#best thing is i didnt even decide that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 11 months ago

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mc: this is the one person i still somewhat trust, she's reliable and safe

said person, the second the mc falls through her window and just lies on the ground bc his body is about to shut down: *kicking him in the ribs with reinforced boots* hey asshole what the actual fuck are you doing now and can you piss off again

#followed by a 'ohmygod you have a KID?' and a 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT KID WTF'#i love them theyre so silly #the thing is this is true. this person kicking my mc in the ribs basically the only one who cares abt him #well theres one or two others but we dont talk about them. yet. until my mc is forced to confront its past #no but i honestly think this dynamic is the funniest shit ever #best thing is i didnt even decide that #mech just came in there and started hating and kicking. i had NO part in that #swearsies #my ocs #oc posting #a biscuit's rambles

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thebirdandhersong · 1 month ago

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Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

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perenlop · 1 month ago

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i feel like the biggest buzzkill not liking metadad content fjfjfjdr

#its not even bc of isat making me dislike fandomified found family that tries to force everyone into the mommy/daddy/sister etc #role #(while also getting mad and going ‘’you cant ship those two characters because we decided they were siblings in the found family’’#like ik i admitted i did that with sirica and joe but thats because i was a closet lesbo who had a crush on her and didnt know how else to #explain why i hated sirica being shipped with a boy. and i wasnt even double digits when i did that)#ive just never really cared for the concept. hes like a cousin at best if we stick to those rules #at least with kirby i can understand that bc kirby is a child and lots of ppl love the hc that mk is his dad #and hes in a mentorship role towards him in the anime anyways so you could still expand on that #but with joe and sirica ive never cared for it. mostly bc those two have parents that they love already #and while theyre deceased its still clear that the two are fine on their own #and it feels weird that theyd want meta to be their dad with all that baggage yknow. like they care about him now #and theyve worked things out but i feel like theyd just feel weird about that #anyways its not a bad hc but i felt like a real asshole going into the tags last night and seeing that everywhere djdjdjdj #and i could just go ‘’he would not say that’’#echoed voice

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sonknuxadow · 11 months ago

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^ guy who has to draw funny hedgehogs or else they will die

#okay i did draw stuff that didnt involve the hedgehog characters i promise i was just picking my favorites/what i thought was the best #from each month and realized i kept picking stuff with sonic and/or shadow in it #so i decided i would make all of them have at least one hedgehog character because the pattern was funny to me #anyway kind of disappointed with how little i drew this year ive been struggling with motivation to do art for a while now #but . i did get at least one or two finished drawings for each month.#and i also managed to do artfight even if i did less art for that than ive done in the past #whihc are still accomplishments i think. considering how ive been feeling #also i didnt get to do one of these last year because my laptop decided to stop working around december #and i did get a new one soon after. but i wasnt able to get access to the stuff on my old one until a little while into the year #and at that point it felt like the moment had passed and it would be awkward to post the art summary thing . so i just didnt #so . yay i get to do it this time #if this picture is making you notice how inconsistent the way i draw werehog sonic is no it isnt

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faaun · 3 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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jeremywasriven · 9 months ago

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the fuck is canon? i forgot everything about popular girl including her name, all i remember is she was cool and bubbly and fed the boys a toxic love potion and thats everything i needed to know. i thought she was a lot darker than she was and basically all i remembered abt her appearance is the cheerleader thing and silver hair. but why would she wear cheerleader gear 24/7 when she can wear an outfit i own in different bubblier colours?

obviously theyre lesbians. gbpatch too scared. ill take the rest of the boys dw jb theyre in good hands

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thedrotter · 6 months ago

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cw blood (kind of? in different colors that dont make it look quite like it), organs

warm up + greyscale screen filter challenge !!! featuring yuuichi eating normal human (in origin) food😁😁😁

#re:kinder #fanart #yuuichi mizuoka #he was meant to be eating watermelon #but as usual my brain felt silly goofy and decided to twist it for the lols #havent done rendering since i was 15 have mercy #since this is a warm up there are. more mistakes than usual but in my defense i forgot how to draw #michael how did you forget how to draw you were drawing JUST 4 DAYS AGO #ocurre y acontece the yet to be diagnosed and determined hand condition has been acting up in those days i have not drawn #AND SOMEHOW IT MESSED WITH MY HAND TO EYE COORDINATION it got rid of my inner calibration settings ig #but since being out of it for days in pain made me sad I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE STOPPRD FROM DRAWING YUUICHI FOR THE MILLIONTJ TIME #it would have been a bad idea to let myself rust even longer because i dont know if unspecified undetermined condition will act up tomorrow #so irs best to draw and warm up and set back them inner calibration settings #IT WORKED AND THIS DRAWING TURNED OJT BLUE😭😭😭#OF ALL THINGS I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD TURN OUT BLUE whenever i did look at the color wheel i swear. i was on the warm side #placed greyscale filter on computer so i wouldnt see color and painted like that tossing random colors AND YET IT TJRNED OUT UNIFIED #which. welcome results but i cannot believe it is blue and green. i swear whenver i looked at thay cplored wheel it was up in the warm side #well most of the time i did not look at it so it makes sense i didnt realize but i seriously did not think it would look as coherent #doesnt have any deep meaning or anytjing i just found random referenxe and flew from there #but interpret as you will if you wanna

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hecksupremechips · 9 months ago

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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules

#the klock keeps ticking #i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter #cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts #and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it #plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice #i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of #commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out #but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just #wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts #aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally #i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is #and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route #cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet #its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately #and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing #and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god #like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better #she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years #like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex #and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn #and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset #rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions #and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand #that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good #character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let #her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make #everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED #ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING

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mechanicalbowtye · 2 months ago

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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home

#tw vent #in tags at least #when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive #friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend #and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep #depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her #like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest #friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots #in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it #blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never #got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus #it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had #read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt #think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read #gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it #anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want #glad i have like 5 followers rip

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orcelito · 11 months ago

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The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow

The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[

#speculation nation #negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even #like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh #even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time #something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope #i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them #like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for #and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her #really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time #so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her #so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.

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nie7027 · 3 months ago

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OMGGGGGGG I HAD NEVER WATCHED THE SPECIAL OVA DEDICATED TO NAOYA AND KOU!!!!

ITS SO PRECIOUS!!!!!😭😭😭

#wotakoi #I DONT KNOW WHAT I LOVE MORE #all the plushies naoya has now thanks to kou #HE GOT HIMSELF A GIRLFRIEND WHO CAN GET HIL ALL THE PLUSHIED HE WANTS #and he likes them! he plays with them!#AND HES SO CUTE #OR THE FUCKING CONFESSION #i cant believe she would admit she liked him first #BUT THEN SHE HAD TO BACKTRACKKKKKKK DXXXX #BUT HOLY FUCK NAOYA GOT SERIOUS #NAOYA REALIZED ABOUT HIS OWN CRUSH #and now that he did hes so determined #HES GOING FOR IT #he might have not realized when he fell for her #but boy he fell harder #and all thanks to his friends #god they are the best #not only for the way they played wingmen and helped nao realize his crush #but also because they are just so cool and nice #THE EXTRAS OF THEM AND NOYA WEARING GIRLS UNIFORM #thats so cute! how chill and happy they looked t #they even put the effort to tie their hair #its specially funny because THEY ARE COLLEGE STUDENTS #they dont wear uniforms #BUT THEY WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO GET GIRLS UNIFORMS AND TAKE GROUP PICS WITH KOU #thats so cute #AND KOU LOOKED SO ORETTY WITH THE OUTFIT NARU PICKED FOR HER #confidence suits her so well #and the way she didnt try to wait for Nao to tell her she isnt all the bad and boring things her brain tells her she is #but actually decided to believe that even if she was all those things it didnt matter thats it was ok to be all those things with nao

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jfkisonthemoon · 1 year ago

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i finished vlr

#TENMYOUJI AND QUARK TENMYOUJI AND QUARK CAN ANYBODY FUCKING HEAR ME IS THIS THING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!#in general i loved quark and i LOVED the writing direction they went with tenmyouji #i mean. dont get me wrong i hated it at first. and then i fell asleep and ive decided i like it #tenmyouji got him a fucking root beer float.........#i didnt like how they switched from the games being about the group and their interactions into just being 'because we have to!'#the group dynamic was one of the best parts of 999 #and dont get me wrong i liked (most) of the characters in this one but they werent as iconic #dio and sigma though. man shut the fuck up. this isnt about you.#dont even get me started on how they butchered my girls. clover is NOT that stupid and [redacted] would not fucking do that #feeling like i need to replay the true end of 999 now.#anyway. quark has taken to saying 'root beer floats my boat' which warms tenmyoujis heart. if you even fucking care.#i might post about this more we'll see how insane i feel #zero escape #jessie speaks

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frogathy · 1 year ago

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childhood was spent thinking i’d go to hell and men would not love me if i swore so now to heal from that i am swearing as much as i fucking can until i come to my own fucking conclusion about how i feel regarding the usage of such crude vocabulary

#it needs to be my own decision and understanding that i do not want to swear #not because other people Told Me it’s not ladylike or im going to go to hell if i do it #if i end up deciding hey you know what i really dont like swearing then Boom i actually have a reason other than guilt and shame #because i will have been able to feel something Other than guilt and shame when swearing. if that makes sense #like instead of being consumed by guilt and shame every time i swear or think about swearing #i am able to come to it without bias and understand for myself (without guilt and shame) why it is wrong or harmful #(or rather IF it is wrong or harmful. ive not comr to my conclusion yet but you can see i still have preconceived notions about it)#and who knows maybe men wont love me after all and i will be unloved by God if i swear #then so be it because ive never known a single thing in my life without someone else telling me #i just want to figure it out and understand for myself without someone holding my hand because im too stupid to come to my own conclusion #my parents put me in a classical school so i could learn to think critically but then have removed every chance for me to think critically #because they are afraid i will make the wrong decision (even though supposedly i have learned critical thinking™)#and they didnt do that intentionally of course. and this sounds resentful but i truly dont mean it that way #i LOVE my parents and the fact that they wanted to put money into giving us good education rather than just nice possessions #they have wonderful hearts and the best of intentions. but no parent is perfect and every single one will affect their kids in some way #whether they meant to or not. or maybe they did something with good intention without realizing the harmful outcome #every day i realize that individuation is an actual thing and its not just a montage in a disney movie #froegis meep tag

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vilelittlecritter · 2 years ago

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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

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skrunksthatwunk · 7 months ago

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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

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randomcollection-o-stuff · 11 months ago

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Watching this show is making me realize how much I adored the book series. Like I was one of those kids who knew all about Greek mythology and read the series a million times; I guess I didn't completely realize how much they impacted me and its all flooding back to me as I watch, like things I completely forgot are being retrieved from some vault in my mind and I go "I remember that!!!!"

Idk ig it's just really cool to access that part of me that I forgot about again.

#like genuinely i remember nothing from middle school #not a goddamn thing #idk i am having thoughts and feelings and am just rambling but its nice to remember a little bit of that gap #i didnt even think too much about the show when we started watching but it kinda cracked open a window to memories i thought i lost #something to think about #in other news i really tried getting my sibling into the series but it just never really happened!#like they never really cared about the books too much and left in the middle of episode two!#seeing the gap is strange but i had really hoped they would like the show #hmmmmmmmmmmmm many things to consider thank you Mr. Riordan #pjo #i really didnt think too much about it when we decided to watch but now i have Many #ollie rambles #<<<<best use of that tag thus far

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