#but I can’t share that stuff really :((
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Drew my stupid wife on a sticky note while at work bc green
#springtrap#beauart#I’m so art blocked rn for fnaf stuff it’s like the anniversary overloaded me and now I can’t do SHIT#it doesn’t help that I’ve been working on the comic extra hard to finish this chapter#but I can’t share that stuff really :((
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Based on my favorite gif lately
#my art stuff#digital art#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion#batstarion#once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing#bat#good morning#gif#I’ve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately#I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start#bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#It’s one part why I haven’t shared much art lately - I don’t get happy enough about the “quality”#then just don’t share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because I’m not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc#idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isn’t even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about#I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CAN’T do that - even if it wouldn’t fuck me up mentally#I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep “failing” at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarion’s stupid chin OTL
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Can I be real honest and admit how much it saddens me that Instagram doesn’t even let me check if my friends or mutuals liked a post or story without slapping me with “insights” and how good or bad I’m doing regarding my content. I? Don’t care? God forbid I just want to share drawings or funny stories just for the heck of it . why does everything have to be about your account’s performance.
#pix habla#being a people pleaser and struggling with being good enough makes this worse for me#not right now I’m doing so much better really#but it makes me sad to the point of tears this is all that matters#I miss simpler times when it was just about sharing stuff with friends or people who’d enjoy it#I also made the mistake of opening comments on popular posts and it’s all just ? complaints ? people asking for more and complaining when#it doesn’t cater to what they want#I’m really tired 👉👈 idk#it just feels like keeping up with the algorithm ruins art and even just people’s feelings in general#it shouldn’t be about that#Eugh#anyway I can’t even check who likes my stuff it’s just a number now#a number attached to an analysis about performance and account activity#again… that’s so incredibly depressing#but I digress pffft#:’> I’m ok just had to get that off my chest#it’s been bothering me#I see artists I look up to struggling to stay in the algorithm and it shows their art has suffered for it#it kinda hurts to see it yknow#but again. I digress!!!#-sad shimi dance- Shakira Shakira…
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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I said this in tags on another post, but it’s relevant and deserves its own post (I should be reading my usual pre- sleeping fic selection, BUT! I had this revelation -being sleepy is useful once again! -)
They NEEDED Steve to disappear, to be gone. To never care about Bucky anymore. That way they could treat Bucky as they see fit, and that means treating him like shit.
Steve would NEVER accept or allow Bucky to make amends, he would NEVER let the government take care of Bucky or be part of his “rehabilitation” in any way shape or form. That’s why he became Nomad, that’s why Bucky stayed in Wakanda. He would had fight with teeth and nails for Bucky.
“He died already more than once! He was a victim! A prisoner of war. He saved the fucking universe. What the fuck do you mean with amends!”
He became a wanted criminal for that same reason, to not let them have Bucky (nor other people in a fucking watchlist)
They needed Steves relationship with Bucky to become bitter, to be nothing more than a memory.
Steve being in retirement wouldn’t have cut it and…
Bucky was always going to follow Steve, no matter what.
So they needed him to stay alone (or with a companion that didn’t really care as much as Steve, enter Sam)
This way they killed two birds with one stone in Endgame: Reinforcing Steves “love” for Peggy, because “he’s NOT gay, you guys!”, and the partial isolation of Bucky.
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#i had this revelation bc Im sleepy af#also I love Sam but cmon! he didn’t believe much in Bucky and then was friendly with him bc of Steve#they didn’t have a good relationship really#more like friend enemies? sorta#idk I already said that I don’t care much about marvel nowadays#and I mean that#but I had this thought and was huh that actually makes so much sense#partial isolation of Bucky bc he doesn’t have anyone that really knows him as Steve knew him#sure he can have friends o be friendly with others#But its the same problem Steve had with meaningful relationships and shared experience#also Steve loved him and believed in him unconditionally#who else is going to do that for him now?#Thats why they NEEDED STEVE GONE#and being on retirement wouldn’t have cut it#this only makes my hc of Old!Steve being a skrull stronger#also Steve replacing Bucky with Peggy on his mind and when he speaks bc of internalized homophobia#everything makes sense!#im actually like the dude from that meme where hes with a board filled with stuff and like see im right!#i need someone to talk about this omfg my friends can’t care less about ny favorite things dude why#also this really makes sense to me and will become my favorite headcanon because canon is shit and doesn’t make sense#i need things to make sense and to be logical ok? at least in character#and endgame Steve wasn’t Steve Rogers#old!steve wasn’t even Steve wtf
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Hey Chips (is it ok to call you that? Sorry if not) I had a dream about your au the other night, where y/n made a complicated rng/treasure hunt that had them all over the park trying to solve it, completing the game they got the messege "Will you marry me fr fr?" of course they said yes and they were all so happy, it was very cute.
Yes you can call me anything, chips, sun-e-, crunch, whatever feels right to you:)
And also SHARE YOU DREAMS WITH ME I BEG OF THEEEEE!!! I’d absolutely love to see my boys in person it would be a dream come true! Literally!!!
The dream sounds so sweet and fun the bois would have an absolute blast going along with this treasure hunt (I wonder if they would play fair or try to cheat having the Tiki’s help them but unbeknownst to them the Tiki’s are also in on this lil endeavor mwahahaha!) after finally solving it I imagine they would almost explode from shock and happiness to accept y/n’s fr fr proposal to them!
The bois proceed to go nuts for planning and prepping for the ceremony. If you can imagine how much work they would put into making the park and resort ready for this event, they would go all out! (Photos would be amazing haha) they’ve actually done wedding in Waterspark Bay before so this would be something especially grand for the very special occasion:D
Thank you for sharing your dream it made me so so happy to hear it!
#I still can’t believe that my water bois are living in other peoples mind#it really encourages me to make more stuff about them so I can share more of them and their little world#If I could dream of mine and others OC’s every night I would!#beloveds!#fr fr#dca au#waterpark au#Waterspark bay#Waterspark bay au
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Ok phandom peeps, I need to get something off my chest. I cannot stop thinking about it, it’s so funny that this happened to me!
So I’ve been casually perusing the DP fandom for a while, right? Like for several years at least! What can I say? I like art! So at various points I had talked to my aunt about some stuff related, like fun stuff about the phandom and the existence of ghost king aus and stuff. Recently though, I found a fanfic that I spent AN ENTIRE DAY reading and doing nothing else! Like I stayed up late the night before, woke up to immediately read more! I don’t normally read fanfics, let alone any long form story, cuz my attention span is shit and has been shit basically all my life! So in the evening when I was a good chunk of the way through the fic, I talked to my aunt about it! Cuz it’s funny! I found a lot of things in it very amusing and wanted to share!
And then she asked for a link…
The next thing I know, within a few months, probably 3 months later at most, my aunt starts telling me about phandom lore I had never even heard of before! She literally made an ao3 account!!! Guys I am floored! I’ve been idly watching from the shadows for so long, and then I accidentally get my aunt into the phandom and she starts telling me about a red duck candle that’s apparently been integral DPxDC lore for YEARS!
What have I DONE???
#Danny Phantom#DP#this isn’t art or any creative writing this is just sharing a personal experience I had so this isn’t going on my side blog#side blog does have some personal ramblings but they’re typically for art related plans and writing ideas#sorry to anyone following me for fandom stuff- I do try to avoid clogging my main with personal stuff and the like but…#god I just can’t get over this! How did I manage to get my aunt into reading DPxDC fanfics so fast???#she never watched DP and even she didn’t really know much about batfam stuff (all of my knowledge has been from online fandom stuff)#so I’m just absolutely going insane about this cuz holy shit#how did I never know about the red duck candle???
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Me seeing a Jason was such a good student who loved homework and loved reading so much that none of the other Bats could touch him: I’m feeling an extremely strong urge to go through the golden and silver age Robin comics and pull every panel of Dick being comfy in a chair reading. And the admittedly few of him doing good in school. He did hate homework, that is true though.
#dick grayson#nightwing#I also just don’t get how they can’t have shared traits#sure one might do something or like something more#but like Cass is the best fighter in Gotham but do the other ones not have formidable skills?#Babs is the tech center of the team but would you not trust Tim to be able to hack the terrorist computer?#sure Dick is the acrobat but can’t they all do better than most acrobats?#Steph plays instruments and so does Damian#I’m positive they all know a good amount about automobiles and could tune up the Batmobile#I’m also just having a really really crappy week so I might just be letting stuff get to me
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current editing moodboard, please send help
#perfectionism is really kicking my butt rn#that and the fact i had like a week away from writing properly bc chronic pain and now i can’t get back into the headspace#so yeah#perfectionism and brain fog#the inimitable duo#and i know i just need to be patient because it’ll get in the end there like it always does#but rn i’ve spent two nights in a row trying to polish up the last bits of this chapter#and i still just feel so detached from it all i want to pitch my laptop out the window#but i can’t afford a new laptop each time i want to defenestrate it#so this little rant will have to do instead#UGH#it’s so annoying because i am actually so so proud of this chapter and have loved writing it and can’t wait to share it#it’s just this last little bit that i seem to be hitting a brick wall with#anyway sorry#four walls readers don't worry i go through this just about every chapter lol#i'm just feeling it particularly this time because it's a particularly big chapter (both in terms of length and content)#and sometimes venting in the tags and creating an alex moodboard is very therapeutic#writing stuff#alex turner#writer's block#lulu posts
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At this point if I were Taylor and her team I’d be looking at why people want her to speak out about Palestine rather than trying to avoid it. A simple post/story/tweet acknowledging what’s happening, why her silence wasn’t a good thing and a link to provide aid would suffice. She had no problem sharing links and speaking out during the height of Covid so why should this be any different? If she’s worried about alienating/losing fans, her silence might cause more fans to leave/unstan/whatever you want to call it than her speaking out would.
#taylor swift#like do I expect her to? not really but she should#I don’t follow her for her political activism or I certainly wouldn’t have stuck around this long but it is disappointing to see#she could easily be like I’m so proud of my fans for rallying around a cause and making a difference and share the swifties for Palestine#fundraiser and share something like Doctors Without Borders or something else#like she shouldn’t have any fears about people leaving and if so that’s not really her problem#it’s not surprising that she’s avoiding it given how she responded in 2020 to blm stuff on here#I don’t know if she only wanted to get more political around causes she believes in or us centric stuff but you can’t really do that#but being political means being uncomfortable and talking about a lot of stuff that doesn’t directly affect you
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For the person who thought it was cute to come into my inbox and yell at me for not ‘doing more’ for their specific cause: I do not have anything left of myself to give right now.
This is what I have left for the rest of this month. $25.87. I have no food left that I can eat because I spent the last bit of food stamps on foods only fit for my mom’s sudden health problem. The day before yesterday I ate peanut butter even though it always makes me sick to my stomach because I didn’t have anything else I can eat with protein, and then I went into fucking anaphylaxis. And no, I did not go to the ER because then I’d have to take off my mask and I’m at extreme risk of covid and no one fucking masks in medical environments here but ALSO because my insurance loves to avoid paying for ER stuff. (See $25.87 above) I am already struggling to work on commissions and stuff for patreon as it is with all of my chronic health conditions kicking off big time. There aren’t enough hours in the day to spend being physically ill in the bathroom, laying down to cry in pain, and working. I do not have the energy. I do not have the time. I do not have the money. I do what I can when I can, and if that isn’t enough for you then you can fuck entirely off.
#personal#not nice anon#I doubt you’ll see this because I fucking blocked you#but if you do#fuck off#ask your fave blorbo actor why they haven’t donated to your cause#not a fucking random ass artist on tumblr#which one has the money I wonder#I reblog and share when I can’t donate#I can’t really go to protests or be physically present for most causes#bc you know. I’m fucking disabled and sick#I don’t know what else you want from me#you can throw my body at the house of whoever in gov you hate#but you kind of need to wait until I die for that#ok?#so chill tf out#batwynn talks#tw: illness#MCAS stuff
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HEY here is my Switch friend code for anyone who wants it! the only games i really play online are Splatoon and Mario Kart, but i’m trying to make an effort to be more accessible and open again so if anyone wants to add then feel free :)
#i had to change my name to Duck Twacy since i wanted that to be my name in Mario Kart but forgot you can’t have “’nicknames’ in it boo#but maybe Duck Twacy is more recognizable than Eliza. who knows. just feels funny without a Daffy icon! naked even!#and i really do aim to get back to all my asks and DMs THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE GUYS SERIOUSLY#i’ve been so buried by work (in a good way! because i love my work but i think i’ve neglected to take proper care of myself in favor of#constantly feeling i need to grind whether with work or reviews or anything) so i really am determined to detach a little and be more open#and indulgent and ALL THAT FUN STUFF#how does sharing my friend code tie into that? you tell me!#(ID ALSO OFFER TO PLAY ACNH ONLINE TOO but i have terminal restart my island itis so there’s really nothing to do… it’s been a chronic habi#since i first started playing the Animal Crossing series as a little kid whoops)#but it’s been one of my lifelong loves too
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petition to let them fight over the ichigo au lait
#my bet’s on mona and her 2 cm height advantage#still can’t believe they shrunk yujiro im sobbbifngngng#t h o u g h! while we’re still cheering over the new mona mv!!!!!#can we all collectively agree to just… not repost/use moge’s ‘do not reupload’ illusts without permission?#stuff like. yk. saving the images and posting ‘em elsewhere/using them as your profile icons and such?#screenshots from vids and stuff are totally okay but not moge’s do not reupload twt/fanbox illusts h e lp#bc i just think it’s really unfortunate that moge has to make twt posts to address this when it’s clearly written as such on her illusts…#so let’s show respect to moge’s wishes and not reupload without permission okay~? link sharing should be fine i think but not reposting!!!#let’s agree to not be part of the problem of our goated illustrator#i mean i haven’t seen anyone on here reupload (i think) but it’s best to be aware of it just in case… i think#ahaha sorryyy i’ll get back to idol sengen… though. um. tling it should be fine… right? since it’s official media and such…#uhhhhhhhhhh well. um. at least i’m not making profits off tling it? i earn enough from my day job i s w e a r
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youtube
He’s just Gabe and he’s great at doing stuff.
#Elena of Avalor#Gabriel Nunez#Gabe Nunez#My video#Yes I’m using this caption everywhere possible because I like it XD#I’m back to those old days when I shared my stuff on every platform where I existed#Just for today though XD#Because I really love how this video turned out#You know I really can’t believe how long it took me to realize how much this song actually fitted Gabe#and to be honest I fully realized it only during editing#It was super simple to choose a scene for almost every line#And I forgot how much I loved video editing ajhdnjf#This is the most satisfying form of art for me#Like it’s extremely simple but it also looks so good#Anyway hope you enjoy ajhdnfj
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I should participate in the grand tumblr tradition and just post random scenes I’ve written for various fics I’ll never finish but alas i am personally not allowed to so instead they live on my computer in scrivener files where they will wither and die
#if I could get the nerve up to post anything#I honestly think it would be good for me and my writing or whatever if I tried to share more of it but#I’m like. allergic to sharing things that aren’t complete#so anything that’s like. a random isolated impulse just stagnates on my laptop#I love reading other people’s random scenes! but I’m different…#I guess I’m having writers block 🙄 not really just can’t seem to write anything that’s a finished product all this year#actually this post is about my sister rereading the Russian doll au randomly the other week#and being like this was super good actually. too bad it will never cohere into the 50k novel it demands to be#instead it’s 15k of Stuff with no way to finish it#what I really need is to learn to write one shots… that would fix me
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#I have no idea how to handle this diagnosis#because I have no idea how long I’ve had herpes 2? and I know a LOT of people have it?#and I have literally never had an outbreak#and there’s so much stuff to navigate#and I know I legit can’t spread it without an outbreak#and i know I’m not dirty but I feel so weird#and damaged even though I know I’m not? like I know I’m not we say that all the time#but I feel so bad about it I’m really fucked up about it?#and I’m oversharing but I need to share it makes me feel better#AND IN MY LAST WEEK OF MY TWENTIES
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