the thing that gets me about the "must read 100 books a year Or Else" thing is that you just.... don't see it with any other hobby?
no one (as far as I know) is telling knitters "you have to knit 100 projects in a year, it doesn't matter if they turn out holey or misshapen or ugly, it matters that you made so many of them!" pretty sure no one is telling gamers "you have to play 100 games a year, doesn't matter if you really enjoy them or explore the worlds, what's important is that you finish them!"
So...why, and I say this as someone who's a fairly fast reader and has read a lot this year, are (terminally online) readers so obsessed with numbers? Is it because more books = more intelligent? Is it just Number Go Up mentality? I understand the thrill of wanting to beat your past self and read more books than the year before or whatever, but why do you expect to hold others to your standards??
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Like, honestly, I think y’all would benefit a LOT from the Grocery Store Test when it comes to talking to other people on this webbed site.
It’s super easy and it makes life better for everyone. Here’s the test;
If you were in line at the grocery store, and two total strangers were having the conversation you’re thinking of butting into in the queue ahead of you… would you speak up?
Sometimes the answer is absolutely yes; you’d probably call someone out if they say something bigoted. You might chime in if you agree and have additional insight to add. These things you’d do without really hesitating. They’re fine to do online.
Sometimes the answer is absolutely no; if you agree but don’t have points to add, maybe you just nod and smile and go “Yeah, exactly!” to yourself, the equivalent of a Like or a quiet Reblog with maybe a few positive tags in it. Maybe you have no idea what they’re talking about so you shrug and go “Eh, not interested” and move on to looking at the candy rack.
And sometimes… sometimes the answer isn’t clear cut. And those are the times where you gotta use your brains, my good bitches.
If you have a respectful disagreement, is it your place to chime in? Can you accept the consequences that might come with that (people maybe being rude to you when you stuck your head into a place that you weren’t really invited to, for instance.) Is it worth risking them to make your voice heard, here? That’s on a case-by-case basis.
And, perhaps most importantly… IS IT AN IMPORTANT ENOUGH DISAGREEMENT TO ACTUALLY TAKE SOMEONE TO TASK FOR???
Would you tell that grandma in line ahead of you that Character McCharacterface sucks, he sucks shit, and you should be ASHAMED that he’s your favorite character in Showy McShowface? Would you tell an excitable preteen buying some Skittles for a movie night with her friends you hate her ship and you don’t want to hear about it here in a public place that’s as much hers as yours?
Or would you wait until they leave and then make a snarky, quiet aside to your friend? Or wander off to another part of the equally shared public store and go “GOD I hate Character McCharacterface,” to let it out?
Basically, if the answer to your question is “I wouldn’t say this to a person’s face/treat them like this in the flesh”…
…why are you doing it on the Internet? We’re all (mostly, I love you Haikubot) people here, just separated by each other by screens and electrons. We’ve all got inner lives, complexities, and things that light us up, but which other people might find blinding. Take a minute to consider how you want to ask your neighbor to turn their lights down. To think before you hit Send. It’s hard. I fucking KNOW it’s hard. I have been learning and relearning it for 32 years now, and the emotions want you to bite like a shrieking fuckweasel half of the time.
But we gotta treat each other better, and we gotta put in a little thought and care and effort. We can’t just fly off the handle whenever we feel like it and expect the universe to shrug it off; we’re not the only ones experiencing it. We can’t let ourselves get addicted to the cheap dopamine hit of holding ourselves as morally superior to people for any and all minor reasons that come to mind; you gotta accept the fact that sometimes people just do things, no judgement or morals or reasoning attached, just human beings doing the being part, and that it’s ok.
Newton’s Third Law applies to human conversations, too; for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Stop and think for a minute about what that might be before you hit send (unless it’s just a straight up random act of kindness, that action-reaction is pleasant and warranted like 99.99% of the time.)
And if you do like being a rot-mouthed snakefucker to people online for minor disagreements specifically because they’re easier to dehumanize here and can’t turn your snout concave when you’re a cunt to them, well… I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve become the bullies you claim to hate, and you should either take a good hard look at your life or accept that people are going to shut you out of pretty much every conversation eventually on account of your slime-guzzling nature.
And, no, you don’t get to complain about that when it happens, either.
Remember the Grocery Store Test when you get up in arms about something; it’ll make your life and everyone else’s a hell of a lot better and keep us a hell of a lot closer to the caring community we all really want to be.
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Things recently. That damn commission scarf is taking up almost all my time recently, but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel (im working on stripe 11 of 17, and promised to have it all done by the 14th... which means a little walkin around money for the fiber festival on the 15th >:) very excited).
Have been experimenting with the dutch oven, bc ive never used one and its very small. Liking the results though.
Also have been frequenting the farmer stall at the nursery down the street and got a few of the last of this years peaches, which resulted in two jars of very nice peach jam and a small jar of peach syrup, which my sister is gonna take for a chicken of the woods and waffles feast her friend is doing next week. Had some of the excess jam on some poppyseed bread toast and it was very good--light and tart and summery. The plan for this winter is lots of bread and jam and welsh cakes and barmbrack and pirozhkiy. Looking forward to it somewhat, altho i have a feeling its going to be a very cold winter this year. Also, not sure if i should plant the leeks right now so we can harvest some baby ones in the winter... my sister is obsessed with the idea of glamorgan sausages and it would be nice to try with leeks from the garden...
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