#but GOD DAMN I AM SICK AND TIRED!!!!!!!!!

[sleepymoonlady]

Roevember Day 19: Temper

"This must be important business indeed. Though if it concerns anything so underhand as an assassination, I fear I can be of little help."

Even as the negotiations were well underway, Rose still repeated Lolorito's glib little jab to herself over and over again, gritting her teeth all the while. It had been two years since that fateful night--the Bloody Banquet, in all its infamy. Two years since the Scions were disgraced and very nearly wiped out, all unwitting and unwilling pawns in a game of chess played by two warring factions of Ul'dah's Syndicate.

She had accepted--bitterly--that Lolorito's bargain was better for the stability of Ul'dah than the vengeance she had been craving since that night. Well, that wasn't entirely true: she had accepted that Raubahn, Alphinaud, and Nanamo all arrived at that conclusion. And out of respect for the wishes of her friends and closest allies, she stood down. But it never sat right with her. Even after he--through Hancock--furnished the Scions' efforts in Othard with a base of operations and more gil than they could spend. Even after Nanamo had come to Rose and told her that they needed his help, for the sake of Ala Mhigo and Ul'dah both. Rose was a woman of many talents, but neither forgiving nor forgetting were chief among them.

Ever since she was a child--even before she lied about her age to debut as a gladiator on the Bloodsands--she had been a person of action. She loathed passivity, couldn't stand to sit by and watch, and had never been good at forgiving--or at forgetting. She solved her problems, more often than not, by beating them into submission. But the problem of Lolorito--that opportunistic little shite--was off-limits. NOBODY should be above justice. But somehow, he kept managing to be just that. Even Thordan and his lackeys weren't.

She needed something. Anything. Some kind of closure. So when the meeting came to a close, she said she needed to speak with him in private. She concocted some kind of lie that felt right in the moment--damn if she remembered what it was. Something about discussing further contributions to the East Aldenard Trading Company no doubt. As Nanamo left the room, Rose kneeled down to be... closer to Lolorito's eye-level, at least. The man turned on his stool to face her.

"I must admit, champion, I'm curious to hear your idea," he said, with that smug half-smile that never seemed to leave his face--or his voice. "I didn't think you had much of a mind for business." Rose felt the anger that had been festering in her chest rising--gods, how did she expect to talk to this little fucker? She had forgotten how infuriating it was--he spoke at you, not to you. You were never his bloody equal. Did he even know that she had helped run her mums' shop growing up? That she had to learn arithmetic just to help them make ends meet? Not much of a mind for business, indeed. If fuckers like him weren't so greedy, maybe things would have been less tight growing up--THEN she wouldn't need a "mind for business."

"Honestly I rather thought it was too complicated a topic--"

Lolorito's next backhanded observation was ended--rather abruptly, too--by Rose's gauntleted fist crashing into his jaw with a sickening crack, sending him flying off the stool and across the room. Before she knew what she was doing--before she could even consider the consequences--she bounded over the table and pinned him to the ground with her left arm, before raising her right in preparation for another blow.

"I am SICK and BLOODY TIRED of this GODS-DAMNED CHARADE, LOLORITO," she snarled through gritted teeth.

"Have you LOST your MIND?" Came the retort from the merchant, spoken laboriously through a broken jaw. "Have you not thought of the CONSEQUENCES of assaulting a member of the Syndicate!? I'll have you--"

"SHUT UP!" Rose punctuated her demand with a raise of her fist. Her mind spun as she stared down Lolorito. This man KNEW what was going to happen that night. He could have stopped it, showed his hand earlier, anything. But he didn't. He didn't. Did he have ANY idea what he did? What that night had cost!?

Thancred couldn't use magic anymore.

Shtola lost her sight.

Min...

Rose's fist began to shake as she remembered. As she turned the sentence over and over again in her head, still afraid to say it to herself after all this time.

Why her? Why couldn't it have been someone else?

Why not HIM?

Shakily, she finally spoke again. "Her Grace has decided that you're better off to her--to us--alive, Lolorito. Out of respect for her, I've kept my peace all this time."

"But make no mistake, you miserable little shite:" As Rose spoke these next words, the fury in her voice could have shattered stone, and the hatred in her eyes--a hatred only the likes of Gaius, Thordan, or Zenos had seen before--shone brightly enough to melt through steel.

"The second you outlive your usefulness to her? The bloody MOMENT I even BEGIN to suspect that you're harboring any foolish delusions beyond your station?

I will personally deliver you to Thal."

-----------------

Hi hey if you made it all the way here uhhhh have a funny:

[stevethehairington]

i am SOOOOOO sick of seeing stuff about god damn ****** ***** EVERY FUCKING WHERE!!!!! i have literally every single iteration of her stupid name blocked on every social media and news platform i am on and YET!!!! stuff about her STILL permeates!!!! ii literlaly will get notifications of posts/articles about her and it's like HELLO!!!! i have that shit blocked!!!! i dont want it!!!! ican't fucking escape it!!!! i don't care i don't CARE!!!!!

[another-punk-trans-woman]

I feel like not enough people talk about the overwhelming grief that comes with being transfem. The grief that punches through your ribcage and hammers on your heart and won't ever stop because in feeling like yourself, you're also doomed to be so alone.

The world demands a perfect performance of trans women, but no one can be perfect forever. And so you lose everything and everyone, over and over again because youre in that group of societies favorite outcasts and it Hurts. But you tell yourself that it could be worse. You could still be who you were before you realized.

But that doesn't stop the grief of all that loss from swallowing you whole. And it doesn't stop you from needing connection (for long, at least) but there's no connection to find. And so you sit there and you grieve, and you hurt and sob, until it gets to be to much and now those trusted few are grieving you, too.

And fuck, we all need less grief in our lives so please, please, PLEASE hug your trans friends for me today. Send that wierd, off-putting girl a hug emoji, tell her you think of her. Ask your old friend that you don't talk to anymore to hang out again sometime.

Love EVERY trans woman you meet before it's too late.

[puppyypawsss]

Grrrrr I HATE TIKTOK !!!! fuck TikTok and their stupid trends and their stupid slowed and reverbed versions of songs that are fine on their own !!!!!!! Fuck TikTok and their “ tiktokification “ of songs that can no longer stand out on their own because of how many people have made them into a TikTok trend !!!!!!!!!!! Fuck you tiktok !!!

[killerandhealerqueen]

If anyone needs me, I’m going to be lying in bed wallowing in a mixture of frustration and anger at how fucking hard it is to be an adult and how fucking hard it is to find a job

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[chappellrroan]

it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames

[minnieposting]

my ocd is actually going SO CRAZY RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[daylighteclipsed]

anyone else feel like the whole world is this 👌 close to completely snapping

[cetoddle]

i’m so tired of daydreaming when can something good finally actually happen to me

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here my friend after a very, very long week. This is actually my 3rd attempt at sending you an ask. First, I finally had time and was excited to type up something for the latest episode and then the Buck LI stuff came out and the mood for that was killed. Next I had mostly typed up my salty thoughts only to have my internet go down (yes, I whined at home "what i was going to read??!!" and pointedly ignored my very much filled bookcase because my ships aren't in them). So here let's see if this one works out.

So how is it KR and the promo dept always manage to kill any joy we have when we get fed any kind of Buddie content (the follow-up to the Eddie getting shot, and the 5b and premier come to mind here)?? Seriously Buck and Eddie more or less went on a date and had family night together and almost immediately they came back with "look Buck and Eddie are going to go on dates!!". Its exhausting cause it seems like any time they put out a story that might even be slightly suggestive of them being more than platonic bros they insist on following it up with stories to "prove" they are, no matter how recycled those plots are.

And okay let's take a second here to ask WTF is KR doing with these characters? In 6b alone we've had Buck dying, a coma dream, PTSD, super powers, and now he's getting a crush, and we STILL haven't finished the accursed sperm donor storyline??!! Bobby and Athena investigated had the death of a beloved friend 🙄 plot, HenRen had the nonsensical Denny secretly seeing his Dad which was never an issue before plot, and Madney and Eddie are just kinda there?? The other characters have had at best one storyline where the audience has to either invent or rewrite the backstory for. But for Buck he's had like 50 plotlines, none of which have really gone anywhere? I love Buck but I'd rather have him have 1 good arc and resolution than whatever this bullshit is. I'd easily take that screentime and give it to any of the other characters if it meant we got 1 well thought out and executed storyline. Instead we're just recycling and redressing old plots for everyone else while KR uses a magnetic poetry set to plan what Buck's doing from episode to episode. We have 5 episodes left in the season, 4-5 guest characters that are going to be incorporated (including 2 much beloathed ones 🙄🙄🙄), and nothing really setup for our mains to do (even Eddie dating isn't setup, it literally hasn't come up after Ana and you'd think they could have in 6a while he was watching his son mature).

Anyway, I'll stop the rant here though there's definitely more I could say. I'll close off saying I hope you're feeling better today since this week looks like its been rough on you. Sending you virtual tea, soup, and hugs!!

Long week is RIGHT my friend! I'm so sorry you were foiled in your previous attempts! I am right there with you on the Buck LI stuff just...sucking a lot of the joy out of things for me. Because of course we're doing this again 🙄🙄🙄 I was even writing up notes on a possible fic and you KNOW I haven't written anything since Malex and even that was before s4 started. But alas. That sucks about the power going out! I hate when that happens especially if I was in the middle of something! (Also I am SO with you. I keep buying books and then just...not reading them because my brain says "it's not our blorbos so no.)

I am just...so tired at this point. Like yes these people *may* not stick around, but even so, I don't want to loose out on Buddie scenes and Buckley-Diaz family scenes! I don't want Buck to have 90% of his time and discussions with some new character I do not know or care about instead of Eddie and the firefam! They already tried to do that with BT and it was the woooooorst! I want Eddie to have screentime and arcs but again, I don't want the little time we DO get to be wasted on some random side character! And lets be honest, there is no person they can introduce at this point that can compare with the relationship Buck and Eddie have already built and the ways in which they are the perfect partners for what each other needs. So the options are to a) cut down on seeing that relationship so their new het ones don't look so shitty and lame in comparison, b) have these women be mostly just Blurry Girlfriends in the background with no personality or depth just to have the boys paired off so they don't have to do Buddie while still centering their relationship so people can't call them out for not committing to Buddie because their "friendship" looks basically the same, or c) give them LIs that are basically the other's personalities transplanted into a female body in order to have the relationship be anything close to what Buck and Eddie need in a life partner. These are all terrible options, and I hate them, more than I hate the idea of them ending up single even though it undercuts their own narrative set up for the characters but that's a cop-out too.

ANYWAY

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 to everything about Buck's 700 shitty arcs this season while everyone else is mostly twiddling their thumbs. KR is literally the worst at pacing and planning, and constructing a season with any kind of flow. On the bright side, Ravi is coming back and Chim is going to get to do something! I'm so excited! I was really hoping for more of him and Bobby teaming up last week because the little crumbs we got were GOLD.

I did have a very emotionally rollercoaster-y week and the show being Like This absolutely Did Not Help, but I am making it work. Mostly with loooots of fic. Cheers friend, lets see if we can make it through the finale intact, if Buddie dreams can make it through the finale intact, and if the SHOW can make it through the finale intact with how these renewal negotiations are going.

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[nogchompa]

Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh

[scottstiles]

whats the mayors address i need to go park in her living room

[pebblezone]

who’s up making sound effects ☝️☝️☝️

[poohwhin]

“omega build” boy i’m ‘boutta ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉