#before I return to classes
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Starter call. Capping this at 3! For multimuses, please let me know for who is meant to be ♥︎
#gently leaves this here#this week I still have it off#so I have time to write#before I return to classes#and another round of finals stare at me from around the corner#in February rip
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I think the downright most horrific and brutal detail in the show is that Kilgharrah actually used Merlin to make sure Arthur's death happened with the pretence of protecting him
#kilgharrah when i catch you#this is why merlins “ i failed? ” destroyed me to my core#you were never supposed to succeed love#I honestly believe Kilgharrah knew Arthur was supposed to die at Camlaan and just wanted to make sure he didn't die BEFORE that#thats why he was like ooh but Merlin you must protect him and make sure he survives ( until its the convenient time)#and merlin genuinely thought he could protect Arthur until the end#say what you want about Kilgharrah and what his intentions might be behind this but this is SO FOUL#and now Merlins waiting for Arthurs return for a thousand years on Kilgharrah's word alone because thats the only hope he has#what else can he do#lets just hope he's right this time#bummed my self out with this thought while doing my class work#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#cannot take much more of this guys send help
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i cant make a human-like voice. i suspect i might be a machine
but you silently shake your head, as if to correct any mistakes
#got energy to draw right before returning to class post-hurricane.. still trying to get smth comic-page sized done#i <3 songs and music. many lyrics in the world that make me think of the characters#hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#hlvrai fanart#benrey
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#not art (yet)#once in a while I look at my prelim sketch and wonder if literally anyone else can read them other than me lmao#Ive returned to sketching in black recently tho... for a Long time I sketched in red. but before that I was doing it in blue#I think doing it this way kinda reminds me of drawing on loose pieces of a4 paper with mechanical pencils#will be nice to have this to chip away at for the foreseeable future. while I do other things also. a not obligation thing#I dont really have the diner experience but I feel like this is. kind of me in last year of high school on yearbook duty#(I was art committee. used it mostly as excuse to skip class with the other art committee kids lmao)(we were all friends)#this would be like. a cafe or a boba place. mostly bc those would have booths or tables tall enough for us to actually draw on#wonder if itd be fun to do a like. art challenge or something like that with this format... like DTIYS but its finishing the same sketch#tbh I only think it's viable bc my sketches are an enigma even to me lmao. esp. prelim/first sketch#would u like that. idk would that be fun for folks#drawing is fun! sometimes. we work towards making it fun more times. Im having fun with this
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I got some finals stuff done (about half of them), so of course I had to finish this piece :D This isn’t exactly how Tango and Tanguish’s reunion went, but I really wanted to paint them hugging + Helsknight being there
Also these two pieces are on the same page in my sketchbook :3
#redstone and skulk#them <3#watercolor#traditional art#tanguish#helsknight#tango tek#Another piece that I tried pushing the lighting and shadows#I now must return to painting stuff for class (which is much better than the stuff I finished already which were essays)#Also! I almost forgot helsknights cloak again D: but! I remembered to add it right before the painting part
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE UR DARK ZACK AU!!! everything i’ve seen about it so far just has me so !!!! its so good. and would love to hear more about it :)
ooooooughhh dark!zack my darling sweetie angel love of my life
admittedly i don't have much of a plot going for them rn LOL just jingling them like keys in my brain
It's a Zack who decided he's sick of being a doormat. Being friendly and giving people the benefit of the doubt is what led to Shinra ripping away the most formative years of their lives.
For a long time, Zack tried to uphold his code of ethics, in spite of all the violence. At first he told himself it was just to protect Cloud... but over time, the more people he had to kill, the more it dawned on him that they will never be able to return to a normal life.
Once he stopped trying to make excuses, he found himself quite enjoying his new identity as a terrifying ex-SOLDIER fugitive. Things are much simpler now that he's free of moral obligations! People finally take him seriously, nobody bosses him around, he has control and it's SO addicting.
Now don't get him wrong, he's not a psycho killer, he just... happens to, um, murder people that get in his way.
#maybe that's what he's been working towards this whole time. on a subconscious level....#he wanted to reach 1st class so bad. telling himself it was because he wanted to be a hero#but in reality it's because he wanted to be in control. he wanted power.#not necessarily power over people; but power over his circumstances. the power to change things and write his own destiny.#of course once he does finally get promoted he has long since realized that SOLDIER is a trap.#every other 1st before him has sacrificed their entire lives. everything they love for nothing in return. no wonder he isn't thrilled.#cloud's a whole nother can of beans and i gotta cultivate my mental fungus about him still#asks#dark!zack au#<33
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🎤 day 194 🎵
➥ today’s akito is from the cover art for the rad dogs/cinema album!
#we’re getting close to the return of chibi akito’s adventures#i’m very excited#i already did some of the edits for it and i think they’re very silly goofy and fun#daily akito#akito shinonome#kohane azusawa#an shiraishi#toya aoyagi#hatsune miku#vivid bad squad#hatsune miku colorful stage#prosekai#puroseka#pjsk#prsk#little bit before my normal time since my professor let us out of class 15 min early
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One day I'll run out of photos of aegon targaryen to paint, but not today evidently
#well technically i painted this last night#i cant tell if it sucks or not but i thought id post it anyway#aegon ii targaryen#been doing less fanart lately#art#my art#watercolor#gouache#its so much easier to paint them at this scale#i keep trying to paint bigger portraits but they take so much longer so i lose interest#also cause if i start another i never finish the old one. ive moved on#also just found out tom glynn carney was the kid from dunkirk??? id heard he was in it but i didnt know who#i watched that movie in history class and afterwards somebody was like 'harry styles was in it' and i was like “what”#they were all british guys with brown hair i have no idea which one he was lol#aegon the second#hotd#hotd aegon#house of the dragon#hotd fanart#im almost done with the dance section of fire and blood#ive got to return it to the library soon im out of renewels#ill probably post a pic of it before i do though cause i added a ton of paper tabs and sticky notes to mark stuff and take notes#but i didnt wanna write in it cause its a library book#not that it goes out very much
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I’m eating in my class rn and I’m eating the chewiest and wet chicken sandwich (due to the dining hall employee DROWNING it in sauce, as one does) and people are doing presentations about their art projects and their meanings. I feel like that scene in The Return of the King where Pippin sings the most haunting song while Denethor is just smackin away on some tomatoes n chicken. Like yes, sing a tune for me about your River of Blood dirt drawing art piece while I eat my apple and don’t make eye contact. Delightful.
#going to light myself and my son (my art piece) on fire after this class ends#lotr#lord of the rings#return of the king#I didn’t eat anything all day and if I’m going to class I’m going to eat something before
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ms paint gideon to test my new laptop's palm sensitivity + stylus functionality (poor and acceptable respectively, if you wondered)
#tlt#the locked tomb#gtn#gideon the ninth#gideon nav#tlt art#anyway. as you can see by the time i got to her shirt i gave up entirely on filling things in properly#i don't think she'd mind though#i got this laptop for school - which i start the day after tomorrow - and i've never like. used a laptop for note taking#i'm trying to test all possibilities before school starts but costco's return policy is decent so i'm not too worried#the thing is. i think i like the laptop itself quite a bit.#but i'm like what if i don't end up using it for school that much... i got it with scholarshare or whatever#hm no i probably will need it a lot#even if i don't use it for notes taken in class it'll still be needed for research and homework and stuff#so yes i think it was a good investment#it's the hp envy if anyone wondered lol#it gets a bit warmer than i'm used to and the fans are louder than i'm used to as well#but as long as it runs well i guess that's not really an issue? i hope not anyway#i have yet to look into whether that's a problem with these laptops#if anyone has pointers let me know haha#oh yeah also i did this with my blue light filter on so hopefully the colors aren't too miserable but if they are. i apologize#i mean it's all reds so there's not much to mess up but just in case#finieldraws
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I’m so sad I was so sure I was gonna get all As this semester but it’s looking like I’ll still end up with one B 😭😭😭😭😭
#THIS HAS HAPPENED FOR LIKE THE FOURTH SEMESTER IN A ROW NOW!!!!!!#I just want all A’s PLS 😭😭#but then again. it’s not the end of the world LOL#and I’m also still kinda proud of myself bc the class is bio so#anything above a 75 is a win for me LOL#literally the only reason I even got through this class was bc of Prozac in all honesty lmfao#so a little disappointed but it’s not the end!!!!#but. it IS very frustrating that my highest grade would only be an 89.#so close omfg but still better than I originally expected!!!!#I just hope my final semester goes by well!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫#also sorry I have been v quiet on here I’m#prepping for surgery and I’m anxious and also my current semester just ended#so I’m catching up on some downtime things I hadn’t done before#but I will return in full throttle someday maybe ☝🏼
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One time in college I had to have an mri when I was getting diagnosed with my hearing loss, and anyway I’m mildly allergic to mri contrast. And the way I react to it is EXTREME nausea. And so I went to dinner with my friends afterwards and one of them took my wallet to fuck with me. Normal par for the course I was mostly friends with men who fuck with each other like that often.
Except I started getting sick so I was like “haha funny but I’m actually really sick can I have it back so I can leave, any other time you can do this please just let me have it back.” and they WOULD NOT RETURN IT. And finally after about an hour of this I was literally sobbing at the table begging for it back and nobody except the person who initially took it was trying to help me because she realized it was fucked up, and when we eventually deduced who had it, I kicked him hard as fuck in the shin until he gave it back, went to my car, and immediately vomited everywhere. And then everyone involved actively refused to apologize.
I’m constantly trying to figure out if I am a bad person and that’s why I find myself in these situations often, or if I am just an easy target or if the truth lies somewhere in the middle. And I don’t think I’ll ever know. But these were people I considered my friends, I ate dinner with them every single night. And they still decided to bully me for an hour because they could. So maybe it doesn’t matter if I am sometimes a little short, or sometimes a little annoying. Maybe sometimes people are just cruel, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. But that’s a little depressing so idk. I just find myself reflecting on this specific situation privately quite often. Because i can never figure out why it happened.
Anyway I just think that’s really fucked up. Like. Why would you do that to someone what the fuck????
#vent#personal vent#I’m also thinking about this in relation to the ‘we need to be nice to men’ discussion happening in the wake of the election#these are men who I was nice to. who I invited to things. who I was eager to spend time with. who I complimented and congratulated for their#achievements. two of whom I baked cakes for just for fun one day. who I was in multiple classes with and who I would attend campus events to#support. these are people who I was exceedingly nice to when I didn’t have to be. when I was struggling deeply and already being bullied#and yet the person who initially took my wallet was a woman yeah but she also was the only person who attempted to get it back for me when i#expressed I was sick and needed to leave. she was the only person who helped me look. the men all thought it was funny.#I think there’s something to be said about the fact that these were men I was so nice to and they wouldn’t return my belongings to me until#I was forced to resort to physical violence to get it returned. they actively mocked me for crying. they refused to give it back even when#I was gagging at the table.#before some incel brained mf responds no not all men. and I DO NOT think men are inherently cruel. but there is no amount of kindness that#will prevent people from being cruel. there is no amount of kindness that can meaningfully prevent hostility and aggression.#not from men exclusively but from anybody. if people are going to be cruel#they don’t care if all you’ve ever been is nice. they will be cruel#(also im LITERALLY not saying this is a problem with exclusively amab individuals. the woman who helped me is trans and was not out at the#time. I am nonbinary. I am NOT a fucking terf. I just think maybe we should stop telling people kindness stops cruelty. because it doesn’t)#and I don’t regret my kindness. I would do it over again for the same result. but it didn’t stop anything.
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as much as i hated my fucking master's degree, in the grand scheme of things i see how it fits into my life. it wasn't a path forward to a career or whatever. it was a way out of home. the path of least resistance for my parents and i.
#i do not care if i end up living in a run down single room with a small window. do not care if i have to move again.#do not care if my career does not take off within the next 10 fucking years.#okay maybe i care a little about that heh#i am not returning to my parents' house. i cannot.#i value my autonomy more than my comfort#i know my parents would welcome me back with open arms#but all i will be able to see is the lock they slide behind me when i enter the door#i am of course grateful that they've provided for me and i know how privileged i am. not gonna pretend i didn't grow up upper class#it's a gilmore girls loan that i want to repay as fast as i can before i make a break from them#user khlur
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👀 Every Moment Holy haver (I also have it and just received volume three in the mail today)
HUZZAH!!!!!! HELLO beloved mutual Every Moment Holy haver!!! :D
#my favourite one to return to is the one for students and scholars#i pray that one before every first class of every day! it is a daily practice of mine :)#and of course liturgy for the death of a dream i pray that one frequently too!
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Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there
The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual
I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!
Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)
I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute
Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!
The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest
Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪
Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!
Wanna play? :D
Menacing :(
Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!
Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark
Look at him being a good dad!
Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby
Best timeline, thank you
While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss
“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3
Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪
Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D
Get a load of this guy lol
He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh
Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!
He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0
And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft
Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3
#The Sims 2#My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol#These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family#The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls#Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪#It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3#Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything#Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there#I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program!#It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know#Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3#I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank#I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child!#It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd#I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move#So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting#If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol#Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough#If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol#I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D#There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass#Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm#It's an idea :)
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what’s up with me and plane crashing dreams. perhaps my life long obsession with the show air crash investigations is hitting or smth
#this is the second time in a row#I slept like four hours but i still managed to dream something#and I dreamed all of this between this post and my last reblog.#basically it all started that I was reading a post (idk if it was Twitter) of a woman saying that she had to wait for 3 hours on a airplane#for the bathroom to free and she had to stay awake the entire time#and a moment later I was on that plane too. watching her. I was about to return to my seat (I think). also i was in first class. the only#way I’ll ever experience it) but OUT OF THE NOWHERE my last year surpervisor for an expo and her husband (which I saw once a picture) stand#up. and she starts screaming something about “something sweet coming for women”…? I have no idea what that means. but all the women/girls#on the airplane stand up (they were all sleeping before) and start to crowd in front of me and i start to feel like we are going down. DOWN.#and we were in fact. going down. crashing. and I was scared as hell so while everyone was laughing/celebrating (???) I was screaming of#horror. but just before we crash I wake up and I’m in my bed (but I know I’m still dreaming. because it’s like a slow downloading of the#image). I wake up and I decided I’m late for school (which i don’t have) and I get ready quickly and I march in full force to the bus statio#then I realize there is no school and I’m outside at 5am. I found a supermarket cart and idk why but I take it with me and only when I get#home I realize that the supermarket is nowhere close to my house (like irl) and now I have a freacking shipping cart and I decided to park#it in my garage#and then my mom woke me up as my alarm for 7am went off.#I feel like by brain has been fucked. I’m not used anymore to sleeping poorly because I’ve taken a great interest in better sleeping since#last year and I can’t stand this now ugh.#good morning people tho#dream
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