#but GOD DAMN I AM SICK AND TIRED!!!!!!!!!
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i am SOOOOOO sick of seeing stuff about god damn ****** ***** EVERY FUCKING WHERE!!!!! i have literally every single iteration of her stupid name blocked on every social media and news platform i am on and YET!!!! stuff about her STILL permeates!!!! ii literlaly will get notifications of posts/articles about her and it's like HELLO!!!! i have that shit blocked!!!! i dont want it!!!! ican't fucking escape it!!!! i don't care i don't CARE!!!!!
#it is. INFURIATING#every single person in the world seems fo be SO far up her ass and its literally seeping into god damn everything and poisoning it ALL#i 👏 dont 👏 want 👏 to 👏 see 👏 it 👏#i 👏 do 👏 not 👏 give 👏 one 👏 single 👏 flying 👏 fuck 👏#the worst part is im like. one of the only people i know with this opinion too so i cant even like. complain about it#bc id just be pissing off my friends#but GOD DAMN I AM SICK AND TIRED!!!!!!!!!#mack rants
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I feel like not enough people talk about the overwhelming grief that comes with being transfem. The grief that punches through your ribcage and hammers on your heart and won't ever stop because in feeling like yourself, you're also doomed to be so alone.
The world demands a perfect performance of trans women, but no one can be perfect forever. And so you lose everything and everyone, over and over again because youre in that group of societies favorite outcasts and it Hurts. But you tell yourself that it could be worse. You could still be who you were before you realized.
But that doesn't stop the grief of all that loss from swallowing you whole. And it doesn't stop you from needing connection (for long, at least) but there's no connection to find. And so you sit there and you grieve, and you hurt and sob, until it gets to be to much and now those trusted few are grieving you, too.
And fuck, we all need less grief in our lives so please, please, PLEASE hug your trans friends for me today. Send that wierd, off-putting girl a hug emoji, tell her you think of her. Ask your old friend that you don't talk to anymore to hang out again sometime.
Love EVERY trans woman you meet before it's too late.
#love every trans woman you meet before it's too late#can you tell i think too often and too hard about grief#god damn it.#can you tell im so fucking tired of losing people#can you tell how fucking angry i am#how fucking sick of it all i am#r writes a thing#transfem#trans woman
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Grrrrr I HATE TIKTOK !!!! fuck TikTok and their stupid trends and their stupid slowed and reverbed versions of songs that are fine on their own !!!!!!! Fuck TikTok and their “ tiktokification “ of songs that can no longer stand out on their own because of how many people have made them into a TikTok trend !!!!!!!!!!! Fuck you tiktok !!!
#sorry I had to rant because I am so sick of TikTok#for context I love the song kerosene by crystal castles and I found it outside of TikTok and thought maybe there’d be some cool edits with#the song but it’s all about that fucking Audi thing every god damn comment under a post/on SoundCloud is about Audi I am SO TIRED#can people just shut up and enjoy the song for what it is instead of involving it in some stupid ass TikTok meme#anyway yeah I HATE HATE HATE TikTok so much#TikTok
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If anyone needs me, I’m going to be lying in bed wallowing in a mixture of frustration and anger at how fucking hard it is to be an adult and how fucking hard it is to find a job
#sass rants#i am fucking OVER IT#i’m over applying for jobs only to either get rejected or to make it to the first interview only to not hear back#i’m sick and tired of having to worry about shit like gas and groceries and student-fucking-loans that are coming up#my parents are helping me right now and I’m super grateful to them#but i can’t rely on them forever#it’s been almost 4 months!!#it should not be this fucking hard to find a god damn job#i am qualified education wise i just don’t have the experience but i can’t fucking get the experience if i DON’T GET A FUCKING JOB#ignore me i’m tired and frustrated and irritated
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#remember when i could draw? when i had time to draw and color?#bleh. im just sorta exhausted and dont feel good and starting to get overwhelmed by all that i need to get done#weirdest version of being sick ive had. i dont have a fever but i feel hot and my throat hurts and i have to take deep breaths but not#really coughing so im like??? am i sick???#ugh. i dunno ive been going to sleep at like 9pm and its only 7 and im so tired but i have a paper to read#maybe ill read it in the morning and not do pigment analysis tomorrow... but i wanna see those god damn pigment >:-(#i dunno. im also just kinda frustrated bc im running into things that my mum was in control of the info on#so its like: well i cant access my fasfa account. i dont kno where my vaccine info is. i dont kno if my mum had uterine fibroids before it#all turned to cancer. i dunno. im just tired#also i bitched out on a pap smear bc it hurt too bad. so ive had a day.#but ive got a birth control perception again. i dont wanna take it but like i cant really aford to go out of focus and go out of commission#via pain. so like i guess i gotta. ugh. it better not fuck with my medication#hopefully ill wake up tomorrow and all will be well in the world#unrelated
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it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames
#preacher's daughter both family tree songs#how she says in family tree “heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned and baby hell don't scare me i've been times before”#and western nights “i would hold the gun if you asked me to but if you love me like you say you do will you ask me to?”#the whole house in nebraska song UGH#the outro of hard times i am tired of you still tied to me bleeding whenever you want too tired to move to tired to leave#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing#it well#ptolemaea that stop scream i am the face of love's rage blessed be the daughters of cain bound to suffering eternal through sins of their#fathers commited long before their conception that whole outro in general#i tried to be good am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?....i just wanted to be yours? am i yours? am i yours?...if i am turning in you#stomach and making you feel sick am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? is just SO AGH#also god loves you but not enough to save you I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME#we know how it goes the more it hurts the less it shows but i feel like they all know and that's why i can never come back home and i spent#my life watching it go by from the sidelines and god i have tried but i think it's about time i put up a fight#and the instrumental songs their production is so so good#anyways yeah now i feel better if anyone is reading till here go listen to it thanks <3#it's great for people with family issues#v.txt
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my ocd is actually going SO CRAZY RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#actuallyocd#minnie post#omg i just found myslef ruminating over if im a good dog owner or not for Reasons and then i realized what was happening#then now im like. uughsudhfihsdf CAN THIS SHIT FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF#i swear for like 3 whole months ive been stuck in the same rumination then reassurance cycle#im the most self aware person EVER. but god i just cant get out of this no matter how self aware i am its like. BRUH#my ocd ruminations always attack the things that mean the most to me#and its making me feel guilty and wrong for just being happy when#i think abt and engage w the things that make me happy .#cuz like i hyperfixate on fucking everything and my interests reflect my soul#but ocd is like. no ur dumb. and u shouldnt feel happy and u shouldnt engage w this#instead u should think abt how miserable u are bc its good to be self aware!#im soooo sick of this DISORDERRRR#TAKES MY ENERGY FOR EVERYTHING#I am so tired all the time#and sometimes im like damn i dont do shit all day why am i so tired#mb its bc your brain is in overdrive constantly idfk#im so tired yall#how do i DIY a lobotomy in my bathroom#send answers QUICK
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anyone else feel like the whole world is this 👌 close to completely snapping
#it feels like a rubber band is being pulled farther and farther#and it’s going to snap soon#like people are just rapidly reaching their limit#specifically the working class#France is already rioting#like we’re all just so fucking fed up with all the elites around the globe#america especially feels like we’re one jenga block away from#i can’t say war bc realistically we would be mowed down but um#quitting the game i guess#it’s all a game and we’re this close to flipping the board#I’m sick to my stomach I’m furious I’m exhausted#we’re all so tired and drained and hear all these horrible things every day and have to go to work like nothings happening#why are we going to work why are we playing this game i don’t wanna play anymore !!!!!#I’m just. I’m so hurt and frustrated and feel the grief of millions of people I’m in tears#this is not sustainable life doesn’t have to be this way it shouldn’t be this way#it feels so hopeless i hate it i hate it so much i am living on spite alone#god damn you elites i will go down swinging
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i’m so tired of daydreaming when can something good finally actually happen to me
#everyone always tells you to keep going and work towards the future you want#but i am trying and i’ve been trying so so hard for so god damn long#and nothings ever working out#and i don’t understand why#like the universe can’t even give me a little victory. everything i want never works out#everything i dream about is completely unobtainable for me#i don’t know what i did to deserve a life like this#im tired and im lonely and im sick of fighting every single day just for nothing#snow.txt
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SaL anon here my friend after a very, very long week. This is actually my 3rd attempt at sending you an ask. First, I finally had time and was excited to type up something for the latest episode and then the Buck LI stuff came out and the mood for that was killed. Next I had mostly typed up my salty thoughts only to have my internet go down (yes, I whined at home "what i was going to read??!!" and pointedly ignored my very much filled bookcase because my ships aren't in them). So here let's see if this one works out.
So how is it KR and the promo dept always manage to kill any joy we have when we get fed any kind of Buddie content (the follow-up to the Eddie getting shot, and the 5b and premier come to mind here)?? Seriously Buck and Eddie more or less went on a date and had family night together and almost immediately they came back with "look Buck and Eddie are going to go on dates!!". Its exhausting cause it seems like any time they put out a story that might even be slightly suggestive of them being more than platonic bros they insist on following it up with stories to "prove" they are, no matter how recycled those plots are.
And okay let's take a second here to ask WTF is KR doing with these characters? In 6b alone we've had Buck dying, a coma dream, PTSD, super powers, and now he's getting a crush, and we STILL haven't finished the accursed sperm donor storyline??!! Bobby and Athena investigated had the death of a beloved friend 🙄 plot, HenRen had the nonsensical Denny secretly seeing his Dad which was never an issue before plot, and Madney and Eddie are just kinda there?? The other characters have had at best one storyline where the audience has to either invent or rewrite the backstory for. But for Buck he's had like 50 plotlines, none of which have really gone anywhere? I love Buck but I'd rather have him have 1 good arc and resolution than whatever this bullshit is. I'd easily take that screentime and give it to any of the other characters if it meant we got 1 well thought out and executed storyline. Instead we're just recycling and redressing old plots for everyone else while KR uses a magnetic poetry set to plan what Buck's doing from episode to episode. We have 5 episodes left in the season, 4-5 guest characters that are going to be incorporated (including 2 much beloathed ones 🙄🙄🙄), and nothing really setup for our mains to do (even Eddie dating isn't setup, it literally hasn't come up after Ana and you'd think they could have in 6a while he was watching his son mature).
Anyway, I'll stop the rant here though there's definitely more I could say. I'll close off saying I hope you're feeling better today since this week looks like its been rough on you. Sending you virtual tea, soup, and hugs!!
Long week is RIGHT my friend! I'm so sorry you were foiled in your previous attempts! I am right there with you on the Buck LI stuff just...sucking a lot of the joy out of things for me. Because of course we're doing this again 🙄🙄🙄 I was even writing up notes on a possible fic and you KNOW I haven't written anything since Malex and even that was before s4 started. But alas. That sucks about the power going out! I hate when that happens especially if I was in the middle of something! (Also I am SO with you. I keep buying books and then just...not reading them because my brain says "it's not our blorbos so no.)
I am just...so tired at this point. Like yes these people *may* not stick around, but even so, I don't want to loose out on Buddie scenes and Buckley-Diaz family scenes! I don't want Buck to have 90% of his time and discussions with some new character I do not know or care about instead of Eddie and the firefam! They already tried to do that with BT and it was the woooooorst! I want Eddie to have screentime and arcs but again, I don't want the little time we DO get to be wasted on some random side character! And lets be honest, there is no person they can introduce at this point that can compare with the relationship Buck and Eddie have already built and the ways in which they are the perfect partners for what each other needs. So the options are to a) cut down on seeing that relationship so their new het ones don't look so shitty and lame in comparison, b) have these women be mostly just Blurry Girlfriends in the background with no personality or depth just to have the boys paired off so they don't have to do Buddie while still centering their relationship so people can't call them out for not committing to Buddie because their "friendship" looks basically the same, or c) give them LIs that are basically the other's personalities transplanted into a female body in order to have the relationship be anything close to what Buck and Eddie need in a life partner. These are all terrible options, and I hate them, more than I hate the idea of them ending up single even though it undercuts their own narrative set up for the characters but that's a cop-out too.
ANYWAY
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 to everything about Buck's 700 shitty arcs this season while everyone else is mostly twiddling their thumbs. KR is literally the worst at pacing and planning, and constructing a season with any kind of flow. On the bright side, Ravi is coming back and Chim is going to get to do something! I'm so excited! I was really hoping for more of him and Bobby teaming up last week because the little crumbs we got were GOLD.
I did have a very emotionally rollercoaster-y week and the show being Like This absolutely Did Not Help, but I am making it work. Mostly with loooots of fic. Cheers friend, lets see if we can make it through the finale intact, if Buddie dreams can make it through the finale intact, and if the SHOW can make it through the finale intact with how these renewal negotiations are going.
#my sweet nonnie friends#sleeping at last anon#911#911 spoilers#IDC how it turns out 5 episodes from now or next season this is literally a repeat of s2 AND s4#with eddie getting with someone and buck going back to trying to date right after#i am TIRED#i am OVER them running things in circles and going nowhere#and i am sick of kr ruining everything about the show with her incompetence and her obsession with cheap drama#GOD and the sperm donor thing is STILL fucking going!#didn't she say how “fun” it could be to see buck trying to date in the middle of all that?!#GOD if i think too hard about that storyline or the next few episodes i just get filled with rage#so i'm gonna go read some fic and calm down#but it is past time for her to go for REAL#get that woman AWAY from buck and his arcs and the whole damn show actually#brb gotta go scream into the woods for an hour
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#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time#all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it#but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even#more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done#lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it#and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too#like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they#get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am#i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die!#and feeling like im fucking suffocating#and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just#wanna god damn fucking dir#the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back#now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically#nothing compared to what i was supposed to do#its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to#do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for
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Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh
#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg#Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep#So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM#Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like .#If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it#Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there#Then u cant focus on sleeping .#And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad#But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :((((#I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm#Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like#Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like#I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut#im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior#Damn this is a vent post and a half#999
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whats the mayors address i need to go park in her living room
#WHESLKJTHASLKJGNJFSNGKSDFK DGMSD#THIS IS NOT NEW YORK CITY#ONE CANNOT GET WHERE ONE NEEDS TO GO WITHOUT A CAR#YET ONE CANNOT /PUT/ ONES FUCKING CAR ANYWHERE ONE GOES#NOT EVEN WHERE YOU LIVE IN YOUR OWN FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD EVEN WITH A GOD DAMN PERMIT YOU PAY FOR#;LDKFJGLKDFHGKJFDGK FUCJK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU PLANTE ;SLJFKLJDFHGJKF#sorry i need to rant SOMEWHER and my friends and family are sick of it#WELL SO AM I FRANKLY#SICK OF DRIVING AROUND AND AROUND FOR HOURS THEN WALKING HOME FROM 30 BLOCKS AWAY ANYWAY#and before you ask this is because every damn minute of every day someone puts up more no parking signs#or starts construction that they dont even bother continuing the very next day or starts filming a fukcking movie or they decide to dig up t#he street for FUNSIES CUZ THATS WHAT THEY DO AROUDN HERE#ok im tired of this too now
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who’s up making sound effects ☝️☝️☝️
#talkingcore#realizing that the little pshooo noise I make when moving an object from one place to another can in fact be heard and perceived by others#purely on the basis I don’t hear anyone else making sound effects… you’re telling me I’m supposed to just push elevator buttons in silence??#like when you’re looking for things you don’t do like a lil choochoo chugging a long situation? okay… 👁️👁️💥💥💥💥#hot girl walk backfired I am so sleepy fuck this group project I can’t do anything til other people put info in…. I want to sleep#they pushed it off an extra 50 minutes pls let’s just get it done so I can go to sleep peacefully at like idk 8:30 (this is unrealistic)#I can sense the stress and disappointment. so sad so sad#maybe I’ll wait to post so I can have as much of my woes in one place (I am so sleepy)#this is hell I forgot we had a floor meeting at 830. the dude whose work I’m waiting on is not done. I’m feeling like the Arthur dad#tip: I am so fucking mad though the mad is really just Tired it’s due at 9 am tomorrow I do not want to be thinking about this past 10pm#it’s 8:49 maybe it’ll be good soon Please I need Slumber though also there’s Clunking going around who’s clunking#919 literally no progress this is super hell. DUDE WHERE SRE YOU GOING WE ARE ALL WAITING ON YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHH#man…………….. this is twisted. and sick :((((#THEY FINALLY FREED ME 9:37 GOD DAMN… AND THEYRE STILL NOT DONE IM JUST NOT TRAPPED ON ZOOM#this is my attack on London for Realsies we already had an extension it should’ve been due this morning. ass cheeks up for Real for real for
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“omega build” boy i’m ‘boutta ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉
#; poo talk#im not normal abt this man i am slurping him up through a straw#GOD#his VOICE#idk how he sounds im cn or jp#but his ENGLISH VOICE IM FUCKING JMSMDNDNND#i finished sumeru’s quests a while ago but FUCK ME????#DAMN??????#im sick and tired of liking characters with an a-z crimes list
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I swear to God if you clear your throat ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME I'M GOING TO FUCKING RIP IT OUT HOLY SHIT
#GO HOME#YOU ARE SICK#I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS ALL DAY#FUCK#I literally want to rip my ears off#i need some noise canceling headphones#also#I am clearly just very overstimulated and tired#but this has been going on for 2 weeks#i feel like i am losing my mind in this god damn office
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