#but I have such horrible trust issues
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colinhughessimp · 1 year ago
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I love when anxiety is just rolling through my body for hours due to something that I literally needed to do and really actually went well, but my brain is thinking of 100 ways I could’ve done it better and what if I interpreted everything wrong and it actually went bad
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fireladybuckley · 6 months ago
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I can’t believe a boyfriend made a silly sex joke to lighten the mood after both partners had a moment of vulnerability. The audacity. The horror. The normalcy! Unbelievable. How dare a conversation about feelings turn to levity. How dare a couple have a light chat about trauma-related things over dinner that doesn’t turn into an incredibly deep heart to heart instead of a joke and moving on. Unbelievable. I’m never watching this show again! 👎🏻
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letitbehurt · 11 months ago
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Phrases someone could say to comfort a person in immense pain that they are causing. Eg. Taking a bullet out or field surgery. Thank you my Darling, I love your page!
Thank you Dearest! Field medicine with reluctant Whumpers: an underrated trope, methinks. Here are some relevant phrases that make a little bit feral:
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Bite down on this.”
“It’s almost over, I promise—“
“Trust me.”
“Deep breath.”
“Close your eyes. Don’t look.”
“Shh, shh. It’s over. It’s done.”
“This is going to hurt.”
“Try not to scream.”
“Let me see it.”
“Don’t move.”
Additionally, some lines I adore from Whumpee in this scenario:
“Fuck, that hurts—“
“I don’t need that.”
“Just do it.”
“Holy shit, that’s disgusting—“
“Don’t touch me.”
“Stop. Stop, please—“
“Hurry up, just hurry the fuck up—“
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bloopitynoot · 2 months ago
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Reading SVSSS: Chapter 2
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For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.
Chapter 2: Mission
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Okay pre read thoughts here. This story is so good! I am totally loving the premise of this, the system mechanics are wonderful (so much sass) but also so unpredictable!
I'm not going to lie I am nervous for this mission that Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu and co are about to go on. I just feel like things are about to get completely fucked LOL
again (as a reader not as system in book) points to Shen Yuan for noting how nasty the relationships are in this OG canon (p 63 re: Die-er and Old Master Chen- barf)
Okay but like I get it Shen Yuan- I still cannot imagine attempting to fake being a martial master OMG p.64
MOOD "Shen Qingqiu didnt even want to pretend to meditate, so he lay on the bed, just pretending to be dead" p65
unrelated to this plot but also related to this plot: I fucking love how MXTX is as a writer. I love the constant comments about the writing of women and side characters in fantasy writing it's very meta right now p67 (Re: shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu- i haven't decided what to call him at this point tbh- talking about how the "original author" wrote the shittiest female characters).
I am once again here to talk about how Shen Yuan talks about Luo Binghe (he is a child- another barf) but also Shen Yuan does have this future(?) omniscient (?) knowledge about about what he becomes as a fully realized adult character - it still makes me deeply uncomfortable RE: "Shen Qingqiu could only say that, as expected, the brilliant protagonist truly was overwhelmingly cool, awesome, insane, and badass, with a dick longer than the heavens" p68
RIP easy mode XD LOL p69
why is he naked tho??? p71
bless her heart- RE: everything about Ning Yingying p74
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I can't. Re: Luo Binghe's crisis pp76-77
If shen Qingqiu fixes this entire story by accidentally making Luo Binghe fall in love with him I- *deep sigh * pp76-77
The way Shen Yuan keeps reading the filth out of these characters- SO MUCH shade! "Their IQ wasn't beyond saving!" p 81
thank fuck he finally unlocked the OOC feat p85
Okay but the Lin Xi Caves actually sound so stunning p88
Re stunning caves: well minus the blood and qi deviation LOL
When his headcanon for Liu Qingge is absolutely wrecked ahahahaha p93
Liu Qingge really hates Shen Qingqiu (I mean, I get it but like still, damn) pp 97-98
Unrelated but I adore the way this sect is organized. It is visually stunning with the various peaks, im fully picturing this gorgeous mountain range
The QUEEREST thought so far in this is Shen Yuan commenting on the demon woman's (now I know she is Sha Hualing- don't @ me) footware, I can't p102
wait what the heck! Shen Qingqiu's fighting is so elegant! pp 106-107
Luo Binghe: status- Broken p107
OMG he wants to protect this kid but the struggle of a protagonist (re: -1000 if Luo Binghe does not fight) p109
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Hell yeah! I already love Liu Mingyan!!! p111
OMG he totally is accidentally causing Luo Binghe to fall for him. I can't-what a way to fix the plot. p112
The hate Shen Yuan has for Ning Yingying is too much XD I keep laughing, oh no. Him basically saying "omg thank you for running away I literally cannot handle you in this fight because you are a constant mess" p116
wait. WTF. Is Shen Qingqiu going to die?!?!?! p124
oh, thank fuck, Liu Qingge showed up pp129-130
bahahahah OFC he's "repaying for the cave" p131
oh damn well shit okay, that's one way to end the chapter.
I hope his cultivation is not fucked because of the poison!?!?!?
also jesus, that's a harsh way to get points. Does he level up in this?? I feel like he at least deserves a level up.
That's all for this chapter!
Tomorrow is date night for me and my partner so maybe no chapter- but we will see if I have time to read earlier or not.
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lord-squiggletits · 5 months ago
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Part of why I hate this fandom's take on Autobots vs Decepticons is ppl (mainly 'con fans honestly) who can't have any nuance of the situation whatsoever and love to write plots like "oh the humans are racist and abusive towards Cybertronians so this is how Megatron is right" no actually I don't think colonialism/imperialism and racism are justified so long as you can point the finger and say "they were the aggressors first" or "their hands are no cleaner than ours bc their society sucks too" sorry. Please come up with better sociopolitical narratives in your war story.
#squiggposting#i'm too tired to like actually care about this any more#and ppl's fandom takes don't necessarily represent their IRL views#but i'm just like. oh so i see that you want to write mature stories with politics and dealing with bigotry. that's cool!#now do it in a way that actually refutes bigotry and makes some sort of attempt at resolution#bc 'oh humans are just as bad and evil so it's fine if we colonize them' isn't the pro-con take ppl think it is lkdsfjlsdkfs#honestly this is what john barber got right in his story even tho the politics in his became overbearing#at least he's like the one dude who rightfullly pointed out 'uhhh organics have history with cybertronians that makes them very justified#'in not trusting them'#but my mistake is expecting the average 'con fan to disengage from the 'revolution' part to talk about the racism and imperialism lmao#if ppl weren't cowards they would be able to write characters as problematic and bigots and imperialists#but still show their humanity and point out how the cycle of retribution needs to end at some point#and how killing everyone who ever did anything bad (esp for a race as long lived as theirs) isnt a sustainable model of society#that's my PROBLEM man like stop being COWARDS acknowledge that your heroes can be shitty ppl#instead of framing things as good guys vs bad guys and then framing absolution as being only for the good guys#what if good and bad didn't exist and we were all shitty in some way and none of us inherently deserve forgiveness. what then#what if you wrote a story where you had to deal with the reality of rehabilitating ppl who have genuinely done horrible things#what if you wanted to rehabilitate society but realized the majority of ppl in it are monsters. what then?#do you only extend forgiveness and peace to the ppl who got thru with no moral compromises?#do you want to kick the majority/almost all of your race to the curb and give them no mercy/second chances?#what if ppl wrote stories where sociopolitical issues had no good/bad guys and no easy solutions#what if ppl had the courage and ethical fortitude to say 'everyone here sucks actually'#anyways sorry for the rant
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steakout-05 · 27 days ago
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been drawing a sorta reference thingy for Salesman Barry in the timeloop au i've been rotating around in my brain for a while recently :] it isn't as much a character design reference as it is more of a reference for how Barry's mental state begins to deteriorate as he starts having intense deja vu and nightmares every time his timeline gets reset upon death and he tries to piece together what is going on out of pure desperation and instincts (he is being experimented on and doesn't know it yet). i want to throw him at a wall (affectionate)
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it is still a WIP as i haven't drawn all the details yet and i want to change the colours as they look too dull on my pc,,, also here is the original sketch :D
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#barry steakfries#jetpack joyride#salesman!barry steakfries#i have been thinking of more ideas for the timeloop au..... still haven't come up with a proper name for it yet though loolll#i like putting barry in horrible traumatising situations it's fun seeing his character traits get pushed to their limits#first i'm putting him through a brutal survivalist zombie landscape that makes barry question if he'll even make it out alive this time#and then i'm shoving him into a horrible reality where his life and timeline are fake and his whole reality literally starts to shatter#its ok he gets better!!!#not so much craig though :( craig gets it rough#he basically goes through a horrific accident involving experimental technology that damns him to an existence that is permanently-#-attached to the timeline itself where he will die if the timeline gets wiped or he tries to enter another one#craig's existence is basically a living purgatory where he can never age or die but he is no longer alive as his former self anymore#he's like a half-ghost and he ends up doomed no matter what action barry would take at the end of the story#if barry erases the timeline craig dies. if craig tries to come with barry to the new timeline he dies.#if barry does nothing and keeps living in this broken timeline loop he's in then craig will never escape and have the chance to help barry#oh yeah i forgot to mention craig is trapped in a basement. and also that this post is about barry. woops#barry has to basically become a detective in this story and string together what the fuck is happening based on pure instincts alone#he's like a conspiracy theorist with his board covered in photos connected by red strings#it's really cool i think..... i should make a whole separate post about this#i love drawing my little man :)#he's so traumatised he needs a big hug and a best friend and tons of therapy and plenty of ice cream#i'm just thinkin of the effects of barry's trauma after he goes through the events of timeloop and enters the new dimension#dude's probably gonna have tones of nightmares and trust issues and dissociative episodes#he's probably going to develop a compulsion where he continuously checks the date and time because he's terrified of it resetting again#he needs a hug seriously#alternate universe#my au
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noodle-shenaniganery · 7 months ago
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can we stop trying to bully people into advocacy, please?
can we stop making people feel personally responsible for issues they only just heard of and may not even understand?
can we stop yelling and berating people who aren’t putting all of their (probably limited) energy into researching something that has almost nothing to do with them and which may stress them out?
can we stop pressuring people who are already struggling to survive to limit their options on how they can live, what they can eat?
please?
please
can we stop
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sentientsky · 5 months ago
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massive fan of characters who have been abandoned time and time again and who are trying to trust but are simultaneously going through all five stages of preemptive grief. characters who are bracing for the blade to find its mark and twist and break them open. characters who know how the story ends—how the story has always ended. once again, of course, in a totally normal and not at ALL projecting way
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bunnihearted · 2 months ago
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🐰🕸🌙
#i have so many behaviours and fears and#no emotional regulation and issues and disorders and fearrrrr#and i do not know how to explain it so that ppl who dont relate can possibly understand it#but it is like i am trapped in a nightmare dimension where everything is always bad#my brain isnt even wired to see anything in a positive or hopeful light#which is how humans are wired typically to ensure survival lol#in swedish avpd is also called anxious personality disorder#which can clue in on the fact that if you know what a personality disorder is#(your brain hasnt developed normally but in a disordered way. often bc of trauma etc)#my brain is wired to be anxious abt wverything all the time#so i always naturally see everything in a negative and dark and bad and horrible light#which is fucking terrible. it makes life exhausting and like a constant fight#other ppl dont get that bc their brains arent wired to have this horrible outlook on EVERYTHING#so thid just gives me extreme trust issues and my brain always fights to make sense of things#bc it cannot do so in a rational manner#and basically i just feel so ashamed when i think of how like... overly emotional and fearful i am#as soon as anything happens im like wow this person literally wants to kill me bc humans are evil#which i know intellectually isnt tru bc if it was i'd be dead by now 💀#ig i just feel so lucky that one person still is my friend after almost 2yrs now#despite my whateverthefuck moments when idek what im saying..#'working thru my emotions' in a way that doesnt make sense#esp when hes seen some of what i've written and im like NOOO i was spiraling when i said that i dont mean that i think most likely i dont#anyway.. feeling grateful 🙏 i wish i was normal#or at least had th ability to have connections and relationships most ppl w mental illness are still capable of having#avpd is fucked upppp it is such a weird mental disability.... 0-o#bc of my fear i also struggle with relaxing into it bc im like no imma fuck it up soon or no hes gonna leave me soon bc i suck and dont#deserve having him in my life at all. i really wish my brain wasnt wired to be terrified like i hate my brain and myself like why cant#i just be normal!!!!!! ☹️ i am thankful for every moment still.
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mud-castle · 1 year ago
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Looking through old docs and sketches is wild sometimes
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ghostlightfic · 5 months ago
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Hi!!! On Anon bc I'm embarrassed. In your most recent authors note you said they aren't going to talk about what's going on between the three of them "for the entire length of this fic" does that mean they're not going to get together by the end or am i just dumb??
HI!! so. here's the thing. ghostlight is going to be a Series of fics, ghostlight itself is the Dormont Arc. so unfortunately they will not be getting together by the end of the fic, HOWEVER. WORRY NOT. i already have plans for the sequel fic where they do and i will do my level best to get it written out
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loumauve · 2 months ago
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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alphacrone · 1 year ago
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me: i could totally be a hunter in the leftist queer commune i’d be so great at it
me as a teenager: nearly threw up catching one fish and releasing it
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benoitblanc · 4 months ago
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someone tell me to start packing my flight is in two days
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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orangerosebush · 2 years ago
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In my opinion, Artemis and Angeline have very similar experiences of paranoia as a symptom of
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And thus every single family vacation will have a like, medieval war general moment where you can watch them animatedly debate the merits and/or weak points of whatever barricade they've constructed in front of the hotel room door
#I jest but I HC that Artemis' paranoia somewhat genetically comes from his mother's side whereas his issues with dissociation and#reality assessment is more genetically on his father's side of the family#The twins occupy this weird space in the family where they were born after a lot of things exacerbating mental illness in the family were#less present than when Artemis was young due to the Fowl empire#like my personal version of this is watching my aunts' kids grow up in a house where they were diagnosed with autism and adhd really really#young bc their mothers work in early ed. and are really knowledgeable about how to apply that in their home so that they have the support#they need#and let me tell you watching young autistic relatives exist and interact w kids their age who are so much better#about including 'different' peers socially then when I was a kid? that is so fucking surreal#I am very much an 'autistic Artemis truther' and I know Fox has some posts about Tim being autistic too during an era of the Fowls where it#wouldn't have even been 'masking' to borrow a contemporary term so much as just learning Not to Act Fucking Weird ever and performing this#whenever there is someone else present#but to return to the point of this post Artemis and Angeline will see a 5-star resort with insane security and go 'what I'm hearing is that#when the sun sets we will be in the Purge'#Artemis' form of paranoia is fascinating because he experiences it in the 'struggles trusting people and can spiral and believe people are#out to get him and harm him when that is not realistically assessing a situation' but also has horrible risk assessment which is so realist#realistic lmao
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