#but better 1% than 0% and better 0% than not knowing about it at all

[obscureother]

getting back into these cos i feel like it. maybe i can type slowly with my goofy arm.

i love the f/o wheel of doom and fate, but im going to opt rodger for this one cos i got some i can already think of uvu

me interviewing my mans rn.

What do your f/o's hugs feel like? GOOD BIG HUGS :D one of my cuddliest f/os!! he gives some of the goodest hugs of everybody who lives in my brain, i love his big warm sooty hugs. you get dust ALL over you but thats ok <33 its just rodger hugs to-go. He is also very warm <33 Big heated blanket, he is.

What are your favorite dates to have with them? i like sitting somewhere with him, just hanging out and talking somewhere on a nice lunch break. i like listening to him <: but for something properly nice, a little night walk is good. . maybe finding a nice spot to just sit and observe the world or something.

What are their favorite dates to have with you? i think he also likes the good sitting and talking. he tries to find spots for s/i 1 where she wouldnt normally think or be able to get to, things like rooftops and secret places that only chimney sweeps would know. he likes to give her the view of the town. but wherever they go, he thinks anything is better with a little grub :)) and he does like to get dressed nice for a restaurant. For something more at-home, he does enjoy just leaning back together listening to music on the record player too. .

Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you? the chimney song from mary poppins, ngl. . he sings that to me all the time and gives me little kisses on my hand for "good luck" :"0 but i also like some good mumford & sons for him. Winter Winds was something because for a while i couldnt tell how we felt, but we just let it be however it would be. it did end up being romantic, and thats ok, but for a moment i couldnt tell if he would just be a platonic/qpp who i gave kisses to or a deeper partner. . but i think he likes the english folk song genre too.

What's the height difference between you and your f/o? the exact height of rodger kind of iffy for me to decide, as perhaps he is already too big for most chimneys (except for the ones in the skit, he has his ways lol.) but i believe. . generally he is somewhere between 5'8" and 5'9" tho not quite 5'10"?? He slouches a lot, but every time i think of him, he ends up bigger in my head than he probably really is. I believe i settled on 5'9.5" for this reason lol. When he /isnt/ slouching or busting his back, i think he's not too different from everyone else and probably about 4 or 5 inches taller than me.

On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you? the man is good with PDA. He lets me smother him, so from my end, its like a 10 lol. But from him, he dumbs it down to maybe 7 or 8 lol. He'll give kisses whenever you want them, he just might not specifically think to do it in front of others.

What's your favorite feature about your f/o? SOOT CHEEKS SOOT NOSE SOOT FACE SOOT SILLY SOOT MAN SJKFHS- but also i do like his outfits :0 and his squishy face rghjgfg <33 Love on his tum tum. Big nose, big nose. <33

What do you think they smell like? S o o t . Bricks and dust and soot. Fireplace. Smoke. Nah, but when he's not on the job, he's probably just a warm cozy smell, whatever that may be. Might use some light cologne if he gets a hold of some, nothing very heavy. . Probably old clothes lol. Old wood or that sort of. . mildew, but not too thick it makes you sick smell, even. From his less than ideal living situation. It's an odd smell, but not a bad one. Old, wet wood. . in short lol.

What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love. He is very physically affectionate :D He loves cuddles and kisses, and when he's not doing that, you know he loves you cos he also just talks about how much he appreciates your existence, how happy you make him, and he likes to do things with you. He likes to take his partner to go do fun things!!

Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them? Usually, Rodger has to take a baff before he gets in the bed. It's a mutual rule that we would rather not have soot in the blankets unless he is absolutely plum exhausted (then we can just wash them, its ok.) When he doesn't take a baff but would still not want to get soot on the covers, he might sleep on a separate thing like a fluffed up couch or secondary bed, one that is kind of. . less bothered with than the main one or not being used by guests?? So that i dont have to get itchy from soot jskhfs- but when he is clean, yes, he likes to share the bed so he can cuddle. :>

What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o? Oh thats hard, cos i love everything about him. . One of the most fun i think is just that he laughs like santa claus but very big and loud lol. He gets silly at the bar. He's not an alcoholic, although it is in his family history. He tries to be careful, but he does go for a good time and he's just goofy. s/i 1 has to go get him from the bar sometimes cos he forgets the time. He's just a very fun, silly guy who's trying to get by and have a good time when he can here and there, making the most of things. . even if everyone else in the bar gets tired of hearing him THUNK ON THE COUNTER and go "HO-HO, THA'S A GOOD ONE MATE-" He also does a lot of singing, humming, whistling on the job and I think that's very cute. . No one knows how he doesnt get stuck in those chimneys more often than he does cos the man is kind of round and fairly tall, but you always know he's in there cos you hear him echoing through the bricks.

What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have? uhh, good question. . of how to best sum them up. . s/i 1 generally takes care of him, giving him dinners and a softer place to stay the night, and he's the hard-working light of her life. They do whatever is fun together, just wanting to take care of each other. He's the big goofball and she just loves on him for it. Though there's not a huge gap in like. . who makes more or less money, as s/i 1 also has her own job, she does make a little more to treat him sometimes and just loves to see the look on his face when he gets a good meal in front of him or has a laugh. He shows her around London and stuff, and he makes her smile. Good care for good company, one supposes. s/i 1 also feels better with him around. girl moved to england on her own basically, only bringing her cat, cos she's wanted to explore london for 200 BILLION years or something, but she knows very little of things or struggles to understand them sometimes from the accents (including Rodger for a bit. She doesnt know "thick cockney," but she knows "how to speak Rodger" lol. Very specialized to him once they're hanging out for a while.) But the thing is, she's also very nervous of other people, its a whole new environment, and she's anxious of getting made fun of for her American accent or not fitting in enough. Rodger, who's been there his whole life pretty much, knows everything there is to know for her to get around on her own and gives her good company to learn through without feeling embarrassed or outcasted. In a way, he is also less included by some of the locals, so he relates to her without being so outcasted himself that he's out of the loop to help her. For s/i 1, knowing that there could be a nice chimney sweep in any flue nearby gives her a good comfort, even if she knows he could be halfway across town. He /could/ also be. . right in that chimney over there, and that alone gives her something to feel better for til she gets more comfortable. He's a good friend to her, and for being good to her, s/i 1 wants to be his friend too and help him on his long days of work bringing him biscuits now and then. Then they fall in love so they kith. :3c

What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day? He does lots of things, depends on the reason. . He does like to sing or hum for me, little diddies for entertainment or soft things to soothe. If not that, he just looks for the bright side of things, gives good hugs, rocking, etc. . He likes to get the attention on himself not because he's like "look at me, look at me :))" but because he knows he's silly and even just opening his mouth can make me laugh or smile because of the way he talks. His Cockney accent is ridiculously thick and i love it, so he'll get me to focus on him just so he can do something to make me feel better.

Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like? Yes, they hold hands :0 His hands are worn, a little rough from the bricks, but they're very gentle and safe. . He wears these tattered old gloves which could use a wash but are still soft in some places or on the edges. He'll keep your hands warm and a good but loving grip on them so you dont feel lost in the crowd or that you dont have someone there for you. Very reassuring, loving hold.

Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc) He does love to give kisses, very affectionate like i said :> He gives most kisses on the head, temple, or hands!! But when getting intimate, he also does give chest and hip kisses. . sometimes on the belly too. . very tender. . 👉🏻 👈🏻 He also does something that for deeper reasons than the blog needs to get into, they help me feel better. He doesnt normally do it on purpose, in fact he did not know it was a thing s/i 1 would do originally, but sometimes his kisses would leave soot marks on her. Because of those soot marks, she loves them to death and wont remove or wash them off unless she has to, its the end of the night/day, or she gets to see Rodger again. She holds onto them for a while cos she misses him, and it kind of. . gives her a way to cope with a certain trauma for when she's not quite ready to overcome it yet because of how no one was really there to help her through it before. There was a long gap between that person who hurt her and Rodger (like there usually is with other f/os) where she had no one like that, so she couldn't really. . practice learning to handle those things. Once Rodger figures that out tho, he only gives them to her more cos he loves to make her happy and recognizes the meaning of what she's doing. Not only does he just get touched by the fact she holds onto his kisses until bedtime or he comes back, but he loves to give her something to help her feel better for something like that. Things that wont hurt her, but can still give her the sort of coping for her to slowly ease into those things.

Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them? I LOVE TO GIVE HIM KISSES RGJLFG. I give him kisses all over his face and on his hair, he's got fluffy hair <33 I also like to give him hand kisses sometimes, on his knuckles or palms where they hurt from his work. . Love to give him love and kisses for him. Love to give him shoulder or back kisses too, especially cos they hurt for him so long.

What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o? He lets me mess with him all the time lol. He /is/ the silly leisure activity. He lets s/i 1 draw on him be that with stickers, marker, etc. or even like. . on the soot on his face like one does the steam on a mirror. She'll trace little hearts into the black on him, or he lets her fidget with his clothes and stuff. Play with his hat, some of his chimney gear in his black santa-size bag of things (the ones that she wont hurt herself on.)

What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one? Although i hardly think there is any reason for him to feel this way because of how lovely he is, he does often talk about how he's "just an old chimney sweep" and i give him more love and care than he deserves or tries to tell me he can take care of himself and doesnt want to cause me the trouble, but honestly, taking care of him is just. . s/i 1's/my favorite thing to do. i love him to death. he works so hard all the time and he's just so sweet, how could you not want to make sure he's ok? i guess. . its nice that he thinks so highly of someone taking care of him, you know you're appreciated, but he really does deserve to be loved and cared for i think. especially with how he does sometimes get trouble from the locals for being loud, not everyone thinks chimney sweeps are exactly "lucky," or things like that. . sometimes he misspeaks or phrases something oddly and gets whapped on the head by a purse, but he really does mean well and doesnt usually mean it the way people think he does most of the time. He usually refers to s/i 1 with some rather common little names one would think to give her, things like "his little fox (girl)," "his little vixen," things like that. He doesnt mind what she is and wants her to feel accepted that way, along with the usual pet names of love and british people i guess lol. Love, darlin', etc. . He'll throw back to the older, extra english-sounding things just to make her flustered or giggle, things like calling her a little english muffin, puddin' cake, or whatnot.

What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them? i like to tell him how handsome he is, soot or no soot (cos he cant help his job, but he does look silly with soot on his face too <33), and just love on him a lot for him to know that he's appreciated too for working so hard and being so kind to everybody. yes, he's loud and silly and goofy, but those are my favorite things of him. he's just a goofy fun guy who's lovely to be around when given the opportunity or the chance to be your good friend. he gets called a couple things by s/i 1 like "silly chimney man," "soot face," things like that, but there is this one awkward imprint that happened when she moved to England. While her own accent is somewhat southern American, a little yeehaw if you will, and she will never lose that. . for some reason, a lot of the times when she says "Rodger," she pronounces it unconsciously imitating his cockney accent that he said it with so she calls him "Rodguh" or "Mister Rodguh." He will also sometimes refer to himself as "Ol' Rodger" from time to time, most often when he is comforting. Things like "don't worry, ol' rodger is gonna take good care of ya. Ol' rodger's not goin' anywhere, 'e's gonna stay roight 'ere wif ya."

I want everyone to have the chance to ramble about their romantic f/os, so I'm gonna make a reblog game where yall can answer the plethora of questions I'm gonna toss down. Any of the questions you want to answer, as little or as much as you'd like!! I'll read them all. PR.O.SHIP DNI!!! AT ALL! GET OUT-

SO!! SELFSHIPPERS! RIDDLE ME THIS:

What do your f/o's hugs feel like?

What are your favorite dates to have with them?

What are their favorite dates to have with you?

Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you?

What's the height difference between you and your f/o?

On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you?

What's your favorite feature about your f/o?

What do you think they smell like?

What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love.

Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them?

What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o?

What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have?

What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day?

Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like?

Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc)

Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them?

What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o?

What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one?

What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them?

Okay I can't wait to see some answers!! Feel free to reblog as many times with as many f/os as you want. ANYONE CAN PARTICIPATE! SEEING THIS POST IS AN INVITATION FOR YOU!!

People I'd like to see answer this off the top of my head (but don't have to!!): @moxanji-real @one-winged-dreams @lovesickvalentines @graveluvr @clawingatmy-enclosure @starshakez @jpeg-indulgence @everynya @tropgothships @selfshipping-tboy @amelielovesamaris @pixel-comfort @fl0ralsxgar

[goldom]

Ave Mujica ep 12

How can there only be two left? With the massive popularity of this show among non-prior-Bandori fans, I have to imagine they're going to get another season eventually, but I wonder how much of this plot is going to be left for the game to cover. At the pace the En server is going, it's gonna be a looooong time before I see that happen...

Anyway, heading in with the following thought in mind. Thanks a lot, @keichocomint

0:16 Sakiko basically turning to the camera to remind the audience,

0:33 On one hand, lol. On the other, I think this says something about the way Sakiko still views her life as a drama, a play. But I also have to wonder why she's so docilely going along with this when she's, A) had no problem standing up to grandpa before, and B) just came off of reasserting her intent to stay with the band.

1:13 okay nevermind she's not going.

1:30 splat.

I shouldn't laugh but I did. How did her shoe get all the way up there?!

1:50 welp, episode's over! What a bold, avant-garde choice to switch the series to a 2-minute short 12 episodes in.

4:04 how does this random cab driver on Remote Island recognize Sakiko when she hasn't been back in years? Also what a voice lol I half expected him to mutate into a demon or something

5:43 Surprised Hatsune is just admitting everything so quickly. Good for her. But it's really weird to see her just being normal two episodes after listening to her sing about wanting to chain up Sakiko in her attic.

7:50 I'm gonna be annoyed if they're about to reveal there never was an Uika. I know a lot of people are speculating that, but I don't like it. If there being sisters had been a plot thread all along, maybe, but not when they just revealed her 11 episodes in.

10:47 It's really a mark of great writing that I can see this line and know it's about to break Hatsune – and it immediately does.

10:54 and then in a matter of seconds, Saki's voice switches into genki mode. Historically, that has always been a facade. Will this time be any different?

11:55 She reaaaally ought to know better than to say things like this to Hatsune by this point.

12:40 what is this reminding me of. There's a famous anime scene just like this, isn't there? I can't think of it.

13:36 I feel you can see in her eyes, in this moment, the thought, "Right now, I really could steal her away and take her captive forever..."

14:38 I don't know why grandpa has any power over Hatsune at all. He's never given her anything, so why does she struggle so much to resist his orders? Just a general cultural "obey your father" sense maybe. Orrrrr does he know the actual dark secret and is holding it over her? Is there still an actual dark secret left to reveal? I'm not really sure.

15:28 This episode is playing with time of day really blatantly. I saw it before and was willing to overlook it, but now I'm sure. Between 8:35 and 8:39 the sun instantly sets upon Hatsune revealing how she got Saki's dad in trouble.

And now again, they sneak into the Togawa mansion in the middle of the night, but the instant they stand up to the man and walk back outside, it's broad daylight.

The thematic meaning is obvious, but it's almost so over-the-top as to make me start questioning the reality of what I'm seeing.

15:50 He's just a little guy!

16:52 They forgot Umiri ;_;

But also… look at these girls? They look to have suddenly de-aged by years. Combined with how they were just acting like playful little kids in the garden, I have to assume that's intentional as well. With the shadows of their past exposed, it's like they're free to be children again.

17:02 Oh, they don't have outlines in this scene. That's why they look so soft.

17:07 I'm just glad I don't read online discourse because it's gonna be insufferable on both sides for months. It's a really complicated situation – and absurd in a way only possible in fiction – so yknow what, I don't hate this, but at the same time, it's like, reality's gonna come crashing back in soon.

17:40 And Hatsune admitting the dreamlike quality of everything. She knows this moment can't last. It's the healthiest she's ever been. And I can't hate her for wanting it. I get it. If you've read my fiction, you know I get it, it's all expressing the same thing: please, just let this peace last a little longer.

17:44 It did not last long. Sakiko already waking up to the realization that Hatsune's little domestic dream life isn't what she wants. God this show is good.

18:20 I love Umiri so much

20:25 Morf spotted!

21:08 FGGGFHSRFHGHHHH I just let out the loudest cackle Saki what the hellllllllllllllllllllllllll

21:58 "WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?" Sakiiiiiiii

I am having so much fun with this show. Hate that it's already coming to an end. And unsurprisingly, next week looks like it'll mostly be a performance. Perhaps this is the best way things can go, leading back into the game: everybody's plot arcs have resolved, but their underlying issues are still lingering, leading to opportunities for further progress. I've never read ahead of the English game (in any game) but I might have to for AveMu if we won't be seeing them over here for years.

But, so, where's the real Uika? During the whole time on the island, Sakiko never went "wtf are you talking about, you don't have a sister." And she correctly identified the moment it was Hatsune that came to her. This all still feels fully in line with a real Uika actually being alive somewhere. ("They moved to the mainland," said the cab driver.)

But at the end, when Saki calls Hatsune Uika again, it feels like she's saying, "Even knowing your origin, I accept you for the person you want to be seen as," which only works if HatsUika was one body all along, not if there's still a real person out there with a stolen identity.

Who knows. Well, one of you probably does. Lately every confusion I've had has been clarified by someone in the comments within 10 minutes of posting lol.

[hanzajesthanza]

Do you have book recommendations for people who love The Witcher and would like to dive into other books?

an assortment, but one i'm still chewing my way through. this is less of a list and more like a mind map or choose your own adventure, there are different paths you can take, you can weave between them... these are all merely suggestions which may influence one's future...

more sapko rahhh

aka my chosen path when starting out from the crossroads. was it the correct one. idk

first and foremost, the hussite trilogy. it has an english translation out already so there's no stopping you... well except your ability to read (it's me, i need to reread it for comprehension this time).

but actually the most underrated is non-witcher related short stories, you can find these in the maladie anthology or online. yep, they're on his site for free. (and some of the witcher ones too).

and also even more underrated is his nonfiction, because he is a funny fucker and also an informative one at the same time. piróg (essay), świat króla artura, rękopis znaleziony w smoczej jaskini. and articles he wrote for nowa fantastyka and elsewhere.

influential authors not of strictly fantasy

i say authors because he has said authors... first up on the list, however, are specific titles that he's mentioned by name as influences.

the trilogy, sienkiewicz

the big sleep, chandler

the master and margarita, bulgakov

the name of the rose, eco

already hitting hard with these. but here's more. just in case

I am the result of my readings of Alexandre Dumas, Henryk Sienkiewicz, Raymond Chandler, Roger Zelazny, Jack Vance, Jules Verne, Arturo Pérez-Reverte… They have created me as a writer.

I adore reading and read everything. From the authors of the so-called mainstream I would highlight the Polish historical novelists Sienkiewicz, Gołubiew and Bunsсh. And also - Hemingway, Chandler, Bulgakov and Umberto Eco. From the authors of science fiction … In the first place Stanislav Lem, then Dick, Vance, Silverberg. From the authors of fantasy I like Tolkien, Le Guin, Eddings, Zelazny and again, Jack Vance.

Favorite books? A full list would take up too much space. I will list only a few favorite authors: Ernest Hemingway, Raymond Chandler, Umberto Eco, William Shakespeare, Henrik Sienkiewicz, Erich Maria Remarque, Alexander Dumas-father, Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov, Mika Valtari, Arturo Perez-Reverte (...) JRR Tolkien, Roger Zelazny, Ursula Le Guin, Fritz Leiber, Stanisław Lem, Jack Vance, Neil Gaimen.

As a child, I read - among others - Alexandre Dumas (both father and son), Victor Hugo, Henry Sienkiewicz, Karl May, Jules Verne, Herbert George Wells, Robert Louis Stevenson, Edgar Allan Poe, Mark Twain and Rudyard Kipling. In adolescence, I moved to Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, William Faulkner, Joseph Conrad, Leo Tolstoy, Miguel Servante, Michael Sokolov, Raymond Chandler, Lewis Carroll, Stanislaw Lem, Theodore Greenwich, Carol Bunch, Antonia Golubev, Miku Valtari, Erich Maria Remarque, Ilya Ilf and Yevgeny Petrov, the Strugatsky brothers. In my youth I discovered for myself - among others - Tolkien, Clive Lewis, Terence White, Howard Lovecraft, Mikhail Bulgakov, Isaac Asimov, Kurt Vonnegut, Umberto Eco, Stephen King, Fritz Leiber, Roger Zelazny, Ursula Le Guin, Harlan Ellison, Jack Vance, Peter Bigle, Stephen Donaldson, John Crowley, Terry Pratchett. 

There are many such books [that I return to]. I sometimes joke that I read Sienkiewicz's trilogy at least once a year, because Polish is very difficult and you have to practice a lot. But the joke is not far from the truth in my case. I was raised on the "Trilogy". I have a good conversation with Marcin Wolski, also a fan and expert, when we meet, we throw Sienkiewicz quotes and riddles at each other.

Audience: Pan Andrzej, who is your favorite writer? A. Sapkowski: I have to think. (Pause.) Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway. (...) Audience: And from Slavic literature? A. Sapkowski: Bulgakov. The answer is simple: Bulgakov.

I will say maybe not about my favorite readings, but about my masters. It's Hemingway, Bulgakov, Chandler and Eco. I love them, but I know that I will never compare to them.

Secundo: comparing me to my beloved Eco, is very pleasant, but I do not like and do not want to listen to undeserved compliments.

i think that's enough to last a lifetime. several lifetimes. really just pick an author and see if they have interesting books and then read them if they call out to you

(sorry for any potential misspellings of names, i am cutting and pasting from the translated interviews, and names get translated from spanish to polish to russian to english and back again so you can understand how it might turn out weird)

fantasy

did you guys know that andrzej sapkowski literally wrote a fantasy book recs list for us all, and it's Literally One Hundred books long? and this was when i wasn't even a year old yet?

the list is even online and saved via the wikipedia article about manuscript discovered in a dragon's cave

however one hundred is a bit overwhelming. so instead, influences he's mentioned by name in interviews:

lord of the rings (about ten million times over)

amber

earthsea

the dying earth

jack of shadows

literary

the bible

greek mythology (and i would recommend the tragic plays)

dante

shakespeare

polish romanticism

arthurian legend

technically counts as both literary and fantasy but considering sapkowski's obsession with it i think it deserves to be its own thing

like with any legendary body, there's more like a collection of works and no official reading order, lol, so from what i gather and what i've been doing is reading in bits and pieces, various knight stories... but if you want more direction then just look at wikipedia for a semblance of a reading guide. but modern versions he's raved about include the once and future king and the mists of avalon so maybe start there too

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[penitenteyeball]

Dum de dum dum

Gonna add max tags and max characters to each cause who cares

[ionized-angel]

living in this house driving me insanne i want to be aloneee

[cementcornfield]

.

[reanimatestar]

whiteboard drawings <3

[image description: two images featuring drawings of the artist's original characters on a whiteboard in black marker. the first image is two drawings of giuseppe as an anthropomorphic scottish fold with doll like joints. in the first, she looks to the right with a neutral expression. in the second drawing he is scowling and gesturing with his left hand. an arrow with the caption "eyes always dilated" points to his head. claws are taped to her fingers and an arrow points to her hand with the caption "used to tape "claws" to his hands edward scissorhands style (heart)".

the second is a drawing of carxes. he is a tiefling with long curly hair tied in a low ponytail and a swirling scar on his neck. he has a broken horn, with the intact horn curved like a ram's, except where it curves upwards at the tip. carxes is facing the viewer and smiling with his head tilted to the left. /end description]

[rieaj]

“i love you, but that dick is a plus.” ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

———

who in enha has the biggest dick? (hyung line only)

warnings: enha hyung line x reader (seperate !!), smut, unprotected sex, blowjobs, missionary, p in v, talks about dick sizes, dacryphilia, mdni !!

others: enjoy this for now, cause ive been losing motiv for a couple if days cs its been hectic asf 😭 ill post more content soon. but for now this is enough to feed y’all’s horny selves 🫶

———

lee heeseung. this man 😖. he’s big alright. 6’0ft tall he’s got big hands, feet, etc. meaning to say he’s got a big dick too. 8 inches when soft, 9 1/2 when hard. i feel like he wouldn’t be as thick as jay or jake. but this man is for sure long. i also bet he and jay would have big balls. he’d prolbably have shaved hairs that were slightly the same as sunghoon’s not too hairy or too shaved down. heeseung is the type to love blowjobs. sucking down on his long cock, just to have him push your head just to hear your whimper and gags. he’d like to fuck you in missionary just to watch his cock slowly go in and out of you whilst watching your teary eyed face.

park jay. he’s thick for sure. 7 inch when soft, 8 1/2 when hard. thick girth and a mushroom tip that would be an angry red type of color. the base would be a little tanner than his skin, and for his hair, i bet he shaves it every 2 weeks max. its neat and not so hairy. gotta be clean to satisfy his girl (>.<) jay would also be the type to be the softest and most loving in bed. he loves reassuring you and talking you through it. this man would also have the best aftercare. jay could also go rough and hard, only if he would be in a bad mood or jealous. (we’ll discuss this soon !) overall, jay just has big dick.

sim jake. thickest. 7 1/2 inches when soft, 8 when hard. jake isn’t exactly the longest. but he beats them in girth. he’s a thick boy. even just the tip inside your already stretched out so wide. his base color would be a little darker than his skin tone. he has a big tip that whenever he was hard it would be such an angry pink and constantly leak pre-cum. jake would not have any hairs at all. poor baby always feels so guilty whenever he sees you in tears as soon as an inch of his dick stretches you out. always shushing you and reassuring that the pain would be gone.

park sunghoon. i feel like he would be the biggest. a positive, 8 1/2 inch when soft. a solid 9 when hard. sunghoon would most like be the one to know his dick the best, and also use it correctly. his dick is girthy with a usual peachy color on his tip. the base color would be a the same color as his usual skin, and he would most likely have a neat shave, something like the hair still being there but at the same time it’s not too bushy. sunghoon would also have some best dick game. there is never a time you won’t be pleasured after being with him. he would also most likely HATE wearing condoms. unless that is, you want him to. anything for his girl <3 but for me i think he wouldn’t really like it cs he wants you to feel every inch and vein of him pulse inside you :0

———

yall ive been busy this is all i could come up w rn. its not my best work, but ive just been too lazy. i’ll do better soon 😞

[fangswbenefits]

Ao3

ASTARION

⤷ The Arrangement (on-going series): masterlist

⤷ Book - Astarion comes across an interesting book and decides to share the knowledge with you. Quite literally.

⤷ Lockpicking - You ask Astarion to teach you how to lockpick and things get... out of hand.

⤷ Pointy Ears - You accidentally find just how sensitive Astarion is when it comes to a certain part of his body…

⤷ Curiosity - Astarion wishes to satisfy his curiosity when it comes to breastfeeding... and comes up with a proposition that is mutually beneficial.

⤷ Oral Fixation - Astarion is quite sure you are going to drive him insane from how adorable and clueless you are when eating those juicy fruits around him... and he just has to do something about it.

⤷ Unexpected - Astarion has barely ever considered starting a family with you in the old-fashioned way, but an unexpected conversation might just trigger that urge.

⤷ Breathe - Astarion is more than eager to show you the perks of not breathing.

⤷ Questions - Your curiosity drives you to ask Astarion a very unexpected question, and he's more than happy to give you a proper reply.

⤷ Patience - You are too eager to ride Astarion, and he proposes a solution to your impatience. After all, experience is the best teacher and impatience its fiercest enemy.

⤷ Backfire - You should have known better than to make Astarion jealous, and now you are left to deal with the consequences.

⤷ Reading Session - Astarion walks in on you reading a rather suggestive book, and far be it from him to interrupt your learning process. 

⤷Trance - Astarion is having a hard time trancing, and you offer to help him out in more ways than one.

⤷ Fever - You're running a fever, and Astarion offers to cool you down… only to make things a whole lot worse.

⤷ Everything - You're used to staying still whenever Astarion feeds on you. This time, he wants you to feel everything.

⤷ Comfortable - Astarion walks in on you in a rather compromising situation. Naturally, he offers to help, but then you ask him to promise you something that he was not expecting…

(LINKS ARE CURRENTLY NOT WORKING - I'LL FIX THEM SOON 🙏)

MIGUEL O'HARA

✫ 18+:

⤷ Tension - Miguel walks in on you late at night doing something unexpected, which makes things really awkward afterwards…

⤷ For Science - There has been a rumour circulating in regards to Miguel’s venom. It has to be too far-fetched, right?

⤷ Intimacy - Lack of intimacy after childbirth can weigh a relationship down. Thankfully, Miguel always finds new ways to keep the spark alive.

⤷ Perfect Morning - Miguel’s definition of a perfect morning involves a comfortable bed and being buried deep inside you.

⤷ Comfort - Miguel has been having nightmares as of late and seeks a level of comfort only you can provide.

⤷ Breakfast in Bed - Miguel wakes you up to breakfast in bed.

⤷ Stress Relief - Peter B. Parker should know better than to swing by unannounced.

⤷ Sharing is Caring (I) - (II) - A mission has both Miguel and you sharing a room… what could possibly go wrong?

⤷ [COMPLETE] (0) Sweet Girl , (1) Frustration , (2) Suit Up , (3) Obsession , (4) Consequences , (5) Discovery , (6) Double-edged Sword , (7) Confession , (8) Devotion - Miguel’s desire for you has been taking a toll on him, and he really has no other option…

⤷ Second Intentions - You’ve been tense lately, and Miguel offers a massage. Quite thoughtful of him… except you know exactly why.

⤷ Tracking - You find out Miguel has been tracking something that concerns you… and him.

⤷ Gentle - Miguel shows you how gentle he can be during your pregnancy and how worthy you are of it.

⤷ Backfire - The math is simple: you make Miguel jealous + push him past his breaking point = hot rough sex. Too bad Miguel doesn’t do simple.

⤷ Side Effect - Miguel has been acting off lately and you find out why… the hard way.

⤷ Stubborn - As far as you’re concerned, you just want to stay in bed all day, admiring Miguel’s glorious chest.

✫ Fluff/Comedy/Comfort/Hurt/Angst/Misc:

⤷ Memories - You are ready to tell Miguel he is going to be a father… but he isn’t.

⤷ Revelations - Miguel asks you to keep a secret, so naturally everyone is about to find out.

⤷ Solution - Period cramps always leave you feeling miserable, so Miguel offers a solution.

⤷ Tiny Spider - Your daughter has a few questions, and you suspect Miguel might just open a portal to another dimension.

⤷ Another Chance - You go into labour and all you know is that you need Miguel more than ever.

⤷ Broken - You wonder if Miguel is broken beyond repair, because he surely believes that.

⤷ Family - Miguel is a natural when it comes to being a father.

⤷ A Series of Firsts - You and Miguel are ready to become parents and you must now go through a series of firsts together.

⤷ Appreciation - Miguel catches you staring at a very specific part of his body…

[neigepomme]

🍎 quick headcanons about the lads guys pt. 2 WOOO!! media added for better experience :9

⋆ most of the couple tiktok videos you do with caleb are actually his idea. his whole fyp is filled with cute couple trends, and he sends them all to you. he really loved when you picked out his outfit for the h.s.k.t trend and has to fight himself to not wear that outfit daily now. his phone background is you two with the lipstick heart trend on your cheeks.

⋆ rafayel never shows up to your place empty-handed. when you tell him it's okay to not bring you a gift (whether it be flowers, some snacks or pastries, a cute handbag, etc) whenever he visits, he looks at you like you offended him before going "yeah, no. no way cutie." he actually started gifting you more stuff after you commented on it.

⋆ even though xavier's jealous nature is really cute and you don't mind it, he tries his best to keep it at bay. by that i just mean that instead of glaring daggers at a guy who's hitting on you, he starts resting his head on your shoulder from behind and dramatically sighing like a kicked puppy. it works AND you pet his hair, so it's a double win. xavier - 1, the guy who hit on you - 0.

⋆ sylus never tells you, but you quickly figure out that he loves it when you care for him and play with his hair when you two are cuddling. he's a big man and typically has you sleeping on his arm (and he loves it), but at one point, he fell asleep with his head on your stomach while you stroked his hair. when he woke up and you flashed him a warm smile, he almost saw god and thought to himself that he really ought to fall asleep like that more often.

⋆ zayne deliberately leaves his dress shirts at your place, in hopes of seeing you wear them. when he drops by to see you at one point and you answer the door only wearing his shirt, his knees actually buckle and he falls on the floor. you got really worried, and he got really embarrassed, but he gave you some excuse along the lines of "sorry, i think my blood sugar is low right now." you didn't miss how his ears turned bright red tho!

⋆ additional headcanon about zayne because he's my favorite, and i've been neglecting him recently: your phone background is his flushed face covered in lipstick marks, your handiwork. the actual video of you kissing him is the greatest thing in your camera roll — it's zayne growing more and more flushed and giggly as you smother his face in kisses. he could die happy!!

ok moving on to loser headcanons i need them to lose some aura rq

⋆ caleb never had a musical phase, he says. guess who knows the lyrics to meant to be yours from heathers tho! because that sure as hell isn't gideon! at one point, he got really drunk at the DAA and was belting it out. he also kissed gideon during that drunk episode but that's a story for another day (spreading my caleb bisexual agenda)

⋆ rafayel has edited wikipedia articles to be right in arguments and is not above pouting like a toddler and making you feel bad when you find out. at one point, he started forcing tears out of his eyes and going "no it's fine! you hate me, i get it, your boyfriend's feelings are less important than trivia night, it's fine!" like. he's a loser but a really pretty one so it cancels out kinda

⋆ xavier's the type of guy to go "huh??" at least 3 times when you explain something to him before he finally goes "ohh i get it". he in fact does not get it but he felt you getting worked up and he decided not to hit you with a fourth huh. his survival instincts are good and he'd rather look it up than have you be mad at him #loverboy

⋆ sylus has a really good grasp on his facial expressions, but he will hit a disgusted face when he hears something stupid. like yeah sure big bad unreadable boss and stuff but one time, he hears some guy on the street loudly say the worst take he's ever heard in his life and he can't help the side eye + disgusted face combo. he also stank faces when he listens to good music

⋆ zayne meows at cats. not elaborating on that it's pretty clear LOL but sometimes he'll think of the really cute cat he saw on the street that morning and quietly go "... meow..." greyson catches it and is so in shock, but no one will even believe him if he talks about what he heard ("yvonne you're not gonna believe this i just heard dr. zayne meow" “girl what the hell are you saying”)

[cursedcola]

Pov. : Valentines! Who doesn’t like a lil’ gift huhu Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Characters: Epel Felmeir, Idia Shroud, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al Asim, Ruggie Bucchi, Deuce Spade, Leona KingScholar, Sebek Zigvolt, Liia Vanrouge, Ace Trappola, Grimmiepoo, and Malleus Draconia. Masterlist: LinkedUP A/N: I’ve always wanted to draw something with an imagine set ^^. Some are longer than others, my bad. Happy Smoocharoo day, everyone. Writings for each square are below the cut.

Pov. A Valentines Surprise :0

Mans was not expecting a present. At all. This is his first year beyond Harveston, where the most romance going on is between the squirelles in the trees. Since Valentines day is a ‘our-earth’ holiday…well, Epel definitely is a bit dense. You might mention it in passing but he won’t think much. Especially since the topic isn't re-occurring. It's definetly there in the back of his mind, but he forgets until the day of.

On the opposite spectrum - Rook clung to the idea like bees to a fresh bloom. He gave out flowers to anyone who crossed his path - all in the pursuit of spreading joy. Vil gets a giant bouquet of roses, but Epel’s happy with his little bushel of lavender sprigs.

It's kinda nice to get a gift just because - y'know? He isn't going to prepare anything since he doesn't want to lose his 'macho bravado'. Yet Pomefiore gets in the spirit hardcore, so he can't escape it.

Whether it’s obligatory, or romantic - Epel’s grateful to get a gift from you. Flattered. Dare I say puffing up just a lil’ bit, because you ain’t giving this to anyone else, right? He’s getting a bit cocky on the inside, look out.

To get a gift on a day like this one, you have to think he's cool. At least better than the others. His competitive streak comes out a wee bit.

He’d have accepted your last cup noodle as a gift (taking great effort to smuggle it in to Pomefiore without being policed. All he wants is one. Just one. ) - but the fact you went out of your way to get macarons makes him feel all sweet inside. Like honey-crisp jam and clotted cream over warm biscuits. He tries to push that feeling down but it just takes over.

Especially when Ace tries to snag one for a taste. Epel should've known better than bringing it to lunch. He let it slide since Ace couldn't come to Fleur city with them, but you bet he was guarding that box like a bloodhound.

Out of all the trouble that came from Fleur city - you remembered his preference and that’s enough to make him accept the gift without a peep. Expect a freshly baked apple pie on White Day. He’s not much for words, but Epel will pull out the best apples for it. No bruises or soft spots.

Idia.exe has crashed. Please reboot and try again.

Seriously. He opened the door expecting Ortho with his monthly snack restock - just to get ambushed! You can’t just pop into a guys safe space without warning!

Aka. Ortho indeed came back with his delivery + 1.

Knowing Idia and his tendency to self-sabotage….yeah, it’s best not to breathe a word about the holiday in advance. He’s not exactly prying for information on ‘our-earth’…well, aside from our tech and a bit on your personal lore. Everything else is on a need-to-know basis.

Considering Ortho brought back a signed card and a few extra bags of gummy worms than he ordered? Now is definitely part of the ‘need-to-know’. Sparing his crap attack by not dropping in personally just causes more anxiety - because is it obligatory? Is it romantic? Does he want it to be romantic?

Ofcoursehedoesbutthatsopeningapandorasboxthatheisntemotionallyreadytoconfront

Holy shit you got his favorite brand and - did he ever tell you that? Have you been watching him like he’s been -

Oh man. Oh man. This is way too much for something he can’t even research - and now he’s gotta get you something back, right? He knows exactly what you’d want but ew why would you want a Valentines gift from someone like him. He can get Ortho to grill you, right? Right. But it can’t be too obvious and he needs to say thank you but can he just send a text or is that lame?

Expect Ortho to drop off a gift-card for one of the systems Idia gave you back in CH.6…and a bag of candied pomegranates. Some sugar coated, some covered in dark chocolate. Definitely higher quality than anything you could afford.

You mention the holiday when discussing the opportune market back in ‘our-world’. Azul does have a nasty habit of making everything about work - even if you’re just stopping by for a spot of tea. Unheard of by any other student.

Alas. Holidays are a great chance for promotions. You’ve seen festivals and the like in Twisted Wonderland - but there are some tips and tricks to contribute. Like how western culture has totally whipped consumerism in gear with a holiday tacking a price tag on love and affection

Whether you buy into Valentines Day or not - Azul does not forget, and tries to establish a bit of a promotion at the Lounge. Hard to do in a school with nearly 100% male population…but he does manage, there are many forms of love other than romantic. It’s also easy to prey on lonely shmucks feeling down on their luck -

*sigh*

Despite remembering the day and campaigning for it - Azul isn’t prepared to receive a present. Not one without strings attached. It’s nothing much. A singular piece of rich, creamy cheesecake, wrapped in a neat little box with his name scrawled on a gift tag. Just enough to indulge but not tempt him to gorge. The perfect sweetness for someone like him to kick back at his desk and enjoy a brief respite.

Has consistently inviting you over for tea finally worked? All those nights of meticulously planning, trying to gather notions and novels while not overbearing you…like fishing. Carefully reeling in and letting loose until you willingly came to him

…no. He mustn’t assume. He will not. This could be obligatory, friendship….familial? No. Certainly not yet.

For all his predatory behavior on those lovesick ‘shmucks’ - Azul enjoys that piece of cheesecake with a bit more gusto than he’d let on. On White Day, do accept a ‘traditional’ assortment of cookies and chocolates, alongside a private dinner reservation.

Oh sweetheart, he’s already way ahead of you. This sunshine never forgets a single holiday. Any chance to celebrate is always taken. He was the first to ever inquire about what parties and events people in ‘our-world’ follow, or at least the ones you do.

Kalim likely picked out gifts in advance - some for his friends, his dorm-mates, a special thank you for Jamil…

And you, of course. The main focus of Valentines is romance, eh? You think he’s going to let that chance slip through his fingers? Especially if you’ve never gotten anything for Valentines before. You’ll be setting off to go track him down, just to find him carrying a teetering stack of boxes up to Ramshackle. Grim’s already drooling.

Part of him wanted to make something with his own two hands. Yet with limited experience in the kitchen, his options were small. He also didn’t want to frustrate Jamil by making a mess…but isn’t the point of this holiday to make one’s feelings clear?

Enlisting help also wouldn’t do. He had to do something on his own. Kalim can buy you the world, but some things need to be done with a man’s own two hands.

Inside the smallest box on the very top is a paper elephant that Kalim folded himself. It’s nothing extravagant, but he’s done crafts with his siblings before. Rather than toll away in the kitchen to come up with something near inedible, Kalim wanted to do something with his skills. Something fun and unique. You can fold it down too, so it can be stored away somewhere safe.

The sight’s a bit intimidating, especially with your small bouquet of yellow and roses, partnered with a few sprigs of baby’s breath. Yet Kalim looks so pleased to bring you his gifts, it’s hard to feel anything but happiness. Especially when he takes one look at the flowers and near bounces to the clouds.

Sure, you might’ve given little gifts to your friends but no one else has flowers. You thought of him first!

Does that mean he’s special? He sure hopes so. Part of him wishes he got you more gifts, but he had to stop somewhere. Otherwise you’d feel overwhelmed…

Guess you’ll both have to do something for each other on White Day though, huh? A banquet for two sounds perfect to his ears.

Ruggie's easy to please. If it's free, he'll take it. You could have offered up the last soda in your fridge, and he would have took it without a second thought.

Problem is - nothing's 'free'. He knows you're not like that - the cunning type (like him) - at least when it comes to abusing others for personal gain. Socially, to be clear. Aka. You know the struggle of scraping coins together to get by, so he's 99.98% sure you're not one to toss a gift his way just 'cause you don't want it anymore. You're also not abundant in resources - so you wouldn't use money to butter him up like Leona does. Maybe a bit of pulling the heart-strings (which regrettably works, not that he'll ever admit it).

Which is why he's doing a lil' mental rodeo when presented with heart-shaped cream donuts. Not the cheap kind either. The good ones. Glazed with cholate, stuffed with vanilla custard, and a dollop of whipped cream on top with a cherry. He won't look a gift horse in the mouth, and takes the basket like you're handing over gold.

For something this good, you've gotta have a good reason. It's not his birthday. Not a holiday he knows about. He hasn't helped you out at all either - at least, nothing out of the ordinary. He'd be super suspicious if this was literally anyone else.

Let's just completely bypass the heart-shape and nervousness bleeding out as you hand the goods over. Ruggie knows better than to hope for a good thing.

He just chalks it up to you spending too much time picking up baking tricks with Trey - ya do hang around Heartslabyul a lot. Ruggie's admit to enjoying a good donut - maybe you were using him as a test dummy for a recipe? Yeah. That's it. He won't get ahead of himself. He'll totally be chowing down on these later, and stuffs the box away for safe keeps (Savanaclaw bros will eat anything).

When he's in the clear? Happily downing his spoils in the sanctity of his dorm, chilling by the waterfall in the lounge? Jack pops in,, spots the donuts, recognizes the wrapping, and comments that they're different from what everyone else got.

and thus - Ruggie learns about Valentines day...and recounts the encounter with a new perspective.

Ruggie acts nonchalant about it. He was already savoring the donuts, but now he's eating slower. Reallllly thinking it over....he's not dumb, y'know.

You might have slipped by him this time, and as a bit of payback he'll reign himself in. It'll be fun watching ya stumble here and there for a bit - knowing he's got the 'good thing' guaranteed.

For White Day? Expect the tables to turn with a pack of sugar cookies - what? They're quick, simple, and sweet. Oh, and they're shaped like hearts too. Familiar? Take that as ya will, shishishi~

Well-informed about Valentines Day. Grim would not shut up about it for an entire week with all his whining and bemoaning about being surrounded by candy that he couldn't eat. Not if he wanted to keep living in Ramshackle.

Deuce thinks it's admirable that you prepare gifts for everyone. Group mentality, y'know? Making sure no one gets left out...even the people who don't deserve that kindness. It's no wonder you're a prefect, even if it was by default.

Yup. Somehow the holiday inspires him. Deuce is invested and supportive. He offers to keep Grim on lockdown at Heartslabyul if you really want to protect all the goodies. Just in case of sticky paws.

Also? Deuce will do anything to make you feel a bit more at home. Seeing you so excited to celebrate something from your world, especially after adhering to Wonderland's festivals (starsending, harveston sledathon, cloudcalling etc) - well, it would be shitty of him not to be supportive. Do you want help passing out gifts? You helped him collect wishes when he was a stargazer, it's only fair.

Imagine when the day comes and everyone's received their little baggie of treats - Deuce is left with one short. He made sure that everyone got their share first, and was happy to have helped despite being disappointed that he was one-short. He thinks you've miscounted and it was on accident. Not for a moment does Deuce think you would intentionally forget him.

Which is exactly why he doesn't say a word. Seeing you happy an being a part of your holiday is more than enough for Deuce. It's corny, but your smile is his present. He'd rather swipe some of Ace's and fib than make you feel bad for miscounting.

Except you didn't miscount. When Deuce heads back to his dorm for the night, he opens his bag to see a surprise slipped inside the outer pocket.

There's a small card, explaining that it felt unfair for everyone to get a surprise but him. Expressing gratitude for his support - both for helping celebrate Valentines and as a friend. Also that his gift was 'special,' and you wanted to spare him the awkwardness of receiving it in front of everyone.

He wonders what kind of 'special' you mean. Deuce pulls out a box of creme filled chocolate eggs. While the bags he passed out earlier were all exactly the same in quality and size - this gift was different.

Different. Special. Cute. Thoughtful. Romantic? If his gift was 'special' compared to everyone else's....

His roommates find Deuce passed out in an emotional sugar coma on the ground. No one moves him. Ace gives you crap for 'running juice-y ragged' the next day and gets pummeled for it.

Deuce tries time and time again to see if your gift meant more...but ultimately fails. His seniors can't watch him flounder anymore, and on White Day he steels his courage. Ready for battle, Deuce offers a bouquet of wild flowers and heartfelt sentiment.

Impressing Leona is both the simplest and most daunting task. What can you give a man who can purchase anything he wants on his own?

Wholesome Sincerity.

Leona acts uninterested when discussing your world - and for the most part? It's not feigned. He grows curious when politics, sports, world progression (research, etc), and how function without magic works. Good examples could be American Football and Rugby - which play similar to Spelldrive and pique his tactical mind. Also diplomatic relations between our countries, the use of differing energy sources other than magic, etc. The stuff a prince who wants to improve his homeland would want information on.

He does not care about celebrity fads or a famous gorilla named Harmbe.

Using this logic, you'd assume he wouldn't want to hear about a commercialized holiday like Valentines Day...right?

Partially correct.

No, he does not care about capitalism preying on sweethearts and monetizing love. Waste of his brain space. What Leona does care about is your investment in the holiday. Just like how he'll have one ear tuned in during those rare moments you let information about your life before Night Raven slip out.

You don't breathe a word about celebrating the holiday to him, but Leona expects a gift. Cocky, sure. He just knows ya too well, sue him. Even though you don't mention giving presents out, you bring up the holiday one too many times when chatting with others in his vicinity. Unlike the fresh meat, he doesn't need to be told straight out when cogs are turning in your head.

So he's plays the quiet game all day. He won't seek you out, but he'll hang around spots you know to find him at. Ruggie pops in during lunch with a wrapped baggie of sweets in one hand and lo-behold, Leona was right. You were giving gifts out like the good herbivore he knew you were. A few look arounds while walking on campus show the same goody bag in roughly every 10th student walking around. All in freshman year, all you likely see in class. With the exception of more obvious relations such as the...eugh...Leech Twins. It's hard not to know Floyd got something with his loud mouth and taunts.

All the same. Obligatory, he notes.

Leona spends longer than usual lazing in his dorm's lounge that night, resting with his eyes closed and lazing on one of the open rocks. A singular perked ear gives him away though, and it twitches when familiar footsteps approach.

Just as planned, you're leaning over him with that sickeningly earnest grin. All to eager to hand over one of those little bags of chocolate he's seen -

Except you set a large, heavy box on his stomach, and he can't maintain his indifference when faced with something....well, definitely not obligatory. An idiot would think this is obligatory.

Ceramic Sunflowers. Exactly six of them in a small white vase. The paint job is shoddy and honestly Savanaclaw is not a place to keep fragile items. He kind of wants to, since the only place you could get a kiln for this is the Gargoyle Studies Club...the thought of that lizard showing you how to carve clay taints the gift just a tad.

Except it's entirely novel all the same, and the hidden meaning is blatantly obvious too. Sickeningly sweet, he might lose a fang. Giving a gift like this to someone like him...with that poorly hidden affection.

He prepared a return gift in expectation for your chocolates. He's a jerk but wouldn't put down your holiday...but before that, he'll ask straight out of this is romantic or platonic. No mercy.

If romantic? Well, he'll waste no time meeting your sweetness with a kiss, clasping a colorfully beaded necklace around your neck in the moment.

Tradition is meant to be honored! Just because you are no longer in your world, does not mean you can shirk your civic responsibilities!

It takes some effort to explain that Valentines is an optional holiday. That it is not celebrated in every country in your world, and that most people do not partake at all. No holiday is mandatory, although some are more widely advertised than others. The meaning behind those days changes by the person.

You can try using Malleus' birthday as an example - it's a big day in Briar Valley after all. It won't work, since Sebek thinks it should be celebrated worldwide and anyone from Briar Valley not doing so should be considered treasonous.

Regardless if you enjoy Valentines or not - Sebek will remember the day (as well as others you mention, and any traditions that you may consider important). He wants you to celebrate, and already told his liege. Malleus was all too eager to hear a bit of your past and is going to send a card. Are you going to not return his good grace?! That's unthinkable - you will celebrate and that is that.

It's important to note that Sebek honed in on the familial and friendship aspects of Valentines. Aka he heard about a chance to revere the people he cares about and went with it. He did not ignore the romance part. In fact, it wavered him enough for his thoughts to roam a brief moment. Then he forcibly snapped himself out of it, and returned to lecturing you about upholding tradition....

He doesn't intrude upon your home - isn't it expected for the giver to prepare their gifts alone? That is what gives the present meaning.

On Valentines day, he presents Malleus and Lilia with presents. Silver too...begrudgingly. Also small candies for his 'friends' since Lilia said it would be against the day's law to forgo them for his ego. Malleus gets the most though, since he is whom Sebek admires above all. Fair warning.

He is pleased to see that you've given out presents to the others as well. Proud, even. It is important to remember your roots and he is pleased to have played a part.

Which is exactly why Sebek proudly boasts a gift for you. It's not the small candies the others received, nor the lavish sweets given to Malleus. As per tradition, Sebek presents you with a heart-shaped box of mixed truffles. He does it in front of everyone else too...very loudly...and despite his insistence that your gift is different since you're a close friend to Malleus? That bright red blush creeping out of Sebek's collar says otherwise.

Emotions and admiration are not something to be hidden. Repressed? Perhaps, but not hidden.

So you give him his gift in turn. Somehow his heart pounds just as hard for your box of chocolates as it did for Malleus' card. He takes it with the stiffest movements you've ever seen, jerking like a toy doll. As if anything beyond a curt 'thank you, human' will cause him to combust

That's because it will. Just saying.

....oho?

Ah. What a precious holiday. Truly.

Lilia is always looking for ways to spice up life. Compliance and predictability are good - but do you know what's better? Fun. Sometimes it’s best to just ‘go with the flow’ as people say.

Your flow always has something exciting in it's path - but so rare does it involve lighthearted joys such as as sweets and love. What a nice change of pace, and novel too! Lilia can't help but grow curious when you tell his about Valentines. A baby that flies through the air and shoots people with arrows? Clad in a diaper? Don’t give him ideas. Maybe TWST could use a bat Cupid…

He’s eager when you invite him and his boys to a party. Malleus is overjoyed to have an invitation to Ramshackle, Sebek goes whereever Malleus does, and Silver wouldn't make light of an invite from a friend. You must be excited to host as well, no? Can he help at all?

He almost refrains from pulling mischief. Almost. In Lilia's defense, his intentions were pure. You wanted to share a bit of love with the people you cared about, no? It would be negligent for him not to do the same!

So….he prepares a special batch of brownies to the potluck. Made with the eggshells included for a crunch! And what’s love without a little spice? He added extra hot sauce for a kick. He just knows it will be a hit!

It was a ‘hit’ alright….you hadn’t the heart to tell him no, and Silver had no time to swap out Lilia’s batch for a palatable option. His brownies sat mostly untouched on the table for the entire party. He tried to steer some unfortunate souls friends towards them, but somehow they never met their mark. Cater tripped and dropped his on the floor. Kalim was a bit quick to add that he needs his food tested, and Jamil was always preoccupied somewhere out of sight. Grim wolfed one down but disappeared before Lilia could ask how it tasted.

At some point half the platter did go missing….Silver said that it was so good, he was the one to eat them. Well, he’s still growing. Lilia doesn’t mind but he should have saved some for everyone! This is a day meant to spread joy and love after all.

Luckily Lilia prepared. To be safe, he’d made an extra batch. One he intended just for you. He made this one extra sweet with roughly chopped coffee beans inside. The strong kind that can keep a horse for three days straight! With the most “satisfying” texture! He knew soldiers that would crunch these bad boys whole during the war, and you do have much on your plate these days. He cut them into hearts as well. Someone name a better use for his blade skills? He’ll wait.

So he leaves the party early, intent to let his boys have their fun and return later on in the evening. That night a tiny bat carrying such a heavy package zips through the kitchen window, nearly scaring the plates out of your hands.

Now. On one hand, you’re happy he’s returned. He left so sudden and you wanted more time together.

On the other?….it’s doomsday once you see that tray of brownies. Lilia is proud when he describes all the ‘beneficial’ ingredients and why he chose them just for you. It would make your heart throb if not for the fear twisting knots in your gut.

Lilia wiggles the platter just by your face, his impish grin pressing his cheeks plump. Only to be rendered stupefied when you pull out a plate of chocolate strawberries from the fridge.

These weren’t on the menu earlier. He’d recall such a cute assortment. The berries are all dipped in fun toppings as well - akin to a sweet Russian roulette packed with unexpected combinations. It seems you were more than saddened that he left early…his invitation extended past the pretense of a friendly party. The blush on your cheeks says as much.

As does a brownie from his earlier tray. You seemed to snag one, not wanting to eat it during the party aka wanting to have it when your stomach could perish in peace

While Lilia hadn’t been amiss to these developments in both your heart and his….well, he hadn’t expected a personal present. Perhaps some joking flirtations, but you were a sweet thing. Much more than he could expect, and Fae never take on matters of the heart with mirth.

This was your holiday, no? Just because it dabbles in amour does not mean you would intend to pursue a cheeky thing like himself….alas, he’s too cute to resist and so are you. Give him a moment to process and expect the party to truly begin

What are you waiting for? Have a brownie <3

Head of the ‘Gimmie Gimmie Brigade’. Ace isn’t invested, but he’s also not disinterested. Valentines seems like something people over at Royal Sword Academy would buy into. From the way you’re talking about it - a holiday meant to celebrate lovers and all the amorous things in life is way too goody-goody for Night Raven.

No one here’s happy enough to buy into that. Wait - no, scratch that. They’re all miserable but with a bit of tweaking it could have some merit. Thing is that people here are way too invested in themselves to ever pull a gift exchange or be open about their *gag* feelings

Of course, Ace only aims to shut you down when it comes to spreading the love with campus. You want to keep it within Heartslabyul? Better yet, just between the two of you? He’s all for it. We all know he’s just talking it down to look cool. This is his plan from the get-go.

Hey. Think you guys could get a holiday excuse from class? Is this a religious thing? No? Damn. Can you lie and say it is?

Ace knows you’ll go out of your way to make something for everyone - if ya do it at all. Which is likely since once an idea gets set into that skull of yours, Ace knows it’s better to just ride the coaster than try to hop off…

For a holiday meant for lovers, you’re sure dense. Has he told you that you’re a Dummy yet? Yeah? Well he’s going to say it about every other hour, because you’re completely missing his signals. It has to be on purpose. He is absolutely sure that you’re screwing with him, making candy for all these other dudes.

For all his complaining, Ace isn’t going to let anyone ruin your holiday spirit. His protective side comes out and Ace is right there doing the delivery route too. He’ll hand over the candy on your behalf to anyone that even looks like they’ll give a bit of lip. A bit more harsh than necessary too, with his little challenging squint. Again. He seriously thinks you should’ve kept this to Heartslabyul and maybe your close friends…other dorms don’t deserve it.

He also makes a point to enforce that it is obligatory chocolate, given as a gesture of good will as a new Ramshackle Holiday. So no one gets any funny ideas…chk. Dream logged bastards.

As part of the gimmie gimmie parade, he expects a gift of his own. Ace makes sure to snag one (or three) of the candy bags while you guys walk around….and for his leg work? He wants to sleep over. So you better give him the bed. He takes your easy compliance as a won victory, and sticks his tongue out to Deuce while packing his bag cause it’s ‘helpers only’ night.

On one hand? Bro is happy the day is done with. It was good giving a bit back and seeing you so happy. Although he will once again say that you shouldn’t have given chocolate to so many guys - just to really grill it in there before bed

Speaking of the bed? It’s so nice. Much better than a stuffy dorm with three other guys…that is, until you rip the sheets out from under him and send Ace’s ass to the floor. He’s this close to doing the same. His hand’s reaching over the bedside with malicious intent, but your head pops over the ledge and points to the clock

11:58pm - the day’s almost done, and you’ve got a last surprise for him. Tadaaaa! Cherry cordial chocolates. Just for Ace. Did you really have to push him out of bed for it? No, but he was a whiney jerk all day so you felt it was right.

Ace is peeved. Not enough to yank you down anymore, but he takes the entire box of candy and starts to eat them all in one-go so you can’t have any. They’re his, yeah? Special jussssst for him? Maybe this isn’t a bad holiday after all…so long as you don’t do anything special for another guy.

For all your ‘good will’…he’ll be happy to drag you along to an ice-cream parlor on White Day. With a bit of wordplay, getting the day placed as mandatory activity is a breeze.

The only way to catch Malleus by surprise is when he’s most vulnerable. Aka…morning hours. Surely he lets his guard down more when it is just you and him, but there’s still decorum. There is still calculation. There is still a working braincell in his head.

And oh do you wish to surprise him. Just once in this lifetime. He loves hearing stories about your world and sharing thoughts. You couldn’t spend the winter holiday together. Everyone left campus and so you partied with Grim and the ghosts….but now there is a chance to give Malleus a cultural experience!

Which means you will need to enlist help. Insert Vanrouge, who unceremoniously hints that the dear Ramshackle Prefect is freezing their tukus off in a dorm with only a hearth to heat the building.

Hook. Oh, woe is the prefect. Humans can get sick from the cold and even die from hypothermia.

Line. Despite the fire fairies working hard to maintain NRC’s temperature during the cold months, Ramshackle is still on the tail end of their list. Other dorms take precedent due to their population.

Sinker. The poor prefect, all alone in that large building. They toughed out the winter but there’s supposed to be an unexpected ice storm this weekend! Possibly the biggest that the Isle has seen in years! Hopefully they stocked up on firewood and safety gear.

And thus, an invitation was extended.

Malleus is hardly one to insist, then again he’s rarely denied. Yet your body is a temple and he would love to have you as a guest. Better yet, transfer to Diasomnia? No? Okay. Guest will do. You can even stay in the room next to his. It’s been empty since his enrollment, and he will personally see to your safety.

Little does he know that there will be no ice storm, you are as fit as a fiddle, and Lilia will do anything to give Malleus a fun surprise.

Truth be told - Malleus thought you were a bit quiet. Mayhaps secretive. At first he thought you felt intimidated by his dormitory, and it saddened him so. He did lay the invitation on thick but it was for your safety! You wouldn’t let anyone carry your bags, not even when he offered to teleport them to your quarters.

While you chat the first night away, sipping tea and enjoying each other’s company in the lounge…a rare evening for him indeed. He quite likes the sight of you in Diasomnia with him. Regardless, Malleus goes to bed with a disquieted heart. He hopes you like it here, and that he won’t feel off-put when it is time for you to go home. Malleus remembers how he felt when you disappeared to the Isle of Woe. It was unpleasant to say the least.

Unsuspecting and a bit miffed from missed sleep - Malleus wakes the next day with an unceremonious stretch and yawn. He’s about to get ready for the day when there’s a loud string of crashes and thuds from the next room. Needless to say, he forgoes to even put on his slippers before teleporting over.

….

Concern is definitely a word that describes one of the various emotions going on. Bewildered is another. Also something else - lacking definitim and unfamiliar. It teeters somewhere on the cusp between good and bad. A weird, twisted fondness that he’s only felt in your presence on occasion.

You stacked a chair on top of the dresser, trying to hang paper streamers of hearts and snowflakes across the ceiling. Grim was hissing curses while trying to lift said dresser off you, because the whole thing came crashing down in the process.

Along with the curtains. The rod barely clung to the window, with one end hanging in the air. A splatter of melted icecream cake streamed down the wall and onto the floor. It left stark streak of red against Diasomnia’s brick

Your expression - utterly horrified. He can ascertain that without any hints. Not with fear but just complete mortification. Malleus has no idea what’s going on, but it’s so ridiculous that he’s biting down laughter while levitating the dresser back to it’s normal state. His brain was lagging behind just -

What lets him loose is the little ‘surprise?’ you squeak once freed - which is is nothing but a grasp at straws as you try and fail to salvage the wall cake. By the time Lilia comes to check on your ‘progress,’ he finds Malleus laughing harder then ever.

All this just to surprise him? Oh. Please tell him the entire story from idea to execution. People go to extreme lengths for Malleus all the time, but this is just something so entirely….hm. That feeling isn’t going away. It seems all he needs to do is think about your clumsy efforts and it comes around again.

This is a gift in itself. He must know how to reciprocate appropriately, so what do you wish for this ‘White Day’? He hasn’t been this excited to gift something in quite some time.

Special Mention : Grim!!

This little shit.

This smug little shit.

Grim thinks he’s sooooooo smart. Doesn’t matter who you’re making treats for - he’s claiming tax on every bag. It’s a one for you, one for me scenario.

Every batch of chocolate prepared comes with that forsaken paw stretching up past the counter, the ‘gimmie’ motion is getting old. He needs new tricks or else you’ll swat him with the rolling pin next.

Valentines day? That’s another human holiday, huh? He ain’t heard of it….but if it’s important to you, then he’ll bite. It helps that he gets free food out of it.

And tuna. Lots of tuna. Grim doesn’t want to see you give ANYONE else a gift that’s bigger than his. They don’t deserve it. None of them do. Maybe Ace and Deuce….and Jack, but that’s it. Even if they get somethin’ big, Grim’s should be better

Which is exactly why by the time Valentines day comes, he’s on his ‘nth’ can of tuna and you physically have to take privilege away before your pockets go dry.

Why’s it like this? Because you’re his henchman. You shouldn’t love anyone else more than you love him. You’re a team.

He sees you give the ghosts chocolate and tries to swipe it. They can’t even eat the stuff! Why bother?

Thus, Grim gets his little but chased out of the kitchen…and the dorm…and all the other dorms since he’s tailing your delivery runs

Grim doesn’t care too much about the meaning behind Valentines day. Yet no one getting your candy better be ungrateful, or expect anythin’ more than obligatory gifts. He has claws and will use them. He ain’t known his ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ too well before NRC…but these guys better use it or they’re getting fried tooshie instead of sweet nothings.

And at the end of the day? He doesn’t have much to offer ya in return, but there’s a stack of ‘favor’ coupons smacked over your head right before bed. Isn’t a big stack, since Grim can only tame himself so much…but they’re exchangeable for good kitty behavior! There’s one for uninterrupted studying, one to have the bed to yourself for a night, one for a free delivery, and a few chore coupons. His handwriting is hard to read, but you assume Riddle helped with the arrangement from the nice stationary and perfect spelling.

Don’t go using them all at once either!…by the time he’s done bashfully giving you his ‘perfect’ gift, Grim’s already curled up next to you and passed out cold. It’s a food coma for the books.

[agirlwithglam]

🎀 The It Girl Lifestyle Guide 🎀

hi girlies! this guide is a part of the big series: The Ultimate It-Girlism Guide. in this mini guide i'll be including all things health, morning/nighttime routines, and more!

How to create your ideal morning / night / any other routine:

Here’s a mini step by step guide to curating a routine that works specifically for YOU, tailored to your own needs and wants. This can be for any routine u wanna create: morning, night, after school, after work, before school/ work, etc etc.

Apps / things needed:

ChatGPT (or an AI like that- it’s not completely necessary but it’s useful)

Notes app / docs app. (Or a pen and paper- this will be to write down the routine!)

Calendar app (optional tbh)

Ok so first off: decide what you want in your routine. Make a list in no particular order of what you need/ want in the routine.

Some examples:

Once you’ve created this list, you’re pretty much half way done. In this next part you can use chat GPT to make it easier, or use your own mind.

The next thing to do is: ask chatGPT to make a routine with the steps u wanted.

Make sure to mention what time your routine starts and ends. And if there’s anything you want to change, you can just ask the AI or make those changes yourself!

The last step is to write it down!

You can either write it down on the notes app, docs, on a journal/ piece of paper, anything that’s easily accessible to you. I heavily recommend writing it down somewhere, but if you dont want to you can…

Put it into your calander. This can help you be a bit more organised, but it’s not completely needed. As long as it’s written down somewhere- so you dont need to always remember it- you’re good.

Health and wellness

In this section, i will be talking about fitness, mental health and physical health. I will mention some useful tips to finally start, how to overcome procrastination, and how to take care of that area of your body.

1. FITNESS.

Numero uno: fitness! I’m not going to go yapping on about how fitness is so important- im assuming you all know that by now. But let me just remind you that staying fit is not only exercising or going to the gym everyday. It can be: running, going for a walk, playing a sport, yoga, pilates, dancing, cycling, and THE LIST GOES ON. DO anything that moves your body and gets you fit!

Here are some tips to help you get started:

Start small. Set small goals first. Set SMART goals

Choose the activities you enjoy. Like i mentioned earlier, there’s tons of ways to stay fit- cycling, running, swimming, yoga, dance, sports, etc. etc. (if you like, joining a class or working out with friends can help you stay motivated!)

Stay consistent. I know i know, this is said everywhere. But there is no progress without consistency. Even if you can’t do a whole workout one day, try and do 10 jumping jacks, or 5 pushups. Do whatever you can. Remember: 1% is better than 0.

Create a vision board. You can create one yourself, or find tons of them off Pinterest. Vision boards will make the process so much more fun and will certainly motivate you.

Set a reward system. Tell yourself: if you do this high intensity workout now, you can go to the spa later or watch tv.

Find a why. This goes for like everything tbh. If your why is big enough, you are capable of doing anything (even finding that lost book that you owe the library!) basically, are you doing this to get ripped? With tons of abs, or to get strong and impress people? Or are you doing this to boost your self esteem and improve your health?

2. FOOD & NUTRITION.

Balanced diet: eat the rainbow! Meaning- eat meals with a variety of different colours. Fruits, vegetables, proteins, carbohydrates, etc. it’s completely alright to eat a chocolate, but remember: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION.

Hydration: aim for at least 8 glasses of water a day. Trust me, drinking the magical potion that is water will help you SO much! It can help you clear your skin, have pink uncrusty lips, keep you fit and soooo much more.

Mindful eating: in the book IKIGAI it is said that you should only eat until you’re 80% full. Not 100%. Why? Because the time it takes for you to digest the food will have already made you extremely full. You may even have a stomachache. Studies also show that cutting back on calories can lead to better heart health, longevity, and weight loss.

Here are some tips to manage cravings:

Find healthier alternatives. If you are craving something sweet like chocolate, have something like a sweet fruit. If you crave something salty, try nuts. If you can’t think of any, search up some healthier alternatives to it!

Create more friction for junk, and less friction for healthy. This concept was said in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. What does it mean? Make sure that it takes a lot of energy to get the unhealthy junk food. Maybe keep them high up in a cupboard so whenever you want it you have to go get a ladder, climb up, and then get it. And keep the healthy food in easy reach. Like some fruits open on a table, etc. (also remember to keep some actually yummy healthy food like Greek yogurt or protein bars.)

Distract yourself. Go do a workout or engage your mind in a hobby that you enjoy. Basically take your mind off food.

Yummy water. Make some lemonade for yourself. Or perhaps add slices of lemon, cucumber, mint or strawberries to it for some flavours. I’d do some research on this cus i know that some combos can rly help for things like clearing your skin, boosting energy, etc.

3. MENTAL HEALTH

Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health. It affects how we think, feel and act and also determines how we handle stress, relate to others, relationships, etc.

Of course there will be ups and downs for our mental health. It’s not something that you can just fix once and it’ll be good forever. No, it’s a rollercoaster. But having a “good” mental health is really important for a successful lifestyle.

Here are some tips to help you improve your mental health:

Meditation / deep breathing. I can’t emphasise how important this is. Even 1-2 minutes a day is good. Start small. You dont even need to be sitting crossed legged for this. Whether you’re in class, on a vehicle or in a stressful situation; just breathe. Take a deep breath, and out. Do it right now.

Journalling. Write. It. Out. Writing your problems and worries out is SOO therapeutic, especially when you want to calm down. There are SO MANY benefits to journalling. But remember that once you’ve ranted on the paper, tear it, rip it, and watch it burn. (Don’t keep a journal for this unless you KNOW 150% that no ones ever gonna read it. Trust me, it’s terrifying knowing that someone’s read that.) other things you can do is create a gratitude journal, so whenever you’re feeling low you can just go to it or write in it.

Self careee!! Create time for self care in your week. Because if you do that, it’s gonna be that one thing which you’ll be looking forward to each week, which will make life SO much more fun and bearable. For me, my forms of self care are watching thewizardliz or tam Kaur, reading, watching a movie at night, etc.

POSITIVE. SELF. TALK. Need i say more? What you say to yourself, is what you believe. And what you believe reflects in your external life.

Sing your heart out to Olivia Rodrigo. I swear this is actually so calming and therapeutic. Basically: express your feelings. If you’re angry at someone, feeling grief or really hurt by someone, screaming to Olivia Rodrigo songs in my bedroom is my go-to (i just make sure not to do it when others can here hehe). You can punch your pillow, scream, cry, etc.

Remember honey: this too will pass. Repeat that over in your head. This will pass. This will pass. This will pass. I know you may be going through the toughest time ever, but this too will pass. Nothing is forever. You’ve gotten through so much worse. You’ve got this.

!! Girls, please remember that these are just some tips. I am NOT a professional. If you really feel horrible every single day, go to therapy or counselling. Also contact mental health hotlines or emergency numbers if needed.

Mkay thats it! I hope this was of some value to you, and stay tuned for the next guide in the it girl series!

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Antivaxxers are not responsible* for the current pertussis outbreak. In fact, rich countries are! Here's how:

Whooping Cough, also called pertussis is back in a big way in the US right now. Other nations are also seeing outbreaks, particularly 'rich' or 'first world' or 'developed' nations. Wait what? Rich countries are having a bigger increase in whooping cough than countries with limited healthcare infrastructure? You're probably thinking 'ah, it's the antivaxxers, isn't it?' While they're contributing to the problem, but no, they're not in fact THE PROBLEM. In fact, even fully vaccinated people in rich countries are at risk for pertussis. The first thing to understand is that there are two 'generations' of pertussis vaccine available at present. Both are given in combination with tetanus and diphtheria vaccines. As far as I know, tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis are given together in every mainstream formulation of pertussis vaccine globally. The OG (first gen) pertussis vaccine was the DTP vaccine which contains a whole cell inactivated pertussis bacteria so when it is given, the body develops a robust immune response to every antigen (the thing your body can learn to make antibodies to recognise) on the surface of the pertussis bacteria. It is still used in countries where money is tight because it's cheaper to make and the immune response is robust and long-lasting--5-10 years depending on your source. Unfortunately, side effects were higher with the OG. Some children spike high fevers causing febrile seizures (which are terrifying even though they're benign), arm pain is more intense, and people feel worse after getting it. A miniscule number of children given the OG suffer encephalitis and more serious neurological effects, though most cases self-resolve. In rich countries, as the incidence of pertussis (and diphtheria and tetanus) fell with robust vaccination programs, people became more and more afraid of the side effects of the DTP vaccine. Those side effects sound scarier when there's lower risk of pertussis. There were also ever-growing antivaccine movements because since there has been inoculation (a precursor medical practice to vaccination that goes back all the way to ancient China) there have been opponents inoculation and vaccination. Antivaxxers are not new and modern. They have always been there and they were PISSED about the encephalitis. So both antivaxxers and provaxxers who were starting to forget how scary it is to watch a baby with pertussis said 'we need a better option'. This brings us to 2nd gen vaccines, the acellular pertussis vaccines DTaP and Tdap. The little a stands for 'acellular', meaning that there is no longer a whole dead bacteria cell as our antigen. We use specific cut-up antigens instead. Most formulations use 3-5 different antigens. This results in much lower side effects! Immunity without side effects is the goal! The problem is that this vaccine doesn't last as long. In fact, for 0-10 year old children, 98% are immune at 1 year after vaccination while 81% are immune at 5 years after vaccination. For 11-20 year olds, those numbers drop to 72% at one year and 42% at 5 years after vaccination. For people who are older, those numbers drop even faster. And the acellular vaccines aren't as good at preventing infection--they're more like the covid vaccines in that rather than stopping infection, they make the symptoms less bad. And those 3-5 antigens in the acellular vaccine are becoming less common on the surface of the bordatella pertussis bacteria. Yup. It's out-evolving the vaccine. So where does this leave us? 1) Make sure your pertussis vaccine is up to date. This protects you against the effects of a very serious illness. 2) If you have been exposed to pertussis TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT PROPHYLACTIC ANTIBIOTICS. After an hour in a room with someone who has pertussis, if your body doesn't have sufficient immunity there's up to a 90% chance of you getting it and you will be sick for months. This is one of the ONLY CASES EVER where you should be getting prophylactic antibiotics. Usually, I would say do not get prophylactic antibiotics. This is a special case.

3) If a third gen vaccine comes out (many are in development), update your pertussis shot! 4) IF YOU FEEL SICK AND HAVE A COUGH, STAY HOME. If you cannot stay home, then you should wear a well-fitted disposable n95, kn95, or surgical mask (in order of preference) at all times around other people. 5) Mask in crowded public spaces and on airplanes even if you feel well.

[samkerrworshipper]

underneath the surface pt.2

i wrote a part two to a fic? sorry what?

anyways loved will always have a soft spot for this! hope you all enjoy and lmk how you felt about it xo

warnings: soft smut & soft angst viewer discretion advised

Alexia knows she should be the brave face in this whole situation, she’s not the one sitting in a hospital gown on a gurney about to head into surgery, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s sizzling with anxiety. She doesn’t know why, there isn’t anything particularly terrifying about her circumstances, this is a routine surgery, the chance of complication is extremely low, the chance of death is less than 1%. She knows because she’s google checked five times in the last hour.

She’s trying to hide it, because she knows even though you are putting on a brave face you are secretly terrified. She’s been playing the chivalrous girlfriend. Trying to eliminate any outside stress so that you don’t have to worry about it, which is causing Alexia to stumble into a spiral of worries. She’s worried for you, she’s worried for the future, she’s worried about everything that moves and breathes.

Alexia can normally cope under stress, give her a game winning penalty in a world cup winning game and she’ll treat it with the same amount of composure as she would a penalty in a 20-0 friendly game.

Alexia stressing about you though, is a completely different story. She’s snapped at everyone in the lead up to this week, she’s shut down, she’s in her fortress and until she knows that you’re going to be okay that’s not going to change.

You’re the best thing that happened to her, and even though she has absolutely zero impact on what’s going to happen in the operation room she feels like if she controls all of the outside variables then somehow that’s her contribution. She wants to believe that if she can make everything on the outside right, then it’ll somehow change what’s happening on the inside, Alexia wishes deep down that she could fix it all and that this situation wasn’t happening.

Alexia doesn’t understand why you suffer so much from a disease that has no cure, she doesn’t understand why something so horrible exists and why you are plagued with it.

You don’t seem phased at all, like this is normal routine for you which is making Alexia feel even worse.

You’ve gone about your morning as usual, denying Alexia in every way as she tried to do random acts of service that were actually useless.

You’d quite literally breezed your way through it all and to the hospital without a waiver, no tears, no worries, no stress. It was a long time coming, Alexia appreciated the fact that from what you and google had told her, laparoscopy’s could be life changing for people with endometriosis, it could effectively make your quality of life during your period so much better. But it was still surgery, Alexia remembers when she had her acl surgery, she was a bundle of nerves to the point where her mami had to sit by her bed to stop her from hyperventilating whilst they administered the anaesthesia.

There is no clutching for Alexia’s hand, no desperate admissions of fear, no articulation of any anxieties or stress. You’re practically meditative, sitting on the hospital bed in your gown waiting patiently for the doctors to come and collect you.

Alexia’s walked herself through the surgery hundreds of time, when she can’t sleep at night it’s the first thing that her mind drifts to, there isn’t any set routine for a laparoscopy, it’s based on how much tissue has built up and where it’s built up. They won’t know until they open you up, from the limited amount of information Alexia has been able to extract about your past surgeries she’s figured out that for you in the past, it normally builds up in your pelvis, fallopian tubes, the ligaments around your uterus, your ovaries and the last time you had a laparoscopy they even found small clusters on your bladder, vertebraes and bowel. Hopefully, they’ll just find it around your uterus, but if there are signs that it might have attached to other organs then the surgery can become far more invasive and longer. Your doctor has said that in the best case scenario it could take an hour or two, worst case scenario it might take upwards of 5 hours.

At least two hours of Alexia falling deeper and deeper into her fear that something horribly bad is going to happen.

You’d encouraged her to touch base with her therapist in preparation, a proposal that Alexia had laughed at. She knew that you’d talked to your psychologist a day beforehand in preparation, and told her that if possible you’d like to follow up a few days after your surgery. Alexia had no reason to reach out though, she wasn’t the one who was having her reproductive organs sliced up, it was her job to make sure that you were able to achieve optimal recovery. Your health was Alexia’s biggest concern, she needed you to recover, she needed you back on the pitch with her, she needed you back to normal as soon as possible, so that all of her stress and anxiety about everything that was happening could dissipate.

“Alexia, you’re squeezing.”

Alexia looked down at her hand, it was resting on the outside of you thigh, her hand all fisted up in your skin and the paper thin hospital bedding.

“Sorry bebita.”

Alexia retracted her hand as if had been burnt, she felt horribly guilty about the selfishness of her feelings, it wasn’t right for her to be so twisted up in her own troubles. She wasn’t the one suffering.

She didn’t know how to explain it, she felt like a child with her hand between couch cushions, reaching for something and only grazing for the edge of it. She only grazed the edge of understanding what you were going through, it felt like she was eternally reaching for more, trying to feel it, and yet she didn’t have hands big enough to grab what she wanted. She didn’t have the tools to fix this, she didn’t have the body to understand what you were going through, she was left searching without any chance of retrieving anything.

“Alexia.”

Alexia looked up at you, there was something in your body language, like you were uncomfortable, or on the border of being uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry bebe, is everything alright? Are you comfortable? I’m sure they’ll be in soon to come and get you, I know you must want to get this over with.”

You roll your eyes, and Alexia is aware that it’s your way of saying no, but for some reason it cuts deeper for her, she’s so on edge, she’s been on edge ever since you got your surgery date and it’s all starting to reach a certain point that is pushing Alexia in ways she doesn’t understand.

“I want my girlfriend to relax. I’m going to be fine Alexia, nothing is going to happen.”

Alexia knows that factually you’re correct, but in Alexia’s imaginative brain she can’t wrap her head around the truth.

“I know bebita, I just want to make sure that you are feeling good, si? You’re comfortable? It’s important for your recovery that you feel as good as possible.”

Your roll your eyes again.

“Alexia, everything is perfect, it’s all fine. I’ve recovered from this same surgery two times, I’m prepared. You’ve made sure that when I get home I’ll be comfortable, I’ve walked you through what the next week might looked like. I’m prepared and so are you, everything is going to be fine.”

You’re eerily calm and Alexia can’t tell whether or not it’s a front to hide your secret insecurities or if you seriously are content with what you are going through.

She supposes that when you’ve been living with something so debilitating for such a long time that at some stage you get used to constantly being disappointed with your body and constantly knowing that it doesn’t perform the same way that other people’s do.

“I know bebita.”

Alexia doesn’t even sound like she believes herself.

“Do you? Because it doesn’t seem that way.”

Alexia doesn’t want you worrying about her, she doesn’t want you worrying about anything, she wants you to feel calm.

“Bebe, I’m fine. I know our plan, I was the one who made it.”

It’s a weel made plan. Alexia had spent weeks getting everything in line for this moment. You were both going to take at least a week away from football, two weeks if need be. Alexia would return after the rest period, to training until she felt like she was in a place to be back on the pitch. You’d come in with her on the good days, meet with the team doctors and work through whatever exercise that was allowed whilst also just reintegrating into the team. If it all went to plan you’d make your way back into team training at the six week mark, and if it all went to plan you’d be back playing around the eight week mark. For the first week, you would be on mostly bed rest. Alexia had already meal prepped your comfort foods and easy foods to digest for the first week, and she had no doubt that her teammates would drop some more food off. You would rest, allow yourself some grace to recover from what you were going through. Alexia would make sure of it. She didn’t know what you’re previous recoveries from your surgeries looked like, you hardly shared any details about your past with endometriosis but what she could gauge it musn’t of been a positive experience. She was determined to change that though.

“You’ve got nothing to be scared about Ale, I’m going to be fine. I can’t guarantee how happy I’m going to be once this is over but I’ll be okay. I’ve been here, I’ve done this before, it’s the same as every other time.”

Alexia doesn’t think she’s seen anybody go into surgery so casually, as if this is truly just another surgery for you, as if there is no magnitude behind what is about to occur.

“I know bebita, I know.”

Alexia reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze before bringing it up to her mouth and pressing a soft kiss to it. Her lips linger for a second, it feels good to know that you are here with her.

“Ms Putellas, it’s time to take her.”

Alexia looked up to the doorway, where one of your nurses was waiting.

She didn’t want to say goodbye to you, she didn’t want the waiting to start.

Alexia stands up, moving her lips from your hand and pressing them to your hairline, breathing in everything about you. The smell of your shampoo that she’d massaged into your hair this morning, the smell of your body soap, the warmth of your skin. It was all you, the you that Alexia knew, the you that Alexia loved so much. She had so many hidden insecurities, but her biggest one was that deep down this surgery was going to somehow change you, and when you came back different to how you currently would, you wouldn’t want her anymore.

There was no explanation, but it didn’t change what Alexia had come to believe.

“Alexia, I love you, I am going to be fine, I will see you in a couple of hours.”

Alexia didn’t know it, but you had your own insecurities. You’d never had anybody, friends, family, partners that had stuck by your side through all of your issues. Who was interested in a person who was completely broken from the inside? Why would Alexia want to stick around for all the troubles. It wasn’t easy looking after a person with a chronic disease, even with her limited amount of time dating you she’d hardly experienced the real struggle. Sure, she’d seen you on your period, but that didn’t compare to a lifetime of struggles.

Alexia had advocated for you, with the team, with the physios, with the coaches, with your doctors. But was she prepared to do that for the rest of her life? Was she prepared to sacrifice her own health at certain times to prioritise yours? It was the ultimate sacrifice, and even though Alexia was genuinely the best person that you’d ever met, yet you wouldn’t blame her for being unable to compensate for you.

“I know bebe, I’ll be waiting for you. I love you so much, it’s all going to be fine.”

Alexia pressed her lips to your forehead one final time, you didn’t push her when she took her time. Alexia’s lips shook against your skin, the quiver silent as she kept any emotion she had at bay. She needed to be strong, she needed to stay strong for you.

“Ms Putellas, one of the nurses will take you to the waiting room, a doctor will come get you when she’s done.”

Alexia finally pulled her lips away, it truly did feel like she was parting with you completely, like she was being pulled away from you completely.

The nurse reached for Alexia’s hand and she shook it free.

You frowned at her, like she was making this so much harder, it made her feel bad, but she needed this, she needed a moment.

“I love you.”

You let up on your frown.

“I love you too.”

Alexia nodded, if there were tears in the corner of her eyes then she had no idea, her focus was on you, only ever you.

Only when she finally felt comforted, did she let the nurse lead her out.

The nurses took you down one end of the hallway, and she dragged herself in the opposite direction.

The waiting room was the same as any other, random stock pictures of scenery from somewhere around the world, chairs that were more uncomfortable then any other surface, bright white lights that were bound to remind Alexia exactly where she was.

It was all uniform, besides her mother sitting in the corner.

Eli looked the same as she always did, her lips sitting in a content smile. There were big lines all over her face from her smiling all the time, it was the reason why everybody gravitated towards her.

“Mami.”

Alexia had known there was something slightly suspicious happening when her mother had been dodging her calls for the last few days. She’d assumed in typical fashion that whilst Alexia was looking after you, Eli would go into overdrive, cooking all the meals, helping Alexia. She hadn’t quite expected this.

Alexia had kept the details about your surgery vague with her family, she didn’t feel like it was her information to give away and also she wanted to keep some privacy. She knew it was going to be a tough period for you and also for herself.

“No, before you say anything, I am staying.”

Alexia smirks, pushing back the words that had already been on the tip of her tongue.

“You don’t need to be here, I could be waiting for while. I can call you when she’s done and you can come to see her.”

Alexia walks towards her mother, and she knows by the way that Eli is looking at her that she’s not going to be able to convince her to leave. Alexia’s stubbornness came straight from her mother.

“I will do no such thing. I shall wait here with you, I’m here to support my daughter.”

Eli nudges Alexia into the seat beside her.

“I’m not the one having surgery Mami, I will be fine waiting on my own.”

Eli slaps Alexia’s arm.

“Estupida. Tan estupida. When I was in hospital with your faher do you know how alone i felt? No, you will not be alone. Maria has gone to go and get coffee, we will all wait here together until she’s done. Comprendida?”

The tears that were in Alexia’s eyes a couple of minutes ago are back, the sick feeling of anxiety that’s been in her stomach all week, especially today suddenly feels less all consuming.

“You don’t have to do this alone, there are people here for both of you. There is support for you.”

Alexia nods, and for the first time in a while she actually feels like she doesn’t have to handle it all, like maybe she can off load some of the responsibilities that are making her chest ache with every breath she takes.

“Thankyou.”

As the doctors had told Alexia, the first week is by far the worst.

Your surgery ends up going for a lot longer then expected. As the doctors had expected, it hadn’t looked good, and it had spread to some of your organs. The positives were though that there hadn’t been any complications and they’d managed to remove all the affected tissue.

It had ended up being a day procedure and the doctors had cleared Alexia to take you home once you’d woken up and were eating and talking.

It had only gone downhill from there.

You were in a lot of pain, and pretty much delirious on the feeling of it and anaesthesia.

Getting you out of her car and into the house had been near impossible, carrying you was too uncomfortable for your incision, and walking was also impossible.

Eventually, with a mixture of limping, Alexia bearing all the weight for you and dragging you as carefully as she could she got you into your bed.

Alexia had set the house up so that when you were home everything would be easy, she hadn’t organised though for you to be completely immobile.

She got you set up underneath the blankets, allowing you to rest whilst she worked on making a light meal for dinner.

When Alexia came back, you were running a fever.

It was a low grade fever, something the doctors had told her to expect but it made her feel uncomfortable.

A fever was the first sign of an infection, and you weren’t awake enough to know what was going on. What if something bad was happening and she didn’t know? What happened if she didn’t catch it early enough? What if she was the reason that something bad happened?

Before Alexia could find the warning signs of slipping into her own brain she was falling deep into a fog of anxiety.

Alexia was the one who was responsible for making sure that you were okay. She thought that she’d worked out every different variable and issue that could arise, she’d promised you that she’d be there for you after your surgery. If she couldn’t help you with this though then was she really capable of dealing with all of it?

You stirred slightly as Alexia removed the thermometer from your lips, your eyes hazily opening up, looking at her with confusion.

“Hugs.”

It’s almost laughable the way that you whine at Alexia, the doctors had said that you would be pretty out of it for the first few days. You’d told Alexia that in the past, the first two or three days after your surgeries tended to consist of mostly sleep and adjusting to the pain of your healing incisions. After they had healed it was all upwards from there.

“How are you feeling? Do you want some more pain relief? Do you need some water? Food? You’re not feeling nauseous or cold?”

You shook your head, your lips morphing into a soft smile as you took in Alexia, all flustered and clearly worked up.

“Want hugs.”

Alexia was guarded, she always was when she was focused on protecting people. You didn’t want guarded Alexia. You wanted relaxed, homey, calm Alexia. The Alexia who would sit on the couch with you after a rough game and eat icecream, the Alexia who would silence her alarm on a morning workout day to stay in bed with you, the Alexia who just wanted to spend all of her time with you. You just wanted the Alexia that would put whatever you wanted above all else.

Alexia looks torn, really torn, like she knows that she should probably be caregiving in some way. She promised you though that she’d let you guide her through your process, that she wouldn’t try to control how you wanted to recover.

“Okay bebita, if that’s what you want.”

Alexia slips to the wardrobe quickly, pulling off her sweats in favor for changing them in for some softer pyjamas. She doesn’t know how long she’s going to be in bed with you but she assumes it’s going to be long enough that she’ll want to be comfortable.

When she makes her way back into the bedroom you’re waiting patiently, like you know that if you’d fallen asleep whilst Alexia was gone she probably would have gone off to tackle some non-existent chore to make herself feel better. Alexia rolls her eyes at how well you know her more unobvious traits and tells.

Alexia, without trying to shift the mattress at all, pushes herself under the covers of your bed. She’d made sure to put down fresh sheets, so it’s comfier and snugglier then it normally is. When you realise that Alexia is going to make no attempt to shift within cuddling distance you pull your arms out from underneath the blankets. Everything is sore and accompanied with a tinge of pain that makes your head hurt. It sucks. You want your teddy bear of a girlfriend to hug it away.

Even though it hurts, you reach for the hem of her sleep shirt, tugging it towards you. There is no power to your movements but there is a general message. Alexia shuffles closer to you, but still far away enough that you definitely can’t use any part of her body as a pillow. You don’t know why it hits you then, you know you’ve got a lot of built up emotions, and that hormonally there is so much going on in your body and the pain medication isn’t making it any better. You don’t know why, but all of a sudden the tears start to fall and you can’t contain the sniffle that you make.

“Bebita, what’s wrong?”

Alexia shoots up, ready to take action in whatever way is needed.

“Do you even love me? What person wouldn’t want to give their girlfriend a hug? I know I just had surgery and I’m digusting and haven’t showered and smell like hospital but can you not just give me a hug, is is that big of a ask?”

Alexia almost immediately recoils, the feeling that sets into her stomach is one of horror. Of course she wants to hug you. Of course she wants to love you, she’s just scared to hurt you.

“Bebita, no. It’s not about any of that, I just don’t want to hurt you bebe. I love you so much bebe, none of the surgery stuff bothers me, not in the slightest. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

At this stage you’re sobbing hysterically and Alexia feels so horrible.

“I know you didn’t want me to get the surgery, I know it was stupid but can you just hug me?”

Alexia genuinely does a double take when you say that, it’s a insecurity that you haven’t expressed to her at all and she doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

“Bebe, of course I wanted you to have the surgery. I can’t tell you whether or not it was a good decision for you, but for me it was a no brainer. Bebe, you were in so much pain, you were struggling so much and for me it was so hard to see you go through that. I don’t know why you’d think that I wouldn’t want you to get the surgery but I can tell you that any decision that makes you feel happier and healthier is always going to be the best decision. If this surgery makes you feel healthier and happier then why would it be stupid?”

You don’t really know what you are thinking or why you’re suddenly thinking all of these things but you just feel so wrong all of a sudden.

“You promise?”

Alexia smiles at you, finally leaning over into your personal space. She bring her hand up to yours and interlocks your pinky with hers.

“I pinky promise, now how about we work out that hugh that you want. I don’t want to hurt you, so what’s going to work best?”

Alexia reaches up to thumb away the tears that are still leaking down your face, you can’t control the random emotions that are flurrying through your body like a tornado.

“The doctor said I should sleep propped up, so I could lie with my back pressed to your front?”

Alexia figures that probably is the best way to approach this whole situation.

It’s not easy getting you to sit up for long enough for Alexia to slip in behind you, but you both reap the reward when you get to relax against each other.

Even though you’re wrapped in Alexia’s hoodie she swears that she can feel your bones relax against hers and even though she knows that you might be in pain she selfishly couldn’t care less. For the first time since she’d walked through the doors of the hospital this morning she finally feels like she can breathe, like she has you, like her inherent need to protect you from everything has finally been fulfilled.

Alexia worries about you more then anything else, when you get injured, when you’re sick, when you’re away from Alexia too long she worries. Her need to protect and care for you has only developed more over the course of your relationship, and when she found out about your endometriosis it doubled. She’s never worried much about anything besides football, and even when she worried about football it was never the same kind of worry, it’s more internalised stress about achieving what she’s set out. For you, everything is irrational, none of it makes any functional sense, it’s ridiculous. And yet she kind of loves it, because she knows that it means it’s all real, that her love for you is so real and true that she worries irrationally because the thought that anything bad could ever happen to you she knows that it would break her in ways she’s never been broken before. She saw it in here mami when here papi died, the way that she stopped being able to function in the absence of him, and god forbid anything similar happened to you Alexia knows she’d be the same.

There’s this thing about recovery, about recovery from a non-injury that makes your skin crawl. You’re not a good person to be around when you’re struggling, it’s the half the reason you’d kept your reproductive issues from Alexia, because it all made you grumpy and tired and borderline and fucking bitch. There was a pattern of shutdowns, emotional, physical, mental, every single time you had a slip or bad period. A surgery though, it was a whole different story.

By week two you felt pretty much back to normal, but as the doctors kept reminding you, you weren’t. That was the problem with internal surgery, eventually the outside of your body returned to feeling normal, but the healing process on the inside took ten times longer. Your scars were healed, even the swelling had started to go down, the pain was minimal but you were still healing.

By week 4 you knew that you were toeing the line of being a bitch and being intolerable. You stomped your way around the halls of the training facilities, annoyed with your lack of progress and the fact that whilst all of your teammates were out on the pitch, you were stuck indoors under the air conditioning doing the exact same pelvic floor exercises that you’d been doing for two weeks. You were now allowed to run on the treadmill, instead of the slow walk that you’d been doing for the past few weeks. It all felt like nothing though, like you were being pulled through hell with no real picture of when you would be allowed to return.

You’d known about all of this before your surgery, known that it was going to be a slow process. What you hadn’t realised though was just how lonely that process was going to be, nobody understood what you were going through. At least with injury there was common ground, everyone on the team had been through some kind of back setting injury that had them in the gym more then on the pitch. They’d never been sidelined for something inside of them though, something that was going to keep coming back and keep hurting them over and over again.

Week 5 was when you broke. There wasn’t any exact reason, maybe it was the way that Mapi continuously kept trying to get you to try some stupid gym challenge when she knew you weren’t allowed to, maybe it was the way that Alexia kept coming home everyday complaining about how the defenders couldn’t get their act together, or maybe it was just the overwhelming pressure that was starting to get to you.

All you know is that after a particularly hard day and Alexia groaning about the sprints they’d run after every drill on the way to the car, it had been the final straw for you.

The minute your seatbelt was fastened there were tears pouring down your face.

When Alexia reached out you smacked her hands away.

“Bebe, talk to me, are you in pain? What hurts?”

If you weren’t busy crying you’d probably slap Alexia for the stupidity she was exhibiting.

“No, no I’m not fucking in pain. I’m sick of you constantly fucking tell me about all of your problems and acting like I wouldn’t die to be doing what you’re fucking doing. I’m sick of everybody thinking that I can do everything that they are doing just because I look fine. I know I look fine, I know I seem fine, hell at this stage I’m pretty sure I am fine. I’m sick of feeling like I’m back to normal and being told that I’m fucking not, that I have to wait another week, that I can’t do things that are so normal to my life.”

Once again when Alexia tries to give you a hug you deny her, wiggling out of her hold as soon as she tries.

“Bebe, no recovery is linear or easy. Just because yours looks different to most peoples doesn’t make it any less valid. You need to be more gracious to yourself, you are going to get back from this. Just because it isn’t a normal process or what a recovery normally looks like for you doesn’t mean that you are any less entitled to your process.”

You know that like everybody else, Alexia doesn’t understand. Sure, she’s injured herself, she’s been through hell and back for her recovery. She doesn’t understand though what you feel, the immense struggle that you are going through.

“No Ale, you don’t fucking understand. There was no point in your recovery where you weren’t able to eat your favourite foods because your body didn’t react well, there was no limiting you from sex, there was no limits on what the unaffected parts of your body could and couldn’t do. There was no limits on how much time you could spend in certain positions or limits on whether or not you could fucking vaccum or carry something heavier then 5 kilos. You don’t understand, I have nothing to look forward to, i’m going fucking crazy watching everybody do things daily with ease that I can’t fucking do. My fucking body hates me, it betrays me everyday. And I can’t change that, I can’t do anything about that.”

Alexia forces herself to take a deep breath, to truly consider what you’re saying. She doesn’t want to invalidate you, not even remotely, she knows how easy it is for people like you to be invalidated because of your disease. She has no idea what you are going through, she can’t even begin to understand, and yet she’s been trying to. She’s been trying to empathise with what you’ve been feeling, she’s tried her hardest to force her feet into your shoes but the reality is that she will never be able to. Nothing is going to make her understand the magnitude of what you are going through, and she thinks that she needs to stop pretending that she does.

“You’re right bebita, you’re right. I’m so sorry, just tell me what you need, whatever you need and I will help you. I will try my hardest to do whatever it is you need. Just take some deep breaths with me, vale? It’s okay, the world isn’t going to end right here and right now, it might feel like it but I promise it won’t. These are fixable problems, we can fix this, maybe not right now which sucks but eventually this will all be fixable.”

This time when Alexia moves to hug you, you don’t flinch away. For the first fucking time in five weeks you be slightly heard, less alone and isolated.

You sob into Alexia’s neck, not caring that it’s making her neck wet and also your face. It feels good to let it all out, like all of the weight, all the words from your psychologist, from the doctors, from the physios, from your teammates, from the coaches, from Ale are slowly becoming background noise. All you want is for it to be background noise, for it to all disappear.

“We’re going to be okay bebe, you’re going to be okay, we’re going to work this out.”

Alexia doesn’t really believe her own words, she doesn’t know if everything is going to be okay, not remotely. She doesn’t know how to help you, after you became self-reliant after week 2 her job as your caregiver was pretty much nonexistent, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t still need help. It was all confusing, a back and forwards dance that didn’t really make any sense really. Whether Alexia had realised it or not though, she’d assumed that you were happy to do it alone, inadvertently. She was giving you your space to recover how you wished, even though it was clear that wasn’t necessarily how you wanted to go about your rehab.

When your cries softened Alexia let go a little bit, so she could look at you.

“How can I help bebita? Tell me what I need to do and I will do everything I can.”

Your eyes are all glassy and full of tears, it makes the hole of guilt in Alexia’s heart even bigger.

“I just want to play.”

Alexia furrows her face, because of all the things she can do, that isn’t one. She can’t clear you to play and she won’t condone you rushing your rehab to get back. She wants you to play, do desperately, but only when you’re at full health.

“I can help you with your rehab, bebita you can be cleared from the six week mark onwards, if you work really hard this week there is a chance you could be back in training next week. But you can’t rush yourself, I know you want to be back on the pitch, I want you back on the pitch. But you need to be ready, and right now you aren’t.”

Alexia thinks it might be a little bit too brutal, but the way you nod at her with real determination tells her that she’s said the right things, she’s supporting what you need whilst also being honest.

“I can’t get you back on the pitch but how about icecream, huh?”

You look like you might start crying again but after a few seconds you roll your eyes in the same way that you would to Alexia on any other day.

“It’s a wednesday, your cheat day is Mondays.”

Alexia shrugs, because cheat days aside, she’d break any and every rule just to see a smile on your face.

“Well last time I checked everyday is a icecream day, especially on wednesdays.”

Alexia’s goofy smile never leaves her face. It’s clear on your face though that you’re still worrying.

“Bebita, you can’t do anything about this. You just keep doing what you’re doing, even though it sucks and we wait until your six week appointment and hopefully you get good news. The doctors said if everything went how it should then next week should be when things start to pick up, you just have to trust the process bebe and it’ll all work out. Until it all works out, we have icecream, no?”

Your barriers break and for the first time since you’d sat down in the car you smiled at Alexia.

“Yes, we do have ice cream.”

Alexia had been forbidden from coming to your six week appointment, you wanted to do it alone, wanted to face whatever news you were given on your own and she respected that.

It didn’t make it any easier.

In the space of around an hour she had reorganised her wardrobe and then reorganised it again because she couldn’t handle not having certain things in certain places. She then moved on to folding all of the laundry, making sure her kit bag had everything that was necessary for the away game coming up and then out of pure desperation she moved on to cleaning all of the dishes.

She’d seen the way that the last week in particular had drained you, how everyday had been even more of a struggle. For the first few weeks, there had been moments of intimacy, moments of love and softness. All Alexia wanted was that back, she wanted to be able to love you and have you reciprocate it without withdrawing. She just wanted some part of you back.

When she heard your keys turning in the door, she tried her hardest to look normal, perched on the kitchen bench like a kid waiting for their parents to come home from work.

She listens to the sound of the door clicking open and shut, then the sound of shoes scuffing off, a bag being dropped and then your footsteps. Alexia’s heart beats faster and faster as she listens to you slowly get closer to her.

She’s rewarded when she finally sees you, and you’re not crying and don’t look like your about to punch something so she thinks there must be some kind of good news on the horizon.

When you spot Alexia clearly waiting for you, you almost laugh, she looks like she’s trying so hard to not ask you what she clearly wants to. She looks almost antsy.

“Hi.”

You keep walking, closer and closer, until your standing in between her legs and looking up at her from her spot sat on the counter.

Before she asks a question, you lean in, you need it. You need to feel Alexia in a way that’s been forbidden for far to long.

The kiss is breath taking, not to rough, not to over bearing. It’s just enough of everything that you feel like you’ve been missing out on. It makes everything better.

Alexia lets you take control, it feels good to not be out of control with everything that’s been happening.

Eventually though, when your hands move from her neck to the hem of her shirt, she pulls away.

“Bebe, I love you, but if you haven’t been cleared we should stop here.”

You roll your eyes and fish your hand into you back pocket, pulling out a folded up slip of paper.

“I think you’ll find that you have a girlfriend who has been cleared to return to all activities except games until I’ve gotten sufficient training hours, I’ve got the green light amor.”

Alexia pulls the paper from your hand, her eyes scanning every single word of the clearance form your doctor, making sure that you’re telling the truth. When she gets to the bottom, her face lights up and before you can say anything she’s standing up and lifting you in her arms.

“Alexia, put me down.”

You giggle as she balances you on her hip as if you are much smaller then you truly are, already walking towards your bedroom.

“I think it’s time to show my beautiful, patient, hardworking girlfriend just how much i love her, unless you disagree?”

You have no objections.

Alexia drops you down on the bedding as softly as possible, a big cheshire grin plastered across her face, like a huntress whose found her prey.

She joins you on the mattress, crawling up your body and kissing different places as she goes.

When she get’s to your head she presses her lips to yours, there isn’t any inhibitions or barriers, she kisses you like a person whose been so deprived of something that they’re craving it, like she’s greedy for you. Alexia moves her lips everywhere, your neck, your collarbones, as low as she can get until your tank top stops her and when she wants more, she gently tugs the top off.

Alexia worships your skin like it’s holy, she kisses and sucks and bites until your sweating and so worked up that you can’t think. When it starts to get to you, she unclips your bra, and that’s a whole other level of worshipping every inch of breast and then your nipples.

It’s glorious, 6 weeks of celibacy had been hell. Technically this would have been okay, but neither of you trusted yourselves to get to this stage and not go further.

So being here, being at this level of pure ecstasy and pleasure was everything you’d wanted and it made all of the tough moments feel so much smaller.

After she was sufficiently happy with her worship of your upperbody, she began her campaign downwards, spending time on your ribcage and stomach before spending extra time showering your incision with soft kisses.

It was something she’d done regularly since the bandages had come off, everytime you stared in the mirror for two long, or complained about how ugly it looked she would spend at least half an hour reminding you just how perfect your body was with certain scars. Those scars were proof that you were healthy and taking care of yourself and for Alexia that mattered far more.

From your incision it was down to the band of your leggings, which after a quick glance up to check you were still happy, she slowly peeled off.

“Alexia, enough teasing.”

Alexia pressed open mouthed kisses all along the outline of your panties.

“I’ve been away from your body for so long bebita, I’m just reintroducing myself.”

You rolled your eyes at the blonde, and were about to say something bratty but were stopped when she moved her open mouth a bit further down, just above your mound.

Instead of a bratty retort Alexia’s ears were met with the glorious sounds of little moans slipping from your lips as she teased you.

When you started bucking up into her, Alexia made the executive decision to move things ahead a bit quicker then she intended, after all she had plenty of time to do this, over and over again.

“You’ll tell me if anything hurts, si? If anything feels wrong say something, we’ll just stick to my mouth for now and work our way back up.”

You nodded at her, even when you felt good sex could be painful, it was a weird back and forth of you feeling good and then all of a sudden feeling bad. All you craved right now though was sweet release.

“Want to taste you bebita, god I missed tasting you.”

You swear your legs go numb and you almost orgasm just from her words.

“It might be quick, it’s been a long time Ale and I’m sensitive.”

Alexia smiled at you, kind and genuine like she had all of the time in the world.

“Just feel it however you need to, if it’s fast then it’s fast, whatever you feel just take it.”

You nod at your girlfriend before relaxing against the pillows on your bed, allowing Alexia to pull one of your knees above her shoulder.

The feeling of her mouth on you is truly the best feeling in the world, you don’t care how loud you are because the fulfillment you are getting has been so hard worked for that you can’t help but just enjoy it.

Alexia licks and sucks in all of your most sensitive places, places that have been untouched for so long that you’d almost forgotten just how good it could feel. When she pulls your clit into her mouth you see stars and you know that you aren’t going to last long at all, you gather Alexia can tell from the way that your octave heightens.

“Ale-Ale I’m going to cum.”

You can feel Alexia smirk against you.

Even though she knows that she’s able to satisfy you, there is nothing better then actually doing it.

“Go ahead bebe, I’m right here, you’ve been so good and patient. You deserve it, if you feel it just let go.”

You nod your head, biting down on your lip as you feel yourself getting closer to the edge, there is no hesitation from your edge, when she grazes her teeth against your clit you are well and truly gone.

Normally, you’d last more then one round, or you’d reciprocate at the least but before you can even try Alexia has you bundled up in her arms, pressing kisses all over your face.

You squeal and flinch but she doesn’t stop, not until your face is all red and your both relaxed against your pillows.

“You know how proud I am of you? You’ve been so good this whole process bebita, so perfect, so hardworking, so determined. You’ve pushed through it all, and you’re going to keep doing ti because your the toughest person I know, truly. I love you so much amor.”

You know that for the rest of your life, Alexia will take care of you, like nobody else. Underneath the surface she cares for you more than anybody else ever had and ever will.