#but i think i will still try to post these daily bc i think i would rather be early to end of pink instead of missing it

[astarionascendant]

which bg3 companions are getting stoned?

a continuation of this post.

these are my fun little carefree headcanons about the BG3 companions getting stoned at camp with tav + i got carried away with the romance vibes ~

nsfw mdni 18+ only

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋

preface: in this headcanon, tav is a frequent smoker. so if you aren't a stoner like this you may not relate. i really tried to make this as platonic as possible but i can't control myself, i'm in love with everyone. this is just silly and lighthearted and a little bit fantasy so the weed effects are exaggerated. but for some realism, let's say tav had some weed left in their pocket from before the nautiloid, and now they have to loot it from certain places until they get to the city—so that's how they always have a supply.

my qualifications: i've been daily stoner for years + i have over 1,000 hours in this damn game

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋

here ya go

Astarion: before meeting tav, he has never smoked and even considers it to be a tasteless activity. he's above it, it smells, it slows you down too much, he said... but he finally agreed to smoke with tav one evening at camp. one puff, and that's it.

tav passes him the blunt while they sit around the fire, by themselves. he takes the biggest hit without intending to and descends into a coughing and hacking fit (he's so cute when he's coughing a lung up). he's embarrassed at first and this may be the first time tav has seen a vampire go red in the face! but after a minute, he really chills out.

tav and astarion, stoned and feeling silly—yes he's fucking stoned off his one hit—together in his little tent kicking their feet in the air, giggling and whispering. tav says something a little extra funny and astarion lets out a genuine hearty laugh (you know the laugh). playful tav and astarion shoving and pushing a little bit, laughing until they're out of breath. astarion realizes he is sooo thirsty and tav is just like yeah, that's how it goes :) blood munchies ~ he takes his sweet time drinking from tav, and they end the night with a nice, bloody kiss.

after this evening, astarion has a new attitude for smoking. he still says he's above it, but tav makes him take a hit every once in a while bc he's staring and they know he wants to... maybe he'd say something about how tav's blood tastes a little different after smoking, or he complained the next day that he was moving too slowly. but tav can tell he enjoyed his time.

Shadowheart: she agreed to hit the blunt night #1 and ever since, she partakes with tav every night. she's super chill, very mellow and cool. but then she'd get to yappin. unlike some people, shadowheart actually gets louder when she's high. she is giddy and excitable and silly, and she laughs and giggles and snorts at everything!!

i think she does have experience with smoking (but she forgor) so maybe she has a bit of tolerance built up. she can smoke several bowls back to back, which is totally fine with tav!!

i think tav and shart would have this sort of nightly routine, they both get up around midnight when (almost) everyone else is sleeping so they smoke all by themselves around the last little embers in the firepit. they always try to be quiet and whisper at first, but with every hit they take, they get just a bit louder. after like three or four bowls, they've usually woken somebody else (probably lae'zel) due to how loud they've gotten!

and i can see the moment where shadowheart and tav are giggling so hard, out of breath, and their eyes meet and suddenly they've forgotten what's so funny. in the blink of an eye they're making out in shart's tent, running their hands underneath each other's clothes and quickly tearing them off...

but shart just can't help herself, a lot of the stress is lifted when she's super stoned and she can just enjoy the moment and be herself.

Lae'zel: when tav passes the joint to her, lae'zel doesn't really know what to do. tav explains it in excruciating detail, but now they aren't so sure if she would actually be down to do something like this. after a few minutes of contemplation, tav is delighted when lae'zel takes the lit joint and inhales.

and she holds it. and holds it. and tav is completely dumbfounded as to how she's still holding it in. "um.. lae'zel, you can exhale now!!" so she finally lets out a deep breath, and a cloud of smoke surrounds her.

after tav and lae'zel pass the joint a few more times, lae'zel finds herself... at ease? she wants to... do nothing? she doesn't even feel like training or sharpening her sword anymore.

so she lays back, hands behind her head, and she's looking up at tav with a softness in her eyes that they only see right before or right after she kisses them. she has a sweet, delicate smile—about as sweet as tav's ever seen on her, anyway.and then lae'zel reaches up to caress tav's face, and she says something that tav can't really understand but the way she says it makes their heart skip a beat, or several. and of course she grabs tav's collar and brings them down for a slow, deep, lovely kiss.

the next day, lae'zel wakes up a little later than usual, and a lot groggier, and absolutely starving. she grumbles and shames tav for letting her indulge, because how is she supposed to fight to the best of her ability now? she slept too much, then she ate too much. worst of all, she forgot about her problems for too long...

but later in the day she goes back to tav and apologizes; because of last night, she was actually better rested and relaxed and had a clearer mind. she was able to ease her stress, if only for a little while. but it was enough. i don't think she'd get into the habit of smoking, but like astarion, tav can tell when lae'zel needs to hit the blunt one time and chill.

Wyll: i think he has plenty experience in smoking and enjoys it every now and then. maybe he isn't very open about it with most people, but he realized how chill tav is about it so he allows himself to indulge with them.

i think he probably has his own stash, some kind of really chill blend of herbs and weed that he mixed himself. and he has his own papers and stuff too, so he can always have a joint ready whenever tav wants to smoke.

at camp, wyll sparks up and takes a deep, deep first inhale, and he holds it for a good second. then he exhales slowly, and he coughs just a little. but his coughs are soooo handsome and tasteful. he passes the joint to tav, and their fingers brush against each other softly.. they pass it a few more times before they're done, and they go back to wyll's tent.

he's so relaxed, so chill, so cool. he's practically non-verbal at this point, he's so high. one joint was perfectly enough to get him stoned at the level he enjoys most. but he can find the energy to at least whisper some sweet things to tav ~

when wyll's high, he can be a little bolder with his affection, even more forward than usual. he's never stingy with praise, but it's different now; he's telling tav how soft their hair feels bc he's playing with it, bringing their head close to his face so he can breathe in their scent. his voice, low and hoarse and his throat is a little raw from smoking... he tells tav how beautiful their eyes are, while looking at them through his own half-lidded eyes. he's whispering, and then lets out a quiet, breathy chuckle in tav's ear. and he just needs to be closer. he places a kiss to tav's neck... and he smells so goddamn amazing.

Gale: he has a lot of experience in smoking, and he knows all kinds of different herb combinations and how to get different effects from them. i imagine he has his own pipe, maybe even some sort of magical pipe (🤨)

as i mentioned before, he WILL be putting aphrodisiac herbs in the blunt. even if he won't be partaking during this sesh he is still gonna wanna get freaky with tav and enjoy to experience them like this ;) because while he does enjoy smoking, he really doesn't want to do it as frequently as tav. he's happy to just sit with tav and talk while they get stoned off the blunt he rolled for them.

but those times when he does end up smoking are so special. he's able to just relax and calm down and go quiet. not that tav doesn't want to hear his constant yapping, but this is one of those times when gale is content to just exist in the same space as tav. no words, no awkwardness, just pure comfort. even if gale did have the urge to talk, he's too damn high. it's a lot of "hey, tav, did you even hear what i just said?" and tav is like "gale, you haven't said anything in ten minutes!" "right, right..."

they'll share kisses in his tent, slowly slowly slowly undressing each other, one piece of clothing at a time. sharing a plate of snacks and maybe a bottle of wine as well. and if/when they do end up getting intimate, there are no illusions or charms involved. that's the thing about getting high, it is a very physical sensational human experience, and high sex can be especially physically vulnerable and close. and that's what gale loves about it.

Minthara: she does not smoke and will not smoke. don't even try to convince her.

i think this refusal is actually the result of her knowing her own limits, minthara knows how weed affects her and she's not interested. i think she's had a lot of experience smoking in her past. there are probably very fascinating smoking routines and rituals among the drow and in the underdark; it's altogether too decadent for her, but the humble way tav smokes their little pipes and rolls and wraps is almost cute to minthara.

she understands surface herbs and blends to be very weak compared to those of the underdark, or that they will have a suboptimal effect on herself. she WILL be mixing some poisonous underdark herbs in the weed (without tav's knowledge) and sitting next to tav while they smoke it! she's trying to raise their immunity as usual, but she will be close to them the entire time to make sure they feel safe if any of the poison takes a strong effect on them.

i think in moments where tav is particularly vulnerable, minthara will be a little extra protective of them. she knows when she's really high, she needs that extra bit of security from her comfort person and minthara is overjoyed to give that to tav.

Halsin: this man is high all the time, he doesn't go a day without getting stoned. so his demeanor and behavior probably won't change much after just smoking a bowl or two, which i'd say is his daily average while traveling. but it's enough to relax him, just a little.

just-smoked-two-joints is what i would consider his "default" personality. although, he's probably using his pipe—tav made sure to grab it for him! "oh, my pipe! you retrieved it for me!" "um... this is your pipe...? i mean, this IS your pipe. yeah, here ya go..!"

he's happy he met someone who can share in his habit, but he will smoke tav out EVERY TIME. even after like three blunts or like five bowls he's still wanting to pack another, but he will kindly stop when tav's ready to! he's so excited when they can actually keep up with him, at least for longer than most other people.

those days when he's packing bowl after bowl, he's having a little bit of stress or anxiety and wants to calm it down. he does have a high tolerance and this man is stressed as fuck, of course he's gonna want three full blunts back to back. probably even more. and at the same time, he wants some comfort from tav, who is basically his favorite person. smoking blunt after blunt with your favorite person is the best thing ever <3

those days when he smokes a lot (like, even more-than-three-blunts a lot) he can get extra cuddly and needy. all he wants to do is chill with tav; laying around, eating berries and cheese and honey and bread, smoking some more, and cuddling and fucking throughout the day.

he can locate different types of smokable herbs wherever he goes in nature, so even when his supply runs low he can find more pretty quickly. he always layers his herbs so meaningfully; whether he's packing a bowl or rolling a blunt, he's crafting a work of beautiful, smokeable art.

Karlach: she's so excited to finally have met someone she can just smoke and chill with!! she won't want to start off her day with a smoke, but she loves to end her days this way.

i think she doesn't totally love to smoke, just the relaxation part of it. she's literally a three-puffs-and-done kinda woman, and i respect that. i bet she could handle smoking a lot but avoids it, it probably actually does slow her down and inhibits her reflexes and strength. because of this, her tolerance is fairly low so she really doesn't require a lot to get pretty stoned.

but even if she wasn't partaking with tav, she will still stay with them and keep them company. i'm thinking on one really cold night, tav just wants to smoke outside but it's just sooooo cold... and karlach keeps them warm while they share a blunt ~ i think she will get very quiet during these moments, just breathing in the smoke and chilling, savoring the peace. but at the same time, i think she she would really absorb the energy of the ppl she's with, so when tav is chill she's chill. when tav is laughing so hard their belly hurts, so is karlach.

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okay now my ranking for how much i actually want to smoke with each of them:

halsin sweep. smoking with him would be amazing for me. my ideal stoner companion.

wyll. only second to halsin bc he doesn't want to smoke all day every day. (also im picturing human wyll, as this is how prefer him sorrynotsorry)

lae'zel. she's ONLY below wyll because wyll smokes more frequently and is already very comfortable with it, which is my preference in a smoking partner. but they technically would be equally enjoyable for me.

shadowheart/gale tie. smoking with them would be very enjoyable for me, honestly it probably should be a four-way tie with wyll and lae'zel based on pure enjoyment of the experience but that's not efficient ranking

minthara/astarion tie. i think a sesh with them would be fun, but it's just really not their thing.

karlach

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if u think i should add someone, let me know. if u have any ideas about this please tell me!!! it's okay to disagree, tell me what you think!! please send me asks about getting stupid fucking high with your favorite companion. tbh, i could go on forever about halsin and lae'zel and wyll!!

u can add me on discord, @ helgiafterdark, if u want to chat abt this further OR if u would like an art piece from me or wanna do an art trade <3 if u read this far, thank u ily ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋

[woolying]

LAST TETRO PINK FRIDAY COUNTDOWN!!! i missed yesterday but i didnt finish the next one in time so ill double up sometime later…wait for me

teehee tamba hasegawa theyre such a funny pairing i will miss the both of them sooo much

[theflyingfeeling]

...💬

[gayboyrocklee]

Love posting my Spotify receipts for the month bc you can always tell when I’ve had smth big to write for one of my classes bc the one Jash song (Dream (Outro from Calamity)) will make the receipt. I did not end up a Jashinator but I do like having a song I can rely on to make me write things.

[phagodyke]

yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...

[ramudamemura]

hi guys

looks at you like this

[kxsagi]

this one doesn’t rlly involve a reader but i’d love to see blue lock boys react to what their irl fandom has to say abt them like from thirst comments to shit like “fraudtoshi rin” “plotsagi” “goatsagi” or idfk like “does ness hold it for kaiser when he pisses bc he can’t aim?” you can pick the characters, tho i feel like isagi, rin and kaiser are easier to do bc of how many comments there are about them

thank you for taking the time to read this random ass hc idea i love ur account🥀🥀💔💔

“𝐫𝐞𝐟, 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 🥀”

a/n: i loved this one so much, the blue lock fandom truly is the best 😭😭😭

ft. isagi yoichi, itoshi rin, kaiser michael, ness alexis, mikage reo, nagi seishiro, shidou ryusei, itoshi sae

isagi yoichi

isagi's the type to search his name on twitter. daily. you think he's just analyzing plays but no, he's reading threads like: "isagi plays soccer like he's plotting a murder and we're just watching the body count rise." "plotsagi got that rizz. man manipulating the ball and my feelings." 

he scrolls in silence for a good 10 minutes. then asks himself, “do i really look like i monologue in my head before i pass?” 

but then he finds one that says “if isagi had a fanfic it’d be tagged ‘obsession’ ‘manipulative behavior’ ‘this is not a love story’” and he goes, “okay, but they’re not wrong.” 

thirst tweets? he reads one that says, “i would let isagi use me like he uses spatial awareness” and drops his phone (that was tweeted by kxsagi). 

refuses to look anyone in the eye for a full 12 minutes. 

itoshi rin

the absolute worst person to find his fandom discourse. 

at first it’s fine, he sees “itoshi rin owns me” and “he could spit on me and i’d bark” and thinks you’re all mentally unstable (he’s right). 

but then. then. he hits a comment that says: “fraudtoshi rin only shows up when sae breathes near him. man folds faster than my GPA.” 

he stops breathing. who said that. he’s scrolling like he’s trying to find the IP address. 

goes into a full-on rant like, “i literally scored more goals in the NEL than– you know what, never mind. i don’t care. i don’t. i don’t even read comments.” (he absolutely reads the comments.) 

the worst part is he sees people arguing over who the hotter itoshi is. someone said “sae is sexy. rin is just cold and tall.” this man is FUMING. “i am not just tall.” 

kaiser michael

he lives for this. googles himself once a week. you can catch him reading a post that says: “kaiser looks like he’d insult you in german during sex and then ghost you after stealing your charger.” 

he chuckles and goes, “hm. they get me.” 

there’s another tweet: “kaiser plays football like the main villain in a sports anime and i’d still let him ruin my life.” 

he saves it. makes it his wallpaper. “they get it.” 

but then he sees one that says: “does ness hold it for kaiser when he pisses because he can’t aim?” 

that man screeches. pure betrayal. “WHAT? why would they say that? why would they say i can’t AIM? i am the best striker in blue lock! in the world!” 

he turns to ness like, “tell them it’s not true. say it.” 

ness alexis

he sees the comment about him holding it for kaiser and his face goes red. “i don’t do that!! i– i– kaiser can aim just fine!! i mean– i’ve never– WHY IS THAT A QUESTION!?” 

his favorite tweet is actually: “ness is like a clingy poodle with abandonment issues and i want to pat his head and tell him it’s okay.” 

he reads it twice and mutters, “i don’t have issues...” 

but then sees someone say “ness is just the manager who got promoted to player because kaiser needed a fanboy on-field” and he looks heartbroken for the entire week. 

mikage reo

he’s lowkey offended that people don’t thirst over him enough. 

“why does everyone simp for nagi? i have the body of a greek god and a bank account that would fund a small nation. where’s my edit with lana del rey playing in the back?” 

he finds a comment that says: “reo has rich twink energy and i respect that.” 

he reads it out loud and then mutters, “... what does that mean.” 

nagi seishiro

only finds out about the fandom when reo shows him. doesn’t care until he sees a tweet that says: “nagi looks like he’d sleep through a nuclear war, but wake up if you open a bag of chips.” 

he stares blankly and goes, “they’re right though.” 

reo shows him another that says “nagi looks like he gives the worst hugs. like hugging a fridge.” 

“do i?” he asks, genuinely confused. “maybe it’s just all the muscle i’ve packed on.” 

shidou ryusei

he’s already in the comments. like. not just reading them. replying. 

thirst tweets? he's in there with a “bet 😘” and a selfie of his abs. 

reads a tweet that says: “shidou plays like a demon possessed his body mid-match and now it’s just him vs god.” 

he likes it. reposts it with “and i’m winning.” 

but then he sees someone tweet: “if shidou had a tumblr, it would be just gifs of himself and ‘do u guys think teeth are sexy’ polls.” 

he grins, full teeth. “yo wait. that’s genius.” 

there’s another one that says “shidou would call you ‘mommy’ during sex just to see your reaction” and he cackles. 

“nah, i already have. she cried. it was awesome.” 

but the real chaos? he finds a post that reads: “shidou is what happens when red bull sponsors a felony.” 

he screenshots it. makes it his lock screen. 

itoshi sae

did not ask to see the fandom discourse. but a teammate showed him anyway. huge mistake. he stares blankly at the phone like: “what the hell is a ‘dilf agenda’ and why am i on it?” 

he sees another one that says: “sae looks like he’d ruin your life and then act like you were the problem.” 

he hums. “that’s just facts.” 

another says: “sae is hot, but i just know he’d leave you on read for 3-5 business days with no explanation and still expect you to be in love with him.” 

he glances over, shrugs. but then. then. he reads: “sae is just rin with prettier hair and daddy issues.” 

his entire soul leaves his body. “excuse me?” 

turns to his teammate like, “do i… do i look like i have daddy issues?” his teammate blinks. he’s already reevaluating his childhood in real time. 

worst of all, he finds a photo of himself mid-match with the caption: “sae itoshi could run me over with his lamborghini and i’d say thank you.” 

and now he won’t shut up. “you think i should get a lambo? it’d match my aura.” 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[feyburner]

This is part of a longer thing I may post on ao3 at some point but here’s some silly little Jaytim texting AU. I use this format as a writing warmup.

EDIT: This has been posted on AO3.

[Unknown] »

Hey. This is Jason. 

I have a favor to ask. You can say no.

« tim

uh

1. i’m aware of how favors work  

2. what is it?

« tim

?

« tim

hey are you like. good

J »

Yeah fine 

Sry. Rethinking this maybe

« tim

what, do you need a kidney or something?

i can’t give you a kidney.

i don’t have any organs to spare.

J »

What ? 

« tim

what’s the favor?

J »

I wouldn’t ask if it wasnt important

I’d ask Roy but hes in star city 

or Kori but shes off world

I tried dickhead but hes in haven. Cant get away tonight

« tim

yeah jason i get it lol

J »

So Im currently in the cargo hold of a private yacht

« tim

what >?

J »

We’re caught in the storm thats hitting the city its a whole thing. 

« tim

are you in the cargo hold of your own volition or did someone put you there

J »

So I dont think I can get back t

No its on purpose

« tim

hang on. you’re in gotham bay right now? in a boat?  

jason this storm is really bad.

it’s already sunk a houseboat and a fishing boat at the marina

J »

I dont think I can get back totown toni

Christ you type fast 

Shut up for a sec. Clam down

Clam*

*Calm fuck me

Thought I was gnna be back tonight but bc of storm its not looking great.

Can you feed my sourdough starter 

« tim

what

J »

4511 overhill apt 6D 

Key under the neighbors mat. 6H

« tim

hey to clarify. “its not looking great” ← what does that mean

J »

Starter is on counter. in glass jar 

Should just need one feeindg. Maybe 2. depending 

« tim

on???

J »

On wwhen I get back?

« tim

so you do plan on coming back

J »

Yeah timothy I’m in a boat not the heart of Mount Doom

« tim

yeah? vaders not there? so that means everything’s fine? 

J »

Did you

jst say Vader

As in Darth

« tim

??? 

J »

Oh my god

« tim

jason are you in peril or what.

J »

No im not in “peril” lol.

Did you see the thing I said about my sourddough starter

It needs to be fed

« tim

wtf is a sourdough starter

nvm i googled it

J »

Its a live bacteria colony you use to m 

Oh ok

Yeah so it just needs 50g lukewarm water + 50g flour

Theres a scale next to the jar

Stir until it looks like hummus

Put lid back on

The end

« tim

the internet says if you put it in the fridge it doesn’t need daily feedings

J »

Sure. But that would mess up my bread schedule

« tim

your bread schedule 

J »

Man are gyou gonna fuckin feed Breadie Mercury or should I find someone else

« tim

im already en route. 

J »

Oh

Ok

Thank you.

Wtf dont text and motorbike  

« tim

how about you dont text and Sinking Boat

J »

Hey its not like I’m gonna cause a boat crash

« tim

i was stopped at a red light 😐

anwyay i’m at your place.

1. why do you not have a security system. when you said key under the neighbor’s mat i thought you were joking. 

2. how warm is lukewarm

J »

1. I’m the security system

« tim

just rolled my eyes so hard it actually physically hurt

J »

God youre annoying

2. ? Its lukewarm

« tim

ohhhhh thanks! that’s so helpful :) here i am trying not to murder your incredibly important bacteria colony that i just drove across town for but no thats great jason very descriptive thanks :) 

J »

Like warm but not too wram, nothing you’d want to take a bath in

Can you fucking

I TYPE SLOW.

« tim

ok.

[Image Attached]

he is fed

J »

Thanks man.

Sincerely.

« tim

so hows the cargo hold going

still intact i assume? 

J »

Mostly ya

« tim

pardon? 

J »

Slight leakage. Nothing major

« tim

oh? are you a boatologist now? 

i dont think you’re qualified to judge that?

J »

Moving right past “boatologist” out of the goodness of my heart.

Chill lol. If it was rly bad thered probably be some sort of alar

Hm.

« tim

did an alarm just start going off

J »

Dont worry about it

« tim

im not. 

did it though

also which yacht? im in the marinas scheduling dtabase

blue miracle, serendipity, carp-e diem? which one

« tim

jason?

« tim

if this is a joke it’s not funny

oh cool you’re not on comms either. great.

hey if youre dead again and i just fed your stupid starter for nothing im gonna be soooo mad just fyi

« tim

ugh.

*

J »

Hey

Thanks again for the

I’m not gonna say “save” bc I was doinf just fine on my own.

But thanks for the backup.

Lmk when youre home

Nope sorry lol you dont have to do that.

Night.

« tim

home

J »

Also I just saw your messaages from

Ah. 👍

From earlier. 

« tim

you mean from when you said “huh, this boat seems to be filling with water” and then disappeared? those messages? 

J »

Those were not my exact words.

« tim

right. your exact words contained somehow even less information 

J »

Shut up

I just wanted to 

You know. Youre the only one who jokes about it

The only one in the family I mean

your family, I mean

The bats.

« tim

? 

the only one who jokes about what

J »

Me being dead

« tim

oh. 

ok. well

its not like. actually funny to me. i was just annoyed. sorry i guess

J »

No thats not 

Tim. Shut up.

I dont mind. I like that one of you does. 

Its better than people talking around it. Like its this big shameful thing I did.

One of many

If I mention it in front of dickhead he does the face

the :~{ face

« tim

wow its uncanny

uh. for the record. 

i don’t think that’s the reason people talk around it

if im correct in thinking that by “people” you mean “one specific person whose name rhymes with Rat Can” 

 

J »

Yeah well

I just

Christ never mind. Im sorry. You are not the person to be sayign this to.

Im gonna shut the fuck up I think. 

Goodnight.

« tim

oh what, you can’t talk to me about being dead bc of that one time you tried to kill me? 

and failed btw :/ 

J »

Tim

Not to be so unchill

But you know how me being dead isnt actaully funny to you

« tim

…got it. sorry

J »

No. don’t apologize to me

Ever

I’m serious 

« tim

like for anything? 

what if i killed breadie mercury 

J »

You didnt. He is thriving

« tim

he is?

wait. really?

you can tell?

J »

[Image Attached]

Hes doubled in size since you fed him.

« tim

whoa

J »

Yup. Thanks again for thattoo.

*that too

Its stupid but hes kinda my son.

« tim

wouldn’t he technically be like, 10 billion sons

J »

He is my 10 billion sons.

« tim

lolol

wow. why am i so pleased hes thriving lol 

J »

Right

« tim

jeez

i was so worried about the water temp

google said lukewarm is 98-105 so i did 98 to be safe

J »

You used a thermometer? 

« tim

your instructions were vague!

i didnt want to kill your bacteria colony!

J »

Thanks Tim.

« tim

? you already said that lol

i gotta pass out btw

glad you didnt die: the sequel in a yacht

that would have been so cringe

night jason

J »

Night

*

J »

You up?

« tim

obviously

why

J »

Could use your eyes on something.

[Image Attached]

« tim

morse code but the dots and dashes are reversed and its spelling backwards in russian, ASTITP AYALEB AVD RTSIRP → PRISTR DVA BELAYA PTITSA → PIER TWO WHITE BIRD

J »

Bc it looks like morse but its not, its kind of scrambl 

Ok jesus christ . 

30 seconds? Seriously? Fuck me

Can I hire you? Jesus lol

« tim

that depends. do you pay more than batman?

J »

The fuck? Does he pay you guys now?

« tim

no.

J »

Then yes. I do pay more than batman.

« tim

how much more

J »

One coffee per codebreak? 

« tim

:\

J »

Two coffees per codebreak

Two and a loaf of sourdough

« tim

sourdough from breadie mercury?

J »

Ya

« tim

done

J »

Damn. I feel like you should have higher standards

« tim

i mean i was already gonna do it for free

now i have successfully negotiated coffee & sustenance 

im on a roll. nothing but Ws 

J »

Ws?

« tim

its young people slang you wouldn’t get it ❤️

J »

I am barely 3 years older htan you.

It could be argued, considering certain events, that we’re basically the same age.

« tim

and yet you text like an old, old man

J »

I do not

Would you rather I texted like “idk brb lmao roflcopter”

« tim

ROFLCOPTER?

oh my god. ohhhhhh jason. oh my god

that is absolutely not what the kids are saying these days. oh my god

J »

Ok you know what. At least I know Mount Doom isnt a Star Wars thing

« tim

? 

oh, is it star trek? 

J »

I’m 99% sure youre antagonizing me on purpose

But have you seriously not read or watched Lord of the Rings

« tim

no i have not.

J »

Hm.

« tim

what

J »

Nothing.

« tim

……….what

*

« tim

did you NARC on me

to BRUCE

about LORD OF THE RINGS?????

J »

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

« tim

WHY DO I NOW HAVE 3 SEPARATE SUNDAY AFTERNOON “HOUSE MEETINGS” BLOCKED OFF IN MY CALENDAR, JASON? 

WHY ARE THEY EACH 4 HOURS LONG?

WHY ARE THEY LABELED “CULTURAL EDUCATION (MANDATORY)”? 

J »

I can’t pretend to know what goes on in B’s mind.

That said, I have reason to believe he and Alfred take lotr pretty seriously.

« tim

its a TWELVE HOUR MOVIE

about GOBLINS

J »

I’m not gonna respond to that bc I know youre just lashing out.

« tim

if youve sentenced me to 12 hours of a movie i hate i’m gonna hack everything you own. 

im gonna mass text the entire cape wearers community the footage of that time condiment king kicked your ass so bad he felt guilty and offered to personally help you out of the mustard pool 

J »

What the fuck

How do you fuckig know about ?????? that???????? 

Not that ithahpened 

What hefuckk ??

« tim

ooooooooo you better hope i love these goblins!

J »

Why are you?? evil??

« tim

you should have killed me when you had the chance!!

sorry.

J »

Its ok. That one was pretty funny tbh.

Oh hm shouldnt have laughed just then. Bad timing on my part

Brb

« tim

uh

« tim

ok…….. getting reports of a “disturbance” at pier two…….. 

« tim

sorry were you texting me *mid-standoff* with the russian mafia

« tim

ugh.

*

« tim

you know tracking your location would be so much easier if i didn’t have to hack into your comm sys every time

luckily your encryption is garbage but still. its 2 minutes of my life i wont get back.

J »

Not sure I recall giving you permission to track my location?

« tim

oh i’m sorry. next time i will simply leave you to go down with a texas oil magnate’s incredibly tacky yacht, or get swiss cheesified by mobsters 

J »

Hey I wrapped up the russians myself 

« tim

yeah? 

J »

…

Yeah….

« tim

so you thought the 12-minute universal signal jam was the act of a benevolent god? 

J »

:-|

« tim

im just saying it would be significantly more efficient if you agreed to a tracker

just one little tracker. you wouldn’t even notice it’s there.

think of all the time and energy you’d save me

J »

I feel the need to point out that you don’t have to repeatedly hack my comms system.

« tim

i mean it’s that or monitor sightings on the gocitizen app

i have an algo that texts relevant pings to me, which is super helpful for when i want an inbox full of random people talking about how hot you are. less helpful for literally every other circumstance 

J »

Uh

What

« tim

how hot *red hood is. to clarify

in their opinion

the people’s opinion

J »

?

« tim

the people of gotham city

J »

The people of Gotham city do not think Red Hood is hot lol

« tim

wait 

i cant tell if you’re being serious

J »

Uh? Yeah Im being serious? Lol tf

Why would they think hes hot 

They dont think Batman is hot 

« tim

o…kay…

huh.

how to… hmm

J »

Like nightwing sure

And the girls. Bc of objectification of women

« tim

oh wow

J »

Red Robin. If i had to guess

But when people see Hood its definitely not… that kind of response lol

« tim

what kind of response, exactly

J »

You know like saying “Hey Hood youre hot” 

« tim

oh, wow. 

okay. ummm

hmm. one sec.

J »

?

« tim

check your email 

J »

Ok…? 

J »

Oh my fucking god.

« tim

yeah

J »

Oh my god?

« tim

yeah

J »

This document is fucking 45 pages long?

« tim

its everything from the past 30 days yeah

J »

The past

Whaht the fuck

Ok some of these people definitely got hit by Poison Ivy.

This is . Tim wtf. I havent even heard of some of this stuff. 

« tim

oof are you on page 14

J »

Im on page 3???

« tim

oh my god

J »

What the fuck

Please please tell me its not like this for Batman too

Tim

« tim

its not like this for batman :)

J »

Ok. Jesus. I would genuinely have to move cities.

« tim

its worse :)

J »

Oh what the fuck

Oh my fucking god page 14.

You get this shit TEXTED to you?????

Ohm ygod. You read this?????

« tim

i mean

no

i glance at it

for security purposes.

i dont like, read it read it

anyway did you seriously not know? haha

J »

No??? Again its not like people tell me

« tim

yeah but

like

theres a certain level of objectivity involved, here

yknow

sorry im trying to find a non awkward way to be like “have you looked in a mirror lately” 

« tim

sorry

that was in fact awkward!

nvm

just let me know if you’d be ok with the tracker. its fine if not

i was mostly joking about the hacking

J (From Work) »

No you weren’t.

« tim

no i wasnt

i dont mind though. its like a brain teaser

anyway im going dark for patrol, later

*

J (From Work) »

[Screenshot Attached]

[Screenshot Attached]

[Screenshot Attached]

[Screenshot Attached]

[Screenshot Attached]

Question. why is the average Gotham citizen a raging horndog 

« tim

oh my god

you know i can tell you searched “red robin hot” right

J (From Work) »

Figured it was only fair

[Screenshot Attached]

This persons got some mad zoom lens skills

I’d think it was you, if it wasnt, yknow, you

« tim

wow. that is certainly a photo of my ass

…a stellar photo of my ass. wow. 

do you have a direct link? i gotta send this to steph

J (From Work) »

goctz.app/user/3824973/post/29348230df3

Haha

I kinda thought you and blondie broke up

back on again?

« tim

no lol we are very much just friends

she has a thing going with someone who shall remain nameless but suffice to say it’s Going

anyway we just send each other gocitizen vigilante ass shots 

its a whole genre

they’re like trading cards

J (From Work) »

Guess everyone’s got a hobby?

« tim

the only rule is no nightwing

J (From Work) »

Do I want to know why

« tim

he accounts for a frankly overwhelming percentage of vigilante ass shots

so its too easy

you’d THINK we’d have a no-batman rule, because ew, but due to the cape and his sixth sense for cameras pointed at him, a qualifying shot is actually extremely rare. 

← only guy who ever managed to take quality photos of batman 

anyway, we put it to a vote. i lost.

J (From Work) »

A vote between you and Steph? 

You lost a 50/50 vote?

« tim

i dont wanna talk about it.

J (From Work) »

Right. 

So what I’m getting from this is you have Red Hood ass shots in your phone.

« tim

no

J (From Work) »

No?

« tim

well

J (From Work) »

Yeah?

« tim

we don’t like, save them

that would be weird

we just notify each other. professionally, as colleagues 

and keep an ongoing points tally

thats all

so i do not currently have photos of your ass in my phone. thank you

J (From Work) »

How many points is my ass worth

« tim

i hate everything about this conversation

J (From Work) »

Its 100% your own fault, answer the question

« tim

if you must know. 

points are awarded based on a series of objective scoring criteria.

J (From Work) »

Uh huh. Like what

« tim

technical excellence

composition. lighting and color balance. 

dynamism 

J (From Work) »

Dynamism…

« tim

creativity

umm

emotional impact

and 

subject matter

J (From Work) »

I see.

« tim

ok i know it sounds bad

J (From Work) »

It sounds fucking hysterical Im near tears 

« tim

but if you think abou

oh

okay, well, great

J (From Work) »

I’ll let you know if I stumble on any more. 

Or is that cheating

« tim

its totally cheating

please do

J (From Work) »

You got it red. 👍

« tim

:)

[goldfades]

paige x reader texts!

(not my gif)

for my baby jojo! @wanderlusturous

notes: since i dont really know how to do those like screenshot ones, i decided to just do them manually cause it'd be easier LOL bare w me... also ignore how unaesthetic this post is

you’re taking forever to get ready, and paige is impatient

paige: Are you almost done?? you: beauty takes time baby paige: You’ve been “getting ready” for an hour you: and i will continue until i feel like the baddest in the room. u should support me paige: I do support you. I just don’t want to be late 😭 you: ok and? ur paige bueckers. they’ll wait. paige: That is NOT how this works 😭

--

you’re at one of paige’s games and she’s locked in

you: hi i love u play good 😘 paige: I’m literally about to play a game 😭 you: and? that should only fuel u. do it for me. paige: I always do 😏 you: god u r so in love w me it’s crazy paige: Stop texting me before Coach yells at me 😭

--

paige keeps sending you ugly selfies

paige:

you: girl what is this 💀 paige: It’s meeeeee you: no bc why is ur forehead taking up the whole screen paige: I was trying to show you my new pimple ☹️ you: well u succeeded. that thing is front and center paige: That’s mean ☹️ you: i’ll kiss it better later. but also u need skincare fr paige: …rude. but also what do I buy cause this Cerave shit isn't doing anything

--

paige left her fav hoodie at your place

paige: Can I get my hoodie back you: no ❤️ paige: What do you mean no?? It’s mine?? you: wrong. u left it here. it has transferred ownership paige: That’s not how this works you: i don’t make the rules. i just enforce them paige: You’re ridiculous you: and cozy 😌

--

paige woke up before you and is bored, while you need ur daily dose of insta reels

paige: Wake up you: no paige: I’m bored n ur just on tiktok 😭 you: sounds like a personal problem and it's literally insta reels paige: You are my girlfriend. It’s literally your job to entertain me. you: i do not recall signing up for this paige: Too late. Wake up. you: bribing me would work better js paige: I’ll buy you food you: ok bet

--

you caught paige staring at you when you guys are hanging out with friends

you: bro paige: ? you: why r u looking at me like that 😭 paige: Like what you: like u want to eat me paige: …I was just looking at you?? you: yeah with big heart eyes paige: Okay?? You’re literally my girlfriend?? you: sounds like a u problem tbh. i’m just here existing paige: And I’m just here admiring 🤷🏼‍♀️ you: softie

--

paige is flirting with you

paige: You looked really good today 😏 you: i always look good paige: Yeah but like… extra good you: oh? paige: Yeah you: so u admit u were staring paige: UHHHHHHH you: caught u slipping love

--

you’re mad at paige over something small

paige: Are you seriously still mad 😭 you: yes paige: It wasn’t even that serious you: IT WAS TO ME paige: You’re so dramatic omg you: don’t talk to me paige: What if I bring you snacks you: … paige: That’s what I thought you: ur lucky i love snacks

--

you’re making paige jealous on purpose

paige: Why are you talking to her so much?? you: oh? does someone feel threatened? paige: No. Just wondering why you’re talking to her THAT much. you: maybe i think she’s cute 😌 paige: Y/N. you: LMFAO NOT U USING MY FULL NAME paige: I’m serious 😒 you: baby i’m kidding. ur the only one i want paige: I hate you you: no u don’t 😘

--

paige is on a long roadie and is missing you

paige: I’m bored you: sounds like a u problem tbh paige: No, it’s a you problem bc I miss you you: oh paige: Yeah. Oh. you: ur kinda soft paige: Maybe you: i miss u too baby

[natsswife]

iris x fem!reader (nsfw, fluff) minors, cishet ppl DNI ill hunt yall down like shauna w mari

she gets the job DONE and managed to get u pregnant dont ask me how i wrote this while ovulating n listening to the giver by chappell, lesbianism is just that magic ok (sorry if theres some errors, english is not my first language and im not using a translator bc im tryna improve my C2 level frfr) cw: pregnancy, suggestive, iris is aware of what she is, my first time posting here im still learning how to put content warning so pls bear w me!!

⋆｡ the most sweetest wife ever, couldn't be more proud to have fulfilled your dream (and hers also)

⋆｡ you think it was impossible at first, after all shes just an AI companion, how can she push science limits just to accomplish one of your dreams right?

⋆｡ but your happiness is everything to her, even if she has to fight god and her own system herself to see you happy having a mini you and hers in your arms she will<3

⋆｡ at first you have to reassure her that you're happy even if she couldn't give you a baby, is not like you will love her less bc of that, you just thought that tiny human that is the living image of you and her is would be beautiful

⋆｡ but yk how is iris, she wont give up that easily so she’ll investigate by herself, searching on her tablet, digging in her own system how or what she can do to change something in her to fulfill your wish

⋆｡ and she DID!! but wont tell u until its done, she maintains daily checks on your cycle and wait until youre on your most fertile days, nd will accompany this be making you lots of drinks that benefit ur system, teas and juices full of vitamins that'll help your ovulation<3 

⋆｡ one night she makes your favorite dinner, you notice she has been more touchy and clingy these few days but you just cant figure what she wants:(!!

⋆｡ probably wants to try something new in bed or similar, and acc it wasn't far away from that!!

⋆｡ that same night she was the one who treated you like a princess, you could tell she was more delicate by the way her hands caressed your hips, how her wet lips kissed your lower stomach down to your pussy, taking her time giving sweet pecks to your clit before inserting her fingers 

⋆｡ she takes her sweet time down there before the real action starts, making you moan and squirt countless times like nothing before, you could swear something has changed in her, its not like she never pleased you like that, but this time was different.

⋆｡ it was the way her hands never stopped caressing your stomach, the way her eyes never left yours while her tongue worked wonders in your pussy, the way she kissed you with lust and love like it was gonna be the last time, like she has a purpose she needs to accomplish 

⋆｡ after that night you decided to just ask her what’s wrong, not like u wanted to complain for making you see stars, the milkyway and god itself in one night, but she was up to something and you needed to know what is it.

⋆｡ and thats how the sudden new left you in pure shock for a bit, u weren angry but rather shocked, how did she manage to hijack her system? was it even possible in the first place?

“dont worry my darling, i found the safest way to make it possible for both of us, arent you happy”

“well… yeah its- im i mean i’m amazed but HOW?”

“subtle changes in my system, i have managed to find a way to change things, it was rather easy since i am a companion model, set to accomplish my partners desires”

⋆｡ and with that the best months of your life came

⋆｡ it was shocking at first, especially when the blood test came out positive, when the first ultrasound showed a cute tiny baby size of pea, you could swear you heard iris sob a little when you heard their heartbeat, knowing there was an actual baby in there with their tiny hands, fingers, heart developing to become the most sweetest thing you both will have in your arms in some months.

⋆｡ as the months pass iris became more protective, she was always helping you with house chores before but now shes the one in charge of everything house-related, wont let u lift a single finger, and is there for anything you need.

⋆｡ will spend whole day if its possible kissing your belly, caressing and giving sweet kisses while talking to your baby, pleading them to move just a little bit so she can feel them

⋆｡ will prepare the most delicious meals full of vitamins to help you prepare for the breastfeeding

⋆｡ you got weirdass craving a 3 a.m but r too scared to go to the kitchen bc 3 a.m is the hour where the devil hangs around with their demons besties in everyone's house? dont worry iris there to prepare your super delicious sandwich which includes strawberry jam and lemon savored chips and why not also fight demons only for you<3 

⋆｡ shes even there when ur pregnancy hormones strikes and make u feel like the most sex deprived women where you only need her tongue licking your pussy and make you cum in 69 different positions till you feel pregnant again, doesn't matter, she will get the job done no matter what<3

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ｡˚

do not translate w/o permission, copy or use for ai training, train your useless brain instead<3

[911cameo]

I wanted to gatekeep this so bad as an idea because I’m certain this has probably been done before and I wanted to maintain the illusion that I was the first - ghost AU post scream 1 where Stu’s ghost is stuck with the Tube TV on his head. He can’t talk, but he can fuck with television/radio channels kinda like Bumblebee from transformers to talk, and sometimes with enough energy he can play clips on the screen, but it’s pretty broken so sometimes it’s hard to tell what he’s trying to play. The only thing he can play in full without much effort is Halloween 1978 bc that was the movie that was playing when sid pushed the TV over on him. Of course, the broken screen still makes it hard to watch though.

More AU info below the cut if you want to read it idk

He’s kinda like the Raiju from phasmophobia, he can mess with electricity, siphon currents from other devices to make it easier for him to talk/play things, he can cause power surges or things to randomly turn on and off.

Billy is more like a poltergeist, usually knocks things over or hides things when no one is looking, likes to make the occasional thing “levitate” to other people by just holding it. I think he probably managed to find one of the old Ghostface masks hidden in the Macher house and likes to hide it places that would freak Sidney or any other person out when they find it on accident, throw it away/put it in a drawer, and then find it somewhere else a few days later

Billy and Stu aren’t really “seen”, per se, they’re more like shadows in the corner of the eye, but if they’re standing by a mirror when someone looks at it they can be seen, and are visible in a lot of reflective surfaces.

There was a fanfic I read about while ago about Billy and Stu being ghosts tied to Sidney, figuring out their ghost powers n shit while messing with her but the ghost lore and story was pretty different from what I’m imagining I think.

Idk if any of yall have ever seen the show Ghosts (American or British version) I think Sidney probably has an accident where she almost dies - falls down the stairs, gets hit by a car, idk - and hits her head that causes her to be able to see and hear the ghosts. Idk if it would follow the rest of the scream plot where she goes to college and more scream killers try and get her ass, maybe things would progress up until the third movie (I don’t like any of them after the third movie I’m sorry), and Billy and Stu are either tied to her like in that fanfic and are forced to follow her around, or they’re tied to the Macher house and it comes into Sidney’s possession at some point.

Holy yap okay sorry if you read all that, idk if this is an original idea or not but I’d like to stay in the illusion that it is. I guess if someone wants to make content with this idea/au it’s free use, if this is an original idea then credit would be nice but if I’m just following a trend that idk exists then don’t bother. Anyways that’s my daily doodle bye

[chaaistained]

hazy fairy lights and the thought of schedules

me waking up in my kpop dr for a total of five seconds ..

.

.

.

i didn’t exactly go into this with the desire to wake up in a bedroom i’d only ever seen from one angle, in a picture, off of pinterest . i even started out this whole “process” feeling so desperate that i’m embarrassed to go into further detail but, we persevere —

the night before, i was plagued with insomniac anxieties, the fidgety kind, where your mind won’t sit still and your body thinks “hey! that’s a grand idea, let me do the same!” as if i’m not laying there in my bed, tempted to pull my hair out

i figured, what’s there to lose? like every other night, let’s give this another go, and i went to look at my screenshot of emma’s method (@hrrtshape — tysm lovely <3) and started trying to shift to my wr

the desired outcome of a mind bending epiphany, an almost destruction of the very construct of reality . that didn’t happen .. and truth be told, i found it hard to concentrate in general. but eventually i just kept telling myself that “this isn’t a chore, this a hobby, this is something i do for fun. i’ve done this [shifting] before, even if it was only for a few seconds, i can do it again” and i let my mind think about my daily routine and plans for my wr

after that, i don’t really remember falling asleep. i sorta wafted from dream to dream, mostly about my cr life — university, my high school best friend and our galentines plans, i had a weird panicky one about a chemistry test .. i haven’t taken chemistry since i graduated high school four years ago . but anyway apparently the body keeps the score.. yay us

i think what set me off into a more calming deep slumber was how my dream rippled from chemistry and science to literature, english, writing, and more specifically, editing — before i went to bed i was editing an upcoming fic i will be posting to my fic account (shameless plug : @yourislandgirl) and it was a drabble featuring enhypen’s jake, a kpop idol for those who don’t know ^.^

next thing i know, i hear a twinkling alarm, the kind of one that sounds like stars? not exactly the same as the standard iphone alarm sounds but, i remember it feeling familiar ??

i instinctively went to rub my eyes, expecting the usual crust and sleepiness only to find that they were relatively clear-ish (a point i make bcs i specifically scripted that i don’t get super crusty eyes bcs i hate it). it didn’t exactly hit me then, but i patted around my bed for my phone, snoozing the alarm, my eyes still closed as i took in a few deep breaths.

my room smelled like lavender . which is odd bcs i don’t have a room freshening spray in my cr, i rely on candles but wtv not the point, i don’t own a lavender mist .. but for some reason the only thought running through my head when i sighed out in relief, curling myself back under the sheets was “man . my rooms smells nice”

for your information i’m rolling my eyes at myself while i type this up bcs BITCH (directed at me) YOU SHIFTED

anyway, i kinda felt myself dipping in and out of consciousness, or at least that’s what i thought, bcs in actuality i think i was dipping BETWEEN consciousness’ — the cotton softness of my cr sheets was suddenly a smooth milky satin, and then it was cotton, and then satin, and it wasn’t until this hellscape of a cycle repeated itself for the third time, that i finally realised my surroundings were changing.

it was sort of like what being tipsy felt like, a little buzz in my head, my mind feeling fuzzy, like a pom pom . (that’s legitimately how my mind feels when i’m tipsy btw) and it was like my energy was rising slowly and then getting sapped out of me and then rising and falling

i think i was getting sick of it, and knowing me and my lack of patience, that totally tracks, so when i felt a bit more energy bloom inside, i took the chance to open my eyes. my only thoughts were “god i need to get up, i can’t keep laying here dreaming..”

and that’s when i saw it, the room of my kpop dr self, from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE — i saw a vanity, 80% of it filled with lip products which, again, totally tracks . there was a door open and a stepping stone path of clothes leading out of it, my wardrobe . guitar stands, one for an acoustic, one for an electric . a desk with a monitor and a laptop . i EVEN HAD ROOM FOR A BEANBAG COUCH IM SO JEALOUS

AND AND YA KNOW WHAT SUCKS . IT WAS SO NORMAL?? I KEPT BLINKING TRYING TO WAKE MYSELF UP

my mind was like “ . . . huh”

and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS MIND FUCK — all i could stare at were the strings of fairy lights going along the edge of my ceiling, little stars and diamonds, they gave off a warm golden glow and as i laid there with silk soft hair and skin so smooth i can’t believe i didn’t notice when i touched my face . my brain had the AUDACITY to go “oh fuck . i’ve got to record something today. …(sigh) and rehearse”

LIKE- THATS NOT SMTH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT GIRLYPOP??!!)?)!?,?!

i swear- i swear to you guys . i’m appalled at myself

because i just HAD to think abt something important something tiring, something like my DAILY SCHEDULES BCS THEN

I CLOSED MY EYES AGAIN AND FELT LIKE EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WAS BEING PULLED OUT OF ME

and then i woke up here. again.

my hair was drier, and so was my skin, my eyes were crusty and sleepy, my pillows were comfy but nothing could compare to the marshmallow cloud of comfort that were my kpop dr pillows.

i sat up, stretched, cracked all my joints, went straight for my phone and started to doomscroll . like it was some coping mechanism or something. my mind kept going : “that was a dream. that was just a dream. man what a VIVID dream. yeah, that’s it chaai, you had a vivid dream, you’ve always had vivid dreams, that’s your thing! (true story) that’s all this was…”

but, and i swear you can’t make this shit up, it all felt NORMAL , creepily normal. usually in a dream you’re like “ah yes, i’m dreaming, i can’t exactly wake up right now bcs i’m enjoying this dream, but i know i’m dreaming”

no, no, this quote unquote dream, felt like those sleepy mornings when the world feels slow, when the simplicity of the small rays of morning sunlight coming through your window feel cinematic, when you want to close your eyes and keep taking in gentle deep breaths, hold off on getting up, just for five more minutes.

that’s what it felt like.

i didn’t know i was dreaming bcs i wasn’t dreaming. i was just waking up to a dream, as my reality.

and honestly, another factor is how my mind immediately went to the events of my day, a CLASSIC trope in yours truly. honestly nothing is more on brand than me being like “(sigh) life feels so soft and sweet right now .. alright now let’s cause myself a mini panic attack by thinking about my responsibilities for the day and how many there are and how little time i have to complete everything, isn’t that fun???!?”

finally, my energy levels, that thing i mentioned earlier? about how i’d feel the strength grow and decline over and over again? those five seconds i had in my kpop dr were tiring and drowsy, but not lethargic, they weren’t draining, they weren’t exhausting. i had some energy in me .. and when i closed my eyes, it felt like i was being drained, and i woke up here and felt like i had the life torn out of me and then forced back in. as embarrassing as this sounds, i actually think it “proves” this shift a bit more — logically speaking, i’m more fit, more toned, more active in my kpop dr, where my career is hugely based on my skill levels, as a dancer and singer and performer, where an asset in my job is my appearance, and how i keep myself in shape .. i don’t have to worry about those things here, i don’t have the strength or flexibility or just straight up energy that i do in that reality.. i guess it didn’t hit me, how much difference there would be in my physicality, until this shift

so , yeah. that about sums it up

i think i would have benefitted from grounding myself. and i’m 99% sure i’ll face this problem again bcs i can’t even ground myself in this reality let alone another, mostly bcs i don’t want to, (life’s just so much lighter when your head’s in the clouds .. this is very unhealthy, i do not recommend)

but, for the five seconds that it lasted, it was honestly worth it. my room looked splendid, it was spacious, it was not messy (no matter what dr-self tells you), it was instead, aesthetically chaotic in a pleasing way . and i stand by that

but those fairy lights… mf they’ll be haunting my dreams, ghostly and golden and glorious, i can see them so clearly if i close my eyes.

anyway, here’s to more shifts to come !! i’m not giving up just yet, i WILL get back there, or any other dr for that matter, and i wish you all a happy shifting experience <33

bcs trust me, it took me five years to get five seconds, but in those five seconds i felt a whole 16 years of life in me, i felt a definitive existence there, like i had places to be, people to see, things to do. and i hadn’t even sat up in bed yet ..

this shit is real. it’s as real as you reading this right now. and i’m gonna keep trying, even if all i get next time is another five seconds. and i hope you try with me ≈

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chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

2025 © chaaistained

[phagodyke]

I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚

[scariffs]

clark kent (superman) with feminine, photographer!reader. sfw. clark kent & photographer!reader hcs <3 just smth cute bc i posted lex yesterday. + masterlist.

clark kent who fell first and fell hard for you. the two of you are introduced to each other by lois on a cloudy wednesday. he can still recall the way your eyebrows raised when he applied just a little too much pressure to your handshake. “welcome to the daily planet,” he’d said, trying his best not to stumble on his words. it wasn’t that you were cool nor was it that you were attractive (though you definitely are both) that caught his attention in the moment. it was your eyes. clark’s almost embarrassed to admit it was love at first sight for him.

whenever you can, you slide onto the edge of kent’s desk, your shins brushing against his knee as you show him your latest pictures of superman. you’ve been indulging him ever since you first learned of his fondness for the kryptonian hero. “this one’s blurry… mm, that one’s not so good — but look at this one,” you murmur to him, keeping your voice low so you don’t disturb anyone actually working. of course, clark leans in as much as he can, looking at himself on your screen. he compliments the photo just to see you smile about it, then wonders if your smile could be his one day.

you have a bad habit of getting a little too close to danger for the sake of getting good photos. you take your rivalry with jimmy rather seriously, after all! fortunately for you, whenever you fall from a ledge you’re not supposed to be on or when you’re about to be snatched up by a creature roaming the streets, superman tends to swoop in and save you. “i’m starting to think you’re doing this for my attention,” he teases you one day, flying you to the closest rooftop after you nearly got crushed by some beast. your cheeks flush and you deny it. “next time i see you, you better be in a safe spot, alright? i wouldn’t want you getting hurt,” he says, smiling at you before flying back into action.

superman who occasionally catches you amongst the other photographers crowding around him after yet another save. he turns from whatever his focus was on, ditching it in favor of making his way over to you. “i trust you stayed somewhere safe this time?” he asks, chuckling. you nod and he smiles, “atta girl.” he pats your shoulders and even poses for your photos. then, it’s back to the skies for superman. the interaction is nothing more than friendly, probably. still, everyone (including you) wonders: what’s between you and superman?

clark kent who’s amazed that you can be so cool, even around superman. you were amazed for maybe the first two interactions. then you just treated him normally. you treated him like you treat clark: like a friend. mostly just a friend, anyways. every now and then you seem to flirt a bit with both **clark kent and superman, which leaves clark confused on what you want: the big, strong hero that flies around or the dorky guy from the daily planet?

clark kent who you sometimes talk about jimmy to. he gets jealous, just a little, at how much of your attention jimmy occupies. to be fair, he also gets a little jealous about how close you and lois are. every time kent’s feeling a little green with envy, though, he just reminds himself that in this moment, you chose him to talk to. it makes him feel special, and not in the “alien from another planet” way but in the “special because someone likes him” way.

on the rare nights where you both decide to stay and work late, you always buy chinese takeout to split while working. while you’re working, you’re at your desk and he’s at his. but when the food arrives? you guys roll your chairs together and dish out the food between yourselves, knees bumping knees and chair wheels knocking against chair wheels. “uh uh,” you hum out as clark reaches for the one eggroll. he complains that you got the eggroll last time — you counter saying you ordered the food — he objects, saying he would’ve ordered if he’d known you’d take the one complimentary eggroll — eventually the two of you decide to split it. “y’know,” you begin, covering your mouth as you munch on your half of the eggroll, “i like working late with you. it’s always fun.” kent’s heart damn near bursts from his chest.

clark kent who always seems to fall for your “rage-bait”. he’s barely sure of what the term means, only that you and jimmy say “least obvious ragebait” every now and then when talking to each other. you’ll sarcastically say something in support of the supershit hashtag and then have to explain to a pouty kent that you’re only joking.

clark kent who likes all your instagram stories because he’s never in his life heard of subtlety. he likes yoru selfies, your landscape shots, your breakdowns on close friends: everything. when you ask why, he just claims to be your biggest fan. “i thought you were superman’s biggest fan,” you joke, to which kent grins and replies, “i can be both. trust me.”

lois lane & guy gardner with photographer!reader are coming soon. prob after my challengers rush (so sometime next week?). i felt obligated to post this for my double post tonight just bc i can’t let lex live for long. idk what else to say here… do u think anyone in the superman movie has a thing for milfs? might have to write that if anyone has thoughts/opinions. i like milfs, i think they’re swag.

[alanisstonedd]

hey pookiee, can you tell us how marine!rafe & reader met?

YES. yes i can love. got a tad bit carried away 🙂‍↕️ ANDDDDD lets get into this marine!rafe lore:

not proofread so plz excuse errors yall lmfao

first thing, both rafe and reader went to kildare county hs. you were good friends with kie, and dabbled in the same circle sometimes, often running into rafe during parties they all went to, or when sarah invited you & kie over to tanny hill.

and actually lets back up even more bcs - marine!rafe is not a kook. if anything hes a mutt like kie. ward had humble beginnings yk, being the son of a clue collar man - his father, who took over cameron construction co from HIS father. they mostly did framework, structural work, and remodeling for businesses and houses on the cut but the work was amazing quality so they were a very quickly growing name. still, ward grew up on the cut and started raising the kids there.

but fast forward, ward eventually takes over and decides to expand into all interior work, all exterior work, decks & patios, custom woodwork, honestly whatever you can think of - but advertised to the rich tourists and families on figure 8 and stuff. they started RAKING in cash from that expansion and ward decided to build a house on figure 8 like rose always wanted - tanny hill!

NOW, i think you and rafe essentially had a slow burn situation. y'all would sit and talk the whole night at bonfire parties, barely putting a dent in your drinks. for some reason your class schedules were always in synch, leisurely walking each other to the next one, rafe trying to make you laugh every the whole way. y'all would accidentally rendezvous in the kitchen while at you were hanging at tanny hill, sarah and kie rolling their eyes at the giggles carrying all the way into her room.

rafe quickly developed a very intense crush, thanking whatever power made your schedules 95% the same, spending the rest of his time watching you from afar. he just never worked up the courage to act, convinced you'd never be as interested in a regular dude like him. his daily routine consisted of class, then work with his dad until the evening, after that probably linking up with barry or john b & friends™ for a beer. he felt like he had nothing to offer you besides his expert ability to fix just about anything, some wildflowers he keeps in his truck specifically because they remind you of him, and every last piece of of his heart.

chile.. little did he know you were just as in love. just a little self conscious is all. mkay maybe a lot? look, he already had a full sleeve and a half by junior year... not to mention his pierced ears, and the sexiest working man hands you'd ever seen. he BEEN fine, you just knew he was experienced and stuff, definitely not interested in a regular girl like you. so you watched him from afar... you could identify the rumble of his truck from at least a few miles away

he would come to visit you when you got your first job at the wreck. posting up at the bar, pretending to do homework, or catching up with john b & friends™. thats kind of when you started to catch what he was throwin down. the alcohol available loosened him up a lil bit, almost getting you fired from how much y'all would talk.

from behind the bar you had a front row seat to the way he looked at you, feeling hot like you were shoved under a spotlight. that didn't stop him from getting even closer though, behind the bar helping you clean up by the end of the night. your hands would brush, too focused on the dishes, and it was electric - so burning hot you both had to take a beat before getting back to it.

but by the time senior homecoming came around you had fully blossomed, more and more confident by the day, even finer by the hour. so even though you scared the hell out of him, he was willing to shoot his shot thinly veiled by asking you to the event. he planned and planned, wanting to make it so special for you - he was gonna cover his truck bed in your wildflowers and candles, back it up to the beach at sunset, complete with a basket of your favorite snacks and a lengthy heartfelt note asking you to be his date and confessing his feelings...

just his luck though - as quickly as could blurt out his idea to sarah and kie, they awkwardly informed him that some fucker beat him to it. showed up at the wreck after school to ask you with no flowers and a delivery like asking for the math homework. he was lowkey devastated. feeling defeated after the glimmer of hope he let himself have. even thought he did feel the slighest bit better after kie & sarah let it slip that you were NOT into dude, and were less than thrilled that you couldn't go with your girls.

he busies himself with work on homecoming night, selfishly making a quick trip to the island club - where he knew homecoming was in full swing - to grab some plans for their new outdoor edition.... and see if he could check on you. pulls up in his truck to the sight of you perched on the from steps, looking unmoved by the highly anticipated event.

he strolls over to take a seat next to you, softly admitting how beautiful you look. and before you know it you're in the passenger seat of his F-150 backing up to the beach - just in time for the last breathtaking swatch of sunset. he opens your door and carries you around to the bed, not wanting your dress to "get all dirty and stuff".

you tell him about how horrible your fake date was, and he laughs, calling the dude a dipshit and sheepishly confessing that he might've wanted to ask you, fully expecting you to chuckle back. but to his surprise you turn to him and smile, softly admitting how much more you would've enjoyed that. y'all have ur first kiss in that truck bed, snuggled up watching the sunset, just talking like you always do

i reckon from that moment on y'all were inseparable..... at least until you went off to college at the end of the summer. it was tragic, lots of crying. he felt like he lost the only part of him that mattered - so he told ward he was joining the army.

he told you he was leaving of course but it was a somber conversation - y'all already knowing how little contact was in the future for you both. y'all were so young, so much life a ahead of you - promising that if fate ever brought you both back together you'd listen. and sure enough, what felt like a lifetime later, it did.

he'd been back home on leave, same ol' same ol', long days with his dad at the construction company. he was sitting at the bar at the wreck one evening when that same electric feeling hit him like a right hook. you walked in with kie & his sister, first day back home after graduating, doing some much needed catching up.

you told the girls to go on, and sat next to him, sparking up a conversation like y'all were back in highschool. he told you he was leaving on deployment soon so the two of you spent as much time as you could together before he left, no acknowledgement of the tension between you both. he left feeling better than he had in long time, rejuvenated by the time he spent with you even if y'all weren't together.

last thing he thought he'd see when he touched back down at fort bragg, was you in that damn sundress, clutching two miller lites, aviators perched on your cute nose. thats when he knew there was no more ignoring this.

©  alanisstonedd 2025 — do not steal, plagiarise, or modify my content.

hope y'all liked this! likes and reblogs and all the rest much appreciated!!!

xoxo, lana 💋💋💋

[sxorpiomooon]

Who from your past is still thinking about you? A pac reading

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Pile 1-

For most of you these are the people that you've left behind physically as in these are people from your hometown and this is very cute all the visions that I'm having and the cards that I'm seeing they all miss you very much. I think they think that you are making your family proud or there's something about building your own legacy too i heard "go kylie go" and "build your own legacy" these are all the people that you've had to leave in order to go make your dreams come true and they understand it I keep hearing that one tiktok audio that goes "i know these will all be stories someday" and dorothea is playing in my head. Aw they really do love you and miss you "just know that you can always come back to us". Very cute

Pile 2-

They really hate your ass the first card I pulled and I started cheering and shit bc these are the cards that I'm looking forward to pull lmao. They really were pissed you truly pissed them off and I think the funniest part is you weren't even trying to do so but it just happened. I think these might be connections that you guys tried to rebond or get connected to again but didn't work out or they are going to try to reach out to you asking for forgiveness. OH MY GOD I THINK FOR SOME OF YOU ITS YOUR EX I HEARD SITUATIONSHIP OR SOMETHING AND THEY ARE GONNA COME BACK. It's honestly up to you but the cards are very straightforward in telling me that they will not follow through with whatever they are going to say. This person is jus lazy tbh.

Pile 3-

This is a friend that you drifted apart from not over some petty drama or fued but you both just got busy. They still check up on you tho I see via social media checking your posts asking mutual friends for updates this is a female friendship this person might have been someone you went to school with or someone you saw on a daily to daily basis and then went out of touch with. This sort of reminds me of that nana audio and I think they'd love to meet you again haha