#but also you have to understand that this is coping mechanism central.

[bunnys-lil-hideout]

"too many selfship prompts and imagines are revolved around healthy and happy dynamics and interactions and its boring".

no hate to any of you as i completely get where you're coming from. however. holds your hand. you do know that you're in a virtual community that is the equivalent of a shelter filled with traumatized pets right. surely you're aware of this.

[antimisinfo]

Endos / endogenics and why they aren't valid :

We've made posts on this before but we decided it might be good to make one big post to link to for when / if anyone asks again. We tried to cover everything we could in this post but we'll likely be making other posts similar to this later on.

So what are endos? Endos or endogenics are people who claim to have DID/OSDD without trauma or claim to have alters / be a system without having DID/OSDD.

Why is this bad? This is misinformation because as far as science knows DID/OSDD is a trauma based disorder (specifically caused by trauma in early childhood, which is speculated to be 1-9 / 1-12 years old) and your brain would not split / create alters without reason. You cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters. To add onto this endos also take over our communities and steal our terms. (We'll make a post with further information on that in the future).

There is also a carrd that explains why endos are bad and debunks a few myths if anyone is interested in it! If not continue reading

Why can't you have DID/OSDD or alters without trauma? As far as science knows DID/OSDD is a trauma disorder and in order to have alters in the first place you require dissociation, which is also a trauma ((or stress)) response. Here are tons of medically reviewed sources that say this:

“ They suggest that DID is caused by experiencing severe trauma over a long time in childhood. By experiencing trauma in childhood, you take on different identities and behaviours to protect yourself. As you grow up these behaviours become more fully formed until it looks like you have different identities ” — rethink.org

“ Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder, is a complex psychological condition caused by many things. These include severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse). It's also known as split personality disorder. ” — webMD

“ DID is usually associated with adverse experiences in someone’s past and traumatic memories. ” & “ Dissociation — a major part of DID — is a defense mechanism the body uses to reduce your awareness during overwhelming trauma ” — pysch central

“ DID is associated with long-term exposure to trauma, often chronic traumatic experiences during early childhood. ” & “ Dissociation—or disconnection from one’s sense of self or environment—can be a response to trauma. It can happen during a single-incident, traumatic event (e.g., an assault, a natural disaster, or a motor vehicle accident), or during ongoing trauma (e.g., wartime; chronic childhood abuse). ” — mcleanhospital.org

“ Dissociative disorders often develop as a way to deal with a catastrophic event or with long-term stress, abuse or trauma. This is particularly true if such events take place early in childhood. At this time of life, there are limitations to your ability to fully understand what’s happening. In addition, your coping mechanisms aren’t fully developed and getting support and resources depends on the presence of caring and knowledgeable adults. ” — my.clevelandclinic.org

“ There are many possible causes of dissociative disorders, including previous traumatic experience. ” & “ Switching off from reality is a normal defence mechanism that helps the person cope during a traumatic time. ” — nhs.uk

“ Dissociative identity disorder is the result of a natural way of coping with childhood trauma. Our page on the causes of dissociative disorders has more information. ” & “ Dissociation is a natural response to trauma while it's happening. But some of us may still experience dissociation long after the traumatic event has finished. Past experiences of dissociation during traumatic events may mean that you haven't processed these experiences fully. ” — mind.org (two links since they're two different pages)

“ Dissociative disorders usually start as a way to cope with shocking, distressing or painful events. The disorders most often form in children who go through long-term physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Less often, the disorders form in children who've lived in a home where they went through frightening times or they never knew what to expect. The stress of war or natural disasters also can bring on dissociative disorders. When you go through an event that's too much to handle emotionally, you may feel like you're stepping outside of yourself and seeing the event as if it's happening to another person. Mentally escaping in this way may help you get through a shocking, distressing or painful time. ” — mayoclinic.org

Most of these sources are pretty recent too, with the most recent one being made in September 2023 (webMD)

What about religious beliefs / tuplamacy? First people are not required to believe or participate in your religious beliefs (and religious beliefs are not exempt from criticism) and second tuplamacy is a closed Buddhist practice that has nothing to do with being a system and should not be compared to being a system nor should it be included / involved in system communities. Note that the DSM-V also says that in order to have DID; "The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice." <- this does not mean it's possible to have alters due to a religious thing, if anything it says they cannot be counted as alters / as a system.

To add on, no you cannot pray to be a system or transition into being a system. If you were to pray and one day magically become a system you are either in denial or you've convinced yourself you're something you're not. Believing you can be a system without trauma or that you can become a system by praying is like believing you can get autism from vaccines or drinking too much dairy milk, that's just not how it works.

What about mixed origin systems? Mixed origin systems are not a thing. DID/OSDD forms purely from trauma, you can't form from a mix of trauma and not trauma, that's not how it works. If you identify as mixed origin you are likely in denial and really need to come to terms with the fact that you are either traumatized or you're not a system at all.

What about other kinds of origins? Other origins like "willowgenic" and all that bullshit? Yeah no, same thing as endos, not possible. Look above for all the proof you need, DID/OSDD is only caused by trauma. Traumagenic is the only valid origin.

But I gave myself DID! / But I created my own alters! No you didn't. That isn't possible, you cannot turn yourself into a DID/OSDD system and creating alters is a coping mechanism, not something you do for fun, sources on this;

“ DID Isn't Something You Can Give Yourself on Purpose. Having DID was not a conscious decision those of us with the disorder made when we were children. Dissociative identity disorder is not a selective disorder, meaning you cannot decide that you want to develop this brilliant coping mechanism and then you have it. ” — healthyplace

“ In any case, additional alters are usually the result of extreme stress. The mind does not like to be fractured even when an individual already has DID or OSDD-1. Many individuals cannot split unless a split is strictly necessary for their protection, functioning, or ability to remain hidden as a system. That said, there are exceptions. Some individuals may become so used to using splitting as a coping mechanism that they may split easily in response to seemingly minor stressors. ” — didresearch.org

Isn't being a system like the same as being trans or being LGBTQ? No, many endos compared the two but they are completely different. Being LGBTQ is an identity, it's something you are born as. Being a system is a debilitating disorder caused by severe trauma, it is counted as a disability which is;

“ 'A person has a disability if: They have a physical or mental impairment, and the impairment has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on the person's ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.' ” — gmc.org

The reason DID would be counted as a disability is that;

“ Having a dissociative disorder can affect your ability to keep a full-time job, especially one with work stresses, which can worsen your symptoms. ” — disabilitysecrets

And the DSM-V criteria literally says;

“ The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning ” — traumadissociation

But the DSM-V says that trauma isn't required! No, the DSM-V actually says CSA isn't required, there are other forms of trauma that don't involve CSA or child abuse. To act as if it saying that the trauma isn't always CSA or child abuse means that it doesn't require trauma at all is extremely invalidating to those who are traumatized in ways that don't involve child abuse or CSA.

But this source claims endos exist / DID doesn't require trauma! Most of those sources are extremely old and / or made by endos (or pro endos) themselves. (We'll make a more in-depth post on this topic some other time, but for now this is all we have to say on it)

But we don't know everything about the human brain! You're right, we don't. The brain is mysterious, but we do know enough to know that it doesn't do these kinds of things for no reason. We know the brain reacts to trauma and we know what the difference between a normal brain and a disordered brain is. Just because we don't know everything doesn't give people an excuse to jump to conclusions and spread misinformation. It is better to stick to what science currently knows which is the theory of structural dissociation, which is the current theory about how DID/OSDD forms, and so far no one has been able to disprove it. And before someone says it, no it is not only a theory, it is a scientific theory which is;

“ A theory is a well-substantiated explanation of an aspect of the natural world that can incorporate laws, hypotheses and facts. The theory of gravitation, for instance, explains why apples fall from trees and astronauts float in space. Similarly, the theory of evolution explains why so many plants and animals—some very similar and some very different—exist on Earth now and in the past, as revealed by the fossil record. ” — amnh.org

And to add on;

“ Scientists develop theories to explain the natural world and to advance scientific knowledge. A theory is the highest level of explanation in science. Some features of scientific theories are that they: have been thoroughly tested over an extended period, provide accurate explanations and, predictions for a wide range of phenomena, are widely accepted by the scientific community, demonstrate strong experimental and observational support ” — study.com

[ven0moir]

BYCHANCE TIMELINE - speculative theory

This goes by the hand of what I've shown before here. This theory is just a small part of a larger narrative, and whereas Will's arc is central, his relationship with his friends and family will be crucial this season. So what you're seeing here is me trying to narrow down what I believe his arc with Chance, specifically, will entail. I see this as one of the loops Will needs to break to Be Free--one storyline ingrained into a larger narrative--its not what the season will focus on entirely, but an important aspect of it.

ACT I. Bychance introduced in EP1

Full circle moment as Bychance joins the narrative pattern established through Stancy, Mileven & even Joyce and Lonnie--which I'll be calling Jonnie for short. They start off with Will reading a note [ left in his locker ], with a time and place to meet. Then we see them together. This rattles the audience a bit--some will actually approve ( like they did Mileven & Stancy ), some might cheer bc it means their ship's endgame now that Will has an 'official love interest' ( Milevens ), some might question if this is real/a vecna vision or something, and others ( Bylers ) question it and are taken aback bc this might feel ooc of Will to them. Which it is, yes, but that's kind of the point.

He's conforming half-way. He refuses to date a girl and lie about who he is, yes, but at the same time he's sneaking around with a jock/bully, who is part of the group that tormented Hellfire in S4, nonetheless. And, just like Nancy did Steve in S1, makes excuses for his behavior. ( callback to S1 )

"He's a good guy deep down, he just needs some time to come to terms with who he is. It's not like I have options, anyway. What are the odds of meeting someone else like me in this town?"

In Will's case, the van scene was a metaphorical self-sacrifice. A part of Will, a very important part of him, died in that van--not to mention the whole forgotten birthday thing. So he's now trying, forcing himself to move on and find coping mechanisms.

However, I really do think the point of Bychance is to serve as a lesson, yes, but also to give Will a little bit of a 'vacation' and allow him to live a little, damn. He surely deserves a break.

ACT II. Flashback to their first meeting

The details of their first encounter remain to be seen but we either see them get together in real time ( aka this happens before we see them kiss ) or we see a flashback of their first meeting, which might be similar to Mileven's ( it happens by chance--pun intended--in a way that feels cold, it's raining, there's danger looming, etc ). However, Bychance might mirror BenChar from Heartstopper more than Mileven's first scene. The reason being that it is widely accepted within the town that Will is queer and we even have bullies in S1 talk about Will's queerness ( potential S1 callback here? ), so it might be safe to assume that Chance is aware of the possibility of Will being queer and at some point the opportunity presents itself, and the two exchange words. I expect coded language being used, reinforcing one of the show's themes.

"Is it true what they say about you? That you're ... yknow. Different."

I'm putting BenChar here as a very loose example, because I don't think Will would get outed like Charlie--the truth is he never even had the luxury of hiding to begin with. As far as we understand, everyone just knew. I also assume the show would show us moments of Will trying to connect with Chance/talk to him but Chance doesn't seem interested in that, like Ben with Charlie, and then the reality begins to sip through--this isn't real, Will is just looking for a replacement for Mike. Sound familiar? Because if we see S5 Bychance paralleling S1 Mileven ... yikes.

Another theme that BenChar has in common with Stranger Things is the idea of secrecy--which is basically what Mike had to do in S1, hide Eleven and therefore his relationship with her. Not out of malice, but for safety reasons. Chance and Will would be in the exact same spot. Again, if there are noticeable parallels ... yikes.

However, I'm not sure what exact vibe Chance brings to the table, but he definitely cannot come across too intense bc it'll spook Will. So he needs to be stealthy, like a ninja. ( Like yknow, how Steve said as he crawled through Nancy's window in S1 that he was 'stealthy like a ninja' and like in S2 when he said to Dustin that some girls like you to be aggressive like a lion, but others like you to be stealthy like a ninja ).

To Chance, Will is a conquest, but he might be like Ben as in he's not totally unredeemable--and if subtextually he's supposed to be this personification of Will's trauma, then we can expect he reminds Will of Lonnie, Vecna and ... Mike. Just like how Mike reminded El of Brenner, Hopper, etc. Yay, more WillEl parallels.

Lonnie = father figure--he's in Joyce's S1 shoes here. He feels like he's losing his mind. ( Either due to old UD trauma, new UD trauma recall, irl trauma, or bc of the van scene. Or everything. It depends on how much angst the Duffers want S5 to have. )--so when Chance comes knocking at his door, he lets him in, initially thinking he's making a choice for himself. Vecna = someone who used his mind and body for his own purposes. Mike = an illusion, a lie/fantasy. ( as per s4, this is what Will currently believes ).

Similarly to BenChar, Chance might act out the tough and roudy bully in public, and pretend Will doesn't exist, but then be sweet in private.

This is also in a way similar to Stancy, where Steve offered something more surface-level and encouraged Nancy to suppress her feelings instead of expressing them, even if that wasn't his intention. And similarly, El didn't show interest in Mike's hobbies when he tried to introduce them to her--not El's fault, she simply wasn't interested.

ACT III. Bychance getting caught ( by either Mike or Jonathan? ) 

Mike/Jonathan is investigating something related to the supernatural, or going some place and sees Bychance by pure chance ( this stops being funny after a while ), connecting with: Jonathan seeing Nancy with Steve in S1 Jonathan finding Jonnie in an uncomfortable position in S1 And thus helping the narrative come full circle. If we want to say it is a combination between these two, then my bet is, it is Mike who finds them. Mike sees his Will, with someone else ... yikes. But also, he sees him .. with another guy. In a compromising position. I'll ... talk about Mike later since he's the most puzzling to me, but for now I'll just say I think it's a VERY different thing if he'd seen Will with a girl. If he had, total drama queen tantrum, but with another guy?? Oh boy.

But back to Will--The implication of bychance paralleling or being contrasted with Jonnie is the idea of returning to a toxic place out of desperation & for comfort--a coping mechanism. i,e Will's relationship with Chance is the consequence of and is shaped by Will's UD + irl trauma. This dynamic gives Will a false sense of control and perpetuates what he began in the van scene--he's still Will, but is making the wrong choices. Gotta love consequences.

I also don't know how far the show will go depicting this dynamic--my guess is worst case scenario it goes all the way like Stancy, but it could also be like Jonnie where it falls apart before it goes too far. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

ACT IV. Roles reverse--Chance sees Mike and Will sharing a tender moment after Will has a traumatic experience?

This moment with Nancy was right after her encounter with the tree, so maybe something related to that tree we're seeing Will associated with? Also, I have no idea where this scene would take place logically--I have 0 clue where the Byers are staying after all. But somewhere where Chance could realistically go to. This scene with Stancy was after Steve wasn't too supportive of Nancy and went to apologize to her house, but then saw Jonathan and Nancy together--his reaction was to break Jonathan's camera. So this could maybe have something to do with the scenes surrounding the bullies that we have seen. If Chance at some point is an active participant in a force that hurts the party to get back at Mike/(Will) then this could be what sets Will up for the final Bychance act.

And I know that adding Chance to the mix might appear as just more drama for Byler but imagine the golden opportunity here to 'show don't tell' the audience through a third party that has stakes on the situation. Because it's not the same if Jonathan or Karen or anyone sees them together, there's room for plausible deniability there.

But the boyfriend of one of them seeing and getting jealous? Yeah that says he saw something there that the audience should be seeing too. Because what if it's like ... a combination between this scene and S2 Mike giving Will comfort and holding his hand?

Now this could technically be done through El too--and there's a parallel in S2 where she got jealous over Mike and Max even though there wasn't anything truly there. But quite frankly I think that was something that they'd have done with S4 El.

ACT V. The break-up ( the closing & breaking of the cycle )

So, I'm not entirely sure about the flow of this yet bc part of me also wonders if they'll just kill off Chance like they did Bob in the middle of the action or something. Yikes. Hell, maybe Will gets possessed by Vecna and kills Chance himself, who the hell knows. This could go SO MANY WAYS.

But I do hope we see a moment of catharsis for Will where he chooses to reclaim his self-worth. That feels more to me like the point of Chance as well.

My current guess is perhaps the energy of this scene is a combination between BenChar and Jonnie, with Will being angry and hurt and finally realizing he deserves, and wants, better than this. More than this. Chance is a test he must pass before he's ready to face off against Vecna AND get together with Mike ( which will probably happen towards the end for sure ).

And perhaps the Duffers will go with the concept of 'chance' in its metaphorical context, and I'm way too attached to the pacing and tone of S1, but considering all of the S1 callbacks we saw in S4 ... there's just something so compelling and powerful to me about Will having a previous romantic experience before getting with his One True Love. Otherwise Byler risks feeling too ... perfect to me in a way that feels ... stiff. But maybe I'm wrong and they have a better way to do it than Bychance!

I just honestly cannot shake these:

Our first impression of Chance being him wearing the number 22. Lucas saying 'I'm tired of feeling like a loser, so now we have that chance' with a poster that says "MEET AT"

Tigers ( jock + cheerleader ) making out next to an INVITATION to a GAME with a day + time.

Jason asking if Mike Is Somewhere, "by chance". It's giving Deadpool level of self-awareness & meta, it's giving Shawn Levy. Who worked on that movie, btw. And is the dude who said this:

"Without getting into where we go later in season 4 [Volume II], I guess I'll just say that there aren't many accidents on Stranger Things," Levy tells EW when asked about Will's sexuality. "There is clear intention and strategy and real thought given to each and every character. So, if you came away from Volume I feeling those bread crumbs of plot and character, it's probably no accident." source

Oh, so you mean me perceiving the tigers are heavily queercoded might've been intentional, strategic and really thought out? And sure, that might not really mean anything Bychance related, or it might just mean something else. But the scene of Lucas in Hawkins and Will in rink-o-mania being connected through music ...?

And then we just saw Chance on the scene, inviting people over to party, and a Chance/Mike lookalike extra behind Will with a shirt that says 'I love contact sports'? Really?

Really?

It's giving 'happy belated birthday, Will!'

I know I'm delusional af atp I do not even trust myself, it's 6.00am and I just needed to get this out before the self-doubt crept up on me again, but it is becoming clearer to me how Bychance fits into the narrative--and it is so seamless to me that im over here like LET'S GO TIGERS, LETS GO TIGERS

I don't know, man. I don't know. But either way, this is fun as hell, which is the point of analysis, no? Regardless of whether or not this happens, or does so in a metaphorical way, we'll see!

[minyard-05]

hello! i am here to share more Aaron and Andrew thoughts™ though i won’t lie i had a little sleep since earlier and cannot remember whatever it was i was thinking so i will make up some new thoughts for u <3

so, in the extra content i think nora says that aaron starts playing exy to get out the house so he can avoid tilda, andrew starts playing exy in juvie, which was another way to keep andrew (and subsequently aaron) away from drake. so, for both of them, exy is a way out of abuse. so it’s fitting that they both use exy raquets to stop abusers - drake, and riko. i could honestly make a whole post about how exy appears to represent coping mechanisms in the series, but ill leave it at this - for aaron and andrew exy was an escape from abusers, so they helped others escape from their abusers by using exy equipment.

another similarity: they both immediately assume the other’s partner is a repeat of their abuser, whilst simultaneously hating the partner because they believe they’re taking their brother away from them. they’re both so anxious about losing each other but neither of them are used to getting the things they want. i fully believe the hatred that is displayed between aaron and andrew is, (whilst in part due to frustration and feeling betrayed) because looking at each other is like looking in a distorted mirror and more than anything they both hate themselves. and it’s very difficult for both of them to watch the other be in pain, but their self-hatred makes it equally difficult to actively care for the person who reminds them so much of themselves.

this one’s just a headcanon, but if aaron were to get a tattoo, i think he’d get an ouroboros. they symbolise the life cycle, representing death and rebirth. he’s an aspiring doctor with a murder charge, the concept of life and death is not something he can easily run away from. but crucially, aaron’s murder of andrew’s abuser is what breathes new life into their relationship; considering the ‘transmigration of souls’ that is tied to the ouroboros, you can consider aaron and andrew’s relationship to have been reborn off the back of drake’s death. thus, the cycle of life. death and rebirth. obviously other things have to happen before they truly start to heal, but drake’s death is the first step towards aaron understand andrew and everything he’s done. i think if he were to get it he’d get it on his wrist, of the hand he primarily held the racquet in to truly drive the point home. and if andrew eventually gets a matching tattoo, then what?

i read this ask literally like four times before i could respond because oh my GODDDDD you've got it you've got it so perfectly spot on i'm OBSESSED and PAINED

i literally cant stop thinking about the exy thing like. it's a sport they both agreed to a scholarship for because it got them out, it got andrew away from everything that wasn't the 2 people he cared about and it got aaron away from his mother's memory. i would love for you to elaborate on exy as a coping mechanism across the book but for them especially like they're both good at it but don't care, aaron's dropping it the second he gets into med school, and andrew just doesn't care. it's also one of the central factors that kind of holds them together as brothers, like neil says a few times, aaron and andrew function as this one defense Team despite whatever they hate each other for off court. they can trust each other to do what they need to do, andrew knows aaron will check anyone he has to whenever he has to, carded or not, and aaron knows that andrew will lock down the goal when it matters (i mean the guy blocked 137/150 shots in one game). so possibly even because of how they know each other off court, they're kind of an unstoppable force on it. that tied in with them both protecting people they care about with exy racquets? ough....

the MIRROR thing oh my god. part i actually had to read over and over because That's so right that's literally it that's literally all of it you've got them perfect. kind of everything that happens with the twins, what they do to and for each other really stems from a deeply skewed sense of justice and loyalty. i mean andrew says it himself, tilda was nothing and no one to him, not meaning he didn't know what she meant to aaron, but he told her not to hit him again and she didn't listen so for that she had to die. because that's how simple it is in andrew's head, that's where his justice, his protection comes from. initially he has nothing against you, it only starts if you hurt one of his own. i think the part that was hardest for aaron to process wasn't that andrew had done it, but that andrew had done it for him. it'd been a little over, what, five months since andrew moved in? aaron, after the 'fuck you' letter, probably always assumed his new brother hated him, and that Evidently didn't change when they got to palmetto, and we can see from his reaction to neil saying "so now you know why andrew killed your mother". like i think he might've suspected something, but didn't say it, but he chalked it up to the fact that tilda hit andrew instead of him. but neil says it himself, again, andrew will fight tooth and nail until somebody relents or dies to protect who matters, but when it comes to himself, he won't. aaron couldn't process that that's what andrew was willing to do for him, five months after meeting him for the first time.

but there's a difference between planning a murder and instinct. tilda's accident was planned, carefully. aaron simply was holding the racquet and able to move. but the outcome is the same, somebody dies, to save one of the twins. the other is the one who kills. intrinsically, they are linked, if andrew was able to kill tilda faster and get away with it, he would've. aaron doesn't exactly get away with it per se but the difference occurs when matts mom posts bail and andrew is gone.

just a quick aside with what you said about partners– that's exactly it, yes, and i think that's exactly what kind of justifies aaron's reaction to andrew and neil. like if we think about it, aaron was raised catholic, by the same and probably similar people to who raised nicky, aka a highly homophobic environment. this means everything aaron knows about queerness and queer relationships (note: set in 2006) is what they told him, and nicky. unfortunately, neither of those are particularly good references, aaron knows the stuff nicky says about neil in the first book, and, i hate to say it, his third point of reference is drake. its shitty and it sucks, but andrew will never talk to him and neither will neil so what's aaron supposed to think? he wasn't there in any of andrew's previous homes, so he couldn't know how to recognise it if that's what it was. whether thats what he actually believe by the time he confronts neil at the cabin is debatable in my book, but if anything, its the same as andrew 'talking' to katelyn in the library. it's nothing more than a scouting mission, aaron's not going to seriously do much to neil (except get punched by him), same way as andrew was never going to seriously hurt katelyn. all it is is the twins looking out for each other in the only way they really know how.

i LOVE that hc so much actually that's absolutely perfect. i think andrew does have one tattoo for aaron, and it's a two-headed calf (not mine i think i saw it somewhere on here) but the ouroboros idea is AMAZING i'm adopting that into the aaron in my head. literally the cycle of life and death and how he comes to terms with it in his own messy way, and how at any point in the circle, the centre seems to be his brother

[wonderlightdaydreams]

Alterreality Coining Post 2.0

On August 9th, 2023, I posted “AlterReality: A Coining Essay”. The purpose of that post was to coin a term that describes my personal experience while getting out my thoughts on metaphysics, imagination, and perception in writing. However, due to the personal nature of that essay, I wanted to make this post in collaboration with Lav (@WinreyPlace) and others to clearly and plainly state what alterreality is. While it is a broad term, there are limits to what it does and does not include.

As defined by someone else in the alterreality server: “Alterreality is a process of creating one’s unique sense of reality via imagination and belief. It can be described as a lifestyle or a philosophy, with one central idea: what makes something ‘real�� is nothing but the belief that it is real.”

Another definition Lav gave was “imagination as a lifestyle”. Alterreality can also be interpreted as daydreaming or imagination-based fantasies overlaying or interacting with consensus reality.

What alterreality covers:

Many experiences of those in the self-shipping community, such as going on dates with your f/o in the “real world”

Adding a fantasy narrative to your life (i.e. tests at school becoming monster fights) as long as you choose to believe in the fantasy narrative as part of your perceived reality

Many experiences are classified as roleplay, again, as long as you choose to incorporate the roleplay into your perception of what’s happening in your own life

What alterreality doesn’t cover:

Involuntary spiritual, psychological, or metaphysical experiences 

Any alternative reality experiences you were born with or had awakened within you

Identifying as something while living a non-altered life (i.e. if you’re wolfkin and you are going to mundane human school while only experiencing that physical reality, that's not alterreality)

Manifestation and law of attraction concepts. Alterreality, while it interacts with the shared reality we all experience, doesn’t change its course; instead it builds onto or reframes it. Alterrealizing should not and does not make struggles in consensus reality disappear or cause the universe to provide a more positive life. 

In short, alterreality has three aspects: intentionality, imagination, and belief. Alterreal experiences are incredibly varied and diverse; however, they all require these elements. 

Now, with the above fully explained, let’s understand the why and how. Starting with the why.

There are infinite reasons as to why one would alterrealize their own life. I do it because I find mundane existence to be boring, and I want to engage with something that is beyond mundane human life without believing in anything, particularly spiritual or supernatural. Any reason is a valid reason to create alterreality. You can do it for fun, as a coping mechanism, to connect better with your alterhuman identities, because you love fictional characters or worlds, to help you understand complex things better, as a tool of exploration, personal growth, and creativity, and so much more. You don't even need to have a why at all! There is nothing wrong with fucking around and finding out with your life :3. 

In terms of how to do alterreality, I repeat, there is no one way. I’m still figuring out all the ins and outs of doing it myself. But my best piece of advice is to give yourself permission to fully live inside of whatever fantasy narrative you choose to and let yourself believe in it. This can sometimes be a demanding or difficult process, especially if everyone and everything around you is conforming to consensus reality, but just like they find meaning existing in consensus reality, you are allowed to find meaning existing in alterreality! Another way to phrase all this is to just “fake it until you make it”. Ask yourself questions like  “What world or narrative do I live in?”, “What form does my alterrealized self take?”, “How would I act and speak in my alterreality?”, “What would my tasks, goals, or challenges be?”, and things like that. If you cannot do something in shared, mundane reality for whatever reason, make-believe a reason why you cannot do it in your alterreality too! As you develop your alterreality and discover what works and what doesn’t for your brain, you’ll find it will come more naturally to live out your imagination-fueled life. 

This world is in desperate need of whimsy and wonder. While there are various ways to make your life more whimsical, there are not many that involve actively living a lifestyle of fantasy. In a world where time is a finite resource, where the “have-tos” outweigh the “want-tos”, and where playing pretend is shunned once you age out of childhood, alterreality is a way to live in the physical realm, while embracing the fantastical. So, what are you waiting for, step into a world of your wildest dreams!

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #48 – My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones

This is the second book by Graham Jones I’ve read, though of the two it’s easily the more famous and the first I actually heard about. I was not at all prepared going into it – this is overall an interesting and engaging read, but it’s hardly what I’d call an easy one. Not do to any failures on the book’s part, really, but it’s not trying to hold your hand and you really have to meet it where it is (the mind of a traumatized teenager with a shit life and a weird obsession as a coping mechanism).

The book is told from the very close perspective of Jade, a high school senior in a tiny mountain town that was slowly decaying in the usual way right up until the moment where a collection of lawyers, real estate develops and tech moguls fell in love with the forest on the far side of the lake and decided to transform it into the perfect new home for them to raise their families. Jade, meanwhile, is living on the ragged edge of the dying town, giving her hair a shitty new dye-job every week and more focused on avoiding her drunk asshole of a father and his friends than graduating highschool. Her true love and object devotion, though, is horror movies – slashers, specifically, Friday the 13th and Halloween and all the other formulaic gore fests of serial killers and punished indiscretions and heroic final girls. And when a pair of European tourists really are mysteriously killed well tresspassing on the lake, and she meets the gorgeous, athletic, impossibly good daughter of a tech billionaire who just has to the final girl, she realizes she must be living through one.

Horror – especially slasher horror - is one of those genres where it’s feels like there are more metacommentaries and deconstructions (for whatever meaning you give the word) than there are examples played straight these days. Even if you did make a beat-for-beat formulaic slasher movie it would probably end up reading as self-parody by default. This book goes as far in the other direction as is physically possible – Jade understands the world nigh-exclusively through the lends of slasher movies, and the narration and her internal monologue is absolutely saturated with references and comparisons to them. Like Scream squared. You will, I expect, find this either charming or utterly intolerable, but you’ll find out quite early in the book; it starts in chapter one and simply doesn’t stop.

Now, I’m not particularly sure the book has much to say about horror – that the slasher genre is intensely formulaic and oddly moralistic isn’t exactly news to anyone who even slightly cares. Instead, it’s used mostly as a characterization tool. The central tension of the book (or, at least, the first 3/4 of it) is honestly whether there’s any reality to the slasher stuff or it’s entirely Jade projecting. Which is a much more tense tension than any amount of violence is likely to be, really – you legitimately don’t know which way it will go!

One consequence of the narrative marinating in horror trivia is that the way it actually presents violence is kind of uncanny. I’m honestly not entirely sure whether it’s intentional, but when Jade has spent the entire book blithely talking and fantasizing about fictional violence and being an utter gore-head about the coming apocalyptic violence she’s so certain is on the horizon, when it actually arrives it all feels a bit oddly unreal. Which is not exactly helped by said apocalyptic violence being incredibly confusing and hard to understand from a limited perspective until the very end when it’s just outright exposited to the reader, in a way that I wasn’t sure wasn’t Jade being Jade until the monster literally walked on water.

The book really lives and dies by what you think of Jade as a character. She is a damaged, messy teenage girl who makes consistently poor choices and responds to people trying to help her by lashing out or running away. She also literally only talks about and relates to other people through Slasher movies. She also spends a large portion of the story convinced the town is going to be massacred and ambivalent about whether it deserves it (to be fair, you will probably agree). This was a genuinely difficult read to continue at several points, and it was entirely down to sympathetic cringe and secondhand embarrassment at her every social interaction. Which to be clear I consider an absolute artistic triumph! But oh it was a struggle to get through.

The book’s approach to race, class and the general experience of being marginalized is more subtle than its take on horror tropes, but at times only barely. Jade is poor, half-Indian, and stuck dealing with a profoundly shitty home life on a few different levels. She is just barely riding the edge of graduating high-school or not, and that only from some very indulgent authority figures, with no particularly bright future to look forward to. It’s not what the book is about or anything, but the book makes absolutely no effort to paint her as a prodigy or destined for great things – and the contrast between Lethe the golden girl daughter of oligarchs is sharply and painfully clearly drawn, in how they are treated, how they go through life, and what sort of lives they seem to be cruising towards.

I am told this is the first book in a trilogy, and I’ve got to admit I have no fucking idea why or what the sequels could possibly be about. I also feel no real impulse to go chasing after them, but I’ll probably get around to it at some point.

[softantlers]

do you still like shaunamari after the finale?

Yeah, so I have a lot of complicated feelings and I'm going to answer more than just this question if that's okay!

Honestly, so let's fucking talk about Shauna Shipman! Uhhhh. Wow. What I'll say is that I had a particular view of her in season 2 and it was sort of my guiding view of her throughout the initial episodes of season 3 (which is also when I sort of began to ship her and Mari). I've noticed that a lot of Shauna stans are in the TRENCHES regarding the last few episodes of s3 and tbh I actually am very sympathetic to that because I think her character was treated in a way that was extremely disappointing this season.

My read on Shauna is that she does horrible terrible things but I don't think of her as an absolute evil bitch with no soul. I've always considered her to be profoundly maladjusted with a lot of internalized and externalized rage. Make no mistake: she hurts people, but she DOES have feelings about it. She was devastated by Jackie dying and Javi dying (and obviously her baby). Shauna's coping mechanism is to misplace the guilt and terrible feelings that come with those deaths, and while it's not an awesome quality, it's an understandable one for a teenager surviving profound trauma in the wilderness. Even with Lottie, it's clear she regretted beating her (but not an excuse, and doesn't make it less condemnable).

My read on Shauna is that she denies guilt and blame as a survival mechanism. She absolutely cannot be accountable or she WILL FUCKING DIE. It makes sense. She had some high school drama bullshit with her best friend and was too young and immature to realize how high the stakes were in the wilderness and the love of her fucking life died about it. Like Jesus Christ. How do you deal with that besides convincing yourself it wasn't your fault???

What I really didn't like about this season is that the writers went totally Wilderness Jigsaw with her and denied her the humanity of having fully realized feelings. I find it quite unbelievable that she would have done all the things she did this season without having at least SOME quickly repressed guilt. We honestly didn't need all that much to make her a fully realized character. Have her with a conflicted expression after she does some fuckshit. Have a scene where she looks upset but her features smooth out as she settles into her coping skill of "Not Being the Problem "

With regard to Mari's death I hated the scene because the person in the scene isn't really Shauna to me. First of all, this is the most profound violence the girls have seen, even including the plane crash. Their time in the wilderness did not make them immune to this shit. Also this is the first true YJ murder out there (one of THEM). Not even that but no one fucking knew about the pit. The Shauna in my head would have dodged behind a tree to puke her brains out because she is fundamentally a teenager and HOLY SHIT THINGS HAVE GOTTEN TOO REAL. Maybe she would have pulled herself together and pretended everything was okay, but... It wouldn't be. How could it be? And if her final thought is "we were having fun out there," let that be part of the cope too. It makes her so much more fucking interesting.

Instead, the writers denied her a soul and made her honestly fucking boring (ref intended). The same with Lottie, they struggled to give her nuance and failed their central thesis, "We can do horrible despicable things and still be human." Yeah, I guess not if you're Shauna Shipman?

So again, I have a lot of problems with Shauna this season but the most pressing is that I think she received a sort of character assassination and that's why I'm kind of sad for her stans because they are left defending a fully realized character when they got some absolute fuckshit instead and that REALLY sucks. Like she's not my favorite character at all but I'm even sad about it.

Soooo to answer your question... This iteration of Shauna? Tbh I don't ship her with anyone because she's just too blank of a canvas. In my head, I can ship a more authentic version of her with various people, possibly Mari, but I'm kind of struggling with it now with where they put her this season.

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

for thy ship meme, I bestow upon thee akam and kim/harry

Oh handsome stranger in the dark, I shall answer thine questions fair 🧎‍♀️Though if I might ask you to send the kim/harry ask by itself, I'd appreciate that, AkAm got away from me

(putting the answers under the read more, nsfw mentioned but nothing explicit)

✨🔪AKAM🔫 ✨

1. What made you ship them?

M26 was a very fun movie, but their short phone call stole the show. I didn't really know who they were, but their chemistry compelled me to do a deep dive and look all their cases up.

Then I got to the tea party scene and if I hadn't already loved them before, I was certainly gone on them after.

I read yonaga-san's delightful fic Murder Is A State of Mind, and that really sealed my fate. Absorbed half of the akam tag on AO3 while I was in a feverish haze (literally, I had caught the flu) shortly after.

2. What are your favourite things about the ship?

Oh dear, you're making me choose?

I think the central one is this:

Rei and Akai are complicated people, and no one understands what they've been through like each other.

They may not like it, but their fates are intertwined. Through no fault of their own; that scene on the rooftop could not have happened any other way, because all three of them cared too much, and I love that (RIP Hiro).

Both Akai and Rei are kind of isolated these days, and I like that they have someone who can start to understand, and offer support.

It's probably a difficult road but we've seen how fond of each other they are in m26, and that's very cute to me. (Akai's little smile? Rei so lost in a daze Kazami needs to try to get his attention twice? Yes please.)

Other than that, I find Furuya Rei endlessly compelling - his grief, his determination, his pride. I like to see him struggle, and Akai is the person who gets under his skin the most. This is going into headcanon territory, but imo the reverse is also true - Akai is rather cold and detached from himself, but Rei's burning determination gets through to him. It makes them both a bit more honest with themselves, perhaps, and I think that's good for them.

And on a rather superficial note, I just like competent guys who know how to handle their weapons. Their excitement at pointing guns at each other during the tea party always gets my heart pumping. They're both unhinged and I love that.

(Speaking of unhinged, I'll never get over how when everyone else was convinced Akai was dead, Rei dug his heels in and kept digging until he was rewarded with the truth: that he had been correct all along. Nothing quite like stealing your enemy's face and trying to spook his allies. Great coping mechanism, 10/10.)

Yeah, I like them too much, it's hard to settle on favourite aspects XD

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

👏Let👏Rei👏top👏<3👏

While I maintain that the healthiest long-term dynamic for them is to be switches, every time I see fanart of doe-eyed twinky little Rei and daddy dom Akai I twitch a little.

(Their height difference is minimal, both of them lead active lives and practice martial arts. If you make Akai out to be built like a brick wall, the same should apply to Rei; vice versa if you make Rei a twink.)

But yeah. In my opinion, Akai is a terrible simp for Rei, going along with his whims (see: m20, where he indulges a fistfight despite knowing the enemy will arrive soon). His interactions with Rei are never aggressive, more curious, amused, or professional - and on the rare occasion, mournful.

Meanwhile Rei seeks attention strives to win against him, tries to get control - in bed, Akai would accommodate him. So yeah. Rei is not a fragile little flower that folds before Akai. He's possessive, and he'll take (and mark) what's his in every way he can.

And Akai would let him.

(Though I do think Rei deserves to get railed so hard he can't think straight anymore, every once in a while.)

Thank you for sending in the ask, mysterious stranger!

[arcane-ish]

No perfect, the problem of Powder and Jinx (and what that means for Vi and Silco)

Me: should write a meta about Powder versus Jinx and about maybe people finding season 2 confusing because they are not sure what the underlying Metaphor of Powder versus Jinx is anymore.

Meanwhile Christian Linke:

SCIFI VISION:   To start off, can you sort of talk about how Vi and Jinx’s relationship will or will not develop this season? I mean, is there still a chance for them? Is she still in there? CHRISTIAN LINKE:   Oh, lordy. Well, I will say that I think Powder definitely is still in there. The question is, can Vi reach her?

Gee, thanks Christian.

I think the reason why this is so an issue is because of course Silco was a very central and driving character of season 1 an the conflict between him and Vi was heavily about Jinx versus Powder. Granted in the end it's also what Jinx/Powder actually wants (ie Silco could be right about Jinx being the main deal but what Jinx wants out of life is to hang around Vi and torture her), but the underlying thread was also who is the better family member because they know and understand Powder/Jinx better.

And wrapped into that was also all the fandom fights about Silco and whether or not he was a bad, a good or a mixed father. Which of course goes with the whole premise of his character which is at heart "he did some immoral things, but he fundamentally had the right idea".

Note that I personally considered myself in the mixed bag camp, that he meant well but that he imposed or projected some of his unhealthy outlooks or comping mechanisms onto her. (I was also in the camp of people who assumed Jinx and Silco would stay more entertwined and that he would be a constant voice in her head or the voice of fishbones, rather than what actually happened)

Okay, let's look at some positions on the various ends of the spectrum.

Jinx as a trans metaphor

I know that independant of what the writers intended, some aspects of the story deeply resonanted with people was a trans metaphor. Where Jinx is the real personality and Vi is kind of being a horrible sister by not seeing/understanding that and trying to force Jinx into being powder again.

I think this view doesn't really fit with season 2 anymore, where we see Jinx also not liking Jinx anymore (declaring that Jinx is dead) and aspects of Powder seemingly emerging precisely in moments where she's happy. (Plus quotes from Christian Linke suggesting that Vi is not categorically wrong in looking for Powder, she's just not particularly good at it)

[in case it isn't obvious, everybody can always take real meaning from art, whether the author intended it or not, this is more whether we can expect the show or the writers to see the metaphor through to the end because they are working off the same metaphor]

The locked away princess / the brainwashing hypothesis

On the other extreme is Vi's point of view which blames the existance of Jinx fully on Silco, that he brainwashed Powder and that is she just removes Jinx from Silco's influence, Powder can come back and they can make up.

I for one thought that this approach was quite flawed and that Powder's relationship with Jinx and vice versa was always more complex and layered than that. (For example we see her have hallucinations on the bridge, long before Silco took her in, and I always thought the Enemy music video was quite representative of how Jinx is both something Powder feels but it also appeals to her because Jinx is cooler/stronger)

Jinx as a mental illness

Another take was that Jinx is the expression of Powder's mental illness and such as will always be a part of her, that it's a part that maybe can be managed, but that can't necessarily be healed.

Jinx as a coping mechanism

The twin of this approach is that Jinx is a coping mechanism for Powder, when she can't handle the guilt or the trauma. And that here in theory there would be scenarios where let's say she learned to deal with her guilt in a more organic way then she could let go of Jinx. (respectively in a world without trauma Powder would just be Powder and there would never be a need for Jinx)

I would argue that there are vibes of this in Jinx and Isha, that Jinx is almost getting to relive some of the childhood she lost out on or is getting a chance to heal her inner child.

This way of viewing Jinx is also has interesting implications about SIlco. If we presume that SIlco saw himself in Powder, or that least tried to show off himself by example: Silco is somebody who was fundamentally convinced that reacting to trauma/betrayal with a hardened personality was the right choice.

So if Jinx's story seems to sort of disagree and say that she would have been happier if she had found other ways of coping that makes one wonder if it's the for Silco? If the path he chose was the wrong one, not just for Jinx, but maybe for himself too?

(and again: Silco is a character who is heavily defined by "the ends justify the means", so him being wrong in his intuitions and take on the world has double the implications for him and is pretty uncomfortable for people who agree with his point of view or were persuaded by his point of view in regards to Jinx [ie Vi is a shitty sister and yes it was kind of shitty for Silco to lie to Jinx but his interest in keeping Vi away is legit because Vi can't accept Jinx; or yes he did immoral things, but he ultimately was right to want to make Jinx stronger)

[for what it's worth, the "Jinx is healing her inner child through Isha" also has implications that maybe her childhood with Silco didn't succeed in doing that for her]

Jinx and Powder both as aspects of her

Basically both Jinx and Powder are natural parts of her and the "happy ending" would be for her to accept both and create a synergy (and there is both her disliking Powder because she saw Powder as weak and Jinx being disliked for her violence or lack of control).

And I guess there could be variations of which part contributes more in the end.

Evolution or Powder and Jinx both are just stepping stones

Another take could be that we are always changing in life and that we could take Jinx's "Jinx is dead" as face value and that the natural, happy for her (if she isn't pulled back by tragedy) would be to move from one personality to the next and the next stage would be yet again something new/a third option.

Jinx as a superhero metaphor

Something that occured to me when in the preview it seems like Vi is begging Jinx to join the fight. And we have seen shimmered up Jinx being a formidable fighter.

A frequent story we have seen in modern media is the superhero. Of a person who takes on a certain identity to a fighter. There are different version, from the superpower and superhero identity being a burden and a trauma (like Hulk), a temptation, to the civillian identity being something they take on only occasionally get some peace.

Here the proposition would be something like Jinx being able to switch between Jinx and not-Jinx more at will and bringing Jinx out if she needs to fight, rather than spending all her time in the Jinx identity.

Jinx as a metaphor for Vi's guilt or you can't undo the past

Vi caused the creation of Jinx by hitting her and/or not taking care of her. She cannot accept Jinx because she is struggling with her own guilt and wishes to undo her own actions. However undoing your own actions is impossible. The "right way" to act in this metaphor would be to learn to suck it up, handle her guilt better, accept that Powder is gone.

The premise here is that Jinx really is her own person, responsible for her own actions (and can be judged by them, rather than Silco or Vi being at fault), the change is irreversible. Vi should move on from her guilt, accept that she can't fix Jinx and instead try to do better with other people in the future.

Jinx as a metaphor for Vi's inability to move forward and accept change

Vi is haunted by guilt and be ause she was thrown in prison and robbed of her childhood she is sort of stuck in arrested development and because of that she struggles with change.

The healthy way here would be for Vi to be more accepting of change but see that some things stay the same even as things transform (like Vander being inside of Warwick).

For her to slowly form a new bond with Jinx so they can move forward together with a new, changed relationship.

(this could fit with what Christian says about Vi having to come see Powder as that and her relationship with Jinx actually improves after that, but at the same time, it maybe improves because she sees Jinx interacting with mini!Powder, aka Isha)

Jinx as a metaphor for Vi's judgementalism or Jinx as a metaphor for violent revolution

The read here is roughly like this: Vi is like Vander, a judgement, holier than though person, who judges Jinx and Silco for being immoral and/or violent and/or endangering people. (While being more accepting of for example Caitlyn or Jayce doing violence) When Jinx didn't want to be Jinx anymore, she also resisted the call of the revolution.

The good option here would be for Vi to stop being judgement or else she'll be washed away by the revoltion.

The downside I see here to me it doesn't really feel like Vi's problem was so much violence? And more not being able to recognize her sister. And when Jinx was resisting the call, it didn't really feel like she was rejecting violence, she was just having a fun time with Isha and wanted to focus on that?

I also have my doubt that Vi would embrace the revolution because I count on her sticking with Cait.

The revolution is bad actually

Like above, except Vi is actually right to judge the violent revolution negatively and the "good ending" would be either Vi defeating the revolution or for Jinx and the revoltion to realize they have to lay down their arms.

(again: same points about the theme of violence not feeling as present to me causally. Yes, Jinx doesn't do much violence while with Isha but it didn't feel like her guilt over doing violence played that much of a factor?, I dunno it's late and I'm not making that much sense)

Jinx as a metaphor Zaun

Jinx is chaotic, violent, creative and hurt by Piltover just like Zaun. Her and Zaun fates are linked and mirror each other. Both Zaun and her will have the same ending (ie if Zaun goes free, so will Jinx).

The downside I see here that Jinx feels very self destructive to me, and I'm not sure I would necessarily describe Zaun that way? Like on one hand Zaun has some rather healthy communities like Ekko's, then the percentage of "issues caused directly by Piltover versus as a chain reaction" feels different to me between Zaun and Jinx to me.

And parental figures just play such a big role for Jinx while I don't get the same vibe from Zaun (yes one can also read Vander and Silco as the fathers of Zaun, but I guess to me it always felt like Zaun was around for a long time and Vander and Silco tried to liberate it more than they were creating it from scratch (again, probably going more with League lore here rather than stuff that has been explicitly covered by the show)).

There's probably more I'm forgetting about. Anyway, we'll see soon enough which shape Jinx will take and whether she is happy or sad, victorious or punished with it.

[evelasco-art]

Hello hello I started following you after seeing your wonderful LeGuin art, and I was really curious about your novel as well, if you’d be willing to share a little bit about it…👀

Oooooooh, thank you so much!!!!! 🥺 Omg, my novel… Thank you for asking this question. Tbh I can talk about it for hours, but I’ll do my best to be concise.

Disclaimer: I mostly write in Spanish, which is my native language, and the novel is far from being completed (I'm currently at around 25% of the first draft of the first book). So don't expect to find it in the shelves of your local bookshop any time soon, sorry...

Anyways, I actually believe my story is partly inspired by Ursula K. Le Guin’s work. I first read The Left Hand Of Darkness when I was around 23, which was also the time I started to develop stories of my own (mostly through GMing), and also got heavily interested in human evolution and anthropology. And I know LHOD had a heavy influence on me (on how I understand gender and humanity, for instance). So it would make sense that there is some of it in my work.

The story I'm working on will probably be a bilogy or trilogy. It explores the theme of two different human groups making contact with each other after being isolated for hundreds of thousands of years (at this point they’re two different species). It’s epic fantasy with a substantial science component (mostly anthropology and cell biology) and delves deep into colonialism, genocide, faith, trauma, queerness and empathy.

Now, to the juicy stuff. There are two main characters: Delshed and Vahna.

Delshed is a military officer from the Celestial Empire. After years hating what his job has made him do, he has left the army to pursue diplomacy. However, he is called back to it and tasked with the mission to eradicate the ‘demons’ that are attacking the empire’s eastern border. He then says: well okay let’s go they’re demons they have no soul so I can go kill them with my mind at peace (he is very religious, and celestial faith states all souls are sacred, hence his conflict with his own occupation). The problem is the enemy is way harder to fight than anyone had expected, and his soldiers pay the price. Which tears him apart. And let's say he doesn’t have the healthiest coping mechanisms in the world.

Here’s an old sketch of the problematic yet handsome man:

On the other hand, Vahna (she/they), whose name is Keahane at the start of the novel, is a warrior of a Heruze clan, aka one of the ‘demons’ that are attacking the empire. When the Celestials first arrived to their native land, the Heruze were massacred and displaced, and now they’re cornered into a barely inhabitable mountain range, hiding and slowly dying from hunger. So they decide to try and take back their land. Their advantages are: 1) the empire has mostly forgotten them and 2) they have the power to grow and modify the tissues in their own bodies at will. Keahane is a bleeder (one of the 3 Heruze genders), an expert at body modification, and one of their best warriors. However, horrified after being ordered to kill a whole family from the empire, they do something that is forbidden for their gender: voicing their opinion. They are then banished from the clan and stripped from their name (the worst possible punishment for their people). Their whole arc then revolves around finding out who they really are and what they want.

Here's a sketch of Intensity Queen aka Vahna:

So the story starts with a war between these groups, which leads to Delshed and Vahna unexpectedly clashing in the battlefield. The central point of the novel is how they, instead of killing each other, end up bridging the gap that exists between them and, after much conflict, become a sort of precarious link between the two species. Which ends up spiraling into a revolution that will rattle the predatory foundations of the empire itself.

You may have seen other characters in my pieces. Such as Isenjat, one of Delshed’s officers and also his best friend. She is totally on board with eradicating the Heruze because one of them killed her first love and left her with permanent injuries that turned her life into a nightmare. She can be an insufferable spite-driven asshole sometimes but I love her.

And the other icon I draw the most is Tairitz, who appears quite late in the story, but also has me obsessed. He's a musician and a storyteller, of an ethnic minority absorbed by the empire long ago. He has lost everything yet somehow manages to be the emotionally healthiest and most deconstructed member of the cast. As an anarchist, he will be more than happy to join a revolution. It may pose a bit of an internal conflict if he falls for the imperial prince tho. Which he totally won't.

As you may have guessed, most of the cast is queer. I really really wanted an ace protagonist who would manage to have beautiful romantic relationships in which their identity is not only respected but honoured, and that is Delshed. Vahna, through the discovery of her own identity, allows me to question the whole construct of gender. And I don't know, I was craving complex and beautiful stories about queer people healing together and making the world a better place. There aren't that many in fantasy (although thankfully that's changing).

If you've read through all this, you have my eternal gratitude. I love these characters with my whole heart and they are the thing that has kept me going through very dark times. 🥺

Once again, thank you for asking. 🧡

[misscammiedawn]

Hiiiii!!! I wanna know so much about your ocs!! I am Terribly Sorry for the abundance of questions I am about to ask, so please feel free to choose only what you wanna answer!!

- What is your favorite part about each Honoria, Madison, and Belladonna?

- Are there any motifs, like symbols or animals or stuff like that, that you associate with each of them?

- What are some aspects of each you would like to explore more?

- If there's any fact in particular you want people to know most about each, what fact would that be?

- Visually, what's your favorite trait about each?

(I hope you're having a wonderful day btw!!)

- favorite parts

Honoria: Honestly how well her backstory fits into Final Fantasy XIV. I am certain that there will be people who assume we knew about Shadowbringers prior to porting her into the game but we really didn't. Every time the game offers us something to build off of it is a boon. She really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Also roleplaying her back in 2010 she was one of the rare times I, Dawn, got to front unambigiously in our pre-transition life.

Madison: I like that Madison, despite being a singlet, has her own level of trauma and maladaptive coping mechanisms that allows her to literally meet Belladonna half way. She understands that brains can be spicy and she is able to use her perspective to see things from her plural partner's perspective. I want to have this story be about healing and it is central to telling the story as I wish to tell it that Madison have her own journey to mental health and happiness, even if Belladonna's is center stage.

Belladonna: we won't make a joke and say our favorite part is "Bella" because we do not play favorites with alters. That all said our favorite part of Belladonna is that she is a vehicle for us to naturally discuss things like how our brain handles waking up in a trauma time state or days where we are blended. Her being a perspective character is a way of us kind of getting to display what living with a complex dissociative disorder feels like for us. We like that.

- motifs

Honoria: She is bakery themed. In an Utena inspired AU her "heart weapon" was a giant whisk.

Madison: It has never come up in the story but inspired by Tsukutabe (as much of the story is) I have imagined their user icons on Discord. Madison's is a Aloloan Vulpix.

Belladonna: and Belladonna's is the flower she shares a name with. Maybe I'll have her change it to Elphie later on in the story?

- aspects we want to explore more

Honoria: This deep into FFXIV (we are in Shadowbringers 7.3 right now) Nori should have some more understanding of how she wishes to handle her story in Arcadia. She held some powerful titles that could unite the courts and rebuild Titania's fallen territories but couldn't wield them effectively and spent her efforts liberating Changelings (the Lost) on a very limited basis without impacting systemic change. I need to answer the question for her "what does she do when she returns to Arcadia" and though Shadowbringers gives us a damned good prompt as to where to start, we need to actually *answer* the question.

Madison: Madison has a lot of history that we know about but haven't put to the story yet. I want to flesh out her social circle and support cast. Belladonna has Dove and Kayleigh in her day to day life and at present Saph hasn't really made too many appearances. I have a couple flashback stories centered on Madison in mind but find them harder to write about as they would focus neither on hypnosis or plurality and we aren't confident enough in the story to survive without those pillars right now.

Belladonna: I really want to do a chapter dealing with dysphoria and being in the closet at some point. Flashback chapters are indulgences for us to explore with hurdles in our own journey that we have overcome. The focus of the story is the pair's romance and navigating the struggles of their present but Flashback chapters give a lot of context and I have to be careful about using them to full effect. We may get one of Ben and Marcie down the line but it's not a priority.

- fact we want people to know

Honoria: We had no idea Titania was in FFXIV when we started Nori's story and our party were "stepping on their tongues" (their words, not ours) every time we brought up the fact that Honoria was claimed and subjugated by Titania in her backstory.

Madison: Though Madison and Belladonna are fictionalized versions of Daja and ourselves they are *not* us. You would be surprised which stories are 100% true with names changed, though. Reality loans itself to fiction quite well. Also the story takes place in a reality where COVID never happened.

Belladonna: It's only implied because the system only know what they know but Belladonna's entire presence in the online hypnosis community was built up when Donna fronting, even in their youngest days. Aqua and Donna are the same alter under different names.

- favorite visual trait

Honoria: The original design for Honoria had braided wheat colored hair (a trait her FFXIV retainer has been given) and that was always our favorite part of her visual design. We switched it to red for FFXIV because her glamour is a disguise and we became so accustomed to it that we didn't want to switch it when the story gave us a chance to.

Madison: We usually go light on visual descriptions for Madison/Belladonna so don't usually keep a visual in our mind (honestly we just think of Daja and ourselves of whom each character is obviously based upon) but to select a trait, she has a radiant smile which is described in loving terms many times in the story.

Belladonna: same as Madison. Though pushed to answer we'd say her eyes which are expressive and signal which alter is fronting if you look closely enough.

-

We hope you are having a wonderful day too! <3

[gallopingthroughtrauma]

Not Every Fix Has a Solution: Princess Carolyn’s Quiet Battles

In BoJack Horseman, PC’s character arc is one of quiet heartbreak and relentless perseverance. While many of the show’s characters wear their trauma on their sleeves, PC’s pain is far more private, unfolding subtly over several seasons. Central to her emotional journey are her five miscarriages, where each is a devastating experience that she masks behind her ever-present drive for perfection. This essay explores how these repeated losses reflect her mental health struggles and shed light on the broader theme of resilience in the face of chronic grief.

PC is a fixer and learned early on to take care of others. She thrives on solving problems, but when it comes to her desire for motherhood, there’s no quick fix, no crisis to manage. Each miscarriage represents not only personal loss, but also a setback in her emotional growth. For a character so accustomed to holding everything together, these moments of loss force her to confront her own vulnerability.

In the episode Ruthie, PC imagines her future daughter telling the story of one of the worst days of her life, turning pain into a narrative triumph. It’s a coping mechanism, even telling BoJack that it makes her feel better, when she has “a really bad, awful, terrible day”. This is her way of giving meaning to suffering that otherwise feels unbearable. But the reality is far less tidy. She ends that day sobbing in her living room, her carefully constructed mask slipping away in a rare, raw moment of honesty.

After each loss, PC throws herself deeper into her work. For her, work is a shield, a way to keep moving forward without ever having to stop and process her grief. The more she loses, the harder she works, as if sheer force of will can eventually bend the universe to her desires. Her relentless hustle is admirable, but it’s also exhausting. It leaves her isolated, emotionally depleted, and, most dangerously, convinced that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

In The Amelia Earhart Story, PC admits, “I’m so tired of being strong.” It’s a rare admission from a character who prides herself on her toughness. For her, strength has always meant endurance, surviving at all costs. But this moment reveals the cost of that survival: loneliness, exhaustion, and an overwhelming sense of being trapped in a cycle she can’t break. 

The turning point in PC’s story comes when she finally allows herself to let go of the rigid expectations she’s placed on her life. Her decision to adopt baby Ruthie isn’t a consolation prize but an act of self-compassion. For once, she acknowledges that life doesn’t have to follow a perfect script. In embracing the messiness of her reality, she begins to heal, not by erasing her past trauma but by making space for a different future.

This shift reflects an important message about resilience. It’s not about bouncing back or pretending everything is fine, it’s about learning to live with what’s been lost while still finding joy where you can. PC’s story reminds us that grief and happiness aren’t mutually exclusive.

PCs journey is a deeply moving exploration of loss, resilience, and the importance of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Her five miscarriages are not just moments of personal tragedy, they represent a broader struggle to reconcile ambition with the realities of life’s unpredictability.

In the end, PC doesn’t achieve picture-perfect life. But she does find something far more valuable: the understanding that it’s okay to stop fighting every battle alone. Sometimes strength isn’t about pushing through, it’s about knowing when to rest.

Written by Dilan Ulutas

[consult-sherlockholmes]

Do you ever get sad? If yes, how do you cope with it? I just lost my grandma and today was her funeral... I don't know how to cope with the pain and I'm seriously tempted to start drinking to try and calm down... Is that normal?

My deepest condolences, such situations are hard to deal with for people . I probably shouldn't tell you how I personally cope with anything as it most likely wouldn't help you much and just further worsen your situation. And because John would probably yell at me if he sees that I'm advising people to do the same 'unhealthy mistakes' I do.

Wanting to start drinking or consume other central nervous depressants to numb pain is an understandable and normal reaction to such a painful emotional experience, however it might not be the wisest decision in the long run. Alcohol can often worsen depression and sadness, and lead to many other worse problems, so it's better to not become dependent on it to deal with emotions, because if it's becoming your constant coping mechanism and you are using it as a crutch it could lead to much worse. And alcohol won't heal the pain, it will just mask it and inevitably prolongue it if you are not dealing with it properly, just suppressing it and numbing you. Of course just masking it probably sounds like a good idea to someone in acute emotional pain, but it shouldn't become a constant habit. It's better to find other healthier coping mechanisms, and maybe talk to a professional who can help you deal with the grief and provide you with those coping mechanisms. Of course finding such a professional can take time though. If you have other family members who are also going through the same grief right now, maybe you could talk to them and process it together. Or maybe you have compassionate friends who you can talk with. Trying to distract yourself might be hard, but it could be helpful. I have also heard that sometimes fully experiencing those emotions of grief and letting it all out, crying and everything could help to process it, but I have no idea about that, that's not something I would do anyway. It might seem impossible now, but it will get better with time.

So I can't tell you whether you should drink or not to deal with the grief, at the end it's your own decision. If it is just a one-off short term solution the bad consequences might be limited, as long as it is kept under control and not excessive, and as long as you stop again. However, I don't know your situation concerning alcohol, whether you have already had habits in the past or not that could worsen due to this, or begin to develop. And if you are not yet of legal drinking age then it's anyway out of the question. You have to be aware of the risks, and evaluate whether it's worth it. Relying on substances should always be seen as a last resort, it would be advisable to first attempt to deal with things with other coping mechanisms.

[noodle-anime]

I don't have time right now but the next thing i have to say about this is that kenjaku, gojo, and suguru are all interesting to analyze with this framework.

quick notes:

suguru's power could be seen as synthesizing/repurposing harmful substances into something useful, or consumption converting food/fuel into energy, or the process mastering the things that are/you have made a part of you. Notably, just like energy, whether the curses he devours are used to mitigate or multiply damage is all up to how he uses them! He also sort-of adopts, and in some cases the household is considered an extension of the head of the house, or a country/government an extension of its ruler. he's fun to analyze. Also the fact that a major part of his character is how he presents himself (a form of social control), and his character arc is about grappling with things outside his control when his control mechanism (the function & moral responsibility of sorcerers) breaks.

gege's way of describing gojo's powers baffles me (my best guess is here) which is appropriate to go here! Gojo's pretty blunt and tends to dismiss social mores. His one truth is "i am the strongest" and he's so sure of that that the unknowable outside of him holds no fear for him. He also sees and understands an order of magnitude more than others due to six-eyes, which closes that gap further. In general terms I'd say it's appropriate that he's killed by a cursed technique user (former?) rather than a curse that was never a human.

kenjaku's whole shtick is understanding more! which in this spectrum of human/wanting to know/control <--> curse/the unknowable/uncontrollable puts him on the very human side

i don't know enough about sukuna & his powers to accurately place him but he's also a "strongest" and his fights reveal his incredible analytical ability. He has absolute control over others but doesn't control himself at all.

it also makes sense that the major villains are all humans/former humans instead of curses, because curses are the products of humans, which makes the central conflict humanity versus its own nature (man vs self) rather than man versus curses (man vs man). How do you cope with dangers beyond what you can conceive?

[fuckyouozai]

two fics in my post atla pre lok timeline now have been tagged with the kids having ptsd (zuko and katara respectively) even tho that’s not like. the central point of the story, it’s just a fact about how they interact with the world and i am going to share some thoughts on how i think that manifests for all of them

for zuko, as i wrote in this fic i think he tends to have some similarities with azula when it comes to like. depersonalization and feeling detached from reality, like he’s looking at himself and the world through someone else’s eyes. we see canonically in the show that he really repeatedly struggles with cognitive dissonance and understanding his reality as it is rather than how he Thinks it is, and i think that carries on for many years for him

it’s a coping mechanism, because all of this happened to him when he was so young that now he’s 17 and on the throne and beginning this new life and when he looks back at himself as a kid then he feels like that person is more real than the person he is now, because for so long he internalized the pain and shame he felt that now its source is gone, he almost doesn’t know what to do with himself. and that’s a lot like his sister, who lost her grip on reality when the version of herself which she understood fell apart (think of how she said “you can’t treat me like zuko!” to ozai at the beginning of sozin’s comet)

for katara, as evidenced in this fic and i think portrayed pretty clearly in the series, she gets restless. she feels like she can’t not move and help, and in a way she goes looking for that challenge and that fight in order to prove herself. when she sees horrible things, like the whole painted lady situation or the southern raiders ep, she has to act. i imagine post-series, when the opportunities to act and fight to save the world have calmed down a little, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. she has all this desire to move and act but nowhere to direct it

and it causes her guilt and shame, that she wants to fight so badly when she knows that fighting is bad and dangerous and they almost didn’t survive it the last time. i think of her as really feeling horrible for almost missing that time, feeling like she’s a monster for wanting the challenge of it, waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, ready to fight except there’s no one there she needs to fight. it’s more of a hypervigilance situation than zuko’s is, and lingering guilt that she carries with her for years

for aang, i mean. the man’s an airbender! his whole perspective is to avoid and turn away and cut loose when things get rough. he tries really hard to, and often packs it away deep down in order to comfort the people around him (especially katara, whose guilt he can clearly see) but i do imagine him struggling particularly when his children are born. the next generation of air nomads, who all came from him, the responsibility of rebuilding entirely on his shoulders. that’s when the grief of losing his people really starts to take shape in a way that he looks at directly, making it difficult to breathe sometime, afraid that he’ll do something wrong or forget something or fail to live up to the absolutely impossible burden of being the only remaining air nomad. (which he will! he cannot contain an entire society inside himself!)

also, nightmares. aang canonically has nightmares from the very first episodes of the series all through the entire show. those don’t let up. i wrote in this fic that when bumi was born aang’s nightmares were so bad that he could barely sleep and i think as he grows up he hardens a little to get a better handle on the nightmares and the fears. poor baby

sokka and toph i have less thoughts on. i think they both tend to throw themselves into their work, especially sokka, who naturally takes on a leadership role when he’s stressed. i think that would explain why he is on the council in republic city, he just can’t stop himself from stepping up when he’s needed.

i’m of the opinion that in a crisis, of all the gaang you want the water sibs with you because both katara and sokka are the coolest and most collected in a crisis. sokka gets a clarity of mind that i think is one of the things that makes him stand out from the rest of the gaang, and katara is a bit like. dps lmao you point her and shoot

sokka and toph also have a special bond where they had that moment in sozin’s comet where they truly like. were certain they were both going to die and in that moment sort of accepted it, and i think that’s unique to the two of them in a way that the others don’t get. sokka is a nonbender and toph was in a lot of ways fully reliant on him on the airships because of her blindness. it was different than zuko and katara against azula, or aang going full child god on ozai

anyway. thots

[therapistinwpb]

Finding Peace and Connection: Anxiety Treatment and Relationship Counseling in West Palm Beach

In today’s fast-paced world, anxiety and relationship struggles are increasingly common challenges. Thankfully, residents of West Palm Beach have access to specialized resources designed to address these issues. Whether you’re struggling with ongoing stress or navigating relationship conflicts, both anxiety treatment in West Palm Beach and relationship counseling in West Palm Beach offer paths to healthier, more fulfilling lives.

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Therapists who specialize in anxiety treatment work closely with clients to create customized treatment plans. This personalized approach ensures that the strategies align with your unique needs and lifestyle. Through regular therapy sessions, you can learn to manage anxious thoughts, adopt healthier coping mechanisms, and approach life’s stressors with confidence.

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Relationships are central to our well-being, yet they can be sources of significant stress. Whether it’s communication issues, trust concerns, or unresolved conflicts, relationship challenges often impact both partners’ mental health. Relationship counseling in West Palm Beach is designed to address these issues, providing a neutral space where both partners can express themselves openly and work towards resolution.

Relationship counseling can be beneficial at any stage of a relationship, whether you’re dating, engaged, or married. It focuses on improving communication, enhancing understanding, and rebuilding trust. Many couples find that therapy sessions offer fresh perspectives and tools for navigating conflicts in healthier, more constructive ways.

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Taking the First Step

Starting therapy can feel intimidating, but reaching out for anxiety treatment in West Palm Beach or relationship counseling in West Palm Beach is a positive step toward a happier, healthier future. Many therapists offer initial consultations, allowing you to learn more about their approaches and ensure it’s the right fit for your needs. By choosing to address anxiety or relationship challenges with professional support, you’re prioritizing both your mental health and your personal connections. Therapy provides a safe space for growth, helping you build resilience, nurture meaningful relationships, and live a life filled with confidence and connection. For more information, please visit: https://www.therapistinwestpalmbeach.com/