kanekisbabymomma

[kanekisbabymomma]

and to add on to my last post, because there's more i want to say.

i can't turn my grief into art, because i go to write lyrics and nothing comes out. because all i want to do is scream into the microphone and just ask the universe why the fuck does this always happen??

i go to play the piano and it's like the keys don't play anything other than the same three chords i already know. my notes app goes blank and i just sit here staring at the wall wondering why my creative faucet feels like it's slightly dripping.

i've wanted to sing the past few nights, just covers, but everytime i go to sing a song i want to sing, i think about how i just need to stop ruminating on the past and move on. so i go and play my little phone game and right then start thinking about how quickly my latest friendgroup shattered.

i don't even go to pick up my headphones and microphone because the second i get into bed, all my drive to sing is asleep. in fact, i haven't been practicing singing, so i'm actually going to have to do more practice than actual covers.

so i go and i try to draw, try to do something to get my mind off of feeling upset so that i don't fuck up my makeup by bursting into tears like a leaking faucet, but i look at the tea and think about how i drank a lot of hot tea when i met them. or i think about something, ANYTHING, that reminds me of them. and then it just reminds me of what there WAS.

it's like i turn on all my diffusers, i look at my peace corner to try and meditate.... oh, i was still friends with them when i made my peace corner. or, oh, she told me a really good meditation technique that i still use.

it's like everything reminds me of them. which sounds cliche, but it's true.

i try to think about the fact that this is obviously my path, and that maybe at this time, i'm not meant to have friends. maybe i have some soul searching i need to do before i can have more friends, but at this point, i am just trying to recover from losing them.

i think about how sometimes handling things are meant to be done in an introverted style, but i can't help but miss the feeling of having actual friends who talked to me everyday. i've missed the notifications on my phone so much that i look forward to phone calls from debt collectors.

[kanekisbabymomma]

i really can't anymore with tumblr. in fact, i actually can't anymore with just people. people who are 100% ok with ruining someone's social circle just so that they can benefit from a flawed side of the story.

shit happened last month that i don't foresee myself EVER being able to get over in a fast amount of time. what happened reawoke whatever sleeping trauma i haven't even processed in the past, like, 3 years?

2021 was great! seriously. i have nostalgia for it when i didn't think i would, but it ended really fucked up. in fact, the beginning of 2022, i was down friends that i had known since 2014. since 2019.

and like, i could've done a whole lot better. i really could've handled our arguments better but i took accountability for it. but nobody in my generation CARES if you do!! all they see are your past mistakes.

i apologized, so many times to this one girl, let's call her alicia....

i would break down and cry apologizing to her for how i treated her in the past. she gave me comfort in her words by telling me that she never held a second of it against me, but the day we stopped being friends? she told me she never really got her trust back.

which, i guess, is understandable. but don't fucking tell me that everything is okay and that you trust me and then turn around and say you never did. it completely shattered me and i spent the entire year of 2022 avoiding all friends i had because i had nothing left to give them.

so when i came back, made a new social media account here and actually made friends, geez, i was shocked! it's like, all the doubt i had that i could have friends was gone.

oh well, that came and went. i sit here wondering if i'm capable of having friends or if i just don't fit in with people. i feel like my personal standards for friendships aren't too much, but i guess the past makes me wonder if i'm just too particular to have friends.

i could've treated my most recent friends better! i really could've and i admit it. not a day has gone by since us 'breaking apart' that i don't think about what i could've done better. sure, i could've came clean about some shit, but i was so surprised by having friends that i let myself get too far into that side of tumblr.

and of course, it came back to bite me in the ass. i've felt as if i can't pick back up where i left off, and this app feels so lonely. i'm flopping on here with my writing, nobody gives a flying fuck, and i'm practically begging on my hands and knees for MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS!!

i know the way i treated them, they probably feel a sense of relief that i'm so fucking burnt out right now, but i seriously feel like i'm never going to have friends. which fucking sucks, because all i want are people to joke around with.

yeah, i'm pretty fucking exhausted with this app. i keep coming back though because i am clinging to a false belief that i can make friends again. the friends i had before were amazing but here we are. am i posting this in hopes that someone will read it? NOT ANYMORE! i'm just talking to a piece of code on a screen at this point.

[kanekisbabymomma]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚: sooo i’ve decided to try and write some lil short fics about armin bc why not?! so here’s one of the first armin fics i wrote a couple years back!! (throwback to my wattpad days)

it’s inspired by the song “18th Floor Balcony” by Blue October. 

i hope you all enjoy it. ❤

abt the fic: fluff, armin is the readers boyfriend

"I close my eyes, and I smile; knowing that everything is alright."

You and your boyfriend, Armin, were sitting in your bed, cuddling and talking to each other.

It was dark in the room, the only light being the moonlight seeping through the white lace curtains, as they bellowed peacefully in the gentle breeze from outside.

Armin was clutching you as if you were a precious treasure that he could never allow to be stolen, his cold fingertips tracing intricate patterns onto the exposed skin of your thighs.

Your head on his chest, the soft rise and fall of his breathing comforting you as you listened to his heartbeat as if it was a sweet lullaby.

You were unaware that the balcony door was open, allowing the lights from the city to be let into the room, as well as the soft breeze from the outdoors.

It was a summer night, truly beautiful, and you both were soaking up this pure moment of peace, enjoying every single moment.

"Y/N, wait here. I have something."

He gently gets up, as you slowly lift your head up, wondering what he has.

You get up calmly, walking over to the balcony and grabbing the rail, taking in the beauty of the night.

Armin soon follows behind you, tapping your shoulder gently, as you turn around; looking at the small velvet box that he has in his hands.

Your eyes lit up, grabbing the box gently and opening it as it reveals a small ring with a moon design on it.

"It's not much, but I got us matching ones. Yours is the moon and mine is the sun. I hope you like it." He flashes a small, genuine smile as you put the ring on your finger, it fitting perfectly.

"It's beautiful, Armin!" You say, choking up ever so slightly as the ring glimmers in the pale moonlight. He grabs your hand, lifting it ever so gently and kissing it softly.

He kisses your pink lips gently, before gazing at the night city with a peaceful glint in his eyes.

You turn around and gaze at the city with him, grabbing the balcony railing once again, feeling content and happy.

Your hand intertwined with Armin's, as you rest your head on his shoulder, feeling free.

"And here we are, on this 18th floor balcony, flying away."

[kanekisbabymomma]

PLEASE i keep trying to make parts on my recent fic small but tumblr keeps glitching omg yall

[kanekisbabymomma]

armin comforts you after a tough week. hey, everyone! i'm maybe back to writing, who knows? i'm still trying to recover after a pretty rough time, so i figured that i'd write a comfort fic in case you all happened to be needing some comfort too. divider by kiyaedits about the fic: fluff, slightly angsty? reader is upset at first. armin is the readers partner. college au.

the sounds of your sniffles could be heard from the outside of your dorm room, so when your boyfriend was coming to drop off some food he had picked up, he was immediately alarmed by the sounds of your sadness.

he knocked on the door, gently saying your name. 'y/n?' he says, opening it and walking inside.

he steps inside- the smell of lavender incense filling his nose before he finds you on your couch, your head in your hands.

"oh, dear." he says, sitting down next to you. you look up at him, tears stained down your face, as you give him a sad look.

"what happened, love?" he says, kissing your forehead. you go to open your mouth, before stopping. "i just thought college was supposed to be fun." you say. "i thought i was gonna have a social life- thought i was gonna make friends that'd last me forever."

"you do! you have me, and mikasa, right?" he says, concerned as you continue to cry.

"yeah, but all the new people i met? they all just ended up leaving me."

he knew that you had troubles with socializing- hell, that's how you two met. he was one of the only people who showed you true love when everyone else played with your heart.

he stands up, grabbing a washcloth from your room. he runs it under warm water, and walks over to you, wiping away your mascara stains.

"we can talk about it all night, okay?" he says.

he hugs you, before sitting down next to you. "now, tell me all about it."

[kanekisbabymomma]

good morning elle nation

[kanekisbabymomma]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝑔𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆ ꕥ : elle ✧ byf ✧ about me ✧ ken kaneki's one and only wife *･῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ 💘 ✧.* : chevaneki ✧ 16!! ✧ ♋︎ ✧ she/her ♡ ✧༺♥༻∞✧༺♥༻∞✧༺♥༻∞✧༺♥༻∞ 🌸

dividers by si-eunnis and saradika-graphics

[kanekisbabymomma]

y'all don't know how many times i've tried to come back to tumblr and flopped. *eyeroll*

between my ocd and my therapists' (yes, i have one) validation of me being afraid to come back after failing the first time, i have been RATHER skeptical of opening this tab in my browser....

but, maybe. maybe now i'm ready to come back. i talked with one of my lovely moots from my old account and she helped a lot with giving me the inspo to come back!! and my therapist said that i could use tumblr for honing my social skills, since i've been introverted for a bit.

so, yeah!! elle part 2? maybe? tomorrow is a work day. let's see if my urge to make unhinged posts comes back. i miss my old friends but, i guess it wasn't in the cards that time!! <3 <3

[kanekisbabymomma]

teen pregnancy?? ken and i??

DAMN RIGHT!! aogiri kaneki is the father. he's 19 (canon) and i'm 16. by the romeo and juliet laws, it's completely legal!!

[kanekisbabymomma]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ byf. <3

ATTENTION!! read this before following!!

DNI if you're rude, hurtful, overall DNI material, a dick, or offended easily!!

also self shipping with ken kaneki?? THAT'S ALRIGHT! just follow at your own leisure because.. I'm not much of a sharer. but do what you will! <3 <3

[kanekisbabymomma]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ about me. <3

i'm 16, a music lover, and married to ken kaneki!! <3 <3

i'm opinionated, and may say something that offends you. if so, don't make a stink on my page- just simply move on, make yourself a nice cup of tea, and think about all the good that the sunshine and little bunnies bring to the world.

i'm fond of little bakery games that show little cinnamon rolls. i like dogs and soft things. milk and cookies is my comfort snack and i love springtime because of peeps and the fact that the weather is amazing.

i can lift a fully grown horse above my head. to settle a wager, i once ate 10 pounds of great value's melt n dip cheese and ran a mile in lingerie. i can see for 10 miles unaided by a lens and i don't like schnauzer's.

[kanekisbabymomma]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ about us. <3

hi there! if you'd like to know more about ken and i, then you're at the right place! 

𝐰𝐡𝐨: Ken Kaneki

𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞: chevaneki <3

𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐫𝐲: august 10, 2020

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈/𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜: he is an infp and a sagittarius, i'm an istp and a cancer!

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬: he likes quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation, and i like quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation!

𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐫: we both own a coffee shop!

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: i thought he was super cute, and then i saw him with his white hair, well... ☕ : i thought she was the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. i thought, how could anyone be as pretty as her? plus, her smarts got me.

𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫: we had known each other, but we started hanging out a lot one summer night, and then we just became a thing!

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞: definitely my mom, and family! both of our friends are also super supportive too. although, there was this one guy who talked shit about our relationship.... but kaneki had a talk with him and all is well. <3 <3

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩?: in the past, learning how to navigate astral relationships was difficult, we always talk it out. <3

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬: we have been known to go into separate rooms to burn off steam, but then, if apologies are needed, we apologize and move on.

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞: we walked around town, talking about our lives. we listened to music together, and we shared a few cigarettes.

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞: driving at night, listening to music, and even going to clubs.

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬: we were standing on our porch, and he kissed me after we both admitted feelings for each other.... <3 <3

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧: see 'first kiss'.

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: hugs, kisses n cuddles!!

𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬: both of us cook, but i will say, i love it when he cooks! he makes the best cinnamon rolls (gluten free, of course, since he knows i get sick if i eat gluten!)

𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐝: we are actually both night owls, so we go to bed at the same time.

𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟/𝐨: i hold him and play with his hair, i also give him a blanket or a sweater of mine to snuggle with.

𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟/𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮: he'll hold me, and talk to me. he'll rub my back and feet, play with my hair....

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞: we'll face eachother and hold each other, but we'll also spoon eachother!

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦: his kindness. he's absolutely the sweetest man ever and i love all he does for our family.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮: he loves my kindness, and also work ethic. he also loves my intelligence and how we can both hold an intellectual convo with each other!

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐥: he took me out on a date, and afterwards, took me to starbucks for coffees. that's when we walked in and the whole place was decorated beautifully, and he proposed to me right there.

𝐰𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠: i was just barely pregnant and it was an amazing day! i wore this lovely purple and white dress, and he wore this beautiful white suit. his hair was slicked back, and after we kissed, we bit each other so that marks of each other would be seen forever.

𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲: i got pregnant after we did it the first time, and of course, we had twins, a boy, and a girl. we're actually expecting currently.... ♡ ♡