#while i wait for the garlic cloves for my garlic bread to bake lmao

[books-coffee-and-the-woods]

the thing that gets me about the "must read 100 books a year Or Else" thing is that you just.... don't see it with any other hobby?

no one (as far as I know) is telling knitters "you have to knit 100 projects in a year, it doesn't matter if they turn out holey or misshapen or ugly, it matters that you made so many of them!" pretty sure no one is telling gamers "you have to play 100 games a year, doesn't matter if you really enjoy them or explore the worlds, what's important is that you finish them!"

So...why, and I say this as someone who's a fairly fast reader and has read a lot this year, are (terminally online) readers so obsessed with numbers? Is it because more books = more intelligent? Is it just Number Go Up mentality? I understand the thrill of wanting to beat your past self and read more books than the year before or whatever, but why do you expect to hold others to your standards??

[andersonpress]

Quarantine Recipes for When You Wake Up at 4AM on FriMonWednesday

Originally written: April 26, 2020

What day is it bitch? #Socialdistancing has revealed how flimsy the concept of time truly is. I mean even saying the word routine out loud nowadays just feels violent. 

To add insult to injury, everybody and their fucking mom are out here making banana bread and focaccia?? Now don’t get me wrong - heal as necessary and also pass me a plate. But I truly don’t know where yall are getting this energy from! While we have had more ‘time’ to discover new hobbies, I’ve been using it to recover from whatever the fuck time clock the world has BEEN on. 

Before stay-at-home orders started rolling out I was already cooking quick, easy, cheap, and yummy meals - I’m in graduate school LMAO. The hecticness of my life has always made me sacrifice my diet. In “NY Resolutions ” I explained how I often went for fast food, frozen meals, instant noodles because I really didn’t give a flying fuck what I was eating - I did not think I was worth wellness. I went over that hill, learned more about ecofeminism, went vegan, went vegetarian, went pescatarian, back vegan, back to meat...you get the picture (My stomach is literally calling me a dumb bitch all the time). To be honest, my wallet is funny honey. I can’t always afford (monetarily and with time) to cook meals with the most expensive ingredients. So as a way to combat this issue I decided to stick with the same couple of recipes for a few months; then I’ll find some more and cook those - and the cycle repeats. 

These recipes are ones that I have been rotating in and out for the past year. They take less than 30 minutes from preparation to plate, they taste bomb, and last for about two days! Go ahead and try these, let me see what you make! Tag me in your recipes on Instagram @taywaits - I would love to see how y'all put your own twist on these delicious recipes. 

Recipes

Quick, Easy, and No Egg Brownies

Ingredients

1 box of Brownie Mix 

3 Eggs

¾ cup of Oil

¾ cup of Butter (Melted)

Add Walnuts, Potato Chips, or Pretzels for a Salty Crunch

Baking Pan

Directions

Preheat oven according to your pan and what the Brownie Mix recommends

Combine wet ingredients into bowl 

Add dry ingredients 

Empty mix into pan

Bake at predetermined temperature 

Enjoy! (Add some ice cream and cherries on top! You deserve it!)

Baked Chicken with Veggies, Rice 

Ingredients

However many servings of chicken 

1 packet of onion soup mix

1 tablespoon of olive oil

1 bag of frozen vegetables

90 second Jasmine Rice 

1 teaspoon of butter

Garlic Salt, Cajun Seasoning, Pepper, Salt, Lemon Pepper (any other seasonings you want)

Baking Pan

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees

Place raw chicken into a bowl and season thoroughly

Place chicken into baking pan  

Put onion soup seasoning into bowl and mix with 1 cup of water 

Add frozen vegetables next to chicken in pan 

Empty mix into pan making sure to cover vegetables and chicken

Bake at predetermined temperature for 20-25 minutes

5 minutes before chicken finishes heat up rice in microwave with butter and salt 

Fluff rice, pull out chicken and veggies from the oven

Serve and Enjoy!

Chickpea Entree with Rice and Naan 

Ingredients

1 can of chickpeas/garbanzos

1 premade Butter Chicken or Tikka Masala sauce

1 tablespoon of olive oil

¼ of an onion

1 clove of garlic

1 Jalapeño

90 second Jasmine Rice or Leftover Rice 

1 teaspoon of butter

Garlic Toaster Naan

Garlic Salt, Cajun Seasoning, Pepper, Salt, Lemon Pepper, Turmeric, Red Pepper Flakes (any other seasonings you want)

1 Medium Sized Pan

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees

Chop all vegetables up

Put oil in pan and wait for the oil to get warm

Put chopped veggies into oil and cook until transparent/soft

Add garbanzos/chickpeas and stir

Add sauce to pan and rice 

Place naan into oven 

Stir together for 5 minutes

Turn off pot, take out naan from oven 

Add butter to naan

Serve and Enjoy! Add turmeric and red chili flakes to chickpea entree. 

I hope these recipes bring you some joy in these strange times. Make sure to take it easy on yourself!

[nimbus-tatze]

Thanks goes to @h-dgp bc otherwise I'd never live up to my promised posts, in this case a recipe. A long post.

So here's what I'd cook for my mutuals if I could

Psıhaluj, which is dough filled with either cheese, meat, or potato, served with yoghurt and garlic sauce. The dish itself is not super 'rare', variations of it exist in so many cultures, but this is the way our tribe prepares and serves it.

This will be the recipe for the potato version

Start with the filling so it can cool down, otherwise it'll be too hot to handle

For the filling:

4-5 potatoes: boil them and after peeling them take a fork and break them down.

One big onion (or several small ones): finely chop the onions and put them in a pan with a bit of oil on medium heat, until they start to turn translucent at the edges

into the pan add the potatoes, and a good dash of pepper flakes, dried dark purple basil (that's the good stuff, I got a good chunk from my village) and salt. Mix it well. Let it cool.

Also eat that stuff pretending to 'taste it' bc it's good

Now while the filling cools down you can prepare the dough. There are different versions, but I always do the most simple one. Which is:

500 gr of flour

I don't know american dumbass measurements but I think it's half a regular spoon of salt?? I don't know man, I don't stick to a recipe usually. Do whatever you think is approapriate.

mix these two well, then start adding water. How much? I have no idea, just add it bit by bit, by the end the dough should not be sticky. Put it in a plastic bag or smth and let it rest for thirty minutes or so. Or less. I don't write the rules

Ok while the dough and the filling are waiting I usually prepare the sauces. Two types, always, bc that's a rule i WILL stick to.

Sauce one:

Yoghurt, about one and a half cup (or depending on your preference for yoghurt more or less, in my case it's always a bit more)

Add crushed garlic. I could say one clove, but honestly go wild if you want. Just know that sauce no.2 is based on garlic too, so if you can't handle that much stick to one clove (the house is gonna be vampire resistant for the rest of the night, yes, bless my ancestors)

A bit of salt. Just a lil. Mix well. Done.

Sauce Two:

In a pan melt some butter. With some I mean a lot. My people live from animal ag and so I'm used to a lot of butter. Honestly no idea how much. 100 grams? 150 grams? Dunno how that black sheep from the VVitch would try to match my consumption of butter

Before the butter starts to bubble add AT LEAST three or four cloves of garlic (you can add more if you are brave, usually after five cloves I’ll add a bit of water to turn it less intense) and half a spoon of pepper flakes, don't be shy. Put it in there, make sure the butter is hot and let it foam up a bit. Make sure to stir it and don't let the butter turn too dark. If it foams take it off the heat, stir it a bit and let it rest. Done

Ok now that you've got everything ready the troublesome part starts, filling and closing the Psıhaluj.

Take out about a third of the dough, and on a well floured surface, flatten it until it's about 2-3 mm thick. Don't put flour on the top though or you'll have difficulty closing that thing depending on how much water you have used for preparing your dough.

Take a cup with sharper edges, or a cookie cutter, whatever is round. We have a traditional metal cup with engravings for that lmao. Start cutting out circles, they should fit nicely into your palm. Don't do this on all of the dough, just start with a third and then get the filling. If you try to do it one go you'll end up with dry dough disks bc if you havn't done it for years you'll be pretty slow. Ask me how I know.

No. Don't.

Anywayyyyy, take a small spoon, take a good bit of the filling and put it on one side or the center, whatever makes them easier to close for you. If you have difficulty with closing them up tightly take a fork and after putting the Psıhaluj on a surface you can press the end of the fork on the edges to close them up tightly.

Have smth like a big baking sheet or tray ready and put down a kitchen towel. You can put a bit flour on it if the dough has become sticky. They always magically do.

Once you're done with the first third of the dough, repeat the process for the remaining two thirds. All the while make sure to also process the remaining dough from cutting out the circles.

Once you're done it should look smth like this

Ok, by this point you should also have mysteriously found some time to fill a big pot with a lot water and get it to boil. Add salt as you see fit, and then drop in the Psihaluj, again maybe try with a third at first. They should have enough space to swim freely and once they start to float at the top wait maybe another one to two minutes before taking them out (the water should constantly be boiling, your kitchen is gonna look like one of those busy steamy kitchens in tiny back alley restaurants from the movies)

I like to put the finished Psıhaluj into one big casserole/baking dish. Also into that casserole form pour some of that butter garlic sauce on top everytime your done with a third and stir (or shake the entire thing, it's easier) to make sure all the haluj are covered in butter.

Once done with cooking them all and coating them in the sauce I usually put the thing in the middle of the set table and after everyone is seated I'll serve them onto the plates however much anyone likes, starting from the eldest bc I stick to customs. Everyone pours their own yoghurt on top and usually a bit more of the garlic butter to make it look pretty. If you hate wasting stuff, you can take the starchy water you cooked the haluj in, put in some of that dried dark basil and some lemon juice and serve it in a mug, a bit like soup. Not particularly special, but it’s not wasted.

Done. Eat. Be careful of eating too much, that stuff is FILLING. I blame the butter.

Sadly I can't provide you with a picture of the finished product I made myself however here is what i found online (some people like to put dried and crushed peppermint on there as well but that’s mostly non-adyghe people that have us as neighbours)

Additional info from our language, Psı means water, haluj means bread. We made water bread. Great.

Also, maybe be careful who you get close to after that meal, bc you are garlic, garlic is you.