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@achaotichuman !!! I HAD TO 😭

Nyxlin oneshot

Tamlin's knuckles whited on the tabletop from the effort of restraint. His heart was beating an erratic rhythm in his chest. A cool hand settled at the nape of his neck, lightly squeezing.  

Ignore my father, beloved. You know he says these things to upset you. 

The words echoed in his mind, ringing with the force of Nyx's irritation. Any Daemati present would surely hear the words as plainly as if they'd spoken them themselves. Even as his pale blue eyes held his gaze, Nyx's words continued to bounce around in Tamlin's mind, loud and bold.

Tamlin turned his head slightly, unable to stop the smile that tugged at his lips. He drew his mate's hand from his neck and lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the soft skin of Nyx's wrist.

I know. But I can't help wanting to jump across the table to wring his neck nonetheless.

Nyx's laughter rippled down the bond, and his neat, pointed fangs poked at his plush lower lip. He turned his hand, curling it over Tamlin's jaw and stroking lightly.

Well. Some things just can't be helped, can they? Please try to keep from killing my father, though. I would like him there.

A loud, dramatic, mental sigh. If I must, my love.

Someone cleared their throat from across the table.

Rhysand looked faintly ill.

"That's enough, Nyx. You've made your point," Feyre said coolly.

Nyx turned his gaze to his mother with a smile, "Of course, mother. I apologise." he pulled his hand back, settling it instead on Tamlin's thigh.

A muscle twitched in Feyre's eye as she tracked the movement from underneath the glass tabletop, but she continued after a long, suffering breath.

"Now. We have been unable to resolve this issue for quite some time now. I have called this meeting to talk things over, speak our perspectives and make our case, as it were. We're running out of time, as I'm sure you're aware, so I would like to resolve this issue today. Yes?"

"Yes, mother."

Tamlin curled his lip, but inclined his head, "Your point is well made, High Lady. But I'm afraid that I have argued my case one too many times. It is your High Lord who refuses to co-operate." 

"That was the purpose of this meeting," she looked over to her mate, smiling tightly, "Perhaps we can come to a compromise. Rhys?"

The High Lord of Night glowered, his eyes flicking from his son's stone cold expression, to Tamlin's petulant scowl. Feyre cleared her throat pointedly and a moment passed in a silent exchange. Rhys sighed at last.

"... I suppose it would not matter if the napkins were pale pink."

"Wonderful!" Feyre said brightly, quickly, not giving Rhys the chance to reconsider. Her pen scrawled across the paper in a blur.

"Now, the guest list. If we are to host the ceremony, we will need to cull some guests from your side, Tamlin."

Tamlin leaned forward, a frown deepening on his face, "The ceremony will be held in Spring."

Rhys slammed his hands on the table top, "Over my dead body!" he snarled.

"Gladly!" Tamlin responded, his chair toppling over as he surged upwards.

Nyx smothered his grin, leaning backwards in his chair as his mother rubbed her temple wearily. At this rate, the wedding would never happen, but he didn't mind. So long as his mate didn't kill his father and vice versa.

original big brained post here:

https://www.tumblr.com/achaotichuman/773277588914372608/oh-my-god-please-i-would-die-bonus-points-if?source=share

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I need a little perspective here. I'm trying to grasp how these words are generally understood by common people. Compassion, empathy, pity. I'll add context below so your current idea isn't tainted by my rambling.

Explain in the comments if you have different/complicated takes.

When I read a book/series, I tend to keep away from spoilers and socials until I’m done with it. All I knew was some names and canon ships like Feysand and Nessian, not even Feylin. And of course, Elriel, so this scene in FAS stood out to me even before I got to Azriel’s bonus chapter. Mind you, I wasn’t aware of Gwynriel at all.

I brought this up a long time ago and elriels hijacked it. So let’s try again.

During the dinner, Azriel looks at Elain with ‘pity and sorrow’ after Amren warns her that she can’t get her old body back. Later on he makes a joke which lightens Elain’s mood.

In a relationship—of any kind—throwing in pity makes it imbalanced. It shifts the dynamics instantly from one assuming a position of superiority and power.

Azriel has very low self-esteem. He has been through major trauma himself. He even downplays them because of his self-esteem. For him to pity someone, feel so high and mighty enough to do that is interesting. This is after we see him clinging to Elain after rescuing her from Hybern’s camp. So, clearly there is some sort of emotional attachment towards her.

We see these through Feyre’s eyes. Azriel’s reactions are so obvious for others to pick up on them. This isn’t their first meeting. Elain has been with them for over year. Azriel knows of their life in poverty, watches Elain thrown into the Cauldron and chained up in the camp. Despite the passage of time and knowing her to some extent, there is this emotional distance in how he views her pain.

Also, he has witnessed other women in similarly traumatising positions—Morrigan, Feyre, Nesta, Gwyneth. If anything, he has respect and appreciation for them.

His interactions with Gwyneth in SF are some very telling moments. Just because I’m bringing Gwyneth here doesn’t make this is a competition. I’m showing the starkness in his behaviour and attitude towards another woman who went through a deep trauma as well.

Azriel is seeing Gwyneth for the first since her rescue. He is neutral. He looks away to make the situation easy on her. He saved her. He saw her at her lowest. He is surrounded by women who all endured some sort of pain. There is no compassion, pity, whatever, when this is the perfect moment and these are the perfect people to receive it.

Then there is the look of ‘quiet admiration’ although it could argued after the bonus chapter that it was because he trained her in that particular skillset. Still.

On the other hand, this can be seen as writing choice for evocativeness but throughout the series, every character goes through trauma and the word is rarely used. When IC meet Feyre, they offer understanding for her pain and respect for overcoming them. IIRC the only character to pity Feyre is Amren after she returns from the Weaver’s (see, instant elevation of status). SJM doesn’t associate her FMCs with this word unless it’s them who are looking down on others.

Okay, I digressed so much. Pity is not on the same level of compassion and empathy. It introduces an element of detachment and condescension, although ‘pity and sorrow’ closes that gap a bit, it’s not as prominent as the other two which implies an understanding on the listener’s part. Basically they are synonyms but they all lie on a scale and where they do vary and mean a lot.

Pity is NOT a negative word but it denotes the character’s interiority differently than compassion/empathy. For me, it’s empathy > compassion > pity.

I’d like to know if this is my personal bias or this is a common interpretation of the word.

Edit: I forgot to mention that elriels said pity is equal to compassion and Azriel's reactions are perfectly fine.

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being an anti and writing fanfic feels like cheating. my bias is coming through and i can't make anyone neutral. i so badly want to kill someone off😭 but also i want to make them suffer, like go through nine circles of hell and then bring them back to life so i can kill them off again🙂

i am completely sane, i promise

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The human had not been ripped from her entirely.

Also the way Nesta (SJM) associates modesty to a human trait that she needs to shed eventually.

Who tf made up the rule that parading naked is empowerment?

tell me again why Nesta just had to wear such a revealing dress when the women of Hewn City could wear more modest clothes. why make her wear something so uncomfortable

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Researching psychology for writing is fun. Is this the character's psyche or a self-diagnosis?

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If I'm not your favourite mutual then what's even the point?

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Fandom mentality is strange.

We hear how Amarantha tortured Rhysand under the mountain, about his past and the loss of his family.

We hear how Keir brutalised Morrigan for her choices, how she was shunned and abandoned.

We hear about Cassian’s childhood, what was done to his mother, and how he struggled in the camps before Rhysand’s mother took him in.

We hear about Azriel’s captivity, how his half-brothers tortured him, how he was released into the camps only because of his powers, and how Cassian abused him before he offered help.

We see Tamlin falling in love with Feyre, sacrificing his people and court for her safety and sending her away, watching the woman he loves die, trying to protect her after her rebirth, begging her to not throw herself in danger, making a wrong choice in a moment of weakness. We see Tamlin apologising to Feyre without excuses, trying to do better by involving her in court matters and taking every one of her advice, and finally getting his court destroyed by the woman he gave up everything for.

We see Lucien accepting and growing fond of the mortal girl who killed his friend, willing to die for her when all Amarantha wanted was a name, risking punishment by helping Feyre after the task, be used as a bait in one of the tasks. We see Lucien fighting his friend and saviour and High Lord for the same mortal girl, get sexually assaulted by Feyre in her schemes, be only rescued in the last minute because Feyre hated Ianthe for hurting Rhysand. We see Lucien lose his only friend and home he ever had.

We see how traumatising the days of poverty were. We see Nesta and Elain kidnapped by the fae, thrown into the Cauldron and killed, be dragged into a war by Feyre and her friends, lose their home and lives.

We see Nesta being harassed by her sister to gain alliances in the war, forced to work for the fae, thrown into a battlefield because she has powers that they can exploit. We see Nesta watch her father die in front of her eyes, kill someone for the first time. We see Nesta being preyed upon by a fae/man in her room when she didn’t want to be touched, stalked when she asked to be left alone, locked in a tower with the same man because she was self-sabotaging, forced to train, work and live a life she didn’t want. We see Nesta be coerced by Cassian right after she was sexually assaulted by an ancient creature, almost dying too many times under the Inner Circle’s ‘care’.

Not that the Inner Circle and Feyre don’t deserve the sympathy for their past, they do. But there is a huge disconnect in how trauma is viewed and treated by the fandom. Despite watching it all play out on the pages, the others are said to ‘deserve’ the abuse and mistreatment. If there is more than what meets the eye or in some ways these characters warrant this, shouldn’t the Inner Circle be held to that standard given we only witness how poorly they treat others outside of their little club and betray everyone around them? All we witness is how horrible the Inner Circle is and never once their real plight. Still they get the most empathy and validation.

Like I said, fandom mentality is strange.

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I've been working on a personal project for over a year and I got positive news about it this week. I attempted at "poetry" for the first time in my life and people said it was good. And the fic I've been working on just made into someone's rec list. This is the best week of my life!!

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how tf do I turn off the community posts from my feed? since i live in the anti acotar, posts from any and every reading community that even remotely mentions acotar is taking over. AND NOT ONE FROM ANTI. i filter out the pro- tags and the characters as a bunch to get away from this 'rhysand treats feyre as his equal and tamlin as his possession' 'cassian has depth' nonsense only for tumblr to harass me to promote its shiny new toy..??

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This is one of the exercises for poetry lesson I took. I have to take a prose and introduce breaks and rhythms into it.

These are parameters I set for this: Prose should be retained as close to the source as possible. I can’t replace words. Changes are allowed as in tenses, forms, or placements for stylistic purpose.

Got no poetic bone in me, so let’s see how this goes

THE WRITING IS NOT MINE. THE PREMISE IS NOT MINE.

Original Prose: Tamlin/Lucien Vanserra by @achaotichuman

Well, I can't make it easier for you as I live to torment you @achaotichuman. Since you tempted me into this, it’s only fair I butcher learn with your works. Before you decide to sacrifice me to the greek gods again, remember you didn’t say I have to write a song all by myself, so it’s truly your fault. And you should be doubly excited about this: 1. This is a Tamcien poem, or song, or whatever this is. 2. Your writing is turned into poetry. Your fics are convenient to work with really—this is a COMPLIMENT.

I felt the first version was pretty decent but then I thought it didn’t paint the picture quite well, and now I just went and messed it up. We’re going for Tamlin’s POV but I think I fucked it up too. But I think it has some structure and a rhythm to it, if I dare say so myself. Anyway, I will shut up now.

One night, Tamlin found Lucien A book in his hands clenched tight, his knuckles near white His new eye whirring, clicking as he scanned the words A moment passed Lucien fell limp, his palm muffling a scream, tears running from his good eye It was quite late The only light from the crackling fire casting an amber glow over his skin; his red hair like fire incarnate Tamlin felt a strong of a heart pull “What are you doing?” Lucien struggled for the first time in his life to come up with a lie He simply shrugged His scars raw and red But every now and again, some parts still bled Tamlin didn’t miss the way his friend’s eyes would dull, the way he would become downcast He knew Lucien and Lucien was not acting like Lucien He needed to fix it as Lucien’s friend would Tamlin sat beside his friend; pressing himself gently against him “I would quite like to read this,” said he, “and you’re going to listen.” Lucien blinked, surprise contorting his features Tamlin had read the book before; curious as to what his friend found so enthralling Still, he read it as though it were the first time Night came and went Dawn peeked on the horizon With Lucien resting his head in his lap, his eyes closed, his scars on display, a smile on his face, the story was over all too soon Lucien loved to read Tamlin didn’t nearly as much But for Lucien, Tamlin would

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The curse of being a loud, opinionated woman is that everyone assumes you shouldn't be subjected to kindness.

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OMG why am I fixating on this chapter?!!

Another thing I completely missed is Elain. In most conversations, she often interferes from asking Feyre how long it would take to ready the meat to bringing up the need for new cloak to Tomas's interest in Nesta.

But she goes completely mute whenever the delegation of chores happens. Feyre instantly looks to Papa for bringing the knives out and prepping the meat. She questions Nesta about the logs and orders her to wake up in the morning and get it done. She requests for hot water for her bath to Nesta. No one ever asks Elain anything. And someone who had no trouble interrupting conversations and be heard, Elain never offers any sort of help once. It's not entirely true that she is invisible. Every time she speaks, she gets the attention.

I was going through the first few chapters of ACOTAR for research and you know what SJM deserves some credit.

Even before Nesta does anything or acts like a bad sister, Feyre reiterates over and over again that Nesta is the worst person to ever exist. By the time the squabble at the dinner table rolls in, even though it is Feyre who starts the hostility, Nesta is the one seen as the screaming, tantrum-throwing, cruel woman.

This scene is fucking gold.

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I am not hating on Feyre here. Her reactions are quite common and reasonable for a child who’s been let down by her family and the world. I am hating on SJM’s writing and how easily she slotted each of the characters into a mould which still influences the readers’ perception till date.

It wasn’t that Elain was cruel. She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face. Elain sometimes just … didn’t grasp things. It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty. I’d never been able to decide whether she actually didn’t understand that we were truly poor or if she just refused to accept it. It still hadn’t stopped me from buying her seeds for the flower garden she tended in the milder months, whenever I could afford it.

Elain is the first one to receive Feyre and her attention is on the doe and not her sister. Even in her frustration, Feyre is caring towards Elain and this is how Nesta is introduced while Feyre’s interaction is limited to the other sister.

And it hadn’t stopped her from buying me three small tins of paint—red, yellow, and blue—during that same summer I’d had enough to buy the ash arrow. It was the only gift she’d ever given me, and our house still bore the marks of it,. . .

And immediately followed by this. Tell me this doesn’t sound like someone is manipulating someone.

“Feyre.” My father’s deep rumble came from the fire. His dark beard was neatly trimmed, his face spotless—like my sisters’. “What luck you had today—in bringing us such a feast. From beside my father, Nesta snorted. Not surprising. Any bit of praise for anyone—me, Elain, other villagers—usually resulted in her dismissal. And any word from our father usually resulted in her ridicule as well.

The next one to speak up is Papa Archeron. Nesta’s snorting could be directed at him since their history, but Feyre wouldn’t know at this point. It’s not her fault. BUT WAIT

I straightened, almost too tired to stand, but braced a hand on the table beside the doe as I shot Nesta a glare. Of us, Nesta had taken the loss of our fortune the hardest.

It’s Nesta who is at the receiving end of Feyre’s exhaustion and emotional displeasure.

Five years ago, when the money was well and truly gone, when my father still couldn’t—wouldn’t—move much about, he hadn’t argued when I announced that I was going hunting. He hadn’t bothered to attempt to stand from his seat by the fire, hadn’t bothered to look up from his wood carving. He just let me walk into those deadly, eerie woods that even the most seasoned hunters were wary of. He’d become a little more aware now—sometimes offered signs of gratitude, sometimes hobbled all the way into town to sell his carvings—but not much.

Feyre recounts the moment she took up hunting and her memory is about her father not stopping her. Then Elain interrupts her thoughts.

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said at last with a sigh, at the same moment Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.” I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s still-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together only by fraying laces. “But I’m freezing with my raggedy old cloak,” Elain pleaded. “I’ll shiver to death.” She fixed her wide eyes on me and said, “Please, Feyre.” She drew out the two syllables of my name—fay-ruh—into the most hideous whine I’d ever endured, and Nesta loudly clicked her tongue before ordering her to shut up.

Feyre instantly scrutinises Nesta’s boots to see if they need replacement but its not imitated with Elain’s demands. Also, Elain’s actions get to her rather than Nesta’s words.

His eyes turned damp. “Feyre … the risk …” I jerked my chin at the pelt, unable to keep the snap from my voice as I said, “I had no other choice.” What I really wanted to say was: You don’t even bother to attempt to leave the house most days. Were it not for me, we would starve. Were it not for me, we’d be dead. …to see Nesta crinkle her nose with a sniff. She picked at my cloak. “You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?” I didn’t let the sting and ache show.

Feyre is directly blaming Papa Archeron for hunting. And this is the first time Nesta is truly mean to Feyre, or her words/actions directly affect Feyre, although it borders on sibling talk. Then the discussion about wood chopping happens.

Had she lived long enough to see our wealth crumble, she would have been shattered by it—more so than my father. Perhaps it was a merciful thing that she died. If anything, it left more food for us.

This is Feyre thinking about her mother.

As usual, Nesta was complaining about the villagers—they had no manners, they had no social graces, they had no idea just how shoddy the fabric of their clothes was, even though they pretended that it was as fine as silk or chiffon. Since we had lost our fortune, their former friends dutifully ignored them, so my sisters paraded about as though the young peasants of the town made up a second-rate social circle.

There is no winning with Feyre, man. She hates her sisters for looking down on the townspeople but also ridicules their efforts at new friendships.

This was so interesting I almost forgot about this part. Nesta is conversing with Elain and Feyre interrupts.

“He wants to marry her,” Elain said dreamily. I blinked. . . . I sometimes wondered if her unrelenting steel would have helped us better survive—thrive, even—if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with our lost status. “Is there a problem, Feyre?” She flung my name like an insult, and my jaw ached from clenching it so hard.

It’s interesting because in Feyre’s every thought, she is insulting Nesta and it often shows in her body language too. Yet when Nesta confronts or defends herself, Feyre is offended.

I said, “You can’t chop wood for us, but you want to marry a woodcutter’s son?” Nesta squared her shoulders. “I thought all you wanted was for us to get out of the house—to marry off me and Elain so you can have enough time to paint your glorious masterpieces.” She sneered at. . . “Believe me,” I said to her, “the day you want to marry someone worthy, I’ll march up to his house and hand you over. But you’re not going to marry Tomas.” Nesta’s nostrils delicately flared. “There’s nothing you can do. Clare Beddor told me this afternoon that Tomas is going to propose to me any day now. And then I’ll never have to eat these scraps again.” She added with a small smile, “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.”

This is how Feyre chooses to break the topic of Tomas's character — by criticising Nesta. Is Nesta unworthy of marriage or is Tomas a bad choice? Considering Feyre thinks so lowly of Nesta and holds such resentment towards her, what kind of man does she think is worthy of Nesta?

SJM literally threw things around and never addressed them again. Oh, it is the second time Nesta is on the offence.

I laid my palms flat on the table as I stared her down. Elain removed her hand from where it lay nearby, as if the dirt and blood beneath my fingernails would somehow jump onto her porcelain skin.

This is about the woman whose entire personality is gardening.

I said, trying to keep from growling. “You’d be just another mouth to feed. If he doesn’t know this, then his parents must.” “We can’t afford a dowry,” I continued, and though my tone was firm, my voice quieted. “For either of you.” If Nesta wanted to leave, then fine. Good. I’d be one step closer to attaining that glorious, peaceful future, to attaining a quiet house and enough food and time to paint. But we had nothing—absolutely nothing—to entice any suitor to take my sisters off my hands.

So again, who is worthy for Nesta—the sister Feyre hates for still acting like they are part of high society, the one she wants to rid of as soon as possible? They can’t afford dowry too. So where is Feyre going with this? She’s all over the place.

I almost laughed—when had they gone from mooning over aristos to making doe-eyes at peasants? “You’re just jealous. I heard them saying how Isaac is going to marry some Greenfield village girl for a handsome dowry.” So had I; Isaac had ranted about it the last time we’d met. “Jealous?” I said slowly, digging down deep to bury my fury. “We have nothing to offer them—no dowry; no livestock, even. While Tomas might want to marry you … you’re a burden.”

Isaac ‘ranted’ as in boasting about it or trying to gauge Feyre’s feelings here..?

“You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” She stormed off, Elain darting after her, cooing her sympathy.

Then Nesta lashes out which is often quoted to prove her cruelty towards her sister. All while Feyre has been villainising everyone in her life from the start. It’s mentioned Nesta has said those words before but we don’t know the context or when. But it’s quite clear Nesta either ignores Feyre or only attacks when provoked.

Elain’s and Papa’s choice of words affect her more than Nesta. She never directs that anger at them but she lets it simmer, suppresses them until she takes it out on Nesta.

I'm telling you the hatred for Nesta and coddling of Elain based on the first few chapters is insane.

I was going through the first few chapters of ACOTAR for research and you know what SJM deserves some credit.

Even before Nesta does anything or acts like a bad sister, Feyre reiterates over and over again that Nesta is the worst person to ever exist. By the time the squabble at the dinner table rolls in, even though it is Feyre who starts the hostility, Nesta is the one seen as the screaming, tantrum-throwing, cruel woman.

This scene is fucking gold.

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I was going through the first few chapters of ACOTAR for research and you know what SJM deserves some credit.

Even before Nesta does anything or acts like a bad sister, Feyre reiterates over and over again that Nesta is the worst person to ever exist. By the time the squabble at the dinner table rolls in, even though it is Feyre who starts the hostility, Nesta is the one seen as the screaming, tantrum-throwing, cruel woman.

This scene is fucking gold.

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Don't just follow me out of the blue. Send me a long ass why. Blogs that never interacted with my posts before just click follow and then disappear.

Come back. Who do you hate? Who do you like? Who are you hiding from?

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YES YOU GET IT ! ! !

Man, I feel so dumb. Eris sending his baby brother to beast land when peaceful Summer and Winter exist? Tamlin adopting the runt no questions asked or conditions whatsoever? Tamlin killing his brothers making an enemy out of Autumn only to protect one little homeless baby? Tamlin and Eris definitely fucked at some point. Like, literally no other reason to do all this.

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Sometimes you go, I'm gonna choose pretty today, and you want to give people grace but then they keep talking and your mind goes, they are fucking stupid🙂

I hate this fandom so much but also it clarified things. Like, stupid is not an insult. It's just fact. It's just an adjective.