#but i do have the choice of whether or not i protect myself

[teabookgremlin]

really hate that any time someone seems slightly upset with me i cry

[lascvitae]

❀ ༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ WANNA MAKE YOU MINE²

♯┆ karina pulls y/n deeper into her world, and even though y/n knows she should be careful, it's already too late. she’s falling hard and fast. and honestly? she already did.

part one. part two. part three.

pairing. karina x fem!reader genre. strangers to lovers, fluff, suggestive!!, goodness karina wants you so bad warning(s). making out, (lots of it actually) cursing, underage drinking, scream mentioned 🤓☝️ karina showing her true colors, karina teases you literally like throughout the entire chapter, she’s possessive and obsessive but you like it :shrug:

word count: 11k

❝baby, don’t be scared, want you everywhere

catch you if i fall, i mean it.❞

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ katty ᥫ᭡: lawd.🧎‍♀️

masterlist.

minjeong didn’t look at you. she just stared ahead, eyes blank and teary, like her mind was somewhere else. 

you swallowed, chest tight. “i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve this.”

she let out another bitter laugh. “yeah, well. i did it to myself. didn’t i?”

“no. you didn’t. you had a crush. you were in love and you trusted someone with that.”

minjeong’s bottom lip wobbled, and her eyes squeezed shut like she was trying to hold everything in.

“why would jiwon do it?” you muttered. 

minjeong’s jaw clenched. “i don’t know.“

you turned toward her, your voice quieter now. “how long were you in love with her?”

minjeong didn’t answer right away. just curled her fingers tighter into her sleeves.

“too long. i was stupid. especially after i saw what she did to yujin.”

your eyebrows furrowed. 

“shit—“

“who’s that?”

“i— she’s— i’ll just let karina tell you.“ she sniffled. 

you bit your lip nervously before nodding slowly and curiously. “does jiwon know you’re here?”

another long silence.

then minjeong shook her head. “i don’t think she cares.”

it made your heart ache. because whatever happened between them, jiwon had a choice.

“i’m gonna fix this.” you said.

minjeong gave you a tired look. “how?”

you didn’t know yet.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you didn’t know where else to look.

after hearing minjeong crying in the stairway, you needed jiwon. you needed her to look you in the eye and tell you it wasn’t true. that she didn’t hand over minjeong’s secret like it was nothing. so you ended up at the counselor’s office.

you told yourself that maybe jiwon was here. maybe the guilt pushed her into one of the chairs or forced her to ask the counselor for help. but when you opened the door the office was empty.

you sat down on the fake leather couch. it squeaked under you, and you just sat there. 

you stared at the wall with that dumb motivational cat poster. the one that said hang in there.

and then the door opened.

you didn’t look up. didn’t need to. you already knew who it was.

karina closed the door behind her. she stood for a second. as if she was debating whether to speak or just look at you.

“i figured you’d be here.” she said eventually.

you didn’t respond. she stepped further inside.

“you shouldn’t have run off like that.”

“sorry, i didn’t realize i needed your permission to walk away.” you scoffed. 

“don’t say it like that.”

“can you just… leave me alone? you knew this would happen. and you didn’t stop it.”

karina stayed quiet for a while. “but i didn’t cause it.”

you let out a bitter laugh. “no. you just sat back and let it happen.”

“she told jiwon and jiwon told someone else. that’s not my fault.”

“but you knew, karina. you knew it would blow up like this. and you let it.”

“no i didn’t.” she protested. “how was i supposed to know that she’d anonymously send in a tip on ning’s page? it isn’t my fault that jiwon betrayed her.”

her words stung you. 

‘it wasn’t my fault that jiwon betrayed her.’

‘jiwon betrayed her.’

when the words finally settled, karina was standing right in front of you. 

“it isn’t my job to clean up someone else’s mistake.” she continued. “you don’t get to stand here and act like i’m the bad guy. i didn’t sell minjeong out. jiwon did.”

“but you could’ve protected her.” you whispered.

“from what? the effect of her best friend’s actions? i told you. that isn’t my job.”

you winced at her tone. 

“leave me alone, karina.”

you looked up at her as she stayed silent. then she stepped back. 

“stop looking at me like that and maybe i will.”

and there it was. 

you locked eyes with her and even though you were upset with her, it was like you were entranced. again. 

you didn’t know what to believe. 

“i didn’t care about minjeong’s secret. i cared about what it would do to you.”

you stayed silent. 

karina stepped closer. “if i had said something, it still would’ve gotten out. and then you would’ve been right in the middle of it. i didn’t want that.”

“so you just let minjeong burn instead?”

“i would’ve let the whole school burn if it meant keeping you out of it.” the words hit you hard.

“you don’t mean that.”

“i do.” 

“i care about you. i care when you cry. when you walk away from me. when you disappear without saying anything.”

“that’s not caring, karina. that’s control.” you shook your head.

“maybe. but it’s still real.”

you didn’t know what to say. so you reached out for her. 

hell. you didn’t know why you did it.

maybe it was because you were tired of running from the pull she had on you. but you leaned in. 

not all the way.

not enough to say i forgive you or this is okay now.

but enough to feel her warmth. 

you didn’t look at her. 

“i hate that you always make it feel like it’s just us. like the rest of the world doesn’t matter.”

“because it doesn’t. not when it comes to you.” she said instantly. 

you winced. not because she said it but because you believed her.

her hand hovered between you two, not touching you. you let your fingers slide toward hers. just enough for them to meet.

when they did, she caught them softly. you looked at her then.

karina’s voice softened. “you’re not like the rest of them. and i… don’t like sharing things that matter.”

you knew what she meant. you knew she was talking about you.

you leaned into her shoulder. it wasn’t because you forgave now, but because you wanted to. and maybe that was worse. she didn’t say anything, she just let it happen. let you rest against her like she was waiting for it.

you couldn’t help but feel like you fell right into her trap. 

karina’s house always felt like it was trying too hard not to be a house. it was always too clean. but tonight, there was something different about it. 

the low hum of music from ning’s bluetooth speaker and the scent of popcorn filled the air, accompanied by her candy perfume. 

you were sitting on the edge of her velvet couch now, tucked into a cushion with a blanket karina tossed over you. your fingers gripped a cold glass of something sparkling and pink, courtesy of ning. 

aeri claimed the armchair, legs folded up with her hoodie zipped halfway as she scrolled through her phone. ning was sprawled out on the floor, face down in her phone beside a half empty bowl of popcorn.

karina sat close as she always did. her thigh pressed against yours, arm draped along the arm of the couch behind you. you could feel her fingertips brushing your shoulder every now and then. 

“anyway. i still can’t believe jiwon actually cracked. like damn. she really folded under pressure, huh?” ning started, voice casual in a way that meant she was about to say something dangerous. you didn’t say anything. just stared into your drink.

karina shifted beside you. “ning.”

“what? i’m just saying. i expected better. that girl keeps secrets like it’s her job.”

“she made a mistake.” karina said. 

“did she?” ning placed a gummy bear into her mouth before chewing lazily.

“kinda seems like she knew exactly what she was doing.”

“okay but that doesn’t mean you needed to go full tmz at lunch. you nuked our table.” aeri chimed in without looking up.

“and yet, no one one got up until y/n did.” ning said, eyes flicking toward you. the silence that followed made your ears ring. your throat tightened.

karina’s thumb found your knee, rubbing slow and soothing circles. “can you not?”

“i’m just observing. she’s here now, isn’t she? you’re welcome, by the way.” ning said. karina tensed next to you.

“maybe now you’ll finally chill out. stop staring at her like you’re crazy.” ning teased. 

“shut up.” karina said. it hit like a brick.

you felt it. the shift. the change in karina’s tone when someone crossed a line, even if it was someone she considered a friend.

“relax. you’re so sensitive when she’s around. it’s kinda cute.” ning said.

“i’m tired.” you said.

“you wanna go upstairs?” karina turned to you immediately. 

you stared at her.

“we don’t have to stay down here.“

“yeah. upstairs, please?”

she was on her feet before you could even set your glass down. her hand found yours again and you followed her out of the room without a glance behind you.

she didn’t say anything until you reached the stairs. “i didn’t want you to feel like this.” she mumbled.

you looked over and her eyes were already on you. she was concerned.  her gaze was protective in a way that felt way too intense for someone you’d only just gotten close to.

“i’m okay.” you lied.

“you’re not.” she said. and her hand squeezed yours. “but you will be.”

her room door opened with a click. you stepped inside first. you hovered near the doorway, unsure of what to do with your hands.

karina crossed the room and sat at the edge of her bed, kicking off her shoes without a word. she pat the space next to her but didn’t look at you.

you sat. not too close. but not too far either. and for a while, neither of you said anything. just sitting in the quiet. 

karina turned toward you slightly. “are you mad at me?”

you didn’t look at her. just stared at the soft curve of the candle’s flame. “i don’t know.”

“you have every right to be.” silence again. “i don't care if anyone else leaves. but not you.”

you turned toward her, heart pounding. “why would i leave?” she stayed silent. 

karina leaned back on her hands, eyes focused on the ceiling. “because i scared you.”

“what?” she finally looked at you. 

“i didn’t want you to think that i was controlling. or obsessive. you’re the only thing i’ve wanted in a long time that actually makes me feel something. and i was scared that if i pushed too hard, you’d run.”

your breath caught. your chest felt full and tight and warm at the same time. “i wouldn’t.” you said. 

karina gave you a laugh that was devoid of any humor. “you say that now.”

“i mean it.”

she looked down. her fingers curled slightly as if she was resisting the urge to reach out for you. “then tell me not to hold back.”

“what?”

“if you want me to stop, i’ll stop. but if you don’t…” she finally looked at you again.

“i won’t hold back anymore.” you were suddenly aware of how close you were. you could feel the heat radiating off her skin.

you stayed silent for a moment. “you scare me sometimes.”

karina wasn’t offended. if anything, she was curious. “why?”

“because you always know what you want. and you always get it.”

“that scares you?” a slow smile found it’s way onto her lips. 

“no. what scares me is that i think i want to be yours.” you could feel the air change.

karina leaned in, forehead pressed to yours. “you already are.” then she kissed you.

it was slow. her hand slid to your back, pulling you in. your fingers caressed her hair, her cheek, then her jaw. you memorized the way her breath hitched when you parted your lips for her. you pulled away to catch your breath. but only for a bit. 

karina’s lips found yours again. it was like she was memorizing the shape of your mouth and the taste of your breath. you didn’t mean to pull her closer. you didn’t mean to sigh against her lips, or let your hands twist in the material of her hoodie. you didn’t mean to pull her down with you as you leaned back. 

but she came willingly, moving with you until she was leaning over you, one hand beside your head and the other still at your back. she kissed you like she was starving. like she was holding back for weeks and finally let herself go. and god, you let her.

you leaned into her, melted into her. you let her kiss you like she owned the moment. because she did. her lips parted just enough to whisper. “you have no idea what you do to me.” your breath caught.

and then—

“HELLO?!?” you both froze.

“okay, wow. i knew it! i told aeri it was happening! pay up, bitch!” ning’s voice echoed from the doorway.  karina groaned into your shoulder as you jumped back like you were caught committing a crime. 

“ning— what the hell?!”

“oh, don’t ning me. i knocked. twice.” she leaned against the doorframe with zero shame.

“anyway. aeri’s making some strawberry lemonade cocktails and i came to get you before she mixes them with that expired peach vodka again.”

again?

you looked at karina, who looked more annoyed than embarrassed. and then ning disappeared. karina sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. 

you were still catching your breath, staring at the door that ning had just came through. “should we go down?” you asked eventually.

karina leaned in one last time, brushing her lips against your cheek. “in a minute.”

“hurry up! i want to toast to the sexual tension finally bursting!” you heard ning yell. 

karina groaned. 

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

karina’s grip on you didn’t even loosen up once on the walk down. you stepped into the kitchen and were immediately hit by the scent of strawberries, citrus, and something that smelled dangerous.

“okay. i don’t know what to call this one yet, but it’s mostly lemonade and like, strawberry puree… and then like, a splash of evil.” aeri said while standing at the counter.  “define ‘splash.’” karina said, eyeing the bottle of vodka on the counter that looked more than half empty.

“i’m not a math prodigy. want some?” aeri shrugged. 

“absolutely not.” karina said, but ning was already pouring some into plastic cups for you. one of them was immediately put into your hand.

“cheers to tension relief! and karina’s face when i walked in.” ning said dramatically.

“i will murder you.” karina mumbled.

“i’m not judging! karina’s been like, clinically obsessed with you since day one. it’s honestly a relief that she finally acted on it.” you took a sip.

it was surprisingly good. it had just enough burn at the end to remind you that this was probably a very bad idea. “so are we gonna pretend that i didn’t clock the way karina was looking at y/n two weeks ago?” aeri said, sitting on the barstool. 

“are we finally past the mutual pining stage?” you nearly choked on your drink.

“we’re not past anything. we’re right in the middle of it.” karina said. that shut everyone up for a second.

“that was kinda hot.” ning giggled for you. you tried to hide your face behind your cup but karina pulled it down, locking eyes with you.

“none of that.” she said in a voice that only you could hear. you swallowed hard. something that you did a lot around her. 

“okay. this is where we toast, guys. you left me hanging.” ning rolled her eyes. you all raised your cups and for a moment it felt weirdly… normal. the tension turned into laughter, sarcasm, and increasingly dangerous drinks. karina stayed close the whole time.

you let her. you weren’t scared anymore. you were curious how much deeper this could go. and somehow, you ended up on karina’s balcony. 

one of them, at least. 

it was quieter out here. the sliding door clicked shut behind you and karina stepped onto the balcony right after you. the breeze was cool against your skin, courtesy of the ocean not too far away. 

your head was light and everything felt slower. it was quiet if you ignored the faint noise of playboi carti playing through ning’s bluetooth speaker. 

she finally spoke. “i hated that ning walked in.”

“yeah. i noticed.”

“i’m serious. i waited so long to kiss you like that. i wasn’t done.” she said in a lower voice than usual. her words were a little less accurate. you turned to meet her gaze. 

“i think you made your point.” you said quietly.

“did i?” she mumbled, tilting her head. 

“because i don’t want there to be any confusion. not with you.” her fingers brushed against yours on the railing as a reminder. 

“i like you. in the i can’t stop thinking about you kinda way. maybe i’ve done it all in the wrong order or came on too strong, but i’m not pretending.” your heart did something weird at her words. 

“i don’t want to pretend either.” you said. karina’s arm brushed against yours again. you could feel her sigh before you heard it.

“i don’t usually say shit like that. like, i never say shit like that. but with you, i can’t not.” she admit in a slurred voice. you turned your face toward her, and she was already looking at you. 

“stay tonight.”

you nodded. maybe it was the drinks. or honestly just karina. but staying felt like the only right answer.

the first thing you felt was warmth of a blanket. then the consequences of last night. karina’s scent still lingered on your skin. it was expensive and addictive. 

you stirred, stretching slightly before rolling onto your back. the spot beside you was empty, but it was still warm. you blinked slowly so that your eyes could adjust to the light slipping in from the slightly cracked bathroom door. that shit was huge. 

but when you looked inside, you nearly forgot how to breathe.

karina stood in front of the mirror, pulling her damp hair into a high, effortless ponytail. her outfit made you sit up.

it was a black cropped tank top paired with a skirt. just tight enough to show off the slope of her waist. she had on the silver rings she always wore with her sunglasses pushed in her hair. and her back was to you. that was when you saw it.

the spine tattoo.

black ink ran straight down her back. you couldn’t read it from here, but it looked like something elegant and sharp. just like her. 

it curved perfectly with the shape of her body, disappearing under the hem of her top. it was hot. unfair. 

she bent slightly to grab her lip balm off the sink and you caught yourself staring so hard you forgot how to blink. karina caught your reflection in the mirror.

“you’re awake. did you sleep okay?” you cleared your throat, dragging your eyes away from her back like you weren’t just hypnotized.

“didn’t think your bed would be so soft.”

“you drooled on me. that’s how soft it was.” karina smirked and turned slightly toward you. you groaned and dragged a pillow over your face.

“don’t say that to me right now.” she laughed quietly. 

“i made you tea. it’s probably not warm anymore now but it’s the thought.” she spoke. you peeked over the pillow to admire her. 

“thanks.” karina walked over to you and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching to caress your cheek with her thumb. 

“you looked so peaceful. i didn’t want to wake you.”

“you could’ve.” you mumbled.

“next time.” she responded. there would be a next time. you continued to stare at her. 

“what?” she asked, lips curving at your attention. 

“you have a spine tattoo.” you said.

“yeah.”

“for how long?”

“for a while.”

“you never said anything.”

“you never asked.” she said, slipping her jacket on slowly and hiding the ink from your view. it was a simple line, but it held so much weight. what else was she hiding from you? you sat up slowly, pulling the blanket up with you. “where’s aeri and ning?”

“alive.” karina smiled. 

“that’s good.” you replied. 

“i guess.” she stood again and grabbed her lip balm from the organizer, applying it in the mirror. “they’re texting like they’re stranded in the sahara.”

“we’re going out by the way.”

“out?”

“yeah. brunch. or lunch. something along the lines. ning just wants to eat.”

“and you? what do you want?” you smiled, pulling your knees up to your chest. karina tilted her head, giving you that look. the one that always made you forget how to breathe. “i want you with me.” she said simply.

it was crazy how one sentence from her could make your whole body feel like a firework. “okay.” you whispered.

she walked back over and leaned down, pressing a kiss to your temple. “take your time. i’ll wait.”

but all you could think about was that tattoo. and how bad you wanted to trace it with your fingers. you were going to ask about it again later. when it was just the two of you and no jacket in the way.

───────── ౨ৎ─────────

the doors of karina’s car swung open like a reveal scene in a drama. it was the kind of car that made people look twice. karina stepped out first with her sunglasses on. then aeri, stretching a little with an eye roll. then ning, dramatically fluffing her hair like she was getting her picture taken. 

then finally, you.

karina was there in time to help you out, her fingers wrapping around your hand before you could even close the door behind you. “keep holding my hand. i like when people see it.” she said under her breath, lips brushing your ear.

“see what?”

“that you’re mine.”

you walked past a group of college guys who clearly noticed her, then did a double take when they saw your hand in hers. karina didn’t react. she just tilted her chin slightly and pulled you closer. “i don’t like how he looked at you.” she said flatly.

“i think he was looking at you, karina.”

“exactly. and then he looked at you like he thought he had a chance.” 

you laughed. “you’re insane.”

she just smiled like it was a compliment.

and the second you stepped into the store, it was like something changed.

it was all because karina had entered.

it was like everyone noticed her at once. the store wasn’t even that packed, but heads still turned. people’s eyes drifted from clothes to the tall, sharp featured girl who walked like she didn’t need to try. the world just shaped itself around her.

karina wore that black cropped tank top that was still tight and unfair. the silver belt made it look like it was made to show off her waist.

you didn’t notice the way you fell in step beside her until aeri leaned in.

“everyone’s staring. it’s like walking next to an off duty model.”

“off duty? karina hasn’t clocked out since birth.”

karina didn’t care about the compliments. she was too busy scanning the racks like she had a mission. and that mission, apparently, was you.

you didn’t even get to touch a single hanger.

“oh— welcome back miss yu.” a worker said, already straightening up.

“we’ll bring you both something to sip on.”

your eyes widened. “we get drinks?”

“it’s karina. you could get a couch in here if you asked nicely.” ning said from behind you.

karina turned around with a red dress dangling from her finger.

“try this on. she said, it wasn’t up for debate. 

“you didn’t even check the size—”

“i looked at you.” karina tilted her head. 

“what if it doesn’t even fit?” you said, cheeks warming up already.

“then we buy you the size that does.” she replied as if it was obvious.

“karina—”

“baby. i already made up my mind. this one’s yours.” she said and you swore your soul left your body for a moment. 

“fine. but if i try something, you do too.” you mumbled.

“me?” karina raised a brow. 

“yeah. fair’s fair.”

she stepped closer. “you just wanna see me undress.”

you choked. “no— i mean—”

“then say that, sweetheart.” karina smirked, taking a corset top and black skirt from the rack like she was humoring you. 

you were in the dressing room, staring at yourself in the mirror with a dress so tight it was almost suffocating. it was red, strapless, and it clung to every curve you didn’t know you had. 

your thoughts were a mess.

“karina, this is insane.” you called through the curtain.

“does it fit?” she replied. 

“that’s not the issue!”

“then it’s perfect.”

you cracked the door open. “your turn.”

karina took the corset top and matching skirt from aeri. she disappeared into the stall next to you without even glancing back.

you tried not to listen. you really did.

but you could hear the rustle of fabric. and the sharp slide of the curtain.

and then—

“y/n.” her voice called. 

“i need help with the zipper.”

you froze.

aeri and ning had wandered off somewhere to look at outfits.

so it was just you.

you stepped out of your stall, heart pounding in your chest. “you’re serious?”

“wouldn’t ask if i wasn’t.”

you pulled her curtain aside.

and your brain? it stopped working. 

karina stood in front of the mirror in a black corset top that hugged her waist and the skirt hugged low on her hips. she was too hot for you. and your heart. 

just beneath one of the ribs in her top you saw something peeking out. 

it was a another tattoo. 

not the spine one. not the collarbone one.

this one sat just under her chest, printed in fine black ink. it was unreadable but unfair.

your breath hitched.

“zip?” she asked half turned, watching you through the mirror.

you nodded stupidly, stepping in.

your fingers brushed the bare skin of her back as you carefully zipped her up.

“how many tattoos do you have?” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“three so far.”

your eyes glanced at the ink again. “this one’s older?”

“mhm. older than them all.”

your gaze met hers in the mirror.

your body temperature was suddenly too warm.

“your hands are shaking.” she said in a teasing tone.

“because you’re hot!” you blurted.

karina laughed before biting her lip. like she wasn’t currently ruining your ability to form a coherent thought.

she turned to face you fully with that teasing gaze still in her eyes. her voice was low. “so you admit it.”

“karina—”

“i’m buying this. and yours.”

“i haven’t even decided if i’m getting mine—”

karina stepped in until your space was hers. her hand came up, tilting your chin up until your eyes met hers.

“if you won’t wear it for you, then wear it for me.” she murmured. 

“i like seeing you in things i picked out. is that so bad?”

you were helpless. and breathless.

it didn’t feel like just spoiling.

it felt like claiming.

“that’s not fair.” you whispered.

she smiled. like she already won.

“you didn’t answer.” she added.

“answer what?”

“do i look good?”

you didn’t even pretend to play it cool.

“you look… insane.” you said in a dazed tone.

karina smirked.

her hand dropped to your shoulder, fingers brushing lightly as she fixed the strap of your dress. it was so gentle that it made your stomach flip.

“you two better not be making out in there!” ning’s voice rang out from somewhere near the jewelry.

karina smiled. 

“not yet.” she replied, eyes never leaving yours.

your knees genuinely almost buckled.

karina stepped back, finally giving you room to breathe. but the heat she left behind lingered on you. your hands were still trembling as you retreated to your own stall, trying to steady your pulse and ignore the flush creeping on your skin.

you somehow managed to change back into your clothes, and the red dress draped carefully over your arm like it was made of glass.

when you stepped out karina was already waiting. she was back in her black tank top and skirt, with her phone in one hand. she looked like she owned the store. she probably did.

you opened your mouth to say something just when ning came skipping around the corner with a glass of champagne in her hand and a pair of sunglasses that were definitely not hers.

“are you two done eye fucking in the fitting rooms or should i grab another drink?” she asked, taking a sip.

“it was one sided.” karina was unphased. as usual. 

“it was not.” you hissed.

“awh! i love mutual delusion!” ning cooed.

aeri was behind her, holding three bags and a pair of stilettos that looked legally dangerous. “i’m ready.”

karina took both your dress and her outfit, slinging them over her arm.

the four of you strolled toward the register and the moment the cashier saw karina, her expression shifted from professional to terrified to mess up. like she already knew who she was.

“put it on my account,” karina said before the girl could even speak.

“you have an account here?” ning asked. 

karina raised a brow. “don’t you?”

“no!”

you stood there, trying not to look out of place in a store where a single price tag could probably pay your rent. meanwhile, karina was taking black card out like it was nothing.

“did you want the jewelry as well?” the cashier asked politely, gesturing to a small tray of necklaces and rings karina had set down.

karina didn’t even glance at it. “all of it.”

your eyes widened. “wait—”

“let me.” karina said without looking at you.

you went quiet. you were stunned. and maybe just a little bit turned on.

the cashier handed karina the shopping bags with both of your outfits folded neatly inside, along with the jewelry in a smaller velvet pouch.

karina handed the pouch straight to you.

you stared.

“they’ll look better on you.” she said.

and then she walked off, sunglasses finally down over her eyes like she didn’t just buy you an outfit and jewelry without blinking.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

“this is the last one,” ning groaned dragging her feet. 

“i’m begging. starving. withering away.”

“you had champagne in the last three stores.” aeri reminded her, adjusting the stack of bags in her arms.

“champagne isn’t food. it’s a coping mechanism.” ning snapped.

“you had two glasses. in every store.”

“you’re not helping, babe.”

the four of you stepped into the final store. it was so clean and so quiet that it felt like even breathing too loud would cost money. 

the employees were all beautiful and you were pretty sure you saw someone famous just casually browsing.

karina’s hand was already on the small of your back, steering you toward a rack of dresses.

“you’ll like these.” she mumbled, and she was right.

you glanced over your shoulder. ning had already zeroed in on the drink tray being passed around and grabbed a flute without even asking. aeri followed with no hesitation, sipping something sparkling while fully making eye contact with the most anxious employee nearby.

you, on the other hand, were kind of overwhelmed.

“karina. this is… insane.” you whispered.

“mm. try it on.” she said, grabbing a dress off the rack and holding it against you like she could already picture it.

you hesitated. “you’re not trying anything?”

“i’m not the one getting spoiled today.”

your face heated up. she said it so casually like you weren’t already fighting for your life every time she looked at you.

you disappeared into the dressing room before your knees gave out. and you didn’t notice her grab another dress. 

the one she picked was black and silky. you’d barely finished zipping it when she called out softly.

“let me see.”

you cracked the door and peeked out.

karina was leaning against the wall across from you with her hands in her pockets, and it made your stomach do a thing. the look she gave you could’ve killed a victorian child.

“turn.” she said.

you did. slowly.

she tilted her head, biting back a smile. 

“walk.”

“karina—”

“please?”

god. 

you did. a few steps back and forth, pretending you weren’t walking straight into your downfall.

“what do you think?” you asked, trying to sound unaffected.

karina stepped forward. “it’s not the dress that i’m looking at.”

you were already flushed, ducking back inside. you were halfway into the second dress when you heard the voice behind you.

“need help zipping?” she asked lowly.

you almost died.

you turned to look at her just as karina slipped inside your dressing room like it was nothing.

“you—” you started, clearly panicked.

but she was already behind you, fingers brushing your spine carefully. 

her voice was soft. “relax.”

you didn’t.

her hands ghosted up your back before adjusting the fabric with a precision that made you shiver. she wasn’t just zipping you up. she was watching. your every breath, your every twitch, and every timesucked in too sharply.

“you really like watching me suffer, don’t you?” you whispered.

“no. i like watching you fall.” she leaned in.

“fall for what?”

her smile curved against your skin. “you’ll see.”

the door creaked open suddenly.

“okay, i know you’re in there again—“ ning’s voice called out.

you jumped.

karina, who was unbothered, responded. 

“we’re almost done.”

“you said that at the last store.”

aeri was sipping again, arms full of designer bags. “ning’s gonna start eating the mannequins.”

“i am!” ning shouted.

you stepped out finally, still struggling.

you watched karina’s expression shift from relaxed to focused. then focused to something darker and hungrier.

she was just staring. “you’re gonna kill me.” she said quietly.

your throat tightened. “it’s the dress, right?”

“no. it’s you in the dress.” she said.

you swallowed.

“you… can’t wear that around people.” she said, voice low.

“why not?”

“because i’m not trying to go to jail.”

“oh my god.” ning said.

karina looked at the nearest employee. “we’ll take this one.” the employee practically bowed. “we’ll wrap it for you.”

when you made it to the counter the cashier smiled, probably thinking you were just another couple with money to burn. but karina didn’t smile back. 

she handed over her black card like it meant nothing again, eyes lazily looking between you and the total on the screen.

ning leaned over from behind and stage whispered loud enough for the whole line to hear. 

“she was moaning over the price tag earlier but not when karina was practically eating her in the dressing room.”

your soul left your body.

the cashier stared. aeri choked on her gum. karina just smirked.

“oh my god. ning.” you hissed.

“what? i’m just saying. karina spends and y/n bends.”

“stop talking.” you begged, face already ten shades of red.

karina grabbed the bagged clothes with one hand then handed it to aeri.

“let her talk. she’s not wrong.” she murmured near your ear. 

you nearly died on the spot.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

the brunch spot was the kind of place you only visited to take pictures in.

aeri ordered like she’d been here before. 

ning ordered like she owned the place.

“and three mimosas. just to start.”

two were for her. 

karina didn’t even look at the menu. she looked at you.

“get whatever you want.” she said softly, making you fold instantly.

you were still recovering from the dressing room.

and the walk here. where she held your waist the whole time and dared anyone to look at you too long.

you were just starting to feel normal again, laughing at aeri complaining about her mimosa and taking a bite of ning’s food without asking when your phone buzzed.

jiwon

hey. you should know something before school tomorrow.

your stomach dropped.

there no context. no follow-up.

just that.

your fingers hovered over your screen for a second before you typed fast.

you  

what are you talking about?

you stared at your phone. 

you didn’t realize your expression shifted until karina nudged you with her foot under the table.

“you okay?” she asked.

you nodded too quickly. “yeah. just— just got a weird text.”

karina didn’t press. she already knew that something was off. 

you opened up your text with minjeong. 

you

minjeong

jiwon texted me 

[one attachment]

your appetite disappeared.

“you sure you’re good?” aeri asked.

“yeah.” you lied, setting your phone face down.

they continued to talk and laugh.

but your chest felt tight.

you tried to stay present.

you really did.

but the second you flipped your phone down, the energy shifted for you. your mind kept spinning. what did jiwon mean? why now? and why send that kind of text without explaining?

karina didn’t take her eyes off you once since you read it.

“you sure?” she asked again, quieter this time.

you nodded, managing a weak smile. 

“mhm. promise.”

but your knee was bouncing under the table and karina clocked it immediately.

she leaned back just, draping along the back of the booth behind you. her thumb grazed the top of your shoulder.

it was subtle and protective.

she didn’t touched her food much. she was too busy watching you.

your phone buzzed again.

you didn’t dare to look. not with karina watching. not with her sitting so close.

but she was mid sentence. anxiety was eating you out from the inside and it made you hopeful. 

so you flipped your phone over. subtly. 

jiwon

i never sent anything in anonymously. that wasn’t me.

your heart dropped.

karina was still mid-sentence, but her eyes cut to your screen for a second.

just one second.

you angled it away instinctively.

but it was too late.

“everything okay?” she asked in a soft voice. but there was something sharper under it now. you couldn’t name what it was.

you forced a smile.

“yeah. just… texting minjeong.”

she tilted her head and the corner of her mouth twitched upward. “minjeong?”

you nodded, thumbs already typing out a quick message before you could stop yourself.

you

minjeonggggg

i need you

the moment it delivered, karina leaned over and gently kissed your temple.

“be right back.” she murmured.

“where are you going?” you asked, trying to keep your tone even.

“bathroom.” she didn’t wait for you to respond. just turned and walked off with the same effortless grace that made everyone stop and stare.

you stared down at your screen. it was still unread.

“she’s gonna find out, you know.” ning said suddenly. 

your head snapped up. “what?”

“whatever it is. karina’s not stupid. if anything, i’d say she knows everything.” aeri sipped her mimosa.

“you’re acting like i’m hiding something.”

“we’re just saying. karina doesn’t miss much.” ning sang.

“plus she already saw your screen.” aeri added.

“you might as well just tell her before she finds out on her own. she’ll like it better.”

you weren’t sure if it was a warning or advice.

maybe it was both. 

but then you remembered the message.

jiwon’s message.

“i never sent anything in anonymously.”

that meant someone else had. someone who knew.

your stomach twisted.

and before you could talk yourself out of it, you typed to jiwon.

you

who is yujin?

you barely had time to process the weight of what you just sent when you saw the text wasn’t delivered.

blocked.

you stared with cold blooming in your chest.

karina returned a few seconds later, sliding back into her seat like nothing happened. her hand brushed your thigh beneath the table.

“you okay?” she asked, smiling.

and you smiled back.

but you had no idea if it reached your eyes.

the car ride back was thick with silence.

it was too quiet. 

aeri and ning had stayed behind for dessert. it was something about a mochi place that was trending on instagram, but ning reassured the two of you that her ‘lil shit’ would pick them up. 

karina drove with one hand on the wheel and the other resting idly on the center console like nothing was wrong. 

like she hadn’t seen the name yujin flicker across your screen.

you haven’t said anything since. but it was eating at you. the silence. the question. the fact that jiwon blocked you the second you texted.

you looked over at karina, voice lower than you meant. “who’s yujin?”

she didn’t even blink.

her mouth curved, but it wasn’t a smile. it was something quieter.

a knowing kind of tilt.

“i figured you’d get there eventually.” she said softly.

your throat tightened. “so?”

karina turned to look at you briefly. her tone was gentle.

“don’t worry about it, princess.”

the car hummed.

you stared at her, but she didn’t elaborate.

it felt like a promise.

when she pulled up in front of your place, she didn’t say goodbye. she just looked at you.

“i’ll see you soon.” she murmured.

you stepped out with a shaky breath and the door shut behind you quietly.

you bit your lip.

first period felt off from the beginning. karina’s seat was still empty.

you weren’t used to that.

she was usually early on time. but today? the silence she left behind felt heavier than usual. and you were already on edge.

minjeong was two rows ahead, slouched low in her chair. but when the teacher turned to write something on the board, she moved in her seat just enough to glance back at you. then she passed a folded note along the edge of the desk.

you opened it under your book.

"didn’t see jiwon on the bus. she hasn’t answered me either."

your fingers tightened around the paper. 

your eyes flicked up toward the door again as if somehow she’d be there now.

no one came.

you pulled out your phone under the desk and quickly typed out a message to minjeong.

you don’t think… karina—

before you could hit send—

the door creaked open.

your head snapped up.

karina walked in with an unreadable expression. her jaw was tight and she handed a late pass to the teacher without a word. 

she didn’t even look at you until she was sitting.

she leaned in slightly, voice low.

“you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

your blood chilled.

your stomach dropped.

no one knew that. you didn’t text it to anyone. you just laid there in bed, tossing and turning while your brain tried to put together jiwon’s text, her disappearance, and yujin.

“how do you know that?” you asked.

karina smiled, the corners of her mouth curving.

her thumb reached out, brushing underneath your eye gently. 

“the eyebags. they’re kind of cute.” she murmured.

you should’ve laughed.

but your heart was beating a little too fast and your skin felt a little too hot.

she turned her gaze forward like nothing happened.

you stared at her, the memory of her hand against your cheek still tingling.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

lunch rolled around, but it didn’t feel like a break.

your head was still spinning from history class. jiwon’s name wasn’t called on the roster. at first, you thought maybe she was just late, but the teacher didn’t even pause. like she wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.

you were walking with minjeong toward the courtyard when you heard someone whisper behind you.

“she moved schools. out of nowhere.”

“i heard her parents pulled her. like, literally overnight.”

you didn’t even realize you’d stopped walking until minjeong tugged lightly on your sleeve.

“y/n?” she asked. her voice was quiet.

your mouth felt dry. “did you hear that?”

minjeong nodded slowly. “something’s wrong. i just… i know she wouldn’t leave like that without saying anything.”

your heart twisted. you knew how close they were, or they used to be. and now jiwon was gone. just like that.

“she didn’t even say goodbye. not even a text.” minjeong whispered. 

before you could respond, a familiar warmth grazed your wrist.

karina.

she appeared beside you like she had always been there, her fingers brushing. 

there was a small silver chain around her neck that you’d never seen before.

“you weren’t at the table.” she said softly, her smile unreadable.

“we were just— um— walking.”

her gaze moved briefly to minjeong, then back to you.

“come with me.” she said, her tone not exactly a request.

you looked at minjeong, hesitant.

she shook her head before you could speak. “it’s fine. i’ve got somewhere to be.”

you nodded, swallowing your guilt and letting karina guide you by the hand to her table. 

“you missed first period.” aeri said to ning. 

“i’m in my delinquent era.”

karina rolled her eyes then reached into her bag and pulled something out. a small, velvet box.

your brows lifted. “what’s this?”

she opened it. inside was a delicate silver bracelet with multiple diamonds. 

she was still spoiling you. 

“i had it made.” she said softly like it wasn’t a big deal.

she was still spoiling you. 

you blinked. “karina— ”

“don’t.” she took your wrist before you could react and fastened the clasp herself. her fingers were steady.

“it looks good on you.”

your brain stopped.

“you really didn’t have to—”

“i wanted to.”

ning made a gagging noise. 

“you guys are disgusting. in a cute way, but still. disgusting.”

aeri smirked. “she’s just mad she hasn’t gotten her matching bracelet yet.”

“i want a matching necklace, actually.” ning said. 

you tried to hide your flustered face behind your hand but karina caught your wrist again, turning it to admire the bracelet on your wrist.

then ning spoke again.

“sooo. did you hear about jiwon?”

karina just tilted her head, her thumb still brushing your pulse.

“what about her?”

“she left. like, gone gone. moved schools outta nowhere. no warning. it’s kinda sus, right?”

aeri raised a brow. “i thought she was besties with that other girl.”

karina gave a light laugh.

“i guess she won’t be getting that rain check.” she said, voice dripping with something too smooth to be innocent.

you tensed.

her words were so casual. her fingers didn’t leave your wrist.

and when you looked at her she was already smiling.

like she didn’t just say something that sent chills down your spine.

“one day she’s here, the next she’s just… poof. there was no goodbye, no story, not even a last-minute rumor. that’s not how people leave this school. not without someone knowing.”

karina let out a small hum beside you, like she was interested but already had the ending to the story.

“she probably had her reasons.” aeri offered.

ning leaned in across the table with a conspiratorial voice. “okay but what if she didn’t leave voluntarily?”

you tensed. 

karina’s eyes cut to yours. she was amused. 

“why so tense, baby?” she asked.

you glanced away too quickly and caught it.

sunghoon, a couple tables over, was laughing with his friends when his eyes briefly focused on you. and then he smiled.

it was enough to make your stomach flip. it was the type that would’ve felt sweet if you weren’t sitting next to karina.

because she noticed.

of course she noticed.

her hand that was resting casually on your thigh under the table tensed slightly. 

you looked back at her, startled by how unreadable her expression was.

“i’m not tense.” you said.

“you are.” she murmured, thumb brushing over your leg. 

“it’s okay. i’d be nervous too if someone disappeared right after betraying me.”

you froze.

“i didn’t— she didn’t betray me.” you started, voice catching. 

karina tilted her head. “didn’t she?”

her stare was magnetic. she was smiling but something behind her eyes sparkled with knowing. 

she was still tracking sunghoon’s glance like it was carved into her eyelids.

aeri was unaware. ning, unfortunately, was not.

“you two weren’t that close, right?” ning asked 

“i mean, i thought she was tight with minjeong, but…”

“she was. they were.”

ning’s brows raised like she just realizing something. “wait. minjeong didn’t mention anything, did she?”

you didn’t answer.

which was all ning needed.

“oh. damn.”

“let it go. we’re talking about someone who left. let her stay gone.”

ning smiled, slow and shark like.

“right, right. my bad. guess i just love a good mystery.”

“you would be terrible in a whodunit. you would expose the killer just for fun.” aeri said, sipping her drink.

“only if the killer’s hot.”

karina laughed.

then she leaned toward you again, her voice barely above a whisper.

“you’re thinking too hard.”

“i’m not.”

“you are. relax. you’re safe.”

you turned to face her, heart pounding.

“are you saying that because you want me to feel safe, or because you know i am?”

her smile widened, lazy and slow, like she knew something you didn’t. her hand moved up your thigh subtly. 

“both.”

then she leaned back like nothing happened.

across the table, ning raised her eyebrows. “damn, i still want whatever weird love potion she used on you.”

karina smiled.

“no potion. just luck.”

and maybe a little bit of control.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you didn’t mean to hang out with them after school. really.

but one minute you were walking out with every intention of hanging with minjeong and the next, aeri had her arm around your shoulder while dragging you towards karina’s black car. 

you sat on the edge of the couch, guilt tugging at your chest. minjeong had only sent a “k” when you texted about changing plans and it stung more than it should’ve. you felt like you owed her something. but karina was sitting beside you now, watching you like she already knew every thought.

“tell me what’s on your mind.” she said softly.

you tried to shrug it off. “nothing.”

“you can’t lie to me.” she murmured.

you turned to look at her, and she was already closer than you realized.

“i’ll say it again. you don’t have to pretend around me. i don’t like it when you pretend.” she added.

maybe it was the way she said it. or the way her voice was grounding you.

“i’m starting to think you might be insane.” 

karina smiled.

it was a soft one this time. 

“but you like it.”

you didn’t answer. you didn’t need to.

she reached out and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “i’ve never let anyone get this close.”

you swallowed. “that’s not true.”

“it is. not since—”

she stopped herself. and then, instead of finishing, she leaned forward and kissed you.

your eyes fluttered closed on instinct.

it started like a question. gentle, like she was waiting for you to push her away.

you didn’t.

you kissed her back. and when she moved a little closer with a hand curling at the back of your neck, you let her.

the couch creaked under you. her thumb grazed your jaw and she kissed you again, deeper this time. and then her lips trailed to the corner of your mouth, then to your cheek, and then lower.

your breath caught when she kissed beneath your ear.

then under the edge of your jaw.

“karina—“ escaped your lips before you could stop it.

she paused there. lips against your skin, with a ghosting smile.

and then she whispered. “it’s jimin.”

you stared.

“what?”

she pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. “my real name. i thought you should know.”

yoh stared at her, heart still pounding in your chest.

“why now?” you asked quietly.

“because you say my name like it means something. and i want it to be the right one.”

you were still trying to process it.

jimin, jimin, jimin. 

then her phone buzzed on the coffee table beside you.

she glanced at the screen.

then declined the call. too fast.

you didn’t get to see the contact.

“everything okay?” you asked, breathless from more than just the kiss.

she gave you a soft smile. “yeah. just my mom. i’ll be right back.”

you watched her disappear down the hallway and past the kitchen. ning was arguing with aeri about “borrowing” a bracelet from karina’s jewelry drawer but it all faded into the background as you slowly stood up.

then you heard her voice again from an almost closed door.

“no. i told you. i’m handling it.”

silence. then softer, almost broken. 

“i can’t lose her like i lost yujin.”

your body went still.

you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until your lungs started to ache.

yujin.

there it was again. that name. that secret.

and now, suddenly, it wasn’t just curiosity

it was dread.

you heard her footsteps before you saw her.

soft and steady.

you didn’t move when she stepped back into the room, but your body tensed. like it knew she was near before your mind caught up.

karina was quiet as she sat beside you again, her perfume infesting the air and claiming the space all over again. her thigh brushed yours, fingers reaching for your hand. 

“sorry about that. my mom needed something.” she said softly.

you nodded too quickly. “no worries.”

and that was your first mistake.

because karina turned her head slightly toward you and her voice dropped. velvet and sharp.

“what did you hear?”

your stomach dropped.

“i— what?”

karina didn’t push. she only tilted her head like she was looking through you, not at you.

“it’s not a bad thing.” she said softly. 

“you’re just a little quiet now.”

you swallowed. “just thinking.”

that was your second mistake.

her hand lifted and brushed the side of your neck. then her thumb caught the edge of your jaw.

“i know who you’re thinking about.”

your breath caught.

she said it like a dare.

you didn’t nod or speak. but your silence was a yes.

her thumb traced under your eye and you swore she could feel your pulse under her fingers.

“you’re a terrible liar, baby.” she whispered.

“i didn’t mean to— i just overheard—” your voice broke.

“i know.” she hushed you instantly, forehead brushing against yours.

“but now you know how much you matter to me.”

her hand curved around your jaw and tilted your face just so your eyes met hers again.

“i lost someone before. it won’t happen again.” she said, voice barely audible.

you felt her words more than you heard them. you felt it everywhere in your body. 

she leaned in and kissed your cheek softly.

then your temple.

then the corner of your mouth.

“i won’t lose you.” she murmured, and this time it felt like a promise with weight to it. 

like a vow.

you were still trying to breathe when her lips grazed your ear.

“you’re mine, right?”

your lips parted. “karina—”

“say yes.”

and when you didn’t answer, she kissed you.

it wasn’t urgent.

it was slow.

like she had all the time in the world to unravel you.

when she pulled back, your whole body felt light.

ning’s voice rang out from the living room. 

“if no one’s picking a movie, i’m making us watch the notebook again!”

you were still in a daze, heart thudding from the way karina had kissed you like she already owned the part of you you were still trying to understand.

aeri groaned. “i swear to god, ning—”

you stood, slow and little unsteady, your skin still tingled. you didn’t even make it a full step before—

her hand wrapped around your wrist.

“wait.”

you turned.

karina sat there on the couch, legs pulled up and hoodie sleeves too long past her wrists. for once, she didn’t look like the girl who had the entire school wrapped around her finger. she didn’t look like the untouchable center of the universe, or the beautiful girl who whispered your name like a secret. she just looked…

soft?

her hair was a little messy from your hands and her lips were pink and slightly swollen from the kisses you just shared. 

and when she looked up at you, there was no teasing glint in her eyes.

it was something she’d never let anyone else see.

“can’t we stay in a little longer?” she asked, quieter this time.

and it wasn’t about the others. it wasn’t about the movie.

it was about you. about the fact that something in her unraveled when it was just the two of you. something she didn’t let anyone else close enough to see.

your heart broke a little in the best way.

she looked down for a second, fingers curled around your wrist. “just for a minute. just you and me.” she added.

you sat back down.

her hand was still on you.

“i can’t say no to you even if i wanted to.”

“you’re not supposed to.”

you didn’t know how to look at her. you didn’t know how to not look at her.

and then she leaned in again, forehead resting gently against yours. her eyes fluttered like this was the only place she could breathe.

you swallowed, barely holding it together. 

“you okay?”

she nodded after a while, but it was slow. like she didn’t trust her voice yet. “i just… i don’t get this feeling with anyone else.” her voice broke a little.

you folded. completely.

your chest ached and your hands moved on their own, sliding up to cup her face. 

“you make me insane.” you whispered.

karina laughed under her breath. she opened her eyes.

“i win.” she said, quieter this time.

you smiled helplessly. “win what?”

she leaned forward until her nose brushed yours. “whatever game you think we’re playing.”

there was that again. 

you didn’t answer.

you couldn’t.

because you knew that she wasn’t playing.

and for once, neither were you.

karina sighed, already standing. but she reached for your hand like it was instinct. 

then fingers laced with yours.

“come on.” she said.

you followed her out.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

ning had already claimed the comfiest spot on the couch, mystery drink in one hand and the tv remote in the other. she was wearing fuzzy socks, phone lighting up every few seconds.

aeri was stretched out across the floor with a pillow under her head, scrolling through tiktok and arguing with ning about everything.

“we’re not watching a movie where the guy literally dies in the rain, ning.”

“he dies in the bedroom, aeri. after loving her for like sixty years.”

you stepped in with karina still holding your hand, and they both looked up for one second.

aeri smirked. “took you long enough.”

karina cut in before you could say anything. 

“y/n needed help with something. zippers are hard.” she said, so sweet it made your pulse stutter.

ning choked on her drink. “excuse me?!”

you turned, ready to hit karina with a you did not just say that, but she was already plopping down onto and crossing her legs like nothing happened. she tugged you down next to her, hand still warm around yours. her arm brushed your shoulder like a secret no one else was allowed to know.

ning leaned closer with a wicked gaze. 

“you two are freaks.”

“romantic freaks.” aeri corrected.

“lovers.” ning said.

karina smiled, resting her chin on your shoulder like it belonged there.

aeri finally tossed her phone down. “listen! movie time. i’m not sitting through another failed vote.”

“i already said the notebook—” ning started.

“and we said no. too soft. we need violence. blood. screaming.” 

“that’s… a shift.”

“i want to see people running for their lives, babes. scream. classic. camp. a cultural reset.”

“i agree. the notebook is too straight.” karina said.

ning groaned. “you are so gay.”

aeri sat up, suddenly way too enthusiastic.

“uh uh. you cannot tell me ghostface isn’t hilarious. and iconic. and hot. scream is literally a comfort movie.”

“comfort?? people die.” you asked. 

“exactly. makes my problems feel small.”

“i don’t mind. i’ve seen worse things before.” karina hummed. 

ning turned to you with a dramatic gasp. 

“is she talking about you?”

you shoved a pillow at her.

karina just laughed, pulling you in. her arm slipped behind you on the couch, fingers lightly brushing against your shoulder. 

“let her pick it. it’s her first group movie night.” karina said.

“wait— me?”

three pairs of eyes turned on you. karina tilted her head, curious.

you swallowed. “uhh… something scary is fine?”

aeri smiled. 

“this is why i fuck with you.”

“i’d hate to have to hold you if you get scared.” karina laughed. 

“you would love to hold me.” you gave her a look. 

“guilty.”

ning clicked the remote, scrolling. “okay, whatever, scream it is.”

the movie started and the room dimmed. 

you leaned into karina and her thumb was now lazily brushing your arm. she didn’t flinch at anything. of course she didn’t.

halfway through the first kill, you felt her lean in.

“you’re blushing again.” she whispered, lips barely brushing your ear.

you couldn’t help it.

because even while ghostface chased teenagers around in a suburban house, all you could focus on was her.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

the movie ended in a mess of blood with the credits rolling. ning was laid out across the couch dramatically, half sleeping.

aeri was halfway into her phone, texting with one hand. “that was not scary.” she mumbled. 

but karina hadn’t moved.

she was still beside you, elbow resting on the back of the couch behind you. her fingers grazed the edge of your shoulder.

you turned to look at her.

“be honest. you hated it.”

she smiled without looking at you, her eyes still on the credits. “i didn’t hate it.”

you raised a brow. 

“i liked watching you more. you get all quiet when you’re scared.” she added, turning to meet your gaze.

“that’s because i’m trying not to scream.” you scoffed. 

karina tilted her head while smirking. “you can scream around me.”

your heart was stuttering.

“karina—”

“you always say my name like it’s a question. like you’re not sure i’m real.” she murmured, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“sometimes i’m not.” you admitted. 

that made her pause.

she studied you, eyes unreadable, then sat back a little to really look at you.

and then her hand, the one resting near your shoulder, moved with her fingertips trailing gently across your collarbone like she was drawing a shape only she could see. her thumb brushed the strap of your top.

“you don’t show this side to anyone else, do you?” you asked, half whisper.

karina smiled. “no.”

and there was something about the way she said it. it was honest. and maybe a little scared.

you didn’t even realize you were leaning in until your nose brushed hers.

“i like you like this.” you murmured.

her breath hitched and then her lips were on yours, gentler than you expected. 

you could never get enough of her lips.

she didn’t pull away, mouth moving to your jaw, then your neck, leaving soft, slow kisses down to your collarbone like she wasn’t in a rush.

like she was memorizing you. 

your fingers found the hem of her shirt, anchoring yourself.

she kissed your shoulder once more then pulled back just enough to meet your eyes.

“you’re dangerous.” you whispered.

karina smiled “i know.”

then ning called out from the kitchen, “if you’re making out again, at least wait until i’m asleep!”

you jumped. karina didn’t react.

she just looked up at you with a gaze that made your heart stop and reached for your wrist.

you stood first, dizzy with affection, and she gently tugged you back.

and of course you obeyed. 

you rode with karina to school the next morning.

“you’re staring.” she said, tone light.

“i wasn’t.” you lied. obviously.

she smirked, one hand drifting from the wheel to rest on your knee.

“you were.”

you didn’t deny it this time. you were still a little dizzy from last night. from the way she said ‘can’t we stay a little longer.’ from the way she kissed you. from the way her voice dropped when she called you baby.

karina slowed the car, parking into her usual spot out front because of course she parked like she owned the school. a few students glanced over, taking mental notes who was in the car with her this morning. you weren’t imagining the change in attention.

and then— sunghoon.

he looked up as karina changed the gearshift into park, expression freezing the moment your eyes met. the moment he saw her.

he straightened instantly. paled even.

then bowed.

like a full ninety-degree ‘i fear for my life’ type of bow.

karina smiled slowly with her sunglasses still on. one hand draped casually over the steering wheel. “cute.”

you didn’t even have time to ask what that was about before she was opening your door for you like a chauffeur.

“come on.” she said smoothly, eyes falling to your lips for just a second.

she always made it feel like walking beside her was a privilege.

like being with her meant something dangerous.

and judging by the way people stared as you walked into school with her, they knew it too.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you spotted minjeong near the lockers with her hoodie half zipped and earbuds tucked into her collar.

she looked up right as you stepped away from karina’s side.

“i’ll be right back.” you said, already moving.

karina caught your wrist.

her thumb brushed the inside of your pulse as if she was memorizing the rhythm. “where are you going?” she asked, head tilting like a puppy. 

except a puppy wouldn’t be wearing tinted dior lenses and a diamond studded earring.

you glanced at minjeong again. “to talk to her.”

“…now?”

you tried not to smile. “yeah. now.”

karina didn’t let go just yet. her pout was so slight and so subtle that you almost missed it. “i was gonna walk you to class.”

“i’ll only be a minute.”

she let your wrist go with a sigh that was a little too dramatic to be serious.

“fine. one minute. sixty seconds. that’s it.” she said. 

you shot her a look. “are you gonna time me?”

“i’ve already started.” she said. “fifty nine.”

you rolled your eyes and turned toward minjeong who had absolutely seen all of that.

she didn’t say anything right away. her jaw was tight like she had been holding something in too long.

you leaned against the locker beside hers. 

“hey.”

“hey. you still haven’t seen her real side, huh?” she said. 

“what do you mean?”

minjeong didn’t look at you.

“you know what i mean.” she mumbled.

“karina doesn’t just let people in. she chooses. and when she does it’s not always a good thing.”

you shifted uncomfortably. “she’s been sweet, actually.”

minjeong looked at you now, finally. and her eyes were tired.

“she’s been obsessive. that’s how it starts.” she said.

you tried to speak but her next question caught you off guard.

“have you heard from jiwon?”

you shook your head, guilt creeping in. 

“she blocked me.”

minjeong furrowed her eyebrows.

“she what?”

“she blocked me after i asked her about yujin. i haven’t heard anything since.” you admit. 

minjeong looked like she was doing math in her head.

your throat felt tight. “you think karina—?”

minjeong shut her eyes for a moment. “i think you need to be careful. that’s all i’m saying.”

you were about to respond when karina appeared with a smile on her face. 

“time’s up.”

you groaned.

“unbelievable.” minjeong mumbled. 

the smile told you that she heard all of it.

“ready?” karina asked, already matching your stride without waiting for an answer.

you nodded. and she didn’t take your hand this time. just brushed her fingers against yours. 

you glanced up at her, trying to read her face. but she was unreadable in the way that made your chest flutter. calm, composed, and a little too quiet. 

“you’re distracted.” she said after a few steps. 

“she asked about jiwon.”

karina didn’t answer. not right away. but you could see the smile tug at the corner of her mouth, like she knew you would bring it up. like she was waiting for it.

“i’m gonna stop by the counselor’s office.” she said instead. 

“why?”

“finishing something up.”

you stopped walking. she took one more step before turning back toward you.

there was something in her eyes now. the kind of look that made your breath catch even when she wasn’t saying anything.

she leaned in close with a low voice. 

“you should tell minjeong to be careful, too.”

your heart thudded once, hard.

“…karina?”

but she just smiled like she didn’t just say something vaguely threatening.

“don’t look at me like that. i’m being good.” she said, brushing your hair behind your ear gently. 

“you’re being cryptic.”

“i’m being considerate.” she corrected. 

then she leaned in. "you don’t want me to show you what not being good looks like.”

you knew she was teasing. mostly. but it still made your knees weak.

and then, like nothing had happened, she stepped back.

“i’ll see you at lunch. don’t miss me too much.” she said with a soft little smirk as she turned. you stood there for a bit too long, dizzy with affection and dread equally. and the worst part? you already missed her.

taglist — @saysirhc @prologue-ae @yuyuy90 (@spidrgamer @sh1ba100 @1800hotnfunn)

[absdollievu]

You said you were different, but you’re the same

Toxic!abby x reader

Warnings: car s*x , fingering (Abby!receiving) cunnilingus (r!receiving)

It’s been eight months since you last saw her.

Eight long, exhausting, angry months.

And yet, the moment you turn that corner downtown, arms full of groceries, and run straight into her chest—broad, solid, familiar—it’s like no time has passed at all.

You almost drop your bag.

“Shit, sorry—” you start, before you look up.

And freeze.

Abby.

Your chest tightens instantly. She looks the same, but also not. Her muscle mass is leaner now, her eyes a little sunken like she hasn’t slept well. The blonde braid drapes across her shoulder, damp with rain. Her gray hoodie is too big—definitely not one of the ones you remember.

“Y/N,” she breathes, like your name is a ghost she hasn’t dared say out loud until now.

You hate the way your breath catches. You hate the way your body still remembers her like it never forgot.

“No,” you murmur. “No, not today. Not like this.”

“I’ve been looking for you,” she says, stepping forward, like she’s afraid you’ll run.

You step back. “Don’t.”

“Please.” Her voice cracks. “Just… let me talk. Just for a minute. Please.”

You stare at her. The rain is starting to pick up. Her lashes are already wet.

“Talk about what?” Your voice comes out flat. Cold. “You made it pretty clear there wasn’t anything left to say.”

She runs a hand down her face. “I know I hurt you. I know I shut you out. But I never stopped—” Her voice stutters. “I can’t sleep. I can’t eat right. You’re everywhere. And I thought I could live with it but I can’t. I fucked up, Y/N. Let me try to make it right.”

You laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “Eight months, Abby.”

“I know.”

“You disappeared. No calls. Nothing.”

“I know.” Her voice gets desperate. “Please. Just tonight. Let me come with you. Let me be with you. I’ll sleep on the couch. I won’t touch you. I swear. Just—don’t shut me out like I did to you.”

She’s crying now. Not loud sobs, but silent tears down her face, and your whole chest caves in. Because you loved her. Maybe you still do.

“…Get in the car,” you say.

⸻

Your apartment smells like rosemary and garlic by the time the pasta is ready. You’d made it on autopilot—old habits. She always liked it when you cooked for her. She used to lean over your shoulder, press a kiss to your neck while you stirred the sauce.

Now she’s sitting at the dining table, the same one she helped you build your second year of college, looking like she’s afraid to even breathe too loudly.

You set the plate down in front of her. She looks up like you just handed her a warm memory.

“You didn’t have to cook,” she murmurs.

You shrug. “Didn’t do it for you.”

She flinches. But she eats.

You both do. The silence is thick. Tension rides every second like a wire ready to snap.

Half a glass of wine in, she finally speaks.

“I was scared,” she says, voice low. “Not of you. Of what I was when I was with you. It felt too good, too… safe. Like I was going soft. Like I couldn’t protect myself anymore.”

You grip your fork tighter. “So you ran.”

“I shut down. I thought it would protect you. From what I become when I spiral. But I ended up protecting myself. Like I always fucking do.”

You stare at her, unsure whether to yell or cry. “And you didn’t think I deserved a choice? A chance to be there for you?”

“I didn’t think I deserved you,” she says quietly.

You look away.

She swallows. “I still don’t. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’ll never stop being sorry.”

You hate how badly your body reacts. How warm your chest gets at the sound of her voice. How easily she slides into the cracks you’ve spent months trying to seal shut.

You finish your wine and stand. “There’s a party tomorrow. Jesse’s. You know the crew—Ellie, Dina…”

Abby blinks up at you. “Are you asking me to go?”

You shrug. “I don’t know what I’m doing. But yeah. Come.”

A beat of silence. Then: “Okay.”

⸻

The party is already buzzing by the time you get there. Jesse’s house is packed, loud music spilling into the front yard, lights flickering behind closed curtains. You’re not even fully up the steps when you feel Abby tense beside you.

You glance over. She’s dressed in all black—fitted tee that clings to her arms, jeans that ride low on her hips. Her shoulders are stiff, eyes scanning the house like it’s enemy territory.

“You don’t have to act like you’re walking into a war zone,” you tease.

She gives a dry smile. “You sure about that?”

Inside, the place is chaos. Beer pong, sticky floors, someone already vomiting in the bathroom. It’s nostalgic in the worst way. You push through the crowd, fingers brushing Abby’s wrist once—just enough to guide her without thinking about it.

“Y/N!” Ellie calls from the kitchen. Dina’s leaning against the counter beside her, grinning. “Holy shit, is that Abby?”

Abby raises a hand awkwardly. “Hey.”

Ellie gives a low whistle. “Thought you vanished.”

“Yeah,” Abby murmurs. “I kinda did.”

The conversation gets easier from there—Ellie is sarcastic enough to carry most of it. Abby stays close, but quiet. She doesn’t drink. You do. One shot, then two, then someone hands you something in a red cup and you down that too.

You laugh harder, talk faster. You forget to notice when you start dancing.

The living room is sweaty, pulsing with bass. Someone—short, curvy, tatted—grinds up behind you, swaying to the beat. You let her. Why not let her? You’ve been good. You’ve been careful.

Her hands slide around your waist, down over your hips. You gasp-laugh into the music as she moves against you. You push back into her. She whispers something against your neck. You don’t hear it. You don’t care.

Then—her hands slide lower. Bold. Open-palmed. She grabs your ass, firm and possessive, like she’s entitled to it.

That’s when you feel it.

The stare.

You turn your head and see her: Abby, halfway across the room, chest rising and falling like she just got socked in the gut. Her jaw is locked, eyes storm-dark. She watches for one second too long—then turns and leaves.

“Shit—” You stumble away from the girl without even looking back, pushing through the party like your body knows where to go. You hit the front door, then the driveway.

She’s at her car. One hand on the door. The other clenched at her side.

“Abby!”

She doesn’t stop. Doesn’t look at you.

“Abby, wait—”

She spins around, eyes wild. “What the fuck was that?!”

You flinch. “What?”

“You and that girl,” she growls. “Grinding like you were auditioning for a fucking porn shoot—her hands all over your ass like she owned you.”

“She didn’t own anything,” you snap, storming closer. “And what the fuck do you care, Abby? You’re the one who left!”

“That doesn’t mean I want to watch you let someone else feel you up like that!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, was that hard for you?” Your voice is sharp now, slicing. “Seeing someone else want me? Seeing me want them?”

Her face twists. “You looked like you were ready to fuck each other right there on the floor!”

“Well maybe I was,” you spit.

There’s a beat.

A pause.

Then: “Fuck you,” Abby snarls.

You shove her. Not hard. Just enough. “No, fuck you. You don’t get to be jealous. You don’t get to come back and pretend like you didn’t tear me apart!”

“I never stopped loving you!” she yells.

The silence is deafening.

Then she’s on you. Mouth crashing into yours like a storm—raw, unforgiving. You kiss her back because of course you do. Because every nerve in your body is on fire. You grip her shirt, drag her closer, teeth clashing. Her hands are in your hair, pulling just hard enough to make you gasp.

The car door slams behind you as she pulls you inside.

The second the car door slams behind you, you barely register the cold leather of the back seat before Abby’s on top of you—mouth on yours, hands already underneath your shirt, dragging it up your body. She groans when her fingers touch your skin, like she’s been starving for the feeling.

“You don’t know what you fucking do to me,” she growls against your lips. “Watching her touch you like that—”

You cut her off with a bite to her lower lip. “Should’ve said something sooner.”

“I’m saying it now.”

She grabs your thighs, yanks you into her lap as she sits back, your legs straddling her waist. You can feel her through her jeans—hot and tense and hard beneath you. Her hands grip your hips tight, grinding you down against her until your breath stutters and your head falls to her shoulder.

She pushes your shirt up, and you lift your arms just long enough for her to strip it over your head. Her mouth is on your neck instantly—teeth scraping, tongue following, lips leaving bruises you’ll see tomorrow.

You tug at her shirt next. “Off,” you hiss.

She pulls it over her head, and fuck—she’s still ripped. Her abs flex as she shifts under you, the muscles in her arms twitching when you run your hands down them. You lean in and kiss down her chest, slow, lingering. She gasps when your mouth wraps around her nipple, and her hips jerk up into you, helpless.

“Fuck, baby…” Her voice cracks. Her hand tangles in your hair, guiding you, begging for more.

You kiss lower, your hand already sliding between your bodies to pop open her jeans. She watches you, jaw clenched, breath shallow. You push her pants down just enough, then slip your fingers beneath her waistband, cupping her heat.

She’s soaked.

“Jesus, Abby…”

“For you,” she grits out, grabbing your wrist. “Always for you.”

You slip two fingers inside her, and she arches into you like it’s the only thing she’s needed for months. Her hands claw at the seat, knuckles white, moaning low in her throat as you curl your fingers just right.

“Y/N—oh my god—fuck—”

She’s so vocal, so needy, hips bucking under you with every thrust. You pump faster, grinding your palm against her clit, and her entire body shakes. Her thighs clamp around your hand as she crashes over the edge, crying out your name like it’s a prayer.

She slumps back, panting. Sweat slicks her chest.

But she’s not done.

“Your turn,” she growls. “Get in the seat.”

You don’t even hesitate—you climb off her, switch places, your back hitting the cold leather as she drops to her knees in front of you in the cramped space. She pulls your pants off so fast you hear the button pop. Then her fingers hook in your underwear and rip them down in one motion.

And then her mouth is on you.

Your entire body jerks. “Abby—fuck—!”

She eats you like she’s making up for every second of those eight months. Her tongue moves slow, then fast, then sucks hard on your clit until your legs are shaking. You grab her hair, hips rising to meet her mouth, and she moans against you—loud, needy, like the taste of you is the only thing keeping her alive.

You’re close in minutes. “Don’t stop,” you beg. “Don’t fucking stop—”

She doesn’t.

You come hard, crying out her name, thighs clamping around her head. She doesn’t let up until you’re writhing, twitching, gasping for air.

She crawls up your body and kisses you deep—your taste still on her lips. You hold her there, breathing together in the dark, chests rising and falling in sync.

For a long time, neither of you speaks.

Finally, you whisper, “I hate how good that still felt.”

Her voice is raw. “I hate how much I still love you.”

You close your eyes.

Because you do too.

_______

a/n: craziest fic written yet..

[bamsara]

If given the motivation I would ramble more about Trod, specifically Tyren and how he's my little dude but also a character who's behavior I've based on being a victim of obsession and idolization myself and how it's very cathartic to write a character exhibiting all the traits, both good and bad I've experienced in the Lamb's position and then knowing exactly how his story ends

That and some Narinder rambles and how Lamb is more comfortable with him than a sweet dog that surely shows more respect for them (idolization that does not see them as a person)

edit: nevermind I did end up rambling. Some TROD spoilers

It's great, I love this stupid dog and his scheming ways and writing just *why* he's doing what he's doing with genuine belief it's to better protect what and who he loves without actually taking into account the subject of his affection's feelings on the whole matter. He would never hurt the lamb physically but clearly that three eyed cat is nothing but stress for them (and is he wrong? is Narinder not a source of stress? We are not light in the 'enemies' part of the friends to enemies to friends to lovers part of the trope)

Though the difference between Narinder and Tyren, the rehabilitation and the corruption, although all entitlement, is agency.

Narinder often touts himself as uncaring and hostile to the Lamb and is still angry from the betrayal, as they are, but their agency is still considered even in anger.

In the Fox chapter where Narinder wishes to sacrifice Grekimar and Tyren, Lamb refuses. They argue about it and Lamb stands their ground, Narinder is unhappy about it but does not go behind their back and sacrifice cultists anyway when he very well could.

After reuniting after the fight when Leshy is revived, Narinder and Lamb argues heavily over the subject of whether or not Narinder is allowed to kill Leshy, someone who harmed both him AND the Lamb severely, and even though he's bitter about it, Narinder acknowledges the Lamb was not given a choice prior and will sacrifice his own revenge and comfort so the Lamb can have their agency returned, at least a little bit.

^^^ This one is a complicated one because between both characters, neither killing the bishops nor keeping them alive would result in both characters getting what they want, with reasonable desires for it (wanting to have choice again, wanting revenge on their tormentors, ect)

so Narinder essentially sacrifices his comfort for the Lamb, someone who is constantly sacrificing pieces of themselves and sanity to keep everything in peace

It works the otherway around as well: Narinder demanding talismans and God Tears and Relics from the Lamb and they agree, not because they're required to do what he says but because that's their friend, and they trust him enough to help him with whatever he's doing

(and back to the argument where the refusal to sacrifice two followers was in exchange for some of their heart, Narinder refuses and breaks the deal off immediatly even though the Lamb was willing. The Lamb is obviously more important than whatever goal he had in mind, essentially scrapping his partnership with the Fox and method to gain power because he didn't want his usurper to be weakened. and other things.)

I won't talk about EVERY instance of this because this is already a long post, but overtime the two are forming communication, compromise, and even in anger, there is a respect there that puts them on the same level as equals.

Tyren does not really fall into that.

Tyren would never, and I mean NEVER hurt the Lamb physically. He would never yell at them, never be angry with them, never be upset with them, because he does not see them enough as a person to feel those things around them.

And if the Lamb does disagree with him or make him upset, he will simply....disregard their current feelings on the situation and do what he thinks is best for him and them, even if it goes directly against their wishes.

And unlike Narinder, he would do it behind their back to stay in their good graces.

Tyren does care for the Lamb. Genuinely. He did long before that necklace was around his neck. He was already a little obsessed before the loyalty necklace was on him, it just gave him a slight edge.

He respects them but also doesn't. He takes their rejection at the party in stride and is completely unphased by it, completely understanding, but also plots to kill someone the Lamb called a 'friend' because the three-eyed hermit is clearly stressing them out and it makes no sense as to why they're crusading with him, or spending time with him when he's been nothing but a murderer and a blight.

I think a good summary of all this ramble is that when the Lamb tells Narinder to leave Tyren alone, Narinder goes 'whatever i fucking hate you and this stupid cult anyways. die forever' but does what they ask, while Lamb tells Tyren to please leave Narinder alone, and Tyren goes 'sure! :) anything for you my lamb' and digs up a corpse and drops it's mashed remains outside of the cat's hut with a fake letter from the Lamb saying it's 'breakfast'.

Narinder and Tyren are both very selfish, but in different ways

None of this probably makes sense

It is also 6AM

[littlelovelunette]

SAVE ME FROM THIS PT 2 PLEASE PLEASE🩷🙏🏻

(Also having an amazing day and don’t forget to eat, drink, and have a break for yourself!! You deadass deserve a million breaks from all the writing you do🩷🩷)

Save Me From This (2)

Mechanic!Sevika x Married!Reader

Part (1) thank you sooo much, have a great day too

Contains mentions of homewrecking, amab!Sevika, no protection, smut, clothed sex, breeding

Tags: @rurides @pzx1el @2sosa @sksksscarlet

You swung your legs absentmindedly as your manicured hand stirred the coffee that sat before you.

Sevika should've been here by now. Your divorce was finalising tomorrow and you were a tad bit nervous about it but knowing you had someone else by your side, not just as a date but as a friend too, made you feel somewhat lighter.

"Hey," Sevika smiled walking in the extravagant decoration clad café.

You smiled back seeing her, "I was starting to think you stood me up."

Sevika sat down opposite you, "What makes you think I'd miss out on such a perfect woman?"

You laughed at her compliment, blushing slightly before passing a menu to her, "Let's order and talk. It would be nice to get to know you better."

"Likewise," Sevika looked down at the menu, eyes gazing over the expensive desserts and types of coffees. She looked back up at you, "I'd start thinking you're here to test whether I pay for us both."

You laughed, this time an actual laugh and not those ladylike giggles most girls forced out, "No, no, my treat. I wanna enjoy this date with you. No tests, I swear."

"Oh, lucky me," she smirked.

Sevika ordered and so did you. Once the waiter collected the orders and left, you turned to look at her. "You've gotta forgive me for being rusty if I am, it's been a while I've been in the dating market," you said with a little sad smile.

"Oh, really?" Sevika raised a brow, "With the way you flirted with me last time, I thought you're a professional homewrecker."

"Oh, please," you crossed your legs under the table, "But if you were indeed married I wouldn't be so surprised myself. If I had a girl like that," your eyes roamed her figure, "I'd wanna lock it down too."

Sevika shook her head with a laugh, "Nah, unmarried and single through and through."

"How come?" You asked, leaning over the table slightly. You didn't mean to but your cleavage showed perfectly when you leaned against the table, causing Sevika to feel slightly distracted.

She quickly looked back at your face and answered, "Commitment is just not for me, I suppose."

"Oh," it made you feel sad for some reason.

"Knock it off", you told yourself, "It's just a first date!"

Or so you thought.

You didn't know what led to this, one thing to another and now you both were kissing so sloppily some would think you both were drunk.

You didn't care. Sevika pushed you against the wall, closing the door behind herself as she continued kissing you. Her tongue swiping on your bottom lip in a silent plea for opening.

But you were feeling playful so you denied. Bad choice, Sevika bit your bottom lip drawing a little bit of blood and leaving it swollen.

You yelped in the kiss and Sevika took the chance, forcing her tongue inside your mouth to get a taste. You whined softly, legs wrapping around her waist, Sevika hoisted you up.

You both parted.

"Last chance to back up, doll," Sevika whispered, "Before I wreck your hole raw, I swear I won't be nice to you just 'cause you're used to gettin' princess treatment."

"Who says I want princess treatment from you?" You asked with a suggestive smirk. Sevika took that as a yes and you pointed your way to your room.

Once Sevika finally closed the bedroom door behind herself, you both had all the privacy in the world. She slammed you down on the bed, making you gasp and whimper slightly.

Sevika nipped and bit your neck, leaving dark marks all over the skin. Your flawless skin was tainted in dark red hickeys and lovebites.

You could feel Sevika's clothed cock rubbing against your pantie-covered pussy.

"Please, wanna feel it inside," you pleaded.

Sevika laughed hearing that, "Already?"

You nodded, needily whimpering at her. Sevika unbuckled her belt with one calloused hand, easily, letting her pants drop to pool around her knees.

She picked your body up by the waist, pushing your panties to the side, exposing your small slit. "Aw, it's so small, I almost feel bad about breaking it in."

"Oh, please, I haven't had sex in about a year."

"No way in hell," Sevika stared in shock, "If I were Mr. Hayes, I'd be fucking you day and night."

You giggled, "Do it."

Sevika swallowed before slamming herself inside your pussy causing you to let out a loud scream of pleasure and pain.

She was huge. Absolutely huge. Her thick shaft settled deep inside, twitching.

Sevika was slightly startled by your scream, pausing to give you a moment to adjust before she started moving. "So big," you gasped feeling her tip reach your cervix.

Sevika chuckled and started thrusting deep and hard, your legs were flailing around Sevika, each and every thrust was so deep and hard your wetness was spilling onto her pants but she didn't care. Sevika liked it rough and so did you. You cried out again clenching around her shaft making Sevika groan, "Fuck,squeezin' my dick like you don't wanna let go," Sevika grunted, "Bet that Hayes fucker didn't do you so well even."

You nodded, "Yes, n-nobody so good," as incoherent as it was it was true. Nobody had fucked you so good. This was the biggest dick you've ever gotten. And the roughest sex too. You were a whining, moaning mess.

Loud moans reverberated in the bedroom with your legs now suspended in the air while Sevika pounded you roughly.

Your eyes disappeared in the back of your head as you came undone on her shaft, Sevika gave a few more sloppy thrusts before she let out a guttural moan.

Her thick semen filled you up to the brim. It was seeping out. You let out a small croak of, "Warm... Semen... In me..."

Sevika laughed seeing your brain-dead state, "Uh-huh?"

"Want more," you mumbled.

And that is exactly what she gave you.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Y'all have to admit they mammified Annie, made Pearline look like a jezebel, and then literally had Mary looking like some holy woman who was just in love and made some misguided decisions. They had Annie with barely any makeup and her hair all over her head, and they had Pearline slinking all over the stage after freshly cheating on her husband (which they constantly referenced). With Mary, they made it seem like she had no choice in her marriage and wanted "freedom" and Stack. At the end they got what they wanted and while we're supposed to see Annie and Smoke as the winners or whatever the message that the freedom and happiness is in the afterlife is nothing new, especially in the black community.

I think people are projecting the mammy image onto Annie because of their own personal anti-Black programming (which every Black person globally is raised with under white supremacy), and mainly because they don't know what the mammy image/trope truly is. Lemme help you.

The mammy trope/mammification of Black women is a desexualized image that is set in a purely domesticated role. They tend to be darker-skinned, full-figured, stripped of agency, and are often at the service of whiteness. They are never viewed as the love interest or having an erotic bone in their body. The ONLY thing Annie has in common with that definition (care of Merriem-Webster and my own university education as a Social Science/Black & Native Studies graduate) is dark skin, and a full-figure. Dassit. Ain't no mammy nowhere in her. Is she nurturing? Yes? A pillar of her community and protecting it with Hoodoo (which I practice myself)? Yes. Does she care for her man and look out for other people? Yes. But all that comes from a love of her people in the service of Black people, not whiteness. Did you not see them back shots and Smoke clapping his wife's cheeks? Mammies don't do that because that is not their function in stories. Also, Annie wore her hair in the actual style women with that texture of hair did in 1932. It wasn't all over her head (I'm smelling self-hate vibes and anti-natural hair energy). And why for the love of god would she have make-up on doing her Hoodoo work in all that heat? She was gorgeous without make up. I don't think the plantation stores sold Maybelline cosmetics that Annie would need for her customers. Maybelline didn't accept wooden nickels or plantation script for money either, so...whatever. Lol.

People can call Pearline a Jezebel all they want, but that doesn't change the fact that Sammie loved her his entire life, named his club after her, and remembers her fondly for being part of the best day of his entire life. Plus, Christianity thinks any woman with agency is a jezebel spirit, so that holds no weight for me personally cuz I don't give a fuck what a woman does with her pussy, married or not. Most men are trash anyway, so a beauty like that stepping out to a juke, oh, her husband had to be a 1932 joy-killer. Also, do we even truly know Pearline was married? Many women traveling the chitlin circuit in those days as an entertainer often pretended to be married (even wore fake rings) to protect themselves in seedy environments around men and the judgmental Christians. Whether she was married or not doesn't matter because Sammie was smitten, and that's the love of his life in the movie. Period. She didn't rub up on nobody else but him, and stayed by his side until the very end.

Mary was hoeing, jezabelling, tragic-octorooning and what not. She was not a holy woman because she acted selfish, entitled, and just as colorist/anti-Black woman as Stack (her not saying anything against Stack calling darker Black women "field bitches" is a choice. She knew her place on the colored hierarchy). That's why a lot of Black folks are cracking jokes about her saying she would beat up every "bitch" in that place, knowing she would get curb stomped had she said that to another Black woman's face in that juke. Personally, I don't see Mary as a winner because she and Stack will forever have to stay in the shadows and are cut off from the ancestors. They are the lesson of all that glitters ain't gold & stop inviting everybody to the cookout. Their life is so unappealing that Sammie didn't even want to become like them because life hadn't really changed that much from 1932 (especially with the L.A. Rebellion happening in 1992 all because of white racism/white supremacy). So while you may think Annie and Smoke didn't have the happy ending we would've preferred (being alive together), it is a horror movie and folks die, so being with the ancestors and ALL your family for eternity is a win in my eyes, compared to being stuck with no connection to anyone except another bloodsucker who didn't give you a choice to become disconnected from your people.

But that's the beauty of art, we can all have our own takes and interpretations. However, Annie wasn't a mammy. That's a personal issue for people who believe that. People gotta unpack the self-hate projection onto a Black woman character that didn't present that way to many of us who appreciate what she represented culturally as a Hoodoo practioner in 1932 America. That was a warrior/healer/lover.

[nanasrealities]

"I ALREADY HAVE MY DESIRES.ᐟ"

Even if you can't see it, it's still there !! Being out of sight, doesn't mean out of existence—searching for proof will only cloud your reality.

Think of it this way: You're already in your dream reality, just peacefully asleep. This? This isn't your true world. And clinging to it? That won’t lead you to where you truly belong.

Imagine driving a car at night. You can’t see your destination yet, but you trust the road will take you there. If you kept stopping every few seconds, checking the map, doubting whether you're on the right path… you’d never get anywhere, would you?

"But Nana, I'm tired of the same old advice on Tumblr, all it makes me do is doubt myself ( • ᴖ • ｡)."

It's okay to have doubts, I mean, it is human nature to question if something is attainable or if you really deserve it. The truth is, however, those doubts aren't going away unless you expose yourself to them. Let yourself doubt, don't block them out: it's unhealthy. Instead, let them pass through, shutting them down once you've felt you have had enough. You have the power to drive the doubts away, lovey—don't let your anxiety take the steering wheel because it wants you to crash. It's not here to protect you, no matter what it wants to tell you, it's here to rob you from experiences you undoubtedly deserve. Take this from someone who, up until now, was afraid of taking to people online, anonymously, because she was convinced no one would like her...

Instead of believing the parasite clouding your perspective, question it: 'why shouldn't I get this outcome?' 'I'm worthy of having my desires, why should I be convinced otherwise?'

Let go of doubt, stop looking for proof, and just be the version of yourself who has shifted, has the grades, the money, the looks. Whatever you desire is already here, don't let yourself be proved otherwise. The moment you stop grasping, stop chasing, and simply assume it’s already yours, it has no choice but to reflect back to you. The reality you crave isn’t something you need to beg for—it’s something that unfolded the moment you assumed it, you just need to lock tf in (I say this playfully), interrogate those doubts—that feed on negativity, by the way— like you're a detective questioning a suspect, wake up from that dreadful dream you had the misfortune of having, and enjoy your desires that were handed to you on a silver platter.

xoxo, nana ᡣ𐭩

[somewhereincairparavel]

my favourite character exchange of all time between the hoo gang will always be this particular line from jason to nico in house of hades.

“Nico, you do choose how to live your life. You want to trust somebody? Maybe take a risk that I'm really your friend and I'll accept you. It's better than hiding”

jason doesn't say something like 'i'll make sure to prove myself to you' or 'i'll do everything I can to make sure I earn your trust' because they are empty words. especially considering that this was before jason knew about nico's past, he can't exactly do anything to make nico trust him, apart from offering support, because in the end, it was nico's choice whether to trust him or not.

yeah, some people might think jason was being 'cold' and 'shallow' for saying this, but jason genuinely MEANT well. he told nico that he's WILLING to be his friend even before he knew nico's past. this was before jason knew an OUNCE of nico's backstory. he gave some slightly harsh but brotherly advice to him.

jason didn't deliver any false promise to nico that everyone will love him no matter what and that everyone will always be kind to him in camp half blood (this strangely parallels w percy deliberately choosing to NOT promise nico that he'll keep bianca safe because percy knew that death is a possibility and didn't want to make any fake promises just because nico is a kid, percy tried his hardest to be honest with nico, that certainly caused problems of course, but we can see the pattern between how percy and jason both hated fake promises.)

also, in boo, will says “Oh, please. Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends or at least, people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you'd get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once”

i know I've seen alot of people use this excerpt as consensus of saying that will is super 'tone deaf' and 'insensitive'. but can you guys see the pattern here? will came off a lot more agressive bc of his romantic feelings, but we can see how will, jason and percy were sort of 'reality checks' that nico NEEDED. he had an inferiority and victim complex (which is very justifiable and valid considering how much trauma he faced, on the contrary i thought nico was being considerably calm with everything he's been through and deserved to yell way more. I quite related to nico a lot when it comes to the personality sometimes so jason's words definitely struck a nerve for me) but nico was always drawn to honesty.

nico had some of his earlier memories washed away by the river lethe to 'protect' him from more trauma, and nico was so attached to bianca that the thought of her leaving for the hunters of artemis felt like a personal betrayal. he was made to beleive that he and his sister were safe in camp half blood, and combining that w the whole lethe thing and hades generally trying to protect the di angelo family from the gods, you can see how much nico needed honesty and not coddling. because coddling and sheltering ruined his life and took away his light.

jason saying that nico needed to take risks as it comes with the package of love and friendship, and overall giving him authenticity, telling him that heartbreak and family can coexist, causes nico to be drawn to him and genuinely have him an eye opener.

jason knew what it was like to be held with fake promises his whole life, and even mentions it as a reason as to why he made sure he kept the promises he made. because he would never turn out to be like his two faces mother beryl.

I'll always believe that jason played a huge part in nico's overall character, and his death even more so.

[nelle-y]

A love story told through voicelines (Wriothesley ver.) II

C/W: wriothesley x gn!reader, sun x moon, protective!wrio, himbo/bimbo!reader, fluff, slow-burn, not proofread, Sigewinne :D

Note: sorry for the slow uploads, school’s keeping me busy TT

Part 1

—

(You) About returning

Well, well, well… look who’s back! Bet no one expected to have me again so soon. For four months, too! What can I say? The Fortress just has a certain charm. …Or maybe I just missed my inmates. Yeah. That’s it.

(Wriothesley) About your return

I should be annoyed. I should be questioning their life choices. I should be standing here, arms crossed, demanding to know why they thought this was a good idea.

But instead, all I can think is—

They came back.

(You) About settling in again

You’d think being thrown in jail twice would be a humbling experience, but honestly? It just feels like coming home at this point. I even got my old spot in the cafeteria back! …Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

(Wriothesley) About you: Habits

They slip back into routine so easily, it’s like they never left. Same seat in the cafeteria, same ridiculous antics, same way they somehow manage to make everyone like them. …And the same way they always find a reason to be near me.

Not that I mind.

Hah— listen to me. I really have gone soft, huh?

(You) About Wriothesley II

He thinks I don’t know, but I can see how that tea boy squares up his posture when in Duke-mode. Always so serious, like he holds the whole Fortress on his shoulders. …I guess that’s pretty much the thing about being the Duke, huh? Still, I think the only time I’ve seen him relax was when I came back. Just for a second, though. “Welcome back, sunshine,” he said…

Hehe…

*clears throat* Wow, did it, uh— Did it get warmer in here all of the sudden? My face feels weird. Probably the cafeteria food. Must be that.

(Wriothesley) About you II

Since they came back, the whole Fortress just feels… right again. Fewer troublemakers, fewer slacking reports, even fewer check-ups from Sigewinne. I guess that’s just what happens when you have someone like them around—always lifting people up without even trying.

Funny… I never noticed how bright they were before. Even when they’re not around, it’s like their energy lingers. I could probably find my way back to them just by following that light.

*chuckles* Or I could just follow the crowd and catch them building another ketchup tower.

… I have a meeting in a few minutes. I should get going.

(You) About Wriothesley: First-name basis

Oh, pfft— I’ve got plenty of names for him! Wrio, Wriothesley, The Dukester, and my personal favorite: Tea boy! Oh, what does he call me? Usually by my first name… except for that one time he called me sunshine.

… Ahem— Why do I call him by his first name? I mean—why not? Whether you’re a Duke or just another inmate, you’re still human at the end of the day, right?

(Wriothesley) About you: First-name basis

I’ve spent years hearing nothing but “Your Grace,” “The Duke,” “Duke Wriothesley.” Formal, respectful—distant.

So when they called me “Wrio” the first time… I didn’t know how to respond.

It was casual. Natural. Like they didn’t see a title—they just saw me.

I think I’ve gotten used to it. Maybe even a little too used to it.

(You) About Wriothesley: Realizations

You ever look at someone and suddenly just get it? Like, oh—that’s why people are drawn to them. That’s why they feel safe. That’s why… you start looking for them in a room without realizing.

Yeah.

That happened to me today…

Anyway! I’m gonna go ask for an extra pillow and see if he still remembers last time.

(Wriothesley) About you: Realizations

It’s one thing to tolerate someone’s presence. It’s another to start looking for it. And lately, I… find myself noticing when they’re not around. When the cafeteria’s a little too quiet, when my tea doesn’t come with some teasing remark—when I don’t hear their voice at least once in the day.

…When did that start happening?

(You) About Wriothesley: Feeling “off”

Okay, weird question—can you, like, get Fortress sickness? You know, like seasickness, but for being in prison too long? Because ever since I got back, I’ve been feeling kinda… off. Like my heart does this weird thing when I run into Wrio— uh, His Grace. And sometimes I forget what I was saying when he looks at me too long. Oh, and the other day, I thought about him when I was eating and nearly choked. That’s not normal, right? I should probably ask Sigewinne about it…

(Wriothesley) About you: Feeling “off”

Chest pains, increase in body temperature, and dizziness.

But I only feel them around a certain someone.

Sigewinne would probably say it’s stress, or lack of sleep, or too much caffeine. Maybe she’d tell me to stop skipping meals—again. But I’ve trained through worse. Fought through worse. Been through worse.

This… is different.

It’s like my body knows they’re nearby before I do. Like the air shifts, or time slows for a second. Like I start expecting them in every hallway, every laugh echoing off the walls.

I used to think the Fortress felt heavy. Cold, even.

But now?

It’s warm.

I should consult Sigewinne later… just to make sure.

(Sigewinne) Character Story: New ailments..?

“You think you’re sick?” Sigewinne repeated, tilting her head. She’d already scanned their body when they came in, and there were no signs of any illness.

The patient across from her nodded, looking genuinely troubled. “Yeah, it’s weird. My heart keeps doing this thump-thump thing, but only sometimes. And I feel warm a lot, even when it’s cold. Oh, and I got super dizzy yesterday watching Wrio— I mean, someone spar. Like, my brain just—whoosh.” They made a vague hand gesture. “See? Something’s wrong with me.”

She ran another quick scan, just to humor them, then looked up and blinked. “Well, your body’s perfectly healthy!” Sigewinne said with a reassuring smile. “But sometimes, feelings can make our bodies do strange things. Did anything… emotional happen with that someone lately?”

Before they could answer, Wriothesley’s voice floated in the room as he stepped in, arms crossed but eyes curious. “Someone what?”

The patient stiffened, suddenly fascinated by the wall.

“They said they weren’t feeling well,” Sigewinne said innocently. “Feverish, heart racing, dizzy.”

“That doesn’t sound like you,” Wriothesley said, turning to them. “Did you eat something weird? You almost face-planted in the ring yesterday.”

“I was just tired!”

“You were staring at me for ten straight minutes.”

“Again—tired!”They were flushed now, avoiding eye contact.

Wriothesley’s tone stayed level, but there was something softer underneath. “If someone’s bothering you—”

“No one’s bothering me!”

Sigewinne watched them go back and forth, quietly taking notes. The way Wriothesley leaned in, just slightly. The way they kept stealing glances when he wasn’t looking. The shared energy—awkward, electric.

And suddenly, it clicked.

“Ohhh,” she said, eyes lighting up. “I get it now.”

They both stopped mid-argument (flirting?) to glance her way.

“Get what?” they asked, voices in sync—one wary, the other suspicious.

“Nothing, nothing!” she chirped, spinning once on her stool. Sigewinne twirled her pen, clearly writing nothing on her clipboard. “Well, no treatment necessary; your symptoms stem from emotional… distress, after all. You’re free to go.”

“Emotional distress?” His Grace repeated.

“Maybe try some self-reflection and, you know,” Sigewinne handed them a little slip of paper. “Come back in a few days. Lollipop?”

“Ooh, fun!” They thanked her after taking the piece of candy, then walked toward the exit.

The Duke said, almost muttering so only they could hear, “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great! Got a lollipop out of it, didn’t I?”

“Very well,” Wriothesley chuckled as he stepped aside to let them pass, amusement dancing behind his eyes. “…Try not to trip over your own feet again.”

“I didn’t trip!” they snapped over their shoulder, voice cracking.

“Sure you didn’t, sunshine.” He smirked, watching as they sprung out the clinic in a flustered waltz.

Diagnosis: Helplessly smitten

(Wriothesley) Character story: Lovesick

Life in the Fortress of Meropide demands composure. A steady mind. A firm hand. For as long as Wriothesley has held the title of Duke, he’s lived by these principles—dispassionate, collected, and always one step ahead of disorder. It’s what the people need of him. What he expects of himself.

But lately, that composure has started to slip.

It started subtly—shared glances in the corridor, the way his shoulders eased without him noticing when they entered a room. The echo of laughter that lingered longer than it should have. He had brushed it off at first. A trick of the mind. A temporary disturbance. But when the rhythm of the Fortress began to change with their return—when even Sigewinne noted the shift—he could no longer deny it.

“You have a look,” she said to him. “Like someone trying very hard not to look worried.”

Of course he denied it. That was his way.

And yet, her words followed him like a shadow. Because she wasn’t wrong.

He had always prided himself on his composure. Yet now, it frayed in the quietest ways. Eyes drawn without permission. A smile that curled unbidden. An unfamiliar warmth that lingered after every interaction. It unsettled him—not because it was unwelcome, but because it was new.

Because it was them.

They disrupted his order. Not in loud, reckless ways—but in the way a candle disrupts the dark. Slowly. Quietly. Undeniably.

Sigewinne, ever perceptive, had called it what it was. Fear—not of danger, but of vulnerability. Of letting something in that couldn’t be filed, fixed, or ignored. He had faced countless threats in his life, but nothing had felt quite as disarming as their smile. As the quiet thought that maybe, for once, he didn’t have to be the fortress himself.

And in the stillness of that thought, he began to wonder: If this was love… then perhaps it wasn’t a weakness to be feared, but a truth to be embraced.

He wasn’t ready to say it aloud—not yet. But he no longer denied it, either.

And that, for Wriothesley, was a beginning.

(You) Character story: OH NO

There are moments in life that leave you shaken. War. Heartbreak. Cataclysmic world events. And then there are the truly terrifying things—like accidentally realizing you might be in love with the Duke of the Fortress of Meropide.

It hit them somewhere between grabbing a lollipop from Sigewinne and walking face-first into a wall on the way to their room.

Not metaphorically.

Literally.

BAM.

Forehead-to-steel. The wall won.

They blamed the Fortress air at first. Or maybe low blood sugar. Or the deeply suspicious cafeteria fish sticks.

But then Wriothesley’s voice echoed down the hall—calm, amused, annoyingly perfect—and suddenly their brain just went static.

“Oh no,” they whispered aloud.

A guard passing by gave them a confused glance.

They whispered it again, but more dramatically. “Oh no.”

Because here’s the thing: this wasn’t a crush. A crush is what someone gets on a cute person at the market who sells good tea. A crush is fleeting. Safe.

This was something else.

This was: “I nearly passed out watching him spar.”

This was: “I get dizzy when he smiles and also want to throw him into the ocean and then jump in after him.”

This was: dangerous.

They were not equipped for this kind of emotional responsibility.

They had no plan. No backup. No strategy.

Just… weird chest feelings and an extremely judgmental stuffed toy from the Commissary watching them spiral on their cot.

“Maybe I’m dying,” they whispered to the toy.

The toy, unfortunately, offered no medical opinion.

They tried to focus on other things after that. Work. Routine. Towering monuments made of cafeteria condiment packets. But everything—everything—led back to him.

Wriothesley asking if they were okay (oh no).

Wriothesley calling them sunshine (OH no).

Wriothesley’s sleeves rolled up just enough to see his forearms (OH NO).

They were doomed. Absolutely, irreversibly doomed.

(Sigewinne) About you and Wriothesley

I’ve read about this little thing called love in a novel Lady Furina sent me. And crazily enough, I think I might be seeing it happen right in front of me!

—

[hrizantemy]

I said to Tamlin, my back ramrod straight, “You don’t get to speak to me like that. You promised you wouldn’t act this way.”

“You have no idea what’s at risk—”

“Don’t you talk down to me. Not after what I went through to get back here, to you. To our people. You think any of us are happy to be working with Hybern? You think I don’t see it in their faces? The question of whether I am worth the dishonor of it?” His breathing turned ragged again. Good, I wanted to urge him. Good. “You sold us out to get me back,” I said, low and cold. “You whored us out to Hybern. Forgive me if I am now trying to regain some of what we lost.” Claws slid free. A feral growl rippled out of him. “They hunted down and butchered those humans for sport,” I went on. “You might be willing to get on your knees for Hybern, but I certainly am not.” He exploded. Furniture splintered and went flying, windows cracked and shattered. And this time, I did not shield myself.

The worktable slammed into me, throwing me against the bookshelf, and every place where flesh and bone met wood barked and ached. My knees slammed into the carpeted floor, and Tamlin was instantly in front of me, hands shaking— The doors burst open.

This scene is one of the most twisted examples of how the fandom—and Feyre herself—manipulates the narrative when it comes to Tamlin.

Let’s break this down:

1. Feyre’s Intentional Provocation

Feyre wanted this reaction. That’s undeniable. Look at her internal monologue:

“Good, I wanted to urge him. Good.”

She is deliberately pushing Tamlin to the edge, goading him into losing control. This isn’t an innocent conversation where emotions spiral out of hand—this is Feyre calculatedly provoking someone she knows is volatile, emotionally compromised, and deeply unstable after everything that’s happened.

She came back to Spring Court with the explicit goal of destroying it from within. She wanted Tamlin broken, isolated, and enraged. And when he reacts violently—not even directly attacking her, but lashing out at his surroundings in a loss of control—she welcomes it. She doesn’t shield herself on purpose so that there’s a physical consequence.

This is not to excuse Tamlin’s outburst—because yes, losing control like that is dangerous. But this wasn’t some random act of cruelty. Feyre engineered this moment. She weaponized his trauma, his guilt, and his desperation.

2. Context Matters

Tamlin is a male who has:

• Been manipulated by Ianthe.

• Seemingly sold out to Hybern out of a desperate, grief-stricken attempt to save Feyre.

• Watched his entire court slip into chaos.

• Been lied to, abandoned, and humiliated.

Feyre knows exactly what mental state he’s in. And rather than handle it with any sense of maturity or strategic distance, she taunts him about being a traitor, a whore, and someone who kneels for Hybern—when she knows damn well he thought he was saving her life.

3. The Double Standard

The fandom excuses Rhysand constantly for far worse behavior—mind control, threats, manipulation, and even outright abuse of power—because he’s “traumatized” or “had no choice.”

But when Tamlin, a character who clearly struggles with emotional regulation and grief, explodes after being intentionally provoked, suddenly he’s irredeemable?

Where is that same energy for Rhysand threatening to make the Autumn Court bleed because Lucien drew a sword? Or Cassian snapping because Nesta irritated him?

Feyre walked into this scene knowing exactly what she wanted to happen. She didn’t protect herself because she wanted a bruise—something to hold against him, to further justify her sabotage and to make herself the victim.

4. Feyre’s Hypocrisy

Feyre has repeatedly used her trauma as justification for her behavior—but gives Tamlin none of that grace. She acts as if he should be perfectly composed while she’s actively tearing his court apart.

She’s not confronting Tamlin out of a desire for closure, justice, or even protection of others—she’s doing it to provoke a reaction.

Conclusion: Why I’ll Never Blame Tamlin Fully For This Scene

Because this wasn’t a one-sided act of violence. This was a calculated emotional attack from Feyre, designed to push Tamlin into snapping so she could justify her actions and further vilify him.

Did Tamlin lose control? Yes.

Is that dangerous? Yes.

But was this entirely his fault? Absolutely not.

Feyre wanted this. She orchestrated it. And the fact that people ignore her role in this moment just proves how skewed the narrative has become.

[satorusugurugurl]

Toji as a bodyguard

Til’ the Day that I Die

Summary: You’re a popstar in need of a bodyguard when you find yourself with a stalker. That’s how you meet Fushiguro Toji, you’re insanely hot bodyguard. Who knows how to push your buttons, and get you feeling flustered. Just how far is he willing to go to protect you? And how far would you go to protect him?

Pairing: Bodyguard!Fushiguro Toji x AFAB!Reader

Warnings: mentions of stage right, performance, anxiety, stalking, panic attacks, language mentions of gun, (eventual smut)

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: this request is amazing!! It got my brain worms going! Once again, this will be a multi part series, I’m looking at a total of four parts as I have already planned down the whole story. I’m sorry for the lack of content, it’s been a rough few days and I just decided to take some time for myself! But I do have about four stories almost done so you can expect updates for the rest of the week! Love you all!! (Readers' stage persona is highly inspired by several artists! 😊)

Part Two Part Three Part Four

Performance anxiety is defined as an excessive feeling of fear related to being able to perform well. Symptoms of performance anxiety include pulse racing, rapid breathing, dry mouth, and throat tightness. Dealing with performance anxiety when you're a rising star is brutal, and you begin to regret all your life choices. You aren't sure if you want this to be your life. You were attending nursing school, but your sister posted a video of you singing online. Reading all the sweet comments was fun initially, but it's funny how fast things change.

One second, you were posting a few videos of you singing, and the next thing you knew, you had a record deal, your songs were on the radio, and you were performing at concerts. All in the span of six months. The attention was overwhelming, and, at times, your anxiety even worse. But the more you performed, the more you were able to bury the stage fright down, masking the fear with a persona you made until you were home in your apartment. In the confines of your home, you could cry and tremble; dealing with those attacks was something you’d gotten used to.

But your stalker was a whole new fucked up mess you never dreamed about dealing with.

It had started as nothing more than a couple of love letters that turned into more descriptive letters detailing information about your personal life you had never told anyone. Anytime you saw a letter come in with ‘M’ written on the front and dark gray ink, your stomach twisted. You at first thought you would be okay. You could handle something like this. This was the kind of thing that came along with the territory of being famous.

That was until a bouquet of roses was dropped off at your door in your guarded apartment building. That whole situation sent you into a full-blown panic attack. You left your apartment and went to stay with your friends. That incident caused your manager to contact Kong Security Services and hire you as a bodyguard. One, you were anxiously waiting to meet as you sat in your dressing room before your show.

“It’s going to be fine, I promise.” Nanako, your makeup artist, assured you as she fixed your blush. “Geto said this agency is the best in the business.”

You shot her a skeptical look while her twin sister fixed your hair. “Are you just saying that because your dad’s are my managers, and they told you to say that?” When both twins had ceased their movements in obvious shock at your to-the-point accusation.

“W-What—?”

“No, never!”

“Uh-huh—I don’t believe a word either of you are saying right now.”

Nanako steps back, looks you over, and bites her lip. “They really are the best, whether or not we get to go out for Boba after this. It’s not like sweet milk tea is on the line if we don’t ease your nerves.” Just as your sweet young makeup artist finishes, the door to your dressing, eyes darting towards the door as it swings further open. Suguru and his husband, Satoru, enter, displaying their matching black-and-white wedding rings. They were the best management company in the world, the power couple of Tokyo. Satoru, who was in charge of your social media accounts, types viciously on his phone while Suguru grins up at a man walking in with them.

If you could even call him a man.

A fucking mountain of muscle is a more appropriate way of describing him. He’s tall, has dark hair and navy blue eyes, and he’s fit. The mountain wore a tailored jacket and white button-down shirt with the first two buttons undone. His eyes leave Geto’s for a minute to watch you sinking further in your chair, his pink tongue running over the scar down the corner of the right side of his mouth.

“Hun, this is Fushiguro Toji,” Suguru announced before glancing at his phone. “He’s your bodyguard and will be with you everywhere you go.”

“E-Everywhere?”

“Yes, to rehearsals, your shows, meet-and-greets, he’ll even escort you home.” Your eyes rammed back over to the mountain of a man standing off to the side. When you have time off, or he needs a day away, his work partner Tsukumo Yuki will take over for him.”

You swallowed hard, fingers twitching, a subtle action your new bodyguard noticed immediately as you dug your fingers into your skirt. It was part of Toji‘s job to see behaviors and be observant. He could tell you were on edge from how your fingers twitched to how your pulse raced in your neck. His handler, Shiu, had warned him that you were an anxious mess after finding out about your stalker. But this anxiety didn’t come from just having a stalker. This anxiety was deeply rooted in you. It was probably something you had suffered with for years.

Without being told, Toji stepped forward, kneeling before you, giving you a gentle smile like a father would give a frightened child. He had to put your nerves at ease to let you know you would be okay. “I know you’re scared, but I can assure you that I am very skilled. You won’t even notice I’m around.” You weren’t sure about that. How could you not notice the handsome man who would always be around you?

“Right, thank you.”

“You’re welcome--”

“Ugh! We gotta get going; they expect you on stage in five minutes.”

“I-I s-shou—” you stuttered as the performing anxiety began to root itself into your already anxious demeanor.

“Yep, let’s get going.” Toji stood motioning towards the door of the dressing room. “After you, Miss.”

Being a bodyguard and a security escort for so long had allowed Toji to pick up on specific cues from people, like how their eyes moved around the room or how their body language told him what they were feeling. The way your fingers were twitching, he knew you were nervous and scared, and he wasn’t sure if it was stage fright or something to do with your stalker.

Regardless of whether you wanted to go up there, it didn’t change the fact that thousands of people were already waiting for you to perform. As you both walked down the hall, Tojo noticed you took a deep breath and exhaled through your nose, and as you turned the corner, you put on a huge smile. The way you put in a mask so fast nearly sent Toji stumbling back. He was usually prepared for the unexpected, but seeing this scared, shaking woman shift into a bubbly pop star rocked him back.

Everyone you encountered smiled wide at your perky voice and demeanor. You truly lit up the whole room. “Alright, guys! Thank you for all your hard prep! Now, let’s have a great show tonight!” You were handed a jeweled microphone and placed on a platform to lift you to the main stage, but before you gripped the handles to steady yourself, Toji grabbed your hand. “Oh, Fushiguro?”

“I'll be on the side, watching you. If you need me or notice something's off, you should give me a sign.”

“A sign? Like a signal?”

“Yeah, something easy and inconspicuous.”

You thought for a second, that perky look still on your face, but Toji could see the anxiety behind your eyes. “Well, I wink a lot during my shows and throw a heart sign up.” Toji hummed, pursing his lips together.

“Well, if you don't want to alarm your fans, how about this.” he took your hand, putting your middle and ring finger down. Your thumb, pinky, and pointer finger were left extended.

“Oh, the sign for ‘I love you’!”

“Only use this if you need me on stage. Otherwise, do what you normally do, but know I’ll be right there if you need me.”

There was a flicker of fear in your eyes, which probably would go unnoticed by many different people, but it was one that he could see clearly as day. “Right, thank you, Fushiguro.” Your new bodyguard looked at you as he scoffed, shaking his head.

“Toji, just call me Toji. There is no need for formalities. Have a good show, Miss.”

“R-Right, thank you, Toji.”

Your new bodyguard watched as the platform began to lift, taking you up to the stage where fans were screaming your name. Taking a deep breath before smiling, your bodyguard watched you reach the top before the band blaring music as you began singing into your microphone. The beat of the music rang in his ears; Toji ran for the stairs that led him to the stage, where he could watch you from the side.

There, Toji found your managers standing on the sidelines, watching you. Upon looking at you, he met a woman who looked nothing like the girl he had just spoken to moments before. You danced, sang, smiled, and winked at the crowd. Multicolored lights flashed as fog from the fog machine flooded the stage, and the backup dancers moved in sync with each other. I think this is poor, who was shaking upon meeting him.

“Yeah, crazy to see her shift, isn’t it?” Geto asked before pulling his phone out and snapping a few photos of you as you sang. “She’s like a different person.”

“Like? I hate to be the one to break this to you, Geto, but that woman is a completely different person. Why the fuck is she masking?”

The white-haired man glared at Toji, his sunglasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. “She’s not masking; it's called a stage persona.” The annoyance was clear in the other man’s voice, a tone that crawled its way under his skin.

“Look, buddy, keep your terms to yourself. I don't care about the different terms. All I know is that woman—” he jabbed his thumb in your direction as you twirled around the stage. “is masking; that’s not who she is.”

“You don’t know a lot about the entertainment industry. This is something that a lot of celebrities do. It’s completely normal, and she knows that. That’s how she adapted so fast.”

Toji wasn’t sure if that was the case. He had seen you firsthand, shaking in your dressing room. To see you change drastically for the sake of a show? Toji could see why you would be nervous to go up on stage. There had to be a fear of your mask slipping, revealing your true persona to the world.

But Satoru was right; Toji’s job was to protect and ensure you were safe. It wasn’t his place to judge how you lived or worked your career. In the end, you were just like all the other popstar divas and clients he had had before. Rich people with too much money to throw around and fame led them to believe that they were in danger all the time, which is how he managed to keep a steady income for himself and his kids as long as they were rich snobs like you, Tojo was guaranteed to have a job.

Instead of continuing to argue with your overzealous manager, Toji crossed both arms over his chest and watched you closely. The sooner the show was over, the sooner he could get you back to your apartment, where he could call to check on Megumi. He just wanted to relax, and for all he knew, you and your managers were overreacting to this so-called stalker you had. If anything, this might’ve been some cruel prank; receiving a note to roses wasn’t that big of a deal, and this was way too easy for as much as he was getting paid, so he wasn’t going to bitch about it.

What he did want to bitch about was how fucking long your show went on for. Performed for about two hours straight, only taking breaks to change costumes throughout the performance. It was in those moments when you were changing that your mask slipped. He could see the exhaustion in your eyes and how you wanted to do nothing more than take a break. But as fast as that mask slipped, you had it back on instantly. When one costume was off, and the other slipped on, you were back on stage to sing the next song.

After about two hours and thirty minutes of this bullshit, you gave a final bow and blew kisses out at the crowd of strangers who were cheering your name. While the two hours he got to stand up to the side and watch you perform was easy, he only had to look for your signal if you needed help; getting you out of the arena safely was a whole different story. Everything moved so fast The second you stepped off that stage and towards your bodyguard.

After every show, the goal was the same: get changed as fast as possible, collect your stuff, which Nanako and Mimiko had already packed, and get in your limo before the crowd started heading towards your exit. Toji gently placed his hand on the small of your back, ushering you through the maze of halls that led you back to the dressing room, where, just like you knew, the girls had packed all your stuff.

“You got five minutes to change,” Suguru announced as Satoru snickered behind his husband. “Thanks to Satoru, you’re trending again for your newest song.”

Toji could see the minutey, perky personality shift into your more anxious state. You frowned, literally frowned, at the news. Most people would be jumping over the moon to hear it. Seeing such an ungrateful expression on your face had Toji resist the urge to roll his eyes into his skull.

Spoiled little brats, you rich folks were all the same.

“Did you make sure to tag the—“

“Are you insinuating that I don’t know who to tag or which hashtags to use? Babes, I've got you covered. When have I ever let you down?”

“Never.”

“Right, so let the best PR manager handle this.”

Toji sighed, glancing towards his watch. “Two minutes,” he announced to the room of people bouncing off the walls and collecting items to clean up the green room. How could your managers be talking about more brand deals at a time like this? Brand deals were bullshit, but knowing how popular you were with the teenagers and you probably had some make-up deal or some other shit that would make you all the richer, you had to make sure the right people were tagged so you continued to be sponsored. But there was a time and place for that, and now wasn't the right time!

“I know you're the best Satoru, but I still wanna make sure the word gets out there.” You stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in black leggings and a simple T-shirt. Completely different from the baby doll dresses you were wearing on stage. “It’s imperative—”

“I know. I’ve already posted it. Everyone’s been tagged accordingly, and the hashtags are in place. You’ll get lots of people to see this, trust me.”

You were slipping on your baseball cap and sunglasses when Toji’s large hand gently grabbed you by the shoulder. “We gotta get going,” you sighed before nodding, waving off your team, and falling Toji down the hall to where your car awaited you.

Thanks to your quick change, nobody was waiting for you outside, making your getaway from the arena smooth as butter. You just wished you felt as calm as your exit from the bustling stage had been. You were beginning to regret going back to your apartment. You hadn’t been back there since the roses were delivered to your door. Going back was going to be difficult, leaving your stomach swarming with anxiety. But at least you had a big mountain of a man to protect you if, god forbid, you needed help.

The entire ride back to your apartment complex was thankfully quiet. Toji sat on the other side of you, staring out the window, not making any conversation, which was a blessing. Not only was your throat sore from the amount of singing you had done, but the idea of sitting through a conversation run solely by small talk was almost as bad as your performance anxiety. Sitting in the back of the car, leaning your head against the window without worrying about smiling or acting perfect in front of strangers, was a breath of fresh air.

Being alone with your bodyguard made you feel like you could let your walls come down for the first time in a long time. It was a feeling you might as well get used to. He would be around most of the time, so instead of adorning the perfect, pretty mask you always wore, you could be the introverted true version of yourself. Knowing that you could relax, you shut your eyes, allowing yourself to doze off as the car smoothly headed down the freeway.

If only your dreams were smooth and calm like the car ride. Your dreams were filled with mysterious notes and roses you had once loved. They circled you, drowning you in paper and petals as a roaring crowd rang through your ears. You could fight against the tidal waves, but instead, you let them wash over you, allowing yourself to be crushed by the unbearable weight of being a star at times.

Nursing school wasn’t easy, but at least when you were in school, you didn’t have to worry about a mysterious bouquet showing up on your apartment doorstep or sneaking out to avoid getting seen and swarmed by your fans. Your biggest concern in school was getting good grades and doing everything possible to get your degree. The only things you had to worry about were study dates and pop quizzes, not ominous letters that made you fearful for your safety.

These nightmares were so vivid that you wished your family had heard you singing online. Was it too much to ask for a normal everyday life where you weren't constantly stressed?

You sighed, looking up at the lingering rays of light that slowly began to peek through. More envelopes and roses piled on the cocoon you were stuck in. Perhaps there was no going back. This might very well be the rest of your life. Just as you were shutting your eyes to the casket you were being buried in, a hand reached out from the top of the mountain of dread and anxiety you lived with, reaching for you.

You couldn’t make out who was reaching out to you, but you were sure they just wanted to help you. Without hesitation, you reached for that hand, brushing over their fingertips. Just when they clasped your hand to pull you out of the burial ground, you were jn. You gasped as someone shook you, waking you from the dream.

You sat up quickly, shaking as you met Tojo’s navy blue eyes. He was frowning, motioning towards the rolled-down window, and Ijichi, head of security for your building, leaned in, giving you a weak smile. With a quick rub to both your eyes, you placed your mask back on, going from the sleep-deprived woman you were transforming into the perky popstar everybody knew and loved.

“Ijichi! Hi!”

“Hi yourself, glad to have you back.”

Toji could see how your shoulders stiffened when you mentioned being back. “Oh, yep! It's good to be back.” Toji could see through your facade, while Ijichi was blind to it.

“I just wanted to let you know that we added more cameras to the building, and my security post will be far stricter with deliveries and anything else from this point on. We want you to feel safe here, and I’m sorry we failed to do that in the first place.”

“Oh no, it’s not your fault! Plus, I feel a lot better now that I have Fushiguro!” The man with glasses peered into the car, waving at your bodyguard whose face remained stoic, not returning the gesture. “Okay, uhm Ijichi, Toji; Toji Ijichi.”

No pleasantries were exchanged, not at all. The only thing Toji managed to do was give him a nod before focusing his attention back on the massive building and making a mental note to ask for access to the cameras. That way, he could keep an eye on you and ensure nobody was hanging around who wasn't supposed to be there. Those thoughts Toji was lost in made it a tranquil ride up the elevator to your apartment. He was leaving you feeling even more anxious. Usually, being around someone quiet never bothered you; you felt so relaxed around that person, but Toji’s cold demeanor and attitude toward your friend made you irritable.

“So, uhm, are you going to be that cold and standoffish every time you meet somebody I know?” You asked, finally allowing your heart mind to win over your mind.

“Huh?”

His dark gaze had you swallowing the lump suddenly in your throat. “I wanted to ask if this is going to be normal, you being—.”

“Oh, I am so sorry little star; I wasn't aware I needed to wear a fake ass mask around people too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, and unfortunately, unlike you, I like wearing my face. I don’t have to be someone I’m not to get people to like me. Because quite frankly, I don’t give a damn if anybody likes me.”

“I don't eit—”

Toji scoffed, leaning against the elevator wall and shaking his head at your words. “Oh, please. You’re just like every other client I’ve had. All you care about is money, your appearance, and what sponsor deals you get.” His words made your blood begin to boil.

“You’ve barely known me for a couple of hours, and you think you know who I am?”

“Oooh yeah, you're some small-town girl that made it big. And instead of showing the world who you really are, you put on this fucking mask, one that hides the true you from the prying eyes of the world. You care only about ticket sales, making your fans happy, and sponsorships like the one you were talking about with your manager not even thirty minutes ago. So yeah, I’m sure I got a good idea of who you are. It’s my job to read people..”

This was the best security in the business; bodyguard your manager had set you up with? Ha! Yeah, right, this man was nothing more than a dickhead that had a lot of opinions that were far from true?!

You laughed, pushing yourself away from the wall to stand in front of the doors before him. “That's the great thing about wearing a mask around people I don’t fucking know. They get to see the real me, but I get to see people for who they truly are.” Toji opened his mouth to continue arguing with you, but only for you to quickly shut him down, holding a hand up before you. “You were right about a couple things; I do put on a mask, I love my fans, but I could give a damn about sponsorships.” Toji pushed himself off the wall, towering over you, gritting his teeth as he tried to control his evident anger.

“Oh, you suddenly don’t give a damn about sponsorships? I just heard you talking to your manager about one.”

“You don’t know anything about me! That whole conversation had nothing to do with this sponsorship!”

Tojo tilted his head back with a laugh. “Oh, right, of course. You don’t care about your amazing condo or all the money you’re making; you don’t care about those so-called nonexistent sponsorship deals.” The elevator rattled like the lid to the rage threatening to explode.

“Alright, yes, I do live in a nice apartment, one with security that sucks, but it’s still home. But for your information, I don’t do this for the money. You don’t know what I have planned on doing with my life, so I don’t want to hear you make assumptions about me! The conversation you so rudely eavesdropped on had nothing to do with a sponsorship deal but a massive donation I’m making to the local Children’s Hospital. The same hospital is well renowned for helping unfortunate children. So yeah, that whole conversation you listened to was me telling my manager to tag the hospital in my video because the hospital inspired the song! It was a public service announcement, a reminder to help those who can’t help themselves.”

Your rant was unexpected. Toji had never had one of his clients talk to him like that; strangely, he liked it.

“And another thi—”

The doors to the elevator slowly slid open with a ding as you reached your apartment. Usually, your automatic lights would be on in the living room and kitchen, leading upstairs. But as the doors opened, no lights illuminated your bodyguard's face. You knew something was wrong, and just before Toy could look over your shoulder into the apartment,Toji’s hand quickly covered your eyes. He pulled you into his chest, and he listened in as he smashed on the lobby button on the button panel.

“Toji!?” You asked, placing your hands on top of his. “What is it?! Is something wrong? Let me see!”

Toji shook his head as if you could see his reaction, his hand reaching for the gun at the holster on his side as the door slowly shut. There was no way in hell you were going to see what was behind the door. Because he knew if you were to see what had happened in your apartment, you would never be the same. As the elevator slowly began to descend, Toji realized that he had been wrong about your stalker. It wasn’t some harmless joke.

This was fucking serious.

(TBC)

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks @reap3erslov3 @wil10wthetree @luvsymai

[urdreamgirlangel]

Angel’s Spring Reset: A Full & Complete Guide

ib: [busy, yet pretty]

Mindset Refresh ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Reflect & journal what’s been weighing you down n what you want to leave behind. 𐙚🧸ྀི

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Weighing me down: overthinking past conversations and ones to come, feeling like I have to prove my worth to people who don't even prioritize me, doubting myself when i know deep down what i want, the pressure to always be productive even when i need rest.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ What I'm leaving behind: guilt of prioritizing myself above others, self-doubt, fear of change, people who don't reciprocate my energy.

I am making space for the new opportunities and getting rid of anything in my life that doesn't align with me.

Set new intentions 𐙚🧸ྀི

⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ The theme is MORE. This season will be filled with more opportunities, more friends, more love, more happiness, more light, more relief, more peacefulness, more experiences.

Detox & restart! 𐙚🧸ྀི

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ clear away any & everything that feels heavy or stagnant. Physically, emotionally, mentally by asking myself:

۶ৎ what does my body need right now?

⊹ ࣪ ˖ a balanced diet

⊹ ࣪ ˖ vitamins

⊹ ࣪ ˖ more movement

⊹ ࣪ ˖ more hydration + electrolytes

⊹ ࣪ ˖ more fresh air

۶ৎ what can i do to make myself feel more refreshed?

⊹ ࣪ ˖ stretching in the morning to loosen tension

⊹ ࣪ ˖ taking walks

⊹ ࣪ ˖ prioritizing rest

⊹ ࣪ ˖ sunlight exposure

⊹ ࣪ ˖ breath work

⊹ ࣪ ˖ self-massages (gua sha, a body roller)

۶ৎ what habits should i get rid of?

⊹ ࣪ ˖ all the things I mentioned in the first step.

۶ৎ how can i be gentler with myself?

⊹ ࣪ ˖ reassure myself instead of criticizing

⊹ ࣪ ˖ let myself rest without guilt

⊹ ࣪ ˖celebrate small wins

⊹ ࣪ ˖ let go of people who don't show up for me

⊹ ࣪ ˖ give myself space and time to feel and heal without judgement

⊹ ࣪ ˖ talk to myself like someone i love

۶ৎ the detox plan?

1 thing im removing from my life

The habit of second guessing myself. I have strong instincts, but sometimes I overthink or doubt my choices. I’m going to let go of the need to overanalyze and trust that my decisions are enough in the moment.

1 thing i'm adding to my life

More intentional rest - truly allowing myself to relax without guilt (sleeping in, watching something comforting, or just existing without feeling like I should be doing something.)

1 way i'll take care of myself this week

Setting a boundary with my energy - if someone or something is draining my energy, I’ll choose not to engage (ignoring a message, postponing something that doesn’t feel right, or simply saying “no,” protect my peace.)

This detox isn't about perfection, but rather making space for what i really want.

Mindfulness 𐙚🧸ྀི

‹𝟹 ground yourself in the moment by:

꩜ .ᐟ noticing your surroundings. focus on your senses, what do you see, hear, feel, smell and taste? this can happen when you're doing nothing or even an activity like eating or getting dressed

꩜ .ᐟ start and end your day with journaling and reflection

꩜ .ᐟ watch your thoughts without judgment

꩜ .ᐟ let yourself be (silence, daydreaming..) you don't have to always be doing something

Beauty Refresh ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Asses your skin’s needs 𐙚🧸ྀི

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ whether it’s wearing sunscreen, exfoliating more, or even more hydration. remember your base routine should look like this: cleanser + moisturizer + sunscreen. ensure you have something to exfoliate with like gloves, a brush (dry/silicone) or an african net sponge (all three not needed, just pick one) + body scrub for body. face scrub or clay mask + face brush (you can use your cleanser with the face brush). Focus on cleansing and then hydrate and moisturize. Don’t forget your SPF.

Adjust your hair routine 𐙚🧸ྀི

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ analyze what your hair looks like & ask yourself if that’s what you want it to be. If it isn’t, assess its needs (whether it’s trims, more moisture, oiling, tucking your ends) and update your products, hairstyles and techniques for the season.

Wardrobe transition 𐙚🧸ྀི

༄.° bright colors give off a lighter and fresher vibe, kinda like a happier energy.

Wellness check-in 𐙚🧸ྀི

٠࣪⭑book any overdue appointments

Environmental reset ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Spring Cleaning! 𐙚🧸ྀི

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ having a clean room/house/space feels so refreshing and relieving to me. Like a fresh new start. That being said, I love cleantok. If you need some motivation, I recommend going on TikTok and searching that up. I’m gonna make a checklist so stay tuned for that!

Rearrange your space 𐙚🧸ྀི

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ redecorate to match who you are. Flowers, fairy lights, open windows, candles, soft music, clean space.

Lifestyle n goals ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Check in on goals 𐙚🧸ྀི

★ what are they n how far have we gotten?

Revamp your routine 𐙚🧸ྀི

★ add seasonal habits like morning walk or meal prepping n trying new recipes

Season-inspired hobbies 𐙚🧸ྀི

★ try something new try new like:

ּ ֶָ֢.๑ˎˊ˗ seasonal teas (herbs and flowers that are in season right now)

ּ ֶָ֢.๑ˎˊ˗ become a plant mom and start up gardening even if it’s one flower in a small pot by your window

ּ ֶָ֢.๑ˎˊ˗ pottery/air clay flower arranging tennis /volleyball cake decorating crocheting knitting birdwatching painting stones

ּ ֶָ֢.๑ˎˊ˗ flower-pressing coloring decorating candles writing letters hiking reading but you’re on a picnic (solo/with friends/significant other)

What are my April goals? ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

ಇ. write a post every week. I have had posts in my WiP for a long time

ಇ. Listen to more podcast episodes

ಇ. Digital detox - less time in my phone n more in books/thinking/simply being

ಇ. Keep my space clean and organized

ಇ. ACE my interview (if it’s this month)

ಇ. Better use n scheduling of my time

ಇ. Wonyoung type of posture

ಇ. Pick up a new hobby

ಇ. Take more time for myself during each day. No phone. No people. Just me.

What’s one change you’re making for spring?

Posts to look forward to this month <3

- It girl affirmations

- Spring Cleaning Checklist

- Angel’s Guide to Enhancing Your Appearance on a Budget

- 2000s girly teen movies

[imagine-darksiders]

Drabble: You have to persuade Death to come to a party, but you have one caveat that you haven't broached with him yet; there isn't a chance in Hell you're letting him come with you unless he has a bath first.

-------------------------------------------------

“The Mastersons have invited us over for a party tonight.”

From behind the pages of a tattered newspaper you fished out of the recycling, Death raises his eyes, peering disinterestedly at you over an article regarding Haven City’s most eligible, angelic bachelors.

“Us?” he parrots, giving the paper a sharp rustle and flipping the page, allowing his gaze to wander back to the obituaries. The armchair in the corner of your bedroom looks comically small with a Horseman lounging against its decorative cushions like a very large, very gloomy cat, but you know from experience that Death far prefers it to any other seat in your house.

A strategic choice, you presume. It’s by the window – a good vantage point for spotting anyone who might be traipsing up the path to your front door. And it’s in your bedroom – a better vantage point for keeping an eye on his favourite.

Favourite… It isn’t a title that you’d claimed yourself, rather one foisted upon you by the other Horsemen.

Whether they meant favourite human or favourite sentient being, you’ve yet to discover. But the mere fact that the most ancient and powerful Nephilim and force of nature to have ever existed is reclined docilely in your armchair says more than words ever could.

“Fraid so,” you reply from your spot at the vanity, feeding an earring into place and turning your head to do the other one, “They’ve been sending invitations for months, but I’ve declined them all. Gave the excuse that you were off world.”

“Good girl,” Death grunts, sinking further into the chair, “Just say the same again.”

“Well, that’s the thing. This time was different.” Your eyes flick towards him in the mirror. Tread carefully. “This time, Lady Masterson herself showed up at my door with an invitation, saying that even if you can’t make it, I should come by myself.”

“I imagine her face was a picture after you declined yet again,” he chuckles smoothly, turning the page.

A single eyebrow slides gracefully up your forehead. “And what makes you think I declined?”

In the corner of your eye, you spot the white of Death’s bone mask inch slowly into view above the paper. You know that gleam in his eye, the spark of amber flaring dangerously for just a moment in the reflection before it recedes.

“You plan to go by yourself?” he asks lightly, though you know from experience that the question is anything but light.

Unable to help it, you let out an abrupt snort and wave a hand at yourself, retorting, “Why do you think I’ve been getting dressed up for the last hour?”

With his usual indifference, he ignores the question, though whether he hadn’t considered it or because he doesn’t want you to think he has, you couldn’t say. “… And where is this… Lady’s party, hmm?” he counters instead.

You take a deep breath. The line is cast, now you just need him on the hook.

“It’s at this big house well outside the city,” you inform him, “Anyone who’s anyone will be there. Seems she hasn’t forgotten her status from the old world. People remember her family name. Supposedly there’s like a hundred guests.”

“That many?”

A nibble… But you need a bite.

“No weapons allowed either,” you continue blithely, “They’ll be checking at the door, so I can’t bring that nice dagger you got for me.”

He doesn’t have to say a word for you to know that he’s translating things in his mind. ‘No weapons’ to a Horseman is categorically synonymous with ‘no protection.’

“… When does it begin?”

Aha! Your finger glides over the row of lipsticks you’ve set up to try.

Gracefully, you swoop down and select the darkest shade of red - perfect for an evening gala.

“In about an hour,” you say, slipping off the golden lid with a soft ‘click,’ “Should take about forty-five minutes to get there on foot. Unless I can hitch a ride with an angel on their-“

“-You’re not seriously going?”

Your hand pauses in front of your mouth, only your upper lip stained red like sweet sangria.

Sweeping your gaze over to the side, you catch sight of Death’s dark reflection in the mirror, and force yourself to restrain a smile.

The paper has been discarded, abandoned on the floor near his boots, and the Horseman himself is tipped forward in the seat, hands braced stiffly on the armrests of your chair as if he means to launch himself out of it.

“And why wouldn’t I go?” you posit, returning your attention to the lipstick, “It’s a very prestigious event.

“And she invited you?”

You blurt out a mock-offended scoff. “Okay, first of all; Ouch? Second, she invited us both. But she seemed perfectly happy when I said I’d attend without you.”

“But why would she want you there?” Averting his gaze to the window, he glares out at the fading light, eyes narrowed to searing, golden lines behind his mask. “What’s she after…?”

“I believe it’s called networking,” you quip, “No doubt she expects me to introduce her to you, at some point.”

Now it’s the Horseman’s turn to scoff, abhorred by the very idea of being a prop in some unknown human’s bid for infamy. “It seems the perfect opportunity for an ambush.”

“Oh, she’d love that.” Popping your lips together to even out the lipstick, you finally deem the look complete and give your reflection an approving nod. “It’d be the talk of Haven if there was a murder attempt at her party.”

“… I don’t like it.”

“Death doesn’t like parties.” You slot the lid of the lipstick back into place with a satisfying ‘click’ before slipping the golden tube into a small, sequin back laying open on the vanity. “Shocker …”

"...." His silence is as loud as his voice sometimes. He's unimpressed, in a word.

Just as you push yourself up from the vanity, checking your clutch and turning towards the door, you promptly find your nose just inches from a pale, sunken chest. You hadn't seen him move in the mirror, but you're no stranger to how swift Death can be when the need calls for it.

He stands in front of you now, arms folded neatly like a blockade in the middle of your bedroom.

"And supposing I were to... say... forbid you from leaving this house?" he posits, hiking up his posture to its fullest extent.

"Well," mirroring his stance, you reply, "First I'd be extremely cross with you."

"I'm sure you'd find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Oh, no doubt," you return just as easily, a sly glint catching in the light of your eyes, "But before that time, I'd be pretty upset.... So upset, in fact, that I might just have to give my best friend in the whole Universe a call and ask him to come cheer me up."

It's the dirtiest, most underhanded tactic you have at your disposal, and you know it works the moment Death's hands bunch into tight fists at his sides.

"Is that a threat?" he asks coolly.

Tilting your head to one side, you pretend to gaze thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "Come to think of it, I bet Strife would love to come to a party...."

And just like that, Death's resolve finally cracks.

Throwing his arms up in exasperation, he scoffs, biting out a single word through gritted teeth. "Fine."

"Fine?" you return innocently.

"Fine!" he barks, "Fine, you win. I'll accompany you this evening. But-!" And here, he raises a finger and points it very deliberately in your face. "Don't think I don't know what you've been doing."

Muscling back another grin - one of many this evening - you simply blink at him with a flat look, and blurt, "You can't come."

And that's enough to throw him completely off his tracks.

Suddenly, you've subverted his expectations. Now he isn't sure what you wanted after all.

Good.

Death clears his throat, unfolding his arms to let them hang uncertainly at his sides. "And why is that?" he asks, cocking his head at you.

Now comes the real test. The reason you began this little charade in the first place in the hopes that you can bend the almighty Horseman to your will with just a little tit for tat.

Biting your lip, you blink up at him through your sweeping lashes, plastering a sweet smile across painted lips.

"You can't come," you start, watching him bristle before you give him your ultimatum, "Unless...."

Sharp, intelligent eyes narrow to thin slits. "Unless what?" he bites.

"Unless," you repeat, taking a breath, "You let me give you a bath."

-----------------

I can't remember where I was going with this, just that I wanted to talk about Death being shmelly and not being allowed to go to a party with Y/n unless he agreed to clean himself up first lol.

[maxdibert]

Having a shitty past is no excuse for being a horrible person, and Snape was a horrible person. Snape fans always try to turn him into a tragic hero, but there was nothing heroic about him when he was just an obsessive bigot who followed a group of genocidal maniacs

Well, I think I’ve said this a million times already and explained in exhausting detail why growing up in a particular environment—lacking social, emotional, economic, or essential support—and being subjected to violence during the most crucial years of cognitive development creates the perfect breeding ground for antisocial behavior. It also makes vulnerable or socially excluded youth prime targets for sectarian groups (whether religious, political, or otherwise) that prey on their situation, offering them promises of protection, safe spaces, surrogate parental figures, or social progress. These groups actively seek out kids with emotional voids caused by dysfunctional family dynamics, minimal to no financial resources, and a profound sense that the system has failed them at every turn. They offer these kids an alternative system—one that gives them a roof over their heads, a hot meal, a place to belong, and people who won’t marginalize them like the rest of society has—at the simple price of blindly following the group’s ideology. And they do it. Of course, they do. Because what other choice do they have? This group gave them life, a place in society, and restored their status as human beings.

But since I’ve spoken about this at length before and about how Severus’s life shaped his decisions, I feel like I’m starting to sound like a broken record. So, since I’m also reading a legal ruling I need to memorize by Friday, I’m going to indulge myself and dissertate as freely as I please—because hey, if you’re going to throw hate, I’m going to grant myself the privilege of replying however I want.

Here’s a question: why does it even matter? Seriously, what does it matter if he was a shitty person? Do you know that people go to space today thanks to the work of physicists and engineers who were literal SS members? That after WWII, all the top scientists, physicists, chemists, and engineers were granted amnesty and fast-tracked into citizenships so they could work on government projects? That people working within a stone’s throw of concentration camps are the pioneers behind some of the greatest technological advances of the 20th century? And you don’t care that the products you consume are derived from the work of collaborators with mass genocide, but you’re upset that people find a fictional character interesting? I don’t want to sound cynical, but honestly, it’s ridiculous to get so morally high and mighty about a character who doesn’t exist and who followed an extremist cult for, what? 3 or 4 years tops? and then canonically worked actively to take it down. If we put Severus in a real-world, wartime context, the guy would be a literal war hero with medals to his name. No exaggeration. If he survived, he’d be recruited with a fat paycheck to work in internal affairs for some major world power’s secret projects. That’s just how the world works.

And yeah, he was obsessive. But in an era where everyone suffers at least one anxiety episode a month, where the best-case scenario is that your panic attacks don’t spiral into chronic mental health issues—can we really judge him for that? Like, most of the people I see being ultra “snater” are folks who openly declare themselves neurodivergent, and one of the common denominators of all neurodivergence is obsessiveness. All of them. Whether it’s chronic anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, paranoid schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder or autism. Every single one has an obsessive component. So it’s kind of ironic—and even hypocritical—for people who are themselves pretty obsessive (because let’s face it, we’re all compulsively doomscrolling here to soothe our anxious compulsions with little dopamine hits) to judge this character’s obsessiveness as a negative trait. Maybe let’s take a good look in the mirror, too.

And let me just say, no court would convict Severus of collaborating with a terrorist group. Not a single one. Impossible. Especially since he literally collaborated against said group, so any judge would happily clear him—not after the war, but the moment he struck his deal with Dumbledore. Severus is what’s known as an informant. He worked from the inside, exposed himself to greater dangers than regular agents. Legally speaking, there have been cases where people guilty of heinous crimes—including crimes against humanity—were let off because they provided critical information. So imagine someone like Severus, who, as far as we know, didn’t even kill anyone during his time in the group, willingly spilling the beans and agreeing to work as a spy. He’d be celebrated as a hero of war. Hell, they’d probably buy him a mansion in Florida if he wanted one. That’s just how our system works, and honestly, this kind of moralist posturing is pretty cringy because you’re talking about a guy who literally saved half of magical society’s asses and without whom the kid destined to save the world would’ve died in his first year at school.

You can dislike him or think he’s a jerk, but he was damn good at his job. And compared to the people he’s often unfairly measured against (Sirius, James, Remus...), he actually did something. They didn’t. Absolutely nothing. Contribution: negative one.

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Hello! How are you? Well... I would like, (if it's not too much trouble), if you could do an Imagine of Toto with a reading Wife, who is going through postpartum depression, a lot of insecurities about her body, etc. I know it's a sensitive topic, so it's up to you whether you want to do it or not. It can end up being cute and comforting in the end, the choice is yours! :)

(I don't know how a I can get anonymous questions)

The dim light from the bedside lamp cast a soft glow across the room, highlighting the stack of books on the nightstand and the scattered baby toys that seemed to have claimed their territory everywhere. Jack’s soft coos echoed faintly from the baby monitor, a rare moment of calm in the whirlwind that had become your new normal. You sat on the edge of the bed, your reflection in the mirror catching your eye.

Your body felt foreign—a stranger inhabiting your skin. The once-familiar curves now seemed softer, your belly marked with lines that told the story of carrying life but left you feeling vulnerable. The weight of it all pressed heavily on your chest, a tide of emotions threatening to pull you under. You couldn’t stop the tears that slid silently down your cheeks.

Toto entered the room quietly, his tall frame almost brushing the doorframe. He carried a steaming cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. His expression softened the moment he saw you, his keen eyes taking in every detail of your posture, the tear tracks on your cheeks, and the way your arms wrapped protectively around yourself.

“Hey, love,” he murmured, setting the cup down on the nightstand and sitting beside you. He didn’t press, didn’t demand an explanation. Instead, he placed a hand on your back, a warm and steady presence.

“I…I don’t even know why I’m crying,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I should be happy. We have Jack, and he’s perfect. But I look at myself, and I just… I don’t feel like me anymore.”

Toto nodded, his hand tracing soothing circles on your back. “You’ve been through so much, schatz. Bringing Jack into this world is no small thing. It’s okay to feel this way. It doesn’t make you any less amazing.”

You sniffled, brushing a tear away with the back of your hand. “I’m so tired, Toto. And I feel so… disconnected. From my body, from myself. I look at Jack, and I love him more than anything, but I…” You hesitated, ashamed to admit the words that felt like they might shatter you. “Sometimes I feel like I’m failing him. Like I’m not enough.”

Toto turned to face you fully, his hands gently cupping your cheeks, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Listen to me,” he said firmly, his voice low but filled with conviction. “You are not failing. You are doing everything you can, and that is more than enough. Jack doesn’t need perfection. He needs you. Just as you are.”

His words broke through the wall you’d been building, and a sob escaped before you could stop it. Toto pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as you let the tears come. He didn’t try to hush you or tell you to calm down. He simply held you, his strong arms a fortress against the storm raging inside you.

“You’re allowed to feel this way,” he murmured into your hair. “You’ve been carrying so much, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. Always.”

After a while, the tears slowed, and you pulled back, wiping at your face with a shaky hand. Toto reached over and grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand, handing it to you with a small smile.

“Thanks,” you said, your voice hoarse but steadier now.

“Anytime,” he replied. He hesitated for a moment, then added, “I’ve been reading about this. About postpartum depression, the physical and emotional toll it takes. You don’t have to fight this alone. We can talk to someone if you think it might help.”

You bit your lip, considering his words. The idea of sharing these feelings with a stranger felt daunting, but the thought of carrying them alone felt even heavier. “Maybe,” you admitted softly. “It might help to talk to someone.”

Toto nodded, his hand finding yours and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll take it one step at a time, together. No rush, no pressure.”

A small, tentative smile tugged at your lips. “Thank you,” you said. “For being so patient. For…everything.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job,” he said, a playful glint in his eye. “And besides, you’re stuck with me.”

You laughed, the sound shaky but genuine. It felt like the first real laugh you’d had in weeks. Toto’s face lit up at the sound, and he pressed a kiss to your temple.

“How about we read for a bit?” he suggested, holding up the book he’d brought in. “Or I can read to you while you rest. Whatever you need.”

You considered the offer, the thought of curling up beside him and losing yourself in a story a comforting one. “That sounds nice,” you said.

Toto pulled back the covers, making room for you to slide under them. He settled in beside you, opening the book and wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you leaned against him. As his deep voice filled the room, reading the first lines of the story, you felt a tiny sliver of the weight lift from your chest.

The journey ahead still felt daunting, but in that moment, wrapped in Toto’s arms, you allowed yourself to believe that it was possible. That with time, patience, and his unwavering support, you could find your way back to yourself.

I hope you all have enjoyed this. Remember, your bodies are beautiful, but it's okay and valid not to feel that way 100% of the time. What truly matters is not losing yourself in those moments of doubt. Be kind to yourself, and remember that your worth goes far beyond appearances. Embrace the journey of self-love, one step at a time, and always hold onto the things that make you, you."

[divinesangel]

— 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

pm me for a personal reading!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

my dearest,

as i write this letter to you, my heart is filled with excitement and anticipation for the life we will share together. every word i write comes from a place of genuine affection and admiration. there's nothing i would love more than to shower you with my affection in love, the love that i've been saving to myself for many years now. i've been waiting for you for such a long time and i still am. i can't wait for the day that we get to do endless things together, visit, many places, and do many things together. you inspire me to grow and to expand myself in ways i haven't been able to before. i'm quite eager to see our future together unfolding in abundance and prosperity. i'm pretty sure we will build a life filled with stability, harmony, and security, which is more than i could ever ask for. i will protect our connection and our home will be like a sanctuary, a place where love and joy will be present, and where we will be able to create our own family.

you need to know that i will always stick by you through thick and thin, to support you in anything that you need, in your endeavors and your dreams, and to always work to make our connection happen and for our future family to thrive. i'm pretty sure that we will be able to any storm that comes our way. although sometimes i'd rather keep the bad news to myself so you don't have to experience any negativity, i promise to always communicate with you and show you my commitment to honesty and transparency, even when the truth may be difficult to face.

i will always cherish you and take care of you. my love for you knows no bounds, and i am thankful for every moment we share. your happiness is my greatest priority, and i will do everything in my power to ensure that you feel loved, cherished, and appreciated each and every day. with you as my partner, i know that anything is possible.

until we meet again, know that you hold my heart in your hands, now and forever.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

my love,

my heart overflows with warmth and anticipation for the journey that lies ahead of us. it's as if fate itself has brought us together and knew that we were always meant to be together. even if we haven't met yet, i just know that our connection will be instant as i feel the sparks even now. it's all gonna be magical, reminding me that our story is guided by something greater than ourselves. i'm impatient for the day we will get to experience that. my soul fell for you the moment it entered my body.

every time i think of you, my mind drifts back to the innocence and purity of childhood, like the sweet nostalgia. you remind me of something sweet, although distant. it's probably due to our souls knowing each other for lifetimes, finding solace and comfort in the familiarity of our bond.

my greatest desire is to see you happy, to witness the glow of joy radiating from your being and being there by your side to see you overflow with happiness; being there for you every time you need me. i know you'll be there for me as well, and it such a comfort for my heart. hand in hand, we can make anything possible.

with all my love, your future spouse

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

my most precious,

i find myself grappling with the complexities of life, feeling torn between the various paths laid out before me. there are moments when i question whether i am truly ready for what lies ahead, whether i possess the strength and clarity to navigate the challenges that await. the truth is, my love, there are aspects of my life that i am still coming to terms with, aspects that fill me with uncertainty and doubt. i am confronted with decisions that demand my attention, choices that require me to confront my deepest fears and desires.

but then, amidst the chaos of my mind, there is you. with you, my love, everything changes. in your presence, i find a sense of peace and clarity that i have never known before. it's as if the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders, and suddenly, everything feels possible. you have this remarkable way of making me feel like everything will be alright. your unwavering faith in me, your boundless love and support—it fills me with a sense of courage and conviction that i never knew i possessed.

there are many things i'd like to talk to you about that have to do with how i've been feeling. things that i've never dared to tell anyone else out of fear they might not get it as well as you will. i've experienced dark times in the past that i'm trying to come into terms with, and i will tell you all about it.

it's as if you are my guiding light, leading me through the darkness and showing me the way forward. yes, there may still be moments of doubt and uncertainty, but with you, my love, i know that i am not alone. with you, i feel as though i can face whatever the future may hold with courage and grace.

yours always, x

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 ($5.43) so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!