#the bear fan ficiton

[aestheticaltcow]

Six Months

An attempt at some parenthood angst?

Similarly to the title, this fic has been in my WIP folder for a minute; it went through a handful of edits. I'd like to think this is good enough for y'all.

The Bear Masterlist

Next part

 

Carmy sat in the office staring at the paperwork Sugar needed his signature on; when he saw the date on his phone, it hit him—today marked six months. Six months of parenthood and six months of celibacy, to say Carmy was sexually frustrated, was an understatement. “Hey Carm, did you- are you okay?” Sugar asked when she caught him staring blankly at his phone. He didn’t respond until she put her hand on his shoulder. Her touch snapped him out of his trance. He looked at her before quickly apologizing, “Sorry, what were you sayin'?” Sugar grinned as she patted his shoulder, “You okay, Bear?”

Carmy nodded and straightened up in his desk chair, “Yea- just thinkin’ bout the baby.”

Carmy got home from work late. He quietly slipped his jacket off, and hung it on the coat rack before removing his shoes. Walking down the hallway, he slipped into the nursery, knowing the baby would be asleep. He found it impossible not to be happy in her room. The walls were decorated with vintage floral wallpaper you’d bought off Etsy, it may have been a pain in the ass to put up, but Carmy happily obliged when he saw how happy it had made you. He crept to his baby girl’s crib and felt the day's stress disappear. She was peacefully sleeping in a light pink sleep sack, furiously sucking away on her pacifier. “Sweet dreams, princess,” he whispered. “I love you.” 

The joy of watching his daughter sleep faded away as he approached the askew door to the master bedroom the two of you shared. “I’m home, baby.” Carmy grinned as he walked toward the open closet door, “Hi, Carm.” you called from the bathroom. When he entered the bathroom, you were brushing your teeth. As the mix of salvia and toothpaste residue dripped from your mouth Carmy’s breath hitched- was this enough to get him goin’? He shook his head as he pulled his shirt off and threw it in the laundry hamper before turning on the shower.

“How was work, babe?” you asked before bringing a small cup of mouthwash to your lips. Carmy watched as you swished it around your mouth and spit it into the sink. “Carmy?” you asked again; he swallowed. “Yeah, uh, it was good. Busy,” he answered as you hopped up on the counter. You were desperate for adult interaction after being home with the baby all day. 

“Mia, have a good day?” Carmy questioned. You nodded, “We did some laundry, then had mashed pears for lunch- she did. I had that leftover pasta sauce you made... Read a couple books and went on a walk... Then did her bedtime routine, and I worked on that stupid documentary I was telling you about.” 

As you recounted your day, Carmy nodded, but he was staring at your chest, barely hearing what you said. You’d been wearing one of his old T-shirts. He noticed how prominent your nipples were under the soft, worn-in material. He was captivated by the fullness of your breasts, and he’d do just about anything to touch them again. “Carm, you okay?” you asked, hopping down from the counter; he nodded. “Wanna get in with me?” he asked cocking his head in the direction of the running shower. You giggled, “Maybe next time, bear.”

“Oh fuck-” Carmy grunted as he worked his hand up and down his length. He felt like a teenager again, masturbating in the shower before going to school. However, now, instead of imagining the unrealistic scenarios he’d see in pornos, he had memories of you. Carmy thought back to the last time you’d really touched him. Heavily pregnant, hormonal, begging for his tongue and his cock… he’d expected a shift in your sex life as the two of you adjusted to parenthood, but this long of a dry spell was the last thing he’d expected. Carmy squeezed his eyes closed as he came down the drain.

~

“Good morning, princess.” Carmy cooed as Mia squirmed in her crib, trying to get out of her sleep sack. She spat her pacifier out and let out a gruggle. “So it’s one of those mornings?” he chuckled as he unzipped her. He watched her stretch before carefully picking her up, “See, you’re okay.” he rocked her gently before exiting the nursery and heading downstairs. 

You were making coffee and prepping a bottle for Mia as he entered the kitchen. “You’re off today, right?” Carmy nodded in response before handing you Mia. “You goin’ to work?” he questioned, as he got two mugs from the cabinet. You groaned in response, “Jenny called off, so I have to go in. I’ll be back before bedtime.”

“Well, looks like Mia and I are havin' some Daddy-Daughter time,” you smiled as Carmy gently kissed her head before going to get the milk from the fridge. When you’d met Carmy all those years ago at some trendy Chicago bar, you found him incredibly alluring. His disheveled curls, the mix of some musky cologne and cigarette smoke, the way his T-shirt wrapped around his muscular arms… he’d always been… sexy. But watching him interact with Mia was a different kind of attractive.

Carmy drummed his thumbs on the handlebar of the grocery cart. He scanned the shelf before him as Mia happily made her baby noises as she looked around the aisle. “Okay, princess… they don’t have almond extract. What kind of grocery store doesn’t have fuckin’ almond extract.” Mia put her hands out to Carmy, grabbing at the air. Carmy chuckled and ducked to kiss her cheek.

“Oh my gosh, she’s too precious.” a sickly, sweet feminine voice cooed from behind Carmy. He grinned when he turned his attention to her, “How old is she?” she asked. Carmy got a good look at the woman; she was pretty, but she wasn’t you. “Oh, uh, she’s six months,” he answered as the woman stepped closer. She smelled like cheap vanilla and a mix of flowery scents Carmy couldn’t place. Mia glared at the woman, and Carmy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m Selena. I’m in this parenting group. You should stop by.” she smiled as she looked him up and down. The attention made Carmy regret not regularly wearing his wedding ring. “I’m not really the par-” Carmy started to say before Selena cut him off. “I’m not takin’ no as an answer. What’s your number?” she handed him her phone. 

Carmy didn’t know why he gave her his number- could he blame it on feeling uncomfortable? Was that even the right thing to do? It’s not like he’d ever do anything with this woman. He’d never throw away his marriage to you by hooking up with some woman he met at the grocery store. The reality of Carmy's actions didn’t hit him until he was in the checkout line. He gave his phone number to another woman- was that cheating on you? Did doing that in front of his daughter make him a bad father? “Okay, your total is $63.82.” the cashier smiled. Carmy nodded and swiped his card. He needed to get out of there as quickly as possible so he wouldn’t run into Selena again.

~

It had been a couple of weeks since Carmy’s interaction at the grocery store. He’d noticed Selena’s text messages here and there. They seemed innocent until one Friday night, he was working late, you were home with the baby, and Selena had sent Carmy an explicit picture, hoping it would get his attention.

We’re both parents. 

I’m not looking for anything serious, Carmy…

My son is at his Dad’s place

Come over <3

Carmy stared at the messages before his eyes went up to the attached photo. Selena had the hem of her T-shirt between her teeth, showing off her toned stomach. He swallowed as he admired the contrast between her skin and the brightly colored fabric of her lacy underwear. He should block her. He should just delete the messages and block her number. He had a wife and baby at home—he couldn’t make this kind of mistake. He locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket before returning to the kitchen cleanup, “Hey Carm, I can finish this up. Go home.” Sweeps grinned as he attempted to connect his phone to the Bluetooth speaker on the counter. Carmy grinned, “You sure, man?” Sweeps nodded assuringly. “I think I can handle this boss man.” 

You heard Carmy walk into the bedroom that night, “Hey babe!” you called as you put your blowdryer in its designated spot by the sink. As the bathroom door swung open, Carmy’s lips were on yours. The initial shock wore off as Carmy’s tongue invaded your mouth, and his hands pushed under the hem of your sleep shorts to grasp at your ass cheeks. Carmy pulled you closer to him, forcing you onto your tip toes. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers delicately tangling in the roots of his hair. The passionate kiss ended when Carmy started to kiss down your jaw. A giggle escaped your mouth as his lips brushed against your earlobe before he nipped at your neck. “Carm-m what got into you?” you croaked as you adjusted your hips against his.

 “I need you, baby,” he muttered, lifting you off the floor. You squealed as he crashed down onto your mattress. He hovered above your body, staring into your eyes. “I need to be inside you, baby.” he swallowed hard as you bit your lip. “Carmyyy,” you giggled as you watched him pull his t-shirt off. You ran a finger down his chest, making him moan softly.

 “Let me make you feel good, baby…” Carmy whispered in your ear as one of his hands found its way into your oversized sleep shirt. Your breath hitched when you felt his calloused fingertips graze your ribs. " I-I—" you studdered nervously. “Baby…please.” Carmy quietly asked as his lips brushed against yours. “No.” you whispered as you grabbed his wrist through your shirt, “What?” Carmy questioned as he stood up abruptly, “Did I do something? We haven’t done anything in like six months- clearly I did something wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it!” Carmy raised his voice as his eyebrows knit together in frustration. 

You propped yourself on your elbows and watched as he picked up his shirt from the floor, “Carmen, please don’t yell at me.” you said calmly. You watched as he rolled his eyes and paced before you, “Baby. I want to have sex with you. I need to have sex with you-” Carmy groaned as he pushed his hands over his face into his hair. Your eyes narrowed, “Carmen. I had a baby-”

 “I KNOW! I fucking know! You had my baby, but now you don’t even want to fuckin’ shower with me! I get it- pregnancy was hard, and then giving birth was hard, and now being a mom is hard.” Carmy started staring at the ceiling while he expressed himself. He took a breath and turned to look at you; regret washed over him when he noticed you were on the verge of tears. “Baby, please don’t cry…” he pleaded as he knelt by the bed. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away before he could grab it, “Sorry, I don’t want to fuck you after taking care of your baby all day.” you spat. Carmy closed his eyes and took another breath trying to compose himself before saying something dumb, “How dare I fail to meet my wifely duties.” you angrily laughed as you stood up. 

You crossed your arms over your chest and stared as Carmy got up. “Baby, I didn’t—" you cut Carmy off with a groan. “Shut up, Carmen. You don’t get to speak to me like that.”

Carmy sighed and stepped closer to you, as he reached out for your hips only for you to slap his hands away. “Don’t touch me.” you glared at him, “Fuck this.” Carmy muttered under his breath as he pulled his shirt back on over his head. “What do you mean ‘fuck this’?” you questioned as Carmy exited the bedroom, “I need air.” Carmy called back to you.

You moved to your bedroom window to see Carmy walking toward his car in the driveway. He got in and pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket. 

Send me your address.

[thejokersenigma]

Joker x Reader Deadly Voice Part 35

Hey guys,

I would just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who is sticking with me on this fan ficiton! I really appreciate the messages I am getting! I love them - they honestly make my whole week!

So here is the next part, quite short compared to what I have been doing recently, but hope you enjoy anyway - i wasn’t really sure where i was going with it as you can probably tell!

Enjoy! :)

P.S. If anyone wants to be tagged whenever I post a new part I am happy to do that, just let me know!

Masterlist

I spent the next day berating myself for that night. I couldn’t get over what I had done or even how I had done it. It was like the incidence with the newspaper and Hannah all over again. But this time I had a weapon, first a knife and then - thanks to the generosity of the Joker - my gun.

I tried to seek comfort in the fact that I hadn’t actually killed him, though this wasn’t particularly reassuring as I knew I would have quite happily. At least now I knew that it wasn’t the Joker that had set up my job with Penguin, and therefore set up everything after. No, life had just happened that way.

This didn’t change my opinion of Jake, but it made me hate the Joker a tiny bit less.

I tried to keep that night’s events out of my mind and move on from it, promising myself something like that would never happen again. I just had to keep my head low and stay away from those that might do me wrong.

Of course I had managed to lose my job through my actions. Darren couldn’t exactly keep on someone that attack his other staff and threatened their life – completely understandable I thought. Besides, I had already talked myself into leaving the club thanks to Rebecca pointing out that the Joker might turn up any night looking for me.

And so I was jobless again.

For the next few days I didn’t really leave my tiny flat, I just sat on my laptop searching and applying for new jobs. It wasn’t that there was a lack of jobs as such, more that I was becoming more and more picky toward them. I needed something that would cover my rent, but I was also now purposefully looking for venues where I didn’t particularly like the staff - thanks to Rebecca’s obvious point – I didn’t want to destroy anyone else’s business by attracting the wrong crowd and I couldn’t predict whether the Joker would ever come looking for me again.

It was a few days after I had confronted Jake when there was a knock on my door. I had been curled up with a hot drink, once more scrolling through the same ads I had scrolled through at least 5 times before, when the door sounded and I jumped at the sudden noise.

I frowned at the door – who on Earth was it? No one knew where I lived and I didn’t really have any friends to tell in the first place. It must just be a charity or something, but they would have to have e buzz them in. My heart dropped, it must be the landlord for some reason – had my rent not gone through? I had only just managed to scrape enough together to pay for this month, I couldn’t afford any more problems - I really needed a new job soon.

Another series of knocks rang out and I placed my mug down on the coffee table, throwing my computer off my lap and unfolding myself from the sofa, making my way to the door.

I pulled it open, already apologising to the landlord for whatever I was being accused of.

I blinked in surprise at the man before me. “Oh, uh - Hi Frost.” I greeted.

“Hello [Y/N].”

I quickly glanced either side of him, searching for anyone else that might be lurking in the corridor, “He’s not with me.” Frost reassured me.

“Oh. good.” I muttered lamely, straightening up and glancing around awkwardly, searching for something to say as we stood silently in the doorway. “Um… Can I help you?”

He watched me for a few beats, as though measuring me up or looking for something before he seemed content and gave a small nod, “Yes.”

Oh lovely, he was being vague. “Uh… Would you like to come in?” I asked, knowing he was clearly after something, but also not willing to save the both of us a load of time and just come out and say it.

“Please.” He answered and I nodded, stepping back and pulling the door open in invitation. Frost stepped over the threshold and looked around at my small, rather dingy flat - no change occurring in his facial expression. I closed the door behind him and followed in further into the flat.

“Who did you think I was?” Frost asked abruptly, not bothering to turn around as he inspected my small lounge area.

“What?” I jumped slightly at the unexpected question, too busy lost in my own thoughts as to why he was here.

“You answered the door as if you knew who was on the other side,” He explained, “and it clearly wasn’t me you expected.”

“Uh- yeah, I – uh – I thought you were my landlord about my rent.”

He glanced at me before continuing to move around my open plan flat, “You’re struggling to pay for this?” He asked, amazed.

“Maybe.” I snipped bitterly, it was alright for some.

He realised he had offended me and straightened up slightly from where he was looking at a relatively empty bookshelf. “Sorry.” He said quickly and I knew he meant it.

I shrugged it off, “Not really your fault. I was the one that threatened a women with a knife – can’t blame them.” I said simply. “Now I spend my days job hunting.” I explained gesturing at my laptop on the sofa.

“No luck then?” Frost asked, sounding like he truly cared - though I doubted it.

“Minimal.” I muttered.

We fell into silence again and I began to feel very self-conscious of his rather thorough inspection of my living room. “So… um…” I mumbled, trying to think of something to break the uncomfortable silence, “How’s your neck?” I asked in an attempt of casual conversation

“Stiff.” He said, “But better.”

I nodded in acknowledgement, “Good.” I muttered, a bit peeved he wasn’t really helping the conversation – after all he was the one that came to talk to me, “So, um, are you back working for him again then?” Referring to the other night when he had clearly been at the meeting.

“Yes.” He said bluntly, not looking at me he moved into the kitchen, “He appears to be back to normal.”

“No grudges over the whole-“ I gestured at my own neck, where Frost’s wound would have been. He glanced over his shoulder at my pause and noticed my miming.

He shook his head as he turned back, “No,” He said, “I know he would not have done it had he been in his right mind.”

“The Joker has a right mind?” I mumbled without thinking.

“You know what I mean.” Frost muttered back, and I sort of did. The Joker did a lot of odd things, but they were always on purpose – I’d never known him to accidentally do something – but I also understood that he wouldn’t normally jump at Frost and attack him like he had.

Frost continued to wander my flat and I was becoming more and more worried he was going to start going through every draw in the place. I was running out of ideas to get Frost to actually talk to me and explain why he was here.

I steeled myself - no more beating around the bush, “Ok, enough chit-chat. Why are you here Frost?” I asked abruptly and he glanced over his shoulder at me in surprise at my sudden bluntness.

“Just seeing how you were doing.” He said simply.

“Really?” I asked, raising a disbelieving eyebrow, “You decided to go through all the pain of figuring out where I now live, finding a way to get into the building without using the buzzer and now are basically inspecting my entire flat,  just to check on how I was doing?” I paused, glancing away and then back to him, “Is this about the other night?” I asked the back of his head as he inspected a picture on my wall.

He finally turned to face me, “That made me want to check on you a bit sooner then I was going to.” He admitted.

“I don’t need you to check up on me!” I insisted loudly, “I’m not a child, I am a fully functioning adult that is quite capable of surviving just fine on my own!” I paused, trying to not get angry at him for his patronising behaviour – he probably meant well. “You know I travelled several hundred miles alone right? That I lived in that little town in the middle of nowhere, for basically a month on my own before you showed up? What makes you think I suddenly require babysitting?”

Frost suddenly round to face me, “Have you been back?” Frost asked, ignoring my question.

“Back? Where?” I furrowing my brow, “To the farm house? No, why would I?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“We left very abruptly.” He pointed out, “You didn’t pack anything – did you not leave a lot of possessions behind?”

I wondered where he was going with this – why was he so concerned if I didn’t have a few of my things? “I- uh – didn’t really have much.” I confessed, though continuing to eye him up warily, “I – I didn’t have much – I didn’t take much - most of it was new things I had bought.” I shrugged, “So I didn’t really care about leaving it behind.”

“So you have no beloved possessions?” He questioned doubtfully.

Why was he so insistent on this? “Uh, well, I guess there was – I mean there was one thing.” I told him reluctantly, I didn’t particular want to open up to a henchman – even he was basically a friend now.

He raised an eyebrow in question at me, signalling for me to carry on. I squirmed under the look, not wanting to reveal my weird little obsession with a photo. “It’s just a picture.” I blurted out, hoping that would be enough for him,

“A picture?” He repeated, I nodded, “Of what?”

I cringed away at the question, “It’s silly.” I told him, when he didn’t respond I looked back to him and he was still watching me expectantly. I sighed in defeat, “It’s just a picture of my club. You know - the one that was destroyed…” I trailed off lamely. By me.

If Frost found this at all odd he didn’t comment on it – for which I was grateful. Instead, however, I just stood there in silence. I couldn’t bear to look at him at the moment, worried – though he wasn’t saying anything – that his face would show what he really thought.

“So you don’t have this picture?”

“No.” I breathed at the floor, I looked back to meet his eyes again, “I left it behind and now the guy that owns the house has probably got rid of it.” I knew I had forgotten the picture but actually stopping to acknowledge the loss was painful - it was the last piece of my family I really. I could feel a lump of emotion forming in my throat as I thought of the fact it was now probably in a landfill somewhere, lost for good.

I cleared my throat, “Anyway.” I muttered, blinking back the water I could feel building up in my eyes, “Uh, why did you want to know?”

“I’ve got to head off actually, got a job in the area.” Frost said suddenly, turning away from the murky window he was looking out of. I was so taken aback by this sudden declaration that I didn’t notice he had once again ignored my question.

“Uh- ok – sure.” I stammered out, very confused and thinking Frost was behaving very oddly as I followed behind him to my front door. “Uh, Frost.” I called as I held the door open for him to step out. He paused in the doorway, turning back to look at me over his shoulder.

“Do you- could you- uh. What happened to Jake?” I asked, faltering as the two sides of me fought, my innocent naïve self that couldn’t condone what I had done and needed to know how Jake was doing, the side far happier with the suffering, not caring less what he was going through and feeling there was a lot more of suffering I could have caused to balance everything out.

“He’s getting medical attention.” Frost informed me.  “[Y/N].” Frost began, turning around completely now so that he faced me, “Why did you do it?” He asked, almost gently.

I could feel the two sides of me pushing back and forth, one wanting to break down and scream she didn’t know, the other willing to do it again and not needing to explain. “Ask him.” I snapped out eventually and I noticed Frost almost retract from my harsh tone, surprised as my personality seemed to shift to a stronger, more assertive self.

Frost’s reaction didn’t last very long before his calm mask returned, “I will when he wakes up.” Frost replied calmly, almost mechanically.

“He’s unconscious?” I asked in surprise, reverting back to my innocent side, Frost watching me suspiciously and slightly amazed at my sudden mood changes.

Frost nodded, “Doctors were unsure if it was the loss of blood or the blow to the side of the head.”

I crinkled my forehead at this, “What blow to the side of his head?” I asked, puzzled and replaying the night in my head, “He never hit the side of his head, just the back.”

Frost seemed confused just as confused at this, “No, he had a swelling on the back of his head, but also a slight fracture to the left side of his skull.” He explained.

This baffled me. How was that possible? I had definitely not hit the side of his head.  Had he fallen from where he had been slumped? No. That wasn’t a great enough fall to fracture the skull. Was it an old wound they had only just noticed? Or had I seriously done the damage but not remembered it? But I hadn’t drank or taken anything and - if it was true - then how was it that I could perfectly recall everything else about that night, there were no ‘blacked out’ parts of my memory.

Frost watched my face as I ran back through my memories; head bowed and eyes darting back and forth as I held the door open, trying to remember everything from that night.

There was no second head injury.

“I-I don’t remember.” I admitted, still deeply perplexed by this.

Jake Riggen lay unconscious in a sterile bed whilst bright lights illuminated his pale skin and multi-coloured bruises. X-rays hung on the wall, clearly showing the hairline fracture on the left side of his skull, and echoing beeps rang out in the otherwise silent hospital room which signalled his continuous heartbeat.

But Jake didn’t know any of this; all he knew were the last few moments before everything went black that now constantly replayed in his head.

She had turned back from the clown, towering over him as he clung to his arm where his body was tortuously pumped blood out of the deep gash.  She had lifted a gun – where had she got the gun? – and he had closed his eyes against what was going to happen next and the agony in his arm.

The next thing that truly registered with him had been the burning pain in his foot - had she set him on fire?

He hadn’t known - he had just screamed.

He had barely heard anything over the sound of his own pain and his agony had dulled most of his comprehension at the time, but he had vaguely heard her say “He needs to suffer.”

He tried to wrench his eyes open, but when he had she had already gone. Only the criminal clown was left in front of Jake.

Jake should have been afraid of this, but at the time the agony had mitigated any other emotion and numbed all common sense.

There had been a hand on his cheek then, breath on his face. He had snapped his eyes open in surprise at the touch, hoping she had returned to him. Instead his eyes had met bright blue ones and a terrifying grin.

“I heard everything.” Came the voice, quiet, smooth, by his ear, yet it had promised no comfort. “My doll wants you to suffer, “The voice had pondered, “But I’ve never been very patient.” It had admitted before he remembered a cracking from within his own head he was gone.

[aestheticaltcow]

No Phone Policy 4.0

Originally, this was going to be the final part, but my word count got up to about 3k, and it was a lot to process. I also like odd prime numbers, so maybe one more part after this or two... maybe three, but that feels ambitious.

Previous Part Next Part

The Bear Masterlist

“Should we try to get him out of the house?” Syd whispered to Richie. He shook his head, “I don’t know what to do.” He felt defeated. Richie watched Mikey’s downward spiral. He tried to help him, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t watch the same thing happen to Carmy; he couldn’t lose Carmy, too.

“What the fuck should we do? I don’t know how he’s gonna react when she comes home with the baby.” Syd sighed as she anxiously chewed her lip. She’d seen how Carmy reacted to stress in the past, but she’d never seen him like this.

Carmy hadn’t slept since you’d kicked him out of the hospital room. He couldn’t remember what day of the week it was. He’d been meal-prepping all of your favorite dishes. He cleaned and sanitized every bottle, pacifier, and every part of your breast pump. He cleaned the entire house with a toothbrush and ensured the nursery was ready to go, and there was no dirty laundry. The house had never been this clean. He wasn’t eating and stunk of a cocktail of cooking oil, body odor, and bleach. Syd and Richie had been in your home for hours, but Carmy hadn’t acknowledged their existence. 

“Yo, Cousin.” Richie’s voice boomed through the empty kitchen. Carmy looked up at im from the floor; he’d been on his knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, muttering incoherent nonsense. “Take a fuckin’ shower, Carmen. You fuckin’ stink.” Richie leaned against the counter and watched Carmy throw his scrub pad on the floor by his feet before he stood up and stormed out of the kitchen. He shoved past Sydney before trudging upstairs.

“What the fuck was that?” Syd’s eyebrows knit together as she confronted Richie in the kitchen. He shrugged, “I told him the truth.” 

 ~

“Thanks for the ride, Natalie.” you grinned as she parked in the driveway. She nodded, “Come on, let’s get Wolf inside.” 

Natalie helped you out of the car and grabbed your bag while you unclipped Wolf’s car seat from its base. “Are you sure you want to do this, Y/N? You’re more than welcome to stay—” You cut Natalie off with a passive affirmation about you being fine. Something in you told you going home with Wolf was a mistake, but you couldn’t avoid Carmy forever, no matter how much you wanted to…

Syd’s eyes lit up when she saw a sleeping Wolf in her car seat. “Oh my god—she’s so beautiful!” she attempted to hush her excited squealing. You grinned, “Thanks, Syd. Listen, I want you guys to swoon over my baby all day, but ya know… the elephant in the room and all…” you half-heartedly joked, trying not to cry when the thought of Carmy was brought to the forefront of your mind. 

Reluctantly, Syd and Natalie left after a lot of convincing. Richie stood his ground as the women reluctantly left. “Richie, I’ll be okay.” you sighed as you unbuckled Wolf to pull her out of her car seat. He shook his head, “Look, Carmys scarin’ me. I just want to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” you nodded and held Wolf close to your chest as you slowly climbed the stairs, Richie hot on your trail.

~

Carmy was lying on the floor of the nursery. He closed his eyes and pushed a hand through his damp, messy curls. As footsteps approached the nursery, he perked up, turning his head to face the pale yellow door. “She’s eatin’ and shit, right?” he heard Richie’s voice echo through the hall. When Carmy heard your snicker, he rose to a sitting position. You came home. 

“I’ll ask Tiff if she has any of Eva’s baby stuff- that shits fuckin’ expensive.” Richie offered as the two of you found your way to the master bedroom so you could set Wolf down in her bassinet. “Thank you, Richie. Any idea where Carmen went?” you anxiously asked as you carefully laid Wolf down. “He fuckin’ stunk, so hopefully, the lizard showered.” Richie laughed before turning his attention from you down to Wolf. Even sleeping, he could tell she would be a carbon copy of you, “She has Carmy’s eyes.” you said when you noticed how Richie was staring at Wolf. He grinned, “You did it, kid… by yourself.” 

Before you could say anything else, you saw Carmy standing in the doorframe. You swallowed hard, suddenly nervous over the thought of actually talking to Carmy. The two of you looked at each other, and as much as you wanted to skin him for missing Wolf’s birth, he looked ill. As a tense silence fell over the room, Richie cleared his throat, catching both your and Carmy’s attention. “You know, I should probably head over to the restaurant. Let me know if you need anything, kid.” Richie said in your direction before turning his attention back to Wolf, “Bye, sweetie.” 

Carmy moved to allow Richie out of the room, “Don’t be stupid.” he whispered as he exited. Carmy rolled his eyes and stared at you, taking in your appearance. You looked tired, your hair was in a bun, and you wore an oversized t-shirt with a pair of equally oversized sweatpants and sandals. He immediately noticed your engagement ring and wedding band were missing from your finger. “Are we okay?” he asked immediately, feeling stupid as the words left his mouth. You scoffed, “We’re absolutely not okay, Carmen. Bond with your daughter. I’m gonna take a shower.”

You pushed past Carmy and headed to the impeccably organized linen closet. Carmy watched as you plucked one of the larger black towels from the bottom shelf and one of your special hair towels before stomping to the guest bathroom.

Carmy stepped into the master bedroom and heard Wolf’s soft half-awake gurgles coming from the bassinet. He looked over it and saw her wrapped up in a tie-dye swaddle- most likely a gift from your Dad. “Hi baby, I’m your Daddy.” he carefully reached down and picked Wolf up. She squirmed as he cradled the baby in his arms before settling a chubby cheek against his chest. “I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for missin’ your birth, princess. I’m always gonna be there now. I promise.” 

~

“Don’t touch me.” you snapped as you felt Carmy shift closer to you in bed that evening. “Y/N, it’s been a month-”

“Yeah, and I’m still pissed.” you cut him off with a huff making Wolf stir in her bassinet. “Go to sleep. It took forever to get Wolf down, and I don’t want to fight in front of her.” you pulled your blanket up to your chin as you scooted closer to the edge of the bed to get away from Carmy. 

“Why the fuck did you name our daughter Wolf?” Carmy scoffed as he sat up in bed, frustrated. You ignored his criticism, which just made him more frustrated, “Will you fuckin’ talk to me?!”

You sighed and sat up in bed. You glared in Carmy’s direction, “Carmen. We’re not fighting in front of the baby.”

“Then fuckin’ talk to me!” Carmy got out of bed. He began pacing around the bed, anxious energy radiating from him like a nuclear explosion. You huffed as you scooped Wolf up. You’d known Carmy long enough to know he was about to explode. You got out of bed and pushed past Carmy to exit the bedroom, “Where the fuck are you goin’?” he yelled after you.

You ignored his yells as you entered the nursery to set Wolf down in her crib. After turning on the white noise machine on her bookcase, you exited the nursery to find Carmy standing in the doorway of the master bedroom. “If we’re going to talk, you need to talk. You yell at me; I’m ending the conversation,” you said matter-of-factly as you crossed your arms over your chest. 

Carmy scoffed and brought his hand to scratch his nose, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I missed the birth, okay? I can’t go back and change it, and I’m fuckin’ pissed off that you’re actin’ like a fuckin’ bitch about it. Okay! Accept my fuckin’ apology so we can go back to fuckin’ normal.”

You stared at him and took in his words, “You know what, Carm. I absolutely will NEVER accept your fuckin’ apology. You’ll never understand how scary it was to give birth alone. You’re a fucking failure as a father and husband. If I had the means, I woulda left your ass.” you spat at him. 

Carmy’s face contorted in anger, “That’s the meanest shit you’ve ever fuckin’ said to me. What the fuck is wrong with you?” he watched as you crossed the hallway to go back into the bedroom. You pushed past him, making him turn on his heel. He grabbed your wrist and yanked you toward him, making you gasp, “Don’t fuckin’ ignore me. I’m fuckin’ sick of this shit.” 

You tried to pull your wrist out of his grip, only for him to tighten his grip. “Carmen. You’re hurting me.” you winced as you brought your other hand up to push against his chest. He grabbed your other wrist and pulled you closer to him. “You’re not fuckin’ leavin’ me, okay?” Carmy hissed as he stared down at you. “Carmen, you’re scaring me…” your voice cracked slightly. Carmy huffed and dropped your wrists, “Let’s go back to bed.” 

You watched Carmy walk to his side of the bed and slip under the covers. Cautiously, you went to your side and stiffly laid down. You flinched when you felt Carmy’s arms wrap around your waist. You swallowed softly and allowed him to pull you against his chest, “I love you. I’m not gonna miss anythin’ else, okay?” Carmy mumbled against your shoulder before softly kissing your exposed skin.

[aestheticaltcow]

Father's Day

Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Just a cute little fluff piece of Dad!Carmy

The Bear Masterlist

“Mommy! More glitter?” you shook your head, “I think that’s enough, princess.”. Your five-year-old Andrea shook her head, “I wuv Daddy.” you nodded and thought about her statement, “Okay, so Ms.Andrea, you think the more glitter you use, the more Daddy will know you love him?”. Her little brow furrowed as she thought about what you’d said to her. You couldn’t help but giggle at the fact she and Carmy had the same thinking face. She finally nodded furiously, her soft brown curls bouncing.

“Yo! Baby, you’ll never guess what I got,” Carmy yelled as he walked into the house. He heard Ava squeal and you hushing her. He smiled and walked into the living room to see the two of you drowning in glitter and construction paper, “No wookin' Daddy!” Ava screamed, running toward him at full force. Carmy braced for impact but managed to pick up the small child, and he shot you a look ‘Father’s Day card’ you mouthed. Carmy nodded and picked up his reusable tote bag before carrying Andrea into the kitchen to distract the young girl with his surprise, “When Mommy was pregnant with you… she loved peanut butter.” Carmy said, pulling out a jar from the tote bag. Andrea nodded, kicking her feet while sitting on the counter patiently, “I bought you and Mommy peanut butter cookies.” Andrea smiled making Carmy’s heart swell- she had your smile.

You smiled when you heard squeals coming from the kitchen as you quickly cleared up hiding Carmy’s card in a drawer. You watched from the door frame as Carmy held the girl on his hip in front of the open pantry door. He patiently waited for Andrea to pick out what kind of pasta shape she wanted and you couldn’t help but melt at the sight, watching Carmy be a dad was your favoriate sight to see. You joined the two of them in the kitchen and kissed Carmy’s cheek before stealing Andrea from him, “I hid his card…” you whispered to her.

“Here Daddy!” Andrea yelled as she proudly presented Carmy his Father’s Day card. He smiled even though his pants were now covered with glitter, he smiled “This is beautiful Andi. Thank you.” he looked at the picture of what was meant to be him and Andrea on the front surrounded by glitter hearts and her sloppy handwriting. He squatted down and hugged Andrea tightly before kissing the top of her head. You stood back smiling at the sweet exchange, “Good bye princess. Be good for Mommy okay?” “Okay Daddy!”  “I love you.” Andrea giggled and said “I wuv you Daddy!” she let go of Carmy’s neck and ran into the living room.

Carmy turned to you, “I’ll try to get out early, but it’ll probably be the usual time.” you nodded and rubbed your arm nervously. Carmy looked at you as he picked up his backpack from the floor, “You okay, baby?” he questioned when he noticed how tense you were. “I’m pregnant.” Carmy stared at you in disbelief, “Are you fuckin’ with me?” you shook your head and bit your lip nervously. “We’re havin’ another baby?” you nod, and Carmy wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a tight hug, swaying slowly. You melt into the embrace, feeling relief after a few weeks of keeping this surprise/secret from him. “You’re gonna be a dad again…”

[aestheticaltcow]

Lockdowns & Ladyfingers

Chef Luca x Reader blurb

The Bear Masterlist

Covid lockdowns brought an obscene amount of boredom into Luca’s life. His restaurant was shut down indefinitely, and he’d run out of things to stream and books to read. One laundry night, he made his way down to the washers and bumped into you. You’d moved in across the hall before lockdowns had gone into effect. Luca had been the mysterious guy across the hall who’d leave early in the morning and not return until late into the night. You were curious about him and decided to chat with some of the older women in the building to find out more about this enigmatic figure- and maybe even his name….

“Oh, that’s Luca. He’s a good boy.” “He’s a chef- he surprised me with the most delicious lady fingers a few weeks ago.” “You two would be adorable together.” “Dorthy, would Y/N and Luca be adorable together?” “Oh, absolutely. He’s so handsome.” “So helpful.” “He does his laundry on Wednesdays… if you wanted to ‘run into’ him.” “With all these lockdowns, it must be so hard for young people to socialize with one another.” “Y/N, aren’t you across the hall from him?” “You can always ask him for a cup of sugar.” “Or ask him to open a jar. He has all those cute little muscles.” “He’s single…” The older women's admiration for Luca was evident, and it made you feel a sense of validation about your interest in him. 

The older women's admiration for Luca was evident, making you feel validated about your interest in him. 

After listening to a collection of 75-80-year-old women talk about how wonderful Luca was, you needed to figure out how to run into him again. You saw him entering his apartment one day after taking your dog on a quick walk before bed. “Hey, you’re Luca, right?” you asked as he unlocked his door. He looked at you and nodded, “Yeah- you’re Y/N? Right?”

The two of you exchanged hellos in the hallway a few more times before you worked up the courage to walk across the hall and ask to borrow a cup of sugar. He opened the door shirtless in a pair of black joggers. You swallowed softly before remembering why you’d knocked.

“Do you think I could borrow a cup of sugar?”

[aestheticaltcow]

The Social Media Manager: The Series (part 4)

Just some awkwardness and miscommunication.

The Bear Masterlist

Previous Part

Bars and Miscommunication

It was almost midnight, and Carmy was nowhere to be seen. You were annoyed; was he ghosting you? “Rusty, come play pool with us.” Sara waved at you. She was standing by the pool table with a pair of men. Both were tall, with dark hair, pretty brown eyes, and pearly white smiles. The one on the left looked at you like a piece of meat, while the one on the right stood directly behind Sara. You shook your head.

“I’m still holding out hope.” you laughed, trying to mask your disappointment, as you took another sip from your overpriced cocktail. Sara rolled her eyes; she’d made up her mind about Carmy. He wasn’t showing up tonight, and you shouldn’t invest more effort in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. You stared at your phone and watched the minutes tick by. At 11:59 PM, you finally gave up. After a weak wave to Sara, you started walking toward the bar's exit, feeling a mix of embarrassment and regret. Maybe you were too forward with Carmy. You felt stupid that you’d even tried asking out Marcus’s boss. 

You stood outside waiting for an Uber when you heard someone yell your name. Looking over your shoulder hesitantly, Carmy was heading in your direction. He may have been an hour late, but you still felt the air leave your lungs as he jogged in your direction. You wanted to say something witty, but nothing came to mind. “You’re not leavin’, are ya?” Carmy softly asked as he reached your side. 

You shrugged and avoided eye contact as you explained being tired. The words floated through Carmy’s mind. He noticed your shift in behavior immediately. He fucked up, and he knew it. “Can I take you home? I got held up at the restaurant-” he started to ask as a black Honda Civic pulled up to where you’d been waiting. 

“My ubers here… night, Carmy.” you felt defeated and stupid as you playfully nudged him. “I’ll come by the restaurant next week to get some more content for Instagram.” 

~

“I feel like such a dumbass.” you laughed as you took videos of Syd dicing an onion. Making videos of her making some of the new menu items felt like a good way to create buzz for The Bear- at least until you remembered the events of the weekend and that Carmy was currently hiding from you in the office ‘doing paperwork.’

“You’re not. Carmy just isn’t the one you know.” Syd explained as she scooped the onions into a bowl with garlic and jalapenos. “I haven’t known him that long, but-” Syd cut herself off and adjusted her shoulders. You looked over your shoulder to see Carmy had emerged from the office to help Marcus and Sweeps unload a produce delivery. You rolled your eyes and turned your attention back to Syd.

And that’s how it went for weeks. 

You’d come into The Bear to take pictures and video, then sit in the dining area for a couple of hours to edit the videos into TikToks and Instagram Reels. Carmy would casually watch you from the kitchen and imagine ways he could make it up to you.

You were sick of it. After swallowing your pride, you’d decided to call Carmy. It was a little after midnight, and you didn’t expect him to answer, but he did immediately. “Hey Rusty, everything okay?” he answered. You bit your lip before responding, “Uh, I feel like things have been awkward between us. I guess I just wanted to say sorry?” 

“For what? I should probably be the one apologizing.” Carmy laughed as he brought his cigarette to his lips. He smiled when he heard you giggle in response, “How bout we’re both sorry, and we hang out outside of The Bear… like a date.”

“You want to go on a date with me?” you asked, laughing at Carmy’s surprise. “I do,” you answered, hoping you didn’t make a complete fool of yourself. “How about we get dinner tomorrow- since The Bear is closed on Mondays?” you gnawed on the inside of your cheek, waiting for Carmy’s answer. “Uh- yeah, that sounds good. Pick you at 7.”

[aestheticaltcow]

I'm planning my schedule for this week and I realized im half way there on my supervised therapy hours for graduating with my masters.

I also have a lot of outlines for series planned out but ya know, masters degree/depression is makin it real hard to get anything done.