#so I’m just absolutely going insane about this cuz holy shit

[catstar91]

Ok phandom peeps, I need to get something off my chest. I cannot stop thinking about it, it’s so funny that this happened to me!

So I’ve been casually perusing the DP fandom for a while, right? Like for several years at least! What can I say? I like art! So at various points I had talked to my aunt about some stuff related, like fun stuff about the phandom and the existence of ghost king aus and stuff. Recently though, I found a fanfic that I spent AN ENTIRE DAY reading and doing nothing else! Like I stayed up late the night before, woke up to immediately read more! I don’t normally read fanfics, let alone any long form story, cuz my attention span is shit and has been shit basically all my life! So in the evening when I was a good chunk of the way through the fic, I talked to my aunt about it! Cuz it’s funny! I found a lot of things in it very amusing and wanted to share!

And then she asked for a link…

The next thing I know, within a few months, probably 3 months later at most, my aunt starts telling me about phandom lore I had never even heard of before! She literally made an ao3 account!!! Guys I am floored! I’ve been idly watching from the shadows for so long, and then I accidentally get my aunt into the phandom and she starts telling me about a red duck candle that’s apparently been integral DPxDC lore for YEARS!

What have I DONE???

[justa11y]

WEEEE EPISODE 9!!

I am absolutely never getting over Joke with Granny. It’s not going to happen, you will not catch me loving another friendship like I do this one. It’s just…. Sorry. He loves her so much it’s insane.

Not at me physically yelling at my friends phone telling Ver 2.0 to stop his shannagins. I was over it.

Nah cuz i SCREAMED with how Rose handled this. She really was a true queen and I lowkey respect her. Her saying even if I’m not okay I have to be. She did honestly care about Jack and hopefully she stays a queen and doesn’t do some shady shit to ruin him as a person. but alas this is a BL so, I won’t actually be surprised.

The Four Little Pigs got me by the balls. That’s all.

ITS ABOUT MOTHER EFFIN TIME BRO. I won’t get over this YinWar moment either. But holy cow finally. 9 episode later and we finally got a confession?! Though… this does not excite me for episode 11… some out of pocket bull crap will happen. I know it. This show isn’t beating the ep 11 curse.

Also…. I kicked my feet like a school girl. I am not sorry at all.

And for a little fun note, I’ve been thinking about taking my BS to TikTok.

[thepixarau]

My little review of “Elemental” (spoilers!)

Imma be honest my expectations weren’t insanely high. I wasn’t expecting it to be fantastic but I didn’t think it would be bad (Pixar movies almost never are) so I just went in neutral. I saw it with my friends and before we went in they kept bashing it solely bc of how bad the promos are—and honestly they’re right. The marketing for this movie sucks. Do not let any of it fool you, please watch this film. I guarantee you will end up enjoying it.

Now I know everyone was making fun of the character designs since the first teaser was released. I’ll admit some of the background characters are a little lazy and while the designs could’ve been better, the animation made up for it because holy shit is it beautiful. The visuals are absolutely stunning, and I just love the way the characters move and interact with each other and their environment. I can’t imagine how tough it was to animate all of that, especially when your main protagonist is made of fire and therefore is always moving in some way.

I won’t go too much into the whole interracial relationship/struggles of multicultural families aspect because I feel like other people reviewing this movie can explain it so much better than me, but I gotta say really appreciate the fact Elemental had a romance plot but still focuses on the values and importance of family, especially because in most kids films they choose to solely focus on one or the other. I’m glad media is showcasing familial love but not completely abandoning romantic love either.

I’ve seen a lot of people try and compare this to Zootopia, I guess cuz it takes place in a metropolis city and features a mixed ‘race’ main duo and racism/oppression allegories. Honestly tho a lot of movies do this, it’s not a “rip off” of Zootopia cuz it takes place in a city. In Zootopia the city is a prime focus, it’s almost like it’s own character. The whole point is that it’s a place special to mammals because it’s where dreams can come true, where all animals live in harmony together. It’s a dream home for its main character who has to come to terms with the fact it’s not a perfect place. Elemental isn’t as focused on its location and that’s ok. It’s a sanctuary for Ember’s parents when they first arrive, but overall the story isn’t about the city.

Ok now I’ll get to the part you’re here for; Ember and Wade’s story. Wholehearted truth; I love their dynamic and development so much. I definitely felt like they needed more screentime at first (to me the pacing in general was a little rushed in the beginning, then slowed down towards the middle). Call me a hopeless romantic but I’m just sucker for that forbidden love type shit. I’ve seen people try and call this a Romeo and Juliet romcom but I didn’t personally get that from them. I can see why some might interpret it that way cuz they were hiding it from Ember’s dad, Bernie. But really, I wish we’d stop comparing every forbidden relationship to Romeo & Juliet cuz A. that play is so fucked up and is barely a love story and B. there are a million tales of forbidden love out there, it’s intriguing. It sells well for a reason and if you do it right it makes an amazing story!

Anyway, I really adore their dynamic. It’s so refreshing to see a non-married couple say “I love you” in a Disney movie. It’s a simple yet deep, beautiful expression of one’s feelings, I was not expecting them to go that route but I’m so happy they did. I’m even more happy they kissed (I was trying so hard not to squeal at that part, you don’t even know)

I’ll be going on and on about how cute Ember and Wade are on this blog. I’m super excited to add them to the Pixar AU, can’t WAIT to write all kinds of one shots about them tehe.

Sorry if you were expecting a more deep and profound review, I’m just here expressing my thoughts five hours after leaving the theater. I plan on going to see it again sometime so maybe I’ll have more to say after that.

Overall I definitely recommend giving this one a chance. Don’t listen to critics or dumbasses on tik tok, go see it! For me this movie already has a special place in my heart and I hope you guys will enjoy it as much as I did!

[cherrio-krispz]

THE MOVIE “ORPHAN” IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DELUSIONAL HOLY STARS / (TW death, extremely personally stuff. this is a horror movie btw) explanation << honestly just a rant of said movie:

Its about this family who lost a baby at birth, there are two kids one is mostly deaf. The father and mother want to adopt an orphan. soon Kate (the mom) finds out that this orphan is extremely dangerous to her actual children. Esther (orphan) is a crazy ass bitch who has murdered several people with families, she tries to seduce each father she was adopted into AND THANKFULLY NONE WORKED OUT. after it all didn’t work, she got pissed off and legitimately burnt their houses down to the ground after brutally murdering the father. ESTHER TURNS OUT TO BE 33 INSTEAD OF NINE AND SHE COMES FROM AN ASYLUM. SHE WAS THE MOST VIOLENT PATIENT IN THAT BUILDING this movie had me recoiling dude its so insane it drives me crazy like BRO POOR MAX (DEAF KID) SHE HAD TO EXPERIENCE ESTHER KILLING A NUN AFTER SHE WAS PUSHED IN FRONT OF THE NUNS CAR. she wasn’t hurt at all from the car thank the stars but that will sure as hell have an impact on her trauma. Max saves her mom and brother from dying but sadly saw her DUMBASS OF A DAD DIE tbh dad deserves that death idc abt him he was stupid as shit☠️. Esther held a gun right at Max’s forehead that was loaded just so she would strike even more fear into her. I HATE ESTHER!!!!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH SHE IS JUST. UGHH SHE ENDED UP HAVING HER NECK SNAPPED AND DROWNING IN A POND I’M GLAD ESTHER DIED. NOT TO MENTION ESTHER BURNS DOWN DANIELS (THE BROTHER) TREEHOUSE WITH HIM AND THE NUNS DEATH EVIDENCE IN IT. DANIEL SURVIVES SOMEHOW BY OPENING THE TREEHOUSES WINDOW AND CLIMBING TO THE ROOF. BRO ESTHER WAS WATCHING THE WHOLE FUCKING THING WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE ‘N DANIEL ENDED UP HAVING TO GO TO THE HOSPITALLLL ESTHER ALMOST HAD KILLED HIM WITH A BOULDER BUT MAX RUSHES IN AND BARGES INTO ESTHER FUCK YOU ESTHER KYS KYS MAX IS BETTER THAN YOU AND SHE IS LIKE 7 KYS ESTHER MAX IS AMAZING AND SMART

OH YEAH ESTHER ALSO PUSHES SOME LITTLE GIRL OFF A VERY HIGH UP SLIDE, SHE BREAKS HER LEG I THINK JUST BECAUSE OF HERSELF BEING A BULLY TO ESTHER

celebrating esthers death rn guys 😁

,,

in summary, Orphan Esther was really just tricking people into thinking she was nine. Killing each family possible that adopts her. Kate and Max save their family (which at this point it was max’s brother) and have extra trauma AGHHH

So erm if you want a good horror movie- watch orphan on hbo max cuz HOLY it has me gasping for air

[freemefromthishellscape]

I finally watched The Menu and holy fucking shit am I glad I did. I am a huge fan of horror, specifically what I personally classify as “psychological horror.” Whether that’s what it actually is or not that’s what I count it as. I still have more horror movies to watch that I haven’t had time to see yet, but this is so far my favorite horror film. The absolute insanity of going from what feels like the start to a shitty rom-com about an odd couple trying to fix things (cuz he’s an ass and that’s how some of the movies in that genre start) to the mindfuck that is the dinner is built up slowly enough that if you didn’t know it was horror it would be like putting a frog in water and then heating it on a stove. (I don’t condone that happening because I love frogs, I just couldn’t think of a better analogy) I really just love this movie with the well done feminine rage, twisted self awareness of the chef, and the almost unnoticeable commentary on how we see service workers as their service and not as human during the Man’s Folly scene where Katherine cries and is only complemented on the food and not actually comforted about what happened to her. I am going to be thinking about this movie for weeks and talking bout it for just as long. It’s so well made I’m just enamored with it right now.

[thisisanude]

i feel crazy i feel absolutely insane the timing is just so weird too like i don’t understand what’s happening ive never felt this weird and unsure of what to do in my relationship WELL i have in other ways but never this one this one is the weirdest TBH. like on one hand i love him and every time i see him i feel genuine love and happiness and like i want to build a future with him and i love hanging out with him and he makes me feel better. but on the other hand. we have had issues before he would get petty over things i really didn’t appreciate and part of me is like it’s my fault too cuz i can be bitchy like sometimes i talk before i think. but idk i feel like that’s the worst of me like he would get so upset at moments when he really shouldn’t have been or when a partner should be supportive. and the petty things. like the first time like 2 years ago when i said to him at a bar i look so good everyone here wants to fuck me and he was very upset and took that real not well but didn’t tell me about it till months later and that’s why he would get so petty. and this was the same instance when i found out that he was being petty to me bc also months ago i made a joke to his friend about his bong being dirty. and i don’t even remember how they fight went bc honestly it was awful i tried to push it away so bad sooooo bad and that fight was like a year and a half ago. i remember being truly hurt for the first time, like instead of trying to solve something he was being petty. it was so upsetting and i feel like that made me see him differently bc i will never feel like i got full closure. like i was saying sorry for doing those things too much and he wasn’t saying sorry for being petty enough. i do get angry tho and i don’t give in when im really mad. and then ! that was like the worst our relationship was bc i had already not been happy with him prob bc of his pettiness and distance from me in the before months so that fight was like damn i could see myself without you. but then things started to improve he was cleaning his act up and in a few more months i felt really happy in our relationship again. it’s like wow i can’t believe i ever felt upset or wanted to leave i want to be with you forever so bad this is my person this is my soulmate. and then next july which was almost a year later we had a big fight THE DAY I WASS MOVING OJT….. which if you know me my room and apartment is a very very very lot of work to move out from. and the last year he wasn’t in town so he didn’t help me but this year he was helping me. and last year i helped him move out after he left town and did a lot of work also but that don’t matter cuz it’s not like transactional but just saying im not only expecting help from him i help him as well. but i don’t even fucking remember what that was about either! crazy how bad my memory holds fights and bad memories like that altho i’m sure i was prob smoking a lot around this time which doesn’t help. i just remember being extremely angry with him and for the first time in a while thinking oh i don’t think i should be with him forever. and i honestly didn’t feel like i was fully recovered i feel like i was just like let’s fix this asap bc i needed to keep MOVING OUT and i didn’t want to be immensely stressed and upset. but i don’t even remember what the fuck he was upset about but i do remember him telling me i shouldn’t have told my BEST FRIEND about him potentially moving back home the next year and us maybe being long distance. and i was like wtf is wrong with you for being mad at going to my best friend like that’s an emotional upset thing for me and i also don’t wanna make you feel guilty for leaving by talking about it in a sad way. and he was like now she told her boyfriend (who is his dealer) and now everyone knows my business when i don’t want anyone to. like bitch what the fuck why do you care so much shut the fuck up holy shit and he was like why is it a big deal it’s not a big deal and i was like how can you say that. he’s like that’s like the same thing as you going to ur home country for

[vioshipping]

OKAY. FINISHED V.LOO G.UY MOD. Here are my thoughts and feelings and takeaways because I HAVE to gush okay. This is a need. If I don’t start talking about this I will wither away from joy and whimsy poisoning

ok gush alert wee woo wee woo incoming

G.uy still goes HARD I fuckin love that song. Also I am so fuckinf obsessed with the v. loo redesign I need you all to LOOK AT HIM. I NEED TO HOLDTHIS MAN. And the sprites in the part where he’s freaking out cuz of the pizza on his face AAAAUURYTSTSRTFFGGUGGHHHHHH PLEASE. PLEASE IM HGON A EXPLODE STOP BEIBG SO ADORABLE

Also uhhh idk why like. Dismantle from Ou.rple G.uy was just In There with only the regular bf sprites and no background that was kinda weird lol but that song bangs sooo. WHO am I to complain.

Like literally this iswhat it looked like.

Also can we TALK about Brandon and Gaby because HOLY SHIT. BRANDON AMD GABY. Honestly I’m conflicted with the new Gaby design? Like bro the design for her before this was PERFECT idk why they changed it?? I do still adore her design though she is still ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS and I would KILL FOR HER IF I HAD TO. And I am so MAD this mod was cancelled because Gaby never got singing sprites for Terminated and Goombeast and that is a CRIMINAL OFFENSE and I am going to start DESTROYING things(jokijg). Where is the JUSTICE FOR MY WIFE she only has one SPRITE. I am SO glad she was able to sing though!! Hearing her in Goombeast was such a lovely surprise and made the song ten times better I LOVE her your honor. And of course Terminated was fucking amazing she slayed there. And then th. THE BRANDON SPRITES??? HOLY SHIT???? THE GUITAR SPRITES IN MIDNIGHT MELTED MY HEART INTO POMEGRANATE JUICE WHO THE FUCK GAVE HIM THE RIGHT TO BE THAT BABSBVXBXBZBBDBFBFBF FRICKIN CUTE. Yeah no I have nothing to say about him except he is so skrunkly eepy weepy

Also auuygghhh dude I think I’m gonna fucking f/o half the goddamn cast because holys crap. Holy. Holyf shut bro i CANT they’re SO CHARMING ANF ADORABLE AND I HAVE TO GO LOOK AT THE WIKI RIGHT NOW AND LEARN EVERY POSSIBLE TIDBIT OF INFORMATION ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS. BECAUSE THEY HAVE WIGGLED THEIR LITTLE WAYs INTO MY HEART AND I AM SO FULL OF LOVE ITS INSANE. IM GOING INSANE. I LOVE THIS MOD I LOVE THE CHARACTERS I AM GOING TO PERISH.

ALSO YE.D GUY?? THE FRICKIN. SHOCK. OKAY FOR ONE MIDNIGHT IS MY FAVORITE SONG I THINK. THAT OR GOOMBEAST. BUT THE ART AND EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY A MASTERPIECE. AND THE SAXOPHONE SECTION???? THE FRICKIN HAIR?? HELLO??.

okay gushing over. Sorry. Actually no I lied I’m not sorry it will happen again.

[fan-kingdoms]

WHOO BOY. episodes 13 and 14 FINISHED and i am HERE with a LEGITIMATE BULLET-POINTED/NUMBERED LIST. mostly about ep 14 cuz i kinda already gave my thoughts on ep 13 in my reply to the last ask but there'll probably be some of that in there too.

okay first off. I LOVE TEN!!! what little ive seen of him anyway. funky little guy! the same and yet so very different and all the more fascinating for it! i will forever miss nine but i think im gonna have a SWELL time with ten. just absolutely glorious

i especially love how the entire time ten's in his festive little coma rose is just pissed and sad as hell and all like "the REAL doctor wouldnt DO THIS" but then the second he wakes up shes back to being all 😏😍🥰. girlie you are NOT subtle. (poor mickie tho <//3 boy does not DESERVE this)

also !!! love ten having his whole big sassy showdown with the sycorax while wearing pajamas striped in the trans pride colors. absolute slay you funky little space man

ogh i can already tell im about to have so many emotions about ten and rose. nine was at least somewhat more subtle but HOLY HELL ten. the heart eyes are insane my guy

im pretty sure captain jack is coming back at some point cuz i saw stuff of him with ten and rose before i got interested in watching the show. so like where is he. how do they get him back from satellite five i mean they thought he was DEAD so hes just stranded there. do they just decide to go back and check one day and pick him up. wh

TIME VORTEX ROSE. HOLY SHIT. THAT WAS SO BADASS AND SCARY AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND. YEAH. AND THE FJFICNFING KIS,,,,, NINE TAKING THE VORTEX FROM HER AND DYING IN HER PLACE,,,, OUGH MAN. I GOT EMOTIONS

ik i aint seen thr last of the daleks. you resourceful little fuckers. ugh

harriet jones i had faith in you. i LIKED you. help i just read my own text in nine's voice (sidenote: ten's anger at her when she just,, killed the sycorax even though they were already leaving,, the COLDNESS in his voice. yeah thats the doctor right there 100% and MAN i love him.)

i think thats all for now but ill probably remember more stuff and come to scream about it in the morning

OOO A LIST I LOVE A LIST!!

(i figured out how to put a read more in an ask !! finally !!)

i’m so glad you like ten and i love that we can tell david is just having a swell time playing our favorite space man he is Vibing and just enjoying himself and it’s so fun to see— and oh yeah neither of them are subtle! you see most people agree that ten was literally born out of love, he’s so much more vulnerable and forgiving of himself because rose let him see himself, and he sacrificed nine for her so ten could freely love her. my HEART.

and oh yeah both jack and the daleks are slippery little fuckers they have a habit of making it out of places

TIME VORTEX. BAD WOLF. SHE IS THE BAD WOLF AND SHE CREATES HERSELF!!! ITS A PARADOX AND ITS SO COOL HOW SHE JUST PUTS THE WORDS EVERYWHERE HOPING ROSE WILL FOLLOW THEM THERE

I LOVE HARRIET’S CHARACTER BECAUSE IT REALLY SHOWS HOW PEOPLE CHANGE OVER TIME AND THE CORRUPTING POTENTIAL OF POWER UGH ITS SO GOOD

[tauforged]

let's talk about the way we talk about sigma

and i’m not just saying this because i’m a hater or because i find the woobification of characters annoying (although i am, and i do, but that’s neither here nor there) but i AM saying it cuz it’s no longer mildly annoying so much as it is just hurtful and exhausting due to the casual ableism it perpetuates. whether it’s consciously or not, it’s there and i’m pointing it out cuz a lot of people probably don’t even realize what they’re saying (i hope) so i wanna spell it out crystal clear.

*granted, these are sentiments i’ve seen far more often on twitter or tiktok than on here (and i know complaining about stupid takes on either site is like going to the beach and getting mad about all the sand, but bear with me) but it’s ABSOLUTELY something that i see a lot on here too and i'm starting to get incredibly fed up with it all. someone's gotta fuckin say it.

im going to put the majority of this under a readmore because i've got a lot to say on the topic but here's the long and short of it:

you guys have GOT to stop acting like sigma is a poor little helpless confused manipulated innocent little uwu baby. like, for real. stop saying that shit. stop lamenting about “waahhh poor science granpa doesn’t know where he is or what’s happening around himmm 🥺🥺🥺”. stop acting like he’s being held captive or abused by talon despite evidence to the contrary so you can make your little “uwu i can’t wait for overwatch to save him and Fix Him uwuwuw” posts. and for the love of all that’s holy, if i see one more person say or imply that he was better off when he was being forcibly institutionalized than he is now working for talon, i’m going to start fucking attacking people with my teeth like a chimpanzee.

it's incredibly fucking weird and alienating for literally anyone who experiences even a fraction of the things yall are pointing out as proof of his incompetence. and before any of you hit me with the "oh it's not that deep 🙄" im gonna tell you right now that i dont care and im going to be mad about it anyway cuz its my party and i can post whatever i want.

ANYWAY!!

to continue my point, not only is it weird and infantilizing and demeaning and belittling to those of us who deal with literally any of the myriad of things going on with him that i’ve seen people point to as proof that he ‘needs to be fixed’ — memory lapses, time loss, dissociation, auditory hallucinations, disordered thought, just straight up being autistic, hyperfocus and/or complete lack of focus, panic attacks or meltdowns, i cannot overstate how many of the ‘weird’ things he does are just autistic traits so i’m gonna say it a second time for good measure — and those are all just things that i personally have in common with him (which is part of the reason i’m as mad about this as i am to make this post, but i digress).

to single out these things, all of which are completely reasonable for someone who is autistic, who is traumatized, who suffered through a prolonged period of forced confinement, and/or who has literal brain damage, and NONE of which are nearly as tragic and doomed as people are making them out to be, that’s all bad enough on its own!

but to point out these traits and then turn around and use them to color every single interaction he has with another character, every single thing he says, and tie it back to his traaaagic broken mind and how he’s clearly losing his grip on reality just feels… insanely othering in a way that’s really exhausting.

like, for fucks sake, a solid 80% of his character interactions could be lifted near verbatim from conversations i’ve had in real life with my friends, family, coworkers, you name it, all of which were friendly and usually in jest — hell, 9/10 times when i let out a random non sequitur or lose my train of thought or forget what i’m doing, nobody even bats a fucking eye! they sure as hell don't accuse whoever i’m talking to of abusing me because they expressed mild annoyance at my bad joke.

i’ve genuinely seen someone get all worked up and construe his one interaction with sombra where he comments on her tendency to disappear and reappear in odd places as evidence that he’s got dementia and is slipping away from reality altogether… and not, yknow, a nod to her fucking cloaking ability and translocator and the fact that she uses both very frequently just for the hell of it. that one still fucking baffles me i'm sorry. if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes i'd honestly think it was a joke. like. cmon now

another thing that makes it even worse is that most of this is also just…. not even grounded in canon. if this was the way blizz was writing him, it’d be one thing. it would still be shitty and ableist, but blizzard handling their oooh spooky scary mentally ill character badly is about as surprising as the sun rising every morning. i can't say i wouldn't still be upset to see people continuing to perpetuate it, but i wouldn't be AS mad, i guess.

but SO. MANY. of the popular takes on his character are either never concretely stated or outright contradicted by his ingame dialogue and interactions and it drives me insane!!! idk WHERE y’all are getting this shit but so many people are reaching so hard to make him a tragic sad uwuwuw glass bones and paper skin pathetic little meow meow that they’re going out of their way to misinterpret source material so they can shout from the rooftops about how sad and pathetic and unaware they think people like me must be.

i keep seeing people talk about how he probably has no idea that talon is a terrorist group, that he doesn’t know what talon IS, or that he doesn’t even know that he WORKS for talon, and it’s starting to go from mildly annoying to infuriating. this shit has literally no basis in canon aside from conjecture based on the fact that he’s Known to be mentally ill!! i don't see even half as many people getting this all up in arms about widow, who we KNOW FOR A FACT was literally kidnapped and experimented on and brainwashed by talon. like. that's her WHOLE THING. meanwhile sig literally just works there and people are clamoring for ovw to come """""rescue"""""" him as if hes like, a lab animal or something instead of a grown man who happens to not be particularly bothered by the fact that he works for talon.

this is something that's addressed in game MULTIPLE TIMES - he’d far prefer to watch an ant crawl on the ceiling than listen to s76 trying to ‘talk sense into him’, not because he can’t hear him or anything either, it’s pretty clear from his tone and cadence that he’s actively choosing to ignore him. when baptiste points out the fact that he’s fully capable of leaving talon if he wanted to, he doesn’t deny it or act confused or like that’s a strange thing to say, he just seems a little bemused that someone would think he WANTS to leave. yeah, he sure could— but why would he bother?

he's not "totally unaware of what he's doing" in the fucking slightest - hell, i'd argue that his new map-exclusive lines and interactions prove that he's MORE grounded now than he was in ovw1. yes, he gets a little confused on occasion when he can't quite remember the last time he's been somewhere. (memory lapses are just kind of like that. i had several while writing this post, in fact! it just fucking happens sometimes. it's really not the end of the world. frustrating, yeah, but i promise you we can manage just fine).

i guess the question i'm asking is: is it really all that difficult for to fathom that he might just... WANT to be there? that he might just straight up not care what talon is up to, so long as he's able to keep doing his research as he sees fit??

and for the record, before anyone takes this and runs with it and we lose the plot of this post, i am NOT SAYING that the very idea of wanting him to leave talon is #problematic or anything. i dont care, really. do whatever you want. what i do care about is just like.... being mindful about what we're saying and WHY we're saying it. it's reaching a point where people are somehow managing to look at the ass backwards already ableist as hell decisions blizz has already made with him and decided "hey, i bet i can find a way to make that even worse!"

[autisticandroids]

i saw you asked what conservatives see in spn, I’m currently at mid s14 of rewatching spn with my right wing father and it’s is... absolutely a viewing experience. His favorite character is dean because my dad finds him personable and funny and he likes the older brother dynamic between him and Sam, and the relationship with John reminded him of his own dad. but my dad also REALLY loves castiel. Lazarus Rising is one of his favorite episodes just for Cas’ entrance, and he really really enjoyed like. girlboss s4-6 and 8 Cas killing people. and it’s incredibly strange because my dad is a Christian pastor, he does prison ministry for inmates every week. so I’d assumed he wouldn’t like cas as a character because his character development is about losing faith in God, but no my dad fucking loved it. he said it reminded him of his own abusive father and he became like... a castiel apologist. when we got to TMWWBK my dad kept saying that he “loves dean, but cas is right in this situation” until cas slaughtered the Republican campaign office lol. when the writers started nerfing Cas in season 9 my dad was annoyed and said “cas used to be so cool ://“, but then when we got to the episode Claire is introduced he changed his mind and said he liked that Cas who was formerly very violent and ‘would kill a child’ had calmed down and learned to love while the opposite happened to dean which cas was visibly saddened by. and at this point I wasn’t sure if my dad was reading it as queer because he also said shit like ‘cas is a christian character’ and then just didn’t elaborate. when we got to Amara he was fucking MAD that they’d given dean a love interest he said it wasn’t ‘satisfying to the plot, he doesn’t even know her”. when we got to Lily Sunder and the ‘I’ll cure you of your human weakness’ my dad was like ‘holy shit. is castiel (spanish slur for gay man).” and i just walked away lol cuz he knows that i am gay too. when I came back he said some shit to me like “listen i change my mind that word only applies to bad homosexuals” and then he was silent for a long time before saying “plus he isn’t even a man. see he was a woman before. also dean doesn’t feel like that so it’s just sad”. when we got to 12.22 and cas being stabbed by lucifer my dad like audibly fucking gasped and started yelling in spanish and did the old man thing where he leaned forward in his recliner. with the widower arc and dean being a little bitch to jack I forget which episode it was but my dad said “i think they are trying to show that he (dean) is acting like his father. because sometimes they compare characters, so I think dean is John and castiel is” and then he forgot Mary’s name for a moment so he said “castiel is his wife.” and then 5 seconds later he went “wait. wait” and paused the tv and just looked at me going “what the fuck. what the fuck. he’s Not Gay!!!! But he is the husband?’ absolutely insane viewing experience. when we got to Tombstone my dad told me “i hope he gets a new female body, because dean loves him but isn’t gay”. sorry that this was so long im unwell

BRO. BRO BRO BRO. EXCUSE ME? I LOVE THIS. 

[emtornado]

Strike Back: Season 4 Finale

It was a genuinely good episode with proper interaction between characters, and I can’t wait to see where part two goes with this. (me at Risk in my previous post)

Ha.

Ha Ha.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

Oh my gods the whole season just made sense.

Was the execution of the season not up to par? Yes, lowkey. Lots of things that were super deep were just barely brushed upon.

But holy shit. It all genuinely came together.

First of all Risk— it was executed well and added to the plot like nobody’s fucking business. Amazing Akumas which genuinely fucked shit up. I don’t understand why Shadowmoth didn’t think of more subtle Akumas like this before, absolute dumbshit.

Secondly, Felix. That’s it. Felix. In my last post, I was all “omg Felix is the only smart one I love him”. Lord knows I’m eating my words now. Because Felix IS the only smart one and he just fucked my girl LB up. So bad. I mean, somewhere I did expect him to do this but bruh ;-; Also, him going “I’m sorry” and then meeting and doing all that crap with Gabby? Annoying AF.

Then let’s come to the Cat and Dog interaction. Ngl, that was funny, I genuinely laughed when Ladybug made them shake ‘paws’ lmao.

Let’s talk about Ladybug. I loved her in this episode because she was doing insane big brain things. It made sense to trust Adrien. How the fuck was she supposed to know that it was actually Adrien? Poor girl genuinely trusts Adrien to do the right thing. Sadly, she didn’t know that the right thing, in this case, was right beside her and had been there since the very beginning. She didn’t deserve it. My poor child already has various Anxiety and Panic disorders, and now we’re adding PTSD to it. Genuine PTSD because fuck. That Anxiety attack she had in front of Adrien was so warranted, and I’m glad they showed that. Please, get this poor girl therapy she needs it so bad pain.

Now time for Chat Noir. In case you didn’t already know, I love him. He’s amazing and he and Ladybug are both my favourite characters. He deserves better. But in this episode showed that he isn’t just ‘poor little Chat Noir who gets sidetracked’. They actually showed that even though, yes, it happens, and it hurts him, he is a good man and a good person who would not abandon Ladybug. His extending that hand to her after she berated herself for not taking his help before was so full of feels, please. I don’t think I’ve ever been that proud of him. That was an absolutely beautiful character-defining moment in my opinion, cuz it showed his strength, will, conviction and immeasurable quality to love. I hope that they get his sentimonster ring (god I hate that theory and the fact that it's probably correct painnnnnnn) and help him become his own master.

Gabby. I hate the fuck out of that man. The best part is that he’s probably gonna become a sort of secondary villain because FELIX. I don’t think anyone was ever scared of Gabriel like they are now of Felix because Felix is sinister in a way Gabriel never was. The only other character who kinda reaches him is Lila but we all collectively hate her. With Felix, there is a kind of grudging respect because he did in three episodes what my lovable fools haven’t done in four seasons (not counting the episodes where their memory gets wiped, fuck those. They give fan service and then SNATCH it from us.) No, but seriously, I’m scared of what Felix is gonna do with the Miraculous. And of course, Gabriel with all them miraculouses. I hope he puts too many on and starts dying or something. I hate that bitch.

Nathalie collapsing on the train was so sad btw. Her trying to convince Adrien was so sweet pls, I want more Nathalie and Adrien interactions, istg she cares more about him than Gabby does, that absolute asshole. And Lila, that bitch, smirking at Nathalie as she falls. Bitch why? You’re a minor and that’s your guardian for the moment. Do you want her to die? Add to that the fact that Gabby will sidetrack his whole plan if anything happens to Nathalie. Bloody Bitch. I hate Lila y’all ugh. I wonder what’s gonna happen with her Drop theories, lord knows I will soon as well pain. How to fill the void between season to season.

Anyway, let’s go to Chat and LB bickering like an old married couple while fighting a sentimonster. Absolute fools. All valid arguments but the way it was done was lowkey funny haha. But when Chat said “I’ll never get akumatised” and LB got a flashback—

Bruh.

That hurt.

Honestly. Chat Blanc was the beginning of the true decline of Ladybug’s Mental Health.

Okay now let's talk about Alya. Now, none of us, least of all me (sorry for villainising you in a previous post, Alya), expected her to renounce her miraculous and own up to her mistake. I kinda wanted something more happening there, but you know what, I’ll let it slide because of the fact that I like the way it was eventually dealt with.

Finally, the ending. The people of Paris glancing up at Hawkmoth’s message and still looking up to Ladybug as she finally embraces Chat Noir and accepts his help as the original team and showing their complete faith and trust in her to put everything right? Such a powerful scene.

This whole season, we have seen Marinette spiral downwards into a pit. She has been through so much and she has done her best to control it all. But it didn’t work. Her trynna do a one-man show backfired and she fucked up, however unintentionally. She is a child and she messed up. She knew it. But she took her partner’s hand, finally. She let him support her, and she saw that the people of Paris, the people she has been giving her everything to protect, still love her.

And that kinda made it worth It for her.

Loved the ending, Loved the episode, and CANNOT wait for the next season~

[gunsatthaphan]

no one asked for this but I’m still processing everything from today lol so here’s a quick rundown of my thoughts on all the series that were announced today (in chronological order; BLs (or the ones with bl elements) are marked with a 🏳️‍🌈and my favorites with a 🌟)

let me know what yall think!!!!

- The Three GentleBros: I’m definitely digging the LukeTayGun trio (and also the girls) but the mom is so toxic lol rip. The story is not bad though and it could be interesting to see them break free from her but I’m not sure yet. this could go either way. oh and also they definitely have different dads lol. 

- Unidentified Mysterious Girlfriend: this is giving me Stranger Things vibes lol and looks like Nanon is back in the sci-fi genre which I’m not mad about cuz we know he’s good at this kind of stuff but I was still hoping to see him in something different again. Him and Namtan could be a good duo though. 

- Star and Sky:  I was a bit confused by the trailer bc.... it’s like 2 series in 1? And the stories are back to back? or what. I’m not understanding the concept yet lol but lemme tell you the MekMark part of the story blew me away omg. It’s giving major ATOTS vibes but I love these kinds of stories so much. So I’ll definitely be looking forward to that. JoongDunk look good as well although Joong’s character seems a bit stiff. Hopefully he will losen up a bit. Really excited for this one nonetheless! (🏳️‍🌈🌟)

- Home School: Another dark school-themed series with the usual suspects lol. Not gonna lie I’m a bit over the “students uncovering the school’s dark secret” trope that we’ve seen a billion times already so I don’t know if I’ll be watching this one. The cast is good though. 

- Cupid’s Last Wish: We all knew this was coming but EarthMix in a rural setting is just a match made in heaven lmao. I’m still unsure about the body swap plot bc I still hate those but maybe these 2 have the power to change my mind. What I like though is the friends-to-enemies-to-lovers trope that I’ve never seen before. Also I feel like this will showcase Mix’s acting talent and I’m def ready for that. (🏳️‍🌈🌟)

- Oops! Mr. Superstar Hit on Me: Absolutely hate this one. Not feeling the story at all which is a bummer because I was excited to see Jane in something new. But this is making me all kinds of uncomfortable. thank you next.  

- My dear Donovan: the visuals of the cast are not bad but other than that I’m not intrigued. next. 

- The Warp Effect: I had to watch this 3 times to fully grasp everything that’s going on lmaooo - and Geez it’s really a lot. I feel a bit intimidated dksfds. To be honest though I can’t say I don’t appreciate them being so shameless about sexuality and sex education lol. Although the line “I want to get pregnant for my girlfriend, can I have your sperm?” will now haunt me forever lmao. So yeah this could either go well or backfire. We shall see. (🏳️‍🌈)

-  The Eclipse: LITERAL MASTERPIECE. Literally this is my personal highlight out of all the trailers. KhaoFirst is something I never expected but omg this looks amazing. It’s yet another school-themed plot which has me a bit weary but this hits different. I don’t understand the plot yet and I’m glad I don’t because this trailer doesn’t tell us anything but rather gives us a vibe and that vibe is ✨ immaculate ✨ I’m so obsessed with it already. First and Khao are two of my absolute favorites and they’re gonna kill it together I know it. A+++ I need it ASAP. (🏳️‍🌈🌟🌟🌟)

- Good Old Days: Gmmtv seems to have a thing for 3 things: 1. nostalgia 2. time travelling 3. throwing BW in the same series and purposefully not putting them together lmaoo. All of this is so funny to me you have no idea. But anyway this didn’t really have a grip on me. Next. 

- Never Let Me Go: YOOOO this is insane. The only way I was imagining PondPhuwin to come back was FUTS2 which I was already mentally preparing for. But THIS?????? Holy SHIT. I’m on the floor. The darker theme fits them SO well. I was also surprised to see Chimon in this but he fit in effortlessly as well. I literally have no words. This is gonna be epic. (🏳️‍🌈🌟)

- 10 Years Ticket: Off and Ohm could be a reason for me to watch this but other than that I’m not quite on board. 

- You Fight and I Love: YES I like this one!!!! I’m digging the JossLove ship already and also this is little Mick’s first role and he’s adorable 🥺 lol. This is going on my watchlist for sure. (🌟)

- Midnight Motel:  I would consider watching this for Off cuz he’s serving in this but I’m not a fan of the plot. So probably not. 

- Moonlight Chicken: I might’ve cried while watching this omfg. Another highlight for sure. The vibes in this are phenomenal like yes give me ANOTHER EarthMix series but this time make it sexy kjsdhfds. First and Khao are also in this which makes it even better. And there seems to be a deaf character if I saw correctly which is pretty cool as well. 11/10 obsessed already. (🏳️‍🌈🌟🌟🌟)

- Dirty Laundry: “Is my happiness a guy or money?” I mean...... mood lmao. This looks super chaotic and I can’t tell if it’s the good kind of chaotic yet lol. Jennie and Foei could be an interesting match lol but remains to be seen. 

- Vice Versa: EH. another body swap plot... hm. But will I still watch it solely bc OhmNanon are in it? the answer is yes. Also it’s a JittiRain adaption so this could end up being better than I expect. Also I really like the soundtrack!!! Bring it. (🏳️‍🌈)

- P.S. I Hate You: Not really feeling the plot but this has a potential BL sideplot so..... maybe? (🏳️‍🌈)

- My School President: If I took my glasses off and watched this trailer in full blur, I would probably think it’s *insert one of the 524 high school bls here* - Didn’t we say we’ve had enough of those? lol. Not sure if I’m into it yet. (🏳️‍🌈)

- Devil Sister & Astrophile: these 2 are yet another edition of “how can we make it clear to these fuckers that brightwin is cancelled?” lmao. Not really digging either of them though. bye. 

- You Are My Favorite: WELLWELLWELL----- what do we have here. This is for sure the shocker of the night lmao. Like holy hell. If there’s one thing I didn’t expect then it’s this. A little birdie (aka @sunsetknowsaboutyou) told me that this was supposed to be MikeToptap’s first series and idk what to do with that information HHHHH. Anyway please don’t hate me but after watching the trailer again, the plot actually does not look too bad..... I don’t know. I’m still confused about what to think of this. UGH. Anyway moving on for now. (🏳️‍🌈)

------------------------------------------

So yeah all in all I’m still overwhelmed lol but my top 3 are for sure The Eclipse, Moonlight Chicken and Never Let Me Go. EarthMix, PondPhuwin and FirstKhao were most def the winners of the night and I can’t wait to cancel all my plans I had for 2022 for them (what plans u ask? bold of u to assume i had any to begin with).

sorry this got so long. Send me an ask or drop a reply with your thoughts! I’m curious 💜 

xxx

[odetojeons]

ok ok ok but what kinks do you think mingyu has 👀👀

okay so i’m gonna start answering the requests now like i didn’t disapear for one month :’) and omg i’m excited. I already said this before, I think mingyu is more of a sub than anything, but there are times. there are TIMES. when he doms it’s not too kinky, it’s more like carnal and (very fucking) rough sex in which he gets too impatient to be a good boy and grabs you by the hips, takes what he wants and just completely destroys you,, ANYWAYS, you can read more of my thoughts here. Y’all better sit down and buckle up cuz I have A LOT to say about this man (especially with how fucking much I miss him).

Praise Kink — I HAD to start with this one. I think you can all agree with me how much Mingyu loves being praised. There is actually a video of him getting red all over and whining because he got too happy when he was praised by the other members and IT’S JUST SO CUTE. Mingyu would downright meowl every time you told him how much of a good boy he is and how he’s perfect, so pretty just for me. But I also think he would love to praise you too, wants you to know you’re everything he’ll ever need.

Pet names — Idk if this is considered a kink, but please, he gives me such vibes of being into the pet names puppy or pup. We all know he’s considered the puppy of Seventeen, so I think it suits him and his personality a lot, especially because I think he would be so horny and desperate when it comes to sex. Calling him baby boy, angel, sweetheart, he would love it so much. Although he would love to call you by cute names too, and I think his favorites would be princess, prince and my baby.

Degradation — HEAR ME OUT, I absolutely think he would love being degraded. I just,, I can’t even begin to explain how much I think he would enjoy that. Mingyu is just so dirty, he would go all red when you tell him how he’s the filthiest little slut or are you that desperate for me you can’t even stay still? while he humps his cock on the pillow, too needy to wait for your touches. He could even cum just from such kind of words, in all honesty I think this is one of his major kinks ever, not just the verbal aspect of it but also the physical part too. 

Begging — Oh, yes. YES. Mingyu is all about begging. No matter how many times I think about it, I can absolutely hear his throaty and whiny voice saying please, please, please, let me cum, I have been so good, and he sometimes doesn’t even have to have a purpose or an incentive to do it, he just mumbles it without thinking like it’s the only word he remembers. It would come with the fact that he’s too horny for his own good, seriously, y’all don’t understand how much horny energy I feel this man exhuding.

Exhibitionism — We been knew how much he likes being watched. He may be shy about it, but I guess it can be related with his love for compliments. Although Mingyu would not only like people watching him, but also you as well. The way you move your body on top of him as you ride his dick, or the way he would put a hand on your lower back and make you arch impossibly more just so he could drill into you harder; the contrary of how he would cry and beg later when you edge him and tell him how much of a needy slut he is, being this desperate just because people are watching. ALSO ummm,, I try hard not to talk about other members here but, can I just say that I think him and Wonwoo are so much into watch each other fuck people. God, I even wrote like 18K words of porn of this particular thought. You can read it here.

Breeding Kink — Does this even need explanation? Mingyu would feel an almost animalistic need of putting as much cum inside you as he can. This would do as much as make him feral about it, when he has a stressing day or just because he wants to see his seed dripping out of your hole; no matter what compells him, it would get him aroused to the point where he wouldn’t even be able to wait until both of you get to the room, would rip and thorn both of your clothes off, put you on your knees and make you suck him off until he cums all over your face, just so he could fuck you against the wall afterwards. Which brings me to the next kink:

Strength/Size Kink — Well, is it possible to have a strength and size kink with yourself? Because he does. Mingyu would love to manhandle you around the place, fuck you against every surface of the house, especially if he gets to hold you up as your back is pressed somewhere. Not only that, but I also think it would be due to the movement of his hips. Or better yet; what comes after it. The way your ass and the back of your thighs would get red with how hard he’s thrusting into you, won’t be satisfied until you’re drooling because of his cock and simping for his muscles, bulging over the effort of fucking you. And I just know, I KNOW he would have a dirty mouth about it, would make questions like yeah? You like how strong I am? All this time on the gym gotta pay for something or falling appart on my big cock like you were made to, hm?. Fuck why am I like this. I LITERALLY BRING PAIN TO MYSELF.

Bondage — I think I’m writing too much so I hope y’all keep up with my horny ass, because I can’t stop until I say everything I want to say about him,, so, about this, Mingyu would love to tie someone up as much as he would love to be tied up... Okay, maybe I think he would love to be tied up more than tying someone up, if I’m being completely honest. He just gives this kind of vibes, maybe even as punishment for misbehaving, since he would sometimes be too desperate to wait like a good boy, and he knows you end up letting him take what he wants just because you would tie him up later and make him “regret” (the little shit would never regret anything, and neither would you).

Overstimulation/Edging — Oh, fucking definitely. I have this very vivid image of Mingyu sitting on a chair, hands tied up behind the chair back, legs spread and completely falling appart as you jerk him off. Flick your wrist faster and faster, just to get him on the edge and let go when he’s just there. Then, make that again and again and again, until he’s crying and begging for you to let him cum, and when you finally do, you only keep going, grip unforgiving. Watching his labbored breath of relief turn into little meowls, hips jerking away or closer, none of you are quite sure, but he wants it, saying don’t stop more like a moan than actual intelligible word.

Pegging/Anal Sex — Mingyu would be so shy about it at first. He would come to you, mumbling words you struggle to understand and cheeks burning red, until he manages to get out he wants you to fuck him. But oh lord, when he tries it out he would go absolutely insane. I really think he would be into it, into you rocking your hips and nudging your cock (plastic or not) against his prostate. Just imagine him with a dark blush all the way down to his chest, little whines and meowls that sounds too high and sweet for his own ears, body writhin all over the bed and fists clenching the mattress as his back arches. So damn cute and hot at the same time :( he just wants to be taken care of sometimes, being able to just lay down and have someone fucking him to oblivion.

Power Play — More like fighting for power to be honest. He really enjoys subbing, but when he does it he wants you to put him on his place, because Mingyu is irrevocably and completely a brat. He would tease you to the point where it drives you insane, just so you could snap at him and take what you want, as much as he loves when you do the same to him.

Spanking — Hmmm Mingyu and spanking. And he would do it hard. Full on open fingers going down on your ass until he leaves his handprint. To be honest, I totally think he’s the kind of boyfriend who would be possessive, wants his marks all over you neck and body, however, oh however, I also think he really really reeeeeally love when you do it to him. Everything, from the crescent shaped marks on his back, to the bite on his shoulder you accidentaly gave him when he was fucking you on missionary position, to the mark of your fingers on his cheek when you slap him for being a brat. Okay I kind of lost myself in the kink but yes. Mingyu and spanking.

Double Penetration — HOLY SHIT please tell me you agree with me. Like, fuck, there’s this evil side of him who wants to see you being speared open in more than one cock, wants to see you fucked into another dimension and reduced to an incoherent drooling mess, and it’s just so dirty of him, usually possessive and guarded, to let someone else get their hands on you just so he could watch you fall apart with two cocks. Or even him alone with a dildo, what it matters is to have two things inside you absolutely wrecking you. Or him. Oh shit why did I have to say that cuz now the image of him being double penetrated won’t ever leave my mind IT IS BURNED BEHIND MY EYELIDS FOREVER. Bye.

Choking — You damn right I think about his hands on my neck all the time. They look so big, and I’m sure it’s also something of his size kink, seeing his huge hands wrapped around your throat would make something ugly, something hot burn in the pit of his stomach. You doing it to him too, especially when he’s tied up, only being able to take what you’re willing to give him.

and that’s that! sorry (?) for writting too much, this always happens when I stay too much time without writting any filth,,, last time that happened, I speant two years without any smut so then I wrote 18K words of porn in two days (no, I didn’t sleep) AND I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WRITTING HALF OF IT??? and the time before that, I simply wrote 12K words. what is wrong with me. anyways!! hope you liked it, tell me what you think and your opinions too!!

[bastardcatthings]

No, you know what? it's not funny (Rant)

Watching "Mac and Dennis buy a timeshare" and "being Frank" back-to-back just insanely unsettles me in regards to Dennis (and the rest of the gang's) treatment of Mac. Like, it's no secret that the gang (and specially Dennis) have started treating Mac like shit for no absolute reason (cuz he’s annoying? please, you guys SAY that more than you actually show it to us. Mac is not any more annoying than he was before. If anything, he is less annoying now that the whole bossy thing/” gay people bad” phase of his has fizzled out...) but to actually see it play out within the span of 40 minutes is just too much. And they're not even that far apart! They're only 2 seasons apart; that's only 20 episodes! Like, not even a full season in comparison to longer sitcoms! And yet such a blatant 180�� shift in the characterization and for what?! It's not even funny! Not even the fucking dudebros on reddit think that Mac being excessively submissive to Dennis and just overall pathetic is funny! Like how fucked up is the situation that not even redditors are trying to laugh at him cuz obviously a man being in love with his best friend is the funniest goddamn thing in the world (they said, sarcastically, trying to not go on a rant about people who actually act like Dennis is a successful womanizer or that mac was “ruined” by coming out or keep making bird jokes about Kaitlin and God I’m getting angry again)

Shipping be damned (since most times this problem get addressed, it's in regards to macdennis) this affects the platonic friendships (the whole group dynamic) in the show SO MUCH as well. Look, sunny is not a cuddly show, nor is it a feel good one in any(conventional) ways, but it always has had a heartwarming element in the relationships that the members of the gang have with each other. While not healthy or wholesome 99% of the times, there is something almost endearing about the games that Charlie and frank play at night times. about Dennis and Dee having similar quirks that remind you, yeah! they're twins! About Charlie and Dennis sharing one (1) single brain cell, dee and Dennis still referring to frank as their dad when he's not around, Mac and Dee being unhinged together, the boys giving the first bite of the steaks to Dee and toasting to her when she tied the waiters shoe laces. Something about Mac and Charlie throwing rocks at trains just like they used to do when they were kids and of course, the holy grail of relationships on sunny (and damn me for getting back to them because I wanted to talk about mac and Charlie, AND I WILL IN A MINUTE) Mac and Dennis. doing, well, anything. No matter what they did they were always on each other’s team. Recession? boom. everybody fired but us. Mortgage crisis? Boom. We're playing realtor husbands. Dee got scammed? well we won't be baby, let's go get ourselves a new set of golf clubs. No matter what happened in the show, they were by each other’s side- literally, these guys are constantly sitting/standing/walking next to each other- so much so that you don't even notice how weird it is that they get on so great. Hell, THEY don't even notice until Dee points it out to them in mac and Dennis breakup! On the gang misses the boat, Charlie and Dee themselves said the reason they never did anything that they wanted was because MAC AND DENNIS would judge them!!! They are the DEFINITION of a package deal. And look where we are now.... anyways also gotta talk about Charlie and mac, y'know, the guys who PRACTICALLY GREW UP TOGETHER?? Remember the time when Dennis was actually jealous that Charlie considered Mac his best friend? And he was so ADAMANT about it and only started to waver after he suspected Mac might be sleeping with the waitress? The guy who told Mac: those others guys didn't get us man but I feel like you just get me we just click (kinda paraphrasing but this was the gist) THAT GUY turned into this sarcastic a-hole that just dismissively says: He's fat, he's skinny, he's muscular, it’s really a cry for help and attention......REALLY?!?!?!?and it's not even that Charlie is actually an asshole in season 13, his character is pretty much the same expect towards Mac. Because the writers needed everyone to hate mac sooo much, they forgot their characters whole backstory and relationships. Nice. Real nice guys. Speaking of the writers needing everyone to hate mac,

WHY IS MAC FILLING THE ROLE THAT DEE ALREADY HAS?!?

See, I don't enjoy seeing Dee belittled or mocked by the guys, except that I do. Kaitlin Olson really struck gold with Dee's character. She brings this air of empty confidence and slight narcissism to Dee that makes it SO MUCH EASIER to hate her. Even if you don't hate her, at least Kaitlin gives you a performance that on the surface makes you believe that Dee really has better things to do and she's not really stuck with the guys ,so that makes you feel safe about the effect this may have on her feelings and you allow yourself to laugh unapologetically to every oldie but goldie bird joke that the boys throw at her, even tho if you actually sit down later and think about it , you realize that yeah she has nothing better to do and nowhere better to be and this is her only friend group and family! but by then you have already laughed at the episode and this is just you thinking about it on overtime so the writers don't care .They achieved the goal of making you exhale from your nose. But with rob McElhanney?? yeesh.... it's just blatantly sad. There is just the surface. There is no deeper layer. There is no overtime and most importantly, there is no laughter because Rob with those big brown puppy dog eyes of his looks so goddamn sad and broken that as a person who genuinely cares about these garbage people, you can't really bring yourself to laugh at him (also points to Kaitlin for being a woman which makes her easier to hate/laugh at her misfortune since media has desensitized the masses to the female characters getting ragged on all the time especially in comedies. yay misogyny!!) I still believe that THE saddest line in iasip was said by Mac on season 13 ep.1, which was "you guys like me, right?" ......... was this really supposed to be funny? I mean shit man, with Rob's face when he said that and the defeated tone he had while saying it.... it's like in the gang broke Dee, even the guys know that when you don't defend yourself, it's just not funny back and forth anymore, it's just sad (also with dee at least they tried to come up with fun insults and jabs, which is way friendlier imo than acting disgusted by mac all the time/not even acknowledging he exists)

This of course is not to say that Rob is not a talented actor, just that it's always been that way. Dee is the punching bag and mac is the bossy guy and even tho they are much more than that, you really shouldn't try to completely swap/break these character molds after a decade. It will just fail to land. And the funny thing is that sunny prides itself on the policy that these characters do not change and grow as time passes and you know what? They've for the most part upheld this little law of theirs. Frank and Charlie and dee only suffered minor flanderization throughout the show (I like to think that the fact they all seem more normal on the first few seasons is just the natural progression of these human beings, in-universe) all the while Dennis and mac make absolutely no sense in the roles they have assumed in the show as of right now (season 14). There was a time where Dennis WILLINGLY let Mac presume the role of the brains of the trio!! Now imagine season-14-the-head-cow's-always-grazing- Dennis agree to that. Can't, can you? And that's not a good sign and that's not in-world progression (or, well, regression I guess) either since it makes no sense how he got from point A to point B. Dee started from setting a girl on fire for stealing her look pre-season one and a decade later she got revenge on her stripper ex-boyfriend by booking him a gig at his daughter’s party. You can see how she got there but how did Dennis go from being deeply invested in an argument about being a power bottom in the middle of a scheme, to visibly scoffing at Mac's suggestion to bring the bit back … I'm at a loss.

And you know what bothers me the most? What prompted me to write this monster of a text out of spite? The fact that I just KNOW that rcg (and Megan or whoever else) don't have ANY plans to take this somewhere. As much as I want to believe it, this is not Mac "gently coaxing Dennis out of the closet through patience" (they've had many opportunities to hint at that and they just didn't, in fact they chose to go the opposite direction and show us Dennis legitimately hates this whole thing coughtimesupforthegangcough) or Mac "shedding his toxic masculinity and bossiness and being more relax and happy" he's NOT happy! In fact, we have been shown (more like seen repeatedly be used as a joke) that Mac is constantly upset with his current situation (*do you think Dennis hates me? * *You guys like me, right? *) and this is not Dennis being angry with mac that he pushed Dennis in the closet but now is out himself (as much as I ADORE ADORE ADORE this take on why he dislikes Mac so much after coming out, please never stop writing about this scenario)

Look *deeeep sigh* I'm tired and I've digressed so damn much from my original point. This was supposed to be a three paragraph long shit post but somehow 4 hours later, we're here because ultimately, I (for whatever reason) care about these horrible people and I genuinely want this show that I love so much, be the best it can be and yeah maybe I care too much about whether or not a misogynistic, gay,40 something year old, FICTIONAL guy who is obsessed with his best friend and has a sticky bible, gets made fun of by his equally loser friends but hey, that's the sunny way. Getting too pumped about shit that matters too little.

But of course, in the end

REASON WILL PREVAIL.

[strititty]

it’s stridercest week yall!!! for day one (firsts) i’m posting a lil prequel ficlet for my transfem davecest fic. it’s slightly less fluffy, slightly more addressing the ‘what’s the deal with bro (spoilers: he still ain’t good) and why does dave live with D’, and i’ll probably make a much bigger more polished fic of it at some point but you know. for now! here you go.

==>

The first night after your uncle snatches you up is a whirlwind of too many feelings for one human being to deal with. Like, you’re ice cold, aight, you’re absolutely frigid, but a guy gets whisked away somewhere like this? Shoved into a bedroom that doesn’t belong to you, listening to half a conversation on the other side of the door? It’s sudden, not like Cal to the face or a fresh set of bruises--sudden like a shock to the system, dunked in freezing water with no way out.

“What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just leave him there.”

You sit with your back against the door, listening to his voice echo up the hall while you stare down at your arm. The cast is red underneath the masterpiece of black sharpie scribbles featuring characters you co-opted from the uncle currently trying to keep a private conversation. Bro used to be so good about not leaving marks. Just enough hurt to drive home the point and not an inch more. 

There’s a nervous, slightly unhinged laugh. “Could have sent him to Roxanne. She’s the one who noticed, and she’s got his sister. They’re fuckin’ twins, Rose, they should be together. Hell, they’re named after us. Totally inseparable.”

The idea of facing Rose - your Rose, not the aunt you were only loosely aware you had - makes your blood boil. Anger? Embarrassment? Shame?

“No, I know she’s got a problem--Christ, woman, give me a break. Of course I want to keep him. He’s my nephew.”

She ratted you out. 

“I just don’t wanna fuck him up more than he already is, alright? I’m doing bad enough with Hal and Dirk and work. Might as well slap a sign on my forehead that says not suitable for children or some shit. Hide your kids, hide your wife.” 

You kind of wanted her to.

Your uncle’s quiet for a long time, except for little sounds of acknowledgement. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Softer, softer still, winding down until you can’t hear him at all and you’re only looking at your ragged nails.

The call must end, or maybe you fall asleep, or maybe you lose time - which is fucking weird, because you can guess time down to the minute - but you jolt up at the sound of a tap-tap-tap just behind you.

That’s what people call knocking, huh. 

“Dave?” asks your uncle, and you hop to your feet right quick.

“Yo, whaddup,” you say, cool as you please. 

He cracks open the door and it’s a little like looking yourself in the face, if you were also twenty years older and dressed in a rumpled suit with no shoes. This is the least put together you’ve ever seen him, not that that’s saying much, because you’d met him maybe once when you were five or six. Him and Bro had what you in the business call a ripsnorting blowout of a cage match and Bro got his nose broken.

It’s the first and only time you saw him bleed, and you don’t even remember what it was about. You, probably, or maybe money. Kids and money are where it’s at in the world of conflict.

“Gonna order some food--whatcha want? There’s this good Chinese place that’ll deliver past the paps, or about a hundred pizza joints, or Dirk’s favorite sushi place, or Hal’s favorite sushi place, which are two different places, for the record, cuz those two won’t agree on anything. Have to order from both on sushi nights just to keep them from tearing each other’s throats out.”

“Holy shit, Cain instinct,” you say. 

Your uncle snorts. “Yeah, they got it bad. You’ll see when they get back from Rose’s--uh, y’know. Roxy’s place. Your aunt Rose, your cousin Roxy. Pretty insane that I got you when they weren’t here. They’re gonna be all over you when they show up, sorry in advance.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m used to being covered in bitches,” you say, and your uncle snorts. There’s some force behind it that makes you feel warm with his approval, if in fact this is approval. The smile he flashes suggests that it might be.

“I should scold you for that, but I ain’t gonna. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

[qitwrites]

a numbers game 

Fandom: BNHA 

Pairing: Kiribaku 

(AO3) 

Bakugou knows his personality and general rage-filled disposition towards everything, in general, isn’t winning him any favours, but the texts have made him contemplate just how shitty he must’ve been in a past life to deserve a fate like this.

Because no one - and Bakugou knows such assholes as Monoma - but no one deserves to be on the receiving end of unsolicited dick pics. From random numbers. At all times of the day. For the last 3ish months.

“I am going to throw my phone out the fucking window, I swear on all that is good and pure, fucking bull-“

“More dick pics?” Camie interrupts with a wide grin, plucking the phone out of Bakugou’s hand.

“What the fuck else?” Bakugou snaps, trying to pull his phone back in vain. Camie holds it just out of reach, eyeing the disgusting penis with a critical stare.

"Hmm,” she says, passing the phone back to him before taking a sip of her terrible grass juice that smells like a badly mowed golf course, “the lighting is bad and he hasn’t done like, any grooming at all. 3/10.”

“You’re being generous,” Bakugou huffs, deleting the picture immediately and swallowing the still raging urge to fling his phone at the nearest wall. “It’s unsolicited. And his fingernails are fucking filthy. -100/10.”

Camie rolls her eyes. “You’re being dramatic again Kitkat.”

Bakugou counts to 10 in his head, tries to find that last shred of patience he knows is somewhere deep in his dark pit of a soul and breathes out in a rush.

“I need to fucking figure this out before I actually lose it and track down one of these fuckers and choke the life out of them.”

Because here’s the thing- Bakugou has been receiving dick pics and dirty text messages like hi bby want sex? and imma dick you down gud boo – he’s positively swooning, what a lovely way to be wooed – and he has no idea how to stop it. Yes, he could cancel his number and get a new one, but all of his bank details are linked to this one. He’s had it since he first got a phone in middle school, and now all of his documents are attached to the damn thing. The very idea of going to the banks and the DMV and every other stupid establishment to get it changed makes him grimace hard enough that he decides to bear with it.

Except, every time he receives one of these horrible pictures, his urge to blow up the phone, nay, the entire world, simmers at dangerous levels.

“Cool it kitkat,” Camie croons, giving his forearm a squeeze, “you’re making your homicidal face. That cannot be good for wrinkles.”

“Like I give a fuck,” Bakugou grunts, flinging his phone away carelessly and watching it skitter around on the kitchen counter before halting dangerously close to the edge. “I just want it to stop.”

Camie puts her atrocity for a drink down and pulls the fridge open, rummaging around as she says, “I have a theory about all this.” She pulls out a jar of jalapenos and places it in front of Bakugou. The blonde yanks a fork out of the admittedly cute utensil bucket in the middle of their counter before snapping the lid off and spearing a good 3 pieces in one go. He chews on them slowly and directs a raised brow at Camie.

“Well,” she muses, picking her drink back up, “as a woman that receives a LOT of numbers from guys and gals and non-binary folks alike-“ Bakugou makes it a point to roll his eyes hard enough to knock his head back; Camie’s laughter is loud and boisterous “- I have a tactic for when I don’t know how to say no and don’t want to give my digits.”

Bakugou has another forkful of jalapenos in his mouth when he narrows his eyes at her.

Camie shrugs, “I usually change the very last digit of my number. Works like a charm. I never meet the person again, and they can’t contact me. Win-win.”

“Win-win my ass,” Bakugou seethes. “Do I look like I’m winning right now? I am this fucking close to killing someone, because of stupid tactics like yours.”

Camie finishes the last of her drink, and speaks around her straw, “You say that, but do you know how many people, and especially dudes, don’t take no for an answer? The only reason I give out any digits at all is when I can’t guarantee my safety. I know it’s not like, the perfect solution or anything, but I’m giving you facts right now.”

And Bakugou does, in fact, know that. He’s met those pushy assholes- people that don’t back down, people that don’t take no at face value, people that push and prod and get up in his space. It pisses him off to absolutely no end.

“Whatever,” he concedes. He spears another forkful of jalapenos before grumbling, “So, what the fuck do I do?”

Camie grins, minx like. “Why don’t you text the number one ahead and one behind your own and ask? I mean, in the best-case scenario you figure it out and get it all to stop, in the worst case, you get to yell at like random people. Isn’t that your second favourite pastime, right after yelling at that pigeon outside our balcony, the one with an agenda?”

“Don’t talk about that fucking pigeon,” Bakugou fumes, “fucking piece of shit bird and those dark, robotic eyes. Something is up with that; you can’t convince me otherwise.” He mulls over the rest of her suggestion before relenting, “Well, I guess I could spare a moment to yell at the fucking extras giving out my number to perverts with no manners and gross penises.”

“I find it so funny when you say the word manners,” Camie says as she walks to her room, “It’s almost like you know what it means!”

She isn’t even looking at him, but she manages to dodge the jalapeno that sails at her head. It hits the wall with a sick squelch, and when Bakugou hears Camie’s door shut, he drops his head on the counter with a loud, resounding thunk and muffles a scream into the marble.

  He forgets to send out those texts, and when he receives yet another picture, not three days later, of someone holding their disgusting penis in their hand, like it’s an accomplishment or some shit, he sends out a text message to two different numbers typed with shaky, sweaty fingers.

>> xxx-xxx-xxx6 , xxx-xxx-xxx4

I don’t know who the fuck you are, and you don’t know me, but it’s possible that one of you assholes gives out my number to random people who, in turn, send me fucking dick pics. It’s been over 3 fucking months, so knock it the actual fuck off. And in case it isn’t you, fuck you anyway.

  Bakugou wakes up from a restless sleep to sunlight sloping in through the blinds of his room, a dry mouth, and three new text messages from an unknown number.

Because his brain takes time to boot up in the mornings, he foregoes the phone entirely and makes his way to the kitchen in search of caffeine. Camie is always up before him, and he gratefully pours himself a mug of her insanely strong black coffee, the kind to palpitate your heart and make you vibrate in your seat. She calls it jet fuel, Inasa calls it death, Todoroki just blinks.

When he’s half a mug down, he finally retrieves his phone from his room and takes a seat in the balcony, surrounded by plants of all kinds. The sun is bright but not harsh, and he takes a second to enjoy it before opening his messages.

He doesn’t even recall sending the messages last night, and for a moment he’s enraged at the idea that someone sent him even more dick pics, but there’s no photos waiting for him, just three messages.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 omg omg OMG I didn’t think anyone actually used this number im sorry D:

xxx-xxx-xxx4 no really im so so sorry holy shit I was just following this idea that my friend gave me cause im terrible at turning people down but I didn’t realize they were messaging an actual other person OMG

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ofc I wont be giving your number out anymore im just so sorry bro, god, this is so damn UNMANLY of me

At least the person has the decency to sound apologetic. Not that it tempers Bakugou in any way, shape or form, but he takes note of it somewhere in the distant recesses of his mind.

Bakugou you better not give it out anymore fuckmunch. I should sue your ass for putting me under so much psychological distress.

The guy replies startlingly quickly. Bakugou opens the message with a quirked brow.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 shit can you actually do that?

Bakugou has no idea, but the key to selling anything is confidence, and he’s got enough to spare.

Bakugou try me

xxx-xxx-xxx4 IM REALLY REALLY SORRY OK TRULY D:

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and not just cuz you might sue me or anything, it was a terrible move on my part :’(

xxx-xxx-xxx4 can I make it up to you somehow??

Bakugou huffs, deflating a little. He’s angry yes, positively incensed for the most part, but the guy sounds genuinely sorry, and he’s finding it increasingly difficult to stay mad at someone that’s just being so damn decent and taking full responsibility.

Bakugou I don’t fucking know.

Bakugou just stop giving out my no.

Bakugou I swear to god if I get ONE MORE NUDE

Bakugou I will find you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 you don’t have to find me ill come to you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 cuz ill def deserve it at that point

xxx-xxx-xxx4 anyway, im sorry again. really ☹

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I gotta get some sleep, so tell me later about how I can make it up to you!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 goodnight

Bakugou checks the clock at the top left corner of his phone screen. It reads 8:31am.

What the fuck does this guy do for work anyway? And does Bakugou care?

He decides no, he doesn’t, because he’s really too busy to care about anything, especially assholes that hand out his number to horny strangers because they’re too chickenshit to say no.

He nods at his own conclusion, downs the rest of his death-in-a-cup, and walks back inside, ready to start another long day of work. Bakugou gives himself an hour before he puts this all behind him, fully forgotten and finally taken care of.

  Why the fuck haven’t I blocked this fucker yet, is the first thing Bakugou thinks when he gets more texts from them.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 heyyo!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 did you think of anything????? How can I make it up to you??

Bakugou stop texting me, that’ll be a great start

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I will as soon as u tell me how to make it up to you!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I was being so unmanly and cowardly, I need to fix it!!

Bakugou good for fucking you, leave me alone

xxx-xxx-xxx4 y don’t you keep thinking abt it and lemme know !!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 if it helps, I can hook u up with some free drinks!! I co-own and bartend at a place downtown!!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 just think abt it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I gotta get back to work, talk soon!

Bakugou stop texting me dammit

Bakugou isn’t a naïve person, but he somehow convinces himself that this will be the end of things.

  It is, predictably, not the end of things.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I just realized I didn’t give u my name

xxx-xxx-xxx4 Kirishima eijirou!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and you are?

Bakugou blocking you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 aww come on man, don’t be like tht ☹

xxx-xxx-xxx4 wait, r u a man?????

xxx-xxx-xxx4 PLEASE AT LEAST TELL ME THAT I DON’T WANT TO MISGENDER U OMG

Bakugou can you calm the fuck down holy shit

Bakugou yes I’m a dude, you’re fucking fine dumbass

xxx-xxx-xxx4 oh phew!!!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ok my dude

xxx-xxx-xxx4 please come down to the bar??????

xxx-xxx-xxx4 do you actually drink though?? If you don’t we still have great mocktails

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and I can whip up some awesome protein shakes

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ohhh and our food is bomb,,, I promise

Bakugou do you ever just stop talking

xxx-xxx-xxx4 NOPE :D

Bakugou Not a compliment

xxx-xxx-xxx4 what can I say

xxx-xxx-xxx4 im an opportunist

Bakugou you’re telling me

Bakugou fucker

xxx-xxx-xxx4 IM STILL SO SORRY

xxx-xxx-xxx4 PLEASE COME TO THE BAR LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU

xxx-xxx-xxx4 actions speak hella louder than words

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I must action you

Bakugou what the fuck 

xxx-xxx-xxx4 you get what I mean!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 <location> this is the place

xxx-xxx-xxx4 its name is RIOT, u cant miss it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 just lemme know when u can make it

Bakugou I haven’t agreed to shit asshole

Bakugou stop assuming things

xxx-xxx-xxx4 free food, free drinks, free live performance of whatever band’s performing

Bakugou …………………

Bakugou I’ll think about it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 HELL YEAH

xxx-xxx-xxx4 whats your name btw?

Bakugou like id tell you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I need it for the reservation!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 so that I don’t accidentally serve the wrong gentleman all your free perks

Bakugou didn’t say im coming yet

xxx-xxx-xxx4 im super optimistic

Bakugou I can tell, you’re giving me a headache

xxx-xxx-xxx4 so………… name?

Bakugou no

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I’ll get it out of you eventually

Bakugou try me

Bakugou fucker

If Bakugou finds himself smiling at the end of the exchange, well, that’s his business.

  “So, you finally figured out who was responsible for the penis pictures?” Todoroki deadpans around his cosmo.

“That’s wonderful Bakugou!” Inasa booms, slamming his beer down on the counter with gusto. Bakugou throws a spoon at him.

“Shut it Baldy,” he grunts, going back to chopping veggies. “And yes, I did, but now this fucker won’t stop texting me, insisting on making it up to me or some shit.”

“And this is a bad thing?” Todoroki summarizes slowly. Bakugou turns around in time to see him mouth why to Inasa before taking another generous sip of his drink. Inasa shrugs his stupidly large shoulders before asking, “Why is that a bad thing?”

Bakugou throws another spoon at him. “Because, I texted them so I could stop people from texting me. Now this person’s volunteering information to me about being a bartender and shit and constantly apologizing and it’s fucking annoying.”

“You know what’s interesting?” Camie muses, stirring her bloody mary with a long ass celery stick. “You’re getting all these text messages from this bartender, and you can like, so easily block this one number and be done with it, but you like, keeping responding. And keep, you know, not blocking.”

He can’t see it, but he knows Todoroki is nodding, the fucker.

“That is a good observation!” Inasa booms again, and Bakugou has to resist the urge to fling his entire cutlery set at the man’s thick skull. “Do you like this person Bakugou?”

“What’s there to like, I don’t even fucking know him!”

“Well,” Camie starts, takes a bite out of the celery stick, continues, “he’s well-mannered. Clearly good looking, because you got a LOT of penis pictures these past three months, and that also leads us to believe the business is doing really well, if so many patrons come in begging for a number. All good things, don’t you think?”

“I hate you,” Bakugou says, stirring the curry with barely repressed rage. “I hate all of you. I hate humanity. Fuck people.”

“Or fuck this person in specific,” Camie says gleefully. “You haven’t gotten laid in like 8 months boo, you need to get some.”

“You’re the actual fucking worst.”

“In all seriousness,” Todoroki interrupts, putting his empty glass down delicately, “why haven’t you blocked the number? It seems like an easy enough solution.” The asshole has the audacity to sound genuinely curious, if not slightly amused.

Bakugou hates everything.

“I don’t, I don’t fucking know, ok?” He finally admits through clenched teeth. The blonde kills the heat and places the curry on the counter while Camie brings out the rice and some pickled vegetables from the fridge. She pulls out a beer and twists the cap off before handing it to Bakugou, who snatches it away and takes a quick swig before continuing, “He’s actually kinda nice to me, I guess. And I like watching him be so sorry about all those penises. I may have also mentioned suing him for psychological distress.” Bakugou catches Todoroki’s gaze. “Can I do that?”

Todoroki hums, “You can try, but I don’t think you’ve got that solid a case. Plus, haven’t you deleted virtually all the evidence?”

Bakugou grips the neck of his beer bottle harder. “I fucking hate everything.”

  bartender asshole <image attached>

Bakugou what the fuck

Bakugou why are you sending me cat pics?

Bakugou also that cat is stupidly cute

bartender asshole I know right?????

bartender asshole her name is ruby

bartender asshole and id die for her

bartender asshole i just figured ud be a cat person

Bakugou ………….

Bakugou I hate u

bartender asshole :D :D :D

Bakugou ugh

Bakugou Bakugou Katsuki

bartender asshole :D :D :D :D :D

bartender asshole HI BAKUGOU SO NICE TO KNOW UR NAME

Bakugou I hate everything

bartender asshole except ruby. Its not allowed

Bakugou …………………………………

Bakugou except ruby

bartender asshole :D :D :D :D :D

  Kirishima, it turns out, is a ray of fucking sunshine. Bakugou has a distinct feeling that looking at him directly would be a blinding experience.

Not that he knows who to look for though; he has no idea what this guy looks like. He guesses that he’s buff, with all the times he tells Bakugou about the gym showers running out of hot water and beating his best weights doing bench presses, but he knows nothing else.

He does know that he’s sweet as fuck, making it impossible for Bakugou to stay mad at him. He doesn’t blink at Bakugou’s cussing, and he sends him cute pictures of Ruby.

There is a part of him, small but steadily growing, that wants to meet this stupidly nice bartender.

Bakugou hates everything.

  dumbass bartender so what do you do???

Bakugou front-end development and web design

dumbass bartender oh damn!!!

dumbass bartender so youre like smart smart

Bakugou obviously

dumbass bartender have I seen your work anywhere??

Bakugou I recently redid the website of that protein powder company you don’t shut up about

dumbass bartender ????????????????????

dumbass bartender that’s amazing!!!!!!!!!

dumbass bartender I just revisited the website, it looks so cool

Bakugou duh

Bakugou im the best

dumbass bartender I don’t doubt that!!! :D :D

Bakugou don’t you have work?

dumbass bartender aww bakubro are you looking out for me <3 <3

Bakugou call me that again and I will fucking end you

dumbass bartender before the free drinks??? That you are yet to redeem? ?? at my wonderful establishment?????????? :D :D :D

Bakugou I hate everything.

dumbass bartender D:

Bakugou except RUBY DAMMIT

dumbass bartender :D

  “Just to recap,” Kaminari says with an incredulous look in his eyes, “this guy cusses like a sailor, is constantly insulting you, never initiates conversation, and you still like him?”

Kirishima’s answering grin is bashful. “I mean, when you put it like that it sounds not so great, but he’s really not that bad! He’s super funny and confident, and he LOVES Ruby. Plus, I don’t like him like that, I just think he’s cool.” Kirishima picks up another glass from the washer and starts carefully drying it with his dishcloth before saying, “And, you know, I did put him through a lot by giving out his number. His behaviour is kinda warranted if you ask me.”

“I mean, in the beginning maybe, but haven’t you guys been texting for over a week now?”

“Denki, are you forgetting that giving out another number was your idea?” Kirishima mutters, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. “I’m in this mess because of you.”

Kaminari suddenly seems to find the glass in his hand a lot more interesting. Kirishima’s laugh echoes around the empty bar.

‘What’s so funny?” Ashido muses, bringing a crate of bottled beer behind the counter.

“Kirishima is going gaga over angry dick pic man.”

“I’m not going gaga, what the heck-“

“I think it’s cute,” Ashido says with a big smile. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you actually be interested in somebody; it’s really cute!”

“I don’t like him like that,” Kirishima stresses, though his cheeks are a little warm. He can blame that on the lack of air conditioning, he thinks. 

“We talking about angry dick pic man?” Sero asks with a shit-eating grin. “10 bucks say he’s actually a middle-aged guy with a cheese fetish.”

“That’s so random-“

“You’re on!” Ashido yells, slapping her hand into Sero’s. “I think he’ll be a hottie.”

“He hasn’t even said he’ll come,” Kirishima says, eyes downcast.

“He’ll come,” the three chorus, going about doing their tasks. Kirishima shakes his head fondly and finishes up with the glasses. Just as he’s put all the shot glasses away, he feels his phone vibrate.

Bakubro just finished a massive project

Bakubro could use a drink this weekend

Bakubro know any good spots?

Kirishima’s face breaks into the biggest smile as he rushes to answer.

Kirishima I know a bar that serves free drinks with your name on it!!!!

Kirishima amazing food, dope music, the bestest drinks

Kirishima ive heard the bartender is a great guy too

Bakubro way to toot your own fucking horn damn

Kirishima :DDDDD

Kirishima bt seriously

Kirishima please? ???? ??

Kirishima PLEASEEEEEEEEE??????????????????

Bakubro ugh

Bakubro fine.

Bakubro Friday night at 8

Kirishima looks up from the screen and calls out, “Denki!”

“Yeah?”

“Switch shifts with me, I’ll do Friday.”

“Um, ok, why though?”

Kirishima doesn’t respond, just goes back to texting, his heart thudding in his ribcage.

Kirishima YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Kirishima cant wait :D

Bakubro I’m bringing my stupid friends btw

Kirishima wait

Kirishima you have friends???????

Bakubro I am going to end you

Bakubro you know what? Fuck you im not coming

Kirishima BAKUGOU NO

Kirishima IM SORRY OFC U HAVE FRNDS

Kirishima please come

Kirishima how big a table should I reserve????

Bakubro don’t bother

Kirishima IM SORRRYYYYYYYYYY

Kirishima <image attached> <image attached> <image attached>

Bakubro bastard

Bakubro you playing dirty by sending me pics of Ruby

Kirishima need to weaken your guard somehow

Kirishima pls tell me it worked

Bakubro ugh

Bakubro ill be there

Bakubro reserve a table for 4

Bakubro your stupid bar better be worth it

Kirishima I promise it will be!!!!

Kirishima whoops in joy, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He looks up to see three sets of eyes looking at him with varying degrees of amusement.

“You get a really mushy look on your face when you’re texting him, it’s almost gross,” Sero points out with a laugh.

“Hush you,” Ashido admonishes, whipping her dishcloth at him. She walks over to Kirishima and gives him a big hug. “I think it’s very, very precious.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s coming this Friday!” Kirishima beams, holding Ashido closer against his side.

The three giggle.

“10 bucks say Kirishima messes up the drinks at least once.”

“HEY!”

Ashido squeezes around his middle. “Hon, I love you, but I’m not dumb enough to go against that.”

“HEY!”

They end up laughing and fibbing at each other for the rest of the prep time, and Kirishima feels his heart absolutely soar.

  Friday brings with it crunch time, running lines and lines of code, having a mini-breakdown because the stupid text block keeps floating around on the webpage like it’s in outer fucking space, being forced into one of Camie’s ridiculous vlogs and having an existential crisis about what to wear on a non-date get-together with the guy that ruined Bakugou’s life for close to three months.

Camie spends most of the day laughing at him. Bakugou throws more condiments at her.

“Fucking help me at least, you useless wench,” Bakugou growls, shifting to clothes as he throws a pair of jeans at her. Camie dances out of the way and doubles over, laughing till she tears up from the force of it all.

“I can’t, I just can’t,” she wheezes. “Did you just say wench? What era are you from babe?”

“FUCK OFF,” he roars, leaping towards her. Camie shrieks and ducks away, making a beeline towards his closet.

“Ok, ok, let’s get you dressed! What kinda look are you trying for?”

“Fuck if I know,” he grouses, feeling oddly out of his depth. He wants to look good, but he has no idea for what.

That’s a lie, he knows why. He just won’t admit it.

“Well, why don’t we pick something simple but flattering? Plus, if it's in your style, you’re bound to be more comfy.” Camie pulls out a pair of black jeans that are ripped at the knees, a black fitted round-neck tee shirt, and some black boots. While he’s changing, Camie pulls out a silver chain, some bands for his wrists and a collection of rings.

“Do you want me to do your eyes?” she offers, holding up some mascara and an eye pencil. Bakugou shrugs and sits on the edge of his bed. Camie’s smile is soft as she stands between his thighs, gently but efficiently applying his make-up. When she’s done, he walks over to the mirror to look at himself, and he has to admit- he looks good. Always one to take care of his body and his figure, Bakugou is lean muscle packed into a 5’10” body. His blonde hair is as messy as ever, but the combination of his make-up, the accessories and his clothes give him an edgy look like no other. Camie throws a dark fitted jacket at him before sauntering over to her own room.

He continues to reply to some work emails when his phone buzzes.

dumbass cant wait to see you!!!

dumbass just ask for me at the bar

dumbass or I might be the one to greet you!! :D :D

Bakugou I know dumbass

Bakugou what, are you nervous or some shit?

dumbass I mean, kinda????

dumbass it’s our first time meeting afterall

dumbass I don’t even know wat you look like!!!!

Bakugou blonde wearing all black

dumbass redhead wearing a shirt with the riot logo!

Bakugou whatever

Bakugou ill be there at 8

Dumbass cant wait <33333

Bakugou dumbass

Bakugou scoffs, his own nerves calming at the thought that he’s not the only one that’s a bit out of sorts. It’s nice to know that sunshine Kirishima is jittery about all this.

Also, interesting to know that he’s a redhead. Bakugou can’t quite imagine it, but in a few minutes, he won't need to.

His stomach roils with anticipation, and Bakugou hates every single thing.

Camie pops out of her room at half-past 7 in a maroon romper that cuts above her mid-thigh, hair done in a loose bun, makeup absolutely perfect. Her heels put her at a height taller than Bakugou, but he’s gotten used to being the shortest in their stupid posse. Doesn’t piss him off any less though.

She gets a phone call just as she pushes a tube of lip gloss into her purse.

“We are downstairs!” Inasa’s voice rings through her speaker, stupidly loud.

“Can it, baldy,” Bakugou grunts with a roll of his eyes, “we’ll be there in a sec.”

“See ya!”

Before Bakugou can usher Camie out the door, she pushes her clutch into his hands and walks over to the kitchen cabinet, pulling out two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

“Wha-“

“Liquid courage, my dude,” she says, pouring two generous shots and pushing one at Bakugou. She picks her own glass up and gives him a devilish smirk, “Bottoms up bitch!”

Bakugou picks the glass up with a resigned sigh but smirks back equally devilish. They cheers, smack the glasses against the counter and drain them smoothly. Camie puts the glasses in the sink, places a smacking kiss on Bakugou’s cheek and laughs brightly as she dances out of the way of his rage.

They finally load up in Inasa’s range rover, Todoroki plays classical Japanese music over the speakers and Bakugou regrets everything.

  Riot is apparently something of a beloved establishment in its neighbourhood, and Bakugou growls when he sees how long the line leading to the bar is.

“Holy moly, that’s a lot of people!” Camie points out helpfully as she disembarks from the car.

Todoroki straightens his two-tone denim jacket and runs a hand through his hair as he says, “We have a reservation, so I think it’ll be fine?”

“Yes, I agree with you Todoroki,” Inasa beams, locking the car behind him as they walk towards the building. The outside is made of exposed brick and neon lights, and the RIOT sign is a deep red colour, eye-catching and beautiful.

They bypass the people in the line and walk up to the bouncer, who eyes them warily. He’s built like an absolute tank, broad and block-like, and his silver hair shines in the artificial light.

“Can I help you?”

“Bakugou, table for 4,” Camie says cheerily. The bouncer looks immediately enamoured with her before his eyes go wide.

“Wait, Eijirou’s Bakugou?”

Bakugou’s ears burn at that.

“I’m not fucking anybody’s!” he snaps. The bouncer immediately looks at him, and his face breaks into an even wider grin.

“Well, I’ll be damned! Can I see some ID real quick?”

Bakugou cusses colourfully under his breath but pulls out his license, and after a quick check, the bouncer, whose name is Tetsutetsu, steps aside to let them in.

“Have a good time!” he says happily, almost too happily. Bakugou feels his hackles rise.

“What the fuck?”

“It appears that Kirishima talks about you at least as much as you talk about him,” Todoroki observes, walking next to Bakugou.

“I don’t talk about him, fuck you!”

Todoroki’s delicately raised brow makes him want to punch something. Or someone. Preferably both.

“Fuck you all,” he reiterates before stomping inside.

Now, Bakugou is a relatively creative soul – his job kinda demands it – so it’s not his fault that he’s actually quite captivated by the interiors of this stupidly popular bar co-owned by a stupidly nice person.

The inside has exposed brick as well, and most of the furniture seems to be retro. There are large pipes and barrels behind the bar, made of what seems to be pure copper. Black marble covers the bar tops, and the lights are a mix of neon and muted whites, bright enough to see but still bathing the room in an alluring aura. There’s music thumping through the speakers, loud enough to dispel any silence but still at a bearable volume.

“Swanky,” Camie whistles, taking it all in.

Bakugou nods begrudgingly before setting his eyes on the bar.

“I’ll go get us a fucking table,” he mutters before walking over, hands digging deep into his pant pockets. He sees a lanky black-haired guy and a girl with tan skin and pink hair behind the bar, talking animatedly with the patrons as they serve them drinks at a dizzying pace.

When he finally gets a spot at the counter, the pink-haired girl finishes up with a customer and bounds over to him.

“Hi,” she greets, smile wide and happy, “haven’t seen you around before! What can I get you?”

“Kirishima,” Bakugou says because apparently, his brain to mouth filter has decided to abandon him in his time of need. The girl tilts her head in confusion and Bakugou feels the life drain out of him.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m fuckin here because of dumbass Kirishima,” Bakugou barely grits out, fingers digging into his palms painfully. “The name is Bakugou, table for 4?”

He sees it all in slow-mo- the way her mouth goes slack, the way her eyes light up like firecrackers on New Year’s, and then the way her smile becomes positively blinding. He hates her already.

“Holy shit,” she breathes, “of course! So glad you’re here! Oye, Sero?”

“What?” the black-haired guy says without looking, topping up a perfectly poured glass of beer.

“You owe me 10 bucks.”

This gets his attention- he hands the drink off and looks at her, “Why would I-“

The girl just gestures at Bakugou and winks, “It’s him.”

Sero – or plain face, Bakugou’s brain helpfully supplies – immediately looks at him, his eyes widening. “Shit, seriously? Aw, man.” His smile becomes mischievous. “I’ll get Kirishima.” He opens the door behind the bar and disappears.

“What the fuck was that?” Bakugou snaps, beyond irritated to be so out of the loop.

“Nothing, nothing,” Pinky sings, raising her hands in a placating gesture. “Kirishima will show your party to your table. Do you want anything in the meantime?”

“… a beer,” Bakugou concedes because he’s not dumb enough to not get a drink before he sees Kirishima if he can help it.

“Coming right up!”

He waits at the bar, watching as his group of dumbasses ooh and ahh at the place, looking delighted. A bottle of cold beer hits the counter with a satisfying thunk, bringing his attention back to the bartop.

“Enjoy!” Pinky still has a stupid smile on her face but before Bakugou can say anything, the door behind her is thrown open and plain face steps out.

“The restocking can wait, literally the only thing you’ve talked about for the last 3 days is finally happening.”

The guy following him is all tanned skin and thick muscles under a fitted deep red tee shirt. His hair is a bright unnatural red, pulled into a high pony with a few strands still framing his face. His eyes are a softer red than Bakugou’s own, his cheeks sharp and high, and when his eyes meet Bakugou’s, a zip of electricity races down his spine and along his limbs till he can feel it in his toes.

When the man makes his way over, Bakugou also notes how damn tall he is- easily around 6’4”. His smile is shy, and he smells like sandalwood.

“Bakugou, hi,” he breathes, hesitantly holding his hand out. Bakugou takes it in a daze, still amazed by just how stupidly beautiful this stupidly kind bar owner is.

“Heyyo, you disappeared fam, how’s it going?” 

Bakugou hates everything.

He reluctantly slips his hand out of Kirishima’s warm, firm grip and turns to Camie with venomous eyes. “I literally just met him Cam, shut the fuck up.” He turns back to Kirishima, “Can you show us to our table?”

Kirishima shakes his head once before his smile turns blinding, and Bakugou finds himself fighting the urge to shield his eyes. “Of course,” he says in a voice that’s deep and warm and honey-like, “right this way!”

Bakugou snags his beer off the counter and takes a quick swig before Camie steals it and takes a few sips of her own. He growls at her but otherwise behaves, watching Kirishima’s back as he leads them through throngs of people engaged in cheerful conversation.

“Ok, well, he’s hot,” Cam says around the lip of the bottle. “Total beefcake. Whaddya think, boo?”

“I think you should fuck off,” Bakugou hisses, his face burning.

“If you wanted to go on a date, you probably shouldn’t have invited us,” Todoroki says, taking the offered bottle from Camie. 

Before Bakugou can explode in their faces, Kirishima stops and turns around. “Here ya go!” He gestures to a table behind him, tucked into a more private corner of the bar. It’s large and cushy, and when Bakugou gets in after Camie, he’s surprised at how soft the material is.

“So?” Kirishima says, eyes trained on Bakugou.

“Fuckin what?” Bakugou snaps, voice lacking any heat.

Kirishima laughs, head thrown back to reveal a long, thick neck and Bakugou is so damn weak.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

Bakugou clicks his tongue before gesturing at each of them, “Camie, marketing expert by day, YouTube beauty vlogger by night, pain in my ass always. Todoroki, environmental lawyer and a soba obsessed weirdo. Inasa, physiotherapist and resident dumbass.”

Kirishima gives them all a wave before saying, “Kirishima, co-owner of Riot and the reason why Bakugou saw more unwarranted penises than strictly necessary in a lifetime.”

“Asshole,” Bakugou grumbles, earning him another laugh and a bashful hand ruffling the back of Kirishima’s head.

“Still so sorry about that man,” Kirishima offers, “everything’s definitely on the house for you all! Speaking of ordering-“ Kirishima moves on to explain their ordering system-

“You can scan the code with your camera app,” the redhead says, pointing at the barcode on the centrepiece of their table, “and it pulls up our bar and food menu. Just enter your order and your table number,” he points at the large digits on the side that glows a bright 15 back at them.

Inasa pulls his phone out to order. Before he leaves, Kirishima says, “Can I get your drink order before I go?”

Camie asks for a LIIT, Inasa gets a Soju bomb and Todoroki starts off with his usual- a cosmo.

“You good on that beer?” Kirishima asks Bakugou warmly, his eyes dancing with mirth.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles, sliding lower into his seat. “Maybe get me another, your choice?”

“Coming right up,” Kirishima beams before stepping away, and Bakugou’s heart splutters around his chest at the sight of sharp white teeth and cheek-aching grins.

“He’s so cute!” Camie squeals, stealing the last of his beer. “And he’s totes into you too.”

“I have to agree, he’s very attractive,” Todoroki says impassively.

“Certified hottie,” Inasa rounds up, flashing his own biceps for some reason.

Bakugou is so done, and they’ve been here all 5 minutes.

  “Kirishim- Kirishima, the beer is overflowing,” Ashido says, pushing him away and taking over. “God, you’re so gone for him, it’s almost embarrassing.”

Kirishima snaps out of his stupor and moves to take the glass back. Ashido hip checks him away.

“You’re being a little stupid, go help Satou with plating and take the food to lover boy’s table.”

“He has a name, you know,” Kirishima mumbles, but Ashido simply laughs, and Kirishima feels his neck and ears go warm.

Because who let Bakugou walk into his bar looking like that? Looking so damn gorgeous in his all-black get up and his perfect eye make-up and that fierce scowl?

Kirishima’s heart had pretty much stopped at the sight of him, and it was yet to regain its usual rhythm.

The redhead rests his forehead against the wall and mumbles, “I’m so screwed.”

“We know buddy,” Sero says, patting his back sympathetically, “we know.”

  For all that Bakugou hates outings and people and outings in places filled with people, he finds himself having a moderately good time.

Because the food is delicious if lacking a little heat, the alcohol is mixed perfectly and the music is fantastic, filtering through old rock classics with some alt stuff mixed in.

And then there’s Kirishima- tending the bar with ease, laughing along with his co-workers, and sending Bakugou wide, happy smiles that sets his entire face on fire.

“This place is awesome,” Camie whoops, banging another shot glass on the table before knocking it back with ease. Todoroki joins her, his impassive face not so much as twitching at the taste of strong tequila before he bites into a lime. Inasa is already beer drunk, cheeks dusky as he hums along to the music.

“Insufferable,” Bakugou mumbles around his 4th-ish beer. He likes to keep up his grumpy act till his last shred of dignity melts away cause of the alcohol, and he’s probably pretty hit already because he lets Camie pull him into her side with her arm around his shoulder, his nose suddenly privy to the scent of her mellow perfume.

“I love you guys,” Camie beams, picking up her beer and waving it in front of her. Todoroki and Inasa clink their drinks against it, and Bakugou silently waves his own bottle around before downing it.

“You guys good on- oh my god, are you Camie? THE Camie?”

It’s Pinky at their table and her eyes are so comically wide that Bakugou can’t help his snort of laughter. He feels Camie straighten up, but her arm around him stays, holding him close.

“Define THE Camie,” she says with a smile in her voice.

“The beauty blogger that I’ve only been following for the last 3 years, holy shit I love your videos.” And then suddenly, her eyes narrow on Bakugou before she snaps her fingers. “NO WONDER YOU LOOK FAMILIAR! You’re the angry blonde in all her videos!”

“Haan? You wanna go pinky?” Bakugou growls, moving to stand up. Camie keeps him firmly by her side, her laughter shaking them both.

“That’s us!” Camie says. Bakugou finally fights his way out of her grip and throws her a withering look, or his drunken attempt at one anyway. She winks, and he fake gags. “I don’t get recognized in public all that often LOL, this is fun.”

“Did you just say LOL in a verbal fucking conversation?”

“What do you mean you don’t get recognized; you literally have like 3.2million subscribers.”

Camie ignores Bakugou and shrugs at Pinky. “I guess my primary demographic aint here fam. Speaking of which,” she thrusts her hand out, “what’s your name?”

“Ashido Mina,” she says, taking her hand firmly. Camie introduces her to the others, and Bakugou looks back at the bar, disappointed to see that he can’t find Kirishima.

“Can I top you guys off?” Kirishima says, suddenly right next to their table, effectively startling the shit outta Bakugou.

Camie chirps an affirmative, Todoroki asks for a water and checks to see if Inasa’s breathing as the big olf continues to sleep, curled up in the corner of the booth.

“And you Bakubro?”

“Don’t call me that,” Bakugou frowns before adding, “I should probably stop, I’m already kinda tipsy.”

“Lightweight,” Camie teases.

Bakugou gives her the stink eye. “Woman, the one time I tried keeping up with you, I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and you didn’t have so much as a hangover, so fuck off.”

“Seriously?” Kirishima says, eyes wide.

“That’s amazing,” Ashido murmurs, her smile crooked and dangerous.

Bakugou. Hates. Everything.

“He had no lasting liver damage, we’re all fine,” Camie reassures before diving into a conversation with Mina about beauty hacks and good mascara brands and global warming.

Kirishima leans close to Bakugou, bathing him in that warm sandalwood scent. “How about I get you some water and one last beer? A Hefeweizen?”

Bakugou turns to look at him, and his breath hitches in his throat when he notices how close they are, when he sees just how red Kirishima’s eyes are, how the heat seems to radiate off his skin. He exhales in a rush and looks away, answering with a jerky nod.

Kirishima gives his shoulder a friendly squeeze – he’s so warm, his hand is fucking huge – before walking to the bar and picking their stuff up.

When pinky finally meanders away from their table to serve other customers, Camie leans her head on Bakugou’s shoulder and says, “We’ll leave soon, ok?”

Bakugou nods again, leaning some of his weight back into her. Todoroki catches his eye and flashes him a warm, tipsy smile, and if he returns it with one of his own, well, he’s drunk out of his skull and has approximately no fucks to give.

  Long after putting Bakugou and his posse in a cab, before which they insisted on paying pretty much the entire tab since they ate and drank a LOT, Kirishima and the rest are cleaning up when Ashido whips him with her cleaning rag.

Kirishima looks at her with betrayed eyes, “Wha-“

“Ei, you better text him again.”

“About what?” Kirishima says glumly. “I did what I said I would do, and I promised to leave him alone after that.”

“Boy please,” Ashido scoffs, roughly wiping down one of the tables, “ya’ll made such gooey eyes at each other all night, plus I’m pretty sure he paid the entire tab just so you could keep up whatever façade you guys have going on to cover up the fact that you have INSANE chemistry with one another.”

“Yeah, the tension was palpable bro,” Sero chimes in, throwing an arm around his waist. “I think you should text him too. He seemed really amusing, and his whole group was a riot.”

Kirishima rolls his eyes at the pun but smiles at them, feeling a new burst of energy in his limbs.

“You guys are absolutely right! Worst case, he blocks me. At least I won’t have any regrets.”

“Yeah boy, get it with that optimism.”  

  Bakugou wakes up to a slight headache, a mouth that tastes like ash, and a profound sadness that settles atop his sternum, weighing him down and pressing him into his mattress.

He sees the glass of water on his bedside table with ibuprofen placed neatly next to it and downs them both without so much as a second thought. As his brain slowly comes back online, he takes a moment to finally navigate his messy feelings and comes to a crushing realization-

Kirishima doesn’t have to text him anymore.

The redhead had said that he’d leave him alone after making it up to him, and yes, it was Bakugou’s standoffish nature that got them into that situation in the first place. And yes, Bakugou had paid the tab mostly because it was too high a bill to be footed by the bar and Bakugou made bank, but also because a small, minuscule part of him hoped that the gesture would make Kirishima insist on another outing or something to ‘make it up to him'.

The blonde doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the fact that he forgave Kirishima almost two days into texting him.

He almost avoids his phone out of fear alone and makes it through a whole cup of coffee and 3 chapters into a novel recommended by Deku before finally picking up his phone to check for emails and notifications.

He expects none from Kirishima.

So, of course, there are 3 from the redhead.

Bakugou’s heart leaps to his throat and he can’t seem to unlock his phone quite fast enough.

fuck he’s cute hi Bakugou, thank you for coming last night!!!

fuck he’s cute it was actually really cool 2 finally meet you. U didn’t have to pay the tab tho :’D

fuck he’s cute bt since u did, I still owe u. can we figure it out later??? Also, what did you think of the place???

Bakugou dumbass

Bakugou you’ve got a swanky place, I’ll give you that. Food was fucking good too. could be spicier.  

Bakugou you got cam completely hooked

Bakugou and yeah, you better make it up to me later. Asshole.

Kirishima replies a few hours later, just as Bakugou finishes up a yoga routine that stretches out his back in the best way possible.

fuck he’s cute :D :D :D :D :D

fuck he’s cute can’t wait

fuck he’s cute <image attached>

fuck he’s cute ruby says hi

It’s a selfie this time, not a picture of just the kitty. Bakugou can appreciate how cute the mutt is, but for once, he has no attention to spare her. Not when Kirishima’s eyes are crinkling around the edges from how hard he smiles up at the camera, not when he’s wearing a tank top with relaxed arm holes, showing off bulging muscles and hints of ink, and not when just the mere thought of him makes Bakugou’s stomach flop around uncontrollably.

He barely manages to reply coherently.

Bakugou the only bright spot in this shitty world

He presses his phone to his forehead and quietly contemplates just how gay he is. Camie pets his head on the way to the kitchen.

  It takes Bakugou some time to get used to waking up to Good Morning texts and a stream of random thoughts from Kirishima all day. The flutter in his stomach disappears a few weeks into talking to the redhead, instead replaced by a bone-deep warmth that always manages to make him feel a little better.

dumbass kirishima GOOOOOOOD MORNING :D

dumbass Kirishima someone threw up on my fave shoes last night

Bakugou HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Bakugou suffer

dumbass Kirishima y u so mean to me ☹ ☹

Bakugou cause its fuckin hilarious

dumbass Kirishima ☹

Bakugou ugh

Bakugou <image attached> [it’s a picture of Bakugou’s balcony, and all his plants look vibrant green as the sun hits them just right]

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D

dumbass Kirishima legit felt my serotonin just spike

dumbass Kirishima thxxxxxx

Bakugou whatever

Bakuguo dumbass

 ---

 Bakugou if I plan a murder can I count on your stupid muscles to help me move the body

dumbass Kirishima D:

dumbass Kirishima at least take me out to dinner b4 involving me in your crimes

dumbass Kirishima what a lack of manners

Bakugou stfu

dumbass Kirishima :”D :”D

dumbass Kirishima youre joking right?

dumbass Kirishima right??

dumbass Kirishima RIGHT?????

dumbass Kirishima BAKUGOU THIS IS A BAD TIME TO LEAVE ME HANGING BRO DO NOT DO THIS

Bakugou don’t call me bro

dumbass Kirishima THAT IS NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW

Bakugou lol I didn’t do shit dumbass don’t worry

Bakugou or did I?

dumbass Kirishima BAKUGOU NO

 ---

 dumbass Kirishima <image attached> [it’s a gym selfie; Kirishima is crouching in front of the mirror shirtless, hair pulled into a bun atop his head. He’s glistening with sweat, and he’s got a more serious look on his face. He’s not actively flexing any muscle, but the pose makes his thighs, calves and biceps bulge. One hand holds the phone, the other is resting on his bent knee]

dumbass Kirishima working on deez gainz

Bakugou what time do you usually workout

dumbass Kirishima depends on my schedule actually

dumbass Kirishima I prefer the morning, but when I take the late night shift I usually go be4 work the next day

Bakugou hmmm

Bakugou let me know

Bakugou maybe we can go together

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Bakugou ugh I changed my mind

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D :D

dumbass Kirishima no takebacksies

Bakugou fucking fantastic

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D

 ---

 “So, let me get this straight- you guys gym together at least once a week, you talk every day, your stomach flutters at the mere thought of him and Cam swears he’s making googly eyes at you all the time, and you still haven’t asked each other out yet?”

Bakugou flips his phone off, “Fuck off Deku, don’t be a little shit.”

Midoriya’s face morphs into an amused smile on the other end of their facetime call, “Are you being bashful Kacchan? That’s adorable.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“NOOOOO,” Midoriya bemoans dramatically. “I can’t believe I’m missing all this.”

“Yeah, well, who the fuck told you to teach kids English halfway across the world dumbass?”

“I miss you too Kacchan,” Midoriya beams, making a heart with his hands.

“I truly loathe you.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Midoriya puts a few papers away before sighing. “So?”

“So what?”

“So, are you going to make a move? How do you plan on doing it?”

“I don’t,” Bakugou ruffles his hair and ducks his head to hide his rapidly warming cheeks, “I’m not asking him out Deku, fuck that.”

“Why not?” the asshole whines, eyes wide and innocent. “You deserve happiness Kacchan. Plus, he seems like a really nice guy.” Midoriya leans forward and adds in a whisper, “I’ve heard he has a fantastic butt.”

Bakugou rolls his eyes and flips him off again, “Fuck off, you can’t say that without actually meeting him.”

“I’ll be back before then. You guys better be dating already when I get there.”

“Stop telling me what to do, shitty Deku!”

“Never Kacchan, that’s what you do for the people you love.”

“Ugh, how are you so gross when you’re so far away, I hate you.”

Midoriya’s laugh sounds tinny over the phone speaker, lacking its usual body and warmth. Bakugou huffs again before picking his novel back up to read.

“Hi Zuku,” Camie calls out from over Bakugou’s shoulder. “You need to come back soon and help me with Kitkat, he refuses to make the first move!”

“Butt out of my fucking love life, you freaks!”

“Can’t butt out of something that doesn’t exist Kats,” Camie deadpans.

Bakugou feels extremely justified in flinging a stress ball right at her. The kitchen fills up with raucous laughter, from his phone and from the person standing in front of him, and Bakugou thinks that adding a deeper, warmer laugh to the mix, coming from a specific redhead might not be the worst thing in the world.

  Kiri bakugouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Bakugou what?

Kiri just wanted to say hi <3

Bakugou wth

Kiri we still on fr the gym tomorrow?

Bakugou obviously you dumbass

Bakugou I need you to spot me

Bakugou im beating my personal best tomorrow or im going to die trying

Kiri so manly :O :O :O

Kiri I’ve got you bruh

Bakugou don’t call me that

Bakugou and I know you do

Kiri <3 <3

 ---

 Bakugou <link>

Bakugou that playlist you were asking about

Kiri u da bomb katsuki

Bakugou katsuki huh?

Bakugou getting cocky I see

Kiri I mean, weve known each other for like 4 months now???

Kiri ur one of my closest pals

Kiri I don’t have to, I just thought ud like it more than bro

Bakugou I do like it more than bro

Bakugou eijirou

Bakugou I guess ur not terrible

Eijirou ????

Eijirou did you just?? pay me????? A compliment??

Eijirou who r u and wat have you done to katsuki?

Bakugou fuck you

Bakugou just fuck you

Eijirou <3 <3 <3

  Bakugou wakes up one morning, approximately 5 months after meeting Kirishima for the first time, with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His work goes smoothly. The coffee tastes potent and fresh, his body feels fine, his plants are thriving, Camie is busy with her own deadlines and therefore not bugging him, even the sun is mellow and warm; the perfect weather.

The pit in his stomach worsens with every hour.

It doesn’t help that all of his messages to Kirishima have gone unanswered; he hasn’t even been online all day. In the months that they’ve communicated, he’s never gone a day without texting the man, and now it’s like he fell off the face of the Earth.

When it gets closer to 6 in the evening, Bakugou decides to call if Kirishima doesn’t get in touch himself. Because the pit in his stomach is making him nauseous, and he needs to know if the redhead is ok if only for the sake of his own damn health.

He gets a call from an unknown number at 5:20 in the evening. The pit in his stomach becomes a yawning chasm as he picks up the call.

“Hello?”

“Bakugou, it’s Ashido, from the bar.”

Bakugou pulls in a deep breath. “Where is Kirishima?”

“Um, there was an incident last night, at Riot.” She sighs deeply before continuing, “Kiri got jumped in the alley outside by a bunch of really drunk homophobic assholes that saw him turn down some guy’s number. He actually fought them off for the most part, but he’s sustained a broken nose and some fractured ribs. We’re at the hospital right now.”

Bakugou sinks to the ground, his stomach plummeting with him. “Are you fucking serious right now? Fuck-“

“I’ll text you the hospital details, ok? I’m sorry we didn’t call sooner, between talking to his moms and the hospital folks, it slipped my mind.”

“I’ll be there,” Bakugou says, standing up on shaky feet and stumbling back to his room. “Just don’t leave him alone.”

“Never in a million years.”

They hang up and Bakugou changes, hails a cab, and gets to the hospital in a complete daze.

His affection for the redhead, brimming and spilling from every crevice, makes itself evident when he lays eyes on him in the hospital bed and feels a surge of protectiveness. He wants to kill the people that did this, he wants to gather Kirishima in his arms and hold him tight, he wants to crawl into bed with him and talk about stupid shit and see him smile again.

“He’s pretty high on pain meds right now,” Ashido says from somewhere behind him, pointing to his IV lines, “so he’s been saying really funny stuff. The doctors did a full evaluation and said he should recover completely in 5ish weeks.”

Bakugou nods and swallows thickly. Ashido squeezes his arm before leaving the hospital room, shutting the door behind her softly.

Kirishima hasn’t seen him yet, so Bakugou approaches his bed carefully before placing a hand on the guardrail. The noise pulls Kirishima’s attention towards him, and Bakugou’s gut tightens when those large, warm eyes go completely soft at the sight of him.

“Kassaki~” Kirishima slurs, his smile large and dopey.

“You absolute dumbass,” Bakugou chokes out, his hand moving from the rail to grip Kirishima’s tightly. Kirishima’s fingers twine with his own with practised ease and his smile turns gooey.

“Hi Kats, you look beautiful today.”

Bakugou half-laughs, half-sobs and rubs his eyes fiercely. Kirishima’s face is a bit bruised, and there’s a huge bandage on his nose, but he doesn’t look nearly as bad as Bakugou had first feared. The pit in his stomach finally calms, slowly loosening until he can breathe normally again.

“Shut up Eiji,” Bakugou grumbles, sitting down on the chair beside the bed. He leaves his hand in Kirishima’s.

“Ok,” Kirishima agrees easily. It takes 10 seconds for him to break the silence again.

“Hey Kats?”

“What?”

“Are we dating?”

Bakugou startles at that, eyes snapping over to Kirishima’s. He doesn’t look accusatory or hurt or weirded out or anything- merely curious.

“No, we’re not.”

“Oh.” Kirishima frowns, “Why not?”

Bakugou huffs out a small laugh, “Because we’re both idiots.”

“Oh,” the redhead says, then nods. “That kinda tracks.”

“HEY!”

Kirishima’s smile becomes dopey again, eyes crinkling in the most endearing way.

“I really like you Kats. You’re so smart and funny and you always smell like fabric softener, and you’re just like. Really pretty.”

Bakugou feels his face heat up completely, his grip on Kirishima’s hand tightening.

“Just rest, you dumbass,” Bakugou says weakly, his entire body too hot for comfort. He watches Kirishima’s smile become something warm and loving in a way that hits his heart, and he doesn’t let go of the redhead’s hand, right up until the end of visiting hours.

When he exits the hospital alongside Ashido, he feels the last of his energy drain.

“I cant believe we didn’t get to him sooner,” Ashido mumbles, rubbing at her eyes fiercely. “The bar was noisy, and he just wanted to dump out some trash. Hanta noticed he was gone a while before we went out back and found him punching the last dude.”

Bakugou purses his lips. Truth be told, he cant believe Kirishima had gotten so badly hurt so close to his own bar, and he’s pissed as fuck that the idiot brigade had even let it happen, but the sincerity in Ashido’s voice tugs at his chest painfully.

“I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Bakugou laughs humorlessly. “He’ll probably say there’s nothing to forgive in the first place.”

Ashido’s laugh is hollow, “That’s our Eijirou.” She looks at Bakugou again. “You coming tomorrow?”

He flashes her his best sneer. “You best believe I’m going to come by every single fucking day till he’s discharged.”

Ashido’s smile becomes a little more genuine, a little more well-rounded.

“I’m really glad he has you.” Her voice goes all soft and gross as she continues, “You mean a LOT to him, in case you didn’t already know.”

“Fuck off,” Bakugou mumbles, before waving her off and walking away.

Because he does know.

He also knows he’s falling madly in love with him, and that he’s completely and utterly screwed.

And he finds that he really doesn’t mind all that much. Some people, he rationalizes, are worth the horrible butterflies and the too hot too cold feelings down the back of his spine.

Some people, he realizes, are worth loving with everything you’ve got.

  It takes Kirishima five weeks of house arrest to recover completely. Bakugou spends every weekday and a few of the weekends with him, staying over more often than not. He fusses over the redhead, forces him to take his medication on time, and cooks him everything under the sun.

“You’re spoiling me,” the redhead whines when Bakugou serves him what smells like the best mapo tofu he’s ever going to have.

The blonde grins triumphantly, “You’re damn right I am.”

They bicker and banter constantly, but they also curl up and marathon old bond movies at night. Kirishima goes over the bar’s paperwork while Bakugou works off his couch, and they take turns making the coffee. Ruby falls in love with Bakugou and curls up on his chest every chance she gets, and Bakugou laughs at Kirishima’s look of betrayal. The redhead’s couch is ridiculously comfortable, and he leaves his memory foam pillow with the blonde.

“You refuse to take my bed,” he grumbles, “so you damn well better accept my stupid pillow.”

Bakugou’s neck thanks the redhead profusely.

It’s new and weird, living with someone for the first time. Kirishima’s posse are in and out through the day, and Camie comes by just as often, bringing a change of clothes and gossip with her. Todoroki drops in with some high-quality tequila sometimes and Inasa brings his infectious energy, and through all of this, Kirishima remains in high spirits, even if he goes a little stir crazy sometimes.

It’s new and it’s weird, going from casual touches to more loving ones, more comforting ones. It becomes commonplace for Bakugou to rest his head between Kirishima’s shoulder blades on the days that he has a bad time at work. It’s normal for Kirishima to place his head on Bakugou’s lap while they watch shark documentaries. It’s easy for them to bump knees and press their calves together while enjoying their morning coffee.

It’s new and it’s weird and it’s amazing.

Because Bakugou finds himself falling in love with the little things. The way Kirishima sticks his tongue out when he’s smashing the PS5 controller during an especially intense game of Mario party, the way he makes the coffee with a sleepy smile on his face, the way he hums off-key to a song that’s stuck in his head, the way he can understand Bakugou- can differentiate between his frustrated fuck, his bashful fuck, his angry fuck, his sleepy fuck.

And how he accepts it all without so much as a hitch in his step.

Bakugou watches himself fall in love, slowly, and then all at once.

  “How is it that he lived with you for almost 5 weeks and you STILL didn’t ask him out? Or kiss him stupid? Or something?”

Sero has a finger pinching the bridge of his nose, the other flexing loosely in front of his chest as he tries to fathom the stupidity of two people that could not be more into each other if they tried.

“I, I uh-“ Kirishima hangs his head, “I have no excuse.” He sighs deeply. “I was scared he’d give me a pity answer cause I was injured and everything.”

Ashido looks over her shoulder with incredulous eyes. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“Eiji, I know you love us so like, if any of us were hurt like this you’d take care of us till we were better too. But do you think someone like BAKUGOU would practically move into someone’s house to make sure they were ok if he wasn’t nuts about them? Really?”

Kirishima’s face flushes, and he waves her away. “I don’t want to read into it. He’s just a really, really, really good guy. And what we have is good, it’s great! We’re bros. Pals. Friends. It’s all good.”

Ashido continues to stare at him for another moment before throwing her hands up and yelling, “BOYS!” She stomps into the kitchen to help Satou with prep for the day.

They continue to stock up the bar, Kirishima assigned to prepping limes and the ice machine, when the door opens and someone steps in.

“Sorry, we’re not op- Bakugou?”

And there stands the blonde with the biggest bouquet of flowers – chrysanthemums and sunflowers – that Kirishima has ever seen. The redhead distantly hears the sound of a door close behind him, and suddenly they’re alone, the tension positively stifling.

“Bakugo-“

“Go on a date with me.”

Kirishima sucks in a startled breath, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Go on a date. With me,” Bakugou repeats, his neck and ears tinging the loveliest shade of red. “The romantic kind. Where we dress up and get food and drinks and fight over the bill and walk each other to the door and get super awkward before we kiss. All that shit.”

Kirishima isn’t sure how it happens- one moment he’s on this side of the bar, the next, he’s jumping across and gathering Bakugou into a tight embrace, mindful of his newly healed ribs but still unwilling to release the blonde until Bakugou returns his hug, burying his face into Kirishima’s chest.

“Is that a yes?” Bakugou mumbles when they finally pull away, his hands fisted in Kirishima’s shirt.

“In every possible language out there,” Kirishima answers, ducking down to softly kiss Bakugou on the cheek. He laughs as the blonde cusses and shoves him away and laughs even harder when Bakugou’s own smile covers his entire face, bright and open and oh so breathtaking.

That smile is Kirishima’s and Kirishima’s alone.

  Eiji hiiiiiiiiiiii

Bakugou I swear to god Ei

Bakugou if you’re late for our first date I will find you

Eiji and give me a kiss? :*

Bakugou I don’t kiss people that don’t have good time management

Bakugou so fuck off

Eiji still so mean to me ☹

Eiji I want that kiss tho

Eiji so ill be ready

Eiji promise

Bakugou good

Eiji  <3

Bakugou <3

Eiji :D :D :D :D :D :D

Eiji YOU LIKE ME ENOUGH TO SEND EMOJIS HU H <3333

Bakugou it will never happen again

Bakugou so fuck right off

Eiji :”D

Bakugou im outside

Eiji be right there

Eiji <3