#these fictional people are my whole life
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Hello hello I started following you after seeing your wonderful LeGuin art, and I was really curious about your novel as well, if youād be willing to share a little bit about itā¦š
Oooooooh, thank you so much!!!!! š„ŗ Omg, my novelā¦ Thank you for asking this question. Tbh I can talk about it for hours, but Iāll do my best to be concise.
Disclaimer: I mostly write in Spanish, which is my native language, and the novel is far from being completed (I'm currently at around 25% of the first draft of the first book). So don't expect to find it in the shelves of your local bookshop any time soon, sorry...
Anyways, I actually believe my story is partly inspired by Ursula K. Le Guinās work. I first read The Left Hand Of Darkness when I was around 23, which was also the time I started to develop stories of my own (mostly through GMing), and also got heavily interested in human evolution and anthropology. And I know LHOD had a heavy influence on me (on how I understand gender and humanity, for instance). So it would make sense that there is some of it in my work.
The story I'm working on will probably be a bilogy or trilogy. It explores the theme of two different human groups making contact with each other after being isolated for hundreds of thousands of years (at this point theyāre two different species). Itās epic fantasy with a substantial science component (mostly anthropology and cell biology) and delves deep into colonialism, genocide, faith, trauma, queerness and empathy.
Now, to the juicy stuff. There are two main characters: Delshed and Vahna.
Delshed is a military officer from the Celestial Empire. After years hating what his job has made him do, he has left the army to pursue diplomacy. However, he is called back to it and tasked with the mission to eradicate the ādemonsā that are attacking the empireās eastern border. He then says: well okay letās go theyāre demons they have no soul so I can go kill them with my mind at peace (he is very religious, and celestial faith states all souls are sacred, hence his conflict with his own occupation). The problem is the enemy is way harder to fight than anyone had expected, and his soldiers pay the price. Which tears him apart. And let's say he doesnāt have the healthiest coping mechanisms in the world.
Hereās an old sketch of the problematic yet handsome man:
On the other hand, Vahna (she/they), whose name is Keahane at the start of the novel, is a warrior of a Heruze clan, aka one of the ādemonsā that are attacking the empire. When the Celestials first arrived to their native land, the Heruze were massacred and displaced, and now theyāre cornered into a barely inhabitable mountain range, hiding and slowly dying from hunger. So they decide to try and take back their land. Their advantages are: 1) the empire has mostly forgotten them and 2) they have the power to grow and modify the tissues in their own bodies at will. Keahane is a bleeder (one of the 3 Heruze genders), an expert at body modification, and one of their best warriors. However, horrified after being ordered to kill a whole family from the empire, they do something that is forbidden for their gender: voicing their opinion. They are then banished from the clan and stripped from their name (the worst possible punishment for their people). Their whole arc then revolves around finding out who they really are and what they want.
Here's a sketch of Intensity Queen aka Vahna:
So the story starts with a war between these groups, which leads to Delshed and Vahna unexpectedly clashing in the battlefield. The central point of the novel is how they, instead of killing each other, end up bridging the gap that exists between them and, after much conflict, become a sort of precarious link between the two species. Which ends up spiraling into a revolution that will rattle the predatory foundations of the empire itself.
You may have seen other characters in my pieces. Such as Isenjat, one of Delshedās officers and also his best friend. She is totally on board with eradicating the Heruze because one of them killed her first love and left her with permanent injuries that turned her life into a nightmare. She can be an insufferable spite-driven asshole sometimes but I love her.
And the other icon I draw the most is Tairitz, who appears quite late in the story, but also has me obsessed. He's a musician and a storyteller, of an ethnic minority absorbed by the empire long ago. He has lost everything yet somehow manages to be the emotionally healthiest and most deconstructed member of the cast. As an anarchist, he will be more than happy to join a revolution. It may pose a bit of an internal conflict if he falls for the imperial prince tho. Which he totally won't.
As you may have guessed, most of the cast is queer. I really really wanted an ace protagonist who would manage to have beautiful romantic relationships in which their identity is not only respected but honoured, and that is Delshed. Vahna, through the discovery of her own identity, allows me to question the whole construct of gender. And I don't know, I was craving complex and beautiful stories about queer people healing together and making the world a better place. There aren't that many in fantasy (although thankfully that's changing).
If you've read through all this, you have my eternal gratitude. I love these characters with my whole heart and they are the thing that has kept me going through very dark times. š„ŗ
Once again, thank you for asking. š§”
#ask#original story#writing#novel#original characters#original charater art#fantasy#artists on tumblr#thank you for coming to my ted talk#these fictional people are my whole life#who doesn't love a bunch of traumatized queers trying to fix the world
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art/patrick + old childhood best friends motif
#challengers#art x patrick#art donaldson#patrick zweig#artrick#*#this whole concept...i am sick over it you have no idea.#it will always make me go feral in fiction#i'm sorry it's so long idk if anyone's gonna read it but it's my bday today#and i've been thinking of all the people i used to love who aren't in my life anymore#fire and ice
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I think it's the asexual in me that is allergic to "aesthetic" ships. Some people will ship stuff because the characters look good next to each other or they're both hot and that grosses me out, which is weird because, yah know... I ship Stancest, lol. Compared to 1nc3st, being attracted to a ship because the characters are hot seems kind of strange. I think the difference is that Stancest to me isn't shipped at all BECAUSE they're hot. I find them hot because it's THEM. They're two grouchy old men that have been through so, SO much, apart and together, and have decided to allow themselves to love one another in their old age. They're hot because they're the two most emotionally compelling characters in the show, with depths that keep going the more you analyze and learn about them. They're hot because they're heartbreaking and their story is beautiful. If I want to take these incredibly compelling wonderful characters and draw them wearing tight ass shorts or making out sloppy style then idk man it just hits different.
#stancest#stanliest thoughts#I think it's the objectification of characters that grosses me out#attraction in general is a sensitive topic for me b#the idea that you'll cut yourself off from possibly finding people who could light up your life and reinvent love for you#because they aren't āyour typeā physically makes me sad#stancest is just fiction but aesthetic ships shed light on an issue with society as a whole#got too deep on this dumbass ship post lol#point is if I like the character I think they're hot#if I like u I think ur hot#you have a personality I vibe with? you're my type#demisexuals stay objectively correct about everything forever
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Obsessed with characters who lead double lives and thereās always a debate over wether their true identity is their alter-ego or their civilian identity when in actuality their true identity is a secret third thing (a combination of the two identities along with a few other ingredients and this character is lucky if they know this third identity themselves let alone having one or two loved ones who are also familiar with this third, true identity)
#this is mostly about#kara zor el#from#cw supergirl#but also applies to characters like#artemis crock#from season 1 of#young justice#and#spiderman#but also just superheroes and other people with secret identities in general#superheroes#marvel#marvel comics#mcu#dc comics#kara danvers#supergirl#why yes I have been struggling with something subconsciously my whole life and been using fictional characters to cope#how could you tell?#merlin bbc#bbc merlin
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So The Bear ends season 2 with Carmy fucking up his pretty serious relationship with Claire. They spent an entire season developing this relationship between Carmy and Claire, and now it's over, and not just over, but abruptly and painfully over. Throughout this same season, they continue to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, incorporating undeniable nods toward an eventual romance.
Then in season 3, they have Carmy dealing with the fallout of his painful fuckup, that ended a relationship that was, as I said, pretty serious, and was developed over the course of an entire season. They do this while continuing to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, and while their interactions are mostly tense this season, they continue to incorporate blatant nods toward an eventual romance.
This is happening at the same time they have opened a restaurant, and Carmy is under enormous pressure, pressure that has been made worse by his breakup. Pressure to make the place a success, to live up to his potential, but also to make sure that Tina has an income, that he gives Marcus's mom what she wanted for Marcus, that Ebra, elderly and at the point where he really needs to be retiring, continues to have a job, that he doesn't endlessly waste his uncle's money, and crucially, so that the restaurant can earn that star Sydney is dreaming of, and that Carmy didn't even want.
And yet there are people genuinely criticizing The Bear for not canonizing SydCarmy this season, when...?
The man just went through a devastating breakup -
At the same time he opened a goddamn restaurant -
And is clearly going through the crisis of a lifetime -
And on top of that, he's just quit smoking.
Do you think, in real life, that it's realistic someone in that situation would immediately turn around and start seeing someone else? Do you think the writers would have spent a whole season developing Carmy's relationship with Claire, just for Carmy to shrug it off like it was nothing when it ends?
I'm even more baffled by the idea that SydCarmy not becoming canon this season is because the writers this whole time, have just been, what? Fucking with you? Straight-baiting you? Or do you think that just because they didn't canonize SydCarmy this season that this is indicative that they didn't intentionally allude to a future romance between Syd and Carmy?
I will tell you right now that The Bear is one of the most purposefully written shows I've ever seen. And while I will say that this season might be the weakest so far and wasn't what I was hoping for either - Nothing on that show is an accident. Nothing means nothing.
The writers of The Bear are too good to have accidentally implied SydCarmy was a thing. They are also far too dedicated to their vision for The Bear for them to be throwing things in just to fuck with you.
Have some patience maybe? When was the last time you watched a show that didn't hand you something the moment it was hinted at? Aren't you tired of watching shows that skip to the good part? Which is, as a result, not as good as it would have been?
#the bear#sydcarmy#I don't know I'm just venting#I had my own criticisms of this season but man#I felt like I was being punked when I realized how many people feel slighted sydcarmy isn't canon yet#and then on top of that there's like a lot who have decided that I guess this means it was all about platonic love the whole time?#and I'm sorry but#there would be nothing wrong with Syd and Carmy being friends#but the writing devices being used in this show to develop their relationship and inform our understanding of who they are to each other#are explicitly romantic#there is no other way to read it from just a narrative standpoint#obviously in real life friends can look like anything.#But in fiction friendship and romance are both written about very differently.#Might not always be that way but as of right now it is and the bear generally isn't about challenging those dynamics or our understanding#of what constitutes them. It's not subverting our understanding of platonic or romantic love. That's not what the show is about.
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i donāt normally have nerves about posting stuff but i gotta say after the reddit thing im likeā¦.. experiencing anxiety about the last part of persephone. like oh man the idea of people reading this fills me with profound dread
#lost almost all motivation to actually bang it out which is also not ideal#idk ig it was such a silly reason for people to get so upset and yetā¦ā¦#this is not a pity party. just an explanation for why itās taking longer#idk id prepared for some pushback but this whole experience was so absurd. never in my life did i expect to get death threats#over someone calling out a fictional character on his bs
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fellas it has been three months since the beach episode and thinking about neil and eva in any capacity still makes me ILL
#the beach episode came out right after i lost someone very dear to me so it hit extra hard#every line of dialogue in that final scene cut to my core#it's not even just neil's death for me#it's the way he pushed away his father and his friends and his literal soulmate in both a platonic and a romantic sense all his life#in order to avoid hurting them when he passed and in the process ended up hurting them way more bc if they'd been close#they'd at least have memories with him to look back on when they missed him and could find comfort in said memories#but bc he never let people get close to him he left his loved ones with nothing to remember him by except for the way he distanced himself#HE AND EVA COULD'VE LIVED A HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER#EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T END UP DATING THEY COULD'VE MADE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES TOGETHER AND BEEN EVEN CLOSER IF HE HADN'T BEEN AN IDIOT#THEY. COULD'VE. HAD. THEIR. GARDEN.#and sure there's many messages meant to be taken away from their story and it was always meant to end tragically#but that doesn't mean i have to be content about it#PRESS ESC TO LEAVE???? WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT ENOUGH#idk man. would this have emotionally scarred me this much if i hadn't been (and still am ofc) grieving irl? maybe not.#but i was and we'll never know the answer to that question#what hurts more is i played all the other ttm games before my loved one died#and you know what one of my very last memories of him was?#him hanging out with our family in our living room while i showed my sister the first ttm game#so yeah i think these games are gonna haunt me forever. fun.#i mean i think they would've anyway#you can't play a game series with an overarching storyline this intricately woven and music this good and characters this complex#and then NOT think about it forever#anyway i like these games a lot#they impacted me more than any piece of fiction ever has and as someone whose whole personality revolves around stories that's saying A LOT#to the moon#ttm beach episode#rosawatts
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I have this fear where if you show signs of liking me a lot Iāll try and please you in whatever way I can until those signs stop. Once you start acting disinterested I get scared that you donāt like me anymore and that im just not good enough
#my entire life has been a compition of me trying to win the affection of others so I can feel like I mean something#thatās why I get so upset when other people selfship with my f/os.#I feel like Iām not good enough for them so I try and be better then everyone else but at the end of the day it really doesnāt matter#because they arenāt real#Iāve always relied on fiction to love me because I could never find it in myself to love me#Iāve been bullied my whole life so now I think that im actually the worst person ever#that I donāt deserve anyone or anything#I just want to be loved š#I wish people cared about me
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it's crazy to me that there are people out there who still think that media and fiction do not affect how people think at all
#like that whole 'does fiction affect reality?' debate is so stupid to me cuz it's like#i mean just think about it for a second. what is propaganda? what did jaws do for people's perceptions of sharks?#i think studying the effect that popular media and fiction has on people in real life is really interesting#and it's crazy to me that there are people on the internet who think that it genuinely doesn't#like umm shoutout vit sisler for his paper 'digital arabs' i just read it for my game studies class and it's super interesting#about like orientalization how western shooter games' usage of middle eastern/muslim stereotypes as enemies created both a negative -#- stereotype for people who arent in that group and how it negatively affects the mental health and self-image of the people who are#also shoutout stuart hall and richard dyer they're really cool people and also have some super interesting papers on how representation -#- in media affects people's IRL perceptions of certain groups#i know online this focus tends to lean on that whole shipping discussion but i think it's more worthwhile to look at it on a wider scale#because 'does fiction affect reality?' is not just a 'fandom ship war' discussion it's like. the basis for many fields of study#anyways umm#liza post#actually this is more like a#liza ramble#i love tumblr bc i can write a one sentence post and put my body paragraphs in the tags#it's really late and i am tired ā¼ļø i wish i could be more concise i just adore my game studies class and visual culture studies in general
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Not that there should ever be anything Twitter does better than any other platform, but at least the 'Mute this person for everything except for the art you actually followed them for' function was S-tier when it worked because some people on here really like to talk shit about self-made problems and act like their art is enough for people to suffer through shitty takes.
#no people participating in fandom isn't bad as a whole; what IS bad is people treating fictional shite like it's real life#for every 'this show set in Hell is bad because it's not how I would do it' post I see where the OP doesn't even TRY#to talk about other IPs set in Hell#I'm about to start handing out badges that say 'I'm pretty much the same thing as a Disney shill except my immovable hurdle#is actually watching other media based on my favored concept except for what's popular'#No one hates you because you redesigned a popular character#they hate you because you're being up your own ass about it#take this unfollow and stop being annoying as fuck; I follow way too many good CHILL artists#for YOU to be the one to stink up the room
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i binged "nobody wants this" today because I was home sick and I'm 100% sure that "the good place" is still a better rom-com
#i'm willing to be wrong! i know they've been renewed!#but it feels so shallow so far#people should change in a rom-com. that's kind of the whole point. that's kind of the whole point of fiction.#eleanor becomes a more thoughful ethical person. chidi becomes a more confident calmer person.#i guess you could argue that joanne becomes more open to being less open about her life in her podcast? but clearly that doesn't last#and i'm not sure how noah changes in the course of knowing joanne#don't get me wrong. i love seeing an intelligent confident man who knows how and when to apologize on my screen#i just wish there was a little bit more to his character than that?#they sort of touch on the importance of tradition and ceremony of noah's religion which was good. but they never went deep with it#idk with the setup in the pilot of joanne being an āunfiltered complicated vulnerable beautiful womanā i thought they would#break that down in the course of the first season (which they kind of do in 1x04)#i don't know. i also wanted noah to call joanne out on her sh*t more. some of the stuff she does is bad! she violates his privacy!#she assumes he's lied to her! and yeah they talk about it like grownups but part of being a grownup is being accountable!#maybe that'll change in s2. who knows#the good place#nobody wants this#(also something about kristen bell playing extremely complicated women with old-fashioned names? two nickels etc etc)
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crying my eyes out with tears of joy 2sung really said "here look true love really can happen even in your mid 20s and does exist and it can be as normal and simple and as lovely as this" for all us asian queers out there like .......
#u dont get it yes its one thing to watch it in fiction but to see real life asian queer people fall so truly madly perfectly in love .....#as over 20s working adults ... like. I CANT EVEN TELL U HOW SPECIAL IT IS. TRULY TO FEEL SO SEEN.#ive NEVER had this my whole entire life and now as someone who is junsung's age i just feel so ... MUCH. so OVERWHELMED.#i cant explain it I CANT. 14 year old me would have NEVER thought id get to see this on TV. EVER. god. GOD.#his man 2#faiza talks
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I will always be thinking about how, at the end of Decision to Leave, the female lead decides to kill herself in a way that will make it harder to find her body--because this way, the male lead, despite his distrust and complicated feelings toward her, will be more likely to continue thinking about her because he won't know what happened. In some sense, she'll remain a mystery; and in doing so, she might be able to keep her place in his thoughts (and, by extension, his heart).
That's just...that's so fucking bleak, man.
#I have complex feelings toward the movie itself but the ending...#tw: suicide#'if I can make you mourn me or miss me then maybe it will make you love me the way I want'#her basically asking 'will I finally be loved in death' jfc#despite the fact that she wouldn't even BE there to know about it. or have him do anything about whatever feelings might crop up.#that's just. genuinely one of the saddest things I've ever seen.#(especially because. yeah I've been there. I know what that feels like. the only way people could like you is if they can romanticize you#in a way you can't ever contradict because you're not here. if you can't fix things & make people like you maybe you can make them MISS you#(obviously my circumstances are. a LOT different here. I am not someone who's been responsible for the death of two of my husbands a;dksfjd#(but I HAVE been in the place where it feels like this is the only chance left for you to create any kind of lasting non-negative feelings#toward you. and being in that place SUCKS.)#(in case anyone is wondering why Women's Wrongsā¢ in fiction speaks to much to me. it's because of the whole Grappling With Uncomfortable#Emotions thing. women who do Women's Wrongsā¢ are more likely to be allowed to feel and explore those uncomfortable emotions)#ALSO!!!!!! this is not how life works. I know it can be tempting to think this is all that's left that it's the only way out that it's the#hail mary of 'making people love you' but it's not. it is not going to help you it is not going to make anything better and you will not#be around to feel the effects of ANY love regardless of if it's already there or comes up later. all you'll be is...not here.#and all of you deserve to be here. I WANT you to be here <3
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It keeps me alive, but it's making me crazy (<-me watching the new Fionna and Cake show) (<-me thinking about the Petrigrof sleeper cell it awakened in me)
#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake#fnc#adventure time#betty grof#simon petrikov#petrigrof#seriously. themmmmmmmmmmmmmm.#they're eating up my frontal lobe and replacing my whole personality#they make the horrorsā¢ļø of everyday life bearable#but god. at what cost.#they also make me so so sad. genuinely sad.#not like ''whoo boy! that was cathartic! I love me some good tragedy!''#but like. full-on depressed actually in real life.#I am way too emotionally invested in doomed old people yuri (gender neutral)#I will not I will not I repeat I WILL NOT relapse into depression bc of a fictional couple from a children's cartoon-turned-TV-14 show#god imagine how embarrassing would that be#like how would I even explain that to my therapist#mmari rambles
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as someone whose family only EXISTS because my mother and grandmother were fully willing to cut terrible blood relations out of their lives, i really think more people should be cutting off their shitty family members. both irl and in fiction. cut them out. you don't need them, you don't want them, they're terrible to you? congratulations, i am absolving you of any obligation you feel you have to this person. i don't care if they sired you or grew you in their uterus, i don't care if they paid for your clothes and your schooling, i don't care if you lived with them for 20 years. if they're terrible to you, cut them off!!!
#continually reading about real and fictional people#putting up with truly egregious bullshit from their parents#and i'm like.....you don't have to put up with this#no you REALLY do NOT have to put up with this#you owe them nothing#cut them out of your life and be free#anyway all my life i only ever had three grandparents. and we were all better off#IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS#anyway as a personal observation#i feel like i have fewer qualms about this as an idea than most people?#because again#it's the whole reason i'm here to begin with
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you know i must have been bone-tired when this part of the herb brides lore didn't come to my mind when i discussed how the Kin fundamentally differs from the cultures it is inspired by um There Is The Human Sacrifice part. like it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you are doing human, or anthropomorphic (if you want to see the Herb Brides as closer to spirits, which comes with its own set of problematics regarding how to approach their oppression) sacrifice. it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you kill a woman, as part of the journey and in direct resonance with you ritualistically killing cattle earlier, and she offers herself to you with cultural and religious significance.
human sacrifices have been done across the globe for millennia, but i cannot, for the life of me, find any source at all that mentions the Buryats (since that was the discussion point) partaking in human sacrifices by the turn of the 19th-early 20th century (or even anything past the 16th). every single source mentioning offerings and sacrifices i've read mentions animals, things such as milk and vodka, and often both at once. would love to read anything about these rituals if papers exist, but i'm personally drawing a blank.
the Kin has Obvious and very Visible influences but it also differs from specific (in this discussion's case, the Buryats) or wider (here, turkic/mongolic as a whole) cultures from the area by so many pieces, big and small, that i wouldn't have enough appendages on my whole body to count them all. and sister. i have plenty of appendages.
#i AM reading a paper that mentions the human sacrifices at Mongol burials where people (typically servants or family) would be sacrificed#to accompany the dead; as well as the Shor practice of sacrificing women/girls (replaced apparently quickly by sacrificing ducks)#but those seem pretty old [the Mongol part mentions the 13th century] & like. nothing about the buryats in that time period#i'm like 85% sure i saw in the beginning of being into patho someone saying how equating the Kin; who practice human sacrifices [& others]#to correlate/be meant to represent Real Life ethnicities is insulting because They Don't Do That.#and like. everythingggg that touches upon representation/appreciation/appropriation/theft is subjective and#informed my how much leeway you're willing to give the creators so that's like#bro i'm just reading PDFs#also just found out the discussion of ''The Kin Is Obviously Inspired But Not Meant To Represent [x]'' is over 2yrs old. we're still at it.#as anon said. ''unless you're tolkien; coming up with a whole fictional language is hard''.#anyways appendage time. stuff that differs just out of the top of my head:#everything relating to the religion which is almost a complete inverse of buryat tengrist/shamanic faith + don't get me started on buddhism#the clothes. the homes. the creation myths; beyond the apparition of Clay; which is present in so many cultures on earth#no swan ancestor. no lake worship. no sky/heavens. no tens of named hierarchical deities. NO BURBOT! no hats. no hats (burts into tears)#NO HORSES? ON THE EURASIAN STEPPE?#the belief that earth mustn't be cut is so buryat. i'm sure i've read it. no idea if it is also in other mongolic peoples but buryat it is.#also a bull-ancestor/bull totem. that exists in buryat tribes; but they also have a bunchhhhh of other sacred animals (including. swans.#also horses. there's this [charm?] made out of horse hair there is)#neigh (blabbers)#i'm realizin how crazy i sound repeating shit that has been said 2yrs ago but like someone already mentioned the human sacrifice.#someone already mentioned the clothes. someone already mentioned the yurts/gers. someone already mentioned the religion#like i'm just. repeating stuff. and yet. give it up for year 2
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