#but it does make me upset where the whole entire story up until here the author has been beating us over the head with leftist messaging-

[nyan-bynary]

I'm gonna have to wait out a few weeks to be able to complain about jjk's ending bc rn half the ppl are bashing everyone who expected more as ppl who just wanted gojo back

[sualne]

Crocodad AU Story overview from mid prologue to the end of Arc 2, checks out the current timeline of published comics to remember where we left of. Does not include the Strawhat whereabouts. Anything is up to change but that's the gist of it.

Warning for blood, injuries and general angst.

Luffy is easy to read as autistic and dyslexic in canon, i wanted to see what it would be like accumulating learning disabilities in an AU where he's expected to study, the struggles that comes from it. Again, disabled ppl being disabled is important to me, all that.

Not mentioned here but Luffy is upset with his father already with his constant plotting, all the plants are dead now and there's a lot less ppl outside when he goes out with Robin. He doesn't fully understand what's going on but know it his fault and in order to take over Alabasta. On multiple occasions he makes it clear he doesn't want to be prince or have anything to do with Baroque Works.

That feeling of helplessness born from Crocodile's disregard for his feeling and really, own sense of personhood, is a problem through the whole of the story until Arc 7 when Crocodile has to face the fact that his kid is a whole person. The actual quote in my note is "once again he's incapable of seeing luffy as his own capable (unhinged) person".

Also Miss Mini Sorbet gets injured trying to protect Luffy when he's being tied up, that's how she gets her scar and why Crocodile insist she's not a bodyguard.

Unlike in canon Luffy doesn't magically recover from being stabbed, he still magically survive and recovers pretty well considering he's been impaled but still, i like when things have a little bit of consequences health wise. The exact nature of his new condition stays a mystery until Arc 4, though there's plenty of clues through the arcs.

Arc 2 is all text. I didn't want to draw an entire crowd of ppl fighting but there's lots of vivid imagery in my mind.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 158 thoughts

i lied the hyperfixation took over and reanimated my body

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 15

Aqua Hoshigan Status: N/A

Usually when an OnK chapter ends on a bombshell like this one apparently does, I usually play a little coy as to my thoughts on it but I don't really see much point in doing that this time. This chapter basically is its final moment, with some swings taken at basically every other character on the way down so I don't see much point in separating it from the rest of the work. That said, my ultimate feelings on it will ultimately depend on how the story progresses past this moment so don't expect me to go too deeply into it for now. All I'll say at the top of the post is that I think this is deeply contrived and continues Akasaka's trend of seemingly beating every character with the dipshit stick in order to make a certain dramatic plot beat happen.

But it'll be pretty messy to follow if I get into the chapter's final scene right here and now, so let's rewind to the start and break down the rest of this chapter too. Don't worry, I have plenty of unpleasant things to say about it as well!!!!

Akane's here!! Actually in truth I had somehow forgotten that she'd cut her hair in the weeks since her last appearance so seeing her turn up with it so short kind of startled me for a second LOL

More AKKN yuribaiting… usually I eat up this kind of queerbait with a spoon because I am a simple creature but it doesn't really hit this time. I think it's because we're running through the Tokyo Blade arc in the anime right now and being reminded of how utterly electric their rivalry used to be makes the lack of meaningful follow-up and ultimate state of their relationship just kind of sad to me.

Seeing Akane and Ruby talking also feels kind of surreal given that it's almost 60 whole chapters since they've actually properly interacted onscreen… Like, obviously they were acting together in the Movie Arc and we can infer they had some offscreen chats then but… well, that's things we can infer, not something that's actually in the text of the story. Akane's involvement in the movie really was a total waste of potential, huh…

that said, wtf is akane even doing in miyazaki. girl who are you stalking this time.

Speaking of things that are weird, Ruby's hostile reaction to the idea of Akane getting a new boyfriend is… kind of bizarre, to the point where I literally have no idea where it's coming from?? Like, regardless of what this chapter tries to pretend, Ruby and Akane are absolutely not close enough for Ruby to feel upset at the prospect of Akane blowing her off in favour of boyfriend time. If anything, you'd think that having Aqua's ex-girlfriend definitively Out Of The Way would only be good on her eyes because it means one less obstacle between her and getting to shlonk her brother, but… apparently not???

The only way I can really make any sense of this is assuming this is the old and crusty "single girl getting jealous that her friend has a boyfriend at Christmas" joke, which I guess indirectly answers the question of whether or not anything AquRuby related has resolved in the Offscreen Dimension.

Anyway, Akane's chatter in this scene leads into something I've been kind of holding my tongue about in favour of waiting until it was addressed in the story and we're finally here - as previously predicted, this chapter starts on the note of attempting to assert that Ruby has 'become an idol who surpasses Ai' and you'll notice the way I phrased this because uh… no, she very much hasn't!

This idea of Ruby 'surpassing' Ai has been floating around in the story for a while now and as I've said before, unless OnK puts a huge amount of legwork into supporting that idea, I simply wouldn't believe it. It didn't, so I don't.

Not only is this assertion just half-heartedly plunked into the narrative - incredibly underwhelming for what should be a huge moment of triumph for Ruby - but the visual storytelling of the manga fails it as well. Like, compare this to similar moments from the very arc the anime is adapting this season - hell, in this very chapter, we see a panel of Kana's dazzling acting during Tokyo Blade. In comparison, the panels we see that supposedly show how Ruby has become an idol beyond compare… they just look like literally every other panel of any of the girls doing idol stuff. Hell, she looks distinctly less striking than some of Kana's performances as an idol and they certainly don't match or exceed the panels we've seen of Ai's spellbinding performances, which really undermines what the story is trying to say.

This is made even worse for the fact that the story has repeatedly pointed out that Ruby is the subject of incredible amounts of favoritism in the new B-Komachi - their boss is Literally Her Actual Mom who was explicitly called out by Ichigo for favoring work opportunities while leaving her fellow members out to dry. Members who, I feel the need to remind everyone, were scouted by her twin brother, not Ruby. Members whose careers as idols suffered during Ruby's clout chasing BH era because of her clout chasing and whose hurt feelings on this are framed as something Ruby is graciously forgiving about.

Like… I'm not saying it's impossible for Ruby to become an idol who outshines her mom, but this narrative as it's currently being presented in the manga falls flat for me because we never actually see Ruby face any kind of struggle on her road to doing this. Ai, Kana and Mem all face significant structural, social and industry-wide issues and toxicity that they must grapple with and overcome but Ruby just… does not?? Ever?? And given the way the narrative has framed Miyako's involvement in her career, the only conclusion I can draw is that Ruby is being shielded from all this by Miyako at the expense of the other girls. Especially because Ruby literally said so in 156!

Idk man. This whole chapter just sucks for basically every B-Komachi girl - that panel of the girls on stage where you literally can't even see Mem's face is so fucking miserable lmao. There was so much weight was placed on B-Komachi's togetherness as a trio of not just idols but friends who genuinely care for each other that seeing the story end up in this place of unironically indulging in all the same favoritism of Ruby and sidelining of her fellow members that Ichigo and Miyako did with the original B-Komachi is honestly just upsetting. Not only does it drag down Mem and Kana's stories, but it ends up making Ruby come off as a tremendously self-centered person in a way the narrative clearly does not understand and is uninterested in unpacking.

And like… bro, I don't want to be pissed off at Ruby!! Pre-BH Ruby is one of my favourite characters in the series!!! But the way she's been coddled by the narrative is deeply frustrating to read! It's frustrating to see everyone else's arcs compromised in favor of forcing this bizarre narrative about Ruby that doesn't even do any good for her either.

I can so easily see a better version of this story where Ruby surpasses Ai because she has so much support and faces none of the obstacles that Ai did, where the story is making a point of just how much further Ai could have gone and how much more she could've done if she hadn't been treated like such utter shit by everyone around her. But the point the story settles on seems to just be that Ruby is a better idol than Ai because she arbitrarily is not affected by societal and systemic oppression for no clearly articulated reason, I guess! You go, girl!

huffs. anyway.

Ruby's little monologue about the short-lived life of an idol also feels like the final nail in the coffin for the story being able to even pretend to do any meaningful industry commentary. Compared to how biting it was in the early arcs, it's a pretty standout representation with OnK's bizarre relationship with idol culture as of late, especially as pertains to Ruby's place in it. I can sort of get what I think Akasaka is going for here - it's part of the theme the story is leaning into lately of letting go of your past and moving towards a brighter future and this is how Ruby is coping with Kana's time in B-Komachi coming to an end. The point being made here is that change is inevitable no matter how you try to hold onto things and the only way to freeze yourself in stasis forever is to die.

But having this framed through the lens of Ruby talking so warmly about the impermanence of idols is just kind of… hello?? Ruby's framing here almost seems to treat the issue as some beautifully tragic but inevitable thing… and is very much is not! Idols age out of the industry because of its obsession with youth and beauty and the fetishization and commodification of virginial purity. Seeing Ruby frame it as this sad but natural thing when these fucked up purity standards literally killed her mom is just. What is going on here.

Speaking of baffling! Nino my girl, what are they doing to you…

I mentioned this in my chapter 155 thoughts that I felt extremely cold about the way the story was choosing to characterize Nino in the actual pages of the manga. I won't repeat myself too much but compared to the messed up but deeply human character we saw in 45510 and the RBKN conflict, this Nino honestly feels like a mean-spirited caricature, amped up to such dramatic extremes that she stops being a person and instead becomes a flat cartoon character used for moving the plot along. I loved Nino in 45510 and the Movie Arc so seeing her reduced to this psycho lesbian stereotype really stings.

also wtf is the manga trying to say with the 'since we killed ryosuke' bit. that was a whole ass suicide. this manga gives me such a headache sometimes.

Anyway. I can't talk around it anymore so. RIP Ruby, I guess. It was nice knowing you, but-

no but seriously, I'm holding my tongue on anything to do with this twist until next chapter because my actual thoughts will depend on how it plays out or if this is even really happening at all - which is NOT something i would even entertain as a possibility if oshi no ko was not the manga it currently is lol

But there's also the fact that, as others have pointed out, that panel of the stab is presented with faded colours and overly dramatic lighting in a way that is consistent with how OnK sometimes presents flashbacks or otherwise unreal visualizations. Given how incredibly dumb the entire cast - including Ruby - would have to be for this to actually, really happen, I'm withholding judgement until I see how this pans out.

That said. Man. I was really taken aback by how not just underwhelming but outright Not Good the actual panel of the stab is. The attempt to mine an emotional reaction out of the pre-existing iconic panel of Ai's murder just falls entirely flat because this version of it is worse in just about every regard. Ai's panel is composed beautifully, with the white petals and the motion of her body perfectly drawing the viewer's eye to the knife and the uncharacteristic expression of total shock on her face really hammers home the 'oh shit' moment. By contrast, Ruby's panel is flat with oceans of dead space despite being a much smaller panel and the actual stab has no weight to it, visually or otherwise. Ruby's body and face aren't reacting to it in the least - her expression is totally lifeless and she just looks like she's mid-stride, not that someone's just stabbed her in the gut. And to add insult to injury, the fucking layering on the killer's hand isn't even right. It's so obvious these two characters were drawn totally separately and pasted together afterwards and the entire moment falls flat as a result. Mengo, girl, what happened here!!!

and to add insult to injury. break next week. because why woudn't it be.

any of yall got ibuprofen

[capseycartwright]

ok i am going to get uncomfortably personal on main for a second please don’t make eye contact with me. this new trend of people vehemently saying that any storyline eddie may have about religion this season doesn’t ~ have to be ~ about his sexuality is genuinely a little upsetting to see because it’s not just oh it can be about something else anymore. so often recently i have just seen over and over the implication that it’s somehow wrong to so desperately want it to be about his sexuality - and maybe the intention is not for it to come across that way, but it often does.

as someone who grew up in a deeply religious, frankly strict, catholic environment (my school had an on campus priest. like that’s the level of catholicism we’re talking about here. i was in the big leagues) i freely admit i am clinging to the idea of eddie having a sexuality related storyline that revolves around his faith because i want that and i needed that when i was fourteen and struggling to come to terms with my sexuality because i was such a devout fucking catholic. i have done all the sacraments. i spent my entire life in catholic education. i didn’t miss mass any sunday for eighteen full years of my life. i was fucking religious. and i am bisexual. and i could not accept it. i didn’t even begin to accept it until i was 21. i didn’t even want to accept it then. i will have that religious trauma for the rest of my life. and i don’t even know how to articulate myself properly when i talk about it now, years later, but it’s not just the unlearning of your own faith that’s traumatic - it’s the loss of a community you spent your entire life in. that’s gone forever for me and it leaves behind an ache that’s hard to describe.

eddies faith journey could be about anything, sure, it absolutely could. but i need it to be about this. and i will make it about sexuality in every fic i write even if i don’t get it on screen - and i really hope i get it on screen. i am not the only person who feels that way. and this new wave of ~ discourse ~ where you’re somehow wrong to want eddies faith storyline to be about his sexuality because it couldn’t possibly be about anything other than heterosexuality and him feeling like a failure because he was going to get divorce and no longer have a nuclear family makes me feel about as small as i did when i realised the church i had loved (and still frankly love - despite it all, despite how much i wish i didn’t) my whole life would never love me back. we all have our interpretations of what these things mean, and are more than entitled to those differing interpretations - but what you’re not entitled to do is imply those of us who see our queer, catholic journeys in eddie are somehow stupid or wrong for seeing that.

i don’t like talking about this stuff. i write fic where i make eddie talk about it instead. that’s my way of processing. i just think a wee bit of empathy when it comes to things like faith and queerness - knowing so many of us share the same story about religion and sexuality, and intimately know how hard that story is to live, regardless of what faith you followed - is important. you might not see queerness in a storyline about faith or believe it’s there but lots of us do, and being so dismissive of that is just kinda mean, actually. ok bye.

[cambria-writes]

welcome to the very final chapter of honey and the hatchet! 🎉 it quite literally took eight whole entire years to get here, but i finally made it!

big thank you to everyone who's stuck around, read and flooded my notes with likes and shares this story around. i cannot express in any language i know how significant and meaningful that is.

for those who might be wondering, i used these photos of a suite at the macarthur to kind of situate myself.

...also sorry for kind of maybe edging you at the end there lol anyways enjoy!

pairing: patrick jane x named reader/ofc word count: 4,883 rating: A for adult content, MDNI warnings: smut, wearing, i know nothing about opera, PiV, unprotected sex, mild dom/sub, sir kink, neck grabbing but no choking, hair pulling if you squint, mentions of planned murders, relatively minor injuries (jane might have a cracked rib it's probably find), confession, the L word, this was not proofread and i'm almost sorry, please let me know if I should take anything else!

previousmasterlist

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕹𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓: ℭ𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔷𝔞

Several Months Later

An opera house. A fucking opera house is where you end up spending Christmas Eve. It’s not something that a lot of people would get upset about, normally, and you know this. That’s why you’ve schooled your face into an expression that’s more rich, entitled boredom than resentful impatience.

But you’re in a box for a fancy show, wearing a dress that definitely costs more just to look at than your apartment likely does in a whole calendar year, and there’s free alcohol. Not that you’ve been indulging up until now, but it’s nice to know that there’s expensive, free booze for when you will be able to pay attention to literally anything else. 

Right now, your eyes are half-heartedly trailing around the stage, eventually halting at the Sopranist singing her heart out. You can’t make out the lyrics at all—never could, with how broad and loud the voices are in operatic compositions, nevermind the insane acoustics of this place—but the sound of the song feels appropriate. A slow build that keeps on building despite several fake-outs that make you believe you’re finally out of this eternal musical waiting.

Conveniently, it’s when the Sopranist pauses for a quick breath that you hear it. The drag of a foot against an old velvet rug. You whip your fan open and feign interest in the elaborate emotional display the singer is putting on. You’re not worried; you know you look like every other bored twenty-something in this place.

Patrick had personally made sure of that. 

“Enjoying yourself?” A woman asks, her deep, airy voice drifting around you as she moves to sit down to your left, French accent heavy in her words. She flips open a small hand fan with a short “thwap” before turning her attention to you.

Madame Jonquière is someone whose gaze feels heavy. Patrick hadn’t told you much about her. Just that she was at Stonewall and that he owed her a favour. Didn’t mention what the favour was for, and you didn’t bother prying any further. Madame Joncquière’s eyes go down to your hands for a second before meeting yours again. She smiles politely and inclines her head expectantly. You realize you haven’t answered yet.

“Sorry, yes,” you reply quickly. Clear your throat before looking back at the stage. “I can’t understand most of it but it sounds lovely. Thank you for letting me accompany you tonight.”

Madame Joncquière swings open a hand fan with a muted ‘fwap’ before fanning herself. “Oh no, thank you for your presence tonight!” she exclaims quietly, leaning forward closer to you.  You grin and leave over. “No one ever wants to come to the opera house with me anymore. They all think it’s boring!”

You laugh quietly along with her. Madame Joncquière leans back into her chair and fixes her gaze to the stage. You appreciate the space she’s leaving you. Despite the fact that she knows damn well that you’re here to make sure she doesn’t get assassinated, she seems to be taking everything in good stride.

You watch his back as he carefully pours a drink out of a shaker. You have no idea what prompted him to pick you up at 11:30AM for cocktail hour. On a Wednesday. In the empty, closed bar of some man who happened to also owe him a favour. You hadn’t expected an explanation. But Patrick had kept silent the whole car ride. It hadn’t been uncomfortable, but the whole time you can’t help but feel like you’re being psychologically edged. You can only refrain from asking the slew of questions floating in your head for so long.

A highball glass filled with some strange red-purple liquid swirling enticingly inside it. The colours almost make the ice look like it’s sparkling. You’re dazzled for a second before looking up at Patrick.

“One Purple Haze for our esteemed guest,” he says, dramatically, with a flourish and a bow. You laugh quietly before picking up the highball. Hold the glass up to the light to watch the colours mingle.

“It’s definitely nice to look at.” Distracted, you don’t notice Patrick walking out from behind the island to stand behind you. You don’t flinch when his cold hands part your hair to slide down your neck and rest on your shoulders. “Am I really expected to drink this before lunch? I haven’t even had breakfast.” 

“I did tell you to get up early last night,” Patrick says, voice low, by your ear. “Sounds like someone snoozed their alarm four too many times.”

You don’t answer. You instead try to see how quickly you can down the purple haze that was handed to you. Hoping to maybe inherit some of its own haze. You only stop when you’ve gulped down half.

“It’s a bad one, by the way,” Patrick adds, pressing a soft kiss at your temple before moving away. He sits on the stool next to you, slotting his knees between yours. “You’re supposed to pour the liqueur last to let it settle at the bottom. It isn’t supposed to swirl like that.”

You hum in understanding a look at the glass in the light again. “Shame, it looks nice this way.” Bring the glass back to your mouth for another sip. “Why am I getting a lesson in mixology today?”

“You’re going to the opera,” he starts, and you chug the rest of the drink before bracing yourself for another briefing. “And I’m going to need you to remember to order this, and how it’s supposed to be made.”

You frown. “Okay, so if I get it and it’s well made that means… what?”

Patrick smirks. Your stomach flips, entirely unaided by his hands running up your thighs. “It means I might have gotten… held up.”

“And this is… bad?”

Patrick hums and leans in, brushes his nose against your jaw. “If you consider first degree murder ‘bad’ then yes, it would be quite bad.”

You scoff at the blazé tone he takes, but it’s half-hearted. His fingers are working their way up your loose shorts toward your hips. 

“It might be a bad idea to sip at something that might have been poisoned.”

Ah, so this was it. 

Patrick hadn’t kept you in the loop for the entirety of this particular… situation. Not only because Madame J had gone to see him directly rather than the CBI, for reasons that hadn’t been obvious at the time, but because this seemed to be a personal slight. You’d kindly asked to be kept at an arm’s length for it all; solving murders had been one thing, but actively trying to prevent one felt beyond you.

You put your hands over his to halt their movement. Patrick immediately pulled back, brows furrowed in concern.

“I feel like too much hinges on me here,” you say quietly, pointedly staring at your knees. You can see the veins starting to honeycomb on your hands. Your fingertips feel cold and stiff.

“You don’t have to,” Patrick answers, just as quietly, pulling one of his hands back to run down your face, brushing your cheekbone with his thumb. “I can bully Rigsby into it.”

You can’t help but laugh a little. He’d probably love the chance to go out at the opera with someone who also wants to be there.

“How long do I have to think about it?” 

“Only until Saturday,” Patrick answers, and you can hear the apology in his voice. The last-minute nature of this annoys you–it only gives you three days, including today, to decide whether or not you want to be the final hurdle.

“I’ll sleep on it and let you know tomorrow.”

The evening goes well enough. You still can’t understand much of what’s being sung, but you enjoy the performance. The drama and emotion in the acting, while singing, is something that’s at least legitimately interesting to watch. 

You occasionally look over the audience as well. Your perch from the box gives you a fantastic vantage point to see most everyone in the hall. The hairs at the back of your neck have been raising every now and then. Same feeling as you get being observed in the dark. But every time you try to scan the crowd, everyone’s either facing the stage or canted forward in somnolence.

You hear a knock at the door of your box before the door opens. This is it, you think. You’d ordered drinks just as you were coming back from the intermission. You take a quick look at the dainty gold watch Patrick had wrapped around your wrist earlier in the evening. It’s been… fifteen minutes. Which seems like an awful long time to prepare a purple haze and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

You don’t bother turning at all until you hear the serving tray being gently placed on the table between you and Madame J. You note, with no small amount of relief, that your purple haze muddled to absolute fuck and back. Perfectly safe to drink then.

Your server speaks up just as you notice, reaching for your glass, that there’s quite a spill on the tray.

“Au plaisir, mesdames.”

A thrill runs up your spine. Madame Joncquière looks up while you slowly wrap your fingers around the cool glass. She almost makes a joyful exclamation, but seems to stop halfway through taking in a breath for you. Keep your eyes on your drink while you listen to retreating footsteps, muted on carpet, until you hear the door open and close again.

Madame J’s hand lands softly on your shoulder to give it a squeeze. 

“How wonderful of Monsieur Jane to come look in on us himself!” she says to you, barely above a whisper. “Shall we cheers to that then, chérie?” 

Your heart still thrums in your chest from the thrill of it all. You raise your glass along with her, but just before knocking it against Madame J’s, you draw your hands back.

“Would you mind indulging me?” you ask quietly, trying to control the smirk threatening to take over your expression. 

Madame Joncquière clearly sees the scheming glint in your eyes and doesn’t hide her grin. It’s toothy, like a fox. And you feel like a peer, having caught a rabbit dead to rights. 

“Absolument! What would you like?” She leans in closer over the small end table between you. 

You carefully move to grab her wine glass and press your glass to her palm. She beams and immediately gets your meaning. You link arms together, giggling quietly as you try not to spill your respective drinks. 

“Cheers to yet another wonderful night on this train wreck of a planet,” you say, tilting the wine glass to clink against the highball. 

“I’ll drink to that!”

No sooner has the wine touched your lips, you hear a small commotion in the audience. Not enough to interrupt the show, but not something that won’t be noticed. 

The wine is bitter and sour on your tongue and you don’t bother to school your expression into something tame. Madam J laughs quietly behind her fan and offers your drink back. You hastily hand her back her awful wine and nurse your significantly sweeter cocktail.

The rest of the evening is blessedly uneventful. Patrick doesn’t make another appearance, but you don’t expect him to. You were surprised that he showed up personally in the first place. At the end of the show, after having another attendant–a real one, this time–slips you both back into your coats. Opens the door and thanks you for your patronage and only closes the door behind you once you’re most of the way down the hallway. Madame J links your arms together as you walk, chittering away about the singers’ performance. 

Once you reach the lobby, excuses herself for a moment to make a phone call. You make your way over to a plush lounge chair by one of the floor-to-ceiling windows and take a seat. It’s fairly early, for a Sunday evening, so you pass the time people watching. Your phone vibrates in your coat pocket just as you see Madame Joncquière making her way over to you. Quickly look at your phone notification. 

‘Have her drop you off here,’ followed by an address and a room number. You don’t have time to respond back and ask where the fuck that is before Madame J extends her hand out to you. 

“I’ve been instructed to provide transportation for you, chère,” she says as you accept her hand to stand. “You’re alright to give my driver your address, yes?” 

Your body doesn’t seem to know if it should be excited or apprehensive. You acquiesce to Madame J after a second. Once you do actually enter her car–a vintage Cadillac with the classic wings–and let the driver know where to drop you off, she practically begins vibrating in her seat next to you. 

“Oh, please, you have to tell me who you’re meeting there!” she says, eagerly reaching for and grabbing your hands. The question must be written on your face because she laughs giddily. “Ma belle, the MacArthur is a veritable oasis in Sacramento. If you’re going there and you don’t know this, someone is very eager to make sure you enjoy yourself.”

This time the excitement wins over; you can feel your face heating up and you’re not entirely sure what your face is doing. You struggle to come up with something to say to that–what do you say to that?--but Madame Joncquière giggles some more and pats your thigh.

“So it’s Monsieur Jane, after all? What a man. I wonder who he conned into letting him stay there tonight.” 

“Probably someone else who owes him a favour,” you mutter. Your cheeks hurt from trying not to smile too widely.

“That would be a pretty sizeable favour to cash in on for leisure.” Her tone says she’s just thinking out loud, but you think you understand what Madame J’s trying to say.

Awful big favour to cash in on one woman. Must be a special one.

You try not to think too much about it.

The general manager meets you at the car. You wouldn’t have known he was the general manager if Madame Joncquière hadn’t turned into a gossipy 14 year old girl at the sight of him exiting the hotel doors. He opens the car door for you and helps you out with a hand.

“Lovely to have you, Ms Benraft. I’m Stephen Crawford, General Manager,” he introduces himself, taking a moment to lean forward to address Madam J. “Always a pleasure, Madame. Your friend will be in good hands with us.” 

“Always a pleasure, Monsieur Crawford. Have a wonderful night, chérie,” she finishes while addressing you, tossing a wink. “À la prochaine!” 

The general manager understands his cue to close the door, and the Cadillac slowly pulls away. 

You’re guided through the main building, where Stephen explains the history of the hotel and its various accommodations, all of which go into one ear and out the other. You’re taking directly to your lodgings, and  the general manager assures you that all amenities have been accounted for, including a late dinner and, in his words, “a small wardrobe in anticipation of whatever you would find comfortable”. 

You’re starting to understand why Madame Joncquière reacted the way that she did. Patrick has treated you to luxuries before–dinners, various events, even a trip out of the country–but none of it felt quite this… decadent. Almost overindulgent, actually. 

It truly feels like being spoiled rotten, and you’re still not sure how you feel about it.

Stephen hands you a very intricate key and steps back to wish you a good night, and that the front desk is available 24/7 should there ever be anything you need. You thank him and wait until he’s out of sight before turning back to the door. 

Your blood feels like it’s effervescing in your veins.

You consider knocking first, but decide to just let yourself into the room. You’re expected, after all, so it shouldn’t really matter, right? 

The first thing you notice is the fireplace. Then, the plush chairs, then the bed, then the bay window. The lighting is dim; only two lamps lit and the faint glow from the electric fireplace. The last thing you register is the sound of a shower running. 

You carefully close the door behind you and shrug your coat off, throw it in the direct of one of the chairs to your right. Walking further in, you spot a desk in a took to the left of the door with a chair conveniently pulled out. You carefully sit down to remove your shoes. Beautiful as they are and however aesthetically pleasant it was to have them match your dress, you’re happy to have them off. Carefully massage the soles of your feet, rotate your ankles, before leaning back in the chair.

This is lovely. You almost feel like you’re in one of those secluded little getaway suites in Bali or something. The vibes certainly match, even if late December weather is a bit too chilly. If you actually just let yourself enjoy everything for a second, and stop worrying about what it cost, this is just very nice. 

Maybe you’re starting to feel a little less spoiled and a little more pampered.

You’ve half dozed off by the time you feel warm hands on your shoulders. You sleepily hum, content, and sit up a little straighter. Stifle a yawn behind your hand and hear Patrick chuckle behind you.

“Have fun?”

You groan as you stretch. “Mm, would’ve been more fun withou–”

You cut yourself off after turning around and actually lay eyes on Patrick’s face. His lower lip is split on his left, and there’s a cut above the brow on the same side that you immediately know was from getting decked in the face. There’s also a disconcertingly large bruise on his left side, above his ribs, and you can’t fathom what would have caused that.

“Oh my–shit, are you okay? What happened?” 

You get halfway to standing up before Patrick gently presses you back down onto the chair. “Nothing too bad, I promise,” he answers, almost cajoling. Well, he’s breathing fine, from what you can see and hear. And he doesn’t seem like someone who got stabbed, you don’t think.

You still let the fingers of your left hand glide over the bruise. Patrick does a decent enough job to hide the wince, but it’s still there.

“Can I at least know what caused this one?” “Fire extinguisher.”

The words take a second to sink in before you start laughing. The image in your mind is absolutely far more cartoonish than what actually happened, for sure, but after an entire night of holding your breath, you can feel the tension start draining from your shoulders.

You turn back to face away from Patrick, and he resumes kneading the stress out of your traps and your neck. Thumbs dig into your neck on either side of your spine. It feels heavenly. Your breath catches when a shudder runs up your spine. There’s a heat that flares at the base of your spine when you feel his fingers gently wrap and brace against the sides of your throat.

“You did well tonight,” Patrick whispers into your hair. Takes a moment to brush your hair away before pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck. 

You temper the rising, bubbling pride. “I didn’t even have to do anything.”

You can feel his laughter at the back of your neck. Hands slide down your arms before you feel him resting his forehead on your shoulder. 

“Switching your drinks was a clever idea.” You feel Patrick pulling away, squeak in surprise when he grabs the sides of the chair to spin you around. Crouches in front of your–and only now do you realize that he’s only got a towel around his waist, which parts dangerously wide as he lowers himself. “Made it a lot easier to catch our guy.”

Whatever tension in our shoulders Patrick hasn’t been able to dispel and disperse with his hands just… vanished. It had been a relief, initially, to know that Madame was safe and sound and not at risk of dying a slow, horrible, poisoned death. For the past 48 hours, it’s been a struggle to reign in your mind. You could barely sleep at night just for trying to distract yourself from what would happen if you didn’t pay well enough attention.

Patrick runs his hands over your thighs, up to your hips, tapping twice with his thumbs.

“I’m here,” you say airily, shaking off your thoughts to look Patrick in the eyes. “Just basked in the fact that it’s over now.” Lift a hand up to his face and gently smoothing your thumb below the cut at his brow. “Starting to wonder if I should have been worrying about you this whole time, instead.”

“Probably should have,” Patrick shrugs, and there’s a thrill that runs through you when you think, Of course I should have, of course you’d be getting yourself in some kind of mess.

He doesn’t say anything else when he stands back up and extends a hand out to help you to your feet. You feel silly for it, but you giggle when he makes you twirl, puling you back in with a hand at your waist. 

“Love the dress,” Patrick says, dipping in for a peck on the lips. “Where’d you get it?”

You scoff to compensate for the blood rushing to your face. “Some absolute scamp made me wear it tonight.”

Leading you into a slow, gentle sway by the fireplace, he puts on a show of looking offended. You laugh lightly at the exaggeration, but clear your throat once his expression settles. 

“I suppose the scamp should take it back, then,” he answers, voice low as the hand that held yours skips over ribs and moves up your back. 

You tilt your head when he begins to place opened-mouthed kisses down your neck. You let him pull your zipper down but otherwise don’t help him. Not that he needs much help; once the zipper stops, nearly at the very bottom of your spine, the top of your dress simply crumples away, taking the rest down with it.

Patrick takes a moment to pull back, hands smoothing down your upper arms as he takes a look at you. There’s a very self-content smirk on his face when he takes stock of the lacey, racy lingerie you’re wearing. A hand reaches down and tugs at your garter before letting it snap back into place.

God, the way he looks at you with such open, raw hunger continues to do things to you that you hadn’t known anyone was capable of. Until him.

“Even happier to see someone can follow instructions,” Patrick comments, sounding every part like the cat that got the cream. Both hands both over your hips, up your ribs, thumbs tracing the underside of your breasts.

Patrick leans in, lips barely brushing against yours. “Think you can keep following instructions?” 

You sigh shakily at his tone. “Yes, sir.”

You can feel his chest vibrate with his rumble of appreciation. He doesn’t speak when he tugs you along to bed. Doesn’t need to tell you what to do when he sits, tossing the towel from his waist in the general direction of the sitting area, leaning against the headboard. You dutifully install yourself on his lap, slowly settling your weight over his thighs. 

With two hands firmly on your rear, Patrick pulls you in as close as he can. Thrusts his hips up as he does so. Just the heat of his erection, throbbing against your damp underwear, has you moaning behind tightly sealed lips.

“That’s it,” Patrick encourages when you begin to rut against him without prompting. “Take what you want, I’ll give you the rest.” The rest of his sentence is almost unintelligible as he takes turns between kissing and nipping at your breasts. The bra is a pathetic excuse for fabric, and you understand why he had you wear this particular set; it almost feels as though there’s nothing at all between your skin and the wet heat of his mouth.

It doesn’t take long before you have to brace yourself against Patrick’s shoulders, and soon after that you find yourself whining as you toss your head back. The friction and heat are both wonderful in their own respect, but the angle is wrong, and it’s not nearly enough. 

You’re ravenous, and Patrick is a meal that loves to hold himself out of reach just a bit past long enough.

“Use your words,” he breathes into your collarbones, one hand moving us to massage at one of your breasts while the other moves lower. Down past the delicate lace waist of your panties, thumb teasing around your clit. 

“Fuck,” you choke out, unable to keep yourself from grinding down harder and faster in the hopes that something will change. 

“Not quite enough words,” Patrick quips, and you growl, annoyed. Bring your head back forward and do your best to maintain eye contact. 

It still feels embarrassing, even now. To say it out loud.

You’re learning to accept that… maybe you’re just. A little bit into that.

“Please, sir,” you start, clearing your throat and swallowing thickly. “I would very much like you to fuck me, please.”

Patrick practically purrs, satisfied. This part, too, is well rehearsed. You muster just enough self control to raise your hips. Enough room so he can pull his cock forward. Enough for you to gather saliva in your mouth and let it dribble down. Over Patrick’s hand, and over his cock.

He groans with the feeling of it as you exhaled in something you think might be awe. His eyes are close and head tilted back. He looks debauched, you think, but not quite enough. 

“Can I–can I touch, sir?” you pants, hands already raised by the sides of his head.

“Can’t say no when you ask so nicely,” he breathes out. You immediately run your hands through his hair, digging your fingertips into his scalp. He moans, a drawn-out thing that has your cunt clenching in a desperate way. 

A shudder like electricity shoots through you when you feel Patrick simply pulling aside the gusset of your underwear before lining himself up with your entrance. He takes a second–during which you whine in complaint–to get a hand at the back of your head, fisting the hair there just enough to get your attention. Look down at him with impatient, hooded eyes. 

“You’ll forgive the terrible timing,” he starts, sounding about as breathless as you’re sure you currently do. “But there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“You’re right,” you groan, leaning your head forward to rest against his. “It’s terrible ti–”

Your sentence is blissfully interrupting when Patrick thrusts up into you. Not quite hilting himself, but damn well near it. You’re not sure what you would call the sound that cracked its way out of your throat. He groans in unison with you, and you’re not sure who’d trying to pull who in closer.

“Fuck,” Patrick breathes out, one hand guiding your hips to slowly move against him, the other smoothing the hair at the back of your head. “I love you.”

You keen, a quick, sharp pitched sound. Push yourself just far away to look him in the eyes. Takes him a second to build enough composure back off to raise his head and look at you straight on.

He’s been unguarded before, sure, but not like this. There’s something swirling in your chest and low in your abdomen. Something heavy, heady. 

“Christ,” you exhale, lifting your hips before slamming them back down. Your sharp inhale catches in your throat and Patrick bites back another groan. “Worst timing. Other women would question your motives.”

“Mmh, good thing you aren’t any other woman.” The end of his sentence is punctuated by a particularly sharp thrust upward. You can feel the tip of his cock just brushing against your cervix, and the jolt it sends through has you grinding down back in turn. 

Patrick winds his arms around your back and presses your against his chest. You feel him bracing his feet against the mattress, immediately move to grab the edge tof he headboard. Feel him chuckle under you, flinch when you feel teeth against one of your nipples through the sparse lace.

“Fortunate that I love you too, then.”

You don’t get to properly register the sound you hear bubbling up from the back of Patrick’s throat before he thrusts back up into you. Sets a pace that might’ve been brutal, but even in the haze of oxytocin in your brain you can recognize that this is relief. 

A man that’s been alone and snarling at and against the world for so many years just… just told you he loves you.

When you feel a hand make its way around your throat, you take the cue. 

It’s a tomorrow problem.

Tonight you can just feel, and bask in several jobs well done.

Tag List

@fucklife-or-me @mamacakeishereforfun @newavenger @yearningforsappho @natsukee @piper570 @rikuisthesweetestboy @berry-blink @wandabillywrites @leftovers-and-headrubs @pauphs @gamingfeline @racoonkitty @dogmatic255 

[taytrashmouth]

hi! can I please make a request if they are open? prompt 27: “You are everything to me! Don’t you see that!?” with Peeta? maybe some angst (followed by fluff) when he returns home to his partner after he and Katniss stage their relationship during the first hunger games film?

thank you, hope you had happy holidays! :)

I love this!!!! Requests are open!

I had a great holiday season! I hope yours were great too and that you are having a good new year. 🩷😁

Sorry for the delay!!!!!

Prompt 27: you are everything to me! Don’t you see that?

My heart was racing and my head was spinning as I waited for Peeta to get home. I knew he would have to make a speech in the square but I wanted to see him in person.

I don’t know how to feel. The boy I’ve loved since kindergarten was sent to die before I could tell him how I felt. I was sure he knew, and that he felt the same way. But after I saw him and katniss on tv I wasn’t so sure.

I waited until after he’d seen his family to meet him by the lake.

I saw him walking towards me and I let out a breath I’d been holding in since the reaping. Tears escaped your eyes and I couldn’t help but run up to him and crush him in a hug. He hugged back tightly.

“You’re here, you’re okay.” I spoke more to yourself than him.

“I’m here.” He whispered back.

I pulled apart and examined his face, looking at the small cuts and faded scars.

“I missed you.” I let out.

“Me too…more than anything.”

I almost smiled. But I couldn’t, not with the way he left.

I was taken to the room where I could say goodbye. I ran in and hugged him, like it was the last…because it was.

I was crying and so was he. “It’s gonna be okay,” I told him, not sure of my words. He shook his head.

“You have to win.” I practically begged. “Please.” I’ve never sounded so small.

“I’ll try…for you.” He spoke. Examining my features. I heard the peacekeepers knocking on the door signalling that I should leave. I hugged him tightly again and whispered I love you in his ear.

He didn’t know that I really meant it. I kissed his cheek and he looked at me with a look I’d never seen before. He brushed my hair behind my ear and leaned in and just as our lips brushed the peacekeepers ripped me away, kicking and shouting.

I looked at him now, his eyes far away.

There was a moment of silence before he pulled me back into a hug. Brushing his fingers through my hair.

“I brought you something.” He let out when he finally let go.

“What?” I ask in slight confusion.

He reached into his pocket and took out a jewelry box. I smiled slightly. He was sent to the capital to die, and he had time to buy me a gift.

I opened it and it was a necklace with silver roses twisted along the chain and at the end was a P.

I felt like crying it was so thoughtful and gorgeous.

“I don’t know what to say, Peeta it’s beautiful.” I smiled at him. “Thank you.”

He gestured for me to turn around and I did, moving my hair aside as he put the necklace on.

I turned back to him. I had to ask, I wouldn’t be able to pretend everything was fine.

“Do you love her?” I asked, feeling hurt all over again.

“Who? Katniss?”

I nodded.

“No…they made us do it, haymitchs idea. We had to pretend to get sponsors.” He explained.

I nodded, not convinced.

“What?” He asked knowing there was something wrong.

“It seemed real.” I shrug.

“I was doing what I had to…n/n please believe me.” He was upset.

“What about that story, the first day of school, you said you’d liked her your whole life,” I spoke, staring to get teary.

“It wasn’t true…not entirely anyway,” he sighed.

“Not entirely? What does that even mean?”

“I was describing you!” He let out, tears in his eyes too. He couldn’t loose you.

“What?” I whispered.

“You wore a yellow dress to the first day of school….” He whispered back. “The only thing that was about her in that story was the singing.”

I was struggling to believe he’s liked me for longer than I have. I was struggling to believe he liked me at all.

I shook my head. Tears on my cheeks, I just wanted my best friend back and now it was complicated.

He grabbed my shoulder and made me look at him.

“You always wore your hair down, even when it was hot. You sat on the swings everyday after school waiting for your brother to walk you home. Your favourite colour has been green since I met you.” He rambled and I couldn’t believe it.

“You are everything to me don’t you see that!” He basically yelled.

“I love you.” He whispered and held the sides of my face.

“I love you too.” I smiled through my tears, happy ones.

He kissed me so passionately it felt like I was on cloud 9.

“I’ve been waiting over a decade for that.” He whispered in my ear like it was a secret.

“Me too.” I whispered back.

He kissed me again more gently this time.

[lilundertale-asatreat]

So I'm making this post because I saw a YouTube video the other day where the YouTuber made an offhand comment poking fun at people who don't think Chara is evil, and that was enough to annoy me, but also, it inadvertently brought up a good point for me personally.

I was originally firmly in the camp that Chara was maybe not the best person, but they weren't evil, and the Genocide route is an outlier, and I was upset because I didn't feel like they were considering any of the other routes at all (which they weren't), but it made me realize I was also completely discounting the Genocide route, and I can't just do that for the sake of an easier analysis because it's there for a reason. And I certainly can't get mad at this person for doing the exact same thing I was doing. So here is a hopefully as objective of an analysis of Chara as whole as I can get.

At first I tried marrying the two versions of Chara that we see in the game: the traumatized and suicidal child who wanted to sacrifice themself for the sake of freeing monsterkind and getting revenge on humanity which left them hurt on a fundamental level and wasn't really the best to Asriel, probably because they still hadn't unlearned mimicking the way they were treated and then never got the chance to, with the kid who actively encouraged the slaughter of all of the monsters in the Underground and then destroyed the world after killing Frisk themself and seeing what the connection was. And to be honest, I didn't really find anything.

Then I started thinking about Frisk instead because it was late and I couldn't keep my focus, but that turned out to be really helpful because, while Frisk is a player stand in most of the time despite being revealed to be their own person, there are things that they do by themself, either implicitly or explicitly, and if you try to analyze them to figure out what kind of person they are, you also get two wildly contradicting versions of them. And which version you get is entirely dependent on how you choose to play the game.

Because your choices have a lot of weight to determining what happens in the game, not only does it affect which ending you get, but it also effects how you get there and how you choose to tell the story. You get to choose what kind of story you want, and with that choice comes whatever characterization of Frisk would fit the most for whatever you are doing.

If you play pacifist or neutral without starting off with a genocide, when you first encounter Sans, it's implied Frisk laughs or at least has some sort of reaction, no matter how many neutral runs you have done without true resetting beforehand. Frisk sits through and humors Papyrus in all of his puzzles and japes even if they've heard the same joke or solved the same puzzle a thousand times beforehand. Mettaton comments on them looking bored at the beginning of the musical if it's not your first playthrough after true resetting, and he gives you the option to skip it, but he doesn't say Frisk looks hostile or anything, and in the fight against him, you have the option of just calmly flipping his switch to just get the fight over with. Sans implies either Frisk looks like they're really thinking about what they did on a first neutral run or they look bored and not particularly bothered in subsequent runs after that unless you do pacifist which he then comments on the fact that they were exceptionally kind to everyone and even when they ran away, they were smiling the whole time.

But if you do a genocide run or start off with a genocide run, Frisk doesn't react at all to Sans' handshake joke, they don't sit through any of the puzzles Papyrus has and they don't acknowledge him at all, they give you the option to just keep taking and taking snowman pieces until the snowman is dead, and they move on their own to walk toward whichever area boss you're up to at the time in a threatening manner and even move toward Monster Kid on their own to intimidate them. They're really into the killing people thing in these routes while in the other routes, they're a lot more into engaging with people or at least giving you a better prompt of being willing to spare them.

So if it's true that Frisk has wildly different personalities and goals depending on how you play the game, it must be true with Chara too. For the majority of the time, Chara was just a kid who loved monsters and loved their family and felt extremely guilty for accidentally poisoning their dad and didn't know how to handle it and probably guilty and unworthy of their love because they were human and weren't used to receiving that kind of care in the first place. But if you choose to play the game where another human who falls down and decides to kill as many monsters as possible, Chara will be another human who hates monsters, or at least, grew to hate monsters and was only concerned with getting more and more power as they woke up because that's the thematically appropriate characterization of them for that route and way of playing.

So they're both not evil and evil, but which one you get is entirely dependent on you.

[sooinbloom]

The Kingdom of Us

Chapter 5

pairing: kyungsoo x OFC genre: Royal!AU, nonidol!soo, crownprince!kyungsoo, romance, drama theme: arranged marriage, modern royalty, enemies to lovers, war, betrayal, eventual smut word count: 4,920 description: Alina finally opens up to Kyungsoo, while Kyungsoo takes a chance and shows another side of himself to Alina. warnings: mature themes, mentions of sex, mentions of SA, non consensual sex, abuse, minors DNI

author’s note: hello dear friend! Thank you so much for being so patient and so lovely. I am very proud of the next few chapters, I worked really hard to give you the absolute best. Also, dear reader, this chapter does contain mentions of SA. I will NEVER include any details, however if what this chapter contains is upsetting to you, please look for the red asterisk (*) that signifies the beginning and end of the description so it can be skipped over. I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable when reading my stories. Please take care of yourselves, your mental health matters more to me than a read. Photos are not mine, dividers by @saradika-graphics . please enjoy this chapter.

ALINA

“Aren’t you so pretty? Who’s my pretty girl?”

“No… No! Please, don’t do this!” I beg and frantically claw at my faceless attacker. I can sense who he is, I know the scent of his expensive cologne and the pressure of his hands holding me down. He’s everywhere and nowhere all at once. I try everything to get out from under him. Any time my hands met the fog that was the face, it would take shape again of the monster that tortured me every single night. A slap stings my cheek, and a hand crushes my windpipe. Pain spirals all over my body and I regret fighting in the first place, it only meant it would get worse from here. 

“Stay there, Pretty. It’s our little secret. Princess, you’re so pretty…”

I scream in bed and desperately take in my surroundings to make sure that I’m not in my bedroom in Valencia. The scent of vanilla and bergamot accompanied with the minimalist, muted decor assures me that I’m in Seoul. The pressure squeezes my chest and my trembling hands clutch the sheets close to my body, my lungs desperate for oxygen. The vice in my chest tightens as I frantically attempted to gain control of my breathing. Tears sting my eyes as the walls cave in around me. The door bursts open and my eyes slowly adjust to the light filtering in from my common room, a halo forms around the silhouette of a man.

Kyungsoo. 

“Princess, what happened? Why are you screaming?!” He rushes toward me and I jump back, trying all that I can to comfort my trembling on my own. I can’t feel him gather me in his arms. If there was a way to cure this dizziness, I’d take it in an instant because the whole room spinning is messing with my head. I grip Kyungsoo’s elbows tight, trying to come back to earth. The separation began between my mind and body to the point that I watched myself from another point of view. Colors blur and blend together, sounds muffle and any touch can’t be felt until my entire world was abstract and distorted. I was vulnerable, something I never wanted to be in front of him. 

“Hey, hey… Shhh…” Kyungsoo’s velvety rich voice slowly brings the balance back to my body. In my weakened state, I curl into his arms and sob. My maids rush into the room and stop short at the sight of Kyungsoo. They bow their heads out of obedience and I bury my head in Kyungsoo’s chest. “Where are Princess Alina’s guards?”

Guards? I’m supposed to have guards?

“Your Highness… There were no guards assigned to this wing of the palace.” A maid nervously responds with her head down. Kyungsoo’s muscles tense and he grips me tighter. 

“What in the hell do you mean there’s no guards?”

“It was at Her Royal Highness Queen Hyunae’s command that her chambers have additional guards, Your Grace.” The other maid squeaked. I’ve had no guards this entire time?

 “Princess Alina needs guards just as much as anyone else in this palace does! Please, leave us. If there are no guards, I will guard her myself.” He growls. His hand strokes my hair and settles on the back of my head. 

“But Your…”

“Go, now. That is an order.” Kyungsoo bellows, his voice reverberating against my cheek. As soon as the door closes, Kyungsoo settles on the bed in front of me and fastens his hands on my arms. I float back down into my body, the head rush of consciousness coming back to me. Every time I woke from the nightmares, I floated above myself until I felt nothing. I chased that feeling, it’s what kept me safe from the panic attacks. Being suspended in nothing felt better than feeling every ache of the past. Then Kyungsoo came along and invaded my senses. He was real. His presence forces me to feel. The things he makes me feel are foreign, confusing and at the same time so welcomed. I don’t know what to do with that.

“Princess, what happened? Did you see something outside? Are you hurt?” Kyungsoo asks while gently touching my face. I look into his eyes and search for the motive. Why is he here? Why is he touching me like he cares about me? I can’t do anything else but stare at him and do my best to control my breathing. I rapidly shake my head and put my head down. “Was it a nightmare?”

“Yes.” I utter under uneasy breaths. Kyungsoo peers at me as if he’s losing himself in his own thoughts. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Princess. I’m glad I was nearby,” Kyungsoo assures in a low tone. “You have these a lot, don’t you?”

“Every night, if I can sleep.” I wearily reply. Kyungsoo doesn’t say a word, he just holds me. His touch soothes the ache within me and brings a sense of security. I am so dumbfounded at the calming affect this man has on me. Even in my anxiety-filled haze, the confusion pulls me in so many directions. It’s the same song and dance, the same questions over and over. I take a breath and look down at our hands, his thumbs rub soft lines across my white knuckles. With each caress, I loosen my grip on the sheets. I’m sure that the exhaustion starts talking with what comes out of my mouth. 

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kyungsoo assures me with soothing words as he sits behind me. He kicks off his shoes, takes off his suit jacket and guides my head to rest on his chest. I don’t know what is going on with him, but it’s a very vast and sudden change from just this week alone. His fingers stroke my hair and his heartbeat creates a lullaby that starts lulling me to a calm state. My heavy eyes close while my mind focuses on each slow breath Kyungsoo takes. He inhales sharply and his lips imprint a kiss on my head. He must think I can’t hear him, but the truth seeps out of his mouth like honey.

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me, Princess. I’m a jerk for being so horrible to you. We have not been made more acquainted due to my own stubbornness. Darling, you awakened something in me the moment we kissed. Baekhyun says I should accept these feelings. I’m doing my best, Princess. Please be patient with me… Because I want to know what it’s like to love you.” 

Kyungsoo wants to fall in love with me. He, of all people, wants to fall in love with me. He won’t want to for much longer, especially not after he learns the truth.  I have to tell him before he finds out the situation on his own. 

When I woke up the next morning, two royal guards were outside of my door and Kyungsoo was nowhere in sight. Did I hallucinate the entire thing? It’s possible. I changed from my pajamas to an A line cream-colored dress as maids prepared my things for the trip to the Capital Castle. Kyungsoo and I were making our official public appearance today for our Engagement Celebration ahead of the Ball. My thoughts are dilapidated like the aftermath of a hurricane, I don’t know what’s gotten into Kyungsoo and it’s useless to try and figure it out at this point. I barely finished my makeup when a maid enters my room. 

“The car is here, Your Highness. The Crown Prince is waiting for you.” 

“Thank you, I’ll be there shortly.” I smile graciously. I check my hair and dress one more time and leave the comfort of my room. The thought of Kyungsoo staying with me all night kept flashing in my mind. His gentle words tingle my skin and the memory of his arms holding me close to his chest are stuck in my head. What was odd to me was that he was on the top floor of the palace. He has never been up there, at least for as long as I’ve been here. I see Kyungsoo waiting for me in front of the car, and there’s no denying that he looks devilishly handsome. One of my weaknesses has now become his tailored suits, this navy-colored one in particular. His hair is slicked back and a soft smile greets me. 

“Good morning, Princess. You look lovely today.” What in the hell is going on?

“Good morning. As do you, your Grace.” I say coolly. Kyungsoo opens the door for me and we sit across from each other in silence. His eyes drift up from his phone to me a few times and then a sigh escapes his lips after a few minutes.

“Were you comfortable with last night?” Kyungsoo asks.

“It was awkward at first, but I appreciated it. The… Attention is new for me. I also didn’t know I was supposed to have guards. I haven’t had them from the beginning.”

“As of this morning, that changed. I had a very long discussion with my mother about her poor decision making and she will be formally apologizing to you. From now on, you will not only have the standard protocol for guards, but you’ll also have double.” Kyungsoo assures me. 

“Crown Prince, you don’t have to do all of this.” I mutter nervously.

“Why do you keep saying that, Princess?” Kyungsoo inquires, suspicion in his voice.

“It’s because…”

“We have arrived, Your Highnesses.” The driver announces, I’m grateful because our greetings to the subjects just bought me more time. 

“We’ll talk later, Your Grace.” I reply shakily. Kyungsoo takes my hand and laces our fingers together. He holds it tighter than before but I don’t mind it. He takes the first step out of the car and leads me to stand at his side. His arm wraps around my waist, taking liberties I’d only prayed about before but now don’t know what to make of them.

“Ready to meet our subjects, Princess?”

I nod silently and take in the sights around me, and the loud shouts of the people celebrating our engagement in the streets. The Engagement Celebration was in full swing, Seoul gave their people the day off to observe such an important event. A Royal Wedding can boost morale during a time full of tension and uncertainty. People were gathered for miles to see our arrival downtown. The Capital Castle stood so regally amongst the high-rise buildings in the Downtown District of Seoul. I marvel at the reds and greens of the paint, the massive curving in the roof’s high towers and the gold etchings and statues greeting us at the fortress gate. Despite being in the center of the chaotic city, it was tranquil. 

We wave to the sea of people cheering and shouting our names. Kyungsoo gripped my waist tighter as we greeted some of the subjects, the women coo at how “protective” he is. These royal greetings are exciting, and the warm welcome soothed any uncertainty that I’ve had about the people not approving of me.  

“You’re doing great.” Kyungsoo encourages me, in a tone that’s low enough for only me to hear. We make our way inside the castle and go straight to the balcony. There was an undeniably enigmatic feeling around the castle. It’s fascinating to see Seoul citizens waving my Kingdom’s flag with theirs. Will they continue to support me? I don’t want to let all of these people down. The pressure feeds my anxiety, I shake it off and focus on the moment with Kyungsoo by my side.

The kiss changed everything. It was liberating. Kyungsoo meant it, I know he did. The imprint of his lips still remained on mine. It was so hard to fully surrender my heart to him, he never gave me a reason to trust him. Kissing him was fun and elating but I didn’t understand where this sudden change came from, or why he wants to fall in love with me. His late-night confession left me even more confused than what I was before. 

There was no telling how much I desired to feel his lips on mine again. To hear his voice as he whispers softly to me. I craved him more than I ever had before because of the taste he’d given me. 

We step out and the crowds cheer for us. We wave and greet our subjects, Kyungsoo secures his hand on my back. His fingers trace small circles, a soothing touch for the overwhelming screaming and cheering of the people below us. He leans close to my ear, whispering sweetly with a smile. “They love you, Princess.”

I smile and hope that our subjects will still have a liking toward me as time goes on. We spend a few more minutes greeting the massive crowds and return back inside.  An awkward beat passes, and I know I’m putting off the inevitable. Kyungsoo steps in front of me and my thoughts come to a halt. “What do you have to tell me, Princess? We were interrupted when we arrived.” 

I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you. “I…”

“Come on, let’s go to my chambers. We can speak there.”

“I don’t know how to say it, I just know I have to before our betrothal goes any further. First, I want to apologize for how you found me last night. I wasn’t expecting your kindness, Crown Prince. Though, there is something that has been following me around that unfortunately caught up with me. I prefer that you heard the truth from me, and you can… Deal with it however you see fit.” I mumble nervously as we walk to Kyungsoo’s chambers. Hesitation tries to weigh down my steps but Kyungsoo takes me by the hand. We walk from the common room to his bedroom and he shuts the door.

“What are you talking about?” Kyungsoo crosses his arms. My eyes start to water and I try to turn away but Kyungsoo stops me. I shamefully turn to face him, shrinking smaller and smaller the more he looks at me. He sits on the bed and I stay standing without letting go of his hands. “Tell me what’s on your mind, Princess.”

“Last night was the first time I’ve had a decent night’s sleep in I don’t know how long. There was something there between us that I can’t describe, Crown Prince. But… I can’t fully give myself to this betrothal. I can’t let you or anyone else in. I’m… Scared all of the time.”

"Of what? Is it Prince Gustavo? If it is I’ll…”

I chew at my lip and won't meet Kyungsoo's gaze. Tears streak my cheeks and the numbness starts to begin. "No, not Prince Gustavo. It’s… King Daniel."

"King Daniel? Why?" I hear the words fall out of Kyungsoo’s mouth like gravel, his jaw tensely. His tone makes my chest ache. I instantly regret saying anything at all. 

"It’s… The King is the reason why I can’t sleep. I'm unclean, Your Highness." I mutter, letting go of Kyungsoo’s hands.

"Unclean? That's not possible." Kyungsoo crosses his arms, his voice adopting a softer cadence. I can’t get a read on this entire situation. It makes the numbness sink deeper to accompany the vice of anxious adrenaline in my chest. He takes my hand and brings me closer to him. "Look at me, darling. There won’t be a consequence for what you tell me. What happened?”

Just breathe, Alina. There’s no going back now. I take a deep breath, my posture weakening at the weight of the burden I carry. I nervously meet his gaze and prepare myself for the unknown.

“He… He took something that was supposed to be yours. The media believed the Azteco Crown’s rumor mill and the things they spread about me wanting him and all of the lies. I’m sure you’ve seen the embarrassingly false headlines. I never wanted him. I never wanted any of this to happen.” My voice gets unsteady and Kyungsoo sighs. 

“You’re safe, Princess. Please. Only tell me what you’re comfortable with me knowing.” Kyungsoo’s encouraging words lure me into safety. 

*"King Daniel… He… Assaulted and abused me since I was 15. Any chance he got, he’d hurt me. He would make inappropriate comments to me when my parents and brothers weren’t around. He’d force himself on me and tell me that I made him do it. That I wanted it. I promise you that I never did. I didn’t know what I was doing, all I knew was that I didn’t want any of it.

Daniel threatened to have my family killed if I said anything against him, he threatened my Abuelita and my mother the most. Then… He said you’d know. That every time you’d look at me, you’ll know I’m unclean because of what he’d do to me. You’ll have me sent away or have me killed. That I’ll be the reason the Doh Dynasty falls apart. I don’t want to ruin your family. I don’t want to bring embarrassment to your name and reputation. Crown Prince… I am so sorry.” Anger, fear and dread hold my breath hostage. No matter how hard I try, the breath won’t enter my lungs. Kyungsoo looks away from me, my mind coming undone at the possibilities of what may come next. He brings me down to his level and pulls me into his arms. Once he secures me in his hold, sobs burst from my chest.*

“Breathe.” His whispers in my ear.

"I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry..." I shakily repeat. 

“Look at me. What I want is for you take a breath. Slowly… Good. Breathe...” Kyungsoo soothes, fire raging in his eyes. “You’re not an object. You can’t be sent away. That’s not true and never was. I don’t want you to go anywhere, darling. I’ll say it again. You’re not ruined for me. You are pure. What that disgusting animal did to you was not your fault. You didn’t ask for it. I could never hold the actions of a man who should know better against you.”

I allow Kyungsoo’s words to settle in my bones and instinctively grab on to him, burying my head in his chest and allow myself to cry. His hand rubs my back slowly, his lips brush against my temple. No words were exchanged, there was no need for them. His touch spoke for him, his heavy breaths allowing me to feel emotions I buried deep inside of me. He just lets me fall apart in his arms. Waves of warmth encircle me in a soft embrace, a feeling that I’ve never known until Kyungsoo held me for the first time. He scoots back and studies my face. Pain riddles his expression, guilt entrapping me for burdening him with something that wasn’t even his problem.

“Thank you for believing me, Crown Prince.” I rasp. 

“Of course I believe you. Don’t thank me for that. I want you to feel comfortable with me. You don’t need to call me by my title in private. May I call you Alina when we’re alone?” I nod slowly. We hold each other in a gaze for a moment, I’m the first to look away. He leaves a kiss on my cheek and makes sure my attention is brought back to him.

“Alina, I’m going to take care of you. No one will hurt you again. Not that bastard of a king or anyone else. I’ll have guards at every entry point and each inch of the perimeter of this castle if I have to. You’re safe with me.” Kyungsoo’s hand caresses mine in an attempt to soothe me. The silence around us is tranquil like ocean waves rolling onto the shore, the first feeling of solace that I could hold on to. The feeling of being in this man’s embrace gave me something I’d been searching for: comfort. Like a morning glory blooming in the face of the sun, something is shifting in between Kyungsoo and I. It’s blooming slowly basking in the warmth of these feelings that are encircling us. 

“Thank you.” I offer a smile and Kyungsoo nods slowly.

“Is this too much?” He asks, scooting back from me. I take Kyungsoo’s hand and pull him back.

“No. We have to start somewhere, Kyungsoo. I’m happy you believe me, and I’m relieved that we’re entering a new agreement instead of the one we had before. Situations like ours don’t come with time to get to know one another fully, but we have a chance to start over now that our cards are on the table.” I explain. I stick out my hand between us and exhale. “Hi, I’m Alina. It’s nice to meet you.”

Kyungsoo smiles and takes my hand, kissing my knuckles the same way he did when we first met. “Hello, Alina. Nice to meet you. I’m Kyungsoo.”

“This is nice,” I laugh awkwardly, unsure of how to transition to a new subject. I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. “But honestly, thank you for everything. It means a lot that you’re doing all of this for me and being kind. You’re showing another side that I never knew existed.”

“This is just the beginning, Princess.”

The rest of the day went by in a blur of last-minute waltz rehearsals, dinner and some wedding planners wanted to meet with me to start finalizing details. It felt odd that we’d be discussing something that’s so far away, but I have to remember there’s 2 months left to go. Sure, we could get married sooner, but most of the time that happens with betrothals that end in love matches. What Kyungsoo and I have definitely isn’t a love match. Overall, today has been a very odd day, and it’s going to shape up to be an even more odd night.

“May I come in?” Kyungsoo’s voice pierced through the door. Groaning, I get up from the couch and pace toward the door. I open it and see Kyungsoo in a most unnatural form: casual in a black baggy t shirt and plaid pajama pants. Kyungsoo’s eyes drift up and down at the nightgown I chose to wear for bed with a cheeky smile. “Is your favorite color blue?”

“Why?” I tilt my head. 

“You wear it a lot. I like how it looks on you.” He replies with a reddish tint on his cheeks, letting himself in. 

“Thank you, Your Grace… I mean Kyungsoo.” I lower my head to hide my own red cheeks. “Not that I don’t appreciate your visit, but what are you doing here?”

“I’m staying in here tonight.” 

“What? Why?” I gasp. Kyungsoo walks over to the fireplace and warms his hands by it. I follow him and he reaches his hands out to me. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Kyungsoo shrugs as if it’s the most obvious solution in the world. 

“Where is this coming from?” I ask carefully. 

“Alina, we were getting nowhere before. We would just bicker and say hurtful things to each other. This isn’t going to work unless we both give an honest effort before resorting to a platonic relationship. You need to realize that I’ve grown very fond of you. You are also becoming the Crown Princess of this Kingdom. You have a value that you don’t even realize that you possess not only to me, but to our Kingdom. I want you to be 100% certain of something: what happened to you will never change how I see you. It wasn't your fault. You must know that there is a stipulation for all of the protections you need, a price to pay.”

I look up at Kyungsoo, reading his eyes. My heart pounds in my chest as I try to remember what Seoul Law says about something like this, if there is anything for such a situation. “What do I have to do?”

“We have to get married as soon as possible. You need to be Crown Princess in order to be properly taken care of and safe.” Kyungsoo sighs. 

“As soon as possible? When is that?” 

“October 12th.”

“But that’s next week! That is beyond sudden!” I shout. 

“I know. That’s why I arranged for the wedding planners to come today, and they’re working to complete everything in time. Good thing your seamstress is arriving tomorrow just in case you need any adjustments.” Kyungsoo coolly replies. 

“This is impossible.” I start pacing, and Kyungsoo catches my wrist in his hand. 

“This is the meaning of mutually beneficial. Trust me. At the Ball we’ll announce we’re getting married a lot sooner than originally planned. We… We have to make it seem as though it’s for love.” Kyungsoo explains.

“You don’t have to do this.” I insist. Kyungsoo reaches out and brushes his fingers along my cheek and I don’t fight it. 

“I have to. You have every right to feel safe and secure. Leave it to me. Just because we’re getting married quick doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have what you want, I have you scheduled to meet with the wedding planners after the ball.”

“I just… I thought we’d have more time to figure our… Relationship out.” I scoff. Kyungsoo grips my hand tighter and stops walking, his gaze fixed on me. He studies my face and leans closer. 

“Darling, you said it yourself the day we met. You’re nothing but another nation’s princess until we’re wed. Whether you like it or not, you’re mine. I can admit that I am possessive of what’s mine, it’s a flaw that works in your favor. I’ll protect you. Even if that means marrying you a hell of a lot sooner than we wanted. We also have a lifetime to figure this relationship out.” Kyungsoo’s voice drops to a low rumble. 

“So, we’re going to be in our elderly age still getting to know each other? Sounds like a fun life.” I lean back and Kyungsoo chuckles softly. 

“You’re right. I’ll make a much better effort in spending quality time with you, darling. Not just so people can see us together. You look tired, come on. Let’s get you to bed.” With a kiss on my cheek, Kyungsoo turns the sheets down. I climb in bed with a dizzy head. 

My wedding is next week. 

I lay down and turn off the lights, cuddling into the sheets. 

I’m marrying Kyungsoo next week. 

He’s willingly marrying me to get me protections I don’t have as a foreign princess. I have no idea what’s going on with him but it’s making me soften my sentiments toward him. I watch him recline on the couch with his phone in his hand. The focus in his eyes tells me that it must be something serious so I turn away to give him his space.

My body is so exhausted that when I close my eyes I fall asleep a lot quicker than that I normally would. 

“Let me go!” I scream, eyes shooting open from my ongoing nightmare.

“Alina!” Kyungsoo rushes to my side and I’m snapped from dream to reality. “You’re shaking, darling. Was it a nightmare?”

I nod and crave his eye contact. Once he gives me what I want, I try my best to focus on him. I’m frozen, but Kyungsoo sits behind me on the bed and secures me in his arms. “You don’t…”

“You need to sleep, darling. You’ve lacked sleep for so long.” Kyungsoo lowly comforts me. “I’ll shelter you from everything that can harm you as you sleep. Trust in me, Alina.”

Trust me.  You need to learn to trust me.  Trust in me, Alina. 

I can’t help that my heart rate slows down when I’m in Kyungsoo’s arms. Contentment builds between us in the awkward state of being in bed together. I refuse to admit that I need him. I don’t want to acknowledge that this feels safe. It baffles me that someone who despises me wants me to trust them so badly. The numbness fades in the presence of him. No one else has been able to do that. 

“Alina, are you comfortable?” 

“Is it bad that I am?” I ask. 

“No, it’s not. You being comfortable in my arms isn’t bad. Darling, do you want me to stay here in bed with you?” Kyungsoo asks, his tone soft and gentle. I sigh and turn in his arms. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you last night, I’ll be better at that.”

“Is it bad that I want you this close to me?” I ask again. Kyungsoo shakes his head and sits beside me, pulling the sheets over his body. 

“We’ll be in the same bed this time next week, what difference does it make? Come here, Princess.” He holds his arms out and I nervously slide into them. Resting my head on his chest, draping my arm over his stomach, our legs intertwining and his embrace tighter than it was before completed the calming efforts Kyungsoo has on me. He strokes my hair and absolutely all of the anxiety in my body left me. “Rest, let me worry about your fears and anxieties. You’re not handling this alone anymore.”

“Thank you, Kyungsoo.” I hum. My eyes grow heavy. I fall asleep in Kyungsoo’s arms, a place that is slowly starting to feel like home.

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

Day One

Regarding Nona—Hot Sauce is watchful—The City has a bad day—Nona gets a bedtime story—Five days until the Tomb opens.

Some kind of log. Some kind of countdown. The tomb will open! Is the whole plot of this book (well, Nona's part, anyway) just over five days?

Because, I assume, Alecto the Ninth would start when the tomb opens - I think it said so at the end of Harrow the Ninth.

Let's see.

1

“I like it. I like the water, I like her hands.” “Her hands?” “They’re the things around me—maybe they’re my hands.” The pencil scratched loudly on the paper. “How about the face?” “It’s the picture face.” The sketch they’d made for her, the one locked in the secret drawer where they put all the really interesting things,

Nona is recounting a dream, or a vision. The water could be water from the River, or water surrounding the Locked Tomb - the person whose hands and face she sees is the person on the picture. Whose picture?

Gideon? Harrow? Wake? Alecto?

I have nothing to go on here, so it remains open.

Being the worm with problems did not worry her. Just being able to dress herself was charming. In the bad old days she used to have to be helped even with the nightshirt, because she couldn’t be trusted not to get stuck with it halfway over her head and get all hot and upset from claustrophobia. It was incredibly important that she not get upset like that again. She had only ever had two tantrums in her life, but it would be humiliating to have a third.

They weren't wrong. I fucking love Nona already. Worm with problems? Getting stuck in clothes and having a meltdown? I relate.

But all Camilla said was, “Don’t hyperextend,” crushingly, and worse, “Go see if Pyrrha needs help with breakfast.”

Okay, so we have Camilla and Pyrrha - there were three mentioned in HtN's epilogue, and I assumed it was Camilla, Coronabeth and Judith, since those three stuck together for the duration of HtN. Apparently, I was wrong.

She hedged cunningly. “At least please can you write down, I love you, Palamedes, please, from me? At least write, I love you, Palamedes, from Nona.”

Palamedes! Is Camilla writing things down for him...? For the future?

There was thin blue light coming through the joins in the curtains, and an orange glow from the worn-out hot plate mostly blocked by the other person she lived with.

Pyrrha. "The other person"... does that mean...??

She counted up the tally marks and said, “That’s the seventh one this month. But that’s not fair when you keep making them. Palamedes will say you’re skewing the data.”

Palamedes is here referred to as an active resident...!!...

Nona ate while Pyrrha brushed out her hair in short, brisk strokes, letting its fine black sheets fall over Nona’s shoulders.

Noting the colour black here; not red, like I'd theorised from just seeing the cover. Black hair opens up a whole new other realm of possibilities. Could Nona be living in Harrow's body? Pyrrha's presence suggests this might be the case - as she was with Harrow's body at the end of the last book; or, once again, it could be someone entirely different. Perhaps they're even dyeing her hair.

Camilla said unhappily, “Eggs? Have we not invented a new protein?” which meant it wasn’t Camilla at all. The easiest way of telling who was who was in the eyes.

And there it is - confirmation of what I was suspecting! Camilla and Palamedes have achieved some form of Lyctorhood, Palamedes is alive in Camilla's body!!

Yaaaaay!! My boy is BACK and I predicted correctly! Didn't think it would have already happened at this point, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Oh, but this bit is interesting as well, right after:

Palamedes had soft cool eyes of brownish grey, like bare ground in the cold mornings when Nona had been little,

So Nona has some childhood memories - are they hers, or her body's? Does the distinction matter? Yeah of course it does - if Nona has her own life and her own memories, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out who she is - they still don't know. If she's hijacked someone else's body, doesn't know who she is and is remembering someone else's childhood, that would be a very different story altogether.

Moving on:

“Then this is our last chance to make a difference. Give us orders, Commander.” Pyrrha was audibly chewing. “Stopped being that when I died, Palamedes. It was a courtesy title, anyway, and there’s an embarrassment of commanders here if you want ’em.” “Pyrrha,” he said, “why are they running now? Why would Blood of Eden run when they have the best hand they were ever dealt? Why would they run when common sense, good tactics, and foreknowledge must tell them all that this is the best moment to make a stand? The time you’ve spent—the insights you’ve had that nobody else has been privy to—and you’re truly telling me you don’t even have an inkling?”

This is really interesting - are they with the Blood of Eden or not? They are discussing tactics, as the area they're living in is clearly being fought over. Pyrrha wants to run away, Palamedes wants to save people - a bit of a deadlock.

Pyrrha balanced a mirror on the table and shaved her face. Nona loved the clean, bright smell of shaving soap, and to see Pyrrha swiftly and expertly scrape the dark russet-brown stubble off her cheeks and from around her mouth, and the little wet red marks that appeared. When she reached over to touch one freshly smooth cheek, the marks were already wrinkling up and disappearing.

Interesting - not only the gender stuff going on here, but that Pyrrha clearly still has some Lyctoral powers despite Gideon having perished in the River. Do Camilla and Palamedes have the same?

That was the whole problem, wasn’t it? Nona wouldn’t cough even if the wind blew the smoke straight into her face, and Pyrrha wouldn’t burn any colour other than her deep cool brown.

Points for Nona being in Harrow's body, also with Lyctoral powers. Where's Gideon Nav in all this?

They have protocols for going out - hiding, waiting, code words. Camilla wants to fight - Heralds? Are the Resurrection Beasts still after them? I suppose they would be, if they hunt Lyctors, and there's three right here, even though none of them are "standard" Lyctors.

What a great chapter, a great start. I can't wait to read more.

[ambyandony]

Hi! Quick question for you, hopefully it won't be, um, rude, but I just want to know your opinion and stuff

The question is, uhh, why is Squalo so afraid of being feminine in your fiction? I mean, not only in the fiction but I think I saw this in one of your comics too- So yeah, is that really such a big deal? The fandom often makes them out to be a completely normal hetero couple, if you know what I mean, and I just want to know, like, why is that so

Why can Tiziano, even though he's Catholic, be feminine, but Squalo can't? As I understand it, he is not cisgender in your works, but on the other hand, it seems that nowhere is it indicated that he has like, a terrible unbearable dysphoria, usually you indicate that he is just… unsure of himself, as I understood

And it seems that in both anime and manga, Squalo seems to be quite a flamboyant anyway, considering that he was drawn directly from a woman, like Tiziano

hi okay!

interesting ask.

my interpretation of Squalo is very specific and also heavily based on my fanon backstory for him.

I'm going to try to be as thorough as I can to try and help you understand since you seem confused, and I've kinda been holding back on giving Squalo's whole backstory so I could reveal it later in fic form so like. fic 'spoilers' ahead if anyone wants to wait until I reveal it in story form

I'm sorry if I come off as really aggressive here I'm not trying to be mean or sound pissy or anything? so first off:

no it's not a big deal but it's a big deal to him. It takes him a while for him to come to terms with himself - a lot of the Squalo in my comics where you see him being worried about being fem - you can assume they're pre-VA and close to his transition, so he's particularly sensitive and insecure and relying on Tiziano to reassure him.

He's also! very, very oversensitive, for various reasons; because of toxic masculinity, he's scared to show that he's afraid or sad or upset in any way other than turning it into anger - except with Tiziano; Tiziano is the only person who he feels safe crying around. But because of that, his emotions tend to seem wildly exaggerated; he sometimes acts angrier than he is, and when he does express his other negative emotions around Tiziano, they've been bottled up so they seem excessive sometimes

they are both men gay men they are men in love they are not hetero i do not care if the fandom 'makes them out to be' a 'completely normal hetero couple' whatever that means. I also don't give a single shit at all how much the fandom feminises Tiziano and puts him in a "female role" just because he's got long hair and gorgeous eyes if that's what you mean. I'm not batting for heteronormativity and / or homophobia!!! They're gay men. They are two men in love. Both men. There's no 'male' and 'female' in the relationship because they're both men I just want to make this painfully and abundantly clear. and either way. the fandom doesnt know them like i do

okay so why is squalo terrified of being seen as feminine and tiziano is just chilling

I understand how someone who doesn't feel the way I do might not get it, especially since I basically haven't addressed Squalo's backstory (that I came up with) directly, so I'll elaborate on my interpretation of Squalo and my backstory for him:

It's because he's a trans man, and i guess you may not have gotten this but essentially yes he does have crippling dysphoria. maybe I haven't made it super clear but. Squalo has been unbearably dysphoric his entire life (pretty much ever since (unfortunately) developing a concept of gender roles as a kid). and it's specifically especially due to his horrible upbringing situation and the relentless bullying he went thru as a kid (not to mention he never got diagnosed for most of his mental disorders, e.g. ADHD, possibly Autism, Anxiety, etc.) squalo is like if i never figured out what was wrong with me and never got medicated

For Tiziano: a very specific interpretation of Tiziano I have is that Tiziano is incredibly secure in his masculinity? which is why he's fine embracing 'femininity' because he doesn't feel the need to prove himself to anyone? He's literally just chilling, like he knows he's masc. He doesn't care if other people think he's fem. Not his problem. Like. all his 'feminine' stuff he doesn't even see it as feminine it's just. stuff he likes. hes very firm on the "clothing doesn't have gender" stance. I have no idea what Catholicism has to do with him being secure in his masculinity, but also, he's only "especially" religious in the Rockstar AU (I think?). He doesn't even have internalised homophobia. He's just got the Sex Before Marriage shame (and he gets over it real easy because he wants Squalo so bad). The whole Tiziano-never-dated-before-Squalo thing I have established is sort of a constant, but that's not because of Catholicism; it's literally just because he's a sucker for romance and wanted to fall in love first. but he's? demi/aro-spec despite being homosexual, so the only person he ever actually fell in love with happened to be Squalo

Anyways Squalo's desperation to not be perceived as feminine in certain depictions of mine is also probably linked to trauma? like childhood trauma / child abuse.

to make a long fuckin story short, Squalo has a lot of siblings, his dad was always working, and his mother was just generally massively transphobic and abusive towards him specifically and refused to even acknowledge him as a boy. so his insecurity is kind of just a direct result of his mother fucking hated him (and probably shouldn't have had so many kids, let's be real) . Squalo was desperate to be seen as a man, so now he's paranoid that he's not Good Enough As A Man If He's Feminine, and if people start calling him a woman, he may just actually kill himself. genuinely (this isnt an exaggeration Squalo has been genuinely suicidal over being denied his own identity in the past)

He gets better about it over time (in particular, after he gets his surgeries), and the longer he's got the 'right' body and is with his beloved boyfriend, the more comfortable he gets in his masculinity (to the point he may be fine being somewhat more "fem" - though I will say I personally can't remember specific examples in canon of him being particularly flamboyant? granted i have the worst memory) but he is sometimes still anxious and insecure and afraid that he isn't good enough

hope this helps clear things up !!

[hamsterrod]

LPS POPULAR REMAKE RECOMMENDATION AND RAMBLE

(but on an account that aligns with my "hamsterrod" "Rodney" one.)

Once I get into rambling about the series itself, I'll leave a cutoff to avoid spoiling anyone. However, since this is also a recommendation, I better give you all a good descriptor of what you might like about it.

The LPS Popular remake (MLP Fever on YouTube! Hey Cleo.) is a new spin on the series started by SophieGTV over a decade ago. I say new spin super heavily, because while lots carries over, it does deviate quite a bit from the original. (Love that part about it, just so you know.)

The first season takes place in the same highschool setting of the original, with the second taking place in college instead. To be as vague as possible about what to expect from this story, here are some things I think Tumblr users might like!

• Canonically LGBT characters. I'm aware of two (unlabelled in canon) sapphic characters, a bisexual character, a canonically gay character, and a canonically trans character. The majority of which appear super early on. • A highschool drama. Well, for the first season anyway. It's a lot closer to the original than season 2, but has enough differences to ease you into the changed plot and the things occuring in season 2. (Season 2 takes place in college.) • A satisfying conclusion for the characters in both season 1 and season 2. Really, if you only watch season 1 (which I don't recommend, watch the whole thing!) you will probably be just as alright with that as an ending as you would watching both seasons. And season 3 is confirmed, so I think it can really only go up from here. • Fairly realistic character conflicts, including a lack of a "real villain" for any particular plotpoint in the show.

Alright, onto the series itself.

Savannah Reed. Savvy is pretty much the bringer of her own destruction, she has a lot more obvious flaws in this series than the original, but that is absolutely not a bad thing. Savvy is the innocent girl in the beginning, but she's easily corrupted by her own heartbreak and her own experiences with other characters. In a way, Savannah's innocence is what corrupts her. She's really getting a handle on social situations for what seems like the first time, struggling to manage her emotions until they make her act out. She wants Brooke back, she wants her friend back, but that initial rejection from Brooke just makes her so upset. She spirals out of control, getting makeovers, hitting on Sage, dating Sage, and the conflict of season 1 all explodes at the party, sending her further down the tracks of being exactly what hurt her in the first place. Savannah and Brooke almost switch places for the remainder of season 1, and even after their reconciliation, Savvy's self destructive behavior doesn't really seem to end.

Season two for Savannah is particularly heartbreaking because the worst of it all is entirely based on a miscommunication. Briac isn't with Brooke, and the very fact that she doesn't know that sends her to be with Tom. She denies feelings for Brooke, over and over, running from things and inadvertently hurting herself, Tom, and Brooke in the process. Her running away at the end of s2 to be with Brooke was basically the perfect end to the character arc she had in season 2. To end the season where she runs and runs and runs from everything, her final action being running away to Brooke is so fitting.

Brooklyn Hayes. Really, who doesn't love a good mean girl? Brooke herself, apparently. Even from her first full interaction with Savannah in season 1, it was relatively clear to me that she wasn't someone who wanted to hurt anyone, especially not Savannah. Savannah coming to see her is, unfortunately, the thing that breaks down the persona she'd set up for herself. Brooke couldn't stand Savannah being in her school because it means she'd have to accept that she has had feelings for her the whole time. It's especially notable the change she goes through the moment the jig is up, the moment she can't keep her persona up, she changes to a lot more relaxed version of herself, even if she's miserable while she's at it. Season 2 is the same for her, really. She's grown a far meaner persona to keep Savannah at arms length while still being there for her. It's clear the jerkish side of her is either a front, or just not quite her real feelings, because she behaves so much different with Briac. She wants for Briac what she can't have for herself, and yet they both find happiness at the end of season 2. Brooke is a caring character, one that's actually pretty kind once her walls fall down, but she needs those walls, she needs to keep Savannah out, she needs to keep her friends out. Letting anyone in besides Briac is out of the question for her until the last minute, the last weeks before Savannah is married. Even then, even when Savannah knows, even when Savannah confesses the same to her, she lets her go. She doesn't want to push it. And Savvy choosing to push herself to leave is exactly what both of them needed. Brooke is tired of acting, Savannah needs to take the action step instead of letting everything happen to her. And she does.

Tom Dawson. Tom is only introduced in season 2, but he is so, so very major once he's there. I think Tom is an interesting example of how differently the perspective of the audience and the perspective of the characters is. Tom can't know Savannah's thoughts, she never tells him a thing, so he feels like he can love her. Tom is so tired of being seen as someone so famous, someone that people only want for his status, and for Savannah to treat him like a person, it's extremely exciting for him. Tom acts fast, he wants Savannah, the one girl who treats him properly, to stay with him. He jumps the gun with the early proposal, but why wouldn't he? Tom seems so isolated even with so many people that "love" him. It doesn't seem like he has all that many friends, he is just dragged into Savannah's group and we don't see much of him with anyone else. He's kind, he's caring, he listens, but Savannah never tells him anything he needs to hear, never tells him anything she needs to say. And if she did? I think he would be more than understanding, he wants Savannah's happiness. He wants her to be able to have a say in things, he asks at several points if she wants to be with him, and she lies. He's really the only character that doesn't get that conclusive end in the season 2 finale, but I have faith that there will be an expansion on the aftermath once season 3 rolls around.

[gildedlife]

repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category !

★  ⸻   COMPASSION: steadily increases from a 6/10—he's never entirely without compassion, even if at his worst he seems able to "switch it off." he's not always in a position of total command, either, which makes him complicit in the lack of compassion of others, even if he visibly disapproves. he can fight dirty in a way that makes him seem prejudiced and unsympathetic, but this is only in moments of great fear or upset, and he isn't as convincing as he thinks he is (think: "i'm going to use the worst term i can conjure to describe you, and not only will my voice break when i say it, i'll reel back in self-disgust afterwards").

★  ⸻   BITTERNESS: 4/10, though he acts so melodramatically in the early days as to suggest something deeper. it's when that persona falls away and he seems more at ease with himself that the real issues come out, and then they're based in a history so far off from where he is that he's more resigned and shameful than he is bitter. post-canon is when it starts to sink in that career-wise, at least, there is something to be bitter about.

★  ⸻   HAPPINESS: 5/10. his scale is a little bit backwards for this. he's false-happy until there isn't room for it anymore, and then he's real-happy when things are miserable because he's no longer putting on a show. there's a storm-before-the-calm moment at the dead center of his narrative, where he's holding so tight to what he thinks is the truth (regarding who he is and how he has to conduct himself in order to be at peace) that he is, spoiler, punched for it. and, spoiler, he gets as close as a person can to asking outright to be punched for it. at his happiest-looking, he is generally at his most unhappy. at his unhappiest-looking, he is generally at his most happy.

★  ⸻   POLITENESS: 8/10, decreasing. among society he earns top marks. stranded on a ship in the arctic circle, certain things start to slip, though never in their entirety. he can be a little boyish with his language when he's trying to process something, but this is in comparison to a former captain who had to lock himself in his cabin and fume if anyone alluded to a woman having ever been nude. high bar.

★  ⸻   MORALITY: with regard to the lives for which he is directly responsible, a high 6/10, inching up toward 7. from our perspective, and from the perspective he doesn't gain within the story, it's more like a 3/10. the whole of what they're doing is wrong, which we are supposed to know but they aren't. his morals are decent as far as they extend, which is deliberately restricted by his plot. he only begins to reconcile himself to the cruelty and foolishness of the cause in post-canon (i.e., here, with me).

★  ⸻   CHIVALRY: 9/10. he's very courteous and fine at a party, but he's also chivalrous in the sense of a knight, in that he's brave and heroic and as just as he can be. he doesn't see himself this way, though.

★  ⸻   PRIDE: oh boy. what he projects is consistently high, sometimes even an insufferable 10/10. what he feels is infrequently higher than 4/10. he sees himself as a fraud. even the things he does that make him look good, he believes he is doing because they make him look good. "it's all vanity." actually—if you aren't bothered about being spoiled on some his character arc, more specifically in relation to francis—this clip sums it up very well.

★  ⸻   HONESTY: with the exception of his whole existence, which he thinks is a lie, yeah, a solid 7/10. when the captain says, "and remember! god lies in all realms," before sending you to almost-certain death, james is the one off to the side saying, more comfortingly, "[the surgeons] are just below." his lies haunt him so he tells them sparingly (he will also omit truths that primarily negatively affect him; they don’t count as much).

★  ⸻   BRAVERY: 9/10, by the end. not that it's low to start, he's just had time to practice recounting stories that make him sound exciting, whether embellished or not. he brutally challenges the legitimacy of his own valor as if he doesn't have the scars to show for it.

★  ⸻   RECKLESSNESS: 8/10. jumps unprotected into freezing water to save drowning men (pre-canon), hauls ludicrously heavy sledges without telling anyone he has open wounds, twice prepares and fires rockets with the use of only one arm and no men to help him, maybe goes a little overboard with a morale-boosting party, and fights captain crozier on his own ship about his hottest-button issues.

★  ⸻   AMBITION: 10/10. he was on the sea by 12 and hasn't stopped building his way up since.

★  ⸻   LOYALTY: 8/10? he pushes crozier hard and sometimes disrespectfully, but he never actually goes against him. he isn't even disloyal to sir john, who is. questionable.

★  ⸻   LOVE: 9/10. it’s implied through his dialogue that he doesn’t love his men more than god loves them—and presumably would be slower to forgive some—but no loveless man could give himself away as he would. for someone who criticizes themselves for their vanity, he’s very willing to be utilized and forgotten; disappeared in a pretty literal way.

★  ⸻   SENSE OF FAMILY: from a 3/10 (pre-canon and much of canon) to a 10/10 (by the end and following). he doesn’t have a firm definition of “family” until he’s said aloud what he thinks it is, or should have been, and then it’s quickly up from there. he starts to see it in the people around him as opposed to focusing on the absence of it in the people behind him.

★  ⸻   ATTRACTIVENESS: 7/10. he’s the “handsomest man in the navy,” both according to canon and real opinions in history. does this say much? not really. he does have a sort of gravitational pull, however, when he turns on the charm, to which only captain crozier seems truly impervious. he is good-looking, well-groomed, and well-spoken, but again benefits from existing where none of that matters. but yes, okay, he’s generally nice to look at. it annoys some people.

★  ⸻   AGILITY: 10/10 to a 2/10. he is the “best walker in the service” and lives up to it. he then pays the price by eight points off his agility score. his hips, spine, and feet are never quite up to snuff again, and his left side in particular—leg, lung, eye, arm—never heals beyond semi-functional.

★  ⸻   SEX DRIVE: 6/10 because he’s trained himself so. he’d like to be active, but he’s too in the spotlight as a captain and would be hanged if caught out.

tagged by: the loveliest @inrovina and @inflame, who messaged me privately to say i might like filling this out, which is equally touching. tagging: @midcenturies, @guttersniper, @soothfog (any character or blog you like!), @wantsusdead, and anyone else who hasn't been tagged. ♥️

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Hii i know im late but either kuron allura or lance for the ask game thingy you rbed like two days ago?

(i know i always pick these three but idk i just rlly like hearing your thoughts on them<3)

Yay!! I am so sorry this is late. Also heads up this gets long and really salty-

Kuron-

favorite thing about them- He's trying so much! He is not great at it and he was very much Doomed since the beginning and he lost every agency he never had to begin but my god he was Trying! He did not know he was a clone but he felt he that he isnt him and Haggar was still scouting in his head but he was still trying until he couldnt, my god i love him!!

least favorite thing about them- Other than the fact he fucking died??? Kuron babygirl please dont go behind your teams back and dont yell at people, i know you are Going Through It™ but still

favorite line- "Like i am not like myself" HAHAHAHA HAHA FUCKING KILL ME!!! orz

brOTP- Lance and Kuron relationship that lives in my head and has a special place in my heart, also Veronica and Kuron because i am too deep in That au i will make it a thing if only just for that au

OTP- Do i have to answer this one? I guess Kur.ance if you twist my arm but to be honest i still prefer it as platonic or qpr. I am not much of a shipper and he has aroace swag to me. Oh, also Kuron/getting to live as his own person aka the best ship ever

nOTP- I guess Kuron/Keith and Kuron/Lotor? Mostly because my rather uhhh negative opinions on Keith and utter disappointment with Lotor's character and annoyance with both of their stans

random headcanon- i have already talked about him being fan of reading but did you know he also writes sometimes? It is not *great* and almost all of them are wips because he is never sure how to end a story but he is trying

unpopular opinion- if i see one more "Kuron the evil mean clone" i will scream.

Other than- ok. You know how much i love him right? He is one of my favourites and i like him more than Shiro, you know that right? I need you to know and remember that when i say the next part.

Entire clone arc was just not needed. Like you could have had the same effect with Shiro being mind controlled and i personally feel it would have been better. Clone arc just overcomplicated an already messy plot, added even more elements and questions that went absolutely nowhere, left behind a shit load of plot holes, became the final nail in the coffin of Shiro having any possible arc or development, and added a new sympathetic character just to kill him off as a plot device.

And the entire "You are my brother Shiro, i love you" who is it for? Literally who is it for? It would have been much more heart wrenching if it was mind controlled Shiro but we clearly established that is not him. That guy is not Shiro, and Keith as i recall had like 3 on screen conversations with him, 2 of them being strained and then Keith just fucks off with the Blades for most of 3 seasons. It is not for Kuron cause narrative is insistent that he is ~evil~ tool and later on they use his body to get Shiro back. So like, who is it for? Other than to show how sad and angsty and great and amazing writers pet Keith is of course but that is the whole goddamn show.

Like i love him and he did not deserve any of That and i am going to keep making up aus where he lives but the entire pointlessness of clone arc angers me so much

song i associate with them- Being a basic bitch here but Control by Halsey

favorite picture of them-

honestly every scene with him having long hair is just>>>

Allura-

favorite thing about them- Allura is just so genuinely kind, like she goes from one traumatic event after another and loses everything she had and she is rightfully angry and hurt and upset but she still remains kind and does everything so that others dont have to go through what she did and so she sacrifices what little she still had

least favorite thing about them- why is she fucking dead 🥺🥺? Girl wake up, also as much as i love her i am not forgiving her for entire using-Kuron's-body-to-bring-Shiro-back.

favorite line- "So how would you rate your bloodlust level from 1-5?" Let her be silly please!!!!

BrOTP- Allura and Shiro!! Also Allura and Hunk!!! And a number of interactions between Allura and Lance post s3 too!!

OTP- Free my girl hasnt she suffered enough?? (I do have soft spot for early season sha.llura moments and many allurnce moments)

nOTP- i guess l0tura and k@llura? For similar reasons as above

random headcanon- pre-Altea's destruction Allura was the most daredevil person ever. You could dare her to eat a ghost pepper and she'll do it just to prove she can

unpopular opinion- No longer saying 'the situation is much more nuanced' and 'she was traumatized, it is understandable' about the galra reverse racism bs and instead going she was 100% in the right actually. If this fandom can forgive Lotor for getting thousands of alteans murdered and straight up lying to the woman he says he loves about her own people and forgive Keith for abandoning his teammates and almost getting them all killed by claiming they were sad and traumatized than they can also forgive a black coded genocide survivor not liking a race that has been colonizing and murdering the entire universe for 10000 years including her own people

song i associate with them- Queen of Nothing by Crane Wives

favorite picture of them-

Look at her smile

Lance-

favorite thing about them- my boy?? My most favourite boy??? Literally everything?? Ok but seriously i have talked about this before but he is complex to me, i love there is so much duality in him he is someone who is kind would die for a person he met like 2 days ago and did not get along but also is just an absolute obnoxious cunt. He is an emotionally mature guy who understands his own feelings but also is just sooo douchey class clown. He wants to be a cool talented hero, he has the capacity to be that but he wants to be seen as one and in his attempts he ends up screwing himself over and comes out looking as anything but that<33!! And he is loyal and goofy and lovable i love him

least favorite thing about them- i would not have liked this fucker if i met irl specifically s1-s2 him at all. Also the fact they did not even give him an arc like why would you do this to him. Also his fanbase, i cant tolerate 70% of his fanbase and the fact that i still love him is a testimony of my love for him itself given i have hated characters and left fandoms for far less

favorite line- "You ever notice how far the planets are from each other, Coran?" Why did they have the goofball say shit like this if he was meant to be just a goofball

brOTP- Everyone <3, he deserves more friends but mostly Hunk, Kuron, and Allura

OTP- i like most Lance ships actually, though there is a specific han.ce au i have in my head that i adore

nOTP- *sighs* kl4nce. It's just sooo Everywhere, i go to Lance's tag and it is all this ship, nearly every s8 fix-it thinkpiece i have seen moans about how Lance was reduced to Allura's bf only to reduce him to Keith's bf and all of them yell about how the only problem with vld was that kl didnt become canon as if all the racism in the show doesnt even matter, and i am so goddamn tired of this like i cant even joke about Lance having terrible taste in men witjout someone bringing Keith up, and i dont hate the ship (and sometimes i even enjoy it) but i am done with this

Random headcanon- he can play violin pretty well! But he also hates playing violin

unpopular opinion- this is coming from someone who only likes and cares about Lance ships but i think he shouldnt have had a romance arc with anyone. I have said this before but he is so obsessed with keeping facades and the romance loverboy is one of those facades. At most he should have had like last one out of beach city episode from steven universe, where he gets a partner by just being himself instead of the flirty loverboy persona

song i associate with them- Top of the world by Greek fire

favorite picture of them-

He looks great when he is on the verge of death

[mejomonster]

I need to read a Bad Buddy canon divergent fic where either Pran makes a move FIRST, or Pat realizes he likes Pran early.

Possible scenes of divergence:

In the scene on the rooftop where pran meets pat and says he was the one who gave him the green tea. What if in that scene Pran said "do you still want to watch the moonlight with me" and then did not follow it with "did I break your heart?". Or, if when he said that, and Pat Said "fine I'm the heartbroken one," what if Pran pushed him there. And asked why he's heartbroken, if it's because he wanted Pran... because you know that whole scene? Pran is dancing around the fact he did like Pat in high school, is kind of giddy that Pat flirted, kind of giddy Pat asked him on this date (on accident), and kind of feeling out if Pat would actually want to date him...if that was even something Pat could consider. But Pat takes Prans feeling around as "trying to put the blame of the situation on someone" so Pat let's himself be the "loser who's heartbroken." (Which is so interesting because 1. Pran literally thinks he's the heartbroken loser right now because he loves Pat and thought he lost any chance with Pat in high school so as soon as he sees Pat on this roof he hates that he got his hopes up on a potential crush, and 2. Pat will later take the conscious stance to lose to his crush Pran whenever winning would hurt Prans happiness... and even here, before Pat is even aware it's a crush he feels, he already has decided he will choose to "lose" if it will make Pran feel better. So Pat chooses to act like the "heartbroken" one in this scene, even though he's not even AWARE of why Pran feels like a loser in the moment, only aware Pran seems defensive and sort of sad so He wants Pran happy... and pran is happy when he wins their competitions).

In the scene when Pran is looking at a new apartment, Pat follows him in, and they wrestle then tickle on the bed. The audience knows, they probably would've kissed if the rental girl hadn't come in. So, how would that have changed EVERYTHING? Would they even kiss... or would Pran lay on top of Pat until they BOTH realized Pran wants to kiss, then Pran would get up, get angry and defensive, and run. And Pat would have to confront that it was VERY likely Pran had just wanted to kiss him, that it's likely pran ran away because he didn't like that he wanted to (and that entire can of worms). And Pat on a lighter immediate level would contemplate if he'd wanted Pran to kiss him... if that actually would be great. On a more concerned level, just like what actually plays out in ep 6, Pat probably wouldve gone to try to find Pran and ask why he ran. Ask why Prans scared. Why prans upset. Ask pran what he wants, why he almost kissed Pat. Pat would probably admit during such a conversation that he wishes Pran did kiss him, actually, and he doesn't know why Pran ran away when Pat isn't upset at all about the almost-kiss. And then episode 6 stuff would hit like a fucking train Way earlier in the story's plot. Because Pran wouldn't admit it's their parents feud keeping him scared of being close to Pat only to risk losing him and everything in his life here. At least he wouldn't admit it easily. And Pat would be dealing with the anvil of a realization he likes Pran, desperately loves him and does NOT want him to withdraw, did like him back in high school and was in agony when he was gone, and has been desperate to get close to him again ever since they ran into each other in college. The difference from the shows version? In the show, Pat gets all of episode 5 to deal with those realizations alone, then Pran doesn't withdrawl To An Intense level until ep 6. But if they almost kissed in episode 2 in that apartment? Oh boy. They'd be both dealing with those heavy emotions at the Same Time.

Alternatively. Pat could kiss him impulsively in that apartment bed. Thinking of it as gay chicken competition and Just, as usual, enjoying anything he does with Pran and not even realizing the depth of what that gesture Actually means to Pran right away. It would only be later, when Ink enters the plot and prans in absolute disaster mode (because pat kissed him but didn't even mean anything by it), that pat would realize oh OH pran has loved him since high school. And Oh no... pat totally wrote off prans feelings, didn't think about if pran cared, and now it makes sense why pran is avoiding him like the plague. It would play out a bit like the Canon story's eps 5 and 6, except in reverse. Pran would be withdrawn first (like ep 6) and then pat would figure out he's in love and prans been in love.

The scene where pran is designing the bus stop and pat pretends to be his boyfriend. Though honestly? Any little scene anywhere in the show, could work for this kind of exploration.

In the shows story canon, pran says in episode 5 right before the kiss "you can't keep doing this to me. We aren't a thing. We aren't even friends." And those lines speak volumes. It's an acknowledgement pat HAS been flirting. Both in high school and in college, before he realized he liked pran and after. But to pran, its been interpreted as flirting with no intent to actually be with pran. Flirting with no intent to take prans feelings seriously. And even if Pat WAS oblivious to his own crush? When pran says that, pat is fully aware he Has been flirting for years. "You can't keep doing this to me" pran says. Keep acting territorial over who's close to me (when I can't do it to you), keep flirting with me (leading me on so I keep wanting you... and Pat does purposely tempt pran to keep engaging with him, because pat loves being close to pran, even when pat isn't aware he has a crush.... on some level pat has always been aware that when he Flirts pran responds by interacting with pat more, and pat WANTS that and has wanted that for ages... maybe even since pran saved Pa as a child tbh). Pran is talking about how pat has been trying to keep pran close to him, but they cant be close. Both because pat kept picking friends and girls over pran, and because their family situation and friend situation won't LET them be close even if they tried to be. "We aren't a thing" is about romance. It's vague, it could be about a lot honestly. But to me I see it as pran being like "we aren't lovers, we aren't even fuck buddies, we aren't crushes (according to what you said to me about liking ink)" and then "we aren't even friends". To pran, it's clear pat has acted way more intimately than a friend would... for ages. And in that moment on the rooftop pat is aware he HAS been. Even when he wasn't aware he liked pran romantically, on some level he Had to pick up on pran crushing on him (after all pat doesn't go through any big exploration trying to figure out if pran likes him... it's obvious from all the times pran shut down pats flirting and fled, the way pran wrote a LOVE SONG FOR PAT, from the times pran put out feelers to see if pran would respond to the bait and Just Ask Him Out). And Pat has been indulging in prans crush by giving it attention, to keep pran close to him. And the "we aren't even friends"? Pat is so jealous of SO MUCH, but mostly that. He can't even go to prans house and eat dinner, the way friends can. He can't go up to pran and ruffle his hair and hug him and smile and joke in public with him... like prans friends (especially wai) can do at any and all times. Pat can't simply knock on his door and be let in (pran made him jump through hoops, pat has to push for every inch... which is partly why he resorts to flirting... because it Works and pran gives up an inch at a time, but pran pushes pat away constantly so pat can't just go into his room to hangout for no reason, can't give him headphones without an excuse, can't cry on his bed about a stupid fight or get drunk with him at a public bar. In fact who knows how much pat indulging his friends desire to beat up architecture kids was (at least ep 1-2) partly pat subconsciously angry those people got to cling to pran and ask for his help and hug him and laugh with him when pat can't even walk next to him in public or knock on prans family door? The line "we aren't even friends" hits pat right in the heart. The line "we aren't a thing" hits pran in the heart.

That emotionally open conversation on the roof in ep 5 before the kiss? In reality, they might have been able to have that conversation at any point. It could have happened earlier, a bit different. But the core of it: that pat has been flirting without being able to give pran the full reprocitiy he wants, and that pran keeps pushing pat away because he's scared of getting what he wants then it destroying the part of his life he enjoys. That was there since they ran into each other in college. And the outcome would ultimately always end the same: pat would decide if pran wants it? Then he CAN commit to giving full reciprocity and the consequences are worth it to pat. And pran would get what he's wanted forever, and be terrified of losing it on the terms of outside consequences instead of by his own choice, and withdraw.

It's possible the scene in the sleepover, when pat confesses to liking ink...that in that particular night, things could have gone differently. If pat had said he liked pran? Or pran had the guts then to ask "do you like me?" Instead of do you like ink? That night could have gone very interesting. Because if pran DID ask "do you like me?" Pat would've stopped his one way track mind on ink. He would've been surprised. Then he would've realized, if pran sounded serious, that pran liked him. And that would've made pat more careful in what he said next. Because pat, conscious of his crush or before that, would always rather lose then see pran hurting. He'd rather he has to move next time their parents threaten, he'd rather pran was never sent to boarding school, he'd rather confront his parents then have pran feel he has to do the confronting. And he'd rather admit he likes pran first, if pran feels safer that way (hence ep 6). So if pran DID ask if pat liked him? The entire trajectory might change. I'd be very interested to see how. I imagine later, after that night, hed confess to ink still as more of a weight off his shoulder and excuse to vent about his other crush to her (just like in canon). But what would pat say that night, if pran asked? Would pat say "who wouldn't like you?" And try to deflect his sudden realization that pran might want or need an answer to the years of flirting pats done just to keep pran from throwing him farther away. Would he say that to make it clear he thinks prans great, he just isn't ready to answer? Would pran be pissed off at that answer, that non answer, because it's another occurrence of pat flirting with him without committing to SHOWING if he really likes pran back or not. Would pran tell him to get out? Would pat deflect and ask "do you like me? I'm very likable." Would it devolve into them challenging the other to see who falls first, like in ep 6, to spare both of them the terrifying notion of having to confess their true feelings that night? Would pat be brutally honest, and answer without thinking, and just say "I've never thought about it." Which would break prans little heart, confirm that pat HAS been flirting with no intention of follow through, imply that pat never liked pran as much as pran THOUGHT he did (pran especially used to think the crush was mutual in high school). I am so curious

Anyway yeah. I'd love some canon divergent fic. If you've read any, PLEASE recommend me some! ToT

[northwest-cryptid]

I think at the end of the day, no matter how much you may love Limbus Company; I feel like you probably understand and agree with the concept of the idea that it absolutely could have just been another $60 full release game like LoR or LC rather than being a predatory "name your own price" title gacha game that was sold to us as "we want to give you something back for funding our future projects" when we have no idea what projects, if any; are even being worked on that aren't LCB and what the fundraising goals are for those.

Like I'm not even going to get into the whole discourse of what happened a bit ago revealing the fact they're not just an "uwu small indie group" anymore and all that because that doesn't even change anything here.

Limbus Company isn't inherently a bad game at all, sure I don't necessarily care for (or even understand fully) the mechanics at play in it's system; but those mechanics are made infinitely worse when you bring in the FOMO. FOMO that is, inherently; and entirely unnecessary. With seasons, time limited gacha, and side story events that constantly demand more of your time; and if you care to complete them easier or collect/have everything the game has to offer; your money. I get it, you can use your friend's characters so then you just have to befriend a whale or two and you should be fine right? Well no, there's limitations on that; and even if you go that route you don't keep those characters.

With some of the characters just being inherently better than others the game DOES become harder (even if it's able to be done by some top player entirely F2P that's not the point. I ran LoR where I only used the starting deck and 1 librarian up until Love Town, that doesn't mean it was easy or that you SHOULD play that way! It drove me insane but it was a self imposed challenge and I never even cleared Love Town that way given how the game functions) for players who don't want to shell out and buy gacha; and yes they do give you a good amount of pulls and if you happen to be unlucky that's just tough. You get what you get and try to make the most of it if you won't hand over your money.

So then let's go back to the idea that, when you do give your money to PM they're using it to further produce more of what you love, right? Well... kind of? If you exclusively love Limbus Company then sure. Those of us who got left behind and don't have everything we need or don't understand the system well enough can't even get to the current story chapters because the game's difficulty is fucked if you don't bother to learn it extensively enough. Now I don't have anything against a hard mobile game but at least in the past if you weren't good at the management simulator or you didn't understand how to build a deck; us mod creators and the like had you covered. Now you're stuck looking up videos on youtube or reading posts on tumblr that you just kind of have to hope aren't fandomizing half of the information.

I don't know man it feels fucked to me. I'm glad people enjoy Limbus and all that, but I feel like we're not going to see another mainline actual single player non-micro transaction game from PM and that feels shitty after loving this franchise for years. I feel like my special interest was taken from me by the company who made the damn thing in the first place all because I wasn't able and willing to shell out hundreds of bucks since I happened to be in a rough spot during it's launch.

Which is all the more upsetting since I genuinely do like the characters, the music, the atmosphere and setting of Limbus Company; it seems cool and I was really excited to have a continuation of Lob Corps after effects on the world. It's a shame I won't ever get to experience it.

[basingstokemercury]

Okay ,so I was slightly off. the changeling!Julian episodes are from Rapture not The Ascent.

(This post got way longer than intended. Below the cut, I dive into deeply analysing his acting and writing in those episodes.)

Judging by In Purgatory's Shadow/By Inferno's Light, the changeling's tells seem to be:

Blank, empty expression when at rest (real!Julian does a fair amount of staring vacantly or intently, but this is more so somehow).

Very little eye movement, including blinking (compare real!Julian's tendency to dart his eyes everywhere, even when focused on a conversation).

The last one is a bit trickier, I can't quite tell if it's there or not. I do think the changeling is less hyperactive than real!Julian - we see him fiddling with his hands in the opener, before the reveal, but on the whole he seems to have a much easier time keeping still.

Vocally I believe some emotion is lacking, but that could be subjective because it's what I come in inclined to see.

Now, rewatching Rapture, The Darkness And The Light, and The Begotten (skipping For The Uniform because he isn't there):

First off, I'm certain the timeline doesn't hold up but don't feel like doing the maths. We'll put that aside for now.

None of these episodes show Julian doing anything other than his job. Could be a tell, but that's not unknown in the show and the changeling does take part in the same social activities as his counterpart.

Eye movements and blinking look roughly normal to me, though we see very little of the darting movements I mentioned. Maybe it's because we only see him focused on his job here, with few distracting stimuli?

Facial expressions feel normal, I think?

There's a full trademark Julian Smile at Quark's antics in The Begotten.

We definitely see genuine upset in The Darkness And The Light when Fala is murdered and again when he treats Kira after the explosion, an emotion I don't think the changeling is capable of faking well (see In Purgatory's Shadow, delivery on "You can't let him go, it's too dangerous").

The second of these also begins with Kira unconscious, meaning the changeling wouldn't have to pretend, so that's pretty conclusive evidence that either we're seeing real!Julian all the way up to there or the actors didn't know about the changeling twist until the episode it happened.

(my shipping brain is getting a little distracted by that scene. I'll have to file it away for later.)

I'm not sure about body language, we don't get enough to really tell and no scenes where real!Julian would be visibly fidgeting.

The first scene after the opening credits of The Begotten has head movements that feel very natural when talking to Sisko for a moment. We can't see his eyes very well, though.

On the whole, I do think the acting feels right. If the writers knew they were going to pull the changeling twist in episodes leading up to it, I doubt they told the cast.

Now, to the story analysis.

Why would a changeling want to save Sisko in Rapture? Surely this would be the perfect chance to go "oops, a delicate operation failed, there goes the leader of our most immediate opposing force"?

Yes, he insists on waiting for Jake's permission to operate, which could be seen as a stalling tactic.

But this is the chief medical officer. He's the one who found the problem in the first place and the one who stated the need for an operation. I find it dubious that a changeling would do that and not just wait until too late then claim he didn't realise what was going on in time.

I covered The Darkness And The Light under my acting analysis, nothing really interesting in the story department. I can believe a changeling would be concerned for the safety of Kira's baby even if it saw her as an enemy.

Then again, that changeling is later willing to destroy an entire solar system. Makes me wonder what it was like impersonating someone so loved and loving for a month, if any of that rubbed off, what its own personality was like and how it felt about the orders it was given... Someone else can definitely write that fic better than me though.

Suffice it to say, I'm absolutely convinced on the basis of acting that Alexander Siddig is not knowingly playing a changeling in this episode.

The Begotten... now this is a really interesting one if the changeling is there. It's about a baby changeling! Which dies! I can only imagine a changeling's emotions not even being able to tell this child that they're the same.

I'm not sure what to make of his first reaction to the baby changeling. He doesn't know it's a baby, of course, but would real!Julian's reaction to a sick changeling really be "this is dangerous" and not "it needs our help, that's the first thing to worry about"?

Or is that what a changeling would say, trying to pose as a suspicious human?

That's the first point in the changeling column so far.

His reaction to the baby's deterioration and death seems to be his usual bedside manner in terminal cases - concerned, but being strong for the patient and their loved ones.

Another changeling would likely have been more deeply affected, but someone on a mission of impersonation likely knows how to hide their emotions.

In conclusion:

I love changeling!Julian, both as an amazingly acted character (with surprisingly analysis potental for someone who appears in one two-parter and dies) and as part of a great episode.

But I don't think the consequences of his existence were thought out too well by the writers or directors.

Still, I much prefer this to our other poorly-foreshadowed Julian-related reveal, although that's definitely a low bar.

Time to go write some fanfic.