#but aren't we supposed to do better?
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Man reading abt the treatment Richter got from Annette disgusts me. Oppression Olympics are super annoying already, but also this brand of f/m shipping where you have the #girlboss being constantly on top of her dumb malewife who is 100% devoted to her (it was already kinda awkward seeing fandom treat Draculisa that way w the og show ngl). Its supposed to be a twist on the usual sexist tropes like fridged wifes or women being the unpaid therapist but in the end it feels like an attempt to pass an unhealthy dynamic as cute n progressive and wholesome. And this isnt getting into female abusers and such (Lenore die in a ditch challenge)
I just feel bad for show Richter bc he sounds like a legit nice dude who keeps being thrown around by the ppl who should support him bc white man bad :/
Yeah, it's just. They're just flipping the script without addressing the real problem.
You're not going to solve sexism by saying "this man totally gets pegged by his wife <3", implying that being penetrated is a sign of submission and thus respect. You're not going to fix the cliché of Brooding Boy Gentle Girl by making the girl an asshole in the face of the boy's genuine trauma. You're not writing strong female characters by painting a woman who deceives, rapes and enslaves a man as a totally awesome move god i wish that were me fr fr.
NFCV has this pattern that so far hasn't been broken. It starts with Lisa sassily talking down Dracula in the first two minutes of the show, and then it kept going with Sypha keeping Trevor in check, Carmilla painting herself as the only braincell in Dracula's castle and so much cooler than the stupid men, Lenore treating Hector like a dog and the framing being one of titillation, the unnamed woman St. Germain has the hots for being generically badass, Greta literally saying that it's a good thing she can keep Alucard's life in order, and now Maria and Annette being almost the same brand of Stronk Independent Women who treat Richter like an idiot.
This is why I rolled my eyes when I learned about Annette in the show. It's not about racism, guys, I'm just tired of this archetype. It's not feminist to say that only one type of woman can exist, and this type of woman has to dominate over her man and be as unpleasant as possible because "god forbid women do anything".
Richter is genuinely nice, from what I've seen. He's cocky when it's the right time to be, nearly what I would expect from the real deal (minus the PTSD of course). The trailers did not make him justice one bit :\
#anti netflixvania#yes the games have mostly kind disposable women#annette lisa lydie sara rosaly mina they are very similar and not very fleshed out outside of being 'gentle'#(julia is on thin ice lol)#but aren't we supposed to do better?#fipping one stereotype for another without nuance is not fixing#at this point i'll take the overly kind woman#at least they can have a cute chemistry with their man
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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Hey, different post than usual, but this is just a PSA for people who may follow or have purchased anything from @/kagebros, or are looking to join any of the zines run by them @/allsparkzines. They have a history (and present) of tracing for profit.
I don’t think this one requires an overlay. It’s a trace of the yolopark bumblebee shockwave model kit promotional image, as a “sketch”.
Which they changed, once people noticed it! Changed most of it. They traced a different promotional image for the gun, which remained largely the same, even in the final piece (right).
Their matching Optimus Prime poster is a trace of the still from a [ Paramount promo video ], 36 seconds in.
There are several other examples that I can’t fit into this post without making it overly long, but if you have purchased or have been gifted anything from them, there is a chance it has been traced.
Regarding tracing as a tool:
Go hogwild! Trace all you want! Tracing is a very useful tool for learning shapes and forms, but like any other tool, it’s only useful if you use it correctly. The ultimate goal of tracing is to understand. It’s training wheels. Just don’t hide and lie about it, because as soon as you do, it becomes plagiarism.
Even within the finished versions of the Shockwave poster, it’s still clear where parts have been traced or copied without understanding. It’s a shame, because transformers as a franchise having so many toys makes it very easy to make references!
Here's an example of how I use them:
Luckily for me, the Cybertron toys and models are more or less exactly the same. I don't own the toys, so I have two images from a [ toy reviewer ] on top. Many angles to help me understand exactly what's happening. Granted, I could just ask my friend who does own the toy for him in the same pose, but tracing over that directly would make it too stiff and it wouldn't mesh with my style.
TL;DR: Kage traces, blindly and without disclosure, for profit.
#kagebros#not art#uh idk what to tag this#but watch out?#I'm sure plenty of their pieces aren't traced but really selling two posters with traced art as the centerpiece is a little... hm..#so sue me for being wary ig#take this as you will#edit: remember when I just thought it was two posters. better times#IGNORE HOW WIDE THE REF IMAGES ARE my friends and i were watching the 1080p upscale but for some reason the uploader fuckin#stretched the video out to fit the new aspect ratio instead of keepin it the og#but we didn't know? and didn't notice? until like. we were almost done#and then my friend was like hey guys uh they're not supposed to be this wide actually#uhhhh well thanks for reading if anyone read this to the end!#it's very disheartening to see ppl trace shit and then table with it like... what the hell am i doing then#edit: i also think my friend's cybertron optimus is buried under 50 boxes and askin him to move that much for a toy is a lil embarrassing#tfcon#tfcon baltimore
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No desire to convert to catholicism but the desire to kind of pretend that no schisms ever happened.
#[sigh] and we'll pray that our unity will one day be restored and they'll know we are christians by our love#txt#It's the bi-monthly angst about denominations don't mind me#whichever church I'm attending I know it's better than my very bleak new age era so it's not worth getting too upset over I suppose#what do you do when the UCC is too reformed and not litergical enough but catholics don't like gays or ordain women and episcopalians#make me angry because they like to ignore the atrocities they orchestrated in the southern united states and honestly every single#denomination has blood on their hands from various atrocities and ugh#too transgender for orthodoxy also#the eastern orthodox church in my city says that women can't wear pants that aren't obviously pants meant for women#so I can't check it out#I will keep going to my UCC church
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people framing their discussion about utena being groomed as her "making bad decisions" i am hitting you with several large rocks
#even people who aren't outright victim blaming about it often do this and it's so fucking frustrating#even just a “utena shouldn't have done that” will piss me off in certain contexts. can we just point the blame where it belongs please.#i promise you your analysis is not better or deeper just because you think mentioning akio being a predator is too “obvious”#and you feel like you have to be like ''well this is actually all about how flawed this child is for *checks notes* trusting an adult#who was supposed to take care of them. i am so smart'' you just end up looking like an asshole. or worse.#m#bad takes
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You know he has to flip for it!
No text + flat under cut
I've been working on this for a bit, and it is done! Two of my f/o's interacting for a silly meme. Ichimatsu's getting held by the scruff like a cat because Harv can't be normal /j/lh
#🦇// my art#i think we have to kill this guy#meme#two face#harvey dent#ichimatsu#ososan#btas#osomatsu san#dc#mr osomatsu#batman the animated series#self ship#f/o's#I LOVE LIMITED COLOR PALETTES!!!!!!#Also I'm really proud of the colors. I'm getting better at making them harmonious#I've been working on this for so long! honestly I finished it because I wanted to render something since i haven't in a bit#the lineart and anatomy was hell but that's partly because I chose shitty angles to work with in retrospect#alls well ends well I suppose#Look at Harveyyyyy <3 my wonderful Harv <3#It's supposed to be Harv talking that's why the speech bubble is black. I wasn't going to make it squiggly like in the comics for this.#Ichiiiiiii !!!!#I'm so happy with his facial expression! also this is the first time I've drawn him in the og suit I think#Yes he has a piercing because Iru took him to get his ears pierced I do what I want#Also Two Face gets makeup because he can get it and also I dislike the red lip thing. There's other headcanons too#I'm still playing around with his design but I like the skin tone and suit I used here#Also their noses!!! I LOVE THEIR NOSES!!!! Love how I drew them#only thing is their eyes aren't that detailed or rendered like I'd like. I got bored but they look good enough#honestly this whole thing I made so I could have a drawn header :3
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something that may raise some eyebrows. but i am sort of exhausted of censoring my own experiences and treating life before coming out as a part of me that shouldn't be talked about in fiction.
#okay not ME in this case but the thing holding me back with the scorpion family thing is like.#the point that castor is pre transition in it. and him being pre transition is important because it is a time in his life where#he is suffocating#and flipping between that and his adult self where he is out and free and living his own life is supposed to be a breath of relief#but. im used to ppl being like ''if you EVER portray a trans character pre transition then youre a fucking freak''#and i get why people wouldnt want to do that. they shouldnt have to.#but... idk. i wish we could portray all of ourselves in art. how we have grown over the years#my younger self is still a part of me. she wouldnt recognize me but i would protect her if i could.#i dont want to destroy her. pretend she never existed. she deserves better than that. she was struggling enough as it were#and thats sorta how i want castor to regard ''dawn''. he resented her. he's glad he's not her anymore.#but most of all he feels angry for her sake and is glad she's not struggling anymore. he's still here. he's alive. he made it.#and he's different now but he'll always defend that scared little girl#echoed voice#(i think its also like... ppl separating ''nonbinary'' from trans. to the point ppl think we literally cant call ourselves trans#so i feel excluded from that community. like i cant make art abt it because i dont have the right to. and its disheartening)#also this is... maybe a very hot take. but characters arent people. theyre tools. theyre not gonna be offended if you show their deadname#think of WHY you want to show their deadname. most of my characters deadnames aren't known bc they're not important at all#but castor's will here because i've decided that it's narratively important. because names and what they mean to ourselves is the theme her#it also helps that that was nooot his only name. hes been through those things like candy#ok this was very much a rambling incoherent babbling post ty for your time
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All of y'all pretending like heterosexual women are the only ones who experience misogyny, or experience the most misogyny, are not (just) being homophobic, you're being misogynistic.
You're denying women's sex based oppression is real or it's severity. So maybe sit down and shut up and realize that we are still women despite the fact that we are not sleeping with men. You have the ability to make the choice not to sleep with men too. It's not an inaction unique to homosexuals.
I will spread any feminist praxis I want, and if it's insulting for me to reiterate the ideals we preach in these spaces because I'm a homosexual then you can go ahead and be insulted. SSA women have just as much claim to these spaces as you do because we are women and these spaces are for fighting misogyny, which we all experience. It's not just for tackling the misogyny y'all are uncomfortable with, it's for tackling all of it. Get with the program, ladies.
#you don't have to like the fact that I sleep with women but you cannot act like I am not a woman#just as much right to be here and to preach the ideals radical feminists hold as you heterosexual women#I don't need to couch my language into something more appealing for you because I don't sleep with men#literally a problem you're choosing to perpetrate onto yourself#no one needs sex to survive nor romance it would be nice if you women would stop acting like they do.#the constant reiteration that women just naturally desire and need a romantic partner is misogyny it's propaganda#lily responds#radical feminism#radfems please touch#terfs please interact#radical feminists please touch#radical feminist#radical feminist theory#radfem lesbian#it doesn't become easier to be a good feminist as a lesbian you just aren't putting in the effort#I know this may come to a shock from you because you only hang out with lesbians in these faces but most women do expect we hold up#the gendered expectation for women and beauty standards just like it's expected of you#all socialized by the patriarchy on how women are supposed to look this doesn't change by being homosexual. we just make the effort not to#these ideas through our community cuz we're radfem homosexuals#maybe try to be less ignorant. that may help you be a better feminist overall
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I think I just gotta start writing the thing, so I'm gonna try to write a bit a day and we'll see how it goes:
Alice wakes up and looks out the window, and... That's weird, it's so much emptier.
Where's the port town facing the sea with their little red roofs and white walls that she can usually see in the distance?
Where are the smoking chimneys of big cargo boats out in the port, made small by the distance?
Where are the cranes, seemingly still ever time she looks, but somehow always hard at work, loading and unloading?
Where is the touch of modernisation?
Out in the distance, all she sees are trees that should not be there and rolling green hills with no roads with people and cars and trucks cutting through them, ever busy.
She opens the window, and the breeze blows in, but it's crisper, fresher, not carrying the smoky tang of vehicles and boats alike, something she never thought of, never noticed until now.
It's quieter too.
There isn't the sound of people and cars and boats in the distance, only the call of birds and the rustling of leaves, so much closer than before.
BANG!
The door startles her and she turns to see Marcus there, panting, anxious, his mouth gaping open, mouthing words he cannot find or voice.
She knows before he speaks what he's going to say.
They aren't in their world anymore.
#felt the urge to end it with#we aren't in Kansas anymore#cause it would be iconic and hilarious#anyway i have a story#and I'm going to try to write a bit of it a day#or else I'll never start#and so never finish#and die regretting it forever#it's supposed to be a comic actually#but that requires more effort#and if i frame it as having to be a comic#I'll never get around to doing it#just putting it out in the world is better than not writing it#and so I'm doing this to remind myself of that#wonder writes#part 1
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#[ dorian pavus. ] he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain.#[ dorian pavus: ic. ] you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet.#[ dorian pavus: inquiries. ] stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause?#[ dorian pavus: countenance. ] i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult.#[ dorian pavus: introspection. ] selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.#[ dorian pavus: meta. ] you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less?#[ dorian pavus: etc. ] you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.#[ dorian pavus: magic. ] don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places?#[ dorian pavus: inquisition. ] we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition.#[ dorian pavus: tevinter. ] despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love.#[ dorian pavus: felix. ] even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better.#[ dorian pavus: gereon. ] we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying.#[ dorian pavus: halward. ] i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy.#[ dorian pavus: aquinea. ] her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet.#[ dorian pavus: inquisitor. ] you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them.#[ dorian pavus: solas. ] you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit.#[ dorian pavus: varric. ] what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way.#[ dorian pavus: cullen. ] gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you.#[ dorian pavus: cassandra. ] blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic.#[ dorian pavus: cole. ] you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats.#[ dorian pavus: vivienne. ] i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends.#[ dorian pavus: blackwall. ] point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one.#[ dorian pavus: sera. ] you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony.#[ dorian pavus: bull. ] no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back?#[ dorian pavus: corypheus. ] one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. inquisition. ] one of mine? like a pet? like a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. veilguard. ] evil gods. rituals. waiting for the stars. it's about as tevinter as blood magic and hubris.#tag drop
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living alone & sick for the first time and have come across a difficult question: who washes the dishes when you're too sick/tired to do them for days at a time
#and also related. who buys groceries when you aren't really supposed to leave the house to go to the crowded supermarket#i know u can order groceries online hypothetically and have them delivered but im not having two entire boxes of tissues delivered#to my doorstep from a grocery store that's five minutes away. Like sorry thats my limit#i guess this is the part where having a community to help you would come in handy but uhh i dont have anybody?#nobody in my life is like ohh wow they feel back time to Come over and help them out. i think i could be paralyzed from the neck down#and nobody would come over to help me#for right now its not too much of an issue but if my cold gets any worse we will be in trouble!!#and im still not gonna go out until i start feeling better bcuz i dont want to get anyone else sick anyway#i guess its the “parents who are sick and also have sick kids” rule where u just do it anyway and it sucks#but there have been times where my sickness has been so bad i physically couldnt move or even make my bed so..... in that situation idk#that was a really bad flu i think#txt
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Sailor Merope!!!
#crazy coconuts#my art#dnd#eddie#we need more sailor gaurdians that aren't size 00#i looked more at cosplayers than offical art (although like every other one. very much directly referred to an image for the pose + outfit-#but this was never supposed to be an exercise in pose or clothing. it was intentionally easy bc it was for fun)#(fair warning. long explanation incoming. also very little actual sailor moon knowledge)#ANYWAY merope is actually just a snappy version of what Im trying to say#which is def something to do with the pleiades (the dnd campaign is very christian. the associated love of 7. its the 7 sisters. you get it)#the pleiades especially work bc they fulfil sailor moon's love of space + greek myths/things in general#although. upon looking at the actual naming conventions most of the greek ones seem to be villains?#theres also whatever the animamates are doing#buuuut villains or not the ambiguity does sorta work bc i dont fully think we're being all that morally good in our dnd campaign#the stars in the pleiades themselves are named after their associated greek sisters too#anyway. merope was only specifically chosen bc she is often the “lost sister” so to speak#aka the explanation for why we can only generally see 6 of the brightest stars with the naked eye anymore#(the astrological explanation is that those things move! theyre movin right now! the 7 sisters are just that old of a story)#the missing sister thing is funny to me with my girl who would generally rather hide away forever#buuutt she was also the wife of sisyphus. which i could honestly explain away or ignore but its enough of a Thing#that i could see the other sisters working as well#but this explanation alone has had me sifting through astronomy websites and sailor moon wikis for over an hour#so i need to stop before i start looking into places to watch sailor moon#WAIT before I go. I would be embarrassed to not amend my previous statement about the missing sister#sometimes its electra! because she is distraught by the destruction of troy#very well could work better. but its too late. i have written so much. we must live with merope. gods know sisyphus didnt :}c
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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*through clenched teeth* no matter how hard i try i will never change the minds of the purposefully misguided because they are choosing to look at things from one bad faith perspective to convince themselves that they are right and no matter how many times they're proven wrong, they will turn a blind eye and continue to claim a false moral high ground
#gahhh i KNOW they won't change their minds but like. do you not see whats in front of you? do you not see the story that was told?#i know you're doing it on purpose necause its easier to convince yourself that the Real Reason you hate him#is because uhhh remember how he used to be ten years ago? remember how he used to act? ignore the fact that his entire character in those#episodes was supposed to be “reformed bully” to more effectively convey the change that hen and chimney instilled at the 118#ignore the fact that this entire show is built on the idea of second chances and redefining yourself#ignore the fact that josh looked down the barrel of the camera and said sometimes we hurt others to protect ourselves#things we aren't proud of. things we can't excuse or defend. but you have to understand it even if you don't like it.#the entire thesis for this show is people change and grow and become better if given the chance#and tommy was given the chance and did a lot of work to improve himself off screen#even before he came in season 7. he is officially in the henchim family in season 2#going out to bars together isnt smth you do with your piece of shit coworker you hate#throwing a party for your coworker#but none of that matters. because you all decided the minute you realized that they were telling a love story#that you didn't WANT to like him#but its not that you didnt like HIM. its that you didnt like the relationship. because it wasn't the one you were rooting for.#you're working backwards from that conclusion and finding the pieces along the way#so nothing i say. no matter how many times tim minear says that tommy changed and grew#no matter how many times buck says that he loves tommy. no matter how many times eddie hen chim all say tommy is cool#you will still sit there seething at the idea that buck fell in love with tommy and not eddie
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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The Fight
Trying to pick up the pace a little bit, but I'm not very good at writing action so this might be a bit clunky. Please excuse me.
Mountain's Peak (Part 1)
Nepal Sanctum (Part 2)
Talk it out (Part 3)
In which we let it all out
Ramattra found his brother exactly where he expected to; Tucked away on the highest roof top of the Monastery's temples, an old withered place few monks visited simply for the egregious amount of single wide stairs clearly poorly placed by the original builders.
"Brother Mondatta is looking for you," Ramattra spoke with no worry of startling his brother, positive Zenyatta had already sensed his approach at least three levels down. The fact that he hadn't run was a good sign.
"He can look a while longer.." Zenyatta replied, relaxing from his curled up position to allow his legs to dangle over the edge of the building.
Ramattra sat himself down beside his brother, taking a moment to appreciate the view. The sun was setting, stars had started to dot the soft pink sky. From this high up, one could truly see on into forever if they desired to.
"You hit the human..." Ramattra finally pressed, giving a glance to Zenyatta, who curled back in on himself slightly.
"I did."
"You said you would only use what I taught you in self defense."
"I did not use what you taught me, dear brother. I used my fist."
Ramattra couldn't help the slight chuckle hearing his elder defend himself so sharply released. If he could still shoot back, then he couldn't be all that tore up about what he'd done.
"Mondatta will expect an apology when we finally return."
"I did nothing to him." Zenyatta once again uncurled himself, his legs once more dangling over the building's edge as he relaxed into the flow of conversation with Ramattra.
"To the human, Brother."
Zenyatta released a loud, dramatic sigh noise, clunking his head into Ramattra's shoulder. "I would rather be placed on cattle clean up for the next 7 years."
Ramattra chuckled once again, "And I would love to assist you with such chores, but that is not Mondatta's way."
"No... I suppose not..." Zenyatta's voice softened as he once more pulled his knee to his chest, placing a hand on the ground next to Ramattra for balance.
Ramattra found his hand placed gently over his brother's, keeping his sensors locked to the stars as he leaned his head atop Zenyatta's.
With the sunrise the brothers would make their way back down to the village, they'd catch Master Mondatta on his way back from his morning meditation, when the monastery is silent and the human is still asleep. Zenyatta would give his apology, and be given laundry duty in return, with Ramattra would happily assist with despite Mondatta's preaching on how one must face their misdoings on their own.
That would all come tomorrow. For tonight, the two sat peacefully on the temple roof top, hands intertwined in a painfully human way, counting stars until the sun arose the next morning.
That stare made everyone in the monastery uncomfortable. Bright red eyes that only ever saw the monks as who they were, what they had been made for, how they'd failed or succeeded at a task that had been forced upon them.
It was sickening.
Across from Zenyatta stood the human, shouldering off thick layers of cloth and robes and scarves until only one remained, tied tightly off at his waist by a cream orange cincture belt. He then removed the thick, straw woven snow boots Mondatta had made for him, stepping bare foot into the chalk drawn circle of the training area, holding his hands up in a ready pose.
He'd kept his eyes locked on Zenyatta, not in a glare of malice, or even his usual annoying fascination, but a neutral look that challenged him without words.
Ramattra's hand grabbed tightly to the back on Zenyatta's upper robe. He was shaking. He was going to stop this.
Zenyatta shoulder off his brother's grasp and the robe along with it, leaving him in only his pants and the red cloth he'd kept tied around his waist.
Stepping into the ring, Zenyatta stood wide and placed his palm against the human's, keeping their gaze locked.
"If you win, I'll leave. Permanently. And I'll tell every human I meet they're not welcome here." Emile spoke evenly, despite the rapid pulse Zenyatta could feel coming from their freezing fleshy hand.
He tilted his head in amusement, "And what will you get if you happen to win?"
This was the sort of confrontation that would usually draw this particular human to tears, so it was quiet the shock to see him hold together while speaking. "You can decide that when it happens."
'When' Zenyatta thought on, wrapping his fingers around the human's small hand. It was cold, and soft, and easily crushable in even the flimsiest of Omnic hands.
"Usually a match is called when one is forced from the ring, but that feels a touch too easy, wouldn't you agree?" The human nodded along with Zenyatta's proposal, "So we keep going until one of us taps, agreed?"
Zenyatta watch the human give a small nod once more
And then kicked them as hard as he could right in the stomach
Emile flew out of the ring, scratching to a stop along the stone flooring. He hacked and coughed, gripping onto his stomach. If he'd eaten anything for the past few days he surly would have hurled it up.
"Get up." Zenyatta spoke from the ring. The human did as commanded, pulling himself up on shaky legs. He did not glare at Zenyatta for landing the first blow, he did not look on in fear for how much stronger his opponent was, he did not bask in awe at how mighty a kick it was. He kept his neutral expression.
And that pissed Zenyatta off worse than anything else.
Blow after blow, the human continued to get back up. Even after he'd started spitting up blood. Even after his glasses were shattered on the stone ground, rendering him near blind. Even after he'd stopped being able to feet his fingers in toes in the cold and after his arm stopped moving and after his ankle had made such a horrible crack and swollen to the size of an orange.
And even after Zenyatta still stood perfectly pristine.
Emile hadn't landed a blow on his opponent. Zenyatta was starting to doubt he was even trying to. Had he even raised his hand once to the monk? Had all he done was stand there and take Zenyatta's blows?
Zenyatta clenched his fists, "Get Up." He demanded, as he had over and over again, to the human laying still on the stone before him. "Get Up and Hit Me."
Emile's form shook as he pushed himself up with only one arm, his white hair dangling before his face, tips red from his own blood. As commanded he got up on shaky legs once more and looked to Zenyatta with those red eyes that pierced into his history, a history he'd been trying so hard to ignore, to hide and run away from.
"Get up." Zenyatta demanded again after landing a hard hit right into the human's nose. It was broken for sure.
Emile did as commanded.
"Brother, that is enough-" Ramattra reached to grab Zenyatta, to put an end to this, but stopped inches away.
"It's not enough..."
The human's voice was ragged, breathless and broken and shaking. He sounded on the brink of death.. He very well might have been.
"It's not... enough...."
Blood mixed with tears down Emile's face, big wet eyes stared at Zenyatta, making the Omnic hesitate.
Ramattra wouldn't dare touch a human, but he made a motion like he was going to either way, "Human you cannot take much more, please just call it-"
"I CAN'T." Emile's voice cracked, he coughed, and took a step just to keep himself from collapsing, "I can't... it's not... enough... yet...."
The human but his hand on his wrist, and Zenyatta found himself mimicking the motion. His finger tips touched delicately at his exposed arm wire, one of many fragile pieces of himself he'd been forced to show to the world after nearly loosing his life before coming here.
He could still feel the human's cold finger tips on it...
"it's not... enough... to... ma...ke up.. for what... i..."
His body was too heavy, everything hurt, and the world was spinning.. In his last few moments of consciousness Emile braced himself for one more cold embrace from the stone steps of the battle field..
And instead found warmth...
#Emile's Writing#In which Zenyatta beats me the fuck up#Ramyatta#In the first half at least... Hinted at any way#That's the INTENTION any way they do have feelings for one another but aren't. Like. Together really#Self insert#Self insert Fanfic#Proselfship#Proship Selfship#Zenyatta#I SHOULD probably actually tag him for these.... but I don't kgdjbkgfkjg I'll get better about that#This was SUPPOSED to be the last chapter of the Nepal Youths arc with Delinquent Zenyatta buuuuuuut#We've got one more to go now and then we can stop having Delinquent Zenyatta#But sensitive fraidy cat Ramattra is staying for a few more chapters because I LOVE HER#Anyway. Thanks for reading if you did!#Sorry the fight's kind of choppy like I said I'm not good at them#But it's necessary#This is one of those things I'd bring up with modern Zenyatta that'd make him want to curl up and explode ksdfjsdk#Genji would not believe me if I told him about this
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