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harmonyrae · 4 hours ago

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Knight of Passion

Synopsis: You’ve written to him for 16 years, you know him better than you know yourself. When he returns home from the battlefield you’re shocked to find out he’s being honored… by the Queen herself. Oh, and he wants to finally meet you, face-to-face.

AN: This is my FIRST Caleb fic, so I am still learning how to write him. I will be honest, I am not a fan of the nickname pipsqueak BUT I found a way to incorporate it!

Content Warnings: SFW (future works could have NSFW elements fyi), plot & angst, injury & blood, death of parental figures mentioned, Knight Caleb be doing things to me dude (send help), FMC struggles with body image

Word Count: 5.7k

“Mama… I- I can barely breathe!”

After what feels like hours, your mother finally stops trying to pull your dress down over your hips. You’ve always had a wider frame than your sisters, but it seems your body knew about your debut and wanted to offer a surprise. Just one winter was all it took for you to finally grow breasts. Your hips followed suit and when the snow melted you couldn’t fit into any of your spring dresses. Your mother found a dress for the debut ceremony at the palace, but you hadn’t gotten the chance to go shopping for more.

“I’m sorry darling, we will have Miss Julia come by tomorrow to get your measurements. You can tell her exactly what kind of dresses you want. I’ll put a rush on the order and you should have your dresses before the first ball.”

“But what am I going to wear today? I can’t go to the palace in my chemise.”

Your mother stands back and rests her hands on her hips. You cross your arms in front of you and stare at your feet. Your mothers hand glides through your hair.

“I have a few dresses from when I carried Eleanora. They’re not extravagant, but they will fit. And we can add a silk wrap or necklace, you’ll look lovely.”

You walk over to your bed and sit down, placing your head in your hands.

“Everyone will know it’s a breeding dress Mama!”

“Theodora!”

You look at her with tears in your eyes and her frown fades. She sits beside you and urges you to lean over and rest your head on her shoulder.

“I went through a change like this when I was your age. Maybe a tad younger… I begged my mother to let me delay my debut, but she didn’t allow it. I never would have met your father if I had hidden myself away. I should have requested Miss Julia sooner, I didn’t expect Cora and Rafayel to arrive early.”

You thought once Cora and Sera had gotten married and moved away you wouldn’t have to fight for your mothers attention. Of course, the week before your debut both of your sisters arrive to tell your mother they are with child. Your mother was overjoyed, Winnie and Ellie were squealing, your mother began searching for a special tea recipe and you were sitting in the corner completely forgotten. You were happy for your sisters, but felt wholly unprepared when the day of your debut arrived.

“I promise you have my undivided attention, my dear. Cora and Sera have both been asking what they can do to help you. Maybe they can help you pick some dress patterns? Would you like that?”

You smile, you have missed them terribly. Your mother stands and gently swipes away your tears with her thumbs.

“I’ll find the dress and we’ll be on our way to the palace in no time at all.”

“Mama, are you sure I must go?”

“No one has been knighted in many years, the Queen wants this ceremony to be special. Turning it into a social event is rather uncommon, but I hear the young man who is receiving the commendation is more than worthy of a unique experience. Now, I will only be a moment!”

Your mother leaves to rummage through her chests for a dress. You sit at your desk and open the top drawer, flipping through bundles of letters with your finger.

“January, February… March! Here we are.”

You pull out a bundle of letters and untie the knot. Opening the first envelope you pull the letter free. You try not to frown as you examine the writing, his penmanship has gotten worse since Christmas. You quietly read out-loud.

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝒜𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓀 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓂𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓅𝑜𝓉𝒶𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓅. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓀𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓂𝑒. 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓈, 𝒸𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝑒𝓍𝒽𝒶𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝑅𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝓅𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓊𝓉𝓊𝓂𝓃? 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓀𝑒? 𝐼 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝑔𝑒𝒹 𝒶 𝓃𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝓅𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎’𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒻𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓌𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉. 𝐼 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎’𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝒶 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝒹𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇. 𝐼𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊… 𝓃𝑜, 𝐼 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃. 𝒟𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉? 𝒪𝓇 𝒹𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 “𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓎”? 𝐸𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓎, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈. 𝒟𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐼’𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓈 𝐼’𝓂 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒. 𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒. 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷

You fold the letter and carefully put it back in the envelope. Nearly a month has passed since you received it. The trip couldn’t have taken that long, could it? Your throat threatens to close at the thought of Caleb never writing to you again. After almost 16 years, you’re not sure what you would do.

“I found one! And it’s your favorite color too!”

You quickly slide the bundle of letters back in the drawer before your mother enters with a bright yellow dress draped over her arm.

“Come on, let’s get you dressed.”

The loose silk dress slides over your curves with ease and you sigh, at least it fits. The yellow shimmers in the sunlight streaming through your window, if it weren’t for the lack of a waistline you would consider wearing the dress again. Your mother eases your arms through the thick lace overcoat, adjusting the short puffy sleeves. She ties a white silk scarf under your breasts to carve out your shape and turns you to face the mirror.

“See? You look lovely. The scarf is much more fashionable than the plain belt I wore.”

You give her a sweet smile and nod. She leaves to finish getting ready herself and you take a moment to look through your old dresses piled on your bed. Your younger sisters are taller than you so your mother won’t keep them.

You skip down the stairs, eager to find Ms Jennings before your mother drags you out of the house. You call for her and she rounds the corner to meet you at the bottom of the stairs. The wrinkles around her eyes deepen as she smiles at you.

“Any –”

“No letters today Miss. And yes, I’ve checked twice.”

You’ve asked her the same question for a fortnight and you’re thankful your mother hasn’t overheard. Ms Jennings started delivering Caleb’s letters directly to you when you turned 13. The arrangement between noble families was only meant to last a few years, but you and Caleb agreed to continue anyway.

Your penmanship as a child was horrible, as was your reading proficiency. You cried and threw a fit whenever your mother tried to encourage you to practice. Your mother discussed the problem over tea with other mothers and discovered it was a common problem. They came up with a creative solution, pairing their children together to write letters. What started as a method to improve your writing and reading turned into a lifelong friendship.

You nod, sending Ms Jennings on her way. You begin pacing through the entryway, the soft click of your heels drowning out your anxious thoughts. Then there’s a quiet knock on the door. You didn’t wait for Ms Jennings and approached the door without a second thought. As soon as the door swung open you wished you had been more patient. You were face-to-face with a man's chest and had to step back to look up at him properly.

The man is tall, broad, a sweep of dark brown hair sits neatly across his forehead. His jaw set as his violet eyes examined you. You quickly give him a once over, still baffled at how large he is compared to you. His dark blue frock coat is fully buttoned, the velvet material stretched taut over his chest. The golden buttons and dainty medals glint in the sunshine. His shako is tucked under his arm, his gloved fingers tracing the chinstrap repeatedly. The sleeve of his right arm is rather loose and your heartbeat quickens with a singular assumption.

You clear your throat and stand up straight.

“Apologies, may I… help you?”

The man smiles, his face transforming and quite literally taking your breath away. You suppress a gasp and force a smile in return. He bows.

“I do not mean to intrude, I know it’s… unusual, but I was hoping to call on Miss Theodora Raeton?”

Your breakfast makes an attempt to resurface and you swallow hard. You grip the door handle so tightly your hand begins to ache.

“Who is asking?”

You want to slap yourself for being so improper, but you’re a tad too focused on staying on your feet to care.

“Caleb, I… Well, I’d like to think I’m a friend?”

You let out a laugh - somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. You shake your head and force your smile to stay put.

“She… My sister - Theodora… yes, she told me, uhm… yes, she told me about you. You wrote letters, yes?”

His eyes narrow, the corner of his mouth twitches as his smile fades for a moment. His nostrils flare as he takes a deep breath and shifts his weight between his feet. When his smile returns it’s brighter than before.

“Yes, for many years. I’m hoping to finally speak to her face-to-face.”

You start chewing the inside of your cheek, a habit you’ve constantly failed to break.

“I- I’m not sure she’s in… at the moment… She might be… out.”

He chuckles under his breath and drops his head, his hair gently falling out of place. Your fingers twitch with the thought of reaching out to fix it.

“Of course. Might I request you pass this along to her?”

He slowly lifts his right arm, his face twists as if he’s in pain and you take a step forward. He holds up a letter and you take it quickly, allowing his arm to return to his side. He huffs and takes a small step back.

“Thank you.”

You hear a man shout his name and you look past him, seeing a small group of men in matching uniforms on their horses. One of them waves at him, beckoning him to come over. You look up to see Caleb staring down at you.

“Please, forgive me, but I must go.”

He bows once more and walks back through the front gate of your house. He secures his hat before awkwardly jumping up onto his horse using only his left arm. You watch as he rides away with the men, glancing over his shoulder to smile at you before disappearing at the end of the street. Once he is out of sight you hurry inside and close the door, leaning against it while you catch your breath. You open the envelope hastily, almost ripping the paper.

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓂𝑒, 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝐼 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝓇𝑜𝓉𝑒. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒿𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒶 𝒹𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝑜𝓃 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉. 𝐻𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝓅𝒶𝓅𝑒𝓇 𝓃𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓉. 𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝒻𝓇𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝒾𝓂. 𝐼’𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒𝒻𝒾𝑒𝓁𝒹. 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝓈𝑒𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒹𝒾𝑒𝒹. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝒶𝓀 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹. 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝒫𝒾𝓅 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝓈𝒽𝑒’𝓈 𝓈𝓁𝑜𝓌 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝓈. 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒶𝓎, 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒. 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒, 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓅𝒶𝓅𝑒𝓇. 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒. 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷

You wipe away a tear as you return the letter to the envelope and stuff it in a book to carry upstairs. Your mother runs into you and holds your shoulders, leaning down to look you in the eye.

“My darling, whatever is the matter?”

“Nothing… I was reading… the dust… I will just put this in my room and we can go,”

You do not wait for her response, you rush past her and run to your room. You quietly close the door and sit down at your desk. Pulling out the envelope, you notice the estate name in the corner. He never had your letters sent there while his parents were alive, a pub received the letters and he would pick them up every other day. It’s his estate now, he has the freedom to do whatever he pleases. You, however, do not have the same luxury. You stuff the envelope in the drawer with the other letters and hurry to join your mother in the carriage. The Queen awaits.

The palace is nearly full when you arrive with your mother, a feat you believed to be impossible. Your mother quickly finds your sisters and their husbands. Thanks to your brother-in-laws status as a Duke, you are all escorted closer to the throne.

“I can request seating for you? You should sit. You both should sit. I’ll find someone…”

“Sylus! We’re fine.”

Sera places a hand on Sylus’s arm and draws him back to her side. For someone who is usually so suave and carefree, Sylus has become a tad overbearing since he found out Sera is expecting. It doesn’t go unnoticed that Rafayel also doesn’t let go of Cora for even a moment. You giggle and your mother gives you a warning look. Sera winks at you and you cover your mouth to hide your smile.

Soft music begins playing and you lean forward to see the Queen arrive. You curtsy and tilt your head to see when everyone else will rise. Your thighs start to burn and you honestly wonder if the Queen wants to see a young lady faint. Thankfully, her majesty isn’t feeling too cruel today. Everyone shuffles into a comfortable position as the Queen leans back on her throne.

“Today, we are here to honor a young man, who has shown valor beyond his years. Placing himself in danger, maimed by the misfortune of an eruption! All to protect his fellow officer!”

Whispers of praise surround you, ladies oohing and ahhing, gentlemen nodding in approval of his bravery. But for you, the room becomes unbearably hot. You shift uncomfortably and feel your mother behind you, gently holding you still. You feel as though you are finally piecing a puzzle together.

“I have been called upon by his peers to issue him the highest honor. And that is exactly why we are gathered here today. As we have not had the privilege in some time, I believe a traditional ceremony with a few embellishments is warranted. Shall we begin?”

Large doors at the back of the room open and everyone around you is already blocking your view. You hear footsteps and the muffled whispers around you slowly fade until all you can hear is your heartbeat.

Caleb marches past with his peers. The group bows before the Queen and she gives them a subtle nod. All the men besides Caleb step back and Caleb kneels. An older gentleman holding two swords steps up beside the Queen.

“I have been told of your prowess in battle, your peers praise you and wish your sacrifice be made honorable. I am of the mind to admit you to the Order of Skyhaven. Will you accept this honour?”

“I will.”

“Will you give us your word that all you do will serve as a noble example to our people?”

“I will.”

“Will you treat all with courtesy, and uphold the laws and traditions of our kingdom?”

“I will.”

“Will you swear fealty to us, our crown?”

“I will.”

“Then we swear fealty to you, Caleb, to protect and defend you and all your household, with all our power, until we depart from our throne, or death takes us.”

The gentleman steps forward and motions for Caleb to rise. He sheaths the sword and secures it around Caleb’s waist. He holds up the other sword and steps up to face Caleb. With one swift motion he strikes Caleb across the face with the flat of his sword. The crowd collectively gasps and the Queen gives a stern look, effectively silencing everyone. You clutch the front of your dress and bite your lip so hard you taste copper. You remember reading about knighting ceremonies, the act is traditional, but witnessing it first-hand made your stomach drop. Caleb kneels again and bows his head. Another officer approaches and presents the Queen a sword. She proceeds to lower the blade onto Caleb’s shoulder and lifts it to switch to the other side.

“I dub thee once, dub thee twice, dub thee Knight. From this day forward, let no blade touch you, that you live with honour, courage and prowess. We command you to protect the defenceless, seek justice for all, and maintain the honour of your order. Bring no dishonour to your sword, and carry it in defence of any and all who have need of it. Sir Caleb, rise and go forth. For Sir Caleb, newest Knight of the Order of Skyhaven, three cheers!”

The crowd cheers as Caleb stands, bowing once more before turning around. He rests his hand on the hilt of his new sword and looks around. His eyes lock onto you and you step back, hiding behind Sylus who looks down at you with an amused grin.

You keep your head down until Caleb and his fellow officers exit the room. The crowd slowly filters out, but you remain frozen in place. Your mother tugs on your arm and when you don’t move she lifts her hand to your forehead.

“Theodora? Are you feeling poorly?”

You shake your head and stumble forward, letting your mother hold your arm and guide you out of the room. Caleb, the man you’ve written to for 16 years, who you thought was dead until this morning, who is far more attractive than he let on, is now a knight and he’s home, for good. And he wants to see you. Question is, are you brave enough to face him?

After a week and three fittings, you finally have your new dresses. You stare at your bed, now covered in extravagant linen and lace. Before you had no options, now you have too many. The party today will be the first time you get to wear a proper fitting dress this season. Holding up dress after dress, you examine yourself in the mirror.

“Too formal… Too light… Too dark… Too… Yellow?”

“I thought you liked yellow?”

You drop the dress and jump, turning quickly to see Sera leaning in your doorway. You bend to pick up your dress and toss it on the bed. She makes her way into your room, around hat boxes and piles of shoes, to clear a space on your bed to sit. She sighs heavily as she sits, a hand protectively over her stomach. After successfully hiding her condition from Mama for most of the winter, she was relieved to finally huff and puff without caring who hears.

“I do like yellow, I just… I don't know what to wear today. It’s a garden party, but not formal, but still… I don’t know…”

You flop down on the bed, dramatically covering your eyes with an arm. You hear Sera giggle and pat the bed beside you.

“This one.”

You sit up and look down at Sera’s suggestion. She had requested this pattern at the very first fitting and you had to admit, it’s stunning. A pale yellow base with a sheer overlay covered in white daisy appliques and sheer white sleeves that cover down to your elbows.

“White lace mittens, your embroidered reticule and the white slippers with the little bow!”

You trail your fingers over the white daisies and smile. Sera loves to dress others up, but hates dressing up herself. You can see her dirty riding boots under the hem of her dress and know very well she won’t be changing them. You stand and hold the dress up, twirling around and smiling. When you face Sera, she’s sporting the biggest grin.

“Why are you so nervous about this party?”

Carefully slipping the dress over your head, you smooth the fabric out and sit beside Sera. She secures the buttons slowly, stopping to tap your shoulder. You sigh and stare at your hands.

“It’s rather sudden, wouldn’t you say? Parties and balls are usually scheduled weeks before the debutante presentation. I’m surprised Mama is so… resolute… about our attendance.” “You do not wish to attend Sir Caleb’s party?”

You shake your head.

“No! No… I- I just… I find it strange.”

Sera hums and pats your back. You stand and start searching for your lace mittens. While you enjoy the silence, your mind races with questions you wish you could ask. You finally groan loudly and turn to face Sera.

“How did you know you were in love?”

Sera gasps and then starts to laugh.

“Theo… is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“No! Sera… please… I… I just need…”

She places her hands over yours and squeezes them.

“I’m sorry for my teasing. I- It was just unexpected, is all.”

She motions for you to follow her to the bed. You sit beside her and she sweeps your hair over your shoulder, gently twirling your curls.

“I was not sure right away. When I first met Sylus I wanted to slap him, sometimes I still do! I expected him to find me improper and avoid my company, like most gentlemen used to do. And yet, he’d seek me out. Treat me as an equal, not property to acquire.”

You look over your shoulder to see her eyes glisten with tears.

“I knew I loved him when he smiled after I told him I hated him. I was not afraid to speak, to disagree, to challenge him - I felt entirely safe and cherished. For just being myself. I could be as impolite as I pleased, and he would still love me.”

You pull her into a hug and listen to her quietly sob for a few moments. She sits back and clears her throat.

“God, I cry all the time now… Now will you tell me why you are asking?”

You shake your head with a sneaky smile and jump up before she can grab you. She doesn’t pressure you to tell her, but she does promise to keep a close eye on you. She leaves you to finish getting ready and shuts your door. You sit at your desk and pull out a new bundle of letters, opening each and laying them out in front of you. You’d written to Caleb as soon as you returned home from his knighting ceremony. Since then, his correspondence has been growing more frequent.

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓋𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹, 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒬𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓃, 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 𝐼’𝓂 𝒶 𝓀𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉? 𝒮𝒾𝓇 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷, 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝓅𝑜𝓂𝓅𝑜𝓊𝓈, 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉? 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓂𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓇𝓈 “𝓉𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽” 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝑜𝒻𝒻𝒾𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓈 - 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓈 𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝒶𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝑜, 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶𝓁𝓂𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃. 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒹? 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓀 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒯𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐼’𝓂 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒. 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷

You never should have written about how happy it had made you to receive his letter. While it is true that you have not stopped smiling since his return, you’ve also not stopped fidgeting. Would he regret meeting you? Once he knows what you look like or how awkward and shy you can be?

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓉𝓁𝑒, 𝐼 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝓊𝓉𝓊𝓂𝓃. 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒜𝓁𝓁𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓉𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝐹𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒶𝓁 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃 𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹. 𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓈, 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓈, 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝒸𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈, 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝑒𝒶, 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒸𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝒹. 𝐼 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝒹𝑒𝒶 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒬𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻, 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝒶 𝒷𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝓈𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒, 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉. 𝐻𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒽𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓇. 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷

The Allhallowtide Festival in his family orchard sounds heavenly. Crisp autumn air, sweet apples, warm scones and tea. You would never consider missing such an affair. You know Caleb, possibly better than you know yourself, you know he will never stop asking to meet. Should you just get it over with?

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝑜, 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝒻𝓇𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒? 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔? 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉, 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒹𝑜. 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓇𝒹𝑒𝓃 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓎 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜𝒹𝒶𝓎. 𝐼𝓉’𝓈 𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓊𝒹𝒹𝑒𝓃, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝓁𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝓂𝑜𝓈𝓉 ��𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝑜𝓈. 𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓋𝑜𝒾𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉. 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹, 𝒾𝒻 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒷𝓁𝑜𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓂𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒫𝒾𝓅. 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒷

It was the first time you had the chance to read the letter you received this morning. Your eyes burned, he thought he’d done something to hurt you. All because you’re afraid he will be disappointed. Maybe you can speak to him today and see what he thinks about “Theo” - you were surprisingly good at reading expressions.

You return the letters to their envelopes and stow them away. You stand and put on your mittens, loop your reticule around your wrist and slip on your slippers. Pinching your cheeks lightly as you pass the mirror you rush to join your mother and sisters. Today you’ll be anyone but Theodora Raeton.

Arriving at Caleb’s estate you’re instantly shaken by its size, you couldn’t even see the orchard yet. The gardens in front of the manor were well maintained and extensive. A large lake sat along the right side, a small island with a gazebo sat at its center. As soon as you rounded the house, the entire back garden came into view. Ladies sat at round tables sipping tea and fanning themselves. Men stood in small groups in the open field. You spot several of them holding pall mall mallets.

Sylus and Sera charge ahead to find a table in the shade and Rafayel and Cora take off for the lake for a stroll. Your mother clings to you as you follow Sylus and Sera. Once everyone is seated and comfortably drinking tea, you stand.

“I’m going to go for a walk. And yes, Mama, I will be careful, don’t worry.”

Your mother nods and continues to sip her tea. Sera gives you a knowing look, but remains silent. You walk past several tables, politely waving and greeting family acquaintances. You pass the dessert station and quickly grab a slice of apple cake, how Caleb got so many fresh apples out of season you’ll never know.

Passing a group of men playing a lively game of pall mall, you spot the entrance to the orchard. You climb a small hill and look past the line of hedges. The apple blossoms are gorgeous, a sea of pastel pink stretching as far as you can see. You can only imagine what it looks like in autumn, trees full of apples, the grass dry and covered in leaves and fallen fruit.

A shrill laugh draws your attention back to the entrance, you see Caleb - looking dashing as ever - speaking to a young lady. You immediately recognize her, Miss Dahlia Atwood. Tall, thin, perfectly average bosom and hips. Her chestnut brown hair meticulously curled and pinned back to show off her dainty lips and rosy cheeks. Her dress matches Caleb’s eyes, no doubt chosen deliberately.

She bats her lashes and smiles sweetly and your heart aches with every passing moment. You try to quietly stroll over to a bench further away, but almost shout when you hear a loud yip. You look down and see a shaggy hunter spaniel, their shiny white fur with dark brown spots. Their tongue lolls out of their mouth and their tail wags furiously. They look up at you expectantly and your lip trembles, Pip.

You bend and extend your hand cautiously. Pip sniffs your palm and gives it a lick. You giggle and scratch behind her ears, you remember Caleb said she likes that best.

“She likes you.”

You launch yourself upright, nearly falling backwards. Caleb stands a few feet away, his hands behind his back. You look over his shoulder and see Dahlia glare at you - as if you personally asked Caleb to stop talking to her. You turn your attention back to Pip and chuckle.

“You think so?”

Caleb nods. You bend and continue petting her, her tail wagging so fast her whole body is swaying.

“Is your sister still feeling poorly?”

You bite your lip, you forgot you wrote to him about “Theo” feeling ill. You stand up and step past Pip, slowly making your way to the bench. You sit and place your plate on your lap.

“Yes, she… she is. Very poorly.”

“And how are you today, Miss Raeton?”

You look up at him with wide eyes.

“Me?”

He chuckles before gesturing to the bench, his smile faltering slightly as he clenches his fist. He’d used his right arm, you still didn’t know the extent of his injuries, he wouldn’t write about it. You move over so he can sit down.

“Does it hurt?”

“Only when it rains. Or when I overexert myself.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pry.”

“No, you’re not trying to avoid the matter like everyone else.”

“... Miss Atwood looked very pleased to see you. I did not intend to disrupt your conversation.”

Caleb laughs.

“You and Pip saved me from the most disagreeable –” He closes his eyes and clears his throat. “Apologies, I am far too comfortable speaking bluntly. A consequence of the better part of 4 years surrounded by rowdy officers.”

You smile and bow your head.

“What I mean to say is I am grateful, I did not particularly wish to speak to her in that manner.”

“Oh… I would have thought you would be pleased to find such a… a… lady for you… for such a house.”

He watches you, his smile soft as his eyes burn through you.

“I informed her I am already pursuing another.”

You chose the wrong time to take a bite of your apple cake. You cough until you are red in the face. Caleb disappears to fetch you some tea and you’re left on the bench desperate to run all the way home. When he returns you sip the tea slowly, soothing your sore throat.

“Th-thank you. I was just - ahem - I was just surprised is all. I did not realize you were courting a young lady already.”

“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And… as I am already sharing my secrets with you, I intend to propose, when she’s ready.”

The tea cup clatters as you set it back on the saucer. You hold your breath to suppress the tears, but cannot stop yourself from gasping. You set the saucer on the bench and stand up. Caleb looks up at you, his brows raised.

“I am truly happy to hear that Sir Caleb, happy indeed. I must… I must go, please excuse me.”

You rush past him and into the orchard, nearly sprinting as soon as you think you’re out of sight. Your lungs burn as you run through the lush grass, apple blossom petals fluttering down around you.

The trail you’ve been following splits off and you follow a new direction up a hill. Your hands shake as you come to a stop in front of a giant oak tree. An old swing hangs from one of its branches. Caleb wrote about this swing and how he would run here when his father was angry with him. He called it his “safe place” - the bark of the tree was whittled away, letters carved to claim this place as his own. You reach out and hold the rope, taking deep breaths to calm yourself.

Are you surprised? Did you think he was interested in you just from your silly letters? That’s why he wanted to talk to you face-to-face, he wanted to tell you about his impending nuptials. You’d only ever be his friend, nothing more. You knew this, so why can’t you stop crying? Why does it hurt so badly?

“Theodora!”

You spin around and see Caleb climbing the hill towards you. His face is flushed as he rushes to stand before you.

“Theo…”

Caleb extends his hand, gently lifting your chin to adjust your gaze. He doesn’t let go, his thumb gliding over your jaw to hold you in place.

“Y-you k-knew? Th-this whole t-time?”

He nods.

“How?”

“I was your secret. You told me that. You said you’ve never told a soul about our letters. I considered you may have a sister you trust, maybe you told them. But I knew better. I know you.”

“I – I don’t…”

“Your eyes. You wrote about how much you hated the color. And I told you, I bet your eyes are the perfect shade of brown. That they’ll sparkle in the sun. Flecks of gold, more lovely than any jewel. I was right…”

He lets go of your chin to rest his palm against your cheek. You wrap a hand around his wrist and he gasps softly.

“I – I didn’t mean to lie. I thought… I thought you’d…”

“Be disappointed? I meant what I said, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You’re the only reason I fought so damn hard to get home. I wasn’t going to die without seeing you.”

He closes the distance and tries to lift his right arm to circle around you. When you see his struggle, you tuck your arm under his lifting it enough for him to rest his palm against your hip. His eyes close as he leans down to rest his forehead against yours. His other hand sliding down to hold the side of your neck.

“Without holding you.”

You lean into his touch, his hand warm and tender.

“And yes, I meant it when I said I intend to propose. When you’re ready, I want you to be my wife.”

“Yes.”

He leans back, opening his eyes to meet yours.

“What?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

🐝❀🍎 AN #2: I tried my best to be historically accurate, some modern terms are just way easier to use for a smoother reading experience. Used THIS as reference for knighting ceremony - changed it to be less official & more LADs casual style. All photos taken from Pinterest.

(If you DO NOT want to be tagged in ALL REGENCY AU fics, just leave a comment. Keep in mind, each story hints at the futures for each pair sooooo...) 𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙: @trishiepo0 @not-so-quite-human @kitsunetori @babyx91 @libriomancer @lilyadora @crowskitten22 @letharue @silverbrain @alastor-simp @drama-trauma @0tterteeth @mysticcollectionvoid @godzillaglitter @godoffuckedupcats @m00nchildwrites @plsdonttakemyname @hauntedbysmut @withering-dream @lostwingz2236 @simpfortheseven @freddy-2002-blog @kiude @tati-the-fangirl @mtcozylove @3fingersofscotch @stxrrielle @angelicspaceprince @hebreeee @beykyuns @sylusgirlie7 @goblynn @freddy-2002-blog

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