticise stuff i love - aka sso - way more than stuff i have no interest in or dislike, which i just dont talk about much bc that would be a waste of time.) 

[bpro-cardstories]

Tomohisa Kitakado SSR

2019 ー Performance [実演]

“Fufu, I am looking forward to it. But KiLLER KiNG’s『Sexiness』......  I wonder what it will look like?”

『Event: The Wizarding Academy (02nd - 09th October 2019)』

Part 1

Tsubasa: ‘Excuse me, I brought Kitakado-san with me.’

Yashamaru: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa-chan. Sorry for taking your time, Tomo as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘No. But, it’s rare to be called out alone. Did something happen?’ 

Yashamaru: ‘Wrong, it’s not such a serious topic. I just thought of a good idea and only wanted to quickly tell you!’

Tomohisa (chuckles): ‘A good idea?’

Yashamaru: ‘Ufufu, that’s right. Before that, do you remember the flower artist Jay with whom you released the collaborated MV? It has a really good reputation, even until now~♪. It’s because you guys worked hard to convey your image to Jay-san.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘Aah…… That time was difficult. It’s quite a memory. The sunset I went to shoot with Ryuji and Tsubasa….. was unbelievably beautiful.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. The time with the both of you as well….. The sun that sets in the sea and the rising moon perfectly match the image of decadence and regeneration, which is truly impressive.’ 

Yashamaru: ‘Right, exactly as you said!!’

Tomohisa & Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Yashamaru: ‘This time KiLLER KiNG wants to place more emphasis on the MV image of the new song. And I thought wouldn’t Tomo be perfect as the director!’

Tomohisa (perplexed): ‘Me….. as the director?’

Yashamaru: ‘��The sun dyes the ocean with its own colour, both when it sets and when it rises.』The image you came up with was definitely the key to that MV. Don’t you think it’s great to have a place where you exhibit this excellent sense more? It’s a waste to leave it like this.’ 

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘To have Yashamaru-san tell me this, I feel deeply inspired.’

Tomohisa: ‘But, because I don’t have any filming skills, I can’t easily accept this. Even if I study, I don’t know how long it would take…..’ 

Yashamaru: ‘Oーh, so series. That’s fine! There will be as many technical professionals as you want on the location. I have a high opinion of your sense. It’s not Tomo’s job to be the filmmaker. Tell the actors and staff the image you have in mind as accurately as possible.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘The image I have in mind……’ 

Yashamaru: ‘Exactly, well, for now, listen to the song. And if nothing comes to your mind, then it’s fine to pass this time.’ 

They are listening to the song. 

Tomohisa: ‘.......!’

Tsubasa: ‘Wah….. very cool, such a mature song. It is unlike KiLLER KiNG, in a good sense.’ 

Yashamaru: ‘True. I want to show a new side of the boys.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘.........’ 

Tsubasa: ‘......... Kitakado-san, are you fine?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah…. Perhaps it’s fine to have dark elements for this song.’

Tsubasa: ‘!’

Tomohisa: ‘The confrontation of good and evil or the fear that people have….. I wonder if it’s interesting to compare it to a fable?’

Yashamaru (winks): ‘Ufufu, I wasn’t wrong, after all! Which means, it’s decided, Tomo ♪. I’m looking forward to it.’ ___________

ーBack at the mansion. In the lobby.ー

Tomohisa: ‘.........’

(Kitakado-san…… Since before he’s been frowning the whole time. In addition to being busy, serving as the director for another group’s MV is a burden, after allーー)

Tomohisa: ‘.....『Gloomy』. No, 『Sexiness』, hm.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘It’s the theme of the MV. To bring out the new charm of KiLLER KiNG, I’ve been thinking about which would be good the whole time…..’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san…… Were you not worried about accepting the role of the director?’

Tomohisa: ‘Oh, could it be that I made you worry about that?’

Tomohisa: ‘I was certainly confused at first, but the moment I heard the song, the image overflowed in my head…… I’m very excited right now. More than anything, I’m greatly honored to be able to receive such an opportunity.’   

Tsubasa: ‘If that is the case, I am happy to hear that…….! Because I love the works Kitakado-san produces, I wondered if it is not difficult while thinking that I want to see it……’ 

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa. When you say so, I become even more motivated.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, I am looking forward to it. But KiLLER KiNG’s『Sexiness』......  I wonder what it will look like?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘That’s the fun about the photo shoot, hm? KiLLER KiNG’s vividness with their cuteness is a big attraction. But they also display a sexy and mature look sometimes. If you can bring it out well, you may have a fascinating music video that mixes cute and sexy.’

Tsubasa: ‘Cute and sexy….. The balance between both is quite difficult.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘It’s fine. I plan to get the appropriate advice from experts.’   

Tsubasa: ‘Experts you say?’

Tomohisa: ‘Exactly, the road of the professional.’

Part 2

ーThe day of the MV filming.ー

Ryuji: ‘Andーー Why was I called again?’

Tomohisa: ‘Because Ryuji is the best idol who has both cuteness and sexiness, and can perfectly express both of them. On this occasion, I want to show an example as we move on with the filming in accordance with the situation.’ 

KiLLER KiNG: ‘We will be in your care!’

Akane: ‘It’s a little bit embarrassing to be produced by a friend, but I’m happy! I want to make it good, so don’t hold back!’

Ryuji: ‘No, having such expectations is troubling…..’ 

Tomohisa: ‘It’s fine, if you show us the usual Ryuji for the sake of our cute junior group, please?’

Ryuji (bashful): ‘Tomo…. Geez, can’t be helped then.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘Fufu, thanks.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san, the camera setup seems to be finished. The test can start at any time.’

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa. Alright everyone, shall we start?’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji will lie down on the bed over there. Mister cameraman, please shoot from the front, diagonally on the right side. From there, it feels like you’re moving closer….’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji, slightly raise your gaze. And then….. Can you look at the camera provocatively for me?’

Ryuji: ‘Like this?’

Haruhi (blushing): ‘Wah…..! My heart just skipped a beat.’

Yuduki: ‘Hm…. Is that maybe the so-called『Sexiness』?’

Tomohisa: ‘As I thought of Ryuji. It’s a shame that I can’t show this to our fans. I wonder if we can’t use this footage for something else?’

Ryuji: ‘Yes, yes. Enough of me, aren’t KiLLER KiNG the mains here?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, you’re right. Then first is…. Shall we start with Akane?’

Akane: ‘Eh, with me!? O-Okay…..’

Akane: ‘Uhm, lying down, and with a flirtatious glance….. Like this?’

Tomohisa: ‘The restless expression is cute I think, perhaps you need to be a little bit calmer…..?’

Akane: ‘L-Like this?’

Tomohisa: ‘Hm….. Should we try to imagine the situation concretely? For example, let’s say you have a loved one in front of you, who did everything that they could do to come to see you. You want to make everything your own right now, don’t want anybody to touch them. When remembering such a fierce emotion, what kind of look will Akane send this person?'

Akane (shyly): ‘I-I don’t know…..! What is this situation!?’

Miroku: ‘You’re too bashful, Akane.’

Akane: ‘Uuh, I mean…. I’m probably not suited for this…..’ 

Haruhi: ‘Miss stylist, I’m borrowing the flowers here~.’

Haruhi: ‘Look, look, Akane! I’m sure it’s this kind of feeling! I’m going to eat you up, sweet kitten ♪.’

Yuduki: ‘Why are you holding a rose in your mouth….?’

Miroku: ‘Haruhi, it just looks like a joke.’

Haruhi: ‘Eeh, it can’t be! Even though I was so confident!’

Tomohisa: ‘It’s better to not make many complicated things so that the atmosphere might come up. Since it’s a MV this time, there are no lines. So above all, the『Gaze』becomes the core of the sex appeal.’

Tomohisa: ‘Provocative, hot, and run with sweetness…. I know. Tsubasa, could help me for a bit?’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh….. I?’

Part 3

Tomohisa: ‘Then, Tsubasa stands here…. Can you stand next to the camera?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes.’

Tomohisa: ‘It might still be too high of a hurdle to regard the camera as your beloved person.’

Tomohisa (winks): ‘For the time being, why don’t you try to act, thinking of Tsubasa as your dear lover?’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh!?’

Miroku: ‘Eh?’

Tomohisa: ‘Eh?’

Akane: ‘W-W-Wait, Tomo! Aren’t you raising the bar!?’

Miroku: ‘Agreed. Besides, it also troubles Tsubasa.’

Tomohisa: ‘..... Why?’

Haruhi: ‘Wah, such pure eyes....! As expected of Kitakado-san, the prince….’

Yuduki: ‘Haru, and are you impressed….?’

Tomohisa: ‘...... I see. Explaining it just with words is hard to understand. Should I try to put it into practice?’

Tsubasa: ‘.......! K-Kitakado-san…..?’

Before she can realize what is happening, Tomohisa already closes the distance between them.

Tomohisa: ‘Hmm. Your embarrassed face also is quite charming, Tsubasa. Come one, raise your head. Look me in the eyes and show me more of….. my unknown Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘.......!’

Yuduki (blushing) & Haruhi: ‘......!’

Miroku (blushing): ‘As I thought, that’s…..’

Akane: ‘It’s impossible for me~~!!’

Tomohisa: ‘Is it too hard perhaps? I thought because there’s a partner, it’s easy to put in emotions…..’ 

Ryuji: ‘It’s not that.’

Tomohisa (perplexed): ‘Ryuji?’

Ryuji: ‘Everyone should have understood by now what Tomo wants. After this, it’s just about switching. How about you shoot one by one? They are all professionals, so if they decide on their feelings, they can do it.’ 

Tomohisa (smiles): You’re right….. That might be the case. Let’s shoot individually then.’

Ryuji: ‘When that’s finished, you will shoot outside, right? That seems to be difficult, so isn’t it fine to make more time in advance.’ 

Yuduki: ‘Ehm…. With this machine, we can make it rain.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes. To bring out『Sexiness』gloominess and sadness are necessary. When I expanded the image, I really wanted to include rain. I thought it would be difficult because I needed a huge amount of equipment, but I’m glad I got the OK from Yashamaru-san and the others.’

Tsubasa: ‘When I heard Kitakado-san’s enthusiastic presentation, I thought it was absolutely necessary. That is why I wanted everyone to listen as well.’ 

Akane: ‘I see….! It’s the scene Tomo is fixated on.’ 

Tomohisa (winks): ‘Yes. While you’re hit by the rain, you think of your beloved person and stand still in pain….. I want to shoot a scene that touches the heart. I’m sure it will turn into a beautiful movie. I’m looking forward to it.’

Part 4 

ーIn the Gandara office.ー

Tomohisa: ‘It’s incomplete footage that I connected roughly…. What do you think?’

Tsubasa: ‘It is wonderful. At first, it has a cute atmosphere that gives off the feeling of KiLLER KiNG, but…. Their suggestive gazes gradually draw me into a different world and make my heart throb. The rain scene as well is an impressive end. Because Kitakado-san’s performance in the test filming was really fantastic, I was wondering if you would come out of the screen for a moment….. I was expecting it a bit.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Haha, thanks. But since it’s KiLLER KiNG’s MV, I mustn’t intrude.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, you are right. I am sorry.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘When the shooting of the connecting image scenes is over, the editing is left afterward, if I am not wrong.’ 

Tomohisa (worried): ‘Yes….. That’s what I was planning to do.’

Tsubasa: ‘Did something happen?’

Tomohisa: ‘Tono’s look worries me a little. The footage just now was sexy plenty enough but…. I have the feeling that there is more fitting『Sexiness』to Tonoーー’ ________________

ーIn a library.ー

Tomohisa: ‘I’m sorry for asking unreasonable things as in wanting to do an additional shooting.’

Tsubasa: ‘No, everyone has the same feelings because they all want to produce something good. I am glad the schedule allows it. Besides, the concept of showing Miroku-kun with『Intellectual Sexiness』...... is a really charming idea.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘I should rather say that Tono possesses a mysterious aura that’s detached from the real world. A well-trained body is sexy as well, but isn’t it better to focus on that instead as it gives off a fresh feeling is what I thought.’

Miroku: ‘I was surprised at the new setting. The scattered pieces seem to become one….’ 

Tomohisa: ‘I aimed at making a collage-like movie, so I didn’t expect that I’m able to compose a story from it.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘The other unit members were characters in Miroku-kun’s open book…. I think that this is a very interesting structure.’

Tomohisa: ‘The rest is whether it can be expressed well in the movie. Tono, shall we start filming right away?’

Miroku: ‘Yes.’

Tomohisa: ‘Look in the camera and smile. With the image like a god who controls everything in this world….’ 

Miroku: ‘.......’

Tomohisa: ‘...... Very good. As expected, this one is sexier.’ ________________

ーIn the meeting room.ー

Tsubasa: ‘The inserted footage has come out pretty well.’

Tomohisa: ‘You’re right. It took a considerable time for the staff…. I’m  really grateful that I was allowed to be so particular.’

Tomohisa: ‘Cool, cute, a gap that’s different to the usual tone…. Everyone in KiLLER KiNG is charming, so the people who will watch the MV will enjoy it by that alone.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘But….. as I moved on with the work, I wanted to tell more than just those four. I wondered if I can’t, by including the story, make a movie with depth from multiple angles….. Wouldn’t it resonate with the fans’ hearts in this way.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I think that the staff is also seriously facing this project because those emotions are definitely being conveyed.’

Tomohisa (laughs): ‘Yes…. If that’s so, then I’m happy. For everyone who is helping us, I need to produce the best MV.’

Part 5

ーKiLLER KiNG’s room.ー

Haruhi: ‘Ooh…..! The MV’s so absolutely cool! Ah, look! My face!! Isn’t it super handsome!?’

Akane: ‘Yep, yep! When you complete things, it must feel like this, right…..! It kind of doesn’t look like us!’

Yuduki: ‘The movie looks like a really beautiful…. artwork.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, everyone is quite excited.’

Tomohisa: ‘It looks like it’s to your liking which I’m happy about.’ 

Miroku: ‘It’s a type of work that’s different from our MVs so far. Even the storyline is appealing….’ 

Miroku: ‘..........’

Tomohisa: ‘...... Tono? Does something concern you?’

Miroku: ‘No, not something that concerns me.’

Tomohisa: ‘Don’t hold back. There’s still room for discussion.’

Miroku (surprised): ‘Kitakado-san……’

Miroku: ‘..... Uhm, in that movie I’m watching and controlling the three from the outside  but if it’s possible I feel like wanting to put in another surprise…..What do you think about the last twist of me, who is supposed to rule, actually being part of the story, for example?’

Akane: ‘In other words, Miroku too is merely a character in a book that someone is reading…. or so?’

Miroku: ‘Yeah.’

Tomohisa: ‘I see….. That’s interesting. Tono, who is entranced by the omnipotence, is yet in the palm of someone’s hand. God, the creator of the story, is in the position to play around with such great things….’ 

Yuduki: ‘It’s a little bit scary….’ 

Akane: ‘But this thrilling feeling might be great maybe!’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, it emanates a more fascinating atmosphere. It depends on the negotiations, but if it’s possible, I want to include this. However, there’s also the problem regarding the casting choice…..’

Akane: ‘There’s no need to worry about this.’

Miroku (smiles): ‘Of course, it will be Kitakado-san.’

Tomohisa: ‘Eh?’

Haruhi: ‘Agreeーd! During the filming too it felt like Kitakado-san did as he liked with us!’

Yuduki: ‘You’re perfect for the role of the god.’

Tomohisa (worried): ‘But as I thought…. If I appear, I will only be in your way.’ 

Haruhi: ‘Ehh!? It’s going to be a super cool MV I think.’

Akane: ‘Or does the image not fit Tomo’s?’

Tomohisa: ‘That’s…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘If you are not against it, why don’t you try it out? It is a work that you made with such a determination. It would be a waste to not take the challenge. If the image does not match, then let us talk about it together.’ 

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Tsubasa…..’ 

Akane: ‘You don’t need to worry about it this much, okay? Tomo’s the one who understands this MV the best, after all!’ 

Tomohisa: ‘..... You’re right. I’ll give it a try.’

Akane: ‘Ehehe, that’s how it should be!’

Haruhi: ‘I wonder what the costume will look like~?’

Yuduki: ‘As expected, a god or a writer…..’ 

Miroku: ‘If we go with that setting, then going with a god may be better.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu. Everyone is acting so lively.’

Tomohisa: ‘True. I’m also having lots of fun. I think it’s a happy thing to share the feeling of wanting to produce something great and create one work in this way.’ 

Tomohisa (winks): ‘.... I’m sorry to have caused you trouble again with the schedule. I’ll be counting on you again, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Please leave it to me. This is my job, after all!’ 

END

[pbandjesse]

I am exhausted. But today was great.

I slept pretty well last night. I woke up and felt kind of blah. But I got dressed and felt really cute. James helped me get my bags to the car. Hugs and kisses. And then I was off.

It was honestly a hard drive. I was way tired and had to focus really hard. People were driving really stupid. And It was just really tough. But I enjoyed my music. My podcasts. I had Mcdonalds. There wasn't like a ton of traffic but it was still a really hard drive out here.

I got here around 1030. It was really nice to see my parents. We sat on the porch and talked until Jess came at 1215. We talked about Jen and the funeral and wedding plans and money and the car. Dad looked good. Mom's hair has gotten so long!! It was a lot of fun though just being with them Felt good.

Jess got here and we all headed out. There was some traffic but mostly it was a nice ride out.

We had brunch first at this little cafe. It was sweet. They gave Jess a free piece of cake. We shared basically everything. It was a good time. But we had a bit of time to waste. That was okay but we had a nice walk over to the shop after we moved the car. We had to back track for my mask. And then we stopped to pet a very cute dog. BUt then we were there!

We had to wait a few minutes. Which was all good. We looked at the magazines. And chatted. I showed the stylist, Jen, some examples and she pulled a beautiful dress for me right away that was so close to what I wanted. The material was perfect. I felt so pretty. Nothing else there really lived up to it. I still had fun trying on things but nothing else was as good.

I liked one that had a high neck and interesting sleeves. But it wasn't right. It was a standing up dress for sure. It was still really fun to try things and play dress up. I even tried on a veil. Didnt think I would like it as much as I did. It was great. Made it all feel real.

We left there after getting some details and information. We walked dow the street to a stationary store and debriefed a little. I also bought a silly little fork. It's shaped like a hand. Did not need. Love very much.

We headed to Ritten House Square next. Took a while to find parking. They got coffees. And then we went to sit in the park. It was nice just looking through the pictures Jess took. And people watching. It was a beautiful day. Once the sun started hitting where we were sitting we headed to the Barnes and Knoble to use the bathroom and then next door the Anthropology.

We were still early so we just looked around. There were some wild things like $150 pairs of prepainted on work pants?? Like they looked cool but like. Thats a lot! It was fun looking regardless though.

I had a much better time at this appointment. The stylist was great. She had pulled a few dresses for me already. Jess picked a few more. And I just had a blast.

The first dress, again, was the favorite. It was very similar to the dress I liked at the first place. But had a different neckline. I really liked it. I felt so pretty. It may be the winner in the end. But well see!!

I had fun trying on more dresses though. Lots of styles and cuts. Some sleeves. Some shorter. I felt very special and pretty and it was great. My skin was a mess and I tried really hard not to focus on that. But I still felt beautiful and I am feeling really good about everything.

But then the drama happened. We headed outside and there were like. Huge groups of people all looking down the street at yelling. I was worried someone was in a fight. But nope. Just terrible evangelical Christians screaming about god hating people. Mom was about to fight them. Me and Jess were yelling that we were witches and sluts and whatever.

And then I saw mom was getting upset at something the guy said. ANd I was just like. Nope. And I took a deep breath and screamed as long and as loud as a could. Just let it all out. All my anger and hurt at the church. At losing my sister. At this last year. I just screamed. It echoed off the building. And then I realized it really shut him up. So whenever he started talking I started screaming. It went on for multiple minutes. There were at least 150 people at the park gathering now. People were cheering and laughing whenever I screamed. I ended up getting closer to try to get mom and the guy started calling me a fat whore, saying my dress was ugly. So I hitched up my dress and started screaming again. He says she cant keep this up. And I was like. Bet. And kept going. FInally I grabbed mom and told the crowd to keep it going. People were clapping. Someone asked for my picture?? Asked if I sung opera?? Told me I should look into it! It was hilarious. We were all shaking. IT was crazy. If someone doesn't find that video somewhere online I will be shocked.

We were all a little shaken though. We got to the car with minimal snipping. But we got there in one piece. We had a mostly quiet ride back home. I was excited though. I may have found a dress? So we don't have to make it?? It will need some tailorin. But like. Im super jazzed.

Jess dropped us off. And we filled dad in. I started getting nauseuus though so I had some watermelon and cracker sandwiches. And I am feeling better now. Mostly just very tired.

I am going to go shower now. And then try to just sleep. Tomorrow we are trying on some more dresses. I am not going to make any decisions yet. I am excited to try more dress's on. This has been really fun.

I hope you all have a great night. Take care of yourselves. Wash your hands!!

[wroteasongabouther]

>> Darling <<      part 4 ➭ harry tequila always wins

fic page // talk to me about it!

warnings: smut, alcohol, cursing, and maybe some second-hand embarrassment

authors note: if you started reading this fic over a year ago and are here for by far the latest update ever thank you deserve a gold star. lets hope the next update wont take me so long. buckle up boys and girls, it’s a long one.. hope u like it xx

—

December 3rd, 2021

To be a great business woman meant you also needed to be a great sociallite.

Parties were being held nearly every weekend here in New York by the wealthy business men and woman. And with it becoming a younger crowd year by year, the parties got bigger and better. Tonight’s theme was a white out party. You suppose it worked out well as the first snowfall of the year hits the city the very same night.

It’s no surprise that your stylist outdid herself. You wore a bralette styled top, high waisted white pants, white heels, and of course a flare of your extra self with a white faux fur jacket. With your freshly highlighted hair blown out by the cold winter wind and a dark red lip, you knew you were the hottest one to walk into the party. The long stares from both men and woman told you so too.

Upon your arrival, you waste no time give your very expensive jacket to coat check before making your way to the bar. The alluring feel to be all wide eyed and enjoy these parties were long over for you. No, instead you needed nice buzz to actually make it through any of these events.

“You look amazing tonight,” a fellow business woman from Westbrook Atlantic grins as you approach an awaiting group.

“Thank you,” you smile, “crazy how it’s snowing today, right?”

The handful of people you had the attention of all nod and give you the usual fake-interested look you were getting used to now. But then suddenly their gaze all fall to the new addiction to the group. Looking to your left, you see you won’t be avoiding Harry tonight.

He had spotted you and made his choice of socializing tonight it seems. You roll your eyes as everyone asks Harry about his newest deal. Stupid deal may you say, he was going to lose a shit ton of money in the end result.

“You’ve made better choices,” you state with a tight smile before bringing your drink to your lips.

“Oh really?” He challenges you, raising a brow.

“Yeah, I met with Vanessa just last month actually. Sure she’s got the assets but does she really have the brain to carry out such a deal she proposed?” You say.

Harry catches onto your play of words immediately, the others around maybe not so much. While they have questions, Harry simply gives you the slightest glare. If he really expected you to be the same girl who shut up and agreed with him while around business talks, he was sadly mistaken.

You didn’t see the harm in poking some fun at him. This Vanessa girl probably dressed as she did when you had her come to your office too. You didn’t think her boobs could be pushed any higher and her butt screamed fake. Something you’re sure Harry liked about her proposal. It wouldn’t surprise you if he signed with her and then fucked her right afterwards. 

Anything to get his dick wet, you knew his damn ways.

“I’m not sure that’s a way for a woman in your position to be speaking of other woman in the business,” Harry says, his lips just twitching to curl up into his well known smirk. “Are you insinuating that Vanessa couldn’t hold up a good deal, because she’s a woman,” he’s playing one of his stupid games, and earning spectators around you two. 

“That’s not at all-”

“You’d think that you’d be jumping at the opportunity to help woman in this business, not to try and tear them down,” 

“I’d say the same thing if it was a lousy man giving me the same proposal that she did,” you state through gritted teeth. 

How could he start such a conversation? He knew damn well that the people around the two of you would start rumours off any little lie he made up. He also knew that you once scolded him for the very same thing. Back when you worked for him. You always knew a part of him didn’t think a woman could handle any serious CEO business - but you also proved him wrong each and every day.

“Quite the statements you’ve made tonight, miss,” Harry smirks, “I should go speak with Mr Griffen, please, excuse me.” 

And then he’s wondering off. Not before turning to look over his shoulder at you with that same devious smirk on his face. He knew what he had done, planned it rather quickly on the spot too. 

You didn’t get a chance to talk to Harry again the whole night. No, instead you were playing damage control to the mess that Harry started at the beginning of the night. Woman were coming up to you, bickering your ear off about how disrespectful you could be for saying a woman didn’t have the brains for this business. Then you’d have to repeat over and over again your apology for the misunderstanding Harry had of your words. And as you did this, Harry always stood a fair distance away that he could catch your gaze every few moments.

And now here you were at the end of what had to have been the least fun you’ve ever had at an event before.

You’re tipping your head back and feeling the burn of liquor drain down your throat. It was unlike you to do a ton of shots though, in fact you’ve only gotten truly wasted three whole times in your life. And that’s what you were planning on doing, getting so freaking wasted that you’d forget about the horror of a night tonight turned into. You think back on the other times you’ve gotten wasted in your short life time.

The first time was at the fresh age of 16, Peter McDonald had stole a bottle of some brown substance and brought it over to some party - letting you grip the neck of it for most of the night. Thing was, it was your first party you ever attended. You didn’t know when to put the bottle down.

Plus, Peter was just trying to get into your pants. 

Too bad you puked all over them before the night was over and ended up being yelled at by your parents for days on end over the whole ordeal.

The other 2 times were because of the very reason you knew you were downing your fifth shot in the past ten minutes. His green eyes taunting you from across the bar. Why hadn’t he left yet? You think as you glare at him. A shiver runs across your skin as another shot of tequila burns down your throat.

“Give me another, Darren,” you order the bartender the moment you shot glasses hits the bar top. 

Flashbacks to the first time you had legally gotten black out drunk came flooding back as the familiar middle aged bartender poured you another shot of tequila. 

  —

December 14th, 2018

“I need this,” you say. It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself as you stared at the reflection staring back at you.

“Babe, you like so need this,” your best friend, and roommate, Samantha states from where the bathroom she’s currently made a mess up while getting ready.

You really freaking needed this night out on the town with your girls. Breanne and Chelsea were meeting you two at the club, the three of them had this master plan of begging you to come but after the first month of working for Harry had passed by - you needed this. So you did yourself up, curling your hair and putting on maybe a bit too much highlighter. Samantha let you borrow her newest black lace bodysuit - clearly meant to be a piece of sexy lingerie.

You wondered if Harry liked lingerie.

Shaking your head slightly, you focus back on your reflection as you touch up your lipstick. Before sliding it into the front pocket of your leather material pants. On second thought, you take out the lipstick seeing as the pants were too tight for anything to really fit in the pockets. So you open your closet and find the small white purse you kept hidden away for nights like this.

“Okay, Bre and Chels are like hailing a cab down now so we should leave soon too in order to meet up in line together,” Samantha explains, eyes cast down on her phone before looking up. Her eyes go wide at the sight of you all dressed up. “Or maybe we can skip the line all together if you just like pout those pretty lips at security,” she smiles.

“Oh shut up,” you roll your eyes and walk to where your phone was charging to unplug it and slip it into your purse. “Should I wear the boots or the open toe heels?”

“Heels, you’re already going to be cold in that top so might as well freeze your perfect little toes too,”

“My toes aren’t perfect,”

“Oh yes they are,” Samantha huffs while sipping up her thigh high boots. She went for a mini skirt and crop top look tonight, obviously looking hot as hell. Didn’t take much effort from her though.

“Ok you perv,” you chuckle.

Samantha laughs along with you and within minutes you’re both downstairs making minimal effort in hailing down a cab. Of course Samantha makes another comment about how your “hotness” got them a cab right away on this busy Friday evening in New York. But it was New York, there was cabs everywhere you looked.

You’re flipping your hair out of your face while looking down the line at the club when someone from behind the ropes steps up to you. He’s wearing a navy suit with a white button up under - the top two buttons undone, a gold chain barely visible around his neck.

“Hey,” he says, a grin upon his face. And it’s a nice face. He must be Lebanese if you had to guess. Perfectly Styles black hair, with perfectly trimmed facial hair and piercing blue eyes.

“Hi,” you reply.

“How many are in your party, beautiful?” He slides the compliment in smoothly. You can’t help the blush that creeps to your cheeks. At this point you notice the ear piece and thin wire that is tucked nearly behind his ear before disappearing under his shirt.

“Four,” you answer with a smile.

“Perfect, I’d love to escort you in,”

“Okay,” you nod.

Samantha doesn’t waste any time grabbing onto Breanna and Chelsea and pulling them from the line, all three of them picking up their pace in order to cut in line with you. The gorgeous man smiles at you all before unhooking the rope and letting you through.

“Told you so,” Samantha is singing in your ear as you all stick close together in the buzzing club.

You quickly figure out the man that let you in is one of the managers of the establishment. He orders a round of tequila shots, then a few drinks too. At first he’s friendly to the four of you, but then he’s turned his back to your friends and is asking you questions.

“So what do you do for work?” He asks. It’s a regular old question, but one that causes your stomach to turn and heart to pick up its pace.

“Um, I’m an assistant for a pretty big businessman I guess,” you answer with a shrug before bringing your drink to your lips and taking a generous sip.

“Oh nice,” he smiles, “do you like it?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you stumble on your answer, eyes drifting over his shoulder to where your three friends were now taking shots with some other girls.

“Suppose work isn’t a great talking subject for you, huh?” The man teases. “Did you want another shot?”

You nod, giving him a tight smile before he waves over the bartender again. Just as your tipping your head back, the manager seems to be called away as he presses a few fingers to his left ear in order to hear what’s being said into the earpiece in his right ear. Next thing you know he’s telling the bartender to put your drinks on his tab, brushing back your hair off your shoulder gently to whisper into your ear.

“Enjoy your night off, hopefully you’ll stick around long enough for me to escort you out,” he says, leaning back to give you a wink before he’s slipping away from you at the bar and into the crowd.

“Did you get his number?” Breanna asks as the three of your friends walk up to you.

“No,” you shrug and slowly let the corner of your lips curl upwards, “but I got our drinks covered for the night,”

“Oh my god!” Chelsea shouts, her mouth wide open in shock.

“That’s it, you’re coming out with us all the time now, you hot bitch,” Breanna exclaims before pushing her chest into the bar, her breasts nearly spilling right out of the top she’s wearing, as she waves down a bartender. “We’ll get eight tequila shots, please,” she shouts out with a grin.

“Oh, we’re so getting wasted tonight,” Chelsea smiles, pulling up her phone to take a video of the bartender pouring the shots - of course turning the camera to you after, causing you to giggle and hide your face.

“You need this, Y/N,” Samantha repeats her words from earlier in the night, “you’ve been working like a damn dog, now let’s let loose and enjoy this night,”

After downing the two tequila shots each, Chelsea is leading the way to the dance floor. The thumping of the bass, with the crazy light show and within seconds you can feel all those shots you just took. You’re jumping up and down, grabbing onto Samantha’s shoulder to shout out the lyrics of the song playing around you. And for almost two hours, you never once think of Harry.

That is until you’re sitting alone in a booth, pulling your phone out for the first time tonight to see a ton of messages from your boss - and your potential booty call? No, you tell yourself as you read the texts.

Harry: I need you to change my schedule for next weekend, clear all meetings. I will still take phone calls.

Harry: I also need my dry cleaning picked up before noon tomorrow.

Harry: Coffee and breakfast by 7.

Harry: And don’t wear any underwear.

Harry: Hello?

Harry: Y/N look at your damn phone.

Harry: Call me right when you get these messages.

You sigh before typing away at your screen.

Y/N: I don’t think I’m fit to call you at this moment, Mr Styles..

Harry: What do you mean by that? And why are ignoring my texts?

Y/N: I mean that I am currently unable to talk on the phone. Not in the best state of mind for a quick chat with my boss.

Harry: What the hell do you mean?

Harry: Are you drunk?

You rolls your eyes at your screen. Before you can even type out your response, Harry has sent another message.

Harry: Where are you?

Y/N: it’s none of your business actually

Harry: Actually it is completely my business, if you value your damn job I suggest you tell me what the hell you think you’re doing.

Y/N: I’m just living my life Harry. Let me live.

And with that, you slide your phone back into your purse. Your hearts racing as you stare across the booth. A hiccup passes your lips. Then all of a sudden you don’t feel so good. Slipping out from the booth you push your way past the people in VIP to get to the bathrooms. Once the door of the stall is shut behind you, you’re leaning over the toilet and taking deep breathes. Nothing comes up, thank god, but it was a close call.

Maybe that feeling in your stomach wasn’t the threat of tequila coming back up. Maybe it was because you just told off your freaking boss.

You groan and lean your head back against the cool metal of the stall. Tequila made you do some dumb shit.

You don’t remember how long you stood in the stall before someone knocking and asking if you’re alright. Then you’re back in the VIP section and unable to find any of your friends. Pulling out your cell phone, you go to unlock it and call up Samantha but instead you’re bombarded by incoming calls from Mr Harry Styles.

“And somehow you look just as stunning with a frown on your face,” you turn at the voice of the bar manager. “What’s got you frowning?” He asks, stepping up in front of you now.

“I-I don’t know where my friends are and my stupid boss is bugging me,” you explain, not even realizing that you’re pouting afterwards.

“I could check the cameras for your friends, if you wanted to come to the back with me?” He’s peering at you through his lashes. Something that maybe a couple hours ago you’d find sexy, and maybe you would go to the back with him for a quick fuck. But now all you could picture was Harry’s stupid green eyes and stupid stupid face.

“I think I’m going to go home,” and with that statement you turn on your heels to head out of this place. Only you seem to have forgotten in your foggy drunken state just how unstable you are, falling forward straight onto the floor.

“Shit,” the manager cursed as he kneels down beside you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you grumble while brushing your hands on your thighs, leaning back on your feet as you sat on the dirty bar floor. Suppose these pants were trash now, you think while looking at the scuffed material at your knees.

“Here, let me help you find a cab,”

“I need another shot,” you order while taking his hands and getting back to your feet.

“I think you’ve had enough-“

“No,” you snap, “I need another damn shot now,”

“Okay,” he nods and leads you to the bar instead.

Maybe it’s the powerful tone you used. Or maybe it’s cause he still wants to fuck you. But the bar manager nods and leads you to the bar once again. One shot turns into two as you try to blur out the thoughts of Harry. God where did Samantha go? You think while glancing around the club.

“I’ve got to go back to work,” the bar manager tries again. You sigh and close your eyes, resting your chin in the palm of your hand as your elbow rests on the sticky bar top. “Keep an eye on her,” he says to the bartender.

It doesn’t take long before another guy is slide up next to you. He’s cute, got that typical ‘I’ll fuck you then never talk to you again’ hair cut that’s shaved at the sides and long at the top. Clean shaved and sporting a coy smile.

“Dance with me,” he say.

You’re about to grab ahold of his hand and let him lead the way when you suddenly recognize Breanna and Chelsea walking towards you. A grin spreads across your face at the sight of your friends.

“Hey!” You shout while wrapping them both in for a hug.

The fuckboy seems to get the clue you’ve lost interest in him and walks off without you. It’s probably for the best, you’d look like an outright fool trying to dance all sexy out there. Tequila made for some sloppy dancing from you.

“We’re about to head out,” Breanna states, rubbing your back which brings a soft smile from you.

“Have you seen Samantha?” You ask.

“Not since she started making out with that guy back on the dance floor,” Breanna says.

“Pretty sure she left with him,” Chelsea adds.

“Nice,” you smirk and lean your head on Breanna’s shoulder. “Well, I for one had a ton of fun with you girls tonight,” you’re shouting out the words with maybe a bit too much excitement. Breanna and Chelsea laugh, hugging you once more before asking if you were ok by yourself.

You had hope a certain gorgeous bar manager would be making his way back to the VIP section.

After your friends have left, you’re walking back to the bar and leaning over it slightly as you go on your tip toes in order to get the bartenders attention. He’s watching you in between pouring a few shots for some other customers. Then as your pushing your cleavage together he’s resting both hands on either side of where you were leaning towards him, head tilting up with a smirk.

“You’re trouble,” he states, voice much lower than you expected. He’s hot. Like slightly older guy kinda hot. He’s got a nice moustache, a few lines around his grey eyes. Hell, he’s like really hot for his age - you think while biting down on your bottom lip.

“Maybe,” you counter back. “I’d like another shot of tequila, please,” you order with a smile while slowly leaning back from the bar.

The bartender doesn’t move at first, instead his eyes are drinking you in. Suppose this bodysuit - or lingerie or whatever - was really working for you. Then all of a sudden his grey eyes flicker over your shoulder. He stiffen immediately, then stands up straight and tall. What in the world-

“Actually she won’t be having any more tequila,” you could recognize that voice anywhere. Harry was here. Like right here, stepping up beside you in the same suit he was wearing earlier today. The same suit you had your hands wrapped around as he fucked you in the janitors closet. “Seems you’ve given her enough tonight Darren,” Harry adds with a dark look to the bartender.

“Um, no,” you pipe up, leaning back over the bar quickly to grasp the bartender - Darren’s attention. “Tequila, now,” you demand this time.

Darren looks from you, back to Harry, then back to you again to give you a small smile. And then he’s walking away. What the hell, you think.

“What are you doing here?” You question, turning a bit too quickly to face Harry as you sway a little bit. Harry reacts by grabbing your arm to settle your drunken movements. You shrug from his grasp right away. Seems Harry doesn’t like it, eyes narrowing in at you before his hand is back by his side.

“I’m here to take you home, think you’ve had enough fun tonight,” he says the word fun with more of an angry tone.

“No,”

“No?” Harry raises an eyebrow at you.

“Yes, no,” you say while lifting your chin up.

“Not making a lot of sense, darling,” he mutters. You notice how his jaw is clenched, eyes hard before they wander around the VIP section.

He seems to find who or whatever he’s looking for as he takes a few steps behind you. This is your chance, you think with a smile as you turn back to the bartender and flip your hair from your face. He’s standing back in front of you as you give him a wave.

“Tequila, please,” you sing.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea-“

“Look, Denis,” you pause as your eyes narrow into small slits. “If you don’t pour me another double shot of tequila so I can continue on with my night, I will make your life a living hell,”

“Put the claws away, Y/N,” Harry’s back standing behind you. “No more to drink, you’re leaving now,”

“No!” You shout at him as you turn to face him maybe a bit too quickly. Your stomach sloshing at the movements. “You’re not the boss of me,” you add.

“Actually, I am,” he smirks. Bastard, you think as you glare at him. “Put her tab on my card, Darren,” Harry says, his eyes not leaving yours as he places his credit card on the bar.

“The manager was covering my tab tonight,” you state, lips curling up into a smirk to match his.

“Actually, I fired him,”

“Fired? What do you think you just own this whole damn city?” You question, crossing your arms at your chest.

“Well, I do own this club,” Harry says, “so, yes, he’s fired,”

“Bullshit,” you roll your eyes as the anger seems to be rolling off you now. Your drunk was no more happy all thanks to your crazy boss.

“Thank you,” Harry says to Darren as he takes back his card, eyes skimming the receipt briefly. “Jesus, were you trying to drink yourself to bloody stupidity?” he asks before shoving the receipt into his pocket.

“Well my friends were with me, so like they had some drinks too obviously,” you shrug and lean back against the bar.

“Where are your friends now?”

You shrug again and find yourself watching him through your blurring vision. Didn’t matter how many men here tried to make a move. Harry Styles was by far the hottest most sexy of them all. Maybe it was a good call to not have another shot of tequila so you could fuck the-

Your thoughts are cut short as you feel sick suddenly. Running past Harry, you push open the bathroom door, locking the first open stall in sight before clasping to your knees and throwing up into the toilet bowl. Your ears are ringing as you barely make out the sounds in the bathroom around you. Some girl is shouting, then your heads in the toilet again as you gag out more contents of your stomach.

“Y/N,” Harry’s voice is soft from the other side of the stall. You close your eyes and lean against the side of the stall, the metal was cool like it was earlier too. “Are you okay?” Harry asks.

“I’m fine, Harry,” you answer in a sarcastic tone, smiling as you look over to see his favourite YSL boots on the other side of the door.

“Unlock the door,” he orders.

You roll your eyes and stand on your wobbly heels. Placing both hands on the door, you let out a deep breath before whipping the door open and pushing passed Harry. You needed to rinse your mouth, you think while stepping up to the sink. After doing so you look up into the mirror. Your eyes find Harry in the reflection right away. He has his back to you for a few moments, shoulders rise up before falling slowly back down to his composed posture he always has. When he turns around to face you, taking the step steps towards you, you can see the anger in his eyes.

You fucked up.

“Don’t yell at me,” the words slip past your lips before you can stop them. Then suddenly you’re pouting at him too.

Damn tequila.

“I want to do a lot more than yell at you, pet,” Harry says through clenched teeth.

It’s the first time you’re alone with him now. Glancing around you notice that Harry had kicked everyone out of the bathroom. You brush your hands against your hips, the lace rough before you touch the cool leather of your pants. Harry looks at you through the reflection in the mirror, he’s towering over your figure - so close you can feel his hot breath on your neck. 

“Like what?” You question, your tone once again taken over from the tequila in your system - what were you doing teasing your boss after you just threw up only moments ago? 

Harry doesn’t answer - verbally. Instead he grips your hips with both his hands, his touch rough and firm, pulling your body into his. You react with a quick gasp, then he’s lifting one hand up to your throat. Harry gently squeezes, while you widen your eyes and stare at him in the mirror once again. There’s no denying how your core is pulsing between your legs. There’s also no missing the hardness pressed against your lower back. A glimpse of desire crosses Harry’s face. Lips spread into a wicked smile, his eyes hooded as they gaze back at you through the reflection. 

“I want to fuck the recklessness out of you,” he speaks as though he’s craving the mere idea of it. 

Harry tights his grip at your throat as his other hand snakes around to the front of your pants. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that he would do exactly what he just stated he wanted. Harry Styles made it pretty clear over this past month that he always got what he wanted. 

“I want you to know who’s the boss of you,” he continues, “I want you to stutter over my name as I show you exactly who’s the boss of you,”

A whimper gets caught in your throat as you ache to be touched. You had learnt over time that Harry had a way with his words - and he knew it too. The way he’d just simply reword something to sound more seductive in the office, it always got to you. 

“I want it,” you utter the three words Harry loved the most. 

He pops the button of your pants undone, sliding down the zipper before running his fingertip over the lace that was apart of your bodysuit situation. The motion causes you to quiver under his touch, you moving only results in Harry’s grip tightening - both at you throat and your hip. 

You don’t even realize that you had closed your eyes as they flutter open once more and catch Harry’s dark greens in the mirror. His chest is rising and falling at a faster pace than normal. In that moment it’s almost as though you read his mind.

“Please,” you say just above a whisper. 

Harry has your pants to your knees in only two swift movements, and that’s impressive considering just how tight the leather material was. He rips the material of the bodysuit just as quick, the veins in his hands pulsing as he does so, and you barely have a second to think of how upset Samantha is going to be you ripped her lingerie. Your bare bum is lifted up to the damp counter top, your hands falling back to grip on of the sinks while your head smacks back into the mirror. Harry’s hands are at his own body now, but only for a few moments as he slips his hard cock out of his pants. 

Your stomach feels like giants are stomping inside, while you can hear your own pulse in your ears loud and clear. There’s no sound coming from your mouth but it’s open, maybe in shock or maybe in anticipation - you were too drunk to really know. 

Harry only brushes the tip of him between your soaking slits once before he’s pushing himself into you - hard. You gasp, a burning feeling overcoming you between your legs. But then he’s moving, fast, pounding into you in quick hard meaningful thrusts. With each thrust a gasp escapes your lips. Harry moves a hand back to your throat, which you react by leaning back more in order to give his hand more room to choke you. The warm feeling in the pit of your stomach grows quick as Harry fucks you hard on the bathroom sink. 

You lose it when he rubs your clit, not soft in any way, no he wants to get your release out of the way almost. And when your body is pulsing under his touch, waves of your orgasm rippling through your entire body, he slips out of you completely and flips your body so your stomach is flat against the counter. Harry positions himself between your legs again before entering your warm wet cunt. You moan at the sensitive feeling as he fucks you some more. 

Lifting your head, you meet your own glassy eyes first. Glassy from the drinks you’ve downed tonight, and from the pleasure you’re feeling right in this moment now. Just has Harry’s thrusts begin to slow, you raise your gaze to look at him instead. What a sight, you think as his eyes are closed and his mouth is open. Within seconds you feel him finish inside of you. Warm and oozing between your thighs as he slips out slowly. 

You shut your eyes for a moment as you focus on your breathing. This was by far the quickest fuck you and Harry have had. Maybe even the roughest. And it was definitely hot. God, just thinking about how his hand felt around your throat made you want to pull him in for another round. 

“Pull up your pants,” Harry demands. 

Your eyes flutter open, meeting Harry’s serious eyes. Standing on wobbling feet, you reach for your pants and pull them up to your hips again. You have to tuck in the ends of the bodysuit, while you could still feel the wetness between your thighs. Suppose Harry didn’t feel like helping you clean up today. 

“Where are your keys?” Harry’s questions causes you to turn and look at where he stood now. He was by the stall, going through your purse. 

“My roommate has them,” you answer. 

“And she is where?” 

“I, I don’t know,” you reply sheepishly. Eyes cast down to the floor as you realize you’ve made yourself look like even a biggest fool in front of Harry. 

“Suppose you can stay at mine,” Harry mutters. 

You nod while brushing your hands through your hair. There was this feeling at the pit of your stomach. Tonight was gone to absolute shit. Harry was going to fire you. Let you sleep at his house, and then fire you tomorrow morning. There was no way in hell any of your behaviour was acceptable tonight. How you told him off, ignored his messages, and then somehow managed to fuck him in the public washroom. Your thoughts are running a million miles an hour as Harry leads the way from the bathroom to where he had a car waiting for the two of you outside the club. 

Harry doesn’t speak in the car. So neither do you. In fact the cool feeling of the window against your cheek causes you to close your eyes and nearly doze off to sleep. But you’re still aware of the situation you’re currently in, so you force yourself to stay awake till you got into whatever sleeping arrangement Harry had for you. 

You steal one glance at Harry during the car ride. The lights from the city night casting into the car and lighting up his high feature of his face. He’s got his knuckles pressed against his lips, something he did while in deep thought quite often, you had taken note of it over the past while now. His eyes are focused forward, but you know he’s zoned out in whatever thoughts are clouding his head. Maybe it was how he was going to fire you tomorrow. You open your mouth for only a second, thinking of slipping out a quick apology, but instead you press them tightly closed once more and look back out the window beside you. Right now you wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and get rid of this foggy feeling all that tequila gave you. 

“You can sleep in the guest bedroom, first door on the left down that way.” Harry states, pointing to the hallway at your left as the private elevator for his penthouse opens up. 

Harry walks out into the open concept quick. Obviously over the wow factor his home held. It was stunning. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all one big room. Floor to high ceiling windows across from the wall with the elevator gave him and his guests the best view of the city you could ever imagine. It was decorated with minimalist taste, only greys and blacks - absolutely no colour besides the deep chestnut wood of the floors beneath your feet. You especially liked the dark cabinets and granite that complimented his kitchen beautifully. Harry’s standing at the biggest stainless steel fridge you’ve ever seen. 

He closes it and has one bottle of water and one bottle of blue Gatorade in his hand. You begin walking to where he is now, impressed by the appliances in the kitchen. He had a freaking high quality espresso machine that you’ve seen in a Starbucks.

“Drink this when you wake up,” Harry says. He meets your eyes for the first time since leaving the club. “There should be Advil in the cupboard of the en suite too. And drink some of this before you go to sleep,” he orders while placing the Gatorade down first and then the water bottle. 

“I know how to help a hangover, Harry,” you state, “I was once in university, you know,” 

“I do know,” he nods, “was just thinking you spend that time and all those student loans on your education, not partying,” 

“I didn’t always party,” you mutter under your breath. Harry stares at you across the island that you stood on the other side of it. “I just, I needed to let loose and have some fun tonight. I’m sorry that I got you involved in my personal bullcrap of a night,” you finally say half of whats heavy on your chest. 

Harry nods once. Then his eyes fall to where a clock was in the kitchen. You follow his gaze and catch sight of the time too. It was nearing 2 in the morning now. A yawn escapes your lips. 

“Have a good sleep, darling,” Harry says softly before he’s walking out of the open room and down one of the two hallways. 

Sadly he walks down the other hallway, opposite to the one he directed you to where the bed you’d be sleeping in was. You imagine sharing a bed with Harry again like you had the one time back at the hotel, the first time you two had had sex. Since that night you hadn’t fallen asleep beside him since. He fucked you at the office, in the back of cars, and even in the bathroom of a club now.

You ignore these thoughts and grab the two bottles that Harry had gotten for you before finding the bedroom you’d be sleeping in. There was nothing more you wanted right now than to get under the blanket and sleep. Well, maybe you wanted this night to have never happened - then you would be able to sleep peacefully knowing your job wasn’t about to be done for. 

The next morning you woke up to the sun shining in your eyes. The first thing that you notice as you sit up are how your clothes that you had left on the floor are now gone. Then your head begins to pound, letting out a deep breath you reach for the Gatorade. But sitting beside it is a note.

‘come into the office whenever you start feeling better- Harry’

You throw up in the shower. It’s not by any means your best moment, but it happens, and after getting nice and clean - in one of the greatest showers ever - you walk back out to the bedroom. Harry’s guest bedroom. Your bosses guest freaking bedroom. You shake your head at yourself and turn to see another note tapped to the closet door. 

‘got you a few things to chose from - Harry’

He was buying you clothes after last night? You sigh and open the door to reveal the decent sized walk in, you couldn’t imagine what the master bedroom was like if this was only a guest bedroom. Inside you see a few items hung in the otherwise empty closet, as well as a pair of shoes sitting on the floor neatly. 

There’s two dresses and a blouse and skirt hung up. All tags say Gucci on them, which honestly makes your head spin just thinking of how much they are worth but it could also be the killer hangover you were nursing while sipping on the Gatorade Harry had gotten for you last night. With little to no want to even be standing right now, you grab for the first hanger and put the simple cream colour dress with green and red stripes on. It zips completely up the front, from bottom to top. Suppose Harry would like the easy access of this dress, you think. Too bad he would no longer be your boss after the crap you put him through last night. 

There’s no underwear, that should be noted, but you’re not really that surprised that Harry hadn’t gotten you any sort of under garments at all. He wasn’t a fan of underwear at all really. You decide to throw your hair up as it’s still a bit damp, then you find your purse and walk to the bedroom door. The heels click against the hardwood flooring while you walk to the large open concept living space of Harry’s home. 

He’s not home, obviously, hence the first note you had read this morning. Going into the office so early on a Saturday only meant that things were just as busy as ever - business didn’t even stop for the holidays. You take another generous sip of the Gatorade and check your phone for the time. 

Suppose it’s better to get this over with, you think. It was only 8 in the morning, only an hour later than when you’d typically head into work. You ignore the text messages from your friends, only making sure there wasn’t any new ones from Harry. There isn’t. You let out another sigh and head towards the elevator that’s inside Harry’s house. Because who doesn’t have a private elevator right? You take in the view one last time with a longing look - you wanted this view. You wanted this life. And yet you managed to fuck up your only passage into this lifestyle by drinking far too much tequila and fucking your boss. Your professors would be so proud. 

“Miss,” you recognize Harry’s driver as you enter the lobby. He’s waiting for you it seems, standing from one of the couches as you walk towards him. “Mr Styles has told me to take you into work this morning,” he states. 

“Well,” you pause, swallowing back the threat of vomiting for the third time this morning. “Let’s get going then,” you say with a tight smile.  

You nearly fall asleep on the short ride to the Styles Enterprises building. Harry’s driver opens the door for you, which you simply give him a smile and short thank you in return. Maybe he’d like to give you a ride home to your crap apartment after, stop by a few cafes on the way home to find a new job too. You let out a sigh and ignore the rest of the people around the building that do recognize you. 

This was by far one of the worst hangovers of your life, you think while finishing the rest of the Gatorade and tossing the bottle in the bin under your desk. Harry’s office door is closed. As it always is. Checking the calendar on your desk, you make sure he’s not in a meeting or on an important call. There’s nothing written down, so you drop your purse off and walk to the large doors. 

“Come in,” Harry calls from inside after you knock. 

He’s sitting at his desk, his back straight as a board as he types away whatever business stuff he had to attend to at this hour. God you were too hungover for this. You stop only a foot in front of his desk and wait for him to look up. It takes only a few breaths before Harry’s gaze falls to you. He lets his eyes draw up the length of you, from the black heels to the mess of hair upon your head. He probably notices the few small bruises at your knees from whatever you did last night. Or maybe he notices the small red marks at your neck. You remember what those are from, 100-percent, you’d never forget it. 

“Did you not read my note?” Harry questions.

“Yeah, I did,” you nod, pausing to lick your lips, “just thought I’d get this whole losing my job thing over with,”

“Losing your job?” He raises a brow, pushing his chair back a bit from the desk. You raise your eyebrows as well, tilting your head at him. 

“You really expect me to believe you’re not going to fire me after what happened last night?”

“You were enjoying a night out with friends, I admit I was being pushy with my text messages,” Harry says as he stands from his desk. You stay silent at his words. You rarely hear Harry ever admit he’s wrong. In fact you can’t think of a time, work related or not. It may also be because your brain’s working a bit slower this morning. 

“You’re being serious?” You ask, “I’m not fired?” 

You watch Harry’s every step as he makes his way around his desk and towards you. There’s not missing how your heart rate picks up again. Damn him, you think. He looked so good today in his grey suit and baby blue shirt. The top two buttons were undone which makes you think he must really be having a tough morning. You wonder how you can help. 

“Miss, if you could get me another coffee, and make sure my next weekend is freed up,” Harry says. 

“Of course,” you nod. 

Harry reaches forward, the backs of his fingers gently touching the marks at your neck. You hold your breath. He blinks slowly, eyes still on them as he probably recalls last night in the bathroom. Then he’s reaching up to your hair, tugging at the elastic that was keeping it up. You reach up to help, letting your hair down. 

“Maybe it’s best to keep your hair down, darling,” he says, a sly smile curling at his mouth. 

“Right,” you breathe out. 

Harry’s so close. So close that you can’t help but look down at his lips. 

“Coffee, please,” he smiles. 

You nod again and turn to walk out of his office. And maybe stop by the woman’s washroom to empty out your stomach yet again this morning. The mere thought of vomiting makes you feel even more sick. 

“Y/N,” Harry calls. You turn back around, lifting your brows as you fear opening your mouth would resulting in vomit ending up on the floor of Harry’s office. “Make sure your calendar is clear for next weekend too, you’ll be joining me” he exclaims. 

“Sorry?”

“Is there an issue?” Harry questions, his eyes barely raise from where they were looking down at some papers in his hands. 

“It’s nothing, just had some plans-”

“Another night with tequila?” 

“No-” 

“Good, then cancel your plans. Or I’ll think about that whole you losing your job thing again,” Harry says. You can only nod before you turn away and walk out of his office. 

These past 24 hours have been the wildest of your entire life, you’re sure of it. You try to forget about it all as you sit at your desk and begin to clear Harry’s schedule for the upcoming weekend. What for? Well that was the burning question now, seeing as you were to join him. You hoped it was to travel somewhere nice - you could enjoy Hawaii in December. 

—

December 3rd 2021

You catch sight of Harry in the thinning crowd of the night. Though you hadn’t done much socializing after trying to cover yourself from the load of crap Harry started earlier in the night. While Harry had been buttering up anyone and everyone. You especially didn’t like the attention he was giving that blonde, her hair looked fake for Godsake. 

“Lovely coat,” Harry says as he steps up in front of you. 

“Oh shut it, before I kick you out of my club,” you spit back. All these drinks in your system meant you didn’t have the time to put up with him right now. Truthfully you just wanted Michael to get here and bring you home. 

“Such a petty move, by the way, buying this bar,” he states, eyes wandering around the room. 

“Thought that bar manager deserved his job back after your jealousy got him fired after all,” you ramble back at him, tightening your coat at your chest as the front doors open a few feet away from you. “Besides, you put it on the market, I just saw a good business opportunity,” you add. 

“Questionable statements, all of them,” Harry says. 

You don’t have a response. So instead you press your lips together tightly, eyeing Harry for the millionth time tonight. God you wanted nothing more than to hit him. Maybe you’d hire someone to do it. A few ideas came to mind as big bold letters reading ‘PAYBACK’ flashed through your head. You pull your mouth up to a smirk, crossing your arms at your chest now. 

“I didn’t realize we were going to be playing these games so soon, Styles,” you say. 

“Thought you knew the business by now, darling,” Harry’s smirk matches yours. It was like fighting fire with fire. And you loved it. 

“Oh you taught me plenty about this side of the business, don’t you worry,” you say, taking one stop forward and bringing your fingers up to the collar of his white dress shirt. You smooth your fingers slowly over the material a few times. “I’ll play dirty,” you pause and lean towards him till your lips brush against his ear, “if that’s what you want,” you say. 

You think for only a second that you’d stunned him to silence. But you never had the upper hand. A gasp pushes passed your lips as he places a hand at your lower back and presses you flesh against his front. Turning your head, you meet his gleaming eyes and devious smile. 

“You’ve always know exactly how dirty I like it, darling,” he says. 

He’s only close for a few seconds. As you’re too tipsy to push away immediately - or maybe too turned on. Either way, you give him a quick look before bringing your hands to his shoulders and pushing away from his hold. There’s no more words to be exchanged, you think as you walk to the front doors and find Michael standing there with the door open waiting for you. You don’t miss the questioning look in his eyes. 

“Take me home, Michael,” you hiss at him. 

Of course, you’re not angry at him. Oh no, it’s the mischievous green eyed bastard of a man that has managed to weasel his way back into your life - even after all the damage he’s done to you.

[immortalbarnes]

The Auction

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You attend one of Tony Stark’s infamous fundraisers and meet a mysterious Avenger

Warnings: Swearing, SMUT (unprotected sex, female receiving oral)

A/N: this is my submission for @ugh-supersoldiers​‘ 5k writing challenge! i’m still pretty new at writing smut, so feedback is greatly appreciated!

Fuck parties. You’ve hated parties since highschool. You’ve always been more into intimate get togethers, or just alone time. That’s probably how you climbed your way to riches, now being the CEO and founder of a multi-million dollar technology startup you began senior year. You were too busy creating the next best selling product online to attend parties, but now that you’re somebody in America’s capitalistic society, you need to give yourself a good image to keep your business afloat.

That’s why you’re sucking it up and attending Tony Stark’s fundraiser tonight.

Honestly? You’ve never been the biggest fan of the billionaire, but he was a fun guy nevertheless, and his parties weren’t unbearable, so you decided to stick it out for a few hours, bid at the auction to save the pandas or whatever this was for, and sneak your way onto some tech blogs to help your reputation flourish.

Of course, you have to look good, so you slip on a black chiffon mini dress from Prada. It’s sheer at the top, and drops down to your midthigh, for long gowns were never your thing. You add some red bottom pumps to match. Your stylist gives you loose curls to wear down, and a minimal eye look, but adds red lipstick for drama.

“Thanks, Kayla,” You say as you pay her for her services, “it’s rare I ever go to these things.”

Arriving at the event at the Avengers Compound, you instantly swerve through the crowd, making it to the balcony as soon as possible. You’ve never been a drinker, and the bar and dance floor were always too crowded, so you decide to reside outside until the charity auction begins. Leaning over the ledge, you overhear the infamous Mr. Stark. Looking to your left, you see him persuading another brooding character that looks like they have the same thought process as you.

“C’mon, Barnes! It’s one night, and maybe you can find a special someone!” Stark entices.

“No thanks, it’s one thing to convince me to participate in this stupid auction, so don’t keep pushing it.” The man replies, eventually the light catches on his left hand, the metal revealing that it’s none other than The Winter Soldier.

“Whatever, if you want Sam and Steve, they’ll be at the bar.” Tony begins to walk away before you catch his eye, you try to avert your eyes, but he’s too quick, “Y/N! So glad you could make it!” He strides over to you, so you force a smile and turn to lean your back against the glass wall protecting you from the edge of the flooring.

“Pleasure to see you tonight, Stark, why are you out here?”

“Just trying to get grandpa over there to cheer up, but I should be asking you the same question, Y/L/N, there’s a whole bar and dance floor in there!”

“Never been a drinker, so I’m just waiting for the auction, so we can save some pandas.”

“Turtles, actually, but may I interest you in my pal, Mr. Barnes over there? You both seem like the loner type, and I wouldn’t dream of leaving either of you alone on a night like this!”

You begin to protest, but he already has you by the wrist, dragging you across the balcony to Bucky, you stumbling over your too-tall heels until you’re face to face with the Soldier. He’s wearing a black suit with a black dress shirt and no tie. Your eyes meet his crystal blue ones, his hair that reaches his shoulders is slicked back perfectly,  he has a bit of a stubble on his strong jawline, and right now you’re realizing how gorgeous this deadly man truly is.

“Bucky, I’d like you to meet a very special friend of mine, this is Y/N Y/L/N, founder of Y/L/N Corp.” Tony introduces.

“Oh yea, your company is like Starks, except better!” The brunet chuckles. You notice that his eyes crinkle a little bit, making your heart flutter, “Nice to meet you, doll.” He seems a lot happier than he was earlier when conversing with Tony alone, but who could blame him.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Barnes.” You finally manage to get out.

“Wow, you just met, and are already in better moods. Thanks to me! Keep staring in each other’s eyes, I’ll see you at the auction.” Tony says before returning back inside.

“So what brings you to the balcony?” Bucky asks.

“Never been a huge party person, just here for the charity shit.”

“Me too pretty much. My friends are inside, probably at the bar, but alcohol has no effect on me, so there’s no point in wasting the booze.”

“Oh, you’re bidding?”

“No, I’m part of the auction. Stark convinced all of the Avengers to be part of the prizes to bid on. Sam’s doing flying lessons, Natasha’s doing a yoga session, I think Wanda’s doing a cooking class, and so on.”

“What are you doing? I might just have to bid…” He laughs, and once again you’re paying attention to the crinkles near his eyes when he smiles.

“A date, sadly. I wanted to do a training session or gun range lessons, but Steve already called the training and Tony said that guns are too controversial,” He sighs, “plus apparently I need to put myself out there more. Believe it or not, I used to have game… in the forties.”

“I’ll bid on you, so you won’t have to deal with some rich cuck’s wife drooling over you for two hours.” You reassure him.

“Hey, if you win, I wouldn’t complain about going on a date with you.”

“Really?”

“Of course, darling, in fact, you don’t even have to-”

Before he could finish his statement, you hear someone call for him,

“Buck! We gotta go backstage, the auction is about to start!” You turn and see Steve Rogers poking his head out the glass double doors.

“Well, see you after the bidding, doll.” He winks and walks off with Captain America.

Maybe this party isn’t so bad afterall.

…

Not long after Bucky leaves, Tony on a mic calls all to the auction room. A sea of chair being filled by America’s richest lay before a small stage holding Tony Stark with his microphone. You pick up a paddle by the door and choose a seat somewhere in the middle of the crowd.

First up to bid on are small gadgets and technology Stark invented, you don’t bid on any because you could make something better in a heartbeat. After they’re all gone, Tony speaks,

“Tonight, we have a special collection of auction prizes. A plethora of classes and experiences with none other than Earth’s mightiest heroes… The Avengers!”

The crowd erupts in applause and excitement of the news. You shift in your seat, nervous for the bidding on Bucky to begin.

First is archery lessons with Clint, then yoga with Natasha, cooking with Wanda, then finally Tony leads out Bucky,

“Now ladies and, well, ladies, your chance at a date with the Avenger’s most eligible bachelor; Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes!” He earns himself an elbow from Bucky at that comment, “Okay! Let’s start the bidding at $500!”

You sit and wait for the early bids, knowing you can easily outdo any of them. Once the bidding reaches $3,000, you lift your paddle.

“$3,500 for Ms. Y/L/N over there, can we get $3,750?” Another paddle raises, and another bringing it to $4,000.

“$5,000!” You shout and raise your paddle.

“$5,000 from Ms. Y/L/N!”

“$7,000!” All heads turn to the other side of the room, where a girl with dirty blonde hair in a bun is raising her paddle. Her name is Sarah Palmer, and if there’s anyone you fucking hate, it’s Sarah Palmer. She hasn’t done as much as lift her finger her entire life, for all her money comes from her daddy. Your eyes meet Bucky’s panicked ones as he silently pleads for you to outbid that spoiled brat.

“$7,500!” You call out.

“$10,000!” Sarah calls back, you meet her glare from across the room.

“This bitch wants to play dirty…” You mutter, “$15,000!” You rarely spend unnecessary money, but this wasn’t just for you, it was to save Bucky… and also the turtles.

“$20,000!” She calls out after you. You gulp and almost accept defeat, until you remember you’re a goddamn millionaire, so what’s a few thousand to help out a new friend?

“$30,000!”

“$30,000 from Ms. Y/L/N! Going once… going twice… going-”

“$35,000!” Sarah screeches, she must have had to ask daddy if that was too much.

“For fucks sake, $40,000!” You yell, hoping that pushes her out of the running. You look over to her asking her father if she can go any higher, but he shakes his head no. Meaning you won.

“Alright!” Tony says, “$40,000 going once, twice, sold!” He bangs his gavel on his podium, “A date with the handsome Mr. Barnes is all yours, Miss Y/L/N.” Sighing, you sit back down in your seat, meeting eyes with Bucky as he gives you a grateful smile.

…

After the rest of the auction closes out, you go backstage to set up your date with the operations assistants. You see Bucky come up to you in the corner of your eye,

“You’re quite the firecracker aren’t you. I knew you were rich, but not $40,000 on a date with my old ass self rich!” He leans an arm on the wall and smiles.

“It wasn’t just for the date, it was for the turtles! And to save you from two hours with the demon spawn of Mr. Palmer.”

“Is she that bad?”

“She’s one of the rudest, most spoiled people I’ve ever met. She’s probably crying in the bathroom right now because daddy’s money wasn’t enough to win a night with you.”

“Speaking of a night with me, when do I get the pleasure of treating you like a queen?”

“Well, Barnes, the official date is next Saturday, but you can treat me anyway you want any night you’d like.” You wink.

He smiles and bites his lips, “Then why are we still here? My room is two floors up.”

“Lead the way, Sargeant.” Saying that earns a devilish growl from him as he grabs your wrist and drags you out of the backstage area. The trip to the elevator consists of weaving through the crowded dance floor of the main room, and one the way, you catch the puffy eyes of one Sarah Palmer, who glares daggers at you. You throw her a wink before Bucky tugs you into the elevator.

As soon as the doors close, his lips are on yours, soft and plump, he kisses you so hard that you’re taken aback for a moment, but soon return the gesture. His hands grab your hips ferociously and pull you in. Luckily with your heels, you reach him just fine. Only pulling apart once the elevator dings and he grabs you by the wrist once more and pulls you down the hall into his room.

“FRIDAY, lock the door.” He says, then he throws you on the bed like a ragdoll. You kick off your heels and watch Bucky stalk towards you on the bed, lips slightly red from your lipstick. He pulls his jacket and shoes off when he reaches you, and then he pulls your dress over your head, revealing your matching black lacy bra and underwear, “Oh, doll,” he purrs, “You look marvelous.”

You blush a little as he reaches around you a unclasp your bra with the utmost ease, “Wow, Mr. Barnes, and you said you had no game.”

“I might be a little rusty, so bear with me.” He chuckles as he begins to unbutton his shirt, pulling it off you can’t help but gasp as he reveals his god-like build. Golden abs, an impeccable chest leading to brutal scarring connecting his mortality to his black and gold vibranium arm.

“Is… this okay?” He pauses as he catches you staring.

“O-of course! You’re just so gorgeous I wasn’t ready for it.”

At that he smirks and begins to undo his belt and pants, revealing an incredible bulge straining against light gray boxer briefs. Bucky then pushes you against the comforter and attacks your exposed breasts. His hot tongue on your right while his cool metal arm caresses your left. He swirls around your nipple before switching to the other side, every small movement coaxing a moan out of you.

“God, doll, your tits are so fucking perfect,” he says as he nuzzles in your cleavage and plants kisses on the soft skin, his long hair tickling you. He begins to press kisses down your stomach towards where you’re wanting him most. You sit up on your elbows and watch as he bites the top of your panties and pulls them down and kneels on the floor, his eyes not leaving yours. You swear that it’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

Bucky’s mouth comes back up and instantly latches onto your clit, and you scream in pleasure as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive nub. It trails down toward your hole and he begins to fuck you with his talented tongue. Your thighs are trembling and squeeze around his head, his eyes look back up at you and you feel him smirk against your core. His hands go up to hook them under your thighs and pull them apart so he can fuck you deeper with him tongue.

“Oh- oh my God, Bucky!” You whine. Electricity pulses through you as you climb to your first orgasm, legs shaking even harder around his head. At once, everything rushes out when you hit your high, but the soldier helps you ride it out, licking bold stripes up and down your core, cleaning up your juices.

“The sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.” Bucky says as he stands up to tower over you, his scruff slick with your arousal.

Pulling down his own boxers, he uncages his impressive cock, which has you watering at the mouth, “Like what you see, darling?” He smirks at your slack jaw.

“Oh my god, Bucky, fuck me, please.”

He basically pounces on you, enclosing you between his arms, voice low and gravelly, he purrs, “Beg for me, princess.” Your lips barely brush against each other.

“Bucky, baby, please, I can’t take it! Please fuck me with your fat cock!” You choke out.

“Your wish is my command.” He says as he slowly slides into you, stretching you out so well.

“Holy hell, Barnes.” You moan as his pelvis reaches you, his tip almost hitting your womb. He gives you a moment to adjust to him, but soon enough you're begging for him to move, “Move, please.”

Smirking he slowly begins to slide in and out, the pace painfully slow. You know he’s teasing you from the devilish look on his face, and you’re having none of it, so you begin to grind against him.

“No, no, no, doll.” He growls, “I’m in charge here.” He places his metal hand on your hip to still you.

“Then please move faster!” You plead.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

At that, he begins to relentlessly pound into you, shaking you to your core. Grunts and whines come out of both of you with every thrust that makes a harmony that’s music to Bucky’s ears. Keeping eye contact with you the whole time, you fall limp in his gaze and become mush in his hold.

The electricity begins to run through you once more and you feel the knot build in you again as you reach your climax.

“Bucky, baby, I’m so c-close!” You can barely make out.

“Come for me doll. Should I pull out?”

“N-no! I’m on the pill. Want you to fill me up, Barnes.”

“On the count of three, baby, come with me.”

You squeeze your eyes shut as you prepare for your orgasm.

“One”

He strikes into you mercilessly, pulling everything you have out of you.

“Two”

It’s felt like years, as you open your eyes and meet his gaze once more. His pupils are blown as he studies your blissed out face.

“One.”

Everything within you releases, and same with him. His white hot seed erupts within you. It feels like pure magic.

“Oh my god.” You breathe out. He collapses next to you, panting.

“Doll, you’re fucking incredible. You are a firecracker.”

“So worth $40k.” You laugh.

“Oh, Y/N, that wasn’t even the date.” He chuckles, “Just wait until Saturday, when you see what blowing $40,000 on James Barnes gets you.”

“All for the turtles.”

[floosies]

Series: Munenca del Barrio

A/N: This chapter will start very hotly.

Warnings: NSFW, Blood, violence, smut, strong language, and drug use

Rocio Cruz lives in a Brooklyn block best known for its vibrant and ignored community. What she always ignored though was the underground scene in the borough, the evils that lay in it and its people. That all comes to an end when she’s introduced to those things she ignored.

Chpt. 5: Ven Aca (Bolero)

Masterlist

His body against hers was hot. The two were focused on the whole physical side of what was going. She felt herself falling onto a soft bedding, in what she was considering was his room. It didn’t matter then though because his hands were roaming into an area that no one had ever gotten to. Rocio had boyfriends in the past but things never got this intimate.

She knew this probably wasn’t right, but he’d already taken her swimsuit off leaving her bare, and all he was wearing were swim trunks that were nearly ready to come off. She could also begin to feel the heat of his breath near her entrance. 

In his mind, he was both glad and surprised he’d gotten this far with her. That she was actually letting him have his way with her. He figured she was a virgin by the way she was acting, all shy but interested. He wasted no time tasting her, in return she tugged on his hair, something he was enjoying. To him she tasted sweet like a fruit, one found deep in some exotic place. She couldn’t believe how much pleasure she was feeling, soon she felt his fingers pressing into her as his tongue did swirls around the swollen bud of nerves. 

It was too good but she was fighting off the moaning trying not to let anyone else know what was going on in that room. He on the other hand was having fun watching her squirm but he wanted more from her, pulling away from her but keeping his fingers in her he spoke gruffly, “come on munenca, tell me what you want. Who’s got you this wet?” He teasing her by curving his fingers making her whimper.

She knew she couldn’t hold out any longer or he’d just keep teasing her, “you do papi, now fuck me, just fuck me please.” He smirked gliding his fingers out of her slick entrance rubbing her cl*t one last time before going to the night stand besides the bed and grabbing a condom. 

Seeing him fully nude had her a bit nervous, especially because she didn’t really that he was gonna fit in in her. Once he had the condom on, he climbed on top of her starting to kiss her all over. In a soft voice he asked, “eres virgen?” She nodded, he sighed looking at her as he began to enter her slowly. “I’ll be gentle, I promise,” he cooed as he began to kiss her again. 

Her hands wrapped around his neck, his right hand held her waist while the other guided his member into her, then gently using his fingers he began rubbing her swollen bundle. It hurt like a bitch when he first entered her but the pleasure of his fingers rubbing her was numbing that pain. It didn’t take long for her to start enjoying the feeling of him. Grinding into him, she gave him the hint to go faster.

He was in ecstasy, “you’re so fucking tight munenca.” He groaned into her ear, as he took her right leg and placed it on her shoulder. Her moans filled up the room, she’d never thought her first time would be this good. Changing positions she found herself bouncing on top of him.

The view was something else for him, seeing her enjoying herself, her breath ragged and short as she tossed her head back in pleasure. His hands roamed to her breasts and back down to hips where he held her and took control, he could feel she was close from the way she was tightening around him, this lead to them reaching their highs together.

It was humid in that room, the two were laid underneath linen sheets. His hands were tracing shapes on her back as she laid on top of his chest. They hadn’t said much after what happened. It surprised him when she spoke, “this wasn’t right. It was too soon.” Her eyes looked up to see him, he shrugged. “Maybe, but this isn’t just going to be a one time thing. I care about you Rocio, you’re not like everyone else in this lifestyle we live. You’re honest and that’s hard to come by. I promise, i’m not gonna hurt you.” 

She didn’t want to believe him mainly because he’s a criminal but if he had just wanted something quick she would have been kicked to the curb already. “Te voy a dar mi confianza, but if you break that trust, I have the right to hurt you.” She said seriously, he laughed lightly but nodded in agreement. “Okay well, until the day you break my bones comes, if it ever does, lets not waste time. I made us dinner reservations so go get ready and i’ll have someone bring you some dresses and shoes to choose from.” And he did, he actually had gotten her a stylist for the dinner. She assumed it was going to be something high class but she wasn’t expecting it to come with help.

As they got into the sports car he was driving to the restaurant, he admired her. She looked golden almost like she’d just come from a dream he’d had on a better night. Steve was for the most part very old school in terms of women and business, he found that those two different aspects of life for him worked best that way. So he didn’t expect that the day would play out the way it did but at the same time he figured Rocio wasn’t going to be like any other girls who’d tried to flock their way to him.

The restaraunt was this little Italian thing by the water, very humble looking and all. Of course Rogers knew the owner, she was like family to old Blue Eyes who’d known the little old lady’s father before he passed. That wasn’t the point, the point was that he’d rented the place for the night. When they walked in, the place was lit by warm lights and there were flowers everywhere. Old bolero music played in the background, it was all very romantic. Hell it was also very empty the food had already been set up with wine and all. Steve didn’t wanna waste any time, he knew she had to be home soon.

Rocio listened as he explained what the plan was if her father didn’t get out legally. Rubio explained that the prison he was in was a weak thing, at least there was that. Security was shit and could basically be bought for the right price, but they hadn’t done this type of “release” in a long time so it might be a rusty thing. There was more hope for the trial to work out but it would be a while. Neither of them knew there was a million dollar question though, until it was asked. “Would he come home though? Like with me and my mama?” 

It broke his heart to hear the hope in her voice. What kinda fucked up person would he be if he told her the truth. He’d be honest but he’d fear she wouldn’t understand. She saw him struggling to answer and the hope she had began to fall. Taking a drink of his wine, he caught another glimpse of her and before she could get anymore upset he answered her, “munenca no es facil, I would love for him to be with you and your family but there are still people like Federico who would also love a chance to get their hands on him.” 

Shit, she hated when this mob boss was right. There was anger building up in her not with him but with her dad. Why did he have to go get involved with these people? What drove him to it? He could see her contemplating something, “you wanna talk about what’s going on in your head?” Her eyes looked at him, her thoughts now disrupted. He could tell she wasn’t sure about what she wanted to say, “you can be honest. I’m not the kind to hide things,” that was all she needed to hear, “why did he work with Blue Eyes? Where is he going to be at? Will I or anyone even get to see him if this works? And what about you aren’t you scared?” All her questions came out as a outburst of mixed feelings, mainly anger and fear.

Fuck, he cared so much and seeing how afraid she was for her his and her father’s lives reminded him that people could still show some empathy in this world. He took her hand in his, gently pressing a kiss on her knuckles, “I don’t get scared munenca, trust me I’m a different person with those kinds of people. As for the reason as to why Rafael chose to work with Blue Eyes, well I don’t that but you can ask him. When he gets out, because he will one way or another. He’s gonna be living in a nice safe house I got and you and your family can visit him whenever you want. Although I don’t think Maritza is gonna be happy when she finds out you and I know each other,” he said with a small chuckle and a wink.

This calmed her nerves a bit. The conversation began to float to other things now, and he was glad it did. Mainly because he hated talking business with her, when he could be getting to know her instead. She did end up talking about herself though, and he got to know just how kind of a person she is, among other things. It was a shame it had to end though, they went back to his place where she changed again and then it was off home. 

In her room now, far away from all the shiny fancy things, she wondered what it would be like when her pops got home. More importantly how her mama would react when she found out that she was seeing the guy who was supposed to be watching over them.

[janiedean]

nebraska is the title song from bruce springsteen’s eponymous 1982 album, which is incidentally the objectively best record he’s ever put out or at least it’s in the top three and about everyone agrees about it in some kind of miraculous conversion of fan and critics’s opinions.

nebraska is not just a turning point in springsteen’s career, as it was the first time he put out a record which was pretty much bleak/depressing material with not much of a way out of it and a great stylistic change from his usual as it’s all voice, guitar and harmonica, to match the bleak atmosphere of the songs, but it’s also a damn gem of a song that everyone should listen to, so please let me have a go at it. ;)

now, background: nebraska is about real life serial killer charles starkweather, who in turn bruce learned from while watching terrence malick’s excellent movie badlands (guys y’all really should watch it it’s REALLY GOOD!). tldr, this dude at nineteen took his 14-yo girlfriend around nebraska and wyoming for a week or so and killed ten people and was then sentenced to the death penalty, and that’s all you need to know on the subject. bruce was interested in the story, researched it and wrote the song about it and put it as first in the album to which it gave the title, and that should already suggest you what you’re signing up for. but now on to the lyrics, shall we?

I saw her standin' on her front lawn just twirlin' her baton Me and her went for a ride sir and ten innocent people died

the opening is reminiscing of the malick movie we discussed before - the scene with the girlfriend twirling her baton is lifted right from it, and gives us an excellent summary of the entire song because bruce is good at summarizing things: you know that the protagonist, as the song is in first person, sees his girlfriend on the front lawn, takes her into his car and they killed ten innocent people. now, if you aren’t listening to the song you don’t know that he’s singing it in an extremely flat voice in such a way that he seems extremely detached from what he/the POV of the song has done, which makes the entire effect even creepier. so, what happened on the ride?

From the town of Lincoln, Nebraska with a sawed off .410 on my lap Through to the badlands of Wyoming I killed everything in my path

here we have another example of how good is bruce at painting a very vivid picture with ten words - we know where they left from (lincoln nebraska), we know what weapon he used (the .410), and then he went through the badlands of wyoming killing everything in his path, which if you know how the badlands of wyoming look, should give you a pretty damn good idea of the scenery. if you’re like jon and sansa stark and failed geography, I’ll remind you:

suggestive, huh? so, he has you visualize the entire thing while singing flatly and without emotions about a guy who went on a murder spree without many emotions about it himself. which is made clear in the next line:

I can't say that I'm sorry for the things that we done At least for a little while sir me and her we had us some fun

so: he’s not sorry, and he sees it as having had some fun. now, usually people who murder even one person without wanting to have life-lasting trauma because of it, because I assure you, no one likes murdering people in general. just a thought. then again if you look up starkweather he seemed to think he was above the law and to have a fairly nihilistic worldview according to which *dead people are all on the same level* so we can assume that mr. starkweather had definitely issues that no one had noticed/most people would have overlooked in the year of the lord 1958 and that went untreated resulting in the murder spree.

anyway, they got caught as it was bound to happen, which then results in the next passage:

The jury brought in a guilty verdict and the judge he sentenced me to death Midnight in a prison storeroom with leather straps across my chest

now, bruce doesn’t really waste much time with the trial because even if we didn’t know shit about the story before we might have guessed that he’d be captured/sentenced the moment he said he killed a bunch of people, so what we know is that they sentenced him guilty and to death too, and when he says leather straps across my chest we also know it’s an electric chair even if he doesn’t have to say it, and then you also get the midnight in a prison storeroom visual that gives you an idea of something fairly sordid and carried out in a haste when no one can see for how horrid the entire situation is. the entire point isn’t even making you empathize with him because you’re not supposed to... but the entire picture it paints is supposed to make you feel really, really creeped out including being in the head of an actual mass murderer, which is usually not a place where you find people feeling sorry or re-elaborating their trauma tied to their actions, because this guy certainly has no trauma related to them nor feels sorry about it. which we can see for true in the next bit:

Sheriff when the man pulls that switch sir and snaps my poor head back You make sure my pretty baby is sittin' right there on my lap

as in: when he talks to the sheriff in extremely blank/flat terms about his own death (pulls the switch/snaps my poor head back, poor being the only thing that suggests us he actually has feelings about it) the only thing he wants (which cannot happen obviously) is that his pretty baby is sitting on his lap, which considering that starkweather was 19 and she was 14 when the entire thing went down makes the entire thing sound really fucking creepy as it should sound. but that is what he cares about. not the people he killed, not his guilt, not any consequences of what he might have done, just that his girlfriend is there to see him die - which isn’t a thing he gives much of a fuck about anyway. and at this point you're wondering, what’s the point. well, the final stanza is giving you the point, even if he could also not giving you any point and it would still hold up because that’s entirely it, the guy killed people because he could and because he was angry, not because there was a point.

They declared me unfit to live said into that great void my soul'd be hurled They wanted to know why I did what I did Well sir I guess there's just a meanness in this world.

aaaand now you get the whole actual Meaning Of The Thing thrown in your face in three lines which need a lot of unpacking, but in order: they declared me unfit to live has a not so slight implication that it’s wrong for someone to decide who’s fit to live or not... which then in turn is kind of ironic coming from someone who killed ten people because he could, but that doesn’t make it any less true that he’s operating in a system that declares people unfit to live... same as he did, so he’s most likely asking why they have the right to decide it and he doesn’t. then we add that they wanted to know why he did what he did, which is the crux - until now he just said he had fun and he felt like it. now, bruce springsteen has no idea of why starkweather did it because of course he never knew him and only researched the topic, and the movie obviously had its take on things but it’s a movie. so what he does? he provides an answer which is also a reference to flannery o’ connor’s story a good man is hard to find’s ending where a similar thing was said (guys honestly read that it’s an a+ short story you should)... as in: well, I guess there’s just a meanness in this world. he GUESSES, he doesn’t know. *well, sir* suggests an answer like he’s just shrugging and providing it because it just occurred to him, not that he thought about it. but then what’s the point? that the world is mean. and it sucks. and meanness exists and you can’t do anything about it, and he was mean same as the world he comes from and so he did something mean that will result in his soul being hurled into the void (but other people said it, not him, he most likely doesn’t even think his soul will survive the execution), but that’s it. there’s nothing else. there’s no reasoning, there’s no guilt, there’s nothing. just, there’s a meanness in this world. dot. and since the world is mean people do mean things such as kill innocent people, to whom mean things happen all the time, and you can’t do shit about it. and then the song is over and you’re left with a chill running down your spine and wondering, is it really just as bad as that?

but since the singer isn’t giving you any answer either way and he’s not sympathizing with the murderer nor is trying to make you sympathize with him, he’s just telling him like it is, you as in the listener have to put effort into it and do the math and decide for yourself if you want to agree with the fact that the world is inherently mean and it sucks and it inevitably will do it over and over again, or if you want things to be different. you can’t know either way. he’s not telling you to judge his murderer not to sympathize with him. he’s asking you to think about it.

hm. imagine that.

now, if only people actually followed that advice and thought about things including how narratives focusing on seventeen-year olds having to kill someone in order to save people after developing ptsd for two years are not meant for the reader to blame the seventeen-year old with ptsd but the system that fucked him over that much, that would be even better now, wouldn’t it? ;)

[cloudbeom]

Fanmeet

warnings: rude fans

Genre: Slight angst; fluff; crack

Summary  : when BTS has a female member, public shows are both a problem and a blessing

A/n: I had so much fun with this just the thought of y/n and the boys doing a fansign gives me the uwus as well anon! Enjoy! (Requests are still open)

Add on : sO,, if anyone is wondering what ‘Ethereal’ is, it’s a solo song the Igirl made! I just thought it was fitting bc Jimin goes Serendipity, Gukkie goes Euphoria, Tae had Singularity, Jin has Awake and so on, so i thought, why not??????

Add on pt 2 : when you see (Y/member’s last name), it means ur ship name! LMK what YOUR ship name is!!

masterlist

"Be polite, smile a lot, don't give personal info, don't be rude even if the fans are rude to you, show interest in them, don't make things look so serious, and don't disappoint" the event manager said, Bangtan all nodded enthusiastically

"We haven't got our seat arrangements yet" Hobi wondered out loud

"Let's rock paper scissors it" you suggested, placing your water bottle down as everyone smiled and gathered around, the staff thinking that it was only fair rather than assigning random seats.

"Win or lose, rock paper scissors!"

-

"Hello ARMY!" Namjoon said as he walked out, waving at the fans who were screaming when we got out, standing close at the front "Welcome to our love yourself fan sign!"

"We are so glad you could come here today.." Jimin said, smiling "There are so many of you~ I can't wait to meet you all!"

"I hope we will have a great time meeting each other today" Yoongi said, "It's been so long and you all have been waiting"

"I'm so excited!" Jungkook said, looking at the screaming fan girls "I see so many pretty girls in line already!!"

J-hope started dancing "I wonder if I'll meet my soulmate~~?" He said, making almost the whole area of Army to scream. Tae chuckled "One of them are the screaming ones" He said, looking at the girls and waving at them.

"Without wasting anymore time! Let's start, shall we?" Jin said, winking charmingly and caused two or three girls to almost pass out. Yikes.

The seating arrangements were, Tae went first, followed by Jimin, then Namjoon, next to him was Jin, then it was Jeongguk, and then me, and Yoongi was next to me, followed by Hoseok last.

There was a short 5 minute break for the fans who was getting ready to meet the idols. While the break started, You looked at Yoongi and grinned.

"What's wrong with you?" He said, chuckling as he grabbed his marker pen.

"I'm just very excited, I feel so nervous to meet them" You said, laying your hand on the table.

"Aren’t they supposed to feel that?" Yoongi replied, looking at the fans who were checking their albums and making sure everything was okay. "This isn't your first fan sign after all"

"It's not my first, but I'm sure as hell not good at it" you sigh, taking a sip of your water "I just hope whatever bullshit I deal with today is not as bad as last time"

"You improved a lot, y'know" Jungkook said, lightly squeezing your hand under the table "Plus, you're in the middle of Yoongi Hyung and me, if any fans are threatening-looking, I know for a fact that Yoongi hyung will give them a proper ass-whooping" He said which made Yoongi nod casually as if it was normal, and that made you laugh.

Not long after, the first row of fans started coming.

"Hello!" you said and the first girl smiled when she reached you, you grinned and took her book from Yoongi and flipped it open to the page you were supposed to sign, there was a sticky note there, and a question.

Who's your favorite member?

I chuckled, writing 'all, can't choose :)'

When you turned to the girl, she was blushing like crazy, you held her hand, "Are you okay-"

"YOUR MY BIAS AND MY BIAS WRECKER AND MY BIAS BIAS BIAS WRECKER AND I LOVE YOU" She said, squealing, alarming the boys and your manager, but they laughed it off, seeing it wasn’t a threat. You chuckled at her behavior and squeezed her hands, glad there were fans like her who loved you.

"Thank you so much, but don't tell anyone that, especially Jin" You whispered secretly and closely as if it were a secret, and she started giggling "Promise me okay~?"

She interlocked her pinkie with yours, and you both laughed as she was told to move next, you handed Yoongi her book.

"(Y/N) SSI!" A fan yelled from below, you smiled as you looked at the crowd who were filming you and decided to do a heart aegyo just before the next fan came to you.

"Anyeong!" The next fan smiled, handing you her album "Can (Y/n) ssi tell me how she stays so beautiful?"

You chuckled "Beauty is in the heart, I would thank my stylist for the appearance" you said, signing her book and writing notes on it.

"But how does (Y/n) Ssi handle being in a dorm with seven handsome oppas??" She asked, you leaned in closer to her and grabbed her hand.

The girl giggled at my response "What's your name?" you asked

"Jae Hwa" She smiled, you wrote it on her book, with a couple of side notes.

"Well, Jae Hwa, you are very lucky because I might invite you to the dorm one day so you can feel it yourself" you winked, she squealed and thanked you for making her day as she moved along.

"I wonder where my favorite red hoodie went, last time I let (Y/n) ssi stay with me, it disappeared" Jungkookie said to the mic, pretending to think as fans started laughing.

“Implying something, international playboy?" you asked, raising your eyebrows jokingly as you propped your elbows on the table to lean front and look at him "I'll give it baccckkk, you stole my heels and I didn't even whine about it!"

Army's laughed at Jungkookie's embarrassed expression, hiding his blushing face, you patted him on the shoulder and chuckled as the next fan came to you, a present in hand.

"(Y/n) ssi, this is for you!" She said, placing a flower crown on my head "I love Ethereal so much (Y/n) ssi, You are such a great singer!"

"Thank you so much~" You said shyly, opening her book and saw her note

When is (Your rap name) going to have another collab with Agust D? I Love you both TT

You chuckled, writing ;Please wait for it noona, and I love YOU!!

She giggled as she took the book back, waving at you and you waved back.

Another fan came along, but she passed you, with a light but audible scoff. You sighed, it's not the first time, but is sucks A LOT to be hated on by ARMY's who only loved the boys.

Yoongi had noticed the sad look on your face and gently took your hand under the table while talking to her, his jaw clenching and you lightly squeezed his hand, telling him it was okay and was fine with it.

"Why did you skip (Y/n)?" Yoongi blurted out, the Army looked confused.

"Yah, who is (Y/n)?" She asked, but before Yoongi answered, she moved on to Hoseok, who greeted her with a sunshine smile, either oblivious to the situation or was trying to retain a good image.

The Army below seemed to notice and was smiling and doing hearts at you, while some of them were blowing kisses "FIGHTING (Y/n) SSIIIII!!" they yelled, as if feeling your pain, you gave them a heart back, telling them you truly appreciated their support.

The next fan came to you and Jungkook, a bag in her hands "Here! This is for (Y/n) unnie and Kookie oppa! Eat a lot and share okay!" She smiled, giving us the bag. Inside were full of sweets and chocolates that made your and Guk’s eyes lit up, enough to make you both forget about the nickname she had called you.

"Ahhhh, Kookie needs to cut off his sugar, thank you sweetie!" You joked, taking the bag and putting it under the table, Kookie whined like a baby

"Buttttttttt!" he said, pretending to cry as he pouted "Noona, (Y/n) is so mean to me" He said, turning to the girl as she giggled at the both of you, the army screaming  '(Y/KOOK)!'

Jungkook proceeded to talk with the girl, and you looked at Yoongi, who had was smiling at a camera, and decided to join him, the Army smiling when we both did and aegyo together "Thank you (Yoon/n)!" She smiled as you blew a kiss to her.

"(Y/n) ssi" The fan that gave you and kookie the sweets said, smiling at me, you gave her my full attention. "My name is Seo Yun" "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl" you smiled, signing her book and answering her question

If (Y/n) and her hyungs had a fight, who apologizes first?

Both of us. But usually it's me because I can't stand fights TT

I gave her back her book and she smiled "(Y/n) ssi is so caring!" She gushed, you laughed and patted her cheek.

"I just think that everyone in this world deserves chances" you said, she smiled and thanked you, moving onto Yoongi.

Surprisingly, everything went swimmingly after that. You received more gifts than you received during your first fan sign, and you had only encountered less rude ARMY’s than you had thought you would, thankfully security had thrown them out and Yoongi didn’t have to do what Jeongguk had called ‘ass whooping’. And in the end, you and the boys were enjoying every second of their fansign.

You yawned and covered your mouth as you laid your head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, he lifted his shoulder and your head fell, you repeated your actions but Jeongguk had shrugged you off again “YAH KOOK!”

Jeongguk had a playful ‘come get me’ grin, but you were having none of his bullshit, so you faced Yoongi, and he had a ‘don’t even think about it’ glare

“Are you tired (Y/n) ssi?” An ARMY asked you, and you shook your head, picking up your microphone

“No no, my head is just heavy” You said casually, making Jin snort.

“Everyone, what do you call a sleeping bull?” He asked, making ARMY curious and you rolled your eyes playfully.

“A bulldozer” Jin laughed, and Jimin bit his lip, as if telling himself ‘don’t laugh, don’t laugh’

“What do you call a sleeping Dinosaur?” Jin asked again, looking at Jimin this time, Jimin picked up his mic.

“Enlighten me, hyung”

“Dinosnore”

Jimin, being Jimin, actually burst out laughing at the stupid joke and your sighed loudly, why is it always like this at fan signs? you could’ve sworn he told that joke already before.

You we’re having so much fun talking with ARMY that when the last person came, you actually felt really sad.

“No, NO COME BACK :(” You cried when she moved to Yoongi because time was up, Yoongi took the album from your hands and you hissed. “I will miss all of you!”

You pouted as you sat there, waiting for the last ARMY to move down the stage so you can do your last group photo and say goodbye.

You actually enjoyed today and that was why you were so sad to leave them, most of them had been really nice to you and gave you great gifts, so when everyone finished taking a photo and wanted to leave, you had shouted in the mic “ARMY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” which they replied with screams twice as loud.

Namjoon had to drag you so you would stop blowing your signature kisses to them and you cried dramatically as Namjoon (With the help of Hoseok) pushed you behind the curtain backstage.

and as you walked down, you could hear still hear the ARMY’s shouting that they love you as well.

You placed a hand on your heart, ignoring the boys laughing. Yeah, you’ll look forward to fan signs from now on

[southboundhq]

MEET ALISON,

FULL NAME › Alison Griogair ‘Sonny’ MacClean AGE › twenty four GENDER › Cis male (He/Him/His) FROM › Boot Hill, Arizona RESIDENCY › Blackwater Street (Midtown) OCCUPATION › Bartender at the Bucking Horse Saloon NOW PLAYING › Mama Tried by Merle Haggard

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger/content warnings: disappearance of a family member, presumed death, alcoholism

Two phrases from Grandfather MacClean’s lips have embedded themselves in Alison’s mind since adolescence: your name is all you have and the sins of the father shall be visited upon the sons. He learned quickly that both were true, at least in the town of Boot Hill. From the moment of his conception, Alison has been a MacClean first and a person second. In a place like Boot Hill, in a family like the MacCleans, there’s no escaping your family and all that comes with it. For some, family is a source of pride, their family name a name to be proud to wear. For Alison, his family name has chained him.

In the eyes of Boot Hill, the name MacClean must be some sort of cosmic joke—there’s nothing clean nor good about those dirty MacCleans. In the eyes of Alison, the name MacClean is a searing iron brand given at birth. With the name MacClean, you’re branded for life, and that brand is poor white trash. The ultimate sin Ewan passed onto his children is the sin of doing without. (And multiple affairs, but that was never something to blame unto his children, MacCleans or other—though that didn’t always stop the rumor mill.) Each child born of their family immediately thought to be another waste of space.

Alison has never really understood what made his family so dirty. They weren’t bad, they didn’t hurt anybody, they didn’t sell drugs (his parents didn’t, at least, he could make no promise of his brothers), they gave smiles and waves and small talk to any that crossed their path. Their only apparent crime that too many children filled a four bedroom house. Once a brand sears, it never goes away, just scars, and their brand was given to them generations before Alison nor any of his siblings or his parents were brought into the world. The history of his family weighs heavier than gravity, always pressing down, always there.

The Connelly clan and the MacCleans merged in 1976, with the marriage of young Bedelia, merely fourteen, and Ewan, nearly seventeen. Each had their own sordid history, the mixing of their combined family tragedies doomed Ewan and Bedelia’s children twice over. While bad things always happened to either family or any family with its roots in Boot Hill, it seemed they, these eight boys and two girls, got the worst luck of the lot. This new generation, Ewan’s boys, were cursed, and each side blamed the other for the tragedy that befell the children of Ewan MacClean and Bedelia Connelly. Not much can be said for the children sired by other mother’s, but they must be a bit cursed too, with that MacClean blood in their veins.

Alison Griogair MacClean was born eighth in line. Alison, originally a male name, he’ll likely tell you if you snicker, but he’s always gone by the name Sonny, ever since he was a child. Only his family gets to call him Al, and no one has dared tried to call him Allie. Some used to say it was ironic that he’s called Sonny, since Alison has never been carefree, never had a sunny disposition. Alison was born serious, born anxious and wary of those around him, even his siblings. The type to hang back at the mouth of the cave while his friends, adventurous and dangerous little boys, headed deeper into the darkness. Always the sentinel guarding the door, always on the lookout for parents or cops, always wringing his hands while others had fun.

Number eight, or number seven if you’re just counting the boys, Alison felt he had to be the serious one. His older brothers were rowdy, rambunctious things. The brothers before him had made names for themselves, and yet they were all referred to as ‘one of the MacClean boys’ before their first name is ever uttered. Alison learned quickly that his siblings were never individual people, just part of a set; he, too, just another addition, indistinguishable from any of the others. The lineage of the MacClean family is a sea of men with dirty blond hair and deep cornflower blue eyes, save for the red-headed and freckled Alison. It is an incredibly easy family to drown in, to lose your identity in until being a MacClean is the only identity you have.

The MacClean girl, Eileen. His older sister used to be referred to as ‘the one good thing out of the MacClean family’ before everyone just referred to her as missing, and then finally, dead. Alison was just a small child when Eileen had disappeared, but he remembers her like a burn mark. Most of all, he remembers her storming off on that fateful night after a fight with Fearghas and never returning. Sometimes he wonders if his mother has ever forgiven Fearghas for that, or if Fearghas has ever forgiven himself. As the months grew longer, the hole in the family grew larger, and Alison felt terrible that his little siblings never got to know the type of people their parents were before Eileen disappeared, and felt lucky he was able to experience just a little of it.

Ewan had never been a warm man, but he began to smell more like drink until Alison became convinced his father was bathing in it. His mother, cheerful and happy to greet every day with a smile, closed off tighter than Eileen’s bedroom door. The brothers no longer fought inside the house, instead avoiding it all together as if it was infected with the plague, and more talk came from them about moving out as soon as they graduated–or likely dropped out of–high school. The river of the MacClean family soon dried up after Sonny, Cian only a baby by the time Eileen disappeared, and the next was what most in town (sometimes even Alison) thought of as the replacement. Their claims became even more emboldened when their new baby was a little girl, the second girl to ever be born from Bedelia and now the only girl, and became concrete when Grandmother Connelly proclaimed Isla to be Eileen’s reincarnated soul.

Only missing for four years, Eileen was officially declared dead in absentia, and so added even more gravity to the MacClean name. Now, additional to the gossip and ire that was usually spewed about his family, the tragedy of Eileen MacClean was a tale that bored soccer moms loved to scare their children with when they refused to come in from playing or barmaids and hair stylists used to inform newcomers when giving the lowdown about every family in Boot Hill like it was just some ghost story instead of the absence of a sister and daughter from eleven people’s lives. By the crest of his adolescence, his parents were shadows of their former selves, growing a divide in his mind: Before Eileen and After Eileen. Neither life seemed any more better or worse than the other, or rather her disappearance didn’t change him in the way it did his parents or his older brothers. There grew a second divide; the siblings that remembered Eileen and the ones who didn’t—namely Alison, Cian, and Isla.

As the years kept on, the story of poor Eileen became just another facet in the family history of the MacCleans, and some other town scandal came to distract everyone from a loving mother’s cold-growing heart. Always so serious, even back then, Alison didn’t react much to anything, not even as schoolyard bully’s sympathies dwindled and their teasing roared back up again like there was never any lull. After awhile, even Alison got used to his grieving mother and absent father, like there was never any other version of them he used to know when he was a child.

As the MacClean house grew colder with every brother that moved out to his own home, to start his own job or family, Alison began to feel the town’s eyes focus on him. At thirteen, he became keenly aware of expectations, what came with wearing his last name. There seemed to be only one road for them to travel, a single straight line to follow: be worth nothing, bring no value to society. A rather broad and harsh brush to paint all of the children with, but Alison knew what others saw when they looked at him, what will this one do to screw up his life?

Alison grew up thinking he was just another nameless boy in the MacClean line, so he did nothing to try to stand out. Sometimes, he dreamt of leaving Boot Hill and making a name for himself, like all little kids in Boot Hill did, but rarely did they ever make it out. He dreamt of it, but only fleetingly, and he wasn’t very imaginative with it. Nothing interested him, except for baseball, the one thing he seemed to actually be good at, but he neither had the grades nor the inclination to use that to leave Boot Hill. Sometimes he dreamt of heading down to Tucson or even going as far as Texas, but these flights of fancy left as quickly as they came. His mother used to encourage him to be smart, study as hard as he could, but her grief swallowed her whole and Alison could never count on his father to give any advice on anything other than cheating on your wife and which bars they never card at, not even when his father was a boy.

Any hopes of leaving Boot Hill were dashed the day the guidance counselor called him in and told him he barely had the grades to graduate in two years; he ditched more than he attended and even when he did, the words on the page floated and twisted themselves like ivy until he could barely even think of what he just read. If he worked extra hard, spent every moment of his life getting his grades up, Alison could be the first MacClean to leave Boot Hill. As sweetly as the counselor said them, all Alison heard was that he was stupid like his father, and he stopped attending Boot Hill High as soon as baseball season had ended. Sonny MacClean became another waste of space in a long line of wasted spaces. If he was going to be a MacClean, then he was going to commit to it, and that meant never dreaming anything better for yourself than what you already have.

So Alison resigned himself to his fate. Barely old enough to be even inside a bar legally, Alison picked up a job at the Bucking Horse Saloon (his own father preferred the Coyote’s Howl or his own backyard to drink in, lessening his chances of running into his dad) as a barback. Plenty of people told him he was throwing his life away, fixturing himself to a bar like his father and a few brothers before him—Alison jokes that he’s behind the bar, it’s different. It wouldn’t have mattered anyways, nothing mattered. Alison was a failure and he knew it, ashamed of it but defensive of it. He surrendered to the image that town gossip provided for him, for his family. An intentional self saboteur.

Soon, Alison left the family home and moved into a house with a few high school buddies over in Midtown, close to work; not because he was kicked out or not welcomed, only that he couldn’t stand Eileen’s ghostly shadow hanging in every corner, the reminder that their family was broken and would never be repaired. He easily filled the spot of bartender when his mentor retired and haunts the Bucking Horse Saloon better than any of its barflies. When he’s not there, he’s home. When he’s not there, he’s at the bowling alley or playing a pick-up game of baseball out in the desert with a few guys. If there’s anything to be said about the eighth MacClean boy, Sonny is a great bowler and an even better bartender.

Alison briefly thought he’d get out of Boot Hill. He briefly thought he wouldn’t end up like his father or his brothers. And yet here he is, serving beers to men with livers shriveled like raisins and hanging out the bowling alley every night, just like everyone told him he was going to be. He’s surprisingly okay with that.

❝ i could, so easily, let my heart back inside this burning house. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Harris Dickinson AUTHOR › Admin Rachel

[multimetaverse]

Andi Mack 3x08 Review

I Got Your Number had some really great moments but the rest of the ep felt somewhat forgettable. Let’s dig in

Positives: 

The resolution to the jersey drama was a great example of the show tackling the effects of toxic masculinity. I can’t think of another show where teenage boys are so open about their vulnerabilities

The panic attacks were brought up again which they always needed to be to remind the audience that Jonah has them before Andi eventually finds out. And it was nice to have TJ’s dyscalculia touched on again and to see how it had been impacting his life from a young age even though he didn’t know he had it

It’s quite sad how the education system and his family and all the adults in his life failed TJ all these years; if anybody had just thought to ask TJ about why he wanted #21 his dyscalculia could have been discovered years earlier. It does make sense why he became a star athlete in basketball and baseball and football as he and his parents would have been rewarding success by focusing on the things he was good at as the effects of his learning disability would have increased year by year

On the plus side this is likely the last time we’ll have to see TJ try and redeem himself

i think the real big life changing influence on Jonah was his father telling him to try and get along with TJ for the good of the team. Hearing that kind of thing and having it be reinforced by his father explains his chill personality quite well

I did like the continuity we witnessed at the beginning of the ping pong scene when Jonah was a bit bored and disinterested listening to Cyrus initially which we’ve seen in most of their solo interactions. I also liked in a meta way how he just did not care about the gun and why would he? It’s not like he was involved in any way

This is just an observation but this ep makes clear how much the writers regret not having made Jonah the captain of literally anything other than frisbee. It also seems like someone on the writing staff had a coach they hated; Coach Purcell stood by and did nothing when TJ got the team to keep the ball away from Buffy and Coach Beck did nothing to solve the dispute between Jonah and TJ

Cyrus playing therapist worked very well this time because of his connection to both TJ and Jonah and it showcased Cyrus being an active character when usually he’s the passive support character

The flash back scene was stylistically interesting if nothing else

Jonah saying that he was angwy was hilarious as was him saying there’s no crying in baseball as was Cyrus saying that it’s just his face

And hey Cyrus is good at ping pong! A little ooc to have him be good at a sport but it’s nice watching him be good at something

I really liked the domestic Bexie we got (the foot stuff was iffy but I don’t want to talk about it). It was very sweet seeing them imagining themselves as an old couple. 

Bowie really went all out with that date

I read an interview where Terri said originally in the pilot she wanted to have a line where Bex said something and then realized that she was turning into her mother and Andi replied ‘’no you’re turning into mine” or something to that effect but decided it was too cheesy. I guess she always had a soft spot for that line and decided to use it here while she had the chance. Fwiw I do think it would have been too cheesy in the pilot but it works well enough here. I wonder what other things Terri wasn’t able to fit into earlier seasons that she’ll maybe slip into the final eps

I’m glad that we’re getting more Andi and Amber friendship; they have an interesting relationship having gone from bitter enemies to close gal pals

That making plans like we’re 20 years old line hit home. I’m glad that Andi and Buffy seem to be okay again and their ending dance party looked fun

We didn’t see Mrs. Beck so I wonder if she was cut or if she briefly appears in a future ep

Negatives:

I’m glad that Jonah acknowledged that the jersey drama was stupid because it was. The last Jonah and TJ and Cyrus scene was excellent but the lead up to it fell flat because there’s no real history between Jonah and TJ and no real future. The stakes weren’t there; they were just team mates who didn’t get along very well and now they’re friends but that friendship is very unlikely to be shown more than a few times in group settings or have a lasting impact on the rest of the season

And having the flash backs takes time away from their present story line; we don’t need to see them as kids when they can spend more time in the present on their current relationship. Terri must have known that she was going to find it very hard to ever have Cyrus, TJ, and Jonah hang out as a trio ever again so why waste time on the past? 

I don’t think we’ll see this new grudge holding Jonah anymore but you’d think that Amber and her continued presence in his life and friend group would have been something that would have triggered it

We’re all well aware of how the restrictions on Cyrus’ story line warp the show but it is sad that his friendship with Jonah, even with the crush being long over, can only be touched on every once in a while. And it’s no accident that likely the only time Cyrus gets to hang out with just his past and current crushes involves not even a subtextual reference to his sexuality

Cyrus’ flamingo comment was a misplaced attempt at comedy. I’m surprised that Cyrus didn’t also reveal that he gets ‘panic attacks’ unless the writers have decided to drop those. I also found it odd that he showed no surprise at hearing that TJ helped Jonah at his bash-mitzvah, that should have been brand new information to Cyrus

I get why the writers regret not having the time or budget to give Jonah a sport other than ultimate in S1 but it’s kind of sad seeing Jonah admit that ultimate isn’t a real sport when so much of his early story line was him sticking up to people who denigrated the space otters and ultimate 

The warehouse party fell flat because apparently alcohol is still a red line for Disney. I get what the show was trying to do within limits but there was really nothing going on at the party that would have caused Andi to immediately panic and text Bowie (I loved the detail of the water bottles on the tables at the party, it’s important to stay hydrated kids)

I laughed out loud when Bowie covered his mouth after telling Andi he didn’t trust her. It just felt off to me as a response

I’m not really sure why Bowie and Bex apparently drop off Andi at Buffy’s and continue on with their date instead of grounding her? We’ve seen a very similar scenario before in 2a where Andi and Amber snuck off and Andi got in trouble and Bex and Bowie didn’t really punish her because they were new to parenting and didn’t know what to do so this would have been the perfect time to show character growth and establish that Bex and Bowie are coming into their own as parents but instead they’re still largely acting like Andi’s cool older friends rather than her parents. I hope we some changes, even subtle ones, in the remaining 13 eps

Looking Ahead:

It looks like they took two days off of filming week 9 to film a basketball game for ep 10 which means that Libby doesn’t reappear until then; very interesting that both Jibby and Wuffy are sinking in the same ep

Not really sure what this secret society thing is going to lead to but there is a party boy listed for 3x09 so I’d assume there’s some event the society puts on and that’s where Marty reappears

We’re also supposed to find out about the wish since ep 9 is the only other ep airing in January so that should be interesting

I do wonder if they’re setting up for some Bexie drama or angst when they had such sweet moments tonight and everything involving the wedding has gone very smoothly so far

[despairforme]

"Damn, yer even taller in person." That was the FIRST thing Grimmjow blurted out at the other, upon walking up to him. He was fucking HUGE. Looks like today was FULL of firsts. First time in an actual filming studio. First time meeting his co-stars. And the first time Grimmjow had to come to work CLOTHED. "The name's Grimmjow." He held his hand out. "I ain't sure if you've heard 'bout me yet, but I'm gonna be playin Ángel." He smirked. "Don't worry. You'll be seein me around A LOT." [ACTOR AU.]

     His mood? SHITTY. Actually, ‘ shitty ‘ was the understatement of the year. Nnoitra more or less felt like his life was falling apart. He KNEW he was being ‘ dramatic ‘ and that he should take a professional approach to all of this but— FUCK it was hard! The biggest problem was that all his attempts to get himself OUT of this situation had failed. He had thought that, yeah it all sucked - BUT he would be able to get out of it. All he needed to do was talk to the writers and the producers, to get them to understand that the script they had given him was completely out of character for Jian. But, somehow - FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, nobody seemed to see it from his point of view! Nobody shared his opinion, and even though he felt like he had explained it to them in a way that was easy to understand, they still hadn’t been able to grasp what he was talking about. Was it THAT difficult to understand that Jian was straight? Apparently. So, all in all? Nnoitra was fucked. 

     He hadn’t given up easily. He had been in several heated arguments with lots of people. He had made a few completely empty threats about quitting. He had considered that it might be better for Jian to get killed off rather than have his character completely destroyed with this new love interest he was getting in this season. But, it seemed like such a waste, to have all his hard work just end with the character dying in some random scene. Jian deserved better. He deserved better than falling in love with a guy as well, but there was nothing Nnoitra could do about it. When this realization finally sunk in, he became sort of… Depressed. He felt powerless and used. It sucked. Defeated, that’s what he felt - and what he was.

     After the ‘ acceptance ‘ stage was over, Nnoitra had begun to actually LOOK at his script, to begin to prepare for the upcoming scenes. Since he always took longer than everyone else to learn his lines, AND he had gotten his script last, he was far behind the other actors. Because of the delay of his script ( it had needed some last-minute tweaking ), scenes not involving him were already being filmed. Nnoitra had spent a few days on set, to meet up with the new members of the cast, and of course to chat up his other colleagues. People he had known for years. After receiving his manuscript, Nnoitra hadn’t been seen for a few days while he tried to cope with everything. Now though, he was more or less done with sulking. He was… As ready as he would ever be to get on with all of this. He was on set today because he would be a part of a scene. Thankfully he only had a few lines. He had spent all morning practicing them. They were GOOD, and it really cheered him up to know that at least Jian still got to have some snarky comments. He needed that, seeing as he was literally going to be stripped of all dignity.

     It was almost time for him to head over to the hair-and-make-up section and get into his costume. It had been a while since he had had his hair styled like Jian’s, and he was kinda looking forward to it. Getting his hair touched by his stylist was always soothing. Considering how tense he was feeling, it was something he sorely needed. He figured he should head over so that his stylist could spend a little extra time on him.

     But, on his way over to the stylist section, someone stopped him. Nnoitra thought he had already greeted all the new actors, but this was a guy he hadn’t seen before. He was fairly tall ( though of course, no where near his own height ). That comment about him being tall was something he had heard about a million times, but it wasn’t often the first thing a person said to him when meeting. Nnoitra looked him up and down. He had that athletic build that Nnoitra could only dream of. His eyes were piercing blue, like he had a fucking SKY trapped in his head. Oh, and he was blonde. Nnoitra realized who he was before he introduced himself. Of fucking course. There was only ONE ‘ character ‘ he hadn’t met yet. Jian’s love interest. Nnoitra was so stunned by suddenly being face-to-face with the source of all the distress he had been in these past few days, that it took him a moment to take the other’s hand. On a professional level, he KNEW that it wasn’t this guy’s fault that the writers had decided Jian’s fate to be so messed up. So, Nnoitra took his hand. Grimmjow, huh? What a weird name. Nnoitra hadn’t heard of him before.

     ❝ I’m Nnoitra. ❞ Obviously. Grimmjow seemed like a pretty cocky guy, judging from that smirk. Clearly, he DIDN’T have a problem with the role he was going to play. Well, figures, since he must’ve auditioned for it. Nnoitra wondered why ANYONE would want such a role. Did this guy realize what he was getting himself into? Nnoitra wondered how many had been to the audition. Nnoitra squeezed the other’s hand in a FIRM hand-shake, as if to tell him who the FUCK was in charge here. While Grimmjow was smirking, Nnoitra was expressing his distaste for all of this. It was hard to not make this personal. He knew it wasn’t but… Yeah.

     He’d be seeing him around a LOT, huh? Yeah. He was FULLY AWARE of that! The two of them had plenty of scenes together. Nnoitra pulled his hand way, and crossed his arms over his chest. Another sign that he was neither comfortable OR happy.  ❝ So yer ‘da guy who’s gonna be playin’ HIM, huh? Why would ya wanna play that role? ❞ It might be rude, but he didn’t give a shit. He just wanted to know WHY he wanted that role. The fact that the show had chosen an unknown actor to play that role, when they COULD have afforded a well known one, did indicate that not that many people had audictioned for the role.

      Nnoitra looked at him, and tried to imagine what it would be like to play against him. How was he supposed to make it believable that Jian was in love with him? Like HELL Nnoitra wanted his acting to look shitty just because he was thrown this challenge. It was the script that was bad, that did NOT mean his acting was going to be! But, how was he supposed to… Do this? How was he supposed to look at him like he was into him? And what about those… PHYSICAL scenes? Nnoitra suppressed a shiver. Not like the guy was bad looking or anything. Nnoitra could already imagine him getting plenty of fan-girls with those looks. But that didn’t change the fact that he WAS A GUY.  

     Another question that needed to be answered was - would it be easier to play this role if he KNEW the guy? Or would that make it even more awkward? Because of his inability to learn lines by reading them, he often had one-on-ones in private with the other actors. By playing out the lines, he was able to learn them. He knew many thought he was a pain in the ass for being so BAD at learning shit. But, he DID get along with some of the other actors, so that their one-on-ones were fun. How was he supposed to do that with THIS GUY? Without it becoming the most awkward situation known to man? Nnoitra didn’t think he had ever met someone who had given him so many questions. Or stressed him out this much. Not that it showed, apart from how his arms squeezed his chest a bit, and his shoulders tensed. How was he going to deal with all of this? 

[fonzura]

Voice Actress Carnelian - Aika Kobayashi Interview

The moment we finish shooting, Aika Kobayashi beams at the staff and exclaims “that was so much fun!” She continues, “of course I’m glad to be on the cover of this magazine, but what made me even happier was that I got to try on so many outfits” - it’s clear that she’s a fashion-lover through and through.

I knew I had to wear that red off-shoulder outfit. The colour is just beautiful and the black and white dotted dress has this retro feel about it. I love it! But what I want people to notice the most is the shoes. They piqued my interest during the fitting session and I wanted them so badly that I bought them (laughs). Getting to wear cute shoes all the time is enough to get me hyped! The hat from the second outfit is so adorable too. There are eyes on my forehead! (laughs) There’s also this netting on the hat, which I think gives it an autumn-y feel. I have to say that the third outfit was very dressy. I hardly get a chance to wear clothes like those either for work or in my personal time, so it was a fresh experience for me. It has a girly vibe to it, but if you look closely, it has this playful American comic pattern on it. The gap between those aspects makes it so fascinating.

“Once I get started talking about fashion, I can’t stop”, she giggles. But it’s all too clear that there’s no falsehood in her words. As she picks out outfits for the shoot with her stylist, Kobayashi is asked what her trick is for choosing clothes. She answers simply: “intuition!”

Previously, I was really concerned about the price of clothes, so I stuck to the method of buying cheap and cute clothes at places like outlet malls. Nowadays, though, I don’t have much time to shop so I’ll buy the pieces I find that happen to speak to me: only the ones that I fall in love with at first sight. If I hesitate even slightly, I won’t buy it…. Or so I say, but end up telling myself that this is fate and just buy it anyway. (laughs dryly) Of course, some of them end up being misses, but depending on how I coordinate them with other clothes and accessories, I can try for a new look, or there are cases where my tastes change over time, so I don’t think that any of my purchases go to waste.

Fashion plays an integral part in Kobayashi’s life. Tracing her passion for fashion back in time, she reveals “I’ve been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember.”

I was the sort of kid who would mess around painting her nails. Sometimes I would sneakily put on my mother’s lipstick when she wasn’t looking. After that, I’d show it off to her shouting “Look at me! Look at me!” so it ended up not being sneaky at all (laughs). In elementary school, I loved inviting a bunch of friends to my house and putting on a fashion show: we would have so much fun dressing each other up. It was around that time I started to be so picky about fashion that I would pick my own clothes when I went shopping with my family. I would throw a bit of a tantrum every time I was forced to try on clothes my mother had bought that I didn’t fancy.

Naturally, her dream as a child was to be a designer or model… or perhaps something more?

Of course I did have those aspirations. But I also loved to sing and dance, so I also dreamed of being a singer. I enjoyed taking care of little children too, and was always the one looking after the younger kids around me ever since my kindergarten days. I hoped that one of those dreams would come true.

Kobayashi’s philosophy is to “have as many dreams as you can”. This has allowed her to always have multiple aspirations and come to terms with each of them.

I wanted to learn more about children, so I went to a technical college and earned my qualification as a kindergarten teacher. Even now, I hope to work with children sometime in some form or another. In terms of fashion, I’ve been given chances like this to wear so many different outfits, so I’m just overjoyed that I was able to make that dream come true.

As for song and dance, one needs look no further than her current work. This raises the question: what made her interested in song and dance in the first place?

I love Namie Amuro, who was one of my biggest influences as a child. I’d imitate her singing and choreography. Seeing me do that prompted my mother to put me through voice training and dance school. I learned dance for the first time at five years old: I still remember how to do the dance we performed at our recital and the basic techniques. Later, I started learning hip-hop dance when I was in third grade. I would have a blast singing and dancing with the friends I met there. I continued to attend dance classes in middle school. Looking back on it, that was when I danced the most. And seeing my friends get better than me ignited this burning rivalry inside me, which spurred me on to give my all. It was a place where people who shared the same dream could gather and encourage each other to improve. That’s why I didn’t give up half way through. I really count myself as blessed.

When asked about her personality as a child, she smiles wryly and answers “I couldn’t stand losing…” That hasn’t changed to this very day. But, her dislike of losing is what has enabled her to realise her dreams.

Definitely. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, if I could! (laughs) To phrase it in the negative, there was never a time when I’d shrink back and think “this is impossible.” In elementary school, there were times in class where we’d write about our dreams for the future. I used to dream so big that I’d be embarrassed of what I wrote down. My friends would all write something down to earth, so I felt like I was the only one with my head in the clouds (laughs). Sure, becoming a singer or dancer was a realistic dream to me, but there was one time I wrote down something different. That was the one time I took my eyes off reality. At all other times, I’ve had a strong belief that I should never give up on my dreams.

Her ambition bore fruit and Kobayashi fulfilled her dream, debuting as a singer during her high school years. It was thanks to her meeting with the CEO of her current agency.

He approached me at a competition that I entered during middle school. That led to me making my debut as an artist. I was over the moon. My family was so happy for me too.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how one of my dreams had come true. During my first recording, I felt more enjoyment than pressure. I’ve never felt very nervous when it comes to singing, and that time, I was completely fearless. (laughs) I think the recording staff tried to be considerate of me and let me do my own thing, but that day I just emptied my mind and sang. Now, having experienced so much as an adult means that the experience is a good deal more frightening than it used to be. It’s kind of unfair to the people around you when you’re the only one who knows nothing! (laughs)

There was another source of joy for Kobayashi upon making her debut as an artist: being able to receive feedback directly from her fans.

The 2011 Touhoku earthquake and tsunami happened not long after I made my debut. That was when I received tweets from people saying that listening to my song gave them courage. I felt like having someone say that to me was the reason I’d gone through all that effort. Of course, there was also the joy that I felt from experiencing my first recording and seeing my CD on store shelves and thinking “I’ve really made it.” Those things are all well and good, but I never had the opportunity to hear what people thought of my singing: it was just a one way street. So reading those tweets was the first time I realised that my singing was able to encourage someone. The happiness of knowing that left a lasting impression on me, so even now, I take care to read the letters I receive from my fans.

While continuing her work as a singer, Kobayashi encountered another unexpected turning point: that was beginning her journey as a voice actress.

The CEO of my agency recommended that I give it a try, but I was reluctant at first. I did watch a lot of anime but I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about it. I also didn’t have any acting experience and wasn’t confident in my voice. That was why I turned down the opportunity a number of times at first. But one day, I experienced a shift in my mindset that made me think that I should give it a try. Although I was still singing, I hadn’t made any major breakthroughs, which caused me to go through a lot of anxiety at the time. At the root of it was this hunger for an opportunity to change myself. In the midst of that, I took the audition which ended up giving me the role of Yoshiko Tsushima. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that I’d scored a role in Love Live! Sunshine!!, a franchise that I loved so much.

It so happened that her time as a voice actress would be full of surprises.

Firstly, it felt odd to me to be in the world of anime. I’d been involved with anime in other ways, like singing an ending theme for a series, but I didn’t think the day would come when I would be playing a role in an anime. (laughs) There was a moment when I felt all of the possibilities in my life open up before me and I thought to myself “I didn’t know I could be involved with an anime like this.” (laughs) In that sense, I do hope that my experiences will be a source of courage for people out there who are thinking of pursuing something new. And, well, since I’ve started to receive letters from my fans, I’ve found that many of them are requests for advice along the lines of “I’m not sure if it’s OK to follow my dreams now that I’ve started my career.” My personal opinion is that it’s definitely never too late to start something new. I mean, I am where I am now because I had the unexpected opportunity to pursue voice acting. What’s most important is not time or experience, but how badly you want to follow your dreams. That’s the message that I want to send.

Of course, not everything went smoothly for her.

Acting and singing are the same in the sense that you use both to express something. But, when you consider the technical aspects and all, acting really is a completely different beast. Tweaking the tiniest nuance can change the personality of the character you play. For example, there are times where you might try to add some individuality to your character by giving her an accent, but you overthink things so that everything she says ends up sounding the same. You learn something new every time. Watching anime or dubbed movies, I’ve never felt that the voice acting was unnatural, but I suppose that’s testament to how naturally professional voice actors and actresses can perform. When it came time for me to be the one doing the acting, I found out what a difficult and amazing feat it is.

Kobayashi says that “now, I prioritise feeling more than technique in my acting.”

When you try to get into your character’s head and empathise with their feelings, there are things you can learn about the way they think.

We learn that she has always had an active imagination.

I have a habit of letting my imagination go wild. (laughs) I like to imagine how particular characters would sound like when they laugh, or how they would express themselves if they were angry. I started to notice that if I can imagine that, my voice will change naturally. At first, I only paid attention to the vocal aspect of voice acting work: I would record myself acting and listen to the recording, reflecting on what I did well and what I did poorly. But nowadays, once I get a script I'll read it and let my imagination go wild. I'll make a bunch of notes in the script about the characters' emotions, or write comments like "my character is sweating bullets in this scene". (laughs) I'll tend to do that even when I read the manga or novel. The characters will keep on acting out their lines inside my head - and all in my voice. (laughs) As I read, I'll ponder on the meaning of the illustration pages in novels or the individual panels of manga, so it takes me ages to get through it. (laughs)

Kobayashi never imagined that she would be a voice actress, but she says that it's now among the most enjoyable work she's done. She exudes that enthusiasm through every sentence she speaks, explaining the joy of acting.

All of my roles are very stimulating for me. I mean, it's fantastic that I get to become someone or something other than myself just by using my voice. I could change my appearance or age, my gender, or I could even become something other than a human being. Every time I act I get to step into someone else's shoes for a while and because of that, I've learned to see things from a variety of perspectives. My own life has been pretty packed with experiences up until this point, and to think that I could get to experience even more makes me excited at the prospect of what the future holds. (laughs) Also, it's not like I'm in the business of making anime by myself: it's a collaborative work with my fellow cast members and staff. That makes it so much fun. Before, I used to feel pressured not to be a burden on the people around me, but one day a sound director gave me this advice: "voice acting is something that you neither learn nor study: you just have to experience it." Since then, I've made it a point to absorb all sorts of things from the people around me. Even so, I've still only just begun. For me right now, the words that make me the happiest are when the sound director says "alright, that's a wrap!" (laughs) I'll do my best to get the director's approval in as few takes as possible.

This year marks three years since Aika Kobayashi debuted as a voice actress. It is still only September, but we took an early look back on what kind of year 2018 was for her.

Every month, week and day felt so long, yet it's all gone by so quickly. It's weird. I have no idea what happened. (laughs) I've never felt like this before. But, what I can say for sure is that it's been fulfilling. I think the most fitting word to describe the way time went by is "youth". When I'm with my friends and workmates, I laugh so loudly that it makes me wonder if the people around me think I'm a nuisance. But at the same time, I also feel like that’s what being young is all about. (laughs) I think in essence, it’s about having a lot to learn, a lot of things to absorb and experience for the first time and taking on the challenge with everything you’ve got. Lately, I have a lot of fun even just sleeping! (laughs)

Amusing… but what does that mean?

For example, five years ago I used to feel a sense of impatience about so many different things when I went to bed, but now I can go to sleep with a sense of confidence. Every day is so jam packed and fulfilling and sleep is there for me to recover from the tiredness built up from that day. That makes me so happy.

It’s been a busy 2018 for Kobayashi indeed. But among the busyness, one of her long held dreams came true: working in fashion.

I produced my own parka and was able to get it manufactured. I was of course happy that they made it the way I wanted, but I know there were also a lot of people who were looking forward to wearing it, and I’m sure that it brings joy to a lot of people when they wear it now. It allowed me to experience the emotions that creators feel in a new way. The ways that I approach singing, dancing, acting and designing clothes are all different, but you can see a certain Aika Kobayashi-ness in all of them. It made me happy that I was able to give that to people.

It’s still some ways off, but we ask her about her resolutions for 2019…

I’ll be 25! Wow. Just, wow. The way I used to imagine life at 25 is so different to how my life looks now – I’m at a loss for words. (laughs) I mean I thought I would have settled down, gotten married and maybe even had a child. I never thought I’d be laughing so loudly with friends and thinking to myself “this is what youth is like!” (laughs dryly) When I said “wow” earlier, I didn’t mean it in a negative way: I don’t think that this kind of life as a 25 year old is bad at all. When people get older, I feel like they start to step on the brakes a little: they’ll give up on things and taking a new step forward becomes that much harder. But I want to keep taking on new challenges no matter how old I get. In that sense, I suppose I am still a little bit childish.

When asked about her ambitions outside of voice acting, Kobayashi answers that she’d like to start a fashion brand.

I want to start a brand that caters to a variety of fashion styles: not just parkas. I’m studying design bit by bit in order to achieve that. I’ll do things like researching how to use colour, or taking down notes immediately when I find something cute. I think that I might even want to try making clothes myself, not just designing them. But I’m not too handy so I think I might actually pass on that. (laughs dryly) Before I made a puppet to be the mascot for my Nico Nico Douga livestream (Aika Kobayashi’s Open Rehearsal) – I’m good at making little things like that. But clothes tend to come out a little bit rough around the edges, so I leave that to someone who’s an expert in sewing. (laughs)

Kobayashi is making her dreams come true, while still setting new goals and progressing towards them as well. This resonates with her words from the beginning of this interview: “have as many dreams as you can.”

I have a lot of small dreams. As I fulfil those bit by bit, the bigger dreams change. So I think it’s a never-ending process. But making even the small dreams come true is a confidence booster. I feel that always having that confidence will lead to a positive life.

We can’t help but be interested in the life she’ll be living after she turns 25.

I don’t think I’ll be any different! (laughs) I’ll probably find some new dreams and take them on as well. It’d be awesome if I could say to myself “I’ve never felt younger in my life!”

Thanks to Picup (@eiyuupicup) for proof reading this translation.

The scans in this article are my own. Please do not repost or reproduce without permission.