#but I’ve accepted it and I love who I am

[chryso-poeia]

Being human is simple if you strip away the inhuman systems, the bureacracy, the trauma that the programmed, wounded and misled perpetuate. (Hence kindness or protecting one’s energy). Being human happens without your conscious participation, you could not beat your own heart, digest your food etc. Hence ”human being” and not ”human doing”. Your body orients you, not the programming. Ground yourself, become present, it’s all here right now, the wonder of it. If you really pay attention.

People are either motivated by an avoidance of pain or a seeking of pleasure. Pain is fear, without pain, no pleasure. Without your palm, no dorsum. Everything exists in a complementary relationship to everything else. Night follows day. Everything is a derivative of fear or love. But it all leads back to love, in the end. Spiritually, this is transcendence of duality.

So i believe that, that which causes life to thrive, or a flower to bloom: is love, which is acceptance, which is compassion, which is nourishment, it allows. So i will be kind and playful in my eternal love, nothing else worked. The mind is designed to be as convincing as possible, hence it reaffirms our sense of reality. But there is something called as healthy functioning and coping, not meant as judgement but rather compassion. This can clear your mind.

Here’s a few of the most effective grounding exercises for a traumatized nervous system, that i’ve found:

• 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise.

• Progressive muscle relaxation.

• Breath awareness (esp in highly emotional situations): Allow the breath simply arise, don’t try to control it, just let your attention ride on it, become breathed, like a tree.

• EFT.

Misc:

• Follow your excitement in every situation.

• Think about who you are without all your negative convictions. Instead of thinking that you chose think a thought, observe the feeling is triggers in your body. Feel the fear/anxiety and just breathe deeply. Don’t engage in the mind conversation, just breathe deeply. If you start engaging in the convo again, gently back to the breath. Remember: your mind is convincing for a reason, because a lot of thoughts: require your participation to survive. It can help to repeat:

”This negative response is how my body-mind has been programmed to think it must respond. Because it replays the past, i choose to learn from the past and accept myself, in order to move on. I choose to invite love. So i choose to believe that i don’t have to respond that way. Divine, i don’t know how it’s possible but with your infinite intelligence, all things are possible.”

Spiritual Practice:

• Aum chanting, 16-108 rounds.

• Hare Krishna chanting.

• Tibetan Tummo Yoga. (Very physically intense, somatic effect).

• ”Breath Of Fire” Pranyama, breating exercise (CAUTION: Please research how to do this one correctly, faulty practice can damage your lungs. Hence it’s also therefore incredibly potent.)

• Hoponopono.

Natural Processes:

• Full body crying. (Crying is a mechanism that releases tensions and trauma from the body).

• Ruthlessly honest journaling. Write down everything that has ever happened to you. (ChatGPT can be a wonderful tool here, just temper the amount of detail you provide)

• Exercise, 30min at a minimum, daily walk. Preferably in nature.

-

Above all, whatever we resist, persists. So things like journaling can often be the most cathartic and effective practice, each time. The idea is that if it is not expressed, it is harbored within. But once expressed, it becomes external. At which point, one can notice how there is a separation of ’what happened’ and ’who i am’.

chronic fatigue from mental illness and neurodivergency isn't something you can just will your way out of. your nervous system is part of your body. your brain is an organ. the fatigue is real. you're not lazy. so be kinder to yourself. be gentler with your bodymind.

[dashing-disaster]

Bad Beer and Naked Rodents

Thank you @xmidhel for beta reading!

also on AO3

“You know,” Sal drawls, twisting the cap off another beer and handing it over, “for someone with an above average IQ, you’re dense as fuck.”

Tommy glares but accepts the bottle without protest. It’s his third. He takes a long sip and shudders. Bud Light. Why did Sal have to be such a fucking stereotype? But he was too tired to complain. He was too tired to do much of anything right now.

“He’s not wrong,” Lucy said to his left and Tommy directed his glare towards her instead. Like Sal, she wasn’t impressed.

“What? You know it’s true. There you are, genuinely happy for the first time in…” she pauses to think, “for the first time since I met you, actually.”

“Ever” Tommy supplies miserably, sinking further into the couch cushions. Something pokes into his right kidney and he reaches underneath himself, pulling out a small doll with messy blue hair, a pink ruffled dress and a … horn?

“Unicorn Barbie,” Sal exclaims and snags the doll from his hand. “Thanks man, you just saved this household a lot of sweat and tears. Look, babe, he found her!”

“Uncle Tommy to the rescue,” Gina says dryly, without even looking up from her laptop where she’s furiously typing some email that’s probably important and Tommy feels a pang of guilt at intruding on her peace and quiet unannounced at 9pm on a week day, Lucy in tow. He’s unable to dwell on it, however, because Lucy pipes up again.

“Let’s circle back here for a moment, your life was going great, you were happy, your hair was even starting to look good-“

“Hey!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Thomas. My point is, you got scared of commitment for three seconds and tell Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley, to go off to frolic on Grindr? I’m sorry, but do you know how stupid that is? Do you have any idea what happens to guys like Evan Buckley on Grindr?”

“Say his name like that one more time and I swear to God.” It comes out with far more venom than intended and he cringes internally. Why does he have to be such a bitch? It’s a credit to their love for him that none of his friends even bat an eye.

They’re not gentle either, and Tommy’s kind of glad about it. He doesn’t deserve gentle. Not now, maybe not ever again.

“What happens to guys like him on Grindr,” Sal asks curiously and then frowns. “And what do you know about Grindr?”

“My cousin wanted to try it out but he’s super paranoid about technology stealing his data, man’s still got a Nokia. So we set up his profile on my phone. He decided it wasn’t for him 10 minutes in but I kept the app and sometimes I go window shopping when downtime gets too long.”

“Why am I not surprised in the slightest,” Tommy mutters into his beer. Lucy is undeterred.

“Anyway, Gabe’s no hag either and similarly baby-faced as Buck so every time I open the app they’re on him in minutes. Seriously, it’s like The Walking Dead and some of the messages I get are borderline illegal. And don’t get me started on the dick pics. They’re not even nice-looking dicks most of the time.”

“Is there such a thing as a nice-looking dick? I’ve always found they all look a little like mole-rats.”

Sal, who’s been fiddling with Unicorn Barbie’s hair in a futile attempt to get out some of the knots pauses and makes a pitiful little sound staring wide-eyed at his wife who’s still neither looking up from her screen, nor is she pausing her aggressive typing, and Tommy’s both impressed and a little scared of that level of multi-tasking.

“Don’t worry, bud, Gi loves your dick. You’ve got three little monsters to prove it.”

Sal shoots Lucy a look so dirty Tommy almost laughs.

“I love the man attached to it. It’s still a mole-rat, though.” A beat of silence, then Gina looks up from her laptop for the first time in two hours, finding her husband’s eyes across the coffee table. “I love mole-rats.”

Lucy snorts, but Sal looks so pleased even Tommy has to smile.

“Still, though,” Lucy picks up the previous topic again, “are we sure it’s a good idea to throw Buck into a world of mole-rats and creepy old dudes wanting him to call them ‘daddy’?”

Tommy decidedly does not look in Sal’s direction. He loves Lucy and Gina but this is a topic one only discusses with one’s very best of friends.

“A world of disappointment, more like. Buck’s had Tommy now, anything else will just be a let-down.” The dirty grin spreading on Sal’s face tells Tommy he’s about to be in trouble. And he’s right.

“We didn’t call my boy here Nine-Inch-Nail in high school for nothin’.”

“Okay, first of all, that is such a lie,” the grin goes impossibly wider, “and second, I am not 9 inches, okay?”

Three sets of eyes wander down to his crotch and if it wasn’t these exact three people, Tommy would be so uncomfortable right now. As it is, he simply huffs and shoves a throw pillow into his lap, crossing his arms like a petulant toddler.

“I’m 8.6.”

Silence.

Then all three of them burst out laughing. He tries to hold on to his petulance, but he only lasts about ten seconds before the corners of his mouth begin to twitch and he finds himself joining in against all odds.

“As I was saying,” Sal hiccups after they’ve all calmed down again, “Buck doesn’t need any other mens’ mole-rats. He only needs Tommy’s giant mole-rat.”

Tommy groans.

“God, I hate you.”

Half past midnight Gina pulls the plug and throws them out. Sal tries to offer him the guest room, but he declines. As much as he loves his best friend’s daughters, he doubts he’ll can be Fun Uncle Tommy in the morning and he hates disappointing them.

As they wait for their Uber to pull up, Tommy feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist and a moment later he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“Don’t fuck up your life like that, Tom, not again. You were finally so happy. And I like you happy. ” Sal’s voice is quiet next to his ear, but there’s a softness to it that is usually reserved for his daughters. Tommy feels his throat close up and he buries his face into Sal’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know how not to, Sallie,” he admits and hates how forlorn it sounds.

How forlorn he feels.

“You trust him. I know it’s the most terrifying thing to do, believe me I do. But you gotta.”

Sal pulls back to catch his eyes, but keeps hold of Tommy’s shoulders.

“This man is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tom, and if you give up on what you have now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. But in order to keep it, you need to let him in and you need to trust him to know what he wants. It’s not your place to decide that for him.

And I know you want to let him set the pace, but you can only do that as long as you’re able to keep up. This relationship is about the both of you and if things are moving too fast, you have to tell him that. It’s not fair to either of you if you don’t.

And Tommy, you have to talk to him about your shit.”

Tommy opens his mouth to protest but Sal shuts him up with a shake of his head.

“No buts. Buck isn’t stupid. Do you really think he hasn’t clocked by now that you have trauma? I’m not saying you gotta tell him all of it at once. But you need to start somewhere.”

Sal pulls him back in roughly and presses a kiss to his temple.

 “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He wants to take care of your heart so badly. Let him. Let him love you. All of you.

And if it all goes to shit anyway, you know that I’ll be right here. I always will be.”

Tommy bursts into tears.

It’s 3am when he finally finds himself knocking at the same door he closed behind himself for what he thought would be the last time less than ten hours ago.

It’s telling that it takes Evan just under half a minute to open it. It’s more telling that his eyes are red-rimmed, and he’s still wearing the same clothes.

Evan’s terrible at hiding his emotions, doesn’t even try to most of the time. It’s one of the many things Tommy loves about him.

Right now, he seems to experience all of them at the same time.

Hope, when he opens the door. Relief, when his eyes fall on Tommy in the hallway.

Hurt, anger, fear, concern, fondness, and finally back to hope.

He’s silent. Waiting.

Tommy takes a breath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They look at each other, the insecurity and fear hanging between them like a cloud of vapor, so thick Tommy can almost taste it.

But there’s something else, too. Smaller, more fragile, and yet persistent like a moth chasing the light.

It’s the same thing Tommy’s seen in Evan’s eyes earlier.

Hope.

For a time, neither of them moves, as if they’re scared, that if they do it’ll spook and leave them alone in the dark again.

A minute passes. Two.

Somewhere in the building a baby begins to cry.

Evan steps aside.

[tea-potato-gt]

G/t recommendations:

Midori Days (Midori no hibi) 2005

The plot: Midori is a shy girl who wants to build up the courage to tell Seiji how she feels. Seiji is a delinquent with a heart of gold who just wants a girlfriend. Fate has a funny way of bringing the two together when they wake up to (a shrunken) Midori becoming Seiji's right hand!

G/t: Midori does remember what it was like to be human so she gets so excited to see food on a larger scale.

Midori’s size change isn’t really emphasized or acknowledged very much. Since Midori is attached to Seiji’s arm, you don't get the classic picking the tiny up to gain her trust scenes. But I love when Seiji holds/comforts her with his left hand.

I had mentioned this story to @racheyace and decided to make a whole “why the G/t community should watch Midori Days” post lol.

This anime is one of my favorite anime romance stories of all time, G/t aside!

The Manga vs the Anime: There are 13 episode in the anime and 8 volumes of the manga (85 chapters). (I have the 1st and 3rd DVD and Vol. 1-5 of the manga.)

I love the anime, it's freaking hilarious and high energy! I watched it first and it got me interested in the manga. I'd definitely recommend the manga more! The manga introduces more characters and has a more developed and believable relationship between Midori and Seiji. Not only are the relationships with the two leads more fleshed out, but most of the side characters too! Everyone has depth and motivations and it feels like their all decisions have meaning!

The time frame in the anime is just a couple of months I think, while in the manga Seiji and Midori are together for about a year. They become so close that the heart break and pain is believable by the end. I cried like a baby at the end of the manga and I felt much more satisfied with how it ended. They are both great, but if I had to recommend one, it would definitely be the Manga.

Queer Rep: The manga has a bit of queer representation! One of the characters, Kouta Shingyoji (male), develops a crush on the male lead Seiji! And Midori and Seiji help two lesbians accept each other's feelings. To quote directly from the manga: "Love surpasses sexual boundaries," this is said while showing a picture of Kouta.

Warnings: The anime is rated “13 and older” and the manga is rated “T+ for older teens.” There is some violence, adult themes, a lot of cursing, suggestive scenes, questionable scenarios, and (some) nud!ty (all bare chest nud!ty, but not always s3xualized). But I am honestly impressed, this story could have EASILY been a h3nti, but's a pretty wholesome story of young love, just with a BIZARE twist.

Where to watch/read: You can read the manga on whatever app you use, I use “Manga Geek.” I’ve seen it on a lot of manga websites too! Or find the physical copies from 2004. (If anyone has Vol. 6-8 pls let me know! I have been looking for them! 👀)

You can watch the entire anime dubbed on Youtube here:

[6toru]

𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬. — nanami kento

cw. angst & spoiler warning | wc. 640

“I’ll be back home soon, I promise.”

Those words that once filled your chest with hope faded into an endless cycle of doubt, longing, and empty wishes. 

Empty wishes. 

Oh, how you’d love to see his soft smile whenever he lays his eyes on you, and his lips twitching up in a small smile; his eyes imbued in a love so pure it made your heart melt.

 The pain that soon followed after days and days of waiting failed to cease, but it can never truly compare to the ache you felt when you heard the words, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

You couldn’t accept it. He promised. 

He promised. 

The place where you once called your home became meaningless. The thought of staying in that place brought you a sense of grief and loneliness – this loneliness you couldn’t ever stand. It was pure, unadulterated torture. 

From the pictures you once both reminisced together to the familiar scent of his favourite strawberry shortcake lingering around the house, you knew your heart couldn’t take it. The following nights were spent with endless sobs and sore eyes. Through the pain, there was also resentment – resentment towards the person who snatched him away from you without a care in the world. With all your being, you wanted to curse him to the deepest depths of hell and burn in it. 

Nanami Kento. The mere thought of his name sent you bawling in an endless puddle of tears, the unforgiving ache dwelled deep within your chest. Oh, how much you’ve missed him. His sudden parting was a sudden reminder – a big slap in the face, of how cruel the world is. 

It was the beginning of a new day, and you mustered all the power to get up from your bed. You could never get used to having the mattress feeling lighter, more empty. The space beside you has gotten colder, gradually losing its touch of warmth. 

The house that once smelled of his favourite dessert now reeked of pure heartache. Sitting atop the dining table were bottles of wine and glasses that are yet to be washed, and droplets of tears stained all over the letters you and your husband once wrote to one another. 

To my dove, I know how much you worry for me, but please rest assured. There is nothing I want more than spending the remainder of my life with you, and I promise you I’ll keep you and our future family safe. I don’t plan on going anywhere, not without you by my side.  Also, there’s a new bakery near my place. I’ll bring you there with me once I return from my mission. I’ve heard from Gojo that their strawberry shortcake tastes good. I love you so much. Stay safe, and I’ll see you later. Yours truly, Kento

Droplets of water fell down to the surface of the aged paper, leaving a stain over your lover’s name written in ink. You couldn’t let him go. Everything around you reminded of him, and it pained you greatly. 

Your tears never ceased to fall, and you made no effort to stop it. 

You shook your head, ruffling your hands into your scalp. Even as you close your eyes shut, the memory of your husband giving you his last smile and kiss before he parted kept replaying in your head like a broken record player. It was torture. Pure torture – knowing that even if it stopped playing in your head, he won’t return. As much as you wished that you could stop your memories from playing repeatedly in your head you couldn’t ever bring yourself to move past his sweet smile, his soft touches, and his gentle kisses.

 After all, the thought of him always gave you a sense of longing for a time that will never return.

© 6TORU do not copy, repost, or translate my works on any platform.

[goofy-guy-dj]

make cool art regardless of your current skill level! sometimes you can surprise yourself on what you can actually do

art is one of those cool things where anything goes and everyone doesn’t mind. i’ve seen artists put out super detailed, fully rendered artwork and shitty 3 second doodles and both convey exactly what they want and people love it.

you don’t even really need to learn the fundamentals if you don’t want to. those “rules” are really there for people who want to do it professionally or to improve (in a way society deems acceptable) so literally do whatever you want with your art.

don’t know anatomy but you need to get your idea out? use bases or trace poses! have no idea how colour theory works? use pre-made colour pallets or even just colour pick from references! there’s so many quick solutions that can help get your art out, even if you have no idea what you’re doing

and eventually you will start to improve. one day you might realise “huh these colours look good together” or try and learn anatomy, even if it’s just a little bit. eventually things will click into place and you’ll be able to draw what you truly envisioned.

it took me about 6 years of drawing to be satisfied on where i am now, and i didn’t even learn art traditionally, but if i hadn’t tried, i wouldn’t be making art today.

would you believe me if i said this was my art after 6 years of just experimenting and absolutely no art classes? hell i wouldn’t!

i had no idea what i was even doing for the noelle golem cinematic piece, i was just going by vibes and it just worked??

your first art might be “ugly” and not at all what you want but art really is all about its messages and story its trying to tell. anyways if you are really unsatisfied, you can always redraw it and edit it.

so have fun and draw something! doodle, sketch, paint, do whatever you think works!

I would really like to make cool art but tragically my artistic capabilities are not up to the same standard as the media I consume. in order to remedy this feeling I will continue to create absolutely nothing

[yallwildinrn]

It genuinely really sucks when I see so many people frothing at the mouth to admit being aro isn’t a real queer identity. Esp as someone who is both a lesbian AND aro.

I’ll agree, I face more discrimination as a lesbian. However, the lgbt community isn’t defined by our suffering and pain. It should be defined through queer joy and solidarity in the face of a society that refuses to accept us and making that society accept us!

I don’t want my queerness to only be valid when it’s bc of pain. And even then, being aro WOULD be valid. Because you wanna know what fucking sucks? Knowing I can’t reciprocate feelings. Knowing I’ll be called a heartless masc, awful like the rest of em, by women who will ignore that I won’t fall for them. Knowing I’ll probably be pushed to the back burner in relationships bc of you aren’t dating or married, you’re not a priority. Knowing my options and wants are limited bc a lot of lesbians want a cute, sweet romance - and I can never give them that, and they will never ever want me.

Yeah. No one’s gonna try to kill me for that - and I’m grateful! But shit, it separates me from so many damn people and relationships and options in ways being a lesbian doesn’t always. And again. I don’t want my queerness to only be valid by how many people want to fucking kill me. No offense, I’m not centering my identity on pain. I want to find the joy in it.

[sunnibits]

ok but can we talk about the transition from being the weird unattractive girl/boy as a kid to suddenly being percieved as a hot gay person bc that shit is so jarring. but also like really wholesome? like wow I don’t have to conform to cishet expectations of attractiveness and actually people find me really attractive for the natural way I look and present myself. that’s so wild.

[backlikeineverleft]

if i don’t hit you up, i wonder how long we’ll go without talking?

[sodacowboy]

so. the dolls of my original characters. for now I’m only planning for Sol and Lazul and I’ve run into the problem of wanting them to have outfits that fit with their respective home planet’s fashions and also wanting them to match.

[matchamiko]

You know, there’s something to explored in girls who cried to their mothers about feeling ugly and thinking no one wanted them; only to be met with ‘what can you do to change that’ and other solutions regarding weightloss or altering their appearance instead of being reassured that they’re the most beautiful girl in the world and anyone would be lucky to love them….

[mckinlily]

u still have a vld main blog?? IN 2024??? godspeed brother, this was the fandom that made me join tumblr (and write a fic) AND the only show i never watched to completion. after all that happened i tried to scrub it from my blog and mind, so stumbling across blogs like urs is very bittersweet :'] have a nice new year!

BUDDY. You’re telling me. There is a reason one of my few consistent tags is #voltronlegendarysaltmine.

I also never finished the series. I stopped after season 6 because I was getting strong “the story no longer knows where it’s going” vibes—and let me tell you, I have never felt more like a genius than in the hindsight of that decision. Though I do have to say canon exceeded ally expectations of what a mess it could be. So. Good on them for that.

It would be nice my brain would hyper fixate on something more than 10 people still cared about, but alas. This stupid space family, and particularly Shiro, stole my soul and does not appear to be giving it back any time soon. So I make do by believing Voltron was tragically canceled after only 2 seasons and live in bright, bright world of aus.

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

[libramooon]

going on instagram in your early 20s is wild because there are people i went to high school with who are married, own a house, and are posting pictures of the baby they just had or others who travel the country spontaneously with their significant other. and i’m looking at these pictures while i sit in my childhood bedroom on a saturday evening, like nothing changed.

[strohller27]

.

[floral-hex]

Haven’t been sleeping well because, and this is the stupidest reason, I’m so full of damnable longing. All I do is yearn and pine and want.

[pollenallergie]

I’m so glad I’m out of that stage in my life where I was so insecure that even just seeing a girl who was blonde and petite made me insanely jealous of her. Like as a teen, I would’ve irrationally hated Chrissy Cunningham (and by extension, GVD because that’s how irrationally insecure I was) from the moment I saw her just because she is everything I wanted to be back then. However, since I was introduced to the legend that is Chrissy (and the lovely GVD) as an adult who’s learned to be much more comfortable in her own skin, I’m able to truly appreciate her beauty and know that her being beautiful doesn’t make me, someone who is just about the complete opposite of her, any less beautiful. Also, specifically in the case of Chrissy, I’m able to get a lil crushy-wushy on her and daydream about like holding her hand and doing adorable couple-y shit with her… the way the bi gods intended. 💕✨