#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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YOU *points at you* QUESTIONS!
end of the year ask meme fame thing!
1. favorite fic you wrote this year
3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year
6. least popular fic this year
25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone to read
i think i answered a couple of these but its been at least 3 minutes and i have forgotten in my old age /j
sorry it took me so long to get to this!!! ive had lots of Stuff and Things happening (energy vampires)
I was REALLY happy with how a means of self-defense came out! i spent a lot of time really digging in on the wars trauma here and i was a teensy bit bummed it didnt "perform" well but thats okay! i still think its some of my best prose to date <3
3. i think it would be in the pines for the way i describe the forest here! i just like the part thats the impending dread and doom sky has as he feels more and more constrained yk just the scene where they come up to the tunnel tree thing!
6. that is the feeling of falling which is entirely fair XD i am a twilia shipper through and through. i write other ships ofc but i personally have always been twilia XD its also a modern au for a really dark series and its some of my weakest writing i think? it was just one of those writing bugs i needed to get out XD
25. i did not read a lot of fic this year sadly XD but we have options! i would basically recommend EVERYTHING i read this year but @rosehipandroots made me cry with i'd still love you the same <3 so much sweet SWEET twangst and rose is just a fucking artist fr fr! i would also highly recommend family for life by moonmonns if for no other reason than it brings me so much glee lmao it itches just right yk
happy new year labby!!!
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