#but at the same time it's scary sometimes out there bc i'm bad at telling age and im in hag territory rn according to twt

[ame-to-ame]

apparently my personality was built for being a bassist

[lioma-art]

HERO X FAMILY Halloween episode

Let's face it: Halloween is HERE and I didn't even manage to start writing that episode in time, especially since I've estimated it at 3-4 chapters (12k words). So, I dropped the episode from my write / draw to-do list for now (but might pick it back up sometime).

Which is a little sad, because it would have been more of a Dadmight episode rather than a Toshinko one. And it has little grumpy Kacchan in it, too.

Anyway, for your pleasure, here's how the episode would have gone:

The story opens with Inko POV as she hears Mitsuki drag Kacchan up the stairs of the apartment complex. The two are bickering loudly. When Inko gets the door we find out that Mitsuki drops off Katsuki at the Midoriyas so he can go with Izuku to a Halloween street fest.

Katsuki wears a golden age AM costume and is upset about it, since he wanted to be his own hero, but Mitsuki thought grenade bracelets were stupid and that's what their fight had been all about. Izuku is dressed as Silver Age AM (a gift from Toshi) and Kacchan points out that there can be only one number one.

Inko calms him down by offering to sew Katsuki his own costume for next Halloween. She's dressed up as Nana, because Toshi suggested it, and oh boy, he regrets that suggestion because now his wife looks like his mother figure and that's weird(!). Also Inko has to tell everyone who Nana was, but both Toshi and Inko agreed it's a good thing to remind people of who she was.

(I'm still undecided about whether or not Mon is living with them (yet). If so, she can wear a simple Ryukyu dragon costume.)

Toshi shows up in a villain outfit (yes the one from the OVA), so he and the kids can stage mock battles, but also because Inko wouldn't let him pick a scary costume. Katsuki immediately calls mock battles pointless since a gust of wind could defeat him. Well, that's just how Katsuki is around Toshi in this AU.

Skip forward. Toshi POV. They're out on the streets. There's decorations, music. Children are going trick-or-treating. Toshi notices a shady group of people next to a van and awkwardly lies to Inko about having to double back bc he forgot his painkillers.

Now alone, Toshi sneaks up to the suspected villains and listens in as they discuss a robbery. Bc odd coincidences happen in this AU, these first-time villains got their costumes at the same store Toshi got his. He puts on a mask and buffs up, planning to scare them away when he is discovered and mistaken for the requested backup.

Toshi decides to play along since they haven't actually commited a crime yet and they aren't particularly strong or confident.

Izuku or Inko POV. We see Katsuki "demanding" sweets. He is mistaken for a "villain AM". Izuku tells him to be nicer. Katsuki tries. He's hilariously bad at it.

Meanwhile, the group of villains has prepared a stage in the middle of the road and is drawing in a small crowd with free sweets and claiming to announce the winner of the costume contest. "All Smite" is with them.

Inko, Katsuki and Izuku go to see what the commotion is about when one of the villains creates a dome around the crowd, and another makes passers-by oblivious to that dome. A third threatens the civilians and demands their valuables. If they don't comply, All Smite is supposed to step in.

Toshi doesn't let it come to that. He pretends to be frightened of Izuku and Kacchan because "his only weakness are children dressed up like AM on Halloween, for they can gain the power of the hero!" It's horribly contrived, and the only person willing to believe him is Izuku.

Little Izuku throws a punch and Toshi pretends to get hit by jumping back and into the other villains.

Now convinced, Katsuki joins in.

It's actually Toshi knocking the villains around, but who cares? The children get to be actual heroes for a day.

Before long, the villains flee (thoroughly scared of the kids and discouraged from committing another crime), and Toshi runs away with them. He actually lets them go since no one got injured (besides the villains) and because it'll be one less report for him to write.

Closing scene probably has Izuku and Kacchan excitedly telling Toshi all about the adventure he missed out on.

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm gonna post this here bcs initially i posted it to cf on instagram but frankly i have too many cfs who don't know i'm Disordered™ in this way LMAO

this isn't a super emotional vent & shouldn't have any triggers However it is a super annoyed one

i think i try too often to be "silly" scary & mean & Obviously i don't Actually Try to be either of those, i just like being annoying. i find i do this automatically with "friends" who aren't an ep — if everyone else leaves and i'm stuck with just an ep, i suddenly act like a normal person again LMAO

but anyways point is: in this act, i act really stupid on purpose. i act like a cartoon character. i'm a creature of Show✨. i often make subtle jokes abt murder & stuff that'd probably be seen as angsty teenager cringe. i tease people in a very well-meaning but annoying way. this is my persona that has been established in these circles. i want to make it clear, people do not get offended when i'm like this & when they do i make sure to ask about it & apologise bcs that's ~Healthy~ & at the end of the day they usually seem to really enjoy the way i act (some ppl actually seem to enjoy the attention from teasingly psychoanalysing them A Bit Too Much haha)

but SOMETIMES someone takes the act a bit too seriously?? thinking i'm actually Trying to be mean or threatening or whatevs??? & goes "ur gonna have to try harder than that!! it's not working!!!!" and i'm like okaaaayyyyy big boy

& then i actually do what they say & suddenly it hits a wound a bit too deep. just one single sentence.

this just happened 2 days ago & i get it but idk maybe don't get too proud when it's clear it's just fun&games (the same fun&games as Always) & then get shocked.

frankly, i will not feel bad

& i often don't even realise what is “too far” (it's either probably the autism or the low empathy + egocentrism = i wouldn't be hurt if someone said it to me, so why would others?) most times so maybe don't make it a competition bcz then my narc brain Will compete & then try to make me feel bad abt it

me when i'm in friend groups where i constantly intentionally do & say things so everyone thinks i'm stupid & then i act like i'm not for once ;;;

listen. i may not feel guilty for my actions. i may even think you're Unwise for making your ticks so obvious & then proceeding to act like they aren't. however i would greatly appreciate it if you didn't make it some competition that you can't be scared or offended when you very clearly Can Be, you just think you can't be by me bcs you think a cute little afab like wittle ole me is incapable. & then it all gets soooo awkward afterwards even when i try to apologise but they keep going on abt how it was Too Far and That Hurt & when they finally stop they're just awkwardly quiet until they leave

i can understand getting competitive like this & doing whatever necessary to "win" is not a healthy trait & is probably a result of x y & z npd stuff & yes i did feel very ugly when they started belittling me out of Nowhere but idkkk right now i'm just annoyedddd

usually if someone gets like that i have an ep w/ me who knows i'm a narc i can dm to tell them what i Wanted to say & they can laugh w me (sometimes just acting stupid with others but in the know with an ep makes the feeling go away without actually needing to risk doing anything toxic) but they weren't there this time </222

[mishkakagehishka]

Hello! I've been wanting to ask you this for some time now... who is that Mika guy you talk about? Is it the anime cartoon thing you post sometimes? Is it a videogame? A comic? Why do you like him so much?

It makes me feel old haha because it is completely out of all the other fandom things I see around and I'm super confused, as if it came from a different universe lol

Oh no i hope it didn't make you feel old in a bad way or anything😭 don't worry about it, i feel like in our countries, ensemble stars isn't really much of a thing yet? Games like that in general. Even if they were, enstars is region-locked and all.

But yeah, Mika is from a mobile rhythm game! It's p much a rhythm game like any other, tho it being a "free" mobile game, it does have gacha mechanics </3 it's fun tho and Mika is my Absolute Fave because he's just so [holds him gently] [proceeds to squeeze him until his eyes pop out]

We had a survey that asked the same question of "why is your fave your fave" and it really is smth i could write essays on, but, to keep it short, he's a Freak and i do love creepy wet freaks in fiction. He has read the Mabinogion in middle English, but doesn't know who Chaplin is. He loves horror movies and is said to draw eroguro. He dumpsterdives in his free time, finding thrown away plushies, mending them and keeping them. All of his pajamas are similarly just clothes he got out of the rubbish and mended (thrifty king tbh) He speaks in a dialect commonly associated with comedians and considered a "hick" dialect and he's often talked about the split between what people expect him to act like (funnyman extrovert) vs how he actually is (shy introvert) and how he ends up looking because of that (aloof/stuck up). He is simply everything to me. And he's so weird... 😭💞 he thought he accidentally killed his roommate and proceeded to almost bury him alive in the dorm courtyard. Has said he sleeps better after looking at "scary pictures"😭

He's just my little meow meow tbh he likes creepy-cute and even he himself has that sort of gap going on, bc he's generally a rather adorable guy, he made a brooch for his best friend bc she wasn't able to buy one she liked, he really wants to prove himself as an artist both in terms of music and designing/sewing and he seems to be growing a spine as of recent (i don't wanna like. Confuse you by bringing up lore, but it's also one of the things that have me going heart eyes, in early stories he was fine being treated like a doll to be puppeteered, but he's "learning to be human" as of recent and has made really good steps, incl yelling at and threatening to throw away his former puppeteer's prized possession + implying he'll beat him up bc he threw away smth of his without asking), but he's also had those moments of "what the hell" like when he threatened to either kill himself or his unitmate's future spouse if he ever gets married, or when he threw a tantrum because said unitmate was paying more attention to a literal 15yo than him.

I think he's neat tbh a combination of his aesthetic being creepy-cute, his unit's aesthetic leaning into steampunk (both of which are so 💞💞 to me), him being a dialect-speaker, and then the fact that he's the "aww he's so cute [gets to know him] oh he's a little bit fucked up" type just really appeals to me. And his hidden intellect, there's a lotta moments where you can just tell that he's Actually Intelligent, but he's the first who'll say stuff like "sorry i dropped my brains somewhere" and call himself dumb. Personally, I interpret it as either him leaning into stereotypes associated with his dialect considering the "i feel like i let people down when they find out what i'm like bc they expect me to be totally diff bc of the way i speak" or him not liking having responsibilities so he tries to "i'm too dumb to do this on my own" his way out of the possibility of disappointing people by failing.

[onlyjaeyun]

They really should, they'll be in our dms like I'd do this and this and this instead of that, and it's just like wow guess it's a good thing I'm not you and did it how I wanted. Like for a while I had a phase where every single one of my fics ended in death, and I'd have people be all "It would have been so easy to just have it go like this instead" and I'd just be like "Nah, death more fun" like why have happy ending when I can make you suffer instead. I hated request like that, I would have people go as far as explain the oc, their height and weight and age and name and hair and eye color and the idol for the fic, but specifically what era the idol is in, and the plot and all the plot twist, and it's just like by the time you've sent me 20 ask explaining everything you wanted in the story, you basically wrote it yourself and could have just posted that instead of asking me.

I was just lucky that most of my mutuals were not really bad or out of pocket and it wasn't like some I saw, like I remember seeing like 15 year olds with like 35 year old mutuals that would say such out of pocket things, like things that would make me literally go honey that's not a normal thing to tell a minor, like miss maam you are 40 you should not be in this 16 year olds business like that. tbh same, like I feel they absolutely knew his age, just ignored it and hoped they would not get called out about it, like it gives me the same energy as people writing smut about Jisung when Dream debuted do, the only difference is Jisung was like a baby baby, bro was like 13 and they would be all oh he looks older, like no the fuck he doesn't, bruh looks like an infant, was literally just birthed. I feel like it's a mixed bag, some older fandoms were chill and some were not, some still aren't, and some fandoms are just chill since they are basically dead.

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT!!!!! they go on full ass rants in OUR inbox talking about how WE should do smth like girl 💀 bffr and go do it yourself, i promise its not that hard you literally started it now finish it and leave me the fuck alone. some readers are so entitled it's so frustrating (im so grateful all of you guys arent like this at all like i love you so much)

and pls some older stans are so scary sometimes bc ive witnessed similar things and it creeped me out sm im literally scared to turn out the same way so im super duoer careful with the way i hmbehave around younger stans 😭 and dont get me started on nct dream bc that was a MESSSSSS. i remember eriting for 00liners in 2019 (mind you they were all adukts at that time PLUS i'm lit a 00liner myself) and i always had to write warnings like ppl werent out there writing smut for jisung when he was 17 💀 seeing it all happen with riki is so sas but im afraid there's not much one can do yk? i just block them and keep it going bc again, there's no point in dealing with people like that imo

[gayleviticus]

Edward, Lust and Scar for the ask game 👀

EDWARD ELRIC

fav thing: I love his relationship w al and how deeply the two of them care for each other but also sometimes clash, but I also love how much 03 ed just sees things he wants to see and ignores what he doesn't or what makes life harder. in a lot of ways ways he's incredibly courageous and tenacious so his willingness to just ignore uncomfortable truths is really interesting; the way he insists the slicer brothers are people because otherwise it means al isn't and his brother is dead vs how he insists sloth Isn't Human because otherwise it means they fucked up real bad trying to transmute trisha

least favourite thing: fmab ed LOL. if I'm sticking to 03... hmm... idk. him telling Claus in the majhal episode she looks better in girlmode idk

favourite line: 'there's no such thing as a war that has nothing to do with us' is such a key moment showcasing his character growth and exemplifying how war, the philosophers stone, alchemy, prosperity are all largely the same thing

brotp: ed and al!!!! and to a lesser extent ed and winry altho I think then being estranged on friendly terms is such a big part of 03 brotp is a little awkward label

otp: not ride or die but I think Russell x ed is funny as hell especially alongside ed X fletcher

notp: incest and age gap stuff aside I don't like edwin at all lol

random headcanon: ditching school for alchemy study at like age 10 makes him really smart in some ways and shockingly ignorant in others (but this largely doesn't matter in our world anyway since it's all new to him regardless)

unpopular opinion: 03 ed >>> bh ed ig? edwin is boring? don't think I have 03 specific ones (ie controversial among 03 fans)

fav picture: this is a tough one bc I have too many... think I have to go w this one

LUST

fav thing: I don't know where to start!! her compelling sympathetic but also complicated and ambiguous relationship to who she is and being human, the way she gets fleshed out and humanised but not in a tidy redemption arc, the way she's striving for something she arguably already has if she just stopped buying into the lie of her own inhumanity

least fav thing: I wish we got more of her but also part of why she's soo good is that the narrative cuts off at exactly the right moment so. idk. more of her alternate self in COS maybe lol. (the cheap answer here is just 'mangahood lust' lmao)

fav line: I don't remember the exact line but when ed is like 'why would you want to be something as boring as human?' and she says 'why does your brother want his brother back? it's the same'

brotp: HER AND GLUTTONY!!! I love how even as aimplistic a character gluttony is they still make him shine w his genuine grief for her.

otp: scarlust!! tbh I think part of the appeal of their relationship is they don't know what they are or what they represent to each other or where to pick up and they don't have enough time anyway, so I hesitate to brand it an otp as such, but I also don't think it's anywhere near as juicy if there's zero romantic tension

notp: nothing really, I mean anything outside scarlust and maybe lust/sloth just seems like a crackship lol

random headcanon: she may not always show it but she deeply values her odd friendship w gluttony enough simply because he's the only person to show her our e, unconditional friendship since she became a homunculus (not really a headcanon lol more an interpretation of the text I feel but anyway)

unpopular opinion: I dunno lol I think even mangahood fans agree 03 lust is superior

fav picture: I like her chibi from the shamballa wrap party

SCAR

fav thing: I love how if you just rely on lazy tropes its tempting to write off scar as scary religious fundamentalist only killing alchemists bc alchemy is a sin even tho he's a hypocrite, and then it's like, wait he's fighting back against a genocidal military dictatorship. you can mourn that he's had to go this far and question if his methods work, but he's definitely an anti hero in 03. and also we as an audience are allowed the room to think scar is actually right where ed is wrong or naive!!

least fav thing: again basically same as lust. I guess I wish we had a few more scar and lust interactions but even then it's the same thing of like, their relationship is so compelling bc there's so little time and so many pieces to pick up

favourite line: when he tells lust he wants to help the elrics because he regrets never telling his brother he loved him 🥺🥺

brotp: him and alphonse!!! it's so cute and wonderful to see this outwardly gruff and tormented but deeply bave man made an outcast by the state bonding with this sweet gentle metal boy

otp: scarlust for reasons as above

notp: nothing in particular but I truly cannot imagine anything that's not scarlust

random headcanon: he likes cats too

unpopular opinion: let me not say anything abt fmab... again idk lol for anything 03 specific (that isnt just '03 > fmab'). 03 fans simply perceive truth directly

fav picture: chibi wrap party is the only one I have I'm sorry king its 99% ed and al pics

[miralyk]

✦ 15 questions, 15 mutuals ✦

got tagged by @stealingpotatoes for this meme, thank you!

Were you named after anyone?

no, i technically named myself! i had troubles learning languages when growing up, and whenever speech therapists tried to teach me to say my birth/legal name, i kept on saying "mimi" instead, so the nickname stuck! aside from that, my other nickname kao is taken from a maplestory npc of the same name,, a character who's supposed to be the "future version" of your player character, so things keep going full circle

When was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago;; i was rewatching some satoshi kon films, millennium actress and tokyo godfathers definitely got to me esp since i'm a sap in the first place, his filmography does not hold punches when it comes to hitting emotions

Do you have kids?

i have endless neglected OCs, other closest option is the local murder of crows i befriended ghghkdj, there's some new fledglings i've seen fly after me along w the adults (you can tell bc young crows have the insides of their beaks be pink!); aside from that, i think this stray black cat that visits me a lot could count, but he could be an old man and not count, idk how old he is

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i do like dry and/or deadpan humor (esp in the "jokingly points out the obvious" way), so sarcasm's def a thing i like to sometimes hear and say! regardless, it's still p lowkey and modest, i don't want to be overly dramatic or annoying w sarcasm

What's the first thing you notice about people?

for both online and in-person, usually how they present themselves, like visuals (clothes, icon, art style, etc) and how they talk and interact!

What's your eye colour?

brown 👁️👁️ they're super dark they're nearly black too

Scary movies or happy endings?

BOTH,, TECHNICALLY,,,,,, i'm a fan of both "horror" and "kind" stories esp for elements of both something something harrowing ordeals of existence, the struggles, etc but still earning better outcomes and surviving esp w loved ones, and one time i got compared to (Both) miyazaki and ito in this meme 😭

Any special talents?

i don't know, maybe crocheting and plush sewing...? or befriending animals esp those w "bad luck" stigma like crows or black cats

Where were you born?

californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, still never left

What are your hobbies?

i like to draw, play games, crochet, sew, pet + feed cats/crows, the like! i swear i'm normal, i'm not a witc--

Have any pets?

my older sister's insistent on saying he's Her Pet™, but i take care of a marbled tabby cat lilo (3 years old now), he's a goofy guy!

What sports do/have you played?

i don't know if wii sports counts but that's the best i got

How tall are you?

5'0",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it haunts me

Favourite subject at school?

very basic and predictable answer, but art, even before i applied for my school's BFA/animation program LMAO

Dream job?

storyboard artist!! especially w good union networking and experience to collaborate w other cool peers and have financial stability, health insurance, retirement savings, etc; aside from that, i'd consider also posting youtube videos esp for talking about or creating more art, but i don't want to have that be my main source of income bc of how stressful that can be esp in a practical financial sense, not to mention i don't have nor want to have the,, self-aggrandizing Performative Act ghdfjkg

thank you so much for tagging me; i don't want to peer pressure anyone into doing this as well, but if you're a friend/mutual, feel free to do so \o/!

[signedeclipse]

Hii! I hope your matchups are still open! If so, I would like to request one. (By the way, if my English is a bit bad, it’s bcs its not my first language. So sorry!)

Im an INFP, cancer, bisexual woman. I’m 5’7 (i think lol, in meters I’m 1,69m), I have purple hair in a tomboyish sidetails hairstyle and I’m a bit chubby.

Usually I really try to talk to people when I first meet them, but it’s pretty hard for me because I tend to shut off in situations that I haven’t prepared myself for or where I’m not comfortable with. But when I like someone and want to be friends (or when I’m friends) with them, I’m really intense (ig I don’t know how to describe it), loud, and excited (which at times can be a bit much for people, so I tend to try and not do that a lot).

I’d like to say I’m a warm person, I love to tell stories to people and I love being around the people I love. But I really like to be on my own too, after a day with talking to people I adore to just close myself off and to do something on my own.

I like people who give the same energy that you give them back. I’m pretty sensitive with like how people give their energy back (bdkabdks idk if this makes sense) and so if someone that I just met doesn’t look happy if I’m talking to them or if they don’t really pay attention I will get really nervous and I would be scared to talk to them.

My hobbies are: Gaming, drawing and swimming. I’m super interested in animals and space, and I rlly love watching documentaries about those things ! I also really love supernatural things/shows (although I don’t believe in the supernatural)

My dislikes are: Running, sweating (it’s so gross and you get like icky from it and euehgghhhhh) people that smile to your face and then shit about you behind your back. I hate the last one the absolute most, like if you hate me then at least show it and don’t pretend to like me.

Well,, that’s all!! I hope you have an amazing day/night and thank you in advance <333

You got…Tanjiro!

Tanjiro is a very understanding and sensitive person to others feelings, so he always reciprocates your emotions or reactions so long as nothing is bothering him! He can't help but get excited over something you're talking about because the passion makes his heart beat faster!

He is very curious and wants to know about a lot of things he might not yet, which is why he loves it when you tell him about the cool animals he's never seen, or teach him things about the sky! He encourages you to take him stargazing and to tell him more, because he thinks the stars are very pretty and adores special times with you.

He works out a lot though, and tries to encourage you to join him for a jog! He will never force you, but still likes to see you try for a bit because it makes him feel like you really do try for him. But he will make sure to clean up and offer to clean you up too so you don't have to suffer through the sweat.

Sometimes when you tell a story, he will have one too, and so you end up in a cycle of storytelling all night long! In just a day you learn ten times what anyone else has about one another, which leads to you being very close and understanding of one another.

If you ever mention something new that you like, he'll try to make a date out of it! Do you like this food? Surprise, date at a restaurant that specialises in it! If no one nearby makes it? He'll try to do it himself!

I imagine you'd know a lot about legends and myths, which really interest Nezuko so she will come out to hear your stories! Despite what Tanjiro has seen, some of your Japanese horror stories freak him out badly...he might come up with an excuse to get something so he misses the scary parts!

Expect him to fawn over you, and to love when you fawn over him! Tanjiro will protect you, but also likes to bring you on all his missions whether you are in the corps or not. If not, he encourages you to join the kakushi!

Authors Note - I hope you like your matchup! Also, a lot of people dont realize but I'm Canadian so I always have to translate meters into feet LOL

[pluralwives]

The Failures of Plural Representation

Tw: mental health, abuse, torture, plural vilification, neurotypical shit.

My dad... (I don't want to say 'made me') invited me to watch The Lord of the Rings from a very young age. You know, like any good gen X parent would. And of course I fell in love with it! I was raised a nerd after all.

My favorite scene ofc has to be the part when Eowyn goes all Mulan and bitch slaps the Witch King to death saying "I am no man. I'm a woman!".

For a long time these movies became the gold standard for what good story telling looked liked. It sparked my passion for storytelling, cinema and writing.

Recently I've been rewatching the trilogy, the extended versions on HBO. And I hadn't watched them in so long, they felt like new and yet... they felt like home.

There aren't many things that have made me feel like home ever since I left my body...

But tonight I finished watching the two towers.

Began with a vat full of mousse cake and my wife by my side!

Finished sad... with a bad taste in my mouth that won't leave.

(No, it wasn't the mousse. My Alesha could never make anything that wasn't perfect)

And it's funny. Bc I remember that on the original cut that my dad and I rented from a Block Buster, the story of Smeagol seemed so sad to me.

But what I just saw was far from sad, it was cruel!

And not like some dramatic tragedy or anything like that!

It was a joke!

Smeagol was a joke!

His pain was just some passing slapstick! Sauron tortures him! The humans too! Sam harrasses him! And Frodo betrays him!

"You have shown your quality, sir. The very highest."

"You left out one of the chief characters: Sawise the Brave."

"There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

Oh! Why don't you go fuck a po-tay-toe, Sam! You bastard half-ling!

Faramir gets the girl!

Sam gets revindicated for misstrusting Smeagol!

And Frodo goes to the eternal shores or some shit!

And Gollum?

To the flames where he fucking belongs, the freak!

"But he was too far gone! The ring had taken control over him! He couldn't be trusted!"

👆

(Windows 10 seeks to censor me)

Yes, obviously. He is a flawed character. Just like almost everyone in the movies.

But you just don't see Boromir getting the same treatment. No, he gets the bitter-sweet flashback with his brother.

And Smeagol proves to get better and get rid of his toxic counterpart and be happy again! (100 times the strength any soldier has ever had in my experience) But still... No.

He's still just a freak.

The creature Gollum.

But alright. So J. R. R. Tolkien sucks at mental health representation. I don't think that's such a hot take if I know the internet.

But here's the catch:

It is worth remembering.

Cuz history has a funny way of tripping you over and kicking you in the gut for the bad memory of others.

(Split 2016)

A bad movie? Yes! But a popular movie? Also yes!

And that's why I'm currently mad enough to write a Tumblr blog at 4 in the morning. Bc popular media seems to mostly just show pural folks as monsters and not people you can empathize with!

And that's fucking scary bc, guess what?

We don't want to be treated like fucking monsters!

Big surprise there!

...

It's just... I sometimes forget how scary it can be.

To think that you can't be who you are in public because people will look at you... and see nothing less than a creature.

I didn't choose to be this way, and yet I'm trying to love myself for what I am...

And then you look at me and... What? Do I matter so little? Do you see me as lesser? ... Am I not even a person? ... Is it even a crime to harm me?

Fuck...

...

It's not all bad news though.

Maybe as part of the recent trend towards mental health acceptance, or maybe just bc of some rando guardian angel writer. or just for the f'ing lols, we're starting to see for the first time the representation of characters with multiple personalities that is not only accurate and sensible, but also effective and heartfelt from a storytelling pov.

I didn't finish Moon Knight, but for what I saw it gives me great hope that this will become the standard for talking abt multiple personalities on popular media from now on... bc that would honestly get rid of so much my daily stress.

...

I just want a family at the end of the day.

I want a stable job, I want my own small business, I want a house for my wife, and I want a child that feels free to become whatever the want to, and need to be. And I want heroes they can look up to.

Bc I'm running out of mine...

I'm really sad I have to leave this part of my childhood behind.

I could start trying to split hairs and defend the movie as something far away from Tolkien's nastyness... but something tells me that it's just not gonna be the same ever again.

I'm not gonna stop my rewatch or ban TLOTR from my home. They're still cool movies. It's just that the same enjoyment is no longer there. And I just don't feel like indoctrinating my family to these movies just like I was, even if some of their lessons are important.

For that I have Moon Girl and Devi Dinosaur!

–Tal

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW ..dysfunctional family relations? not sure how else to describe it lol

I guess I'm looking for reassurance? someone to listen? answers? im not exactly sure

so i have PTSD from. a lot of different things so i know what flashbacks are and i know what triggers are. i recognize them ok? but i don't understand why i keep getting triggered by my brother. for clarity, we don't talk: we live in the same house but he's very transphobic and an asshole, so i stopped speaking to him. but he's still around all the time.

and it triggers me! even when he's not saying transphobic things, hearing his voice triggers me sometimes. i don't understand why, like, it's not even like that's targeted towards ME, he's just generally a bigoted ass. but what's really bothering me is that there was a thing that happened:

he was being really mean to my little sibling. and he does shit like that sometimes, he targets me, or one of my little siblings and he generally treats them like shit. and i knew if i spoke up in the midst of it, he'd be mad. but i did anyone. and he was. really mean so i told my mom. she said she'd speak to him about it.

anyways, long story short, there was a family emergency and my mom left. my sibling was distraught over the emergency and my brother decided that was a great evening to totally tear into her. i mean-telling her HORRIBLE shit. she just wanted one of our dogs to sit with her but he started yelling at her about how she always wanted everything, how she was such a pest and all this shit and i couldn't BREATHE. he'd done shit like that to me before but never this bad with my little sibling.

so i did the first thing i knew would snap him out of it so i could get my sibling away: i told him to fuck the hell off. which of course shocked everyone but then i could get my sibling away. i was so fucking scared-my dad was home, my older sisters too and none of them did ANYTHING. they could hear him yelling but just ignored it. he was so mad, he started saying all this shit about me and i left the room but then ii had a panic attack for like, literal HOURS, i couldn't sleep because i couldn't BREATHE and he kept talking really loudly near my room so i could hear how mad he was and then, to top it all off, i got in trouble for using a curseword and he didn't even get told off.

but i keep getting flashbacks to it. even though he wasn't even targeting me in the first place and yknow its over now and its done and like, ok he's an ass but that's how siblings ARE sometimes right? i mean. i'd never do that obviously bc that's horrible!! he's like 26 and my sibling is 12. i wouldn't do it even without the age gap in mind but fdshajklfhdajkl i'm just trying to ask 1. why tf am i getting flashbacks and 2. am i just? being crazy over this??? is this just some totally normal thing i just. dont understand or is this something actually fucked up that my parents just dont give a fuck over? tnx

(-luci)

Hi luci,

I'm so sorry you went through this.

Please know that what happened is not okay. It sounds like your family normalizes and enables his behavior.

You even said yourself that you would never do these things because it would be a horrible thing to do. So it sounds like on some level you know that this isn't just "how siblings are sometimes". While you're definitely not alone, it doesn't mean that it's okay for your brother to behave this way. Accountability is still necessary to encourage growth, and this sounds like something your parents may not see.

The way you responded to the situation does not sound disproportionate to the situation, despite how your parents made it seem. The fact that your family simply ignored him implies that this may be a pattern for your brother and your family has developed a learned helplessness. I say this primarily because, even if reacting may exacerbate his anger, it seems more natural to react than ignoring it.

It makes sense if this was a traumatizing experience for you. It can be scary to be in a situation like that. You're not being crazy over this. This is something your parents aren't taking seriously enough.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[privacyredux]

62oz

8:07pm - los angeles

i got to catch up with freya a bit today which was nice. it seems like she's been really busy so i was happy to talk to her a bit. it wasn't really about much specific though. i feel like that's been the theme for most of today. it was a lot of small talk with people and conversations that didn't last all that long. about the same with lena, but she spoke about maybe doing some face painting which i said id swing by for if she did it. spoke to glen and rosalie a bit too about her trigger finger acting up again, but more of the same just little things.

i had a bit more of talking with charlie. we joked a bit and i confirmed she didn't think i was a dick. it was good to confirm, though i did specify it wasn't entirely out of the question that at some point i might be. um we didn't really fuck around with ai today which was kind of a mistake i think. i had been enjoying doing that even if i felt like i was getting a bit of a beating from it.

eric and i honestly mostly gossiped today. good or bad i dunno. we also spoke a bit yesterday about how things were going for me in la. just like who ive been spending time with and stuff like that. ultimately shit about girls. nothing bad or anything, but just like where my head's at about stuff. which honestly, i told him yesterday more or less some of the stuff i've said here. i think im cautiously interested in someone and while not entirely sure there's a mutual feeling there, i'm kind of okay with that. i enjoy having crushes and being fascinated with people. it's both a good start to a friendship and something more without entirely crushing your spirit. i dont think even in the best and most receptive of circumstances i would go head first into anything right now when im going to be back and forth on tour and at shows. and the first being well out of the country. yeah. i dunno, it's the kind of thing i'll approach when im back home and my shows are more accessible. whether anyone wants to come hang out and that kind of thing is something to be seen.

my dinner last night was really good. the food was great and the conversation was great. between yesterday and today i think i've set valeria up with two new shows to explore. that said, she said she watched the beginning of the first episode of twin peaks and was fairly interested in it. it's a good sign. anyway, we spoke a bit about the podcast i was listening to, which was mostly bc i wanted someone to bounce the story off of.

the podcast is essentially true supernatural stories told by the people who have experienced them. this one was about a man who lived in an apartment that had a ghost and spent much of the beginning talking about how he didn't feel very threatened by the ghost and just had the feeling that someone was there with him when he was listening to music on the couch and that his cats would look off towards the corner and things like that. no big and when he decided to move out, that last night he felt weight on the bed beside him and the presence lean over and in the moment he was scared and hid, but after the fact felt like it was going to lean over to kiss his cheek goodbye. and after from his family, who lived close by years ago, he learned that a young girl had died in that apartment being murdered by a drunk coworker after a party. so he goes on with his life and later a coworker and him were bonding over a scary movie when the coworker tells a story of waking up being strangled in the middle of the night. and as it goes on the guy realizes it was the same apartment and the same ghost. and my immediate reaction to all that was that i would be so fucking bummed out of i was the guy the ghost tried to strangle rather than the one she wanted to kiss goodbye. and as he continued it seemed like the coworker was a bit of a drinker so that could've been the reason she had tried to strangle him, but yeah.

i do sometimes feel a tugging on my shoulder in the middle of the night when i sleep. not all the time, but occasionally. i'm not entirely sure what it means, but it does make me wonder sometimes about things ive messed up in my life and if on some level there's a call to make things better. i don't really know that i could. i want to say i don't even know that i would but that's not entirely true. it's more that i don't think it'd make a difference anyway. as much as ive tried to deal with everything that hurts, it's still the one thing i really don't want to embrace. i don't know that i will ever honestly. there's no telling that it's even related anyway. it could just be um i forget what it's called those jerks you can experience when you're falling asleep that makes it feel like you dropped or your muscles just make a sudden movement. could just be something a bit like that. not enough electrolytes or something too.

um anyway, like i said i did have a good night with valeria and we talked a bit about other lives and other life goals and things like that. it was possible, if im not reading into it too much, that there was a hint of a connection on something, but i dunno. like ive said before, i just kind of want to let things do what they do. it's fun to get excited and feel a moment, but i don't wanna be someone that hangs on tiny pieces of things that under harsher light really add up to nothing. it felt nice in the moment and i wanna appreciate that for what it is.

i think im both dreading and looking forward to leaving as it is right now. i'm enjoying the event and the marketplace and seeing what everyone has out to look through and just kind of thinking i guess. i never want to be someone who overstays his welcome and i feel like i might have done so if i didn't have somewhere to go. i'm thankful for that. im just having a really good time and i know thursday morning is just going to come way too quickly. i feel like i owe charlie a goodbye/thank you present much bigger than a well cooked grilled cheese sandwich. i have a little time to think it over still. and maybe it's better saved to be gotten in japan since she loves anime so much. maybe i'll bring an extra bag to grab shit for people... a lot of people have expressed a longing to be going as well

mrahc - title fight

dreamsickle - wombo

paces - feeble little horse

[ipusingularitae]

Same anon as yesterday, hello!!

Your reply made me happy to read. At first I was worried I may have stepped out of line, I haven’t spoken to anybody in a while online and especially offline since I’m a hikikomori 😭 which ik isn’t a good thing it’s not something I brag about because I let myself get this bad. I tend to be slightly awkward and I don’t know how to socialize if I’m honest. With that out of the way your kind words mean a lot to me, it feels like such a long time since I’ve spoken to anybody with genuine interest to speak to me and it made me feel *human.* (if that makes any sense lol) thank you for the offer, I’ll take you up on that. 💕

I also hope you’re taking care of yourself too. 💕 At the moment I’m sick with a stomach bug and I don’t know how I got it but hoping it goes away soon! Lol

hi anon! sorry for the late response. something very serious happened to me and i wasn't able to answer before.

i assure you that wasn't stepping out of the line at all, you were very kind to check up on me. I imagine being a hikikomori must be kinda hard... i don't know exactly what to say to that bc i don't have enough knowledge on this matter, so I'm afraid i end up sounding insensitive (with the autism and etc and being currently kinda anxious i get paranoid i say something offensive, sorry), especially bc i don't know your current situation with family, work, etc., and so I don't know the aspects of what that encapsulates for you. but it's also something I'd like to do some research to know more ab. well you're also free to tell me more if you want!!!

that does make sense, actually wkdkdkd I'm glad my words gave you that type of feeling, and i hope you feel that more and more. it was indeed a precious message you've sent me, thank you. 💓💓 feeling human is one of the best things to feel. it can also be scary sometimes, but it is undoubtedly a feeling that touches deeper than others and encapsulates a lot of other feelings, things and people. it is interesting.

I'm taking care of myself as best as possible, yes! my rhinitis was kicking my ass but i managed to cease that, thankfully.

oh dear, i hope the stomach bug goes away soon 😩😩 and also that it doesn't hurt or causes that much of discomfort to you! i think drinking lots of fluids is something that helps in that situation right?

also, if you'd like, pick an emoji so i can know it as your's! that way if you send another asks i can put them all under a tag with your emoji and also identify you with it 🤲🏾✨

[bookishwithathought]

There's too much to be said so instead of bombarding the comments I'm gonna move my thoughts to here:

It's really hard to believe you are genuinely curious when you're either dismissive of the reasoning/evidence provided or you move the goalposts in your objections. Regardless, here are some thoughts for you...

Your claim that Az and Gwyn aren't even friends yet. First of all, here’s an excerpt from the bonus chapter related to their relationship status:

"He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, BUT..."

Az may not label them as friends (or more), YET. Link to a post I wrote for more on this: https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749230448875634688/he-wouldnt-call-her-a-friend-which-many-claim?source=share

Building a relationship while Gwyn heals: SJM has written relationships from strangers to lovers in ONE BOOK before, she can surely do it for 2 characters that aren't complete strangers. Even before ACOSF, Az at least knew OF Gwyn. Heck, SJM retconned the story of the attack on Sangravah to include Az getting there first and rescuing her.

From ACOSF (emphasis mine):

“The first had just unbuckled his belt when Azriel arrived.” Silent, unending tears streamed down Gwyn’s face. “Azriel slaughtered all of them within moments. He didn’t hesitate. But I could barely move, and when I tried to get up … He gave me his cloak and wrapped me in it.

He knew she was living in the library. He becomes more involved in the training, therefore spending more time around and interacting with Gwyn.

As for healing, we already see Gwyn starting her journey in ACOSF. Leaving the library to come out to train. Wearing the form-fitting Illyrian leathers instead of the robe, reading spicy books and being curious about them, sex talk with the girls, sharing her SA story with Nesta and Emerie, singing again which she'd stopped doing after her SA.

From ACOSF:

"You're the one who's been in a library for two years," Emerie said. Gwyn didn't flinch. "I have. And I'm tired of it."

Indication that she’s ready to live, ready for more. In conjuction with her insterest in Nesta's romantic life and spicy books, this indicates she's even ready to at least entertain a romantic relationship with someone.

And what do you think she was doing in the library for those two years? Gwyn herself told us (emphasis mine):

“The first five months I was at the library, I barely spoke. I didn’t sing. I went to the priestess who counsels all of us, and sometimes I just sat there and cried, or screamed, or said nothing. And then I began working with Merrill, upon Clotho’s request, and the work focused me. Motivated me to get out of bed each morning. I started singing during the evening service. And then you came along, Nesta.” Gwyn’s eyes slid to hers, brimming with tears and pain and—hope. Precious, beautiful hope. “And I could tell something bad had happened to you, too. You were fighting it, though. Not letting it master you. I knew Catrin would have been the first to sign up for training, so … I did, too."

She'd begun healing as a person.

3. Healing while also having kinky sex: one thing we know for sure about Az is he has SELF CONTROL and shows RESTRAINT and can be PATIENT. He pined for the same female for 500 years, for goodness sake, and if in the BC we clearly see him letting Elain set the pace in their scene, then we can trust SJM to have him be considerate of Gwyn's comfort level and pace.

At the same time, you've painted this picture of Gwyn being delicate and fragile when she is far from it. We see she's NOT delicate in her standing up for the children in Sangravah at great cost bc she was SA'd. We see it in her wanting to take the hardest path to the top of Ramiel. We see it in her telling Nesta and Emerie to cut the rope to the bridge and leave her behind to fend off a group of Illyrians, fear of being SA'd again real. How about luring a scary beast to the group of Illyrians's camp earlier in the story in the Rite? She has a strong character and it's really disgusting how she's painted as this fragile thing bc of her history, and it's also disgusting to imply Az is gonna go all out ham on a girl. It doesn’t have to be wrist cuffs and whips (and white ribbons) from the get go, you know…

***Gwyn whispered, “I am the rock against which the surf crashes.” Nesta straightened at the words, as if they were a prayer and a summons. Gwyn lifted the blade. “Nothing can break me.”***

Gwyn is strong. A bat boy is sure not gonna break her.

SJM saying in an interview that she is excited for Azriel's book, and "not just because of his bedroom habits" seems like it's worth mentioning. She called him a "freak". She has suggested that he's the kinkiest bat boy of the three and that interview also made it clear we can expect to see some of those scenes in his book. How will she build a relationship between Azriel and Gwyn in a single book (they are not even friends yet) while allowing Gwyn time to heal from her trauma, and also have super kinky sex scenes mixed in? Does that not feel a little off to anyone else?

[chuluoyi]

How I grinded, huh... Do you really want to know? 🫠 It's a painful process... So 400 from temple of Themis, 300 from his birthday puzzle thingy, 175 (If I rmb correctly) from the last level of Trials of Themis, 180 from 1 Achievement ( level up 20 skills to level 10), 50 from Achievement (upgrade Luke cards 100 times) + daily 60 for 3 days...

Right!! That's why I love childhood friends to lovers sm!!! And omg you find Vyn sus too?? So I'm not the only one after all 😭. And HELP Artem IS the perfect kind of man! Especially for Asian parents... My mum would probably go nuts if I had a bf like Artem...

And I totally agree, baby Sugu deserved sm better... He's actually the sweetest like I am still not over the way he calls 'Satoru' like this could be my ringtone and I wouldn't even care- 🫠🫠 volcano man 👎🏻👎🏻

Same man I pulled Venti cause I could make things fly HAHAHA Plus I just love that drunk little bard sm he's so funny and cute 🥹 HAHAHAH RIGHT Omg we just pull cause they're hot 😭😭 And like it's only after getting them then you realise "Oh he's not THAT good" but you tell yourself "It's fine he's hot".

Hoyo stuff just expensive in general.... 🫠🫠

And I wanna try too ngl but I think I'll wait till the next hottie pops up *heh* UNLESS Wrio is still having his banner then that's a different story 😁🥸

Yea... JJK season 2 really is just killing us internally... Your friends made the right choice! The only good thing is the Hidden Inventory arc when they were all happy and young and hot hshdhhd

I'm so glad you enjoy talking to meeee 🫶🏻🫶🏻 I also hope you'll never experience any drama... cause it CAN get quite messy.. And yeah I realised the JJK fandom can be quite scary.... I thought AOT was bad whew...

-🪩

….that’s quite a lot😭 YOU KNOW WHAT I MISSED THE BDAY THINGY EVEN THO I WAS SOOOO CLOSE🤧 upgrade the cards omg i’m so stellin broke i can’t even do that after levelling up the bakerlon card and the side story card😭

my roman empire is childhood friend and arranged marriage i swear pls someone write this up for me😫 add angst and i will be happy✌🏻 HAHAHA yeah i thought he was a bad guy at first i’m so sorry vyn lovers i didn’t mean to🥲 so truee!! asian moms are just so specific with their wishlist that make us just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

yessh🤧 like he’s so soft for gojo aaaa i want to write geto too sometime soon but i’m afraid i won’t do him justice so i might take more time to do his characterisation🥹 THE THUMBS DOWN AHAHHAHA

nevermind i barely have any primo i’m closing genshin😔 maybe sometime soon i’ll grind when i don’t have to do overtime *sigh* i must grind LUKE FIRST SJSJSJ i’m buying the monthly pass and now i have like 200 a chips

to me jjk ended after hidden inventory 💀 really i can’t even imagine how culling games would be after this bcs haaah🤧 what do we even see there?

right😭😭 it’s scary because i think most of the causes are actually nothing major but then it spiralled out into a full-blown discourse🤧 really?? in aot too? do you watch aot as well?

[lucinatta]

I need some advice. I recently was broken up with and I'm reeling from it. We met when i was 19 and he was 32 and we ended up hooking up 6 years ago. He didn't tell me until after we hooked up that he had a wife which started a crazy feud, but he eventually divorced his wife and convinced me to be in a relationship with him. The relationship was pretty rocky at first because he was very emotionally abusive. Like he would constantly reprimand me for doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing and would lecture me for hours and not let me sleep until I agreed with him. I used to live with him sometimes because my mom got evicted and i couldn't hold down a stable job because I had an untreated learning disability and he would pick fights with me every day when I would say/ do the wrong thing and sometimes he would even kick me out.

While he did all this its v confusing bc he was also very good to me at the same time?? He helped me out when I was evicted and let me live rent free with him. He helped me get my diagnosis and helped me look for a job. He helped me get over some of my insecurities and would urge me to go to therapy and helped me get my driver's license. The last 2 years he started becoming more spiritual and became a lot nicer to me (He would still reprimand me but not as often) and urged me to do yoga and meditation. He started getting serious and during that time he was throwing ideas around of leaving everything behind and going to a yoga center etc. I was so drained atp from the constant mistreatment and feeling like I wasn't a priority so I went outside the relationship to explore my options. i met a guy that I was going to meet for dinner and just talk to, but I was drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty that I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. This was a year ago. Since then, we've been on and off because he would come back but couldn't commit because he couldnt trust me. Early this year he moved to a different state and he reached out to me to ask if I wanted to visit him out there in the summer. I was cautious but I agreed because I missed him. We started calling and texting every day and he started hinting that he wanted a relationship with me again. I started catching feelings again and was grateful for the opportunity to make things right because I fucked up. I bought the plane tickets and two days after I bought them he told me that he was getting women flirting with him out there and that he wanted to explore his options. I was so upset and I asked him why we couldnt work things out, he told me he still couldnt trust me after what happened. He told me it's best if I get a refund on the tix and just stay home. I felt so crushed, I felt like I was lead on and I feel so ashamed and guilty over what I did. The worst part is I felt like I ruined everything and it's my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. What do I do???? I have no friends and no one to talk to.

Oh my god anon I'm so sorry this is happening to you please please please drop that man asap!!!!! He's abusive and manipulative and predatory, he knew exactly what he was doing going after you at such a young age.

Abusive relationships are almost never all abuse, there's always "good" moments, that's why most people stay, but the good doesn't negate the bad. This man took advantage of you when you where very young and in a vulnerable situation! Also, you didn't "fuck up", you were ASSAULTED, it's not your fault and the fact that this man blames you for your assault tells me all I need to know about him. I would really suggest going no contact, I know it can be scary since you don't seem to have a lot of other people in your life, but I believe it's for the better.

A good way to make friends as an adult is joining activities like a book club, a sport, or a class. But I would also recommend you reach out to women in your life, even if you don't talk much, they'll probably will be able to help more than a stranger on the internet. You deserve to be loved and respected, do not ever forget that <3

[aloyssobek]

Sad probably pms induced ramble

Bro I just I just don't know right like ik I said fuck it I'm just IDing as queer but genuinely some days I feel like a lesbian other days I don't like I think I like men but maybe just the idea of them and other days I just think I'm just lonely and that's what's fucking me up but I feel closest to the lesbian label but then my period comes and everything goes wack and I want to be with a guy and then I feel bad bc I think about what other people must think and how I know that most people only know me as a lesbian and I don't want to go through the whole thing again and then I'm thinking that I'm not actually attracted to men bc I'm just lonely and I know that I have an easier time getting matches with men on bumble bc I sometimes switch it up just to check and then I feel bad bc I don't want to lead anyone on and I'm just so confused and lonely and maybe when I move out I'll have the space to figure it out but I almost don't want to ID as bi again bc it also doesn't feel quite right bc again I feel good with the lesbian label most of the time and I feel like if I date men then people will think it's a sham or I'll never go back to women but also I haven't dated in so long and I'm so insecure and i don't think I'd want to end up with a guy but I feel like I get no matches with women or nonbinary people so that makes me feel like shit but then I only actively look at dating apps like close to my period when I'm emotional but also my friends got married a few weeks ago and there is a part of me that's jealous bc I want a partner but dating sucks and is scary and I always feel anxious when I look on dating apps bc the whole thing is terrifying but I seriously would love to have someone to spend the rest of my life with but how can I if I don't know who I am but maybe I need to give it a shot to work it out bc I've been in the same rut for years and I'm trying to get out by applying for places to rent and moving on to the next stage and there really is a part of me that wants to settle down with a person but that's scary and vulnerable and again I know that I'd probably have an easier time finding a guy but i might be settling if I do and then I think about these gay couples with their wives and I want to be them but it feels like no one that I'd be interested in on the many apps is even interested in me and like from what I can tell no one that I already know is interested in me like that and i just feel so alone!!!!!!