#these fictional people are my whole life
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Hello hello I started following you after seeing your wonderful LeGuin art, and I was really curious about your novel as well, if you’d be willing to share a little bit about it…👀
Oooooooh, thank you so much!!!!! 🥺 Omg, my novel… Thank you for asking this question. Tbh I can talk about it for hours, but I’ll do my best to be concise.
Disclaimer: I mostly write in Spanish, which is my native language, and the novel is far from being completed (I'm currently at around 25% of the first draft of the first book). So don't expect to find it in the shelves of your local bookshop any time soon, sorry...
Anyways, I actually believe my story is partly inspired by Ursula K. Le Guin’s work. I first read The Left Hand Of Darkness when I was around 23, which was also the time I started to develop stories of my own (mostly through GMing), and also got heavily interested in human evolution and anthropology. And I know LHOD had a heavy influence on me (on how I understand gender and humanity, for instance). So it would make sense that there is some of it in my work.
The story I'm working on will probably be a bilogy or trilogy. It explores the theme of two different human groups making contact with each other after being isolated for hundreds of thousands of years (at this point they��re two different species). It’s epic fantasy with a substantial science component (mostly anthropology and cell biology) and delves deep into colonialism, genocide, faith, trauma, queerness and empathy.
Now, to the juicy stuff. There are two main characters: Delshed and Vahna.
Delshed is a military officer from the Celestial Empire. After years hating what his job has made him do, he has left the army to pursue diplomacy. However, he is called back to it and tasked with the mission to eradicate the ‘demons’ that are attacking the empire’s eastern border. He then says: well okay let’s go they’re demons they have no soul so I can go kill them with my mind at peace (he is very religious, and celestial faith states all souls are sacred, hence his conflict with his own occupation). The problem is the enemy is way harder to fight than anyone had expected, and his soldiers pay the price. Which tears him apart. And let's say he doesn’t have the healthiest coping mechanisms in the world.
Here’s an old sketch of the problematic yet handsome man:
On the other hand, Vahna (she/they), whose name is Keahane at the start of the novel, is a warrior of a Heruze clan, aka one of the ‘demons’ that are attacking the empire. When the Celestials first arrived to their native land, the Heruze were massacred and displaced, and now they’re cornered into a barely inhabitable mountain range, hiding and slowly dying from hunger. So they decide to try and take back their land. Their advantages are: 1) the empire has mostly forgotten them and 2) they have the power to grow and modify the tissues in their own bodies at will. Keahane is a bleeder (one of the 3 Heruze genders), an expert at body modification, and one of their best warriors. However, horrified after being ordered to kill a whole family from the empire, they do something that is forbidden for their gender: voicing their opinion. They are then banished from the clan and stripped from their name (the worst possible punishment for their people). Their whole arc then revolves around finding out who they really are and what they want.
Here's a sketch of Intensity Queen aka Vahna:
So the story starts with a war between these groups, which leads to Delshed and Vahna unexpectedly clashing in the battlefield. The central point of the novel is how they, instead of killing each other, end up bridging the gap that exists between them and, after much conflict, become a sort of precarious link between the two species. Which ends up spiraling into a revolution that will rattle the predatory foundations of the empire itself.
You may have seen other characters in my pieces. Such as Isenjat, one of Delshed’s officers and also his best friend. She is totally on board with eradicating the Heruze because one of them killed her first love and left her with permanent injuries that turned her life into a nightmare. She can be an insufferable spite-driven asshole sometimes but I love her.
And the other icon I draw the most is Tairitz, who appears quite late in the story, but also has me obsessed. He's a musician and a storyteller, of an ethnic minority absorbed by the empire long ago. He has lost everything yet somehow manages to be the emotionally healthiest and most deconstructed member of the cast. As an anarchist, he will be more than happy to join a revolution. It may pose a bit of an internal conflict if he falls for the imperial prince tho. Which he totally won't.
As you may have guessed, most of the cast is queer. I really really wanted an ace protagonist who would manage to have beautiful romantic relationships in which their identity is not only respected but honoured, and that is Delshed. Vahna, through the discovery of her own identity, allows me to question the whole construct of gender. And I don't know, I was craving complex and beautiful stories about queer people healing together and making the world a better place. There aren't that many in fantasy (although thankfully that's changing).
If you've read through all this, you have my eternal gratitude. I love these characters with my whole heart and they are the thing that has kept me going through very dark times. 🥺
Once again, thank you for asking. 🧡
#ask#original story#writing#novel#original characters#original charater art#fantasy#artists on tumblr#thank you for coming to my ted talk#these fictional people are my whole life#who doesn't love a bunch of traumatized queers trying to fix the world
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art/patrick + old childhood best friends motif
#challengers#art x patrick#art donaldson#patrick zweig#artrick#*#this whole concept...i am sick over it you have no idea.#it will always make me go feral in fiction#i'm sorry it's so long idk if anyone's gonna read it but it's my bday today#and i've been thinking of all the people i used to love who aren't in my life anymore#fire and ice
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hey btw Wymack recruiting people no one else bothers to look at also means recruiting the two incredibly good players who are considered "too short".
fyi.
YOU CAN ONLY PUT 30 TAGS???
#yk not to be that bitch#but after being told my whole life that i was “too small” in literally every context#being bullied#being threatened with insane amounts of violence#just cuz they could#and finally finding a story where the craziest most badass character#who behaved like i do#and speaks like i do and loves like i do#and is my height#was life changing#got me through all four years of high school like if Andrew wouldn't take this shit then neither should i#and then seeing a running gag in the fandom where people refuse to acknowledge the twins' height#because it's “unrealistic”?#1st of all it's not#there have been many little athletes who were very good#also reasoning in the post#2nd it's fictional it's not real#it doesn't have to be accurate#but yes i understand it's just a funny haha running gag#and I'm being way too sensitive about it#but i am ranting anyway because it does upset me#and if i want to complain on my own damn blog then i fucking will#aftg#all for the game#andrew minyard#the foxhole court#aaron minyard#twinyards#nora sakavic#the sunshine court
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you’re gonna show me big arms, a curtain bang, and a huge golden belt buckle and expect me to care that sentry kills people?
#i’ve been defending ‘fictional hot man who kills people’ my whole life#and i won’t stop now asdfgh#🌩️*
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fandom psa; there is nothing whatsoever that is inherently "problematic" about shipping characters who are "found family."
Adoption is not found family. A blended family is not found family. A found family or chosen family is a group which, through circumstances or simply mutual affection, hold their relationship to one another with equal care and importance as family members ought to. It's not the same type of relationship.
It's not incest. It's not even pseudo-incest unless you want it to be. I personally don't care what people ship, but I'm absolutely tired of people misusing the term "found family" to just recreate the idea of a nuclear family and force those roles onto the entirety of a fandom. Sure, maybe characters who are found family may view themselves like siblings, or like a parent and child or aunt and niece, but they might also just see each other as friends-- and guess what? romantic partners too! That's technically the most widely-accepted form of found family/chosen family there is!
The whole point of found family/chosen family is to have the importance of "family" on relationships that lie outside the commonly-understood bounds of that relationship. Not to recreate the "mommy-daddy-daughter-son" dynamic with unrelated characters and use that headcanon or fanon dynamic to enforce your own morality or preferences on other fans.
#zhuixing posts#fandom#shipcourse#technically#found family#found family is whatever you want it to be#that's the whole POINT#idk this just makes me mad#if you like two characters together platonically just say that and block the ship tag!!!#don't make up an excuse to make a relationship between two consenting adults 'problematic' and target shippers for harrassment#just because you don't like it lmao#also characters can refer to one another with familial terms and it STILL doesn't make it 'incest'#in MANY cultures my own included it's common to refer to romantic partners and unrelated people as brother/sister etc#unless they're literally related it's not incest#and it's not pseudo-incest unless you want it to be#if you're gonna be against a ship for 'moral reasons' at least make sure the incest you're accusing people of shipping#is actually really incest in the first place and not some ridiculously vague definition of the term :)#i generally hate the mindset of 'you can't ship x because morality!' because problematic ships are not real life relationships#and have no bearing on someone's values since fiction is supposed to be a way to look at things that wouldn't work irl#but for those of you who *do* feel like you can't ship things that are 'problematic' and are upset you wouldn't be able to ship#some of your favorite characters because they're considered 'found family'#i hope this encourages you to do what you want#and to have fun bc THAT'S what's important in fandom
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Obsessed with characters who lead double lives and there’s always a debate over wether their true identity is their alter-ego or their civilian identity when in actuality their true identity is a secret third thing (a combination of the two identities along with a few other ingredients and this character is lucky if they know this third identity themselves let alone having one or two loved ones who are also familiar with this third, true identity)
#this is mostly about#kara zor el#from#cw supergirl#but also applies to characters like#artemis crock#from season 1 of#young justice#and#spiderman#but also just superheroes and other people with secret identities in general#superheroes#marvel#marvel comics#mcu#dc comics#kara danvers#supergirl#why yes I have been struggling with something subconsciously my whole life and been using fictional characters to cope#how could you tell?#merlin bbc#bbc merlin
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So The Bear ends season 2 with Carmy fucking up his pretty serious relationship with Claire. They spent an entire season developing this relationship between Carmy and Claire, and now it's over, and not just over, but abruptly and painfully over. Throughout this same season, they continue to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, incorporating undeniable nods toward an eventual romance.
Then in season 3, they have Carmy dealing with the fallout of his painful fuckup, that ended a relationship that was, as I said, pretty serious, and was developed over the course of an entire season. They do this while continuing to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, and while their interactions are mostly tense this season, they continue to incorporate blatant nods toward an eventual romance.
This is happening at the same time they have opened a restaurant, and Carmy is under enormous pressure, pressure that has been made worse by his breakup. Pressure to make the place a success, to live up to his potential, but also to make sure that Tina has an income, that he gives Marcus's mom what she wanted for Marcus, that Ebra, elderly and at the point where he really needs to be retiring, continues to have a job, that he doesn't endlessly waste his uncle's money, and crucially, so that the restaurant can earn that star Sydney is dreaming of, and that Carmy didn't even want.
And yet there are people genuinely criticizing The Bear for not canonizing SydCarmy this season, when...?
The man just went through a devastating breakup -
At the same time he opened a goddamn restaurant -
And is clearly going through the crisis of a lifetime -
And on top of that, he's just quit smoking.
Do you think, in real life, that it's realistic someone in that situation would immediately turn around and start seeing someone else? Do you think the writers would have spent a whole season developing Carmy's relationship with Claire, just for Carmy to shrug it off like it was nothing when it ends?
I'm even more baffled by the idea that SydCarmy not becoming canon this season is because the writers this whole time, have just been, what? Fucking with you? Straight-baiting you? Or do you think that just because they didn't canonize SydCarmy this season that this is indicative that they didn't intentionally allude to a future romance between Syd and Carmy?
I will tell you right now that The Bear is one of the most purposefully written shows I've ever seen. And while I will say that this season might be the weakest so far and wasn't what I was hoping for either - Nothing on that show is an accident. Nothing means nothing.
The writers of The Bear are too good to have accidentally implied SydCarmy was a thing. They are also far too dedicated to their vision for The Bear for them to be throwing things in just to fuck with you.
Have some patience maybe? When was the last time you watched a show that didn't hand you something the moment it was hinted at? Aren't you tired of watching shows that skip to the good part? Which is, as a result, not as good as it would have been?
#the bear#sydcarmy#I don't know I'm just venting#I had my own criticisms of this season but man#I felt like I was being punked when I realized how many people feel slighted sydcarmy isn't canon yet#and then on top of that there's like a lot who have decided that I guess this means it was all about platonic love the whole time?#and I'm sorry but#there would be nothing wrong with Syd and Carmy being friends#but the writing devices being used in this show to develop their relationship and inform our understanding of who they are to each other#are explicitly romantic#there is no other way to read it from just a narrative standpoint#obviously in real life friends can look like anything.#But in fiction friendship and romance are both written about very differently.#Might not always be that way but as of right now it is and the bear generally isn't about challenging those dynamics or our understanding#of what constitutes them. It's not subverting our understanding of platonic or romantic love. That's not what the show is about.
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i don’t normally have nerves about posting stuff but i gotta say after the reddit thing im like….. experiencing anxiety about the last part of persephone. like oh man the idea of people reading this fills me with profound dread
#lost almost all motivation to actually bang it out which is also not ideal#idk ig it was such a silly reason for people to get so upset and yet……#this is not a pity party. just an explanation for why it’s taking longer#idk id prepared for some pushback but this whole experience was so absurd. never in my life did i expect to get death threats#over someone calling out a fictional character on his bs
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when you're the only person who keeps living through the time loop, the people around you cease to be people and become mere characters. your treatment of them doesn't matter because they're not real and they won't remember. the only way to give anything meaning is to end the loop; their actions don't affect the loop and therefore are meaningless. you're the only one who has the ability to change the future, so anything you do in service of that goal is justified.
but. kim dojka looks at yoo joonghyuk and says no, actually, these characters are people. whether they remember or not is beside the point because they are real right now. and you don't give your life meaning by achieving some accomplishment that retroactively makes everything that came before worth it - you give your life meaning in the living of it.
#'meaning' isn't a reward you get for clearing a scenario...it's something you actively create every day as you make a life#kim dokja: it's WORTH IT! i know it's worth it because we are making it worth it!!!!!#ohhhhh waoaohhohh getting a transmission to my brain...suddenly feeling the urge to rewatch palm springs (2020)#time loop fiction is sooo fucking potent like ok you can read about this person who alone out of everyone has agency#thereby alienating them from all their fellow creatures...but watch out#orv#time travel#agency#existentialism#kdj#yjh#omniscient reader's viewpoint#my posts#f#also the fact that it's kim dokja - the 'reader' - who's creating meaning...sorry excuse me. there is something in my eye.#and this is coming from the guy who is very much committed to reaching the end of the scenarios! that is very much his goal#and what he's working toward. but the meantime is not something to get through. it's life and he's choosing to live it#he's like maybe this is fiction maybe we're all characters but it doesn't matter because the story is real to the people living it#his whole thing is that he refuses the idea that the story is unchangeable. he refuses the lack of agency#he's like well i will just make my own story. i will make my own meaning#and if there's some author out there that i'm the character of well good luck keeping up with me. mwah
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it's crazy to me that there are people out there who still think that media and fiction do not affect how people think at all
#like that whole 'does fiction affect reality?' debate is so stupid to me cuz it's like#i mean just think about it for a second. what is propaganda? what did jaws do for people's perceptions of sharks?#i think studying the effect that popular media and fiction has on people in real life is really interesting#and it's crazy to me that there are people on the internet who think that it genuinely doesn't#like umm shoutout vit sisler for his paper 'digital arabs' i just read it for my game studies class and it's super interesting#about like orientalization how western shooter games' usage of middle eastern/muslim stereotypes as enemies created both a negative -#- stereotype for people who arent in that group and how it negatively affects the mental health and self-image of the people who are#also shoutout stuart hall and richard dyer they're really cool people and also have some super interesting papers on how representation -#- in media affects people's IRL perceptions of certain groups#i know online this focus tends to lean on that whole shipping discussion but i think it's more worthwhile to look at it on a wider scale#because 'does fiction affect reality?' is not just a 'fandom ship war' discussion it's like. the basis for many fields of study#anyways umm#liza post#actually this is more like a#liza ramble#i love tumblr bc i can write a one sentence post and put my body paragraphs in the tags#it's really late and i am tired ‼️ i wish i could be more concise i just adore my game studies class and visual culture studies in general
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Not that there should ever be anything Twitter does better than any other platform, but at least the 'Mute this person for everything except for the art you actually followed them for' function was S-tier when it worked because some people on here really like to talk shit about self-made problems and act like their art is enough for people to suffer through shitty takes.
#no people participating in fandom isn't bad as a whole; what IS bad is people treating fictional shite like it's real life#for every 'this show set in Hell is bad because it's not how I would do it' post I see where the OP doesn't even TRY#to talk about other IPs set in Hell#I'm about to start handing out badges that say 'I'm pretty much the same thing as a Disney shill except my immovable hurdle#is actually watching other media based on my favored concept except for what's popular'#No one hates you because you redesigned a popular character#they hate you because you're being up your own ass about it#take this unfollow and stop being annoying as fuck; I follow way too many good CHILL artists#for YOU to be the one to stink up the room
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With Krok now on my mind, it's reminded me of like, the whole deal of him coping with the loss of his squad by believing they'd just become separated? Because that bit is such a fascinating aspect of his character to me.
It's vague in a way that doesn't totally confirm whether he truly 100% deluded himself, or if he just kept telling himself that to try and distract from the truth and memories he didn't want to face.
(Which, for some reason this pisses Misfire off? Which implies something really interesting there about Misfire and his own coping mechanisms and issues that we don't get much of a peer into unfortunately.)
Anyway, I spent way too long thinking about it when I was reading through the comics. And it's like, did studying battles and strategy play a part in this delusion/lie?
Like, you're a being that lives for millions of years, in the middle of a war spanning those millions of years. So, at some point, surely those battles are going to start to blur together. So you've got that, and then you go and face a frankly horrifically traumatic fight that quite literally rips the people you cared about most, and felt responsible for, apart.
Presumably, Decepticons aren't the greatest at handling shell shock and other such side effects of war. So they just take this freshly traumatized mess of a dude, take him off the front lines and plant him on a warworld to aid the fight from a more comfortable distance.
With all this, the mind is bound to be fickle when faced with such sudden loss and change. But Krok obviously did his job there, or at least he was very knowledgeable on history and tactics beforehand.
Either way, he studied battle after battle, went through records of fight after fight, planned for what's next and reconsidered what had already happened. Hundreds of wins and losses.
So did it get jumbled there? In having a head full of battles, did some of them blur and mix with the one that took everything away from him? In trying to solve the failures of past battles, did he try and find where a victory could've been had against the wreckers that day? Did he find a solution that would've had his squad still whole and alive?
From there, did it slip into delusion, or a desperate lie to keep himself going?
I feel like his "mental health matters" moment was an interesting insight into it and possibly the average soldier's rough outlook on trauma. But it was still very surface level I think, but I guess going too deep into the why's and how's wouldn't have been important until maybe the Scavenger centric comics that uh, never happened :/
#i'm probably reading too much into it. but im a sucker for war stories and such in fiction. esp sci fi.#i grew up military. so its like. i need to know the details within the media im reading. or else it feels poorly done or handled#and tf is frequently at its core a story of war. even in g1 it covered that fact. loss and coping and stuff#and idw1 is best in the post-war era. but it only sometimes dips into the real nitty gritty of what that all entails for ex-soldiers#the scavs are particularly interesting in that sense. since none of them were ''important''. they were tragically deemed disposable#and like. the bit where krok is explaining what happened during the war was just so good. just the disillusion and betrayal and hurt-#-towards megatron and the high command. like. argh. it was just *chefs kiss* when it comes to writing an interesting ex-soldier#fulcrums line about the war being over being comparable to the sky no longer being blue is also just. ough. esp since he wasn't a soldier#it just shows how ingrained the war was in every bot and cons life. and its so tragic and fascinating and augh#and like. the cons are awful. yeah. but they're also just an army chock full of random people with their own unique views and opinions#and the scavs are great vessels for telling that angle. that perspective. of just being someone swept up in it all#they're great comedy relief and all too. but theres so much fascinating story potential there too of hardships and disillusion#i mean. the whole deal with the djd?? the comparisons?? the hypocrisy bcs they're all bad people but for different reasons???#i could go on for hours about it. and i actually have and it's never coherent. but its like my fav thing about cons#which is probably a bit weird. i've been told having an interest in fictional wars and its effects is weird. but idk#its personal for me. you grow up hearing shit from vets and what they've been through. their own disillusions and it sticks with you#i'm gonna stop before i start to vent lol. but yeah. just krok and his ptsd and the greater untouched trauma within post-war cons
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crying my eyes out with tears of joy 2sung really said "here look true love really can happen even in your mid 20s and does exist and it can be as normal and simple and as lovely as this" for all us asian queers out there like .......
#u dont get it yes its one thing to watch it in fiction but to see real life asian queer people fall so truly madly perfectly in love .....#as over 20s working adults ... like. I CANT EVEN TELL U HOW SPECIAL IT IS. TRULY TO FEEL SO SEEN.#ive NEVER had this my whole entire life and now as someone who is junsung's age i just feel so ... MUCH. so OVERWHELMED.#i cant explain it I CANT. 14 year old me would have NEVER thought id get to see this on TV. EVER. god. GOD.#his man 2#faiza talks
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It keeps me alive, but it's making me crazy (<-me watching the new Fionna and Cake show) (<-me thinking about the Petrigrof sleeper cell it awakened in me)
#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake#fnc#adventure time#betty grof#simon petrikov#petrigrof#seriously. themmmmmmmmmmmmmm.#they're eating up my frontal lobe and replacing my whole personality#they make the horrors™️ of everyday life bearable#but god. at what cost.#they also make me so so sad. genuinely sad.#not like ''whoo boy! that was cathartic! I love me some good tragedy!''#but like. full-on depressed actually in real life.#I am way too emotionally invested in doomed old people yuri (gender neutral)#I will not I will not I repeat I WILL NOT relapse into depression bc of a fictional couple from a children's cartoon-turned-TV-14 show#god imagine how embarrassing would that be#like how would I even explain that to my therapist#mmari rambles
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you know i must have been bone-tired when this part of the herb brides lore didn't come to my mind when i discussed how the Kin fundamentally differs from the cultures it is inspired by um There Is The Human Sacrifice part. like it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you are doing human, or anthropomorphic (if you want to see the Herb Brides as closer to spirits, which comes with its own set of problematics regarding how to approach their oppression) sacrifice. it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you kill a woman, as part of the journey and in direct resonance with you ritualistically killing cattle earlier, and she offers herself to you with cultural and religious significance.
human sacrifices have been done across the globe for millennia, but i cannot, for the life of me, find any source at all that mentions the Buryats (since that was the discussion point) partaking in human sacrifices by the turn of the 19th-early 20th century (or even anything past the 16th). every single source mentioning offerings and sacrifices i've read mentions animals, things such as milk and vodka, and often both at once. would love to read anything about these rituals if papers exist, but i'm personally drawing a blank.
the Kin has Obvious and very Visible influences but it also differs from specific (in this discussion's case, the Buryats) or wider (here, turkic/mongolic as a whole) cultures from the area by so many pieces, big and small, that i wouldn't have enough appendages on my whole body to count them all. and sister. i have plenty of appendages.
#i AM reading a paper that mentions the human sacrifices at Mongol burials where people (typically servants or family) would be sacrificed#to accompany the dead; as well as the Shor practice of sacrificing women/girls (replaced apparently quickly by sacrificing ducks)#but those seem pretty old [the Mongol part mentions the 13th century] & like. nothing about the buryats in that time period#i'm like 85% sure i saw in the beginning of being into patho someone saying how equating the Kin; who practice human sacrifices [& others]#to correlate/be meant to represent Real Life ethnicities is insulting because They Don't Do That.#and like. everythingggg that touches upon representation/appreciation/appropriation/theft is subjective and#informed my how much leeway you're willing to give the creators so that's like#bro i'm just reading PDFs#also just found out the discussion of ''The Kin Is Obviously Inspired But Not Meant To Represent [x]'' is over 2yrs old. we're still at it.#as anon said. ''unless you're tolkien; coming up with a whole fictional language is hard''.#anyways appendage time. stuff that differs just out of the top of my head:#everything relating to the religion which is almost a complete inverse of buryat tengrist/shamanic faith + don't get me started on buddhism#the clothes. the homes. the creation myths; beyond the apparition of Clay; which is present in so many cultures on earth#no swan ancestor. no lake worship. no sky/heavens. no tens of named hierarchical deities. NO BURBOT! no hats. no hats (burts into tears)#NO HORSES? ON THE EURASIAN STEPPE?#the belief that earth mustn't be cut is so buryat. i'm sure i've read it. no idea if it is also in other mongolic peoples but buryat it is.#also a bull-ancestor/bull totem. that exists in buryat tribes; but they also have a bunchhhhh of other sacred animals (including. swans.#also horses. there's this [charm?] made out of horse hair there is)#neigh (blabbers)#i'm realizin how crazy i sound repeating shit that has been said 2yrs ago but like someone already mentioned the human sacrifice.#someone already mentioned the clothes. someone already mentioned the yurts/gers. someone already mentioned the religion#like i'm just. repeating stuff. and yet. give it up for year 2
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I have a disease that makes me... not lose interest in a ship once it has a happy ending or as close to it as possible, but it does make me lose something when that happens. The tension, that spark, the uncertainty, etc... And I crave happy endings, I'm a sucker for angst and anguish whilst generally needing a light at the end of the tunnel, but once that conclusion comes I'm left like. but mhhhhhh... the journey though 🤤🥴......
#this was prompted by me waking up crying at 5 am because i dreamed of tgck looking at shells on the beach together. btw. if it even matters#there was your best american girl in the background... which i don't even think is one of Their songs with a ™ but still. it was there#first time in my life hearing a song in a dream too that i recall. ok. they're literally a wound that never heals..........................#like. it's not that i don't like bkdk anymore (i do!!!!! a whole lot!!!!!!!!!!!) but. well they're happy now and happy people aren't as fun#this is also why established relationships aren't as interesting to me usually... they have different issues blahblahblah ok but.#they just don't make my brain go unless the circumstances are Right right. y'know#thinking about how m&m and A/F in hb were interesting™ to me only during their arguments... like yeaggg. moer of th ath pleas..............#mytext#fiction stuff
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