#blackouts and greyouts

[exorsysm]

does anyone else have issues with misremembering things other alters did?

like. you have the memory but its Wrong?

for example, i have a memory of spencer changing our sheets, but in the memory the bed is on the other side of the room. it couldnt be that it was moved and i forgot because that would put the bed in front of our closet and there would be other stuff to move around too.

along with this, several memories that i have from other alters have been changed to be in our house that burned down??? its to a point where i cant tell which happened where.

i also remember these things in third person, so maybe its some kind of grayout? im not sure. help appreciated!

-grey

[multiplicity-positivity]

Dissociative Amnesia

Our thoughts and experiences, and some resources to learn more.

Hello everyone! We’ve gotten a few asks recently wondering about amnesia in dissociative disorders, so we’ve decided to put this post together. We will cover as much as we can about amnesia, and talk about our experience with it.

What is amnesia?

Amnesia is partial or total memory loss that is more severe than common, every day forgetfulness. People may experience amnesia for a wide variety of reasons, such as experiencing a head or brain injury, being inebriated, having an illness or disease that affects the mind, lack of sleep, and extreme stress/fatigue/brain fog. Amnesia (specifically dissociative amnesia) is a really big part of many dissociative disorders (with the exception being OSDD-1B). In dissociative disorders, alters may experience full amnesia (blackouts) or partial amnesia (greyouts).

What are blackouts?

A blackout is when a person or alter experiences a jump in time, or finds that they cannot recall key events from the past. Their memories may feel fragmented, incomplete, or literally “blacked out.” Coming back from a blackout can be overwhelming, scary, and disorienting.

For us, blackouts look like: seemingly “snapping awake” suddenly with no recollection of what we had been doing. Coming to in odd places, like the grocery store or the park or the library, with no idea how we got there or what led up to that point. Feeling like we are jumping forward in time (it’s Monday today, but I blinked and it’s Thursday now). Large gaps in memory, especially memories from our childhood. Fragments of memories may remain as factual information (EX: “I know we went to the store yesterday, but I don’t remember anything we bought or any of the details”), or there may be no lingering information at all (EX: “I can’t remember what happened yesterday and there’s food I didn’t buy in the fridge”)

What are greyouts?

A greyout is an experience of partial amnesia, and the term covers a broad range of experiences. It may mean that a particular aspect of a memory was forgotten, or that you feel emotionally, physically, or otherwise detached from a memory. The memory may exist, but it feels hazy or incomplete when you try to recall it.

For us, greyouts look like: feeling emotionally or physically detached from memories. Able to recall the past but it seems shaky, foggy, hazy or unclear. Retaining some details in memories but not others. Memories feel like a film, or like something that we heard about in a story, but not something that actually happened to us.

How can I tell the difference?

Telling the difference between blackouts and greyouts can be quite tricky! In general, for our system, if we’re able to recall events with some clarity, there isn’t any amnesia. If we can recall only pieces, or feel like the memory isn’t ours at all, it’s a greyout. If our mind is just blank regarding a certain memory, or we can only recall what others have told us, rather than the events themselves, it’s a blackout.

Can I experience amnesia without knowing it?

Yes, and we actually thought we had a pretty good memory before learning about our dissociative disorder and the amnesia that comes along with it! This is because our mind tends to fill in the gaps that it can’t explain or understand. These pseudomemories, or projections, led us to believe our memory was healthy and normal. We’ve since learned that many of the memories we took for granted were just projections from our brain trying to fill in gaps and help us function to the best of our ability. It’s something we had been oblivious to for decades, but at this point we are very aware of how unstable and unreliable our memory is. It is a part of having a dissociative disorder!

Can dissociative amnesia heal/Can my memory improve if I have amnesia?

We think so, yes! Our therapist has assured us that memory can be repaired and healed with treatment and time. Patience and self-compassion can both aid in this process! We ourselves are trying to heal, and our hope is that as our system becomes more integrated, we will be able to recall more memories and recover details as a result. It is a difficult process though, and one that we are actively pursuing through therapy! Some may be able to heal their dissociative amnesia without therapy, but for us, having outside help and a support team is essential to our healing journey.

Sources/Links to Learn More:

Please feel free to reach out to us if you have any further questions, or to share corrections or concerns! Thank you so much for reading, and have a great day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[theforestknowsmydreams]

there's a song i remember listening to on repeat all day yesterday and i just put it on and i swear to everything i have NEVER heard this before

[deargravity]

so tired of the evil alter trope. if you’re still writing stories (thrillers, mysteries or otherwise) where the plot twist is Dissociative Identity Disorder, i’ll show up to your house and kill you

[defrostedvertebrae]

you never really get used to being met with something you did but you have absolutely 0 memory of huh

[boneless-mika]

“OSDDID is…” *proceeds to only describe DID*

[systemofuncertainty]

Fuck. Well if today didn't prove it to her/ anyone still denying... idk what will

[brokenmachinemusings]

having a complex dissociative disorder sucks cuz on one hand. what if im faking? on the other i feel like im constantly stucj in a cirlce of trauma responses (fight or flight but also fawn and freeze). and i forget stuff about my favorite media months. if not weeks or even days after indulging in it. yes i have more “pressing matters” abojt my amnesia but using media is a way to cope for me and forgetting about said media feels like im forgetting a part of myself? or how to cope? its odd. i dont know

[rin-and-jade]

Types of Amnesia

Diagram created by me

General criteria for amnesia:

Memory loss

Confusion

Inability to recognize familiar figures/places

Difficulty recalling names or places

Not remembering where you went

Worser ability to remember things that had happened Post on how to handle these kinds of amnesia: click here!

Generalized Amnesia Where a person completely forgets everything about themself and have no recollection of what, where, and who they spoke to. This can describe a blackout switch and may still recognize who they are.

Localized Amnesia Where a person is unable to recall a specific/series of event from the whole, which creates an incomplete picture of the situation. For example, remembering childhood but not the abuse.

Selective Amnesia Where a person only lost some and retain the rest, forgetting parts yet not all of them. This can describe greyouts as it grasps some information/sensory yet not enough to tell what exactly happened. One example is playing the phone and unable to recall what occured, only to jump its memory right to being at bed.

Emotional Amnesia Where a person has an intact memory and it's details on what had happened, but do not remember what the event feels like (e.g. was scared, happy, etc.). One description is that you're watching something that didn't happen to you, because you don't feel like being in the scene itself.

Continuous Amnesia Where a person fails to retain full parts of the event/day, for a set period of time (can vary from minutes to days) and create an accumulative, small bits of selective amnesias, continuously, leaving many gaps in a chronological timeline. This usually happens in times or stress, or abuse.

Fragmented Amnesia Where a person has an unrelated, and/or disjointed memories that does not go with the timeline's order, creating confusion and difficult to grasp the cohesive picture of what truly happened. Emotional amnesia may be present in this type. Bonus for systems:

Amnesia barriers Where a person fronting is not able to recall other alter's memories, which is a form of retrograde amnesia and compartmentalization. Because the fronter will only retain any information before switching out with the next one, the rest experiences anterograde amnesia as it cannot form and remember those memories, unless being coconcious or cofronting (even though, this is not always guaranteed).

Take notes that amnesia can still happen outside system things due to comorbidities like anxiety disorders or depression, this does mean systems are bound to experience more amnesia compared to non-systems folks out there.

Do you have any discussions about this? Or would like to describe your own way of seeing these different types of amnesia? Or have more to add? Feel free to tell them here!

- j

[thecatspasta]

LMAOOOO

Oh god I was just reminded of the fucking amongus sustem with imposter syndrome joke me and some friends have UHHH

Every now and again I think about Jon having dissociative identity disorder and I think that just needs to happen. Please he has the childhood trauma for it (Im not talking about Mr Spider I mean his grandmother and parents deaths). I fucking need this. For me specifically and noone else

[apollortaylor]

So these tags were on my post about amnesia. And I want to address it. Short answer, no you do not. You need blackout amnesia (assuming that’s what you meant by full amnesia) in order to have DID.

DID is not the only way to have a system, OSDD 1-b has very little or no amnesia and still has alters, so does p-DID.

Though I do want to differentiate between the different types of amnesia.

Emotional amnesia: where you don’t remember any emotions that you were feeling during the event.

Greyouts: when you remember what happened but have no memories of it, as if someone told you about the event but you weren’t there.

Blackouts: when you don’t remember anything about what happened, and you often don’t remember that you missed something.

I’d also like to mention that amnesia often doesn’t happen in the moment, often the memory will fade over a short period of time until they’re gone. At least that’s what I experience.

Anyways, here you are @sprites-your-cal

Hope this helped

-Apollo

[multiplicity-positivity]

can blackouts happen after the memories been made?? like i dont blink and suddenly its 5 hours later, but i do forget pretty much everything that happens, except for plain information like i went to a mall, and ill remember nothing else about that event.

hey, we’re not sure what this question means entirely.

if a memory was made, and you have access to that memory, it’s probably not a blackout.

if a memory was made, and afterwards you don’t have access to that memory anymore, it could be a blackout. in our system sometimes memories remain, but they’re held on to by certain alters. for example, i might start playing video games, then suddenly realize i’m in bed with teeth brushed and chores finished. i might not be able to remember doing the chores or brushing our teeth, but a part of our system (likely ralsei) would have that memory. in this way, the memory remains, but i still experienced a blackout.

we can also have events that happen where, afterwards, we can recall some factual information about what happened without being able to recall any sensory details. this sounds kind of like what you’re describing? and we’ve also called this a blackout in the past.

we’ll link our post on dissociative amnesia here, which has some of our experiences with blackouts vs. greyouts:

honestly that post ^ is going to have more in depth info about blackouts than we can really describe right now. sorry about this.

🐢 kip and 🦇 alucard

[thaltro]

Can i ask what an osdd 1b system is? And does that mean youre a system as in a DID system? /genq

OSDD-1b also known as other specified dissociative disorder is basically DID with less full black out amnesia.

Most people with OSDD-1b still have mental greyouts, emotional amnesia, and selective amnesia- but not full blackouts most the time

Technically we are officially placeholder diagnosed with UDD (which means “unspecified dissociative disorder” which is an emergency diagnosis- it can mean different things for everyone but for us it means our psychiatrist is figuring out which type of system we are because we do blur the lines of DID and OSDD-1b and my amnesia has to be fully evaluated and recorded to determine that)

but some of us just personally prefer the label OSDD-1b? For them It feels safer not acknowledging how extreme our amnesia is- but I don’t really relate to it personally so I might just change our descriptions to say “system” instead because we do experience blackouts- and from the medical professionals I’ve talked to they lean heavier on us having DID instead of OSDD.

-

But yes we are a system because we experienced a verity of extreme traumas as a child before our ego states could fully integrate. DID and OSDD form the same way through childhood trauma. important to note that it’s important to look at the other variants of DID (poly fragmented, HC-DID, P-DID) just as it’s important to look at OSDD/1a/1b

but yes systems within secondary or tertiary dissociation have many ways to present.

(I’m trying to discourage myself from writing paragraphs on DID because FUCK it’s my hyperfixation)

[theswiftheartsystem]

Can you explain dissociative amnesia to me like I’m five

Okay so. There’s a few kinds, we are going to explain the most common terms:

Blackout: there is no memory, just a gap of time. This can range from a few minutes, hours, days, months, and even years.

Greyout: This is like you remember somewhat, just not super well. This is kind of a spectrum. It can range from barely remembering something, to having a decent amount, but it’s still very blurry and details are missing.

Emotional: This refers to you can remember it, but it doesn’t feel like it was you. Like a movie you watched.

Systems of any origins can experience these, although not every system will experience amnesia.

[syscultureis]

To the DID vs OSDD amnesia anon, that sounds like greyouts, which is another form of amnesia. It's more common than blackouts, and it's found in DID.

OSDD is Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder, meaning you don't fall under the criteria for other dissociative disorders (E.G. OSDD-3/4 vs. DPDR, OSDD-2 vs. Dissociative Fugue, etc.)

The difference between OSDD-1a and DID is the absence of separate identity states, so the amnesia and whatnot but all under a singular identity.

The difference between OSDD-1b and DID is the absence of amnesia, so there are different identity states but no amnesia whatsoever.

So, if you experience amnesia whatsoever, however, that classifies as DID. I've known OSDD-1b systems as a DID system, and we used to think we had OSDD-1b too, but the difference between us and them is they experience little to no significant amnesia barriers, and any sort of "amnesia" they experience is moreso emotional, with the inability to connect to anything that other alters have done, with full memory of it.

The difference I would say between greyouts and emotional amnesia is the recall. Greyouts usually need some sort of reminder to recall some events. (E.g., I read back on old texts and deduce I had pizza for lunch, and the emotional connection doesn't necessarily have to be one I do or don't connect to)

With emotional amnesia, you can remember the events of yesterday as if it were, well, yesterday. It's a lot more clear to recall. (I can clearly remember eating pizza for lunch yesterday, but the decision isn't one I would personally make and would connect to)

Hope this helps!

.

[sysmedsaresexist]

A not-so-gentle reminder

Blackout or significant amnesia is not required for DID/OSDD, and it's pretty normal to have limited or even no amnesia

OSDD 1b has emotional detachment from memories

OSDD 1a has the most amnesia of all types

DID can include anything or any combination of, blackout, greyout, current, past, between some but not others (even just one alter), emotional, etc

Stop telling people that it needs to be significant and severe, it's just not true, many systems have very little amnesia, if any