#i can’t believe all this shit i’ve been looking forward to for an entire year is over. just like that. :(

[partynthem]

:(

[darklydeliciousdesires]

London Will Burn - Chapter Sixteen.

Here it is, besties. The final chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and offer such warm words of encouragement along the way. They mean the world to me! :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed

Words - 3,910

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI.

“So, where has the ginger twat taken my granddaughter today, then?” 

Rin closed her eyes, counting to ten in her head. “Woburn Safari Park. She told him how much she was missing all the animals back in Africa, so he said he’d take her to where she could see a few of the same.”  

It was becoming tiresome, her mother’s unchanged attitude regarding the father of her child. “Mum, you honestly have to stop being so hostile towards him. It shan’t be good, going forward, with him being in our lives to the extent that he will be. I’m not asking you to like him, but a little civility wouldn’t go amiss.”  

Diane was resolute, crispy turning the next page in the copy of Hello magazine before her on the island. “I will never be anything close to civil with that piece of shit.”  

This did not bode well. Not since she and Sean were... well, Rin wasn’t entirely sure what they were, exactly. Dating? Co-parenting with extras until he earned her trust? They’d been out a couple of times by that point, two dates the week before, one that had ended up in a sleepover at his place. Not that they’d slept much. God, he’d given her such a thorough shagging, she was still glowing from it four days on.  

Yes. It was dating, she had to admit that it was. Furthermore, she was enjoying every second of it, when her guard slipped enough for her to do so.  

“It’s a pity that you can’t put your own feelings aside for Tiger’s sake,” she spoke, continuing to do her stretches. She and Sokoro were off for a run, Rin glad to have a Saturday morning to herself to do it at a reasonable hour for once, enjoying a blissful lie in until 8am that morning as opposed to being out of the house by 6am.  

Her mother viewed her through shrewd eyes, cocking her head slightly. “Is it purely for Tiger’s sake, Catherine?” The slight colouring of her daughter’s cheeks sealed it, though Rin did not utter a single word. “Oh, for heaven’s sake! You’re not, are you? With him?” 

She was not in the mood for verbal combat that morning, but it looked like she was about to foray into it all the same. “I am, yes. I’m seeing how it goes with him. He’s genuinely sorry, mum, and I do see that. I need to get to a place of trust with him, though, and he told me he intends to prove himself there.” 

“But what he did to you!” 

“Is seven years in the past,” she interjected with, lifting her leg to the stool before her to tighten her shoelaces. “He would have absolutely nothing to gain from trying to be nefarious all over again. He has what he wants. I elevated him, made him rich and powerful once more, and he knows only too well what would happen to him, should he attempt to upset the apple cart. I do believe he is earnest, but I want to see if for myself.” 

Diane snorted, lifting her coffee cup to her lips. “I think you’re barmy.” 

“Yeah?” Lifting her chin, she pulled the laces sharply, double knotting the bow. “And I think, mum, with all the respect in the world, it’s none of your bloody business. Look how far I’ve come under my own merit and judgement. I am not an eighteen-year-old any longer who fell in love with a man she shouldn’t have, a man who had the agenda of his father pressing upon him. Finn is gone; it’s just Sean now. Believe me, he isn’t his dad.”  

“Wouldn’t have lost it all in the first place if he was.” Rin realised that she wasn’t going to get anywhere with her mother, so simply kissed her cheek and told her she’d be back later, heading out to find Sokoro in the courtyard, lightly jogging in place.  

“Let us depart now, eh, boss? Let’s run past the palace, wave to the King and Queen on our way!” Ever since arriving in London, her dear friend had been hellbent on getting a glimpse of the royal family. He’d scared a poor woman half to death one time while in Waitrose, asking very loudly if she was the Princess of Wales. She had not been, merely bearing a very uncanny resemblance to Princess Catherine. 

“So, I hear you and your mother having shouting's this morning before we leave, eh?”  

Having shouting’s. How she loved his turns of phrase. “We were, yes. We indeed had words with one another.”  

“Over the ging... over Sean, yes?”  

She liked that, that at least Sokoro was trying hard not to be hostile towards the father of her child, no matter how protective he was of her and Tiger. “Yes, over Sean. She’s very hardheaded, my mother. What kills me is the fact I think even my dad would have softened by now, and you know how ferocious he could be.” 

Sokoro raised his eyebrows, wiping his clammy forehead on the back of his arm. “Kevin was nothing if not a force to be reckoned with, eh?” Pausing as they turned the corner, beginning to run down The Mall approaching Buckingham Palace, he then continued. “But I do agree, eh, I think that he would see how much he has taken to the role of Tiger’s father and not condemn him as your mother does. He ah, he did say something to me, back when she was a baby.”  

Immediately, she slowed, jogging in place. “What?” 

Sokoro looked uncomfortable, like he wished he’d have thought on his last sentence prior to its delivery. “Ah, I should probably not say, eh. Even though he is gone, I do not want to betray your father’s confidentiality.” 

“Bollocks,” she spoke strongly, her eyes widened a fraction. “I’m here, he’s not. Tell me.” 

Sokoro shook his head, his own in place jogging coming to a halt. “Okay, okay. We break here. It has been five kilometres.” Moving to a bench at the side of The Mall, he took a seat, swigging from his bottle of water.  

“Your father, after Tiger was born, he pull me aside and he tell me all about it, how she came to be, how Sean betrayed you, etcetera. He tell me he was not only heartbroken for you because he know you love the man who got you pregnant despite what you tell him to the contrary, but because he always like Sean.  

“He tell me he see him as perfect suitor for you, before all the shit with the sex video, eh. He tell me that if he ever could see you with anyone, it was Sean Wallace, because you are both so similar. But he say most of all, he see you with him because Sean would never stop you from being who you are. We stood outside of the lodge and I remember, he say he wanted to tell him about the baby, because he thought it might change him for the better, make him a good man for you again, but he would not do that to you, not ever. But he say it, Catherine.”  

His words hit her square in the chest, the opinion her father held in secret. He’d wanted them to be together, but for the sake of her heart in all its damage done by Sean, never told anyone that other than Sokoro. It left her feeling like something was opening up within her, letting the light in to where she had been shadowed and jaded for the last seven years.  

Her father, as it happened, was not as hardened as she’d thought. He’d seen the true Sean too at some point. He’d known that the man he was, and the one he was moulded into by Finn were truly not the same person.  

“Did he say anything else?” she pressed with, Sokoro shrugging lightly. 

“He say he hate him for what he did to you, this is natural of course, eh. But he also say he know he put him between a rock and a hard place, and with the weight of Finn Wallace bearing down on him, he know, and I quote, “the kid cracked under the pressure, and made my Catherine the fall when I doubt he really wanted to.” I think your dad, he see the same you do in Sean. A man who did what he did so he did not sink under the greater weight.”  

It was hard to take in, the enormity of what Sokoro was telling her. Part of her wanted to shred him to pieces verbally for keeping it from her for so long, but most of her saw clearly that he was simply being a man of his word. Her father had shared his thoughts in secret with him, and Sokoro was nothing if not a bona fide confidant.  

In all of this, her father’s opinion was something she had desperately wished she could call upon, to know if she was doing the right thing. Now, she had it. It wasn’t first hand, but she knew now that should her dear dad have still been with them, he’d have likely welcomed her and Sean finding a way back to one another. 

“Are you okay?”  

Sokoro’s question roused her from the daze she’d fallen into, Rin shaking herself with a small smile as she turned to him. “I am, you know. I really am.” 

“Come on, let us continue. I feel Queen Camilla at the windows waiting for my jolly smile and wave!” He nudged her with a soft elbow as she got up, laughing and sipping her water before on they continued towards the palace. Their jog landed them back at Mulford Hall just before 10:30am, both immediately heading upstairs to take a shower each, Rin returning to hear the usual Kenyan merriment in the kitchen. 

“What are you lot giggling about?” she asked, moving to the fridge to get out some fruit and yogurt, Sokoro, Marcus and Silas all sitting around the island, huge grins fixed in place. 

“We are discussing the slang of your motherland, boss,” Marcus spoke, still partially hissing with laughter. “We see on Twitter somebody call Donald Trump a fuck billed twattypus and we all say, it could have been you! It sounds like something you say!” 

“We learn so many British cusses from you. Knob, shit bag, twat, bloody fucking bastard,” Silas then weighed in with, counting them off on his fingers as he chuckled with glee.  

“Or when she call you twat waffles and you thought it is some kind of British breakfast cereal,” Sokoro chimed, Marcus waving his hands in dismissal as the men roared.  

“It sounds like it, though! I had no idea that twat was slang for the female anatomy until we met Catherine!” he laughed, Rin in absolute stitches as she closed the fridge door. They kept her entertained as she went about preparing her breakfast, Sokoro sorting himself and the other guys with gigantic vegetable omelettes and toast.  

With a day to herself, she decided to relax before her masseuse arrived, Jenna giving her a much-needed rub down and easing of tension from her locked up back, several knots clicking and cracking under her expert hands. It was a day of pure bliss, her child not arriving back until 7pm, Sean stating that he was also taking her to the museum and out for dinner as well, carrying a very sleepy Tiger into the house. He looked completely shattered himself.  

“I’ll take her,” Diane bustled coldly, fixing him with a glare. No, Rin’s words hadn’t sunk in any further. Luckily, Sean didn’t react with any negativity whatsoever. 

“Thank you, Diane. It’s nice to see you again, you’re looking very well.”  

She turned away from him, her lips slightly pursed. “I wish I could say the same.”  

He winced. “Ouch.”  

Rin reached for his face, giving him a kiss. “Maybe one day she might finally thaw.” While he expected as much from her mother, he did note that Rin seemed to be behaving more freely with him, making the first move to offer affection. “So, did you and our baby have a good day?”  

Right on cue, he yawned. “A tiring one. I’ve been up since 5am, she decided she couldn’t sleep so we took Butch for a walk for an hour, one I ended up carrying her on my back for half of before dropping him off with Minnie for the day.” Hugging her, he rested his chin on her head, Rin laughing softly at the fake snoring noises he began making. “She has abundant energy, though. I don’t know how you cope full time.” 

Emerging from beneath his chin, she smoothed her hands down his chest. “I’m used to it, as you’ll become, too. Can I get you a coffee before you fall asleep on me?” 

He nodded, kissing her forehead. “Please.”  

“Alright, go and rest your weary bones.” He moved to the sitting room and she the kitchen, taking a seat on the sofa and beginning to browse his phone. It might have been a Saturday night, he might have been shattered, but he had a few work-related emails he needed to at least check in with, planning on putting in some time the following morning in his office at home to be nicely ahead for the coming working week.  

“Oh, you’re here.” Looking up, he met the narrowed eyes of Diane, the matriarch of the Cavanaugh household taking a seat on the adjacent sofa, eyeing him with her usual level of distain. 

“Hello again, Diane,” he smiled, attempting to at least be cordial with the woman. The truth was, he had little to no issue with her, but goodness, she certainly gripped tightly upon the grudge she held towards him. “How are you?” 

“I’d be much better if you weren’t here.”  

He expected little less than such hostility, but knew he couldn’t meet it like for like. “I understand that, I do. I will be here, though, in your lives. Your daughter and granddaughter are very important to me.” 

She picked up a copy of Tatler magazine from the coffee table, huffing as the pages were flicked through with mild irritation. “Until the next chance to use her in your quest for power presents itself. Men like you don’t change, Sean.”  

He felt his temper flicker into life, the corner of his mouth twitching. He wouldn’t let her spark it into roaring flame, though. She was probably trying deliberately to wheedle such a response from him, purely so she could point her finger. “As I explained to Catherine, I am in no position to do that. Your daughter has elevated me to my former status, more so, in fact. I have my company, I have my standing, and I have a hell of a lucrative income because of her. I don’t truly have what I want the most, though. Trust me, fucking her over would not be conducive to me attaining it.” 

“Oh, wouldn’t it?” she spoke, each word biting in its chilly delivery.  

“No,” he spoke with a shrug, his smile widening, “because what I want most is her. I love your daughter, perhaps the most honestly and genuinely I have ever loved anyone. Trust me, my intentions towards her are not what you assume them to be. Far from it.” 

He didn’t know, but out in the corridor, Rin stood, coffee in hand, grinning like an idiot to hear him coolly standing up to her mother. She might have known it already, but hearing him state that what he wanted most was her almost provoked a squeak of pure joy.  

“Well, I shan’t be doing that any time soon, Sean,” she bustled, just as Rin walked in. 

“That’s up to you, I suppose,” he replied, taking the coffee from Rin. “Thank you, darling. I think I might need three more just to stay awake. So, are you still coming with me when I go back up to Manchester on Thursday? We could take Tiger too, make a weekend of it once I am done with Friday’s meetings. We could take her to the art gallery, with her flair for the artistic I’m sure she’d enjoy it.” 

She beamed widely. “Yes, great idea, I’d love to. It’ll mean getting her out of her pit early, I suppose. I was surprised you told me she’s been up since five this morning, that child loves her kip.” 

“Isn’t this all so very cosy,” Diane muttered sarcastically, shaking her head. “Forgetting conveniently what that vile shit of a man did to you.” 

Rin’s hand clenched into a fist where she rested it upon Sean’s thigh, her eyebrows knitting as she sighed. “Which is a mistake he both admits and apologises for, mum. I’ve let it go. You need to as well.” 

“I can’t! Not when...” she began, the Tatler magazine cast aside. She didn’t get very far in her retort, though.  

“Enough, mum,” her daughter spoke, with quiet firmness as she stared at her. “That’s seriously enough, now. I’m sick of dealing with your attitude. What happens between Sean and I is honestly none of your business, and I am fucking tired of you making it just that. This is my life, you need to but out and stop treating me like a child. That’s the end of it. Sean, come on. Let's move locations.”  

He stood gladly, taking his coffee and following her out without further word, Diane sitting there floundering at being shot down so efficiently by her eldest child. “We both stood our ground with her, and didn’t raise our voices once,” he observed, moving up the grand staircase beside her, pausing to gulp back a little more coffee, save it spilling and Diane becoming furtherly vexed towards him.  

Rin raised her eyebrows. “We must be growing up, at last.” Arriving in her bedroom, she swung the door open, walking through to where she’d had a little bit of a makeover of the large room, the former section dedicated to her desk and workout items over at the far side by her window now containing a small sofa and television set on the mantle above the fireplace. The space most definitely had more of a grown up feel to it than it had when Sean had been in there last. 

Sitting down beside her, he finished his coffee while they chatted on how best to handle her mother, both agreeing to be staunch without rising to her need to argue the toss constantly. The coffee was sadly no match for his tiredness, though, Sean waking with a start hours later to darkness, finding himself draped in a comfortable throw. The bed his sleeping love occupied looked much more comfortable.  

“I was wondering if I’d have a companion at some point,” she murmured, turning to cuddle up to his nakedness after he’d undressed and gotten under the covers. “What time is it?” 

“Half past two. I’d say time to go back to sleep, but I’m wide awake.” 

She grinned into the darkness as his hands felt their way to her, pulling her even closer, lifting her leg to rest over his hip. “Mmm,” she hummed, feeling the hard of his cock press against her abdomen. “Yes, you definitely are, aren’t you?” Her hand reached between them, curling around his cock, working him lazily as she felt the sleepiness slipping away, ducking her head to begin placing hot, open-mouthed kisses upon his neck.  

He lay there in a daze of sexual fog clouding him for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of what her hand evoked within before his own reached for her, stroking her softly, feeling her begin to dampen his fingers. Pushing them inside her, his mouth then founds hers, her teeth crushing a soft bite upon his lower lip. Those kisses, all sugared embers and need, began to gain rapid heat, hands working upon one another with more vigour until Sean turned her, slotting himself between her legs and arrowing into her fully with one fluid motion. 

She swallowed back his moans as their tongues swirled, her groin prickling pleasantly, nerve endings singing their bliss against the thick swell of his cock as he dragged her walls deftly. It was heavenly, wet velvet softly flexing around hot steel, their veins warming, Rin crying out softly at feeling him burying himself within her again and again.   

With his mouth at her neck, consuming her with such all-encompassing force, all that existed was him, that moment, the sound of his groans in her ear as his tongue glided across the column of her throat. Him, just him. He was all she wanted, and to hell with what her mother thought of that. 

Trembling against the lean bulk of his chest, the lightning bounced beneath her skin, the weight of him centring, driving himself into her plush wetness, causing moans she barely recognised to be hers. How she had longed for a lover with this kind of skill while they’d been parted, but beneath him there in her bed, she realised she could look forever but never find in a single other person what she had with Sean. 

His hips arrowed down purposefully, giving way to a slight rotation that had her floating in the stars, her fingers raking through his hair as she arched up against him, teeth nipping his thick shoulder as her nails grazed his back, digging in and clawing when he began to gain momentum.   

She was molten beneath him, singed by the wildfire of his fuck, her walls beginning to flutter around him as his soaking cock pounded her hard, mouth lowering to suck at her nipples, making her come apart beneath him with surging force, Sean coming just moments after her.  

They fell asleep that night entangled, swathed in the blanket of one another, Rin awaking early the following morning. The sunlight streamed in, the sound of the Westminster bells softly tolling, yawning as she stretched. Looking up, she was greeted by the sight of smiling blue eyes, shifting up a little to place a soft kiss upon his lips.  

There they were again, just as they had been seven years before. Sunday morning, bell song and sunshine.  

“I love you.”  

He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. “Finally.”  

Finally, indeed.  

Finally, they had everything they’d been looking for. Finally, they had love and peace, and finally, although it took her almost two years after that morning to see that Sean was entirely genuine, they had Diane’s support. After all, the mother of the bride couldn’t very well have a sour face on at the wedding of her eldest daughter. Not after she’d bared witness to seeing just how happy the man waiting for her at the altar had truly made her.  

In fact, Diane’s tears of joy as they were pronounced husband and wife were the greatest of all the guests, watching Rin held tightly by her new husband, and the complete and utter adoration they viewed one another with. Neither noticed it, though, lost in one another as they kissed, Sean stroking her face with his thumbs as he rested his forehead to hers, repeating the word he had spoken two years prior, when they had truly reconnected. 

“Finally.” 

The End.  

[vixenpen]

Our Year (Eddie Munson x Black Fem y/n)

Okaaayyyy, sooo, hi 👋🏾 it’s been five fucking ever since I’ve written anything on this page. But I love this story so much and I missed writing for a new fandom. So, before you guys read on, I have to mention that I’ll be moving this fic onto AO3. I’m also going to making y/n into an OC (still black of course) so if you enjoy this fic, feel free to read it over there and get to know Alissa Porter!

“Look, they’re leaving.” Michaela giggled.

“Aawww, did we do that?” Liz added, with a mocking chuckle.

“Guys, that wasn’t cool.” Chrissy replied.

“God, Chrissy, you’re such a drag tonight.” Michaela rolled her eyes. “Where is your sense of fun?”

“Where’s yours?” Chrissy snapped back. “We were supposed to be having girls night out and we’ve spent the entire night worried about y/n and Eddie. Can we just watch the rest of the movie, please?”

The rest of the girls fell silent in the wake of Chrissy’s outburst until finally Frenchie replied: “Fine, geez. No need to spaz out over it.”

The girls fell silent, turning their attention to the screen rather than argue back with Chrissy. Lucky thing too, because Chrissy was finally able to relax for the first time all night as they enjoyed the movie. An hour later, the movie was over and the night was still young.

“It’s only 10:30, what do you guys wanna do now?” Liz asked.

“We could always call up the guys and see if there’s a party going on.” Michaela suggested.

“Liz, aren’t your parents out?” Chrissy quizzed. “Why don’t we have The Team over for a get together?” She suggested.

“No way, remember how close we cut it last time when my parents told me they were coming home early?” Lizzie steered her station wagon into the procession of cars leaving the drive-in. “Let’s do Frenchie’s place.”

“Oh, so I get in trouble?” Frenchie exclaimed.

As they exited the parking lot, a loud fizzing sound caught Chrissy’s attention. Before any of the girls could figure out what was happening, Liz’s windshield was splattered with coke and soggy napkins.

The girls screamed as Liz slammed on the brakes, sending everyone lurching forward.

Tires screeched against concrete as the culprit sped away, but the perpetrators were far from anonymous as Eddie’s voice yelled from the distance.

“That’s for my tapes, you cheer cunts!”

“Oh. My. GOD!” Lizzie screamed.

“Those freaks!”

Chrissy’s mouth dropped. She hadn’t thought Eddie or y/n would have that in them.

“Now, should we just ignore them, Chrissy?” Liz turned to her, angrily. “Those freaks ruined my car.”

“They didn’t ruin your car, Liz.” Chrissy replied, rolling her eyes. “We got them and they got us back. Let’s just get to your place and hose it off before it gets sticky.”

“Fine.” Liz grumbled. “But this isn’t over. Especially not with The Freak’s bride.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe we did that!” You laughed as the two of you drove away.

“Your aim and timing was perfect, babe.” Eddie laughed.

“Yeah, but I have a feeling I’m gonna be dealing with the consequences come next practice.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Eddie scowled.

“Oh no, Eddie please don’t start any trouble.”

“I’m not starting it, I’m finishing it. If those cheer cunts wanna come after you, I’ll be ready.”

“I can take care of myself, babe, don’t worry. You should be worried about those hoop heads coming after you after that stunt. Especially Jason.”

“I’m not worried. Jason’s scared of me. Has been since I kicked his ass in the locker room that time and definitely since everyone thinks I’m a devil worshipping magic man.” He wiggled his fingers at you, playfully.

“Wait, you fought him before?” You gawked.

“Oh yeah, Sophomore year. His sophomore year that is. He and his hoop head friends were talking shit about me being behind in my grade so I told him to say it to my face. He did, and I put him in a headlock. Body slammed him and everything. He’s only come at me twice since. I’ll admit, he definitely holds his own better since bulking up from basketball, but he’s never beat me in a fight.”

“Woooah! What!” You exclaimed, shocked by Eddie’s revelation. “Let me find out I’m dating a secret bad boy. Since when was my lover boy a fighter?”

Eddie shot you a sidelong smile that almost turned you on as much as learning about his hidden fighting skills.

“Hey, you learn a few things when your dickhead of a dad was a former jock. Anyway, his buddies keep his ass kicking under wraps, but they know the truth.“

You could only stare at your boyfriend’s unassuming profile as he stared ahead wearing a soft smile. As if kicking Jason Carver’s ass was a fond memory. His big, brown eyes were so soft and boyish and his smile was adorably innocent. Never would you have imagined a soul as gentle as Eddie’s could be capable of that kind of violence.

He took his eyes off the road for a split second to glance at you.

“Y/n? What’s up?”

“I can’t stop imagining you body slamming Jason Carver.” You shook your head. “That’s really fucking hot.”

Eddie chuckled.

“And here I thought you weren’t like the other girls who only liked bad boys.”

“I’m not,” you replied stroking his thigh,“but a good guy with a secret bad boy streak is a turn on.”

Eddie shifted in his seat as your hand inched closer to his crotch.

“Oh yeah?” His voice cracked.

“Yeah.” You giggled back. “And we never got to finish what we started at the movie…”

Eddie bit his lip.

“The night’s still young.” He eyed you back. “Wanna go back to my place?”

“Duh.” You smirked

“Alright ladies, let’s welcome our newest Hawkins High Tigerettes!” Coach Stacy clapped. She was a peppy forty something Asian woman with a valley girl accent and her ever perky attitude was both annoying and endearing.

You ignored the glares of Liz Rawlins and Michaela Washington as your fellow cheer sisters clapped along to welcome you and the six other new girls on the team. Once that was over, Coach Stacy continued.

“Now, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the upcoming season, starting with a new cheer and chant. So, I want my veterans to help out the newbies as much as possible. The faster we can get through these new cheers the faster we can get to our stunt routines! Captains, let’s get started.”

Chrissy and Liz stepped forward all bright smiles to lead you guys in your stretches. So far so good. Most of the head cheerleaders hated your guts, but at least with an adult present they wouldn’t try to do anything about it.

Or so you thought. As Coach Stacy began to show you guys the moves for the new routine, you found yourself getting tripped, poked, and “accidentally” punched in the arm as the girls found their formation. It was clear, the core four, Chrissy, Michaela, Frenchie, and Liz had already spread the news that you were the team punching bag.

“Y/n, is everything ok?” Stacy asked, her brows wrinkled. “You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine coach, but the girls in my line are a little too close to me. I keep tripping. Maybe if I stepped forward on three instead, I could avoid their fists and feet.”

You demonstrated the step differently and Stacy nodded.

“Hmm, you might be on to something, y/n. We’ll try it your way on that count. Keep showing initiative like that, and you could be captain.” She winked.

Coach Stacy might’ve been impressed but your squad mates were anything but as they glared at you. Whatever. They were lucky you didn’t snitch on them.

Eventually, the girls gave up trying to get your goat in practice and things started running smoothly. Finally, it was time for your first ten minute break.

Coach Stacy exited the gym to make a call while the other girls gathered on the bleachers. Except for you. You headed for the exit, only to be intercepted by Frenchie, Liz, and Michaela.

Your heart revved with adrenaline, but your straightened and crossed your arms to stare them down.

“May I help you ladies?”

“You sure can.” Liz replied. “You can start by cleaning my car, Freakella.”

“Excuse you?”

“You heard her.” Frenchie cut in. “We know it was you and your shaggy dog of a boyfriend who trashed Liz’s car on Saturday.”

“And I know it was you three stooges who trashed my boyfriend’s on Saturday. So, as I see it, we got even. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need water.” You shoved Lizzie out of the way. “I’m exhausted from carrying this team on my back for the past half hour.”

The girls gasped as you pushed past them.

“Bitch.”

“Who does she think she is?”

You heard them whisper as you entered the half empty halls. The only people left at this time of the day were a few students in clubs, a handful of teachers, and the janitors.

You found the nearest water fountain and took your time hydrating. At that moment a wolf whistle piped up from behind you.

You whipped around to see your boyfriend’s sweet grin.

“Lookin’ good in that skirt, future captain.”

“Eddie!” You exclaimed, immediately running into his arms.

Eddie picked you up off your feet, holding you tight. After being picked on for the last thirty minutes straight, his warm comforting frame was such a relief. He smelled like his favorite cheap cologne and weed.

“What are you doing here?” You asked as he lowered you to the floor, never releasing your waist.

“Gotta make sure my little minions get home in one peace. They got AV club today.”

“Oh, the freshies you adopted?” You giggled, referring to the nerdy group of boys that Eddie had taken under his wing. Lucas, Dustin, and Mike were sweet, smart, misunderstood kids, and you loved how brotherly Eddie was with them.

“Yeah, my little protégés in training. You know some of these douchey upperclassmen can’t wait to pick on the fresh meat.” He rolled his eyes. “Cowards. Anyway, how’s practice going?”

“It’s… going…” You sighed.

“Yeah?” Eddie’s probing brown eyes took in your expression. “I know it’s going, y/n, is it going well or is it going bad is what I’m asked.”

“The core four are kinda out for my head right now.”

“Do I have to come in there?” Eddie frowned.

“No, don’t just… be here to walk me out when it finishes. It’ll be over in another half hour.”

“As the lady wishes.” Eddie booped your nose. “The kiddos should be done by then too.”

“Cool. Well, I gotta get back in, babe. See in a minute.”

Eddie kissed your forehead gently before letting you back into the gym.

The rest of practice went well enough, but it dawned on you that if these girls were trying their hardest to hurt you during the regular cheers and chants they could really hurt you during the stunt routines.

Shit. How were you going to navigate that?

As you guys started doing your last rundown of the choreography Coach Stacy taught you, the door cracked open and in walked Eddie.

He shot you a smile and a wave and you returned the gesture. That was when you heard the whispers start out. Before you could tell them to say it to your face, the door opened a second time and Jason entered followed by two of his fellow teammates.

Oh fuck.

You thought as your eyes darted to Eddie. You silently begged him to not engage with those assholes if they started shit. With fifteen minutes to go in practice, there was nothing you could do except hope the boys stayed in their own corners until it was over.

[chamomileharry]

☃️ happy holidays friends! ☃️

❅ baby it’s cold outside (2k) // kimtaedumb "So apparently, it’s meant to snow today,” he announces, setting the bowl on the table with a spoon.

Harry glances down at the frosted Shreddies. "Maybe we can go out later then?" Harry suggests, shoving a spoonful in his mouth. Louis chews on his own cereal and swallows quickly.

"That'd be great! We can make our own snowmen like last year."

“Louis,” Harry stresses his name, “Last year you put a dick on your snowman and scarred all the children for life.

” Louis simply shrugs with a shit eating grin on his face.

Or; the one in which it's Christmas and Louis has a special surprise for Harry. ❅ Pass the Cranberry (3k) // iwillpaintasongforlou Louis uses the promise of kissable baby feet to convince Harry to spend their first Christmas as newlyweds at his mum's house, which rather puts a wrench in Harry's plans to put on Christmas lingerie and celebrate the holidays as honeymooners ought. 

(Or, the one in which Harry and Louis fuck very, very quietly in his childhood bed on Christmas night so as not to wake the countless sleeping Tomlinsons just beyond those four thin walls.) ❅ If Only In My Dreams (3k) // iwillpaintasongforlou Louis calls and says he doesn't think he'll be home for Christmas, which is disappointing since Harry's wrapped himself up in a red silk bow for Louis to come home to. Luckily the world according to Louis orbits around his beautiful boy and he's making it home one way or another.

❅ Gloss on My Lips, Man on My Hips (4k) // iwillpaintasongforlou

Harry and Louis are cameramen for TLC that sort of accidentally turn into the sweetest sorta-celeb couple on the network's hit wedding shows. Harry gets a beautiful gown on Say Yes to the Dress, Louis gets entirely too competitive about being on Four Weddings, and somewhere in the middle of it all they slow down and remember what this wedding is really about... with the help of festive Christmas lingerie, of course. 'Tis the season, innit?

❅ Hoe Hoe Hoe (5k) // larrybotsmut

“My, my. Jesus. What do we have here, mmh?” Louis’ voice is a bit wavering.

“Got all dolled up for me, pretty?” he asks, eyeing his pretty husband from head to toes. He wants to devour him.

Harry nods, a devil grin adorning his flushed cheeks. He’s getting shy by Louis’ intense gaze on him.

“Why don’t you give us a twirl, darling?” Louis asks, eyes full of desire.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

or — louis and harry finally have some time off after an eventful year. harry misses him like crazy and decides to give himself to louis as a lovely present. lots of kinky sex

❅ Your eyes are like starlight now (5k) // orphan_account

"You're not Santa."

"You're not three years old...anymore."

Or the one where Harry is at the top of the nice list, and Louis is not who Harry anticipated.

❅ at candle glow and mistletoe (5k) *need an ao3 account* // orphan_account

“I swear to God,” he mumbles under his breath as he squeezes them on, “if this is all a ploy to kidnap me, I’m going to feel no guilt for keeping your jacket.”

“Just trust me, alright?” Louis holds his hand out for Harry once the other man straightens up, his soft face flushed in a way that only the holiday rush can do. “I couldn’t hurt you if I tried, Harry Styles.”

Harry places a tender hand over Louis'. “Okay,” he answers, a little breathless. “I trust you.”

an au where louis is santa, harry is a single dad, and niall is the worst reindeer to ever exist

❅ Christmas Always Finds Me (5k) // lovelarry10

Harry blinked slowly, realisation dawning on him. “Gemma, no…”

“Keira can’t stay. Her sister just had a baby, and she’s got a train booked. Harry, I wouldn’t ask if I had another choice, but I need you to take Logan…”

“Gemma! My fucking holiday… you know I’ve been looking forward to it, and so has Lou…”

“I know, Harry, I really do. And I’ll pay for another one, I promise. You can pick anywhere you like, somewhere better than bloody Magaluf, but believe me, I wouldn’t ask if I had an alternative. I’m so sorry.”

══❆❅══╡°˖❅❆❅˖°╞══❅❆══

Harry and Louis have big plans for Christmas. Neither is into the idea of celebrating, so they book a holiday to sunnier climes. However, fate has other plans in the form of Harry's ten month old nephew Logan...

❅ come and put your name on it (9k) // kenziexo

A University AU where roommates (and smitten friends with benefits) Louis and Harry are snowed in during Christmas Break. They ring in Louis' birthday (and Christmas Eve) with a bang.

❅ All I Want For Christmas (Is Lou) (20k) // wickedarcher_08

Christmas is sure to be an interesting one when a reluctant Louis and an over-enthusiastic Harry are paired for the annual Secret Santa gift exchange. Will it be a Christmas Miracle when they finally meet? Or will their stockings be filled with coal?

Or the one where Harry and Louis are each others Secret Santa

❅ Precious little thing (21k) // mercutionotromeo

Reason #10 - Curiosity

Niall grins deviously and hits “make call”, putting his phone on speaker. They lean in close to peer down at the screen, heads knocking lightly together. Dull rings reverberate quietly around the room and mix with the monotonous buzz of the lights. It rings for a while - maybe six or seven times - then the other line picks up.

There’s a slow, steady inhale, and a low voice purrs, “Hi, sexy.”

Jesus - this guy has barely said two words, and both of them have made Harry's cock twitch in his jeans. That’s not even getting to what those words are, and why he’s saying them, and how Harry’s stomach is dropping into his shoes at the mere thought of him saying... other words. Words like “cock”, and “please”, and “come”.

Also known as: a university AU featuring phone sex operator Louis, copious amounts of sweet, soft kink discovery, and Louis being Harry's Daddy.

❅ So Put Your Hands In (The Holes of My Sweater) (21k) // Kat_rawr  

“Are you gonna kiss me then?” He asks so quiet he isn’t even sure Louis heard him.

“I think it’s bad luck if I don’t.“ Louis’ breath is hot on Harry’s skin in the cold air. They stand in the dark; Louis’ face only lit up by the yellow-ish light from the street light a few metres away. The light over the door of their building hasn’t worked in years.

“Okay,” Harry says, and of course his cheeks heat up. There are definitely butterflies in stomach and his mouth is definitely dry.

or,

Harry and Louis go on a lot of not-dates.

❅ Fate Had Other Plans (25k) *need an ao3 account* // Snowy38

Louis Tomlinson books into a remote Ski Lodge in Austria to avoid everyone at Christmas. He is looking forward to his bah-humbug lonely Christmas when Harry Styles 'breaks into' his lodge and ruins his plans with his happy, sociable nature...

Harry Styles booked into a Ski Lodge to spend Christmas alone with his boyfriend Nick Grimshaw; only two weeks before Christmas Nick dumps him and Harry decides the trip will help him re-find himself. What he doesn't expect to find is love...

❅ The Twelve Days of Harry and Lou (27k) // helikesboys

The one where daddy!louis gives princess!harry a new present every day for twelve days in the lead up to Christmas. Orgasms ensue.

❅ Santa Baby Honey (28k) // SadaVeniren

“Let’s cut right to the chase,” Niall said, loading the powerpoint, which was just one page, comprised of Louis’ face and the words How do you solve a problem like this asshole? “It’s the beginning of November and Louis is already being a fuckwit. How are we gonna have him knock that shit off this year?”

aka Louis is the CEO of a toy company and Christmas is a stressful time of year so his assistant decides the best way to make him chill out is by getting him laid through a Secret Santa

❅ Let’s Embrace The Point Of No Return (33k) // sweaterpawstyles

Louis was a whole new scale of beautiful, he was richer than Harry could've ever imagined, and he was the most powerful, dominant alpha that Harry had ever come in contact with. The only problem now is that Louis is also Harry's boss.

Louis believed Harry was an alpha, and had no idea about how he had lied about his status just to get an interview with Louis. He was in too deep now and he couldn't look back.

Or

Harry is an omega intern at an all alpha company. Louis is his boss. There's some complications.

❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃

 as always, please read the tags and remember to leave kudos and a nice comment for the author!  if you have any requests, feel free to ask please, I'd love to help in any way! any recommendations you may have are also welcomed! <3 ☃️

❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃ ❃

[thatpunkmaximoff]

Story: 5 out of 5 Smut: 2 out of 5

Drop everything and go purchase this book right now!

If you’re a fan of The Originals or True Blood, then you’re gonna LOVE this book. The magic, the forbidden romance, the heartache… ugh, it was so worth it.

I just finished this book and I’m still reeling from the last couple of chapters.

The writing is amazing, the story is great, and I’m looking forward to the inevitable fallout of everyone else finding out about a witch and vampire falling in love. There’s no way it’s over. There’s gotta be so much more to come.

Now onto my rambling thoughts...

* Bastian is giving me Elijah Mikaelson vibes and I’m here for it.

* So a slick and flirty Elijah.. still here for it 😏

* Goddamn. He’s asking a lot of her. That type of magic could really get her into some deep shit.

* Okay, so I don’t like Aunt Violetta. I don’t care how things have been… things need to change. Aster is busting her ass making spells and potions- she deserves most of the cut. Fuck everyone else.

* Oohhhh. She’s gonna help. Get your money and that dick!

* Wait… her powers can be stripped and be killed for treason..? Wtf.

* Okay, can I just hug Cassius?

* Jesus. The tension between these two is intense.

* And awww.. Bastian’s baby talking the cat 🥰

* “Believing in you has been one of the easiest decisions I’ve had to make in the past seventy years. And I’ve made a lot of decisions.” — Okay, I’m done. I’m a Bastian girl.

* Oh, the dance. The tension just keeps building.

* Goddamn. He attacked her because of a memory? Baby, what are you doing!?

* She fucking did it! She made the day-walking potion!! But it has a limit.. 😬

* I’m fucking screaming! The tension between these two is crazy. And then you go and have them both wanting to kiss… she walks away… and he puts on Somebody to Love by Queen. I’m done. Omg.

* THEY FUCKING KISSED!

* AND NOW THEY’VE BONED! I’m just so bummed he can’t bite her after the deed.

* So the potion made him somewhat human enough that he can taste coffee..? What about his sperm 😂

* Goddamn, Bastian. Having a meal in the pool, are we? 😏

* Fuck. Cassius said no to the potion? He’s really giving Finn Mikaelson vibes now.

* Holy shit. They’re gonna give their relationship a go 😨

* So the mom is still pissing me off. They really want her knocked up 😬

* Why are they so fucking adorable 😩

* Oh fuck. Why is Bastian coughing up blood?!

* Goddammit. What they had was so good. Then Bastian got greedy and Aster can’t take anymore chances.

* Holy shit. That bathroom scene 🥵

* I’m calling it right now. The vampire is going to knock up the witch.

* Fuckkkkk. He OD’d on the potion, almost died, and now Cassius is confessing that Bastian has lied this entire time about who turned him? Wtf!?

* “I have a taste for women’s blood, yes. But I have a deep seated love for only one woman. We are magic, you and me.”

* Holy fuck. The Vampire King found out 😨 It was rough with him, now what’s gonna happen when the witches find out?

* NO! Fuck, no! 😭

* Yes. Bring him back! Fuck the rules.

* And two? DOES HE MEAN TO FUCKING HEARTBEATS?! Is she pregnant?!?!?!

* What?! Her mom is on her side? Is she actually fucking decent? All they had to do was sit down and talk 🤦🏻‍♀️

* TWO HEARTBEATS! I was fucking right!!!!

* Please, please, please bring him back.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Damn Your Love, Damn Your Lies, chp 10

here is chapter 10 on ao3 or read it down below

Daniel swings his legs over his bed.  What kind of dream was that?  He felt awake.  But that’s crazy.  He hasn’t felt like that since the one time he mixed ketamine and acid.  That felt like an entire out of body experience.  The guy he was crashing with told him he’d spent five hours staring at a wall.  

It’s not a trip; he’s been clean for years now.  He wouldn’t even know how to get drugs here.  Though Louis could probably serve him some on a silver platter if he was so inclined.  Daniel doesn’t know what that was, but it didn’t feel right.  

There’s a brisk knock on his door.  

Daniel gets up and opens it.  Rashid is standing on the other side.  He grins at him and doesn’t wait to be invited in.  He slips inside and wraps arms around Daniel’s neck.  “Hello, lover.”

Daniel instinctively wraps his arms around Rashid’s waist.  As distracting as he is, Daniel can’t shake the strange feeling.  “Hey, were you just with Louis?”

Daniel studies his face carefully when he answers.  Rashid shakes his head.  “No, I was in the kitchen.  Thinking of you.”

He doesn’t look like he’s lying.  He sounds honest.  But he could just be a good liar.  

Daniel wants to believe him.

Rashid moves his mouth near Daniel’s ear.  “I’ve been thinking of you all day, Daniel.”

His voice is low and seductive and it goes right to Daniel’s dick.  Shit.  He needs to focus.  “Yeah?  Why were you in the kitchen?”

Rashid mouths kisses down from Daniel’s ear and along his jaw.  “I was hungry,” he says, then pulls back and stares at Daniel’s mouth.  

Daniel swallows thickly.  “Yeah?”

“Starving,” Rashid says, then lunges forward and kisses Daniel.  It’s a good kiss, frantic and yearning.  You’d never guess Daniel had his cock down his throat only a few hours ago.  

Daniel slips a hand down to cup his ass.  Jesus, this kid is distracting.  He kisses Rashid back, and allows himself to be led to the bed.  Rashid falls back on it and looks up at him with blazing eyes “Hey, “ Daniel says, “you think Louis knows about us?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” Rashid says, and tugs at Daniel’s belt loop.  “Come to bed, darling.”

He hasn’t thought about his boss finding out he’s fucking his guest in his house?  That doesn’t seem likely.   “You haven’t thought about it?” 

Daniel sinks down next to him.  Rashid is on him in a second.  He straddles Daniel and kisses him again, throwing his whole body into it.  His hand goes between Daniel’s leg and palms over his crotch.  “All I’ve been thinking of all day is you,” Rashid says, nipping at his earlobe “and how I want you again.  How I want you all the time.”

Daniel isn’t stupid–Rashid is acting off.  He’s probably trying to distract him away from questions about Louis with sex.  Which begs the question–what doesn’t Rashid want him to know?  Maybe he really is involved with Louis.  He clearly has some sort of crush on him, but did Louis feel the same?  From the interview, he still seems pretty hung up on Lestat.

He could just ask.  Ask Rashid if there’s something going on with Louis.  Rashid might even be honest about it.  

Except that hand feels so nice, and the weight of Rashid on top of him feels good, and he wants him.  All the time.  

Rashid slips his hand inside Daniel’s pants and wraps it around his cock.  He pumps him hard and perfect.  “Do you want me, Daniel?”

Fuck.

Daniel grabs him by the hair and guides him into a hot, messy kiss.  He’s the sweetest thing Daniel has ever tasted.  Why not enjoy him while he can?

He can ask about Louis later.

/

Daniel is in the dining room of the Copley, but as it was in the seventies.  He’s seated at a table with plates and plates of food.  Armand is across from him, staring at him intently.  

Daniel once referred to this as he and Armand’s ‘first date’ when they were together.  The idea had amused Armand.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Daniel says dryly.  

“Tell me how you did it.”

“Did what?”

Armand sighs impatiently.  “You left your body while sleeping.”

“So that was real?”

Armand rises and moves around the table, never looking away from Daniel.  “Yes, Daniel.  Though you shouldn’t be able to do so.”  He comes and stands next to Daniel, looking down at him.  “Like always, you defy expectations, my boy.”

“Not your boy,” Daniel says, then “Care to explain what’s going on?”

Armand runs a finger along his jaw.  “You’d just forget when you wake.”

“You could let me remember,” Daniel says.  “Or do you just get off on breaking my heart?”

Armand flinches.  A very small part of Daniel feels bad, but it’s easy to ignore.

“That was never my intention.”

Daniel snorts.  “Right, it was to just erase me completely.  Like I never existed.”

Armand shakes his head.  “No, I never-”

“You made me forget.  Who are we without our memories?  Our experiences shape us.  You get rid of those experiences, what’s left?”  Daniel says.  What was left?  He’s a bitter old man who has failed at nearly every aspect of his life.  

Armand cups his face.  “What’s left is you, Daniel.  Who you were before I broke you.”

Daniel knocks his hand away and stands up.  “Broke me?  Newsflash asshole, I was already broken long before I met you.”

“You were troubled; I made you worse.”

Daniel laughs; he can’t help it.  “I’m sorry, are you really trying to sell the ‘I did it for your own good’ excuse?  Because I ain’t buying it.”

Armand crosses his arms over his chest and glares at him.  “Do you have any idea what it was like for me?  Decades I spent without you, decades missing you.  All to give you a better life.”

“Your idea of a better life, not mine.  I never wanted any of that shit.  I just wanted you.”

It’s too much.  Daniel shouldn’t have said it, but Armand has a way of dragging things out of him.  But it’s true–he might not remember out there in the waking world, but he did here.  All he ever wanted was Armand.  

He wouldn’t have been able to let him go.  Not if Armand didn’t make him forget.  Armand had been the center of his world.  He had loved him more than he ever loved anything.

“Daniel-”

“But in the end I was discarded like every other pet before.”

Armand’s eyes flash with anger.  “If you were like the others, I’d have simply killed you.  Can’t you see how I love you?”

He can, that’s the thing.  It’s so very Armand.  

“I hate you,” Daniel says, but it’s lacking heat.  

Armand smiles gently.  “You love me, you just can’t admit it yet.”

“Why?  Because I have feelings for Rashid and that proves something?”  Daniel says.  “How could I not?  He’s all over me.  I haven’t fucked this much since my honeymoon.  I feel like my dick is going to fall off.”

“No, beloved.  Because even if you deny us,  your spirit still seeks me out.  It means something.”

“Yeah, nothing more romantic than astral projecting.”

He always felt connected to Armand after they became lovers.  Armand had explained the closeness came from the blood sharing.  There were very few people Armand had shared his blood with.  His maker, Louis, and Daniel.  Those were all that had the privilege.  Because it was a privilege, an act of intimacy that left them physically and mentally connected.  

“It means we’re still connected,” Armand says.  “That connection should be severed after so long.  It isn’t.  That means you maintained it, all these years.”

Daniel doesn’t even know how he could possibly do that.  

“Subconsciously, beloved,” Armand replies to the thought.  He smiles ecstatically.  This really has gotten his hopes up.  Daniel relishes the thought of squashing them.  Or he tries to; the idea of actually hurting Armand feels wrong.  It just makes Daniel angrier.

“Bullshit.”

Armand continues like Daniel hasn’t spoken.  “It means you want to be with me.  It means you are mine.”

“I’m not fucking yours,” Daniel snaps.  He’s so angry.  He can’t remember ever being this angry.  “You don’t get to say shit like that.  You ended things.  You fucked up.  You don’t get to get me back.”

Armand’s face is expressionless, blank of emotion.  Daniel knows Armand withdraws like that when he’s upset.  And it feels wrong to hurt him, but it feels good too.  

“You still love me,” Armand says, like it means something.

Daniel could deny it.  He could pretend that Armand isn’t the love of his goddamn life.  But what’s the point?

“So what?”

Armand blinks.  “What do you mean?”

“Yeah, I love you,” Daniel says, “but so what?  Doesn’t mean I choose to be with you.  Because it’s a choice, and you took mine.  You wanted it over, and it’s over.  For good.”

Armand sucks in a sharp breath.  “You don’t mean that.”

“I really, really do.”

Tears wet Armand’s eyes.   It’s the last thing Daniel sees before he’s waking up in bed with no memory of the dream.  Rashid is sliding out from under his arm and off the bed.  He looks upset.  

“What’s wrong?”  Daniel says.  He watches as Rashid hurriedly pulls on his clothes. 

“I have to get back to work.  Mr. de Pointe du Lac will be missing me.”

He’s not looking Daniel’s way.  Shit.

Daniel reaches out to catch him by the arm, but Rashid ducks away.  “Somethings wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Daniel.”

“Is it something to do with Louis?” Daniel says.  He should just let it go.  If Rashid doesn’t want to talk right now, Daniel should give him space.  That’s the mature thing to do.  “Is that why you won’t tell me?”

Rashid’s head jerks his way and he glares at him.  “What are you really asking?”

Are he and Louis involved?  Is Louis taking advantage of him?  Is it a relationship?  Is it casual?  Is it a thing at all?  There are at least a dozen ways Daniel could phrase the question.  What he says is “Are you fucking him?”

Rashid gives him a nasty look.  “Goodbye, Mr. Molloy.”

Then he’s leaving and Daniel is watching him go, feeling like a fool.  It seems like everything else in his life, Daniel managed to fuck this up.  But that’s okay, he’ll fix it.  He’s got a long history of fucking up and fixing things.  

Of course, Rashid was insulted that Daniel accused him of sleeping with his boss.  (Or he is fucking him, and doesn’t want Daniel to know.)  Why wouldn’t he be insulted?  (Unless he’s really doing it.)

It doesn’t matter.  

It doesn’t matter if Rashid is involved with Louis or not.  Daniel’s only here for a limited time.  It’s not like he gets to keep Rashid.

Except that he wants to.  He wants to keep him.  He wants to have him around.  He wants him back in New York with him.  He wants him beside him at night when he falls asleep and next to him when he wakes.  He wants him near him all the time.

Holy shit.

Daniel is in love with him.  Completely head over heels for this kid.  

He is absolutely fucked.

[ssaalexblake]

I know i’ve been dragging stp for the soap opera thing, but in general i am queasy on the entire construction of this for actual genuine reasons. I am an outspoken hater of any kind of bullshit pregnancy trope because bullshit pregnancy tropes Always Always Always in some way negatively effect the pregnant one, so, you know, it always negatively affect the mother’s character (bc main stream media) while the dad just gets to go angst somewhere and Develop. 

I mean, this is better than some kind of mystical pregnancy trope crap, there’s no lack of bodily autonomy here in this plot which i am genuinely thankful for, but uhm, for the plot we Have been given they basically threw about 5 different reasons she got pregnant and didn’t tell Picard about it on a wall to see if they stick like spaghetti, no matter what it makes her look like, no matter how absurd any of this is, no matter if some of the reasons listed were proven false by the last two seasons of the same Show this is happening in. 

Like, did she really deserve this? Can’t have an adult conversation with the man she’s sleeping with? Can’t set boundaries and just runs away instead? Ditches her entire life and (found) family rather than just... Communicate? 

I know i’m not a tng expert here, and I don’t claim to be, but it’s not like i’ve not seen it and really, the biggest thing i recognise from her character is her Voice. 

And frankly? This is because they were just looking for a convenient uterus for jean-luc to knock up, had jack shit to do with Beverly. They'd have written this the Exact same way no matter who carried the kid. 

That these two are a popular fandom ship and an acknowledged shoulda-woulda-coulda ship in the narrative is just convenient. But none of this shit is about Beverly. This is all entirely about Picard no matter how detrimental it is to anybody else. Beverly is reduced to an incubator to develop Jean-Luc’s??? What??? Exactly??? 

His ability to be a father? Well, if you’re a believer in that only biological kids are your family then frankly i think all that they had Beverly do already shot That concept in the foot. And like, they can still move forward with that relationship from now, but what Exactly does how Picard reacts to a sudden Adult son who doesn’t actually need him say about him??? Not a lot, tbh. It doesn’t actually force him to change his behaviour to keep him safe bc Jack quite clearly doesn’t need that kind of protection. it doesn’t force him to skip a mission to stay with his kid bc he’s been retired for years sans a few personal projects (one of which was actually Q meddling and he didn’t even choose it. 

And if you are a believer in found family, which is what Trek IS really, then Picard has already demonstrated fatherly affection to a great many characters and it’s already said a great deal about him. He’s fucked up sometimes, often in fact, his interactions with children are quite often portrayed up as a negative with him, he’s bad at it, he dehumanises them under the monolith of Children and doesn’t always remember they’re all individual People (which is what that scene with baby elnor and him was saying), and Hilariously this wasn’t actually on the list of reasons Beverly didn’t fill him in. Fab. I’d have actually taken that one at face value. 

But i digress, the man Has shown fatherhood. He was fatherly with Elnor and Agnes. It DID show things about his character!!!! The idea that to show this man in a context of fatherhood requires co-opting some woman’s uterus to cook up a secret love child is absurdist and goes against any found family ethos there IS, and the reason we like our trek show families is because they are found families. A few of them include pseudo parental relationships, and in a few of those, picard has been cast as dad already. 

You Already showed me how Picard would be as a parent to an adult. I don’t need you to do it again with biology because apparently this matters more, and i certainly don’t need to see it in such a way that screws over the first convenient woman of child bearing age you thought of. 

so yeah. it’s a soap opera. But i am actually angry for real reasons that aren’t petty. Beverly is more than convenient mom no.1. Didn’t need that scene with the Deanna holo, either, really. Because now even Her uterus is being brought into Picard’s sudden love child story to tell us something about the old man. 

I have seen Picard be dad like. I do not need biology for this. Not only is this plot insulting, but it’s also unnecessary to boot. And I know tng is touch and go with the women in it, but can we have moved on from that by 2023? No? apparently not.

[symbioticsimplicity]

By this point in his life, Eleven was accustomed to being in strange realities. His own, for all it’s beauty, was plenty strange. But he had yet to be somewhere quite this strange.

They were on Earth, Seven had told him that’s where they were going at least. And it did look like Earth, in most places at least. Though as he was looking around it was almost as though there were...interdimensional fractures? That was peculiar.

“Seven?” He spoke up, a light frown marring his features, “Do you see those?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ obnoxiously, “Wasn’t me, promise.”

Eleven rolled his eyes, “Of course not. These look like scars. I wonder how long those have been here, however.”

“Think we should ask the locals?” Seven gestured at an approaching group of what looked like teenagers, “That shit is loud enough even the humans ought to have noticed something.”

“Not your worst idea.” Eleven agreed.

The group made it to them relatively quickly, all on bikes, almost as if they had been planning for that very thing. They were a small group of mismatched children, six strong, each looking far more world weary than they should have for their obvious youth.

“Oh great now there’s Koreans too? Thought that war ended like thirty years ago.” One of the kids muttered to himself, an old radio clutched tight in one hand.

“Who are you?” A short haired girl asked, her eyes locked on them with an intensity Eleven found adorable, “How did you get here?”

Seven took point, as he usually did, a sharp smile stretching taught over his lips.

“You can call me Seven, and that there is Eleven. We’re...tourists.” He laughed to himself, evidently proud of his joke in a way that made Eleven want to drown him a little bit, actually.

The kids reaction was not at all like he’d been expecting. Most people thought they were strange, and the few with particularly acute senses would be mistrustful of them, but rare were the humans who reacted with outright fear.

Had they been here before?

The girl at the front raised her hand toward them, like a mage preparing to cast a spell.

“You... you can’t be.” She said, her eyes wild with fear held back by the thinnest of margins, “I’m Eleven.”

Seven cocked his head, looking more and more intrigued by the moment.

“It ain’t an exclusive title.” Seven appraised her anew, “You’re a little small for an Eleven though. And a human? Really?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” One of the boys in the group sneered from beneath a mop of black hair, “Dustin, call a code red.”

Eleven watched the curly haired child who’d spoken first begin hissing into the radio he was holding, though his attention quickly shifted back to the little Eleven in front of them.

“I believe we’re likely talking about two entirely different things.” Eleven spoke up, noting how one of the children, a boy with a truly unfortunate haircut, flinched a little as he did, “I’m interested to know who it is you think we are.”

He made eye contact with the Eleven up front, pushing his senses forward to look into her soul.

She was fully human, so the naming similarity was likely just an odd coincidence. Though there was something else there, almost like spiderwebs wrapped around her core, branching out into something greater. How fascinating.

She gasped, her eyes widening, almost as though she had felt what he was doing. That should have been impossible, but then this girl was far more than she seemed at a glance.

“You...” She started, fixing her gaze on Eleven like she intended to pry away his layers as he had just done with her, “Do you know Papa?”

Eleven tilted his head in confusion. What an odd inquiry.

“I don’t know anyone going by that name, no.”

“If you’re talkin’ about Lucifer, I’ve met him like once and a half tops.”

Sometimes Eleven wished he thought to keep a muzzle on him, just for moments like this.

The kids all started shouting over each other, save for Eleven who didn’t seem to recognize the name. Which, was somehow even more interesting.

“Shut up!” A small dark skinned girl near the back shouted, bringing the group back into order, “This is stupid, it’s cold, and I would like to get home before dark for once. You said ‘human’ like you aren’t one, were you made in a lab?”

Seven snorted at her directness, sending a grin her way.

“Nope, this body is 100% organically grown.”

“I don’t like the way you say that.” The little Eleven winced.

“It’s not convincing, no.” Eleven agreed, “What he means is that we’re not experimentations, if that is what you’re asking.”

“But you’re not human either?” The dark haired kid spoke up again.

“Not since like 1921.” Seven shrugged, “Next person to ask me a personal question is buying me dinner.”

Eleven found himself smiling at that though the curly haired child made a face.

“Gross dude, we’re like fifteen.”

“Bold of you to assume I meant that in a date way.” Seven, undettered turned his smile on him, “Am I so pretty it’s got you thinking about kissing me?”

The kid turned red and sputtered, causing Seven to toss his head back, laughing hard enough to make the sound echo off the trees.

“Moving on,” The bold girl from a moment ago butted in once again, “How did you get here? If you two ain’t lab rats, where did you come from?”

“I think, first, I’d like to ask you all a question.” Eleven retorted, “It seems only fair.”

The dark haired boy and the curly haired one both squinted in Eleven’s direction, as if preparing themselves for some inevitable cruelty. They reminded Eleven quite a bit of the humans back home, which was multi-versally a rarity. He hoped to stick around long enough to get the story of why.

“Go on.” Said another boy at the back who had yet to have spoken.

“How much do you know about worlds beyond your own?” Eleven kept his attention on the other Eleven.

She swallowed hard but didn’t flinch an inch, taking a few heavy breaths before seeming to center herself.

“You are not from the Upside Down.” She said with confidence, “We would feel it.”

The boy with the bowl cut rubbed the back of his neck seemingly habitually, but nodded along with her words.

“That what all this is about?” Seven gestured to the fissures they’d seen when they first arrived.

“Yeah.” The curly haired one answered, “Whole big ass earthquake, everything was all red and spooky, sound familiar?”

Seven pursed his lips, “Nope. Told ya already, we’re tourists. Ain’t been here but five freakin’ seconds before you dorks rolled up like the neighborhood watch.”

“Okay, we answered your question, we know there’s another world but apparently you’re not from there so where the hell are you from?” The dark haired boy asked impatiently.

“Oh so you’re buying me dinner.” Seven grinned over at him.

The kid made a face, as did the one with the bowlcut though he tried his best to hide it.

“Fine, whatever, just--”

“We’re from a whole other reality, like fifteen realities over and to the faaaaar left.” Seven cut him off, “Probably doesn’t help nothin’ but that’s the best I can give ya without a crash course in AP Magical Astrophysics and I’m not about that life right now.”

For a moment they just stared at him, all appearing to be letting the information sink in.

“Fifteen--” The curly haired one gaped.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute--” The dark haired one shook his head.

“Betcha I’d get it.” The bold girl pursed her lips.

They probably would have continued talking in circles around each other had a set of headlights not illuminated the group, causing them to turn to the source of them.

“Oh thank--”

“Steve!”

Seven tilted his head to Eleven, sharing a silent question. They could easily slip away, come back later, maybe 50 years from now. El shook his head, wanting to see where this would all lead. He was invested in the story.

Seven shrugged, raising his hands and resting them on his head as a car door closed.

“Alright, alright, someone tell me what the hell is going on, Henderson didn’t explain shit.”

The newest arrival was significantly older than the rest, looking to be around the same age as Seven’s body. Though, for the first time Eleven took notice of how out of date the clothes they all wore were. He wondered what year it was.

“We don’t know, but there’s these guys.” The quiet boy in the back, who might have been siblings with the bold little girl for how alike they looked, explained.

The new arrival looked their way, his hands settling onto his hips. Eleven almost laughed at the level of judgement contained in his stare, he looked imperious in his blue stripped polo shirt. Seven, with his utter lack of self control, did laugh.

“Sup, pretty boy?” He asked, casual as anything, “Liking this town more already.”

The man, Steve Eleven thought one of them had shouted, frowned even harder.

“Why is it that whenever we get a new shit talking blond in town, they always find me?” He muttered, “What’s your deal. The nerd herd wouldn’t have called me if there weren’t something up, but no one is hurt so what is it?”

“It’s your lucky day kid, I just found a much better candidate to take me to dinner, you’re off the hook.” Seven said without breaking eye contact.

The dark haired kid looked honest to God relieved.

“What?” Steve reeled back, “No, what?”

“They’re weird as hell, Steve. Also not human, so good luck.” The bold little girl explained.

“They’re Eleven and Seven.” The little Eleven spoke up, having tucked herself up next to Steve when he’d arrived, “But they don’t know Papa.”

Steve for his part looked like he was trying to run a decathlon in his own head. It was endearing, reminded Eleven of Seven when he’d first found him.

“I’m gonna need more to go on.” He ended up concluding.

“I’ll tell ya anything you wanna know.” Seven winked, “I like Italian, by the way.”

[life-got-real]

12/1/2022

It’s been a while but I’m in the best place I’ve been in mentally in over 8 years. I started therapy, was released from a relationship that was causing me so much anxiety, moved back to my mom’s with two kids no job, been hanging out with friends and all my friendships are so deep it’s the best. I truly can say I am at peace so I can be happy for myself most importantly but my babies as well. The next few months will be big moves in getting back on my feet and in my own place again. But I’m loving this space I’m in. Finally not worried about doing every two week sessions, taking co parenting one day at a time, and healing from being with what I believe to be a narcissist. I’ve set goals and have met a lot of them. Life feels brighter, warmer and lovely. 

I’m finally fucking happy. 

I wish I could’ve been like this my entire time as a mother, but I can’t change the past and spiral about it, so I’m making the most of this new chapter in our lives. Been a single mother in a relationship for almost 4 year so not much has changed. I wish I could hug 22 year old me and tell her one day she would be free and it won’t be the end of anything but the beginning. Now at 25 I feel like I’m getting closer to myself. 26 is the end of being on my parent’s insurance but shit I’m looking forward to my late 20′s. 

Getting into therapy has been the best thing for me. I don’t now where I’d be if I wasn’t able to process things for the past like 6 months. And part of me knew the relationship wasn’t going to work if I continued to work on me. But I was okay with that possibility. I know what I would want in my next relationship if I choose to enter one. But honestly, dating is scary and adding on have two kids to that. I’d rather just live it up with them while they are young and maintain my village and wait to see if someone worthy will come along. 

The year about to change means nothing to me, my new life started in August and it’s been a good almost 4 months.

Love having a sag baby and a little pisces. They are so different but so perfect as siblings.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Runaway - Chapter Fourteen.

Wow, besties! You reached that unlock at speed! Something tells me that you’re going to be exactly the same with this chapter, too :D Thanks for your engagement as usual, and I hope you enjoy!

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve  Thirteen

Taglist - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed

Words - 1,638

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

Ahhh, stories from respective pasts. A fantastic way to get to know someone, and be thoroughly entertained throughout. At that point in the evening, and with the storm showing no signs of abating, they were covering the school years. 

“So I ask her again, and she predictably tells me no, but by this point I feel like my fuckin’ bladder is gon’ burst, so I just said to her, ‘fine, you asked for this’, got up, walked over to her plant in the corner, and pissed right in the pot. She starts screaming at me, I calmly told her that she should have just let me go to the bathroom, but at least with my way, she got to see the fact I had a real big dick, so it was a win win scenario.  

“The entire class went crazy laughing, she reported me to the principal, but it was only the comment I made about my dick I got in trouble for. Turns out the principal’s wife was a urologist, and so because he knew how bad it was to hold a piss in, she got in deep shit for not allowing kids to go to the bathroom.  

“That ain’t even the wildest part of the story, though. I saw her in a bar years later, and gave her hell about what a tyrant she used to be. She just stood there and took it, then said that since I’d grown up to be such a knockout, I should let her make it up to me. I went home with her that night and fucked her until her bed broke.”

Hannah almost choked on her wine. “Oh my god!”

“What?” he laughed, his dirty chuckle filling the room. “She was a bitch, but she was hot!”

“I’d say I can’t believe that you fucked your former teacher, but it’s you after all.” She nudged him with a teasing foot, Manny grabbing her leg and tickling behind her knee, where he knew she couldn’t bear to be touched. “Get off me!” she cried, her giggles sending sparks of happiness through his insides. It had been a while, since he’d been playful like that with a woman.

“Oh and I bet you were nothing short of perfect at school, right?”  

She fought against him, kicking his thigh until he finally let go. “I was, actually. About the worst thing I did was let the fire alarm off to get a guy I liked out of a test. He never really noticed me like that before, until I walked past him when we were filed up outside, whispered ‘you’re welcome’, winked and walked away. I’d like to think that was one of my smoother moments in life.”

“And did it work? Not that you should have needed to resort to such, being as gorgeous as you are.”  

She nodded, dropping her head for a moment, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, it worked. We dated for four months before I broke up with him. Me and my poor impulse control struck, the impulse being that the quarterback of the football team asked me out, and I looked at him as a better option.”

Manny leaned forward slightly, arching an eyebrow as he lifted his glass to his lips. “And was he?”

“Nope! I never seem to learn my lesson there. Then again, the last time I acted on impulse, I got something wonderful.” He gestured for her to continue, watching her smile grow. “I got Lola.”

“And you didn’t end up married to an asshole either,” he observed, draining his glass, Hannah hauling herself up to fetch the second bottle from the kitchen. “Anything more there, or is he sticking to his restraining order?”

“I’ve had a few phone calls come through where no one talks, and I know it’s him. I block all the numbers he calls me from just as I always have, but he’s persistent, uses pay phones, I think at one point he was using cheap prepay phones as well. I just have to keep a diary of it, but it’ll be hard to prove it’s him unless he talks. It’s a nuisance, but what can I do?” Sitting down again, she topped up their glasses, setting the bottle down on the table. “I heard through the grapevine that he moved away recently, he’s gone up to northern Cali somewhere, so as long as he isn’t a physical presence in my life, I don’t mind so much.”  

“I do,” he stated with vehemence. “I mind him bothering you. If he ever does turn up again, you tell me, okay? Fuck the police, fuck the courts, you come and you tell me. He’ll leave you alone for good.”  

Her eyes widened a little. “You wouldn’t...” she made a gun motion against her head, her thumb pulling an imaginary trigger, “would you?”

“No! Don’t be crazy, of course I wouldn’t. But I’d make him believe I would.” That was only half the truth. If he ever physically came near his daughter in a threatening way, Michael would cease to breathe, although that wasn’t a truth Manny was quick to share with her mother. “And I’d probably smack him around a little, just for daring to fuck with someone I care about.”

He couldn’t help but add that, the wine getting to him a little. Anything stronger than beer, and it was essentially like giving him truth serum.  

“Manny,” she warned gently, reaching for his arm. “Please, don’t.” It took him a moment to answer, the feel of her hand upon him, her skin on his, even though so innocently placed there making a jolt run straight to the pit of his belly.  

He raised his eyebrows, recovering himself. “He’ll be fine, unless he breaks his restraining order. I saw it, when you broke down and revealed it all, just how fucking stressed out the motherfucker had made you. That don’t happen on my watch, Hannah.” Pausing, he leaned forward, reaching for her face, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Don’t matter how unique it all is, our relationship as parents, what could have been, if the circumstances were different. I meant it when I said I care about you.”  

Perhaps he hadn’t recovered himself sufficiently enough, the blue of her eyes like cloudless skies he wished only to sail through, shining through the candlelight. His mouth felt dry, taking another swig of wine, his heart beginning to pound. No. He couldn’t act. He had to shove it down again, but the lure of her. Oh, the lure, his loins burning at the memory of how it felt, when he was with her. Fuck.  

In turn, the pull she felt to him was intense, like he’d lassoed her insides, as only an accomplished cowboy could, the rope being wound in with every statement that passed over his lips, every compliment, her foundations feeling shaky in the presence of him. Despite herself, her hand covered his, the light of her gaze meeting the dark of his, both paused, perhaps for too long... or not long enough... the wine clouding them, the memories of one another returning. As if that attraction had ever been far from the surface.  

The storm outside swirled with all the potency of what they’d both tried to push down, the sky illuminated as Manny set his glass down, taking hers from her hand, moving up the couch, his hands gripping her knees, opening them enough for his body to slot between them, the boom of thunder rocking the ground as their mouths met.  

Any reservations they might have had were swept away as they fell headlong down the rabbit hole, the tempting promise of what they would experience in their own Neverland of blissful sin tugging at them too strongly, dragging them down, until all that was left was them. There was no Carmen, no time between their only night together and then, no reason why not. Only them.  

A scattered path of kisses scorched her skin, the firm grip of his hands moving to pull at her vest, Hannah suddenly stopping him.  

“I... I look... different.” Her stammered words made him pause, searching her eyes, resting his forehead to hers. “I don’t look as good as I used to, since the baby.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” His kisses landed softer, his haste calmed as he slowly lifted her vest, pulling it from her body, her sweats next to go, Manny sitting back on his heels as he looked down at her, his gaze finding the nerves in her eyes. “This body is beautiful. You know why? It’s the body that grew my child safely for nine months, and if you think just because it’s a tiny bit different to how I remember that it’ll put me off, then you’re crazy. Now, lie back and let me show you just how goddamned beautiful I think you are.”  

She’d be lying if she said her confidence had been truly bolstered in the wake of his praise, no matter how lovely his words were, but still, she felt desired enough to pull him back to her, their mouths locked together, undoing his shirt as kisses of sugared embers grew hotter, the feel of his skin on hers torridly enchanting.  

“Wait.” Sitting up, he lifted her, Hannah wrapping herself around him. “I need more room than a couch has to really fuckin’ enjoy you, darlin’.”

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, so did the chapter of them entitled ‘Two parents trying desperately to convince themselves there was only a child connecting them.’ And lord, the chapter they would write together to follow, only legible until the flames that roared between them threatened to burn each word off the page entirely.  

[brolantra]

I’m honestly a really sweet person. The way I’ve preserved this sweetness despite the poison I’ve been force fed, was learning to fiercely protect this part of me.. by any means necessary. My story is dark and hard and although I have an equally dark shadow, I have it under voluntary control. It doesn’t control me. I have to actively work on it and keep myself balanced though because I have a smart ass mouth.. while sometimes it’s necessary, other times it’s just not. Saying slick shit is really just second nature tho. Im genuinely surprised I haven’t been punched in my face more times in my life. I also have violent tendencies, and not in a cute funny haha she wants people to think she’s dangerous kind of way. I have to actively avoid physical altercations and even some verbal altercations with certain people because I know exactly where ima take it. And if I get past a certain point I’m not gonna care about the outcome or consequences. I have to have a lot of self control because I can’t afford not to. I’m not proud of my hyper vigilance, but it was born out of necessity. I am proud of the ways I’ve gone within to reprogram myself tho, and I’m proud of my willingness and ability to address my issues and do what I can to fix my own problems. I am proud of the strides I’ve made toward total self awareness and radical accountability. I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect my energy. I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect my spirit, my heart, my time, and my peace. Even if that means using my discernment and reminding someone why I shouldn’t be played with. I am looking forward to the day I finally feel like I don’t have to be in constant defense mode tho man. I know ultimately that’s what this past year has been about.. feeling what I need to feel so I can release it and move on… Learning to trust God with every cell in my body and every fiber of my being. Controlling what I can control (which is myself) and letting God handle the rest. Trusting in my own neuroplasticity and capacity for great change. Hyper vigilance is a learned behavior, and anything we learn can be unlearned. But learned behaviors are just old habits, and we all know old habits die hard. Lord knows I be trying… I really got ptsd tho and it’s hard. I thought things would be easier to manage once I got diagnosed and I knew exactly what was going on with my brain… but it only got harder. Because that’s when the real responsibility kicked in. Because I wasn’t being called to just manage or cope with these things.. I was being called to really heal them. And there’s no one I can really lean on other than God. Cuz I don’t know anyone who’s doing what I’m doing.. healing to the degree in which I’m striving for. They’re walking their own path, but not even the ones closest to me fully understand what it is I’m trying to accomplish. I can talk about it til I’m blue in the face and still no one understands. It’s hard for others to believe you have the ability to heal yourself, even with proof.. because they have a core belief that they themselves are damaged beyond repair. And they’ll project that belief on to you. It’s not even malicious… but some of the people I love the most can’t even really hear me fr. Cuz they don’t get it… they couldn’t receive a map even if they were looking and asking for one. Cuz they genuinely don’t believe it’s possible. I have built my entire life on top of not laying down and just accepting defeat.. so I personally don’t mesh well with that way of being. Constantly being reminded my calling was for me.. it wasn’t a conference call. It gets so lonely because you look outward for support and you’re met with a bunch of superficial, uninformed nonsense. God isolated me for a reason. Every time I think I’m about to exit hermit mode I’m thrown right back in like “aht aht, you got more work to do. More to address. More to transmute & transcend.” Im tired. I’m frustrated. I’m emotionally exhausted. But I know I wouldn’t have been thrown down this path if there wasn’t victory attached to it. I trust God with everything in me.

If I don’t vent every once in a while I feel as though my blog is losing its original purpose. Ok I’m done now 🤧

[thedreamspace82]

Time and time again I’am reminded of the poor choices I chose to make, I do feel I wasn’t 100% behind them in terms of what happened next entirely. I should have followed my gut, I think most I’am scared to move home, and I know I’d only be coming home for you and my brother. That town reminds me of a lot of bad memories with my family and mom. Moving here literally saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if I had stayed back home. I’am scared a bit you’ll never move here but also that’s not something I could ask of someone. I’am 1 human and you are a set of 3. So I can’t be selfish cutie, do I believe I married the correct person? Absolutely not, not for 1 second do I believe that. Do I believe or feel in love with her no I don’t, I felt a shit ton of pressure behind it all, and honestly I’ve given it my all here because I had a rule with myself that I never wanted to marry twice but honestly I probably will. Iam exhausted with love, it should never be this hard with the right person.

Laying here appreciating your “ can I call you” on my way home tonight. I look so forward to when you call. I try to leave you be most days and I simply just keep you on my mind in hopes you’ll feel it on your side. Do you ever feel like if you were with the right person you’d been a million times better than you are now? Like someone rooting you on and pushing you? Fuck I dream about you. We’re going on many years, I’d love a hug from you and to hug you. Simple connection with you. I imagine my life in the future very different than where and what I’am doing now.

Wanna know what I’ve always found to be comforting? The fact we both are missing our moms, the fact we both grew up really rough and had a lot of trauma happen to us, we practically trauma bond in this relationship. We’ve always put everything out on the table for eachother to see, hiding nothing. And the fact that we struggled through school and both struggle to spell or know the difference between their and there. We are misfits and I fell in love with the misfits parts of us. I don’t care what anyone says but you are down right my soulmate. A blessing I didn’t see coming. This bright beautiful smile that always gets me. You can lift me out of anything and I mean anything… all your pet names, the way you show your love so passionately. Like I’ll never fucking understand how someone could cheat on you or would even dream of it. How someone could treat you poorly or unfair and lack love towards you. Iam jealous of the placement of people in your life. They take advantage of the minutes and moments they have with you, I’d treat that 1 minute with you like it’s my last to be with you. You’re fucking gold and I love you, this universe loves you, my soul loved you before I realized I did. You know when the hear and mind and gut are all on board.

I dream of just 1 entire day uninterrupted with you. No phones, no wifi, just you. Laying in bed talking, showering, going on a drive, going and grabbing a drink, give anything for that. I was not joking that I’am coming down in the next few months, a tad home sick for my peoples, you, grandma, brother and bestfriend. Missss you fucking all so much it hurts.

[neverluckygoldfish]

2 -

*trigger warning: substance abuse, depression, alcoholism*

I washed my hair today. Writing that out — it looks and feels silly to make that a win. Doesn’t everybody wash their hair, shower, brush their teeth, eat, sleep….everyday? It’s our basic needs that we learn as a child and somewhere along the lines, I lost control of all of them. I’ve struggled with all of these throughout my life, but for the past 2-5 years, they’ve really fallen off.

So yeah, I washed my hair. The big thing here is that I WANTED to. The thought of taking my clothes off, being naked, and the sensation of water on my skin didn’t fill me with extreme fear at being so vulnerable and exposed. And afterward? I felt good. I’d go so far as to say rejuvenated even. I looked forward to showering again tomorrow. Hi, it’s me and I am growing!!!!

After this, I’m going to brush my teeth. For the first time. In 10 days. I know, it’s disgusting but hey, that’s depression (no one said it was pretty).

I’ve been going to recovery meetings every day and reflecting on my life. How did I get to this point? I’m almost 30 and this is nowhere close to what I expected. I’m not entirely sure what I expected, actually. Sure — I have hopes and dreams, but I’ve also just floated along. My mom used to call me “a leaf in the wind”.

If you had asked me, before everything blew up last week — I would have told you that my life is not where I want it to be but “I’m working on it. No idea how I got here, but I’m handling it. Sure, I struggle with alcohol & drugs, but I can control it”. I can’t. That would have been a lie. And yet, I consider myself a pretty honest person.

Now, I realize that it wasn’t one massive spontaneous combustion, but a million little fires that were never put out, continually smoldering underneath throughout my life. That shit hurts to carry.

In AA, they talk a lot about God. Surrendering to Him, as you understand him. I’ll be honest, I have some mixed feelings about this God character. I’m a facts-based, evidence person. (Except when I’m feeling anxious or insecure, bc then I looooove to believe shit I have no basis for). I lean towards science/an agnostic view. Proof. I also tend to believe everything is meaningless. But I feel desperate lately, to surrender to something beyond myself. Because I tried surrendering to myself as I am and well, this me is all over the place and loves to get high lol.

I’d like to think of God as a greater power, but within myself. A greater She that I haven’t been able to tap into. Because of unprocessed childhood trauma, which left me feeling alone with no sense of self-esteem. That instead of reaching inwardly for Her, I chose to cloud my thoughts, feelings, and view of the world with drinking & drugs. No self-judgment here. It was just easier and in a way, it was what I knew. But I’m starting to believe in Her. She, who is truly honest, resilient, kind, and compassionate. Each day, I get closer to reconciling the greater She with me as I am today.

I’m feeling more and more chipper as each new day comes. But I also feel an undercurrent of anxiety growing. I try to take it one day at a time. But I get so restless and easily overwhelmed, then I spiral & I don’t know what to do with myself. My therapist says “Young lady, you need to stay busy or you’ll get into trouble”. But my ADHD brain says I DON’T WANT TO PLAN. EW GROSS WORK!!!

And, in the spirit of honesty, I’m eating some sour skittles for breakfast. It’s progress, not perfection people! Don’t worry, I’m also drinking a protein shake too bc like, health.

I’ll make it a point to end these with one thing I am grateful for/one thing that has brought me a glimpse of happiness:

I got my first AA chip! My first meeting, I was the only newcomer. It was Friday night & there were people of all sobriety ages. I cried. I felt so brittle, so broken and at rock bottom. Everyone in that meeting, I mean literally EVERYONE, welcomed me with open arms (read: actual hugs) & told me to hang in there. I’ve never felt so comforted, and by strangers nonetheless.

Sincerely, I.

[whatdoicallthisthing]

Does anybody else dealing with the parental abandonment/narcissistic parent things have days that just suck? Like you wonder how it’s possible, even though you understand that it’s part of it, that things could be this way?

How could all of this time pass, and the world explode, and they not even try to reach out to me?

Why did my accomplishments matter more than me? Why couldn’t I have been enough?

How is it possible to dislike your child so much?

I think I understand that it’s a narcissist thing, but I still have these feelings of why can’t they just put aside their pride and want me more than wanting to control me?

What do they even say anymore? It was one thing in the first few years, but now it’ll be nine years in a few weeks, and that hits a bit like a truck. What story do you have going that makes you not look awful, that probably makes you look like a grieving parent who’s the victim in all this? What story have you managed to wind for yourself that stretches almost ten years, a global pandemic, and doesn’t make you look like shit? I imagine there is one, or maybe many parts to one, and that I’m the person who abandoned their family and didn’t bother to check in on their aging relatives through everything. I can imagine it. And the thing is, that’s not entirely wrong. In fact, it’s almost entirely right. It’s not the whole story, and I didn’t do this, but it wouldn’t be wrong, exactly.

But even if it isn’t about how it looks — which it almost always was with them, I don’t understand how you, personally, wouldn’t care enough about the things that you missed to at least try and show you care.

I guess, I’ve been consistent. I set the boundary in response to what happened, and I was consistent. Until they apologized for their part, with words, we couldn’t move forward and I wasn’t engaging in this anymore. Until they were also willing to talk about what we actually needed to talk about.

I knew they never would. I knew almost nine years ago now. My friends and people around me found it hard to believe, and couldn’t really imagine it. They have families who want them, and parents who called them more than once every 3-6 months on special occasions or when they realized they forgot they had another kid (my guess is someone asked about me and they realized they had no information, because that’s when I’d get my communications blowing up and them suddenly wanting to know things). Like whoops, are you being a bad parent? Maybe. Are you being a crappy friend? Definitely. Are you not being a great family member? Probably.

My brain just keeps going over and over sometimes. Because the more I learn about things, the more I just feel like a little child who just wants to be loved and wanted by their parent, in the face of the glaring test results that this may not be the case — even though I naturally fight back against that as well.

So, I guess, is there anybody else who has been or is going down this road and had experienced this kind of thing?

[judethejudas]

‘Male Validation’ MW2 Soap x Trans! Male! Reader Smut

You’re new to the force but things don’t go as planned when you’ve been outed to the entire base.

Luckily someone has your back.

WARNING: transphobia, sexual themes, swearing, violence, discrimination. MINORS AND FEM ALIGNED DNI

(L/n) = Last name

“So, (l/n), you still got your lady bits down there?”

You felt your body being shoved against the wall, grunting in pain as you knew that was going to leave a nasty bruise.

Two men, who you were going to be deployed with and risk your lives together for the sake of your country, were being transphobic assholes.

You couldn’t believe it. Three years on testosterone and going through surgical operations to be comfortable in your own body. And for what? So the medical examiners could gossip and out you to the rest of the force?

“You’re real sick, you know that? What kind of woman gets all that shit done to them to look like a guy?”

“If any of my kids did what you did, I’d throw their sorry ass out in the streets and let ‘em rot out there.”

Now you’ve heard enough. No kid deserved to be treated like that. You certainly didn’t deserve it. You gritted your teeth and balled up your first, before putting all your strength into punching the nearest prick.

You landed him right in the jaw and he fell to the floor, clutching his face in pain.

“You’re gonna regret that one, tranny.” The man spit out viciously, before he abruptly left the floor and tackled you to the wall. He was about to kick your shit in.. real fucking bad.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

A man with a heavy Scottish accent growled out. All three of you looked the left and saw sergeant John Mactavish, or Soap as many referred to him.

One scary motherfucker.

The man who was holding you against the wall immediately backed off.

“Hey.. sergeant. You’re never gonna believe this but private (l/n)? Heh.. well, he’s actually a she.”

Soap stood there for a moment in silence, staring at you and squinting his eyes a little. It looked like he was glaring.

Oh shit, was he going to have a turn at beating your ass too?

He took a few steps forward.

But not to you.

He grabbed hold of the man who assaulted you by his hair and forcefully pulled him back to you.

“Does that look like a fucking woman to you, private?”

“Sir, I promise she’s-“

Soap threw him against the wall and he hit his head, tumbling to the floor.

The other man who was with him immediately went to help him up, finding that his friend was bleeding from the head.

“Hey! You can’t just-“

“Oh, but I can.”

The man scowled at Soap but didn’t give a reply.

“Man, woman, it doesn’t fucking matter when you’re out there on the field. But you remember the way you treated private (l/n) when you’re in a tight spot and need his help. You got that, you little cunts? Because he might not be so kind as to forgive this little incident. I know I fuckin’ wouldn’t.”

The men scurried off as soon as Soap finished lecturing them.

“Thank you, sergeant.”

“Come on, I need a drink.”

__________

The two of you were in his room.

He had poured you both two glasses of whiskey, to which you drank yours slowly and he downed his in one go. His glass was filled and he had a chance to speak his mind.

“I’ll be honest, (l/n). I can’t say I quite understand what you’ve been through or what you’ve done. But I know that no one should be treated like that. Especially when you have to count on each other as soon as you’re out there fighting.”

You stared down at your glass, seeing your reflection in the brown liquid and frowning. You just wanted to be respected and seen as the man you knew you were.

And it hurt knowing that half the base knew you weren’t born one.

“I can’t change who I am. I’ve been wishing for that almost all my life. I just couldn’t be happy with the person I was pretending to be so.. I started hormones and I got the surgeries. But it seems like a waste now.”

“Doesn’t look like a waste to me. I see a man, through and through. But..”

You looked back at him when he said the last word and became worried about what he would say.

“…Do the doctors just get someone else’s cock and stick it on to you or what?”

You nearly choked on the whiskey but you quickly recovered to burst out laughing.

And Soap was chuckling too.

“No- no, uh, it’s a long procedure and it takes a few of them to make it look even remotely real but uh.. no recycled penises.” You had to stifle your laughter to even explain to him what the surgeons did for you.

“So.. it works then?”

“I’d say it works very well, sergeant. Thank you for asking.”

“Hey I just had to make sure, alright? I’m new to this sort of thing.”

The two of you laughed and talked for more than an hour. Filling yourselves up on the whiskey until the bottle was completely empty. You talked about your life and transition journey and he talked about Task 141, all the things he’s seen and been through.

But as you got drunker, the topics would become less.. professional.

“So, sorry to be on the subject of your willy again but..”

“You want to see it?”

“Is that gay if I kinda do?”

“We both have socks on so I think we’re safe.”

The two of you laughed some more and you stood up from your seat, unzipping your pants and showing what you got.

“…”

“…”

“You must be pretty popular with the ladies at home then.”

You blushed and quickly put yourself away, fixing your pants and clearing your throat.

“Uh yeah, best thing about phalloplasty is that you can choose your size. Heh.”

“You wanna see mine?”

Now that caught you off guard. You had to stop your jaw from hitting the floor so you gave a casual ‘sure’ to your sergeant.

You had to play it cool or he would get a whiff of your wiles.

Not only were you a trans man, but you were incredibly gay.

John set his glass down on the table but didn’t get up from his seat. His hand unzipped his pants and he let out his half hard cock, which was quite the delectable size. 7 inches and you knew he could get bigger with some help from you..

Wait. He was hard?

You bit your lip, your hand gripping your pocket harshly. You couldn’t let yourself get aroused too.

“Come here, private. I won’t bite.”

“Sir..?” You let out a shaky breath. Maybe the whiskey did a little more than you thought. “I..”

“I believe I gave you an order just now,

didn’t I, lad?

Now that made you horny.

You felt your lower parts tingling when you walked up to him.

“Unzip yourself again.”

Your breathing quickened as you did as you were told, pulling out your cock again and taking a seat in his lap.

“I think you’ll do well with us, private. You’re good at following commands.” He mumbled in your ear and you could smell the harsh alcohol on his breath as he spoke.

“Sir-“

You were cut off quickly when you felt his hand on your dick.

You gasped as he started stroking it and you quickly covered your mouth.

“Don’t. I want to hear you.” He said, his free hand coming up to hold yours away from your lips.

Which reminded him..

His lips leaned in to touch yours and you moaned slightly, quickly accepting his tongue that prodded your bottom lip.

The two of you kissed passionately as his hand kept stroking your dick. You felt a bit more braver and took hold of his too.

He grunted against your mouth when your fingers wrapped around his length and jerked him off as well.

He pulled away from the kiss to messily suck on your neck. You were already moaning and squirming a little in his lap with all the attention you were getting from him.

“Hhnn, John.. please.”

“Please what?”

“…Please fuck me.”

Soap leaned away from your throat to give you another kiss, taking your hand off his cock and holding you from your ass soon after.

Then he stood up to go to the desk and lay you on top of it. But not before he took off your shirt.

Your top surgery scars were healed but still a bit prominent. Usually you used makeup to cover them but had forgotten this time.

You covered your chest and looked away.

“Show me.”

You looked at John with a worried look, and found acceptance in his.

There was no reason to hide from him.

You took away your arms and trembled when Soap leaned down to kiss your scars.

The tears welled up in your eyes and you tried not to cry.

Then jolted a little when you felt his lips wrap around your nipple.

And gave it a few sucks.

You moaned and arched your back into his mouth, whining out his name.

He smirked and pulled away as you breathed heavily, staring at him as he took off his shirt and pulled his pants down to his feet. His cock was 8.5 inches now and very thick.

You were practically drooling at the sight.

John spit in his hand and stroked his dick to lube himself. He also made you suck on his fingers to coat them, since you’d need a bit of prep yourself.

He felt it was good enough and took his fingers out and brought them down to your ass.

He stuck one in and your breathing hitched. You felt it moving in and out for a minute before feeling the other.

Your hand travelled down to stroke your cock, moving your head from side to side quickly as the pleasure was building up. It felt so good and you knew you would be getting close.

But then you felt empty all of a sudden.

You quickly looked at John and whimpered, who could only laugh.

“It’s alright, I figured you’d want something else about now..”

You felt the head of his cock at your entrance and gasped as he pushed in.

It hurt, he was bigger than what you were used to so you had to bite your fist.

“I’m almost all in.. just hold on for me, lad.” John shuddered as he kept burying his cock deeper inside you until you were fully bottomed out.

“Fuck..” He groaned, and started thrusting into you slowly.

“Mmhh, John.. it’s too big..!” You moaned against your hand, suddenly feeling embarrassed that you couldn’t handle it.

“I know you can take it, pretty boy. Don’t give up yet.”

You whined like a puppy, but you didn’t want to disappoint John, and it was actually starting to feel better.

But you were going to be so sore tomorrow.

Soap’s pace was getting faster now and he held your legs, moving them up to go over his broad shoulders.

You looked so submissive underneath him.

It turned him on.

It encouraged the Scottish man to keep pounding into your ass. You could only moan with every bounce against his dick and scratch against the wood of the desk.

The way your heat clenched around him was getting to be too much.

John pulled his cock out and spurted cum all over your stomach.

You came on yourself as well, soon after the other man did.

John stared down at you, panting with beads of sweat going down his chest and forehead.

That was the hardest he’s cum in a while.

He gave you a few minutes to catch your breath and then helped you clean up.

“Same time tomorrow?”

“Yes, sir.”

_________

I’d like to apologize for that transphobia in the beginning of the fic. It’s quite heavy and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I am very sorry if I did so.

At least our sweet John is here to comfort. <3

[itwasthereaminuteago]

|| 29. Public Sex ||

KINKTOBER MASTERLIST

Matt Murdock x female reader

Warnings: p in v, fingering.

Author's note: if you enjoy my writing please comment or reblog to share it with others, thank you so much, it's makes my day!

It was your second year anniversary and Matt had asked you if you wanted to go out for a meal to celebrate, but you told him you’d be happier with the two of you taking a day off during the week and maybe just going to the park for a picnic. He’d loved the idea and so you’d found a quiet corner, a blanket laid out under a tree with a myriad of extra special tasty food and a bottle of champagne that Foggy and Marci had gifted to you.

You both sat leaning against the tree, clinking plastic glasses together with smiles and kisses. Of course it didn’t take long until the kisses turned a little more passionate and it was then that you pulled gently back from Matt’s gorgeously soft lips, smirking to yourself.

“I’ve got a surprise for you Matty.”

He tilts his head and smiles, “Aw sweetie…you didn’t need to-” he starts to say, but you lean in, your breath warm against his ear as you whisper into it.

“I’m not wearing any panties.”

“Christ…” He clenches his jaw so hard he thinks he might have cracked a tooth.

You grin and swing your leg over him while he’s still stunned, straddling him and fluffing out the skirt of your summer dress to cover his lap entirely.

“Fuck. Sweetheart-”

“You wanna?” You ask, chewing on your lip and feeling extremely mischievous, running your fingers over his chest as your proposition sinks in.

He shakes the fuzz of hot blood out of his skull and tries his best to compose himself. Which is difficult as you’re sitting on his cock which is apparently completely onboard with the idea of you riding him in a public park in the middle of the city.

“Uh…”

You’re already sneaking your hands underneath your dress to undo his pants and pull him out before he can seem to get any proper words out. He feels hot and firm in your hand and it’s ridiculous how easy this is. You’ve been thinking about it all day up till now and so you’re absolutely wringing wet, sliding the tip of his cock along your pussy a couple of times before sinking all the way down, loving how he fills you completely. You lean forward, burying your face against his shoulder and neck, to anyone passing by it would just look like you were having a cuddle, albeit a rather intimate one.

Matt is stroking your back with a trembling hand, trying his best to ground himself. “I can’t believe you. You’re a fucking menace.”

You grin and shift a little, his cock drags against your inner walls and he winces, trying to hold in moan. “You love it Matty, and don’t try to pretend you don’t, you’re a shit liar.”

He groans as you lift yourself up and excruciatingly slowly lower back down with a ‘mmm’.

“Okay okay, just- just go slow? Really slow…please.”

You smile and kiss him just under his jaw, stubble scratching your lips. “Since you asked so nicely…”

You rock at a very leisurely pace, loving how on edge Matt feels in this whole situation, his senses are spread out on high alert but you’re just so fucking distracting and this whole thing has knocked his legs right out from under him. He brings his other hand up to rest on the back of your neck, holding you close as you grind the brains out of him.

“Just how long have you been planning this?” He manages to grit out, pressing a kiss at your temple.

“Not long…” you hum and move your hips a tiny bit faster with a smile.

“Shit shit shit-”

“You’re so cute when you’re nervous Matty,”

He swallows, hard. “Not nervous, sweetheart, just very much, uh, aroused…”

You take his hand and guide it under the hem of your dress. “Me too. Help me out?”

Matt manages to collect himself enough to move his fingers over you, quick and focused, and even though you’re not riding him like a bucking bronco, he knows that the instant you come you’re gonna take him with you.

It doesn’t take long. The thrill of being seen, or being caught is a lot, but combine it with the way it’s affecting Matt…

You bury your face in the crook of his neck, shaking, panting against him, your breath condensing on his skin as it hits you. He’s gripping you tightly with the arm that’s wrapped around you, pulling you impossibly close as you both fall apart.

“I love you so fucking much-” he guides your lips to his, pressing the words into them as he lets go.

“Love you too, happy anniversary baby.”