#but i have the homosexual confidence that i will be able to

[quil12]

I have been running through the Abandoned Factory in P2 IS for like 4 hours now - not because I'm trying to find a specific demon - but because I'm trying to contact all the demons in the game with Jun and Taysuya to find out which of them are homophobic

[magics-neptunes-things]

Celebrity Crush

Hi guys!

This is a new one, but it's kind of a suit from this story. A bonus chapter, I don't know how we can call it.

I hope you will like it :)

TW : Ona Batlle being perfect as ever.(I'm so in love)

Summary : You're a worldclass singer in an interview after you left your group because your manager and staff were asshole.

Enjoy!

______________________________________________________________

After leaving your group's separation, you quickly felt better. The depression that awaited you flew away like a cloud of smoke once the stress and pressure that were constantly on your shoulders stopped existing. Even when you were on trial against your old record company, your former bosses and manager, you felt good. Because even if you ended up paying millions, it meant you were free again. And that, in your eyes, was priceless.

You must also admit that being able to be with your girlfriend on a daily basis is probably the main reason for your well-being. Ona has always been the most important person in your life and since your return to Barcelona, you have trouble being separated from her. You gladly accompany her to her training sessions and you will also happily get her when she has finished. You go to each of her games as well, even if they are on the other side of Spain or in another country. You have so much time to catch up and your wear your jersey with her name with pride.

You were afraid at first that having you around all the time would end up bothering Ona, but she seems as happy to have you back as you are. At first, you didn’t know what to do while the footballer was training, so you cleaned up your house. As the days passed, you started composing and playing music again, for fun. Your apartment may no longer shine like a mint, but it has the advantage that your housekeeper stops staring at you when you don’t put their products in the right place.

It's only two years later that you decide to release a music album, entirely produced by you. You don’t want to experience the same kind of problems as before and you’ve decided that you’re never better served than by yourself. The songs are mostly love songs related to Ona to be fair.

When you looked for musicians, you asked the guys but only Ricardo agreed. You didn’t blame the other two, even if you now use the thing to annoy them when you see them again and you start bickering like fifteen year olds.

You choose your interviews yourself and it's you who plans your concert schedules, arranging to place them at times or places that don't make you miss any match of Ona. It's sometimes more difficult for her to come see you in concert, but these being the same each time, you don't hold it against her. You have an agent, though, who is no one but your big brother, who you have complete confidence in, and who knows how to be a watchdog when it comes.

After dropping Ona off at practice today, you head to the centre of Barcelona for an interview. You initially hesitated before accepting, but when sold to you as a way to also talk about homosexuality that is forced to hide in the music world, you quickly accepted.

"Drive carefully. I will try to listen to you" Ona promised before kissing you tenderly caressing your cheek.

"All right. Be careful Onita."

Ona smiled at you and left the car, not without kissing you one more time when you whines when you saw her leaving your car.

The report that is broadcast before your interview attracts all your attention and you are happy that the subject is approached in this way. The way they educate young people on the subject also pleases you very much. During the ad page and the beginning of your interview, you send a quick message to Ona and your mother, telling them that the interview will soon begin.

The headphones on your ears, you smile at the journalist who is interviewing you. She is a well-known and respected journalist in Spain and you are happy that she is the one doing your interview.

"So Y/N, hello! How are you?"

"I’m fine thank you and you?" you answer with a smile.

"Well, I’m glad you’re here."

You smile and nod. She informed you that the interview was being filmed to be broadcast online on the radio’s website, but don’t forget that most people can’t see you. So you also thank her orally.

After discussing the report and general views, she gently guides the discussion on your own case, as agreed. You naturally asked Ona’s permission to talk about her before accepting the interview.

"And so in your case, it was your record company at the time that prohibited you from mentioning your girlfriend?"

"Yes. In truth, I was not allowed to talk about my homosexuality at all. It was the record company that started releasing subtle information to make the fans believe that something was going on between Juan and me"

"And you were already with your girlfriend when it all started?"

"We’ve been together since we were 17 and I’ve never kept the truth from them" you shrug your shoulders.

"It must have been hard for you, but also for her, I guess."

You swallow nervously, the difficult moments through which you passed coming back in memory. Playing nervously with your fingers, you quickly shift your attention to your interlocutor.

"Very. Honestly, I’m very lucky that she stayed. Many other people would have given up on me I think."

The reporter smiles at you before moving on to another question. You knew this kind of moment would come and you were prepared. But that doesn’t mean it’s nice to talk about it anyway.

"I can see people reacting to what you said and some people find it unbelievable that your former employers have not managed to separate you" she comments looking at a screen next to her.

"Oh, actually they almost succeeded. But that’s precisely when I decided to stop everything. I could see my life without music, but I couldn’t see my life without Ona" you say timidly while smiling.

The journalist smiles back at you and winks at you before grabbing a small pile of cards next to her.

"Thank you for your sincerity. Now a quick round of questions on anything and everything, all our guests come through. Are you ready?"

"Ready" you answer, a little more relaxed.

You laugh softly when she throws a jingle, before you ask the first question.

"What is your favorite season?"

"Summer" you answer. The summer break would be fairer, considering Ona’s busy schedule.

"Your favorite food?"

"The fideua of my mother-in-law, sorry Mama I love you"

"If you had to live in a city other than Barcelona, which one would it be?"

You give yourself a few seconds to think, quickly listing the places you know in your head.

"Um… Maybe Palma de Mallorca"

An hour’s flight from your families, the little island is a place you enjoy. So why not. In addition, you need the sun to live properly. Even if you enjoy London, you don't see yourself living there permanently.

"Real Madrid or FC Barcelona?"

"Barcelona, obviously" you answer with a smile.

"The first thing you do in the morning, only the answers that can be listened by our youngest ears are allowed" jokes the journalist, making you laugh.

"Turn off my girlfriend’s alarm clock I guess"

You never understood how Ona got up and got to practice on time during your absence. She never hears the sound of her alarm clock.

"Ok and last question. Who is your celebrity crush? Ban to mention Ona's name"

You laugh again and roll your eyes.

"Okay then… The Number 22 of Fc Barcelona Femini is kind of cute" you answer with malice, mentioning Ona's number.

It makes the journalist laugh and you smile while shrugging your shoulders before answering.

"What? You saw my girlfriend? There’s no way I’d mention another name"

This is where the interview ends and you warmly thank the whole team for their kindness. After posing for a photo for their social networks, you still stay with them to talk a little bit. At this time, Ona is probably coming home, Salma having offered to bring her back for once since you were not sure to arrive on time.

When you go out, some fans are waiting for you and you take a few minutes to talk to them, sign autographs or take pictures. When you finally get to your car, you answer Ona’s message that she is home to tell her that you are coming too.

"I’m home mi Amor!"

Ona appears smiling in the entrance after a few seconds and you don't hesitate to pass your arms around her to squeeze her against you. It’s only been a few hours but it’s pretty incredible how much you missed her. You smile while feeling the comforting smell of her shampoo and smile even more when she drops kisses in the hollow of your neck.

"How was the training?" you ask her while playing with her long hair.

"Very good. Only three games left and we’re on vacation"

You smile and nod. Barcelona are already sure to win the championship and you saw their third straight victory in the Champions League a few weeks before.

"I can’t wait"

You have already planned your vacation, three weeks under the sun of Hawaii. You know how tired Ona is and you intend to do everything possible so that she can recover properly. What she doesn’t know is that you plan to propose to her there and that almost everything is already organized.

Ona turns you away from the last details you have to do by putting her lips on yours, waking the butterflies in your stomac.

"Come, I ordered food. I took sushi as I didn't know what time you would arrive"

"It’s perfect" you assure her, letting her train you in your kitchen by the hand. "Like you" you add with a smirk, lightly squeezing her bum.

Ona laughs and turns around to face you and put her arms around your neck.

"What a sweat talker and a charmer" she whispers against your lips before kissing you again, making you shiver.

"I’m so in love with you it’s disgusting" you smirk a few minutes later when you’re sitting in front of your plate.

"Oh yeah? Well it seems to me that you also appreciate the number 22 of FC Barcelona?"

Sitting in front of you, Ona has eyes that sparkle with mischief and you laugh by pointing with one of your sticks.

"You can’t blame me. She’s amazing."

[agent-leighreid]

BAU TEAM MEMBERS...

...BEING JEALOUS OVER YOU

-Part one of two

-f!reader

-!!TW!! Mentions of rape and murder. Sexual innudenos.

-Y/n (Your name)

-Y/l/n (Your last name)

-Written in Y/n's POV (unless mentioned otherwise)

-Part one of two includes Emily, Hotch and Spencer.

-Part two of two includes, Derek, JJ and Garcia.

EMILY PRENTISS

"Okay Morgan, she's going to a Nightclub tonight, scouting for another victim no doubt..I need you to-"

"Charm? No problem Hotch, it's in my blood." Derek said, a smirk tugging at his lips.

I rolled my eyes, playfully hitting his shoulder. He chuckled, swatting me away, I raised my hand to attempt to 'hit' him again, but before I could continue, Garcia was calling in.

"Go ahead Garcia" Hotch said, putting it on speaker.

"A little birdy told me, that my Morgan is going undercover at a nightclub to flirt with an unsub?" she questioned.

"Don't worry baby, you're still my number one girl.." Derek spoke, smiling.

I glanced up at Emily and saw her smile, radiant as ever. She met my eyes and if I didn't look away, those pools of perfection would've had mine locked in place forever.

"Oh I had no doubt about that!" Garcia's response brought me back into orbit. "But that's not my issue, sugar" she said.

"What is it Garcia?" Hotch asked, growing slightly impatient.

"Our unsub is a lesbian." she stated.

Everyone's eyebrow raised, and through the corner of my eye I saw Emily look up at me.

"That explains her victimology, could be surrogates for an ex, or a girl who never liked her back.." JJ said.

"Or she could be acting out on her internalised homophobia" Reid suggested. "She grew up Catholic right? Recently Catholic churches have reached out to LGBT members to offer support..but that wouldn't have been the case for her growing up, most likely her parents tried to take her to therapy or they might've even tried to exorcise the homosexuality out of her..she's been manipulated into thinking who she is is evil, and wrong when in actuality she was just never accepted." he said. "Murdering these women is a way of killing that part of herself that no one, not even God, had been able to rid her of. She's trying to compensate for her so called “sins”. "

A small wave of silence washed over the room in the police precinct.

"Well, Y/l/n? Prentiss? Which of you is happy to do it?" Hotch asked, as Derek sadly sat back down.

Again, another small wave of silence until I grew confident and spoke up. "I'll do it." I said.

Yes, I was voluntarily putting myself in harms way but..

Number 1, it's my job

And Number 2, I can show Em I'm not just for the gentlemen.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah, we gotta catch this bitch right? And plus, I match the victimology better.." I responded, glancing up at the crime scene photos, my stomach sinking slightly.

"Okay, let's get ready" He said, walking off.

I was given a black satin dress, running from my shoulders to just above my knees. It had lace sleeves and was pretty thin. I shivered as I stepped out of the toilet that I changed in, my given high heels clicking along the floor of the precinct as I walked. While I never wore high heels, they weren't that hard to get used to.

(A/n: that's a fucking lie they're the worst shoes to ever be invented. Torture. And for what?)

I entered back into the room that we were set up in, whiteboards with speculations filling up the space and paperwork littering the desks.

I placed the handbag I was also given on one of the desks, putting my gun and badge inside.

A wolf whistle pulled me from my thoughts as the rest of the team walked in. The whistle came from Derek as he walked in smiling, Emily not far behind him, glaring in his direction. The rest of the team followed close behind, and we went over the plan.

Hotch and Morgan would also be in the nightclub watching over me and the unsub, while Emily, JJ, Spencer and Rossi, along with a number of officers from the police station, waited in SUV's outside. Watching through CCTV and listening through shared ear pieces.

The team got ready and walked out to the SUV's, the cold air hitting me like a brick; the dress wasn't exactly the thickest material in the world. I stopped in my tracks and folded my arms, feeling goosebumps.

"Want my jacket, Y/l/n?" Emily asked, coming up behind me, her warm hand placed gently on the small of my back.

My eyes met hers and I had to thank the city lights for hiding the blush that flushed onto my face.

"Oh, are you sure?" I asked, proud of my voice for staying steady.

"Of course! And hey, it goes with the dress.." she said, draping it over my shoulders as she looked me up and down, before entering one of the SUV's.

I had no idea if I fantasised that last part, but by the way Derek smirked at me while he walked past, wiggling his eyebrows as he followed Emily into the SUV, told me that I didn't.

I got into the other SUV, and we drove to the Nightclub.

I walked inside, music blaring in my ears, making them ache slightly. I glanced over the room and walked to the bar after JJ telling me she was there. I spotted her, and slowly approached the bar.

She sat fiddling with the little umberella in her drink.

"Can I just grab a lemonade please?" I asked the bartender.

The unsub watched me from her seat as I turned to face the dance floor, my arms resting on the bar.

"You not a drinker?" She said, initiating conversation.

Play it cool, Y/n.

"Me? Oh..nah." I said, turning in her direction.

The bartender slid me the lemonade.

"Thank you" I said, digging through my handbag for the money.

The unsub layed her hands on mine, stopping me from looking.

"Let me get this for you." she smiled.

I smiled "...oh, thank you" I said, my tone steady.

"It's no problem, why don't you drink?" The unsub asked, leaning toward me a little.

"Oh...my dad was an alcoholic.." I admitted to her, sheepishly looking down at my lemonade.

"Ugh, Dad's. Don't you hate them" she said, moving one of her legs on top of the other. "Or just...men in general.."

I saw Hotch a few feet down the bar, eyeing us up. "Yup.." I said, popping the 'p'.

"So many treat thier daughters terribly.." she said, taking another sip of her drink.

I didn't respond, but held my gaze.

"I bet I could treat you better.." she said, rubbing her high heel along my calf. "So much better than any man.."

My eyebrow arched as I copied her earlier move of leaning toward her.

"Oh yeah? How would you do that?" I asked, lightly biting the straw of my drink.

She smiled, her eyes growing hungry.

"Firstly.." she started, getting up off the stool.

EMILY'S POV

"Firstly.." she got up off her stool and took another step closer to Y/n.

"I'd show you how much of a princess you are.." she said, running her tongue along her teeth.

"Ew." I said, audibly. JJ, Spencer and Rossi drew their faces away from the computer and looked at me.

"What?" I asked. They said nothing and returned back to watching the unsub, while my eyes darted back to Y/n again.

"What then?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Oh then?" the unsub replied. "You'll just have to wait and see..." she said, paying with the lace of Y/n's sleeves.

I felt my heart leap into my throat.

"Can we go in already?" I asked, impatiently.

"Morgan and I are slowly etching toward them, be ready." Hotch replied.

I let out a breath and made sure my gun was loaded.

"Oh alright Y/l/n.." I heard JJ say, her eyebrows were raised, she sounded impressed.

I looked up from my gun "What?" I asked.

She pointed to Y/n just in time for me to see her tucking in some of the unsub's hair behind her ear.

The grimace on my face was painfully obvious, but I didn't care. I felt my chest roaring with flames of....I don't know what. Watching Y/n like that with someone else just didn't sit right with me. Maybe it was the fact that she was an unsub.

I watched the screen and saw the unsub pouring something in Y/n's drink, Y/n's vision blocked by the unsub's hand that she placed on her face.

"Hotch!?" I questioned, already making my way out of the SUV.

"I saw it, go." he responded.

"Already at the door."

Y/N'S POV

I heard her crush something in my drink, and my smile grew as I masked the slight fear creeping in.

"You're so beautiful" she said, stroking my cheek.

I giggled and reached inside my bag, pulling out my gun. "You're not, F.B.I" I said.

She turned to lose me in the crowd, but was met with Hotch right behind her. Morgan, JJ, Reid, Rossi, the police and Emily all filtered through the party goers, with thier guns pointed at our unsub.

The crowd of clubbers dispersed, some running out of the club, others huddling and watching from the sides.

She huffed putting her hands up. Emily holstered her gun and forcefully pushed down the unsub's arms, tightening the handcuffs around her wrists. "You're under arrest for the murder of 4 women, you have the right to remain silent-"

"I know my rights!" the unsub spat.

"Let's hope you do." Emily replied, shoving her toward a police officer to escort her to a cruiser.

I watched her leave, standing at the bar.

Emily turned to me, placing her hand gently on my elbow. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice soft.

I looked to her and smiled. "Yeah, I'm good" I smiled.

She looked down at my drink, the powder still visible. "I was scared you were gonna take another sip.." she admitted.

My heart fluttered. "I heard her crush it.." I said sheepishly.

"Crush it?" She asked.

"Yeah, it must've been like a pill or something..I don't know" I said.

Emily met my eyes again, her pupils dilating as she took in my features.

"Actually pills are pretty hard to crush, unless it was specifically made, she would have struggled to crush it without atleast looking like she was trying to. She may have snapped the pill if it had a casing on it but I don't think that's what we're dealing with. Due to how packed the powder is within a pill, a human's finger strength isn't enough to crush it how you thought she would have. Have you ever tried to crush an egg with just one hand? It's basically the same thing-"

"Reid.." Morgan smiled.

"Yeah?" he asked. Morgan just shook his head.

Reid looked back at Emily and I and noticed how neither of us were processing the information he was giving, we were just looking in each other's eyes. We were staring at one another a little too long to just be friends.

"Oh.."

AARON HOTCHNER

Was flirting with my boss unprofessional? Yes.

Was I certain I was one lip bite away from getting fired? Also yes.

Did I care? That's another story.

I sat next to Morgan on the jet as we ran through what we had and attempted to get as much information about the unsub as possible before landing in Detroit.

"Well this guy surely isn't organized, his work is sloppy. It's like he doesn't care about getting caught" Hotch said.

"But evidences suggest that he is organised. He's taken forensic countermeasures to ensure we can't ID him..." Rossi spoke from his seat.

"Well...I wouldn't care if it was you taking me into custody either, Hotchner." I said, looking up at him and smiling.

He licked his lips, staying slient. "Morgan, Reid, go the crime scene. Rossi, Prentiss and JJ, talk to the victim's families..see what you can gather. Y/l/n, you're with me at the station." he said.

"Alright Hotch! Friendly remarks aren't a crime now are they?" I asked, holding up my hand sin defence.

"If you're not careful they will be, and plus..they were hardly friendly.." he said, walking off to sit in his seat.

"He loves it really." I say to the rest of the team, as they either hid thier smiles or unshamefully giggled at my antics.

We landed in Detroit and separated, each of us leaving for where Hotch wanted us to go, of course, he kept me by his side. Can't help it can he?

"So are we just gonna set up and wait for the others?" I asked, walking to our given room at the precinct.

"No, not exactly. The Detriot Police already have a suspect in custody.." He said, nodding toward the interrogation room.

"And you were gonna tell the team when exactly?" I asked, looking through the glass.

"They know, I had Garcia notify them as they made their way to where they needed to be. You and I, are gonna crack this guy. Even if he didn't kill and rape those 3 women...he's got something on him.." He said.

I raised my eyebrow. "Let me guess, I should be the one to talk to him?" I said, tilting my head slightly.

Hotch stepped closer to me. "Steven Oaks. He's a typical Alpha Male, one who doesn't lack dominance, he's unlikely to talk with someone a bit too...similar." he said.

I matched his movements and turned to face him too. "So what are you saying, Hotch? You afraid your “Alpha” persona's gonna rub him off the wrong way?" I mocked.

"Not at all, I'm just saying he might take pleasure in talking to someone a little more...submissive" he said, glancing from my eyes to my lips again and again.

I let out a breath and bit my tongue. "Is this an order?" I asked.

He didn't respond, he just held his gaze, and so I stared right back. His eyes, though often darting south, were never drawn away by nearby policemen.

I shook my head. "Pfft, fine. What's my tactic, Hotch?" I asked, approaching the glass and getting a good read of the guy before going in.

"Just see what you can find out.." He said, his arms folded.

I approached the door and entered, not before undoing just one more button of my shirt.

"Listen man i-"

I smiled warmly. "Last time I checked, I wasn't a man.." I said, sitting across from him.

He smirked and leant back in his seat. Relaxed already.

"No..no you are not" he said, his smile not fading.

"Ma'am, I can assure you, I had nothing to do with those 3 women, okay?" he said, sitting up.

"Oh we know, well- I know.." I sheepishly smiled, playing into whatever persona I threw on as I walked in.

"I know what kinda man you are...you wouldn't kill.." I said, my smile not faulting as I began to brush his leg with the tip of my shoe.

He took a breath in. "Oh yeah?" he asked, biting his lip.

As much as this was killing me, I had to play along. It's all fun and games flirting with your boss whom you know (and cherish on that note) but it's another thing doing it with a creep that you're certain should be in a cage.

"So...tell me Steven. How many people are in your gang?" I asked. If I'm totally honest, it was a shot in the dark, the only thing I had to go off was the badly covered up tattoo on his forearm. It was the symbol of a pretty wanted gang in the area after they moved from Canada down to Detriot.

"Oh I have a gang do I?" he asked.

"I assume so, you seem like the type of guy who.. likes to be in charge.." I said, running my foot just that tiny bit higher.

"I am." he said.

I kept my gaze fixed.

He smirked again. "Mulier vivit ut serviat viro suo et viri qui in circuitu eius sunt."

(A/n: I used Google translate, do not quote me that that was a correct translation)

This time, I leaned back and drew away my foot. "A woman lives to serve her husband and the men who surround her." I said, translating what he said. The way this gang was first noticed, was through an investigation of rapes. Each woman was left with a word printed out on an A4 peice of paper, until the rapes stopped and the police were able to form a sentence.

“A woman lives to serve her husband and the men who surround her.”

By the look on his face, he wasn't expecting me to know Latin.

He smirked again though, drawing his eyes away from my face, to my chest.

"Oh the things I would've done to you..." he whispered, his voice low and his breath repulsive.

He leaned forward more, reaching out his hand, probably to stroke my cheek, but before I could move Hotch stormed in, slamming his hands on the table.

"Touch my Agent, or even think about it, and I swear to you, I have a registered Glock 17 in my holster with a new box bullets that I will personally fire into every single one of your limbs, until any low life friends you do have, won't be able to identify your body. The only thing left of you will be those already rotting teeth." He said, his voice stern.

Steven sat back in his chair, unimpressed. Hotch took me by the hand, and placed his other on my waist guiding me to the door.

"Was that a threat, Agent?" Steven asked as Aaron was about to shut the door.

"No." he said. "That was a promise." he said, slamming it instead.

"Are you okay?" he asked as soon as we were back in the BAU's room at the precinct.

"Yes." I smiled. "Didn't you want more dirt on that guy anyway? I mean...was the quote even enough to nail him?" I asked.

"The words left with each of the rape victims were never released to the public, the only people who would know that phrase are the Detectives who worked the case, or the gang members themselves..are you sure you're okay?" he asked again, taking a step forward. It was hesitant, compared to his pervious one.

I closed the gap between us, laying my hands on his chest. "Aaron Hotchner, I am fine. I was doing my job." I said, looking up at him.

He almost leaned in to my touch as he took a deep breath. "If you need to tap out of the case I will happily-"

"Aaron." I interrupted him.

"We've put away a freak, let's work on the unsub we were called in for, okay?" I asked.

His hand found itself at the small of my back, his thumb rubbing soft circles.

"Just let me know.." He said, before turning around away from me, just in time as Reid and Morgan walked in.

SPENCER REID

"-It's all maths really.." Spencer had climbed out of his pool of facts and statistics. He was trying to convince Hotch to let him come into the casino with me.

"And plus if..if anything happens then she won't be left on her own.." he said, glancing at me.

"Not that you wouldn't be able to handle yourself..I was simply-"

"Spence." I cut him off smiling.

"Hotch said you come in with me 5 minutes ago." I said.

"He did?" he turned his head to where Hotch was standing.

"Get ready" Hotch said, before turning on his heels and leaving the room.

Spencer turned to me and sheepishly smiled. That same smile in which I'd fallen for.

I exited the room also, to change into something more...gold digger appropriate. Wasn't exactly my style. I wasn't the type to dress so provocatively but if it's to catch a killer, I'll wear anything. I changed out of my shirt and got into the dress I was given, squeezing into the high heels and attempting to but on the mascara.

I huffed in the mirror after slipping for the third time.

"You..need some help with that?" Emily asked, walking into the changing room.

I smiled. "Please" I said, holding it out for her.

She took it and began applying it. "You're telling me you don't ever wear mascara?" she asked, concentrating.

"No? Have seen me with mascara? Or any makeup for that matter?" I asked.

"Well lucky for some...natural beauty and all that.." she said, turning to my other eye.

"Oh please" I said, waving her off.

"What?" she asked, almost offended. "You're gonna tell me you're not beautiful? Because I know I certain man with an IQ of 187 and interestingly enough, his intelligence gets slashed to 60 when he sees you for the first time in the mornings.." she said, smirking.

I tried to hide my blush, but that was hard considering she was right in my face. She turned my head with her fingers and examined her work. "There all done." she said, turning me to the full length mirror, taking in my appearance as a whole.

"Jeez that's a look" I said, slightly grimacing. "I mean...it'd look great on someone else I just don't know how I feel about it.."

"Well you're gonna have to embrace it!" She said, walking out. I followed close behind. "And besides you actually look really hot" she said, winking at me.

I laughed. "Don't let JJ hear you say that.."

Her mouth gaped and she hit me on the shoulder.

"Okay, we're ready" Emily said, as we walked back in to the room.

The others gawked at my outfit, never expecting to see me in something like it, even Hotch raised his eyebrows momentarily.

"Damn, pretty girl" Garcia said from the computer.

"Thanks Penny" I smiled. "Where's..Spencer...or Reid, sorry.." I asked.

"Oh he's just coming we gave him something to wear aswell" Hotch said, pointing to the door.

Spencer walked in, he wore a black jacket with matching trousers and a white shirt, with a number of the buttons undone. His hair a little less styled than before, and a bit messier.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks in a frenzy, and the fabric around my chest got a little tighter.

"Sorry, I know what time the unsub gets to the casino and I didn't have time to do my hair..." he said, fiddling with a number of strands.

Too flustered to speak, I just did the first thing I thought of. I walked over and ruffled his hair up more. "You look beautiful." I said, and walked out immediately.

My eyes were popped out of my head as I walked away, the team following close behind me.

Morgan began walking next to me. "What was that?" He giggled.

"Derek." I warned, my blush still hadn't faded from when Spencer walked in.

SPENCER'S POV

"Sorry, I know what time the unsub gets to the casino and I didn't have time to do my hair..." I said, trying my best to fix it.

That's when my heart stopped. Y/n walked over, in a dress I'd never imagine her in. I'm sure she wouldn't have put herself in the dress either, but that's not to deny how beautiful she looked.

Sure, her persona for tonight was: 'flirt with and rub up the guy with the most money' (our unsub) but she looked like an angel to me.

"Reid!" Garcia snapped me out of my thoughts from her spot on the computer.

"Go! Everyone left with Y/n when she walked past you" she said, smirking. She disappeared off the screen and I scurried out of the room, catching up with everyone.

Y/N'S POV

"Here are your ear peices, they're small enough so no one will notice." Hotch said.

I put mine in, as did Spencer.

"Okay, Y/n you go inside first, all you need to do is steal his phone, it should be in the inside pocket of his blazer.." Hotch said.

"So my pick-pocketing childhood has payed off.." I said, jokingly.

I made my way inside the casino and let myself settle in. I'm here to find a man with a big prize pot. A specific man anyway.

I wandered from one end of the casino to the other latching onto winners of games until I finally noticed the unsub sat at a poker table.

I looked behind me, noticing Spencer just entering the casino. He saw me, we locked eyes. I reluctantly teared mine away and went and stood behind the unsub.

"Well isn't that a bad hand? Surely you should fold.." I said, looking down at the straight in his hand.

"Call." said the others at the table.

The unsub looked up at me and smirked as he showed the dealer his straight, winning the pot. He handed me a bill. "Why don't you go get us some drinks for the next game sweetheart? A scotch for me if you don't mind.." he said.

I made sure to be overly touchy. "Sure thing" I said, strutting away.

I made my way over to the bar, where Spencer was. "Can I have a lemonade and a Scotch please?" I said, making sure to not drop the act I'd put on.

"Is that Poker over there?" Spencer spoke up.

I faced him. "It sure is, takes a lot of luck.." I said, walking off with the drinks.

Spencer followed. "Or intelligence." he said, beating me to the table and sitting down.

I passed the unsub his drink and we clinked glasses.

The dealer dealt everyone their cards, including Spencer this time around.

Everyone took a brief look at thier cards, and each man tapped the table. They all called.

The dealer flipped over the three cards, resulting in two of the men to fold, the only ones in the game now were the unsub and Spencer.

"C'mon baby, you got this.." I whispered, not so quitely in the unsub's ear, running my hands in and out of his blazer, passing off as just really horny. The game continued as I felt up this little freak until I eventually felt the phone and managed to slip it out, unnoticed.

"I'll raise.." the unsub said, throwing in an abundance of chips.

I looked up at Spencer, trying to tell him that he could fold already as I had the phone.

Instead, he watched me fiddle with the collar of the unsub's blazer.

He said nothing, and just placed the chips in, seeing the unsub's raise.

"Okay, cards?" the dealer asked.

The unsub layed his cards down. "Full House.." the unsub said, smiling.

Spencer didn't even look at the dealer as he placed his cards down, his eyes were glued to mine. "Royal Flush.." he said, his head tilted slightly.

I of course had to keep up my act, so while running my hands down his arms, I slowly walked away from the unsub and over to Spencer, wrapping my hands around him this time.

"Well aren't you lucky?" I said.

He faced me. "It's all maths really" he said, placing his hand over mine as it layed on his chest.

"What do you say I cash in these chips and we...get ourselves outta here" he said, standing up, and turning to face me, his hands snaking around my waist.

I bit my tongue and further closed the gap between us. "Okay" I said. At this point I didn't even need to act turned on. I was.

SPENCER'S POV

We walked, arms linked over to the cashier and exchanged the chips I had for the money.

"You won big tonight didn't you, son?" The cashier said, gathering the bands. I looked at Y/n, examining every inch of her perfect skin.

"I did.."

We made our way out of the casino, and walked down the road a little, before hustling into the SUV.

"Y/n you got the phone didn't you?" Hotch said, his angry eyes not leaving mine until she pulled it out.

"Oh but of course Agent Hotchner" she said, passing it to him.

I faced her again, the dim light in the SUV glowing down on her like she was the center of the universe..well...she was the center of mine anyway.

[inchidentally]

because apparently I can't stop being weird ! 🫠

(this is completely shipping goggles off btw and with the assumption that there's no point theorizing about these men's actual sexualities since a)male sports and b)required travel to countries where the penalty for homosexuality is death/imprisonment.)

I kind of love that we're all picking up on something new and indefinable with Lando and Oscar and it makes our hearts do a little squeeze without fully knowing why. I'm basically finding myself repeating everyone else's tags on landoscar gifsets. and it made me think about why and how Lando has had two main support systems in terms of friendships up til now. there's the F1 alphas/extroverts and then there are his childhood besties.

F1

so like every guy or group of guys I've seen with Carlos somehow admit he's in the alpha position and rotate around him as the leader. it's very much like Daniel even though Carlos and Daniel aren't much alike outside of that (Daniel makes noise to be the leader, Carlos just exists as a leader). for an ambivert like Lando, Carlos and Daniel are great places to be when he's getting pulled under. they're typical straight alpha types who don't believe in getting stuck in their heads or feelings (Carlos' 'mental health' ad basically being go to the gym and stay productive to not feel sad lol) and they exist in a kind of nonstop monologue. so little Lando can just bob along in the current and know that he'll laugh and forget whatever ails him. very much like what he needed Carlos for after the Mexico race when he looked so drained and ended up magically chipper again in Brazil (in reality bc of friendship and not a solid dicking down as I have tagged in a lot of places). or that private plane ride with Daniel where Lando looked twelve years old and so happy. Lando clearly needs to feel small again sometimes and these are the guys who can do that.

Childhood

Max F obviously has that role of truth-telling and soul-baring that honestly I could see Lando not being able to live without. the friend/soulmate you can't hide anything from. I'm absolutely projecting at this point as someone who feels verrrry simpatico with Lando's personality (as we're allowed to see it) but having that person who can love you while being honest and real with you is so SO SO needed. but! there are times when it's too much and they know that you need to just float for a while. I feel like there's that core group of guys in the Max F circle who are all to different degrees like this with Lando. they're much more his equals in power dynamic too.

Oscah??

I think this is where Oscar exists in like a third, unexplored space. he's been caught in 4K as a Lando fanboy but he's also got sleepy cat personality so you can only tell from the internet evidence and from the way his eyes track Lando every time they're in the same rough vicinity that he's still fairly starstruck.

to me it's like Oscar hasn't quite shaken the norm of watching Lando on his phone screen and he almost forgets that he's supposed to be the one interacting with Lando in the challenges etc.

now if you've watched the Prema content on YT you'll know that Oscar, while still sleepy and placid, absolutely knew how to play up for social media content. sure the pressure wasn't that high and he'd known some of those boys for years by then. but his timing was solid and he adopted a sarcastic voice-of-reason role to bounce off the other guys. but what's so endearing about the McLaren content is that Oscar has basically positioned himself as guest star in the Lando Show. it's like he's so relieved at how good Lando is at media content that he spends a lot of his role in it watching what Lando is doing. I'm serious when I say it seems like he forgets he's not watching Lando on a screen like he always used to.

I do however think it's a confident and conscious decision that he made to not even bother trying to be another Carlos or Daniel - or to try and copy paste a little of the banter he'll have seen Lando have in Quadrant videos. I really love that Oscar's said you know what I'm being me and it so happens I'm nothing like those other people in Lando's content.

but !! you know who's personality and sense of humor Oscar most resembles? Max F. dry humor, sleepy but can get riled up and fun when they're feeling it. sort of fondly exasperated with Lando a lot of the time. I loved the stream of Max watching the Most Likely To with Lando and Oscar because he sided with Oscar so many times and appreciated Oscar bringing up the birthday issue.

and I think that's where for Lando he's still pretty damn thrown by Oscar - not in a bad way, just still uncertain. Oscar doesn't fit with Lando's extroverted F1 world. Oscar's plenty friendly with the rest of the grid (and obv Logan) but he's choosing to largely go under the radar and he runs his social media very lowkey even during some of the major highs he's had his rookie season. he's there to race F1 cars and when that's over he's got a very good brain in his head and plenty of options. he doesn't have the same insecurities that a lot of the drivers admit to having. Lando can't rely on Oscar being a typical F1 driver to understand him.

to finally come around to some kind of point I think what we're seeing is Lando and Oscar tiptoeing around a friendship that would probably develop very fast and easily if it weren't for the F1 pressure and expectations. we're seeing Lando unusually flustered by how easy he gets Oscar's attention and how he seemingly can't annoy or inadvertently piss off Oscar even if he tries to wind him up in videos or if he gets lost in admiration for his own trophy while Oscar shrugs off his own P14 finish and smiles at Lando. I genuinely think that level of undemanding affection has Lando sort of squirmy in an adorable way.

and Oscar clearly went into the personal side of his relationship to Lando of just enjoying whatever he gets and not trying to be someone he isn't. rookie seasons are already so pressure packed and the drama with Alpine followed by the rough start McLaren had won't have helped. he's just trying to do his job and prove his place and honestly isn't bothering to hide that he's baffled and flustered at finding himself interacting with Lando Norris the way Carlos Sainz and Daniel Ricciardo were. it's easier to just let people see that Lando can wrap him around his finger.

when all the time, if they'd met via Max F or mutual non-F1 friends, Oscar would fold right into Lando's group like butter on toast. I think that's what we pick up on with either or both of them getting shy and crushing on each other like new best friends at school. F1 has picked them up and put a camera on them and we're watching them slowly learn if it's okay to put an arm around each other or sit very close or touch the other person's hair. because they know this is very Real FriendTM friend potential and they don't want to spook each other and their feelings could so easily be hurt if they thought the other person didn't want to be friends as much or if they'd turn their back on them in front of their other friends.

they're not interacting as Typical Blokes by horseplay or teasing or being loud and they're not Just Guys Bein Dudes using humor and sarcasm to figure out the pecking order.

most of the time they're so shy or Lando's in a mood and Oscar finds it adorable and they're watching each other so closely the whole time like this and aauuuuhhggggg it's so vulnerable and sweet.

that's how it feels to me anyway and why I'm so ???!!! watching them interact. and sidenote I'm so so glad Oscar is so steady and can celebrate Lando no matter what. bc Lando admits he struggles with that in turn and after the many times it's been tested it's clearly never going to be something that breaks them before they can continue to get closer <3

[crazy-pages]

Yes - your experiences with RHPC are also there to mistreat and degender trans women. It's indicative of your privilege why these spaces were "welcoming" to you. Learn to realize that instead of shutting your ears.

I am begging you to get out more. Please, actually go to a Rocky Horror Picture Show showing! You don't even have to go in! Just look at the crowd that shows up. You have this absolutely detached from reality notion of who is watching it and why, and I swear on any god you care to name, if you actually go to one you will see throngs of trans women having an amazing time. It's not for everyone, sure, but (and I can't believe I have to say this) no part of the queer community is a monolith and you need to actually try and understand the experiences of others who feel differently than you.

But no, you know what? I'm gonna put a positive note on this.

Buckle in, I'm planning on making up for all the negativity around this with quite a bit of positivity and it's gonna be long.

The very first time I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show, I was in college, freshman year. I knew I was a bi guy by that point, had dated a guy*, and still felt absolutely petrified being openly bi around strangers. I had no idea how messy my queerness actually was by this point.

*She turned out to be a transfeminine mostly woman genderfluid person later, but at the time it was my first gay relationship.

I'd just had a talk with a straight guy on my floor. He'd made some comments about how he supported pride, but like ... not the gay people who are so out there, you know? That's just uncomfortable.

And damn me, I agreed with him. Not because I actually agreed with him but because the thought of disagreeing petrified me. I didn't know how to say that I actually wanted to be one of those out there queer people. That I wanted to have that bravery. I want it to be accepted, of course, but gods I also craved the simply bravery of people who hung pride flags in their own rooms. Who felt confident enough to say any flavor of "I don't fucking care if you want it, I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it."

And then a trans girl I'd met during orientation invited me to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show with her. I had no idea what this was. But she got what felt like every damn queer freshman in the entire dorm together. Gay, bi, trans, whatever. Our straight friends? Sure. Some of us who turned out to be very queer later and who she somehow clocked? You betcha. She got us all together in the dorm lounge, which was open and faced the elevator. Every single person moving through the dorm that evening would be able to see us.

And she put The Rocky Horror Picture Show on.

It was every single queerphobic stereotype the 70s could throw together. Transmisogyny? Hah! That shit went beyond transmisogynistic depiction, the demons out of the fevered imaginings of 70s straight culture weren't broken down into categories. Faggot? Dyke? Tranny? They all meant the same thing and it was totally indistinguishable to your average suburban straight person in the 70s. They had no damn concept up there being a difference between a guy who wants to fuck other guys and a guy who pretends to be a woman. The decree of vicious stereotypical othering on display was literally beyond current conception. It was everything that straight guy I had talked to was thinking of when he said "gay people who are so out there", distilled and refined.

And it. Was. Joyous.

It was a movie which took hold of all of those stereotypes, even the explicitly predatory and infectious and doomsaying ones, and screamed "YES! SO FUCKING WHAT!? WE'RE HERE, WE'RE QUEER, AND WE FUCKING LOVE IT!" It is a movie which takes the stuffy suburban point of view characters and makes them queer. It does so in a way that embodies every aspect of the 70s fear of infectious homosexual permiscuity and then shows it as joyous! As liberating and wonderful and the best fucking experience of their lives!! Its characters were messy and full of conflict and doomed from the beginning and also gloriously fucking alive and happy to be queer!!!

At the end of it the trans girl I'd met during orientation, who would go on to be my friend for the next decade to this day, asked me what I thought of it.

I said I really liked it.

I meant it had changed my life.

She started gushing about it, and a lot of the freshman went back to their dorms at this point, but the rest of us talked for what must have been longer than the movie itself about all of the queerness in it. Yeah about the trans misogynistic stereotypes and the homophobic stereotypes and the complicated way the movie both mirrors and subverts the way 70s discourse about queer culture and even the way it elided cis queer women. And we did it all in plain view of everybody. We were the queers in your face and it meant the world to me.

The second time I went to a Rocky Horror Picture Show showing, I was actually invited by a straight friend who was invited by some queer friends he didn't know quite as well as me. (It really ended up being the two of us going together.) I was living in Arizona at the time, which is not quite as bad as the Deep South but still pretty damn conservative and it made being openly queer scary as hell.

I had realized at the time that I liked wearing skirts. Like, really liked wearing skirts. A lot. Lots of gender euphoria about it. Now like I said, my queerness is messy. I am very much a man. I am also pretty sure I want to get bottom surgery someday. I genuinely don't know if that makes me cis or trans. Hell I'm not sure what the word for that even is. Transsexual maybe?? But at that time, I was still figuring it all out. I didn't know if I was a trans woman or not. I knew I didn't really feel like a woman or want to be a woman or vibe with feminine secondary sex characteristics, but like ... I dunno when you're getting euphoria over wearing skirts and in the deep dark recesses of your mind you think you want a vagina, it's kind of impossible to not ask that question.

And the thing is, I had never been out in public in a skirt before. I'd never even been out in public with makeup before.

But I had that experience with Rocky Horror Picture Show to draw on. I knew that showings of this movie were where you go to be openly, loudly, unapologetically queer.

So I put on a skirt and a see-through shirt and really intense makeup (not in this picture unfortunately) and the biggest smile I felt like I'd ever worn in my life, and I went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my friend.

Now for those of you who don't know, there's a tradition at showings where people who haven't attended a showing before get marked with a V for virgin, and called up on stage before the showing to get kind of lightly sexually hazed. It was very explicitly done with consent at the showing I went to, everybody was made to understand they could bow out at any point and that it was all in good fun and in the service of expanding people's boundaries. Stuff like being asked to kiss other people in queer ways, encouraging a blushing baby lesbian to motorboat a hot older woman in leather, getting two guys to do an overwrought romance improv, etc.

And when I got to the door with my friend, there was someone working the door who was some flavor of queerly transfeminine and supremely confident about it. She looked at my friend and immediately asked him if he'd been before and gave him the V. (He came in a tshirt and jeans.) Then she looked at me.

And I'm never going to forget what she said.

She gave me a look up and down, chuckled, and said, "Yeah you've done this before, go on in."

I had not actually done this before, I hadn't gone to a proper showing and so I missed out on the virgin experience, but I could not bring myself to care. Because I was riding the high of her comment for days. I'm still riding it, to be honest.

She hadn't recognized me as any particular gender or flavor of queerness. All I knew was that she had seen a visibly masculine dude with a buzz cut and a skirt and poorly done makeup and said "Oh yeah. You're one of us. ❤️"

Also my straight friend had a great fucking time and we ended up gushing about it for like an hour afterward and I got to pass on a bunch of the stuff I learned from my old trans friend about the history of the queerphobic stereotypes on display and the underlying meaning of aggressively joyous claiming of that from the '70s queer movement.

So yeah. It is a movie which portrays queerness as intrinsically alien to straight society. The creator is a genderqueer man who believes that trans women are women, but an intrinsically different flavor of women, an opinion which has aged very poorly and quite justifiably gotten him scorned by the modern trans community. And some modern queer people, especially trans women who are sensitive to portrayals of transmisogyny, are going to feel uncomfortable with the movie.

And yet.

I've had people in my DMs and anons in my asks yelling at me for saying there are transwomen who like this movie, and that the question of whether it's trans misogynistic is more complicated than whether it portrays transmisogynistic stereotypes. Most of those have involved people screaming at me that they're sure it must have only been trans men and tme (transmisogyny excluded) people attending showings (and you could really feel the sprayed derisive spittle as they typed those terms), that it's impossible for any true trans woman to enjoy showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And to those people, and to you, all I can hope to do is share these experiences with you and hope you try to understand the different queer experiences of others.

Not just mine.

But the experience of a trans girl who I'm sure was feeling even more alone and isolated as a queer freshman than I was. Who assembled a whole group of queer kids, who sat with her to take the very nightmare stereotypes which haunted her every day and turn them into a weapon of raucous joy and in your face queer solidarity with her.

And the experience of the person at the door of my first showing, queer and transfeminine and supremely confident about it, seeing some baby queer looking like every damn flavor of masculinity rocking up in a skirt and poorly done makeup. Saying "Hey kid. You're one of us," and watching the baby queer's face light up like a million Christmas trees.

You don't have to like the movie. But the people who like it? Are here, are queer, are - yes - even trans women.

Get used to it.

[penheadie]

Can we get some Skippingstone headcanons?

Oh boy where to begin I may not be as confident about these ones like I am with the past ones so there's your warning there are skippingstone shippers before me that are better than me. 

For modern AU. Whenever fall rolls around Skipp always drags Stone to go shopping for fall decorations at a thrift store or arts and crafts store (by the time that they are done shopping the car will be overflowed with a sea of pumpkins on the drive back home) 

Whenever fall rolls around in Ramshackle however Skipp and Stone will always share a scarf together as they walk down by the lake at the park despite the weird and odd stares they get from the rich people even though it's public property.

Skipp and Stone do in fact go down to the lake and skip stones together. Sometimes they write their names on the stones before they throw them into the lake. There's no significance to it, maybe it's just something for them to leave behind when they eventually do pass so people know that they were there together.

Skipp and Stone still very much miss the time that the trio spent together taking care of Maggot. So instead they go around the streets adopting stray dogs and cats trying to take them in and take care of them. 

Skipp makes flower crowns for Stone.

Skipp is panromantic and Stone is demisexual.

Stone is very aware of the fact he is considered quite the looker in Ramshackle as oftentimes he will face unwanted attention from people on the streets, being able to tell people's intentions with him as people only ever see him as just a body instead of actually a person (Because yes guys can face harassment too it's a people problem) which lead him to have even more fear and anxiety towards dating people because he's scared that people are only ever concerned with getting in his pants and sexualizing him. He sometimes vents to Skipp about his frustration that people only ever see him as just a piece of meat, only for Skipp to reassure him that he doesn't look at him that way. It's one of the things that drew Stone closer to him.

Stone sometimes has doubts about his identity and he sometimes worries that Skipp may want more from him, Skipp always reassures him that they don't need to do anything physically intimate in order for him to feel loved and valued. Reassuring him that it's okay to just want to hug, kiss or hold hands with somebody and that he should never do anything that makes him uncomfortable. Love without intimacy exists for them and their love language is always spending quality time together and doing wholesome couple things together. Their relationship is very much founded on music and the power of listening to what the other has to say with how important words can be, being sweet and sentimental towards each other. 

Whenever Stone is being sweet and sentimental Skipp makes it sure to give him as much time as possible to get all of his words and feelings out as he know that he struggles a lot with opening up about his emotions. He always reassures him that it's okay to keep going and that he loves hearing what he has to say.

Skipp absolutely loves to listen to Stone whenever he rants about his problems even though he's probably heard them a thousand times it means that Stone is opening up to him and it's an opportunity that he never lets go to waste he always wants to be his shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to it's part of their big dynamic that goes beyond just shipping.

Whenever Stone is sad and going through a tough time Skipp will usually help explain things by singing songs and love ballads just for him. 

Whenever Skipp and Stone are alone together Pebble definitely harasses them with the gay gay homosexual gay.

Stone and Skipp do NOT leave Vinnie behind. They make sure to never leave Vinnie behind or make her feel like she's being forgotten. Ever since they started dating it changed their dynamic so they always make sure to reassure Vinnie and keep her included in their activities. Reassuring her that she is just as important.

Even though Stone and Skipp are no way fit to be parents it's one of their dreams to adopt a child off of the streets so they can try and continue the legacy of their small family. They really want to give a child that was orphaned the same opportunity to find a happy family that they did. So when they do eventually adopt a child together it is a little girl that conveniently looks like a mix of both of them. 

[starrclownshazbinblog]

I have denied sleep again so let's talk about Angel's relationship with the main cast because he's easily the character personality I changed the most.

Angel and Charlie's relationship at the beginning would be ones sided and akward. Charlie is trying to get him to open up but Angel is NOT having it. Angel isn't disrespectful, he's not stupid, but if he doesn't have to talk to Charlie he won't.

As time goes on he would open up more. She would talk about her dad, Angel would open up about his complicated relationship with his dad. Angel would get more into the Hotel, genuinely believing that sinners could be redeemed. Not him, but maybe she can get Cherrie into Heaven.

Angel and Valerie are a mentor student type thing. Valerie wants to be able to defend herself so she goes to the past 6'5 mafia member. Angel would be hesitant at first but he would attempt to help her. They would train together and actually have a good time.

Later on they would get closer. Valerie can't physically talk so Angel would show her some sign. Valerie would get better at physically activity without the fear of breaking and Angel would get to have his old habits back. It would remind him of when his brother taught him to fight.

Alastor and Angel have a hostage relationship. Only on Alastor's side. Angel wants to get to know him more but Alastor is alot more reclusive than he is. Angel still tries though, he believes Alastor can change.

It gets a little worse before it gets better. The hatred is no longer one sided.

Niffty reminds him of Isabella. She's bubbly and energetic and Angel believes Niffty is what Isabella would have grown up to be. At first, he would be hesitant to get to know her. Because she reminds him so much of Isabella he would Isolate himself from Niffty. Niffty sees her dad in Angel so she tries to get closer to him.

Later in the story they would be much closer, almost like a father and his daughter. Niftty goes to Angel when she's upset, when she needs help. Angel's there to help her.

Angel is akward as HELL around Husk. He's denying his homosexual feelings for Husk. He figured he got that all out of his system. When he first met Husk he was nervous as hell. Husk insulted him like 5 times when he got there. Husk was NOT afraid.

Huskerdust would have a health relationship. They both have their respective issues but they make each other stronger. Angel is alot less nervous and is becoming more confident in his homosexuality. Husk is just happy to find a man that doesn't immediately jump to get under his clothes and likes him for him. (Maybe too much. He's down bad.)

I wrote this before bed. I need sleep. Feel free to ask questions or whatever. Goodnight yall.

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

[jesncin]

Hi again. Just saw the response and I just wanted to say thank you. I've been pretty scared since Indonesia has strict punishment for homosexual activity and I have fears about the Indonesian government funding my story and putting a tracker on me or something ( really stupid fears I know ) but you're right. Making queer representation is pretty risky. Especially good ones. And I myself feel like we should have more LGBT main couples than cis wlw or cis mlm. Like my main characters tiara ( Indonesian queer girl who isn't sure of her sexuality) and dezzy ( afro indigenous coded magical space person who's an enby lesbian) who are love interests. Again thank you so much for the advice. And best of luck to you and your future projects

Respectfully, while I relate to and understand the constant fear of creating queer art in a country as unaccepting as Indonesia, I do feel like the kind of fear you're describing stems from a lack of holistic context on the current state of queer creativity in Indonesia. I know I talk about being the first to create a queer Indonesian graphic novel to be published under american trad pub, but I'm far from the first queer Indonesian creative. It helped me to look at other queer artists like Kai Mata, or authors like Norman Erikson Pasaribu and Nurdiyansah Dalidjo to give me confidence even in something never done before. Something as big as Memories of My Body being able to exist even with the pushback it got still inspires me. Indonesia actually has a ton of queer films. There's loads of openly queer Indonesian influencers. Heck, I even got to talk about queer Indonesian culture on youtube through Xiran Jay Zhao's channel. It was a risk for sure, but I trusted the community Xiran fostered. To this day I haven't experienced any bigoted local pushback from that video.

All this to say I encourage looking at the queer community for inspiration and strength. I think it's easy to become paralyzed by fear and hypotheticals- isolating ourselves from the bigger picture. But it's so important to look at the community as a whole- what they've done and continue to do for us.

[thatweirddolldude]

So this intro will be a bit long, but it does have a point and know I'm going to be talking about Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman and Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives.

Asexuality is fundamentally different from being gay or lesbian. Just like being transgender is fundamentally different from being gay, lesbian, or asexual. While being gay means you are a male-aligned person and are only attracted to male-aligned people, asexual means you are lacking a sexual attraction in some way.

Asexuality isn't really a sexuality. It's more like the title to a book. It's okay to have just a title, but you can't publish a book without a story. Real life humans can go their whole lives with a book title in their head, but are never able to develop the story, and that's okay. While real people are perfectly valid having only a title, fictional characters can't exist without a story.

While I say asexuality isn't a sexuality, there are many subcategories of asexual. Not knowing what subcategory to use is internally valid for both real people and fictional characters, but adult humans should know how to describe how they are aroused. If a fictional character gets into a romantic relationship, and it is a mature piece of media, like BoJack Horseman and the Magnus Archives, then the asexual character needs to talk about their sexuality.

Jonathan Sims is awful asexual representation. The only way you know Jon is asexual is from a QnA that you don't have to listen to. The only evidence Jon is asexual is from Georgie saying, "He just didn't." when referencing Jon and hers sexual part of their romantic relationship. . . from back in college. Jon then gets into a homosexual relationship with another character, which now confirms he's bisexual, but him and his boyfriend, Martin, never talk about their attraction for one another.

Jon himself is classified as asexual by his creator, but his boyfriend isn't. Jon didn't have sex with Georgie, we do not know why. Jon never gets a chance to explain or defend himself. We do not know if Jon and Martin had sex. We do know they lived in the same house and sleep in the same bed. Jon doesn't have a sexuality. Jon isn't even really asexual- he's just a blank canvas.

To be asexual means you are lacking in some way with your sexual attraction. That could mean absolutely anything, and no two humans are alike, so you cannot define asexual in a non-vague way. Ask any person who is a fully pubest adult to define their asexuality. What will they say? One person may say they cannot become aroused until they feel a personal connection (Demisexual). One person may say they were allosexual but because of a sexual trauma are now asexual (Caedsexual). One person might say sex and masturbation is disturbing or inherently disgusting (Apothisexual). One person might say they only feel arousal during solo masturbation (Autosexual).

There are many different kinds of asexual. Only feeling arousal when a person does not reciprocate those feelings, switching between asexual and allosexual, only feeling arousal when you don't know the person, or maybe you really want to feel arousal for another person, but you just can't.

While Jonathan Sims is an awful depiction of asexuality, Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman is perfect. Todd does not recognize he even has a sexuality when the story first starts. He himself is very confused as to why he seems to be lacking when it comes to a sexuality. When the term asexual is brought up to him, he is welcoming. When he enters a relationship with a woman who is not asexual, he openly admits that sex is not something he is comfortable with at all. Todd doesn't know what his sexuality is when he starts, but by the end he is confident.

Todd is a beautiful story about coming out, about accepting yourself, and about standing firm in your sexuality. Jonathan Sims is a bit like a piss in the dark, sure you get some in the toilet, but most of it's on your feet.

[ccuniculusmolestus]

so you know how richard literally worshipped henry and saw him as god (kinda) or at least this flawless being etc etc. this makes me curious in how do you think bunny saw henry? we know how he talked about henry rather positively during that lunch with richard. but did he also worship henry in the same level as richard's or do you think bunny had very different view of this man and could see him beyond his perfect surface??? love ur bunny posting btw :3

tank uuuu i love bunny posting also and i enjoy these asks os much so thank u for them :3

Did Bunny worship Henry like Richard did or not?

ok HUFF i have many Though.ts about this and theyve evolved ever since i read the book the first time. i wanna write a concise reply without yapping so i just cut like entire blocks of text.....sigh. let me try and gather my throughts for real

(irrelevant thoughts added with asterisk * at the end)

i think one of the biggest ways bunny differed from the others in the group-- and a big reason for henry's growing distaste for him-- was the fact that Bunny didn't worship henry like he SHOULD have.

Bunny, out of everyone (even richard), received the most amount of grace from Henry. Yes, Henry saved Richard from dying in that shithole in winter, and he 'saved' (debatable) Camilla from Charles, but how many times do you think, in the 3 years he knew Bun, did he pay for Bunny's food, clothes, and most likely medicine/inhalers etc. (thats another headcanon for another time i was just about to type a whole ahh paragraph). Considering everything he'd done for Bunny, Bunny should've been the one most devoted to him. And yet, he was ironically the least devoted. (but i'd argue he was somewhat of a devotee anyway)*

I say Bunny admired Henry enough to stick with him throughout the bachanal attempts. Given his conservative way of thinking and unserious attitude towards the practice, I was always baffled about WHY bunny even gave a shit about the bacchanal, why he didn't blow them all off. He surely didn't care enough to be involved in the practice for the sake of Francis (homosexual) or Camilla (woman, incest-er), or Charles (alabama) because by then he was disillusioned with them all. He gave a shit because Henry was doing it. He wanted to be involved because he wanted to stick by Henry.

Bunny's almost child-like dependence and clingy-ness (Read: How he drove Henry mad in Rome by following him EVERYWHERE. even to the BATH?) when it came to Henry was also baffling considering his brash and over-confident, 'masculine' character. He probs knew he was dependent on Henry, like a devotee is to a god. Or a son is to a father. (DONT. get me started on THAt. i have talked about it before i will no shutup ABOT it,)

So now we have established that Bunny did in fact worship Henry to some degree, but in the end he only saw him as another man (cough. A friend.) Because Bunny was not so detached from the rest of the world like Richard and the others were, he had a foot lodged in the door of reality and he only occasionally peeked into crazy lala cult land for the sake of Henry every now and then. He most likely assumed he'd be able to get away with it by just doing performative shit for his friends like wearing togas and singing in the forest lol.

Bunny's image of Henry's superiority or his godhood shattered in Rome, when he realized he was nothing more to Henry than...well, whatever Henry had called him in his journal. And also, that Henry was apparently crazy enough to kill a man with his bare hands. (MIND YOU, he read HENRY'S direct thoughts on the murder. Thus we can argue he knew about the murder more intimately than anyone else did. I just know Henry didn't really voice his true thoughts with any of the others (about how the murder probably felt exhilarating) but BUNNY read that shit. So thats when he realized just how fucked up Henry really was.)

Now, for richard and the others (particularly richard) the murder did nothing but lowkey solidify Henry's 'godhood' (and power) because these fucking morons were so detached from reality that they fr thought they were living in a greek myth or something. lame as hell. (me biggest greek class hater , hater #1)

Also I think its a bit karmic-ally satisfying how and why Henry meets his end lol. It IS through Bunny, and brought about by his OWN hand (Henry turned the letter, Henry pressed the trigger). But the reason Henry was really driven to it was because his own god was destroyed when he was shunned by him (Julian).

Henry's hand shoved Bunny off the cliff, but Bunny's hand wrote his ruin.

What does a scorned follower do when he loses his faith? He destroys his god. So Bunny's final act of prayer-- he destroyed Henry through Julian. Julian's godhood for Henry shattered when he abandoned him. An eye for an eye.

*Henry became extremely disillusioned with Bunny AFTER Bunny refused to observe the rites properly. Up until then, he was tolerating him despite everything, even the stupid stunt he pulled with richard LMAo. I guess the rites thing really showed Henry how little Bunny was willing to do for him, so he cut him out of the bacchanal entirely.

[vintage-bentley]

How in the fuck are you going to be anti trans and a Good Omens fan as if both the book and the show don’t explicitly establish the existence of several nonbinary characters and both Aziraphale and Crowley themselves are genderless beings

Not to mention both David and Michael’s staunch support of the LGBT (really emphasizing the T here, since you love to drop it) community as a whole, and David literally has a trans child

Part of me is even asking this in good faith because how do you see a series that is so incredibly queer and like it considering how much you shit-talk trans people on your lackluster TERF blog

There’s many reasons, actually! I’ll explain them in good faith, because I think that people who ask questions like this don’t understand the perspective of so-called “terfs” and assume we think like you do.

Firstly, I’m a feminist, so I’m used to media not aligning with my politics. I expect it, actually. Down to very simple things, like knowing I’m never going to go into a show and see a woman just existing with body hair like men do in shows all the time. But I’m comfortable and confident enough in my beliefs that I can consume media that doesn’t align with them. This extends to my feelings regarding gender. A they/them character doesn’t make my head explode, it’s just the same for me as seeing a Christian character (like Ella from Netlix’s Lucifer) or a female character who’s pro-beauty culture (like Elinor from First Kill). It’s a representation of a belief I don’t agree with and personally don’t believe in, that’s all.

Secondly, Good Omens is set in a made up universe with fantasy themes. I can easily get behind the idea that the true forms of angels and demons are genderless, because that makes sense to me in the same way God being genderless makes sense to me. This doesn’t have to carry over to me believing that humans can be genderless (I don’t believe in the concept of internal gender identity, because I don’t believe in souls. So I guess the better way to put this is that I don’t believe humans can be sexless unless we’re using gender and sex as synonyms). In the same way that it makes sense to me that angels and demons have souls that are put into bodies issued to them…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Or how it makes sense to me that Aziraphale and Crowley could survive without food, water, and sleep…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Etc. etc.

Basically, just because something is in a fantasy show, doesn’t mean I have to believe it’s real.

Thirdly, what the actors do in their own lives is none of my business. I don’t agree with supporting the TQ+ especially in relation to LGB (considering they’ve made it a primary goal to harass lesbians into pretending we can like penis, and to take every chance they get to express their hatred for homosexuality. I love to drop the T because they dropped me and my fellow homosexuals years ago). If two straight male actors want to do that, whatever. I also don’t agree with Sheen having a baby with a woman his daughter’s age, but that hasn’t stopped me from watching the show or appreciating his talent.

This all takes me back to what I said about believing you don’t truly understand the perspective of those you call “terfs”. Just because you might not be able to comprehend watching and enjoying something that doesn’t perfectly align with your worldview, doesn’t mean others feel the same. For example, many radical and rad-leaning feminists enjoyed the Barbie movie, despite it not being radical feminist. We’re capable of watching and enjoying things we don’t agree with, and of having discussions about why we don’t agree with it.

A much simpler answer to your question would be: I’ve always loved angels and demons and all things supernatural. I’ve always loved old cars. I love Queen. Religious/moral commentary and critique interest me. I love lighthearted comedies. I’m gay and starved for representation of healthy gay relationships. I love gay star-crossed lovers stories (go watch First Kill). Naturally, I’m going to love Good Omens, even if it doesn’t perfectly align with my worldview.

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Movie Analysis: Henry's Seclusion and Perception-Part 2

A little follow-up of this post after I realized something while watching Henry flinch after Alex tried to hold his hand during their Paris date.

This is more up to interpretation but in the same way Henry was isolated in a space without any sort of moral support during the week after the email leaks while Alex wasn’t, I think the same could be possibly said with their view on public displays of affection.

I’m gonna preface by saying that even in the RWRB Movie verse, both UK and USA are evidently mostly LGBT+ friendly. Alex’s US kind of goes without saying, while for Henry, given the sheer amount of people that ended up coming to support him all across the country, I think the same could be said for his UK.

So given that their big environment is LGBT friendly, the difference here is their own circles.

Before President Claremont was elected, Alex was just like any of us, as he put it himself, “an anonymous working class kid”. His socializing circle wasn’t really limited. On top of that both of his parents are democrats. Even before he figured out his own bisexuality, he was definitely exposed to LGBT communities and individuals, colourful queer people who showed off their gender, sexuality and relationship/partner proudly. Besides, from his interaction with Nora, his mom, even Henry during the NYE party, Alex is clearly a physically affectionate person to begin with. He is used to displays of affection, and has see queer public displays of affection.

So when he starts to fall for Henry (which I firmly believed started properly since the state dinner), he doesn’t really register displays of affection as something to be hidden despite now being in a homosexual relationship. This aspect is not that different in his mind. The only times we see Alex really make an effort to conceal it is when they want to… do dirty things, like the polo match (Matthew/Prime release the full scene please) and the DNC hotel visit, which in any case is something that one would make effort to hide even for a bit.

Look at the movie again. Alex reaches out to hold Henry’s hand in Paris, Henry flinches. Alex steps forward to kiss Henry at the airstrip after the night in the V&A, Henry stops him, even if it’s private airstrip with only Henry’s staff. The one sentence Alex said that sent Henry spiralling and trying to break things off was “We could walk through Austin holding hands, and it won’t even matter if anyone sees us.” (which is one of my favourite lines in the book by the way, granted used in a different situation) Alex finds public displays of affection towards Henry very natural.

Henry doesn’t.

However much he loves touching and kissing Alex in private behind closed door throughout the entirety of their relationship, he was never comfortable, or confident for them in public settings, even if there’s actually no one except their own professional secret service/ personal staff there.

And I think one of the contributing reasons is unlike Alex, he never really got to see queer people be openly proud of their identity and partners.

Henry, as the prince, has his social circle and travels limited. You’re not gonna see him on the subway or walking through Trafalgar Square. He’s not gonna be able to walk the streets and just see queer citizens out and about the way Alex did. Given the context clues in the movie, I’m guessing he’s limited to causes the crown wants to serve (veterans, climate, diplomacy, which all have their own values as social issues but doesn’t suit Henry) and unlike the royals in our world (yes I pay some attention to the irl royal family) he couldn’t even choose topics that interest him, that he wants to serve, like arts, LGBT, and mental health (there’s a sequel idea!!! Henry getting to choose how to use his title for causes he’s part of and care about), plus it’s clear his family, the king at least, had no interest in getting involved with LGBT issues, so he didn’t have any chance to approach the community while on duty either. Considering his grandfather warned him against pursuing relationships when he was 18, he probably was forced into some sense of shame or fear regarding any possibility of having a public relationship, which was also part of his argument during the Kensington confrontation. Seeing as Nick and Matthew decided Paris was Henry’s first time with someone he actually had feelings for, I’m guessing past hookups in said “English Boarding School” were done out of sexual frustration and some degree of rebellion, but even then it was more on the sexual side instead of anything truly affectionate, and that was still extremely secretive with stacks of NDAs.

So on Henry’s part, he was secluded in a almost forcefully heteronormative environment, never really got to see people like him in real life, in front of his eyes (reading queer history and news about LGBT rights is very different from seeing it yourself), and was told that this was something to be ashamed about, something he can’t do, something impossible. That’s why he never felt confident enough to ask for touch or touch Alex in anywhere remotely public. (He was drunk at the karaoke, and I think most of the Texas vacation was on the Claremont-Diaz’s private property, so those don’t count)

Until the palace pride protest, where thousand of people like him came to storm the palace with their rainbow flags and banners, their support, and their own identities display.

Faces with this massive display of queer pride right in front of him, Henry, maybe for the first time, sees so many people like them, and he sees that it’s okay for him to be gay, that there is nothing selfish, shameful, repulsive or unacceptable about who he is and who he loves. They’re here for him. They’re just like him. They’re proud of it. They show it.

So this time, in front of his family, a window away from the outside world, it’s his turn to ask for Alex’s hand, held between his. He’s finally confident enough in everything so tell Alex, through a wet smile, “I love you.”

Both of them look out, at the sea of colourful love and pride. Alex, who has seen this many times before in his life, but probably the first time he sees this knowing he’s part of that sea. Henry, who gets to see the crowd be proud of something he’s tried so long to conceal and hide.

Henry can be proud of his sexuality too.

And he shows it, on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, with thousands of people cheering for him and his boyfriend. 

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

Had a busy couple weeks, but here I am, returning to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be writing about

Strange Fruit (2004) dir. Kyle Schickner

[Run Time: 88 min, Available: had to purchase a DVD, Language: English]

Content Warning: lynching, racism, homophobia, rape, violence/gore

Summary: A New York attorney must return home to Louisiana to investigate the death of a childhood friend who, like Boyals himself, was both black and gay. 

Cast: 

Kyle Faulcon as William Boyals

Berlinda Tolbert as Emma Ayers

__

Well.

First of all, I guess, a thank you to @bengiyo is in order for discovering that Strange Fruit was available on DVD so that I was actually able to watch it. This has joined the likes of Mysterious Skin on my ‘definitely something I needed to watch, but can probably never watch again” list. 

I want to warn anyone that is considering finding this film and watching it that it starts with a lynching. I…. I’m not sure I have the words. Not to get too real on main, but I have some pretty major trauma related to hangings, and I am just desperately glad that I did not watch this last week, as that was the anniversary and I am not confident I would have been able to finish this film. As it is I have been sitting in complete and utter silence since finishing the movie because a) holy shit b) the rope burns on his neck c) holy shit. 

How do you watch a film like this knowing that lynchings still happen all the time? How do you watch a film where a gay Black man in a small, rural country town is brutally beaten, raped with a branch, and hung from a tree on screen while knowing that just last week a Black man was found hanging from a tree in a small, rural country town? For a movie that was filmed on a budget of only $250,000 (according to Wikipedia, the director was offered 6 million if he didn’t make the lead character both Black and gay and he turned it down) it is absolutely packed with very important, nuanced social commentary around queerness, around race, around homophobia in general and homophobia within the Black community specifically, around how the police uphold power, around the relationship between intellectualism and the South, and around how the queer community survives. 

(sorry for the abysmal photo quality, there are no photos of this film and I watched it on my TV so I was not able to take screen shots)

For as cheaply as it was made it packs a motherfucking punch let me tell you, watching Kelvin scream for help, call for his mother, was just gut wrenching. Watching William desperately plead with the Black men who were lynching him not to do so because they were perpetuating the cycle of violence done by white men to black men not that long ago. How some Black men were fine with that because Kelvin, because William were faggots. How others killed themselves when the dust settled, understanding the realities of what they had done. The speech at the grocery story between Mrs. Ayers and Mrs. Boyals about how desperately Mrs. Ayers had wanted to disown Kelvin for being gay and how grateful she was that she hadn’t because she lost Kelvin too young. 

The way small town loyalties and small town fears intersect, Matthew being so grateful that William protected him all the way back in fifth grade that he went against the orders of the other cops to tell William everything he knew, and how he was so afraid to be considered a homosexual if he stood up for a queer man. The way Sheriff Jensey was a racist, homophobic piece of flaming dog shit who still was doing everything he could to prevent people from knowing his nephew was gay. How he was reduced to ground meat for it. (Though, he can die, I have no remorse for him whatsoever). The way Mrs. Ayers calls out the fact that William can pass as straight but Kelvin couldn’t. The way that the queer community was silent in the wake of Kelvin’s death because that was the only way to guarantee the survival of community pillars. The fact that there was no new coverage of Kelvin’s death that we could see, but when the white man was lynched, there were news trucks all over the place because someone in power was affected. 

And perhaps my favorite example, Duane, who refuses to step foot in a gay bar for fear of looking gay when he first starts investigating his brother’s murder with William who is ready to throw hands at Sheriff Jensey’s nephew when he makes a homophobic comment, putting his parole at risk, who ends the film driving around in William’s rental car which has the word Faggot spray painted on the back. The way he was angry at William for the stupid, elitist shit he was saying, about how everyone in Louisiana had an IQ below 80, how he refused to call this place his home anymore. Duance handled those moments so beautifully. There are so many important scenes in this film, I don’t think I can count this one as my favorite, but I do need to acknowledge how happy I was that Strange Fruit let a Black man cry on screen. Like, so much of Kelvin’s murder, and William’s attempted murder was incredibly upsetting, but I felt very deep in my soul the pain, the grief, the nausea that Duane must have been feeling looking at the memorial to his brother at his murder site. 

I know because (again to get too real) for every day for months after my hanging related trauma I had to walk past a memorial for the person who passed, and let me tell you that shit was fucking brutal. 

There is so much more that could be said about this movie, but genuinely, I cannot find the words. The production team knew what they were doing when they didn’t put a backing track on the end credits, opting for a silence that was interrupted by only the chirping of crickets. Because that is what this movie is, that is what this movie does. I am not exaggerating when I say that the only thing I could do for thirty minutes after the screen went to black, was just sit on my couch, frozen, and feel the weight of the silence around me. 

Favorite Moment 

I talked about this a bit above but my favorite moment in Strange Fruit is when Mrs. Ayers and Mrs. Boyals run in to each other in the supermarket and Mrs. Ayers gives a very passive aggressively polite talking to to Mrs. Boyals about her homophobia, trying to get her to go back on her decision to disown William after finding out he was gay. I do think it is vitally important that we get a scene where a mother of a queer son, who just lost her child because of it, is able to admit that she struggled with his sexuality, that she desperately wanted to be rid of Kelvin, that she desperately wanted to forget he even existed. The way she was spared from having a major regret in her life because she ultimately did not do that. She lost Kelvin when he was too young, she understands at a cellular level the precious nature of time, and how easily it can be squandered and she is trying to spare Mrs. Boyals from that pain. I appreciate it strikes enough of a chord with Mrs. Boyals that she attempts to visit William at the hospital, even if ultimately she is not able to make it through the doorway to his room. 

Favorite Quote

“See that’s the thing about the bayou, no matter how much you try to push it back ‘ventually it’s gonna claim what belong to it. This is where you from man. This is where home is. Don’t matter how many degrees you got, you country.”

As a Southerner who did flee North, Duane’s words are still ring true. Even when my home state wants to dispose of people like me, even when states I have called home express their hatred of people like me, there is still a part of me that feels the emptiness of being away from home. I miss the mangroves, I miss the mountains, I miss the food, I miss the people I love who love me. It feels impossible to have the type of community I had back home up where I am now, and I am trying as hard as I can to cultivate it. I just love this line so much because I think it is important to remember where you came from, especially because William just before this was insulting the intelligence of people in the South, his people, from his home. I’m really glad he apologized for that. 

Score

8.5/10

If this was a grade based on just emotional manipulation, the film would get a 10 cause...fuck. But structurally I think it's probably like a 7 or an 8 so I am gonna give it an 8.5.

[tomwambsgans]

hi i'm new to succession and i love your blog and your meta. sorry if you've already talked about it but i'd like to know your opinion on this, since it seems the fandom is kind of split on their headcanons. do you think tom or greg knew they were gay before getting wrapped up with each other? if so, do you think either had committed relationships with men before meeting each other?

hi thank you! idk if you've gone through my #gay tom tag but i have a lot on tom's closetedness/repression in there, and i need to go through my greg posts and put the #gay greg tag on more of them but i've got that too. in any case i'll still summarize here:

firstly, i wanna say i sincerely do not think almost any gay person gets to adulthood while having had no idea. repression is like pushing information to a part of your brain that you don't access, not destroying that information altogether. tom is in his 40s and greg is like 30, so, yeah, they know. it's just about different levels of knowing.

basically i think that for both of them there's a wall between them and their awareness of their homosexuality, but greg's isn't nearly as strong for many reasons including that imo he's definitely actually had some gay experience. i've waffled a lot on exactly how much, but i would say greg has likely had many of them while stoned, which is the sort of thing that would be likely to give him not only the confidence but also the "excuse." idk if i think that greg has ever actually had a boyfriend, but i also can't definitively say he hasn't. i do think that if he did, it didn't end well. really with greg in particular i get big vibes that he's had gay experience that "proved" to him that being gay was bad and/or that men weren't safe partners - something like his first gay kiss being with a guy who also beat him up after the fact, or an attempted date at a gay bar winding up mugging him. and i do think that he hooked up in some way with andrew dodds while they smoked weed together too, so. him winding up dying the next night feels right along those lines. i think he goes back and forth on whether he's too ashamed of being gay to be conscious of the fact really fast.

tom, meanwhile, i pretty firmly say no, he has not had the kind of awareness required to actually enter a gay relationship. though i do think he's probably come very close to understanding/accepting himself at different points in his life, because repression isn't a straight line. it comes in waves. i think a very young tom probably showed some very obvious signs of crushes on other boys (this is one of my favorite hcs about it), including bullying the ones that he liked. and i imagine him liking basically every boy he knew at least a little. and then a highschool or college-aged tom having certain moments of clarity where he outright thinks "oh fuck. i'm gay" but then going right back to ignoring it. or at least letting that knowledge remain at a low simmer while he's too afraid to do anything about it. along those lines i also think he's had periods where he did technically accept it but not in the form of "i like men," but rather "i don't like women" and just ignoring the implication of the former. like, using his career as an excuse to not pursue anyone. the closest thing to gay experience i feel like tom might have had is being kissed on the cheek by a male friend (and subconsciously trying to engineer that situation again), flirting where he was able to not think about the fact that he was flirting, and some amounts of cruising that led nowhere. like, i truly believe that if tom had had gay sex for real before now, or even just made out with a guy, he would not be the way he is, lmao. bro has never experienced true happiness in his life before greg started to tug him out of the closet

[good-to-drive]

what do you admire about each beatle?

I love this question!!! I think it's easy to experience the recognition of pain or maladaptive schemas as something like pity (or even an inherent criticism, if you're in the "nice people have nice feelings" camp), so it's good to reaffirm sometimes that people can struggle and still be admirable and that admirable people often struggle.

For the moment I want to set aside the fact that they were all immensely talented and successful because, as much as I do admire that, I think it probably goes without saying. Rather, I want to focus on what I find admirable on a personal level.

JOHN

With John, I think it's his high level of insight. Not just insightful in the normal sense -- although that's very true, too -- but insightful in the psychological sense.

“[Insight] encompasses at least three fundamental characteristics: the awareness of suffering from an illness, an understanding of the cause and source of this suffering, and an acknowledgment of the need for treatment.” via Harvard Review of Psychiatry

I know on the surface this might sound bland, but it's really, really not. It's hard to describe how significant it is to be able to say "I'm in a state of distress but I'm not going to shoot my mouth off because I know later I won't be" when you're actively reliving a childhood trauma, or "I was afraid of the fag in me" to describe his treatment of homosexual men, or "I beat my wife because I felt a need to control her," but suffice to say the average person won't achieve that level of self-insight, honesty, or emotional differentiation after years of therapy.

In a sense, insight is the ability to exist inside of a deeply distorted, deeply painful reality and realize that reality has been distorted and your perceptions cannot be trusted. It comes from a willingness to face your pain and do the horrible fucking work of untangling it, and John was so immensely dedicated to that work, even when the right methods may not have been accessible or even in existence.

I know the presentism in our perceptions of mental illness gives rise to stupid ideas like "if he really wanted to get better he would have," but the truth is it's so powerful to be faced with a severe illness that is hurting you and everyone around you and keep fighting it even when it's apparently hopeless. Most people don't do that.

PAUL

I'm having trouble finding the right word for the quality I most admire, but I think it might be "force of will."

An example would be pushing the beatles to keep going even after everyone else was starting to lose interest (we know via Ringo that we wouldn't have the last few albums without Paul), which is obviously an expression of work ethic and determination and commitment, but there's another quality there, too, that manifests in so many ways throughout his entire life. It's almost a kind of confidence, but not really, because I think we can fairly say that Paul had a lot insecurity, too.

Rather, I think it's the seed of belief necessary to pursue any creative field or ambitious project -- not so much that you always think you're going to succeed, but that part of you believes that it's possible and that you deserve it. People joke about Paul not being self-aware, but self-awareness is not a universally good thing, and part of the counterpoint to self-awareness is the ability to pursue your dreams. The courage to want things that you might never get, and to believe that you deserve them. Without that, you're not getting anywhere.

There's an expression that there's a day you're born and a day you find out why you were born, but I'd add the caveat that figuring out why you were born is meaningless unless you have the guts to do something about it. And Paul definitely had guts.

GEORGE

This is another quality that's a bit hard to describe, but I think what I'm trying to articulate is the act of reaching out to other people and creating points of connection. Or, the desire and courage to do so.

Obviously there are stories about how empathetic he was, such a good listener, compassionate, interested in other people, etc. But I think this quality also manifests in how widely and deeply loved he was by his contemporaries, how forming long-lasting friendships and then doing the work to maintain those friendships was such a defining aspect of his life. How he seemed happy to have intense relationships with others as an equal or as a student, not just as their boss or idol. He genuinely wanted to connect to people on an individual level, as peers, and to support them and be supported.

There's also a conversation to be had about how earnest he was about his beliefs, which I know some people find cringey or even didactic, but you could also argue that earnestly expressing what you believe without indirection or plausible deniability is a very sincere bid for connection. Earnestness opens you up to mockery and fault-finding, and a lot of people absolutely find it off-putting, but it's also the only real cure for isolation. And it seems clear that George did not want to be isolated, he wanted to experience sincere connections with the people and the world around him.

There's also probably a conversation to be had about humor as a bid for connection, and how his tendency to take himself lightly is more an extension of that earnestness than a counterpoint to it, but that's a discussion for another day.

RINGO

I know people often admire his level-headedness and his patience -- and it's true that he's almost superhuman in that respect -- but, to be honest, I think that may partly be an expression of Ringo's addictive personality and emotionally neglectful childhood which arguably put him in a position of being extremely distanced from his own emotions/needs. Not that I don't think it's impressive to be able to absorb nearly infinite distress, but I don't necessarily admire it.

Rather, what's more admirable to me is his capacity for change.

I always find him the most relatable, not so much because I find him similar to myself (though that's also true), but because he's such a typical Male Figure in my social context. He's a total stand-up guy who would give you the shirt off his back and then turn around and be, by his own account, absolutely horrible to his wife and children. Which is a bizarre contrast, but also a very common one, and in a way I think that perceived normalcy makes him feel almost touchable to a lot of us. Like he of all the beatles actually existed in the real world, or at least in a world that exists for us as well.

I also think the sheer normalcy of "nice guy who's not so nice to his family when he's been drinking" creates the illusion that he's not worth exploring and that's why so many people ignore him in their quest to understand the group, but that's also a conversation for another day.

What's sort of profound and incredible about him, though, isn't existing in the real world but changing his world. Moving from someone deeply familiar, close enough to touch, to someone untouchable but inspiring. What I'm saying is that he got sober after decades of heavy drinking and, apparently, has stayed sober for thirty years. Which seems to heavily imply that he likes being alive more than he likes being numb, which is a major accomplishment for anyone with an addictive personality.

It's like he started here on earth with the rest of us, and then stepped through a portal into a different reality, and ceased to be at all touchable or real but instead became aspirational, or happy. It makes it seem like that aspirational, untouchable world could become touchable to all of us, too. Like it's not our inherent nature that makes us happy, not the world we're in right now, but the capacity to change our world by changing ourselves.

[deconstructed-paradise]

[ HI SORRY THIS IS AN OOC ASK,,, I just want to say I fucking adore this blog. I have nawt been able to find a way to interact with it as much as I rlly want to butI just want to say you are like. writer of this specific character no. 1 to me rn 🙏🙏 bestest wishes forever i am so excited to see this blog develop further

@oculore ]

//wehhhhh thank you so much,,,,,

//I feel like most canon depictions of her are. Very polarized. Either she was always evil, or she was never that bad. The neurotoxin is looked down on as a cheap excuse to forgive her. //But in real life, people can and do become abusive due to circumstances like that. And maybe the massive space jellyfish parasite is a metaphor for the crushing weight of grief. Maybe it’s a metaphor for addiction, or mental illness. Maybe the space jellyfish is a fantastical metaphor for the brainrot of 24 hour Fox News that radicalized people into raging homophobes. And it’s a fantasy of sorts, that with the power of homosexuality and your pet god, you could save your mother from herself and her abuse. That you, a kid who feels awful and powerless, might be able to cut off the addiction, turn off Fox News, smack sense into them! That you could save your family! //But she won’t be the same. She won’t ever be the same. And you can’t rely on her to take care of you anymore. Not the way she used to. And a lot of people seem to ignore that Lillie’s arc isn’t just gaining confidence. She’s realizing that she can never again trust her mother to love and care for her. She’s growing up. She has no other choice. //I guess I wanted to write a sympathetic depiction that doesn’t excuse her actions, but also shows that she’s a person, too. A lot of elements— unprocessed abuse, untreated mental illness, repressed queerness— are pretty close to real life. And maybe it’s a power fantasy for me. What if your parent finally realized they’d been queer all along. What if they finally understood that what they did to you wasn’t normal just because it was done to them. //I’m rambling, oops. Anyways, if you want to figure out more about Lucy, you can ask about:

-her hometown

-her Pokémon

-her husband

-her thoughts on fame

-her history with poison