#but i’m sad early this year
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the winter song of all time
#this song is so january to me#but i’m sad early this year#so we’re defrosting her early#indie pop#harrison whitford#Spotify
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listened to anthems for a seventeen year old girl one too many times and now i’m having Feelings about the fact that mha is Over, which are nicely summed up by:
#can’t you come back :(#it always makes me so sad when a series i like ends#adventure time had me crying#but mha is on a whole other level#i’ve been into this since 2019#i can’t believe it’s seriously Finished HELLO#it’s the story of how izuku became the greatest hero and now he’s done telling itttt#wahhh wahhhhh#wahhh#i feel like a big baby when i talk about this to people but seriously it makes me feel so EUEUEUEUE#i grew up with this anime#the nostalgia mixed Something Else is unreal#i’m rewatching the early seasons and suddenly i’m 10 years old again#anyway#i love tjem so much#i miss tjem#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#bnha#anthems for a seventeen year old girl
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Guys what if I write an Age of Calamity/Breath of the Wild fanfic loosely based on the A Christmas Carol story. Guys what if King Rhoam is a Scrooge-like figure not indulging in his daughter’s “silly” festivities? What if the late Queen of Hyrule is the ghost of Christmas future and shows him his BoTW gravestone? GUYS???
#I have this all thought out by the way#age of calamity#breath of the wild#the legend of zelda#a christmas carol#zelda#king rhoam#ebenezer scrooge#fanfic#fanfic ideas#getting in the Christmas spirit early this year#Urbosa as the ghost of Christmas past#you know? to show him all sad memories#Kohga as the ghost of Christmas present#you know? cuz he DOES know how to keep a family together#i’m going insane
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it’s been a few hours and i’m still very angry and upset at this ending like wow ofc i’m mad about gojo not coming back but the overall downfall of this series has me baffled…
#[𐐪— jjk spoilers. 𐑂]#like wow why did i invest four years of my life into this just for such a shit ending#like even if gojo had to die#why couldn’t we acknowledge him???#after everything he’s done#and he specifically said he didn’t wanna be forgotten#and that’s what happened#but even aside from gojo#SO MANY PLOT HOLES#like wdym you’re gonna tease kenjaku/suguru and then never elaborate????#we don’t even know which one it was#and then why is there still one sukuna finger???#what was the whole point of the story#we went back to the beginning???#i’m so confused#and never talking about megumi’s full potential like gojo was talking about early on#ugh there’s so much#i’m sad bc i didn’t get satoru back#but i think it’s worse that the ending of my literal favorite series could end up so horrible#idk#i’m very tired#jjk spoilers#jjk 271#jjk leaks
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Last night I watched 3 children while their parents went to a concert—2 five year olds and an eight year old—and they were calling each other nonsense mean names. I asked what one of the names meant and they told me “it means Donald Trump.” I laughed at that because. Kids are funny. And then the LOOK that came over them all as they squinted at me suspiciously and the eldest asked me quietly, “are you voting for him, or are you voting for her?”
And guys they literally started cheering and dancing when I said I was voting for Kamala Harris and it was just the funniest sweetest little moment ever
#it’s been a while since I was charged with more than one kid at a time#but it was so fun to be back at it in a group#and it was FUCKING EXHAUSTING but also:#I still got it 😎#I also left with some very complex emotions about ‘problem children’#because it was one kid from one family and two siblings from another#and the parents of the one kid were saying some kind of awful things about the eldest sibling#and the other parents are their close friends so I’m like first of all: that’s not mature behavior at all#but the main thing they complained about was this older child wanting attention#and I’m not an early childhood professional by any means#but I’ve got about a decade of working with kids 1-16 under my belt#and usually if a child is acting out to get attention… that means that a need is being neglected#physical emotional or social it doesn’t matter#this ‘problem child’ was high energy and a leader in the group#but she’s also in a different developmental stage than the children she spends the most time with#of course she’s going to play differently#and want different attention than the 5 year olds do#she pushed some boundaries because I’m a new person but she didn’t give me actual trouble#and it just made me so sad to hear that after they all went to bed#I find that children respond better if you treat them like… actual people that want to be taken seriously#it’s my second time with the three of them together as a play group and I’m more sure of this than I was the first time#I have never yet met a ‘bad’ child but I have met too many children without the support and understanding they need#but maybe I’m just an eldest daughter……………………………
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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The pullback from fans is something that’s been slowly happening for years now, and then people just got even more weird, invasive and downright dehumanizing.
I know we’re not her friends or anything but there’s definitely been a big difference and it is sad. I miss when she felt she could trust us more. But I really don’t blame her for distancing herself bc people have been showing their ass with their lack of boundaries
#I also understand that there’s a big difference between early 20’s or mid 20’s and 30’s in terms of priorities and knowing when to pull back#I also don’t think it was all a result of fan behavior- it’s natural to want privacy when you live a public life#I think that fan pullback is something that has been happening for a few years now and then people just got even more weird and invasive#but it is sad#I know we’re not her friends or anything but the dynamic has changed a lot#I miss when she felt she could trust us more#yeah we know there’s a difference between fans and freaks but to her it’s all valid reasons to pull back#she’s also always been an artist who was very fan friendly so I’m sure some of the odd dehumanizing treatment from fans is disheartening#it’s also not even just new fans there’s just overall a lot of dehumanization from fans inc those who met her years ago
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Bump in the Night & Sleeptober Day 14: A Lying Smile & Tomb
#6#Sleeptober#Sleeptober 2024#Sleep Token#Bump in the Night#Bump in the Night 2024#Nomads#Nomads Webtoon#Webtoon#Why hello I am very early with the arts here#That is by design I’m trying not to fall behind againnnnnnn#Well I wasn’t really behind just later than I wanted to be#Anyway yeah so we here#First one is from the WT Nomads!!! I love that story a lot. Fun cast very intriguing magic system funny mask creatures deep themes#Lance Satra Poko Saber Fletcher Simon Estelle Momo Barb my beloveds#Intel and your evil mask creatures please leave the premises you are not welcomeeee#Satra especially my beloved I’ve loved his arc throughout and his determination to wear only crop tops and get as many tats and piercings#as he wants. Character ever#So I drew him here. It’s not thaaat great bc it’s a side profile but uh ignore that#His relationship with Hilda is also interesting#And then for sleeptober I drew vess in the pose of the album cover#With the lyrics of my favorite song from the album#TPWBYT my beloved water/ocean album going up there with Wasteland Baby!#So sad I didn’t start my blog a year earlier bc then it would’ve had the same birthday as this album but whatever#Yeahhhhh artsssssss see you tomorrow
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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Happy birthday to my first created cos character
#cos is the name of my wip btw#HAPPY BDAY JAIDEN!!#fun facts about her and her creation#- I made her in the 8th grade. she was very typical of a 13 year olds oc but as i got older and became a better writer/character creator#rather than just scrap her I held onto her and changed and improved hef#*her#very happy with her progress!#and I’m not ashamed of her early stages#yes I consider her early stages to have been a not well made character BUT young me loved her so much (and I still do!)#- she was actually created as response to the end of gravity falls cuz that was my hyperfixation for a long time and I was sad when it ende#but if I remember right after the finale Alex hirsch tweeted something like ‘find your own gravity falls’ cuz ppl were sad the show ended#which lead to young me sitting down and wondering what that could have been#and tada! I created an oc I’ve been obsessed with since I was in middle school!#(cos has become new hyperfixation I ain’t gonna lie)#- she is so old (creation timeline wise) that she existed years before I called my wip cos#cos stands for ‘child of stars’ which I decided on in mid-late high school?#but anyways ‘Jaiden’ (her name wasn’t Jaiden for a long time bc I kept changing it) existed a few years before any of my other cos characte#Akira I believe was the second one I made?#I just wrote an entire essay in the tags here dang#congrats on reading it tho!!
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anyways “just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” Program and “I am stronger than you give me credit for” Vista
#Could also be Moon & Tera they’re both equally as sad#But I’m gonna just. Let that sink in.#Even in the early phases (Hansel/Gretel) they were designed specifically to be a stronger more logical machine and a human-esque creation#Vista was never meant to be as strong mentally or physically as Program could#but they pushed through anyway. The perceived imbalance between them will always get me#Vista/Gretel thought Koeia liked Program/Hansel more because he served a purpose#Program/Hansel thought Koeia liked Vista/Gretel more because they were like her “daughter”#And later Program ends up putting aside their differences to look out for them#“For the greater good” my ass! He cared about their well being more because he knew they were supposedly “weaker” than him#but realizing there wasn’t much of a difference between them in Koeia’s eyes made him feel compelled to shield them from some things#He figured that they were meant to be like siblings#he wanted to be their sibling#They wanted to too but they didn’t want to be inferior#They felt that Program was better than them in every way. It was him that made the project possible after all!#Clearly he /must/ be better right?#So they’re stuck in a weird spot of not having known each other for years and only perceiving what they thin other was compared to themself#And then being thrown into a situation where they’re trying to make it out together#Even as early as before the incident Program was looking out for Vista#Program felt threatened by Clay sometimes and would try to tell Vista to get out#Him attacking Clay was his way of trying to help#Which only fucks up Moon a little more when Procyon starts taking that same “helping” role and gets Clay…you know…speared….#And they feel so betrayed it sends them into an entire spiral of barely knowing who they are anymore#Anyways I didn’t meant to rant bye bye#S.K thinks#I hope this changes someone’s perception of Moon as a whole. Just one person I’ll be happy with that
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:(
#in lax :( six hours early for my flight home :( separated from lauren :(#i’m so sad i can’t believe it’s over (for me)#selfishly still wish my show had been the last show of the tour like it was originally before they added all the extra dates and extra shows#sighhhhhhhhsighsighsighsigh i don’t wanna go back to Real Life#i can’t believe all this shit i’ve been looking forward to for an entire year is over. just like that. :(#:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(((((((((((((((((
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* i wonder what happened to cakekid. i hope they’re okay wherever they are
#soul.txt#haven’t seen them anywhere in over a year…#they weren’t allowed to get tumblr i think#cakekid if you ever see this i hope you’ve been doing alright#tbh i’ve been thinking about the past a lot#it’s sad#there’s a lot of people in my life that have disappeared or have passed#i’ve been freaking out over it a lot but i think i’ll be okay#i’m slowly accepting it#SORRY FOR THE VENT#i wanna use this app more so i might end up venting#if i do i’ll make a tag#for now i’ll clear our my inbox#i’ll answer the ones from my s/o and delete the rest#i’m sorry friends#update last ask from them was august 13? i think#but for answered ones it was early july#<- 2022 i mean#i’m sorry i never responded cakekid
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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c (dawg) o m i n g s o o n
#it’s almost 4 in the am lemme have this joke panel p ls—#the actual chapter’s scheduled for a few hours later though… no clue why i scheduled it instead of just posting it but ✨it is what it is✨#i have no clue if i even have a target audience for the idol sengen tls nowadays lol. slow updates amirite~~~~#b ut even if i did have a target audience… it’ll be y’all on this hellsite and n o t those who read it on m a n g a d e x dangit—#anyways!!! i finally figured out how to outline text while typesetting so it (hopefully) looks easier on the eyes!!!#g o d i felt like such an idiot when the text outlining tutorial finally clicked for me#that’s 15 mins of experimentation (+almost a year’s worth of tling and failed typesetting rip) i’ll never get back#i’m prolly not gonna re-typeset my old chapters though.. i have a day job mans i don’t have the time for this (sads)#m a n i’m beat. time to turn in for the night and p r a y that i don’t get woken up early by the doorbell again—#no clue when the next chapter will be up btw i wanna emblem the fires or something—#it is suiyoubi my dudes
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the love of my dreams dropped me for another man and I now have a black hole in the pit of my stomach. this shit has been eating me from the inside out
#I can’t believe I’m telling a single soul this#and I would never do this for any person on earth#okay let me just give y’all some backstory#this woman we’ll call Z#we met online in middle school over that trash kik picture board#you know the one#anyway we dated on and off through late middle to like mid-late high school#and we loved each other#but distance put a strain on our relationship#so we split and went our separate ways#this may have been like early-mid 2017#so a couple years later I see on her IG that she’s getting married to a military guy#ripped. built ass abs you’d wanna nibble on them#find out some time later he was physically and mentally abusive to her#she told me about that like dec 2019#I was deeply sad for her that she was going through that#I don’t remember much of that conversation#I had since deleted the messages because I read over them so much at the time#you would think I’d remember them. I can only remember the feeling#my heart lit up in my chest#she said something along the lines of she yearned for me#or she missed me. I felt the same#we stopped talking#fast forward Valentine’s Day this year and we’re swiping up on each others stories sending each other stuff and talking.#I hadn’t felt more free to be myself and talk ever since we were dating. I’m still convinced she’s the only person on earth that gets me#cont. on next post
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