#but good on me bc even looking at it through a why would they have this lens it at least makes some sense
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serendipitous-imagines · 2 days ago
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Can you do a Homicipher Mr Gap x transmasc reader smut fic? Maybe w him eating the reader out? Perhaps?
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cws/tws: female genitalia verbiage, oral, fingering, begging, edging
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omg,,, my first homicipher request!! i have been so in love with all of the characters in this game and it has been so fun playing through all of the routes! i do get easily jumpscared bc i am a coward but hey, fear and adrenaline adds to emotions I am pretty sure ;> as always~ the fun stuff is under the cut~
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Where were you again...? Oh, right, you were stuck down here, running around mindlessly, looking for an elevator that may or may not bring you back to your world... And everyone surrounding you was a creature that was almost beyond human comprehension. But... they were kind, kinder than anyone had ever really been to you, and they cared, they cared so much about you, about how you felt, about how your body ached and reacted. Sure, it could have been because they wanted to do experiments on you, maybe even take your arms, but it being cared for like this felt so nice. Honestly, it would be a waste to leave everyone down here. How would you even live life normally again after meeting everyone? A soft groan escaped your lips as you rolled over on the bed, flopping your head down into the pillow that had definitely been untouched for a while, but it was better than laying on the ground. You could not imagine how it felt for Mr. Chopped- where even was he? Where was anyone? The room suddenly felt far more cold and empty than it had before. Anxiety crept into your chest and in an attempt to comfort yourself, you pulled the white blanket up to your head, wanting to hide from the vast empty echoes of the labyrinth where you found yourself confined. ... Why did it feel like you were being watched...? Lifting the sheet up hesitantly, you tilted your head downwards, unknowingly holding your breath as you glanced down at your legs. Nothing... You set the sheet down and let out the breath you had been holding, looking around the room. You were just being paranoid because you were alone, there was nothing to worry about, you were sure Mr. Crawling would be around at any moment and you would feel better. Shaking your head, you lifted the sheets to lay back down and- "AHHHH!!!!" Your whole body jumped, a scream involuntarily coming out, legs pressing together as you made eye contact with Mr. Gap smiling up at you from under the covers. "When did you get here?!" you yelled, fingers trembling as you held the sheets up, eyes wide.
"I help..." Mr. Gap mumbled, a smile on his face, his visible eye upturned with small crinkles in the corners of them. "Is there a reason why you are smiling so hard?" you asked, a smile on your face, wondering what organ or part of your body he was going to ask to take. Mr. Gap tilted his head, not understanding your question, his smile still ever-so-prevalent. "Give?" he asked. "Me want have." Mr. Gap repeated, his voice a little more firm. You could feel his warm breath hitting the insides of your thighs, goosebumps appearing on your skin from the warmth in the cold room. "Want what?" you asked, thighs shifting to close from the embarrassment of Mr. Gap's head being so close to such intimate areas. "Want you." Strong hands wrapped themselves around the inside of your thighs, pinning them open despite your attempts to force them closed. "M-me?!" your voice squeaked in surprise as your pants were ripped clear off of your legs. Mr. Gap's face leaned forward, huffing your scent, his fingers digging deeper into the squishy flesh of your thighs. "Smell good. Smell like. Want. Want. Want." Mr. Gap repeated, massaging your thighs in his palms obsessively, his words melting into mere mumbles as his teeth caught the fabric of your underwear, ripping them off (though you were unsure if he ate them or dropped them onto the bed, they were destroyed anyways). "Mr. Gap..." a breathless mutter came from your lips as Mr. Gap's mouth wrapped around your pussy, his tongue frotting against your clit. Your hips lifted at the sensation, a small whine leaving your lips as Mr. Gap's tongue started to speed up, greedily lapping up the arousal that started to drip from your vagina. How did he even know how to do this? Your hand slid beneath the sheets, wrapping your fingers around his hair as his tongue buried itself inside of your pussy, rubbing against your insides, easily gliding around in your arousal. Mr. Gap let out a low groan, a noise you had never heard him make before as his hand slid up your thigh before hovering just below his chin. His lips wrapped themselves hungrily around your clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves as two of his fingers circled around your soaked and sensitive entrance. A moan of pure desperation and a need like none other you have felt before came from your agape mouth, tugging on Mr. Gap's long hair, which had started to become knotted between your fingers. Your gazes caught one another, and you could see and feel his smile get wider before he sunk his fingers without warning into you. Your eyes widened at the sudden intrusion, walls clenching around Mr. Gap's unforgiving fingers that slid deep inside like he was going to pull your internal organs out from you. Your hips rocked, riding his fingers as his tongue pressed against your clit, flicking up and down as he sucked. Those calloused fingers provided a much needed texture, curling inside of you and forcing your walls wider open. Hearing such beautiful mewls coming from you, and feeling your hips starting to tremble, closing in on your orgasm, Mr. Gap cruelly slid his slick-covered digits out of your pussy, rubbing your hole as you gasped and looked at him with eyes that could only be described as downright pathetic. In an action even more cruel, he pulled his mouth away from your swollen and throbbing clit. Your head lifted, your eyes wide in surprise as he rested his head on your thigh and just smiled at you, a taunting, cruel smile. "You know exactly what you are doing..." you whined out, rolling your hips towards his face. "Me funny." "No," you retorted back with a pout on your lips. Mr. Gap laughed, fingers still mindlessly rubbing your opening, which was now soaking the sheets beneath you. "Me funny. You cute." Mr. Gap looked up at your face, which was twinged pink before he pushed three of his fingers inside of you, pumping them in and out of your hole far rougher than he had before. At full force, your orgasm hit your body at full force, crying out Mr. Gap's name as your cum squirted into his mouth and he greedily swallowed it.
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FANDOMS ~ MASTERLIST ~ COMMISSIONS ~ REQUESTS
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madschiavelique · 2 days ago
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A Crown Of Ink : Chapter 5 - Temperance
summary : viktor and reader work together in the library (so much banter, it's insane), then maybe there's a small fight because a guy called viktor a cripple and that causes some issues
content warnings : mentions of blood but really not that much tbh
word count : 5,4k
author's note : you thought i was gone on this one huh ? WRONG. we're so back babies! i know it's been 2 years since i've touched this baby okay, but i'm back now! hopefully i will get more time to write about this lil guy bc i love this fic.
masterlist : 1 — 2 — 3 — 4 — 5
(not proofread, english is not my first language ✦)
taglist : @doctorho
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For the rest of the two long hours, Heimerdinger continued his lesson.
The class had come to an end, you silent, the class teeming with gossip. Professor Heimerdinger had distributed the subjects one by one to the students at the end of the lesson. He was a perfectly reasonable, friendly teacher who tried to make his pupils laugh at the expense of their historical knowledge.
When you had a lesson with him, you knew you were listening to a teacher who was wise enough to turn events and experiences into jokes to lighten the burden of his history lessons.
He was always on the lookout for questions and comments from the students, not hesitating for a moment as he gave the subjects to the groups one by one to point out the difficulties they might find and the pitfalls that might await them.
In short, Heimerdinger wanted his students to succeed, not to see a decline in the Piltover Academy's chances of success, which in the eyes of many seemed to be something to crow about rather than something to be ashamed of.
The very idea of being one of the few students to overcome these difficulties and succeed was, in your eyes, the greatest reward that could ever be given to you.
“Young folks,” he said, pointing to the two of you. “Come this way. I have reserved a subject especially for you.”
Heimerdinger didn't do things haphazardly. He gave students subjects that reflected them, or at least where he knew the results would be most interesting. You couldn't help but fear what he was up to.
When the students had dispersed, the tinkle of Viktor's cane sounded until he arrived at your side. You sighed audibly as you looked at him, crossing your arms over your chest as he gave you a winning smile.
He seemed to enjoy it when you got angry, and took great pleasure in teasing you constantly. Had he been a friend, you wouldn't have held it against him, even though your list of friends consisted mainly of Eris, Sky and Jayce. However, a friend wasn't supposed to be a problem for your success. There's only so much space in the academy for students who come out on top, and you weren't about to give yours away.
“Good,” he said at last as the last student passed through the doorway. “There's no need to point out that you two are the sharpest elements of this class, you're well enough aware of that, as is the rest of the school certainly.”
Your bickering and petty battles almost made the corridors of the school come alive again with the excitement of rumour and gossip partaking in your reputation.
“None of the fellow teachers in this establishment seem to have brought to the table, however, a possibility which seems to me to be the most interesting for both of you: teamwork.”
You arched an eyebrow, finding the reasoning profoundly moronic.
“Sir,” you couldn't help but point out, “this school is eliminatory. Why would you want to associate students who won't necessarily all have the chance to pass the exams?”
Heimerdinger chuckled, “I'm not doing it with the prospect of a pass or a gold medal waiting for you at the finish line, Miss.”
You tilted your chin up in a slight pout of surprise.
“You see, I'm not necessarily trying to prepare you for the exams, but for what will happen once they're over. Having a diploma is all very well on paper, but what counts most in the end will be what you achieve.”
“All right,” you admit, “but why put us in a pair like this?”
“It's quite simple,” he jumped up from his desk, trotting across the floor to stand in front of you, your eyes downcast on him. “In the working environment, you don't always find a shoe to fit. And when you don't have the power to dismiss your colleague just because you don't like them, you have to learn to sacrifice your temperament for the sake of the common good. Now, I'm not asking you to make sacrifices, that word is far too violent, but I am asking you to compromise.”
You exchanged a look with Viktor, your fists clenching until your knuckles were white. You'd already made enough compromises for one lifetime, and now you had to go on? He, for his part, didn't seem too bothered by the situation. How could he be so calm? So serene about the idea of cooperating?
“You don't always work with the person of your choice, and not always on the subjects you'd prefer. Oh, that's just it! Speaking of subjects…”
He stood on tiptoe, grabbing the last sheet of paper from his desk and holding it out to Viktor.
The latter, for once, frowned in pure confusion and even perhaps... irritation?
“The evolution of Zaun's power?”
Your eyes narrowed before shifting from Viktor to Heimerdinger, “Are you joking?”
“I do love to laugh young lady but the shortest jokes are the best. You both seem, for different reasons, to have an excellent knowledge of Zaun. Its political power, its evolution, and even the iconic figures who can make themselves forgotten in the shadows of its depths.”
You exhaled a shaky breath, trying to remain upright and not revolt on the spot. Heimerdinger seemed way too amused and happy of his little scheme.
“Any questions?”
Viktor read the subject and what you had to complete, “Do you have any books to recommend to us Professor?”
Heimerdinger's voice became a blur as your thoughts drifted like the Grey in Zaun. Every corner of this city was out to kill you, and even when you were out of it, it followed you like your shadow.
Were you ever going to get out of such a cycle, out of this city’s grasp ?
“Miss?”
The teacher's voice brought you back down to earth. Distracted, you simply offered a confused hum in question so that he would repeat his last words.
“Your assignment is due in a month. That gives you time to put your differences aside and find a way of working together. If you'll excuse me, my next class is coming up soon.”
He gestured towards the exit, and soon enough you found yourselves in the corridor. The momentary emptiness of the hall almost seemed to bring you back to reality.
You drew in a breath, meeting Viktor's gaze beside you. You couldn't afford to get a bad mark, especially not for a Heimerdinger course. He was one of the most renowned scientists in the country, with his own seat on the Piltover council. To produce mediocre work would be to end your career on the spot, and you were prepared to at least try to cooperate with someone like Viktor.
“Why are you not begging the teacher to put us both in different duos?” you asked while Viktor was still reading the subject content.
“Hm, I think it might be fun.” he said, not even glancing at you.
You scoffed, “You and me?” your trigger finger pointing back and forth between the two of you, “Together? Fun?”
His eyes dropped from the paper, scanning you with a changed interest.
“You'd rather go back in there and ask for a rematch like a loser?”
A muscle near your eye tensed for a moment.
He sighed, his eyes returning to the subject, “Admitting defeat takes strength.”
“So you think I'm weak ?”
But Viktor didn't seem to have the slightest interest in you at the moment.
You relaxed your shoulders, sighing. There was no point in trying to beat him, you weren't - on that subject at least - in competition.
“Can I see the subject?” you asked, reaching for the paper, but he removed it from your reach in an instant.
You frowned, this wasn't going to be easy.
“Do I disgust you?” he asked.
The question caught you off guard, your eyes blinking several times as you almost looked at him with fresh eyes.
If the question was purely physical, no, Viktor didn't disgust you. He was always accompanied at all times and in all places by that same invariable weariness that gave him a particular elegance. He had features common in Zaun, brown hair, amber eyes, and an accent that made some of the girls in your class drop like flies.
When it came to his character and personality though, it was another thing entirely.
“You annoy me,” you replied, managing to snatch the subject of his hand with enough agility that the gesture left him surprised, “but you don't disgust me.”
He remained silent for a moment. You could feel his eyes on you as yours fell on those of the subject.
“The only thing that disgusts me is your taste in pasta,” you confirmed.
He let out a little laugh, the kind that mixes humming and nose blowing, the kind you do when a remark makes you nostalgic.
“Friday, 5pm, library, don't be late.” he said simply, the clink of his cane echoing on the floor as he began to walk away.
As your eyes roamed over the page, you couldn't help but take in nothing of what was written. Your mind was stuck on him, on the trick Heimerdinger had just played on you.
He had just orchestrated a game that the whole school was going to bet on, the teachers were going to look at your situation in a new light, and in the worst case scenario, multiply the group work to put you both in pairs.
Your heart looped as you realised that this was undoubtedly another test. Heimerdinger was going to observe which of you was the best performer, the most pliable, the best at teamwork.
You had to be flawless, you had to.
Friday came earlier than you imagined, and you weren't looking forward to it in the least. You hadn't stopped thinking about it, finding yourself on numerous occasions distracted during your homework.
The card of the day you had drawn was Temperance, and the little booklet told you:
Alchemy. Mixing and harmonising opposing forces and concepts. Maintaining opposing ideas and encouraging complexity in life. Fusion produces evolution.
The archangel Gabriel, the angel messenger, is represented on the card. He wears the sign of the sun on his forehead. This is also the alchemist's symbol for gold. This card reflects the changing of the seasons and the adoption of new ideas. Temper in Latin is the act of repetition to invoke skill or to refine something, to make it sharper like a sword.
What a pain that was, and to think you'd have to endure this for a whole month of deep research and hours spent by his side working, together.
You dragged your feet as you made your way to the academy library.
It was a magnificent place, filled with the smell of varnished wood, old paper and dried ink. The ceiling was arched, the bookshelves forming real walls that separated the room like rows of pews in a church. If it hadn't been reserved for the academy's research students, it would surely have been on Piltover's list of monuments to visit.
There weren't many people there, apart from a small handful of students finishing their homework before basking in the arrival of the weekend. You were a good fifteen minutes early, and didn't see Viktor at all.
You were just about to put your bag and things down by a table and start your research, when a voice you wouldn't have preferred to hear at the time greeted you:
“Ah, there you are,” Viktor approached, coming out of one of the library corridors, “I just needed some help to get to the higher tomes.”
With his free hand, he held up a small stack of tomes, pressing them under his chin before placing them on a table with two or three other books already laid out.
You sighed, moving your things over to his table, “Have you been there for long already?”
“Why, do you care about me?” his cheeky grin made you roll your eyes.
“I think you overestimated my greatness. Which shelf?”
He said nothing, making his way to one of the shelves. You followed him. Fortunately, the women's uniforms at the academy had trousers. You wouldn't have known what to do if it had been otherwise and you'd ended up on a ladder above him.
“You know,” he began as you reached the meagre ladder to the upper shelves, “I've been looking forward to working with you.”
You arched an eyebrow, your hand gripping the ladder as you looked at him in confusion.
“Why?”
The two of you were only picking on each other, you were avoiding him like the plague, and you'd made it clear to him several times that your situation was that of a competition. So obviously you had a right to be surprised as to why he'd want to work with you.
He shrugged. “You were the top student before I came here, surely there must be a reason behind it.”
You expelled an abrupt puff from your lungs, your breath taken away by his insolence. You could only expect it after all.
You climbed a few steps up the ladder, looking for Zaun's historical tomes.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, or am I to believe my working buddy seeks to diminish me to a fictive second rank?”
“We're in a library, alas, reality catches up to this fiction, miss number two.”
You clutched the volume in your hand, your nostrils flaring for a moment in anger. He knew how to annoy you, and you never seemed to find a single point on which you could reciprocate.
You held out the tomes one by one for him to take. “Guess I could work on a pet name for you too.”
“Be my guess.”
Once his arm was full, you took a few tomes in your hands before climbing down the ladder and walking towards the table. “And make you the honour of thinking of something to be done for you ? I'd rather lick sandpaper.”
He feigned disappointment, “So I do disgust you, this pains me.”
You set the pile of volumes down on the table, reaching into your bag to pull out paper and pens.
“Yeah well, You were supposed to pretend I didn't exist, not try to bother me to death. So I guess we're both disappointed.”
He took a seat, grabbing a volume and placing it in front of him. “So I bother you ?”
You sat down opposite him, imitating his gesture as you searched with interest for a tome to start with.
“What a transcending sense of observation you have.”
He brought both his hands up in front of him, resting his chin on the backs of his fingers.
“How do I bother you?”
You were starting to get annoyed by his questions. You had come here to work, not to chat.
“Your simple existence?” you replied, staring into his eyes.
He sighed, opening his book and noting on the page its title.
“As if yours wasn't proof that failure has a sense of humour.”
You said nothing, letting his comment wander in the air as you started your own research in silence, locating the chapter of interest to you in the table of contents.
“But seriously,” Viktor continued, “why do I bother you?”
You sighed, pinching the page you were on before shifting your eyes from the words on it to Viktor's curious amber gaze.
“You want an honest answer ?”
He nodded. You let go of the page, straightening up.
“You come into my life and wreck everything I've built brick by brick, wouldn't you be the slightest bit frustrated if that happened to you ?”
It was his turn to be silent this time. He seemed to look at you differently, as if, by some miracle perhaps, he'd just realised what was at stake for you in this situation.
He wasn't even touching the tip of the iceberg of why you'd come to the Academy, but for a moment he seemed to understand how important it could be for you.
Your eyes returned to your page, trying to find keywords to write down or information to record.
“You surpassed me in the exam, teachers love you, you make great friends…”
“Almost sounds like you're obsessed with me.”
Your lips parted, eyes wide as you looked at him as if he'd just slapped you, leaving your cheek and your thoughts with a warm tingle. You were so surprised that nothing came from your lips, which was beginning to be enough for a flash of mischief to cross Viktor's eyes and for the corner of his lips to form a sneer.
“I'm not.” You finally reply, trying to remain composed and not to stammer for anything in the world.
“Denial would've worked before the long vacant stare,” he says, advancing slightly on the table.
“Why do you have to be like that?”
“Like what?”
You humph, dropping back in your chair in despair.
“Better than me.”
He recoiled slightly, as if the remark was completely far-fetched and unfounded.
“There are thousands of people better than me, why do you have to focus on my poor self, hm? Did I barge in your territory?”
He had, unconsciously he truly had. It was you who was supposed to be first, otherwise the consequences would've been mentally dire.
“Take it this way,” he continued, “there's surely something you're better at than me.”
You couldn't think of much on the spot, especially not when there was a possibility of you making a list of things he topped you in. There was surely one thing though.
“Running.”
He opened his lips in surprise, a smile stretching across his face which he hid with his hand. You were already regretting what you'd just said.
“Jayce is going to be the first one hearing about this.”
“No it's-”
“So you're participating in a system made against disabilities.”
“I never-”
“Are you going to steal my crutch next in hopes of beating me to a race?”
“You're never going to drop this now are you ?”
“With such a statement ? Never.”
“Whatever let's just- let's just work.” you mumble, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment and shame as you desperately try to move on.
He gave one last chuckle before getting back to work. He seemed to be reading a tome on the history of the masters of Zaun.
“About Tytos, I still think you've got that wrong.” he said as he read another page from the tome.
“I think I'm going to smash your face in.” you replied calmly without looking at him.
“As if you could reach me.”
“You know what-” you began, raising your voice.
However, somebody shushed you in the room, restricting you to remaining calm.
“Raising your voice in a library? You'd have to be a stupid fool.”
“Trying to contradict me when even Heimerdinger considered my answer excellent is not the wisest either.”
“Heimerdinger would tell a snail that goes slightly faster than the norm it's excellent. But maybe your low self esteem is just common sense.”
“Maybe my self esteem will just leave this library right now.” you say, crossing your arms on the table.
“And leave me to pursue this matter on my own? That wouldn't be very serious, miss number two.”
You sighed, getting back to work. Your blood was boiling in your veins just from sitting at this table.
“None of the books mention Tytos.”
“Since when do you trust Piltover books on the accounts of the history of Zaun ?”
Touché. He raised his eyebrows as if it were the only relevant thing you could have said.
“You never said where you were from, in Zaun,” he remarked.
You tensed slightly. “Why do you want to know that ?”
“We're making an exposé on Zaun, we're both from there, might as well just know it,” he said, raising his eyes to yours.
You watched him for a moment, he didn't seem to want to make a joke of you once your answer was out of your mouth. But in any case, you weren't going to give it to him.
“You wouldn't know,” you replied simply as you jotted down another date.
‘I'm sure that I-”
“You don't want to know.’ you said firmly, the seriousness taking over your face to assure him that this was certainly not territory he wished to venture into.
He frowned, confused. He seemed deeply intrigued by you, and that made you uncomfortable. Never before in your life had anyone asked you so many questions about yourself in such a short space of time. And so here he was, shaking up every one of your pillars like a bowling ball knocking over pins.
This one, however, was not about to give way.
You looked at your watch for a moment, sighing.
“Let's work for one more hour. We'll make a plan and subparts of what we'll talk about at the end of it.”
This time Viktor seemed to get the message: silence. 
You couldn't help glancing at him from time to time. You noticed the way his long fingers flicked across the pages, the way his eyebrows furrowed as he read, the way he rested his cheek on the back of his hand with a sigh as he read a boring piece of writing. 
Or when he would click his pencil for a moment to write something down, and his handwriting would lie gracefully on the paper, scratching the grain of the paper.
It was not without surprise that, once the hour had passed, there was hardly anyone in the library but the two of you. 
When you explained your plan for the presentation to Viktor, he agreed, simply giving a few perfectly critical and serious remarks without condescending to him in any way.
“Good. I think this is a good time to stop for today,” you said as you stood up, taking a stack of books in your arms.
All in all, working with Viktor like this wasn't so bad, when it was done in silence. But as soon as either of you opened your lips to say anything, politeness left the room in great strides.
You put each tome away in its old place, both of you taking your things, and left the library. The academy wasn't closed yet, and some people still had classes or were hanging around in the corridors.
You walked side by side, your pace the same as Viktor's. All the students seemed to turn around as you passed, your duo seeming like a pair of circus animals. 
You glanced at Viktor, who didn't seem in the least affected by this.
However, a trio of students were watching you with evil, mocking eyes. You couldn't help but tense up, however, when the one who seemed as tall as he was stupid remarked: 
“Die already, cripple. You're slowing the traffic.”
Your shoulders tensed as you walked, expecting to do what you'd always had to do here despite the taunts: ignore and move on.
But Viktor wasn't going to listen to you like that.
“Thank you for your advice, I'll try euthanasia once you'll be able to count higher than the number of butterfingers you've got.”
A few chuckles echoed in the corridor at his reply, but the young man seemed to be boiling with hatred. It was as you passed in front of them that, in a cowardly move, he kicked Viktor's cane.
He lost his balance, falling face first to the ground as his cane fell beside him. The air stopped for a moment with the shock of the gesture, your eyes shifting from Viktor on the ground to the idiot who had just knocked him over. Students knelt down beside him immediately to help him.
“Oops, my foot slipped. Sorry.”
But nothing, of course, conveyed any regret at this behaviour.
He turned his back and walked off with his group of friends. Your blood ran cold.
Quickly, you grabbed Viktor's cane, which was still on the ground, and made it whistle through the air before it struck the back of the student's knees. It was his turn to shrivel up on the floor, and he immediately turned to you, his cheeks red with anger.
“Oops, my hand slipped,” you said, glancing at the crutch for a moment before returning to him. “Sorry.”
You turned back to Viktor, handing him his crutch. He looked at you with fried whiting eyes, deeply surprised by your gesture without moving a muscle.
“You fucking slut…” you heard behind you.
But as soon as you turned around, a sharp blow hit you in the cheek. The force of it knocked you back two steps, a metallic taste spreading through your mouth. You brought your fingers to your lips, hissing as you touched them, your bottom lip burning. Bringing your fingers back into line of sight, you found them bloodied.
You turned to the student, his face far too satisfied for your liking.
‘’What a brilliant idea,‘’ you breathed as, in one swift movement, you struck his crotch with the crutch.
He bent over instinctively, gasping for breath, before you punched him right in the nose. He fell, cowering on the ground like a miserable insect.
"What's going on here?" asked a stern voice.
Madame Agrane, one of your teachers, came into the corridor. Her eyes fell on Viktor on the floor, your lip split, the student on the ground surrounded by his two friends.
“Everyone in my office, now.”
You pressed a bag of ice cubes to your cheek, sitting next to Viktor who was clutching his crutch in his hands. As for the idiot, he kept grumbling and giving you nasty looks.
"Can someone explain to me what happened for you all to end up in such states?" questioned Agrane.
You were about to start but the idiot beat you to it.
"Madame Agrane, I was just minding my own business in the corridor when these two pupils came up to me! One was hitting me with his crutch while the other was punching me. I don't know what I've done to deserve this.' He exclaimed theatrically, Viktor and you looking at him like the most ridiculous being to ever be.
If there was one thing that helped your reputation, it was that you were known as serious students, who didn't fall into the category of those who would start a fight in the corridors for no particular reason.
"That is far from the truth," Viktor retorted calmly. "He insulted me, then made me fall, and then...’
He seemed to be hesitating over his words, or at least looking for the right term. He turned to you, letting his eyes drift for a moment to your split lip, and then back to Madame Agrane's gaze.
"... My friend protected me."
Friend? the word made you clench your jaw, inhaling. It was just a lie, just a word brought to the front to give your teacher sympathy. No, he certainly didn't mean it.
The teacher looked at you, seeming more convinced by your story than the other. Noticing this, the student couldn't help but plead his own case: 
"Madam, these two students come from Zaun. The blood of violence will always run in their veins."
Agrane seemed to give you a new look, as if you and Viktor were ready to pounce on her like two wolves.
"Is this a joke? You started all this," you said, offended.
"Beating you up would have brought greatness to Piltover." he replied.
"Oh, look at you, attempting greatness! Pity it's just an attempt." you sighed, pressing the ice pack a little closer to your cheek to put out the fire your anger was beginning to spread.
"Madam Agrane," he continued, turning to her, "you know what my patron will think about this. Imagine his reaction when he will hear how you have treated his favoured student?"
You had no idea who his patron could possibly have been, but she didn't hesitate for a second to say: 
"Miss, you'll get an hour's detention for your violent behaviour in the corridors. I hope I don't have to catch you again doing such barbaric acts."
Your eyes widened just as much as Viktor's.
"What?! But he's the one who-" you tried, pointing at the idiot who was smiling victoriously.
"There's no buts about it. The discussion is closed. You'll have your detention period this Monday."
"Madam, I think there's been a mistake." Viktor began.
"Do you want to be given detention too, young man?"
Viktor remained silent, sighing before lowering his eyes to the ground.
"Good, see you on Monday, then."
The fool stood up first, walking past you with a foolish grin on his face.
"Bet it feels just like home to be in prison by monday, hm?"
Your lip hemmed in disgust, your nose scrunching up.
"Try what you've done just once more, and I'll personally make sure you have no offspring."
He looked slightly frightened for a moment, then frowned like a child before leaving the room.
You sighed, standing up. You wanted to get out of here right away, away from the horrible feeling of injustice in your heart, away from the word ‘punishment’ burning into your skin.
Your free hand instinctively came to rest on your shoulder for comfort, and you stood up to get your things.
“You didn’t have to do this earlier, you know.” Viktor said.
You sighed, walking towards the door. “Whatever, what is done is done.”
"Hey," Viktor said, standing up behind you.
You didn't even turn to him.
"Thanks, I wasn't expecting that at all."
You waited for something, for anything that would come after what he had just said, but nothing came. Your turned to him.
"Is that all? No remarks about how I'd have been better off hitting him somewhere else, or stupid sarcasm about my action?"
He seemed surprised by your reaction, his face puzzled and almost saddened.
"We're not friends, Viktor." you said, your face as cold as the ice pack on your cheek. "We're..."
But what were you apart from rivals? Two rivals working together to do a job that would rely on both of you, that wasn't really rivalry. It was camaraderie in a way, you were classmates, but friends?
You pursed your lips, a slight trickle of blood beading from them.
"See you next week."
Without further ado, you left the room. You walked down the corridors, the students staring at you like an alien. You were suffocating under all those sharp, curious, numerous stares. You pressed on, leaving the academy as quickly as possible.
Once outside, you took the first quiet alley you could find.
“Shit!” you swore, pressing your back against the first wall you could find.
You brought your hand up to your forehead, sighing until you almost felt your body slide down the wall, running your palm over your face in frustration and exhaustion.
You wanted to cry, the weight of everything feeling like it was zipping up on you like a body bag. You'd been stupid, acting on your emotions. You should have kept your head down, let the administration do its job, not invented a life of heroism trying to redress the balance that some fool had tipped.
You didn't even like Viktor, but you'd still jumped at the chance to do him justice. No, you didn't like Viktor any more than that.
But you respected him.
Could you be friends with him?
The question passed through your mind for a moment, but you ended up putting it out of your mind.
You let your head fall back against the wall. The thought of an hour's detention in your perfect record seemed to you like a thread sticking out of a beautiful dress, itching to be pulled on. You tried to console yourself, to come to terms with the fact that it was just another hour of extra study. But you couldn't help feeling heavy with pain.
Eventually you gathered up your things and walked home, hoping that the cool night air would help to quench the fire that was still boiling inside you. Winter was on your doorstep, and ready to complicate things.
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mythalism · 2 days ago
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i think the reason the kiss is like that is because they genuinely just got lazy with animating. idk why that is if it was a time thing, a corporate thing, but i watched all the endings and the good ones (with him walking away willingly) all have the same camera focus, although funnily enough i found someone got an ending where a romanced lavellan does not go with him? (although i am unsure if they kept the first half of the inq ending, and then smacked it with high approval inq but the video didn't look chopped) so that ending follows the same pattern of him walking away, pausing (she says nothing which is hilarious cause he looks to her), he says something and then the animation is the same as if he'd leave with her (hands in front of him, standing stoically.) and the same echoes in the high approval inq ending.
i also noticed the trick ending, the bad ending, and the rook eats shit with solas ending also have the same animations, except the only difference is dialogue / solas' own face animations & in the extra bad ending rook is there being catty obvs. i personally think the chaste kiss was cute, bc who wouldn't wanna smooch him with demon jungle juice on his face. but because of the added height sliders i think animating it as a hug / carress / any alternative was gonna take too much of EA's precious time so they just. did that like hand holding so you can clip in any height inq.
but all the camera angles remain the same, meaning they more or less reused the same cinematic composition for reasons unknown to me personally. so even though they painstakingly animated the facial expressions they could not bother with a different physical movement or even moving the camera half an inch. but i noticed that's a recurring thing in veilguard, a lot of cinematics follow the same Static shot mark up as opposed to Inquisition, DA2 & DA:O that had even in ending & companion cutscenes plenty of different shot angles to choose from without flycam.
inccchhhhresting thank you for this genuinely it’s very interesting… the whole time reading this i was nodding along but also thinking “weird that they would painstakingly animate every micro expression on solas’s face to reflect every single thought that goes through his head?” and then you literally said that lol. the fact that trespasser gives us such completely different animations with the TENDER KNEELING KISS and that was just for a DLC….. sigh…. we could have had it all…
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nyan-bynary · 2 months ago
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I'm gonna have to wait out a few weeks to be able to complain about jjk's ending bc rn half the ppl are bashing everyone who expected more as ppl who just wanted gojo back
#jjk 271#like no I can read I understood that gojo was gone for good from 236 bUT we can still talk about#how a grown ass man and his grown ass friends deciding how they were at 16 was their perfect forms.#before they made all the important life changing decisions. is a regression right#like can we talk about how the narrative just glosses over geto's whole entire life after hs WHERE HE WAS A GENOCIDAL MANIAC#and pretends like no one would even side eye him about that???#that's fucking regression#you're scaling his character back bc you don't want to address the root reasonwhy he went that route#and it's perfectly fine when an author doesn't want to get too political in their work it's their right I get it#but it does make me upset where the whole entire story up until here the author has been beating us over the head with leftist messaging-#- only to throw it away and settle for a 'oh I didn't mean ACTUAL revolution or changes that would rock the boat for REAL'#bc let's face it. the conditions that made people like geto and sukuna happen are still fucking there they just skipped this generation#these kids are still going to be sent out when a special grade curse shows up and some of them are still gonna die tragically early#to put yuuji as the leader of gojo's dream is isolating and a burden on JUST YUUJI (WHY WERE THE OTHER STUDENTS NOT THERE)#to make yuuji the sole messenger of gojo's will is frankly WEIRD gojo wanted these kids to look out for one another#he had nothing to say to anyone else???#yuuji's been accidentally burdened with the weight of gojo's dream now ON HIS OWN#HE IS A KID#literally nothing's changed at the end#also see how I didn't talk about gojo on his own here bc the problems are so glaring that they shine through even side characters#WHY IS NANAMI A KID IN THE AIRPORT IS THAT THE VERSION OF HIMSELF HE WAS CONTENT WITH???#or did they all have to be aged down to match haibara even though making the choice to show the ones that lived as grown would've made it-#-more impactful#A twenty seven yr old nanami sitting next to the fifteen yr old haibara would've been soul crushing right?#also why have nanami be the only one that talks like he remembers his adulthood BUT NOT GETO#WHY TAKE AWAY SUCH A HUGE PART OF GETO#YOU COULD'VE HAD THAT BE A CONVERSATION AND HAVE PEOPLE FORGIVE HIM#the more I think about the ending the more things I find to nitpick further back too#gege I love you but please I hope you negotiate a more flexible time in your next contract I hope they don't burn you out again#bc jjk is going to be an ending which I will frankly ignore and just go with 'sukuna won and it was terrible' in my head instead
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orcelito · 3 months ago
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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.
When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.
As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"
She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.
But she's wrong.
That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.
As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.
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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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waywardsalt · 5 months ago
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ive been rereading tnp and it’s bothering me so much i need to mention it here; it’s kind of insane how much the erins bend over backwards to make brambleclaw deputy, it’s kind of just nonsensical.
not even him not having an apprentice when he’s picked, though that is kind of wild, he just… there’s basically no good reason other than him being a main pov character and tigerstar’s son. literally any other thunderclan warrior who’s had an apprentice (barring maybe ashfur) would have been a better choice. thornclaw dustpelt sandstorm cloudtail brackenfur- brackenfur is one that firestar explicitly considers and the reasoning why he decides not to is so incredibly weak ‘oh i dont think he’d be right for leader’ number one what are you talking about number 2 then use him being deputy as an opportunity to help him become right for leader are you telling me firestar thinks the cat he once considered letting die in a fire is a better fit for leader than the cat he half mentored. dustpelt is clearly an experienced warrior, sandstorm is someone firestar obviously has faith in, thornclaw is experienced and i’m pretty sure you even see firestar consult him a few times (cloudtail is iffy bc thats cloudtail but he’d really be a better choice, just how he treats daisy and her kits would be an interesting justification for firestar making him second-in-command) but honestly besides the narrative jumping through hoops to act like the other very viable options are either secretly bad choices or otherwise ignore them (why is bramble the only cat we ever see jump to help firestar with stuff they just wrote everyone else to be silent or w/e) but in twilight where he arguably acts the most like de-facto deputy in leaf and squirrel’s pov he’s framed as a jackass half the book??? why would you do that if you intend to make him actual leader?? in his trial run of being kinda-not-deputy you just make him use his semi-authority to be cold and fucking mean to his friend and her buddy??? like i see him being qualified due to having experience being the travel group’s leader and whatnot, but barely anything else is done to make him realistically more qualified than anyone else- he just angsts about his ambitions and gets handed the position because starclan vouched for him for some damn reason even though by his society’s laws he should not be in that position
#sorry its just really bothering me bc i am NOT seeing why he should be deputy#warrior cats#salty talks#the new prophecy#i dont hate tnp i just hate the bramble wants to be deputy plot he does not deserve that shit#not even on the level of him being a shitty guy or anything he literally should not have been picked#its probably the most egregious example of the authors just forcing a plot point instead of like. building it up realistically#literally in twilight he just comes off like he’s going to be a cold distant asshole as deputy it’s not a good look#opposed to firestar being deputy gaining his position while qualified and also through the understandable logic of bluestar’s mental state#fire just picks bramble be leafs like hey starclan says so and fires like oh ok even tho he’s literally not qualified#and also barely seems like he’d be a good choice anyways despite having been a main pov character#yes im complaining abt bad writing in the Bad Writing Cat Books leave me alone this is bothering me#adding while i read sunset; i will concede that this one does a better job building him up as possible deputy with the trust he’s given#its still just. why him (besides him being the mc) why is no one else given this trust or somewhat filling this role the same way#i feel like it would be more interesting if someone else got chosen over bramble and he had to be at peace with that#instead of oh he gets what he wants yayyy. idk switch the fox trap scene to hawkfrost trapping the new deputy#i feel like bramble not being deputy would be interesting like helps him realize that he doesnt need to be in a position of power#for his clanmates to trust him and rely on him if hes still worried abt the tigerstar’s kin thing and maybe confront tigerstar abt it
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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 7 months ago
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oughh......
#laya plays dragon age#da2#oc: liam hawke#this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that#but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH.#i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok#bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years#years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard#and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left#and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it#varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home#drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother#and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life#and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision#but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings#and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade#and he cant do it#and he hates it so much. but he wont do it.#and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways#if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands#as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even#the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it#but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too#if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more#''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me#dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more#or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever#anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again
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trans-leek-cookie · 5 months ago
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Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.
Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal
Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that
Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)
Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).
Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic
Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"
#Eugenics TW#cult TW#ask to tag#Suguru when I catch you#Anyway this was me thinking Abt the fact that Toji ISNT a normal human. He just can't use jujutsu. He's like supernaturally powerful anyway#So Geto's whole shit is like. Pretty misdirected. Though also personal thought is I don't think His parents were good (and he's projecting#That onto every other person who's not a sorcerer) mostly cause like. Going straight to murdering your parents is not really expected#Progression in eugenics id think? Bc if you posit urself as the ''superior'' person theoretically ur parents should also b part of that#Bc genetics or whatever. Idk how genetic sorcery shit is but even tho his parents Weren't sorcerers usually ppl would make excuses I think#So. Basically I feel like he probably did not have a great relationship w them. Not that that makes him any better more just like. Thinking#Through what's happening in his head...why the fuck did he decide on a different last name for that woman. WTF is wrong with him#I am suguru's number 1 LOVER and his number 1 HATER. I'm suffering bc none of the fanfic makes him enough of a bitch#It's really fucking something bc like. Looking at him as someone who's had similar thought progressions and is unlearning the kind of toxic#Black/white extremist thinking he has going on. It's cathartic in a way to deconstruct that and be able to analyze my own thoughts as well#But then no one is putting in the effort to actually engage with his ideas and the flaws in them (INCLUDING THE AUTHOR.)#Anyway most people when they have a crisis and reach an extremely bad mental health situation would join a cult rather than take over a cul#But suguru is different. That's why I love him and also why I'm going to break his ribs.#Diversity win this autistic trans guy fucking sucks so bad you want him dead#I need to tag these damn posts w something but I'm too lazyyyu
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moe-broey · 3 months ago
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Idk I also just hate the future actually. My ass is Always living in the past or simply day to day 💪💪💪
#HELP ...... SO MANY OF MY DAYDREAMS CENTER AROUND THIS ACTUALLY.....#like. huge point of drama/point of contention between alfonse and moe is that moe Hesitates.#even outright Refuses. to consider the future. where alfonse's future seems set in stone that is the path he's been striving for all long#moe feels like it won't have a place there. you'll be king. you'll be all set. you'll probably have to have a queen#and even if it's a political marriage thing (WHICH. I HAVE SO MUCH HC LORE ABOUT --#like no one specifically but like. alfonse is the type of guy who has accepted this long ago and just treats it as a fact of life#which moe RESENTS. HOW are you gonna fuckinh ACCEPT THAT. your life entirely out of your own hands#bitch i'll fucking KILL YOU. ect)#also as a side there was a whole wedding banner wip that explored that that i. forgor about#but like. alfonse tries SO hard to convince moe that there WILL be a place for it by his side. he will MAKE that place if he has to#also a king4king situation isn't feasible i think moe would be a concubine (gay style). or an enuch or something#like moe does NOT want to be in any position of actual authority. that's not its heart. it's a support guy through and through#but going back to the start. moe is the type of guy who's convinced it's going to be replaced.#moe is the type of guy who burns bridges and feels a sense of relief. moe is the type of guy who is looking for ANY excuse#to run away. and ESP to reframe it as 'you're better off without me'.#the only reason it was able to get so close to alfonse is bc it was convinced alfonse wouldn't get attached to it#and when he did moe was convinced Well. this will all be temporary anyway. i'll take it day by day#make the most of it. and whenever alfonse hits it w one of his classic zingers like#the more you have to lose the worse it hurts when you do doesn't that make you feel lonely. SHUP FUCKIYBNG SHUT YPUR FUCK UP‼️‼️‼️#moe is a normal guy with no problems. definitely no commitment issues or intimacy issues. i promise.#ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME. BEEN TURNING THIS AROUND IN MY HEAD TOO. ESP W MY CURRENT WIP#and the feelings it invokes in me. moe is SO CONVINCED. SO CONVINCED. it's gonna fuck alfonse over big time#do NOT make me your lifeline i swear to fucking god. i Promise You. i Will Fail You.#adjacent but moe being a healer is ENDLESSLY. FASCINATING TO ME. LIKE MY GOD#healer that is just SO destructive. that's w.. that's part of why... it became a healer.........#like god. being a healer to ensure that if you get rid of me you'll be at a disadvantage.#nevermind the fact that i have a role exclusive to me. not good enough. i need More insurance.#the way. the role it took upon itself. when it was younger. to be the fixer. to clean up after [redacted]#and its never ending cycle. ever since it was a child. its never ending cycle of tearing itself apart#to rebuild itself anew. better this time. Perfect this time. this time. this time. this time.
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running-in-the-dark · 20 days ago
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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hexcitrine · 10 months ago
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randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy
#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition#i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is#3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months#(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it)#anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months#however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well#let's just say i have not been making art at all#that might change soon tho#rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far#idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it#or even reading it#especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO#but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all#it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters#last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself#of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily#that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny#but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good#i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things#god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage#sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with#oh also it's my birthday#that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place#happy lan wangji birthday#actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart#and then remembered that we share the same birthday#also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved#and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there#actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made#sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done
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the-knife-consumer · 2 years ago
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You know how cat whisters help with a cats balance right? Do you think your depiction of cosmics is the same? Ie, Since they're adaptation is different yet unique head shapes and patterns, do you think their whiskers helps with their balance along with other senses that or is it just for design. Ether way, your depiction of the queen, king, and prince is very interesting, lovely and makes me think a lot! Keep it up
Yes!! I feel like them having whiskers would make sense for the 'somethings coming' alert, because its usually something that they can't see coming from behind. Also prince can go on very narrow paths while rolling around a giant ball, so he'd sort of have to have good balance
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Also if they had really good balance then they could do things like this
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killjoy-prince · 1 year ago
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My ANYC haul
I bought some spicy stuff which you can see under the cut
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#prince's talk tag#ren dont look#this took so long to go through and sort aaaaaaa my back hurts lolol#man i bought A LOT#i gotta wait for tomorrow for my presentation book to come in so i can put the posters in them#the stickers i can put in my sticker book#as for the charms and buttons i can put some up but not all i dont have a lot of room oops#anyway!! no con makes me wanna spend so much money quite like anyc#ive been to a few different cons in my time but this one takes the cake the artists and vendors are perfection#there was a rally for b/aldurs g/ate where you visited participating booths and either rolled a 20 with a d20#or bought 10 bucks worth of stuff from each booth to collect stamps#then youd bring it to the last booth to get a prize which was some prints and sticker sheet which you can see on the top row in the 2nd pic#as well as a sticker sheet in the top left of the same pic#and since this game is my current obsession and by extension the vampire in the game i had no problem getting the stamps by spending money#i bought so much of my boy and this wasnt even all they had of him but it was a good chunk#i also bought a bunch of ge/nshin stuff specifically d/iluc bc hes my fave when i was playing a lot and there was an artist who had so much#of him available for sale and he looked so good in their style so i had to#the pic with the flamingo fidget toy i got from the p/r/s/k meetup!! the host gave out little goodie bags as thanks for coming#she was dressed as h/onami which is why the card has her on it#the pic with the cookbook was by an artist ive seen a few times and would buy recipe prints from (the back of the prints has the recipe)#so when i saw they had a cookbook now i had to get it!! its so cute!!#I also bought a bunch of dice bc i love dice and i was with two people who play a lot of d/n/d and enabled me lolol#i havent played in a while but they invited to play sometime and i do wanna join!! so why not#hard to take good pics of the dice tho i get what the sales person at e/verythingd/ice was saying#speaking of: shoutout to that sales person for hustling to get us to spend so much. they are good at what they do. im not even mad#they werent mean or anything but they had a job to do and did it well#the stone dice on the black box was from a different company but i saw those dice and knew i had to get them. they called to me#havent had dice do that since i bought a set at a card shop in italy#the p/ersona tote i got from a booth that had a persona themed pc and you had to take a pic of the display and tweet it to get the bag#we tried saturday but they ran out fast so we had to run to the booth sunday to get it
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pupkou · 5 months ago
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i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
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chemicalarospec · 6 months ago
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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)
because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)
#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows#maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot#i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia#cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and#then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder#like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know#anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut#but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got#i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer#but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome#but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it#doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this#personal
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