#can you tell I adore Caretakers who get shit done but feel so horrible about it

[letitbehurt]

Phrases someone could say to comfort a person in immense pain that they are causing. Eg. Taking a bullet out or field surgery. Thank you my Darling, I love your page!

Thank you Dearest! Field medicine with reluctant Whumpers: an underrated trope, methinks. Here are some relevant phrases that make a little bit feral:

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Bite down on this.”

“It’s almost over, I promise—“

“Trust me.”

“Deep breath.”

“Close your eyes. Don’t look.”

“Shh, shh. It’s over. It’s done.”

“This is going to hurt.”

“Try not to scream.”

“Let me see it.”

“Don’t move.”

Additionally, some lines I adore from Whumpee in this scenario:

“Fuck, that hurts—“

“I don’t need that.”

“Just do it.”

“Holy shit, that’s disgusting—“

“Don’t touch me.”

“Stop. Stop, please—“

“Hurry up, just hurry the fuck up—“

[pumpkin-bread]

LAIR REVIEW! Drunk Version. For floralb0t

Hello hi folks here on FR tumblrverse I am NOT correctingmy typos and I’m a little tipsy with no outlet so THIS lovely person has paid me a whole egg to tlk about a carton’s worth of dragns.

LET’S GET TO IT.

Oh also btw I’ll hatch this eff after rollover tonight. You know, Jan 1st?

OKAY FOR REAL NOW

Okay this will be a bonus because it might.... be a sad thing. but pets are so important. They are our bes t friends and our dearest companions. I adore memorial ragonsthat keep the memory of our beloved pets alive. She’s wonderfin. Fuck I love calico cats. My first cat was a calico too

um now onwards

CLAN LEADER HOOOO and a goood one. You cannot go wron g with blacl/red/white. Classy. classic. Gorgeous.

She sounds like a real sweetheart. I enjoy clans that have thoughtful and caring drafsons as their heads. Unlike my lairs. Her apparel is nice and balanced.

KISSY FOR PRETTY SNAP

Oh dear lord. Her head for mnumbers and scheduls. Can I borrow her? Or her bain. I could ue that. chrisp.

It isn't the 'assassin' bit that people are unsure of, it's the 'ex'. 

I love tht line. Omg. Also I cannoy ignore a beauriful evil-looking SD. I lvoe the touhc about the possessed rok too. Very good dragon.

AAA LOOK AT ALL YOUR TWO LETTER NAMES

That’s some rare shit my friend

Here’s AE. Who looks like a beautiful, somehow intact ancient building in the middle of  vast rainforest, but also looks so fucking done with being in that fucking rainfrest. Amazzing. A guardsperson? Their shift is fucking over. Give bearak

.

I like ruin. Love an old swordswoman. Love severely. Her bio is sweet. I wish I hd a kinda love remotely like tht.

I see how hanas’ lore is being rewritten. But I love the cnce[pt. urn it Hana. Burn it all to the fuckng ground

ROR RO ROR RO another two letter. SO GOOD.

I like his lore too. Juuust rich enough to have picky choosy standards. if only wwr could all be so lucky. He’d probably never accpet a contarct from Amberspire I frickin tell ya

Your blurbs are realy good. give this man a crowd to love him. Fulfill his need.

OH MY GOD YOUHAVE A SUNNY AND LILAH BABY. MY SWEET GIRLS. THEY ARE SO HAPPY ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN IS STILL LOVED

//weeps.

BUT. That has nothing to do with her personal lore. What a lovel y caretaker, and so carefully regened too. This made me so happy.

Erulla now. I love her gumption. From a dancer who had to quit due to injurty to a custome

a costumer who makes her client feel beautiful. What a fantastic person she is. So very... what’s the word. Spirited will do. Unstppable.

oh my go d you have a lot of my grandbabies actually holy rhsir. my joy in seeing Besra and Marengo can’t be overstated but it feels like cheating to pick them. SO ON I GO

I really really really like Warpstorms little lore snippet. It coupled with her accent makes me imagine a cute but implaceably creepy girl who you know has someting weird going on but can’t say anything about becaise?? she’s just a ittle girl? play tea patry and ignore the voices ya?

Queen ofrot! Queen of Rot! It’s Namira! Resplendant and horrible. This G1 has SO much potential and I’m v excited to see what youdo.

Wait was that really twelve already wtf? Wow! Okay enjoy!!!

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 14 reactions: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME BUT ALSO I’M CRYING edition

- the good good din characterization is back after all the weirdness last episode!!!! that soft way he says ‘no, no, I’m not mad at you’? THAT’S din djarin, he would not be fucking impatient with his son having just been informed and seen for himself that he is terrified, go away mr filoni I know you’ve got all of canon memorized but you don’t get this lol. this feels much more right in how din being conflicted and still thinking he should give the baby away for his own good plays out too  

honestly every line of dialogue for him in this one was perfect I was just whispering ‘I love this awkward clueless wonderful man just doing his best’ to myself any time he said anything. “...does this look Jedi to you?” sir I adore you more than words can describe

- we got din chuckling. asjdklfhsdkafghsdafsadhjkfsdahjkfh. fskahfksjad. side note: I can’t believe my joke post about din desperately trying to Force home school the kid with the one (1) jedi trick he knows about and the baby being delighted by it over and over anyway -- listen to his expectant excited laugh when din takes the ball and sets up the game!!!! -- was canon all along. and then the baby & mando music kicking in when he gently put the silver ball into the baby’s hands again and tells him he’s special (because he IS special. to din)? hmng. hmmmmnnnnn  

they opened on the height of softness so we would all crumple under the weight of the rest of the episode and that was very mean of them in a way I sincerely appreciate 

- nothing to see here... just a dad trying to walk through the literal manifestation of the unassailable underlying forces of the universe to get to his baby again and again........ the desperation in that, the love, the foolhardy devotion................... shit

- okay so I might be a dumbass, but I’d never noticed this before -- the silver ball has a blue spot on the top, like so: 

and in addition we get the room where the baby goes full darth grogu (I have to laugh so I don’t cry okay) on those storm troopers, and there’s a red light in there dominating the room (and it did even more in the concept art):

in star wars blue means light side and red means dark side (it’s very sophisticated that way), meaning the visual storytelling here is that there’s a battle for the baby’s soul and gideon and all his nonsense (and the trauma bb’s been through in the wider sense) is pulling towards the dark, while grogu and din’s connection leads him towards the light. just... the image of the baby looking at his own reflection in the symbolic representation of his relationship to din? the way children find their sense of self through being safely reflected and held by their caretakers? god help meeeeeee I will go in there and fistfight gideon myself for disrupting that in any way  

the smaller light seems to be blue too, like there’s still the presence of light even if it’s dimmed and small in that shitty horrible room, which is a change from the concept art!

- FENNEC SHAND SURVIVED BITCHES!!! I even called that she’d be back with new shiny robot parts back in season 1, could not happen to a cooler lady, I hope we get more backstory and interaction from her the next episodes -- sounds like she’s basically sworn herself to boba’s service in gratitude for saving her life, I wonder if that’s a cultural thing of whereever she comes from? does she live aboard slave 1 now too?? because that would be hilarious and amazing, it must be like two strange cats trying to get used to sharing the same space   

- everything I could ever hope for about boba fett in this series came true, they went down the much more interesting and nuanced route with jango and boba’s identities as mandalorians, he looked cool as fuck and made din as a character shine rather than overshadowing him... amazing beautiful yesss 

(I did 100% not anticipate just how ‘cool uncle boba here to help you fuck shit up’ he was going to be but I am delighted to get it anyway. uncle points deducted for getting someone to point a gun at the baby, but the main point still stands lol) 

the power and brutality of his hand to hand fighting too... a w e s o m e , I enjoyed the action scenes a lot in this one

- they even recanonized him actually wearing jango’s armour. what more could I ask for. I’ve had confused parent & child feels about these two since I was like eleven and here we fucking go again. and jango fighting in the mando civil wars too!

- so I’m grieving the razor crest (and I always will be, rip you magnificent jalopy, always in my heart) but also there’s the grim satisfaction that my reading on it was sort of true -- it is (...was. oh god it’s going to take a while to sink in huh) a symbol of din’s self and life, and at this point when they take the baby it tears everything else to pieces. the only thing that’s left in the ashes is the beskar and the thing that connects him to the baby. and there’s... a strange solace in seeing that that’s all he needs to keep going? he’s fucking obliterated from orbit but he still has his love for the baby and the beskar and that can keep him going until he finds something new, everything else can be replaced?????? weirdly healing, though he is probably going to have a solid breakdown at some point after they get the kid back (shut up they are getting the kid back) and the cold distant fog lifts 

also this scene/shot feels like it carries some Meaning, doesn’t it? I’m on record several times saying I never want din to be mand’alor and that’s still true, but there’s something about the framing of this and the way boba looks at him that’s like... hm. I’m not sure I have the words for it. there’s something heightened about it, anyway, for a moment he looks like something mythic there in the wreckage 

(something I would be much cooler with is our clan of two growing a little bit and those new people rallying behind him, actually, that might be neat. imagine if a force user does show up for the baby and gets adopted into the clan somehow??? so many possibilities.) 

- from the way he picks up the silver ball... din djarin is on his way to straight up murder some people huh

I think part of what reassures me about this scene is the music -- this mando flute is not distant, is not beaten, is not despondent, it’s clear and determined and strong.

- 

I love this. I love when we get explicit baby POVs, it makes it feel so real and intimate and... like home. (I especially loved baby’s point of view inside the razor crest, which just made me tear up again. baby lost the closest thing he’s had to a home in a long long time on top of it all. everything is suffering)

-

Emotionally Significant Thumb Grabbing tm; the show

- din djarin looking for the ‘on’ switch on a magic rock fhsdakjfhsadlfhsdjah I can’t breathe

 “Well, this is the seeing stone. Are you. Seeing anything?” fsafkdsajhfsa sdhfksjalhfkjsdahfkjsdhf

- the energy around the baby as he’s, in ahsoka’s words, ‘choosing his path’ is blue, and the force sort of works across time and space, right?? so there’s definitely still hope for our lil green bean to not have to come up with a really dumb unsubtle sith name for himself, as is regrettably yet delightfully tradition. darth babbu should never come to pass (I do like how they’re interrogating the normal dark/light side dichotomy in this series, seeing as this is a literal baby who can’t really be responsible for that stuff himself yet and has such capacity for both.)  

- listen. listen, the way din says ‘can you please hurry up’ with no sarcasm or real impatience whatsoever, more like a harried worry, to his force-meditating son as he jogs off to make sure no one’s trying to kill them. is hilarious and also YES this is what the character is!!! weirdly and incongruously polite under stress sometimes and with a slightly odd reaction pattern to things!!! he’s not just quiet and badass, he’s a little strange sometimes and it’s so good!  

- a friendly opening volley warning shot from boba there

also din uncertainly asking BOBA FETT if he’s a jedi... now this is the dramatic irony I’ve been looking for haha 

I guess neither shand nor boba actually know din’s name after this either. baby you gotta start introducing yourself at some point it gets real confusing when there are two mandos on screen 

oh the long weary sigh going through din’s frame when boba says he wants ‘the armour’ and he thinks it’s just someone trying to peel the beskar off his corpse again. sorry the galaxy’s so shitty dad   

- “But fate sometimes steps in to rescue the wretched” is a killer line well done mr favreau. I like that boba actually offers din a good deal as well and seems to intend to deliver on it from how things are going. 

- din using his beskar-covered bod to cover someone he’s fighting alongside!!! literal moving cover haha. also I love fennec’s costume design  

- I don’t know where din got more whistling birds from and I don’t care, it was really cool haha 

-

wow haha um so anyway -- 

(cue all the ‘who wore it better’ with cobb vanth’s ‘spiderman’s first home made costume’ look on one side and ABSOLUTE UNIT DADDY boba fett on the other side posts lol)

- aaaghh the music almost like a stunned desperate fluttering heart beat as din watches the razor crest be destroyed 

- for someone who has willingly worked for them in the past boba sure sounds less than thrilled about having the empire back in any capacity 

- oof the deadness in din’s voice when he says “The child is gone”. ooooh no that got me  h e l p 

- guessing next episode is at least partly a ‘gathering old allies and preparing the assault’ step before the grand finale, then! they cannot go for the season ender cliffhanger with this, I will fucking riot. anything can be up in the air except baby and dad being separated, I will not allow it

it would be very funny if the force user baby called out to comes stumbling into the middle of all this like the troy entering the room with pizzas meme too 

- the music in the darth grogu scene is partially a dark mirror of the baby & mando music :’( is nothing in this world sacred

also from how he reaches out for it baby might have used a light saber before in the past with the jedi? ngl the idea of baby wielding the dark saber not when he’s all grown up but in like two episodes -- with all the chaos a toddler holding a laser sword would involve -- is all that is keeping me sane here 

‘liable to put an eye out with one of these’ well gideon you sure have doomed someone to lose an eye with that one, here’s to hoping it’s you, for full dramatic payoff 

he is a deliciously smug awful force with great musical cues tho, you have to give it to him

- okay so this

is obviously awful and horrible and it makes me so sad... but it is undeniably also very very very funny in how it’s framed. you know what? after all this bullshit baby grogu can have a little dark side tantrum, as a treat, we’ve all been there right

(forget finding a jedi, we need to go out there and find a child psychologist who can help him deal with this without adding the fear that he’s on the path to become a two foot tall evil space sorcerer to the mix Y_________Y) 

- rip the razor crest except for the second time :’’’( gone but never forgotten

- the last thing din tells the baby is “I’m gonna protect you; I’ll be back soon”. and I hope that stays with the kid somehow and that it actually comes true, that din will be back for him as soon as humanly possible and all this pain and fear can be repaired. ggggghhhhh my emotions are too big for my dumb human body 

[spencers-renaissance]

Writing Masterlist

All of my writing is available on AO3, but I’ve put together a masterlist of all my work so far for everyone who gets their fic fill on tumblr and will keep it updated! Keep your eyes peeled for new fics on the regular <3

⭐️= indicates my personal faves

If you’re looking for smut, you need to head to my smut masterlist on my nsfw blog!

Current Fic Count: 30

Aaron x Spencer

⭐️turns out that I need you now (much more than you need me)

Spencer is suffering in silence and it’s only made worse when the team messes up and makes him feel even more hurt and insecure. When Hotch goes to check on him, though, things start to look up.

3.5k, angst, hurt/comfort, protective hotch, happy ending

⭐️Vivaldi on Full Volume

Spencer’s done enough pining, so he decides to write a letter for Aaron telling him exactly how he feels and gives it to him on the jet. He cannot be held responsible for what happens when they land.

5.2k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity

Living the Same Lie

Aaron breaks up with Spencer, but when an attempt to move on goes horribly wrong they get a second chance.

5k, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, breaking up and making up, implied/mentioned physical assault, implied/mentioned sexual assault

East Coast

Spencer and Aaron happen to sit opposite one another on a busy train, and when Spencer spots a breakthrough in the legal case Aaron is stuck on, they strike up an innocuous conversation that quickly stirs up feelings.

2.1k, fluff, meet-cute, train carriage au, lawyer!aaron, academic!spencer, shy spencer, firsts 

All Roads Lead Home

Spencer’s working the Christmas Eve shift when a young boy with a hurt arm comes into the ER. Nothing out of the ordinary, except his rather flirty dad and leaving later with an extra phone number in his contacts list…

2.1k, fluff, hospital au, getting together, first date, gentleman!aaron, soft spencer

To Look on Tempests and Not Be Shaken

In the wake of a blazing row and an empty apartment, Aaron finds Spencer’s well-thumbed copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets and recalls the morning after their wedding, when Spencer sat on his lap and read Sonnet 116 to him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.

2.6k, angst with a happy ending, fighting and making up, married hotchreid, relationship dynamics, introspection, fluff

Derek x Spencer

Even More Beautiful 

The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)

3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort

⭐️Hear it in the Silence

A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity

⭐️Still Left With the River

Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff. 

1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer

100

Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.

2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out

when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)

Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it. 

1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling

⭐️Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You

Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.

3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together

⭐️A Christmas Like This

Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…

2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life

Secret Santa

Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window. 

2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship

⭐️A Chronicle of Loss

5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.

3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer

Mayhem

Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together. 

4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love

⭐️my heart talks about nothing but you

Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)

2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek

I told the stars about you

Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)

2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek

⭐️I can’t hold enough of you in my hands

Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)

3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man

⭐️ dry me off and hold me close

Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing

5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition

Honeysuckle

The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

⭐️The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

Luke x Spencer

Start With This

Luke accidentally hurts Spencer because they are both hopelessly stupid, but when Spencer’s faced with a dangerous situation there’s nothing he wants more than Luke. Calling him turns out to be a very good decision.

3.9k, hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending, fluff, getting together, misunderstandings

⭐️Foolishly, Completely Falling

Spencer declines to spend the night with Luke, but there’s a reason for that, and things start to click into place when Spencer shows back up at his doorstep at 2am, hours after being dropped home.

2.5k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, past toxic relationship, nightmares, est/dev relationship

You Said You’d Never Smile Again

“At one point, we had a conversation about how hard Spencer was finding life after prison and he told me that he didn’t think he’d ever smile again. And so, I made it my mission to prove Dr Spencer Reid wrong for the first time in his life.”

1.4k, weddings, tooth-rotting fluff, implied/referenced depression, post-prison spencer, insecure luke, found family 

Emily x JJ

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You

JJ is shot and Emily's world stops spinning.

1.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective emily

⭐️my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Emily leaves. Her heart is breaking. JJ follows. Hers is waking up.

1.3k, angst with a happy ending, fluff, mutual pining, crying, first kiss

Emily x Reader

⭐️Night In/Night Out

Emily Prentiss is your girlfriend and she finally asks you to meet her family (the BAU): cue the fluff.

3.2k, fluff, flirting, cuddling, domesticity, protective emily, slight shy!reader

baby, you’re my new years’ eve

You and Emily are hosting a New Years' Eve party for all of your friends, but she's acting a little weird. You finally find out why when the clock strikes midnight.

3.6k, fluff, nye fic, proposal, getting engaged, domesticity, romance, flirting, day in the life 

Gen

Pull Me Out of the Glowing Stream

Spencer develops bacterial meningitis and Hotch sort of forgets how to breathe. 

3.8k, paternal!hotch, hurt/comfort, sickness, whump, fluff, happy ending

I found my way home

After Spencer tells Hotch about his recent autism diagnosis, he expects that to be the end of it. Somehow, though, it keeps coming up, and Hotch keeps proving himself to be the best father figure he could have asked for. 

4.1k, autistic spencer, protective hotch, hurt/comfort, fluff, paternal hotch, team as family

⭐️The Colour of Waiting is Purple

Spencer's just trying to get home as quickly as possible when a bad decision to take a shortcut down a back alley leaves him broken and bleeding into the night. // Hotch thinks it's a new case when his phone rings at 3 in the morning. It isn't.

3.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, physical assault, major character injury, hospitals, dad hotch, hurt spencer, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff

[whumpthisway]

Caretakers who just won’t quit

I adore defiant!whumpees so much; the whumpees who just WILL NOT give in, no matter what is done to them, to the whumper’s endless frustration,,, but how about stubborn as hell caretakers?? Who won’t give in even when everyone around them has long walked away? :3

...Okay this got long, so i’ll put it under a read more!

This features prompts for stubborn!Caretakers not giving up on:

1.      a non-responsive whumpee

2.      an angry whumpee

3.      a missing whumpees

4.      the whumpee who claims they’re *fine*

So here’s for the caretakers who won’t give up...

~

1. ...on the non-responsive whumpee

-> the whumpee who’s rescued but barely reacts, or suffers a trauma that silences them, when they used to be so bright and talkative

-> At first the whole team is there, trying to coax the whumpee into “coming back” to themself - showing them photos and talking/pleading with them, trying to give them their favourite foods and remind them of before. But the whumpee just stares ahead, week after week

-> and the others slowly, sadly drop away, not by choice but because they have other urgent things to focus on, other commitments in their lives...all except caretaker who *will not* give up on whumpee

-> maybe whumpee was their best friend, their lover, or maybe caretaker was at fault for whumpee being taken. Or maybe caretaker didn’t know whumpee really at all (even disliked them) and has no reason other than sheer stubbornness

-> and, slowly, very very slowly, caretaker makes tiny, tiny progress - nothing that the rest of the team can even really notice, when the caretaker calls excitedly to them, telling them that today whumpee looked at their food as caretaker fed it to them, or that they moved their head very slightly to the side when caretaker came in

-> and whumpee is never as they were before, but, so very slowly, they start to respond again and caretaker remains the one that pays incredibly close attention to them, being very protective if/when the team accidentally does/say something to upset whumpee, without even realising, because whumpee is still extremely quiet and closed off

-> (I feel like this would eventually lead to a very co-dependent and possibly stifling relationship for whumpee/caretaker~ but, still! at least caretaker got whumpee back to themself enough to respond to therapy~)

2. ...on the angry/self-destructive whumpee

-> the whumpee who drives away everyone near them, by distancing themself, cruelly insulting their friends, and refusing to care about anything or anyone

-> either the team knew whumpee before they were hurt, when they were kinder and more open, and they don’t know how to deal with this new, rough-edged whumpee. At first they treat the whumpee with pity and put up with the whumpee’s cruelty because of what whumpee’s been through, and then they get sick of whumpee’s behaviour and drift away

-> or the team only knew whumpee after they were hurt, and just assumes ‘that’s how whumpee is’ and don’t really try to engage past what they need for the whumpee to do their job for the team

-> but caretaker, whether they knew whumpee before or not, who won’t put up with whumpee’s cruelty, but also refuses to be pushed away. And they accept whumpee how they are now, rather than saying ‘you never used to act like this’. And they don’t just accept that it’s normal for whumpee to do [insert destructive coping mechanism] all the time and actually tries to help them

-> and maybe caretaker has some shared experience/trauma with whumpee, or maybe they’re just empathetic and stubborn and won’t take whumpee’s shit, but either way, whumpee comes to respect them and very slowly starts to believe that caretaker won’t abandon them, or hurt them, like everyone else they’ve cared for in the past

(-> the team can’t believe the change in whumpee, now they *laugh* at caretaker’s wry jokes and actually *talk* and engages, rather than being so closed off and angry all the time)

3. ...looking for a missing whumpee

-> the whumpee who disappeared years ago. Maybe it was the quiet one of the team, or the one who was a bit of a jerk, or maybe it was the one everyone liked. Maybe it was unclear whether whumpee just left, or was taken, or was killed.

-> Either way, everyone has finally accepted the fact that whumpee isn’t coming back, even the leader, as guilty and awful as they feel, barely looks anymore. Except for caretaker. For whatever reason, caretaker won’t give it up, perhaps it becomes an obsession, but they’re *certain* that whumpee is out there, and needs their help.

->Maybe there’s something supernatural about it (caretaker gets dreams of the whumpee trapped somewhere, kidnapped, which convinces them to keep looking), or maybe the whumper taunts just the caretaker with tiny tiny hints that the whumpee might still be alive, but hints that could easily be denied as the caretaker being obsessive. Or maybe caretaker is just stubborn as hell and refuses to accept that whumpee is gone

-> and they keep on looking and looking and months, years, decades later, whumpee finally reappears...either barely like themselves or hardly changed at all, either having escaped or been released by a whumper, or used against the team to shock them/as a hostage.

-> Or because the caretaker finally tracks them down, perhaps at the crucial final moment when whumpee needed most to be rescued, and, either way, the caretaker’s determination is vindicated, but mostly they’re just relieved to have whumpee back, whatever state they’re in

(-> think how aimless caretaker will be after spending all their free time searching and then having nothing to do,,,or how they’ll then put all their energy into whumpee, who may or may not want the attention/support)

4. …on the whumpee who pretends they’re fine

-> the whumpee who suffers something horrible, perhaps on their own, or perhaps alongside the rest of the team, but either way they deny that anything’s wrong, and refuses to talk about it, or go to therapy, or even acknowledge it happened at all

-> and maybe the rest of the team accepts the whumpee’s determination to just deny it, to just go on doing everything just as they did before, even if perhaps whumpee was terribly injured in the Bad Thing that happened, trying to push themselves to do what they did before, even when they clearly can’t

-> and the caretaker is the only one who continually refuses to accept that whumpee is “fine”, and tries to show whumpee that they don’t have to pretend everything is fine all the time, and maybe convince them that they don’t need to be perfect/strong/useful to the team all the time to be worthy

-> and finally, either in tiny bits and pieces, or all at once, the whumpee lets down their guard and lets caretaker help/opens up to whumpee. Maybe they finally tell the team that they can’t really do X anymore, even though they used to do it fine, because it causes too much pain now, physically or emotionally

-> Or maybe finally opens up to the caretaker about what happened, if they didn’t know the whole story, or even if they don’t talk about it, they acknowledge to themself that they have a right to be upset/hurt and start to work through it themself/with a therapist/with a family member

-> and the caretaker is just happy to see the whumpee finally start to relax again, to show their softer side and stop being always on guard, or tense, or defensive, or hiding their pain. The whumpee becoming more at ease is its own reward :)

~

let me know if you have any other ideas! :D <3

(NOTE: I feel this hardly needs saying, considering its for whumplr and all, but many of these aren’t even remotely healthy.

It’s completely okay to let go of people who go missing, or to step away from people who actively push you away/are self-destructive and put yourself first, and if someone doesn’t want to talk about the trauma they’ve been through that is 10000% their right and they should never be pushed to do so, etc.

Basically, I love stubbornness in characters, but in RL, it’s often pretty damaging. but anyway, i’m sure y’all realised that because we’re all capable of telling RL from fiction, but I thought i’d add it, for my own peace of mind :3)

~

[synaesthesiologist]

Every once in awhile,

Sentimentality sneaks up on me. I really am the happiest I've been in a long time. The best advice I ever received was to erase with my own unhappiness the expectations of others. Some never go away though. I expect family to look after family. I expect my grandfather to be a better man. I am so upset at what he's doing right now, that I'm choosing blissful ignorance over knowing the specifics. I feel like I already lost him. I guess that's true. That I ought to just mourn him now, because with what's left, it's no recognizable person whom I loved and adored.

Typical.

Unfortunately, emotional upheaval and distress leaves an open door to inviting in contemplation of other stressors.

I can safely say that I made the right choice in closing the door on another unhealthy relationship recently...but it's still painful sometimes, even if I'm far happier without them. It took me years to realize what kind of person they really were, and what I was left with was shock that I had been so blind and had niscalculated so tremendously. I was asked a question that just revealed the answers to all of my unsettled queries--and I found I had absolutely nothing to offer. I would never live up to those expectations, I would never be good enough, so why bother? Better to cut ties and start fresh.

Plus, despite blocking them, if they really gave a shit, it's not like they couldn't get in touch through other means. Lack of confidence aside, I know what my value is to them (zero), and I know my worth (infinite).

I had never been so miserable in my life.

I'm making new ties with people that matter, renewing ties with people that have always been good to me.

I'm being very careful about who I let know anything about me anymore. Church and the Bible never used to make sense to me: "Harden not your heart." Well, fuck that. You get shit all over from loving too freely, then shut it off. So many people hurt me in one go, I can't even.

Since Texas, I have made two new friends.

Two. Because that's all I've found that I can trust.

I did try trusting a few others, but got seriously stabbed in the back by one set.

It's just not worth it. Yeah, depression and loneliness sucks, but I'd rather be alone than deal with people who aren't worth it.

To be fair, I've made other acquaitances, some of them may count me as friends, but, at the risk of repetition, two I know I can trust.

I envy people who make friends easily. But I also don't want a bunch of friends, just some really good ones. I'm grateful for the ties I've kept over the years that just keep on strengthening.

I am happier with my life than I have been in a long time. I don't consider myself depressed right now. I am very sad tonight about family stuff. With covers some people I had at one time counted as family. I'm also frustrated that some of those people aren't meeting my expectations. Even though logically I know that expectations are my own, therefore my own to deal with unless explicitly discussed with another person.

I guess I may also be sad that I'm single? But I'm also fucking glad that I am!

...I think what I miss is having deep meaningful relationships with people I can trust and be intimate with. That can be fulfill in a plethora of different ways.

What I am doing is holding out for someone that matters.

It is frustrating though, because at this point in my life, I thought I'd be a mom by now, and yes, a family is something I absolutely want. More than anything, and always has been.

What I am doing is paying off my car before finishing my degrees, and being patient.

Patience is truly my most hard earned lesson.

I could pay off my car tonight, actually. Be done with it. But there are certain issues I'd have to deal with concerning my car that I'm just not ready to deal with yet. That, and I need to make sure I have enough saved for my biannual insurance payment in January. Is it more irritating with budgeting? Yes. Does it save me money in the long run? The more important of the two yeses.

Obviously I have a bunch on my plate I need to vent about. I guess I'm just happy that I'm doing it in a healthy way.

I think the thing I'm most ashamed of about Texas, is finding Patricia a better home while I was too ill to properly care for her. The thing is, I thought it was a better home at the time, but in retrospect, I made a horrible mistake in the home I gave her to, and it eats at me. I just don't know if I made the right choice! I did want better for her, and I know at the time I was severely compromised, but damn it! If I couldn't do right by me, I just wanted to do rigjt by her.

At the time, I was so, just. Broken, I guess. That I was nearly willing to give up Archie, who legit is the living creature I have loved most in this life to a better caretaker.

I'm so happy I didn't, because I got better. I'm glad I didn't make that mistake.

Work has been going well. So big changes are coming in January that are going to effect me, but I don't know how. It's driving Nicki nuts, being unable to tell me. I can't even really predict any of the changes either, because it's so nebulous in nature. But I think and hope that something good is going to happen. If I'm lucky, maybe a promotion? Lol. I have no idea how all that would work because there aren't any available positions for that, but I know some crazy things are happening, I juat don't know what. But I look forward to it! :) :D

I've been sick for over a week now. And I'm over it.

What I'd really like to do is meet some like minded individuals in the area where it concerns my more spiritual beliefs. I miss being able to explore places and talk shop with open minded people. It's frustrating the most being alienated in that sense. It doesn't help that I work at an all Christian organization, even if they are generally wonderful people.

Vent sesh complete, I guess. I just needed to get rid of some of my extraneous emotions.

Looking forward to soon getting a Switch, and, I guess, looking at some degree programs!