coffee-mage-sans-caffeine

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

one of Matilda's most endearing beliefs is her strong conviction that all cats are her friends, especially Arthur. Arthur is especially her friend because he does not hunker and growl at her or leave when she looks at him and wiggles ever so enticingly, so she can feel confident that he wants her to kiss him through the bars of the cat gate. Because he loves her back.

No matter how many times Arthur yells, rocks backwards, and wildly careens from side to side when she does this, she persists in believing that he does this out of love, because why else wouldn't he simply walk away when she wiggles at him? No, no. He wants the kissing. No other explanation.

I keep telling Matilda he's blind, but it hasn't sunk in yet for some reason.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

you can hit it raw, i’ve got an IED

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

If they got a new car they also got a new plate. I'm not looking for the Ohio YAOIMOM

I know you're out there, somewhere on Tumblr. You have to be on Tumblr. You drive a red Prius. It proclaims you to be YAOIMOM. It was so excellent I had to pull over in stop and go traffic to take a picture of your car because it was pure perfection. I love you. I support you. I want to be your friend. You live for sure in my state and probably in my city and I want to hang out. You're clearly my kind of person.

If you see this and recognize yourself, reply or reblog if you want to be my friend. I'm not kidding. Let's get some kind of warm beverage at a neutral public space.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

fuck an "intended audience" how about we normalize engaging with new and unfamiliar art pieces on their own terms

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

when you're reading smut and that middle aged man has a little too much stamina

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

I did indeed not put the state in the hopes that YAOIMOM would not feel stalked. But she's so cool. Does she look as cool as she is?

I know you're out there, somewhere on Tumblr. You have to be on Tumblr. You drive a red Prius. It proclaims you to be YAOIMOM. It was so excellent I had to pull over in stop and go traffic to take a picture of your car because it was pure perfection. I love you. I support you. I want to be your friend. You live for sure in my state and probably in my city and I want to hang out. You're clearly my kind of person.

If you see this and recognize yourself, reply or reblog if you want to be my friend. I'm not kidding. Let's get some kind of warm beverage at a neutral public space.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

🦉

My partner critiques my fics in memes, I felt this on a very personal level.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Another clue!

I know you're out there, somewhere on Tumblr. You have to be on Tumblr. You drive a red Prius. It proclaims you to be YAOIMOM. It was so excellent I had to pull over in stop and go traffic to take a picture of your car because it was pure perfection. I love you. I support you. I want to be your friend. You live for sure in my state and probably in my city and I want to hang out. You're clearly my kind of person.

If you see this and recognize yourself, reply or reblog if you want to be my friend. I'm not kidding. Let's get some kind of warm beverage at a neutral public space.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

A clue!

I know you're out there, somewhere on Tumblr. You have to be on Tumblr. You drive a red Prius. It proclaims you to be YAOIMOM. It was so excellent I had to pull over in stop and go traffic to take a picture of your car because it was pure perfection. I love you. I support you. I want to be your friend. You live for sure in my state and probably in my city and I want to hang out. You're clearly my kind of person.

If you see this and recognize yourself, reply or reblog if you want to be my friend. I'm not kidding. Let's get some kind of warm beverage at a neutral public space.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

I did spatchcock but just used compound butter this year because I couldn't find pomegranate molasses.

So this morning I woke up ready to make the monster turkey in my fridge. I said to myself 'uuuuugh spatchcocking the turkey is so much work, I'm not going to bother this year.'

Then I went to my recipe box and pulled out the card for the really excellent turkey I made last year. It was an experiment and it turned out so good that I wrote down what I'd done after a couple glasses of wine and put it in the recipe box.

And reader, the first line of the directions. I read myself for filth.

[Image description: A small white recipe card on a grey background. Written on the recipe card in black handwriting is "Directions: Butterfly/Spatchcock the fucking turkey (Remember why you lazy fool). Rub Butter all over turkey, including under skin. Zest orange into Zataar. Drizzle the fucking bird in pomegranate molasses on rack over pan. Rub it in like lotion or whatever. All over. Pat zataar/orange blend all over. Cut orange in half, put under neck skin. Put OJ+Water in pan. Bake that bitch. (Watch pan keep wet) Gravy: Skim fat, use to cook flour (roux). Deglaze pan. Put juice in roux. Add Stock to get Consistency of Gravy. Devour."] First line. I can't stop laughing. Every time I glance at the card, I scream laugh hysterically.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

I know you're out there, somewhere on Tumblr. You have to be on Tumblr. You drive a red Prius. It proclaims you to be YAOIMOM. It was so excellent I had to pull over in stop and go traffic to take a picture of your car because it was pure perfection. I love you. I support you. I want to be your friend. You live for sure in my state and probably in my city and I want to hang out. You're clearly my kind of person.

If you see this and recognize yourself, reply or reblog if you want to be my friend. I'm not kidding. Let's get some kind of warm beverage at a neutral public space.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

one of Matilda's most endearing beliefs is her strong conviction that all cats are her friends, especially Arthur. Arthur is especially her friend because he does not hunker and growl at her or leave when she looks at him and wiggles ever so enticingly, so she can feel confident that he wants her to kiss him through the bars of the cat gate. Because he loves her back.

No matter how many times Arthur yells, rocks backwards, and wildly careens from side to side when she does this, she persists in believing that he does this out of love, because why else wouldn't he simply walk away when she wiggles at him? No, no. He wants the kissing. No other explanation.

I keep telling Matilda he's blind, but it hasn't sunk in yet for some reason.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Your annual reminder to butterfly or spatchcock your turkey. Yes, it matters.

So this morning I woke up ready to make the monster turkey in my fridge. I said to myself 'uuuuugh spatchcocking the turkey is so much work, I'm not going to bother this year.'

Then I went to my recipe box and pulled out the card for the really excellent turkey I made last year. It was an experiment and it turned out so good that I wrote down what I'd done after a couple glasses of wine and put it in the recipe box.

And reader, the first line of the directions. I read myself for filth.

[Image description: A small white recipe card on a grey background. Written on the recipe card in black handwriting is "Directions: Butterfly/Spatchcock the fucking turkey (Remember why you lazy fool). Rub Butter all over turkey, including under skin. Zest orange into Zataar. Drizzle the fucking bird in pomegranate molasses on rack over pan. Rub it in like lotion or whatever. All over. Pat zataar/orange blend all over. Cut orange in half, put under neck skin. Put OJ+Water in pan. Bake that bitch. (Watch pan keep wet) Gravy: Skim fat, use to cook flour (roux). Deglaze pan. Put juice in roux. Add Stock to get Consistency of Gravy. Devour."] First line. I can't stop laughing. Every time I glance at the card, I scream laugh hysterically.

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Just a short video of my card weaving in progress

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Yeah that tracks

[coffee-mage-sans-caffeine]

Which is exactly what I mean when I say trigger warnings/content warnings are massively misused. Everyone deserves a fair warning about something that can be confronting. That's not up for debate. I don't think they should be abolished! That would be silly. Some days, yes, people just can't deal with seeing a giant spider on their screen or they can't engage with diet culture. That's fine. But I see an awful lot of trigger warnings (and demands for trigger warnings) for medical horror or body horror for people who are just living their lives as disabled people. I see an awful lot of people refusing to engage with content that includes disabled people with visible differences because it's 'triggering' and guys. I get that it can be confronting. I do. But trigger warnings shouldn't just be there for you to never ever forever never engage with topics that you find confronting. Maybe try using them so that when you have a day where you can engage with the confronting topic, you purposely do. You might find new friends, new things you like, and new creators that you otherwise discarded as too triggering.

Scars? Not body horror. Limb differences? Not body horror. Facial differences? Not body horror. Feeding tubes, colostomy bags, etc? Not body horror. Movement disorders? Not body horror. Visibly disabled people just existing is not horror.