#but a problem i dont mind facing
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okay confession time, the reason why i like reblogging bloodweave fanart isnt because i ship them. It's because almost every bloodweave artist just draws Gale that makes me drool all over him again.
#so many talented artists#its such a problem#but a problem i dont mind facing#woo!#handsome bois#but gale 👀👀👀👀#bg3#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#gale of waterdeep#baldurs gate 3#bg3 gale#baldur’s gate 3#i can appreciate beautiful art without shipping them#but at the same time i can see the appeal of the ship#like you go guys! woo!#bg3 fanart#personal
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'why does show joffrey look like that he's supposed to be handsome' no sorry there's so many ugly/not conventionally attractive characteracters being prettywashed I think the rare cases of deyassification are based as hell. I like his weird little face ❤
#.txt#someone said his show version makes people less charitable to sansa and like. genuinely whats so different except that he looks a bit weird#like ok it does take him a bit longer to be nice to her again post trident but like she wasnt deterred when he tried to kill her sister so#people would blame sansa for trusting him even if he had mind control powers let's be honest#'I would have simply been unaffected due to my superior gigabrain. skill issue'#I do think people would be slightly more understanding if he looked like his book ver but that's a them problem#also like she's gonna be conditioned to think he's attractive no matter what bc he's the prince lol#its like when dream face revealed and all his stans were like omg he's so hotttttt 😍 I dont mean he looks like dream im just saying#people can gaslight themselves into finding any random guy attractive. especially children#and it's not like he's hideous or anything come on#imagine if sansa was like hmmm the rich young prince im supposed to marry isnt looksmaxxed enough. pass
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tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.
#i wish guilt wasnt a factor here#i feel bad about not providing content#idk i just#its 7am here and i havent slept quite yet#im really sad right now#like on the verge of tears but theyre not coming#im saving up to get back on hrt but its so fucking goddamn expensive#my hormones are having a fucking hard time balancing themselves i think#like theres a mountain of problems im faced with right now and theyre too real and i just want to burrow into the recesses of my own mind#and like stay there forever#it sucks when the “i feel broken” thing is manifesting in very real ways#when like your mental health issues are causing real tangible problems n shit#ive been too depressed and lacking in motivation to do anything with my life and its put me in a hole i dont feel capable of crawling from#im just#endlessly frustrated at my inability to function#which gets more potent the longer it goes on and the worse things get#blegh when did this become a vent post no thanks#whatever#people have already unfollowed me in the last 2 weeks of inactivity why should i hold myself back from posting this#i feel like im supposed to turn to drugs at this point lol#like thats the logical progression here#shame thats not a thing im willing to do#unless someone links me to a dubious but entirely safe source of adderall or something#amphetamines save me.....#i need sleep#fuck
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ok. no i get it. ok
#if you're gonna hurt can you. hurt please#it's been all day with this shit#it's barely something but it's on the precipice of being worse.#stop fucking around and be worse already what the fuck is going on#this is about. gestures at our body. that thing. and its arms and its legs and#the pain was just barely there but there enough to be Noticable. like are you going to hurt or are you going to Stop.#make up your mind.#this is hell btw.#i feel the beginnings of the sparking in our wires in our arms and legs and lower back and#today we were dizzy a concerning amount for the first time in a while.#like we're on the precipice of it being a problem. actually do something or stop what the fuck is this#pk;m curly🩹#we're getting back to the point where when we stand our heartrate shoots up and the. The Pulsating.#and the pulsating causes the dizziness and 2uen we're dizzy we scratch at our face and it's allr eally fast#and unnoticeable to us but very noticable to mom#and i just. okay I'll get out slippers from outside. the shoe inserts in em help some with... whatever that is.#but ultimately I'm like. tired. what the fuck is this. I'm waiting for it to get worse and i dont know if it will or#something something imposter syndrome or some shit btw like are we disabled or not what the fuck is going on here#i would like answers. anyway#sits here. waits for a flareup that might not even happen.#did we tell y'all mom was very negative about the idea of us using a cane the day after the birthday party?#so getting that cane that's LITERALLY BEHIND THE CHAIR WE SIT IN and using it for balance purposes is out the window.#i hate it here all these little things add up and they're slowly making me want to kill myself#BuT WE PERSIST! WE HAVE NO CHOICE! FUCK!
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absolutely nothing grinds my gears as a mother like when you tell someone "yeah, baby's just a little sleepy, I'm gonna try to get him down for a nap :)" and they. get in his face. and mess with his hands. and go oh the widdle baby how ARE you. what are you gonna SAY to us. HELLO the little BABY.
and it's always older women! Both sides of the family and also strangers! Like girl I know you remember trying to get your own baby down for a nap? Hello? I am as politely as possible indicating that this child needs low stimulation right now so he CAN fall asleep. can you fall asleep while people are engaging you in direct conversation? this is not a tricky concept. this is not actually really oblique communication. I am saying, as clearly as I can within the boundaries of cultural politeness, that I am asking for space for my hopefully soon-to-be-sleeping baby. I don't want to piss off some of my closest and dearest relations by snapping "get out of my baby's face right now so I can settle him for a nap!!" but with every day and every developmentally appropriate sleep regression I get this much closer.
why can't they take a hintttttttt
#it's my in laws in this exact instant but it is by no means just a them problem.#i dont mind going to another room to nurse or get him down for a nap if HE needs that#but if i'm indicating that he and i are comfortable to stay amongst company#i just need you to talk amongst yourselves for 5 minutes and get out of mine and baby's face#maybe you could DO SO#mama blogging
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i dont get why people who watch kids are expected to watch them 24/7 by parents who barely watch them for 7 minutes.
i think babysitters should be allowed to sit in the other room while the kids entertain themselves. teachers should be able to sit in the corner doing paperwork while the kids do their thing.
as long as there is an adult present and at least partially attentive to whats happening i truly do not see what the difference is to the parents being there.
oh wait it's just that a lot of parents refuse to admit any fault in themselves and hold everyone else to extremely high standards so they have someone to blame their child's failings on :)
#it's always people who interact with kids 0% of the time who expect you to be right up the kids ass the entire time#no one wants that. literally no one wants that.#there doesnt always need to be a structured activity.#there doesnt always need to be intense adult-child conversation.#again. as long as theres an adult there i think it's more than okay#------------------------------------------------#i strongly prefer this hands off approach with my own students bc these kids NEED TO TALK TO EACHOTHER AND NOT JUST ADULTS#they only socialize with adults online. they only see adult youtubers. they only truly sit and do activities with adults.#there really arent any group activities anymore and when there are... it's so obvious these kids dont know how to act around other humans#especially peers#they truly do not know how to treat someone as an equal and constantly talk down to eachother like how adults talk to kids#theyre constantly trying to prove their maturity and to insult anyone who clings to childhood#they need to know how to use their imaginations on their own#how to work through problems on their own#i have kids asking the most basic of questions which is why i firmly believe stupid questions DO exist#they will ask 'where is the bright orange paper' as you are holding the bright orange paper right in front of their faces#because they refuse and dont know how to actually look around and think about things for themselves#because teachers are constantly pressured into walking through eveeeerrryyything. constantly holding their hand.#yu think im joking about the paper thing but i experience that question AN UNCOUNTABLE AMOUNT OF TIMES in just a single day#every single fucking day#it's to the point i DO NOT TELL THEM ANYMORE. i say 'actually look around. use context clues. think about what you're asking before you ask#and agin... it's all because people who watch kids are expected to hold their hands through every single thing#when you dont let a kid develop any skills on their own they do not develop skills. period.#since i've started doing this the amount of kids needing their hand held has actually diminished. lots of kids learned how to tie shoes#they learned to read a clock#they learned how to read and write#they learned to say thank you and please and be mindful of their area and the people around them#all because i MADE them do it. i didnt just give them the answer or coddle them.#it's still very bad but it isnt AS bad. obv theres only so much i can do when their other teachers; daycare workers; and babysitters#all treat them like inept idiots.
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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whoever requested the wta footballer au for the tennisblr promptfest...................
#i have so many ideas.#heres the problem though im getting too in my head about it because i would want to make it 'realistic'#in terms of like who would end up where and what teams are actually good#but unfortunately a lot of the countries that are good at football dont have very high ranked tennis players...and vice versa#poland did just qualify for the euros which is their first ever major tournament!#but like rus is banned italy is ok but a hot mess czechia is just fine belarus sucks#spain is good but then i'd have to write paula and i do not want to lol#australia? but what wta aussies are there. besides saville??#brazil obviously but idk do we even pair bia with anyone. she and iga are good friends but. hm.#caro garcia fell off the face of the planet which is unhelpful so france is kind of a no go#and germany haven't had a proper good wta player i think the entire time i've been watching tennis#same with the netherlands#china was good but fell off majorly in the 2010s. only coming back more recently so idk.#maybe interesting but i dont like navarro enough to write her and tbh i cant imagine another pairing for qinwen#whos left in footy. ENGLAND? i cant ship katie with anyone she and alex are like the golden couple in my mind#and i dont know enough about emma i think to properly write her#though wait..........CANADA. hm. let me cook here.#obviously wayy glossing over the americans here but thats because the main pairings i would probably do#are blocked by 1) greece being ass and 2) not wanting to write navarro (see above)#also the fact that my brain is screaming the whole time that half of these players are too tall to logically play anything other than gk#obviously this is all so irrelevant. u bet ur ass im gonna be writing this anyway.
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i want to draw elias but my brain is empty
#i have more like. full back ground narrative stuff in mind for him but i dont feel like doing that now#i love drawing environments but i need like. boring front facing art of him#problem is i suck at drawing characters just standing there also i get bored
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Sensory issues that make me not want my hair to touch my neck/ears
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chronic migraine disorder that can be triggered by wearing my hair up for too long or wearing anything on my head at all
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ppl telling me they like me more with long hair&making me feel insecure about having short hair
#im gonna kms#its an every day issue#i dont have this problem when i have short hair#but i HATE feeling judged i get so hyperfocused on it and it makes me so sad and i cant cope w it tbh#its something i work tirelessly to change by trying to be mindful and not give a fuck but#its HARD#so many ppl express how much they like my long hair better and I just wish they'd keep it to themselves#bc now im like rlly insecure about having short hair again#idk.... i remember back in the day when i was working at the smoke shop and had short hair#there were a bunch of girls who would express how good it looked and how theyve always wanted short hair but#their face was too fat or it wouldnt look good on them#and i would encourage them and tell them if its what you want and it would make you happy then it will always suit you and look good#no one in this world has a “face” for short hair#all of our faces suit whatever hair we want for ourselves#but pol have this opinion based off of society constructed beauty standards#and will just outright way or imply#that you look better following those standards#i think ppl should find happiness and self confidence more attractive than adherence to beauty standards#i successfully convinced one of my coworkers and an old and younger customer to cut their hair short#and they were so bright and excited to show me after they did it#and i hyped them up to hell and back like it made me emotional bc it takes courage to embrace your happiness#despite others judgements#im just#not as brave anymore#im rlly tired tbh#anyways srry im just emotional bc my head hurts and im overstimulated from my hair touching my neck jshfjekduriwj
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asked my grandma if i could move in with her since my mom is planning on moving to mexico and we have to leave out apartment in 3 months cause our landlords giving it to his son or whatever and like. she said no lol. she said no. lol. lmao even. she has a house. with like 3 empty rooms. lmao. lol even.
#then she started going on how she's poor or whatever like. so am i#so is my moms family in mexico#so are my moms friends who offered their houses#but i asked her cause i dont want to move to mexico and i dont want to move in with essentially strangers#like i dont know my moms friends well ivenever had like a proper conversation with any of them#but no shes poor and shes never gotten to be alone in her house (im mexican this statement was so funny to me)#like sorry u have poor family and sorry my brothers suck so i cant move in with them#like she litereally said why not move in with ur brothers and i said straight to her face#im not moving in with people with drinking problems and anger issues lol#anyways LOL LMAO zHAHAHHAAHHAAH#life is so fucking stupid#and my life is worthless#anyways she started saying she doesnt like how im making her fel bad and like the bad guy and how she's gonna think it over#so who knows she might change her mind but god#i rlly thought she'd say yes and now i feel stupid#oh also she's not poor lol
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there’s so many characters running around dc and so many incarnations and different versions and shit man i just wanna grill!
#idk whats going on in the canon as a whole and well i dont mind#but what are they doing with some of these characters i just learned about riddlers daughter#her wiki page is unparseable. which. is a bit of the wiki’s problem to be quite honest sort the information by issues#i see duela dent mentioned on there oh i know her my mutual likes her i click on the page.#what is going on i thought you were just two faces kid what do you mean your parents are au joker#petition to dc from someone whos never seen her in a comic: can she look more clowny again i liked that design :)#i speak#dc#also is enigma dead? is she alive? who knows but what the fuck was that. what in the world#im just here collecting some riddlers
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a good portion of the mor.tal ko.mbat roster is asian therefore also poc!! please be wary.
#* 𝐾͟. 》 —⠀out of ‚#not a vague unless ur doing exactly what im going to describe#i have no one in mind when i write this. just a hypothetical person..who could also have the potential to exist#whether its you or someone else.#please be wary of casting and psds. i know a handful of characters are “ambigously asian enough” but their influences are very clear cut-#-in a lot of instances (ku.ai li.ang & ha.nzo)#and its not enough to chalk up lack of awareness to NRs lack of care.#is that the right saying??#which is also why i havent chosen a fc for kit.ana. the character itself has very clear japanese influences (weapons & name origin)#but also created to be the daughter of someone of chinese lineage. also a filipino and viet face model..just NR trying to#demonstrate how exotic <3 and unique <3 and other worldly <3 edenians are i guess.#u dont HAVE to choose a fc btw guys its definitely not something you have to do if u cant find a good fit..#in regards to psds though like...if ur going the realistic route of having that specific characters color-theme pop#make sure to not completely wash out the character and their skin?#b&w psds are tricky so i stay away but if thats ur thing just make sure the skin is a gray or neutral#also this isnt drama its just a warning. however if me talk bout this is uncomfortable..dont continue following me!#i do try and reach out personally if i see these problems but im not always online either#too busy living my dream shooting robots and reassuring my alien boyf that we CAN fuck without a manual in mas.s eff.ect
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just stupid rambling so I'm not annoying friends DMs lalala anyways
been trying to dissect why I'm always so beyond irritated when I see news articles/socmed chatter on AI and I haven't really come to any solid conclusion on it but I think I can kinda boil it down to two things:
first is general misinformation. it's just...so incredibly frustrating to see people wail about the ~threat~ AI poses to our society in conjunction with the huge fake news issues, while also spreading around news articles/essays/etc that are so poorly researched they're basically fake news as well. it's not even hard stuff to fact check! things like AO3 being scraped for AI training data (completely false, there's multiple sources against it but the logic doesn't even track) (isolated issue, but there's a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation on what was scraped for training data period), attempts to conflate the multiple copyright lawsuits as the same thing despite each dealing with different AI tech and sourcing issues (if these cases were similar, they would be linked together, just like the two authors suits were), AI putting 4000 US workers out of jobs in a month (everything references one news article with that headline, but said news article sites one economy report which never states anything of the sort), the general preconception that writers and actors are striking over AI (they're not. they're striking over residuals and lack of pay. AI is a part of discussions as they're covering multiple bases to prevent further exploitation of workers, but that's a distinctly different issue and it's wrong to place a stronger emphasis on AI than the exploitation. AI can't replace writers (though they can't afford the months of studios attempting to replace them with it) and they will want to at least ensure proper compensation for their content being used to train AI if they have to concede that point. there are already strict California state laws protecting individuals right to their image/voice/person, and while protective and preventative measures are currently state legislation and only present in about half the states, there are still federal level protections and precedents for people's right to publicity, and the US Senate is also currently drafting policy that would enact protections against use of personal image/voice/etc, open up more opportunities for recourse for people who have had their images stolen, and enact severe punishments on violators to thoroughly discourage the possibility of abuse. actors don't have to fight for this right in of itself because the LAW already covers them). and there's more than just these, but that last one segways into what is my second but I think bigger complaint:
people seem so like...enamored with the idea of individuals sticking it to the system that they're ignoring the very real systems that can make a difference. like. okay, 1) copyright won't solve AI issues. none of the current cases have the capability of making such a grand change, but that's a long discussion that will just detract from my point. but also 2) a system that's only reactionary is BAD. it shouldn't be on copyright lawsuits (or two worker strikes either for that matter) to stop AI abuse, which is why it's not. there are multiple discussions going on in the US Senate right now to create...a whole battery of preventative measures really, and a system to enact regulate and enforce them. things like extensive safety tests conducted by multiple parties before AIs are released to market, ways to prosecute for deliberate spread of misinformation or abuse of private or copyrighted data, more transparency on training data and engines capabilities, preventing and prosecuting the horrible abuse of outsourced workers (ala OpenAI and the Kenyan workers), better protections for people's personal and private data, ways to protect workers from companies exploiting them via AI, and more. and while what I was reading was the US Senate discussions, there's the emphasis that this has to be a worldwide effort and they're talking to multiple foreign governments. the politicians know they dropped the ball on properly regulating social media, they're sick of AI developer's bullshit excuses too, and they're working hard to do something about it and get ahead of the curve before people get hurt.
and like. besides the fact that it's extremely unfair to put so much pressure on individual cases to fix a systematic issue that's significantly larger and broader than the issue of scraped data, this is literally the way to stop AI abuse. preventative and proactive is far more important than reactionary. this is a way people can act and get involved directly.
I'm just so...annoyed every time I see people complaining that no one's doing anything about regulating AI, when there's a lot of very real and important work getting done. this is a not even slightly hopeless issue! that news is a lie! and sure, it's funny to imagine AI developers being forced to pay out millions or wipe their slates clean, but even if burning things to the ground was an option on the table (...it's probably not btws), it does nothing to address the issue that this tech exists and needs to be regulated to prevent human harm, so it's especially annoying to see so much like...triumph and gloating over lawsuits that haven't even properly begun and so little awareness of the policy work trying to break ground. gah.
also the "AI's detrimental because of fake news" complaints while engaging in apparently zero research or fact checking themselves. I'm extremely irritated over that 🤦
#like. this is an attitude issue beyond just AI im just. so annoyed.#GAH#its stupid but i really am#i think my problem is that its a merge of several subjects ik a decent amount about#so ik just enough to make my eye really twitch when i see something outlandish on them#my yell-y doc on this is turning into a fully cited paper because im seriously SO ANNOYED by the lack of fact checking#so anyways dont think that solution is currently working for me rn#SIGH#*btws if you feel like youre drowning under the information/dont know where to start#i will happily chat and share!!!#this is very literally sitting on my mind all the time#im being rly grumpy in this one post but like. i promise i get how in your face and overwhelming learning about AI can be#and i dont mean to sound disfainful at anyone who genuinely wants to learn more#this is v much me grumping at the state of the NEWS#or crowds#not individuals!!
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just had one of the worst cries of my life i think
#going out soon but idk im just so full of anxiety n everything sucks#ive been throwing up since like 3am too bc im so anxious#like i fucked up last night and it hasnt left my mind#n then i have to join a discord and get interviewed and play a game that i find terrifying bc itll make him happy (first world problems ik)#and now i have to go out to lunch today#which would be great but !!#my jeans are a tiny bit tighter than they usually are which means i gained weight !!!! i havent eaten today so its not bloating !!!#and then i went into the bathroom to look at myself and i saw how bad my eyebags are so i went to put on makeup#but i looked fucking stupid so i took it off and now im just sitting here kinda bawling over how ugly i am#i fucking hate it !! im so disgusting#im so tired i just want to kms and cut#how am i meant to talk to him when i cant stop crying and how am i meant to go outside like this#like im never gonna post my face here but u guys rlly dont know how gross i look#god im gonna meet him in like 4 months dude i fucking cant hes gonna find me so repulsive im going to cry#wtf do i do im so fucked nothing is going to save me#hes just gonna spend like 3 days with me probably fuck me and then just leave me i fucking know it#its so over man its so fucking over someone just run me over with a car#jamie.txt
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"what if they were worse <3" au but this time its my old pc austin aka local android suffers, more at 11
#pix pics#art#oc; austin#TLDR: instead of being abandoned by his creator he's actually kept around and treated Far Worse and is super stunted emotionally#i hope yall dont mind me making my ttrpg oc blorbos yalls problem i just care them on occasion#ft. a cameo from one of the au versions of an NPC aka the light blue/cheery austin - its just a dude wearing his face to fuck with him 👍
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