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fishfooddude · 2 days ago

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I Had to See You Again

Carmy Berzatto x Reader [MDNI 18+]

One time wasn't enough for him.

Part 1

My Directory

The Bear Masterlist

It had been three weeks since you’d met with Carmy, and he couldn’t stop thinking about you. How soft your skin was, the way you smelled like honeysuckle and caramelized almonds, how wet you were when he pounded you into the mattress. After the appointment, Carmy didn’t want to wash your essence off of him, leaving that hotel without you felt like a crime.

He’d been fantasizing about the other things he wanted to do with you. He imagined taking your ass, shooting loads on the delicate tattoos that decorated your back. He imagined cumming down your throat and across your face staking claim on your body. Licking, kissing, and biting every inch of flesh he could get hold of. He wanted to play out every sexual fantasy he’d ever thought of with you.

After a particularly stressful dinner service, Carmy went into his office and opened your page on OnlyFans, you’d posted a new video. Before Ccarmy could press play, he’d felt himself getting hot. The hairs on the back of his neck stood as anticipation coursed through his veins. The video started with you sitting on a green velvet couch in thigh-high socks, spandex shorts, and a tight long-sleeved shirt. You spoke to the camera, asking about how his day was. Carmy knew you spoke in generalities to appeal to all of your subscribers, but it felt like you were speaking only to him. You adjusted on the ouching bringing a leg up making your shorts adjust to expose the outline of your cunt. Carmy swallowed when you spoke, ‘baby… i’m so horny… been thinkin’ ‘bout you all day.” the words danced through Carmy’s ears as his eyes were glued to your face. The way your plump, soft lips pillowed as you pouted at the camera, he wanted to kiss you. You moved again, you were on your knees, sitting back on your heels, still on the couch with a sultry look on your face. You bit your lip as you ran your hands up your torso to your breasts. Carmy shifted in his seat as you squeezed and rubbed them through your top. ‘You wanna see my tits daddy?’ you asked running your hands down your chest to the bottom of the shirt. Carmy nodded as his free hand shifted to his belt buckle.

As you lifted your shirt, there was a knock on the office door. Carmy threw his phone on his desk. “Come in,” he stuttered. The door opened to reveal Neil. He was sweaty as he flashed his signature goofy smile: “You and me. Madison Thomas’s house.”

The name didn’t ring any bells in Carmy’s head, a fact Neil picked up on, “Madison Thomas!” he exclaimed before continuing to explain, “She was the varsity tennis captain senior year.” Carmy still wasn’t sure who he was talking about, which annoyed the overly excited Neil. “You know her- like this tall.” Neil gestured with his hand at his shoulder, signalling how tall she was, “Long blonde hair, brown eyes, one of Claire’s best friends-” at the mention of his ex, Carmy knew who Neil was talking about.

Carmy shook his head, “Can’t. Claire wouldn’t want me there.”

“You guys broke up a year ago! She won’t care, Carm.” Neil pleaded, “Madison just finalized her divorce. This might be my only chance to get her to go out with me.”

“Fak, are you that desperate?” Carmy chortled. Neil grumbled, “C’mon, you’re my best friend. Being my best friend means you’re my wing man at parties,” Carmy raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond to Neil’s comment, he cut him off; “Before you say it, we ARE best friends.” Neil protested. Carmy sighed, unable to counter Neil’s point, “Fine. When’s the party?” as Carmy asked the question, Neil’s face lit up excited that he may have a chance at his high school dream girl.

“Like now,” Neil said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. Carmy sighed again. “You might wanna fix your belt first…” Neil lightly teased before going off toward the lockers, before Carmy could respond. Carmy felt his cheeks go red at the mention of his undone belt, and the weight of what he was about to do washed off of him.

It had been almost 10 years since Carmy had graduated from high school. He didn’t recognize many people at this party. Even when the aforementioned Madison Thomas came up to greet him, it took him a moment to realize who she was. Carmy hung back by the stairs, watching the party around him. Neil was shooting his shot with Madison. He recognized a handful of people here and there, but he’d found peace in just listening to the throwback playlist someone had put on.

Carmy was ready to leave, as he pulled his phone from his pocket, ready to call an Uber, someone called his name. He looked over his shoulder to see a woman walking up behind him. “Carmy Berzatto, long time no see,” she smiled as she went in for a hug. Confusion washed over him, but he accepted the hug and offered a weak smile and a short ‘hello’. “You don’t remember me?” the woman laughed. Caught, Carmy chuckled as he sheepishly nodded.

“Sorry, I’m not good with names…” Carmy awkwardly trailed off. The woman laughed, “Lucy Holcome- we always had homeroom together.” Carmy fawned, hoping she wouldn’t see through it, “Lucy… how you doin?” he asked.

“Better now that I know you’re here,” she flirted. Carmy felt his cheeks flush as she continued, “I was actually about to head out, you need a ride?”

“Uh- sure.” Carmy stupidly accepted her offer. Lucy smiled and took Carmy’s hand, leading him toward the exit.

Carmy felt ridiculous in that moment. He wasn’t cheating on you- he’d paid you a mere four weeks ago to meet him at a hotel. It wasn’t a date. You weren’t his girlfriend- hooking up with Lucy wouldn’t be cheating, but as he sat in the back seat of her car, he felt dirty. She straddled his hips as she brought his hands to her chest as she sucked a hickey into hs neck. As she rolled her hips against his, Carmy’s mind flooded with thoughts of you. Every video he’d watched of you flashed through his head. All the colorful vibrators that would make you squirt against the camera lens. Riding dildos of all shapes, sizes, and colors as you rolled your nipples between your index and middle fingers. The videos of you and other girls, stripping to popular music, trying on lingerie, and sexy costumes. You were the only thing on his mind as he shifted on top of Lucy. She moaned as Carmy grasped her hips as he pounded her from behind.

Lucy was moaning beneath him whinging at every thrust of his hips, “Fuck Carmy!” she moaned pulling Carmy out of the fantasy he’d been focusing on. Lucy wasn’t you; she didn’t feel or sound the same. As the fantasy vanished, Carmy’s thrusts accelerated. With a throaty grunt, Carmy came, wishing it were you under him.

“Thanks for the riddle.” Carmy awkwardly said after he and Lucy had put their clothes back on. Lucy hummed, “Sure you don’t want me to come upstairs with you?” The hope in her voice made Carmy internally cringe.

“I have to get back to work in a couple hours…” Carmy excused. Lucy frowned, “Maybe we can hang out sometime.” he picked up on the subtle desperation of her statement and passively agreed before saying he’d call her later in the week. Carmy grinned and bid adieu before getting out of Lucy’s car and walking toward his building. While waiting for the elevator, Carmy pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and went to OnlyFans to send you a message.

He needed you.

Same hotel, same oversized plush bed, but Carmy was ready this time. He’d compiled a list of things he wanted to do with you.

He paced the room, planning what he would say when you walked in. This time around, he felt more confident, but he was also vibrating with nerves. What if that first time had been a fluke? He knew you would act like you enjoyed having sex with him, even if it was terrible, but he hoped you had enjoyed yourself the first time and that he could bring you as much pleasure as you’d brought him.

You knocked on the door and heard movement on the other side. As it opened, you were surprised by Carmy’s demeanor. He stood tall in the doorway, dressed in a similar, if not the same, outfit as last time - minus the sweat stains.

“Hey, Carmy.” you smiled. He blushed at your greeting and stepped aside to allow you into the room. He looked you up and down as he said hello. Carmy had asked you to wear a specific outfit this time around. A sundress, simple, innocent, sweet… You suspected he had a particular plan for his session. “How do you want to start this time?” you asked as you set your tote bag on the ground by the bed.

“Is it in?” he glanced at the bottom of your dress as he asked. You bit your lip as you nodded slowly before turning on your heels to lift the hem of your dress. As you exposed the end of a silicone butt plug you’d been wearing in preperation for Carmy’s booking.

Carmy smirked as he stared at the toy and the lack of underwear, “Have you ever had anal sex before?” you asked wiggling your hips to intisice him. He sucked in a breath as he shook is head, “Is that why you wanted me to dress like this? Like a good girl? Innocent?” you teased dropping your dress before turning to look at him.

“That might be part of it…” Carmy chuckled as he trailed off. His hands went to your hips before pulling you flush to his chest. The suddenness of the action made you giggle as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “So… what are we starting with… you want me on my knees… on my back…” you licked your lips as you asked, looking up at Carmy with sultry eyes. He smirked, shaking his head, “Wouldn’t you like to know…” he leaned down hungrily kissing you. As he pushed his tongue into your mouth, you found yourself forgetting Carmy was a client.

He pulled away from the kiss, leaving you breathing heavily. Carmy hooked his hands under your thighs and lifted you, making you squeal. He pressed you against the wall; his lips came crashing down against yours. You returned the kiss, matching his vigour. Your fingers tangled in the messy curls at the base of his neck as you rolled your hips against his toned abs. Carmy’s grip on your thighs tightened as desperation and anticipation coursed through his veins. “I need you…” Carmy grunted, resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m yours,” you answered breathlessly. Carmy groaned at your words as he leaned into your body, “On your knees…” he commanded. Carmy gently dropped your thighs, and when you felt stable between his body and the wall, he led you toward the bed. He sat on the edge leaning back on his elbows as you sank to your knees between his legs. You reached up to unbuckle his belt and jeans, Carmy sharply inhaled at the sensation of your nails against the fabric of his boxers and the sensitive skin beneath.

His head fell back as your lips enveloped his tip, “Fuck baby…” he groaned as you ran your tounge around it before sinking down his cock. As your head bobbed, Carmy watched in awe. He focused on the feeling of your lips around him and the sensations of you taking him deeper with each bob. “Touch yourself while you suck my cock baby… I know you’re fuckin’ soaked…” he moaned softly. Carmy moved closer to the edge of the bed and leaned more weight on his left elbow before pushing your hair out of your face. He groaned when he saw one of your hands disappear under your dress.

You gasped as you felt Carmy’s tongue move up the length of your core. “Fuck” he cursed under your breath, “You’re perfect…” Carmy held your hips down as he lapped at your entrance before turning his attention to your clit.

The more you tried to buck your hips, the tighter his grip got, refusing to relinquish any control. Carmy devoured your pussy turning you into a whimpering mess beneath him. When his fingers moved to the flared base of your plug, you felt yourself on the verge of exploding. “Car-Carmy! Please- please fuck me” you whimpered. The sounds you made were music to Carmy’s ears, “Fuck me Carmy, please- I need you inside of me.” you pleaded to him.

Carmy smirked against your clit before pulling his face away from you, hs lips shined with your wetness. “Say that again, baby…” he commanded before pressing gentle open-mouth kisses to your inner thigh. “Fuck me!” you whimpered melting into the mattress. Carmy closed his eyes and relished at your words as he sucked a hickey into your thigh. “Carmmyy,” you whined, bucking your hips up toward his face, desperate for any amount of friction.

Carmy sat back and aligned his tip to your entrance. He ran it through your lips, teasing you, “Hand me the lube, baby…” Carmy taunted as he gently pulled at your plug. You bite back your moan as you reach toward the bedside table.

You tried to roll onto your stomach, but Carmy shifted his weight, pinning you to your back. He shook his head, “Stay on your back…” he spoke as he applied a generous amount of lube to his aching cock, “I wanna see your face while I fuck your ass.”

Carmy collapsed beside you and reached out to pull you into his chest. He panted hard trying to catch his breathe after filling your holes with his cum. You moved closer and pressed a palm against his sternum before twirling his chain between your fingers. The two of you lay there in a comfortable silence until Carmy asked, “Can I tell you something?” You hummed as you glanced up at him. Carmy swallowed, trying not to lose himself in your eyes, “I uh- I had sex with another girl,” he confessed. You were unfazed by his confession. “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

You shook your head. “Carmy, you’re a client. You can do what you’d like.” Carmy’s face fell at the mention of him being a ‘client, bringing the reality of your relationship to the forefront of his mind.

“Yeah-yeah of course…”

“Dude the girl at Table 12- is that the girl you were telling me about?” Carmy overheard a waiter say as he walked out of the bathroom. He noticed the two men standing by the kitchen door looking out the same circular window.

“Where are you two supposed to be?” Carmy scolded, crossing his arms over his chest. They both turned around. “Sorry, chef,” one of the men apologized. The other grinned as the two of them scuttled away. Carmy rolled his eyes, but his curiosity was piqued. He went over to the window to see who this mystery woman was. When he saw your profile, his jaw clenched. You were dolled up at his restaurant, sitting across from an older man. His nostrils flared as his eyebrows furrowed together. You were his- as irrational as it may have been. You were his, and you dared to come to his restaurant with another man.

“Carmy- you okay?” Syd questioned from the expo station after noticing he hadn’t returned to his station after exiting the bathroom. Carmy nodded, trying to mask his anger.

As dinner service came to an end, the kitchen door swung open. Carmy glanced up and felt his stomach drop. You were in his kitchen with that man and Jimmy. The man laughed at something Jimmy said as you and Carmy made eye contact. “Well, this is my nephew Carmy- the kid draining my fuckin’ bank account.” Jimmy gestured toward Carmy, catching his attention. Carmy set his rag down and grinned in your direction, “This is Bobby and Y/N, his daughter.” Jimmy introduced you and your Dad to Carmy and the remaining kitchen staff.

Y/N… Y/N… your name was music to Carmy’s ears- almost as beautiful as your moans and whimpers. Jimmy and Bobby were talking shop as he gave the two of you a kitchen tour. Carmy bored holes into the back of your head, the way your hair flowed down your back… the more conservative dress you wore… he swallowed, knowing what was underneath that knee-length monstrosity of a dress. He pushed down his primal desire to take you here and now, to know who you belonged to. He wanted those shit head waiters to know he was the only one who made you scream in pleasure and beg for more. He wanted everyone to know he was the only one who could fuck every thought out of that pretty little head of yours.

“You comin’, Bear?” Natalie asked, breaking Carmy’s train of thought. He hummed, acknowledging the question the hold you held on him, finally breaking. “Uncle J wants us to talk with him and Bobby,” she explained, gesturing for him to come to the dining area. Natalie watched as Carmy wiped his hands on his apron before slipping off his chef coat and setting it on his station. She noticed how Carmy looked at you as he joined Jimmy and Bobby. He may have been in his mid-20s, but in Natalie’s eyes, Carmy would always be the curly-headed five-year-old with rocks in his pockets. She noticed the love-struck puppy look he’d been giving you since you walked into the kitchen. Natalie bit back a giggle as she and Carmy joined Bobby, Jimmy, you, and Syd in the dining area.

Carmy sat next to Syd and across from you. Jimmy and Natalie began their sales pitch while Carmy watched you across the table. You masked your discomfort and hid that you knew Carmy quite intimately. You’d been doing OnlyFans for a few years but somehow managed to keep it on the downlow. Your Dad believed you were working in marketing and advertising for a successful start-up company, which, while it wasn’t entirely a lie, your Catholic Italian American father did not need to know what you were doing on the internet.

“That Carmy kid was checkin’ you out,” your Dad chuckled as the two of you walked back to his car. You shrugged and sat in the passenger’s seat, “I guess.”

“Seems like a good man…” your Dad not so subtly implied. With a laugh, you shook your head, “Daddy, please don’t set me up with another one of your business partners' kids.” he laughed at your response and raised his hands defensively.

“I’m just sayin’... I want you to find a good man.”

He had a point. Carmy had quickly become your favorite client. He wasn’t giving you thousands of dollars a month like some of your other clients, but it wasn’t just about him getting off when you had bookings with him. He enjoyed getting you off- hell, he told you that he’d slept with another girl, it was obvious that he cared about you in a deeper capacity. You couldn’t be with him, though.

That night, you were lying in bed half watching Criminal Minds and half scrolling through TikTok, when you started getting Carmy’s messages through OnlyFans. You sighed and ignored the messages until the notification beeps became unbearable. Carmy sent you message after message pleading for a booking.

I need you

Please, I’ll pay anything

Just an hour

Please

He felt pathetic, like a pervert. Seeing you in his restaurant that night, it lit something in him. He needed you in every way possible.

He was addicted.

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firelilyfox · 7 hours ago

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In your skin

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: After a mission the two of you have to share a room & at first Bucky gets really mad about it but ... he means well.

Words: 2,3k

Warnings: mention of trauma, weapons, sharing a bed, fluff, heart to heart talk, real sad Bucky

Note: english isn't my mother tongue so sorry in advance :) likes, rebloggs, comments etc. are always welcome!

____________________________________

It got late real fast after the successful mission in Nairobi.

The African heat gave way to the cool night, making it way more pleasant to find some sleep soon. Part of the Thunderbolts found shelter in a luxury hotel in the middle of the lively city, but there were almost fully booked so the only two rooms left had to be evenly shared. Yelena, Alexei, Bucky and me.

„I will not let my daughter sleep in a room with another man“, Alexei barked. „No offense Winter Soldier, I have deeply respect for you. But my daughter will be protected from you manly charme by myself.“ His strong russian accent marking the importance of his protectiveness about Yelena.

„Alexei I’m a grown woman and can protect myself from stupid men“ Yelena says unimpressed. The four of us were standing in the empty hallway, on each side a closed door and fitting keycards in my hands. I look at them and then up at Bucky. He was easily two heads taller than me with a strong disapproval look on his face, but he kept quiet. He was always the quiet one of the group (besides one or two snarky comments from time to time). „You can sleep with him then if you want“, Yelena adds.

„Don’t be ridiculous. I will not let you out of my sight with this nasty wound. You are my daughter and I will protect-…“ but Alexei couldn’t finish the sentence because Yelena shut his mouth with her own hand.

„Got it old man. So its the two of us and the two of you then.“ She pointed at me and at Bucky afterwards. I opened my mouth for approval but got interrupted immediately.

„No fucking way“, Bucky grumbles.

Okay. Ouch. That was unnecessary and a bit rude.

Even the farther-daughter duo frowned in confusion. It was true that Bucky and had a …complicated way of acting around each other for the last couple of months. At first I thought we would be good co-workers. He always kept an eye out for me when I started to train with the Thunderbolts because I didn’t knew my way around and had a tendency to stumble into very unfortunate situations. For example that one time in Norway … ugh I rather not think about that. Nonetheless with time passing by he had become more like … a friend I think. Bucky was always there if I needed him - but never too close. Even a little part of me, that I desperately try to suffocate, wants him to be just … closer sometimes.

„Do I get to tell my opinion in this?“ I ask a bit annoyed by his sudden rudeness. „I have no problem to stay with you in a room.“ He shoots me a deadly look but that doesn’t scare me off. Not the tiniest bit. No clue what his problem his, but I won’t let him push me away like that. If he has something to say, then he can tell me whilst sharing a god damn room.

„Great! Its settled then. You two get to - ...“

„This isn’t an option“, Bucky interrupts Alexei again and this time he almost exploded. His voice had a much deeper and darker ring to it now. But it didn’t made me flinch. It made me mad.

„Why does everybody interrupts Alexei all the ti-…“

„Well I don’t care. Here.“ I handed Yelena and her father one keycard and kept the other one for Bucky and myself. „I’m done with this conversation. Get in here.“ I tell him and opened the door with a soft clicking sound.

„Have a pleasant night“, Yelena chuckles and disappeared with Alexei in the room across the hallway. Bucky stands still as a stone without any muscle moving. My rage was overflood by hurt. Was it really that awful to share a room with me?

„I have no idea why its such a problem for you to stay in a room with me. If it’s because I am a woman then I can assure you it’s more than common in this century for a man and a woman to …“

„It’s not because of that. I shared a room with a woman before.“ He says and stepped around me into the hotel room. Paying close attention to our arms not touching by accident.

I closed the door behind me. „Well good for you I guess.“ A little stab of jealousy hit me. „But if it aint that then why -…“

„We should get some sleep.“ And just like that there was another sentence that won’t be finished this evening. Great fucking fun.

We got changed into our nightgowns and by that i mean that Bucky was still wearing his black shirt and boxer. While i got rid of almost every piece of clothing. In my underwear and a simple tanktop I sat down on the bed beside him. His metal arm flexing a few times he looked lost in thoughts.

„How does it feel?“ I ask before I could stop myself.

He frowns. „What do you mean?“

„I mean do you really feel everything? Like heat when you burn yourself while cooking or the fabric of a blanket?“ No clue why I was bubbling with stupid questions like that out of the blue. Might be the sight of him in boxers that fried my brain a little bit. I’m thankful he isn’t a mindreader.

A soft smile lays down on his lips. The first since we entered this room. „Yeah. In Wakanda they have some very advanced techniques and great minds who work on stuff like that. I have not the slightest idea how this works.“ He holds his metal hand with the palm up and looks at me. „But it works.“

Without any thoughts I lay my hand in his. I expected the metal to be cold and hard. But somehow it felt warm and … real. Like it is more than just a piece of dead materiel. I moved my fingers along the palm and up to his wrist. It was formed exactly like his other arm. Strong and even the muscles were mirrored to the tiniest detail. Something comes over me and out of pure curiosity my other hand finds his real arm to compare the two of them.

For a moment Bucky stayed completely still. He was not moving at all and I doubt that he was even breathing normal anymore. „Does it feel the same?“

He cleared his throat. „No.“

„What’s the difference?“ I look up and almost drown in his blue eyes. His face must’ve come closer. Or did I move in his direction? I don’t recall. All I know is that his nose was only inches away from mine, wich means that his lips were…

„You should get some sleep. Now.“ Bucky rumbles with a husky voice. Within a second he stood up from the bed and moved to the other side of the room.

There it was. The hurt from before hits me like a truck.

„You really find me that repulsive?“

He opened his mouth. Stopped. Closed it and opened it again. All without saying a single word. Understood. „Will you come back?“ I ask instead.

He has one hand on the doorknob. „Yes. When you are asleep.“

And so I did. I cried myself into a dreamless sleep. Drowning in my own self-pity because the guy I like would rather run away in the middle of the night, than share a bed with me.

A bright crack tore me out of my slumber and I was wide awake in the matter of seconds. But not because of the thunderstorm outside the window. My fingers were curled around something cold and hard. The silhouette of Bucky was calmly sleeping beside me. My senses knew the feeling of this heavy metal and it wasn’t the arm I felt earlier tonight.

It was a gun.

A fucking gun in my hand.

What?

„Bucky?“, I whisper. „Bucky wake up!“ My voice pitched high, wich made him wake up instantly.

„What is it? What happened?“ He asks breathlessly, eyes wide in shock, head snapping from side to side to make out any danger. But the only thing what would fall in that category appeared magically in my hand while I was asleep.

I hold the gun up and waved it slightly. „Hello? Why do i have your gun in my hand?“

„Why are you so certain it’s mine, doll?“ His eyes narrow. I try to pull myself together because I didn’t expect him to call me by his pet name for me. He only used it a couple of times before and only when we were alone.

„Oh please Bucky! I know your guns by heart. So why is it in this god damn bed?“ I shriek.

He broke the eye contact and shuffled himself into a sitting position. The thin blanket that we both shared shifted down to his lap. Bucky leaned his back against the headboard and let out a deep sigh. „Just in case.“

„I beg you pardon?“

„Just in case you need it.“ He still has his eyes closed but I could hear in his voice that he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

„James Buchanan Barnes you better cut that shitshow and tell me why you put that thing in my hand“, I say as I sit up, not caring that the blanket completely vanished from my body.

Bucky turned to finally look at me. His expression were serious at first, but then his eyes dart down to my naked legs and at the waistband of my top that slipped up a bit, showing a small gap of my hips and stomach. I could swear to see his throat move as if he had to swallow … hard. And his face transformed from serious to something much more intense. Was it longing or am I now completely loosing my mind?

„You are the only person I allow to call me like that“, he says with a tight voice.

„Cut the crap. Now.“

Bucky sighs again. „Fuck. Okay fine. The gun is for emergency. In case you have to take me out.“

My heart stops beating for a painfully moment. With widened eyes I look at him. He sits there looking so broken, so serious about what he just confessed to me. His sad sad blue eyes studying me, waiting for a response. I know what his reasons are. He has terrible nightmares. Bad ones from his past and even darker ones made from his guilt.

„The fuck I will.“ With two quick moves I dissemble the gun in its individual parts. Bucky watches me with disbelieve in his eyes. „I refuse to let you think I would ever do that.“

„Maybe you will not have a choice when it becomes bad!“ He tries to grab the metal pieces but I throw them away without a second thought. „When the Winter Soldier takes over I can’t guarantee for anything. He could do …“

„I don’t give a shit!“ I bark. „You would never hurt me. I know that in my bones.“

He lets his hand sink and land on my knee. It needs a lot of self control to not follow it with my eyes. „You’re right. I would never. But he could.“

I lean forward, just a little to make my point clear. „I trust you.“

„You shouldn’t.“ His voice was nothing more than a whisper. I could feel it brushing over my cheeks. „I’m a threat.“

I cock my head to the side. „Is that the reason why you didn’t want to share a room with me? Because you were scared that you might attack me in your sleep?“

He nods. And my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces. His hair falls in strains into his face making him look even more exhausted than ever. I've come to thinking about the fact that his mind had to be constantly in stay alert mode.

„Do you ever let yourself catch a break, Bucky?“

At first he stays completely still. Then a deep, tired sigh. And when he finally looks up to answer he da the saddest smile on his face that I’ve ever laid eyes on. „I don’t think so, doll. Can’t remember.“

I reach forward to place my palm above his heart. It beats slow but a little uneven - as if my touch had an effect on him too. „You deserve to feel safe for at least one night. You deserve so much more than that.“ I leaned in his direction, let my body sink against his and gave him the chance to slowly get used to so much skin to skin contact. But he didn’t hesitate as I thought he would do. Instead Bucky pulled me so close that I imagined to morph fully into him. Melt together and finally feel complete.

His metal arm laid wrapped around me and gave me the support I needed. His other hand placed at the back of my head - fingers tangled up into my hair. I feel his body relax beneath me and a little smile appeared on my lips.

„Nothing I could do would ever made me deserve you, doll.“ His words rushed my system like a big tidal wave and i shook my head up from his chest to look at him.

„You don’t have to do anything. Bucky you already own my heart. And you truly deserve it.“

He smiled softly. I could feel his hand on my head pulling me closer up to him. I obey happily. „I will take good care of it, doll. I promise to be worthy for you.“

„I know because you already are.“

Bucky kissed me. His lips were touching mine with such softness I almost cried. Hands so tender and carefully holding me while his mouth claiming my whole consciousness. I leaned into him to feel as much of him as I could. He deepened the kiss and I let out a sigh of relief. I swear I could feel him smile against my lips.

I know I will never get tired of this. Ever.

#fluff #marvel #bucky fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #james buchanan barnes #deep talk #mcu fandom #thunderbolts*#ptsd #mental illness #sharing a bed #love confessions #love #night talks #angst

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purplesugarygirl · 2 days ago

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As someone who loves reading fanfic and is going through a Reader's Block, reading my comfort fics is a good way of kicking the Block in the ass BUT, you know, sometimes those comfort fic are incomplete, to the point it's been 7 years since the author update the Author's note or the last chapter (that it's not the last chapter, ofc)

So, as a reader and as a writer, I wonder: those authors are doing well?

I have fanfics that are unfinished, but I simply can't find the motivation (???) to finish them, I try but can't find it. So, sometimes I give updates in my socmed to just say, "Hi, hate me for not updating, but I'm alive, thank you for being here".

So, that being said, there's this fanfic that it's my favorite, definitely in my top 10 ever, and the author haven't updated in, like, 2 years, but I know they're alive because they keep updating this other series they have. And I wonder, WHY?!?!?!? Of course, then I remember my own situation and kinda shut up. Just like that.

I re read this fic because IT'S. SO. GOOD. Like a masterpiece and it hurts me that the author haven't updated this fic, not even a note of 'hi, I'm alive, don't hate but i kinda lost the motivation', which, to be fair, it's completely fine. I just need to know the status of it, like, tell me if I can keep my hopes up or just no, you know?

This is just me ranting because Ima girlie in need, desperate of an update of her favorite fanfic.

Sometimes I want to write a fanfic of this fanfic, ya know?

I wonder if this is destiny making me pay for not finishing my own fanfics? I mean, I haven't written fanfics in 7 years. So the ideas are there, I just don't find the motivation.

It's like a struggle, I kinda wonder if people like them. I know some do. Their comments help a lot, but still.

Anyways, how do I deal with unfinished and abandoned (not sure but maybe) well-written-long-enough-to-be-a-book fancics?

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monbons · 2 days ago

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Stitchy Sunday Musings

Thanks for the tag @thewholelemon. I also don't really have an update, but I did have a bit of a reflection I wanted to share today that I hope will speak to some of you---and selfishly---also keep me motivated on the days that are hard. So, with that, story time...

Exactly a year ago, I started my doll-stitching journey and the very first set of dolls I ever gifted were mermaids. I was inspired by @iamamythologicalcreature's gorgeous mer-May art.

This first set was entirely hand stitched because I did not have a sewing machine, nor did I think making dolls would become something I actively pursued in any real way. It was just something I did for fun---a way to channel my creative energy when the words wouldn't come while also paying tribute to some of my favorite fics and their authors.

Fast-forward to my newest dolls and the growth is almost unbelievable. You can see aspects of my final style in my very first dolls, but everything about this last set has evolved. This particular set represents just over 24 hours of work (a significant chunk of them on that tail that boasts 600+ hand-sewn sequins). I also experimented with new hair textures and colors, and apparently, I embroider eyebrows now. (As if making the eyes symmetrical wasn't hard enough!)

It may sound like I am boasting. I swear I am not. Instead, I wanted to post this because this is just one year of committing to a thing and working really fucking hard at it. It is also the kind of visible "success" that is so hard to get elsewhere.

When I first started contributing to fandom, it was as a writer. If your primary contribution to fandom is writing, it can be really hard to do a side-by-side comparison like this. As a result, we often rely on measures of growth or success that can be compared: kudos, reblogs, and comments obviously, but also word counts, fics published per year, etc. Honestly? None of those are reliable (and dare I say worthy?) measures of how beautiful a piece of work is, let alone a journey of growth and joy. It isn't to say they don't have their place, but "the numbers" aren't everything...and they can often feel disheartening.

Anyway, I've been feeling really down on myself recently for a whole host of reasons, but a huge contributor is that I've been having so much trouble with writing. For weeks, "the numbers" have haunted me. Not just the public numbers (I've wanted to scream into a pillow about kudos and likes more than once this year), but the private ones (I'm "behind" on words from this same point last year).

And then I took this humble doll offering to a book signing this past week and the author cried tears of joy, which made me cry. Several people in the signing line gasped when they held up my little merman and his love. Several others came up and talked to me about my art and wanted to know more. For the first time in months, I felt really proud of something I had made, and I guess this post is about holding on to that feeling. When I made these dolls, I wasn't trying to meet some external metric or creating for audience consumption. I wasn't even sure I would post my dolls anywhere since this isn't SnowBaz. I was simply making for the joy of it, and that night, which cannot be quantified in likes or comments or numbers of any kind, filled me up in a way I desperately needed.

Anyway, if you are still with me after this long ramble, thank you. Like I said, it was mostly for me. I wanted to remember that the beauty of my work actually can't be measured, no matter how much I try to do so. That I may not always be lucky enough to see the impact on others like I did with these dolls, but that doesn't make the effort any less valuable. And most of all, that none of that is the point. I wanted to make these dolls, I enjoyed making these dolls, and I am getting better at it because making dolls makes me happy. I needed to remember that. And if that was the case for me, I figured someone else might need to remember it too.

It feels weird to tag people in this, but hellos and high-fives from the philosophical doll factory anyway. May your creative endeavors bring you joy today and every day.

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy, @bachusekart, @best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer, @cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration, @hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli, @larkral, @letraspal, @mooncello, @noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @rimeswithpurple, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee, @stitchyqueer, @supercutedinosaurs, @talentpiper11, @the-beard-of-edward-teach, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon, @wellbelesbian, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @jyae23, @j-trow-95

#stitch sunday #stitchy reflections #really proud of my growth this year #excited to see where else i take this very niche skill this year. lol.#I just bought 20 lbs of bulk stuffing so I better keep at it!#do it for the joy not the numbers #a monbons dolls

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allwaswell16 · 2 days ago

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A fic rec of One Direction fan fics in which Louis has a chronic illness as requested in this ask. I was only able to find H/L fics for this rec, so there are no rare pairs on it. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers. You can find my other recs here. Happy reading!

- Louis / Harry -

🔹i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) by thedeathchamber / @louehvolution

(E, 55k, angst) Harry thinks he has good reasons for avoiding relationships. Meeting Louis puts those reasons to the test.

🔹HL 80s NYC verse by superglass / @gaymoustache

(M, 51k, HIV) In the midst of the AIDS crisis, Harry meets Louis after coming home from a drag ball. 80s NYC au.

🔹Don't Let Go by bittersweetlou

(T, 32k, MCD) The one where Louis has Adolescent Alzheimer's and Harry doesn't want to let go.

🔹Hold me close, Keep me safe by Spigityspack

(G, 11k, ulcerative colitis) when he begins experiencing a flare and growing sicker and sicker, he has a difficult time talking with Harry, who just wants to take care of him and make him feel better.

🔹I Love None Better Than You by @sunflowerstyles

(E, 10k, cancer) Harry and Louis haven't had any alone time in three months since Louis had been admitted to the hospital. Harry is desperate to provide some privacy for the two of them and finally spend an uninterrupted evening with his boy at last.

🔹fight me breathless by sideofzemblanity

(M, 7k, asthma) Louis Tomlinson has no idea why he’s in a London hospital for asthma, but enter Harry Styles, his doctor, who he definitely doesn’t think is hot, and he’s left wondering if asthma is why he can’t seem to breathe properly with his doctor around.

🔹Sweven by @1diamondinthesun

(NR, 4k, Idiopathic Hypersomnia) "So this Harry,” Liam chuckled, reaching for the business card, “Harry Styles, witnessed you in a near nap state and gave you his card? And his personal number?”

🔹Silently Calling You Home by Spigityspack

(NR, 3k, established relationship) Harry is coming home from a trip and wants to take Louis out as a way to celebrate. Louis falls ill and feels awful for ruining Harry's plans.

🔹The lights are a little too bright by @sunflour28

(G, 2k, chronic dizziness) Louis' a little done with his situation. He's seen the same hospital room far too many times in his life. Maybe things will start looking up though- now that Harry's in the same waiting room as him.

🔹Weak by starryglow

(G, 1k, anemia) Louis had been feeling sick for weeks, but it wasn't a usual cold.

🔹Hold tight, you're slowly coming back to life by CoolCrying

(G, 1k, hurt/comfort) "Louis has these days sometimes when he's all pain, and when he's hurt, well, there's nothing Harry wouldn't do to make it better."

#weekly rec #ficrec #sickfic #Larry fanfiction #larry fanfic rec #hlcreators #hljournal #1dficvillage #1dficlibrary

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ghouljams · 11 hours ago

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I wonder how "self-help community" One for One would deal with a bird who does NOT listen to men on self-help or spiritual stuff. As soon as men start preaching about that stuff, I IMMEDIATELY tune out lmao. Do you think they'd use a different approach or just completely give up on trying to recruit a skeptic?

I think I'd be susceptible to someone like Nik, who could probably be reaaaaal covert about it (I imagine him having a lot of practice with bird trapping), but what are your thoughts? I love cult AUs, they're always so fun, and I love seeing the way different authors tackle cult recruitment tactics ^^

I think they'd use the plethora of women that are already within the cult to befriend you and convince you that the men aren't preaching, or speaking down to you, they're simply offering a safe place where you can explore your own wants and desires, and maybe if you want a second opinion you could ask them :)

Or maybe they'd use the many women within the cult to start depriving you of sleep, to start isolating you from your friends, to start keeping you away from your work and your family, to lovebomb you so that you continue engaging with them and coming to the meditation classes being taught by the men in the cult.

Maybe they'd use the women involved to lure you in. Maybe the women would tell you that they're feminists and queer, and would never even mention the men except to briefly comment that they're "one of the good ones." Maybe they'd send non-threatening non-male people to approach you, leaving the leader completely out of the conversation until it's already too late. Maybe all of them would talk about how they'd never let a man tell them what to do, but Price has a really good voice for leading a meditation, don't you think? Maybe all of them would talk about how they've worked hard and never relied on a man to help them with anything, but Gaz is so cute, you may as well go to his class just for the eye candy.

Maybe these women would convince you to give it a shot, to just humor the poor men, and somehow you would end up at a meditation retreat desperately hoping that the strange man with a mohawk doesn't make good on his threat to spank you if you keep getting your mantra wrong.

#ghoul speaks #cult au #or maybe we all should accept that the more “resistant” we think we are to cults #the easier it is for them to indoctrinate us

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lampridius · 3 days ago

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Heeey :3

Could I request platonic Boothill with a young reader (about teen years) who he has a sort of found family relationship with? (father-child) Reader is an orphan and is also on the run and wanted but for different reasons. Reader knows how to fight and keep up so they aren't completely defenseless nor are they a deadweight but yk they are still somewhat a kid so they are bound to be reckless

𝙃𝙎𝙍 𝙈𝙀𝙉 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝘼 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏'𝙎 𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙉𝘿 𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙄𝙇𝙔 (𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧) ᯓ★ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: boothill ᯓ★ rules | masterlist | 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 ᯓ★ 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ᯓ★ 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀:

#𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗟𝗟

you’re a fast runner, faster than most kids your age, and definitely faster than you should have to be. boothill doesn’t comment on it much, but you know he watches - sees the way you clock escape routes before sitting down in a new town, how you keep your back to a wall when you sleep, how you eat fast like someone’s gonna take it from you.

he doesn’t ask for your story. not in words. he figures if you ever want to spill it, you will. and if not - well, you’re here, ain’t ya?

he didn’t mean to get attached. he swears that every time you pull some dumb stunt, some reckless fight-picking or rooftop-jumping nonsense that leaves his metal jaw clenching so tight it creaks. you know how to handle yourself. sure. but you’re still learning, and boothill’s seen enough kids get chewed up by the galaxy to know the line between “scrappy” and “six feet under” is real thin.

he calls you “kid.” sometimes “runt.” occasionally “you lil’ hellraiser,” with just enough fondness in it to let you know he ain’t mad. not really.

you ride alongside him more often than not now. he makes you learn how to shoot properly - not just the wild, desperate kind of fighting you picked up while on the run, but clean aim, control, restraint. he teaches you where to hide, how to lie with your body language, how to bluff without blinking. and when he patches you up after a close call, he does it with the same care he gives his own busted systems. quiet, focused. steady hands. like it matters.

when you mess up (and you do, because you’re still learning) he doesn’t yell. he gets quiet. scary quiet, sometimes. but then he sighs, takes off his hat, runs a hand through his hair and mutters, “son of a nice lady, kid… you’re gonna put me in the damn scrap heap before i hit my next firmware update.”

you grin at him through a bloodied lip and say something like “you’re the one who said i needed to toughen up,” and he just grunts, rolls his eyes, and hands you a painkiller.

he never calls himself your dad. you never ask him to.

but when you’re too tired to keep your eyes open and you end up slumped against his shoulder by the fire, he shifts just enough to make sure your head won’t slip, and he doesn’t move again until morning.

he’s not a soft man. not gentle by design. but the world’s taken too many kids like you and left too many bones in the dirt. and if he can help you make it one more day, with your boots on and your will intact, then he’ll do it - quietly, stubbornly, with all the grit and loyalty he’s got left.

you ain’t his kid.

but he’s your ride-or-die anyway.

and maybe, in this ragtag scrapheap of a universe, that’s as good as blood.

©𝗖𝗢𝗣𝗬𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 ● @lampridius 2025

#hsr #honkai star rail #honkai: star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #hsr boothill #boothill x reader #boothill

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cedarwrought · 1 day ago

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steady, love

yang cheng x gn! reader ; hurt/comfort/fluff

wc: roughly 500~

tags: gn! reader (no gendered pronouns used), insecurity and abandonment issues on yang cheng's end, hurt/comfort

He tends to fall into cycles like this. Anxiety barbs deep in his already-trembling heart, tightening as his breath quickens, vision blurring in a hazy miasma. Voices of old bullies taunt him, their young voices piercing him like sprouting bamboo shoots- quick and imprecise in their vitriol, uncaring, unwilling to cast their gaze to their own weeping wounds in favor of shredding the tender flesh of his own.

Even as he’s gotten older- grown taller, soft baby fat giving way to sinew and lean muscle- he finds himself rendered immobile, knees drawn in tight as if it’s enough to make the rush in his head go away. To make himself go away.

“Who would want someone with a low trust score?”

“No wonder your parents died.”

“Who would love you?”

You, apparently.

He laughs, the sound ragged.

You, in all your patience and unflinching kindness, have placed your heart in his hands. Let the messiness of it seep into the lines of his palms, find home in the crevices in his fingertips.

He doesn’t know why.

(Well, yes he does- you tell him as much. In sleepy murmurs between wisps of smoke rising from a circuit board, sips of not-too-sweet milk tea- your raw affection leaves him helpless, the brightness in your eyes never failing to tear him asunder.)

Maybe it’s better to say he struggles to believe you.

That some days it feels as if he’s found himself in a blissful dream and is terrified of waking up. That instead of your touch, he’ll wake up to the edges of an E-Soul action figure clutched between his fists, the hard plastic ridges leaving angry red marks in their wake.

To find that your words, your touch, were all but a child’s imagination, desperate in the absence of his parent’s embrace.

“Yang Cheng?”

He must really be pathetic, thinking of your voice while he’s-

“Yang Cheng.”

Oh.

Crouched by his side, you peer down at him, eyes lidded with concern. You’re wearing one of the shirts from his uncle’s bubble tea shop, the white of it faded over multiple washes.

In the small space of his room, washed in lamplight and the moon’s favor, you look ethereal.

It’s not even a moment later before the drying tear tracks on his cheeks tug at his skin, demanding his attention. His shame. At doubting you, at crying, at-

“Do you need a hug?”

It’s so simple, the way you ask him, and he finds himself weepy once more, hands already moving up to dash away the tears brushing his lashes.

And then it’s warm, his face tucked into the crook of your shoulder, the scent of your shampoo enveloping him in a secondary embrace. Your heartbeat is steady against his, firm and unrelenting, unwilling to falter- an unspoken vow.

(I’m here for you, I love you).

And he believes you.

author's note: i adore this man so much . i want to treat him so so tenderly . along with other things but . you know .

reblogs and comments are very much appreciated, thank u for reading <3

#tbhx x reader #to be hero x x reader #tbhx yang cheng #yang cheng x reader #to be hero x yang cheng #e-soul x reader #yang cheng x you #yang cheng x y/n #tbhx x you #tbhx x y/n #cedar.>>>tbhx #cedar.>>>texts

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mollisquama · 2 days ago

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Canto 8 prediction bingo!

Explanations under read more!

2-in-1 Theory: The theory that Daiyu and Baoyu share a body

Hong Lu wants to keep 'Hong Lu': it's similar to how Don Quixote did her dramatic monologue at the end of canto 7 for wanting the sinners to continue calling her Don Quixote. I think it would be goofy for Hong Lu to be like "👉👈 can we keep calling me Hong Lu? My real name feels kinda awkward"

Jia Huan showing up: I feel like this is almost a given given this is literally the Jia canto pfft

Hong Lu's family dog is an abnormality: I haven't seen this on a bingo board yet but I desperately need the Canto 2 pawn shop scene to be referenced.

Hong Lu's eye is a moonlight stone: perhaps Hong Lu is so calm because he's forced to be?

Hong Lu cries: idk bro I just want this man to cry. Or show any other emotion other than his detached happy apathy thing going on.

Don Quixote reads Hong Lu: okay okay. This one. There's a moment in 7-29 where Don Quixote has a misunderstanding where she thinks that canto 7 is about Hong Lu. She asks Dante to take care of Hong Lu-- to keep him steady. She points out that Hong Lu's expression has been odd and he must've been worried about seeing Xichun, yet Sinclair and Dante were both puzzled by what she possibly could've observed to come to that conclusion. I think that Don Quixote understands Hong Lu and his mask better than most Sinners, and I am really hoping to see another moment where Don Quixote notices that something is deeply wrong before the majority of the Sinners comment on anything.

Jia Qiu dies: what it says. This man is either gonna distort or die. (Or some other horrific alternative) And I am HERE to see what happens

RCorp does mass cullings of HCorp: I am extremely unsure of the actual timeline. I just think that the RCorp Hong Lu story coinciding with the Canto teaser showing both a child and adult Hong Lu looking up on a massacre is just.... Very convenient. Of course, there could just be one big event being referenced in the trailer that just has adult Hong Lu looking back. I think something repeated would be interesting, though.

Sinner Dehumanization: okay, we all know this is happening SOMEWHERE in the canto... Right?

Hong Lu perishing in the Nocturnal Sweeping callback: Jia Qiu never actually commented on Hong Lu being dead but Hong Lu was very much dead during that interaction and likely within view. I just think it would be an interesting interaction for Jia Qiu to mention it.

Hong Lu is unavailable for a portion of pt 3: idk how likely a Hong Lu crashout is. But if it were to happen I think they would put it in act 3.

Stone Theory is True: the theory that Hong Lu is inhuman and instead some form of Jade or Stone. It's closer to the DOTRC where the jade wants to experience the world.

Xichun does not win: I don't think she will outright win the Hierarch Evaluation, but I do think she could possibly get it via Hong Lu if he wins.

Hong Lu is NOT a good person: a long while ago I saw a post with the theory that the latter half of the Cantos will include stories that are a bit more... Unforgivable. Where the Sinner involved isn't just a victim of circumstance and instead did something morally questionable. I think that's cool. I also think we already saw a brief glimpse of that possibly happening in Canto 7 when Outis was going through her brief Would You Still Love Me If I Was A Monster™️ dialogue with Dante and Don Quixote. (That's not exactly what happened but let me be goofy)

Yi Sang tries to be emotionally intelligent: I think Yi Sang will make another attempt to reach out to Hong Lu like how Hong Lu reached out to Yi Sang in Canto 4. I've seen this on a few other bingo boards also.

Outside of battle cutscene: this canto trailer already had some animation. I have a very small theory that Project Moon may attempt to do a different art style cutscene than what most of the cutscenes have previously been. (I do love the lil battle cutscenes though) The change in art style could be in battle, but I'm somewhat wondering if we will get an animation when the bough is resonated with.

Bell Shadow from E.G.O.: okay, to be honest, at first I thought that shadow in Hong Lu's base ego was a mirror. And he was avoiding looking at himself. But it does also look like a looming bell. Guys. I need to know if this has actual backstory significance.

Someone Distorts: a lot of people thing Hong Lu will distort. But I personally think that there're many other interesting options for distortion candidates. Xichun distorts because she doesn't win? Qiu distorts?(I have no other reason to think this other than the fact that it seems like that would be a very interesting boss battle) I do agree that Hong Lu has been building up to a possible distortion plot with all of his lil comments and the Checkup event refreshing us on distortions and the monolith. But... I'm keeping my options open?

Hong Lu being lustful reference: I feel like Hong Lu is associated a lot more with gloom, but with the source material putting emphasis on licentiousness(or lust) I'm wondering if there may be a callback. This chart was made May 6th before the battle pass trailer shared that Hong Lu's WAW ego was Gluttony, so I do wonder if they may go that route. (lust, gluttony, and greed are very similar in my opinion and I would love to do a ramble on the differences sometime. But that's not necessarily Hong Lu related)

No Story Dungeon: please, project moon. I'm begging. I always get stuck in story dungeons. I get lost in those dungeons for weeks, project moon.

The Clockhead acts up: this consists of Dante's head doing ANYTHING unintentional. A new power shows up, Dante for some reason looks into a sinner's thoughts like in Canto 5, Dante sees the door, Dante hears random peccatulum or abnormalities, the fire explodes again... Pretty much anything that isn't just Dante's day-to-day self.

Sinclair tries to play hero: similar to how I assume Yi Sang will reach out, I think Sinclair will try to reach out much like he did in Canto 7. I don't think that Sinclair and Hong Lu are necessarily best friends in the game, but I think Sinclair is trying to be more heroic and brave. Thus, he will likely try to be helpful again.

Turbo Depression Rodya: besties. I think this will be a nightmare for Rodya. First, having to be around rich people in a competition to become richer. Second, she's already been in a sort of downward spiral. I think Rodion will be distressed over seeing the wastefulness and exploitation that may possibly come with how rich Hong Lu's family is.

#lcb hong lu #limbus company #canto 8 #canto viii #canto 8 predictions #limbus bingo #canto bingo #uhhh idk what else to add lol #hong lu lcb #hong lu limbus company #i made this in google slides a while ago pfft

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sproutlandishh · 20 hours ago

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Yandere Fae Hunter X Fairy Reader

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, kidnapping.

(This was not thoroughly proofread, so comment if there are any grammar mistakes!)

Word Count: 3,726

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You wake from your slumber where you’d preferably remain, you consume the fruits of your labor, you go out to labor over more of that—metaphorical and literal—fruit to eat, you go home to dream once more, only to be ripped away the next morning that came. A vicious cycle that never stops moving, never stops eating at you. It’s fatiguing, especially having lived with it ever since the day that you were born in this place.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The only thing that really made it bearable was your closest companion. A boy named Gideon, who’s been your closest friend for as long as you could remember.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He made things more interesting, less dull. He could make the most grueling of chores into fun challenges, and the most nerve-wracking situations could become adventures. He’s charming, adventurous, and kind, a quality that isn’t the most common in this town.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “Please…” Gideon would plead, his voice weak, hoarse with desperation. He groveled before you, grasping the hem of your clothes while on his knees.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “Please, don’t do this… Please!” He begged, tears threatening to spill from his eyes like a dam on the brink of bursting.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 After you had saved one of the fae from certain death, and nursed them back to health, you were encountered by a few of the elders belonging to the particular fairy tribe that fairy belonged to. They thanked you for your mercy, for your effort and generosity towards them. As a reward for your good deed, they offered you a wish.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Ever since that day, you had been toying with the idea of what that wish would be. It was difficult to choose, to eliminate suggestions, but then you realized. Fairies are miniature, nimble and agile creatures, with scaly wings and quick steps. They had many of the things that you didn’t, you having a taller, slower human body compared to theirs.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 One of those things that they had was freedom, the ability to go wherever they pleased, however they pleased, whenever they pleased. They were able to escape places you couldn’t, they could go beyond your village. This was your chance to break free, if you chose to take it.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 That was your wish, to become one of them, a fairy, just like them. To do so would require you to leave behind your village to live in the forest, which you had gladly chose to do. However, Gideon wasn’t pleased. When he heard of what you were planning, he had become a distraught mess, which led you to this very moment.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon didn’t take his eyes off of you, off your face. He didn’t care if he was making a scene, he didn’t care about anything, he couldn’t if he was unable to have you. “I’ll give you everything you could ever want! I- I- I’ll build us a home! We can have a family! I’ll give you the world and more if you stay!” He spoke, his face growing red as he became more sorrowful, his words becoming less sensible as this went on.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “Just please! Don’t give up on me! If you were to leave, I would.. I’d..” Gideon trailed off, his voice breaking at last, like a glass table that had finally given out under too much weight. He was incoherent for the most part, like a distraught child. Gods, the way he spoke to you, how he groveled at your feet… you felt like a monster.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Despite this, you know that if you don’t make this wish, you’ll likely never leave. You’ll be stuck here, doing the same activities in the same place, day after day. You crave an escape from this, you always have. This is your chance to escape.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon would understand, you knew. He always did, he’d come to terms with your decision, despite it being hard for him to swallow. Despite the feeling of betrayal he may have currently, he’ll turn around eventually, and support your decision.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You hadn’t realized just how wrong you were.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Once you had made your wish, you were accepted into the world of the fae. You were reborn, experiencing a major metamorphosis, a transformation. You had become a butterfly, bursting from your cocoon. You had never felt more free, more light. The world had become so much bigger, so much more spacious, and it welcomed you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You had developed wings, the beautiful, scaly wings that would belong to a fairy.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your movements had become lighter, more graceful somehow, despite your rebirth rendering you comatose for a series of days, developing like a caterpillar inside a protective shell.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You were small, much smaller than your previous size as a human. Now you were the size of a fairy, able to be cupped in a human’s hand if given the opportunity.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The world was much larger than it was previously. It was perfect. So much more to explore, to see, to discover. You felt.. free.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon wasn’t celebrating your metamorphosis. He hadn’t gone to the woods to find you, not since the day you left to make that wish. Gods, he couldn’t bare the thought of seeing you in your new shape... The idea made him feel viscerally, disgustingly ill.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 How could you give everything up? You’ve had a connection since before you could walk, you were a natural pair! Gideon was so convinced that the rest of your lives would be spent together, even if you hadn’t realized the deep, overwhelming feelings he had regarding you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You always made your desire for freedom known, your wish to see beyond the limits of your hometown. He shouldn’t have brushed it off all those times, he shouldn’t have assumed you would eventually grow out of it and remain here by his side.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gods, he was such a fool. Had he done something more, had he realized the extent of your desires earlier, things would’ve been different.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He’d be by your side as always, strolling by the treeline, wasting time as you’d soak in the warmth of the sun. Instead, he was trying to cope, sitting by his lonesome in the village tavern, like a woesome inebriate.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Had Gideon intervened, had he done something more, would you have stayed? If he went to find you, would you return? No, surely you wouldn’t. Not willingly. Not like this. You must be having the time of your life, dancing, singing, laughing with the fae. The idea of you mingling with others, individuals that weren’t him, it made his blood boil.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He wanted to dance with you, to hear you sing, to make you laugh until your ribs ached, but now he can’t. You ran off with the fae, and you won’t ever return. You won’t ever come back. He’ll never see you aga- No.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 No. He mustn’t feel sorry for himself. He needs to stop, he won’t get anything from it. He won’t accept it. You can’t just… leave forever. No, he’d certainly see you again. Gideon would make sure of it. These woods aren’t too big, and he’ll surely be able to track you down, it can’t be too hard. There are people who track the fae all the time, who hunt them down. He could learn from them. And when he finds you…

ᯓᡣ𐭩 What will he do when he finds you? He could grovel on his knees again, beg for forgiveness due to not noticing your desires sooner? He could plead with you, try to get you to return home? But what then? If you say no…?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You won’t say no, he won’t let you refuse. You can’t refuse, you two have a special bond, he’d do anything for you, and you for him. If you do, he’ll have to drag you back. Of course, you’re a fairy now. Such a thing shouldn’t be too hard, why didn’t it occur to him sooner? If you resist? He’ll… have to figure something out.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 This wasn’t the end. He’ll get you back, and by the end of it? He’ll never let you go ever again.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 It hadn’t felt very long since you joined the fae now. It felt as though it were yesterday that you sprouted your wings, time truly flew. You speculated that it may have been a few weeks, one or two perhaps, not too long, but not too short of a time either.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The breeze was light and refreshing, but not freezing. The sun was bright, but not burning. It was a beautiful summer day, perfect for a gathering. A multitude of diverse fae had collectively come together for a celebration, not for anything in particular, simply as something to do. It seemed to be a common occurrence, you didn’t mind it, you were delighted to attend.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You were surprised by just how quickly you were accepted by the others, not just your own tribe. You expected to be met with some wariness, having not been born a fairy, but instead they welcomed you quite nicely. It was a pleasant feeling, different than the atmosphere back at the village.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Speaking of, you hadn’t seen Gideon in quite some time. Not around the time of your metamorphosis, in the week following, or anytime recently. The fairies you had become acquainted with didn’t recall ever seeing him around.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Was he still upset? Was he giving you the cold shoulder? You hadn’t left the village—left him—on the best note, was he that hurt? You recall the day he was begging you to not make the wish, to stay in Talcoun.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You were still friends, at least, you hope, you should be. Did he not think so? Did he think that you had ended your friendship with him, and that’s why he hadn’t come to see you?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You’d visit him. Soon, you’d visit him and hope to clear up any confusion, to come to an understanding. He always was an understanding person, with an open mind, as well as open ears to listen with, and you would be there to reciprocate that understanding.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The sound of pan pipes began to ring out in a playful melody, a song brought about by one of the satyrs attending the gathering. “Come now! The party’s getting started!” One of your fairy friends tugged on your arm, trying to coax you into joining them in the air.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You were still getting the hang of flying, since you only got your wings less than a month ago. In a way, it was sort of like learning to walk all over again. Your friends told you that you were a natural though, so that was reassuring.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your wings fluttered, and you quickly joined your friend in midair. They were still holding your arm, a gentle, yet protective hold. The other fairies that were around also took to the air, hovering a few feet off the ground as the music began to flow through the trees like the wind.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 None of you seemed to realize just how loud you all were, as the sounds could be heard for quite the distance.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your friend began to playfully twirl you around, the both of you spinning in the air as if trying to dance without the existence of gravity. The other winged fey seemed to join in, those on the ground danced along, though some seemed to be content with cheering everyone on.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 It was as if everything else faded away, you could get lost in the dance, the music, the magic. You can’t recall ever feeling such glee, such euphoria.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your friend took notice of the expression you wore. They smiled, you smiled back at them.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gods, everything about this felt so right, like this was where you were meant to be. It made you question if you were ever supposed to be human after all…

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The music cut off, and everyone stopped to look towards the musician. His ear was perked up, he heard something. You watched as everyone else seemed to tune into whatever the satyr was hearing, you couldn’t detect anything, possibly due to you not having acquired that ability yet.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 A few seconds of silence passed, and you were unable to detect anything, but the way the atmosphere shifted made you nervous. The worry ate at you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your friend turned to glance at you, noticing the anxious look on your face. “I don’t hear anything now, I think we’re-” Their words were cut short as a loud “CRACK” broke the silence, followed by something quickly whizzing past, nearly knocking you to the ground.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The object that shot past hit the tree that stood tall behind the satyr, who now looked immensely alarmed. Piercing the rough bark of the tree was a sharp, skinny arrow.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Panic immediately sparked amongst the fey, and screams began to ring out. Chaos ensued, and everyone began to flee the scene. Confusion and fear flooded your body, you can’t remember having ever experienced such terror.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You turn suddenly, looking towards the direction that arrow came from. Your eyes locked upon a tall, human figure, with tousled hair and a familiar face. It took you a few moments to realize just who this was.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You’d yelp his name in surprise, your filter completely flying out the window.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The sound of your voice caught his attention. He whipped his head around, turning to look at you. His eyes widened as they locked onto you, looking your new form up and down.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Right, he hadn’t seen what you looked like now, though you still looked similar to your previous appearance. You still looked like you, just much smaller, and with wings.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 When his eyes locked onto your face, he smiled, taking a step forward, which almost seemed like a thunderous march due to how much larger he was now in comparison to you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The sight and sound was jarring. Gideon was like a giant now, lumbering towards you with the large bag slung around his shoulder swinging against his thigh.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You hadn’t noticed the archer’s bow he held against his side, nor the look in his eyes. The predatory, bloodthirsty look in his eyes. The smile he wore, despite making him appear friendly, radiated a menacing, obsessive aura.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The fairy that you had befriended seemed to see right through him. They quickly tightened their hold on your arm, flying away and dragging you with them in an attempt to reach safety.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon’s demeanor quickly shifted, his smile falling. He lunged, swiping at the air as he tried to keep you from fleeing. “Wait! Hey, wait!” He exclaimed, his hand narrowly missing you both as you flew away.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You were confused, not having noticed the red flags that Gideon displayed. You looked behind you, watching as he chased after you, desperate to keep up.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “Wait! Come back!” He cried, still keeping pace with you, refusing to give in and slow down.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your friend, still keeping a firm grip on your arm, quickly swerved in another direction, trying their best to lose the human. You didn’t have the strength to fight them on it, your wings couldn’t fly in the opposite direction to combat their movement, since you were still practicing.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You did, however, have the strength to rip your arm from their hold. You pried your hand beneath theirs, ripping it off of your arm. The sudden shift in speed, and the alleviation of your weight as your friend hauled you away caused you both to fly out of control.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your friend was flung far and out of sight, still going extremely, almost painfully fast. You, on the other hand, lost balance from the sudden force. Losing your stability, you crash-landed, thrown off the path to your destination, being tossed forcefully into the foliage next to you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 With your new size, you luckily achieved a somewhat soft landing. You collided with the upper limb of a bush, sliding down to the dirt on the large leaves, tossing you from one leaf to the other until you hit the ground.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You fell flat on your face, but as quickly as you hit the ground, you recovered. Your wings fell limp against your back, like a scaly cloak.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You sat up on your knees, hands on the dirt as you turned your head up, looking forward. You tried not to move, as it felt that the wind had been knocked out of you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon had finally caught up to you. He walked slowly, approaching you inch by inch, as if trying to prevent startling an animal.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He looked relieved, at least, you assumed. It was hard to discern the expression on his face as you looked up, the light from above blinding you. You squinted, trying to make out what you could. A struggle, it was, as you could only make out shapes as shadows.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “I’ve finally found you…” You heard him speak, his voice as soft as a whisper, full of shock and relief. He knelt before you, though you were far from meeting eye to eye.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “It’s actually you. My gods, you’re…” Gideon shakily trailed off, as if trying to figure out what to say. His words didn’t have any malice or disgust behind them, instead they were full of pure awe and astonishment. It sounded as if he was trying his best to hide his glee.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You, unsure of what else to say, spoke his name. You had difficulty concocting a proper sentence, having the wind knocked out of you earlier.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon’s eyes seemed to light up even more, if that was even possible. “How I’ve missed you so, you have no idea just how much I’ve longed to see you.”

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You felt a hint of fear as Gideon towered over you like a looming titan, and your breath hitched. It finally dawned on you just how intimidating humans were in the eyes of smaller creatures, such as the fairies.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Was this how the fae used to see you before you joined them? You suddenly felt the urge to apologize to them.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You fought the instinct to scramble, to scurry around like a rat running for its life. There was no need, this was Gideon after all, he’d never harm you.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 So why did you feel so anxious as you looked up at his face…?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “I’ve been looking for you for weeks now, you didn’t return home, so I had to come and find you myself.” He smiled warmly, the alterior motives hidden beneath his familiar, wholesome demeanor. He knelt before you, wanting to get as close as humanly possible.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “But that doesn’t matter anymore, we can go back home now!” He added, his words cheerful.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You ask him what he means, confused by the statement. You don’t live in Talcoun anymore.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 His smile faltered. “To- To Talcoun. We can go back, and things will return to normal again.” Gideon tried to maintain a vibrant, hopeful visage. “Of course, we’ll need to make some… accommodations for you, but that will be no problem! I-I’d be happy to!” He continued.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You look him up and down, wondering if he was actually serious. You’d then remind him that you gave all that up, that you’ve found a new home, and that you wouldn’t be going back.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon frowned. “You’re- You’re actually staying? You’re serious about this?” He spoke, his voice like a whisper of disbelief. “No, no, you can’t.” He shook his head in response, refusing to believe your words.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He trembled, as if he had just recieved the worst news of his life, which in his eyes, he did. You were actually serious about staying? Here? In the woods? And away from him?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You double down, insisting that you are staying. You feel bad, really you do, but… you feel this is what you need, what you’ve always needed, and it was something that he couldn’t provide you with.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 If it was possible, it seemed that his heart had been shattered further, the pieces of his heart obliterated into even smaller pieces. “But… but…” He trailed off, unable to formulate a coherent sentence. He sounded like a pitiful child, his voice cracking.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Your eyes were locked on Gideon’s face. He was clearly in distress, his lip twitching, and his eyes… was he crying? His eyes were glassy and pink, just how badly had he reacted to you leaving?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He began to move, his arm slowly reaching into the large bag that was still slung around his shoulder. Gideon rummaged around in it, his eyes still locked on you, not tearing his gaze away.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The predatory look in his eyes, along with the way he eyed you as he reached into his bag for something, it made something within you stir, a feeling of fear. You trusted Gideon, he’d never do anything to hurt you… right?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He’d pull out an object from the bag, a large, sleek lantern, with a door-like opening on one of the sides. Your mind began to race, hoping that this wouldn’t go where you feared it would.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You began to back away, still sitting on the ground. You’d ask what he was doing, having the faintest sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t going to go where you imagined it might.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He opened his mouth, his breathing shaky. “I’m not letting you go, not again.” He stated, reaching out towards you. Your heart sank, and you scrambled to your feet, stumbling away, but it was no use, Gideon was faster.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon’s hand curled around your body, keeping a vice grip on you. He eyed you down in his fist, his gaze predatory and possessive. “If I can’t have you, then I’ll just take you! I’ll make you a trophy if I must!” He cried, grasping you tightly.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 You tried to reason with him, tried to escape, but your arms were pinned to your sides, and your words didn’t seem to sway Gideon.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “Come now, we’re going home.” He growled, opening the lantern with one of his free fingers, and forcing you inside, shutting the door and latching it quickly despite your protests.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Gideon raised the lantern up to his face, now being able to look you directly in the eye with that intense, unwavering stare…

ᯓᡣ𐭩 “And this time, I’m never letting you go again.”

27 notes · View notes

divinefailurre · 1 day ago

Text

and did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?

'just between us, did the love affair maim you too?'

theodore nott x reader

this is my first tumblr fic, hi everyone! i hope you like it! this is loosely based off of the notebook movie, but not everything is the same. i imagined reader to be like noah and theo to be like allie...but you'll see. the ending is lowkey rushed, and it's not fully proofread (i'm so sorry).

word count: 8.6k

snow cascaded down from the heavens all around you, the frozen air it brought with it chilling your whole body. you tightened your hold on the coat you wore, crossing your arms to shield your hands from the air. living in the states had changed you, making you more susceptible to the cold…you hated it.

as you strode down the london pavement, your eyes darted around the city that seemed to have changed so much in such a short time. buildings were taller, people were busier, and the constant construction was enough to drive you mad.

where had all the time gone?

you sighed, trying so desperately to shove down the feelings of guilt and regret that always surfaced when you thought about the past. things were so different now.

finally making it to the bus stop, you stood under the shaded bus shelter, trying not to make eye contact with passing pedestrians. the christmas lights scattered all throughout the city caught your eye though, their blinking colors doing little to warm your soul.

one place caught your eye.

if you’d have remembered this specific place was right where you’d be walking past, you’d have chosen to cross town instead. but here you are, standing across the street from a little pub that was decorated for christmas, the decorated tree catching your eye through the window.

“you’re telling me you’ve never been to a muggle pub?” you’d questioned, pulling your boyfriend through the door of a small london pub. he chuckled behind you, his grip tightening around your hand as you both weaved through the crowd, trying to find an open table.

“not once,” theodore nott replied, his voice standing out in the loud room, despite him speaking quietly. “why, is there something special about a place that doesn’t serve firewhiskey?”

“absolutely!” you chirped, sitting down at a small booth. it was in the very back of the bar, with only one low-hanging lamp to provide you with any light. theodore slid into the booth next to you, pulling his hand out of your grip so he could throw his arm around your shoulder.

you’d had boyfriends before, but never like theo. he was kind, attentive, and quiet in the best way possible. he was witty, constantly cracking you up with his jokes or sarcastic comments. and boy, was he handsome. you let your eyes wander over his face as you sat in the booth with him, your gaze flitting from his eyes, to his lips, to his cheeks that you loved to kiss.

“così carina,” theo purred, bumping you with his nose. you giggled, leaning forward so he could kiss your cheek. “così bella, così dolce…” every compliment he punctuated with a kiss to your cheek, your jaw, your neck.

normally you’d be self-conscious, not wanting to exhibit too much pda, but you knew this pub. you knew the people who owned it, the people who frequented it, and you knew none of them were looking or even cared. more than that, something inside of you didn’t care anymore.

the two of you had ordered some beer, and continued to sit for hours, just talking and laughing. theo especially loved people-watching. whenever you two were out, he loved to make a game out of guessing people’s lives, almost making them characters in a little book in his head.

“see that guy?” theo had asked, whispering in your ear as he pointed across the pub. “the one with the mohawk? he’s for sure in a rock band, but he’s skipping practice because the lead singer’s pissing him off. look! he’s going on and on about something that seems infuriating, so i’m right!”

you laughed every time he made up these stories, but you listened intently every time. there was something about the way theo talked that pulled you in, making everything else seem hazy. theo’s eyes never strayed from yours, save for once when he leaned in to press a kiss to your lips. your eyes fluttered shut, returning to kiss with equal fervor, resting your hands on the sides of his neck.

the honk of the bus was what pulled you out of the memory. you shook your head, breaking your gaze from the pub, where the lights seemed to flicker theo’s name in morse code. you sighed, feeling the cold return to your body once more. your lips burnt, as if theo’s lips had set them aflame, and just the memory of him was able to reignite them.

the bus driver smiled at you as you stepped in the vehicle, pulling yourself up the stairs and down the aisle. the bus was almost completely full, but you were able to find a lone seat at the very end of the row. slinking low in your seat, you let your head fall against the window, watching as the bus drove past the pub and down the busy road.

the bus dropped you off a few blocks from your parents’ street, and you continued your trek across the city. the snow had finally let up, but the grey skies still held back the sun. you were sure your nose was about to fall off from the winter chill, though. your steps were light, almost cautious as you turned onto your parents’ road.

you finally reached your parents’ front door. the terraced house was old, its red brick slowly weathering down into a greenish color, the window shutters that were once white are now a dark grey. it’d been five years since you’d been back, and the house you once called home now looked like it was inhabited by strangers. taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

your mother was the first to greet you. she grinned, pulling you in the house by your backpack straps, causing a chuckle to escape your lips. she wrapped you in her arms, swinging you around while your father watched from the hallway.

“how come you never visit, dove?” your mother jokingly scolded, swatting your arm as she led you to the kitchen, where your brother and father were waiting to greet you.

“she doesn’t wanna run into theo,” your brother said, trying and failing to tease you. your eyebrows shot up, your cheeks heating up at your brother’s accusation, which was one hundred percent true.

“not true,” you lied, narrowing your eyes. “besides, he’s probably never in town.”

“i just saw him a few weeks ago,” your father said quietly, wincing as soon as the sentence left his mouth, as if he knew he shouldn’t have said anything.

“oh,” was all you could say back.

silence followed, your mom wringing her hands and shooting your father a nasty look in the meantime. you glanced down at the kitchen table, finding a large plate full of christmas cookies on the counter. the cookies were all cut into christmas shapes; trees, mittens, snowflakes, even snowmen. your mom had really tried her best to make christmas happy for you again.

“can you pass me the frosting?” you asked theo, who was standing across the kitchen island, hogging all the cookie frosting. his brows were furrowed as he held a cookie up close to his face, trying to use the blue frosting to make a snowflake on top.

“gimme a minute,” theo murmured, all his focus on trying to pipe a straight line onto the cookie. you smiled, tilting your head as you watched him. ever since theo’s mother passed away when he was twelve, theo nor his father celebrated christmas. it just seemed unnecessary, since the one person that truly loved christmas was gone.

you were so happy when your mother asked theo to stay over to frost cookies. at first, your boyfriend was hesitant. he had been about to pull on his coat and step outside, but your mother begged him to stay. theo glanced at you, then your mother, then back at you. finally, he agreed, and it seemed like he was really enjoying himself.

“i love you,” you said quietly. theo paused his frosting, his cheeks turning pink as he finally looked up from his work, his eyes wide as they watched you. a moment passed, silence filling the room. you were instantly embarrassed, glancing down at the table to avoid his gaze.

theo dropped everything he was holding and slowly moved around the counter, slipping one arm around your waist and using the other hand to tilt your chin up towards him.

“you love me?” he asked, as if he hadn’t heard you the first time. you nodded, intoxicated by the feeling of him so close. his nose bumped yours as he leaned in, capturing your lips with his. normally he kissed you roughly, or strongly, or full of desire, but this kiss was soft. his mouth explored yours in the gentlest of touches, making you melt your body into him. theo pulled away, his blue-grey eyes darting around your face.

“i love you, too,” theo murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “ti amo così tanto.”

“dinner is at six,” your mother announced, breaking you out of your second hazy memory of the day. hopefully you could get through dinner without another one. nodding, you carried yourself across the kitchen and down the hall towards the stairs.

you trudged up the stairs, trying hard to avoid looking at the pictures hanging on the wall. almost all of them contained pictures of you when you were younger, and you were sure your mother still had that one picture of you and theo in front of the christmas tree still up. if you saw that picture you’d spontaneously combust.

finally, you crossed the threshold of your childhood bedroom. it was as if you’d walked straight into a memory. the walls were still a soft beige, though the posters plastered all over covered up most of the paint. your desk was still cluttered with books and paints and anything else that had no specific place. your bookshelves were overfilled with your favorite books from adolescence, containing titles like Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Lord of the Rings.

despite being a witch, you were born to a muggle family, and therefore kept your muggle lifestyle. when you were a teenager, every summer you came back home it was like you weren’t a witch at all. you weren’t allowed to use magic, of course, and your parents weren’t magical, so life just went back to normal for a few short months every year.

as you shrugged off your coat, you glanced in the mirror across the room. your hair was frizzy and wet from the snow, your eyes were tired, and your complexion was the opposite of bright and clear. rolling your eyes, you pulled your scarf off your neck and flopped on your bed.

your mother let you miss dinner.

when you woke up the next morning, which was christmas eve, you immediately felt horrible. your first time back to visit in five years, and you couldn’t even stay awake long enough to eat with your family.

your parents smiled as you entered the kitchen, your mother silently handing you a hot mug of coffee. you smiled in thanks, slipping into the chair next to your father, who leaned over to press a kiss to your head.

“what’re you doing today?” your mother asked, flipping the page of her magazine. “we’re not eating until seven, and your brother wants to watch that one movie we watch every year.”

“it’s called Scrooged!” your brother bellowed from the other room. you chuckled as you took a sip of your coffee.

“we watch it every year,” your father muttered.

“i’m surprised you still allow it,” you replied, trying to hide your smile. “if i was here every year, i’m sure i’d cause a fit.”

“well, we wish you were here every year,” your mother said solemnly. “then maybe someone would stand up to that brother of yours!”

you appreciated your mother’s way of diverting the topic. to be honest, you were disappointed in yourself for staying away so long, but if this trip back home proved anything, it was that you weren’t ready to be back.

“i think i’m gonna head to town soon,” you said, ignoring the solemn air that filled the kitchen. “i’ve got a few last minute things to get, and cassie is expecting me to meet her for coffee.”

“oh, that’ll be fun!” your mother exclaimed. “please tell her i say hello. oh, how i miss that girl!”

cassie had been your best friend since childhood. she was a muggle, but that didn’t stop you two from being friends after you left for hogwarts. every week, you sent letters back and forth, catching each other up on your separate lives. it took her awhile to get used to an owl showing up at her window, but once she got to know atticus, your beautiful great horned owl, she loved seeing him.

after finishing a lovely breakfast with soft conversation, you got ready for your excursion back into the heart of london. you loved the city, you truly did, you just hated the memories it held. the past it brought back to the surface was almost too much to bear.

you got ready quickly, not being one to care much about appearances anymore. your hair fell in a singular braid down your back, tucked under a small hat to keep your ears warm. this particular hat had been knitted by your grandmother when you were young, so it was a bit snug, but you loved it all the same.

“i’ll be home by six!” you exclaimed, waving goodbye to your family. your mother wished you safe travels, your brother teasingly flipped you off, and your father scolded him as you shut the door. your family always had a way of lifting your spirits without even trying.

as you shopped in town, you popped your earbuds in, trying desperately to tune out the hustle and bustle of the christmas eve shoppers around you. you surprisingly found everything you needed and left quickly, wanting to get to the coffee shop before cassie so you could surprise her with her gift.

you accidentally walked past the pub.

once again, you were in your own world, trying to juggle all the bags in your arms, when you accidentally bumped into a woman leaving the pub, causing you to become aware of your surroundings. you’d apologized, and she’d done the same, but once you realized where you were (for the second time in two days), your blood ran cold.

you kept walking, quicker this time around, when you came across a for sale sign. it was just up the street from the pub, maybe two doors down, and it must have been an old flower shop because you could somewhat make out the faded letters on the door. you stood there a moment, peering in the windows, when a revelation almost knocked you out of your boots.

new year’s eve, five years ago, you and theo spent a quiet night together, opting out of any parties your friends were throwing. you were curled up on the couch in his flat (well, his father’s flat that he stayed in when he had business in london), watching an old movie that theo had never seen before. theo wasn’t an avid movie-watcher, but he loved whenever you’d pick out a movie…just so you two could spend a night in together.

“what’s this called again?” theo asked, running his hands through your hair.

“it’s a wonderful life,” you hummed, leaning into his touch. “s’posed to be a christmas movie, but i like watching it around new year’s, too.”

“it’s good,” theo replied. you felt him sink lower into the couch, pulling you closer to him. “makes me think about the future.”

“oh yeah?”

you sat up, turning to face your boyfriend, whose face held a pensive expression as he watched the movie. he turned towards you when he noticed you watching him, a smirk playing on his lips.

“what?” he questioned. “something on my face?”

“no,” you replied, rolling your eyes. “you just don’t talk about the future a lot. it surprised me, i guess. so, what does mr. theodore nott see for himself in the future?”

theo smiled, his tired eyes hooked onto your lips, and he leaned forward to press a kiss onto them. while he distracted you, he pulled your body onto his lap so you’d straddle him. you inhaled quickly at the surprise.

“i see you,” theo said. “i see you and me. i marry you, we maybe have a little baby–”

“maybe we own a little bookshop! and we live upstairs with a little cat!” you added.

“very good, love, and we visit your parents for every holiday and we host dinner parties every week. maybe we–oh, what’s wrong?”

theo’s little monologue had simply brought you to tears. the two of you had been dating for awhile, but he’d never opened up to you this much. theo always had the bad habit of keeping things close to his heart, never letting someone in enough to know about the things that he thinks are important.

“nothing’s wrong,” you said, letting him use his thumbs to wipe your tears away. “i just love hearing you talk. i love your idea of the future, of our future. i love it all, and i love you.”

“i love you, too,” theo murmured, leaning forward to press a kiss under your eye, effectively kissing your tears away.

tears stung your face as you reentered reality. you caught your own reflection staring back at yourself through the window, noticing how red your eyes and cheeks were. from the cold, or from crying, you wouldn’t know.

wiping your face, you took out a notepad from your purse and wrote down the number for the leasing office. it seemed as if everything you’d ever done was meant to lead you to this moment, this spot in london, this time. you were meant to see this empty building, to face the one memory you’d tried so hard to erase. you had gotten drunk one night a few years ago and almost obliviated it from your memory, but your friend was thankfully there to confiscate your wand.

you knew you had to buy this place. you knew you had to make a life for yourself. all you’d done for the past five years was run from who you were truly supposed to be, who you wanted yourself to be, and coming across this empty plot was proof of that.

even if theo wasn’t in your life anymore, you were still going to complete your dream, even if part of it was supposed to include him. after all, the bookshop was originally your idea, so why should you let the idea of him hold you back?

as soon as you got home that night, you told your parents about your grand idea. both of them, while a bit hesitant, were ecstatic to hear that their child was finally moving back to london. they helped you figure out all the logistics on how to move back, how to contact the leasing office for the storefront, and all the other little things you had to get sorted out.

christmas came and went, and thankfully so. the holiday season left you with a sour taste in your mouth for the past five years (for obvious reasons), and you were eager to get started on your new project. you’d flown back to the states to collect your things and move out of the studio apartment you’d been (un)comfortably living in for the past few years. everything was going according to plan for once in your life.

after arriving back in london, you’d received a phone call that the storefront, along with the small apartment above it, were yours. as soon as you hung up the phone, you and your family jumped around the kitchen in sheer joy. even your younger brother, who wasn’t one for showing emotions, had to wipe away a tear at the fact that his sibling was back home for good.

the month after, you were finally given the keys to the shop. your mother went with you to scout it out first, and you were both surprised when you saw it didn’t need much work. the floors were a nice hardwood, dark cherry in color, and the walls were painted a plain white. you could definitely tell it used to be a flower shop, as the earthy scent was still strong in the air.

for the next six months, you worked on getting this shop in order. it was hard work, but it was fulfilling. after working meaningless jobs for the entirety of your adult life, it was nice to put your energy into something that would eventually pay off.

your family often came by, offering their assistance in painting, making phone calls, ordering inventory. your brother in particular was especially helpful. almost every day after his university classes were finished, he came by the shop. it seemed that the work helped pull him out of whatever slump he was in, too.

once the renovations were finished, you started receiving your inventory. books by the dozens started showing up at your door, waiting to be unboxed and displayed on the tables you’d found at the antique shop. one morning, one book in particular stopped you in your tracks.

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” theo announced, thrusting the book into your hands. you had spent the afternoon hanging out around town, searching bookstores all day for what theo claimed to be the best shakespeare play of all time. you weren’t one for reading shakespeare, but apparently theo was, and he had very strong opinions on the topic.

now, the two of you were back at his flat, enjoying an espresso in the kitchen as theo performed a book haul for you (as if you weren’t there when he bought them).

“why is this one your favorite?” you asked, taking the book out of his hands. you ran your hand over the front cover, which was blue and embellished with gold designs of two fairies in a tree.

“my mother read it to me as a child, and i used to think it was so clever. it’s like a medieval rom-com,” theo explained. “some of the lines are really profound, though. here, let me see.”

theo took the book out of your hands, flipping the pages to find what he was looking for. you watched his face brighten as he pointed to a certain line, most likely the one he was looking for.

“‘ay me! for aught that i could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history, the course of true love never did run smooth’,” theo read, his eyes flitting across the page. you smiled, nodding as he finished, looking up at you in admiration.

“i like it,” you said. “it’s true, too. the course of true love isn’t smooth at all.”

“no, it’s not,” theo replied. “but since it led me to you, i don’t care how bumpy it was.”

“come here, romeo,” you teased, tugging on theo’s shirt collar. he chuckled, leaning into your touch. you pressed your lips to his, and suddenly the whole world disappeared.

“it was actually lysander that said that, romeo isn’t in–”

“shut up.”

you decided to set up the book in the window display. somehow, when your brother was finding inventory, he’d found the same edition that theo had bought years ago, the same two fairies taunting you on the cover. despite that, it was still a beautiful play (one of your now-favorites), and it deserved to be displayed.

“is something wrong with the books?” your brother asked from behind you. “you’ve been standing there for like five minutes.”

“no, no, they’re perfect,” you replied, setting the final copy on the table. “i was just reminiscing.”

“oh. okay. well, there’s some more boxes that just came that need your signature.”

you sighed, nodding that you’d heard him, and left the books in the display. opening day was going to be the next week, and you had a lot to do. you had no time to spend daydreaming, thinking about what once was.

finally, opening day had come. your whole body was jittering, so much so that you hadn’t allowed yourself a cup of coffee that morning. you’d put on your favorite dress outfit, long flowy pants and a matching button-up vest. you had blow dried your hair that morning, feeling the immense need to look presentable for the most important day of your new career.

opening day was a complete success. foot traffic was at an all-time high, as almost everyone that passed the new shop had stopped in the window, deciding to just take a peek. your brother worked the cash register, and was constantly busy with customers.

that afternoon, a woman from a london newspaper came in, claiming she’d caught wind of the new bookshop down the road, and just had to put it in the paper. it wouldn’t be front page, she assured you, but it’d be pretty close.

when the newspaper had finally printed, you had a party to celebrate. a picture of you standing in front of your beautiful new bookshop was now in print, under the headline NEW LOCAL BOOKSHOP HAS A BOOMING OPENING DAY. your friend cassie had cut it out and framed it, giving it as a gift to hang on the wall behind the cash register.

things were finally looking up for you. business remained steady, you were finally settled in your new apartment, and your thoughts of theo were becoming less and less frequent. you were finally growing into your own person, even though you wished you were growing with a certain someone.

one morning, however, fate decided to play a nasty trick on you.

you were at the bookshop, handling the cash register while your brother unpacked new inventory in the back. there were a few customers browsing the shop, picking up books that might meet their fancy. you paid them no mind, maybe offering a suggestion or two if they asked. you knew how most people thought of shopping for books as a solitary experience. you didn’t look up from your papers until someone sat down a book on the counter in front of you.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

you looked up to be met with theodore nott two feet away from you. your eyes widened, your pulse quickening instantly. you genuinely couldn’t believe your eyes. you blinked rapidly, thinking your eyes were just blurry. no, this couldn’t be. theo shouldn’t be here. he should be across the country, or maybe across europe, in italy with his father. he shouldn’t be here.

“hello,” theo said quietly. you stood there, your body frozen. what were you supposed to do? do you say hi back? do you yell at him to get out? your breath escaped your lungs at the sound of his voice. every emotion and memory from that last night together came rushing back, hitting you square in the chest like a tidal wave.

you were spending the night at theo’s father’s flat. you and theo had been dating almost seven months, and everything was pure bliss. even though it was somewhat a new relationship, you’d never felt more at home with someone, and you were certain he felt the same way.

the both of you were sitting on the couch, about to turn on a movie, when theo’s father apparated into the middle of the living room. you shrieked, jumping from the couch, while theo seized his wand, ready to fight the intruder.

“put your wand down, theodore! it’s just me!” theo’s father exclaimed, his hands in the air in surrender. theo sighed, setting his wand down, but his shoulders didn’t loosen.

“why are you here?” theo asked hesitantly. theo’s father chuckled, stepping closer.

“you mean at my own place,” theo’s father snapped. his gaze finally fell onto you, a hint of disdain turning his nose upright at the sight of you. “come talk in the other room.”

theo looked at you, a silent question. you smiled softly, jerking your head towards his father, a silent answer. theo nodded, following his father to the other room. what you heard next would continue to haunt you for the next five years.

“i’m here because this cannot go on any longer. you are not to see that mudblood anymore.”

“don’t you fucking call her that,” theo snapped at his father. the sound of a hand slamming against wood came next, making you flinch.

“i’ll call her whatever i want, i am your father! you will listen to me!”

“i don’t have to do anything–”

“theodore, you are eighteen years old! you are not a child anymore. i used to excuse your little, should i say…engagements, when you were at hogwarts. you were a teenager, but now you have to think of your future.”

“i am thinking of my future, father, she’s my future!”

“she’s nothing! she is nothing. you are not to see her anymore.”

the arguing continued, but you couldn’t bear to hear any more of it. you stumbled out of the flat, your eyes blurry with tears. you’d never heard someone speak that way about you, despite dealing with some bullying at hogwarts for being muggleborn. it was nothing compared to this.

“baby, baby, wait!” theo had exclaimed, running after you. he’d caught up to you in the hallway, grabbing your arms to turn you towards him.

“i’m just gonna go,” you said, trying to shake him off of you, but he wouldn’t budge.

“no, please don’t. don’t listen to him, he’s wrong, he’s so wrong. i love you.”

“i love you, too, theo, but maybe he’s right. you deserve someone better, someone who can give you more.”

“you can give me everything i need.”

“i can’t give you everything your family needs.”

at that, theo was silent. despite the amount of love he had for you, it wouldn’t make his family, namely his father, accept you. you’d never be able to have the future you wanted together.

“we’re done,” you said quietly.

“you don’t mean that,” theo said, his grip on your arm loosening as he stared at you in shock.

“i do,” you said. “it was never going to work.”

“oh, and why’s that?” theo snapped. “because apparently now you’re too scared to be with me?”

“i can’t let you throw your life away for me! i can’t be what you need.”

“yes you can.”

“leave it be, theodore!”

“you know it’s not theodore. it’s never been theodore.”

“goodbye, theodore.”

“you don’t get to give up on me!”

“i’m not giving up on you, i’m letting you go.” tears fell down your face, but you couldn't bring yourself to wipe them away. it was like you'd be wiping away your emotions, and you were never one to hide how you felt.

“no, you know what? fuck you, y/n. you are giving up, but you’re right. we are done.” theo also had tears falling freely down his face, and he too wouldn't wipe them away.

with that, you ripped your arms out of theo’s grip and walked down the stairs, away from him and out of his life.

instantly the next day you regretted rushing into things, and you went back to his father’s flat, only to find no one there, and no sign of a return.

over the next year, you sent a letter every single day, apologizing and begging for forgiveness and everything in between. you had sent them all to theo’s home address in italy, but you never received a response. it was unlike theo to not respond to something like that, but you thought you might have gotten the wrong address.

whatever the reason, you never heard from theo again.

“hello?” theo said again, this time almost in the form of a question. he was still standing there, and you were struck with the fact that he hadn’t aged a day. he still had the same tired, blue-grey eyes, sandy brown hair, full pink lips, and even the slight furrow in his brow was the same.

you were still speechless, and you were sure that he probably thought you were a freak by now.

“hi,” you breathed out. theo chuckled, glancing down towards the counter.

“i’d like to buy this book, miss,” theo said. “i lost my old copy.”

“oh…ok.”

your brain was on complete autopilot as you picked up the book, twisting it around in your hand to type the price into the cash register. you glanced up at theo, silently hoping he wasn’t looking at you, only to make direct eye contact with you. he smiled softly, pulling out his wallet.

“i love the bookshop, it’s exactly how i pictured it,” theo said quietly, glancing around the room. he offered you cash, and you accepted, which felt weird for some reason. you had never expected theodore nott to be purchasing a book from what was supposed to be your bookstore with him.

“thank you,” you replied. “took about six months in reno, not using magic obviously. i wanted to do it the old-fashioned way, the real way.”

“ah, i see. well, it’s beautiful. you must be so proud.”

“i am.”

you slipped the book into a small bag, shoving it towards theo in a hurried manner. the man’s presence was honestly shaking you to your very core, and you were sure you were going to throw up after he left.

“would you like to get coffee?”

“i’m working, i don’t think that’d be such a good idea,” you replied quickly, much too quickly.

“i can come by later, what time do you close?”

“i’m not sure we should–”

“we close at seven,” a voice said from behind you. you whipped around to see your brother standing in the doorway to the backroom, a frown on his lips as he glanced between you and theo. your brother knew everything that happened, and didn’t care for theo, so what’s going on?

“ok,” theo said, glancing from your brother back to you. he looked you up and down, finally resting on your face, and smiled. “i’ll be back at seven, though that’s a little late for coffee. how about a beer? at our pub?”

“i’ll probably pass–”

“she’d love to,” your brother interrupted, glaring at you. theo smiled, nodding at you as he stepped away from the counter, new book in hand.

“i’ll see you then,” theo murmured, waving to you and your brother. you watched in silence as he turned and left the bookshop, effectively making you even more nauseous than him entering. there was something about watching him leave that made everything you’d ever felt for him rise to the surface.

the realization hit you: you still missed him.

oh, merlin, you missed him so badly. his cologne still seemed to linger in the air, and you did your best not to lean forward to try and inhale every last bit. he still had the same haircut, the same eyes, the same smile. he still leaned forward slightly when he answered you, his wallet was still the same (just a little worn), and his voice still had a hint of that italian accent that made your blood turn to lava. everything about him was still just as enticing as before, if not more so, since he’d grown up a bit.

“why did you do that?” you snapped at your brother, only to be met with an eye roll.

“i don’t love the guy, but i never saw you as happy as you were with him,” your brother responded, as if the answer was plain in front of you. you raised an eyebrow as he turned right around and went back to work.

the rest of your day went by as slow as possible. your feet dragged, and your mind kept travelling elsewhere. you had to apologize to so many customers because they’d ask a question and it would just go in one ear and out the other.

when the clock hit seven, and the last customer was finally out of the shop, you sighed in relief. it had been one of the longest days of your life, waiting for the day to be over. you heard the door open, and the small bell wrapped around the handle jingled.

“sorry, love, we’re closed,” you absentmindedly said over your shoulder, pulling your purses off the hook behind the front desk.

“it’s just me,” theo’s voice said from the doorway. you stood up straight, still not to hearing his voice.

“oh, hi,” you replied, slipping your purse strap over your shoulder.

“are you ready, or do you have some stuff to do?”

“i can take care of it,” your brother said, effectively ushering you out of your own store. “go, catch up, enjoy yourselves.”

“i guess i’m good to go,” you replied, rolling your eyes at your brother’s demanding attitude. he simply smiled, walking you towards theo, who was also smirking. it seemed like everyone was in a great mood except for you.

the walk to the pub was short, but quiet. theo had asked you a couple shallow questions, just about the shop and your family, checking up on everyone he couldn’t see anymore. you answered him quickly, asking questions about his life in return. it turned out theo was working for his father (big surprise there), and that he travelled a lot. theo frowned at that part.

you entered your old pub, letting theo hold the door open for you. you subconsciously led him to your old spot, the booth tucked in the back, but this time he sat across from you instead of next to you. the feeling left you cold and lonely. he rapped his knuckles on the counter while you looked everywhere but him.

“woah, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” a man’s voice called from across the room. you looked over to see your favorite bartender, kenny, practically running towards your table. you couldn’t help the smile that overtook your face as you hopped out of the booth to give him an embrace.

“kenny! it’s so good to see you!” you exclaimed, letting the older man kiss your cheek. theo had gotten up as well, shaking kenny’s hand after you let go.

“my two favorites, come to visit me at last!” kenny said, clapping theo on the back. “what’s it been, five years or something?”

“sounds about right,” you replied, quieter than before. kenny’s eyes flitted between you and theo, his brows furrowed in confusion, or judgement, or maybe something else entirely. theo shifted on his feet, his gaze falling to the floor.

“well!” kenny clapped his hands and rubbed them together, as if he was trying to dispel the tension. “the usual?” he pointed at you, then at theo, waiting for you both to nod in agreement. when you do, kenny grins and heads back towards the bar.

as you slid back into your seat, you watched theo do the same, his eyes never leaving yours once. you instantly felt self-conscious, after having been so long since you’d felt his heavy gaze. you crossed your arms in front of your chest and leaned back in the booth, trying to make yourself as small as possible so he has less to judge.

“you look well,” you said, trying to break the awkward silence that permeated the space between you two. theo nodded, the side of his mouth slightly upturned at your compliment.

“you, too,” theo replied. he motioned towards your hair. “i like your hair. it’s a new color.”

he was right. you’d gotten your hair done the week before you opened the shop, wanting something new to match your new life. how did he notice? how did he remember what it looked like before?

“thank you. so, what brings you to london?”

“work,” theo said simply. “i had a couple things to take care of before heading back home.”

“where’s home for you? i presume italy, since that’s where your father is.”

theo stiffened at your mention of his father, his gaze falling down at the table. inside, you recoiled. you’d never meant to make him uncomfortable, but all these years you’d guessed he’d follow in his father’s footsteps and take over the family business.

“i haven’t seen him, so i wouldn’t know where he’s staying,” theo said after a beat. your eyes widened, unable to hide your surprise at this new information.

“oh, i’m sorry,” you said, doing your best to control the situation. you were never one for having difficult conversations, and you honestly regretted bringing up his father in the first place. after all, mr. nott was the reason you two had broken up in the first place. “i didn’t mean to pry.”

“it’s alright. i’m actually working for the ministry, with the foreign affairs and sports department. i travel a lot, but it’s decent work.”

kenny came by and finally dropped off your beers, and you took a small sip as you listened to theo talk about his job. apparently, he travelled all over the world, which once again didn’t seem to please him.

“so what have you been doing for the past couple years?” theo asked after his spiel about working for the ministry. you shrugged, taking another swig of your beer. you pushed around the water ring it had made on the table with your finger, absentmindedly creating swirled patterns as you though of how to respond.

“i lived in the states for most of it. i worked at a muggle company. i was pretty hostile towards using magic for awhile, and wanted to get away from it all. one of my friends from primary had moved a few years ago to california and asked if i wanted a job with her in graphic design.” you rattled off a couple tidbits about life in america, how it was living in an apartment smaller than a closet, and tried to ignore how theo’s eyes seemed to bore into your face, his attention unyielding.

“why’d you quit using magic?” theo asked after you finished. you sighed, letting your head fall back to stare at the ceiling. of course, out of everything you’d talked about, he’d want to bring this up.

“i didn’t want to,” you replied curtly, giving him a deadpanned look that said drop it. theo tilted his head, narrowing his eyes to mimic your expression.

“and why not?”

“i would rather not talk about this with you.”

“oh.”

really, how could you possibly explain to theo that the reason you put a pause on your magic usage was because his father's words long ago had made you felt so inadequate, so unworthy, that you could barely pick up your wand? you didn't think he'd understand, and you feared for his pity.

silence fell across the table again, with theo occasionally picking up his bottle for a drink. you tried to avoid staring, but the truth of the matter was that theo was still extremely attractive, and it reflected in every movement. you admired his jaw as he tilted his head back, the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallowed, the muscles in his bicep that showed through his button-up.

you could only wonder what you looked like in theo’s eyes. you hadn’t changed much about yourself in the past five years, save for your hair color that theo’d noticed. he probably still looked at you and saw that eighteen year old girl he’d fallen out of love with.

“i missed you,” you said gently. as soon as you said it, you felt your cheeks heat up, and you looked down towards your drink. you fiddled with the rings on your hand, twirling each one with your thumb. “sorry, i shouldn’t have said that.”

“i missed you, too,” theo said. your heart just about stopped when you looked up to face him. he wore a soft smile, a genuine smile, and his eyes held something adjacent to longing. you matched his smile, for once not letting your eyes wander under the strength of his eye contact. you relished in the feeling of having his eyes on you again, it had been so long that you’d been starved of his attention.

you and theo talked for the rest of the night. everything was a bit of a blur after your third beer, the both of you laughing at things that shouldn’t have been funny. it felt like you’d stepped back in time, stepped back to when he loved you and you loved him…though it felt like you never stopped.

theo walked you to the bus stop. the summer breeze brushed your skin, making your hair get caught in your eyelashes as you stood waiting under the bus shelter. theo stood next to you, occasionally glancing down at you when he thought you weren’t looking. the air between you felt electric, palpable, tense.

“can i see you again tomorrow?” theo asked, his eyes facing the road ahead. his shoulders were tense, as if he was bracing for your rejection. you shrugged, putting your hands in your pockets.

“yeah, sure,” you responded, glancing up to smile at the man. theo looked down at you, an earnest smile playing on his lips. his shoulders visibly sagged as he breathed a sigh of relief.

on the train ride home, you couldn’t get rid of the smile on your face.

the next day, sunday, theo picked you up at the entrance to your bookshop. it was a sunny day in london, and theo was wearing a t-shirt and loose fitting jeans. his hair was damp, as if he’d just gotten out of the shower, and he smelled faintly of soap and cologne.

the two of you fell into comfortable conversation as you explored the city, frequenting all the shops and boutiques you used to go to. it was so out of the ordinary, but so normal at the same time. to be walking down these roads with theo after so long was equivalent to the feeling you get when you return home after spending your whole life lost in a haze.

theo paid for your coffee when you two went to the cafe, ordering himself an espresso and you a latte, and the two of you headed towards the park across the street. you’d bought a couple books, and theo’d done the same, and he’d also bought a new sweater that you assured him didn’t look too big.

you sat on a small bench across from a lovely oak tree, theo plopping down next to you, setting his few bags on the ground next to yours. he stretched his legs out, laying his arm on the back of the bench behind you. you felt the warmth from his arm seep into where it pressed into your back, somehow setting your whole body aflame. it was the first time you’d felt his touch since you were eighteen, and you remembered quickly how enraptured you’d become of the boy.

you took a sip of your latte (which theo thought was downright disgusting) and let yourself soak up the peace in this moment. the tree branches swayed in the wind, causing a few leaves to fall around the park, settling into the green grass below. wildflowers were scattered across the ground, popping up through the dirt in no apparent pattern or plan. this park in particular was your favorite place to be in the summer. the sun seemed to shine here the most (when it wasn’t gloomy, of course).

“why didn’t you write me?” you asked suddenly, as if you couldn’t control yourself. you sat up, turning to face theo, whose brows were furrowed in a confused expression. “i sent atticus to deliver you letters, every single day for a year. why didn’t you write?”

“what…” theo trailed off, sitting up to lean in closer. “what are you talking about, what letters?”

“i wrote you, theo, and you never responded. the day after we broke up, i felt so horrible and wanted to talk things through, fix things if i could. i went to your father’s flat but you were gone, so i wrote letters. i tried to reach you, but you never responded, so i thought you hated me.” you felt tears prick the corners of your eyes, so you blinked rapidly, trying so hard to remain strong in front of this man that you loved so much, even still.

“i…i never got your letters. you wanted to fix things?” his voice was soft, in awe of your confession. he tilted his head, and you could’ve sworn tears were in his eyes too.

“of course i did!” you exclaimed, trying to laugh away the lump in your throat.

a moment passed of just you and theo staring at each other, a foot away from each other’s faces, when you felt theo put his hand against the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. you jerked in surprise, but only for a moment, as he pulled your head closer so his lips could meet your own.

kissing theodore nott used to be your favorite pastime, and you were quickly remembering why. his lips moved against your own in perfect synchronicity that it felt like he was an extension of your own being. his nose bumped against yours as he cupped your cheek with his free hand. the hand that was behind your head slipped lower to grip the back of your neck. you sighed into the kiss, and theo licked your bottom lip, begging for entrance. you parted your lips, and he entered, kissing you with a renewed fervor. your hands tangled in his hair, cupped his cheeks, felt his jaw, they were constantly moving around his face. you loved the feeling of him under your fingers, wanting to commit it all to memory.

you finally pulled away, needing to breathe, and rested your forehead against theo’s. his chest heaved, breath tickling your mouth, and you closed your eyes. this was the feeling you’d been missing the past few years.

“i wasted so much time,” theo murmured. “if i would’ve known, i would’ve–”

“don’t waste time thinking of the past,” you replied, short of breath.

“ti amo, ti amo ancora.”

and with that, theo made his way back into your life, almost like he’d never left in the first place. you two quickly made up for lost time, spending every free hour together. theo quit his job at the ministry, since apparently he was itching for a reason to leave, and started helping out at the bookshop.

years later, the two of you made things official with a wedding, a grand one at that, filled with family and friends and people in the community that you'd met through your busy bookshop. you did host dinner parties in your small flat every week, and you did adopt a small cat from the local rescue.

pretty soon, your life looked exactly how you both had dreamed it, all those years ago. despite the pain it took you to get there, you looked around at the life you now led, the husband who loved and took care of you, the small child you two brought into the world, the little cat that was curled up in their lap, and you realized you'd do it all over again if it meant you'd get this result.

#theodore nott #theo nott #theo nott x reader #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #fluff #angst #the notebook #x reader #post hogwarts

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