#but goddamn i’m tired of it
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why is it so hard for me to believe that someone actually cares about me and isn’t always going to replace me at any given moment
#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd#bpd fp#actually borderline#bpd shitposting#bpd problems#bpd favorite person#bpd vent#bpd mood#it’s the abandonment issues isn’t it.. fuck#but goddamn i’m tired of it#like i walk on eggshells around everyone cuz i don’t want to piss them off#because what if i do and they decide that’s the final straw and leave
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forever thinking about the way they’re literally obsessed with each other
stopping myself cause i could just keep adding to this
#sorry i just think about them constantly#they bicker and argue and fight#but goddamn are they dedicated to each other#after 7 years 4 of which they were apart#they are still partners#they still have that trust just like they did on day 1#ship or not i’m tired of people who think they genuinely hate each other#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#soukouku#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#skk#skk brainrot#batpostingships
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Trying to listen to podcast to calm down to sleep -> loud as fuck ad. Trying to check something quick from a youtube tutorial -> first gotta watch 2x 30 second unskippable ads. Trying to go to a website -> 2 popups and an ad video automatically start to play. Trying to listen to the radio while driving -> 7 minutes of uninterrupted ad time. Every single free app with those shitty game ads with the stupid annoying ass king. I’m tired !!! I never wanna buy anything ever again !!!!!!!
#watched youtube and skipped the ’’this video is sponsores by’’ only to get hit with 2 30sec unskippable ads and I just deleted the youtube#app from my phone with pure rage I’m fucking tired of ads everywhere all the good goddamn time#nYx PLuMpIng GLoss pLumP yOurSeLf Up BabY go fucking die#(also im tired so im unreasonably mad at every minor thing rn but like this has been the sentiment for months)#(should’ve gone for that walk I was thinking abt would’ve been much calmer)#(bc now rage deleted all the ''fun''' apps from my phone it's now just the essentials in there (tho did keep podcasts & Spotify bc those I#refuse to give up) like idk this better stick I want phone screen time of 1-2h per day)#april 2024#2024
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Why are women writing rough anal sex fics reader insert fics imagining men roughly fucking them in the ass? Women can barely cum from regular penetration let alone anal.
because women can write whatever the fuck they want to & just because you’re a brainless intelligence deficient dense doltish dumb empty-headed foolish half-witted idiotic imbecilic inane meaningless mindless moronic furthest IQ from albert einstein ever seen since the cavemen pointless senseless simpleminded slow thick-skulled unthinking witless plebeian who takes stupid pills for breakfast every morning resulting in you not having the slightest ability to grasp that concept doesn’t mean you have to go around letting everyone know. shut your bitchass up
#kill yourself#holy mother of god i’m so fucking tired of hearing you talk#i’m going to roughly fuck YOU in the ass if you keep this up#fucking behave or i’m giving you a supreme femboy ass pounding#and that’s a goddamn promise#a pinky one at that you poor excuse for a sac of skin
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How about Ashley x Emo Fem Reader? Like gothic with uhh emotic? Or something like that. Like they meet when they been in high school. And they live in Y/N's house that she get from her parents when they passed
If you had any questions, ask me
Oooohhhh- okay okay!
Ashley Graves x Emo Fem!Reader
Social outcast, you generally considered yourself
Not just you, your peers as well had called you that- or…crude variations of it
Point is, no one in school really liked you
You’ve overheard their gossip- all the same shit really
“I bet she lights cats on fire!” “Look at her sleeves, I bet she cuts herself.” “She’s gonna blow up the school I swear”
They couldn’t even bother to be creative with their assumptions about you- a lot of the same depressed demon stuff
….and you are depressed- but that’s besides the point!
You never really connected with any of your peers..
…well- except one..
Lunchtime was quite possibly the worst part of your day. It was a war zone. In the classrooms you had teachers to lessen the blows your classmates would throw at you, both metaphorically and physically, here the only solace of a savior were the underpaid lunch ladies who were occupied handing out food to students.
You hugged the wall as you carefully watched your peers, they all seemed fairly occupied in their own conversations- not even noticing you. You liked it when they forgot your existence. Loneliness beat cruelty.
There was a table you always sat at, tucked into the corner of the lunchroom- and for good reasons. The surface was littered with graffiti of swears, slurs, those cool S’s, and various crude doodles left by your peers. Not only that, but the table was very wobbly, so badly you usually have to use two textbooks to prop it up. The bottom was covered in dried out, chewed gum- the entire thing was just a sitting “DO NOT COME HERE” sign.
And it was perfect!
No one ever sat there due to how shitty it was, you think the students and faculty didn’t even bother to go near it. They either think it’s cursed, or forgot about it. Or both. Maybe both. But today someone had actually got there before you did.
A disgruntled girl with messy black hair poked at the mystery meat on her lunch tray. Poked isn’t the right word- more like viciously stabbed it repeatedly. Her nose scrunched in frustration, likely not directed towards the so-called food, but it was the only thing she had to vent her frustrations on to. She hadn’t noticed you.
You stood there a little awkwardly, not wanting to startle her on accident, so instead you spoke up meekly.
“Uhm…hi.” You smiled a little, trying to harmless. She didn’t look like your average bullies, but you can never be too careful.
She looked up at you with her pink eyes- her gaze was sharp, and you instinctively tensed in preparation for some insult to be thrown. She gave you a once over before returning to her tray, “…hey.”
“Can I…sit here?” It was a dumb question. Technically this table had been your seat, and this girl just showed up out of nowhere- but, oh well.
She gave a frustrated sigh, “God- did Andy put you up to this?” She asked rather accusatory, pointing her fork at you.
You opened your mouth to reply before she interrupted you, “Look how many times do I have to tell you hussies, you’re just wasting your time! He’s not going to fuck you if you’re nice to me so just—“
“Who’s Andy?”
The question you asked sounded genuine….cause it was. Really, you had no idea who this ‘Andy’ guy was. The girl lowered her fork, eyeing you wearily before she decided that you weren’t lying. She turned her head and muttered,
“….you can sit.”
And so you did. The two of you ate in relative silence. Well- you ate. Your new lunch friend more-so stabbed at her food then ate it. You swallowed down the lump of unidentifiable cafeteria meat and gave her a friendly smile. The silence was deafening and you’d never had anyone to eat with so maybe…maybe this could be nice for a change..
“I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself.
The girl glanced up at you before returning to her tray, “…Ashley..”
“I’ve never seen you at this table much.” your hands patted the surface nervously.
“Normally I sit with my brother and so-called friend,” her words dripped with malice, “But my stupid brother had to go study for some history test! And my ‘friend’ conveniently didn’t save me a seat…” she stuck her fork into the biggest chunk of her food and muttered, “Fucking bitch…”
“That’s a bit harsh..” you mumbled, causing Ashley to perk up and glare at you.
She practically climbed over the table and held her fork out towards you, making your hands instinctively raise in surrender, “She is a bitch! A doe-eyed hussie who thinks she’s soooooo innocent when she sucks just as much as everyone else!”
“I meant it was harsh that she wouldn’t let you sit with her,” your eyes were fixated on the fork, kind of worried Ashley would drive it into your neck, “I…should’ve been more specific. Sorry.”
Ashley’s pink eyes widened a little, she almost seemed- shocked someone took her side. Slowly, she clambered back to her seat and went quiet. You lowered your hands back into your lap and stared at her. Ashley pushed her tray and folded her arms overtop the table.
“….thanks.” She mumbled.
After that, you saw Ashley a lot more
It wasn’t every day, maybe once a week or two she would show up at your hidden table to eat
Slowly, she came out of that shell and actually initiated conversations
Well- conversations were a stretch. It was more like her venting about her frustrating day while you nodded along and ate.
Eventually, she liked you enough to stop you in the halls and walk with you
Usually her brother, Andrew you had come to learn his actual name, walked with her and she made a show to cling on to your arm
It never failed to make the heat rush to your face
Ashley was cute. Very cute. And had a general unhinged vibe that just made her all the more alluring
So it didn’t surprise you that you’d catch feelings for your new friend
No- what surprised you was when Ashley actually liked you back
You paused, silence hanging in the air as Ashley stared at you expectingly. Her foot tapped with impatience as she awaited what you were going to say.
“Well?”
You didn’t know what to say, the only time anyone has asked you out was as a prank. This was different. The question wasn’t coming from some bully barely able to keep their giggles in, this was coming from your friend. Someone you trusted. Someone who wouldn’t hurt you��..at least you think. She did threaten you with a fork.
Ashley’s growing impatience let you know just how slack jawed you were, “Look- if you’re going to be weird about this then just…forget I said anything.” She crossed her arms, turning away from you in a huff.
That was when you came out of your stupor, trying to salvage this, “No! No! It’s okay- really! I’m just….shocked that you asked me out.” You stammered with your explanation, “I didn’t even think you liked girls..”
“Me neither.” She mumbled, the faintest starts of a blush painting her cheeks. It was cute. She was cute.
Your face softened as you placed a hand on her shoulder, “….I’d love to.”
From there you two were dating
Had it only put more unwanted attention on you? Yes, but you wouldn’t have it any other way
You were happy, so fuck what those jerks had to say
Things were good, and after high school the both of you fucked off to another town
With Andrew in college, it’s not like Ashley wanted to stick around her shitty homelife
And you- honestly had no connections aside from your parents, and moving out was expected
So, it was you and Ashley. Outcast for outcast
#the coffin of andy and leyley#ashley graves#tcoaal#x reader#ashley graves x reader#OKAY-#I am so sorry this took so long#and to anyone who’s sent requests I haven’t forgotten those either#I’ve just been….so goddamn tired lately#motivation to write has been low and I’m trying to find some to make these fics for y’all#cause I love doing this#I love making these things for you folks#and I want to keep doing that#so if progress slows I am very sorry#take care of y’allselves <3
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Eddie Munson would dead ass be a chubby chaser that’s it that’s the post.
#I will die on this fucking hill#I swear to god#stranger things#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#admin speaks#stranger things x reader#eddie munson headcanons#like a belly and some thick thighs would be like a goddamned wet dream for him#i’m tired of the judgements boss#I have PCOS and getting rid of my belly has been a big challenge but honestly I’m just learning to accept it and trying to cope#and at this point since there’s not really anything I can do medically about it#I’m just learning to accept it#let me have this#I had a whole ass surgery to help manage my PCOS but there’s just some symptoms that will never go away
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“I'll meet you on a day that never ends. I'll greet you in a way that heaven meant…”
“I hope you don't break my heart of stone. I don't wanna scream out loud and wake up on my own…” (“Idler’s Dream” by Oasis)
Considering, that I don’t see any way out of the misery, which my life has become since this cruel and inexorable disease ME/CFS has robbed me from being myself, I’ve started to commission some of my beloved artists of Snapedom with a special project of mine. I explained to them, that I’m slowly fading away from my life as well as from other people’s lives. It started two years ago, when this sickness got me into her relentless grip, forcing me to let go of the life, I’ve known before. Losing more and more of my abilities and strengths with each passing day, I’m finding myself in an unstoppable spiral of torments.
Nowadays, I’m not capable of leaving my room and most of the times even my bed anymore. Day in, day out I’m surrounded by darkness, silence and solitude. Participating in social activities, in milestones of my children or even in longer conversations with friends isn’t possible for me anymore. My presence has lost its meaning and purpose.
Whereas my phone didn’t stand still in the beginning of my disease, when friends and colleagues were worried about me…it’s getting more silent now. People are starting to forget about me…and yes, I can absolutely understand them. It must be frustrating to send messages or attempt to call me without getting a proper reply. My former boss told me some weeks ago, that people are feeling speechless about my situation, so it’s easier for them to forget about me…letting me become a faint memory in the back of their heads. This is exactly, what I meant, when I said, that I’m fading away…and it’s okay. I can’t be mad about it. I understand.
It’s also happening here on tumblr…and yet, here are still some kind people, who seem to notice my silence. I was astonished to hear, that my friend @capysnapeart, whom I commissioned for this beautiful artwork of Severus and my highly self-inserted OC Jules, searched me in a sweet post on their blog, after not hearing from me for several days. I was even more dumbfounded, when I realised, that other lovely people of Snapedom had also noticed my absence from my online life. This was very unexpected, but - indeed - touching and heartwarming to me. Thank you for not forgetting about me.
The project, which I’ve commissioned @capysnapeart and some other artists for, should show the different stages of the life, I’m expecting to have after my final breath, which doesn’t seem to be so far away anymore. I’ve set myself a limit…a certain point of no return, at which I won’t be able to accept and endure my pain and my suffering anymore. Well…let’s just leave it like that.
In my imagination, I will be able to choose, how my afterlife will look like. I will be with Severus, the character, I’ve been clinging on for the past 21 years, already. I imagine, that we will meet at the age of 11 years and from then on, we will spend the rest of our lives together...growing old together. It may sound strange and pathetic, but this is all, that I'm wishing for. I want to come home to him...
I asked Capy to draw Severus and Jules as a middle-aged couple…sitting on a bench in front of their little cottage at the sea. I’d love to see them being happy together…finally living the life, they’ve always wanted to live…the life, they’ve deserved to have! They’re cuddling on this wooden bench…feeling like home in themselves.
Capy, my dear friend, I’m beyond grateful for your understanding of my wish for this mesmerising artwork. You’ve managed to capture the peace and the silence of this scenery so perfectly, that it made me shed countless tears of longing. A longing for this fantasy to become true one day, when I will let go of my existence, eventually. Thank you for your talent, your kindness and your acceptance of my ideas. Feel hugged! 🫂🥹
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
#Severus x Julia#Sevy x Jules#severus x oc#my afterlife#fuck me/cfs#i’m so tired#i want to go home#our cottage#i’m fading away#commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism#this is my red carpet for all the artists of snape fandom#severus snape#he’s by my side for 21 years now#21 years and still counting#snape#i love severus#i love snape#snape love#pro snape#pro severus snape#snape content#severus snape art#pencil drawing#severus snape fan art#severus fanart#snart#snapedom#mecfs#writing is my coping mechanism#snape art
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This game acknowledging Geets’ SSJ > Goku’s SSJ3
#YOURE GODDAMN RIGHT#You were correct to us the Magical Girl Camera Spin he deserves djsjsj#sketchesplayskakarot#dbtag#silly hours#Now let me add him to my party I’m so tired of not spamming big bang attack fjsjdjaks
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on second thought, I’m thinking I should’ve never come back to this app lmao
#🪷—faerie whispers#cause girl what is the actual fucking point anymore#it ain’t shit but JJK on this app#and I’m so goddamn tired of seeing it#I never have time to write anymore and when I do#it feels so underwhelming#like I’m hating everything I’ve put out in the past two months#sorry y’all#i’m having a bad day#I’m just exhausted and my one escape actually feels like hell now#the negative thoughts win again#literally proved my point from months ago#that it was never abt what we write#it was who we wrote for#I’m seeing rapper sukuna#plug choso#and baby daddy toji#the same hcs all the aot writers got shit and ran off of here for LMAO#the jokes write themselves#I thought it was classless and ghetto and harmful to blk women 🤪#or do y’all make passes for ur fuck ass favs just curious
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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i hope i die soon
#at least then i wouldn’t have to worry about being in debt or literally anything else in my shitty fucking life anymore#i just want to have decent luck once in a fucking while but apparently that’s too much to fucking ask for#i’m so fucking tired of this goddamn life i live#i just want it all to stop#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#bpd vent#actually mentally ill#sorry this is a complete vent in the tags.. oopsie
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As if I wasn’t enough of a simp then they had to go and give A God On Mars that sick drum line
#destiny 2#destiny#destiny the game#Warmind ost#I am weak for orchestrals with a rock beat I’m sorry#and this is definitely my go to writing any action for the Big Guy#like come on#you can smell the arrogance in those beats#and it’s fucking HOT#because he can back that shit up#goddamn I’m so tired today#listen to me ramble#what a fucking Monday!
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Calling it now: The Michael Sheen autism show “The Assembly” is going to be a bigger bomb than the outrageously mediocre Frost/Nixon and I for one am an autist excited to be fed with cringe ragebait the world has not seen since “The Other Sister”
#‘hey what’s it like dating a woman your daughter’s age’ ‘oh it’s fine because i’m gay lmao’#good omens#the assembly#autism#actually autistic#i’m tired of fighting for autistic representation i’m just ready for the popcorn to laugh at how goddamn obtuse people are#like that fuckin love on the spectrum show is the closest thing we have to acknowledging out sexuality mainstream#it’s… dire#michael sheen#david tennant#iykyk#bbc staged#the other sister#autistic cringe#<- this tag rules lmao#i hate frost nixon with a burning fucking passion it should have been good godDAMMIT#*our sexuality i cannae type sorry
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OCD will literally remove your brain's ability to register when a task is Complete and then create 10,000 incredibly ridiculous and extremely specific rules for you to follow in every single aspect of your life (to keep you safe, of course, it tells you.) and then tells you that if you don’t do them Correctly and Completely every single time it tells you to (it tells you countless times per day) then the Entire Fucking World Will End and then it’ll do this fucked up thing where it makes you believe that nonsense.
and then people that don’t have it will make silly little jokes about being soooooo OCD and make t-shirts with fun little acronyms on them like Obsessive Coffee Disorder and tell you how much they like it when things are organized and clean, too!!
and then you’re supposed to just. laugh. like you haven’t been robbed of your entire being and potential and been taken over by a mind and life altering disability
#PSA: don’t fucking tell me to Seek Therapy or Try Medication. i am Aware. i have Tried. it isn’t that fucking simple#and this is my blog. i’ll complain about my illnesses all i want to. if you don’t like it i strongly encourage you to unfollow me#ocd#actually ocd#cw ocd#cw mental illness#mental health stuff#Seven.txt#Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is actually SO goddamn insidious. and only ppl that have lived with it will understand that#it’s a terrible terrible thing. to have something ruin your entire life under the guise of keeping you safe#it’s like being abused by your own mind and i don’t say that lightly#okay. stopped crying long enough to get this post out of my brain and onto my blog#gonna put Walking Disaster on loop and return to my Mental Illness Floor Time now#if no one hears from me for a little while it’s not personal i just. need to not be a Person right now. i’m so tired
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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?
#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control#I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point#And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault#I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone#But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately#I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate#Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave#Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks#Vent#Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out#It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just#Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state#It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet#Slams my head into the wall#I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it#Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3
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“Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear…”
“To think I might not see those eyes, it makes it so hard not to cry. And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly do…” (“Run” by Snow Patrol)
I guess, I have to flag this post with a trigger warning for some mentions of suicidal thoughts. Please skip the following three short paragraphs, if this might be hurting you. I’m sorry for that.
Since my condition is worsening, due to this goddamn bitch of a disease ME/CFS, my thoughts keep on wandering to some darker places…searching for a way out of this hell. And even though I’m telling myself, that I won’t leave my three children behind, I caught myself preparing for the final step.
Within the last two years, I’ve lost more and more of my freedom…my friends…my regular life…and myself. What’s left, is a life in darkness and solitude. Lying in bed day in, day out…struggling with pain and suffering from the increasing symptoms of this illness. Slowly wasting away…
I’ve set myself a limit…a point, in which I won’t endure the dilapidation of my body and mind any further. I don’t know, when this point of no return will come…but my limit is fixated.
In the course of these mental preparations, I’ve done something, which I deeply regret. I’ve told my closest friends…those, whom I love with all my heart…about these arrangements. As soon as I heard, that I’ve broken their heart with my wishes, I knew, that I’ve made a mistake….and I’m terribly sorry for that.
I’ve commissioned my friend @opalchalice for this beautiful piece of art, which shows my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules, consoling her husband Severus after unveiling exactly these preliminary arrangements, which I’ve mentioned to my friends, to him.
Well, as some of you know, I’m projecting my personal experiences onto the stories, I’m writing, as well as onto the artworks, I’m requesting from these talented and compassionate artists of our beloved Snapedom. So, this drawing shall be my apology to the friends, whom I might have offended and hurt with my thoughts and wishes. Please don’t forget, that I love you…and feel free to express your own boundaries towards me, whenever I’m going too far! I never meant to hurt your feelings…and I’m honestly sorry, that I already did.
Lia, I’m beyond grateful for your help to manifest my apologies and my attempt of consolation in your divine illustration. Please, don’t ever doubt your talent, my dear. I’m a sucker for your art and I will support you as long as I’m strong enough to go online for some time, no matter how restricted my abilities to bear screen time will be. Believe in yourself…because I do! You’re a true artist and a gem of a human being and my heart is filled with gratitude, that I was allowed to meet you here.
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
#Severus x Julia#Sevy x Jules#Severus x OC#i’m so sorry#but i’m so tired#fuck me/cfs#commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism#this is my red carpet for all the artists of snape fandom#severus snape#i love severus#i love snape#snape#pro snape#snape love#pro severus snape#snape content#severus snape art#snart#snape art#mecfs#severus snape fan art#severus fanart#fanart severus snape#severus snape fandom#snapedom#snapedom is our safe space#i would protect him with my life#writing is my coping mechanism#tw suicidality#severus snape fanart
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