#but I just wish that she would confront and hold these other friends accountable for what they’ve done

[celestrials]

I just think that it’s so fun and amazing that one of the ppl I’m still friends with hangs out with the ppl who were directly involved in some really bad stuff with me and probably didn’t ever confront them about it or ask them why the heck they ever allowed something like that to happen for so long and also how they could hurt so many ppl and not feel sorry about any of it. Idk it’s just sort of wild to see insta stories of them just hanging out so casually like nothing happened and I absolutely know for sure she never confronted them about it bc that’s just how all of them are and how they have always been. Im just coming to the realization that I’ve never had like a solid friend group where I can grow with ppl and like trust to do the right thing and like idk are not just about partying and going out all the time I guess? Idk it’s just all really fun and really strange

[vividraft]

it's always been you

⇢ ˗ˏˋ fem!reader x alhaitham

⇢ ˗ˏˋ summary: even though it seemed like the universe did not want you and alhaitham together, he came to save you in the last second

⇢ ˗ˏˋ important notes: this is a repost from my old account (@/rainstops)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ a/n: ooc alhaitham... i think

old post masterlist tba !

you and alhaitham always got along really great. some people would say that youre the only one who he ever really got a long with. always kind and respectful to you.

kaveh was the first one to notice alhaithams blatant favoritism towards you. whenever he tried to bring it up, alhaitham quickly shut him down. but this time he wasnt going to let that happen.

"so? when are you going to ask [name] out?", he immediately asked when alhaitham walked through the door of their shared apartment. 

"ask her out? why would i do that?", alhaitham was quick to answer. 

"come on dude, everyone knows that you like her. 

"like her? sure i like her as a friend", alhaitham hung up his coat.

a moment of silence followed.

"oh so you wouldnt mind if i asked her out?", kaveh asked. alhaithams head shot into his direction. no words needed. the expression on alhaithams face was far more than enough for kaveh. 

"Ha, see you do like her!"

"whatever im going to sleep"

kaveh was right though. alhaitham did hold feelings in his heart that he didnt understand very well.

you on the other hand also just arrived at home. you took off your shoes and were immediately confronted with a "[name] we have to talk", of course from no one less than your mother. you tried to avoid her as much as you could, but with how controlling she is, that was more than just hard.

you both sat down at the kitchen table, and your mother immediately started talking. and you wished you wouldnt have come home that night.

"so you know that the fact that our family keeps on living, and keeping up our status is important, right?", your mother started. she had been giving you the same talk lately over and over again. she kept reminding you about how you had to get a boyfriend soon and get married soon. for archons sake, you were 19!

your family had a fairly high status in sumeru, and your mother lived for continuing the family. she had an early marriage and an early pregnancy, just to ensure that the family reproduces.

"mom get to the point", you sighed. you couldnt hear the same talk over and over again. she would just tell you how its important that you have children and its for the family and-

"i've arranged a marriage for you"

what?

she what?

"you did WHAT?", you slammed your hands on the table and stood up from your chair. 

"[name] you know its just so-"

"i dont CARE what its about!"

"now how about you sit back down and listen to me. ive found you a lovely guy whos just a year older-"

"no, how about you listen to ME for this first time in your life? all the time you were trying to control my life and manipulate me and you kept telling me over and over again how its 'for the family'!, well in all honesty fuck this family!", all your pent up anger from your nineteen years of living was now let out at the person who caused it all.

"young lady that is no way to talk to your mother, and especially no way to talk about your family!", your mother stood up from her chair as well. 

"youre not fucking listening to me! i am not getting married!", you screamed while putting your shoes back on.

you stormed out the door, although you were very aware that she was going to get whatever she wants one way or another.

it doesnt matter. she never even mattered. you needed to go somewhere, somewhere else than that place you lived in. and you knew exactly where.

kaveh opened the door for you. 

"alhaitham theres someone here for you!" he shouted through the whole apartment. its not like you were never here for you. whenever your mother got too much, you slept at alhaithams place. kaveh also told you a million times already that youre the only one who alhaitham allows to sleep in his room.

"same fights as always?", kaveh asked. you shook your head. 

"worse"

"worse? what did she do?", alhaitham was suddenly standing right in the hallway. it took you everything you had to stop you from ugly crying right then and there.

you were still mad. you were always gonna be mad, but the fact that you almost sprinted all the way to the shared apartment, took away a little of the rage.

"its kind of really hard to say", you really didnt want to say it. it for some reason felt even more wrong to tell alhaitham, but you didnt know why. 

"i dont think theres really anything that we dont expect from your mother by now", alhaitham said looking at kaveh, and then back at you. your eyes started watering. not at the thought of having to say it out loud, but at the thought of having to spend most of your life with someone you didnt even know.

"she arranged a marriage for me", you said. your words were followed by a long silence.

alhaitham looked irrated at you. or maybe he was angry. who knows. kaveh on the other hand was shocked. his eyes wide, and lips slightly apart. never of them knew what to say.

"youre kidding", alhaitham said, more wishing than actually asking. his voice was barely above a whisper. 

you could only shake your head.

a shaky, long sigh escaped your lips, and even though you didnt want it, the tears started falling. your body tensed up, and you could feel alhaithams arms wrap right around you. all you could do was lay your head onto his chest, and kaveh went to grab some water for you.

the rest, you dont remember.

you woke up, in alhaithams bed. the apartment sounded empty. what time was it? you honestly couldnt care less about going to school today. you didnt want to go anywhere today. but you also couldnt stay here another night, that was decided. one way or another you had to confront your mother, and who knows, maybe you could also convince her to stray from her plan.

but you knew, you could not convince her.

you discussed and fought with her for quite a long time.

"youre getting married to that man, and if i have to drag you to that wedding. besides everything is already paid for"

"wait- already paid for? when is the wedding anyways?",

"next month"

without another word, you stood up from the kitchen table and went to your room. you threw yourself onto your bed.

your body felt so heavy, and especially your heart. your eyes felt as if they were going to close any second, but you didnt feel like you could sleep. you were angry, but you were also disappointed and sad. disappointed in your mother, that she saw you as nothing else other than an a way to extend the family. 

and disappointed in yourself, for not being able to convince her.

well at least you still had alhaitham. he was the best friend you could ever ask for, although you ever wondered if you felt more towards him than just friendship.

your question was answered pretty quickly. you had no idea what had caused it. if it was the upcoming marriage, or just because he was always there for you. but recently you wanted to be closer to him than before. you wanted to always stay by his side, but maybe you just wanted to avoid being home.

but alhaitham... was it just an illusion or was he getting more and more distant by the minute? he used to always make time for you. if you were struggling with something, he stopped what he was doing just to help you. he wanted to talk to you over all of the people he knew. he talked to you daily, but now the days you two talked were moving apart further and further.

what was happening?

"alhaitham can we talk?", you carefully asked, not wanting to disturb him. this was one of the first time you felt like you were walking on eggshells around him. 

"not right now [name], im busy", he replied, not even bothering to take his eyes off the paper he was working on.

"but its kind of important...", you tried again. 

suddenly he slapped his paper down onto the table. 

"what is it?", he finally looked at you for once.

you sat down right across from him. 

"well... how do i start this"

"just say it, i have important things to do"

...

were you not important to him anymore?

"alhaitham, i feel like we are drifting apart", those were the best words you could find to describe what you were feeling.

"so what? its not like we're a couple or anything"

"so i dont matter to you at all"

a moment of silence. 

thats not true, is what alhaitham wanted to say.

"alhaitham dont ignore me"

"im not ignoring you"

"then answer me"

"fuck [name] just- JUST FUCKING FINALLY LEAVE ME ALONE"

huh

wait what? 

did he just say that?

"did i just say that...?", he mumbled to himself, kind off hoping you would hear it, but you were already out of the room, heading home. 

your mind was blank. where did you go wrong? what did you do that couldve possibly made him act this way?

alhaitham got home, closed the door, and sunk into the couch. his hands were traveling through his hair, and he was rubbing his face as if he was trying to rub away the words he said.

"woah what happened to you", kaveh asked as he walked past him, just wanting to get a glass of water.

"nothing", alhaitham mumbled, his hands still in his face. 

"doesnt look like nothing to me", kaveh replied. honestly he shouldve just dropped it right then and there.

"kaveh what do you think gives you the right to nag me like theres no tomorrow?"

kaveh just stared. 

"seriously man what is up with you recently? is it because of... you know, [name] getting married?", it almost felt hard to say. 

his heart dropped to his stomach and a shudder went down his spine, hearing kavehs words.

the reminder that you were getting married takes him right back to the day when you told him whats happening. he couldnt help his heart feeling like it was getting ripped apart, like its nothing more than just a piece of paper. 

from that day on he couldnt concentrate on anything. everything felt like a reminder of you, everything reminded him of the daggers that were send through his heart of the mere sight of you.

so he did the only thinkable thing, which was to distance himself. maybe his heart and mind would go back to the way things used to be. but everyday where he would be spending less time with you, felt like someone was taking half his soul away. he was even less focused on things, and was living in a trance, like a depressed man. 

but in no way was he trying to hurt you. no that was even worse than anything he could think off.

everything felt like it circled around you. it almost felt like...

"it feels a little like youre living for [name], doesnt it?", kaveh suggested. 

yeah exactly that.

kaveh sat down next to him. 

"alhaitham, do you remember the exact date [name]'s wedding is?"

alhaitham looked at kaveh. 

"its tomorrow, alhaitham"

wait

wait, no, when did time pass so fast? you cant get married. no way.

you were standing there, in your white dress. it wasnt really yours. it was your mothers old dress, meaning you did not choose your own dress. but maybe it was better like that, since you didnt want to get married anyway. the reception wasnt very pretty, it almost looked like a church. but maybe only you felt this way. you didnt want to be here. you didnt want to be anywhere. well there was one place that couldve been nice. you wanted to be wherever alhaitham is right now, but he didnt seem to want you arround.

you were staring at the bouquet you were holding. everything felt so surreal. you looked up at the guy you were marrying. he looked absolutely happy to be where he was. it almost made you uncomfortable to look at the wide grin on his face.

you looked at your mother, who seemed to be crying. everyone seemed so happy, except for you.

you were not picking up any words, until the question was asked.

"do you take [name], as your wife, your partner, for all eternity?", the sentence almost made you throw up. 

"yes", the guy so quickly replied. he smiled at you. and you felt the urge to slap him. and maybe your mother while you were at it.

"now, do you take [guys name], to be your husband, your partner, for all eternity?"

"I.. uh", you wanted to say no so bad, but it seems you didnt have to.

you looked up from the floor you were staring at to avoid any gazes, when suddenly the doors to the reception slammed open. 

"stop... the fucking wedding", alhaitham stood there, out of breath, his hair messier than ever, and he looked like he had been... crying?

he walked up to you and took your hand. 

"you dont want to marry this guy right? forget this, forget everything, and just come with me"

he looked at you like he had never seen anything he loved more. and in that moment, you indeed forgot everything. like nothing was important, nothing other than the happiness of you and the one who was holding your hand.

you dropped your bouquet right there and ran. your mother shouted something, and the guy was standing there all confused.

as soon as the both of you had left the reception, you started stumbling. 

"alhaitham im wearing heels!", without hesitation, alhaitham picked you up like you weighed nothing.

a few more steps and you both hid in an allyway. 

to some people this might looked weird, but they dont know what was happening. to you you couldnt be happier than this.

but yet, tears were streaming down your face. and you arms wrapped themselves around alhaitham, quicker than he could react. your head was already pressed into his chest. and he hugged you back.

"im so sorry, im sorry for shouting at you and im sorry for not helping you earlier. i love you, [name]", his voice was wavering, but it had an odd certainty in it. without someone having to tell you, you knew from this day on everything was going to be okay.

[jynstandor]

rebelcaptain hc - both forgetting their own birthdays but always remembering the others

jyn doesnt like the attention so he always waits till the end of the day to celebrate in private with each other

cassian doesn’t like the reminder because it holds too much personal meaning. so jyn spends the day thwarting off happy birthdays on rebel base and making it as normal of a day as possible for him (he’s grateful). it doesn’t stop her from letting him know how special he is to her 🤗

don’t judge the writing too harshly I wrote this after my midterm but this was such a cute concept. Hope you enjoy Lila 💕

Cassian Andor doesn’t remember his birthday. On Kenari the days blend together, making it impossible to distinguish one from the next.

Maarva had always celebrated the day they found him; sweet bread and small gifts to commemorate the day he was brutally torn from his home planet and left to abandon his only remaining blood relative. The image of Kerri’s wide brown eyes looking to the sky, watching the ship vanish into the atmosphere was enough to turn the bread to ash on his tongue.

His forged birth certificate gave him the ice planet of Fest, a planet with one small sun and six moons. The lack of a sun made the days shorter than the galactic standard, with 14 hour days which equated to 6,928 days as one standard year. This meant on Fest his birthday would be celebrated roughly once every 18 standard years.

Considering that Cassian had spent eighteenth birthday in a juvie cell drinking homemade moonshine while fucking some sentient whos name he couldn’t remember, much less pronounce, he thought it was a pretty appropriate celebration.

But after Maarva had died no one had known the truth of Cassian birth. He kept this secret locked tightly within him, a remnant from his life as Kassa. Cassian has no one left to celebrate his life, leaving his date of birth meaningless in his eyes.

///

It’s the middle of the rainy season when Cassian makes the discovery. The pathfinders had just returned from an intense mission, ending in a firefight that had led to Sergeant Jyn Erso in critical condition.

They had agreed after Scarif to list one another as next of kin, both having no one else to account for.Their relationship was in a delicate limbo, neither acknowledging their shared affection for one another, save for the heated trysts that occurred in the safety of their barracks. But something beyond the causal self imposed label of friends with benefits lingered between them. It was evident in the way Jyn held him through his night terrors, how she saved him a seat beside at the cafeteria, how his hands sought her out during times of distress.

He confronts her on accident.They are throwing jabs at each other are mid-spare when he lets the revelation slip.

“Come on, Major,” Jyn taunts, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I’ve seen elderly wookies’ throw harder punches than that.”

Cassian is laying sprawled out on his ass, his left cheekbone blooming with a fresh bruise. Jyn landed a good hit, he’ll give her that, but he's unwilling to take the abuse without a proper retort.

“Maybe I just wanted to take it easy on the birthday girl.”

As soon as the words escape he wishes he could shove them back in. His body stiffens as he anticipates her response. Cassian peers up at her through hooded eyes. The harsh florscents of the gym illuminates her silhouette in an angelic glow, making it impossible to decipher her expression. Theres a few agonizing seconds of silence before the tension is cut with a twinkling laugh. Cassian’s ears perk at the sound.

Jyn extends a hand towards him, a playful smirk marring her full lips.

“Okay, stalker, you’ve got me.” Jyn brightly says, a teasing lilt in her tone.

Her eyes spark with mischief as her smirk shifts into something more seductive. Her voice drops low as she leans in close to him.

“I think I want my gift now, Major.”

Cassian mirrors her smirk with one of his own relief washing over him. He grips her wrist as he lifts himself onto his feet. Once standing Cassian weaves his fingers through hers. Jyn rewards him with a firm squeeze. Her eyes are alight with an all encompassing fire. Cassian understands why her father had coined the nickname Stardust, as he can feel himself getting lost in the gravity of her green orbs hold.

Jyn tugs on his arm, pulling him into her orbit. They're a hair's breadth away from each other now, so close all Cassian has to do is lean down to capture her intoxicating lips between his. As if sensing his thoughts Jyn bites down on her plush lower lip, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in an almost shy smile.

Jyn pulls his arm leading them towards the exit, her intentions painfully apparent.

But since when had Cassian ever been able to say no to her?

///

“I was born in the middle of a monsoon.” Jyn whispers, breaking the thick yet comfortable silence. Cassian cranes his neck down to catch her eyes. Her chest is pressed to his, head propped on his naked pectoral as she gazes up into the night sky.

“My mother said I was born with rain in my veins and a storm in my blood.” Jyn huffs a wry laugh. “I guess that's why I'm so intense."

The confession is intimate, more so than the lovemaking they had just participated in. It brings an expected wave of affection flowing over him. Cassian's embrace tightens as the emotion seizes him.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He admits, adoration saturating his words. He hopes she can decipher what he really means, the three words that they have yet to acknowledge. And of course because she is Jyn Erso, his partner in all senses of the words, she decrypts his meaning. She peppers an array of painfully tender kisses to the sparse hairs of his chest. A recuperation to his unasked confession.

Te quiero un chingo.

“Thank you,” Cassian murmurs, the gratitude in his voice muffled into her thick tresses of her hair. He nuzzles the crown of her head and inhales deeply. Cassian wishes he could pause time and drown in this moment. Grind this concurrent memory into a thick paste to store within him. So that Cassian would never forget how this moment feels, cradling his life, his soul, his love in his arms. Holding her so tightly it is hard to decipher where he begins and she ends.

“Estar conmigo.” He pleads, fingers tracing listless patterns along her bare back. “Nunca te separes de mí.”

In two years it would be Cassian Jeron Andor of Fest's second birthday. In standard years it would make him thirty-six.

With Jyn Erso, every day is a gift.

[miralunawritez]

The Other Woman...

Cheating hcs for Veneer & Velvet

warnings: mention of screaming, violence, stalking (indirect and direct), murd3r, alc0h0l abu$3

Veneer:

When you're suspicious:

Tries to lie about it when you find out, saying that someone was setting him up

Super obvious, his phone is never on silent and has one for work and one for personal use, just looking through his contacts gave you suspicions

Horrible liar, "they are just an old friend that wanted to catch up", "oh my lipstick is smudged because of the cup i was drinking out of"

Starts hiding his phone from you more, being more secretive, making sure only the back of his phone is facing you when he is texting the person he is cheating on you with

He acts more affectionate than before, hoping that you will stay with him if you find out

Once he texts you goodnight, he texts the other person asking if they are awake

He always cancels or reschedules plans with you to hang oit out with the other person

When you find out:

Once you confront him about it he tries to play victim, lying and trying to convince you that they mean nothing and that they made moves on him and he was too nervous to do anything about it

His heart drops to his ass once you pull up screenshots of Veneers conversation with the other person that someone sent you

"These are fake! I would never cheat on you! Here, you can go through my phone!" He yells out, anxiously trying to delete the conversation with the other person

His desperation is quickly replaced with fear as you snatch his phone out of his hands before he can delete the messages and he hears your blood curdling scream of pure rage

"Baby please..it was a mistake please lets just talk about this"

He stands their helplessly as you throw the closests objects to you at him, trying to dodge them while you scream "I FUCKING HATE YOU" over and over again

"Please babe I'm sorry! You dont have to do this.."

"You werent sorry until you got caught." You were right, he wasnt sorry until he got caught.

He stood there watching you absolutely destroy his room, flipping dressers over, throwing his phone at the wall, shattering it, breaking framed pictures of you and veneer by slamming them onto the floor. His whole world was collapsing around him and there was nothing he could do about it

Begged for you to stay with him, which you obviously didnt

After you found out and left him:

The realization of the huge loss he experienced finally hit him, feelings of regret and guilt filling his body

He spent countless nights crying, wishing he never did what he did

He ended up blocking the person never wanting to see them or hear from them ever again. just hearing their name makes his heart heavy and makes him sick to his stomach, reminding him of how they completely destroyed his relationship with you, his first love

He messes up at all of his shows, which pisses Velvet off. He doesn't care though, all he can think of is how things ended with you

He replays the scene in his head 24/7, your words echoing in his head ("I FUCKING HATE YOU", "You werent sorry until you got caught")

He tries to convince Velvet to help him get you back, which she refuses to do

He stalks all your social media accounts, bawling his eyes out when he sees you, wanting you to just hold him and forgive him

Doesnt move on, he is determined to wait for you to come back to him

Drinks every single night, its the only thing that can get you off his mind (temporarily)

If you decide to go back to him:

He does EVERYTHING HE CAN to make sure you trust him, giving you the passwords to his phones, setting them down face up when leaving a room that you are in, bringing you everywhere, etc

Posts you like crazy, letting everyone know he is taken

Doesnt follow anyone of your gender on social media (expect for you, if ur a female he only follows you and Velvet)

Always reassures you if you suspect he is cheating on you again, doing everything in his power to prove to you that he isnt

He genuinely has changed, he worked on himself to be better for you

If you move on:

He is in denial at first

Once he sees proof that you have moved on he actually goes insane

Pays people to watch your every move and report it back to him

Still convinced that you will come back to him, telling people that y'alls relationship is just complicated

If you're a popstar, he goes to all of your concerts (buying backstage passes too)

Buys multiple phones just to call you from an unblocked number

Probably pays someone to kill your new partner

Velvet:

When you're suspicious:

You notice she starts to act different, being more distant and avoidant

It was harder to tell with her since she's already secretive with her phone

Blows up on you when you ask if there is another person, telling you that your crazy for thinking that (making ur suspicions grow)

After cheating for a while she starts to get more clingy, hoping it would cancel out her actions

She is never around anymore, shes always with the other person

She gets anxious when you ask to use her phone, asking you what you need it for, quickly deleting messages and pictures, and looking over your shoulder as you use it

You finally decided to go through her phone when she "lost it" (she left it unintended so you took it)

When you found out:

Got very mad and aggressive when you confronted her, yelling at you while clenching her fists, trying her hardest not to charge at you

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Does she regret cheating on you? No. Not yet atleast.

Like veneer, she tries to play victim

(for fem readers) You continued to go through the messages until you finally lost it, charging at her while crying and screaming insults, throwing punches and ripping at her hair

(for fem readers) Her anger quickly converted to fear as she tried to push you off of her, not being able to because of how strong you are

(for fem readers) Veneer eventually came rushing in, pulling you off of her and holding onto you to prevent you from accidentally killing her

(for fem readers) She cries hard, even after you just beat her ass, pleading for you to stay with her

"Please don't leave me Y/N..I'm so sorry.." Words you never thought you would hear.

She watched as you left, her world absolutely destroyed, finally regretting cheating on you

After you found out and left her:

Completely destroyed, actually letting Crimp comfort her, along with Veneer

Wishes she could take back what she did and get you back

Cant get herself to delete the pictures of you two together, not wanting to let you go

Able to hide her pain from the public (Still performing good, looking like she's perfectly fine, posting positive things on social media, etc)

Doesnt talk to or date anyone else, just incase you decide to come back to her

Gets upset when the break up gets mentioned in interviews, barely able to hide her pain, tears welling up in her eyes (she blames it on allergies)

Stalks all your social media accounts, making alt accounts and commenting on your posts (pretending to be someone else and trying to convince you to get back with her)

Looks for you in public places, hoping to accidentally run into you

If you decide to go back to her:

Spends the whole relationship trying to apologize (going on more dates with you, spending A LOT of money on you, posting you very frequently, letting everyone know shes locked in and doesnt want anyone else, etc)

Gives you the password to her phone and all of her social media accounts

Works on communication, getting better at reassuring you if your still shaken up about there being someone else

Wants you to move past it, but she knows how hard it is for you so she stays patient

Shows you off like a kid who just got a new toy, talking about how amazing you are and how much she loves you

If you move on:

In denial, not believing it

"You're joking? Right?"

She gets more distant from everyone, wanting to isolate herself

She finds out who you're dating almost immediately, stalking their posts, occasionally dming them, trying to sabotage their relationship with you

It takes her a full year to get over you, it was the hardest and most painful year of her life

She still thinks about you a lot, since she still sees you all over social media

Eventually falls back in love with you, having to repeat the process of getting over you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

took long enough damn 😭😭

[itsvivace]

VIVACE TRAUMA DUMPS WHILE MAKING A CANDY SALAD ♡︎

a/n : credits to @mar-zi @bluwavez + @lcmonheads and anyone else who did this trend ! i’ll be writing refering to the girls by their stage names but some will introduce themselves with their real names. also not entirely sure which candy is exclusive to america so lets just say kyuri and noelle brought some 🤕

WARNINGS : talks of cheating, abuse, violence, seizures, near death experiences, mental health struggles, death threats, attempted murder, death, cults

the video starts with kyuri inside their company recording studio. “hi celeste! i’m bored, and all thirteen of us finally have schedules together, so i decided we should do the trend of making a candy salad while trauma dumping!”

kyuri holds a huge clear plastic bowl up to the camera. “i’m kitty and i brought the bowl. when i was nine, i walked in on my dad cheating on my mom with my aunt, and when i confronted him about it, he said he confused them for each other and it was an accident. my aunt married into my mom’s side of the family. she’s not even asian either,” kitty says laughing.

the video cuts to mei mei standing over the bowl which is sitting on a table. “i’m mei mei, and i brought the strawberry sour punch straws,” she says, pouring them in. “at my middle school, some kid made an anonymous account and used the school’s chatting website to spread private rumors and stuff the other students did. it got so bad the police got involved, and some kids even went to jail, but they posted that the reason i fractured my knee was because my parents hit me. which isn’t true at all,” she says, sighing.

“but then i found out after the three months the account kept tormenting us, the poster ended up being my best friend, and they got jumped, and their mom pulled them out of school, and neither were seen again.”

the next scene is of hayeon walking up to the camera. “no clue why kyuri wanted us to do this so bad, but whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes. “i’m min hayeon, and when i was like twelve, my mom had a mental breakdown and tried to sell me on the black market,” she deadpanned. “oh i also brought the skittles,” she adds, pouring them in.

“hii celeste,” soomin greets, drawing out her words. “i brought some gummy worms! i had a seizure in the middle of a family gathering when i was a kid, and nobody cared or tried to help me. i only survived because one of my uncles came over to me to help after almost five minutes. but then my family told me i was attention seeking,” she says, shrugging.

“i’m naiyana, and the reason i left sm entertainment is because they kicked me out after i missed one single practice to attend my best friend’s funeral. i also brought the hershey’s kisses,” yana quickly says, pouring in the chocolate.

eunmi walks up to the camera, smiling. “hello, i’m sim eunmi, and i brought sour patch kids.” she starts, putting two bags in the bowl. “when i was sixteen, after my sister died, my mom told me it was my fault, and that she wished she never had me.”

“i’m hitomi, and i brought some m&m’s. after the dating scandal i had when i was a soloist, my parents forced me to move to korea to become an idol over here because i was blacklisted in japan. i got death threats everyday for the first two years of being in vivace because people hated me being in the group that bad.”

“hi! it’s sarang and i brought the airheads xtremes,” she greets as she puts them in the bowl. “when i was in high school some girl started bullying me, had her friends hold me down, and broke my left hand with a hammer,” she says. “juyeon you know EXACTLY who you are. i still have a fear of hammers to this day.”

xinyi enters the camera next. “kyuri bothered me so much to do this, so here i am.” she pours a bag of starburst into the bowl. “i’m xinyi, i brought starburst and when we debuted i had to force myself into getting better at korean because every interview we went to, interviewers would make fun of me being chinese,” she scoffs.

“hey everyone, it's haeun, and I brought nerds candy,” she starts. “a kid at my elementary school brought fireworks -not sure how he got them- but we were playing with them in a field next to the school, and someone shot one right in my face.” haeun puts the candy into the bowl. “i was rushed to the hospital and barely lived. i ended up with a scar on my forehead, which i still have, and i’m partially deaf in my right ear.”

the next shot is of yerin standing in front of the camera holding two ziplock bags of candy. “i couldn’t decide on one, so i brought warheads and bean boozled because i want to disturb the peace,” she laughs, dumping them in. “i-doll evil edited me so bad to the point when only three weeks after debut, i had a panic attack backstage, none of the staff helped me, and some even recorded me to laugh about it.”

“my name is ara, and i brought some twix.” ara walks up to the camera and opens the bag. “when i was eight, my dad told me he was going out to run errands, but he was gone for two weeks, and i found out he attempted to murder my uncle,” she tells while emptying the chocolate.

the last girl, noelle, appears on the screen. “i’m olivia, and i brought mini oreos because i hate candy.. but thats just me oversharing.” she laughs. “in my senior year of high school, my math teacher said he wanted to sell me to a cult and even tried kidnapping me but i ran across the street, and while he was chasing me, he got run over, and they forced me to go to his funeral and his wife told me i was his favorite student.”

the last few seconds of the video show all the members on screen. “we hope you enjoyed the video! please look forward to our upcoming comebacks, which are coming very soon,” eunmi says, waving. “bye!!” the girls wave.

[clairehadenough]

Captregina is not the only blog here doing the same shit as the Benedict fans! Everyone that thinks the marriage is PR deserves the same treatment they give to the people who post pics of the couple together.

Not sure if you know who sideways blog is but she is obsessed with Chris in a very ill way she even sent packages to his house in los angeles and had the time to make flyers to spread that Alba is racist in los angeles as well. The other one are that Annie girl, the Josip one that pretends to be Joshua, the Nancy girl and the Georgia girl (basically all the pr blogs even that Maja girl, the nothingtoseehere blog and everyone who in this month and year still say it’s PR and fake) all of them used to be in a gc with me pre Alba and they kicked me off when I didn’t want to post evil and vile things about Alba. They all say Alba is racist (no proof was sent when I asked for it they kicked me out and bullied me) but they be saying all kind of mean and racist things towards her and her family and friends, the body shaming was what made me feel so uncomfortable reading the messages and all of them preach of being so perfect but are so rude and nasty.

Sometimes I wish you would talk about them as well to open their followers eyes because they do love to lie and make up things about Alba and Chris just like Captregina and her dumb crew.

Thank you and sorry for the long rant 😭

First of all I’m really sorry you were treated badly but good for you for using your brain and getting yourself out of that. It needs courage and intelligence, both being qualities that the crazies are clearly not familiar with.

As for talking about other blogs, to be honest I wish I had the time to see what all of them specifically talk about but fortunately I don’t.

Captstupid gets the most of it because clearly she is leading 99% of the other blogs and they all end up saying what she says and doing what she asks them to do. Can’t you see how they have to keep their asks open to for her to get what she wants? 1) because she’s too scared to face anyone in her asks confronting her and 2) because she needs open asks to send her own anons.

Not only she sends anon mentioning how “CAP WAS RIGHT” everytime she’s wrong, she also needs the space to send all her alter egos messages (hello CAA anon), also to reply to anons who are not even addressed to her. Plus don’t forget the anons she sends to hype up her cringe fanfics…

For all of this she uses Rogers, Blea, Jav, Mid, Circle….they are her little lap dogs as everyone seems to like to call them.

So for me, holding her accountable and exposing her craziness is the same as going after all of them.

Feel free to talk about the others yourself though since you clearly know them better from the time you still thought it was PR!

Well done again for being smart and courageous!

[takumitsukishima]

End of year, end of longing, end of my love

Things I need to get off my chest so I can close this heartbroken chapter of life for all eternity

If you are the person of this post, which I know you like to snoop around ex-friend’s social media, um fuck you? This post isn’t for you, you blocked me so why don’t you fuck off from my blog.

Without any further ado, let’s get this over with

I would like to preface that all of this is from my perspective, so its heavily biased without any question. Since the other party can’t reply to this, I ask anyone reading this to not judge the other person. I don’t know what was going through their life, and frankly they never told me. It was never my business I suppose. The reason I’m doing this is to confront my own feelings. I too never told my side of things, maybe because I was never heard by others or I’m too afraid to tell it. But either way, it’s mostly from my AVPD that I never address anything in my life. So with the help of my health provider, the best way to process these emotions is to face them, head on.

I think this friendship was over when the first time they decided to lie to me. I kept it going because I was desperate, I was alone. I was always alone, and to me if this person also left, meant that I probably repel people more than I make friends. I just ended a friendship in few months prior. I was still feeling raw. So I latched onto my current friends with a vice grip. I was afraid, I was desperate. So when I come back home from holidays I try to spend as much time I can with the said friends. I won’t see them for a year. And I was afraid, very afraid. So, this let my friend to feel smothered. I wish they would have said something, anything in fact. But they decided to lie, use their mother’s health as lie to make me feel selfish. “Why do you want to spend so much time with me, you know I have a hard life. You are being very selfish.” And I crumbled and relented to her wishes. I did as she told kept my distance. And for the remainder of holidays I didn’t ask any of my friends for spending time with me. I know they were the only one that complained. But I took it to an extreme.

Months pass by, and I learn from another mutual friend that this person is dating someone. Actually dating someone even before I came back for holidays. Suddenly it clicked, maybe she lied about her mother being sick and went to meet their partner instead. I wasn’t angry that they were dating someone. I was just lost; why didn’t they just tell me. They didn’t have to introduce me to their partner. Just tell me what was happening.  I confronted them, and they at first got mad that how did I find out. I should be ashamed I’m snooping around their life. Then finally they did admit, “Yes I did lie. I lied because of you. It’s because you are like this. I have to lie.” This person always dated people but never told me their names or when they did date. So I felt hurt again for the level of distrust. I communicated that, and they replied the same. “It’s because you are like this, I have to hide this stuff from you.”

When this happened, I blamed myself too. I thought wow, I am such a shit person. No wonder no one loves me. Now in retrospect I see this person never took any accountability for their wrongs. I was to blame if they lied, never matter it was them who decided to lie. And when they said, because you are like this, I crumbled. I wondered what does that even mean? Why are they saying this? Why can’t they just talk. They never talk in person, every confrontation, every lie they admitted to was on text conversation. Which made assessing their sincerity tough for me. I just this year discovered that I am neurodivergent. I can’t assess people via text, that why I always add emojis to my texts. But this person didn’t I could never tell what they were feeling. It was truly recipe for disaster, and my idiot ass decided to hold one because of stupid BPD.

I had just recently started therapy, so I kind of did grow a spine. I fought back. I tried to reason with this person, make them understand how their actions hurt me. And then the worst thing happened. Their father passed away. Right in November, the 4th death in my life in this time of the year. They didn’t tell me. I found out through someone else. I spiraled. What now in hindsight I know as a psychotic break, I, to put it mildly, lost my shit. “This was all my fault. I did this. I did this to him.” I don’t remember much from this point on. All I remember is crying and begging in emails to this person to keep our friendship. To please just talk to me. I cried, I apologized, I was desolated. I indulged in different form of self-hurt (I will not mention any as I know they lead to vulnerable readers to do the same.), anything to cope. After a lot of back and forth and no apology in return, we did go back to being friends.

Life was seemingly normal, until it wasn’t. I went through something very traumatic. My whole life halted, shifted, crashed and burned down to a standstill. I again numbed out, not wanting to feel any emotion. At this point of time apart from paramedics, only 2 people asked me how was I doing. But I couldn’t speak, I chose to bury, I chose to be quite. And that was the worst decision of my life. I cried every single night after that for over a year. Whatever happened in this period of 18 months, heighted to limitless perception. I felt everything and beyond. Every fight, every slight, every fright, hit me with such might. And stopping medications improperly in midst of this chemical fire was like adding all fossil fuels to it. Of course now back home, the fights were more personal. They never happened in person, because still this person only ever spoke their true feelings in text. So one day it became too personal. As in they decided to come to my home, to talk or lecture me about being like this. I was furious, why a person who never wants to speak to me in person about what they really feel, is now suddenly going to start in person sessions of friendships 101. I didn’t sign up for this class. And when they came home, I cut back equally harsh. “Since you never talk to me in person you really think I’ll allow you to talk now. Hell no, I’m not talking to you irl. If you want fight or lecture me, do it over text. Sit on my bed and text me, but I will not talk to you about this even if I died.” Defeated that I was not letting this person have their way, they decide to silently protest. Which meant them taking my comforter, and covering themselves on my bed, silently just sitting there. I know they cried in there for a brief moment. I did care, I brought water. But at the same time I didn’t care, I was consumed by anger and grief. And I did whatever was keeping me in 1 piece. If they did speak that day, I know I would have lost it. I would have not listened, but there was a difference, I didn’t want to even give them the opportunity to speak. This person, whom I kept giving second chances, who continued to lie, continued to hide their partner, continued to berate me, was allowed to lecture me about how one should behave in a friendship. That was never happening. They always protested that no, I’m not that person, I’ve grown I’ve learned from my mistakes. But then why repeat it? I still even in this anger kept the friendship. Because if this relationship failed, means no one loved me in my life. I was always alone, and I can’t let that be true.

Things mellowed out after I was back on medication. I wasn’t getting as angry; I wasn’t getting as frustrated. I just had to adjust. If they don’t want to talk, then I’ll initiate the conversations. I know I told them I feel frustrated that they never initiate conversations, but I guess they don’t have the capacity to. As an only child, the priorities of people in their life surrounded around them alone. Their current partner also calls them 2-3 times a day. They never initiate any calls to them. This person likes being indulged, but will indulge themselves. I understand, I’ll adapt. After all I was the problem wasn’t I? Mind you I wasn’t the angel here. There were times I did outright ignored them, or dismissed their concerns. I distinctly remember them opening about being demisexual. I on the other hand felt snubbed. I just came out as asexual to my family 6 months ago, this person has been sexually active since forever. How in the hell are they demisexual? In reality I was just gatekeeping the asexuality, because I was feeling like someone else was taking away the queer role in our friend group. I should not have dismissed their queer recognition, people in ace spectrum already face a lot of patronization. Why was I continuing the cycle by being an asshole to them, instead of making them feel safe? I even said something along the lines of “you are just having good sex now, that’s why you feel even more attracted to your partner, that doesn’t make you demisexual.” With the combination of our repeated fights and my own internal struggles, I felt justified in dismissing their queer identity. This is the only thing I wished I did different.

But overall our friendship improved. We even went on trips together. We were now getting along; I even decide to join social media. I joined tumblr because of them, I now even downloaded Instagram after years of pestering from them. Then something changed. We both were primarily working from home at this point. They had reserved their weekends for their partner. So it meant they would meet us only on weekdays. This was not feasible for a third friend as they are working a normal corporate job. They would reach home at 10 or even at midnight. Of course they won’t have time to hang out with us or just kill time. So they started to have resentment towards this third friend, but never said it out loud. I too had some other issues with this third friend, and one day confronted them on group chat. We all aired out our grievances. It was done and dusted. But since they still couldn’t make time for us in the weekdays, they still felt snubbed. I advised them to tell the third again, but they refused to and just kept getting upset. And then the change happened. I too started working a corporate job. And I couldn’t make time on weekdays too. I still listened to them and hang out at the local mart as usual. But I wouldn’t walk home with them, as I was too tired. They again, never said anything in person. I still tried to keep the friendship still as engaging. “You know they never talk first, so you will have to initiate.” I kept the group chat alive. Until one day they exploded. They exploded how I love to live lie, when I can’t see the friendship is already dead. How I don’t give them enough time, how I’m always busy with work. How I’m always like this. I was blindsided. I was upset, yet again this person never talked about any of this and is suddenly over text yet again, airing out their grievances. I felt betrayed, I decided I need time. I told them I won’t talk to anyone for a week. Despite asking for time, they still messaged me in 4 days. The message was very condescending to me. So I thought I must be still angry, I read it to other people and they too felt uncomfortable. When message start with “I know you have a problem, so let’s go to your health provider together and sort that problem.”, all warning signs ring red. Are they still going to blame their lying by omission on me? Will I always be the problem? Is this person never going to take any accountability? When we met in person to discuss, they revealed that they actually met with my health provider in those 4 day’s time, without telling me. They said “your health provider also agrees that you are emotionally unstable and you can’t handle mature talking well.” I felt violated, my trust and my vulnerability violated as if it was nothing. I threatened to end the friendship, I didn’t want to talk to them for 6 months. They said okay sounds good to me let’s not meet at all then. I panicked, why are they so causal about possibly not wanting to see me? Are they not scared? Am I the only one petrified out of my wits? I pressed on “well that doesn’t change the fact you haven’t changed. You still fight over texts.” Their reply was “Yes I did start over text again. It wasn’t my intention to. I was going to tell you in person. But you know because you are like this, I had to spell it out to you then and there.” And I think this is where I finally gave up. This whole time, this person judged me. The whole you are like this, was not because I was in wrong. Regardless of my guilt this person saw me as a low life. The fact that I shared all of mental health struggles, they referred to all of it as this, and were using it a defense and reason to judge me. I could hold no longer. I smiled, I told them I’ll see them again later. But I went home and cried, cried as if I lost everything. It was the truth; I was always alone. I was unloved, and I always went for people that will never love me back.

I knew this person won’t end it. They have to be the good one in this relationship. So even if they hate me, they will still keep this friendship. What were their reason; honestly I don’t know. I thought a thousand times, why a person who doesn’t like me will want to be with me? They clearly don’t care if they won’t see me for 6 months, why bother with someone like me; someone like this. But I still held out hope. Maybe I will be proven wrong, oh please God let me be wrong. I typed a final message with 5 requests. That’s it, if they can answer those 5 with reassurance, I think we will make it. But instead all I got was hostility, and patronization. Every accusation I threw was thrown back at me with condescending remarks. I still kept my hopes up. We reached the 3rd request.

Are you okay with hurting me? Depends on your definition of hurt. Is it hurt that you are perceiving or is it just emotion you are labelling as hurt. We nee- It’s a yes or no question Yeah but the answer is not in binary. I am thinking on plane beyond that. You can ask me if you don’t get it; I understand you won’t. So if I did the same would it be okay? See I would evaluate why you did it; then think how I feel about it. And then process it as I go. So you would be hurt, was it okay for me to do that to you? Well as I said, I would evaluate your actions and then maybe think what happens next You are evading my questions ***, are you okay with the fact that you have hurt me and you think it is okay to do so? Well, you are labelling that emotion as hurt. We can objectively say you are hurt. I understand you feel hurt, but are you really hurt. I am living in this world as a being, for myself. In that process what you feel, I can’t do anything. So I – It’s a yes or no question, don’t evade me with philosophical bullshit To you this is philosophical bullshit, but it is my outlook right now. My therapist says this is a healthy outlook too mind you. I think that ….

And they kept on going. It was not even a no. I would have been less hurt if they outright said they didn’t care. But the fact that they denied even a semblance of responsibility took the wind out of my lungs. Again I do not want to judge this person, it’s a pure speculation on my part. But maybe it’s their defense mechanism, when they do something wrong or will be perceived as wrong by others they panic. They evade, they won’t take responsibility, won’t apologize, or won’t even acknowledge the deed. The lack of empathy for a person you shared more than half of your life felt staggering. I didn’t want to continue. And we were just on the 3rd request. I decided to end it, since they would never or else they would be the villain. And in 2 messages they said goodbye too. We ended it. This person, a person who I bared my soul to; I shared everything with; I had spent countless nights with; didn’t even have the courtesy to call. 2 messages were enough for them. I wish the story ended here. I truly wish. But they decided to drag my soul in ways other than messages.

A few weeks after while I’m still collecting pieces, I try to blend in with my other friends as if everything is normal. I told no one except 1 person what had happened. Then a friend casually browsing through my said, “hey why can’t I see their profile from your phone?” I thought, oh no they are ghosting everyone because of me. But then someone else replied, “hey her account is still here what are you talking about?” And then I grabbed my phone and checked. I realized, this person blocked me from everywhere. They blocked me. Again I was the problem. I had to be punished. I was the sinner. So they blocked me, as if I was running around berating them. I felt ashamed of myself felt right in that moment. But then I sat on it. Wait, why was I being punished? I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t lie I didn’t berate. Yet why am I being treated as I did the wrong things. I felt judged, I felt scrutinized as if I was a criminal. To make matters worse, I couldn’t go to any place where I made memories with this person. I went to parks went to stores and cafes. All reminded me of them. I started to avoid going outside even. But I still had to pretend everything was okay. Friends at gatherings would say things like “hey where is ***?”, “tell *** hi, we miss her why didn’t she come?”. What do I say to these people? Where can I go; where I won’t be condemned for being their friend.

And so this is my final introspection. I know I’ll be reminded of this person one way or another, but I cannot keep carrying a guilt that I am not even guilty of. This person lied to me, hid things from me. Berated me and violated my trust and medical information. Decided to turn on me as if I did all I stated before. Why should I be the one to suffer? Clearly they are leading a happy life without me. Don’t I deserve some happiness too? In this moment of introspection, I realize the so many slights done by them I forgave in the name of friendship. When my parent teased them I always scolded them, but when her father insulted me, they remained silent. I was never to disturb them during exams, but I was expected to adjust and still hang out with them during my exams. Places to hangout were always their preferences not mine. I adjusted by always eating vegetarian food with them, because they judged my non vegetarian food. I always knew what to gift this person, yet they struggled with gifting me on my birthdays. Every time we fought, I always tried to reconcile and get us back together, they always broke if off and didn't want to come back. It was becoming more clear, they were a hostage of my terror of being left alone. I would become a toned down version of me so as to not be judged by this person, yet they judged me regardless.

So I end this chapter in life with breaking the bond. I threw out everything attached to them, every gift I received from them, every memory we created together. Every message I sent, every email I sent and every letter I have left. Broke every single mug I have in common with them. Everything straight out of my life where it belongs. Even if this person where to say something to me now, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care if its and apology or a lecture. I have no love, no empathy, no kindness left for this person. Nothing will be enough, nothing can fill the void, it's heart lost, thrown in the sea of void. I don’t care, I am possibly at the end stages of my life, battling both mental and physically draining illness. Everyday needs to count. And I cannot waste it on a person who doesn’t spare me more than 2 messages. My languishing ends now. If I have to be alone for the rest of my life, I will. But I will be happy, at peace and not keeping up any façades. None of my friendships are taxing anymore, and I am liberated now.

[sky-swimmer]

Sorry- excuse me gotta insert myself into the conversation even though nobody asked- because THIS IS SO TRUE???? I was just having this convo with @ficsinhistory !!! The fandom sleeps on Hazel- but really she is such a great protag, and genuinely so kind and also relatable.

I was shocked at the end of Birthday Take-back when she recognized that Dev was lashing out at her and the fairies because of his dad and not because he's just naturally mean. She knows Dev doesn't totally mean what he's saying, and he's doing what he can to avoid confronting the main issue- to blame his dad's lack of care on everyone else.

And then, while acknowledging this- that it's hard for Dev, she also understands that it doesn't excuse his behavior. Dev hurt her, so she disengages with the conversation, sets her boundaries that she won't accept being his emotional punching bag, and leaves.

Like ofc I felt terrible for Dev, the whole scene was heartbreaking, but also- HAZEL??? She is so emotionally mature??!!! She had a shining moment and aGH I just love that little lady. Even though I live in Devzel brainrot- the idea that anyone can think Hazel messed up with Dev is just so sad. Dev needs people in his life who will hold him accountable! Who care enough to be honest with him.

And about the 'Hazel's wish could have been used on Dev'.

Dev is a well-written character, and I can see why the fandom roots for him (including me!) Especially because of all the sad moments we never see getting properly resolved... BUT... the guy literally just took over fairy world?!!! I can't realistically see why Hazel would let him keep his fairy /memories 😭😭 (that being said, I don't think they're totally gone- considering his sunglasses / Hazel potentially still thinking of Dev as a friend)

And, even for those who are solely focused on Dev and don't care about other characters; don't we want to actually see well paced plot and character development?????? Won't it mean more if Dev actually works to redeem himself next season, and finally gets reunited with Peri and becomes friends again with Hazel?

From a story perspective, the choice to let Hazel's friends and brother keep their memories was amazing. It keeps the show fresh and addresses one of the main criticisms from the predecessor.

I really hope we get a season 2, because the writers seemed so hyped about writing the new dynamic!!! I really can't wait to see what happens next 😭✋

don't u just love it when the protag gets basically only used as an extension of another characters angst and is turned into a cardboard cutout in fanon content and thus is never though of outside of that inspire of having 30 episodes focused on her (eye twitch)

Oh my god. Yes. The treatment of hazel in the fandom makes me !!!! Mad to say the least . Like yeah i love dev but HAZEL HAS HER OWN PROBLEMS ANS STRUGGLES THAT ARE JUST SO OVERLOOKED BECAUSE OF DEVS DADDY ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hazel is barely treated as ...you know......the protagonist of her OWN SHOW WHICH IS WHAT SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will never forgive how the twt fandom treated her when the finale aired. She did NOT have to use her rule free wish on dev come on now!!!!!!!!!! I think the wish she DID end up making is so interesting AND I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO FOCUS ON WINN AND JASMINE BEING HAZELS FRIENDS MORE!!!!!!!!!!! theyre both awesome in their own ways it just SUCKS that so many cool characters get basically....no recognition..........bc people would rather focus on devs problems WHEN HES ONLY HAZELS FRIEND FOR LIKE. IDK 3 EPISODES????????

Tldr TREAT HAZEL LIKE TO PROTAGONIST OF HER OWN SHOW GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tizzyizzy]

Why Ed Got Kraken: The Benefits of Being Blackbeard

As the climactic emotional turning point of the season for Ed’s arc, we pay plenty of attention to the confrontation between Ed and Izzy in the captain’s quarters. Here’s my take.

“I should have let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you’ve become, is a fate worse than death.”

Right out of the gate, Izzy speaks what are actually his harshest words in the conversation. He says he should have let Ed die, that what ever he has become is worse than being dead. Between a different pair of characters, these cruel words would be the point of the scene. Ed would be dealing with his longtime friend and ally thinking so little of him. Wishing he was dead.

But, whatever bond they may have forged over the years, one of the most consistent things we see over the course of the series is how little Ed takes Izzy’s emotions and concerns into account. Sure, Ed listened and bowed to pressure when Izzy and the other crew members had a meeting about Stede being a pet. But Izzy both had back-up and was holding Ed up to his own rules and standards.

In general, Ed doesn’t pay much attention to Izzy’s emotional state, and when he does, he finds Izzy’s anger more amusing than upsetting. That’s not to say that Ed doesn’t care about Izzy at all, or that they aren’t friends. However, as their relationship has strained over the years, Ed seems to have gotten into the habit of tuning out Izzy’s ever growing list of complaints. Makes sense for the emotionally stunted pirate guys. Instead of leaning in to the relationship and dealing with the issue together, Ed leans away to escape Izzy’s pressure, only for Izzy to push even harder, which makes Ed lean away, etc.

And let’s be honest, Izzy can be pretty dramatic when he gets upset; it’s very possible Izzy has made over-the-top statements about how Edward will “rue this day” or whatever in the past in the heat of some fight only for things to cool down and return to normal.

So while Ed seems taken aback by how harsh Izzy is here, he responds more or less the same way we saw him respond in episode 4, where he just looked at Izzy in bafflement while the latter frothed and ranted.

This is just Izzy being Izzy. He’ll get over it.

“Well, I am still Blackbeard, so-”

Ed’s obviously got insecurities, but one thing he is absolutely proud of is being Blackbeard. He enjoys showing off his weather reading genius. He likes sauntering about the Revenge after rescuing Stede and co., basking in the awe of the starstruck crew. Ed worked long and hard and smart to have a reputation so legendary merchant ships surrender at the sight of his flag, and people the world over speak of him in hushed whispers. “I can do anything,” Ed said about running a restaurant. Blackbeard can do anything, and Ed is Blackbeard, so he can do anything.

Yeah, maybe Ed hasn’t been at his best the last few days, but who cares? He’s still, at his core, the infamous, skilled, indomitable Blackbeard. 

Thing is, being Blackbeard comes with a lot of perks. Automatic respect and fear. Spanish Jackie holds her fire because she wouldn’t risk crossing Blackbeard by murdering the Genital Pirate. It may be more boring nowadays when you don’t  have to fight to take a ship, but that’s reliable, safe booty. Dangerous people stay out of your way. Potentially useful ones compete for your favor. Izzy Hands says you’re the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met, and makes you tea and ties bows in your beard and is loyal no matter what.

Most importantly, as long as you’re Blackbeard? You’re somebody. By the time Ed appears in the story, the persona of Blackbeard has started to chafe. The excitement has been replaced by routine, and people see an exaggerated version of him with nine guns instead of his true self. But consider what Ed had before Blackbeard.

He was nothing. S lower class kid with a drunk for a father who wasn’t entitled to the simple pleasures of his aristocratic betters. Being Blackbeard might not be perfect, but it’s brought him so much more than whatever fate his lowly origins would have confined him to.

Back in the day, Ed was probably acutely aware of this. He started his career as nothing. Must have been exhilarating when people began to fear and respect him for the first time in his life, spreading his name far and wide.

But that was a long time ago, and Ed’s gotten complacent. He’s started to look for more out of life. However, he’s paid less attention to what earned him the security to worry about more than day to day survival. Ed didn’t think his slipping mattered, really. Sure, maybe he had made a few questionable decisions as his attention wandered from piracy, but he was still Blackbeard. Nothing’s going to change that.

But then Izzy, old, reliable Izzy, says he isn’t Blackbeard.

“No! This, this is Blackbeard! Not some namby-pamby in a silk robe pining for his boyfriend.”

These are the words that make him go from sedate to violent.

From episode 4 onward, Izzy has been a representative of Ed’s career as Blackbeard when he still had the passion for it. He’s a barometer that tells the audience how the Present Ed compares to Past Ed. In 10, he tells Ed and the audience that ratings are at an all time low. For the first time, Ed believes him.

When Izzy called him a “shell of a man who is merely posing at Blackbeard,” in 4, Ed didn’t bother to acknowledge it. Despite Izzy’s complaints, Ed was still confident that he was Blackbeard. In 4, despite his mistake with the date, Ed managed a brilliant plan with Stede’s help. Izzy apologized at the end of the episode, taking back his words. 

But a lot has changed since 4. 

Ed has fallen in love and had his heart broken. He’s become more open to his softer feelings, willing to express vulnerabilities. He found a friend, and lost him, and saw a different way of running a ship. He gave up his freedom for the love of a man who seemingly didn’t actually care about him. He learned he loved marmalade and wrote a song about his feelings and spent a week hiding in a pillow fort.

Ed has changed.

“Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard. Not Edward.”

Know all those benefits I mentioned before? Izzy is one of them. Izzy was drawn to Blackbeard because of his brilliance. He is attracted to Ed as the daring, frightening, cunning pirate captain. Izzy even fell in love with him, and followed him with devout loyalty. Edward’s gotten so used to Izzy being there. It’s as natural as breathing to first reach out to Izzy when he needs something, even something intimate, or to chatter to Izzy about whatever has caught his interest.

Despite their rupture over Stede, their reconciliation wasn’t even worth a scene to itself. They fall back into their dynamic without question, because Izzy’s loyalty is that deep and Ed’s trust is that strong.

But Ed has taken the Blackbeard title for granted. Now, the ever loyal Izzy says he does not deserve it and he will no longer to submit to the authority it represents.

And when Ed is alone, having been abandoned by his most stalwart crewmember, he hears the crew calling him to sing again.

If Izzy doesn’t respect him anymore, no one will. The crew saw his vulnerable side. He has traded the respect of Blackbeard for...possibly nothing. To be treated as a joke. As someone who can be trifled with.

By trying to reach for something more, for real happiness beyond the security of infamy, Ed has risked the Blackbeard name he earned. Stede abandoned him. Izzy’s abandoning him. He’s on a boat with a crew that want to throw a talent show. If he doesn’t act soon, the name of Blackbeard could be dust...or worse, an object of ridicule (Remember how he feared being seen treasure hunting?). Then Ed will be back to the bottom of the barrel, same as the poor, lower class kid he started as, sneered at and looked down upon.

“Edward better watch his fucking step.”

This line is sometimes taken as a coercive threat, Izzy trying to intimidate Ed into bending to his will, but I’d argue that is not what is happening here.

When Izzy says these lines, he isn’t saying, “You’d better do what I want or I’ll make you regret it.” 

He’s saying: “I will obey Blackbeard and submit to the will of Blackbeard. But you aren’t Blackbeard anymore. You don’t get to slam me into a wall or command me like Blackbeard does. If you try it again, there will be consequences.”

It’s not, “Become Blackbeard again or else.” It’s “You’ve changed so much I am no longer loyal to you.”

This is why I disagree with the view that Ed is coerced, bullied, or intimidated by Izzy into becoming the Kraken. This isn’t a scene about Ed buckling  due to the fear of Izzy’s violent retribution, taking desperate measures to protect himself from The World’s Most Pathetic Man. It is about the threat of losing everything he’s built as Blackbeard.

This is why I find arguments about Ed resorting to maiming and forced auto cannibalism as semi-justified by his fear of Izzy, or some form of self-defense, particularly problematic: Ed wasn’t afraid of Izzy hurting him; he was afraid of Izzy leaving. Which is, uh, a very different thing.

Though it only kept Izzy from leaving because he’s loyal to the old Blackbeard, not due to fear.

“Hey Eddie, give us another song!”

(Interesting thing to note: Edward had just told the crew that he wanted to be called “Ed” instead of Blackbeard. He did not give anyone permission to call him by the cutesy, overly familiar diminutive “Eddie”. Perhaps a demonstration of how once he lost the aura of Blackbeard, the crew’s apparent respect for him began to diminish immediately.)

I think it does a disservice to Ed’s character to place the blame for his backslide into krakendom on Izzy. Izzy didn’t trick or manipulate or intimidate Ed. Ed isn’t scared of Izzy, for god’s sake. He isn’t being played. Izzy just exposed Ed to the very real potential consequences of his choices: losing everything he built with Blackbeard. And once Izzy is gone, Ed has hours to decide if he agrees with Izzy. In the end, he does.

I think, if Ed looked back at this moment, he wouldn’t be brooding about Izzy being mean or cruel. He’d think about being left alone in the captain’s quarters, a pit forming in his stomach, realizing that maybe what will give him true happiness and what will keep him safe are incompatible. Looking back on his past behavior in a panic, wondering if people are already beginning to hear tales of the newer, softer Blackbeard, and how that might change how they view him. Wondering, if Izzy is done with him, what does that mean about the rest of his crew? Wondering if he has nearly given up the legend of Blackbeard for an illusion of love. Looking around at all these trinkets left behind from Stede, how he used to long for them, but now they just look like the meaningless baubles of a man so rich he can afford to buy trash like Ed twice over.

“I am the Kraken.”

But it’s not too late. Ed just has to act fast. By the time night falls, he’s made his decision. He throws the member of Stede’s crew that has seen him at his most vulnerable, Lucius, off the boat, along with all his wisdom about relationships and emotions. He proves his commitment to being this version of Blackbeard to Izzy by performing a grotesque act of violence upon him. “The old Blackbeard’s back and he’s worse than ever,” is what he’s saying. “Don’t give up on me yet.”

Then all of Stede’s things have to go. All the baubles Ed was so excited about in 4, the big library, down they go into the drink. Then he maroons the foolish, trusting, ridiculous crew. They’re useless, and they’ve seen to much. Just more of Stede’s toys to play pirate.

He’s going to be okay. He’s still Blackbeard. He slipped, but he clawed his way back up at the last moment. He still hurts, but he can hide in his room to cry. And there’s the alcohol that we see him with, coping with pain like his father did. (Fang’s drinking now too. Bad times are coming again.)

The stabbed heart is sewed in his new flag, as a reminder not to let anyone in again.

He doesn’t have anything else, but he’s still Blackbeard.

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xi.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 396

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hi everyone !!! here we are with the weekly update hehe, and it's a brief chapter but it does direct it up to the next one, and that'll be far more ... happening ... if you catch my drift 🤣

anyways, apologies for the silence again - uni has been absolutely kicking my butt and I'm lowkey on the verge of burnout but we'll pull through !!!

hope you enjoy the chapter 🥺❤️

Jungkook sits across from Jennie when it happens.

“What the—?”

“We need to talk.” Jimin glares, hand already grabbing him by the collar when he tugs Jungkook out of his seat. He doesn’t bother to send Jennie a look of acknowledgment, though he doubts she’s at any fault. He was only there for one thing and the subject of his disdain only looks perplexed and confused.

“Can we do this later?” Jungkook huffs, gesturing between his body and Jennie’s. She’s blinking at the interaction, then picks up her purse to shoot the two boys a half-hearted smile.

“I think I know what you needed to say,” She smiles. Then she looks over to Jimin who’s still glaring down at the younger boy, “Good luck.”

Her wish only makes Jungkook gulp, but he can more or less guess what Jimin is dragging him by collar about.

When he manages to ruffle his clothes back into position and sees the angry slope of Jimin’s back, he takes a deep breath. Jimin was by no means a terrifying person on average, in fact, he was quite debatably one of the most pleasant people anyone could know.

But Jimin was loyal and he stuck by the people he cared about with all his heart. He’d fight and he’d defend them till the end of time, and you were no different. Especially since the two of you grew up with each other, Jimin seeing you grow from an inquisitive toddler to the intelligent woman you were today—Jimin would die to protect you.

So when Jimin shuffles through his backpack to hand Jungkook a pack of ice, he can only stare at the cold object in the palm of his hands.

“What is this—?”

“You’ll need it.” Jimin deadpans, then he’s rolling up his sleeves.

“I thought we were talking?” Jungkook asks with a raised brow.

“We are,” Jimin retorts, eyes unblinking when he stares the younger boy down with a heavy-lidded gaze, “After I beat your ass for fucking _____ over.”

Jungkook opens his mouth, ready to defend but Jimin’s resolute glare only makes him cower in submission. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that there was no way he could get a word in even to meekly apologise because when Jimin had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t stop until that goal was achieved.

And it seems that Jimin’s goal was to give Jungkook a physical reminder on why he shouldn’t fuck with the things or people he loved.

“Let me take off my jacket,” Jungkook mutters, defeated.

After multiple shoves against the wall and a generous swing to his cheek, Jungkook is begrudgingly holding the ice-pack against his bruising face.

Jimin doesn’t look apologetic when the two of them sit side-by-side on the sidewalk, or even when Jungkook’s lip busted open. He knew Jungkook could take it, he was twice his size. Even more so, Jungkook knew Jimin had every reason to act the way he did.

“Thanks for the ice pack, by the way,” Jungkook says sarcastically, wincing when he moves his mouth a little too much.

Jimin doesn’t gratify him with a response, instead levels a stare so menacing that it could send anyone running. But Jungkook’s done a bit too much of that recently; so he stays, braces himself for the words that were to leave Jimin’s lips.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook sighs, scrunching his face before tossing the ice pack aside. He supposed that it was nearly useless, nearly melting into a puddle that drips down his arm uncomfortably.

“I don’t know,” Jungkook confesses softly.

“You’ve got a set of nerves on you if you thought it was ever okay to say the shit you did to her, let alone a human being.” Jimin frowns, pulling Jungkook but his collar so that he’d look at him.

Jimin’s face is permanently etched into a scowl, but Jungkook already knows he’s fucked up. The constant reminder of you turning to different directions whenever you’d spot him was enough to hurt more than a punch to the face.

“I know.” Jungkook whispers, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Do you, Jungkook?” Jimin spits, glaring down at the boy who remains helpless under his grasp, “I told you to not fuck with her and you deliberately went against what I said.” His reminder is vicious and quiet, a hiss in the wind that blows.

Jungkook hears it loud and clear, “I know,” He exasperates, still as frustrated with himself as he was with the entire situation, “I know.” He repeats, more defeatedly.

Jimin shoves Jungkook back by releasing his grip around the collar that he nearly stumbles. But Jungkook catches himself just barely when Jimin rises to his feet, looking down at his younger friend like he was a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoes.

“Why?” Jimin asks after a beat of silence.

Jungkook purses his lips. He knows why, but he still can’t bring himself to say it. Not when he knows he’s fucked up and Jimin is rightfully furious. He knows Taehyung knows at this point too, there was nothing that Jimin knew that Taehyung didn’t. It was just that Jimin was the more confrontational one where Taehyung was passively aggressive with his anger.

“I …” Jungkook trails off weakly, standing up to reach Jimin’s height but despite his friend being taller, his presence was already intimidating enough.

“You doing that shit with her was one thing, because if it was consensual I’d go on my merry way,” Jimin sneers, poking a firm finger into Jungkook’s chest, “But you had to go and poke at her insecurities to hurt her. On purpose. That’s where you fucked up. Royally.”

Jungkook blinks, intently listening and observing the way Jimin’s chest rises and falls with every breath he heaves.

“It’s taking everything in me not to smear your reputation on campus for the shit you did,” Jimin’s eyes flutters shut and his voice is threatening. Jungkook’s eyes widen, but he still remains quiet, “But against my better conscience, you’re my friend. And I’m so fucking disappointed in you.” Jimin croaks like he’s conflicted.

And for the first time ever since the conversation started, Jungkook feels bad for Jimin; specifically. He knew that it was difficult to defend your friend while berating another, and he hated himself for putting him into a difficult position. It was an internal dispute that Jimin and Taehyung would have to face between holding Jungkook accountable and leaving him to dust.

There was history, between the four of you. But there was unseen history between Jimin and Jungkook that you and Taehyung hadn’t seen, and Jungkook’s always regarded Jimin as an older brother, honorific aside.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers.

Jimin looks up, glaring at the apology like he’s sworn at him.

“I can’t believe you.” He sneers, barring his teeth intimidatingly while Jungkook swallows.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook looks down at his feet, and for a moment he feels like a child being scolded but he knew that children would never say anything as vicious as he did, unless they were a product of their environments.

Jungkook still can’t justify his words, or why he said them. But a deep part of his recognises that it was his insecurities peeking through and him weaponising a weapon powerful enough to shoot himself dead.

“This isn't my apology to accept,” Jimin says sternly, “But even if it was—I could never forget what you said to her, Jungkook.”

Jungkook nods, eyes still cast downwards.

“What does this …” he trails off, finally looking up to see Jimin carding a hand through his hair in exasperation and a pinched expression marring his face, “Where does this leave us?��

Jimin knows Jungkook’s asking about the state of their friendship together.

But the anger is blinding and overwhelming, so instead; he tosses his backpack over his shoulder before turning on his heel, head looking back ever so slightly to level Jungkook with a final gaze intense enough to speak for itself.

“Here,” Jimin declares, gesturing to the abandoned ice pack, the bruised cheek and knuckles, “Until you decide to get your shit together, I need time away from you. If not, I’m going to do something that ____ would hate and I don’t want to hurt her any more than you already have.”

The words are sharp, targeted and venomous. But Jungkook recognises he deserves it. He also doesn’t bother fighting back when Jimin finally leaves, leaving Jungkook to bask in his own, clouded thoughts.

“Why are your knuckles bruised?” Is the first thing you ask Jimin when you see him storming towards you and Taehyung in the library.

Taehyung is aware while you blissfully aren’t.

“None of your business,” Jimin shoots back, but then he’s tugging you out of your seat to hug you.

Your eyes widen, “Jimin?”

When he pulls away, his eyes soften.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Taehyung nods and your head is spinning in confusion when you stare between the two boys with furrowed brows.

“Tell you what?”

“Jungkook.” Taehyung answers, eyes boring a hole into your skull.

At the mention of his name, you freeze in Jimin’s grasp as you stare at the both of them with wide eyes.

“How did you know—?”

Jimin frowns, releasing you so that you’re all able to take a seat in a specific corner of the library. You dryly note to yourself that you realise that every one of your conflicting moments of confrontation occurred in this place. Maybe it was about time for a change of scenery.

“Yena,” Taehyung tells you, and you scowl—nearly cussing her out in your mind but you know that your anger wasn’t warranted.

Especially when Jimin reaches out to grab your hand when he notices you looking down at your lap.

“How do you think it felt for us when we had to find out from someone else that you’ve been going through a hard time?” He asks softly, looking at you so gently that your lip nearly trembles.

For the longest time, Jimin and Taehyung were like older brothers that doted on you as much as they could. They took care of you and made sure that you knew your worth ever since the three of you were children. And for that, you could never be more thankful for their presence.

So you understand their hurt, and it makes you feel guiltier when you see Taehyung quietly patting your head although his eyes carry a sadness that only came from a friend withholding information from you.

“I …” You croak.

“You didn’t need to tell us why,” Taehyung reassures gently, “Just wanted to be here for you. For whatever reason, it may be.”

You stare down at your lap even harder and blink away the tears that only came with guilt.

“I’m sorry.” You say so meekly that it comes out as a squeak.

“Please don’t apologise. We just want to be here for you,” Jimin says sadly, squeezing your hand tighter even if you weren’t going to look at him. He doesn’t push you to do so.

“I didn’t want to make things complicated.” You confess softly, fiddling with the thumb on your free hand.

Taehyung scowls, “_____, you know that whatever it is, Jimin and I will try our best to remain as objective as possible but Jungkook said things to you that we're absolutely not okay and as both of your friends, we have a responsibility to hold him accountable.”

You purse your lips, nearly pouting. It’s as if Jimin reads your mind, where a million thoughts run through it, he pulls you closer so that he can properly hug you. Even if the position is a little weird and Taehyung has to bend his arm at a weird angle to be able to hug you too, you feel comforted.

“Don’t be mad at him.” You whisper softly into the material of Taehyung’s shirt.

Jimin snorts, “I release my anger in a healthy manner.”

Your eyes glance down at his knuckle suspiciously but he tugs it away when he notices your wandering eyes.

Taehyung sighs, caressing your hair softly. “We have every right to be angry with him, _____. What he did and said was unacceptable.” He informs you firmly.

You pull away slightly from their hold to furrow your eyebrows, “I know but—”

“You do know,” Jimin says softly, “And we know that you don’t like other people fighting your battles for you so we’ll step out of it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t personally be disappointed in what Jungkook did. He’s our friend too and if he did that to anyone else, we’d still be mad. We’re just extra mad because it’s you and we’re your best friends.”

You dip your head, letting out a sigh of acknowledgement.

“Just … let me talk to him.” You say, and Taehyung raises a brow at the shift in your tone, “This is something I need to do for myself. I appreciate you guys, I really do. But I don’t want things to be weird because of what we did.”

You can tell Jimin is about to argue with you, but Taehyung shoots him a look that shuts him up immediately.

“If that’s what you want.” Taehyung smiles gently at you.

Jimin clenches his jaw, clearly the more displeased one between the two. But he swallows it by clenching his fist and patting your head, shooting you a concerned stare mask in a slight glare.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod, “Very.”

Jimin nibbles on his lips as if deep in thought before pulling away completely, leaning into his chair.

“If you insist,” He sighs, “But Jungkook did get what he deserved.”

You shrug, “I mean I don’t think avoiding him was the worst thing to do, but I guess you’re right.”

Jimin blinks.

Then Taehyung and he are sharing a look familiar enough for you to know only comes out when they did something wrong or were caught causing trouble.

You raise a brow, “Am I missing something?”

Jimin shoots you a reassuring smile and you miss the shift of Taehyung’s eyes to the fist that wraps around your shoulder.

“Nothing at all.”

You [21:09]: hi jungkook

You [21:24]: can we talk? my door's open if you're free.

[sepublic]

The Golden Guard: Eda’s Dark Parallel?

           Does anyone else think that the Golden Guard actually reminds Lilith a LOT of Eda, specifically Eda as a kid, during the good old days before she got cursed?

           Think about it… They’re both sassy, hot-headed teen prodigies with an owl motif and yellow attire. And the way Lilith angrily talks about the Golden Guard, it seems her feelings of resentment mirror how she felt towards Eda back when they were kids? Lilith, who was by-the-book and traditional, worked so hard… And then there’s this younger person with an Owl motif who just swoops in out of nowhere and through talent, completely outclasses her!

           If you go with the idea that Lilith wanted Gwendolyn’s approval and had to compete with Eda over that… Then for all we know, maybe Lilith lowkey wanted Belos’ approval as well, but felt like she was being cheated out of that with the Golden Guard, who kept stealing the spotlight from her! 

          Like she was afraid he’d take her spot as head of the Emperor’s Coven, the way Lilith feared that Eda would win the initiation duel back when they were kids… And lo and behold, the Golden Guard DID take that! Granted Lilith left an obvious vacancy from her own betrayal of Belos so of course he took that spot, but still; It’s quite a sore spot.

           In some ways, perhaps Lilith is aware of this, deep-down or not; She might see the Golden Guard as just Young Eda, but without any of the emotional connection, nor any redeeming qualities; If he does have them, again, it’s not like Lilith knows the Golden Guard well enough to know these traits, much less take them into account.

           LOTS of text and speculation and analyses below!!!

           The Golden Guard is even sixteen years old… Which, is very likely EDA’s age, back when her and Lilith competed for the Emperor’s Coven! That can take on a whole new, dark meaning for her… 

          Perhaps Lilith is low-key disturbed by the Golden Guard’s existence, because he reminds her too much of Young Eda? Eda, before she was cursed- So it’s like the memory of her is coming back to haunt Lilith, in the form of someone who has no concern for Lilith whatsoever to hold him back, unlike the actual Eda.

           And in a way, it’s a horrible reminder that some things never change, that some things stay the same and Lilith can’t get past them, she can’t outgrow it like she thought she did; Because even now, even as head of the Emperor’s Coven, there’s still a 16-year-old prodigy with an owl motif and yellow attire, who is sassy and playful and mischievous, who threatens to upstage Lilith’s self-esteem and sense of power. Somebody Lilith is afraid of; Thirty years later, and she STILL has to deal with this kind of person in her life, but it’s worse because she’s actually older and should be better, yet somehow isn’t…

           Who knows? Maybe Lilith even recognized the similarities to Eda, enough to actually be sympathetic to the Golden Guard at first? Perhaps she, on some level, saw the Golden Guard as a way to vicariously redo her past with Eda, but without the mistakes… Maybe she tried to be nice to the Golden Guard, but then he quickly turned out to be a snob, he’s not REALLY Eda; So Lilith settled on never cursing him like she did Eda, but then otherwise decided that she didn’t owe him any love and could just quietly loathe his guts.

          Lilith failed Eda in part because she was an older sister who abandoned her in a time of need, but there’s not really that expectation with the Golden Guard, so why bother? She’s got enough on her plate as is, and an ACTUAL Eda to worry about, to look after, to be concerned for and patch things up with.

           I’ve even seen people make the very good point that in a lot of ways… The Golden Guard is like a Dark Eda? In the sense that, he’s Eda, had she joined the Emperor’s Coven as a kid. He’s a look at Young Eda, if she didn’t reject the Coven System, and joined Belos- Reveling in her own talent and power as granting her ‘special treatment’ over the rest, so any downsides to the coven system weren’t HER problem anyway!

           Again, this adds another layer to the Golden Guard being very reminiscent of Young Eda, and even current Eda as well… Except, he never lost his magic and was never cursed. Maybe that’s another thing he unknowingly haunts Lilith over; He’s lowkey a reminder of what Eda could’ve been, had Lilith not been selfish and a coward, or had she communicated better. Yet at the same time, he’s frustrating- Because the Golden Guard is like the worst parts of Eda, the parts that Lilith hated and made her resentful…

           And this constant reminder of the past, of her own issues with Eda back then that culminated in the curse- It could’ve made it a LOT harder for Lilith to really resolve things with Eda, because this kid keeps reminding her why she was so angry, and it’s impossible for her to move on because the Golden Guard isn’t some distant memory, but an actual person who continues to threaten her, the way Eda had…

          And of course, the Golden Guard reminds Lilith of the Eda she lost; The happy, carefree Eda who wasn’t cursed, the Eda she could’ve had in a sense. The Eda that Lilith in some ways wanted, yet is forced to confront and acknowledge is a very obnoxious and terrible person that makes her unhappy…

          And this kind of rude reminder that the Eda that Lilith wanted would’ve continued to make her miserable, if not moreso, is not something she appreciates shattering her dreams and low-key denial, of a world where things had just been a little different.

          The person you’re trying to get, maybe get BACK, wasn’t so great after all- So you just have to move on, and be glad for the Eda who IS happier with her life and more mature, despite being older and more cursed. You gotta move past your guilt Lilith, and realize that Eda is in a better place- Not that she ever needed the curse, but she doesn’t quite need saving from the parts of her life she actually chose for herself, in part to be kind to Lilith no less! Because I bet Lilith believes that deep down, she didn’t deserve Eda’s kindness, so she wishes to reverse that compassionate decision of Eda’s that only resulted in Eda suffering because of how terrible Lily secretly is.

           But, back to the subject; There’s more similarities to Eda and the Golden Guard, especially at the end of Separate Tides; How he makes an ominous warning before casually, happily yelling “BYYEEEE!!!”, just like Eda when she warns Luz about trying to have a Moonlight Conjuring in Hooty’s Moving Hassle, before heading off to the Night Market. His widow’s peak even bears a decent resemblance to Eda’s, doesn’t it? Which…

           Combined with all of the talk about bird motifs being a Clawthorne thing, it DOES raise many questions about the Golden Guard’s potential connection to Eda. Is he some long-lost son? A third child that Gwendolyn had later in life, because witch biology might allow them to do that? Some homunculus, crafted from bits of DNA from Eda, and maybe even Belos? Belos does seem weirdly fond and trusting of him, the two are placed together in the Season 2 outro when nobody else, not even Kikimora, is there; And of course, the Golden Guard wields a staff, red magic, and fleshy creations, VERY similar to Belos…

           I can’t say for sure- But the idea of the Golden Guard as an alternate Eda is fascinating. An Eda who became completely arrogant, and didn’t stop to care about others; Her cockiness and mischief becoming cruel and obnoxious, essentially the worst parts of Eda, down the path she’d always dreaded. A look into another life, a different choice in such a pivotal part of her past… Personally, I LOVE this kind of dark parallel of a character, so I’m hoping these similarities are commented upon in-universe, assuming they’re not outright literal!

           In a way, the Golden Guard could haunt Eda, because he reminds her of herself… Of her carefree youth, but what she could’ve had… But also, the terrible things she’d done. And obviously Eda despises the coven system too much to really change her mind, and it’s safe to say that the Golden Guard is not at all what she wanted to ever become… But still, it’s a neat bit of character writing and parallelism. If Belos is like a Dark Luz, what Luz could’ve been had she not grown… And the same could apply between King and Kikimora;

           Then who knows? The Golden Guard could be a Dark Eda, who got by talent and continued to take things for granted. An Eda who swore loyalty to Belos and was embraced by the emperor for her skill and ability. Jovial and cheery, but without any of the actual compassion that makes this genuine with Eda. An immature brat who never grew up (granted he’s only sixteen and hasn’t gotten the chance), unlike Eda. And if the Golden Guard is an alternate Eda;

           It’s fascinating how his roles are reversed with his alternate Luz… The Eda parallel is younger than the Luz parallel, learning from them, and taking after their motifs as well! But I guess it’s not all too surprising, with how Eda and Luz both learn from one another, though I suspect Belos and the Golden Guard aren’t as mutual, but who knows? 

          It does make you wonder about Kikimora and King as potential mediators between these duos, whose placement remains consistent… How does Kikimora, the King parallel, interact with her Luz and Eda? Did she become close friends with HER Luz, while, as Dana’s art suggests, she seems somewhat irritated by and resentful of her own Eda? So it’s like Eda and King never grew to be friends and conquer differences… As well as if King never grew to respect Luz and saw her as just a “f*cking nerd”?

           With how Luz is taking after Eda, and possibly getting a Cardinal palisman to complete the Clawthorne motif as a new member of the family… Who knows? The Golden Guard could be an intriguing character for her to bounce off of narratively, maybe as someone Luz might have, in another universe, learned to look up to and admire? How well Luz’s relationship be with the Golden Guard, if they are a Dark Eda? And how can this indirectly show us about how Luz and Young Eda would’ve interacted, what Young Eda was like, what Lilith went through as a kid…

           And, for all we know- The Golden Guard’s owl motif doesn’t hint at a pre-existing connection to the Clawthornes, but rather a future one… Maybe he’ll end up being adopted by Eda, the way Luz was? I’d love to see the Golden Guard become an evil older sibling who’s protective of Luz… 

          I ADORE that trope to death; Evil older brother with bright, younger sister, whom he cares about, and the sister cares for him too, even if it’s complicated because the sister believes in the brother to be better, while the brother doesn’t want to be better, or is at least reluctant about having to change…

           I’d love to see another Hugo and Kipo dynamic, and actually… If the Golden Guard parallels Eda, then who’s his Lilith? Could it be Luz herself? I’ve talked before the similarities between Luz and Lilith, as kids who were bullied and struggled with a lack of talent, but made up for it with hard work and ingenuity; They’ll give you a lot of trouble for doing the right thing, but then happily leap at the opportunity if they think someone is improving.

           And, as Separate Tides has also shown us; They both grapple with guilt over making Eda suffer, unintentionally to varying degrees. Luz and Lilith both learn that they’re not a burden and that it’s okay to ask for help, and come to terms with their guilt with Eda… If Belos and the Golden Guard are Luz and Eda reversed, then could Luz and the Golden Guard also be Lilith and Luz, reversed?

          With the Eda parallel being the older sibling in this scenario… An alternate timeline where Eda and Lilith were the same people, but switched places in birth, and it was EDA who ended up being the cruel and toxic sibling who left the younger feeling demeaned and worthless. I imagine if that were the case, the Golden Guard’s toxicity would occur largely in the beginning, as he acts adversarial to Luz and mocks her, taunts her over Eda’s loss of magic, and her own glyphs no doubt; The Golden Guard doesn’t seem to acknowledge glyphs as a valid form of magic himself.

           But then, if he were to get a redemption, the Golden Guard’s tune might change as he matures and learns to treat Luz more kindly… In a way mimicking how Eda really grew to care for Luz, but also the way Eda has begun to reconnect with Lilith, except with the Golden Guard as the one with the baggage and guilt.

           And, a redemption might not be too implausible, because… He is literally only sixteen, the same age as Emira and Edric, and likely the same age as Eda when SHE was cursed. Younger than Lilith, when she made the worst mistake of her life, because she didn’t understand the coven system for what it truly was –and who could blame her?- and was grappling with a likely terrible mother in Gwendolyn… The Golden Guard is literally a minor, and possibly an overworked teen prodigy.

           After all, the first glimpse of his personality Dana gave us, way back in 2020, was of the Golden Guard admitting that he was tired; And despite his usually cheery personality, all of our glimpses at his face behind the mask (symbolism!) have had him look likely serious and glum… But then again, we don’t see the lower half of his face, so who knows? 

          Perhaps the Golden Guard is abused and overworked by Belos, kind of like Amity with her parents… The Golden Guard is a child dealing with a very toxic influence, and a huge burden of responsibility no less. And with all the potential connections to Belos as maybe even a literal father, or at least a parental figure, it’s not hard to see why the Golden Guard would turn out so messed up. And the Golden Guard being ‘tired’ could be a connection to how Eda is left exhausted from her curse, too.

           So, who knows? Because of his age, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect, or at least hope, for a redemption for this kiddo. But a recent sister show to The Owl House has taught me anything, kids aren’t free from death, and Infinity Train made it clear that you can humanize and sympathize and mourn someone who deserved better, yet ultimately dug their grave and was condemned to a sudden death because of that; All because they didn’t know any better, and really couldn’t have.

           And on another note- Maybe the Golden Guard has owl motifs like Eda… Because in a lot of ways, he actually admires her? He admires the Owl Lady, or at least the certain ‘past’ version that others such as Lilith may have brought up… Maybe the Golden Guard seeks to supplant Eda the Owl Lady as The Most Powerful Witch in the Boiling Isles. Maybe he sees himself as Eda, but better, and this rebellious, hot-headed kid feels the need to prove himself by defeating someone he sees himself in.

           Maybe the Golden Guard is like Lilith, as someone who wishes Eda could’ve joined the coven system, and he’s disappointed in how all her talent was ‘wasted’ on other things. Maybe the Golden Guard was disappointed in Eda losing her magic, losing further respect for his ‘problematic idol’, and/or he felt some validation and vindication in being a successor to Eda. 

          Does he hold some grudge? Did the Owl Lady’s power excite him, give the Golden Guard a goal to recklessly challenge and defeat, so he can experience the thrill of victory and add to this feeling of invincibility that teenagers, especially the talented ones, have?

           Eda as a kid, and even now, has always been fond of spiting what others say she can’t do, or setting new precedents and accomplishments to prove herself. Maybe the Golden Guard is like that, and hopes to take on the onus of outdoing the Owl Lady; Perhaps he admires Eda, and wishes she could’ve joined a coven like him. As an outside admirer, he mourns Eda’s ‘potential’ in a way similar to Lilith, but different; Because he’s a kid who looks up to her, and not an older sibling that has an actual childhood with Eda. If so, then that’s another dark parallel to Luz;

           After all, Luz got frustrated by Eda in Adventures in the Elements. So maybe the Golden Guard is someone who grew resentful of Eda for not living up to the legend he hoped, the image he wanted, sort of like Lilith! I’ll go out on a limb and even suggest him as a past apprentice, who unlike Luz, never learned to be patient and appreciate Eda’s teachings, so he turned to the coven system and Belos for easy gratification. He didn’t want to be challenged… And in that way, the Golden Guard could parallel my speculation on Belos, as also a Dark Luz.

          So of course, it makes sense that Belos would recognize this same dilemma in the Golden Guard, and perhaps be sympathetic and take him under his wing for it. Eda might not recognize the Golden Guard because he’s changed a bit himself, is hiding his own identity –Lilith doesn’t seem to know much about the witch beneath the mask either, just the public image and façade- and Eda’s been having memory issues. Maybe this will add to the Golden Guard’s resentment, who knows? He really might just be a rebellious teen who Eda failed, unlike with Luz… And that could add to more envy, perhaps.

           At the very least; Dana’s fondness for the Golden Guard takes on a whole new meaning… What with how Eda is pretty much one of, if not THE most favorite character of hers, the one who really jumpstarted this entire show and world to begin with… Having this other character she likes essentially be a canon AU version of that beloved creation, would certainly make a lot of sense! Dana likes Eda, she likes to show us about Young Eda; So a character who IS Young Eda, just on a different path, would likely appeal to her. We’ll see…

           I think it’s worth noting that in her art of the Golden Guard, it depicts him as essentially a normal, lazy teenager who’s asking someone else to do his chore for him, while he lounges around to do something else. I could see a young Eda as occasionally fulfilling that role and asking her older sister Lily for a favor- And maybe this could allude to the Golden Guard being frequently exhausted from being overworked himself, hence “I’m tired” and wanting to extend his breaks as much as possible. We’ll just have to wait and see…

[nazumichi]

random question but. if the bna characters [whichever ones you feel like talking about] were in the atla universe, what kind of bender would they be If they were a bender? nonbenders? do any of them have avatar vibes?

(I told myself to answer this and then I forgot hold on give me a sec)

ok so my immediate thought is “I would think that the shirou and nazuna dynamic would be the same.” how i’d go about that is shirou being the avatar (there are the Parallels: the 100 years-1,000 years, the power, the responsibility) and nazuna of course pretending to be the avatar (because no one knows where the real one fucked off to and she’s gonna take a grab for the publicity and also she wants to give people hope, and if the real deal isn’t here for that, well).

shirou: avatar, likely hailed from earthbenders (I’m taking their strength, their determination and stubborn nature into account). lone wolf as always, extremely powerful, trying to give the illusion of “I have a plan”, corey, they do not have a plan.

nazuna: ok so this is hard, because my initial thought was “oh! she’s a non-bender” but I think that’s difficult considering the role I put her in. so perhaps a firebender (but then again, I think it’d be too easy to put her there, I think it’s too obvious). I don’t think she’s an immensely powerful one, I think she’s just good with words and can find people in high places to help her pull this all off.

boris still exists as part of her group, a beacon of wisdom (lies). he’s a firebender, hiding a lot of power, his “i wish to help you achieve your goals” mirage slowly fades with more word of the real avatar/nazuna being influenced by the words of some earthbending girl (no, I have not worked out this part wygwygwhg).

*normal grip* marie is a non-bender, definitely a chi-blocker. I think that’s very obvious, with her agility and the scene where she rendered boris quite literally immobile. she’s got a bit of a june role, if june appeared more often. probably one of nazuna’s people in high places, of course is only here for the cash and the fact that being “friends” with a false avatar gives her some protection (allegiance changes once the real avatar appears, revealing a slight vulnerable side of “this is the real deal, this is genuine, this isn’t another fake.”).

occasional mentor to michiru, misleading muse to nazuna, informant and hinderance to shirou, nefarious pick-pocket with chi-blocking on her side.

michiru: earthbenderrrr. i think once shirou gets back into the avatar biz (subtly, of course) michiru is the “are you ok? are you alright?” to their *violent sounds of violence* when it comes to looking out for people. let’s be real, they aren’t the best at communicating, and sort of need someone to help the people they save verbally, instead of “get up bitch, you’re fine *sound of wall of water slamming into attackers*

still her excited and awe-struck self, embodies the toph “please let me outta here” mindset. shirou did not plan to take a kid with them on their journey to confront their fake, but she’s like “teach me the mystic ways of earthbending” and they wish to teach her the “mystic ways” of minding her own business.

pingua is a very experienced airbender, I feel like that’s the only accurate choice (being a pilot, a literal bird). like marie, appears sometimes to drop some “useful” advice and to mainly hinder others (sometimes unintentionally, in his case). his main goal is really just to explore. just to see the world, learn all he can, take in the cultures and the land and anything he can.

sometimes has to have his priorities forcibly adjusted (by shirou and/or michiru) because of this desire to drift around, and how it sometimes overshadows the need to do the right thing (again, similar to marie). also helps shirou learn airbending, shirou does NOT like this.

nina is a waterbender fleeing from a strict family in the northern watertribe, fleeing to explore the world and learn her place in it. a little out of her depth, I think she’d be part of nazuna’s posse, considering her experience with “stage.” (defects shortly after finding this role, morals getting in the way).

the bears are earthbenders, I don’t have a role for alan yet and uhhh yeah!! this got long I’m sorry UWGWWGHGWHW.

[renaerys]

22. for reds 🤡

This is 100% not what you asked for (yet...👀), but I give you part 1 of what we're calling the Weird King AU. I'm turning this into a proper multi-chapter High School fic because I love you and I'd jump on any bandwagon for you.

xxx

Like most young, conventionally attractive Supervillains, Brick had made a bit of a habit of failing upwards. It was pretty easy in a town full of simpering morons content to project their own narrative assumptions onto him, and who was he to crush their dreams when they made his life a little easier?

For example, dating.

“You can tell me, you know.” His cute date, Tracy, sipped her milkshake across from him.

“Tell you what?”

She softened and reached her hand across the table. “Your tragic backstory. I’ll listen without judgment, I promise.”

Brick tried to think of something tragic, but it all seemed pretty underwhelming as far as Supervillain origin stories went. “You mean like how I was born in a toilet?”

She made an oh shape with her lips. “We all have those days where we feel like we were born in a toilet, Brick.”

He’d dated Tracy for three months before she broke up with him out of the blue in tears: sorry she couldn’t fix his baggage, she just wasn’t strong enough to handle all that tortured darkness, but she wished him nothing but health and happiness. Brick deleted her number from his phone and spent twenty whole minutes staring at the toilet in his bathroom, wondering what the lesson here was.

But everything changed when Mojo got out of prison and moved Brick and his brothers back to Townsville, where he enrolled them in the local high school alongside their former arch nemeses, the Powerpuff Girls.

Suddenly, everything Brick did pre-supposed ill intent. These people remembered him as the pest who had graffitied their local monuments and blown up their cars and endangered their children. They held no love for him, and at best they feared him. This was not Citiesville, where he’d been a tall, cold glass of Voss water in a sea of recycled Dasani.

He found himself thinking about his birthing toilet again as he stepped into the cafeteria alone and the conversation quieted down as his new classmates watched him from the safety of their tables. His next moves here were critical. He was no longer at the top of the food chain, but fear and mystery surrounding his origins and character gave him a certain power over his peers.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of social suicide, I will fear no cringe,” he said to himself.

The jocks were out. Capable though he may be, Brick was not much of a team player unless there was a blood contract involved requiring his participation on pain of satanic torture. The drama kids were also a hard pass, not because he thought drama was lame, but because they had barely noticed him walk in, and Brick did not have the energy to deal with people more self-involved than himself. Some of the unaffiliated tables could be safe, but without a good understanding of the nuanced social dynamics in the high school, he could be heading toward irreversible doom, and that was a risk he was not willing to take.

He saw his salvation just ahead. It was the only option, all else being equal. In an environment where he couldn’t be certain of his baseline status and potential for upward mobility, there was greatness to be had only by association and certainty only in the devil he knew.

Brick helped himself to the empty seat directly across from Blossom Utonium to a chorus of gasps and staring.

Blossom did not startle like her table mates had. She watched him critically behind a head full of bangs as she balanced her soup spoon in her hand. “Really.”

Brick unwrapped the burrito he’d purchased in the lunch line and brandished it before him. “Really.”

He took a bite of the burrito. It was not hot enough. The two girls to Blossom’s left whispered to each other about that bad boy and he’s hot, though.

Blossom daintily spooned soup into her mouth without spilling a single drop as she continued to watch Brick for signs of his imminent dark side transformation.

The guy next to Brick was brave enough to ask him what his next class was. Brick had a mouth full of disappointing burrito, so he passed the guy the printout of his class schedule in lieu of answering.

“Wow, all APs, huh? Hey, we’re in U.S. History together next period, nice. I’m Mike Believe, by the way. Brick Jojo, right?”

Brick didn’t answer him immediately on account of the burrito currently occupying his mouth hole, and Mike took it the wrong way.

“Oh, yeah, we all know who you are. Blossom sort of filled us in.” He winced like he’d inadvertently revealed a terrible secret.

Brick swallowed his food and washed it down with a gulp of water. “Saves me some time.”

Mike looked super relieved. “For sure! Hey, I could lend you my notes if you want to catch up. Gershwin’s giving a quiz on the Progressive Era on Friday, and she’s a hard-ass who definitely won’t care that you just transferred…”

Brick chewed on his lunch as Mike continued to talk at him about classes and other vaguely helpful, albeit uninteresting, information. But Mike seemed normal enough, a little chatty but not in an overeager sort of way. Blossom was no longer clocking his every move and seemed to be absorbed in her friend’s latest swim team cheating scandal, until Brick reached for his water bottle and she suddenly laser-focused on his wandering hand.

Her keen attention to him was honestly flattering, if expected. It was in his nature to be noticed, and in this narrow respect she was no different from anyone else whose head he turned. If she chose to feed her interest with the flames of suspicion, then it was no difference to him.

But if she was anything like him—and on a chemical level she was probably the closest to him that a person could get—he suspected it took tremendous effort to hold her full and sustained attention. The world they inhabited was as vapid and mundane as the humans that surrounded them, and even the most gracious of gods grew bored of worship. Which explained all the smiting and fucking and generational curses upon entire households in everything from Greek mythology to the Old Testament.

Brick was pretty deep into a fantasy of Blossom going full Ixion and the Wheel on the swim team when Mike tapped his shoulder. “You ready to go?”

It took him a moment to realize the bell had rung and he had a class to get to—AP U.S. History with Mike, apparently. Brick gathered his tray and his bag and followed Mike. When he looked back at the table, Blossom was already gone.

xxx

That whole first week was painfully boring. No one bullied him, or pranked him, or picked a fight with him, of course. But no one really approached him, either. His brothers were more determined to make an effort. Boomer announced he was trying out for the soccer team because there was no rule saying a Super with extremely well documented ties to active criminals and the forces of Hell couldn’t kick a ball around a field. Butch had gotten himself invited to a midnight screening of Snakes on a Plane in some rich kid’s home movie theater, but only after that same kid had accidentally spilled milk on Butch and burst into tears in front of a cafeteria full of Juniors and Seniors. Brick declined the invitation Butch extended to him. He had that AP U.S. History exam to study for on Friday, anyway.

He shared all of his classes with Blossom. Even in the classes where her assigned seat was behind his and he couldn’t see her, he could feel her lobotomizing stare at the back of his head whenever she glanced up from her notebook. And while Mike’s notes were perfectly adequate and the friendly gesture counted for more than the content (a gesture Brick would not soon forget), there was a far more efficient way to accomplish his goal of murdering the class averages while also taking the edge off his loner doldrums.

“Can I borrow your class notes?”

Blossom rose from her seat and pulled her hair tie out to re-do her extremely long ponytail. She held the elastic between her teeth as she worked. Her teeth were very straight, he noticed. Some pretty nice girl-teeth, generally speaking.

“Which class?”

“All of them.”

He watched her wind the elastic around her hair with quick, adroit fingers. “That’s a lot of notes.”

“You’re the top of every class. No point in asking anyone else.”

She moved toward the hall. He followed her out. “Why would I help you?”

A legitimate question delivered without venom. Unlike her sister Buttercup, who’d “run into” Brick after school on Monday and told him to watch his back, Blossom didn’t have to do anything but maintain a general proximity to make her superiority complex known. Which was the kind of flex he could fuck with.

“Isn’t helping people sort of your mandate?”

They had arrived at her locker, which she opened with enough force to rattle the hinges. “I help the helpless. Are you helpless, Brick?”

Brick smiled at her baiting. Had she ever actually said his name at a normal volume before? It sounded good even in her baseline bitch timbre. “Critically helpless. I’m the new student who transferred in the middle of the semester, and you’re the only person who knows me.”

A couple other students clearly trying to get to the lockers Brick was blocking hovered just out of reach. They whispered to each other, but neither of them actually worked up the courage to ask Brick to move. He ignored them.

Blossom rummaged in her locker for the binder she would need for the next class. “Make friends.”

“Working on it.”

The locker door slammed and she faced him. There was something confrontational in the way she held herself before him that kicked him in the nuts back in time thirteen years to their more uncouth days when all he wanted to do was destroy her so he’d be the only one. Now they were older and wiser and he actually did need her notes to study, so destroying her was not high on his list of priorities.

“You want to be my friend.”

“We have so much in common.”

“So do lions and hyenas.”

“Both are apex predators, so.”

She took a step closer and peered up at him. Brick did not move, although he wondered what was so interesting about his face. She probably just thought he was hot. She was probably as bored as he was. She probably—

“You have lettuce in your teeth.”

Brick pulled back and covered his mouth on instinct. God fucking damnit.

Blossom was already walking away from him by the time he’d picked the food from his teeth. “I’ll expect my notes back in mint condition before first period tomorrow morning.”

Brick pressed a fist against the lockers and quietly fumed. “Dumbass…”

“Um, sorry, but do you mind…?”

The student who’d been waiting for her locker space to clear up had her palms up as if to assuage a feral stray. Brick pushed off the lockers, but his fist left a dent where he’d unleashed some of his impotent self-pity. He looked back at the girl, and she shook her head.

“It’s fine! It, uh, it happens sometimes.” She pointed a couple lockers down to Blossom’s, which was dinged up worse than the others.

Brick stared at Blossom’s locker, and then back at the girl. Her narrow, dark eyes were wide, but not out of fear. She was waiting for something, and like an idiot it took him a moment to catch up. “You’re trying to make me feel better about fucking up your locker.”

She laughed nervously. “I mean, it’s really fine! You just looked so miserable for a second there, and I just thought…”

Great, he was moping so hard he had an audience.

The five minute warning bell rang, and a flood of students rushed past them on their way to fourth period. Brick stepped aside so the girl could get to her locker.

“Hey, you’re the new guy, right?”

The new guy, yeah. How quaint. Except, she was waiting for a response, which wasn’t the absolute worst thing that had happened to him all week.

“Brick,” he said. But of course, she already knew that, and she was just being nice.

“I’m Kim. Kim Chan.”

“Okay.” He didn’t have anything else to say to her, so he decided to get his shit and get to his next class.

“Welcome back to Townsville, Brick.”

Brick shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off. It didn’t occur to him until later that Kim was the first and only person who had properly welcomed him back home.

[crowmagus]

# 4

Beginning | Previous Entry | Next Entry

Ever Grateful, Ever Loving, Ever Faithful,

Boundary Prole

- Reader. If there is a reader to this account, or perhaps you are an insect crawling across the smeared pages of this journal, feeling out each letter with antenna and spindling legs.

I believe there is a matter I have forgotten to preface these entries with. I have spent, by my records, 40 years in the Obscure, I have traveled farther than most would dare, seen sights both inexplicable and miraculous.

Because of my experience I have assumed very much about you my dear insect. I have assumed you knew the rules of this place. There are many unspoken laws you learn in the curiosities of youth, many of them are discovered when a childhood friend goes missing, or when she is found drooling and mutilated.

These are not the rules I speak of. What I am referring to is more axiomatic, more fundamental. It is my namesake - or perhaps it was named after me later. One misstep can lead to madness in this place. In my words and in my ink I am trying to place some, a sample for you to taste. How I wish we could speak, how I wish I could tell you what it is you feel in your mouth, and how to cope with the sensation behind your eyes.

I’ve gone too far. My namesake, Boundary. There is a point in curiosity when you confront the unknowable. Every captain, every explorer, every expeditionary has a point they reach where something horrible or inexplicable or so, so beautiful happens to them and it escapes their mind. Too slippery to hold on to it flings itself clear of your grasps and begs you to chase it into the ether. Wait. Be quiet, I have it now. Here:

Tell me if this helps.

Maybe you know it. Maybe you’ve seen it or maybe you now stand at the edge and look down at it and wonder if you could catch it if you jumped.

You have found yourself at the Boundary now. Heart beating, mind racing. Can you make it to that thought you lost on your own?

It’s the nature of our kind to believe we are capable of anything we put our mind to, that everything is within reach.

There is a yawning darkness that we think can be stepped over, but it’s an illusion. There is a Boundary between you and the impossible concepts you chase. I need you to remember this, or else all of this will be for nothing.

The Boundary cannot just be crossed, you have to climb over it, you have to find a key, you have to shake hands with a god. I’m telling you this, now, so suddenly because I know something. I’ve found a shovel and I’ve dug underneath it, and one part of me is stuck on the other side. Its barbs digging into my arm.

I hope this clears some things up.

I’m going through now.

Goodbye.

[ktheist]

life is yours

muses. professor!fiancee!namjoon x reader x fiancee’s friend!past life husband! expecting father!yoongi

genre. reincarnation au. college au. pregnancy au.

word. 1.7k

x

you loved min yoongi, you’d die for him.

and died for him you did. when the traitors came for your king, you’d leaped in front of him and took a swing of the treacherous sword. history books portrayed him as the king who went mad. the king who slayed hundreds of lives in one night and ruled for fifty more years as a tyrant.

what are histories if not painted with a tragic romance?

they said it was because of you he went mad. because he lost his queen, his breath.

a few hundred years later, he’d found her again. at the age of twenty-seven and you, twenty-two.

his girlfriend was pregnant with his baby and you were professor kim namjoon’s student-turned-fiance.

“it’s funny, you know,” you took a whiff of the cigarette and breathe out through your mouth, “we can walk out of our current relationships and ruin everyone’s perception of us, or we can just lead the life we’re living like we didn’t remember anything.”

yoongi squints his eyes as he stares up at the sun. lips tucked downwards, as though telling the universe that after one lifetime too many, he’s unimpressed.

“or we could just run away,” he recalls the flames of the torches of that night - not as bright as today’s sun but just as mocking, “forget about everything and run away.”

“you make it sound so easy,” a laugh escapes your smoke kissed lips, “it’s not as if the people we’ve known and loved are fake, faceless puppets.”

this life is just as real.

though it would’ve gone much different if you’d met each other sooner.

yoongi taps the pointed corner of the invitation card on his palm. it tickles but it’s nothing compared to the burning sensation as he held onto the handle of the sword despite it grazing his flesh.

“how far along is she?” his girlfriend, you mean. 

walking into namjoon’s office - the office you’d snuck into a few times too many but felt utterly alien - you saw the porcelain, snow-kissed complexion of your king. all at once, the memories hit you like a rain of shards.

and in each, individual shard, you see the images of your first step, first drawing, first embroidery and the first time you met yoongi. an arrogant boy whom you pushed into the koi pond.

the same boy who smirked at you the whole time during your engagement ceremony while you squirmed in your seat, scheming a runway and an apology at the same time.

and the man who strutted into the room, plopped on the left side of the bed and bade you good night on your first night as a married couple.

it was until three months later, that you trapped him under you and confronted him about it.

you thought yoongi, the crown prince turned king, had a lover. but he loved you too much to hurt you. they said you’re supposed to bleed on your first time. you laughed until your stomach hurt because you were happy beyond words that your husband was abstaining himself for you and not going around fucking a lover behind your back.

not even a year later, you caressed your stomach and giggled to yourself, thinking about yoongi’s stone cold expression turning pink and speechless. that night, the rebellion happened.

your last memories was of him holding you in his arms and calling out your name. 

in this lifetime, your first memory of him is watching him smile a familiar smile that screamed awkwardness as namjoon relayed their youthful tales.

that was, until he got to the part where yoongi’s about to be a father.

all of a sudden, there’s a knot in your stomach. it twists and tightens until you feel like you’re going to puke if you didn’t excuse yourself, saying something about calling your mom that you’d be having dinner with namjoon and letting the two men catch up.

“ten weeks. we’re ten weeks pregnant,” he sucks in a deep, agonized breath - and from the way he’s gazing up at the sky with his hands on his hips, you don’t think he meant to hide his afflictions.

the way he refers to himself and her as ‘we’ makes that knot all the more painful.

“i was a seven weeks pregnant,” you smile softly to yourself, gazing down at your stomach as if you could feel your baby from your previous lifetime.

you shouldn’t have said it.

should’ve just kept quiet.

but-

“they told me you were eight weeks in,” the soft, breathless tone that comes from yoongi is  what makes your heart beat again.

as if you’d come to life. as if min ___, the queen of joseon had come back to tell her king the one thing she wished to say. the one thing she wished for.

a family.

“taeyang. i was going to name him taeyang because he was going to be the sun of the dynasty and bring peace to the nation,” you laugh and it’s the choked up sound that you make that makes you realize you’re on the verge of crying.

“never thought i’d be talking about histories and dynasties with anyone - i hate history,” the confession slips out of you like you’re talking with an old friend. someone you trust wholeheartedly. someone you know you can confide in. 

yoongi was your friend, your lover, your king.

“come with me. i have a savings account, we can start anew somewhere, we can have what we couldn’t have back then.” he turns to you and looks at you in the eye. 

“what about your baby?” you ask because you know it’s meant for his future family.

“i’ll send child support every month,” he says.

“your parents?” you ask because his mother was a concubine and the king barely remembered his name out of the names of his many children.

in this lifetime, from the way namjoon candidly told the story, you know they love their eldest son as much as he loves them.

“they’ll adore you,” he says.

“no one’s gonna love a homewr- ah,” you hiss, dropping the cigarette that was trapped between your fingers until it burned your skin.

“___,” a familiar, deep but less gravelly tone reverberates against the walls as namjoon comes jogging at you like you’re a kid who just bruised her knee.

you study his face and yoongi’s eyes burn holes in your head.

from the way he meets your gaze and gives you ‘your fingers almost got burned and you’re looking at me?’ you think it’s safe to say that he didn’t hear what you were saying.

“i’m fine, i just burned my fingers because i got too engulfed in yoongi’s stories about how you two met,” you laugh at how namjoon’s inspecting your fingers more attentively than a doctor would.

“another reason to include in the long list of reasons not to smoke,” your finacee chides.

“that was my last,” you announce in a higher pitch than your usual voice - and that’s how namjoon knows you’re half-joking, even when you- “i promise.”

“anyways,” you place the injured hand on his chest to distract him - the way yoongi’s jaw tighten doesn’t go past you, “i talked to my dad because apparently my mom was cooking and couldn’t come to the phone and he said to tell you to bring me back before curfew.”

it’s the way namjoon freezes underneath your touch, his eyes blinking once and his soul retreating far back into his subconscious that makes you giggle.

“i’m kidding.”

only then, does he breathe again.

“my mom wasn’t cooking, she was watching her favorite show,” you say again.

it takes a split second for namjoon to put two and two together and tenses up again. as if he feels your father’s hardened gaze behind him. your father didn’t take it too well when you introduced your professor as your boyfriend who proposed to you a week before.

“it was nice meeting you, yoongi, we look forward to see you at our wedding,” you extend a hand, the playful smile reserved for namjoon, now directed at your king.

the king whom you died for. and the king who you’re telling to live his life, as you’ll live yours.

“wouldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding for the world,” he smiles, his hand grasping yours and you thought you’re going to combust from the electrifying sensation that runs through your veins.

but it’s only short-lived. 

you pull your hand away and he summons his back to his side.

he turns to namjoon and gives him a pat on his shoulder, congratulating him again but this time, with a lingering stare before walking past the two of you and towards the parking lot.

“professor, i’ll get my purse from your office and we’ll be good to go.” you say absently before skipping to the opposite direction of where yoongi was headed.

with each step you take, you hear your heart breaking. just like the pieces of your memories that rains down like shards of glass.

you wonder if you’ll make it through this life without dying of a broken heart.

“i thought we fixed that?” namjoon murmurs behind you, just as you sling the strap of your purse over your shoulder.

“hm?” you turn to the man leaning against the doorframe, observing you with a crease between his brows.

“you called me professor again,” namjoon mumbles almost as if he’s sulking.

and your heart warms at the tender sight of a grown man acting like a child. you’re reminded of the reason you fell for kim namjoon. his gentle nature was the opposite of yours yet he laughed at your jokes like he laughed off your flirtatious advancements.

he told you he saw you as a student and lent you his scarf when he saw you shaking in the cold while waiting for your uber. the next time he saw you, at 11 pm before the library closes, he offered to drive you home even though his was in the opposite direction from yours.

“namjoon,” you say his name, a smile tucked on your lips as you wrap your arms around his waist and his arm that had been crossed over his chest instantly makes it way around you, “thank you.”

“for what?” his eyes light up like a christmas tree, dimple digging into his cheek.

“for choosing me,” you stand on the tip of your toes and he meets you halfway for the kiss.

and you loved min yoongi, you died for him.

you love kim namjoon, you choose to live the rest of your life with him.

x

note. so like, the title - technically, it’s like oc saying “my life is yours” to both yoongi and namjoon but in different lifetimes :D

[fakecrfan]

Do you think Basira and Daisy had a healthy relationship?

I am so glad you asked! I have had a lot of thoughts about their relationship, but had decided to shelve those thoughts because I was worried it would come off as me telling people to not ship Daisira, which is... not what I want to be doing. But you sent me an Ask and so I am compelled to answer!

My answer is: no. Their relationship is toxic in one of the most interesting ways I have seen portrayed in media.

This might be a bit confusing to hear, though. Normally when we call a relationship toxic, it means that one or both of the people involved are making each other feel bad. But Daisy and Basira seem to make each other feel... good. Basira is apparently Daisy’s last human attachment, and according to Elias in MAG 92, and “not being able to see Basira again” is one of Daisy’s biggest laments in the coffin. And on Basira’s end, Daisy seems to make Basira feel... secure. Supported.

From MAG 117:

BASIRA

But at least Daisy’s coming. I mean, I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair. But, she’s solid. She’s a… a fixed point, and if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing, relative to her.

From MAG 178:

MARTIN

We’re here for you.

BASIRA

No. She was there for me.

So, “attachment to humanity” “support” and “security” are good things in a relationship, right? Their love for each other (whether you read it as completely platonic or not) seems genuine, and they put each other first. That should mean that their relationship is Good!

Wellllllll no. Sometimes, a relationship can feel good while also... trapping you in a harmful cycle, or stunting your growth as a person. Think: a friend who is charming and fun who you love to drink with--to the extent that, even when you’re trying to manage an alcohol addiction, you end up going into situations with them that trigger your urge to drink. Also think: a friend who keeps bringing you sugary food even after you’ve been diagnosed with serious diabetes with potential life-altering complications--because you like donuts, they used to make you so happy.

Daisy and Basira are that to each other. In particular--Basira’s attachment to Daisy draws Basira back into dangerous situations and, by extension, causes her fall deep into that “siege mentality” that shuts down Basira’s more thoughtful side. 

When Jon confronts Basira about Daisy’s crimes in MAG 178, this exchange occurs.

MARTIN

[Loudly] Enough. Enough! Someone has died! Show some respect. Or don’t you care?

BASIRA

[Incensed] Of course I fucking care!

…

[Quieter] That’s the problem.

MARTIN

I… I don’t understand.

BASIRA

I just… I don’t need him laying everything out for me like I’m some kind of idiot. I know, all right.

I don’t think Basira is making anything up here to make herself seem better. Basira already knew there was a problem with the police, before Jon confronted her. She already knew Daisy was corrupt to some extent, even if she had trouble facing it head on. And--she already cared.

That’s why she quit. She didn’t need a revelation from Jon or anyone else to open her eyes. She didn’t even need to see harm happen to an innocent bystander. Instead, she saw how the higher ups were covering up the killing of Maxwell Raynor, of all people--

BASIRA

They’ve given us a few days ‘compassionate leave’. I think they just want us out of the way while they figure out the official version of what happened.

--and she quit after that. 

So, here we already have someone who is coming into an understanding of the police as a flawed system without anyone needing to tell her. Here we have someone who is already extricating herself from that system, because she cares about her impact on other people. From this point, she could easily have gone her own way, taken time to reflect and never hurt anyone again.

So what brings her back into the whole mess in MAG 88?

BASIRA

I’m looking for Daisy.

MARTIN

Oh for – Okay, I don’t know where she is! I don’t know where anybody is! Why does everyone… okay, why does everyone think that I always know where everyone is, all the time?!

BASIRA

Alright, okay, alright, sorry. They just… well, they said at the station that this was the last place she checked in.

--Her relationship with Daisy, of course!

She wants to leave the supernatural and the police behind. She tells Jon the Institute is bad (MAG 73) but she walks back in because she’s worried about Daisy. And then she throws herself right back in the fray to stop Daisy from killing Jon. Shortly after that, Basira has to sign herself off as a hostage to Elias…

ELIAS

She’s quite the killer, your partner. All in the public good, of course. And she was correct, I spent some time acquiring that evidence. Or creating it. And while your superiors don’t much care about the killings, the fact there is proof… They’re not happy. And they want you brought in.

--because of Daisy’s murders, Daisy’s reckless actions giving Elias leverage. Basira throws herself in with Daisy, and it draws Basira right back into a world of violence and the paranormal that she was trying to quit. It motivates her to, once again, cover for Daisy’s errors and justify them. This takes away any chance Basira could have had to gain distance from the violence, reflect, and get some perspective. Instead, she’s thrown right back into the siege. 

Basira doesn’t even show any sign of frustration with Daisy at this. It’s not that Basira is 100% meek. We see her get frustrated with people later, express grievances, and hold people accountable later--but with Daisy she doesn’t do any of this. Instead, she immediately re-affirms that she’s on Daisy’s side.

BASIRA

Daisy, it’s… it’s okay. We’ll figure something out.

Of course, it’s not a one-way street, either. It’s not an uncomplicated “Basira good, Daisy toxic and bad” story. It’s a mutually reinforcing cycle where they are both complicit. We see that in season 4, when Daisy tries to stop feeding the hunt.

People like to rag on Basira for her actions in this season but... her actions are actually also more complicated than a simple story of “Basira sabotages Daisy’s progress.” Because Basira misses the more resolute Daisy, yes, and wishes she had a strong protector instead of another person to help... but even with that, she’s still willing to support Daisy’s progress away from the Hunt!

In MAG 133:

ARCHIVIST

You’re not happy she’s back.

BASIRA

I didn’t say that, John. I will never abandon Daisy, and… having her back is… (she sighs) But right now she’s dead weight, and I need to be able to travel light.

Basira wants someone powerful to protect her, is conflicted that she doesn’t have that but still will never abandon Daisy regardless. And, true to her word, she does support what Daisy is doing.

From MAG 140:

BASIRA

We’ve talked about it. If the Hunt takes her again, we don’t know if she’s coming back. And neither of us want that.

In MAG 146, she even praises Daisy’s path of resistance.

BASIRA

You didn’t know what you were doing.

[Daisy makes a pained sound, as if to contradict her, but stops.]

BASIRA

And since you did, you’ve spent every waking hour resisting.

So, Basira is--true to Elias’s word--being Daisy’s anchor to humanity. True to her own word, she’s having Daisy’s back, supporting her decision to quit the hunt even if it means Basira has less back up. So what changes?

MAG 155:

BASIRA

Because I’m not going to lose her.

ARCHIVIST

She goes hunting again, you might anyway.

BASIRA

And if she doesn’t, she might die.

Even at this point, Basira’s worst impulses are always about Daisy. Even when she undercuts Daisy’s progress, it’s about Daisy’s wellbeing. All she wants to do is make sure Daisy’s alive and okay, and to that end she will throw out all of her rationality and moral principles.

And then, when Daisy does finally give into the hunt, it’s for Basira.

It’s... funny to analyze and critique this behavior, because I have seen this sort of behavior in Jon/Martin fics treated as a sweet and romantic thing. You know, the “I want you to keep being a monster because I don’t want to lose you!” thing. And also the “prioritizing each other over everything else in the world” thing. Because the concept of unconditional support, of putting another person first above everything else in the world--it’s an alluring one.

But with Daisy and Basira, even though their relationship isn’t necessarily romantic, we see how harmful that mindset can be. How someone can care for you, prioritize you, make you feel like the whole world, and... the main effect of that is to stunt you, to give you so much comfort you never get out of a harmful cycle or change your behavior at all. How it can cause you to enable horrible things in the world, like police brutality. 

That is the story of Daisy and Basira’s relationship. It’s about the effects of this cycle on Basira--yes, Basira specifically and not Daisy, even though the cycle is mutually reinforcing and affects them both.

Basira appears in nearly twice as many episodes as Daisy. Because of this, Basira is the one we see discussing the relationship and what it means to her. Basira is the one we see grappling with the psychological fallout of their relationship. It’s more Basira’s story than Daisy’s--not because she’s the “victim” or that she was morally pure but because... Basira is the one who ultimately grows past this.

After episode after episode of “she needs me” and “I can’t leave her” and “I can’t let her die”--after Basira endangering herself and stunting her own growth by centering Daisy

DAISY

Partner… Come…

[MORE FOOTSTEPS]

BASIRA

Not now. Not after everything.

--Basira finally breaks free, and moves on.