#but! the physicality of interacting with a book makes the experience so different for me - and for me it's something i prefer

[queenerdloser]

so i bought a record player and not to suddenly turn into this huge music snob or w/e the fuck but like. as much as i will die defending streaming music (bc there IS something to be said for having literally any music at your fingertips! digital downloads are valid! really fucking hate the way older millenials+ will complain about streaming like it destroyed music) like no one is wrong to say that there really is something different about physical music. like. turning records is different than streaming. putting a little cd in a cd player is different than streaming. something something the connection of physicality really does make the practice of interacting with art different. not better necessarily but different in a visceral way.

[handweavers]

something that comes up for me over and over is a deep frustration with academics who write about and study craft but have little hands-on experience with working with that craft, because it leads to them making mistakes in their analysis and even labelling of objects and techniques incorrectly. i see this from something as simple as textiles on display in museums being labelled with techniques that are very obviously wrong (claiming something is knit when it's clearly crochet, woven when that technique could only be done as embroidery applied to cloth off-loom) to articles and books written about the history of various aspects of textiles making considerable errors when trying to describe basic aspects of textile craft-knowledge (ex. a book i read recently that tried to say that dyeing cotton is far easier than dyeing wool because cotton takes colour more easily than wool, and used that as part of an argument as to why cotton became so prominent in the industrial revolution, which is so blatantly incorrect to any dyer that it seriously harms the argument being made even if the overall point is ultimately correct)

the thing is that craft is a language, an embodied knowledge that crosses the boundaries of spoken communication into a physical understanding. craft has theory, but it is not theoretical: there is a necessary physicality to our work, to our knowledge, that cannot be substituted. two artisans who share a craft share a language, even if that language is not verbal. when you understand how a material functions and behaves without deliberate thought, when the material knowledge becomes instinct, when your hands know these things just as well if not better than your conscious mind does, new avenues of communication are opened. an embodied knowledge of a craft is its own language that is able to be communicated across time, and one easily misunderstood by those without that fluency. an academic whose knowledge is entirely theoretical may look at a piece of metalwork from the 3rd century and struggle to understand the function or intent of it, but if you were to show the same piece to a living blacksmith they would likely be able to tell you with startling accuracy what their ancient colleague was trying to do.

a more elaborate example: when i was in residence at a dye studio on bali, the dyer who mentored me showed me a bowl of shimmering grey mud, and explained in bahasa that they harvest the mud several feet under the roots of certain species of mangroves. once the mud is cleaned and strained, it's mixed with bran water and left to ferment for weeks to months.  he noted that the mud cannot be used until the fermentation process has left a glittering sheen to its surface. when layered over a fermented dye containing the flowers from a tree, the cloth turns grey, and repeated dippings in the flower-liquid and mud vats deepen this colour until it's a warm black. 

he didn't explain why this works, and he did not have to. his methods are different from mine, but the same chemical processes are occurring. tannins always turn grey when they interact with iron and they don't react to other additives the same way, so tannins (polyphenols) and iron must be fundamental parts of this process. many types of earthen clay contain a type of bacteria that creates biogenic iron as a byproduct, and mixing bran water with this mud would give the bacteria sugars to feast upon, multiplying, and producing more of this biogenic iron. when the iron content is high enough that the mud shimmers, applying this fermented mixture to cloth soaked in tannins would cause the iron to react with the tannin and finally, miraculously: a deep, living grey-black cloth.

in my dye studio i have dissolved iron sulphide ii in boiling water and submerged cloth soaked in tannin extract in this iron water, and watched it emerge, chemically altered, now deep and living grey-black just like the cloth my mentor on bali dyed. when i watched him dip cloth in this brown bath of fermented flower-water, and then into the shimmering mud and witness the cloth emerge this same shade of grey, i understand exactly what he was doing and why. embodied craft knowledge is its own language, and if you're going to dedicate your life to writing about a craft it would be of great benefit to actually "speak" that language, or you're likely to make serious errors.

the arrogance is not that different from a historian or anthropologist who tries to study a culture or people without understanding their written or spoken tongue, and then makes mistakes in their analysis because they are fundamentally disconnected from the way the people they are talking about communicate. the voyeuristic academic desire to observe and analyse the world at a distance, without participating in it. how often academics will write about social movements, political theory and philosophy and never actually get involved in any of these movements while they're happening. my issue with the way they interact with craft is less serious than the others i mentioned, but one that constantly bothers me when coming into contact with the divide between "those who make a living writing about a subject" and "those who make a living doing that subject"

[samaahhsh]

IT GIRL GUIDES

What does it mean to be an IT girl? For me it's to have a balance between all the aspects of your life, to do everything you're interested in without burning yourself out and to be effortlessly elegant, calm and, composed. My idea of an IT girl is a person who's social, sporty, smart, with an artistic side to them, a person who has a sense of identity in who they are. How can one achieve all of these? Well that's exactly what I'll be explaining in this post!

1. MASTERING SOCIAL INTERACTIONS

One thing that I've noticed about all IT girls is that they're never afraid to go up to someone and strike up a conversation. They don't have that fear of being 'awkward' or being perceived as 'weird'. So, the next time you want to be friends with someone or get a conversation started, just do it. Compliment their outfit, talk about a book they're reading , talk about the weather or the traffic or whatever you want to talk about. Keep in mind that building your social skills also involves being a good listener so instead of making the conversation all about you, just take a moment to listen to the other person as well. It's crazy how many people miss out on so many great, life changing experiences they could have had just because they were afraid to make the first move.

2. FINDING YOUR SPORT

Engaging in a sport is great for your physical and mental health + it gets your body fit and strong. Step 1: Try out a bunch of different sports and choose one that fits you best. I recommend choosing one or two because more than that can lead to you struggling to balance it all but definitely go for it if you're confident that you'll be able to do it. Step 2: Practice, Practice, Practice. Be consistent in your sport and practice regularly. Take breaks when needed in order to avoid injury and most importantly, just go with the flow. Don't get so worked up about perfecting or mastering anything right now, remember, we're learning right now. Step 3: Once you get pretty good at it, enroll in competitions, tournaments, etc. as they can be a great way to assess what level you are at and what you can improve. Although you may face a few failures, it'll be fine as long as you take them as lessons and choose a better perspective.

3.EXCELING ACADEMICALLY

Listen, I'm not good at academics at all and I'm pretty average myself so the tips that I give doesn't necessarily have to work for everyone. The first and most crucial step in exceling in academics is to practice time management. Allocate different times for when you're gonna study each subject and work on each task. Next is to revise through whatever you learned to help you solidify information in long-term memory. Pay attention when the teacher is teaching and always, always, always clear you doubts in class instead of keeping it for later. Along with this, staying organized and finding a study group can further enhance your approach and offer a different perspective. It's also important to keep in mind that too much studying can cause burnouts and other undesired things so make sure you have a balanced lifestyle to avoid that.

4. CULTIVATING YOUR ARTISTIC SIDE

There's nothing more sophisticated than being a person who has a taste for and can also execute an art skill. Art can be of various forms, it could be form of dance, a musical instrument, a persons ability to capture something on a page through drawing or painting, etc. Developing and learning an art is not an easy feat and requires dedication and consistency. One needs to be willing to experiment with different types of Art to find one that suits them and once they do, tremendous practice is needed to become good at it. But let me tell you it's all worth it, knowing that you're good at something that you're interested in and working on it. It's also a proud feeling to tell someone that you practice an art. A few key things to keep in mind are to go at your own pace and just enjoy the process, rushing yourself could burn you out and I personally found it hard to go back from that phase.

I hope that these tips can help you become the person you want to be and the best version of yourself. If I need to clarify myself at any point, just let me know. <3

@samaahhsh

[extremely-judgemental]

(From the drafts)

Feyre as a mother scares me. She is in no position to be one at this stage in her life. But the narrative portrays her as Madonna because Feyre can’t be less than perfect in anything she does. I’m supposed to believe this without a doubt because she opens an art school for children in Velaris? Because her ‘evil’ sister herself claims it?

This isn’t a comprehensive list, nor there is a proper order to all this, but these are the most daunting reasons why I believe Feyre will be a terrible mother.

Feyre is emotionally stunted. She has never formed a bond with anyone on her own. She was estranged from her sisters and didn’t have friends among the humans. Her relationship with Isaac was transactional. In Spring, Tamlin, Lucien, Alis, Ianthe made the effort to be part of her life. In Night, the Inner Circle gave her a chance and accepted her because of her association with Rhysand. Even Ressina is the one who approached her. Feyre never instigates an interaction with the intention of befriending anyone. She is always the recipient of attention and admiration, and these relationships just ‘happen’ to her.

Now she is expected to bond with a child who can’t express his feelings. She will want to but she won’t know how. She will struggle because a child doesn’t understand titles or reputation, only care about his needs being met. Feyre will feel disconnected from him and that her efforts aren’t being reciprocated.

Feyre has zero patience even with adults. Handling a bunch of six year olds who are primed to obey and please the High Lady in an organised environment for a few hours is very different from caring for a child 24x7. It requires empathy and emotional resilience which Feyre severely lacks. The first few chapters in book 1 is a great example of how short she is with anyone who doesn’t accommodate her. She wants to be the centre of everyone’s world but now with a child involved, the dynamic will be flipped.

The alteration of a mother’s brain chemistry to put the child first will last only for so long as the base needs and insecurities of Feyre will take over. Earlier Rhysand prioritising the pregnancy over her autonomy might have felt romantic and well-wishing but the child was still a part of her, and now that they are two separate beings, the shift in attention will become prominent and Feyre will notice it. Everything will begin to feel like a competition with her own child.

Feyre never had a proper parental figure. None of them did. They don’t have any experience in nurturing a child and they all had terrible examples while growing up. Even if Feyre (or Rhysand) openly makes a mistake, she will still be lauded as a great parent trying her best. The baseline is not turning into their parents and physically abusing them like all of them suffered in some way, which is not a good enough standard. It’s only a starting point. And this is why Nesta feels Feyre is the perfect mother—because she isn’t their mother.

Feyre is known to defy all sorts of authority and can’t handle when someone steps out of line with her. Parenting itself is a form of authoritative role. Given her child is meant to be a piece of Rhysand for her to cherish for the rest of her life, Nyx won’t be allowed to be his own person unless he is an exact replica of his father. The only exception to this is if he imitates his mother. He was already given a role to play and a mould to fit in before he was even conceived. Whenever he deviates from this, he will be perceived as a disappointment. The more and often it happens, Feyre will become more and more controlling to ensure the legacy of Rhysand she envisioned is kept alive.

Moreover, Feyre sets silent expectations for everyone in her life. She doesn’t understand true affection and confuses it with external validation. Every time Nyx doesn’t accommodate her—as children don’t know how to—Feyre will consider it a lack of love and respect.

Understanding children is hard, especially toddlers. Combining her lack of patience and emotional intelligence, Feyre (and Rhysand) will abuse her daemati powers on Nyx, even unintentionally, to understand his needs and congratulate herself for being a caring mother. This will severely affect how Nyx approaches relationships. He will constantly feel misunderstood by others since they can’t read his mind. He will be lacking the verbal skills to express his emotions and the ability to be vulnerable with others. Even if he is encouraged from a young age and offered a space to open up, he will prefer the methods that require least effort. With both parents who are daemati and use their powers as a form of relationship tool, every relationship is at risk of feeling inadequate to him and he will demonise anyone who doesn’t magically understand him (like Feyre did with Tamlin). As a result, Nyx will struggle to break free and exist outside of his parents’ reach since they are the only ones to truly get him.

Feyre is a thrill seeker. Her sense of self-worth is intricately tied to her usefulness to others. Hunting for her family, wanting to secure the Wall in Spring even though she wasn’t capable, being Rhysand’s soldier. It also gives her an excuse to repress her emotions and ignore her problems until they go away. Soon she will be bored of motherhood and crave the thrill and escape she gets from running towards danger. If she isn’t allowed, she will resent Nyx for holding her back.

Feyre doesn’t have basic survival skills and based on the way she never credits her sisters for their contribution during the earlier years, she looks down on tasks which are considered ‘feminine’. But conveniently, she always had someone tending to her all her life—her sisters, Alis, now the wraiths. And she will be perpetuating these misogynistic ideals to her son. She will coddle him and encourage to pursue the more ‘useful’ skills such as archery, magic, fighting, and painting because of her own interest in the art.

Feyre constantly sexualises and objectifies herself for her partner which will leave a mark on how Nyx views sexuality, relationships, and gender dynamics. Not to mention the whole ‘playing whore for partner’ will impart in him misconstrued ideas on romantic and sexual conduct.

Feyre didn’t even have time to breathe after the trials and the war to even consider healing and she jumped right into motherhood when she doesn’t even understand herself properly. Nyx is stuck between a controlling and validation seeking mother who believes anyone who remotely disagrees with her doesn’t love her, and a paranoid predator of a father who believes he is the only one who’s got anything to lose. Two of the worst people in the worst state possible to raise a child, have one. And they are going to raise the biggest, worst man child to ever exist.

[thelastcetra]

One of the things I have issue with fandom is that they tend to kind of package aro/ace together and as someone who is in the ace spectrum and definitely not aromantic, I find it baffling that people who read the Murderbot books say so confidently that Murderbot is aromantic. To the point that if I (as someone who relates to it immensely) imply that I think it has romantic feelings, people are acting like I am invalidating its identity?

The books explicitly state that Murderbot is ace. It never explicitly states it as aro. You are free to read its romantic orientation as you wish. If it feels aro to you, yeah sure. But it's equally (and I think more) likely that it does have romantic feelings! Just because it doesn't like any kind of physical intimacy (non-sexual included), it doesn't mean that Murderbot is aromantic. Romantic intimacy can be more than physical. It's not the neat little categorization of "if you don't like sex you are ace and if you don't like cuddles you are aro".

I just feel like we don't have nearly enough alloromantic ace people in media and when people insist on Murderbot being aromantic, I feel like people are invalidating my identity based on strict definitions of what they think being aromantic is and then come to me and get angry at me as if I am being delusional or being acephobic somehow? I just feel so frustrated with that!

Also!

Spoilers for books under the cut

Marta Wells herself calls ART the love of Murderbot's life in one of her interviews! Also I think it is in love with Mensah too. Not the way it is with ART but in a different way. Because love can take many forms and it's something you share with people! I have never fallen in love with someone the way I fell in love with another person. Every person is unique and so the way that the puzzle pieces of you and them coming together will make a unique picture. In a book where there are many poly couples and constructs who have varying levels of sexual/romantic urges (so they aren't necessarily aroace by default), how is it that difficult to imagine a. multiple romantic relationships and b. non-physical romantic intimacy. I am just baffled.

Murderbot is just too new to everything to have names for stuff like that and it is not experiencing its emotions in a way that is recognizable from media and its interactions with people! And it doesn't like labeling stuff with human terms because it is not a human! It has its own unique feelings and experiences! I honestly relate to that so much because everyone try to dictate how I should feel too...

Again, if you are aroace and thinking Murderbot as one resonates with you, I respect that! But let me have my alloromantic ace bot too. Thank you.

[vilecemetery]

other people have worded it better then me, but inej's assertion about having kaz in the without armor scene was clearly not just about emotional vulnerability. it’s a powerful line in the books and a nice metaphor for emotional intimacy, (something inej deserves from kaz) but let's not shy away from the fact that she also made it clear she meant physical intimacy, as her words were "fully clothed, gloves on, head turned away so our lips can never touch" 

this nuance is important to consider, as it reflects the depth and complexity of her feelings at the time. it’s ironic that for people who apparently care so much about inej’s boundaries, the fandom rarely pays attention to what she says. inej has flaws and virtues, some affected by different experiences she's had, and that affects her choices. her words aren’t any less hurtful because of this. she got kaz in a vulnerable moment and said something cruel. later she reflects on this and admits she shouldn’t be holding kaz to standards she can’t meet herself, and she likely said that to him in the first place because she lashed out about something that’s personally a trigger for her and she’s vulnerable about. they both have a lot of issues surrounding physical intimacy. 

that’s one reason why kanej is such a good ship- one of the most healthy, beautiful and nuanced relationships ever between two children who have been through horrific things, exploited, abandoned, and put in danger every day, who have found safety and friendship and understanding in each other. they aren’t going to be speaking super politely and using sensitive, respectful, inoffensive woke therapy speak at every second because that’s not their situation or their relationship and their interactions are raw and real. sometimes they make mistakes (kaz calling inej an investment, inej saying kaz wouldn’t be able to have her if he couldn’t touch her, etc) but they recognise and admit when they do and work through that. the beauty of their friendship lies in their imperfections and their capacity to learn from each other. the bare honesty they share is a testament to their growth, even when it leads to moments of pain or misunderstanding.

to suggest that holding inej to a higher standard and not acknowledging that her words could be perceived as hurtful is akin to ignoring the very human aspects of her character. it’s essential to recognize that she is capable of making mistakes or risk turning her into a perfect fandomised queen incapable of fault. her character's journey is not about being infallible, but about growth, self-reflection, and the courage to confront and overcome her fears. strong and resilient, yet also capable of causing harm, even unintentionally. 

there’s a phenomenon in fandom spaces but particularly the grishaverse where fans have an opinion of something and then deem everyone else’s as bad or wrong, going so far as to make posts calling out other people for having different analysis. literary discussions should encourage an environment where different interpretations are welcomed and discussed respectfully, not minimised and devalued for a more popular fandom take that’s often incorrect when compared with the text of the book anyway. it’s okay for inej to make mistakes and learn from them, just as it's okay for readers to have varied interpretations of their interactions.

[n1ghteeea]

UNIVERSITY RGB HCS BC THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO SHARE THEM ‼️‼️

Disclaimer: this only contains Egon, Ray and Peter as they are the ones who were in uni together (sorry Winston and Janine). Also this is long and self indulgent as hell.

I am NOT taking up the responsibility to say at what exact ages they got into uni, but let’s say that during their first year Peter is 18, Ray is 17 and Egon is 19.

Now, Ray is doing electrical engineering, Peter is doing engineering in hopes that it relates to trains (spoilers: it doesn’t, but he doesn’t find out until after his second year), Egon.. well Egon actually isn’t a student, but rather an instructor. I got this idea from an uncited wiki trivia point, and just ran with it. Maybe he was in uni instead of school bc he’s just that smart, maybe something else, idc really. He’s a physics instructor who is the same age as most of his students.

Ray and Peter are roommates and while it takes some time, eventually they bond and become best friends. And when I say best friends, I mean it to an almost unhealthy extent. In my head, Peter was always alone. Absent family, constantly moving around the country, unconventional interests, autism - I don’t think he ever really had friends. In the show we see him TRYING to be a charmer, but most of the time people do not buy his act, and I think the same thing happened in uni. He wanted friends, desperately wanted to fit in, but never really managed to. So when suddenly his roommate turned out to be a great guy who genuinely liked his company he immediately grew almost unhealthily attached. We won’t blame him.

Ray, on the other hand is liked by many due to his kind and charming personality, but doesn’t have many close friends, again, due to his unconventional interests and hyper behaviour towards them (ADHD). He isn’t that bothered by it, though. Good for him.

Now Egon is taking his unique position very seriously. He is no doubt popular at the uni - people have to be curious about this super young, clearly genius and handsome (canon in the show, not my words!) guy who works as an instructor. However, he does not engage in personal conversations, doesn’t seek out human connection or fun activities. He is focused on studying, working, getting experience and progressing in the field. He has many older mentors, but no friends of his age and is perfectly fine with that.

——————————————————————

So, first semester, first year. Both Ray and Peter take Egon’s physics class (though in different sections). Ray and Egon do not interact in class whatsoever, Ray is simply a good student: he studies well and does all his assignments on time (or mostly on time). They have no reason to talk and so do not know each other personally.

Peter, on the other hand, hates physics, finds it extremely boring and useless and makes a loud statement of not studying for it. It upsets Egon, who doesn’t want such morale to spread around his class, so he invites Peter to after-class talks.

This attitude pisses Peter off immensely because the audacity of this guy to tell him what to do and what to study for?? And from that point on Peter makes it his life’s mission to piss Egon off at any chance possible. He doesn’t bully him or set him up in front of people, he just acts like a dick and shows his disrespect in any way he can. Egon doesn’t like him back. This goes on for a while.

Now, aside from classes and physics, Egon also does parapsychological research on the side, as at the end of the day, that is his main area of interest. One day, as he goes into a lab to work on some experiments, he meets Ray who, very expectedly so, is also doing parapsychological research since that is his biggest interest, too. They bond over it and become lab partners and eventually friends.

I also want to specify that a moment when their relationship transforms from formal to friendly is one silly heist of sneaking into the patron section of the uni’s library at night to borrow a book necessary for their work. Adrenaline and oxcytocin do their job well and they go from “Mr. Spengler” and “Mr. Stantz” to ��Egon” and “Ray” 🫶

⏩️ Fastforward to the second semester. Neither of the guys are taking Egon’s class anymore, but Ray and him are still working together and progressively becoming better pals by widening their conversation topics as well as hangout occasions. Peter still hates Egon’s guts, luckily they don’t have to meet too often. At least until one day.

That day electricity malfunctions in Egon’s room right when he needs to mark his students’ assignments. As usual, he does it late at night when the library is already closed. Ray, as a good friend, offers him a spot in his and Peter’s room to work which Egon accepts, becoming a horrible surprise to the latter. After spending about fifteen minutes trying to get a reaction out of Spengler with no visible result Peter notices just how exhausted the guy is and for the first time it really hits him that surprise!! Egon is human too. He even grows slightly worried, after all, he doesn’t want the dude to pass out in their living room. They don’t begin interacting more after that, but Peter as if slightly cuts back on the teasing. But he still calls him “Spengs” out of disrespect.

⏩️ Fastforward to the second year. Egon and Ray hang out more, forcing Peter and Egon to interact, and good news! They now tolerate each other. And yes, they do go to “Egon” and “Peter” though “Spengs” and “Mr. Venkman” are still present, mostly to show annoyance and displeasure.

At some point in the semester Ray makes a new close friend named Max and that fact makes Peter crash the fuck out. Ray is super excited about this new guy who also studies engineering, loves comic books and horror movies, is super smart and funny. They hang out a lot and study together and whenever Ray comes back to the room he just cannot shut up about how good of a time he had. And Peter (need I remind you, lonely and self-conscious Peter who was always left behind by everyone in his life, including his father) watches, listens, gritting his teeth, until he just can’t anymore. Did I mention he has an unhealthy obsession with Ray?

He goes through a full mental breakdown, and they talk about it and partially resolve the situation (though the one-sided Max beef in Peter’s head continues, it’s hilarious).

⏩️ Christmas break comes and Ray announces that he is going to be leaving to spend it with his family in Bronx, and only here do we see just to what degree both of these people really are dependent on him.

Peter crashes out, yes, again. He’s lonely, he’s bored, his plans are ruined and he has no idea how he is going to survive three weeks alone in the dorm.

Egon takes it more calmly, he’s Egon, after all. He doesn’t complain or act upset, but two things happen. First, his work slows down significantly, and second, with his support system being gone he falls back into the unhealthy habit of overworking himself to a point of total exhaustion (speaking from experience here, it’s really hard to stay consistent with your healthy habits and routines when the person who is usually there to help you with them isn’t around).

To not die of boredom and exhaustion, Peter and Egon organise hangouts, sometimes sitting in the library and trying to get work done, sometimes watching TV or getting lunch together. Their relationship improves significantly during that time, and Ray is very happy to see that upon arrival.

Not much to say from that point on. All three of them become best friends, Peter switches his concentration to psychology, they rent an apartment together and go on with their academic lives. If I had to somehow describe their relationship I’d say they are a qpr. Not in love whatsoever, but still very emotionally intimate, physically affectionate and are the most important people to each other.

Also they don’t know it yet, but the moment they met each other they met the rest of their lives 🫶

[the-six-that-thrive-if]

I've been reading through the first six chapters over and over, wanted to say how interesting and enjoyable it is! The variations are probably hellish to write, but it makes everything feel alive. Not just MC options, but the fact that the cast takes a long time to appear unlike usually in interactive fiction and the big possibility of poly options and exploration. I'm not sure if I'm correct but so far it seems that romance is not the usual flirting, but intimacy like in any friendship/close relationship. Very excited to see what horrors await the MC, but also the bonds they can build along that.

So far the whole cast feel like full fledged people, with complex pasts and emotions. The differences of plot dynamics with them and the MC is great. Dante and the bond, Warden and the father. It makes me as the reader much more motivated to learn about the characters and I'm excited to see all their arcs.

As for the MC variations I need to express how freeing it is to have options for both mental and physical disability, plus all the trans options! I talk about a lot how we should have more stories where the characters just happen to have disabilities and not have them be the main point. I play an MC that has autism and ocd, is deaf and has lost both an arm and leg and uses a crutch. It's amazing that the plot acknowledges those things while also not holding them back. Plus the way that the other characters interact with the disabilities is great, both with the main cast, side characters and antagonists.

I think it's also a fun dynamic with someone like Dante (who is full of scars and has gone through much physical injury) to bond with someone who also has many scars and has lost limbs. While we haven't yet met most of the cast I love Dante's character a lot and hope the MC and him will one day, if only for a moment, get to experience domestic happiness despite all of the pain.

There's one question that came to mind when it comes to the romance system so far: do you need to choose all the actively crushing options and sexual acts atm or can it be more slow burn for the MC?

This just means so much to me I'm low-key getting emotional but it was really important for me while writing for it the main character to simply exist with those traits and that be apart of who they are but not everything they are!

And I want ppl to know and feel like those and or having those traits makes you just as desirable as anyone else. Which is personally why I steered away from those traits being tied solely to trauma.

It is always nice to hear from people who chose those functions, because I was not 100% certain how proper show autism, adhd, ocd, and I'm always always doing research about it and making sure it doesn't come off as insensitive and or just this blatant stereotype of people who actually face those things.

Now to your question, you can have a slow burn romance. Choosing to have a crush on Dante doesn't change or limit your interactions with him later on, you definitely to more scenes, but if you want it to be a slow burn and decide later on you like you you can. You don't even have to confess anything within the first book.

This is goes for all the ROs, because you'll get many moments to decide if you like them, if you want to date them, and even reject them and end relationships.

You could go through the entirety of TSTT without having anything romantic, that won't stop certain characters from liking you romantically thou.

[catherine-clover]

The longest list of anti-endo sources I've ever seen

While trying to find something else using Tumblr's infamous search engine, I came across this absolute gem:

NINE SOURCES!!! That's a record!! This is incredible!

@radpocalypse, listen. I am about to tear these to shreds, but before I do, I want you to know that you have my respect for not only compiling the longest list of sources I have ever seen an anti-endo provide, and not only doing so seemingly not directly prompted, but typing out every single link by hand, on mobile, without making a single mistake. Incredible work.

And also, to be completely honest, if I had nine sources supporting a belief, I almost certainly wouldn't look into them this closely. But, hey, that's what strangers on the internet with opposing views are for.

One more thing before the debunk: Endogenic systems do not claim to have DID etc. without trauma. They just don't. Whether it could be possible is often debated as an edge case, usually just to win an argument against someone of the opposing side, but really, it's irrelevant for 99% of the community. A good chunk are questioning OSDD based on later trauma, but as far as I am aware, no one on this website is claiming a completely endogenic plural disorder.

However, I don't want to dismiss entire pages based on this alone without further commentary, and it's a fun intellectual exercise regardless. So, whenever I use green text, I'm just playing Devil's Advocate under the premise of "If I was claiming to have DID without trauma (which neither I nor anyone else afaik is), would this source actually debunk that claim?" My syster will also occasionally pop in with purple, since she was cocon while I was writing this.

My dad just walked into my room and literally said "hey how it's going". You know, like. Like that one post. Amazing.

Anyway, civility established. Now come along with me on this long long journey of ten minutes of reading. Maybe put some music on in the background, if that will help you get through it. I had Near's Theme on while writing.

Here we go.

Link 1: McLean Hospital

Ok, main thing that caught my eye was

According to a 2010 Psychiatric Times article, only 5% of people with DID exhibit obvious switching between identity “states.”

Very interesting! Even with all of the "idk who's fronting" memes, 5% is really not that high. Though maybe online spaces like these help train the ability to identify it? The reference trail leads back to a book by Kluft but I don't really feel like going through dozens of pages for this. Definitely making a note of this though; I wonder if there have been any follow-up studies on this.

Not much to say here other than that. No mention of plurality outside DID.

DID is associated with long-term exposure to trauma, often chronic traumatic experiences during early childhood.

Dissociation—or disconnection from one’s sense of self or environment—can be a response to trauma.

Dissociative identity disorder—a type of dissociative disorder—most often develops during early childhood in kids who are experiencing long-term trauma. This typically involves emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse; neglect; and highly unpredictable interactions with caregivers.

Why "associated", not "is caused by"? Why "can", not "is"? Why "most often", etc.?

Why such weak language?

Not that it couldn't be weaker.

I vaguely remember McLean getting into some hot water regarding a video they posted about DID, but didn't find anything concrete. Half-remembered anecdote aside, the author seems well-qualified.

C-tier debunk of this position. It's not nothing but it could be a lot better.

Link 2: Psych Central

It occurs in women 9 times more often than in men.

Very interesting statistic, but no citation provided.

Alters can show striking differences. For instance, one alter may speak with a different accent or have a softer way of speaking. They might have different opinions or a different gender identity, and even physical differences — like left- or right-handedness, or the need for a glasses prescription.

That's quite a stark difference here compared to the McLean article. What happened to "alters aren't that noticeable"?

But whatever, these are just interesting tidbits. None of this has anything to do with endogenic plurality. Nothing like "this is the only way to be multiple", no comment whatsoever.

DID is usually associated with adverse experiences in someone’s past and traumatic memories.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition with strong links to trauma, especially trauma in childhood.

Bruh. This again?

In fact, the American Psychiatric Association reports that 90% of people with DID have a history of childhood abuse and neglect, based on research from the United States, Canada, and Europe.

Bruh. Seriously? 90%? You know what that leaves, right?

According to your own source, 10% of DID systems are endogenic.

But let's break this down. There's a big difference between the system being endogenic, and the DID being endogenic. This statistic is specifically referring to childhood trauma.

The wording's plenty vague though. This can absolutely be read as completely endogenic DID.

One review article from 2017 about the causes of DID noted that there was relatively little research on the condition to date.

The authors said researchers hadn’t yet investigated potential genetic and epigenetic factors. With epigenetic factors, the experiences and behaviors of your parents and ancestors can influence the function of the genes they pass down to you.

The authors of the review said scientists needed to do more research to investigate whether a person with DID might carry genes that can influence if they develop the condition or not.

This is particularly promising because studies have already shown that genes can influence dissociative disorders in general.

So you're telling me DID might be able to be passed down one or two generations? Wow. Again, this still has nothing to do with endogenic plurality, but I'm really glad I decided to play with this second angle, because it's so much more fun. We're certainly not at intentional self-inflicted DID here, but we are at this point a long way from certainly needing childhood trauma in all cases.

And also the reviewer is a military psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. So uh. Not bringing our best here.

Link 3: Mayo Clinic

Gotta love an article that's nice and short. This is just a brief summary of a bunch of dissociative disorders. Again, nothing about endogenic plurality.

Starting to run out of things to say about this. This whole post could probably be a fifth the length if I didn't feel like playing on hard mode.

Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder involves "switching" to other identities. You may feel as if you have two or more people talking or living inside your head. You may feel like you're possessed by other identities.

Each identity may have a unique name, personal history and features. These identities sometimes include differences in voice, gender, mannerisms and even such physical qualities as the need for eyeglasses.

Hey, that reminds me of someone.

There also are differences in how familiar each identity is with the others. Dissociative identity disorder usually also includes bouts of amnesia and often includes times of confused wandering.

Again, McLean looking really odd with its declaration of DID's covertness against great detail like this. However, its author is so far the best qualified. This one just says "Mayo Clinic Staff". Can't even know which of them worked on this. Some of them are psychs, but if any of them specialize in dissociative disorders, it doesn't say so.

Dissociative disorders usually arise as a reaction to shocking, distressing or painful events and help push away difficult memories.

I won't bother quoting even more wishy-washy language because this post is already at an ungodly length (about 1300 words so far) and we're barely a third done. But yeah, suffice to say, no nail-in-the-coffin 100% link to trauma.

Link 4: Rethink

We are a trusted information creator and accredited by the Patient Information Forum (PIF).

Their bold, for once. That's an alarm-ringing corporate phrase if I've ever seen one. Also, first thing on the PIF's website is "balancing the risks and benefits of AI in the production of health information". So this article might've been written by GPT. Awesome. And yeah, a lot of this whole website looks to me like a bunch of interconnected pages with stupidly long articles written by stitching together LLM generations. Does pass GPT0's test though.

This one is so long. I'll take the ten minutes to read through every word, which I don't think @radpocalypse did, just to make sure there's nothing here, but one thing that does catch my eye scrolling down to near the bottom is that they misspelled their first citation.

A quick look at this Carolyn Spring shows a lot being sold and credentials nowhere in sight. Awesome.

So already I don't need to read this. The information here is not at a high level of trustworthiness. It's maybe better than nothing, but seriously, one can and should do better. But I'll read it anyway, just for bonus points. Thanks to AccelaReader for making this bearable.

Many people will experience dissociation at some point in their lives. Lots of different things can cause you to dissociate. For example, you might dissociate when you are very stressed, or after something traumatic has happened to you.

Some of the symptoms of dissociation include the following:

You may have clear multiple identities.

It‘s important to remember that you could have the symptoms of dissociation without a dissociative disorder.

So according to this, multiple identities can be caused by intense but non-traumatic stress, and might not necessarily be a disorder. So, while I admit this is a little bit of a stretch, we're four links in and this is the first mention of plurality in general, so I'll take it. One point for endogenic plurality. (And again, none of this really matters anyway because this is the worst source so far.)

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is sometimes called ‘Multiple Personality Disorder.

If you have DID you might seem to have 2 or more different identities, called ‘alternate identities.

Two missing closing quotes. Really not a good sign.

They suggest that DID is caused by experiencing severe trauma over a long time in childhood.

Aha! Finally, something concrete against endogenic DID! Too bad it's buried in the worst source yet. If we believed we had DID, we would absolutely not reconsider that based on a sketchy webpage with suboptimal syntax and no credentials.

Ugh, finally done with that one. What a slog.

Link 5: DID Research

Aha! The infamous psych student's blog! That's what Sophie said, anyway. Not taking her word for it though. Let's see what we can find here, independently.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is the result of repeated or long-term childhood trauma

Why wasn't this first? First sentence, so crystal clear. No two ways about this, transDID destroyed right out of the gate.

DID cannot form after ages 6-9 because individuals older than these ages have an integrated self identity and history.

Why wasn't this first? It's so plain, so refreshing after four pages of strategic ambiguity. Nothing left here for green. But still no mention of non-disordered plurality.

The author is impressively credentialed but doesn't seem to specialize quite near this area. She's certainly better than most, high above any random Tumblr user talking out of their ass, but the good stuff would be to get a DID specialist to explicitly spell out that endogenic systems are not possible.

Also should make note of this big fat legal disclaimer:

While the author strives to make information on this website as complete, reliable, and accurate as possible, the author makes no claims, promises, guarantees, or warranties about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the contents of this site and expressly disclaims liability for errors and omissions in the contents of this site.

If we did claim to have DID, this would rattle us a little but could ultimately be brushed aside.

Link 6: SANE

As usual, literally nothing about endogenic plurality. I'll just greenmode this.

The majority of people with DID have been through severe trauma in early childhood

And now back to our regularly scheduled nondefinitive language.

Fun fact: highlighting text on this website turns it invisible. Awesome.

A person needs to meet the following criteria to be diagnosed with DID:

- Two or more distinct identities or personality states, each with its own way of thinking and relating. - Amnesia and gaps in the recall of everyday events, personal information or traumatic events. - The experiences are not part of normal cultural or religious practice, or part of childhood imaginary play. For example, a child having an imaginary friend does not mean they have DID. - The symptoms are not because of substance abuse or other medical conditions.

Ah finally, a direct quote from the good ol' DSM. Notice the lack of a trauma requirement.

Funny enough, using only these criteria in isolation, we actually would count as having DID due to our grayout memory gaps when switching. DID is also listed in the dissociative disorders section of the DSM, not the trauma disorders section, so there is no implied criterion there either. However, there still remains the universal criterion of distress, which we do not fulfill. We are quite happy with ourselves.

DID is caused by severe childhood trauma, such as physical, verbal or sexual abuse.

Well, which is it?? Is it a majority association or a direct cause? Why the contradiction? Or is the emphasis on early childhood trauma?

Eh, whatever. Point is, green is once again shut down. But there is still no mention of endogenic plurality anywhere here!!

And no indication of who wrote this article, though the citation for direct cause is a dissociative disorder specialist. Does he actually say that in the cited paper, though?

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is multifactorial in its etiology. Whereas psychosocial etiologies of DID include developmental traumatization and sociocognitive sequelae, biological factors include trauma-generated neurobiological responses. Biologically derived traits and epigenetic mechanisms are also likely to be at play. At this point, no direct examination of genetics has occurred in DID. However, it is likely to exist, given the genetic link to dissociation in general and in relation to childhood adversity in particular.

I hope you have a dictionary on hand. That sure is a lot of big words that aren't in Firefox's built-in spellchecker. Still, after making sure I got everything, it's clearly not so cut and dry here. And we're back on the "it could be genetic" point.

Tangentially related: I do like the dismissal of the iatrogenic model on the basis of the brain scans.

Neurobiological differences have been demonstrated between dissociative identities within patients with DID and between patients with DID and controls. Given the current evidence, DID as a diagnostic entity cannot be explained as a phenomenon created by iatrogenic influences, suggestibility, malingering, or social role-taking. On the contrary, DID is an empirically robust chronic psychiatric disorder based on neurobiological, cognitive, and interpersonal non-integration as a response to unbearable stress.

Anyway, we're not even on the original page anymore, so I'll call it here. No mention of endogenic plurality, and the citation that claims to dismiss endogenic DID doesn't.

Link 7: NAMI Michigan

While the causes [of DID] are unknown

I'm tired. Aren't you tired?

Treatment for DID consists primarily of psychotherapy with hypnosis.

Yeah I'm calling BS on this one

And no citations on this entire page, nor even the author's name.

Statistics show that DID occurs in 0.01 to 1 percent of the general population.

Research has shown that the average age for the initial development of alters is 5.9 years old.

No sources listed. This is definitely the worst link. Literally on the same level as a rambling Tumblr user in terms of credibility.

Doesn't matter that it says

This disorder is believed to be triggered by physical or sexual abuse in childhood

Couldn't even get this dogshit source to be firm.

This one gets an F.

Link 8: The Psychology Practice

Got scared for a moment there that it said ai. No, that's AL, a name. Also this was written in 2022, so we're definitely safe. Can't actually find any other info on this AL character, but at least we can look up the co-author.

Hm, can't find anything on her, either. Well, at least this is a step up from the previous link. Let's see what it has to say.

According to the Dissociative Identity Research Organisation (2018), DID is formed in childhood due to repeated trauma in early childhood (before age 10) before the personality is fully integrated.

I do like that these later links are direct with this. They don't seem to have a citation for that DIRO, though. Unless...

No. Oh no.

Ok, so this one was written by a couple of clowns who definitely didn't do their homework. Cool. I'm getting tired of humoring awful sources like this, so moving on to the grand finale.

Link 9: NAMI

Wait, this is the same group behind the zero-citation article from Michigan! But that was just Michigan. Maybe the main site can do better.

Ugh, it's just another list of dissociative disorders instead of DID specifically.

The symptoms of a dissociative disorder usually first develop as a response to a traumatic event,

Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired?

Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.

Often? Wow. Sure is a far cry from 5%.

Dissociative disorders are managed through various therapies including: - Psychotherapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) - Medications such as antidepressants can treat symptoms of related conditions

No mention of hypnosis, allegedly the primary method of treatment?? (/sarc)

and there was no mention of plurality being exclusive to dissociative disorders

Oh, and no listed authors either.

So, after three thousand words of analysis, all we've come up with are nothing burgers, dogshit, and dogshit nothing burgers. Out of nine links, only one briefly and indirectly touched on endogenic plurality, and it was in favor. Even the argument against the traumaless DID strawman is weak at best. These sources are bad, to put it lightly.

@radpocalypse, if you're reading this, firstly, thank you for powering through your ADHD and dyslexia to read thousands of words dunking on your masterpiece. Secondly, if you have any more sources that you think are backing you, feel free to send them my way. Just uh, maybe read them more closely next time?

And that goes for everyone here. If you think you have a better source, or if I made a mistake or missed something here, I am open to correction. I am open to the idea that I'm wrong and I have some unknown trauma to work through, but I certainly won't go digging unless I have good reason to believe it's there, and I haven't seen any good reason. And if you haven't either, maybe it's time to reconsider your position.

One last thing before I go.

Have you ever actually seen a pro-endo carrd, let alone one cited in standalone? I haven't.

Here's a much longer list of much better sources than yours supporting endogenic plurality compiled by the traumagenic Guardians System. I don't expect you to read anywhere near the whole thing; just pick a few links at random. And yes, while many of them are peer-reviewed papers, some of them are Tumblr posts, but those Tumblr posts cite peer-reviewed papers, so it's all good.

Thanks for reading.

[turtlesystem]

🐢✩°｡ ⋆ About Us!

Overview . ✦

Hello, we are the Turtle System! We are a diagnosed autistic DID system based in the US, and our blog is meant to share our experiences in a safe space (and to foster one as well). Sometimes we mention age regression, our interests, and current events.

Overall, we are friendly (at least those who access this blog), though we might be shy to initiate conversations at first. Don’t be afraid to send a message!

Boundaries . ✦

We ask that anyone who interacts with this blog is respectful of our identities (queer, POC, etc).

All posts and our askbox are open to friendly interaction. DMs too!

We appreciate more serious questions about our system (symptoms, struggles, etc), but please make sure to word them respectfully (in that it’s easy to tell that it’s a question of good intent).

We benefit a lot from the use of tone indicators.

Some alters are more introverted/extroverted and slow/faster at responding than others.

Interests . ✦

Science, history/linguistics, art, and writing.

The Avengers (Marvel), Tolkien, Star Wars, and a handful of anime/manga.

Nintendo games, SDV, and Minecraft.

👥✩°｡ ⋆ Who's Online?

🐸 YJ

he/him

otherkin, shapeshifter

system host

has 3 primary fragments and 2 secondary fragments

menber of several subsystems

older teen

🧬 Bruce/Talha

“I’m slowly trying to improve my fear of talking to people. I usually am the one to reblog science-related posts.”

he/bun

radiation mutate, harekin

1/3 primary fragments of the system host

internal logic holder, anxiety holder, subsystem-level host

age slider

🧪 Bruce-8096/Raphaël

“My hair is so oily, you could heat it up and fry an egg on top. Don’t actually try this at home though.”

he/him

radiation mutate

subsystem-level co-host

adult

⚛️ Banner-616

“I guess I’m a baddie according to the others? I enjoy biostatistics and I’m a little behind when it comes to modern times.”

she/he/it

human

subsystem-level gatekeeper

adult

🌌 Luke

“Draw…picture…now…”

he/star

extraterrestrial humanoid solar entity

1/3 primary fragments of system host

hygiene compulsion holder, goal “keeper”

older teen

🍃 Maple/Legolas

he/leaf

Sindar and Nandor elf (can shapeshift into a deer)

1/3 primary fragments of the system host

attachment and “friend” holder

thousands of years old (elf origins), young adult

🦉 Patroclus

he/him

human

1/2 secondary fragments of the system host

young adult

💿 Cindy

he/she

human

physical caretaker

young adult

🐳 William

he/bun

nonspeaking

infant (little)

🚨 Arlo/Sasha

“…”

they/he/she/xe/it

protector, anger/trauma/nightmare holder

older teen

🍓 Elio

“I’m really cute, you should totally HMU. 😜 (Don’t actually do it, I’ll chicken out.)”

he/berry

substitute host

young adult

🏙️ Clark

“Hi?”

he/him

human “with deluxe features”

passive protector, substitute host, peacekeeper

young adult

🍮 Argyle

Androgynous librarian with an accent who always smells like old books.

they/he

19th century ghost

internal helper, former co-host, charge of the inner world library

adult

🐶 Logan

Number one stick collector.

he/him

beagle “not a puppy, a big dog” (is a puppy)

child (little)

🐻 Spencer

“Happy to be here! Or at least I try to be. Maybe not. 😊”

he/him

human

physical caretaker, retired protector

adult

🦀 June

“I really, really love carcinology, especially crabs. Everyone in the system likes different kinds of animals, but please remember me as the crab guy (/nf). My favorite crab changes daily! Please ask me about crabs.”

they/he

human

soother, retired co-host

young teen

🌺 Natasha

“Don’t mind me, I’m just here to look at other people.”

she/her

human

caretaker, observer

adult

🌸 Joanne

“Je parle français!”

she/her

human

young adult

💠 Tony

“My last name may or may not be Stark. I crave entertainment and always have a one-liner for everything. 😎”

he/him

human

caretaker

adult

👽 Mace

Typical edgy middle schooler…as an alien.

he/him

extraterrestrial (Martian)

child (middle)

👹 Matthew

“Lawyer in spirit.”

he/him

human

protector

young adult

[lycheedr3ams]

König Character Analysis (Part 1)

*image reposted with permission

Part 1: His Past | Part 2: König's MBTI

the first installment of a multi-part character analysis for our beloved König

to convince you guys i know what I'm talking about, just look through my blog at my könig posts. I am confident that I have grasped most parts of his personality and backstory, but I will acknowledge that some of it may be projecting. obviously we do not know much about him, which is the point of this series. i also relate a lot to him

discussion of my interpretation is welcome in the comments, and if you disagree, there's no need to be hateful. he is, at the end of the day, not real

TW: bullying, social anxiety, other mental health disorders

We have very little information on könig's life before the military. his bio includes one sentence, just one, about his past:

König suffered from severe social anxiety throughout his life, often being bullied during his childhood.

while this information alone isn't striking, when put into more context of other parts of his bio, it says:

While he hoped to join as a recon sniper, his physical size and his inability to stay still made him an unsuitable candidate.

focus on those words: his inability to stay still. this crucial bit of information, tied to the fact that he was often bullied, leads me to conclude that könig has ADHD. not being able to sit still is not a stereotype, it is a real fact of life for those with ADHD, me included. people with ADHD are bullied much more than neurotypicals (people without ADHD, autism, etc). while each source is different, it is estimated that children with ADHD are 4-10x more likely to be bullied.

it is no wonder why bullying would cause social anxiety, since most of könig's interactions with his peers were negative. as someone with social anxiety, it is horrible. not knowing what to say or how to act, you end up either completely misreading the social context or not saying anything. either way, you can never win.

additionally, children with ADHD receive up to 20,000 more negative messages from parents and peers in their childhood than neurotypical children. because of this, it is common for people with ADHD to also be extra sensitive to rejection, and it can be so strong in some that a new term has been coined called "rejection sensitive dysphoria." research on this issue has revealed that 99% of people with ADHD also have and experience rejection sensitive dysphoria. therefore, it makes sense to conclude that König also experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria (rsd)

an aside on rsd: this isn't just feeling hurt when you're rejected by a crush or feeling sheepish or embarrassed you're scolded at work or school. rsd episodes make you question your entire life, your personality, your worth, and for many can even lead to suicidal thoughts just from a small incident of rejection. it can also lead to the person having low self-esteem, and they are also more likely to perceive rejection even when it is not there. it is an intense and overwhelming experience that no one should have to go through, yet people with ADHD experience it often

so, we've established, based on the evidence i've provided, that König has ADHD, social anxiety, and experiences rsd. i would say that i can't even imagine what König's childhood was like, but sadly I can since i too have adhd and was bullied. being mean is never okay, and bullying is not cute or quirky or sassy. bullying is when someone kicks your books across the floor, steals and destroys your belongings, when they spread false rumors, make fun of you, laugh at you, when they give you mean faces when you ask questions in class, when your only friend is the other "weird" kid who also has ADHD. it's when your teachers constantly criticize you and you get in trouble for every little thing. it's when you just wanted a friend and everyone else knew how to socialize, but somehow, you didn't. being bullied while also having ADHD is an experience i wish on no one. yet könig went through this. just sit with that for a minute. the big scary military man we love was also a child once, and went through this.

sorry to depress you guys, but this is the reality of his character. i firmly believe that könig has ADHD and experiences rsd despite his untouchable and stoic demeanor, and you're not gonna change my mind.

so, that's the end of the first installment. keep your eyes out for more, cuz trust me, there's gonna be more. (also don't forget to sign up for my taglist if you want! link is on my masterpost)

taglist: @osteawb, @sleepystaarr, @vvampir3s, @simpxinnie, @majocookie, @sharkyyyyyyyyyyyy, @marysdelrey, @kybeth5, @chaos-on-stand-bi, @shannonswizzies, @arcadia509, @bloodstoneruby, @cumikering, @skystreamchan, @junkratssheila-09, @kit-williams, @tangerynsbaby, @dreamdiaries777, @royalbxstxrd, @non-satanic-panic, @theweirdchick, @kiyomisan, @maylif, @mortimoshi, @eneiss

[meadowindreams]

Yandere AU: Blake belladonna

How would she get close?

Though shy at time (mainly reversed) she would try to socialise, maybe at the library in the fiction section and she accidentally drops her book but realise jaune’s like the book too, then they would hang out, Blake like Jaune personality, however she has low self esteem and a bunch of trust issues something that they both bond over, however she sees Jaune, too trusting of other as him being too naive and thinks that he needs to be protected. She would trust her team and his team that they wouldn’t take advantage of him but she does not trust that, D-class celebrity, Pyrrha Nikos, her clothes are revealing too much and the only person who should expose themselves to jaune is her with her bellabooty. Due to Jaune's habits, they would start to have physical contact, and every time they hug, she is resisting the urge to tear off his cloth in public and publicly rape them in front of all of the world to show that he is hers, while cucking that red hair floozy.

“Protecting” Jaune?

Being a literal ninja, she would talk him everywhere he goes, gathering every bit of infomation she can, on him, his hobbies, family even medical history, and trust me this make has the fertility of a rabbit, this alone make her ovaries want to chug his baby natter into their eggs she probably hired someone to hack into his phone. hell he would even in the shower, and while he is sleeping, to protect him of course, and get rid of any rivals that are trying to hurt him or take him away from her, she doesn’t mind killing them if it’s for him. No one would supect her of doing such a thing, ebcuase is usaully seen as shy or timid.

Dating?

Jaune’s is basically himbo material and if she plays her cards right then he will be her perfect toy, together they’ll experience every kinks and sexual fantasies, pet play, dommy mommy and reverse gang bang are her favourite, but now its more like raping the cum out of her blonde himbo's cock with her tight cunt, and forcing her cervix to swallow his tip, aftercare and words of affirmation (for Jaune), then having him breed his inferior pussy as he spanks her, absuing her cunt as it "forced" to handle all of the cum he shots from the "fire hose" they may love the different genres and series however they’ll always be on the same page, taking interest in eachother’s genre. How ever before dating, sge would go into his bed and cuddle up to him with it him knowing and lace the bed with her scent so that he would be more comfortable with her and become addict to her.

Marriage and family?

I thin she would wants kids, this could either be a kink or a genuine thing she wants, thiugh the idea of impregnation is a definite turn on for her as it makes her pussy wet, she would love to have a lavish wedding and have a bunch of sex. She would probably lie to him and make up some fake tradition then blame it on cultural difference where he proposed to her so she has to accept and he can’t get divorced from her. Then say the idea of fucking no matter where or when, is common, of course none would complain, since they liked the show or were terrified of her.

Reactions?

Kali: (in my canon) she and mama arc are close friends who went to beacon together so they both would have known this was the sort of thing to happen, hell they even had a wedding when they were children on one of their play dates, Blake still thinks about to this day, even after a real wedding, she would be very happy as she knew that Arc has huge families and an Arc keeps their word. the idea of blonde grandkittens are really selling it to her.

Ghira: His first reaction like any father would be to be cold and steel his emotions, this is because after his last interaction with the first blonde she brought over (sun) then the second blonde (yang) and then the final blonde (Jaune) he hopes that this would be the last blonde she would bring into their house, ironically the children are all blondes damn arc' strong genetics

Adam (Blake's ex): furious would be an understatement, as he see this as the ultimate betrayal, his love with a lowly human, being as delusional as he is, he would automatically assume that Jaune took advantage of blake, due to how timid they were but what he didnt know was blake was standing right behind him as stabbed him in the heart (from the back, somehow), leaving him to die alone, while she take a dense blonde away.

Reject?

She is devastated, why? did she get caught? where did she slip up? if not when, because she'll break you using both her tight fertile cunt and mental tactics, maybe shell just keep Jaune by saying Jaune have committed a crime due to some fake offence Jaune have made, then she will keep him away, locked away in her own home, or on her own personal property. Then she will keep clones of herself on guard around the home, so when he tries to escape , they'll just hurt him, mainly they just rape him in broad daylight, and a few scratches, she doesnt mind being watched by others, she will break him to be truly hers.

[shastafirecracker]

I've been feeling some kinds of ways since I finished Jedi: Survivor so I'm going to ramble some thoughts that other people have probably already had, about something that blew my mind as an extraordinary example of medium-as-storytelling. big honkin spoilers for Je:Su below.

So, "turning to the Dark Side" in SW is usually going to be a plot beat in the two primary forms that SW media takes, right: visual (movies, TV) or written (all the books, but also in fanfic). In both cases, as the audience, you're largely going to have to take the author's explanation for how it feels, why a character is doing it, and what the motivations are behind it. Even in visual media you're more likely to be told than shown, since it's established as an extremely internal, feelings-based experience for the characters. Because it's not a process replicable in real life, storytelling explanations for the difference between how light and dark side Force usage feels is going to have to rely on metaphor, and on the audience's willingness to engage in pathos. Which, to be fair, audiences are famously great at! There's been mixed results in SW media, but it's perfectly possible to make turning to the dark side a very engaging story beat that feels emotionally real and justified.

Then, there's interactive media. I'm fascinated by the storytelling potential of narrative games because of the different way they demand that the audience engage with the story, right, the way that physiological input from the audience changes the connections that the brain makes to the input it's receiving. The way having to press a button to make the next action happen manipulates the lizard brain into believing itself the cause of the effect, even though the forebrain understands that the story is just as predetermined as a published novel, so the button push is really not very different from a page turn. It's a potent tool for manipulating the audience's emotions and engagement, very easy to fumble but pretty mindblowing when executed well.

There were definitely moments in Survivor when I was like "ok am I going to be allowed to actually play this game some day" when control kept being taken away from me in favor of cutscenes. But as the story went on and I got into it, I stopped minding the times when my thumbs were still, and barely noticed the transitions between "I am making this happen" and "I am watching this happen." That's good narrative game storytelling, for sure. But it still felt like a good story that happened to also be a good video game, not quite meshing the two in a meaningful way. Until Nova Garon.

A lot depends on how you play this, I'm sure, but in my case I pressed through the end of the game from the last Dagan fight to credits in one sitting. Because of how tired my hands were from the physical demand of the Darth Vader fight, and because I had been maining blaster stance for much of the game, I made a semi-conscious choice when I reached Nova Garon to use my saber as little as possible. I one-shotted a lot of unarmored officers from across rooms, having decided that Cal felt cold with rage and tightly coiled, so it would make sense for him to not even give these people the honor of being killed by a lightsaber. So I'll grant you that I was adding my own hot sauce to the delicious angst recipe the game had already made for me.

Then you get to Bode and have a really long cutscene that doubles down on the idea that Cal's anger is, at that moment, cold. He's tightly restrained. For several back and forths in the conversation he even still tries to be neutral in front of Kata.

So, for me at least, it REALLY fucking worked as a storytelling move when Cal explodes. Bode runs off, you chase, and the very first thing you're faced with is a room packed with a comical amount of enemies, the kind of melee scrum you've been trained by the mechanics for the whole game to approach with a whirlwind lightsaber freakout using either double-bladed or dual stance, ideally using Slow to buy some time. I had truly played into the game's hands like a fool here because I only had blaster and single stance as options at the time. So I'm looking around my screen in that split second, considering my stance and Force and slicing options, prepared for punishment, barely registering the notification scroll on the right side of the screen because a whole bunch of new databank entries get dumped by the Bode cutscene - the last one of which is, iirc, 'Kata Akuna.'

So Kata Akuna fades upward and is replaced by the same size white text, relatively small, suggesting a button press to you, like it's done a dozen or more times before to say stuff like 'press O to dash' or 'press R1 to tame the creature,' relatively benign things that are always very useful tools that you use over and over and over as soon as you gain them. Except it says 'press [button command you already know and have internalized as your most powerful Force tool with the longest cooldown, which you were just thinking about using] to have Cal embrace his darkness.'

And like, the phrasing is fascinating to me there. It's always fascinating to me how anyone talks about playing a video game, anyway, like "I just beat Ganon" or whatever instead of "Link just beat Ganon," because of course you feel ownership of the actions of the protagonist of a piece of interactive media in a way you rarely feel ownership of the actions of anyone in a book or movie. Previous button instructions in this same game have said 'press [blah] to do [thing]' without a given addressee, leaving the player to probably interpret that, unconsciously, as the unspoken 'you' that is typical in English grammar. 'You press O to dash.' 'You press R1 to tame the critter.' But - 'press [dah] to have Cal embrace his darkness' is so - unsettling and offputting, separating you, player, from Cal, protagonist - and it's occupying a VERY important space because the buttons its asking you to press are ones you already probably wanted to press, but instead of doing the thing you wanted it to do it's going to do some kind of new, horrible, unknown thing that is almost certainly going to be bad for Cal.

Then you press it, because you have to, and it's the best fucking shit that's ever happened to you, the player. It jumps your level by 10, instakills half the people in the room, makes you fast and powerful and nigh unbeatable. Depending on what difficulty you've been playing on, it may make a combat encounter that looked like a surefire several-deaths-in-a-row run into something as trivial as a roomful of bugs. It lasts an insanely long time. It's godmode. It's a broken mechanic. It makes your screen bleed. The unbridled glee that you, the player, probably feel while killing that room full of people is at stark odds with the circumstance you are in, storywise, because you are supposed to be feeling grief and rage and driving urgency to hunt and catch your fleeing enemy. But instead you have a moment in this room of, if you're like me, hooting and hollering while doing a big old war crime, just because it's suddenly easy and fun.

It took me a couple more 'embrace the darknesses' to realize that Cal only has one stance in that mode. Anything you've learned before is thrown away - earned skill ditched in favor of brute strength. And I didn't really care? Even though I did really enjoy how skilled I had gotten with my favored stances, because the combat in Survivor feels really good, and also I knew they'd be back after no more than 2 minutes in dark side mode. So even though I didn't get to do the moves I'd spent so long mastering, every 'embrace the darkness' was a little indulgence of having my cake and eating it too. It started to feel like an insta-win mechanic against any enemy of a low enough level, and a safety/turtling mechanic against slightly more difficult ones. I wanted to trigger it as soon as the cooldown ended even when I didn't need to, just for the fun. I felt safer having it available.

And all of that - as a mechanic - is the single most compelling depiction of the Dark Side that I've ever seen in a piece of SW media.

The way it shows up as an understated suggestion in your periphery. The way it cuts through every Gordian knot in front of you. How fun it feels, how unfair it feels, how safe it feels to have it on your side. As a game mechanic it places the audience in the position of actually feeling what before only metaphor could attempt to describe - the way turning to the dark side is all about letting go and letting loose. Being a nuclear reactor mid-meltdown. Laughing and button-mashing and going "oh no, oh shit, I shouldn't be doing this" but not stopping. And also, as the player, your mind is not clouded by any mysterious outside control - you're aware of what you're doing, you're aware you're making choices here, you could definitely stop using the mechanic after the first instance where the game has to put a finger on the scale for a moment to teach you the controls. And maybe you do make that choice, idk how you play. But you get through the massacre and at the end when Merrin asks Cal not to kill one last person, and Cal agrees, it doesn't feel cheap? It doesn't feel like Cal 'snapped out of' anything. It doesn't feel like there was anything for him to snap out of, because he, like you, has just been making these choices for room after room of enemies, and frankly no one's been around to ask him to stop before now. He still seems reasonable, and so a reasonable request by someone he cares about still reaches him.

The Dark Side isn't the grief, pain, suffering, anger, etc. It's the release from those. And this one moment of a game mechanic explains that so powerfully and succinctly, in a way that other mediums can't replicate. It's one of the the best uses of a medium in the service of the story since House of Leaves. It's still making me have to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling weeks later.

There's more to say about how the menu screen changes once Cal's embraced his darkness, altering his internal landscape in a way that doesn't change what you have access to but which can never be unseen. About how 'Slow' as a mechanic is gone forever, the most powerful Force ability Cal had just eradicated by an imposter version (a better version, the insidious inner voice wants to say). About the dramatic, overwhelming way the game chooses to command you to embrace your darkness next time, when the whole screen goes red and black. And the phrasing is different there, too, not 'have Cal embrace his darkness' but just 'embrace the darkness,' because this time you and Cal are not being treated as semantically separate entities. The first time, it's like maybe Cal wouldn't want to, so you, player, have to be the little Sithy whisper in his head that makes him do it. But the second time, Cal wants to do it so badly that his desire to embrace the darkness overpowers your, player's, agency to attempt to make any other choice. Even if you could have won that fight another way, Cal didn't want to win that fight any other way. He takes away your UI until you free him into his darkness, release him from his complex suffering into the simplicity of power.

It's just so fucking good, okay. It's such good storytelling, structurally. The way the player's choices and Cal's actions are on a surface level one-to-one correlated but actually form this intricate internal conversation. Using the most important thing a video game can be - fun - as a tool to describe a very dark place that anyone might go to internally, whether in a reality with space magic or not. But! Not by doing the thing that's been done before, the old "you [consumer] should feel bad because your act of consumption made the characters feel bad" fourth-wall-breaking meta thing that shames the reader for being entertained by others' pain (aka experiencing pathos, an extremely normal and not-shameful thing for humans to do). Survivor uses the audience's enjoyment of the medium against them narratively, in a gleeful and not-shaming way I don't think I've seen from media before, and I love it.

anyway I have no big conclusion here, I just am a writer who gets impressed when other writers do good writing. props to Respawn for making me writhe in my feels.

[lobotomy-lady]

How did you figure out you were autistic? I know this is gonna sound ignorant because I am ignorant but from my very limited interactions with those on the spectrum you act pretty differently. You are heavily sarcastic and seem to understand when someone is joking in your asks versus not even over text. Idk. I know there's like levels and stuff but you seem pretty socially aware and funnier than most so now I'm just like what makes you different from a neurotypical? I tried googling about autism and it seems a lot of high functioning people have like sensory issues and are picky eaters but like, is that it ? Just curious

I am not self dx so I never "figured it out", I was diagnosed aspergers (back when that was the dx for high functioning tism) when I was 6, my mom took me to a psychiatrist. at that time I was selectively mute-ppl at school thought I was incapable of speech bc between ages 4 to 9 didnt talk at all except at home to family. I had frequent meltdowns due to emotional regulation problems and also cuz of severe sensory issues (sound, the feel of clothing which led me to wear the same outfit every day for years, temperature). Even when I started talking a little more at school I was TERRIBLE socially. I was made fun of constantly & didn't get what i was doing wrong but they always thought I was weird & they thought it was funny that I didn't understand that I was being made fun of until they started laughing & even then i didnt get what i was doing wrong. It didnt help that i was 5'9 and 140 pounds by age 9 I was very aware I stood out a lot both physically & behaviorally

So yeah like most kids on the spectrum I was bullied relentlessly for the childhood years due to my social ineptitude and general awkwardness & it continued until I managed to group in w/ the other unpopular "weird" girls with bad social skills in junior high. Still friends with some of them. So i wasnt as much of a target then tho I was still gossiped about, ppl started a rumor that I never bathed due to my habit of wearing the same thing every day (I had multiple versions of that outfit but not as if they would know). Special interests were a huge thing too obv. I read probably 8 hrs a day mostly books related to space or when I was younger dolphins.

But anyways, bc of my experiences when I was younger I knew I had to learn to assimilate, or mask as I later learned it was called. I studied that shit like it was my PhD. I learned how to talk enough (but not too much!) I learned how to make eye contact (but not too much!!), learned how to be playful but not be rude, learned to run to a bathroom before having a meltdown in public, learned to buy different clothes out of similar material, to not be seen eating the same exact food every day for months. Learned how to not infodump about an interest unless I knew the person cared about it. I had learned most of this well enough by halfway through high school to stop being seen as a total freak, & by adulthood I was not only not BAD at socializing but actually GOOD at it, tho it still was (and is) exhausting & requires a lot of recovery time alone.

Anyways tldr basically my point is the person you perceive now was constructed out of necessity to avoid being a pariah forever which is what I knew would happen if I didnt change. I was an autistic kid & now I'm an adult who very easily passes as allistic. I've been doing it so long that most of it doesn't take much effort anymore. I've always been good at learning things. sarcasm and humor can be learned & I've been at this awhile needless to say

[trix-onyx]

Since Alien Stage has been out for a while and we don't have a canonical confirmation about Luka's illness, just some vague symptoms, I shall give my two cents on this.

My qualifications: years of hyoerfixating on different medical conditions and the human body in general as well as some of my own experiences

Luka Diagnosis

What is canonically established?

Firstly, it is confirmed in the Anakt Garden book that Luka suffers from migraines, asthma and a congenital heart disease. Said disease is not specified, so it is just a broad term for what could possibly be anything from a simple form of tachycardia to chronic heart failure.

Secondly, while not specified in words, it is clear that Luka has cyanosis, wich is more of the name of a symptom, rather than a disease. Cyanosis is the purple/blue coloring of extremities due to lack of oxygen in blood cells. The oxygen may exist within the cells, but if it’s not distributed properly, or the blood cells have an incapacity assimilating it, then the extremities get hyperpigmentated due to a “suffocation” of the tissue. Think of it like holding your breath for too long that you turn blue, the oxygen is there, but your body has no access/ not enough access to it.

My Theory(I’m 100% right in whatever I say because I say so)

1.Frototenporal Dementia (my first theory for BEFORE round 7)

WIEGE I HATE YOU, why are you proving me right????

So...let’s get into it

Frototemporal dementia is a disease of the brain, the frontal cortex shrinks (atrophy), which leads to significant behavioral changes in behaviour, such as lack of interest in social interactions, general apathy, inapropriate behaviour given the context, lack of judgement or inhibition, lack of empathy, COMPULSIVELY WANTING TO PUT THINGS IN YOUR MOUTH.

If the illness develops during critical developmental stages (3-7y.o./12-16y.o.), can lead to a “freezing” of development, leaving the adult with child-like behavioral patterns (some may only have speech and expressions, some might fully act like a child).

This illness often comes with other complications, the most common being heart diseases, respiratory diseases (mostly congenital) and increased chances of other organs failing partially or completely.

Fyi: yes, this is indeed the Nagito disease

Another reason as to why i’m pretty sure after Wiege that Luka has this illness is because it often comes with a frail, pale complexion.

2.Chronic heart failure

This is an illness caused by the inability of the heart to pump enough blood in the entire body , especially near the extremities, which could explain his cyanosis. This condition is fairly easy to keep under control with careful monitoring and medicine, but the symptoms can’t go away fully.

Luka is very like to suffer from this in addition to frontotemporal dementia because of the repeated attempts at creating the “superior pet”. Aliens most likely prioritized looks and skills over “durability”, but the owner is aware of how valuable Luka is in terms of genes, so he really puts in the effort to keep him alive for as long as possible

3.Chronic respiratory failure

The airways that carry oxigen to the body srink and make an even distribution of air difficult. Again, with careful monitoring, physical therapy and medicine, it can be controlled.

Because of his method of creation, a “smoothie" of congenital problems tends to create, and we see him wearing an air mask in the hospital and IV drips, red and white on both hands.

One could be to replentish his vitamins and nutrients via blood infusions and the others for exygen and hemoglobin via either intravenal iron (ayyyy twinssss) or blood transfusions (less likely due to it’s strict requirements and high risk of rejection of the blood cells once they enter the body).

4. Anemia and hemopfilic diseases

Because of his other conditions, his iron levels and hemoglobin are probably always at the dangerous lower limit, so of course that would mean either anemia, hemophilia or both.

Anemia is lack of iron in the blood cells, often times caused by a lack of enough nutrients (maybe because of the strict diets in Anakt Garden). It leads to a lack of oxygen in the blood wich leads to lack of hemoglobin which leads to lack of energy, lethargic behaviour, confusion, anxiety etc.

Hemophilia is the inability to form blood clots, which makes wounds harder or, in extreme cases, impossible to heal. It is usually congenital, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he also had this.

Now, why am I so insistent that he has something congenital? Because his confirmed illnesses are mostly congenital: asthma is congenital, congenital heart disease is also congenital and migraines can be cause by both of those things and in addition the stress of his environment and his loss of Hyuna.

Now onto the juicy part:

SURGERY!!!! (YIPEE I GET TO YAP ABOUT SURGERIES)

If he has a congenital heart disease then it means he was born with it. When a person is born with a heart disease the rest of the organs are affected because of abnormal oxygen flow in the blood vessels=> taking in consideration the placement of the surgery and the determining factors he probably had a liver transplant.

It is common for people with heart diseases to also have liver failure at some point in their life. The reason why the surgery is lower than expected is because of the heightened sensitivity of the lungs. If the lungs were to be damaged in any way during the surgery, his asthma would become unbearable, so he wouldn't be able to sing anymore. So the doctors probably took a more roundabout approach and chose to remove the intestines, take the liver out from below the lungs, place the new liver and then place the intestines back(this is way safer because intestines are resistant as fuck and they have “memory”, so they can arrange themselves right back as long as they’re still attached to the body).

The reason why it looks like the surgery had stiches removed might be because he was stapled. Either because he needed to be reopened for a checkup or another transplant because of rejection, or because the after the surgery was done it left a big strain on his body so he needed to be left in the ICU to recover for a while before getting closed up.

[maxdibert]

Do you think Severus could be a stepfather? Like, what if he fell in love with a woman who’s a single mother—do you think he would accept being a stepdad? Would he take on the role of a father with that child? Would he treat that child as his own? Would he introduce the child to others as his son?

I like to imagine Severus saying something like, “Ah, yes, this is my son,” and the child looks absolutely nothing like him.

Honestly, I find it hard to picture him as a father in general, because it’s pretty clear that Severus doesn’t like children at all. I think that’s something the books make fairly obvious, and it’s also clear he’s not exactly the best at handling them. At most, he shows some degree of sympathy towards Draco, but even then he’s hardly what you’d call affectionate.

And honestly, that doesn’t surprise me. People with deep psychological issues and unresolved trauma are often awkward or outright inept around kids, I say that from personal experience. That said, Severus is also very driven by his attachments, especially by what he associates with those attachments. For instance, I’ve always thought his fondness for Draco is tied to how the Malfoys treated him with a certain degree of respect, and especially Lucius, who had that sort of mentor-ish attitude and went around singing Snape’s praises. Just like he couldn’t stand Harry because of how much he reminded him of James.

So, from that perspective, I can see him growing fond of his partner’s child, not because he’s naturally good with kids, but because the child would be an extension of someone he truly cares about. I imagine at first he wouldn’t have a clue how to interact and would probably be super awkward and try to keep his distance, just out of sheer discomfort. Teaching is one thing; actual emotional involvement is a completely different beast.

And no, I don’t think he’d be very affectionate, even with a biological child, I don’t see him being physically demonstrative or openly warm. But I do think he’d show his affection in the form of acts of service, because that’s much more his language. Doing things quietly, being protective in his own severe way, remembering little details, those would be his forms of caring.

So yeah, if he genuinely loved his partner and she had a child, I do think he’d eventually make the effort, begrudgingly at first, maybe, but he’d do it. Because in his mind, the child would be part of her, and that would be reason enough.