#better than doing my job tho
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Top 10 Biggest Red Flags in Men
Number 10: Lack of trust
if we dont trust each other then why are we hanging out? It would feel better if both of us felt safe as much as possible.
Number 9: Narcissism
I've dealt with enough narcissists in my life and I ain't gonna deal with any more If I can choose not to.
Number 8: Refusing to Split the Bill
If we're gonna be equals, then you gotta split the bill one way or the other. Doesn't matter if its officially split or who pays alternates between eating out. Financial domination is cringe
Number 7: No Social Life
LMAO THIS LOSER CAN'T GET ANYONE TO LIKE HIM. REST IN PEACE BOZO
Number 6: Unhealthy Eating Habits
I feel we all understand this one. If they're too fat how am I supposed to fit them in the trunk of my car? On the other end, if they're too thin how am I supposed to have a good meal when I get home?
Number 5: Getting Help
If you're such a "big, strong man", then why the fuck you need a tHeRaPiSt? just repress your emotions like your fathers before you and develop severely unhealthy coping mechanisms. truly a skill issue if you need help.
Number 4: Not Covering Up
Men, you need to cover your tiddies, no nipple should be visible. They're too damn hot. How am I supposed to focus when I keep getting distracted by them man tiddies?
Number 3: Not Being a Virgin
If that BUSSY isn't as tight as Fort Knox this will not work out. I need it to shoot my attempts at penetration with 5.56mm to get any enjoyment from it. Loose bussy means they might know what they like; can't have that now can we?
Number 2: Being Straight
we all know how straight people act. there's NO WAY I can handle being around that for more than a few hours.
Number 1: The Y Chromosome
Let's face it, men are genetically inferior. They lack the genetic diversity to function properly, as evident by their constant stupidity. trans men > cis men for this exact reason
#rankings#lists#red flags#men#i dont know why I spent an hour on this#better than doing my job tho#written by an inferior Y-chromosome asexual btw
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I made @wolfythewitch 's fox Bill design out of polymer clay
It's pretty thin (so thin I'm afraid it'll snap in half anytime I lift it)
Front and back side:
#I love crafting stuff but it's more time consuming than drawing (and less satisfying to me) so I don't do it as often#this would make a pretty cool pin. too bad it's so fragile#this is useless btw. I'm afraid it's break even if I store it somewhere#but at least I had fun making it#like an idiot I decided it would be better if I used only yellow and painted the details after baking it#fast forward-> me trying to paint it with a permanent black marker and a white gel pen that's definitely not for that job#this design will forever be imprinted in my brain as the best fanmade bill design actually#gravity falls#gravity fowls#bill cipher#arts n crafts#polymer clay#don't look at my ugly fingers#this is obviously not actual folded like an origami. I just cut the pieces I needed (the body is one piece folded in half tho)#btw I used the oven just to bake this. rip the environment
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Saw a post about working class butches in physical labour jobs and wanted to make my own, so: I love you butches who do childcare or early education. I love you butch nurses. I love you butch house cleaners and janitorial staff. I love you service industry butches. I love you butches who do sex work. I love you working class butches who do āfeminineā jobs you are cool as hell
#butch#lgbtqia#lesbian#its me im butches doing stereotypically feminine work#when I was nannying full time I kind of thought of it as I was doing Nanny Gender#like especially bc I wore mostly dresses then for practicality reasons#which gave me The Dysphorias but yeah. my way of navigating that was to get a little fluid with it.#also even tho they donāt get perceived as such: all of these jobs are as physically demanding as many āphysicalā jobs#like girly at least when I worked in a warehouse/delivery bay I got to sit down#look I could probably think of a better term than āphysical labourā but like. you know what I mean.#anyway. sometimes you have those I am uncomfortable when we are not about me moments#and then you remember that you can just go talk about your experience
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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Having thoughts about Davetrap... Honestly the fact that he's So sentient is so tragic to me. It's like he said he's still a person he just looks different. Even the fact that he still needs food and is eating rats (which he ripped foxy's leg to do so better, unforgivable) yet seems capable of leaving but thing is WHERE to, y'know... I think this is a reality for most non human characters in this game but him being in such a state of disrepair definitely doesn't help, i mean, he literally couldn't be sold off, something he was clearly upset about (I also like that he called the maze shit a gig like that's cute, that's just his job).
Like its just, Dave was never much of anything, at all, we don't even know if this guy has a fucking home, but he still had some things in his favor, he was still somewhat well put and social and shit, so for him to be left like this it's like... I said it like thrice but its tragic its just tragic, man OT2
#luly talks#dsaf#dsaf davetrap#davetrap#dsaf dave#dave miller#im. kinda pained rn. like physically. i think i pulled a muscle too but also my eye spill is acting up#and i have a headache so forgive me not being able to make this post better but i hope my rips my hair off is being conveyed properly#like he's just. so... normal. for the standards he's being held at#HE'S A BETTER WORKER THAN JACK BY ALL MEANS FOR CRYING OUTLOUD#i actually am Not forgetting the henry tape that mentions this is the second time dave has been put thru this but i dont remember#the details and i wont look for them bc henry makes me Way too upset in those tapes but if someone wants to quote him be my guest#though i think i did see a fic where dave had to eat a rat im sure it was a fic and not the tape#i thiiiiiinkkkkkkkkk#but yeah its just. he is just kind of tied by hands and feet yknow!#like its super cruel. like he is too far removed from humanity physically to be considered a person. even if he wanted to...#just do anything. get a job. be able to afford shit. live. it'd be fucking Hard#he's literally a fucking cryptid. and his mental state only helps to worsen this. in typical these cunts fashion#nobody dehumanizes them like they dehumanize themselves PRAYING EMOJIIIIIII#its just sad. i'd fix him. i'd fix him so fast. i'd patch him up and wash him. i'd be beautiful. i'd do it. trust me bro. trust me.#<- (has no experience w mechanisms nor textiles arts)#<- ((makes it up w a big and genuine heart tho))
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god artists really do just pass around the same $20 bill cause dude over half my clients are other artists š and usually they're the ones that tip well!! i just wish i could afford to also commission other artists and buy stuff from their shops!
#as soon as i get my grants/scholarships im gonna buy some shit from artists i like#i gotta get some things for my wall cause i live in an empty white box#im going to a zine fest soon too so im excited to talk to local artists!!#gonna splurge on 1 big poster or something#i hope someone's selling sculpted magnets or other unique decorations#i gotta make a list of ppl i wanna buy from#idk if I'll commission anyone tho cause that's a whole other deal and more expensive#idk what i would commission#it'd have to be something from an artist who can draw that thing wayyyy better than i ever could#enough to justify me spending over $50-100 cause you know im not gonna pay pennies even if they're undercharging#i swear if i had a regular job id spend money on art every month#genuinely i think my ideal achievable life rn is working a head empty office job 30 hrs a week and doing art the rest of the time#building streams of casual income until i have enough to pivot to full-time art again MAYBE#but from what ive heard from post college full time artists... that shits hard and confusing and stressful...#these tags rly lost the plot huh...#just rambling#not art
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walked in this morning snd my coworker says You're training today! and I said Oh.
#IM OT GOOD WITH POEPLEEE Eepecially not new people and#the girl im training is quiet And so am i so im like forcing mhself to be kind of outgoing Its torture.#And i also dont know how to..ask people to do things#or tell them to do something#Which is like. almost all of what training is#omfg im only 18 and shy whyy whyyy#well its not too bad actall6 hut inwas really nervous at first but im getting more used to it#but i gave to train people bc im a Team Lead#which means nothing to me except thay i know how to do my job#and a 50 cent pay increase than not being one Wow..!#i wanna sleep so bad#Only. 3 and half more hours after my break ends.#i am glad tho atkeast it is good experience for like.. interacting with people#this job in general has made me a lot better at that and less anxiety aroujd it#but im still a shy and quiet person to begin with#and i say weird things on accident#Its funny tbh hiw often i say something just like. Something that i think is regular and normal#and not suppsed to be a joke or comedic and ppl im talking to start laughing#lile not my intent but if youre happy im happyš
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Maaan I love the optimistic advice "keep practicing and you'll get better at art" as much as the next artist, but it always rubs me the wrong way when that evolves into "just keep practicing and you WILL 100% succeed and CAN get into the industry."
It changes from good general advice to implying you're just doing something wrong if still haven't "made it" yet. Not in the industry? Well, you just haven't worked hard enough, obviously, as if there aren't plenty of other factors that play into "succeedingļæ½ļæ½ in a highly competitive industry like art.
Donāt let advice thatās supposed to be encouraging turn into something discouraging š
#thereās a lot more to worming your way into the art industry than just. studying art real hard and working your bones off#hard work only gets you so far.#a lot of āsuccessā also starts at childhood and that goes for any industry#having supportive family and even better if theyāre financially supportive#good early education. good physical and mental health. the ability to focus and do the same task over and over for hours#good social skills- because networking gets you a lot further than pure talent alone.#growing up in a convienaint location to even network at all. or the power to travel to such a location.#natural talent puts you ahead. brains work differently so itās ignorant to pretend natural talent isnāt a thing#some take to a skill faster than others because their brain comes out more wired for it. so their skills develop easier and faster#music never came to me. I canāt hear the tone of my own voice most of the time. I DID study music and take mystic classes as a teen#itās insulting to be banged over the head with āif you study music youāll start to get it.ā Iām 28#I know myself and have tried during an age which music is easier to learn and yet I did not. I donāt have talent for it- my brain doesnāt-#-grasp it. the same with any art. some will struggle more to learn visual art āgood enoughā for the industry#and implying that they just donāt get it yet becasue they havenāt tried hard enough is insulting#you can always get better. always always!! but sometimes grinding is justā¦ grinding. fruitless and painful#I failed algebra twice as a teen. I couldnāt understand punnet squares till my 20s.#saying work harder and youāll become a math professor would be insulting. implying I never tried to learn at all.#implying that even tho I took tutoring multiple times that maybe. if I just took one more. poor id suddenly be more able.#people work hard and it just clicks and 10 years later youāre in a great art industry jobā¦ youāre not the rule. youāre the exception#ugggh sorry :p just frustrated. sometimes people just donāt realize the kind of luck theyāve had in life and it irritates me
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how do i stop feeling like i'm in trouble all the time fr. sitting here on my lunch break like everyone's gonna be soooo mad when u get back...from lunch...which you are allowed to have.....(?)
#social anxiety kicking my ass so bad every day#unless my supervisor actually says hello you are doing an amazing job today and i dont hate you im like omg she hates me bc i suck......#miscounted the kids yesterday and left one on the playground for like two minutes and im still traumatized#she wasnt alone or anything there was another class w teachers but š¬š«#killing myself killing myself killing myself#i counted them five times today tho#and the playground was empty which made it easier but ugh#infinitely better than my last job and im actually good at this but i still feel like my supervisor doesn't like me#even tho i think she's just a bit awk and has anxiety also lol#she was reading a book abt coping with anxiety the other day lol#also my other coworker w the drama likes me but the drama is always threatening to happennagain bc she doesnt like our supervisor#anyway#my mentor just got here before lunch for her half day shift so i feel better but aaaaa#way less stressful than my last job tho and im grateful but very stressed lately#also the owner of the school was in the room im taking lunch for a while and im like omg she's gonna be annoyed that im here#she's gonna judge me for having a chocolate bar like a shitty spoiled young person or whatever and listening to music bc im rude#i need to calm down fr#she complained abt lazy inconsiderate young people at my job interview so now im paranoid abt every interaction w her lmao#bc i am a lazy oblivious young person and also i took a sick day my first week which is what she was complaining abt said young people doing#but i legitimately was throwing up i Had to call out#that's life in child care#but ughhhh#i was determined not to bc this is a job where they expect you to come in even if ur sick#but puking is my limit i genuinely couldn't do it#anyway.#normal adult experience#doctor who told my mom i was high functioning i want our money back
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this is a post scribbled angrily in glitter pen in my diary pls ignore <3
#this is so insecure and bullshit but like#sometimes writing fics is. no fun#bc you feel like you can't keep up with other writers just churning out fics and they're all so good and nuanced and better than yours#or bc you can't keep up with your own brain and all the ideas and you don't have the time to do them all justice#or bc you just can't get a spark of a conversation with other fans to catch fire the way you want to so you're just.#spinning wheels in your own head wishing you were better faster friendlier less alone#and let's not forget the fucking commodification of fandom#getting messages in your inbox only to find it's people harping for more content for a fandom on the back burner or a fic you've left behin#i love that you love my work like that but. it makes me feel like i'm at a family reunion and my aunt is asking me about the job i had#two jobs ago#and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs#so you spend your slivers of free time writing something you hope is good for these characters you love only to feel like you're standing#alone in the street hawking a mediocre finished product and everyone is walking past you disinterested#it's fucking isolating. it's draining#you can only write āfor yourselfā so much before it's not worth the time and effort#obviously i will keep writing. but like. it's fucking frustrating. and i feel like a petulant child about it but i just can't shake it#anyway. here's wonderwall or whatever
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I got an email from my grandpa today and all the draft responses Iāve been working on in my head sound like an 18th century letter thatās going to have to travel for months to reach him.
pandemic year 5 really has me feeling like me and a very small handful of people I know are living on an entirely different plane of existence than everyone else
#like I havenāt seen him in over a year. Iāve seen him 3 times since 2020#so I guess on the isolation and slow communication front itās pretty similar#he used my chosen name. I havenāt changed my email yet but he used my chosen name#I donāt even care at this point if he never gets my pronouns right#I thought Iād never be able to tell him. I didnāt want to find out his politics were more important#heās quiet and kind and he gives people expensive gifts any time he can afford it but he constantly forgets peopleās allergies#so he might get you something you canāt have but whoever you pass it along to will love it#he cries at weddings and during church services and sometimes random holidays#he passes out in his rocking chair at every family function#heās the unofficial photographer of every gathering ever since my great grandfather stopped being able to walk as much as the job requires#and he voted for trump in 2016 and has afaik an active nra membership#he once complimented my outfit by telling me heād call me a stud if I was a guy#which like. ok. I have some notes#but uh. thanks?#idk Iām just. it sucks being so far away from everyone and everything because the rest of the world is ignoring an ongoing pandemic#Iām missing so much of my life and others lives and even parts of my own transition#I can make steps to reach out but it only goes so far if poeple#are unwilling to mask or vaccinate or even just ask what needs to happen to make it safe#so I donāt. idk. kill my partner#or become even more disabled than I currently am#my familyās been making steps and theyāre taking me seriously but itās all so slow and Iām still sore from bracing for rejection#Iāve been bracing for rejection for so so long itās terrifying to reach out. about anything#this is not condusive to a healthy relationship lol#not sure what to do other than bonk myself on the head and say āget betterā tho#*bonk* ātry againā#one step at a time ig#ahshitherewegoagain.jpg#.txt
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Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them ā realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! ā realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond ā finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back ā finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common ā fear.
#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online#on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating#but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence#i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were#being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations'#not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities)#in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking#i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc#ā get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that ā realize thats not fair to them ā realize thats not fair to myself#ā assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them ā get along better and maybe make a new friend!#sorry i am rambling#idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future#but im also like ready to have this persons back#me š¤ them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across#and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc#not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!!#lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying#but not harmful#thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life#just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy.#or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly#again like only for shit that's not harmful obv#i need to shut up and go to bed
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I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me š if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
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i need everyone to pray for me. like spirit bomb style. Ms.self isolation (me) is going to Two concerts and a coworkers birthday party over the course of 3 days
#itās so funny bc iām like so ok at work and dependable and shit and i talk over the phone at work to doctors and nurses all daaaaa tiiiiime#but like Outside work socially? holy fuuuuuck iām a shaking chihuahua i can still hold a conversation but but but but but (short circuits)#i can talk FINE iāve held entire conversations with strangers itās OK but like#INTERNALLY ā¦ AAAAAA#LIKE OUTSIDE OK? online is a different story iām talkin about irl strangers#i used to have a job where i busted into ppls houses for a living and i got rly argumentative w old ppl but thatās not this#iām talkin like#like ppl around my own damn age#once they dig a liiiiiiitle deep past the surface like once * i * start getting asked genuine questions i start like . doin broken down car#noises da Jig is UP the Facade aaaa my normal act FUUUUCK#itās so funny bc all my coworkers like me but itās like bc they all know iām like That as in weird funny and iām so comfortable around all#of them :3 i love my coworkers šš they give me souvenirs all da time and i love being weird to them back#but like getting to know people oof. maybe itās not so different from workā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦#itās always like. worse in my head than what the situation ends up being as itās so stupid#and it takes like an entire village worth of effort to even Muster the courage to do things jesus CHRIST#i been getting better at it tho!!!! iām workin on it but itās just so so so so scary Probably because of da Trauma but aaaaaaahahaaaaaaa#whateeeverrrr itās all in da paaaast aaaaaaa
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I'm gonna be Completely honest and this is Not a dig at anyone who did like it btw but. Death Island. Kinda sucked in my opinion.
#i had fun watching with claire and ethan cause i always do with them#and i have enjoyed what we could pull from it for au stuff#but like. as far as The Actual Execution of the concepts of this movie#they did a piss poor job#the animation felt WORSE than vendetta and vendetta was SIX YEARS AGO. WHY#voicd acting was off#dylan sucked as a villain in my opinion#and just!! they could have done so much more with the girls and just with Everyone as a team specifically but they Dont and it Feels Bad!!#maybe its jsut because im not resident evil pilled rn or something but i love damnation and vendetta Way better than this one#but fr tho justice for all the girls cause both capcom AND the fandom is shit to them#me talking#death island
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please š#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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