#she told me about that like dec 2019

[whimsydingbat]

the love of my dreams dropped me for another man and I now have a black hole in the pit of my stomach. this shit has been eating me from the inside out

[lukola4evs]

So here’s my theory (subject to change)

Mom and Dad always had a soft spot for each other or “kind eyes” but could never act on it since 2019

L always referring Ross and Rachel etc.

They��ve always been friends, he ask N for advice on J etc. and even in season 1 or 2 promo (zooms she did) she was tearing up seeing her friend asks her questions.

Season 3 they dive in and get super emotionally connected.

Season 3 they fall in love as polin but also fall in love to the point where the blurred lines definitely have J/L break up.

Timeline during filming

Block 3 filming, episode 5/6 emotional mess so to speak if you catch my drift. J/L breakup nov/dec

Block 4 filming episode 7/8, flirty on set but no definite name to it.

Episode 8 riding scene (all lukola) and production could tell so that’s why we get montage cut.

But they are so bf/gf coded here

Liz (ic) gives them steps to walk away and make sure it’s real and they are distant but they do check in and they’re still in lurve with Photo Booth pic.

So N makes decision for them to walk away because Liz but also since she’s a jaded guarded Capricorn she needs to make sure it’s real for her and not just feelings from pen since it’s “such a profound experience”

L does hbs and parties his feelings away,

N and L post thirst traps for each other on ig last year. I’ll post pics later but she did one from New York and he did shirtless pics from R ig. (You don’t have to follow publicly to keep tabs)

They come back for reshoots dec ‘23 and they back at it like they meant to be but N still doesn’t let anything happen because polin 🙄

On March 2nd, 2024 N likes that zendaya posts saying about being an actor and falling in love with your costar.

Then press tour heats up. Back and forth messages hidden in promo (Ive rewatched 50 videos and the things you catch 2nd time around is crazy)

Now press tour - it was fun until Brazil and L only told N it was completely casual with A and not to worry about it.

They allowed themselves to fully soak up in each others energy because they are doing press as them. Not the characters. So they now know it’s not just an on set thing. Fucking Finally.

N ditched her side piece expecting L to do the same and he tells her he will, they love up some way or talk about feelings all Brazil, Toronto, Ireland, and part of london.

L is nervous af knowing a’s going to London premier and didn’t tell N outright. So in all london interviews he’s reaching out constantly to n (not only because he wants to now but because he’s worried whatever he and a have planned with his team is gonna be like a 💣 to N)

N ever the skeptic can since his bs (or maybe his lack of vulnerability when they were with her family) and eases back emotionally when she remembers too

London promo always throws me off part of the way. (Deliberately calling him bud - downplay what they have if he’s not gonna be serious or talking about showers to incite jealousy?)

But she can’t help when we see the 😍 either.

Pap pics drop she’s pissed next day. Post satc tt to be a bit vindictive

Lets it stay up for 24 hours.

L or someone reaches out and she makes the lukey newts fan club pr post.

Then for the first 6-7 days after it’s like they have coordinated posting. Always liking in 15 minutes or whatever.

Then in addition to this she lets the Polaroid be seen at ts to let us know it’s all good between them to the ga and shippers.

Fast forward to Wimbledon we see enough of the Polaroid to let us all on x know it’s a different one. And if we know it’s different from computer screens then so does L. Remember by now we know his notifs are on.

He’s got adhd and best believe when his love of his life is icing him out he’s gonna hyper fixate on everything he knows. Including a phone case he’s stared at for ages and constantly liking her stuff first thing when he wakes up.

Now n is icing him out, giving herself some time to do her and work.

Didn’t @ him on latest amazing thank you all posts which is usually her m.o. she tagged the pic but not in the captions is what I mean.

When they reunite after he deals with a he’s gonna have to make amends because Istg I know they are end game but I feel like he told her it was gonna be one way when it went sideways on her outta nowhere (she left after party super early even for having work next day)

Like he’s such a ppl pleaser the minute he got back with his friends he or someone decided that life isn’t his regular life and went back to friend group ways.

Posting more tomorrow. Didn’t realize this was so long.

LOVE x

[taylortruther]

Did it feel like her songs about Joe were starting to get redundant? By the time Midnights came out I was surprised we were hearing another two songs about the breakup/make up period in the beginning, another song about the beginning when they were falling in love, another three songs about how the relationship is great if the world stays out of it, another song about the Afterglow I-thought-he-cheated moment, and another song about how it wasn't supposed to work but it did. It really struck me that the Joe parts of Midnights were dedicated to not giving us any kind of update or really new information. It was all either about their beginnings again or 'everything's perfect except for the media nothing to see here.' She found a couple new angles on it, like Mastermind, but she was mining the same ground she'd been sifting through for four albums already. At the time it struck me as odd that she was deliberately avoiding any real update, but I thought she was just committed to privacy and refused to go into any other part of their relationship that wasn't already known (which is entirely her right). But obviously it turned out to be much more complicated than that and the mysterious gap makes perfect sense now.

i noticed the beginning was really fertile ground for her, but it didn't really strike me as unusual or concerning. the 2016-2019 period of her life was HARD. it was obvious, to me, she was probably processing that stuff all the time because for her, it never went away.

additionally, folkmore's fictional narratives and midnights' reflections on the past still reflect her mental landscape at the time of writing (tolerate it, coney island, bejeweled, champagne problems, hoax say hello.) so i'd argue she was treading new ground and writing about some of their issues even if it wasn't strictly autobiographical.

plus, as super fans, i think we get caught in the minutiae and don't see the big picture. let's pull back and look at the story her albums told about their relationship, in stages:

2016: joe and taylor meet and fall in love 2017: reputation is released and, among other things, it's about joe being sexy and wonderful and not caring that she was "crazy" or cancelled 2019: masters situation happens also 2019: lover is released and it's about taylor recovering from the cancellation, fighting her demons, admitting she self-sabotages, but we also get songs implying they want to get married! makes sense, it's 2-3 years of dating now. we also, notably, get a song about her wanting to step back out into the world! 2020: pandemic! sorry, daylight! also 2020: folklore and evermore are released and are about, among other things!, how she fears her life is too big for joe to handle but she is still planning a future with him (peace, the lakes, which both feel more present to me.) makes sense, they have obviously talked marriage and KIDS, things are getting very real. but, to your point, evermore in particular reasserts that they were lucky to find each other in the beginning (clm, lss, evermore.) 2021: renegade discusses joe's shit - we now understand that he has his own struggles and clearly describes a very recent/present conflict ("timing") 2022: in midnights, we get songs about the early honeymoon phase (lavender haze), and about how he is still a respite from it all (sweet nothing, mentions a recent trip to wicklow.) 2023: ylm drops (written in dec 2021), we also get the alcott - both implying conflict and a couple trying or failing to reconnect. makes sense, it's been like 6-7 years! couples go through shit!

...no, this isn't the WHOLE story. but it feels like a satisfying one, and not one where she was simply recycling topics. to me anyway.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for being bitter at my family for keeping their dog that doesn't like me, and for being glad when they had to get rid of the dog?

so i (adult m) live in a small 3bed/2bath home with my family: mom (f40s), dad (m40s), nana (f60s), and my sisters (f17, f12). i was homeless for a while and moved in with them in dec 2019/jan 2020. they had two dogs that they loved for a long time, both dogs had passed years before i moved in. from what i've heard, the dogs were beloved members of the family and their deaths, while expected (because of old age and health issues), were devastating.

our house is small, but i don't really have an issue with that. i spend nearly 100% of my time inside the house because of a surgery i had a while back, and i'm content to nap and watch TV and socialize with my family all day. i require a lot of care and special attention and i'm unable to hold a job (would rather not go into detail), and while occasionally my family will leave me home by myself for a few days for a vacation, this is pretty rare and i'm overall satisfied with the care they are able to provide me. i'd say my life is pretty good.

or it was.

in the last couple of years it has been increasingly obvious that my family (with the exception of my nana) miss having a dog around. they would occasionally talk about a dog up for adoption they saw online, or a friend who was having puppies and how it would be so cool to get a puppy, or looking at videos of dogs and reminiscing about their old dogs and talking about how nice it would be to get a dog. this didn't bother me in and of itself, because it had been happening for a while and they never actually followed through.

... until early last month, when they came home with a dog. this came from out of nowhere (they stopped on the way home from the shelter to buy dog supplies, like food and bowls, toys, etc). no one had told me about this or asked me what i thought, so i was surprised and confused when they brought a strange dog into the home. according to them, they are "fostering" this dog for a few months while she undergoes treatment for a health condition (after which she will be eligible for adoption), but her behavior towards me has erased any sympathy i might have felt for her.

this dog is big (she's almost certainly stronger than i am), unruly, untrained, and she does not like me. i've been avoiding her because her extreme level of energy unnerves me, but every time she sees me she growls at me and tries to lunge or snap at me like i'm the one invading her territory and not the other way around. i have voiced my fears and my strong dislike at having this dog in the house, but i don't think my family really understands what i'm saying.

after a few days, it became clear that allowing the both of us to be in the same room would lead to injury. this was further cemented after an incident where i was sitting on the couch with my mom and my sister came in from walking the dog and the dog lunged at me and i accidentally gave my mom a minor injury in my panic. so my family has decided that the best course of action, until they have time to condition her to my presence, is for me to stay in my room indefinitely.

practically, the space is big enough for me—i don't need much, and i'm not super physically active, the only thing i can't do in here that i can do in the common areas is watch tv—but it's frustrating being confined to a single room in my own home, where i've lived for years, while this dog is granted open access to the rest of the house. my family promised it would be temporary, that they just have to work on training her and correcting her behavior and getting her comfortable with me, but the longer this has dragged on the more i have been forced to accept that this is my life now.

at the end of last month, my sibling (nby20, lived with us until starting college in 2021) came down from their university town to stay with us for a few days for their birthday. during their visit, they spent some time in my room with me, hanging out and empathizing with my situation. they said some things that made me feel more validated in my discomfort over this whole situation.

the week after they went back home, the dog started acting aggressively toward my nana, especially when my nana got close to one of my sisters. it got to the point where my family had to lock her in her crate to keep her from attacking my nana, and even then she would bark and growl at my nana. so my family made the (very difficult for them) decision to stop fostering the dog and return her to the shelter. since she was returned, i have regained my access to the rest of the house.

while i am not stoked about my nana being attacked, i am relieved that the dog is gone and i am no longer a prisoner in my own home. along with this relief are feelings of bitterness—the dog acted aggressively toward me on numerous occasions, but as soon as she displayed that behavior toward my nana, they got rid of her. after the conversation with my oldest sibling, who offered an outside perspective, i have been feeling slighted and as if my comfort was a secondary concern to my family.

my parents and sisters, meanwhile, are devastated by this recent turn of events. they had all grown very attached to the dog (apparently she could be very sweet and loving when she wasn't aggressive), and they had fallen in love with her quirks and the amount of excitement she brought into the home. my parents had spent good money spoiling her with toys and treats that cannot be used now. my sisters, being younger, are especially devastated—my youngest sister has always felt things very deeply and openly, and seeing her this sad is heartbreaking. i've been trying to comfort my family as best i can, but i feel like my presence alone is just another reminder that the dog is gone.

though i acknowledge their attachment to the dog and their sadness at having to give her up, these feelings of bitterness and resentment—that her attacking me wasn't a "good enough" reason to get rid of her—remain. i am also having trouble tampering my relief and excitement at once again being allowed access to the tvs and the common areas. am i an asshole for having these feelings when my family loved this dog and are still upset at having to get rid of her?

What are these acronyms?

[soaplickerrr]

🦋🔷🌀 ABOUT ME 🌀🔷🦋

J ! Any Pronouns. Bi. 18. Sagittarius. Dec 12, 2005. INTP. Afro-Latin. Born in DR, Raised there until 8; And been growing up in America since. M.List.

Anon List!! (none yet😭)

: 🌈…

Biases:

- SKZ : OT8 !! Changbin is my ult bias!!

- ATEEZ : OT8 !!

- ENHA : Ni-Ki and Sunghoon biased !!

- XG : Cocona all the way🫡

- PsyFe : Jimmy, Ryushin and Kokoro biased !!

- P1H : Jeongseob and Soul biased !!

- XIKERS : Yechan and Sumin biased !!

- TxT : Beomgyu biased !!

- Been writing since middle school, stopped writing for fun in high school and picked it back up after my first year in college.

- Constructive criticism is completely accepted as I'm trying to get back into writing !!

Top groups : Stray Kids, ATEEZ, Enhypen, XG (X-Pop), Psychic Fever (J-Pop), P1Harmony, Xikers, and Tomorrow by Together.

Top Non-Kpop (and of the sort) Artists : Arctic Monkeys, System of a Down, Måneskin, Skindred, AC/DC (and more, but I'm lazy.)

- My story on how I got into K-pop is long, but let me cut it short for you! ↓↓

: 2019 - Randomly found an ATEEZHello82 interview during their ‘Wonderland’ promotions, became obsessed with the song, and added it to my playlist. Couple days later, I found a Kard Interview from their ‘Bomb Bomb’ promotions from a couple months earlier, became obsessed with the song, and also added it to my playlist. Couple days later, found ‘Boy With Luv’ by BTS, and while I didn’t like the song much, I enjoyed the video and was interested, leading me to look into them. BTS was the first group I stanned.

: 2020 - Introduced my older cousin to BTS and she became obsessed, obsessed to the point where she claimed biases and told me i couldn’t favorite the same songs as her or even bias the same members, this put me off and I slowly drifted from them.

: 2021 - Forgot that the BTS songs, ‘Wonderland’ and ‘Bomb Bomb’ were Kpop and I listened to them as if it was the like the rest of the music in my playlist, (except it wasn’t, i used to not separate my playlists so it was a jumbled mess of 80’s, Childish Gambino, Nu-Metal, Skindred, SOAD, Rock, Arctic Monkeys (literally their whole discography) and Måneskin. (so many more artists but im too lazy, basically, i listen to everything)

: 2022 : Early 2022 - Removed the Kpop songs from my playlist, leading me to forget about them. Late 2022 (Around October) - Asked my best friend who was very much into Kpop to recommend me some music, and I looked into it.

: 2023 (April) - Had a bunch of Kpop songs in a separate playlist, and came across a Kpop in public video, the song in it was ‘Maniac’ by SKZ which I then became obsessed with, that song led me to ‘Case 143’ which i listened to for months, and it intriguedme to the point where I thought “I HAVE to stan this group” and I looked into a guide. Then, 2023 (May) I fully considered myself both a Stay and a Kpop stan.

Later in the month: Started stanning other groups.

There's my story of how I got into K-pop, it's the shortest I could make it 😔.

[raayllum]

me reading seven (7) fics i wrote pre-s5 where callum says he would do anything for rayla

and by he i mean me

"I’ll always do everything I can to keep you safe. Everything.” She caught his steady gaze, and frowned. “You can’t dabble in Dark Magic again.” “I will if I have to.” She grabbed his sleeve in her other hand, twisting her fingers around the fabric. “Callum, no, it’s not right—” “It doesn’t matter,” Callum said fiercely. “If it’s to save your life, then I’ll do it. Every time.” [...]

“Rayla told me you used Dark Magic,” Tinker said, more stiff and cold. Callum shrank a bit, but his eyes hardened. “I couldn’t just let her die.” “You’d do it again,” Tinker translated. The prince scowled. “I’m not like Aaravos. He twisted the primal to be like Dark Magic. I would never do that.” “Unless you felt like you had to,” Tinker reiterated. “To save Rayla.” “Wouldn’t you do anything to save the person you love?”

—chapter 5 and chapter 13 of in search of silver linings (we discovered gold), from march 2019 and july 2019, respectively

“I love you too.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Thank you. You know that right?” “I do,” Rayla assured him. “You know I’d do anything for you?” She smiled a little. “You already have.” 

—chapter 2 of if time is money, i'll spend it all for you dec 2019 / january 2020

He squeezed her hand and then let go. “Of course,” he said, standing up and turning away so he wouldn’t have to look at her face. “I’d do anything for you, too.”

—chapter 6 of looking for a way to break in, april 2020

“Think we can snag a horse to ride tomorrow so we can sleep in shifts?” he asked. Ezran and Soren were sharing a horse, befitting of a king and his crownguard. “Maybe if you use your princely powers,” she said with something akin to a smirk, even if she knew he didn’t really like (read: feel too confident) pulling rank. But he would, for her. Of course he would. Callum laced their fingers together and raised her hand to kiss the back of it. “For you? Anything.” 

—your love is like a river that i am floating down, july 2020

“Mmhm.” She rolls her eyes, still with that sweet amused little smile on her face, like she’s chalked this up to him just being his usual weird self. “Can you light the fire with a fulminus after I set it up?” He’d do anything if she just asked, he thinks. Callum smiles and lets his elbow brush hers while she assembles the fire. “Of course.” 

—i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now, december 2021

Rayla quiets, her smile faltering. “Um, anyway, I’ll let you get some rest.” She hovers for just a second, meeting his eye. “Thank you, again, for helping me with [the coins], I...”  He nods, because what else is there to say? No matter what they’ve been through, or where life takes them, they saved the world together. She still knows him better than anyone. They’ll always look out for each other. He’d still do anything for her, as she walks away.

—older, but just never wiser, january 2023

“Y’know, I think I might know a guy.” “Oh we couldn’t get him,” she puttered. “Too busy and in-demand.” “I dunno, I’m pretty good at drawing on connections.” She arched an eyebrow. “Are you now?” “Well yeah.” His big goofy grin softened, his fingers entwining themselves with hers. “Word is there’s this elf girl he’s got a big soft spot for—would do anything for her.”

—say the wind won't change on us, may 2023

[kmp78]

"Nope, from Dec 2019 to March 2020 life was completely normal. VK traveled around the world on shoots, she and JL had cozy vacays on Kauai and in JT... And by May she was fully living at Casa Craphole as we saw in her birthday pics. 🎉🎁"

Shit didn't fully hit the fan and shut the whole world down until March, but it was very much a concern already by winter of '19. I was working in a retail store back then and we were already having trouble keeping in toilet paper, sanitizer, and Clorox wipes around Christmas. Word was out. Cases were popping up. And fear was growing.

Of course, she still went to shoots and on posh vacays. Why would the elite waste any time concerning themselves with anyone or anything else 🙄 Just like JL wandering into the desert without a fucking clue what was already very much happening around him. Literally everywhere.

When quarantine DID hit, I suppose they had a decision to make. Him being a giant germaphobe, it wouldn't surprise me if he told her she couldn't come and go. And her being such a googly eyed bimbo obviously chose to stay than to have to stay away for an unknown amount of time.

I still don't understand the her posting backgrounds and similar style pics vs his panic when she walked by, though. If they were finally a "solid couple" supposedly for months already and had been cozying up places, why the back and forth games still?

And wtf went down while they were stuuuck under the same roof that things ended so abruptly afterward?

Him finally agreeing to be a "proper boyfriend" to VK versus him being man enough to admit that publicly and especially to his Walking Wallets? 🤔

Yeah gee wonder why there were still theatrics... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not to even mention the fact that he STILL keeps yapping about how he "SPENT LOCKDOWN AAAAAALL ALOOOOONE..." 🙃😂

Is his house haunted?

I mean... we all saw that eerie white figure floating across his garage right...? 😵👻

Very Ghostbustery! 🫣

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

It's that time of year again! Here's my 2022 Irondad and Spiderson Holiday Fic Rec List. There are some new fics, some tried and true fics, and some shameless self-promotion! (In order newest to oldest)

🎄 Of Fruit Mince Tarts and Marshmallows by TheJBomb

No Archive Warnings Apply || Not Rated || Posted Dec. 7 2022

One second Peter’s wallowing on his couch and the next Tony is driving him back to the tower for hot chocolate and Christmas movies.

🎄 Candy Cane; Pain or Joy  by inkinmyheartandonthepage @inkinmyheartandonthepage

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Aug. 19 2022

Tony wants this to be the best Christmas party for Peter and bans peppermint from the tower forgetting that Peter isn't allergic.

[this fis is part of the We Forgot Peter series]

🎄 A Christmas Story by Captain_Panda

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated T || Posted Dec. 25 2021

As the lead conductor on the Polar Express, Tony Stark does not need a run-in with a caribou herd on Christmas Eve.

But he does get a Steve out of it.

🎄 The Hottest Toy of the Season by niniblack @niniblack

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated T || Posted Dec. 25 2021

“You got that Iron Man toy, right?” May asks, the night before Christmas Eve.

“Oh,” Ben says. “The action figure. Right. I, um…”

“You did not forget to buy that,” she says, voice firm. “That is the only thing Peter has talked about all month. He is obsessed with that damn flying tin can.”

“I got it,” Ben says. “Of course I got it.” He smiles at her, nodding. “C’mon May, would I forget that?”He totally forgot that.

- - -

A Jingle All the Way AU with the Parkers, circa 2009. Merry Christmas!

🎄 50 Christmas Ornaments My True Love Gave To Me by joyful_soul_collector @joyful-soul-collector

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec 24 2020

It was Christmastime in the Stark-Rhodes-Potts’ household, with Tony, Rhodey, Pepper, Peter, and Morgan all sitting at the table. Jingle Bells was playing quietly in the background, and each one of them was working on decorating a clear plastic christmas bauble, a growing pile of colorful ornaments in the center of the table.

OR

The Iron Family gets carried away making Christmas ornaments, and Peter talks to his dad about asexuality

[This fic is part of the Irondad Oneshots Series]

🎄 Peter Parker's Pickle Predicament  by dontmockmyawkwardness @dontmockmyawkwardness

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec. 19 2020

Peter Parker takes it upon himself to bring Christmas cheer to New York City this year. It's all fun and games until he finds himself in a sticky situation in the middle of Rockefeller Plaza. Can an old man in a red suit fly in and help save Christmas?

🎄 new york's santa by hailfire_73 @hailfire-73

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec. 15 2019

“Are you Santa?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You really think I have the time to be a glorified cosplayer?”

“I didn’t even think you knew what a cosplayer was…” said Peter, trailing off. He shook his head, refusing to let his mind wander from the topic. “Where do you keep the reindeer? Can I meet them?”

OR

New York City has it's own Santa, and Peter discovers it's Tony Stark, because of course it is.

irondad bingo: holiday

[This fic is part of the irondad bingo series]

🎄 A Tony Stark Carol by Insanus Navicularis (DiDive)

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec. 19 2018

Tony Stark has always hated Christmas and always will, nothing is going to make him change his opinion- not Rhodey, not Pepper, not Peter... or that’s what he thought before the night the spirit of his long dead friend, Yinsen, visted him.

Inspired by a Christmas Carol but it’s actually really different, Tony isn’t an asshole like Scrooge in the first stave of the book.

Warning for swearing. Irondad fluff.

“"God, kid... Peter... I'm so sorry, I love you, I really do, I just don't know how to express it sometimes" he told the kid softly, his face scrunched as he refused to start crying once again during that night.“

🎄 Honorary Parker by parkrstark

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec. 29 2017

Tony lets it slip to Peter that he'll be spending Christmas alone. Peter refuses to let that happen.

...And Last but not least! My Shameless Self-Promotion

🎄 Peter Parker’s December Shenanigans

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec 2019

A collection of related short stories that center around Winter/ChristmasEverything from Advent to New Year’s Eve.

🎄 Secret Sugarplum Spiderling

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec 2020

Peter has been taking ballet for nearly as long as he can remember and all of his hard work has finally paid off. He’s been cast as the Cavelier to the Sugarplum Fairy in his Performing Arts School’s production of The Nutcracker. It’s a big deal and it’s going to take up a good bit of time but… he’s just not sure he’s ready for his mentor to know about that particular hobby just yet.

He’s sure it’ll be fine …

All he has to do is show up at the studio on time, keep his grades up, make sure to see Tony on a regular enough basis that he doesn’t worry and try to squeeze in some patrolling in between. It’s that simple. Right?

❄️ Holiday Traditions

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec 2020

When a brief misunderstanding leaves Morgan thinking that Peter doesn’t like Christmas, Peter decides that it would be fun to teach her more about Hanukkah. In order to do so, he and May invite the Starks’ to share in some of their holiday traditions.

🎄 Well, Merry Sickmas, I Guess

No Archive Warnings Apply || Rated G || Posted Dec 2021

Peter is sick, Christmas is right around the corner and May had no idea how to help him. Naturally they end up in Tony’s medbay. It doesn’t take long for Peter to be diagnosed with nothing more than some mild dehydration and a nasty stomach bug. However, knowing she can’t take Peter to just any hospital should things go downhill, leaves May feeling a little nervous.…And that’s how Peter and May end up spending the holiday with Tony Stark in his Penthouse apartment.

And remember! If you read any of the above-mentioned fics, please be sure to let the author know how much you enjoyed their work! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!

Be on the lookout for my 2022 Christmas fic, Merry Stitchmas! I'm sure I'll be posting it soon!!

[Peronsally, I love knowing my older fics are still being found, read, and loved!]

[kiwiana-writes]

Kiwiana's Christmas Fics

@stereopticons tagged me to share my Christmas/holiday fics and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm not sure how I feel about this list 🤣 I am a HUGE Christmas person... in the southern hemisphere, so I’m super out of my depth writing Christmas fics for most fandoms because winter Christmas just feels so fundamentally wrong to me. (I've done it exactly once, in 2019 with family, and I felt like I was in a Hallmark film.) Which does result in the Schitt's Creek list being... well, interesting.

Let's go.

Red, White & Royal Blue

All Those Christmas Clichés [Alex/Henry; rated M (subject to change); WIP (advent fic, daily triple drabbles Dec 1-25)]

Daily triple drabbles: snapshots of the lead-up to Christmas 2023.

Schitt's Creek

I see every part of you [David/Patrick; rated M; 1,514 words]

Patrick is a straight-up aficionado when it comes to giving gifts. David has known this from literally day one of their relationship, when he pulled a bunch of tissue paper out of a blue gift bag, looked away from a sentimental receipt in a solid frame and into a pair of earnest eyes, and thought, 'I hate it when Stevie’s right.'

How the reindeer loved him [David/Patrick; rated E; 2,178 words]

David wraps an arm around him, hand splayed across his chest to pull him close. “Tell me,” he says quietly. “I want you to dress up as Santa,” Patrick rushes out in one quick breath.

This is all I'm asking for [David/Patrick; rated E; 3,957 words]

But by the time they clean up after the party, and Patrick tactfully offers to take the garbage bags out to the shed to give the Roses a bit of family time, it’s well after eleven and David can only assume all their plans for the evening are out the window. That is, until they turn out of the motel parking lot and instead of Patrick putting his hand on David’s knee like usual it lands halfway up his thigh, fingers tracing absent circles around his inseam, and David realises that at least one part of the plan is still very much on the table.

Dear Santa... [Gen: David, Alexis, Patrick; rated G; 2,191 words]

Letters to Santa, 1987-1997

Do you wanna fuck a snowman? [David/Patrick; rated E; 7,216 words; co-write with @ships-to-sail]

David mimics her stance — and he has to admit, she’s not entirely wrong. In the quickly disappearing light, already blurred a little bit by the still-fallen snow, the snowman does look a little like he has tree trunk thighs and a well-formed ass, rather than being Frosty-shaped. But it’s the best they’re going to do, and David’s toes are officially cold.

I need some Christmas spirit [David/Patrick; rated T; 626 words]

David can handle his alcohol, is the thing. So no, it doesn’t occur to Patrick to warn him.

It probably should have.

Happiest Season

We always walked a very thin line [Abby/Riley, Harper/Abby; rated T; 2,775 words]

The girlfriend — Abby — stumbles over a lie about being Harper's orphan roommate, which… wow. Girl is a bad liar. Riley kind of wants to take her by the hand and tell her she’s going to have to get a lot better at that particular skill if she’s going to be in a relationship with Harper Caldwell. She doesn’t though, because it’s not her place and because who knows what, if anything, Harper has told Abby about her?

[taylorrepdetective]

A brief history of Cruel Summer:

May 2019: Taylor releases a cartoon for Me that includes the words cruel summer on a butterfly. People think it’s a lyric on TS7 (which we did not yet know was called Lover. All we had at that time was Me!, 13 million possible Easter eggs, and a dream.)

June 2019: Taylor released the YNTCD video and Ellen had a Cruel Summer tattoo, which it was later revealed she filmed that scene ~the day before Taylor appeared on Ellen in May. All kinds of theories about cruel summer and what it means. We still were a couple of months away from knowing it was a song title on Lover. Gaylors are biggest clowns ever.

Aug 2019: track list revealed, it’s a song title! Lover is released and CS is a fan favorite and clearly would be a hit if she released it as a single and everyone wonders why it wasn’t the lead single. Smart people know that there’s a reason she had Me! and YNTCD as the lead singles, and that the song Lover was the best candidate for her coveted SOTY Grammy dreams so that made sense too. BUT CRUEL SUMMER NEEDS TO BE A SINGLE TAYLOR!!, everyone yelled

Feb 2020: The Man is released as the next single and no one cheered. Except we knew deep down it was just filler because CRUEL SUMMER WAS GOING TO BE THE SONG OF SUMMER 2020!!

March 2020: oops

April 2020: lover fest is cancelled. People still holding out hopes that a song with the name Cruel Summer and a lyric “fever dream high…you know that I caught it” will be ok during a deadly pandemic summer because our president told us it would just miraculously go away. Taylor starts in on Folklore in earnest instead.

Summer 2020: Folklore summer yay! Also, “Taylor acting like a privileged idiot” summer, not so yay, but that was quickly forgotten because folklore yay!

People move on from cruel summer. They mourn it. They get the closure they need.

Dec 2020: Taylor released another album but I forget what it was.

2021: the year of the re-recordings yay!! We can’t have tour but at least we have this!!

2022: will she tour this year and we’ll get to hear CS live? No? Well at least we still have a more re-recordings. Right?

Oct 2022: midnights is released. Cruel summer single is just a silly memory from the before times.

June 2023: Gxgjxkhdkdkydkhdkhfjvjfj

New clowning about Barbie, Florence Pugh, a tour movie video, coming out (still!!)

Whatever she comes up with, let’s hear it for the resilience of Cruel Summer. I always believed in you!

[alarrytale]

“But his whole 'never had a gf in public' was foiled when he called c*mille his gf. O was also one, and emrata wasn't exactly neither subtle nor private. I think the privacy strategy is no more.”

What I have learned so far is that everything what is happening with Harry’s so-called private life in public is taken as an immediate syndicator that it’s fake and it’s only work because Harry has a private life and he would never do this to his real relationship. And what was the most memorable for me was his quote from interview from Dec 2019 where they asked him about dating only famous people and he literally said “I have a private life. You just don’t know about it.” So now I’m bit confused by what you wrote above that Harry doesn’t value his private life anymore? Okay, he called C*mille his ex but wasn’t that to push the narrative for songs on Fine Line (which they, at least for larries and their decoding talent, turned out to be mostly about Louis and Harry himself exploring his inner self)? O talked about him in every opportunity she had like he’s the only reason to live for her because she was relevant just because of him - but he’d never aknowledged her as his gf and made sure to let everyone know that any song on H’sH is about her. I don’t know what Emrata said exactly because I just saw his bodylanguage and that told me everything I needed to know how comfortable (irony) he felt to makeout with her in public. So I would love to think that his personal and private life priorities has never changed and actually became more important to secure it and hide from public eyes but I’m also afraid that he’ll decide to make a 180 degree turn and do absolute opposite to what was always important for him. I want to stay hopeful and optimistic but it’s damn hard when I have no idea what is happening with him right now and people are panicking while preparing for the worst scenario.

The only thing that makes me a bit calmer is that Louis called Eleanor his gf multiple times but still noone believed him and he literally tweeted that he’s straight and yet, still fans don’t even question his sexuality. Plus he had this kid as still going stunt which is much worse than some O tattoo or 2 years of stunting while looking miserable.

Hi, anon!

You misunderstand me, i don't think Harry doesn’t value his private life anymore. When i said 'privacy strategy' i was talking about the practice they've applied to every stunt that they get papped in 'private places' and blame it on a pesky pap for invading their privacy. Like being papped on a yacht or poolside at an hotel. That gives an illusion that they are trying to be private about their relationship and not flaunting it. It helps sell it as real. Harry never confirming anything was a part of that strategy. We've had a turn from that strategy now. Harry confirming c*mille as a gf (after the fact), pda for the paps during holivia, emrata and now hussell. They are stunting right in front of our salads now, no illusion of privacy left.

Also, i have a very different view on harry's need for privacy than a lot of other people. I don't think he'd be more private about it if it were real. If it were real it would be with a man, and harry is closeted so he'd have to be private about it or else he'd have to come out. Him being a 'private' person is also a part of his image to make him look mysterious, interesting and dignified.

When Harry says 'i have a private life. You just don't know about it' i want to add 'not because i am a private person in particular, but because i'm closeted'. If harry were able to snog louis in the middle of oxford street, he'd not hesitate for a second.

I don't think people should panic over yet another stunt, but i can't control them or their feelings. I can only try helping people cope a bit. I think being hopeful, but realistic is a good approach. It will end at a point, but we will also most likely get another stunt in the future. It's been like this for years so we all got to learn to cope if we want to stay in this fandom. If it gets too much, take a break. You come first!

[heaven-s-black-box]

A very Soukoku Christmas- Soukoku

Return to File

Recovery date: Dec 20, 2019

Description: Pretend you're dating me for this family event because you’re exactly the kind of person my parents would hate and i’m really looking to piss them off

Notes: Click here for the sequel- A very Soukoku New Year

Word count: 683

Back to directory

“Hmm,” Dazai hummed raising an eyebrow.

Chuuya looked like he was about to burst, whether from embarrassment, annoyance, or both he didn’t know. But, he had very little patience and would rather ask literally anyone else. But, Dazai was perfect for this, and he didn’t have time to find someone else.

“ I said I need a favor.”

Dazai had that stupid look on his face that told Chuuya he’d never live this down. But at this point, he was willing to do anything to piss off Kouyou. If she was going to pester him about having no love life, he would bring a date to christmas dinner, it was just going to be the person she hated most. 

Chuuya took a deep breath, "I need a date to christmas dinner with Kouyou, but it has to be someone she hates.”

“Awww. Chibi-chan wants me to meet his family? I’m honored! How about new years at my place then?”

“Grrrrr, did you not hear me say I just needed someone she hates!”

“Fine.”

“Look I don’t like this anymore then you do but一 wait what?”

“A chance to annoy dear ane-san, I’d be a foul to pass it up! But, I have one condition.”

“Ugh, I’m gonna regret this. What?”

“You’re trying to piss her off, so I can do whatever I see fit.”

“...could be worse, fine,we have an agreement. Saturday, meet me at Kouyou’s at 7.”

---

“So, where’s this date of yours?” Chuuya could hear the condescension in Kouyou’s voice.

“He’s just running late,” Chuuya grumbled, he hoped Dazai was just late.

Just then the doorbell rang, and just as he had hoped, Kouyou went to open it. She looked so proud, and happy, Chuuya couldn’t wait to see her reaction. Following her to open the door, he felt a bit of panic. Dazai liked to annoy him more than anyone, what if he acted like an angel in front of Kouyou instead of his usual shittyy self (not that it’d change her opinion of him). 

“Welcome to一” by the smug look on Dazai’s face, Chuuya could imagine how Kouyou’s face looked. He let out a small smile before pushing past Kouyou and saying,” Ane-san, this is my boyfriend. I don’t think I really need to introduce him.”

This would be fun.

---

“So, that went well!” Dazai chirped. How he could be so chipper after Golden Demon almost killed him at least twice in the first 5 minutes he didn't know. But, Dazai did exactly what he needed. Between horrible flirting, trying to kiss him (his third brush of death for the night), and asking to stay the night, Kouyou was beyond done with him. 

Chuuya was only aloud to walk Dazai home by insisting it would be rude if he didn’t. Kouyou being who she was had to let him walk Dazai home. At first he had picked Dazai to annoy Kouyou, but now一 now he wasn’t so sure. When Dazai wasn’t trying to piss Kouyou off, he was nice company, he also looked really good cleaned up. Hell he even changed his bandages.

“Uh-oh.”

“What?” Chuuya turned to look up at Dazai.

“Is the slug thinking? You should be careful, you might blow a fuse,” Dazai giggeled, avoiding a kick from Chuuya.

“Anyway, since I helped Slug, Slug should do a favor for me.”

“Who said anything about that?!” Chuuya tried to look offended, although he seemed more flustered then angry.

“I did. So, how ‘bout new years?”

“What, need me to help you piss off Mori?” Chuuya sneered.

“Nope! I had fun tonight, so, what do you say?”

“Ugh! Fine,” he yelled,” but only so I don’t owe you.”

“Sure, sure. Since we’re going out together, wear a Kimono?”

“Like hell I will you shitty Mackerel!” He yelled kicking at Dazai again before storming off back the way they came.

“Hey! I thought you were walking me home?!” Dazai snickered.

“Walk home yourself shitty Mackerel!” 

Ah yes, new years would be fun. And maybe he’d talk with Kouyou about a kimono just to mess with Dazai… just maybe.

[oopsybangsy]

TO THIS BOY THAT I HAVE LOVED BEFORE.

I can’t believe I am writing this but here I am.

Today is December 26, 2022, 10:39 pm. I just got my late dinner because I was hungry. I cooked eggs and instant noodles since it’s the only meal that I can cook for now. Anyways, it’s been 2 days since I last talked to him. He told me to call me when I woke up the next day but there was a power interruption here at home due to heavy rains and flood. Our house wasn’t flooded though, fortunately. And during these late nights, I kept wondering if in those 2 days that I was off the grid, did he even bothered messaging me on Instagram? There’s this 3 day rule that I have read about. Its when you talk to someone consistently and see if that person asks about you when you went missing for 3 days- or something like that. IDK WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM. I am just writing this entry because I am such a hopeless romantic or am I just hanging on the fact that he talked to me again after many years because recently he broke up with his girlfriend- a news in which I am most delighted to hear, lmao. And I am also writing this to document the signs that he is not into me.

We started talking late 2018 when he messaged me on facebook about a mutual friend who is also in NYC. I was shocked to see him messaging me first because he was already an apple of my eye before we were even talking on facebook. He used to video call me a lot during his free time at work. It was a 13-hour time difference from here to there but we made time to talk- we really did. I talk to a lot of boys on my messenger that time since facebook was most popular among teenagers, as a matter of fact, Filipinos are the most active users in facebook according to an article I have read somewhere. To cut the story short, we talked consistently and eventually I became attached to him. The notifications on my phone were all about his messages, snaps, facebook posts etc. I gotta admit I was infatuated with him because I am stupid. Stupid enough to crush on someone just because he talks to me online consistently. I get so annoyed and embarrassed on how I jokingly confessed my feelings to him on facebook but now that I reminisced at that memory, it was funny and it was also a great lesson to me, waking me up to reality.

Character development

That incident was essential for me to learn from my mistake. I know that he was just talking to me because he misses home and our friends here and I happened to be available always at his beck and call. I was just assuming things, over thinking and expecting things that I should have never done. The bottom line is it was not his fault entirely because I understand now how much he needed a friend at that time when he was in a foreign country with no close friends to talk to yet. And then he found a girl friend there, posting all their pics all over his Instagram. What an eye sore right? Lol, I was just being jealous hahaha but I am no match for her since she was the one who is literally there hugging him, spending time with him and they are both in the same time zone. Ever since then, we never really talked anywhere on social media. Last 2019 he greeted me on my birthday and that was just it.

NOW just last November 2022 I have heard he was single again and according to him it was just last october when he decided to break up with her. And yes, we video called again last dec 24. We were already talking last dec in which he replied to my story in IG and I know he was flirting with me or idk but whatever he really did. It was just a harmless chat but all my assumptions are haunting me again but I think I am already seeing the signs that he is not into me really. He wants us to hang out when he goes home this April,yes he is finally going home from America. At first, yes I was excited to see him in person but as the days go by I don’t know. I hate myself for thinking ahead of thing when he just recently decided to talk to me because after he replied to my story and I replied back, he never messaged me again. Hahahaha god, what a dumbass. I am also a dumbass for messaging him first after a few days just because I had the courage thanks to that shot of tequila. I never regretted that decision because we decided to talked again in social media. I really need to get a grip of reality because I keep getting worried when he doesn’t answer his phone immediately which is annoying because I kept wondering what is he up to at work or school. I hate myself for expecting an update from him when he is literally not obliged to do so. First of all, I am not his girlfriend. He told me once that he got sick of his gf since they do not have the same level of maturity, ignored her texts and broke up with her. Toxic right? But who am I to judge, whatever it was that happened during that relationship on why it did not work out is not my business. But he is kind of a red flag to me but you know, I chose to be a color blind lmao. What assurance do I have that he would treat me way better than his ex when I am miles away, and he hasn’t really told me if he likes me and I am not really sure if really do like him sincerely or I just like him because he has an American passport? What assurance do I have that he would make a long-distance relationship work when he fucked up his relationship with his ex whose literally an arms-reach to him?

I should just go with the flow and stop assuming things or expecting literally anything to him to avoid frustrations and emotional damage because it’s a waste of time to gamble myself anymore. I am so tired of letting guys treat me like an idiot. But I can be if a guy is cute enough. Ahhaha kidding! Whatever it is that will happen, I am really seeing signs that he deserves to be a tropa rather than a jowa. Nakaya gani nako na wala siya, I don’t need him nor rely my entertainment on that dumbass. Whatever it is that happened all of that will pass and this will be a memory and a lesson learned. Take a chill pill and there’s no way akoy maghilak aning kahimtanga hahahahha bye!!!!!!!!!!!

[dankusner]

TAX CHARGES Biden’s son pleads guilty at 11th hour

Move exposes him to prison time but saves family embarrassment

LOS ANGELES — President Joe Biden’s son Hunter pleaded guilty to nine federal tax charges Thursday, a surprising turn that allows him to avoid a second criminal trial but still exposes him to significant prison time.

Sentencing is set for Dec. 16.

The last-minute plea, on the day when jury selection was supposed to begin, means members of Biden’s family will not have to testify about embarrassing and traumatic details in his life and theirs.

U.S. District Judge Mark Scarsi asked Hunter Biden in court if he understood a guilty plea would mean he could face up to 17 years in prison and fines of up to $1.3 million, and would lose the right to run for public office in some states.

Biden said he did.

As each of the charges was read, he repeated that he was pleading guilty.

“I will not subject my family to more pain, more invasions of privacy and needless embarrassment,” Hunter Biden said in a statement Thursday evening, saying that “prosecutors were focused not on justice but on dehumanizing me for my actions during my addiction.”

While the president could pardon his son before leaving office in January, he and his aides have said repeatedly that he will not do so — a claim White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre repeated on Thursday.

“No,” she told reporters on Air Force One, while traveling with the president to an event in Wisconsin. “It is still very much a no.”

She would not comment on whether the president knew ahead of time about his son’s decision to offer the plea.

Details of charges

Special counsel David Weiss charged Biden last year with three felonies and six misdemeanors, including failing to file and pay taxes, tax evasion and filing false tax returns.

He is accused of failing to pay at least $1.4 million in federal taxes from 2016 through 2019, though he has since repaid that amount.

Weiss separately charged Biden last year with three felony gun counts in Delaware.

A jury convicted Biden on all three charges in June, and he is scheduled for sentencing in that case in November.

Thursday’s guilty plea marked a dramatic culmination of a long personal, political and legal saga in which Hunter Biden’s past misdeeds have faced public scrutiny and weighed heavily on the 46th president.

The younger Biden’s first trial forced his relatives to relive some of the darkest moments of his spiral into addiction.

Several family members were expected to be called to the stand in Los Angeles, and Biden’s past indiscretions again would be put on full display.

The indictments came after a lengthy investigation into Biden’s business dealings while his father was vice president, which Republican lawmakers and former President Donald Trump have tried to use as evidence of corruption within the Biden family.

No evidence has surfaced publicly to suggest any wrongdoing by President Joe Biden.

Alford plea rejected

Before agreeing to plead guilty to the tax charges, Biden tried to resolve the case by offering an Alford plea, in which a defendant maintains he is innocent but acknowledges that the prosecution’s evidence would likely result in a guilty verdict.

Prosecutors said they would not agree to such a deal.

“I want to make crystal clear: The U.S. opposes an Alford plea. … Hunter Biden is not innocent, he is guilty,” Leo Wise, an attorney working for the special counsel, told the judge. “We came to court to try this case.”

After consulting with his attorneys, Biden entered a more typical plea in which he admitted guilt to all the allegations in the tax indictment.

On Thursday, his attorneys appeared eager to resolve the Los Angeles case, with lawyer Abbe Lowell responding to an earlier remark from the judge about whether it was in the public interest to hold a jury trial.

“Your honor has indicated that there is a need to address the public interest, but Mr. Biden needs to address the private interest,” Lowell said.

“We saw the exhibit list, the witness list; there are more than half a dozen members of his immediate family. There is also a private interest that has to be considered.”

Wise responded by arguing that Biden should be prosecuted for his crimes.

“The truth matters,” he said. “We are not here because of what the government did. We are not the ones that are deciding to call members of his family. He is the one that triggered this series of events.”

[thelittlecoffeebeanthatcould]

Dec. 24 2014

The only person who didn't really shun me when i was studying to be a JW. She wasn't perfect but she was real and like me in alot of ways...

I had talked to her a month ago before she passed. My little sister pulled me aside one day... and my mom recognized her house on the news but she was probably afraid to tell me, so my sister told me.

Everybody in the world that I knew shunned me because I stopped celebrating holidays... despite me still being the same person they knew.

My sister tried telling me and my mind went blank and I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't her and tried to convince myself that there was a mixup.

I was like a plague to them. And I relived that feeling in 2022 when I left and had to block everyone I loved and leave instantly. People I loved went after me... and I don't hate them... they were just doing what they knew. But it was painful because the elders questioned me... asking me if I was an enemy of Jehovah. And I balled my eyes out and told them I was there to warn them. And that Jehovah wasn't happy with them and he was coming to judge them.

One of the elders that was in my committee was like a dad (Daryl Walker)to me... and he too went after me trying to disfellowship me... but I know he KNEW I married Daniel to try not sin again. And it was so incredibly upsetting that they knew my heart and didn't believe me.

In 2018, I had my committee comprised of Daryl Walker, Zane McNair, and Beau Sutton. I had sex with a brother named Joseph Synakowski... when I told Joshua Obadiah, he told me to tell the elders or he was going to... so I went to them... and I hated the fact that I told on Joseph and betrayed his trust... but he wasn't mad at me.... but I only got reproved and he got DFed. I was reproved for only six months. I went to NY Bethel by myself despite people saying it reckless to travel on my own. At the time I really loved the org and believed them.... so I went there and had a great time and afterwards I didn't want to sin again. I would see daniel off and on to have sex... because it helped me to cope with everything happening in my life.

So I figured Daniel would marry me since we had already talked about it before and I felt like I could trust him... and I figured I could bring him back to jehovah. That was in March of 2019.

I've begged him to do bible stuff with me... and sometimes he will.... but I can tell it's only because he knows I love God and he does it moreso for me... but he doesn't love Jehovah the same way. It seems like he's falling for all this fallen angel stuff that's coming out... he sees the physical... and doesn't trust Jehovah despite everything....

So if he wants to go into darkness spiritually... I can't and won't follow him into that.

Also... I didn't really invite anyone to our wedding in 2019 because I didn't want to be a stumbling or be showy. And honestly I don't care for showy things or peoples opinions like that... just the people I care about. I didn't want to give anyone a reason to have anything to say. At the time, those elders were some of the only people who put the puzzle pieces together on why I did what I did....

And still, they went after me and tried to DF me. They weren't able to do that though, as much as they wanted to.

I told them the euphrates river was drying up. Their were rivers turning to blood. There were only a couple YouTube videos of it up back then and before all the churches were talking about it. I studied prophecies while I was a JW. The organization calls themselves a watchtower but has no regard for prophecy or gifts of the spirit that the biblical Christians did. A WATCHTOWER WARNS AND IF THEY DON'T, BLOOD IS ON THEIR HANDS.

Before they had a slew of court cases against them like they do now, all I knew of as a JW was the Australian royal commission at the time. I didn't agree with it, and I knew it was true and didn't brush it off as a lie like most JWs... even as an active JW. I just figured... the org was imperfect and Jehovah would take care of it. But when I found out about the man-made doctrines like 1914... the false predictions... I figured they were being led by false prophets and was mad at them slandering jehovahs name.

Prophets don't always see things but Jehovah makes their words happen. And the fact that they demanded respect despite falsely prophesying told me everything I needed to know.

[footlessbev]

Win in your own life..

I once was a person who always looked for everyone's approval, always tried to outdo everyone else, and didn't care what the outcome was.

One more strolling through the internet saw a post that didn't strike me when first saw it, then kept scrolling, but something wasn't right! I slowly went back up to see if what I saw was matching up with my morning brain. Only to find out it was what I thought.

Not sure how to cry, or how to even process what I had read.

Well, let me go back in the moment before scrolling and getting the worst news of my life. I was waking up to reach for my phone wanting to message my best friend before she went to sleep, after all night caught up with her stories. Instead of doing as such, I got on Facebook and scrolled. In the first message I saw was "REST IN PEACE SISTER RACHEL" Yeah the first post I saw. Keep in mind was supposed to be texting her.

All caught up. Back to didn't know whether to cry to what feeling was supposed to be having it was almost as if I was numb! I messaged her older sister and gave her my number only to hear Momma on the other end.

Momma told me what had happened in her final moments of life. Then momma cried sent my love, and asked her to please let me know when all the arrangements are made. I sat up and all I could do is feel the water flowing down my cheek. Thinking to myself, what do I do now? How am I going to live without the only chic that would kick my butt ask questions later. Even when I was thinking about doing things that could have landed me in trouble, she would out the blue call me, and acted as if she knew something was about to happen. Yet play it off all so easy as if nothing was about to go down. 30 years of never missing a phone call, 30 years of always running to her knowing that about to get handed me the unsugar-coated truth. Weather if I liked it or not.

I was the only friend who kept up with her in her 39 years of life. As it was stated in her program book at her service. She suffered from a rare disease Morquio syndrome that kept her from her body growing as a human like you and I.

In school, Rachel was like my baby, if the teachers made me feel like they were leaving her out, as they would have to pick her up. I said fuck this and picked her up as if she was my child. I never left her out nor did the other classmates, but she and I were extremely close.

I remember our 5th grade year, she was out for what seemed like forever for some surgery that had her in a halo. She would write letters to the class and explain what she was going through. Always would single my name out in it saying call me, or whatever else that she felt was needed to be said.

As the years go on, her and I have had apart time, but in high school we where reunited I remember seen her for the first time in 3 years, we talked on the phone, but we did not see each other in person. Her coming down the hall way the happiness that she showed in seen me again. Made me feel like this friendship would never end. Until that day in dec 2019. The best friend that we had so much plans with was gone. Gone without a goodbye.

Never was would touch anything that wasn't alive in the fear my father put in me as a young child. That didn't keep me from loving cemeteries and other crazy things in that nature.

I went to the viewing only because of a sweet lady who took me in after a bad first impression. Dragged me into the place and in the room where she was all dressed up for her homecoming party. Sitting there speaking to the family in caught up on times, and love that she would always share in raising her niece and nephews. And hugging her sisters. Without a tear walked away and lose it when got in the car.

The next day at her memorial, she sent off. I walked into a church where she was the loudest member, so I was told. Not knowing where to sit, I just found a corner and sat there. As the service was about to start, her family asked me to join them in walking up to her, I never kissed a person that was passed away, but for the first time I learned in and gave her a kiss and said see you soon.

I sat with the family and listened to all the kind words about this sweet soul that was to perfect to be here on earth. Then the pastor was starting the service in he mention me in such a strange way. In the post I made in the day of her passing, I had a picture that internet tagged him in it as he was in the picture too. He said I don't have anyone of her color on my pages. I looked around, and I was the only white person there, and sitting with the family at that. He said that is how I found out our sweet Rachel went home. I felt so embarrassed, but felt all so proud. Like said in her booklet in honoring her the last statement said Devoted High School Friend and my name. I was thinking good enough. As they closed the casket and drove her off to where she was going, I cried shock the families hands the walked away.

Now years later life has never been the same, don't feel like nothing is right or nothing is wrong. Then next blog in the day of losing my homie.

Thanks for reading

We can change the world with starting with ourselves. Be kind to the world, and everyone around it we all going through something in life that is hard for one person and easy for another. we are all here to help one another learn and grow