#being a person who's worth telling stories about
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Everyoneâs correct in saying that now more than ever we need to be building our communities, but it can be difficult to know what that actually *means*, especially in our isolating society. So hereâs some straightforward practical advice Iâve learned over the few years Iâve been organizing in my own life.
You do not have to reinvent the wheel.
There are people who have been fighting this fight for decades. You are not starting from scratch. You do not have to do it all by yourself. All you have to do is find your allies and engage.
On the ground resistance movements/aid organizations that have legs under them may not have much of a social media presence. You may have to do some legwork find your place.
Check the local papers if you have one for your area. Sign up for your city government newsletter. Go to the library and ask what events are being hosted. Check Churches! Schools! Small businesses! Ask your local old ladies!!!! They have time on their hands and know whatâs going on in their communities.
Itâs ok if you donât know anything. Listen to the people around you, ask questions, be respectful and curious. Just show up!! As you do this, you will learn more about the place youâre in and the people that live there. Those people will guide you, and thereâs a non-zero chance that youâll find a mentor willing to take you under their wing.
The logistics make the movement.
Demonstrations are important and powerful, but they are NOT the be all end all. Not even close.
There are people whoâs job it is to take notes, people who host meetings, and people who pick up snacks. Some folks are especially good at getting the word out through tabling and canvasing, others are better at making the pamphlets that get handed out. You could be in charge of carrying heavy boxes of donated food, or you might be better suited preparing a hot meal sitting at the table. Are you able to watch young children? Drive carpool?
All of these tasks and more are essential to maintaining a healthy community group. Donât be afraid to try new things and experiment to figure out where you can do the most good.
Your stories are your power
One of the most effective tools in your arsenal are your testimonies. When shared with friends they remind us we are not alone in our struggles. When shared with adversaries, they are undeniable proof of our humanity. You can quote facts and statistics all day, but a personal experience will always punch above itâs weight.
Think over your life and explore questions of what your personal stake in the game is. What about your life makes you want to fight. Really dig in deep. This can be uncomfortable. I recommend doing this among friends and being gentle with yourself. You donât have to have any particularly special reason. This isnât supposed to be performative. You arenât trying to get a good grade in leftism, your goal is to identify your self interest. For example, I first got involved with the tenet union because I wanted to go to college in the city but knew I couldnât afford to live there. I first got involved with planned parenthood because I was scared when Roe v Wade overturned. These are selfish reasons, they have to be for this to work.
With that information, you are prepared to sit with other people and ask them the same thing. If you are open and willing to listen to peopleâs stories, a casual conversation can lead to strong bonds of friendship. And when youâre friends with someone, you fight for them. This is the core of relational organizing.
There is joy here
Organizing can be difficult. Many things are in life. But from personal experience I can tell you that not only is this work worth it, but it can be *fun*. You can sing and dance and play music and scream and laugh and youâll do it all together. Hold onto your hope, find your joy where you can, and take the plunge. Youâll be better for it, I promise.
#us elections#us politics#community building#donald trump#kamala harris#hopepunk#if any of my posts are ever to blow up I hope itâs this one#let me know if I should add more tags
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Itâs true that Snape is a deeply flawed, morally ambiguous characterâhis behavior toward students, including Neville, is often indefensible. However, reducing him solely to his worst actions overlooks the complex, systemic factors, including class, that shaped his character. While many protagonists in Harry Potter have faced hardships, Snapeâs struggle is distinct because it intertwines poverty, social marginalization, and early experiences of abuse. His class and background donât excuse his behavior but help explain the path he takes, including his susceptibility to the Death Eaters, who exploited his insecurities and offered him a sense of belonging and power heâd never experienced.
To say thereâs ânothing about classâ ignores how class dynamics influence nearly every interaction he has at Hogwarts. The Maraudersâ treatment of Snape was steeped in class privilege: James and Sirius, as wealthy, popular boys from established wizarding families, could bully Snape without consequence. Snape, a working-class half-blood who wore secondhand clothes and came from a broken home, was the perfect target. While the Marauders certainly had their own struggles, they were empowered by their social status, giving them the freedom to mock and humiliate Snape without repercussions. This type of class-based exclusion is often at the root of resentment and bitterness, and itâs clear that Snapeâs antagonistic behavior is partly rooted in how he was treated because of his background.
Snapeâs alignment with the Death Eaters is another area that deserves nuance. He was drawn to their ideology partly because it offered him power in a society that had long dismissed him. His choice to join is reprehensible, but the contextâhis struggle with self-worth, class-based resentment, and isolationâis significant. Other characters, such as Draco Malfoy, are given this same grace in the fandom, recognized as products of their environment who are redeemable despite their backgrounds. Dismissing Snapeâs past and his class struggles while granting other characters complexity and the capacity for redemption is a form of selective empathy that favors charismatic, wealthy characters over more complicated, marginalized ones.
The argument also brings up valid points about Snapeâs treatment of students, like his cruelty toward Neville and Hermione. However, while these actions are undeniably wrong, they also reflect Snapeâs unresolved trauma and bitterness, particularly around issues of vulnerability and inadequacy. Snapeâs hatred of vulnerability likely stems from his own experiences of being victimized, leading him to target âweakerâ studentsâa terrible, cyclical behavior often observed in abuse survivors. This doesnât excuse him, but it provides context for why a character who was bullied and humiliated might repeat those patterns, especially in an institution that failed to intervene.
The fandom often overlooks how class influences charactersâ choices, particularly with Snape. Itâs telling that the same actions in privileged characters, like Jamesâs bullying or Dracoâs prejudice, are excused or even romanticized, while Snapeâs flaws are framed as innate moral failures. Dismissing Snapeâs class background and trauma oversimplifies his character and perpetuates a fandom bias that valorizes âcharmingâ characters while villainizing complex ones. His story isnât a straightforward tale of villainy but a cautionary example of how trauma, isolation, and class-based prejudice can warp a person, especially in a society that offers little support for those who fall outside its privileged circles.
Snape is neither an innocent victim nor a straightforward villain. Instead, heâs a layered character who embodies the messy, painful reality of someone trying to reconcile trauma, bitterness, and loyalty in a world that continually denies him respect and validation. Ignoring these aspects of his character reduces the depth of the Harry Potter narrative, turning it into a simplistic morality tale rather than a nuanced exploration of how class and trauma can shapeâand sometimes destroyâa person.
Itâs also important to note that focusing solely on Snapeâs actions as an adult overlooks the context of his formative years, especially his relationship with the Marauders. The original discussion centers on how class and social dynamics impacted young Snape, long before he became the bitter, abusive teacher heâs often criticized for being. Many arguments against Snape conflate his adult actions with his experiences as a child and teenager, missing the point that his treatment at Hogwarts by the Marauders was shaped heavily by class biases and power imbalances.
Snapeâs negative traits as an adult donât negate the fact that he was targeted by privileged, powerful peers in his youth. This dynamic of systematic bullying, shaped by social status, profoundly affected Snapeâs sense of self-worth and reinforced his belief that he was an outsider, no matter his talents or intelligence. When fans use his later actions to retroactively justify the bullying he endured as a young man, they ignore the toxic cycle that social marginalization can set into motion.
The story of Snapeâs bullying by the Marauders is not just about him as an adult but about how unchecked power and privilege in youth can harm and warp someone. To understand Snapeâs character fully, one has to consider how his childhood and adolescenceâparticularly the impact of relentless bullying from wealthy, popular studentsâcontributed to his bitter, defensive personality later in life. Reducing the conversation to âSnape was a bad adultâ oversimplifies the issue, missing the broader narrative of how trauma, class discrimination, and social alienation shaped the character we see.
The Bias of Charm: How Marauders Fans Justify Bullying and Overlook Class Dynamics in the Harry Potter Fandom
Fans of the Marauders frequently justify or downplay their bullying of Snape, often casting Snape as the villain to avoid confronting the darker implications of their heroesâ actions. This tendency reveals a problematic side of fandom, where fans prioritize the Maraudersâ charm and charisma over the moral weight of their actions. Rather than acknowledging the classist and systemic nature of the bullying, fans often portray Snape as deserving of his treatment, turning him into a flat antagonist in order to shield the Marauders from criticism. This approach disregards the nuances of both Snapeâs character and the social dynamics at play, simplifying a complex situation into a narrative where âcool, popular kidsâ rightfully victimize an âundesirableâ outcast.
By villainizing Snape, fans avoid grappling with the uncomfortable reality that the Marauders, particularly James and Sirius, weaponized their privilege in a way that was deeply harmful. This fan perception reinforces the social hierarchies within the narrative itself, essentially suggesting that itâs acceptable to mistreat those who donât fit the mold of wealth, looks, and popularity. For example, James is often defended as âjust a teenagerâ or âa prankster,â while Snapeâs own teenage flaws are held against him as evidence of inherent malice. This double standard reflects how class and charisma influence perceptions of morality, as fans are more willing to forgive or ignore the actions of characters they find relatable or attractive.
This selective empathy is problematic because it mirrors real-world attitudes that excuse harmful behavior based on social status. It also perpetuates harmful stereotypes by casting Snape, who comes from a disadvantaged background, as a natural antagonist whose suffering is somehow justified by his flaws. In doing so, the fandom misses an opportunity for deeper analysis of how class, power, and privilege affect behavior and relationships. Instead of acknowledging that Snapeâs bitterness and resentment are largely products of his environment and experiences, fans often frame these traits as intrinsic, validating the Maraudersâ treatment of him as somehow deserved.
The tendency to gloss over the Maraudersâ flaws and project all moral blame onto Snape perpetuates a shallow understanding of the characters, effectively erasing the social commentary Rowling embedded within their interactions. This unwillingness to critically examine favorite characters reflects a broader issue within fandom culture, where uncomfortable truths about beloved characters are ignored in favor of an idealized, sanitized view. Consequently, Snape becomes a scapegoat, and the Marauders are preserved as untouchable heroes, depriving the narrative of its complexity and turning a nuanced story of prejudice, trauma, and class into a simple tale of âgood vs. bad.â
Ultimately, this biased interpretation hinders meaningful engagement with the text and reinforces a mindset that excuses bullying when it comes from socially accepted figures. By failing to confront the class-based bullying Snape endured, fans inadvertently reinforce the same attitudes the Marauders themselves embodied, upholding a shallow, elitist perspective that undermines the moral depth of the story. This approach not only diminishes Snapeâs character but also restricts the fandomâs capacity to engage with the storyâs social critiques, resulting in a fandom culture that favors charm over accountability and surface-level narratives over meaningful reflection.
#but ok you can choose to ignore everything#and just rant about how bad he was as an adult#just for not assuming that the golden Gryffindors were a bunch of classist jerks#severus snape#pro severus snape#harry potter
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the amount of people into bloodweave who are in their late 20s-30s-40s and have said they haven't been in fandom spaces for a long time but have decided to take the plunge again bc of these two makes me so happy. even at 21 i'm really worried about not being able to interact with fandom anymore when i grow a bit older, or worrying that i'm "too old" (crazy, i know) to be involved with this kind of thing anymore. it seriously warms my heart to see people who are fully grown with fulfilling lives still enjoying being silly in fandom.
with the advent of the internet and modern social media, fandom has slowly grown more and more centered around children. and it's not a bad thing that a lot of kids have fandom spaces for themselves! i think spaces for kids are really important, especially with how much fandom can lend itself to 18+ content. but being a fan of something and being told by other kids around you that once you're an adult, it'll be not only cringe but predatory to be a fan, is pretty damaging.
fandom was made by mostly middle-aged women, and every time i see that legacy continued on despite changing demographics i get really happy! no matter how much the actual interest changes, fandom in general has been my home for a long time (like 8 years now), and i'm happy to see evidence that i can be here for a long time yet. i love it here and it's so fun. i'm less afraid of getting older when i see that i can still be the autistic nerd i've always been no matter how many years go by.
#op#i had a discussion with a friend about this and how adult fandom spaces are so freeing to be in#whereas the spaces i was in at 16-20 were very centered around the experiences of children and very young adults#and there was a widespread view that being a legal adult meant you weren't supposed to enjoy these things anymore#that fanfiction and fandom and gushing about ships and your favs is too childish#that once you reach 30 or 25 or even 20 you're way too old to be there#which is stupid!! and i'm happy to be interacting with a fandom that will understand that's stupid#this is like. also why representation in terms of age matters i think. especially in fiction#when all your favorite protagonists start to be younger than you it makes you feel a little bit like you're growing out of#being a person who's worth telling stories about#idk it just means a lot to me
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I too would love a Haymitch POV, but you know what POV I'd love to see in sunrise? Haymitch's mentor.
Allegedly, at least according to the Capitol, there's no previous victor of district 12, so I'm assuming the mentor must be Capitol-assigned. However, other districts like 1 and 2 will have had countless of winners after 49 games, in fact I'm guessing most districts will have victors as mentors. But not district twelve, not yet.
I wonder how it would feel, as a Capitol citizen, to be so excited to be assigned a mentor position, to dress up all flashy for it and to then sit in a room filled with anxious, deeply traumatized people watching what you consider the Eurovision of your youth as they quietly despise every second of it and watch in horror as you laugh and clap. It must be so strange, so isolating and uncanny, so unlike everything you've ever known to hear these victors' snide comments towards the gamemakers, their ungratefulness for what they've gotten from their own victories and their unfiltered hatred that hides behind the famous, glorious personas you know them as. Every second in the training center with your two tributes, in the moments shared with your fellow mentors as they gear up to talk to sponsors as if they're readying for battle, it all leaves small cracks in the worldview you've gotten so comfortable with for all your life.
Yeah, I truly wonder how that mentor must feel.
#thg#the hunger games#sotr#sunrise on the reaping#also since this book is specifically about propaganda it just seems right to pick a capitol pov you know?#we've had snow and yeah he was prejudiced as hell#but he instilled this mindset into these people. he MADE the games a show.#I'd love to see it from a pov of someone who has known nothing else than to consider the games a spectacular game show#who looks at it the way we view the met gala (+ at a time when it's produced like the met gala too- that wasn't the case yet in ballad)#especially with the mix of a handful of mentors being capitol but most others being victors who lived through it#who could never see the games that way- as if it's just a spectacle. an annual show for the capitol and not the horrifying nightmare it is#to have a capitol person amidst victors as mentor seems like it would be such an interesting take#yeah that seems like a story worth telling to me
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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Ah, got it! I probably misunderstood some of what you were saying in the original ask. Definitely don't take that original response as me saying you should respect the writers! I don't follow them and the little I've heard just from being in the fandom has turned me off completely. Saying, "I think they did the best they could" isn't a complement, it's just what I genuinely think.
It's a tricky thing to discuss because, on the one hand, the writing is legitimately terrible and the writers have not put their best foot forward in the public sphere. But on the other hand, we don't know the full story behind why things in canon turned out the way they did, so I'm always wary of pointing fingers without hard evidence. That makes me feel really icky. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me so I won't do it to others. Innocent until proven guilty and all that. If there's evidence, then I will happily judge! No evidence? I'll stick to talking about canon without saying who is at fault because we simply don't know.
I also don't want to come across as acting like I could personally fix canon or that canon should obviously have done X because that's way too arrogant a stance for me to take. I don't know what restrictions the writers are dealing with and why things are this bad. Obviously the writers played a part in the disaster, I just don't know how big their part was.
That's why I used the Chat Blanc example. In my personal opinion, Chat Blanc should never have made it into the show. It's a bad fit. But it's still worth noting that the Chat Blanc we got isn't the one they wanted to tell as that's a classic example of how writing for a show like this works. There are a lot of hoops to jump through. What makes it to the screen is unlikely to make any one person perfectly happy.
That's also why I tend to focus on the story and not talk about the behind the scenes stuff too much. I know what made it into the story and can talk about that without needing to make any assumptions. The behind the scenes stuff? I just don't know enough to give informed views, so I come across very conservative when I discuss the topic. While it's fun to spit fire, I'd rather be overly generous in my speculations than risk spreading misinformation when I'm discussing things in a big public setting like a Tumblr post. I reserve my hot takes for less public settings.
(I wish I could ask this in a video with GamingMagic13âs editing style, but I donât have the energy for that.)
People say that, after Antibug, ChloĂ©âs redeeming qualities started to show through throughout Seasons 2 and 3 because Thomas Astruc didnât contribute to those episodes of those seasons as if he wasnât on the writing team for every episode for those two seasons, including the ones showing ChloĂ©âs redeeming qualities.
Itâs not âThomas left so the other writers started to make a redemption for ChloĂ©, but then he came back and threw it all awayâ, itâs leaning more towards âThomas, along with other writers, wanted to waste our time with ChloĂ© pity parties for two seasons and trick people into feeling bad for her, which worked on plenty of reactors, and then yank the rug out from under them just for the sake of pulling a rug out from viewersâ whether itâs the truth or not.
Also, do you get the feeling that, if people werenât harassing Thomas and his family over ChloĂ©âs âabandoned redemptionâ, ChloĂ© wouldnât have been made into evil incarnate to spite people?
Considering that the hiatus between Seasons 3 and 4 started towards the end of 2019, had to continue throughout 2020 due to the COVID pandemic with only the New York special to keep us busy in September 2020, and then finally ended shortly after 2021 started, that would have been plenty of time to rework scripts, because we know he was also on the writing team for every episode of Seasons 4 and 5 alongside 2 and 3, to made Chloé more and more unlikeable while propping up the male adults to spite Chloé fans, like several episodes of Teen Titans GO! and even this show are guilty of.
Whether all of this is true or not, I think it all lines up too well for too many other outcomes.
The "Thomas Astruc was able to completely rewrite the plans for this character and no one stopped him" take has always been a little wild to me especially since Chloe never showed meaningful improvement in canon. In fact, now that we've seen her story play out in all it's disappointing and time-wasting glory, you can even argue that Despair Bear was straight up telling you what we were in for since it's the same plot, just on a smaller scale.
As far as I know, there is no evidence for this "Chloe was rewritten" conspiracy. At the very least, no one has sent any my way on the multiple occasions when I've asked for it. Astruc is a credited writer for pretty much every episode involved in the Queen Bee arc and, while head writers have a good deal of power, they often don't have supreme power over their shows. This is especially true when it comes to kids shows since those have a lot of restrictions on what they can do. While I cannot speak French, I've been told that this class involves one of the writers talking about the multiple darker version of Chat Blanc that were rejected, leading to Chat Blanc being a season three episode instead of a season two episode like they originally planned.
These shows are products that are being sold to buyers who do have the power to reject the product and the writers work for a company. In most cases, they can be stopped!
There's also the fact that this is Astruc's career that we're talking about. You're arguing that he purposely messed with his reputation and screwed up the writing in the show that he's most well-known for in order to get back at online randos instead of just blocking them and moving on with his life. That's an insanely hard sell for me. Unintentional bad writing is a much easier explanation especially since he has nothing to gain from people disliking the Chloé stuff. This wasn't situation where Astruc needed to tank the show to get out of writing it. If Astruc left the project, then Miraculous would go on without him. While he came up with the initial idea, Zag owns the property.
Unless someone has hard evidence that Chloé was changed to spite fans, I am never going to buy into this conspiracy theory. Her bad writing is too in line with the show's other issues. Remember, this is the show that gave us Derision, everything about Lila, and Gabriel getting an 'ascends into the light with a smile' ending while his son sat the fight out and remains in the dark. Is Chloé really meaningfully worse than any of that?
I'd say no and, if you agree, then why do you think that she's so special? I've previously called her a canary in the coal mine and that's going to be my read until someone gives me evidence of something else. She was your warning sign that the writing was never going to be very good. I don't think she foretold just how bad it would get - that's why I kept watching - but her story showed that these writers were only good at short-form content and sucked at long-form content. In fact, Chloé's story is arguably better than a lot of the long-form stuff that the show gave us in season four and five. At least Chloé's story logically flowed together even if it was massively disapointing!
I also don't consider Chloé's season four and five writing downgrade to be all that telling because, once again, it's not unique to her. The class gets a similar downgrade in quality, going from "we'll help Marinette with her confession plans when she asks, but this isn't a major thing to us" to "we live for Adrienette and will make our own plans for Marinette to confess and force them on her/try to force Adrienette to kiss." It makes the entire class feels more shallow than ever.
Gabriel also gets a downgrade with his writing going more over-the-top than ever. We have things like him locking Adrien in a cell and using Adrien's amoks for no obvious reason even though Gabriel is supposed to get an ending where he dies totally at peace and ascends into the light. Totally nonsense choices just like the choice to make Marinette's inability to speak to Adrien because she's anxious into a full-out trauma response.
These are just a few of the many, many, many writing downgrades.
If you truly believe the Chloé conspiracy, then I'd strongly encourage you to watch at least the first of the videos I'm about to link and see if you notice similarities. I have all of them set to the specific, relevant timestamps in case you don't want to watch a massive video to see what I'm talking about because they all talk about more than the conspiracies that arose in these fandoms when the writing got "bad" (especially the last one. The conspiracy gets a very brief mention. I really only included it because I wanted three examples and just went with ones big enough that someone else had done research on the topic because it's not an area of fandom that I've ever waded into).
I'm linking these videos because I wanted to give you more than me just saying "this kind of thing happens all the time when media gets bad." Watching just a few minutes of each of these should give you the context you need assuming the timestamps work:
youtube
youtube
youtube
As you can hopefully see, the Chloé stuff is nothing new. So many pieces of media do something disappointing and then fans create conspiracies for why it happened, refusing to accept what is most likely to be the unfortunate truth: the writers thought they told a good story or, at the very least, they did the best they could within the confines they were working with be those confines monetary, temporal, and/or the limits of their own skills. That doesn't make the bad writing okay, you're fully valid in being upset, but there's also no need to create a conspiracy theory around it. It's probably not that deep. This shit happens all the time, especially in larger fandoms.
This is why I often give the advice of, "don't trust your mental health to stories that you have no control over." Is not that fandom isn't fun, I've just seen this shit before and I always feel bad for those who get involved with it. I've luckily never gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole, but I have gotten really upset when other fans continued to like a show that was bad, actually, and got a good deal of catharsis when most of the fandom woke up after the final was terrible. That still wasn't a good experience for me, though. It was not a healthy mindset to be waiting with baited breath for total strangers to agree with me that this random show was bad. I'm much better of bashing it with those who agree that it's bad, moving on when I'm no longer having fun, and letting those who like it be wrong (that is both a joke and real advice. Don't waste your time trying to change people's minds on something as insignificant as Miraculous. Just let them be wrong.)
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going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed
#for anyone curious: i came to the conclusion that no amount of 'this guy sucks but he's fun to bully' would get bill to keep someone around#for like literal eons. bill gets bored of his toys too quickly. he'd break 'em. plus the fact that bill decided he was worth saving to begi#with. there was at first an element of 'i owe the guy' because [FIC SPOILERS] and a grudging 'if i had a gun to my head i'd say he was my#best friend i GUESS but do not tell him that' but no real genuine friendship or anything more#before realizing that with the specific story i was going to tell it just made the most sense to have these assholes still be like.#bad people for sure but to actually care about each other. it also just felt too easy to write bill off as someone whose cruelty is just#a lack of certain emotions. like that doesn't automatically make a bad person and a bad person doesn't automatically lack emotion#(there's a character that'll be introduced sometime soon who is aroace and doesn't make friends easily and she's lovely because...)#(idk man. i'm aroace and why shouldn't she be. a lack of affection doesn't make you bad and the ability to feel it doens't make you good)#so bill can and does love people-- even if actual vulnerability is near impossible to get from him-- and kryptos is included in that#it's just that he still sucks really bad and hurts and even kills people that he loves because again. bad person who has no idea how to#navigate relationships healthily because of his own baggage and the environment he grew up in#(also in canon he usually does not want to navigate relationships healthily because. again. he sucks!)#so the only lasting relationship he's ever had where he isn't trying to hurt someone is still just... messy as hell#(and to be fair kryptos is also a p. bad person by adulthood it's just that they're pretty young at this point in the fic)#(so there's less avenues to show that)#kryptos being desperate for any scrap of attention and bill providing the only attention he's ever gotten was always the vibe#but it really was much more of a 'bully and bulling victim who he lets hang around him because said victim'#'is like the only one willing to talk to him' dynamic which is... very much not the case anymore#as said in the tags of my fic. these awful shapes care about each other as best they can care about anyone#anyway sorry idk how much anyone really cares about these tag essays but theyre helpful for me to get my thought process like... down#and track how different the story used to be
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i feel like shriâiia shouldâve been an oath breaker in act 1âŠ..not finding a lot of opportunities to break her oaths in act two currently but like imagine breaking her oaths via telling minthara where the grove is THEN betraying her when she rolls around because sheâs a traitor to lolth âŠ.itâs much juicier than 1v1-ing her in her office imoâŠ
#like itâs messy and kind of elaborate but I LIKE IT âŠ..????#but the annoying thing about me is that if I start thinking so hard about it I will be so tempted to restart my playthrough JUST to do that#like once the idea is in my head I have to do it or else im going to EXPLODEâŠ. telling myself Iâll do this in my next playthrough where#Iâll roleplay her char but also im like⊠I can just do it NOWâŠ?#just want her to be an oathbreaker guh đ#and I want her to be an oath breaker in act two bc itâs the start of her girlfail era aka she starts being a decent person and not a#little shitâŠâŠâŠ but I like tropes where character who thinks so highly of themselves gets the rug pulled from under them#then have an existential crisis bc theyâve based so much of their worth in that image that turns out to be FALSEâŠ.. I feel like I want to#do that kind of story for her hihihihi#also her breaking her paladin oaths for the sake of avenging her goddess ?? like kind of juicy to me idk !!!!#like it prob doesnât work like this but I like the idea that her oaths is based on lolthâs idea of justice and vengeance#and she is serving HER but doing all of that then getting considered an oathbreaker#like what she is doing isnât enough ⊠and her love to her queen isnât enough âŠâŠ#+ having the singular white eye instead of all red like sheâs been lacking from the start I kinda like it idk ?????#imagine going through an existential crisis while you have literal brain worms Iâd be so stressed
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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I was talking with my dad recently & we got on the topic of People Thinking They Can't Do Things, and like, he is at his core a well-intentioned person who genuinely wants the best for others, but he has definitely internalized some harmful ideas a la "anyone can do anything, the only thing stopping them is their own attitude". so I was like. I see where you're coming from, but let me tell you a story.
last year, I worked with 10 year olds- many of whom had never really spent time outdoors- in an outdoor education program where they came to spend a whole week doing shit outside in nature. the top two scariest experiences for these kids were 1) very tall metal tower, and 2) walking outside at night in the dark with no flashlights.
I tried a lot of different things to persuade them all to join me for each experience: I presented it with enthusiasm and passion, I did physical demonstrations and scientific explanations to help them understands how safe it was, I voiced my absolute commitment to their safety, I invited them to brainstorm ways to help each other and themselves feel safe, etc.
generally I always had at least 2-3 kids out of about 10 who opted out, or if they did join me, would spend the entire experience crying and freaking out. when it was over, they would conclude that even though they did not die- or even get hurt- it was so scary that it wasn't worth it and they never wanted to do it again.
then I changed the question I asked. instead of asking them to tell me whether they could do it or couldn't do it, I asked them to raise their hand for one of three options:
You can definitely do this.
It will be hard or scary or uncomfortable, but you can try to do this.
It will definitely be too hard, scary, or uncomfortable, and you cannot or should not try to do this.
suddenly, almost nobody was opting out of these experiences.
they would try, even if they were scared, because they know that being scared didn't necessarily mean that they couldn't do it at all. and more importantly, they knew that if they needed to stop, that was an option; they weren't trapped in their decision to try.
and the real takeaway here, for me, is in the nuance: people need to be able to challenge themselves and to be uncomfortable in order to grow, and people need to be able to opt out in order for opting in to be a safe option.
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Let me ask you a question, Light.
What it is, Ryuzaki?
I've been wondering: Who is your favorite Pokemon Mystery Dungeon character?
...I see what your game is, L. Deducing the probability of me being Kira based on my answer. Not bad, but I'm already ten steps ahead of you.
If I tell him my favorite character is Dusknoir, it's obviously going to link me to Kira. Not only is he a cunning, detective-like figure chasing after himself, but he is part of a species of grim reapers which can be connected to the shinigami.
But,
It would be befitting Light to pick Dusknoir since in the expanded story of Explorers of Sky, he grew willing to take great risks in order to make the world into a better and safer place. And even before his redemption arc, he is shown to be genuinely concerned about fellow Pokemon who are in immediate danger.
Of course, he could always play it safe and say Grovyle, who is a well-written and widely beloved character in the community. Not to mention a true seeker of justice.
No, it's too obvious. I have no choice. I'll just be outright. He can't possibly connect my liking for Dusknoir to Kira if I just present the facts.
I think my favorite would have to be Dusknoir! His development in Special Episode 5 was a fascinating choice and made me appreciate his character as a whole.
I see. I'm personally rather fond of Celebi.
!?
What the hell... Who would care about Celebi? Is this a threat? She is one of the characters who contributes to foiling Dusknoir's plans... Is he that confident in his ability to stop Kira? What is your angle, L...
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon!? I love these games! My favorite is Munna!
!
Misa, what are you doing?! Munna seeks to rid the world of rotten Pokemon! You're blatantly making a connection to Kira!
Besides, Gates to Infinity is hardly worth of the Mystery Dungeon title... It's naive message about trying to better the world just through hope... I suppose it is just like Misa to like this game.
Still! Munna is an incredibly incriminating choice. Dammit, Misa...
Ahehehehe... Wigglytuff.
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"OH WELL, IM NOT GONNA BE HERE FOR LONG, IM GONNA SHIFT ANYWAY" girl...
let's break down why this mindset, although very common, isn't super healthy...
I saw a post earlier where op talks about how they are un phased about all the bad things happening to them because they "won't be here for much longerâ, which is so real and it honestly made me laugh so hard but, i must admit, this way of thinking can also have an unhealthy side.
I, personally, have also been victim to this mindset, and honestly i can tell you nothing good comes from thinking like this. You experience something bad, hurtful, embarrassing, slightly traumatic (which, bear in mind, you wouldn't have experienced if you hadn't procrastinated and tapped in to the void) and you tell yourself "it's okay, i'm not here for long anyway", you abandon responsibilities (that, again, wouldn't be your responsibility if you would ve stayed disciplined and tapped in) and you tell yourself "it's fine, i'm gonna shift anyway" "i'm probably gonna get into the void tonight so it doesn't matter"
NO NO and NO
of course it's good to have the mindset of knowing, knowing that it's your last day here and knowing that the void is the only outcome for you, because that type of thinking is what allows you to shift consciousness and tap in to the void, but a lot of you say that shit without even properly applying your knowledge, a lot of you are gonna remain sounding like broken records, repeating this shit for years, i swear it will be 2028 and yall will still be saying "it's okay i won't be here for long", "im gonna shift anyway"
don't wait for shit to hit the fan for you to get serious about your desires, don't wait for your circumstances to get horrible for you to finally fix up and actually do something. If you really knew you were a god, you wouldn't be here reading this, you would be as pretty as you wanna be, and as rich and happy as you wanna be enjoying your dream life. Don't fall into a comfortable routine with your current reality, (which is really just your old story) because it's not worth it. I even see you guys making and scripting for a "better current reality" (another excuse to remain comfortable with procrastination), when you could have your DREAM life, you guys get swept up in your old story, just because it can be "alright" sometimes. And then when something bad happens, you repeat the same phrase "oh well, i'm gonna shift anyway", and then when things go back to being "alright", you get comfortable again, further procrastinating, when you could have ANYTHING. Who cares about your "alright", "mediocre" reality when you could have the best and more!!
like girl, don't stay comfortable until you're forced to get uncomfortable with a negative change in circumstances. You should be determined to shift consciousness ALL THE TIME, not just when things get tough or responsibilities pile up. Because again, if you had that consistent mindset you wouldn't be here.
get uncomfortable with what you have to achieve what you want, so that all you want becomes all you have
GET UNCOMFORTABLE NOW SO YOU CAN LIVE COMFORTABLY FOR ETERNITY, DONT WAIT FOR SHIT TO HIT THE FAN á„«áĄđ
#shiftblr#permashifting#reality shifting#shifting#law of assumption#loa#success story#void state#the void#void concept#respawning#the void state#void state tips#voidstate#void#manifesting#master manifestor#shifting community#shifting blog#shifting consciousness#shifters#manifestation
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paramour
Yandere!Cheating Duke X Duchess! Reader X Yandere!Lover Servant
I just want to write a reader who has the same/more power as/to the yandere(s).
The setting is still in the fantasy/manhwa world, medivial, any setting as long it's not modern.
CW: two yandere, rivals, cheating, consent smut, infidelity.
I'm making the darling a little more forward(?), daring, more power or that can go against a yandere. Atleast, that's what the darling thinks. Also, this is not polished like my other stories.[ Forgive me, I'm not good with smuts! I also love y'all comments and your ask/request(will answer them soon!). The Yandere Emperor and Yandere Crown Prince son really outnumbered the yandere Omega. Y'all are crazy for that!]
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
"Mistress." He murmured. His arms hadn't let go off your waist. It was the first thing your eyes landed on when the sunlight came in to greet a new day from the window balcony. You closed your eyes again to find your way back to sleep again.
Your hands went to trace his back full of scar last night from your nails. You hummed when he gave you a pepper kisses on your exposed skin.
"Morning." He gave you one last kiss on your lips before snuggling between your chest. His arms hadn't move around your waist since last night."Mmmh..morning..." You muttered looking awayâeyes still closeâfrom the sun when it kissed your face.
"Do you want me to call the maids to serve you breakfast?" His sweet voice lull to sleep more. You whispered no. Last night, this man gave you something akin to that of heaven, something your husband never gave you.
Last night, you made love with this man. The same man you rescued from the human trafficking, kidnapping commoner from the outskirts of the kingdom. Now, indebted by your kindness he devout himself to you with his life.
You groaned, feeling your body is aching all over. This goes not unnoticed by your lover."Did I hurt you to bad?" He asked. His earth orbs are gleaming with shine and now getting filled with tears. "I-I'm sorry, I was rough with you mistress." His voice full of regret and loathe on himself.
You opened your eyes, ruffling his curly brown hair before stroking it. Staring down at his eyes. "No. You did good." You smiled at him, cupping his face, before kissing him in the lips. He whimpered,deepening his into yours.
The intoxication of alcohol must have taken over you. Drowning yourself from the alcohol beverages after your husband didn't arrive on the scheduled date, you waited for him for a whole day to arrive. Alone in the gazebo, Everett was the one who went to your weeping figure. That was a month ago. Everett offered himself to shower you with his love. At first you feel reluctant about this, you will never be the type of person to use someone just so you can feel yourself happy. Everett didn't care about it whether you use him or not. He wanted to prove himself that you are worth to be love. This man made your heart flutter in a way that your husband once gave you before the marriage.
"I-I love what happened last night, my mistress." He whispered bashfully, his pretty swollen lower lip,you bitten hard last night, went to reach his eyes giving you a wide smile. The sun kissed his tan face adding a charming look. His neck has full of bites and bruises from you. His cheeks become a little darker shade from blushing, he must have reminisced something last night.
Now, you made him your lover. Though not completely in love with Everett. You also shower him with items or materials that most commoners would love to have but it doesn't seem like this man is materialistic. He just wants you.
You didn't hide Everett to your husband.
What's the use of hiding your fling to Theodore when he was the first one to cheat on this marriage?
Despite being loyal to that man you loved. He had the audacity to tell you that you shouldn't pry on his private his life after you confronted him with a newly hired maid going out. "Our marriage contract states that the two parties should not meddle one another's private life else this contract shall be annuled."
So all of his flexing his love for you was nothing but a hoax? A show? A lure for you to agree to marry him?
Though, your marriage with him was for the politcial marriage. You once fell in love with Theodore. The same man who gave you flowers everytime you two date, the same man who kissed in your cheeks after he walk you home, the same man who always writes poems about his devotion to you. Did he pursuade you to continue this marriage by making you love him so that the two duchy became one? It may seem like you wanted this marriage at first. You didn't, your family wanted it and they have asked youâno annoyingly, they plead you to marry him, because your parents and his parents signed a contract that their children will reunite the two duchy.
"Your ladyship, the duke asked for your audience to join him in the breakfast." Your butler from the other side of your room, outside the door, knocked and speaks after. You frown upon hearing it, looking at the closed door, what does he want?
You feel strange about your husband nowadays. He had been asking for your presence this past few days. Never once he called for you after your wedding with him.
You clicked your tongue and turn to look at your lover. You notice Everett's face was frowning too. "Tell the duke that I will be there in a moment." You announced to the butler outside the room expecting the old man to gear you through it. You look back at the man leaning his weight on you. You tap the curly haired lover to let you go from his hold yet he didn't budge after moving yourself to sit up instead you heard yourself going 'oomfh!' and finding your lips were on his again. You groaned while he moaned weakly. He pushed you down on the bed, his lips never leaving yours until you were out of breath. A string of saliva trailed between your mouths. Everett was smiling before diving his lips into your skin, to one of your chest, fondling the other. You feel a little ticklish and panting at his stimulation. "Eveâ! Wait! Ah..." Your voices went unheard, The male's mewling, sucking on to your flesh like thirsty man who hadn't had a drink.
Your hand went to tug his hair as you moaned out his name. "ShiâEve... Oh! S-stop... Ah.."
His other hand goes to put one of legs above his back and parted the other leg, accessing himself between you even more."m-mistress!"
You groaned when you felt him grind between you. He looked at you with a pleading eyes, he look like he will cry again, the tears filling up yo the side from his eyes. "M-mistress." He whined his mouth was already in another mound. You feel his hardness between. "p-please? I'll be good! Please... huff..I'll make y-you feel good!"
Your eyes are hazy from the pleasure. "You want.. hah... it?" His eyes getting filled again with tears. You tug him by the hair not enough to hurt him. You landed your lips on his ears. Panting and breathless when you felt his hands is still fondling your body. "You got..ngh... to earn it, pretty boy." You murmurs made him whimpered. "You have to be my good boy... Are you my good boy?"
He nod, a tear fell down to his cheeks, he leaned down to your lips, murmuring, i-am-your-good-boys, thank-yous and I-love-yous.
The room filled with noises that could make anyone flustered and uncomfortable. You didn't realize from your high you are feeling that the butler is coughing uncomfortably behind the door excusing himself as he will inform the duke what you told him earlier.
You went down the stairs with a difficulty, aching between your thighs. You can't find any dress to cover the one hickey on your neck, Everett apologize and helped you cover it with a foundation but it failed horribly from covering seeing that the foundation wasn't blend well and you do not want your maids do it for you. Not when you found out that almost all of them had already been with your husband. You were planning to replace them sooner.
You stopped at the closed door leading to the dinning room. The butler from earlier straightened his posture, clearing his throat after he saw you. He announced your presence behind the door opening the door for you."My lord, your ladyship is here."
You walked in after thanking one of the male servant for pushing the seat for you once you sit across the lord of the household, your husband, the Duke.
The breakfast before you was served cold. If you have arrived earlier you could have eaten warm. You glance at your husband, surprised that his plate has not been finished and it looked like he didn't touched it. You noticed his eyes is trained on to you since you came in, yet his eyes isn't on you but to your neck and the way you walk earlier.
His grey eyes seemed to be narrowing, he scoffed. "You're late."
You glance away, picking one of the utensil, stabbing the meat, landing it to your mouth chewing it. You gulped it down before taking another bite. The marinated pork seems to be delicious even if the breakfast a little no warm.
"It seems you are enjoying with your toy a little too much." He added, there was anger rising beneath his voice.
Oh, the egg is a little bland but it is still edible nonetheless.
"There are more new reports about your speculated infidelity to the public. Do you know that?"
You looked at him after eating the last piece of the sunny side egg, smiling: finally acknowledging his presence."Yeah, what about it? It's not like it will ruin our marriage. After all, you had a numerous of headlines about your 'rumored' infidelity too. Did our contractwas nulled after that? It didn't right?"
"(Y/n)."
"Yes, husband?"
His eyes widened a little before going back on giving you death gaze. "Kick that slave away. I don't like him." He demanded. Though he wasn't shouting. You frowned, how dare he?
"Why would I? It's my decision whether I choose to throw him out or not."
"I do not want him near my property." He complained, gritting his teeth at the last word.
"This is my property as well!" You sternly answered back. Not leaving another room for an argument.
There was silence between the room.
"... I... don't want him near you." You heard him. You blinked at the sudden word that blurted in his mouth.
You scoff standing up, "I think I should finish my meal somewhere..." You starts walking back to where you enter the room.
"(Y/n)." Theodore called you. You didn't observe the way his eyes longed for you. You were focus on the anger within you. "Are we forgetting something, Theodore?" You questioned.
He pondered, those orb you used to love held a confusion.
"Meddling into your partner's private life will annul this marriage... Wasn't that written in our contract?" You bitterly told him. "Sounds familiar right? Do not dare demand me to throw away Everett." You added.
Finally waiting for this moment for this to happen. Guess he will get to taste his own medicine.
"... As long as we do our part in this household we will act as husband and wife. Is not that what you told me?"
"..."
"Now then, I will excuse myself. I have no longer desire to finish my breakfast here." With that, you leave him there.
When you reach the door, opening it, you were surprise to see Everett waiting outside. "What are you doing here?" You asked him. Your frowned face was replaced with a confusion look before giving him a small smile. The man infront of you return your smile with a small grin, placing one of his arm on your waist."W-well, I feel bored and alone in my own room. So I found myself waiting here w-with the butler. Besides I saw you walking wobbly earlier and I-I am concerned that you might have even more difficulty walking... So f-forgive me for not staying put." The look concern on his face adding the pout from his lips made him look cute.
"What are you a puppy?"You poke his nose giggling as you walk away with him, your eyes went back to talk to the butler. Telling him you want to continue your breakfast at your garden, asking him to make it for a two people. The butler bowing to your order before going to the kitchen area to order the maid.
Your husband on the other hand, loath with rage and jealousy mixing under his eyes. His eyes narrowed especially when the slave you brought in leaned on top of your head kissing at the crown part of your head, leaning to your ear to whisper something akin to sweet talks. The arm around your waist went to rub your back.
If only you glance again on Everett's face. You would have caught him giving your husband a smug smirk.
#yandere#yandere lover#yandere male#yandere oc#yandere x darling#yandere x y/n#yandere x you#yandere boyfriend#clingy yandere#yandere husband#yandere love#male yandere x reader#yandere boy#yandere male x reader#male yandere#yandere servant#yandere x reader#yandere duke#soft yandere#yandere cheater#should I make readers like this?#love yall comments and requests <3#updated my masterlist loll#yandere imagines#scara writes oc#scara writes
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đđđđđđđ đđđđđđđđđ 1.6k words rich yandere x gn!reader â ko-fi | patreon | masterlist | inbox | taglist | home | req. & comms
tags sugar daddy, rich yandere, low-key obsessive behaviour, first meetings, college student reader, age gap, brief mention of a rapist (no description or anything more)
âđ" Being a broke college student, you decide to try your hand at getting a sugar daddy. You find someone who is... quite eager to know everything about you. It's weird because he doesn't seem to be the same person he was online.
They say to spend your youth on nightclubs and partying with friends. But really, they donât know the true beauty of being in a jazz club and drinking all by yourself. Thereâs no ill intentions, thereâs no partying until the sun goes downâjust some nice music and good drinks.
People find it odd, sure. But nothing can beat this feeling for you. As you lay in a couch thatâs worth double your college tuition, you drink champagne that's triple your college tuition.Â
How you ended up here is another embarrassing story. Hunting for a sugar daddy online is a clear plan for destruction. It could end well with a decent allowance every now and then, of course. Yet, fear gets the most of you. The thought that you end up with a fat well and alive man who asks for sex with his small dick looms over you like a gloomy cloud. That fear is there because your sugar daddy is anonymous.
Sighing, you drink another sip of the champagne as you fix your posture. Again. The seat in front of you is still empty. Youâd think he wasnât really being honest with you but he did have a reservation ready for the both of you.
Itâs not bad to wait. Even if you do look dumb getting stood up, at least youâre enjoying yourself.
âYou lonely there?â someone asks behind you.
Turning your head behind you, you see a towering man with a smile so bright you think you could be blinded by it. He looks elegantâthe way heâs holding a glass like a connoisseur and his long black hair pulled into a slick ponytail. Fuck, is he your sugar daddy? He looks the age for it and honestly, he aged really good.
You tell him, âMaybe. Are you lonely?â
He chuckles and takes the seat opposite. Finally. âNo,â he says, ânot anymore, at least. All thanks toâŠ?â he gestures to you.
When you tell him his name, he parrots it like heâs tasting it. âBeautiful. Your mother picked it out?â
âIâm sure so,â you donât know, who the hell would know that? âItâs a generational name, really. In our family we keep reusing names.â
âSo are you the second? The third?â
The third was your great grandfather but he ended up being a rapist. Eugh. âThe fourth,â you answer. âBut I never tell anyone that, actually. Bit embarrassing if they call me the fourth, so.â
He laughs, somehow finding you amusing. âNicolas,â he says, âvery nice to meet you.â
Was⊠his name Nicolas? Youâre not so sure about that. From the site he only revealed his last name so that you could get the reservation. Huh.
âNice to meet you, Nicolas.â The little twitch in his lips is unavoidable to your eyes, âYou look very nice tonight,â maybe thatâs why he took almost an hour to arrive here. âDo you live near here or?â
âOh, no,â he shakes his head, âI come from Bolzano. But I came here from Portofino, where my heart currently is.â
You nod like you know where those places really are. Italy, you assume. âVery nice. I heard itâs a beautiful place.â
âBeatiful even more with company,â he puts his drink down. âHow about you? What makes you come here?â
You, actually. You wanted to go here. âI was raised by my grandfather and jazz was his favourite. Every corner of the house Hank Mobley would be playing. I have his old records that he passed down to me and whenever I play it, I can see the way he dances.â
âSo, come down here for a little trip to memory lane?â
Before you could answer, you think about it even more. The man you were talking was definitely not Italian, right? No, his name sounded British, at most. And Nicolas sounds like he has little to no knowledge about the fact that you two are supposedly on a date.
Fuck, did you get him wrong? I mean, he is interested, you think.
âYeah, itâs nice,â you hum. You put your glass down too, clasping your hands. âI think I do need to go now. It was nice to have your companyââ
âGoing so soon? A bit rude especially if you came here to be mine for a price, no?â
You pause. Though youâre ready to leave this embarrassing meeting, youâre caught. You turn to him in confusion. So you were⊠wrong? Right?Â
âSit back down, this champagne is a bit too new to me.â He raises a hand and someone immediately finds their footing beside him. Nicolas speaks in his own tongue, requesting something you donât understand.
Youâre promptly back on your seat with a small wave of his hand. âCome on, I think we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know you.â
Did he send in a private investigator or what? Fuck, man. You didnât think that those things were real in real life. âHow much do you know?â
He doesnât answer. His legs are crossed as he watches the busboy leave to prepare your drinks. âHow are your classes?â he asks, making idle conversation of things youâre a bit worried to talk to him about. âHope youâre dealing well.â
âYeah,â you say, unsure of this now. âItâs all fine, yes. Just a few projects and classes.â You wonder for a moment how rude it would be to ask for a price on your body right now. âNothing interesting, really.â
âIâm sure anything you say is of interest,â he says, all too fond of you. âTell me, love, you mentioned having difficulties with some of your professors.â
He wasnât interested in all that before when you were talking. âItâs fine. Well, not like I can say no. Itâs a bit hard when youâre paying for an education and youâre not being taught,â you laugh, âSelf-taught learning, he excuses.â
âThatâs simply lazy,â he excuses. âFine arts is such a nice career path. No reason to be dismissive of students who want to learn it.â
Did you tell him what youâre studying?
The busboy returns and brings a drink to the both of you. The song changes and it sounds familiar. You could almost see your grandfather dance behind Nicolas.
âIâm going to guess thatâs your doing,â you say, âThank you. It sounds lovely.â
He smiles, âIâm not one for jazz myself.â He reaches for his glass and swirls in, taking a whiff of its scent afterward. âBut Iâm curious as to who you are. How you grew up is one of those thingsâ
When the both of you talked online, you expected him to be more lustful than this. Maybe itâs the repeating innuendo in his messages. All of that persona is gone now as if it never existed. Itâs concerning.
Both of you make small conversation. Mostly itâs about you. He asks every little detail about you, asking for things that not even your friends would care about. Itâs the little things.
âDo you like soft cotton or silk?â You donât really know the difference but cotton is nice.
âHow often do you see your family?â Every or so month, youâd wager. But you make sure to keep in contact.
âWhatâs your thoughts on caged animals?â A bit cruel, but you can see where it can stem from. Still, itâs cruel. Youâd never do it.
The night come to a close when you start to feel a bit light-headed with the drinks youâve ingested. Nicolas puts aside your glass as he stands to go on your side of the table. âMaybe itâs time to take a break tonight, love?â
You groan. âYeah, I guess thatâs fine now. Iâm really thankful for tonight.â
âIâm glad,â he says, pulling you up and helping you walk. You donât need it but itâs nice anyways. âI can take you back to your dorm, yes? You donât need to worry about anything else when youâre with me.â
In your pocket, your phone buzzes. You donât get to check it when Nicolas wraps both of his arms around your waist. He pulls you to the exit and you swear you hear âSignore Giordanoâ come out when the men bid him goodnight.
Which is weird, because his surname is Abbot.
The ride was a blur, literally. Maybe youâve had too much to drink. The next thing you know is that both of you are in front of your dorm. Itâs too dark outside. The streets are dead silent. The low rumble of his car is the only thing you can really hear.
He calls your name. âItâs time to go home. You canât stay with me yet, love.â
You stretch in the seat. A car seat has never been more comfortable. âBeen nice, really. Thank you.â
As you unbuckle your seat, he leans forward. His arm drapes over your shoulders as his hand comes to your face. âThen can I get a little reward? Just a little?â He turns his cheek, a grin on his face.
Itâs stupid but oh well, he would pay you. You press a kiss on his cheek and he looks like the happiest man alive. He laughs, looking at you with stupid heart eyes. âThank you. Call me with this numberââ he places a card in your handsââand delete that damn app. Iâll come find you after your classes tomorrow for your contract. You donât need to find anyone else now.â
He leaves shortly after you get inside your dorm. You hear the revving of his car go in the quiet night. Itâs relieving. Youâre tired on your feet, unable to really process what happened tonight.
Itâs whatever. Itâs all done now.
You delete the app on your phone, swiping away a message you got from it. Youâre pretty sure itâs from another match you had last time but again, you donât need it anymore.
do not redistrubute this work as yours/without permission or feed to AI đ· art by @ L0tus_Ren_ & @ Ivan Belikov
#đŠ âź NICOLAS âžâžïč#â . yanderes ïŒ â â#yandere male#yandere monster#yandere#obsessive yandere#yandere oc x reader#yandere oc#yandere x reader#yandere core#yandere x y/n#yandere imagines#yandere drabble#yandere x you#yandere oc smut#yandere smut#male yandere x reader#oc x reader#yan x reader#yandere fic#yandere fanfiction
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There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.
There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.
Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.
I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.
I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.
But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.
Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.
Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.
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Hello, love your writing, can i request a oneshot for spencer Reid x wife!reader with the plot of the movie taken where she goes on a business trip or something and she gets taken and the team have to work against the clock to get her back. Had this idea for so long and thought you would be perfect to write it. Perfectly fine if you dont but im craving this story.
leave a message after the beep | S.R.
When you go missing under suspicious circumstances on a business trip, the BAU goes to Texas - and ends up in the middle of something bigger than anticipated.
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: kidnapping, blood, guns, reader almost kills someone, hospitals, the securities and exchange commission, typical cm violence, texas, takes place maybe circa season 7 word count: 4.03k a/n: okay anon so like yes i can write this but also i've never seen the movie taken so really i took your request and made it my own! i hope you like it either way!
Tuesday, 2:17 p.m.
âHey, Spence, itâs me. Shame I got your voicemail, but I just landed at Dallas Fort Worth and Iâm waiting for my ride to take me to meet the regional officers. Not sure if youâre traveling, but uh, call me when you get this, I guess. Or when you can. Hopefully, this trip goes better than I think itâs going to⊠oh, I think my ride is here.â
Tuesday, 6:42 p.m.
âHey babe, so, the first meeting went fine, they donât seem very receptive, but people generally arenât when Iâm sent in to change their methods. Wish youâd pick up your phone. Anyway, Iâm on my way to the hotel now, Iâll probably try you again before I go to bed. I know my updates are probably riveting.â
Tuesday, 8:09 p.m.
âWell, Iâve definitely stayed in nicer hotels than this one, but I guess I canât complain about being put up for free. Iâm probably just biased because the a/c unit is busted â oh, my room number is 316, I know you like to have it. I opened the windows to let air in but itâs so dry here that Iâm not sure itâs helping any. Iâll shut them before I go to sleep, so donât worry about that. Call me back, I miss you, donât worry about waking me up. I think thatâs all Iâve got, goodnight, I love you!â
There was a collective sigh in the roundtable room, five agents around the room all looked nervously at each other. No one wanted to be the first person to speak. No one wanted to be the first to propose a theory. âWhereâs Spencer?â Emily asked, looking through the voicemail transcripts that were splayed out in front of her.
âIn Hotchâs office, theyâre talking,â Rossi said, eyeing the photo of you that was being projected up on the screen. Most of the time, Penelope just used driverâs license or passport photos in files, but for you, she had chosen a photo from the last BAU OâKeefeâs outing. Your skin was flushed and there was an odd shadow being cast on your face, but your smile was unmistakable.
The official files would have your driverâs license photo, but that picture was for the BAU. Seemingly unable to peel her eyes off of the screen, JJ asked the question that everyone was sitting on, âWeâre on this case, right?â
It felt ridiculous, one of their own had gone missing in the middle of the night and they werenât even sure if they had the jurisdiction to look into it. When no one answered, Morgan looked around the room, âThe brass isnât seriously going to try to tell us not to investigate.â
âNo, theyâre not,â Hotch said, suit jacket unbuttoned and fluttering behind him as he walked into the roundtable room with purpose. âWeâll debrief more on the plane, JJ and Garcia will stay here, the rest of us are headed to Dallas,â he instructed, nodding at everyone before turning around and walking out the door, the rest of the team following like ducks in a row.
On the jet, the traveling members of the team watched as Rossi held a cup of coffee out for Spencer to take, but the team's youngest member took a moment to even recognize that it was there, âOh,â he mumbled, âthank you.â Blinking a haze from his eyes, he took the cup in his shaky hands.
A familiar concern flowed among Spencerâs teammates, they all watched as he twisted his wedding ring around his finger â a nervous habit that usually presented itself when he missed you. âY/Nâs boss is en route to Quantico to talk with JJ, the flightâs about three hours, we should get started,â Hotch was the one to speak up, herding the sheep in the correct direction while everything felt aimless.
With his legs tucked beneath himself, Spencer watched the team as they bounced back and forth in a discussion on what you were doing in Dallas and Penelope scoured through your recent communication.
âAccording to the voicemails and the hotel records, her room was on the third floor,â Emily spoke up, flipping through the file in front of her. âDo we have crime scene photos from the hotel room yet?â
On the video screen, Penelope shook her head, âCSI is still processing the scene, I have an inquiry in with them to send the photos as soon as they can.â
Checking his watch, Hotch looked over at Spencer, still sequestered on one side of the jet, âMake sure they keep the scene undisturbed for when we arrive. Dave and Morgan will meet with the sheriff at the hotel, and the rest of us will head to the precinct to set up.â
If Spencer wanted to be the one to investigate the crime scene, he didnât protest his assignment, he just continued to spin that gold band on his finger. He didnât notice the glances exchanged between the rest of his team; he could only think of you.
With the involvement of the BAU, the team had been redirected to the Dallas Field Office. âThere was a hole torn in the window screen, the crime scene techs think thatâs how they got inside,â Morgan announced to the team, they were all gathering in the conference room.
âOn the third floor?â JJ questioned over video chat, she and Penelope sat right next to each other on the screen.
Rossi nodded, âWe must be looking at a team. At least two, likely three UnSubâs in order to pull something like this off. They cut the camera feed and broke into the hotel room where she was staying â this was premeditated.â
It wasnât difficult to deduce that being taken from the third floor of a hotel meant that you had been a target, but the evidence of a break-in settled like a boulder on Spencerâs chest. Someone had intended to take you. Someone had intended on grabbing you from your hotel room in the middle of the night â and they had succeeded.
âIs there any chance she forgot to close the windows when she went to sleep last night?â Emily looked over at Spencer, dark brows raised quizzically as she leaned over the table, skimming through the voicemail transcripts again.
Clenching his jaw, Spencer shook his head, recalling your promise to close the windows before the end of the night. âNo, sheâd never forget. She knows I worry,â although, after this, youâd never be able to chide him for worrying too much ever again. Sharing a knowing look with the brunette before him, âSo, sheâs been missing since last night, not this morning.â
The initial assumption had been that youâd disappeared at some point early in the morning, maybe on your way to your first meeting of the day, no one was entirely sure, but this confirmed that you had been missing for at least eight hours more than the first estimate.
A knock on the door garnered the attention of the team, each of them turning to see a field agent, âUh, Ezra Buchmann is here to speak with you, he said he got a call from your tech girl.â
Hotch nodded succinctly, âThatâs the co-worker who reported the case. Morgan, go see if he needs anything. Dave, letâs go check out the office building that Y/N had been working at.â
âDo you think she mightâve been caught up in something at work?â Spencer asked, following his team members with his eyes as they left the conference room.
The unit chief didnât provide a forward answer, âIâd like to start checking off some possibilities. Itâs been fourteen hours with no firm leads.â It wasnât as optimistic as anyone had hoped, but Hotch shared a look with Emily before leaving the room.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Spencer turned to the evidence board, looking at the pictures of your hotel room, the water splashed around the rim of the bathroom sink, your phone charging on the bedside table, your wedding ring resting on the counter, and if he separated himself from the missing posters, he could almost convince himself that they were just random pictures. Almost.
Frowning at the blown-up images of partial fingerprints and a random CCTV shot from across the street, he recalled your voicemails. âI wasnât busy,â he confessed to Emily. âWhen she called me, I wasnât busy. I was doing other things, but I wasnât too busy to answer the phone. I assumed that Iâd have the chance to talk to her today,â he said, slightly leaning over the oak table, resting his fingerprints on the varnished surface in an attempt to keep himself standing.
Pursing her lips, Emily took a member for responding, âThatâs not an outrageous assumption to make,â she tried to reason with a miserable man. âYouâd never think something like this would happen.â
âUntil it does,â Spencer continued. âWe see it happen to people all the time, weâve made a life of it, but I never thought it would happen to me. To her,â he maundered. If he had a dollar for every time he had heard the same sentiment from victimâs families, heâd never have to work another day in his life. âI did call her back when I got home last night,â he added, though, he wasnât entirely sure who he was trying to reassure.
In an effort to comfort him, Emily reached out and patted his arm, âWe will find her, Spencer.â
Dead or alive? He wanted to retort, but he bit his tongue, holding it in.
As a favor to him, in the hopes of providing him with some emotional respite, Emily had haggled with the field agent whose name was last on the chain of custody of your belongings. It wasnât entirely proper for evidence to be released to family, but she offered to put her name on it in the interim.
She stayed with Spencer in the conference room, letting him keep your things nearby as she spoke with JJ and went through the information that had been acquired back at Quantico. The team now had your performance reviews at work and, according to JJ, your boss couldnât say enough good things about you. While it was nice to hear, it didnât bring them any closer to finding where you were.
Tracing the woodgrain of the table with his fingertips, Spencer eventually tuned the phone call out, instead wondering at what point he was obligated to call your parents. He was so lost in thought that he didnât notice your phone was ringing in the evidence bag before him until Prentiss tapped him on the shoulder.
It was an unknown number, but that was a barrier easily blocked by Garcia with a quick search. The rest of the team watched as she blanched on the screen, âUh, you might want to answer that.â
âGarcia, who is it?â Hotch asked, a hardened look on his face as he looked from the screen to the buzzing cellphone.
JJ frowned at Penelopeâs monitor as if she couldnât believe what she was reading, âItâs the SEC,â she responded.
Swiftly, Hotch answered the phone call, turning on speakerphone so the rest of the team could hear, âHello.â
âHello, may I speak with Mrs. Reid?â A male voice came through the receiver, everyone sharing the same wary look.
Focused on the phone call, Hotch shook his head, âThis is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with the FBIâs Behavioral Analysis Unit, you can speak with me.â He said, elaborating on the situation and rendering the SEC investigator speechless.
Unable to listen to the conversation any longer, Spencer got up, minding his movements as he walked out of the conference room. He checked the map of the building that was posted on the wall before walking up the stairs, making his way up to the roof of the building.
The dry heat of Dallas was about as miserable as everyone made it out to be, but it was hard to ignore the way it reminded him of home. Maybe he could call his mom â speaking with her usually brought him some semblance of peace. Though, she might have a negative reaction to the situation he found himself in. On the hot rubber roofing, he kicked around piles of dirt before leaning against the ledge of the building, craning his head back and closing his eyes when he heard the rooftop door open.
âLook, Iâm really not in the mood for any sort of discussion right now,â he complained, neglecting to spare a glance at whoever was disturbing his quiet â not exactly an Eden, but quiet.
He recognized Emily by the sound her boots made, even on the rubber that had been softened by the relentless sun, âIâd be more surprised if you were in the mood to talk.â
Impulsively, he rolled his eyes, âDid Hotch put you in charge of me?â He was glad his eyes were still shut, that way he couldnât see the look on Emilyâs face when he sniped at her.
âNo,â she responded, gathering his attention as he brought his head down, squinting in the sunlight. âI thought you might want to know what just happened,â she nearly challenged, dark hair gleaming in the daylight.
Mentally kicking himself, he nodded for a moment, âYouâre right, I just⊠Iâm sorry.â
Taking a moment, Prentiss walked over, standing next to him, âI know.â She sighed, turning around and taking inventory of the surrounding buildings, âShe was sent out here to look at some shady dealings of the company â insider trading, that kind of stuff. The main branch has an investigation open with the SEC, and they have been for the last few months. She was supposed to meet with that Ezra guy this morning to try and work something out. Hotch is talking to the CEO right now, heâs claiming he couldnât tell JJ because itâs need-to-know,â Emily explained, focusing her eyes on the highway in the distance. âThe SEC has an office in Fort Worth, theyâre sending some people, and they faxed over all of the files.â
Setting his jaw, Spencer was the first to move to the stairs, the air conditioning providing an instant relief as he strode down the steps with Emily trailing close behind.
A field agent was standing in the middle of the office, stirring a cup of coffee, âWould someone really kidnap a woman over an SEC investigation?â
âWeâve seen much worse for much less,â Spencer mentioned in passing, swerving through the office of people until he made it back to the conference room. âWhy would Y/Nâs boss send her to investigate something that had already been brought to the SEC?â He posed the question to the rest of the team, taking one of the files that Morgan handed him and reading through the pages.
Rossi shrugged, nodding his head in the direction of the evidence board, âHe wanted it handled quietly,â he posited. âMaybe he thought she could negotiate a solution and they could call off the securities investigation.â
Understanding where Spencer was going with his question, Hotch watched the board as if it was all coming together, âBut, Y/N had no idea there was an open investigation. This was just another assignment to her.â
You had basically said as much in your voicemails, you went in, and you cleaned up fires across the country, and now you were caught in a blaze. âIt was a setup,â Spencer concluded.
âAnd I know just who you need to talk to,â Garcia said over the phone, typing on her keyboard, âCheck your phones.â
Ezraâs assistant folded immediately under the threat of being charged with interfering with a federal investigation. She had no knowledge of what her boss was up to, but she did know where the BAU could find him.
On the edge of the city, your company held an old office building that was slated for demolition. With the information from the assistant and some actions of questionable legality from Garcia, the team was able to nail down Ezraâs location and, hopefully, yours.
Letting SWAT lead the way, Spencer, Emily, and Morgan all made their way up yet another flight of stairs, hoping to be able to find you on the third floor. The SWAT commander signaled with his fingers to direct everyone in their respective directions.
There was a clang from across the floor and everyone froze in place, âFuck you!â Your voice rang out, reverberating through the mostly empty office space. The yelp that followed would have sent Spencer clambering in your direction if it werenât for Morgan grabbing his arm in warning. âI didnât know,â you spoke again, your tone less obstinate as the misery you felt crept in.
Drawing their weapons, the team clung to the wall as SWAT gave orders over comms until the team came into view, lifting their firearms.
In retaliation, Ezra pulled you up, keeping a deadly tight grip on your upper arm as he kept you compliant by pressing the barrel of his gun to your temple. âShe told me youâd come,â he said, nearly seething with rage like a rabid animal.
It seemed like a ridiculous moment to feel relief, but the fact that you knew the BAU would come for you ever so slightly lightened the weight on Spencerâs shoulders. However, whatever relief he felt was quickly banished from existence when his eyes met yours, you were covered in blood. It leaked in a steady stream from your nose and down your sleep shirt, he hoped that was the extent of the damage that had been done but based on the evidence of a struggle in the hotel room, he doubted it.
âY/N, donât look at him, look at us, look at Spencer,â Emily reasoned, noting the way you looked over at your captor, eyeing the gun in his hand.
You didnât look scared, not to Spencer, though Emily had reasonably assumed that you would be in this situation. âY/N, donât,â Spencer said in a warning.
But his warning came too late, you had already swung your bound hands up, grabbing the weapon from Ezra as you kicked his legs out from under him. If Spencer hadnât been so worried, he wouldâve been impressed, but now he found himself in an entirely different situation.
âThe safetyâs still on,â you chastised as your now shaking hands undid the small latch, settling your pointer finger on the trigger as you stared him down.
SWAT seemed entirely dumbfounded, not sure how to go about the admittedly unique situation, so, it fell upon your husband to talk you down. Slowly, he holstered his weapon and stepped toward you, âBaby, put the gun down.â
You sucked in a harsh breath, âHe set me up, Spenceâ
âI know, darling, I know,â Spencer said breathlessly, holding his hands out to stop any and all movement in the warehouse. âThis isnât the answer though, okay? You know this isnât the answer.â
Your hands didnât stop shaking, still bound together by the flex cuffs on your wrists as you narrowed your eyes at Ezra. âHe set me up,â your voice broke at the sheer memory of the betrayal.
Distantly, you heard Derek tell people to lower their weapons, convincing the field agents that you werenât a threat. âThis isnât you,â Spencer insisted.
Blinking as tears fell from your eyes, you gripped the handle of the gun, leaving your pointer finger hovering precariously on the trigger. This isnât you. This isnât the answer. This isnât you. This isnât the answer.
Swallowing thickly, you looked down at Ezra, who was taunting you, trying to get you to pull the trigger. You fought against yourself, trying not to stare at Spencer because you knew as soon as you met his brown eyes, the choice would be made for you.
âPull the damn trigger,â Ezra jeered, baring his teeth at you. This was it; this was the end. The FBI had the whole building surrounded. Even if he tried to run, the BAU would follow him, theyâd chase him down, and theyâd kill him themselves if it came down to it.
Slowly, you moved your thumb, re-engaging the safety before you lowered your arms, handing the gun off to Spencer. As he grabbed the barrel of the gun with one hand, he pulled you in with the other, passing the gun off to Emily so he could hug you tightly.
He pulled away for a moment, retrieving a pocketknife and using it to cut the flex cuffs from your wrists, letting the stiff plastic fall to the ground, and catching you when you practically threw your arms around him.
Your legs gave out from under you, and Spencer wondered how long you had been in this sweltering building without water, likely having used the last of your strength to stop Ezra. âShh,â he hushed gently, âLetâs sit down,â he spoke to only you as he guided you to the ground.
Closer to you now, he saw more of the damage that had been done, the glazed look over your eyes, your chapped lips, and a bruise on the side of your head. âI knew youâd come,â you murmured dazedly, swaying ever so slightly, âI told him youâd come.â
âI know, I know,â Spencer reassured you, listening to the buzzing of people, hopefully EMTs, around you.
A hiccupping sob almost broke his heart, but he just kept his hold on you, keeping you upright and wishing your nosebleed would clot. âI almost killed him,â you mumbled.
But you didnât, he wanted to respond. Part of him felt like it wouldâve been fine if you had. Youâd have gotten away with it, even, but he knew firsthand what it felt like to take another life. He wanted to believe that he had played a part in you turning the safety back on, but even he wasnât sure.
âHow are you feeling? Better?â Spencer asked, sitting on the edge of your hospital bed and taking your hand in his.
He squeezed your hand gently, allowing you to admire the way your wedding ring looked now that it had been returned to its rightful home. âMuch,â you assured him, keeping your head resting on the mountain of pillows behind you. You had been cleaned up, stitches on your forehead, and a bandaged cut on your thigh, but the main concern was your dehydration. An IV delivered fluids to you while you sipped on a cup of water, waiting for your stomach to settle enough for you to eat something.
Spencer raised his eyebrows, reaching out and sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear, âGood enough to try something for dinner?â
You nodded apprehensively, âSomething light?â
The smile that sprouted on his face was enough to convince you to eat. He offered to go talk to your nurse, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before he left the room, leaving the door open so you could see him in the hallway.
A small chime got your attention, looking around for the source of the noise, you found yourself digging through Spencerâs bag, retrieving your cell phone from the leather satchel.
There was a scratch over the screen, but it still worked just fine following your skirmish in the hotel, you opened the phone to find that you had a voicemail. You tapped the message before bringing the phone to your ear.
Tuesday, 10:23 p.m.
âHey love, Iâm just leaving the office now. Iâm sure theyâll be more receptive to you as you talk more, you can be very convincing. The weather is very dry in Texas, make sure you keep hydrated, okay? Iâm sorry I didnât answer any of your calls, weâve been trying to prepare all of this paperwork for Strauss and time just got away from us. I miss you, maybe when you get home, we could talk about taking a trip. We could go see my mom. Itâs been a while. Hm⊠I have to admit, Iâm a little bummed you didnât answer the phone, but Iâm glad youâre getting sleep. I love you so much, sleep well.â
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