#and being alone in a new city with no connections but my deeply codependent ex
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having a normal one tonight boys <- me when i'm lying
#thinking about that post about how loneliness begets lonely#because whouhh. yeahg. it do indeed be doing that#genuinely ive just never been Great at social interaction as the world expects you to be#but im beginning to realize that ive never? not be lonely?#and for a while that was okay because i didnt know any better#and then i did know better#and then i wasnt good enough#and i didnt communicate enough#and i used to try a lot harder but after covid homelessness and moving like 6 times in a year#and being alone in a new city with no connections but my deeply codependent ex#i just. i dont know.#sometimes i genuinely feel like i dont know how to be a person anymore#its not even that i don't want to talk to people i just....?#cant? forget you can do that? gaslight myself into thinking what i have to say is unnecessary and worthless?#took to long to respond and its awkward now? cant think of a functional response?#how do i forget to care about things that i care about.#how does that happen.#why does that happen.#in so many ways i am doing the best i ever#in arguably more ways i am doing fucking horrendous#but i think this is probably the biggest one
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