#but i wonder if it truly matters???

[im-traumatised]

I did it. I finally found my middle name. I've been set on what I'll change my first and last name to for years now, but I was tossing around different middle names still, and it's been one of the things that's kept legally changing my name as not a priority. But I've finally connected to a middle name and I'm kinda itching to finally make it offical offical now. So think it's becoming more of a priority at long last.

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: death mention / sibling death mention / isolation / ]

Thinking about how Leo’s portal and teleportation powers have both directly (and in one instance, indirectly) been the cause of him being separated from his brothers at least four times now.

There’s that time in Portal Jacked, where his inexperience leads to his portal being messed with and his brothers ending up in Tahiti.

There’s the Bad Timeline, where Leo’s portaling led to them losing the Key, therefore indirectly leading to the apocalypse and in turn, ending with Leo being the last of his brothers alive (though just for a few minutes.)

There’s him teleporting him and Krang into the Prison Dimension, cutting him off from his family so wholly that the only way to fix this was a literal mystic miracle.

Then there’s the comic, where Leo’s powers act up again and make him lose months of time completely isolated from everyone and everything he knows.

Just, looking at all of this, it’s like the universe gave him the powers of distance on purpose to test him (and his bros), literally seeing if they can overcome unimaginable space and still make it back together. Imagine if it doesn’t stop here, and Leo has to learn to either deal with the occasional complete isolation or deal with time travelers coming back to stop some terrible event his powers (whether directly or indirectly) have caused, events that always lead to separation in some way, shape, or form.

It’s worth noting, too, that his portals often led to accidental separation, but his teleportation was the one power of his that was used to isolate himself on purpose…and was also the one that in any other scenario would have been the most permanent.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

It's a Wonderful Knife AU (Supercorp)

It's a Wonderful Knife is about a girl who, one christmas eve, witnesses and ultimately kills a spree killer (aka The Angel), who kills her best friend and a couple other kids. Once dead, the killer is revealed to be none other than Morgan Edge, the local sleaze who'd been trying to commercialize the small town of Angel Falls.

A year later, the following Christmas sees her clinically (yet untreated) depressed, unaccepted to her dream college, and overlooked by her family in favor of her cousin (who she saved the night of the killings). When she discovers her boyfriend has been cheating on her for the entire year, it's the final straw.

On her way home, she looks up to see the Northern Lights. As if they were a wishing star, she gives voice to the heaviness that has been growing in her since that fateful night.

"I wish I never existed."

She blinks, and suddenly the lights around her are dark, the previously festive boulevard now shadowed and eerie. Immediately on edge, she approaches a man to ask if the power went out-- only for him to collapse as he turns towards her, a knife in his gullet.

The Angel then appears like a ghost. Kara screams, running for help. She eventually runs into the local sheriff-- one of Edge's right hand men. Who definitely wasn't sheriff, last she checked. The oddities keep adding up, as she learns that not only is The Angel alive, he's been active for a full year. Her family home is dark and grieving for a lost scion-- her cousin who died the christmas before, because Kara hadn't been there to save him.

Kara isn't in any of the family portraits, her family doesn't recognize her, nor do her former friends when she tracks them down at the annual get-wrecked holiday party. In the absence of all that's familiar, she turns to the relatively unknown-- the local weirdo.

"Weirdo" is the slender goth girl who hangs around the periphery of their age group, appearing at large events without anyone seeming to invite her. This year she has her hair in space buns and though she says nothing as Kara frantically pleads for anyone to recognize her, her sharp green eyes take everything in. So when Kara finally turns to her, and their gazes meet, Kara feels a tinge of relief.

"You know who I am?"

The weirdo gives a nervous little smile, but doesn't balk. "Hi. I mean, no. I mean. I'm Lena?"

Lena's mere act of not ignoring her almost brings Kara to tears. She unloads everything onto the poor girl, who listens with wide eyes and a slightly bewildered look. But when Kara mentions The Angel, Lena perks up.

"You want to stop The Angel?"

"What?" Kara asks. Out of everything she's said, that's what the weirdo locks onto? "Yeah, but--"

"Come with me," Lena says quickly. She grabs Kara's hand and pulls her away from the party, out the door and across town. They don't stop until Lena tugs her up the front walk of a house with darkened windows. Unlocking the front door, Lena leads Kara inside the empty house.

Kara frowns. "Are you always alone on christmas?"

Lena's cheeks flush, but instead of answering she makes her way deeper in the house. "I want to show you something."

When Kara steps into Lena's bedroom, she's shocked to see one whole wall serving as a murder board-- literally. Thumbtacks mark the location of known murders on a large map of the city, with notecards detailing facts of each victim.

"Most of them are teenagers related to business owners in the town," Lena tells her. "Well, mostly former owners, now."

"It's Edge," Kara states bluntly. "He's The Angel. He's the one doing the killings."

Instead of dismissing her outright, or asking how Kara knows, Lena's brow furrows. She studies her board thoughtfully.

"Most of the families who've lost children to the attacks have closed up and left town... Edge, he--" Lena's eyes widen. "He's acquired every single one of them!" She mutters a curse to herself. "I can't believe I didn't see it!"

Before long, Lena is also hypothesizing on the how of Kara's circumstances. Kara relates the glowing aurora that still lingers above the town, and Lena gives a thoughtful hum.

"It's unusual to see it this far south," she observes. "It could be related, or it could be complete meteorological happenstance. But... the aurora does generate via a confluence of fluctuating solar energy. What if-- and I can't believe I'm about to say this, but-- what if, when Edge died in your reality, his spirit... lingered? And if it did, perhaps his ill intent, combined with the energy of the aurora, facilitated the change?"

Kara goggles at her. Lena blushes again, and scrambles to fill the stunned silence. "Of course, that's assuming this is a matter of different realities, which are purely hypothetical and I am *not* saying are real, let alone suggesting travel between them is even a feasible concept--"

"I had no idea you were so smart," Kara says bluntly.

Lena freezes, eyes flashing up to meeting Kara's. Her blush deepens as she reaches up to tuck the flyaway hairs at her temples behind her ears.

"There's a lot people don't know about me," Lena says softly.

Guilt forms solid and heavy in Kara's belly. "I'm sorry," she says. "For how people have-- how I've treated you."

Lena shrugs. "It's--"

"Please don't say it's okay," Kara urges, leaning forward intently. "You've just... existed, and we've acted like..."

Holding Kara's gaze, Lena's arrest softens. "Maybe things would be different, if you'd been here."

Shame courses through Kara's body, but she refuses to voice the knowledge that even in her reality, while never cruel to the weird girl in the corner, she'd never been kind.

"It will be," she says instead, firmly. She offers a crooked grin. "After all, who's George Bailey without her Clarence?"

Lena beams, a bright laugh bubbling out of her. Kara's smile grows, and for a moment, the world doesn't seem so grim.

---

The solution in returning the world to its rightful place is clear. They kill The Angel, Kara goes home. But before they can decide just how to execute their plan, Kara gives in to her desire to see her family. For help, maybe, to help them in their grief for Clark, she isnt quite sure.

When they get there, they find Kara's uncle in his office. Seeing his despondency, Kara can't help but reach out to him. She tells him she's a friend of Clark's and they spend the next few minutes reminiscing about some of Clark's most memorable moments-- his football career, the time he saved an elderly neighbor's life, etc.

But when Kara tells her uncle that she knows who killed Clark, their reverie snaps back to reality. Her uncle grows cold, and when Kara tells him it was Morgan Edge, she learns that this version of her uncle not only works for Edge, but considers Edge to be a close friend-- one who paid for Clark's funeral.

He shouts at her to get out of his house, and Kara bolts, with Lena following on her heels. Once outside, Kara bursts into tears. Lena envelops her in a fierce embrace, holding her until her sobs subside.

"We'll fix this, I promise," Lena says. "We'll fix-- augh!"

Lena's cry of pain jolts Kara into a state of panic, when the source of the long slice in Lena's arm proves to be The Angel. They bolt for safety, and in the ensuing chase Lena devises a plan that has them splitting up. The Angel chases Kara, leaving Lena to loop back around behind him and shove him sprawling into the snow. Kara grapples him for the knife, and as soon as it's in her hands she plunges it deep into Edge's throat.

Except it's not Edge.

When they remove their would-be killer's mask, it exposes instead the face of Kara's uncle. Kara vomits, then wraps her arms around herself as the sobs return.

"I don't understand," she wretches. "It-- it was supposed to be Edge."

"I don't know," Lena murmurs, rubbing her hand against Kara's back. "But it doesn't matter. That isn't your uncle. This isn't real, not for you. And you did it. You got the killer. Now we can get you back to your real family."

Lena supports Kara to the boulevard where the shift first manifested. Once there, Kara offers a watery smile. "Thank you," she whispers. "I don't know-- I don't think I could have done this without you."

Green eyes gaze at her, warm and sparkling in the light if the aurora overhead. "I should be the one thanking you," comes the hoarse reply. "To be honest, I--"

When sudden emotion chokes Lena's voice, Kara reaches out in concern. Lena swipes at the tears gathering in her eyes.

"I'm okay. I just-- this was going to be my last christmas, Kara."

Kara blinks. It takes a long moment for her to connect the words to their meaning, and when she does, her heart lurches.

"Lena, no--"

"It wouldn't have mattered," Lena whispers. "Not to my family, or the kids at school. Not to anybody."

"Yes, it would, Lena. *You* matter."

Lena nods, tears falling free from her eyelashes. "I think maybe we got it all backwards," she says, huffing a soft laugh. "I wasn't your Clarence after all. You were mine all along."

They hug, and then it's time. Kara looks up at the aurora and wishes with all her might that she lived, that she existed. She wishes for her life back. Not just to have her family back, to have Clark and her uncle, but to have Lena too.

Nothing happens.

It doesn't matter how much she wishes, then pleads, then curses at the universe-- the world stays exactly as it is.

Kara stares helplessly at Lena, who can only shake her head. "I don't know," she says. "I don't know--"

She's interrupted by the squawk of a microphone coming to life in the nearby square. The voice of Morgan Edge soon follows, drawing them both to the periphery of the crowd gathered around the stage where Edge stands before the town's christmas tree.

Rage overcomes Kara at the sight of him. She pushes through the crowd towards the stage, only vaguely aware of Lena following close behind lest the crowd separate them. Before she knows what she's doing Kara vaults onto the stage and slugs Edge right in the face.

As his henchmen move to wrestle Kara away from her victim, Lena spies a familiar looking knife lying the podium-- The Angel's knife. Her gaze flicks to where Edge marches towards a restrained Kara with rage in his eyes. The decision she makes in that moment is hardly a decision at all.

She snatches the knife from the podium and slits Edge's throat from behind. Her only regret is that it showers a surprised Kara with arterial spray. For a moment they, the guards, and the gathered crowd all stare frozen at Edge's gurgling body, until it finally falls quiet.

Then, a clap issues from the crowd. A single person, clapping slow and deliberate until it grows into raucous applause. The guards reach for Lena, only for the townsfolk to intervene, giving Lena and Kara the opportunity to slip unseen from the mayhem.

They sprint to the boulevard, coming to a breathless stop under the rippling aurora that's slowly brightening.

"Go," Lena urges. "Now, before--"

Kara kisses her soundly. Her world becomes the feel of Lena's lips against hers, the scent of blood thick between them, and the pull of Lena's arms as they wrap around her neck--

She opens her eyes to the ceiling of her bedroom.

Morning light spills in through the windows, illuminating the world in warm relief. Kara bolts downstairs to find her family hale and whole, and nearly loses herself in the sweeping joy of her life returned-- until Lena's features flash across her mind. Lena's features, and the echo of Lena's murmured confession: "this was going to be my last christmas."

In a instant she's back on her feet and sprinting to Lena's house. She pounds on the door until it opens a crack for Lena to look warily out.

"What do you want?"

Kara's heart plummets, but she forges ahead without stopping. "Lena, this is going to sound crazy, but you have to believe me, because it was real, and you were there, and whatever you're planning *please* don't--"

The door opens further, revealing Lena in a cozy sweater with a puckish glint in her eye.

Kara stops short, hardly daring to believe. "You... you remember?"

Lena answering smile beams in affirmation, prompting Kara to sweep her up into a giant twirling hug. Lena squeals, but it ends with a delighted giggle.

"I love you," Kara says, kissing Lena. Their hands clutch together, holding tight as though the world might reset and tear them apart once more.

Lena smiles, sighing happily as she rests her forehead against Kara's.

"Merry Christmas, Kara."

[sh1-n0bu]

everyday i look at the hoyoverse fandom and go “wow… media literacy IS dead😃”

[kindahoping4forever]

AshtonIrwin: “We collide again, the moonlight on your skin, I feel your tidal pleasures“🌙 ✍🏻 🌊

[namisweatheria]

Soooooo funny to see anyone call sanji a feminist even in a joke post. Like my friend he does not believe women are equal. He believes they are better than men, who are nothing but dogs. He's a misandrist.

[humanmorph]

(transcript by @violentandmagnificent)

It’s quiet here, living in your head. It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen, at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always. It isn’t always, but it’s better than never. It’s quiet here, living on this ship. It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud, I remember different voices bouncing in these halls, I remember old arguments, I remember myself. I wonder how much I can tell you; because  I can tell you; I have much to say. But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path, beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play. So who am I? You only know what they’ve told you. So who am I? You only know what’s written down. So who am I? You only know what’s on recordings, and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned. I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can. So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan. I lost my life long before I understood, before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood. I wonder what she’ll tell you. I wonder what she’ll share.  I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.  I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day. The color of the sun. The touch, the ocean's spray.  The last thing that I felt in life. (The first thing that I felt in life.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I hope she tells the truth to you. (I hope she tells the worst to you.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I loved her like she told me to. (I left her like she told me to.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  We’re running out of time, you know? (She’s running out of time, you know?) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all. I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one. Make her tell the truth to you before we come undone.

PALISADE 37: Reach In / Reach Out Pt. 1

[tetzoro]

happy sunday friendz ෆ may you rest up today ! drink lots of water, unclench your jaws, & be gentle with yourself as this week comes to a close (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾

[deus-ex-mona]

discovering bl for the very first time li k e

[loverboybrightsideghost]

it must be sad to be someone who can't find and doesn't want to look for the meaning in anything. thinking art is boring, thinking the long, drawn-out semi-abstract explanations musicians and artists give before they show their work is meaningless fake bullshit. it must be such a dull world to live in where one doesn't obsessively examine every word, every note from a work you love to find the beauty and the message and meaning and purpose in every grain of sand that gives it form. how sad.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something

[astracora]

Luke and Kieran calling Sylus boss of the year 😭 I love the crow family so much...

[httpiastri]

dear everyone,

a while ago, i hit 1.5k followers on this blog.... i didn't want to get too sappy but i really wanted to write something, so:

the fact that over one and a half thousand individuals follow me is truly insane and too much for my little brain to grasp. i want you to know that i'm so extremely thankful for each and every single one of you and this makes me so so so happy. this is way more than i ever had expected when creating this blog.

i made this account back in june purely for my own enjoyment; i created it mainly because i was disappointed in myself for having stopped writing, since writing has been such a big part of my life since forever. ever since i stopped writing about kpop, i had barely written anything at all... i made this account just for fun with no pressure and no expectations, and before i knew it, this blog turned into something so special for me. the blog, all of the people i've met through it and all of the moments we've shared, all mean the world to me.

honestly, i'm not sure what i would do right now if i didn't have this blog and this community. these last few months have been pretty rough for me, but i've always been able to come back on here and gain a smile or some laughter. you've all helped me so much, even if unintentionally – every single interaction helps me push forward. i'm eternally grateful for every single like, comment, reblog and ask i've received on here, and your kind words really do mean the world to me. i don't know where i would be without you.

i hit 1k a while ago but didn't celebrate it properly, so i decided to make an 1k/1.5k-celly that i will be releasing soon (when i have more time to actually write)(hopefully at the start of december). please stay tuned!

and once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so so so much. you truly are the best. 🧡🧡

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Oh hey I'm legitimately about to start crying over a middle-grade book. Ok.

[jourke-rourke]

Dark Matter (2015) // 2-3-4

[whoblewboobear]

Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.

Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.

I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”