#idk maybe

[chaoortu]

listen i know i yap a lot about nick and neurodiversity in my fics but it's like. every time i reread heartstopper it really jumps out at me and i'll probably reblog this again with more thoughts as i continue my reread but like.

it strikes me as interesting that despite the fact that nick gets called a chav pretty early on by tao, we never actually see nick acting that way on page. i think the show does a good job at showing how nick has sort of chameleoned himself and stuffed his real personality down but the show is a topic for a different post. in the webcomic we see it once when charlie is teasing him about being laddish and nick decides to act that way for a laugh. on one hand, i chalk this up to most of the early webcomic/heartstopper in general being in Charlie's pov. he wouldn't have noticed these things about Nick because they didn't really notice each other until their meet cute, which is realistic. I think it also speaks well to Charlie's character that he takes who Nick is at face value and challenges Tao's opinion of him. but what jumps out at me is that in harry's birthday party we sort of see the first instance of nick's "meaner" side and it's in the context of defending Charlie. Still! The first instance of this really sunshiney character taking quite a big turn!

But notice how the dig isn't personal? These are all observations about Harry that can be deduced in the context of the material before it. That is to say, despite being friends with Harry since he was like 11, Nick keeps it simple. It reminds me a lot of how you correct a dog's behavior in the moment and I can go on for ages about Nick and dogs but again-- that'll be another post. What follows this really intense moment is another really intense moment when he and Charlie are alone and like yeah, they're teenagers, being teenaged is intense enough. But after their kiss, we have this panel and my God is it one of my favs:

I really love how Nick is framed with flowers in this scene because it really feels like it's him blossoming into himself in this moment where it's just him and Charlie. Charlie is shown over and over again to be Nick's safe person in comic and while they are obviously falling in love way before this, I still feel like this is the moment where Nick decides it's safe to love Charlie (I mean duh, they kiss a LOT in this episode), or rather, to hand Charlie his emotions and feel like they won't be fucked with or used against him. And that's huge! Nick wears all his feelings on his sleeves, he's not even slick about it either-- the fact that Christian, Sai, and Otis pick up on the fact that Nick has a thing for Charlie before he does speaks a lot to the fact that Nick doesn't seem very aware of how much of himself he gives away on the regular. Which again, in juxtaposition with the fact that he's perceived as a judgmental rugby lad by Tao (which, grain of salt here. I love Tao a lot but he's also quite judgmental in his own ways so this is a pot and kettle situation), and the fact that his own mother comments on the fact that he's much more himself since befriending Charlie? That's MASSIVE. I dunno. I could be projecting here but as an autistic teenager who did everything in my power to be like my peers and lowkey hated myself for it, I find this incredibly relatable. We see Nick starting to realize that a lot of his friends are dicks several times before he and Charlie kiss for the first time, and that's also relatable. It took me so long and still takes me so long to realize that people I thought were friends are actually quite shit. Again, I could be projecting but it reads very neurodivergent to me that it takes Nick being exposed to someone who is actually kind to him (Charlie) to realize that his friends aren't kind people. Insane tbh! Something else that got me is that we see Nick struggle with the fact that he really likes Charlie and wants to stay with him vs. the responsibility he feels to regroup with his friends. I don't actually think it's responsibility. I read it as Nick putting his mask back on and resuming the expectations he's been bearing since before he met Charlie and it's a visible struggle for him.

Nick, while pretty unaware of the fact that he can be read like a book, is also incredibly aware of the role he plays in his own friend group and the ways in which he has to perform. But he doesn't like it now. His early love for Charlie really puts things in perspective for him that he doesn't have to accept where he's at currently if he's unhappy and we get that moment of regret where we see that he knows he fucked up by leaving Charlie.

It looks like he's disassociating here. That, or his mind is still in that room with Charlie. It's a battle of expectations vs. what Nick wants. And Nick's wants are never Nick's first priority. He's a pathological people pleaser after all. And despite the fact that he just fully made out with another boy despite barely having figured out that he likes guys and the ethics on Charlie kissing him without asking (teenage stuff, I'm not arguing about it rn especially because this doesn't bother Nick in canon. idk why this discourse exists but maybe i was just making out too much as a teenager) The next day, Nick clears the air. Literally runs to Charlie's in the rain so they can talk it out and so he can be understood properly. He's desperate to make things right with him because 1) he's in love and 2) he cares a lot about Charlie's feelings to the point of putting them above his own later in the story. But the way he does it and the way he sort of overexplains his feelings almost constantly really strike me as neurodivergent. Nick goes above and beyond explaining how he feels to make sure nothing can be misconstrued and that really gives me the sense that Nick is... somewhat aware of the fact that people assume how he feels? Granted, this is coming off the heels of everyone saying he was in love with Tara, so maybe he felt the need to explain himself more since some people think one pre-teen kiss = fairytale love. (ignore the fact that Nick's fairytale kiss with the flowers totally equaled fairytale levels of love for him, lol.)

He literally explodes! Charlie is physically taken aback by his words. This happens right after Charlie has his big "I shouldn't have kissed you this was all my fault" etc. explosion. Which! The fact that Charlie explains how he feels down to feeling at fault and sharing that with Nick, who is very much like no.. no nO WAIT. I LIKED IT. (so much that he kisses Charlie to get him to understand that pre-explosion). And again, we sort of see Nick trying to bottle and be a bit more normal about it immediately before when Charlie tells him he's getting mixed-signals. Nick's response was to unmix the signal and then cry about it because THIS. IS. A . LOT.

For a cis-male character who is involved in a very masculine sport, surrounded by masculine people who are not nearly as emotional as he is(on page at least) the fact that Nick goes above and beyond in this moment where he's so vulnerable to ensure Charlie understands him is hugely neurodivergent to me. He's making sure Charlie gets that Nick loves him, he's making sure he gets that he's not mad about the kiss, and he makes sure Charlie knows he feels bad for leaving him behind. His bases are covered! There's no room to make assumptions about how he feels and I imagine for Charlie, a chronic overthinker, the fact that Nick is so blunt about his feelings all the time must be fucking incredible. He can actually take Nick at face value (at least at this point in the story ). But especially after Ben's gaslighting shit? Like fuck! I'd want to jump into a relationship too if the guy I've been crushing on for like two months ran to me house in the rain, kissed me, cleared the air, and then cried in my arms. I love emotional honesty! It's also interesting to me that it seems like his confusion towards his sexuality bothers him a LOT more than his feelings for Charlie do. He likes being in love with Charlie, that much obvious, but it's this conflict within himself that bugs him. And idk, I could be projecting again but I just can't see a neurotypical teenager reacting like that. To me, it really reads as Nick going. "Okay, I like kissing Charlie and being around Charlie. I'm in love, this is good. Check." but then his sexuality is a huge gray area until he does more research on bisexuality and decides that's the label he wants to use and I think the not knowing is what really bothers him. There's a lot of pressure in queer spaces especially nowadays to be labeled and for Nick, a character who buried his personality to be accepted by others, to specifically be upset at being confused about his identity reads as neurodivergent to me. Nick, by all accounts, doesn't seem to really care about his sexuality except for the way it challenges who he believed himself to be up until this point and what that means to the people around him who think he's just some straight laddish dude, you know? Largely, he also seems rather apathetic towards sexuality and gender in general except when he has to confront his sexuality and how other people will perceive him if they knew what his sexuality is-- hence keeping things between him and Charlie a secret despite the fact that he's never ever been shown to be ashamed of the fact that he loves Charlie.

Anyway, this post got way too long. Enjoy one of my favorite OCD/AUDHD moments between Nick and Charlie. THEY LITERALLY KISSED LIKE TEN MINUTES BEFORE THIS MOMENT... INSANE BEHAVIOR... I love them. The sillies.

[aphroditesfavechild]

Eros' heart skips as Vasilios gave his hand a squeeze, meaning he didn't seem against it. He nodded along with Vas' conversation, grinning as he took pictures. He wondered what it'd be like if he ever dated someone. To hold their hand and take pictures in Rome. He wondered if he'd ever even find anyone like that.

"Well, where exactly is this... entrance?" Eros asked, scratching his neck with his spare hand. It was beautiful, yes, but where were they supposed to go? "You said we're nearby something... hm?" Eros turned to look at Vasilios, asking his previous comments on being in the right area.

Closed Starter — Down in the Dark.

It’s been a few days (chalking up to nearly a week now) since the boys had left camp for their fated quest, or so Vasilios says. The quest so far has had its up and downs, leading the two demigods to unexpected turns to some places and narrowly escaped encounters with monsters. But with teamwork and skills put together, the two had the odds in their favour. Days after days of shadow-travelling all over the place and Vasilios being ill for another few days due to the lengthy distances, this quest had the boys now in the bustling city of Rome Italy. While there were a handful of tourism sights and a variety of attractions the city had to offer; the duo weren’t here to sightsee, as they had their own plans to carve here in Rome. And that was to find the Catacombs of Callixtus…

Once more the two had spent a day of wandering the city, looking for other clues and traces to give them another step closer to their goal as they were now standing around in front of a touristy hot spot for a quick break. Vasilios’ eyes were glued to the large statues surrounded with crystal blue waters that made up the famous Trevi Fountain, his thoughts drowned out from the running water and the bustling crowds of tourists and locals wandering to and fro. His arms were resting against the terrace that borderlines the fountain, he looked to be in a daze while taking in the smells of nearby cafes and restaurants, and feeling the light spray of water on his cheeks. He brought the bottled water to his lips for a short swig and he exhaled, his leg bouncing absentmindedly as he fished out his phone from his pockets to take a quick photo of the fountain.

His eyes then wandered to the Son of Aphrodite as he turned away from the fountain, and he leaned back against the terrace. “So,” Vasilios starts off, taking another brief sip of his drink. “St. Callixtus Catacombs, how the hell are we gonna get down there without having to get into the Vatican?”

@aphroditesfavechild

[felixfeliccis]

[creature-phases]

Chilchuck: Lmao you’re gonna be wrinkly soon if we stay like this

Marcille, having a crisis: everyone i love is going to die and leave me behind

[scruncheduppaper]

whatever

checking his fingers

can you keep the glasses on during sex so i can pretend you’re your brother

last doodles

[dailyloopdeloop]

DAY 42: with our powers combined

[dolly-is-cool]

who wants to join the Joyous Congregation with me???

[brainrot-goes-brrrrrr]

I'm going to be uploading a bunch of sbg doodles soon, but I really like this one so-

(Request from insta)

[jakesythu]

forgot i had this so here—

was listening to something in there (the frights) when doodling it and i think it made me feel things

[motof1bfs]

Valentino Rossi & Marc Márquez

it only took me like. way longer than i said it would.. red bull couldn't save me sorry gang

- 🏁

[tekstelart]

I'm tryna draw more Emmrich/Artemis(My Rook) in between comms... If y'all wanna see specific things, feel free to send me some prompts🥹

[asexualcloud]

top tier ship dynamic: "*insert trauma dump* but my childhood wasnt that bad. what about you?" x "bestie what the actual fuck you need therapy" (is equally fucked up)

[offkilterkeys]

I made this a while ago and it was my first ever panel edit but it looks so crincjled idk what happened to him :(

[goredoesstuff]

listened to the song over and over

got obsessed

drew the silly

yea

[spaceorphan18]

Because I have more feelings I need to express...

One of the aspects I love LOVE about Penelope and Colin is not only that they have a shared love of writing, but writing is an integral part of their romance. It's another way they connect, and it's, arguably, one of the reasons they fell in love with each other.

I have to wonder - who wrote who first? What prompted Colin to start writing Penelope along with his family while he was in Greece? Clearly, she was already like a part of the family -- I'm sure she and Eloise were inseparable from the time they were children. She was always there - always around - always seeing him. So did he write her as he did the rest of his family?

Or did Penelope start writing him? She would be bold enough and already in love enough to do it. Especially after Eloise (and the rest of the Bridgertons) grew bored of his letters.

Think of the correspondence they had over that summer and how intimately you can be with letters - because they're a private thing, between you and one other person. Think of the fact that it's a way they could both be themselves in a world where neither of them really feel like they're being seen, or taken seriously. Think of all the in jokes and adventures they share and how they both look forward to receiving a letter from the other. The spring in their step after they see the letter has arrived.

Think about how they connect with each other through the medium they're most passionate about!

It's no wonder Penelope didn't bonk him on the nose after he got back and claims the person he discovered was himself over her...

I'm sure if an outsider read those letters, they may not contain flowery language, but the love they have for one another would already be there.

But then think about the next year... When Colin is traveling Europe, and despite all of the new experiences he's having, it's still important that he tells her all about it. And how lonely it is when he doesn't hear back from her. Meanwhile, every time Penelope receives one of those letters it's like a little dagger in her heart. I wonder if she even read them, or if she put them all in a chest and lock it up tight so she wouldn't face it.

And I love that when Colin goes back to reread all of her letters again, not only is he discovering how Lady Whistledown is a part of her, but he's falling in love with her all over again. Eloise was right when she said that until he understands that she is LW, he can't possibly fully love her. But maybe more so, can't fully understand that he was already fully in love with her.

God, and there's so much more to the writing aspect -- how each of them uses writing as expression. How Pen sharing LW is ultimately as intimate as Colin sharing his journal. The fact that who they are is tied up in writing, and how there is somewhat of a jealousy and insecurity coming from Colin when it comes to the LW reveal, because she is already successful at the one thing he feels good at. The fact that, though, after they work through that they'll indulge in supporting each other's writing.

The writing aspect is just... so romantic to me (says the writer herself). And I love the idea that - not only will they continue to support each other's individual writing pursuits but I can only imagine the kind of correspondence they'll have when they're apart. Their letters will continue to be a way for them to not only express how they feel about each other, but will be a comfort to them when there is distance between them.

I probably could write a novel (ha!) on this subject, but time eludes me. Ug, though - just... love expressed in writing and used as connection. It gets me.

[gonedreaminggg]