#and merlin genuinely thought he could protect Arthur until the end

[myoonmii]

I think the downright most horrific and brutal detail in the show is that Kilgharrah actually used Merlin to make sure Arthur's death happened with the pretence of protecting him

[believinghurts]

Their Daughter

Chapter 5

Author’s note: I use Grammarly to fix my mistakes, but there could still be some so sorry for that. Also, I am getting back into writing and am hoping to have a few more works out soon! Please reblog, like, or comment feedback is appreciated.

Word Count: 4,400

Warnings: None? Sirius being a d*ck? Maybe language, but I don’t think so.

Regulus wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he stroked his niece's hair. He was mad at his brother for basically throwing away the only good thing that had ever come from the Black family. Sirius was too blinded by the past to see what was right in front of him. As children, Sirius often told Regulus that he was their family's favorite and that it bothered him, but if he knew what it was like to be less loved then how can he love Harry more than Ali? He understood that Harry was Sirius's Godson, but couldn’t he love Ali and Harry equally? If Sirius made the effort maybe Ali and the other children could even be friends. His heart ached from the emotional battle that Ali was going through right now. Even if Sirius didn’t see it, he and Remus did. Ali’s light was dimmer than before and when she was lighting up again after finding out Sirius never came for her, Sirius just had to go and snuffed it out.

Carefully sliding out from under Ali and placing a pillow under her head Regulus left the room. He shut the door behind him casting a locking spell so she wouldn’t be bothered. He needed to speak with Remus first before doing anything. They needed to decide what to do about Ali. As much as Regulus wanted to spend time with her before she went back to school he didn’t want her to be this upset anymore. He walked into the study to find Remus and Nymphadora sitting near the fireplace.

“How is she?” Nymphadora blurted the question as soon as she saw her cousin. Remus had owled her after Ali had gone to her room. The older sister in her wanted to go up to Sirius and give him a piece of her mind, but she knew that it wouldn’t do any good.

“She’s asleep for now. All the fighting has exhausted her. I honestly don’t know what to do. I want her here, this is her home, but if Sirius doesn’t stop acting like the brut that he is it is going to hurt her more. Speaking of Sirius, where is he? It’s quiet.” Regulus flopped down on the chair across from Remus and Nymphadora raking a hand through his hair. His worry for Ali was causing him a headache. On one hand, he wanted to send Ali to stay at the Malfoy Manor for the remainder of summer, but on the other, he wanted to hold her close and have her stay in her home where she belonged.

“Sirius left with Harry after you went upstairs. He hasn’t been home since. The Weasleys stepped out to Diagon Alley to get the kids stuff for school.” Remus replied. He was secretly thankful that the house was mainly empty. This way at least Ali could come down if she felt like it without the chance of someone bothering her. Remus was having the same thoughts as Regulus about keeping Ali at home virus's sending her to the Manor. He just wanted his niece to be happy. The hope that he had of Sirius and Ali having the father/daughter relationship was gone. If only Remus could get Sirius to open his eyes to the pain he was causing to the girl, but Sirius was nothing if not stubborn.

“I think I am going to write to Cissa and see if she can keep Ali for the rest of summer. If that’s what it takes for her to be happy then so be it. We can see her off at the -“

“I don’t want to leave,” Ali’s voice interrupted. “I want to stay here with you. Please don’t make me leave. I can handle it, I promise.”

Ali knew that she and Regulus were going to have to talk about the fact that she called him dad, but that was a private conversation. Right now she needed to convince the adults in the room that she didn’t need to leave. She could take Sirius. Yes the words that he had said hurt her and the actions he did tonight furthered that hurt in her heart, but she was done. She didn’t owe him anything, and it was clear she knew that he didn’t want to be her father. She had meant what she said to Regulus. He was her father in all the ways that counted. He loved her unconditionally, was always there for her, and protected her.

She went and sat on the couch in between Nymphadora and Remus who wrapped an arm around her pulling her close to his chest. “It might be best if you went and stayed for the rest of the summer at the Manor, Al. This isn’t good for you mentally. We all can see how drained you are.”

“No, this is my home. I can handle it. I have you all plus the older Weasleys and Fleur. You'll protect me and if I need to get away for a little bit I’ll owl Blaise or Draco to go to Diagon Alley or something. I want to spend time with you. Times are hard right now and you never know when you are going to lose someone and I would like to have as much time with each of you just in case.”

Regulus leaned forward taking Ali’s hand in his, “Nothing, and I mean nothing is going to happen to us. I love you more than you could ever imagine and if you want to stay here you can.” Ali smiles brightly at that before Regulus cut her off, “but you have to tell me, Remus, or Severus, if anything happens. And you have to come out of your room. I am not having you locking yourself away again. Got it?”

Ali pounced on Regulus, hugging his neck tight. She was excited to spend some more time with her family. She had meant what she said about never knowing when something was going to happen. Wizards had been disappearing all over London and she was genuinely scared something was going to happen to her loved ones. She was going to make it a point to take plenty of photos and make enough memories to last a lifetime the next couple of weeks.

Regulus held his niece tight, fighting back the tears when she whispered, “Thanks, Dad,” into his ear. He had been called a lot of things in his life, but this was one title he was going to wear proudly.

Remus’s voice interrupted the moment, “wait for a second, why are you going to owl Blaise? We have an agreement, young lady, no boys till you're thirty!”

Ali’s giggle was music to those in the room with her, and for the first time that summer they all saw Ali smile at home the brightest she had since everyone arrived.

————

The rest of the day was eventful which was something that everyone was thankful for. Nymphadora left shortly after spending some time with Ali since she had something to attend to with Moody, so that left Regulus, Ali, and Remus to watch the Star Wars movies in Ali’s room. Kreacher brought them snacks while they made a fort on the floor. Ali was incredibly content laying on the mounds of pillows in between her Uncles. When she was younger they would have movie nights like this once a month until she started Hogwarts. Even then she and her friends carried on the tradition in the boy's dorm since Draco was often present at the ones hosted at home. She wished that she could have Draco over now, but knew that if she brought him here then everyone in the house would throw a fit about it, maybe it was something to bring up to Regulus later.

Molly called them all down for dinner shortly after the second film ended. Leaving the mess on the floor the trio made their way downstairs with Ali trailing behind her Uncles. She could feel her nerves spike the closer she got to the dining room. She thought about excusing herself stating she wasn’t hungry, but the loud growl in her stomach gave her hunger away. Everyone had already sat down beside Harry and Sirius when they got into the room. Regulus pulled the seat out next to him for his niece. Fleur shot her a smile when she sat down by her uncle with Charlie on her other side. At least she was sitting near someone who didn’t hate her.

Chatter and the sounds of forks on plates filled the room as everyone got their fill of Molly’s meatballs and onion sauce. Everyone broke off into separate conversations. Remus, Regulus, and Arthur talking about the Ministry, the younger Weasleys, and Hermione talking about Quidditch, Bill and Fleur about their upcoming wedding, and Charlie and Ali talking about his work in Romania. “What are you planning on doing after you leave Hogwarts?”

Ali shot a glance over at Remus who was doing a terrible job of disguising his eavesdropping on the duo. “I am thinking about becoming a professor. I like creatures obviously so I was thinking something along those lines, but I also like Herbology. So maybe that. I just know I want to teach.”

Charlie shot her a grin. “Have you thought about where? I know Hogwarts has Sprout for Herbology and Hagrid was doing Care of Magical Creatures, but you still have three more years of school so maybe they’ll need someone by the time you're done.”

Ali shrugged her shoulders. In all honesty, she wanted to leave England and travel for a bit but knew that if she brought it up now it would be a fight or something so she bit her tongue. “Maybe.”

The noise came to a halt when the door slammed open in the living room. Everyone hopped to their feet, wands at the ready. It felt like hours had passed before the intruder walked through the door. “Sirius! Harry! Merlin, you scared us all.”

“Sorry, it’s raining hard and we were in a rush to get back home.” Sirius shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. Everyone retook their seats beside Milly who served Harry and Sirius. Ali tried her hardest to keep from looking at the latest duo that entered, not wanting to cause any more trouble or to give Sirius a reason to lash out at her.

Dinner passed rather quickly, conversations flowed in their small groups. Charlie had gone with Fleur and Bill on a scouting mission shortly after eating, while Fred and George worked on new products for their shop. Ali was in her head thinking about asking to go to meet Pansy in the coming days to look at a new book shop. Pansy wasn’t much of a reader but was always looking for an excuse to get out of her house. She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up Molly was smiling softly at her while handing her a letter in a dark blue envelope. She instantly knew who the letter was from since only one person used that kind of envelope when writing her.

“This came for you, dear, when you were with your uncles. I didn't want to bother you then I almost forgot just now.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Weasley.” Ali smiled at the kind woman. Despite her feelings towards most of the Weasley children, their parents were quite nice.

Molly patted her cheek before walking off. Ali started to rip the top off when she got Regulus’s eye and he winked at her. He knew who the letter was from having met the boy a few times already. Her cheeks flushed and continued to do so while reading it.

Dear Supernova,

I hope you are surviving the dreadfulness that is upon you right now with all the people in your house. Yes, Draco told me what was going on yesterday when I finally threatened to out his crush if he didn’t explain why we hadn’t been seeing you a lot this summer. I have to say I am quite hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself. Best friends I thought. Just joking, but seriously you could have told me about him and I wouldn't have said a word to anyone.

I miss you, Supernova. We’ve only got to see each other once this summer and we both know when school starts you will have a book shoved in front of your face in the first three minutes. Could we get together sometime this week? It has been awful at home and if I have to hear Draco's voice one more time without you there to tell him off for being annoying I may throw myself off the astronomy tower.

Your uncle may not agree, but you could come to stay at mine for a night. Mother agreed to it as long as Regulus does and we have separate rooms. If you can't, maybe I can come to you? I don’t really care what the redheads have to say about me being there so don’t worry about that. We have much to catch up on; like the fact that you got Headgirl and also didn’t write and tell me. I had to find that little tidbit out from Parkinson's. Don’t worry we’ll catch up whether that's soon or on the train.

love,

Zabini

Ali felt a pang of guilt hit her square in the chest. She hadn’t meant to forget to fill Blaise in on her life but it had been so crazy recently she hadn’t got to write anyone much. In all the truth no one knew that she had gotten Headgirl. She had gotten the letter from Flitwich a few days after the Weasley’s arrived and completely forgot. Although she told her Uncles she didn’t want to go anywhere spending some time with Blaise sounded nice. Deciding to just rip the bandaid off she looked up to find Regulus and Remus looking at her with amused smiles on their faces.

“What’s you got there, Ali?” Remus asked, causing her cheeks to flame red. She wasn’t scared to say that she wanted to hang out with a boy. She did it all the time whether it was Blaise, Theo, or Draco; it was more to do with the fact that she was about to ask to spend the night at a boys' house. Even if they were going to be in separate rooms and they had fallen asleep cuddled together weeks prior at the Malfoys, something none of her Uncles knew, it was going to be a little fight to get Remus to agree as he made the ‘no dating till you’re thirty’ rule when she was five and asked for a boyfriend for Christmas.

Looking around she noticed all attention was on her even if the other adults in the room were making it seem like they weren’t listening while the children openly gawked. “Uhm,” she was cut off by Severus stepping into the room. Great, now she had to face all three Uncles. Where were Dora and Cissa when she needed them?

Severus hugged her quickly before taking a place by Regulus. “Who's the letter from Ali?” He asked her letting her know there was no getting out of it and that she was going to have to spill the beans.

“It’s from Blaise,” A look of amusement passed Regulus’s face, making her think that he knew what was in the letter already while Remus looked like he was going to snatch the letter out of her hands and read it himself if she didn’t hurry up.

“And what possibly could it say to have your cheeks looking like the inside of Gryffindor common room?” Regulus teased further.

She coughed trying to get her nerves resealed. “He was saying that we need to catch up before school starts, and invited me to come and stay with him and Mrs. Zabini for a night this week.”

Remus grunted while Regulus smiled. Ali had to hide a giggle as she noticed all the other mouths in the room had dropped to the floor. Ali knew that except for Hermione and Harry the Weasley’s never stayed or had anyone else with them.

“Can I, please? His mother said we would have separate rooms and she will be there as well as the house-elves. We only got to see one another once this summer. He said if I can’t he could come here, but honestly, I think the first option is better. Please?” She pulled out her best puppy eyes and pouty lip. She was not above begging for it but didn’t want to do so with everyone staring at her.

Regulus looked over at Remus. Ali could see the silent conversation going on between them. Regulus’s head inclined slightly toward Ali which she hoped to Merlin was a good thing. Remus looked back at his niece with a look in his eye she couldn’t read. “Rosalynn said you’ll have separate rooms?” Ali nodded her head so fast she almost gave herself whiplash. “And you’ll stay in them?” Once again she nodded, although she knew that they more than likely would be in the family room till late hours in the night. He looked back at Regulus, “you have no problems with her going?”

“No, I already knew about it. Rosalynn wrote about two days ago. If she wants to go, that's fine. You know Rosalynn will look after her as she does Blaise. And the Heavens know that boy would jump in front of the Knight Bus for Ali.” Regulus chuckled at Ali's shocked expression.

“Y-you knew? Why didn’t you say anything?” Ali struggled to get the words out.

“Rosalynn said Blaise wanted to ask you. She was just giving me a heads up, knowing how Remus is with boys and you. You know we talked quite often, Als.” Regulus winked at her.

“You may go,” Remus stated. She was shocked she didn’t have to put up more of a fight.

“WHAT?” Sirius shrieked. He knew that Regulus would let her go to the Death Eaters house, but Remus? He thought he could count on his ‘friend’ to at least say no. “You’re letting her go to the Death Eaters house? AGAIN? Who's also a boy and staying the night? Are you mad?”

Remus looked at Sirius with disdain, “No I am not. She is a good girl and Blaise has been her friend for years. Rosalynn loves her as much as we do and would never let anything happen. And for God's sake quit calling everyone a Death Eater.”

“Outrageous.”

“Sirius, you have no say in what she does. You gave that up last night. Ali is a good girl who makes good choices. Not only that but she also deserves a little something since she got Headgirl this year, don’t you think?” Regulus smirked as he saw the Granger girl's face fall.

“You got Headgirl?” Hermione whispered to Ali with disbelief lacing her voice.

“Yeah, I did. Draco got Headboy I believe, but it may be Theo. I haven’t asked yet.”

“Why do you and Draco get Head of Houses? Why not Hermione and -“ Ali cut her dear Godbrother off.

“And who? You? Ron? Why would any of you get Head of Houses with all the trouble you bring in? Sneaking out, stealing things, picking fights. We do have the highest marks in most classes as well as treat others equally unlike the likes of you.”

If looks could kill Ali would be dead three times over. In all honesty, she kinda felt bad for the younger Weasley boy seeing as all of his older brothers, bar Fred and George had been Headboy. But then she thought about the trouble he and his friends had caused her and her friends as well as others over the years. Harry preached about equality among the houses but she had witnessed many times when younger Slytherins were picked on by Gryiffndors. Hufflepuffs generally didn't have any problems with the other houses so long as everyone was being just. Ravenclaws tended to keep to themselves unless it really involved them. Whereas Slytherins preferred to stand up to those picking on other Slytherins especially the younger ones. Slytherins were always made out to be the bullies when in general if you got to know them people would notice that they are a lot more than what their parents used to be.

Ally had heard the stories of how mean James and Sirius were to those in Slytherin even if they never did anything to them. She believed in harmless fun could be had pulling pranks, but tricking someone into going to a place where a werewolf was was downright cruel. She had no doubts in her mind that James and Sirius were once good people like her Uncle Remus is now, but seeing as Sirius still acts like a child those doubts were becoming known.

“I just think that Slytherins shouldn’t be Head of House when all you will do is favor your own, and treat everyone else like dirt,” Ron stated.

“Ronald Weasley! How dare you say such a thing?!” Molly exclaimed.

“It’s alright Mrs. Weasey. I am used to hearing such things come from them and others in their house,” Ali looked Ron in the eyes, “You seem to forget that I’m a Ravenclaw, not a Slytherin. I do not favor anyone and will not when I start Head Girl duties but know this. I will give you as many detentions as you deserve if you are caught bullying, harassing, belittling, any of the other houses. You may think that Gryiffndors are the bravest of the houses and maybe you are in some ways, but you are cowardly in others. Maybe some Slytherins are as bad as you make them seem, but Harry,” she turned her head slightly to the side, “you seem to forget just which house Peter Pettigrew was in when he was the one who betrayed your parents. And Regulus was in Slytherin but seems to be more loyal to his friends and family than that rat was.”

“It seems that Alianova has given you all something to think about as you're getting ready for bed,” Molly stated looking at all the children present in the room. Her face grew red when she saw that none of them had moved a muscle. “Now.”

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny, jumped from their seats and booked it to the stairs scared of Mrs. Weasley’s wrath. At some point, Charlie, Fluer, and Bill came back from scouting. Charlie ruffled Ali’s hair causing her to grin. “Good job, kid. You’ll make a great Head Girl.” Bill and Fleur nodded in agreement. “Nothing happened while we were out. We’ll give a full debrief tomorrow, but we will be heading to bed as well. Good night everyone.”

Molly walked to Ali and pulled her up out of her chair before placing both hands on Ali’s pale cheeks. “Don’t you worry, dear, I will be talking with all of them in the morning. You made a lot of valid points, and I for one am proud that you are Head Girl.”

She kissed her forehead before taking her husband to go to bed after waving her wand to get the kitchen clean once again. Arthur offered Ali a small smile before disappearing behind his wife. Sirius scoffed at the behavior which everyone heard but chose to ignore.

Ali turned to her three Uncles, waiting for the answer about going to her friends, and the scene that just played out in the kitchen.

“I am proud of you as well, Alianova. You have done excellent, and I know it is Remus and Regulus' decision about going to Blaises’, but I see no problem with it. I will stay in the guest room. Come get me if you need me. Good night, Ali.” He hugged her tightly, making Ali tear up slightly at the thought of Servus being proud of her. It also made her giddy at the thought of rubbing it in Draco’s face since Severus is his Godfather and never said such a thing to him.

Remus followed after Servus, wrapping his niece in a bear hug around her shoulders. The height difference amusing Regulus to no end seeing as Ali only came about midway in Remus’s chest. “You may go as long as it’s okay with Reg, and you stay in separate rooms. I am a little mad though that you didn’t tell me yourself about getting Head Girl, but I am still incredibly proud of you. No one deserves this more than you do, not even Harry.” The last part was whispered in her ear. He kissed her forehead, before heading to his room.

With the three Blacks being the only ones left in the room. “I don’t think you should go.” Sirius’s voice was venomous as he thought about his only child, his legacy, spending time with Death Eaters.

“It’s a good thing it doesn’t matter what you think isn’t it?” Regulus smirked at his older brother. He was not going to take this away from his child. “Ali, you may go so long as you stay in your separate rooms whenever the two of you decide to go to sleep because I know from having all your mates over it will be late.” He walked to Ali cradling her freckled face in his hands. “I am so proud to call you my daughter. Even after all that you have been through in your life you have still managed to form your own beliefs and thoughts as well as stand up for them. You deserve Head Girl over anyone else, and hopefully, you get to share it with one of your friends.”

Ali dove into her Uncle's chest. Tears welling up into her eyes at the thought that he really did think of her as his own even if she already knew it. It was nice to hear out loud. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I love you, dad.” She kissed his cheek before heading to her room to write Blaise.

Sirius felt his anger sore to new heights when he heard Ali call Regulus dad. He had enough courtesy to wait till she was out of earshot before grounding out, “We need to talk, Regulus.”

[rogue-durin-16]

HIS WARM EYES

Summary: Some members of the Order are reticent about letting in a Lestrange, specially after Snape's betrayal. Whilst taking Harry to the the burrow, an ambush has place. Everything points to Y/n, right?

Pairing: George Weasley x Slytherin!Lestrange!Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

George Weasley: @meph1stophelian

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @skarlettmikaelson

Warnings: blood, injuries, death

A/N: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO LONG AND BAD— I AM GENUINELY SORRY BUT I HAD TO

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Lestrange wasn't a good name.

It wasn't a good name in the streets, nor in close-doors, let alone amongst The Order.

That's why I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they had accepted me— well, maybe 'accepted' was a strong word; they had let me in, reticent, weary, but still they had done it. Plus, after Snape's betrayal and Dumbledore's death, no one would think there was a vacant for a Slytherin and a Lestrange.

It wasn't until I found myself exiting the abandoned Grimauld's Place along with the rest of the volunteers to go to Privet Drive, that it dawned on me; they were short on people.

They were so short on people that the Order would have to swallow my name, my family and my House.

That didn't mean they would quiet down their opinions about me being there.

"I'm gonna say it." Fred announced, taking a spot in the living room's corner while Shacklebolt, Arthur and Lupin searched the place.

"Again?" Fleur groaned.

Fred had already spoken his mind about my presence before we reached Potter's house.

His and George's shocked looks had been on me since the very first moment I had walked into the old Black's home, which was understandable; last time they saw me I was joking about joining the death eaters.

Although the shock on their faces had been accompanied by very different emotions on each.

Fred's held reticence. During our school years, he had never liked me; I would dare to say he was scared of me, even.

George's gaze, on the other hand, held hope —maybe even excitement— which was comforting.

In our first year, I had managed to draw George's interest, and for three years he was adamant about Slytherins not being 'all that bad'.

George's friendship was the thread I was hanging on; he was the only thing stopping from taking the easy way and live up to my name.

The thread was cut after he asked his mother to bring me over during Christmas, which ended up in her forbidding him to talk to me. He, being George Weasley, ignored his mom's pleads and twin's scolding and still tried his best to stay close to me, so I did what was right and, at the end of our fifth year, I cut ties with him.

It hurt more than I would dare to admit.

After our drifting apart, I was forced to completely rely on Slytherins. And you see, Slytherins, as 11 year-old George would say, aren't all that bad, but the ones my name attracted were.

They were bad sort —the worst—, and keeping that company around after our sixth year wasn't the best record to have, but Merlin's sake, I was there, I had volunteered— people change.

"Son." His father warned Fred, well aware this wasn't the time, though he obviously wanted to side with him. "Don't start again."

"Someone has yet to tell me why is she here?"

"She has a name." I hissed, unable to stop myself.

"Which is why you shouldn't be here, Lestrange." The name rolled out of his tongue like poison. "She's not one to trust."

"Oi, she's willing to risk her life, isn't she?" George's words seemed to be meant to calm his twin's temper, though his warm eyes did land on mines with a reassuring look.

"Yeah but for whom?" I tried to stay quiet as Moody had asked me too, but Fred was making it quite difficult. "If something goes wrong—"

"Weasley!" Mad-eye's tone was dry as he bursted into the room. "Are you questioning my judgment?" Fred scoffed, but stayed quiet.

"If we're throwing in the surnames, you're gonna wanna know her mum's my auntie." Tonks spoke, folding her arms.

"But you're a Hufflepuff." He was quick to respond, giving me a disgusted look. "She's a Serpent."

"And you're still a mouthful, aren't you?!" I snapped, stepping forward, though Tonks gave me a lazy tug before I could get to Fred.

"Wanna fight, Lestrange?" He had taken a couple of steps in my direction already when George yanked his twins arm.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He yelled, giving his brother a push. "She's here for Harry! She's helping! What else do you want?!"

"Oh my gosh, Georgie— get over your teen crush already, she's not on our team!" George's knuckles went visibly white, unlike his cheeks, which turned red.

"Are you done making a scene? The three of you." Bill questioned in a calm tone, resting against the window's bench. "I don't fancy the idea either, but we need help, Fred, so shut your mouth because we have things to do."

"Pity, I was enjoying the teen drama." Moody teased before grabbing his flask and the ones who would take the Polyjuice potion moved to stand in line.

"Y/n." George's hand brushed my hand, drawing my attention to him as we stood besides one another. "I'm glad you're here." He whispered with a side smile.

"Missed me much?" I couldn't help but grin back, bumping his arm with mine. I stole a proper look at him and thought I might as well ask before the mission. "So... Teen crush huh?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him, though I could feel my own face flushing.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't fancy George —could someone blame me?—, and the idea of those feelings not being unrequited was very appealing.

He only threw his head back and looked away, the half smile growing wider and more bashful. "We'll talk about it at the Burrow." He assured me, taking the flask with his right hand and squeezing mine with his left.

"If we don't die before that." I was joking, but fear was shaking me to the core.

"We won't." He looked at the potion disgusted and gave me a peeked at me saying, "You have to hear me embarrass myself first." And with a wink, he drank the potion and passed it to me.

Gosh, I couldn't get over the mission to hear him 'embarrass' himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The first five minutes were calm, despite all of us being on edge. We kept checking on each other, dreading if we lost sight of someone, that someone would banish.

The storm came when we had to dive into the dark clouds.

Funnily enough, I did think it was a literal storm before entering; oh, what I would have given for it to be a literal storm.

Black, cloaked intruders flew among us, making us divide in the pairs we had been assigned to.

Lupin started casting protegos and hexes to everyone that got too close while I tried to take down as many enemies as possible.

A couple of yelled warnings were heard when both Moody and the real Harry had entered the ambush.

"WATCH OUT!" Tonks screamed, flying past me with Ron at her tail. "REMUS!" She made a signal to her husband "ESCORT!" I got the hint; we were supposed to clear Moody's and Y/n's way so it would confuse our attackers while Tonks and Shacklebolt made sure to get Harry out of there.

"ON MY LEFT!" Lupin shouted over the chaos, changing to my right for me to be by Y/n's side.

"WE'RE FUCKED!" She yelled dropping her flight to dodge an Avada Kedavra.

"WE'LL MANAGE!" I automatically dropped my flight with hers too, which was a bad decision, since we had gotten rid of the protection provided by Lupin, Mad-eye and Bill and Fleur.

Soon enough three death eaters came flying towards us.

"STUPEFY!" another Harry with the voice of Fred passed by us, closely followed by my dad.

"GO BACK UP!" Y/n was quicker than me following my father's instructions; when I did though, I realised the little formation we had going on was gone.

Suddenly, all we could hear were screams; it felt as if someone was missing but I blamed it on everyone flying around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Tonks almost crashed against me on her way down; Ron was nowhere near me, nor Lupin.

We were outnumbered, and instead of moving forward, we were stuck in the grey clouds, trying not to die.

It took me a hot second, a crash against a death eater and a couple of hexes to get to Lupin, and even when I did, it was a hard task to keep track of him.

I had just taken out someone in my way when I caught a glimpse of something my eyes refused to believe.

Snape.

Our bloody professor was trying to kill us.

I felt the need to laugh at the situation.

"GEORGE!" It was Y/n's voice snapping me out of it, although her actions shocked me even more.

Y/n casted a spell on me, pushing my broomstick to the left and consequently making me crash against Lupin and lose balance.

Then something happened, something my mind didn't quite process.

At first it felt like a slap, but the pain stung my side as if someone had sliced me with a blade.

I didn't hear my own cry, nor Lupin's desperate 'help'; I didn't feel his hands struggling to take a firm hold of me, nor my own shakily reaching to my side, searching for an injury I didn't want to find.

A second after that, everything was black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

As soon as my father and I apparated in the fields of our home, I ran into the house. For some unexplainable reason, it felt as if something wasn't right.

A couple of steps into the house were enough for that 'something' to strike me. George had been laid on the settee, barely conscious; blood was covering the side of his face, neck and left shoulder, making his hair and clothes stick to his skin.

I was left speechless at the sight, my eyes welling up while I dragged my feet towards my twin.

"Mad-Eye is dead." Bill's words, despite sounding far away, made the gears in my head turn.

Lupin was quicker than me, though, "I told you we couldn't trust a Lestrange!"

"Remus! we don't know—" Tonks tried to calm him down, just to be cut off by Bill.

"Mad-Eye and Lestrange traveled between us and" he gestured at our wounded brother, "Remus and George." His jaw twitching let me know that he was desperately trying to stay calm. "Mad-Eye is dead and my brother just lost an ear, who is it if not bloody Lestrange, Dora?"

"Bill..." Fleur held onto her fiance's arm in an attempt to ground him.

"Did you see her disapparating?" Tonks's point was logical and hopeful.

George would have sided with her.

My eyes fixed on my wounded twin again. He was as pale as a corpse now, and the absence of his ear was way more noticeable now that my mother had begun to remove the blood.

George would have sided with Tonks because he wanted to trust Y/n, and he couldn't even speak because of that same reason.

Since everyone was arguing, they missed the flash of someone apparating near the front door.

I didn't.

Before I knew it, I was running outside with my wand in hand, Lupin and Bill following me instantly when they realised what I had just seen.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Y/n's wand flew to my hand even before I could properly see her.

My rushed march came to a halt when I was a couple of feet away from her, making Bill bump into me; she was as pale as George, maybe more.

She took a seemingly calm, deep breath before attempting to walk.

Luckily, I saw the pools of blood on her shirt and stepped to reach her before she could touch the ground.

"Oh my..." Lupin covered his mouth with both his hands and Bill stood frozen at the sight of the girl in my arms. "MOLLY!!" my old professor yelled at the top of his lungs, going as livid as me.

We shouldn't talk on impulse, I told myself, rushing into the kitchen with Y/n in my arms. A series of gasps and regretful whispers broke the silence while I laid her on the dining table.

"Y/n?" George's trembling voice was heartbreaking, and, as my dad forced him to stay on the couch, I prayed the girl in my arms would survive.

"Oh Lord..." My mother muttered, examining her. It wasn't only her shirt stained with blood; her left leg and arm were too. "Oh dear..."

"She took the blow." Lupin ran his hands through his hair, understandably stressed. After a couple of seconds, her turned to my dad and commanded, "Get him up. Quick— go get him up." His eyes stared right into my soul and I dreaded the worst, but still obeyed and helped my dad drag George to the dining table.

I heard Lupin telling Bill something about Sectumsempra, and my heart sunk.

She took the blow.

"No..." George's murmur was close to a cry, but it was enough for Y/n's eyes to snap open.

"George." tears were effortlessly streaming down her cheeks at the sight of him. "You're... A-alive..."

"Please stay" My brother fell on his knees, reaching for Y/n's bloody hand with his own. We all looked away to give them some kind of intimacy, except from my mother, who was still trying to fix the poor girl.

I heard them both whispering sweet nothings with shattered voices until only one of them died out. I looked over to Tonks, whose eyes were gleaming with tears, and then to Lupin.

I couldn't bring myself to look at George.

After a moment of intense sobbing, my dad managed to pull my twin away from the corpse, and we carried him back to the settee.

I stayed with him the night, holding his hand and assuring him it was not his fault, but I knew my words would have little effect on his state; after all, he had been in love with Y/n for years.

All those years he had spent trying to convince all of us that Y/n was a good person, that we should give her a chance; all those years begging our mother to bring her over because she wanted to see our home.

Now her body was lying on our kitchen and I knew none of us would forgive ourselves for misjudging her.

READER'S P. O. V.

"Nervous?" A tall, redheaded kid appeared besides me; I supposed he didn't know my name by the warmth and curiosity with which his eyes stared at me.

"Aren't we all?" I replied with an anxious laugh.

He seemed to think for a moment before nodding. "Fair point, though I'll probably go into Gryffindor." He assured me with a proud smile, causing my head to cast down. "What is it?"

"Oh nothing," I shrugged, aware I would not be able to befriend that sweet boy with warm eyes. "I think I'll be sorted into Slytherin."

"Nonsense!" His intentions had been obviously to reassure me, but when he realised his response only made it worse, he added. "It'd be wicked to have a Slytherin friend, though." My eyes widened at his words; did he just— "I'm George, by the way."

"I'm Y/n."

"That's a very pretty name." Professor Mcgonagall led us into the Great Hall, and before I knew what was happening, George's hand was holding mine. "It'll be fine."

The lighting of the Castle changed once the Great Hall's doors opened; a bright, white light seemed to be coming out of it.

"Wait!" My hand gripped George's before he could leave my side. "Can you hold my hand? I-I'm scared." My voice no longer sounded like a 11 year old.

For some reason I didn't comprehend, my eyes were watery, making the view in front of me blurry.

"Don't be scared, darling." When I turned to George, I didn't see a kid; it was him, in the expensive suit I had seen him mere hours ago. "I'm here."

I just nodded and, swallowing my fear, took a step ahead, and then another one, and another, until I reached the Great Hall.

[oswinsdolma]

Yes, it's nearly 2.00am (because that's apparently the only time I have inspiration to write essays) but I've been thinking a lot about this lately and wanted to get it off my chest, so here you go:

The main goal of Merlin becomes disturbingly fractured along the way, which opens up the gaps for the prophecy to seep through instead of following the expected channels, but it can essentially be boiled down to three key elements 1) build albion; 2) decriminalise magic and 3) save Arthur, but when all is said and done, we never really see any of those objectives achieved.

Now, there are a few reasons for this, both from a writing perspective and a plot perspective. The first, and one of the most obvious, is that this show loves irony. I won't go into a lot of detail here because I've already written a whole ass essay in this very subject, but in a nutshell, you can look at this from two perspectives: firstly, it's important to establish that this technique is purely about the angst: it's the writers' way of provoking a reaction from an anguished audience, but it's foreshadowed just enough to make it more painful than it is shocking. Alternatively, there is the more plot motivated irony in that it genuinely makes a good story. Irony is a technique that has been used for thousands of years, not just because it provokes a reaction from the audience, but because it allows you to explore your characters in greater detail than before, riddling them with hidden juxtapositions and internal conflicts that are never resolved quite in the way you expect. The irony in Merlin is the epitome of this, with the whole motif of Arthur needing to die for his reign to begin. It is a classic example of the simultaneous despair and hope that mocks you from the shadows.

Following this, there is another force at play that deals with half truths and seemingly imperfect contradictions, and that's prophecy. It's not really a secret that I have very strong feelings about prophecy and its effects on all the characters, Merlin in particular, and the fact that fate and destiny are such key themes in Merlin both makes perfect sense and wants me to smash my head into a brick wall. Prophecies are another common trope that often go hand in hand with irony (think Oedipus Rex, Macbeth, The Iliad, all that doomed hero shit that I inexplicably adore), the key to their influence over the plot often lying in how they usually come true in the most unexpected of ways. This links back to that initial theme of irony, but this isn't what makes me angry: what is infuriating is that prophecies tend to come true, no matter what, and most of the characters seem not only to know this, but to let it take their autonomy over their respective fates, driving them to disaster.

Let me elaborate: especially in season five (I'm assuming just for the added fall at the end), Merlin talks a lot about how "one day, things will be different". He tells sorcerers that one day they won't have to hide. That one day, they won't have to live in fear of who they are and what others think of them. And Merlin is right: while it is not explicitly stated, it's generally established that this is one of the things Merlin should actively be working towards. But here's the kick: except for a few specific circumstances, when has Merlin ever actively tried to change Arthur's mind about magic? Yes, he has taken a few opportunities, like with Dragoon saving Uther's life, or with the Dolma's final request, where he has encouraged Arthur to rethink his choices, but otherwise, his support has been lukewarm at best. Instead, his primary concern was always saving Arthur, so he can become the king the magical world hoped he'd be, but he left out a crucial part, trusting in the prophecy to fill in the gaps. He knew it would come true, but it was, almost predictably, in the one way he never dared to expect.

And in a twisted way, there's that thread of irony again: Merlin thought he was saving Arthur so he could one day become the king who would see magic as a force for good, but instead, he created someone who was merely a survivor. It was Kilgharrah who said it first, and he who would mention it last: they are two sides of the same coin. But as willing as Merlin was to give his life for Arthur, and vice versa, he was never really ready to give him his mind.

Another interesting thing to note is Merlin's fixation on the "Saving Arthur" lens of the prophecy over the "Restoring Magic" part. Now, there are a ton of ways you can look at this, depending on how far along the scale of Queer Analysis you are, so I'm going to try and address a couple. At one end of the scale, you have the fairly simple and very believable "merthur" take. This basically boils down to the fact that Merlin and Arthur may or may not be deeply in love with one another, and that drowns out any voice of reason that may unfold. This is actually fairly canon compliant, particularly looking at incidents such as the Disir, when Merlin chooses Arthur over his and his people's freedom, though that choice was clearly, in hindsight, misadvised.

At the other end of the spectrum, there is the idea that it is the work of Kilgharrah, Gaius and other responsible figures in Merlin's life when he was new to his role in destiny, who reiterated at every occasion that Arthur must be protected at all costs. This may have ingrained into Merlin's thoughts and influenced his decisions from here on out.

Between those two points, there is a grey area, and I am of the personal opinion that neither extreme entirely satisfies the situation. For me, I think the characters in question are far too complex to have such simple motivations, and that the true reason lies somewhere between the two: Merlin undoubtedly cares for Arthur, and while at the start, his actions in protacting Arthur may have been driven by other (largely superficial) motives, over time, their mutual affection blossomed to the point where certainly the more personal quests were motivated not by need, but by love. However, there is a divide here, and while the line in the sand smudges from time to time, it never really disappears: a lot of instances in which Merlin is trying to help Arthur are entirely overshadowed by destiny, and in time, Merlin comes to accept that Arthur and Destiny are, in fact, one and the same, and this is where that ever-present tragedy lies. For all he truth in here, Merlin doesn't get everything quite right: he sees Arthur as a balance that needs to be protected, without fully realising that he doesn't just have to keep the sides of his equation in equilibrium, but he actually has to start solving them if he wants them to endure.

Having just said all that, sometimes I decide to fuck over complexity for a few hours purely because I am a shameless merthur hoe.

Also, can you take a moment to please note that this last section is highly subjective and it is completely up to you as to what you decide!! This is just my opinion and you're welcome to agree or disagree at any point.

So, aside from the Angst Factor™ and twisted character development, why was the main goal never fulfilled? Unfortunately, that is a question far cleverer people than me can only speculate, as the writers alone know the answers, but I'm going to give my opinion a shot. Honestly, there is something beautifullly poetic about something that never ends, or ends when there could be something more. Humanity has struggled with endings-and beginnings- since it learned truly how to think, because that kind of finality, that inkling that there might have been nothing before and after something else is incomprehensible. In leaving Merlin in a place where the next point was uncertain, the writers left the story open for us. In depriving us of that catharsis, they effectively made sure that the story would never be over, not until we want it to be. And yes, it was painful. I can't think of an ending that was more heartbreaking than that curious mixture of closures and openings all at the same time (hell, I could write a whole essay based on this concept alone!), but it was also a gift, ironically like that of the prophecy itself in that we can choose what we want to do with it, safe in the knowledge that there will be a happy ending again, one day.

In summary, we might not be left with catharsis in the way we wanted. We might not have got the happy ending that could also have stretched on and on indefinitely. But we were left with something else, something equally beautiful as closure, but in the complete opposite way. Amongst the remains of allwe had hoped to build, Merlin left us hope.

[multifandomrandomgirl]

An Unexpected Order PT2 - Sirius Black Sister!reader

TW: Cruciatus curse, abuse, violence, cutting, Regulus' death :(

Pt 1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt 4 Pt 5

"So, you're Sirius' sister?" The plump, ginger woman, Molly Weasley as I have been informed, asks uncertainly.

"Yep,  I was born in between Sirius and Regulus." I smile, sipping a mug of hot chocolate which Remus had handed me.

"What house were you in?" Harry asks, I sigh.

"Hufflepuff." I stare into my mug. "Is that a bad thing?" Harry asks. "Harry, when you're a Black, any house other than Slytherin is a bad thing. You get ridiculed for it, hated for it, hurt because you don't fit in with the family." My hand moves over my covered left arm.

"Did you get forced into getting the Dark Mark?" Sirius gasps, eyeing me up as I hover over it debating whether or not I should show them.

"No," I shake my head. "After you left home, things got much worse. Mum thought that I had helped you escape, night after night she came into my room demanding for my to tell her where you were and every time I told her I didn't know, she used the cruciatus on me. My personal favourite was the time she cut 'blood traitor' into my arm where the dark mark goes on Death Eaters." I pull my sleeve up, giving the crowd around the table a good look at my arm.

"She used the cruciatus on you as well?" Sirius' faces morphs into anger, grabbing my forearm gently and running his fingers over the words Blood Traitor which had scarred my arm. "Why?"

"Why what?" I ask confusedly, I swear I had just explained in some detail why she had done it. "Why didn't you join the Death Eaters?"

"Why would have I joined them? I'm not evil by nature, I was a Hufflepuff for Merlin's sake! Why would I join an army of evil pricks who wanted to kill off any muggles, muggle borns and 'blood traitors'? I could never fight for something that isn't right, that's what I told mum when she tried to take me to get the Dark Mark and be inducted into the Death Eaters. I flat out refused." I say, trying to hold back the tears as the memory came flooding into my mind.

---  5th of August, 1976 ---

"Mum, please don't make me do it." I try and pull my arm out of her grasp. "Y/N, you have to get inducted into the Death Eaters if you don't want to carry on being a family disappointment like your older brother." Mum pulls harder.

"What if I want to be like him?" I question, raising my eyebrow.

"Why don't you want to be a Death Eater?" Mother stops still, waiting for my answer impatiently.

"Why should I join an army to fight for something I don't agree with? I don't enjoy the fact that you people are murdering innocent people just because their blood isn't pure. It's disgusting. I cannot fight for something that isn't right. That's not what I do, I don't belong with the Death Eaters." I run a hand through my hair in frustration.

"Y/N, you are a Black, you HAVE to be a Death Eater. Your excuses are rubbish, you're becoming a Death Eater whether or not you like it."

"No."

"Crucio." I fall to the floor, the pain shoots through my body. I begin to writher as it was to much.

"Definitely not cut out to be a Death Eater, are you? Blood traitor." Mother spits at me, grabbing my wrist and using her wand to cut the words she had just mentioned into my arm, I let out a scream, a cry of pain. Mother cackled and continued.

------------------ End of flashback-----------

"Y/N, are you okay?" Sirius shakes me back to reality. "Yeah, sorry, the memory came back to me and I got lost in it." I say, a tear falling down my face.

"I'm sorry that she treated you like this. Why didn't you leave when you had the chance?"

"I couldn't, she'd have found faults in Regulus and hurt her 'oh so perfect' son. I couldn't let the same happen to Regulus, it wasn't fair on him. He didn't deserve it." I mutter.

"You mean, you stayed to protect that idiot brother of ours? The one who went along with everything our parents said? Y/n, that's ridiculous."

"One day you'll understand Sirius. Once I'm allowed to tell you the full truth, I will do." I sigh, I remember the day he died, Kreacher came sobbing into my room in the middle of the night, telling me how my younger brother had really died, swearing me to secrecy until the right moment came.

"What do you mean? Y/n, what are you hiding?" Sirius pushes. "Can't say a word."

"Urgh, fine. Did you stay with mum after Regulus died?" He asks, rolling his eyes.

"Of course. As horrible as she was, I couldn't leave her. Reggie's death broke her completely. I stayed with her, she was somewhat nicer to me in those last few years of her life. I wanted to leave but I couldn't, I'd have felt horrible leaving her alone. Crying every night. I couldn't be a third child that she had lost." I sigh.

"You know, as much as she tried to hide it, I think she genuinely was upset when you left too, she wasn't the same for a few days, other than every night coming to try and torture information out of me. I couldn't walk out on her when she was so upset. Mum cried in secret over you leaving, even though she had been so horrible to you. Then Regulus died - I couldn't do it. She probably wouldn't have cared, but I'd have felt so guilty."

"You're such a Hufflepuff." Sirius snorts, holding back a few tears that were threating to slip down his face. I pull him into a hug. "I missed you." I whisper.

"I shouldn't have left you." Sirius murmurs. "Sirius, it's fine. I'm glad that you got out while you had the chance. I was planning on moving out but then obviously, Regulus died so you know."

------------------------------

"Honestly, being an animagus is so fun." Sirius laughs, chugging down the last of his wine. "It really is." I giggle.

"You're an animagus?" Remus glances at me, taking my glass out my hand as I go to refill it for the eight, maybe ninth time. "Of course. What use would Hogwarts have for a bloody horse that shows up once a month eh? They have thestrals for the carriages." I say.

"Y/n, no." Harry says as I make a grab for my glass which Remus had placed onto the table. I pout.

"You were the horse?" Sirius' eyes widen.

"Yep! Hang on, let me prove it." I stand up, knocking my chair over.

"Y/n, you're drunk. Don't do it." Remus groans, leaning back in his own chair.

I transform into a horse, moving closer to Sirius, nuzzling him to the best of my ability.

"I always wondered where the hell the random horse came from when we entered the Shrieking Shack." Sirius pets my head.

I go to transform back but can't. What's wrong? Why can't I change back?

I gallop around the room in a state of panic. Arthur puts an arm out and slows me down by gently holding my mane.  Remus sits, a look of amusement plastered on his face.

"What did I tell you?" Remus shakes his head, walking over to me. I huff in horse as he leads me over to an emptier part of the kitchen.

"Stay here until you're sober enough to transform."

[blrush]

Rec List Request

A personalised list for @jammy-boy 🥰 could be of interest to others, so enjoy!

Basic requirements: - just finished and loved SOTUS - is Arthur/Merlin trash - loves a twist or reversal of classic “power-dynamic” - loves angst with happy ending ______________________________

Theory of Love

Film student Third (Gun) has been secretly in love with his best friend Khai (Off) for three years, but Khai is straight, a massive player, and a total arsehole if we’re being honest. This starts painful, but then they start playing around with tropes and expectations and then it changes POV which just HITS so hard and completely changes your whole perception. You know the movie Flipped? It references that, and then does the flip - so good.

Knowing the level of pining, pain and angst that you love (plus your background in film studies) I feel like this is required viewing. Get out the tissues. But also, it’s still really funny and cute/dumb (cause gmmtv) and the production was excellent. Also, Off/Gun are PEAK natural chemistry and Gun is such an incredible actor that watching him cry or yell at someone is still preferable to other actors being happy.

Watch on YouTube HERE

He’s Coming To Me

Precious baby boi Singto plays Med, a ghost, who is is stuck in limbo for 20 years - until he meets a boy who can see him, Thun (my baby boi Ohm) who promises to help him figure out his unfinished business and cross over. And then they were roommates! And then they start falling in love and it’s ANGSTY because they know Med will have to leave one day. Ouch, my heart.

You will enjoy the mixture of domestic fluff and tragic angst in this. But don’t worry it has a happy ending (kind of, I think, from memory haha). Also, you will enjoy the fact that they can’t touch (cause, ghost) which is *chefs kiss* except for moments of heightened emotions when Thun’s powers become strong enough that he can touch Med (FUCK YES, THIS TROPE IS EVERYTHING)

After much whining from fans, they put it up on Youtube haha so watch HERE. 

Until We Meet Again

ANNGST. RE.IN.CAR.NA.TION. ANGST. What else do you need to know?!?! Reincarnated soulmates trope?!!? HELLO!?!?  It’s so beautiful. I’m still not over it. And yes it has a happy ending, it starts super sad, then ends up super fluffy and the romantic fluffy moments oh god it’s so romantic. I know you love like soft domestic food sharing etc - this show is ALL about the cooking.

The casting, the characterisation, the acting, the story, the music, even the friendship group and the side-couple, it’s perfection *chefs kiss* PERFECTION

Watch on youtube HERE

A Tale of A Thousand Stars

After the lovely volunteer teacher Torfun dies (RIP poor torfun) in a tragic accident, her heart is transplanted into selfish pretty rich boy Tian (played by the beautiful Mix). After learning of her selfless character, he feels guilt and shame for living (the angst is very real) and makes it his mission to complete her life’s wishes and follow in her footsteps. 

As the new village volunteer teacher, he then falls in love with the very handsome and very shirtless chief Phupha (Earth), who lives to protect the trees, we stan an environmental man. Angst, fluff, complications, and many miscommunications ensue. I was tearing my hair out by the end of this show. Yes, it has a happy ending (eventually). Earth x Mix was a pairing we did not know we even wanted or needed until this show happened and now I cry every time I see a picture of them together. Every single time Phupha looks at Tian in this show I literally tear up. HE LOVES HIM SO MUUUUUCHHH *crying again*

Watch on youtube HERE

I Told Sunset About You

Childhood best-friends, turned enemies (for stupid kid reasons), to lovers. This is ANGSTY but so fucking beautiful it’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t even class this as “BL” because it doesn’t have any of the standard tropes, and there’s no silly sound-effects or innuendo jokes. This is like genuine lgbt+ indie-film realness. You can honestly just watch it for the cinematography and the music. The AESTHETIC of this show is what truly makes it special. The symbolism, the colours, this show said CINEMA. And the sexual tension is absolutely WILD. You will live for the angst (with a happy ending). And no, do not bother watching season 2, it’s perfect as a stand-alone mini-series. (I’m still upset).

Watch HERE 

and now for some stand-out non-Thai series...

Where Your Eyes Linger

Korea has gotten on the BL train, and has now made a whole bunch of viki mini-series that are all cute but this one is right up your alley. This is VERY merthur. It’s literally servant/master, bodyguard/prince trope. But, I thought the characterisation was nicely thought out and wasn’t what I was expecting. The tension is palpable, the angst is juicy, and the soft kdrama vibes are cheesy and wonderful. Angst with a happy ending (of course).

Watch on VIKI

HIStory 3: Trapped

So the Taiwanese HIStory series has been around forever, and I love the whole series (History 2: Crossing The Line is my all time fav). But for youuuu, I think the most appropriate is Trapped. Police detective single-mindedly obsessed with a gang leader? Yes please. But whatever power-dynamic expectations you would have of a police/criminal couple are twisted and warped immediately! This series is so endearing, it’s mostly comedy/action, and whilst it has plenty of angst, mostly it’s just CUTE as fuck. Also the side couple are adorable too!

The whole History series is on Viki now yay!

The Untamed

Look, I KNOW 50 episodes of plot-heavy chinese historical fantasy is a lot. But there’s a reason this show was soooo popular. It only took me like 3 attempts and a whole ass “guide” pdf to figure out what the fuck was happening in the first ep cause its non-linear. But, if you are in the right mood (ie; sick, or in lockdown) and need something to get completely LOST in for like a week, then watch this haha. I know you couldn’t make it through Guardian, but maybe this one will hit the spot.

This has all the angsty character tropes you live for. And cause it’s censored, there’s no actual romance, so instead it’s just the best kind of UST, character driven, emotional soulmate angst. To summarise: Wei Wuxian is; adopted, a trouble-maker, impetuous, head-strong, fun-loving, has a martyr complex and wants to save everyone. Meanwhile, Lan Zhan is; lawful good to a fault, stoic, shy, and has a martyr complex about saving Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian ONLY. Now throw them into the middle of supernatural / political turmoil and see what happens. Well I’ll tell you what happens, Wei Wuxian becomes the “villain”, gets killed, and Lan Zhan spends 16 years looking for him. FUCKING KILL ME OKAY. (No, that’s not a spoiler it happens in the first episode haha)

Do NOT watch on Netflix the subs are trash. Watch on Youtube or Viki

 ~ ~ ~

This list may seem long but I was VERY reserved in my selection okay you have no idea how tiny this tip of the iceberg is ��

Also, knowing your love of no-touching, tension, and angst. I would also briefly draw your attention so School 2013 in my bromance list which is the single most angsty show about friendship ever made.

Enjoy!

[oceangenasi]

D&P and Merther for the shipping ask game???

Yax I would die for you except you’d probably stop me from dying with your EMT wizardry and then where would we be

🖤 D/P 💙

1. What made you ship it? I have eyes? But seriously, I like to joke about how my ships are either softboys and their badass women or queerbait m/m angst.... and then there’s this shining exception. A canon m/m ship that gets a love story and a happy ending :’’’) I started watching the show very casually, knowing David was queer but not that D/P was endgame and then the next thing I knew I had ascended to another plane of existence

2. What are your favorite things about the ship? I am never not thinking about the Dynamic... it’s the complementary aspects of their personalities for me!

You’ve got David: flamboyantly queer and deeply dramatic, who’s had intense emotions his whole life that have scared people away but he’s also brave and unique and creative and wonderful. He’s everything that Patrick didn’t know he needed. He’s been hurt a lot of times and he almost doesn’t believe that he’s capable of being loved so wholly and completely. Enter Patrick.

Patrick is so straight-laced and repressed and invested in being well-liked that he had built up a whole seemingly perfect life that was making him deeply unhappy. I don’t think that even Patrick knew he was capable of loving David the way he does, because he hadn’t cast off his old life and gone on that emotional journey until he met David. His “you make me feel right” speech is my favorite bit of the entire show. Patrick found himself in finding David.

They balance each other: Patrick grounds David, providing him the unconditional love that David can flourish with, and David brings beauty and color into Patrick’s life.

I also adore how much casual intimacy they get on screen, all the kisses and shoulder touches. It’s incredibly healing to watch after so much queer angst and suffering, when we get representation at all.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Yeah, Patrick’s not perfect. I get very pissy when people trash David for his actions surrounding the barbecue and/or the wedding and imply he was being unfair/selfish -- because even if he was, Patrick has a responsibility to communicate his concerns if he wants David to respond to them. Patrick has a tendency to avoid/repress his feelings and that can be incredibly damaging in a relationship if not addressed. David can’t read Patrick’s mind, nor should he be expected to. He doesn’t need to magically intuit Patrick’s distress from Patrick’s micro-expressions or whatever the fuck -- Patrick needs to step up and tell David when he doesn’t like David’s behavior. Yes, I’m projecting like hell when it comes to this but it is something that made me furious during season 6 and the discourse surrounding it.

------------

💙 Merthur ❤

1. What made you ship it? I watched the first episode and was like “oh wow this show is even gayer than I’d heard it was.” No but seriously... fellas, is it gay to be literally and canonically someone’s other half? Fellas, is it gay to stare intensely into each other’s eyes at every given opportunity? Fellas, it is gay to dedicate your entire life to serving and protecting someone? Fellas, is it--

2. What are your favorite things about the ship? ah jeez where do I even start... Arthur is Merlin’s whole world. Merlin’s magic is “only for Arthur” and Merlin’s magic is... everything he is. I literally don’t know how you could read that as Merlin not being in love with Arthur. I genuinely and honestly think this interpretation is backed up by commentary by the actors and writers: Merlin loves Arthur, and that’s not even a point of debate. I adore Merlin as a character (son boy baby sweetheart sunshine child) and his unwavering faith in Arthur, his dedication, his tenderness, the years spent protecting someone who didn’t even know how much Merlin had done for him.... it gets me good.

And then there’s what Merlin is to Arthur! Setting aside the stuff Arthur doesn’t know about, which I will talk about in a moment, Merlin is possibly the only person in Arthur’s life who has always, always treated him as a person first and a prince second. Merlin’s unwavering faith and freely given friendship are because he sees the best in Arthur, not because of Arthur’s hereditary right to the throne. Merlin is Arthur’s first and truest friend -- I know the knights and Gwen care for him, but there is a component of social discrepancy to their relationship that Merlin simply has ignored. Merlin’s disrespect is because he fundamentally views Arthur as his equal, which is a gift Arthur didn’t even know he needed. Arthur was touch-starved, emotionally repressed, and incredibly lonely before Merlin came into his life. (Yes, the similarities between my two OTPs are well-known to me.) Just because Arthur struggles to express his emotions (thanks, Uther) and doesn’t have the same plot opportunities as Merlin to show how much he’d sacrifice for Merlin, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love Merlin as deeply as Merlin does him. This is why I like writing Arthur POV so much -- I like describing how fundamental and immutable a concept Merlin is to him. He takes Merlin for granted, yes, because there is literally nobody else that he is so vulnerable around or trusts so completely. This is why the magic reveal was so temporarily devastating to Arthur -- it broke something he’d built his entire life around. Or at least, that’s what he thought.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Canon is a trash fire and I hate a lot of things about season 5, because it had some stellar opportunities that got rushed and squished by the way they timed the plot.... but I actually really, really like the finale. I think that considering what they’d done with the plot up to that point, it was brilliantly executed and gorgeously acted. There wasn’t enough time to do everything I would have liked with the magic reveal*, but in the last episode they hit every one of my buttons at least once. Arthur witnessing a competent Merlin, Arthur experiencing realistic grief and anger but being able to see how deeply Merlin loves him... Setting aside the plotholes and the timing, the people who made the show realized what was critically important in the finale, and it was digging deep into the relationship between Merlin and Arthur. This is why it completely and totally wrecks me, incidentally, and why I can’t watch the last part of the episode because it actually unhinges me too much. I’m not joking, I went into some kind of grief spiral the first time I saw it that took me a literal week to recover from. I care about things too much and feel my feelings too intensely, but we been knew.

Oh, and an even spicier opinion on later seasons/the finale: I don’t think that Morgana “isn’t really evil” or that her fall was “unnecessary.” I think that Morgana was indeed capable of being a fiercely good and loving person, but I also think that people with the kind of anger she carries can be dragged into some very dark places. I don’t think it was unrealistic, I think it was painful to watch, and there’s a difference. She didn’t get the support she needed -- she was gaslighted, manipulated, and tortured -- and I think that the same person who could be good in another situation is absolutely capable of becoming monstrous, considering the hand she was dealt. I have very similar opinions on her as I do on Anakin Skywalker, which is to say: her evil was both believable and tragic. She was a product of her circumstances, but her actions are not excusable, and she is responsible for how she responded to her trauma.

*I can and will read every damn magic reveal on ao3 because it’s really important to me that Arthur understand what Merlin has done for him. Truly, truly conceptualizes how crucial Merlin has been in helping him build his kingdom. That’s the one thing that I wanted to see so badly that never happened in canon.

[emachinescat]

The Neglected Neckerchief

A Merlin Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat ​

@febuwhump ​ day 21 - torture

Summary: A group of bandits torture Merlin in front of Arthur for their own entertainment, using Merlin’s beloved neckerchief against him in the cruelest of manners.  Now, Arthur must struggle to come to terms with a traumatized Merlin, whose neckerchief has been replaced by a ring of bruises.

Characters: Merlin, Arthur

Words: 4,730

TW: strangulation, panic attacks

Note: Based on my drabble series from “Moments” by the same name. Sorry for no cover/header picture today. I'm sick and doing the bare minimum. I will add one later when I feel up to making one!

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this! :)

Arthur had never understood his servant's attachment to that ratty triangle of fabric he wore around his neck. When he had first met Merlin, in fact, Arthur had downright hated it. He'd pestered his servant about it on many occasions, questioning the practicality, the fashion, the function of the neckerchief. Of course, Merlin never failed to follow up with a clever retort, but he never really answered the question, and eventually, Arthur got bored of teasing Merlin for his clothes and moved on to something else.

As the years passed, however, Arthur's derision for the odd neckwear faded, and before long, he found himself associating the neckerchief with Merlin himself. It got to the point where seeing Merlin without the accessory felt strange, and before he knew it, the prince realized that he actually liked that stupid scarf – though he would die before he admitted it to Merlin.

Now that he was older, perhaps a bit wiser than he had been as a young prince, King Arthur had a feeling that it wasn't so much the neckerchief that he'd grown to like, but the person who wore it. And since Merlin and his neckerchief were one and the same, it stood to reason that the king would have grown fond of it as well. Not that he would ever admit his affection for his servant out loud, either, of course. Not in so many words – or any words, really. That just wasn't how his relationship with Merlin worked.

Indeed, somewhere along the way, Merlin's neckerchief had become as much of a staple in Arthur's life as the servant himself. And yet, in the span of one bandit attack during a morning hunt, that all changed.

It had started off, as these things often do, as a normal patrol. It was a beautiful day, bright and warm, the sort of day where you would never expect anything horrible to happen. And yet –

It had been a week since the hunt turned to hell, and Arthur could still recall it so vividly that he might as well have been experiencing it all over again. Those five minutes of torture had branded themselves so deeply into his mind's eye that every time he fell asleep, he would go back – back to the forest, to the bandits and their laughter and their hands holding him back, holding him down. Back to the sounds. Oh gods, the sounds. Gagging, choking, panicked breaths, a mouth gaping open like a fish's, searching desperately for air that wouldn't come. Blue lips, still chest, and laughter. And, of course, in the center of it all, Merlin's beloved neckerchief.

***

One Week Ago

"Looks like we got a fine catch today, gentlemen!" The short, ugly brute of a bandit grinned at Arthur, half of his teeth rotten and the other half missing all together. "Is this a knight of Camelot we've stumbled upon?"

Arthur was relieved that they hadn't recognized him to be the king, at least. He tried to be as inconspicuous as possible on his outings, having Merlin hold on to the royal seal if they were going anywhere outside of the citadel – bandits generally ignored servants and focused on the more important looking people, after all. It was a clever trick, provided Merlin didn't lose the seal. So far, he'd kept up with it well enough on their journeys, and this time, it seemed to be paying off, as these bandits thought they were playing with just another knight and his servant.

But that didn't change the fact that Arthur and Merlin had been taken off guard, ambushed, and tied hand and foot by a band of ten morally bereft, muscle-heavy monsters who wouldn't know hygiene if it crashed into their thick skulls. Arthur had been shoved to his knees and held there by four men, who still struggled to keep him still. Two other men had done the same to his servant, but other than the usual bumps and bruises from fighting a losing battle, neither Arthur nor Merlin were hurt.

Arthur may not have been injured, but he was angry, mostly with himself. He'd known it was a bad idea to go on a hunt without any of the knights or guards to accompany him. He'd let Merlin come along because he knew that the obsessively loyal servant would have followed him anyway, and he'd much rather have Merlin by his side so he could keep an eye on him instead of being forced to listen to him thrashing around in the undergrowth making a racket while trying to be stealthy. As Athur had been reminded by his council many times, he was king now, and he had a responsibility to think not only of the safety and well-being of his people, but of himself as well. That meant no more running around in the forest on hunts or patrols without a guard. That meant telling the council where he was going to be at all times so that they would know to send someone after him if he didn't get back in time.

But Arthur had had enough. It had been a month since his father's death, and he was stifled in the castle. Even when he wasn't in Camelot, people still surrounded him on patrols and hunts, and even when those people were some of his closest friends – the knights – he often felt like he was being smothered, and his skin crawled at the thought of having to sit through one more council meeting or supervised hunt. He'd needed to get away. He'd told Guievere where he was going, of course. And then he'd grabbed his servant, all but dragging him out of the castle at the break of day, and they'd passed a pleasant enough morning, with Merlin scaring away half the prey. But as with most good things in King Arthur's life, this too had to end. The ambush had been unexpected and swift, and Guinevere wasn't expecting him back until evening – they were on their own.

As casually as he could, Arthur implored the bandits, "You have me, a knight of Camelot. My servant is of no use to you. Let him go."

The short, stocky bandit who seemed to be in charge considered this for a brief moment before crossing his tree-branch arms across his chest. "So he can run back to your coward king and bring a rescue party? Not likely."

"We're miles away from Camelot," Arthur pressed. "You could be long gone with me before he brings anyone back."

From the corner of his eye, Arthur watched Merlin frantically shake his head. Arthur ignored him, and prayed that the idiot would stay silent. All it would take would be Merlin saying "Arthur" one time, and the bandits would realize their mistake – and quickly seek to rectify it. Thankfully, Merlin seemed to be aware of the situation, and for once, blessedly, kept his mouth shut.

The leader ambled forward, brow creased as if thinking were incredibly painful for him. "You seem awfully keen to protect that servant of yours. Most knights don't give a damn about the help if their own lives are in danger. What's so special about that one?"

Arthur maintained eye contact with the brute before him. "I care about all those I have sworn to protect as a knight."

"Oh, that's rich!" A chorus of laughter from the surrounding bandits grated at Arthur's nerves. "Nah," the man continued, casting a glance over his shoulder at the skinny servant who glared defiantly back. "With those pretty blue eyes, I reckon he's more than just a servant."

"Yeah," called one of the bandits forcing Merlin to kneel. "The knight's consort I'd wager."

The leader swivelled back to face Arthur. "Is that it, Sir Knight? Is he your consort?"

Arthur didn't answer.

"Oh, now you clam up." The bandit leader seemed genuinely disappointed that he didn't get an answer. He peered at Arthur through slitted, suspicious eyes for a few charged seconds. Then he threw back his head and laughed.

"Well, lads, why don't we have a bit of fun before we head out?"

Arthur glanced at Merlin, and saw the servant looking back at him with wide, uncertain eyes. To Arthur's surprise, Merlin didn't look scared. In fact, Arthur thought that his servant appeared to be more conflicted than anything, like he was trying to make a difficult decision. Baffling as that was, it was hardly the most important thing on Arthur's mind at the moment.

The leader signaled to the men holding Merlin, and then everything went to hell.

One of the men lashed out with frightening speed for someone of his size, landing a devastating blow in the center of Merlin's back at the very second the servant was released. Arthur watched the kick connect, heard the pained cry, felt the thump as Merlin sprawled face-first onto the forest floor, hands tied behind his back, unable to move, barely able to breathe. Arthur had received similar kicks before, and he knew all too well the terror-inducing breathlessness that accompanied such injuries. He'd rarely wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill the bandit who had inflicted such pain and panic on his servant.

But they weren't done yet. It got far, far worse.

The leader of the bandits stepped forward then, and squatted at the feebly stirring Merlin's side, still facing the king. Every muscle in Arthur's body tensed; his heart pounded deafeningly in his ears. Something very bad was going to happen, he could feel it in every fiber of his being. He'd seen enough violence and war and bloodshed, enough monsters, to know that this was far from over.

The bandit leader reached over and fingered the fabric of Merlin's neckerchief – he'd worn the blue one today. Arthur watched the idea form in the man's head even as Merlin began to recover a bit of his breath and attempted to squirm away from the bandit's touch. "Interesting fashion choice," the leader commented, sarcasm slathered generously on each word. "Makes my job easier though."

He clenched his meaty fist around the back of Merlin's scarf, and, keeping his eyes trained on the knight before him, slowly pulled up.

To Arthur, the world had slipped into slow motion. It was like the minutes just before a storm, when nature held its breath, birds forgot how to sing, and all of creation readied itself for the violence to come. He watched, horror coursing through him, as the first waves of realization and then panic dawned on his servant's dazed face. Blue eyes bulged wide, mouth opened in a soundless scream, and still, the bandit pulled.

The bandit took his time. He was in no rush. Arthur could see from the wild, glassy glint in his beady green eyes that he was relishing the control he had over the situation, over the man he was strangling. He never looked away from Arthur, not even when the agonized choking, coughing, gasping, hacking sounds began in earnest. Arthur, for his part, tried to ignore the man, and, as much as it hurt him, tore at his soul and twisted his stomach, the king kept his eyes on Merlin, trying to offer him comfort, reassurance, anything. Until Merlin's eyes started to dim, and his eyelids drooped as if a heavy weight had been tied to them, and the frantic heaves of his chest grew weak, and he knew Merlin was dying.

Despite his resolve to remain strong and unaffected, and despite his hopes that the bandit leader would grow tired of his cruel game if he thought Arthur was not emotionally invested, Arthur lost control. It had become clear to him that the man torturing Merlin did not care if he elicited a reaction from his other prisoner. He was tormenting – killing – Merlin because it was fun for him; the pleasure had written itself into his bright eyes and twisted smile. And Merlin was going to die.

Arthur lunged forward, a feral yell bursting from the deepest part of himself, and even with his hands bound behind his back and his ankles tied together, he nearly managed to shake off all of the four men holding him – and then three more added to their number, and Arthur found himself face-down just feet from Merlin, who was all but unconscious, barely fighting to breathe, and the pressure of the bandits on top of him was crushing. Arthur barely felt it beneath the weight of his failure.

The bandit leader now loomed over both master and servant, and to Arthur's surprise, he eased up pressure, releasing his grip slightly on Merlin's neckerchief and allowing the servant to drag in desperate, halted breaths, his eyes now bulging. Merlin coughed, deep, raw sounds grinding out from a shredded throat. Arthur could see a terrible, angry red line circling Merlin's neck, just beneath the neckerchief.

"Merlin – are you all right?" Arthur kept his voice low, hushed.

Tears were streaming down Merlin's cheeks, whether from fear or lack of oxygen or pain, Arthur didn't know. He tried to speak, and his voice hurt to hear; he sounded like his vocal chords had been slashed. "Aarrrrr…"

"Shhh," Arthur soothed, partially out of concern for Merlin's health, partially out of fear that Merlin would reveal Arthur's true identity. "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe, okay? I'll find a way out of this." And Merlin looked at Arthur with such unmitigated trust in his gaze that Arthur felt like running himself through with his sword, because he had no plan. He had no hope. Surely, Merlin could see that, even in his state. Arthur had seven bandits piled on top of him, holding him motionless. The guilt crashed into Arthur with all the force of a battering ram into a fortress door. This was all his fault.

"S'not … your … fault," Merlin heaved out with great difficulty, and Arthur's blood ran cold. He was certain he hadn't said that out loud. How had Merlin known? It hit him – Merlin had known that Arthur was blaming himself because he knew Arthur.

The moment shattered as the bandit leader butted in, voice loud and abrasive, sending chills of fury across Arthur's flesh like an attacking army. "Now that you've got your breath back, Merlin, let's start from the top."

Arthur watched Merlin's eyes go wide with fear, and Arthur must have been giddy with it himself, because he could have sworn he saw a tiny bit of gold swirling in their depths right before the neckerchief was tightened and the imagined flame died out, and only terror remained.

The second time was just as slow and measured as the first. The bandit applied pressure in the tiniest increments, and this time, Arthur got a front-row view of the light leaving his friend's eyes. The noises were even worse up close, the coughs and gasps taking on the helm of death rattles. Merlin thrashed at first, trying to escape, to breathe, to do anything, and his lips lost color and turned blue, and now he was barely moving, barely breathing, and this time, the bandit leader had no intention of stopping.

Merlin's head and shoulders were now being held aloft by only the fabric around his neck, and his struggles ceased completely, his chest stilled.

Arthur squirmed desperately beneath the hold of the seven bandits, but even the adrenaline screaming through his body was not enough to throw them off. He could fear hot tears on his cheeks, knowing that if Merlin was not dead now, he would be soon. Arthur had been tortured before – it wasn't a common occurrence, but it had happened. And yet, nothing had prepared him for the kind of torture he had endured – was still enduring – in watching his closest friend die slowly and painfully, terrified, right in front of him. Arthur wanted to rip the men who were doing this limb from limb. He wanted to slowly squeeze the life out of the one strangling Merlin.

He wanted them to be strangling him instead.

All seemed lost – and would have been, if a Camelot patrol hadn't heard the commotion from a distance and come to investigate. There were six men, and they had the element of surprise. One moment, all was anguish and torture and the gut-clenching quiet that came at the end of life. The next, a short, fierce battle raged all around him. As soon as the bandits loosened their grip on him and Gwaine cut him free, Arthur joined the fight, catching the sword tossed at him by Elyan.

He ran through the man who had tortured his servant personally, with the same level of twisted glee and intimacy with which the man had strangled Merlin. It was so much more than he deserved.

Once the bandits had all been slain and lay scattered on the forest floor, Arthur raced to Merlin's side, slamming to his knees beside the servant. His hand shook so badly as he felt for the beat of Merlin's heart that Elyan had to take over, and his dark eyes were grave as he looked back at Arthur and shook his head.

"No," Arthur said simply, refusing to believe that Merlin was truly gone, that he had watched his friend die terribly before his eyes. "No, check again."

"No time for that," Gwaine snapped, falling to his knees on the opposite side of the servant and bending over the prone body. The blue of Merlin's lips was almost as vibrant as the color of the neckerchief that had so cruelly been turned against him.

The next few minutes passed in a blur of anxiety, disbelief, and finally relief, as Gwaine breathed for him, Arthur pounded on his chest, and Percival carried him home.

***

Merlin hadn't worn his neckerchief since that torturous day. He was sullen and nervous, jumping at small noises and avoiding Arthur, and refusing to wear anything to cover up those ghastly bruises.

He hadn't been able to talk for nearly a week after he'd woken up; Gaius said he was lucky that his windpipe wasn't crushed. But even after, Merlin barely spoke.

And gods, those bruises.

They encircled Merlin's pale neck like a grotesque mockery of the very scarf that had caused it. They had reached the stage where the very edges had started to yellow, but the inner ring was black, mottled with red and blue. Just looking at it hurt, and it was a constant reminder of the torture Merlin had gone through … and that Arthur had gone through, watching him. Arthur could not fathom that Merlin would prefer to walk around with those bruises in plain sight – surely they had to trigger bad memories as much as, if not more than, the neckerchief?

It was stupid, but Arthur couldn't stop himself thinking that when Merlin wore his neckerchief again, it would mean things were back to normal. That he was okay.

And so Arthur had a neckerchief made out of the finest material Guinevere could procure in the market. It was silk, so soft to the touch that Arthur wouldn't have minded falling asleep in it. It was a deep, Camelot red, and so light it was almost weightless.

When he presented it to Merlin, yesterday morning, the servant's eyes had twitched down to it, and where Arthur had thought he'd see gratitude, maybe even a hint of a smile, he saw only trepidation. Merlin had rasped a pained, "Thanks," then grabbed the scarf by one corner like it was a serpent poised to strike and shoved it into his pocket, out of sight. He hadn't worn it since.

"I don't understand," Arthur said to his wife over dinner, distress clear in his voice. "I replaced it."

"He's just not ready," Gwen soothed, though her brow was knit in worry.

"It's of a much finer material than his old one," Arthur insisted, as if he were trying to convince Gwen that Merlin should wear it.

"You have to be patient with him, Arthur. What happened to him was… traumatic. He has to come to terms with it in his own time."

Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face. "I just can't stand looking at his bruises."

Gwen squeezed his hand, her eyes sad and wise and more beautiful than anything that Arthur had seen. "I know it hurts," she said, "and I mean no disrespect, but… Arthur, this isn't about you. It's not about your discomfort, it's not about the pain you went through seeing Merlin be hurt like that."

Arthur opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, not even knowing if he was going to argue or agree with her.

Gwen held up a hand. "I'm not saying that what you went through was unimportant. I can't even imagine watching…" She trailed off, shuddered. "But you can't expect Merlin to wear something that causes him so much pain and fear, just because it makes you uncomfortable."

Arthur knew she was right, and told her so. He would have to find a way to look past the bruises, for now.

Merlin was avoiding Arthur – there were no two ways about it. He got to work early, woke Arthur, and then ran off to do the rest of his chores. Finally, at the end of week two, Arthur cornered him in the armory.

"Merlin." Arthur's face was serious, his eyes uncharacteristically concerned.

"Sorry, Sire, I have work to do," Merlin said stiffly. His voice still sounded as if it were being painfully squeezed from him. He tried to leave, but Arthur caught his arm, pretended he didn't see Merlin flinch.

"For the love of… if I give you the day off, will you stay and talk to me?"

Merlin's eyes were wide and his scowl looked more pathetic than annoyed. "I suppose I have little choice in the matter."

Arthur's heart constricted. "Merlin, I—"

"Look, I'm sorry I haven't been wearing the neckerchief," Merlin blurted, avoiding Arthur's eyes. "I just… I know you we retrying to help, but… Hold on, I'll go get it right now," he flustered. His cheeks were red and his eyes bright.

"Merlin, stop."

Merlin stopped.

"I realize I haven't been fair to you," the king said slowly, carefully. "I haven't been patient. What happened was… wrong. Do you need to talk to me about it?"

The dam broke.

Arthur had never seen Merlin cry like this before. He'd seen tears in his friend's eyes on various occasions, but never had he witnessed the choking, uncontrollable, full-bodied sobs that were now wrenched from the depths of Merlin's soul. At first, Arthur stood, uncertain, terrified that he was going to say or do the wrong thing, but then he thought of Merlin, and tried to imagine what he would do for him if the king were in this situation. A strange calm descended over him, and he gently took Merlin by the arm and guided him to the nearest chair – Arthur's chair, the most comfortable one in the room, the one he never let anyone else sit in, not even Guinevere (she had her own, anyway).

He eased Merlin down, knelt beside him, and wrapped one arm around his servant's shoulders, and just held him while he released all of the pain and frustration and fear and trauma he'd been skirting around for weeks. Arthur felt the hot sting of a tear mark a course down his own face, and he didn't brush it away. He felt, like Merlin was feeling – felt the pain of the torture inflicted on them both, felt the violent sobs shaking Merlin's wiry frame, and finally, felt the tremors ease and stop all together, but he didn't withdraw his arm. He might have even squeezed a little bit tighter, as if assuring himself that his friend was still there, still breathing, despite how hard those bandits had tried to kill him.

Finally, Merlin shifted awkwardly, and Arthur became acutely aware of the fact that his arm was still around the servant's shoulders, and he withdrew with a start, backing away with haste.

Merlin turned to look at him, and his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, the bruises on his neck still visible and angry, and tear tracks streaked down his face. Arthur watched him apprehensively, afraid that Merlin was going to say something emotional that Arthur wouldn't know how to respond to, or worse, openly acknowledge the unusual level of tenderness that had permeated that moment. Instead, Merlin quirked a watery half-smile and simply said, "Thank you."

Relieved, Arthur smiled back. "You're welcome. Feeling better, are we?"

Merlin gave a small, almost timid, nod. "A little bit, actually. I think."

Desperate for some return to normalcy, chest warm with the hope that Merlin really would be okay, someday, Arthur folded his arms across his chest. "Then get your scrawny arse out of my chair."

Merlin actually laughed then, and settled in deeper to the comfortable seat. "Sorry, sire," he said. "I think my scrawny arse is stuck here until further notice."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Merlin blushed. "I… I don't think I can stand right now," he admitted, and Arthur noted with concern that Merlin's knees were indeed trembling. Merlin was trembling.

Arthur rolled his eyes like it was some great inconvenience. "Fine," he said. "Laze about like the useless servant you are. I'll fetch Gaius."

Merlin surged forward at this, almost fell flat on his face. "I don't need –" He broke off as Arthur shoved him back in the seat. "Gaius."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "You were saying?"

Merlin had never looked so much like a sullen, scolded child.

***

When Arthur returned, Gaius not far behind him, he was shocked to find that Merlin was still where the king had left him. Even more surprising was the fact that Merlin held the silk neckerchief that Arthur had gifted him, almost reverently, gazing down at the fabric with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Merlin, where did you get that?" Arthur asked.

"My pocket."

"You've been carrying that around all week?"

Merlin didn't answer, but he didn't need to – it was obvious that he had been.

Arthur heard Gaius shuffle through the door behind him, but did not turn. He kept his eyes on Merlin, who continued to contemplate the scarf like he had never seen anything like it before. "Merlin, you don't have to wear that," Arthur said in a rush. "I just thought–"

"I know," Merlin interrupted, and that's when Arthur knew his servant was on the mend, because a Merlin who lacked all decorum and propriety was far more normal than one who was actually good at being a proper servant. "But, it's nice. And I was thinking, I've never owned anything so fine." He paused. "But I think I'll leave it at home when we go on hunts and patrols from now on." He gazed up at Arthur imploringly.

The king felt Merlin's eyes on his front and Gaius's on his back. He looked Merlin straight in the eyes and said, "You don't have to wear anything you don't want to, Merlin. If you never wear a ridiculous triangle scarf again, that's completely fine. Don't do it because you feel like you have to. You won't hurt my feelings."

Merlin grinned – a full, mischievous smile that Arthur hadn't seen in far too long. "When have I ever given you the impression that I care about protecting your feelings, Sire?"

Arthur tried to look stern, but ended up laughing out loud. "Fair point," he conceded.

He and Gaius watched with bated breath as Merlin tied the new neckerchief very loosely around his neck. A moment of tense silence, then –

"Does this make me look like a prat?"

"Merlin!"

Arthur knew that the ordeal wasn't over just because Merlin had put on the neckerchief. There would still be nightmares and anxiety and days where Merlin couldn't stand to have anything touch his neck. But this was progress. This was hope.

For this one moment, this was Arthur and Merlin, as they had always been, and all was well with the world.

For now, that was more than enough.

[lesserfandomappreciation]

Hello hello!  Thank you that’s really kind of you!!! I love your writing (congrats on Chap 9, it was awesome)!

Personally I am terrible at flirting or even understanding how it works, so I did my best with this. Hope it comes across as good!

This wound up longer than expected, whoops! Flirting with Self-conscious s/o ( Red Shoes and the 7 Dwarfs )

Arthur

Charm out the wazoo. Arthur’s boisterous personality combined with his a princely upbringing and deeply instilled ideas on what a knight should be have created an inherent need to be charming when he’s interested in someone. It can range from surprisingly smooth to over-the-top. He’s pretty good at coming up with them on the go too, responding to what may be an innocuous question with a decent line.

His lines come in three main forms. 

Traditional knight/ye olde romantic keeping ideas of courtly wooing.

“May I join you, milady/milord?”

“Should you feel fear let me know. It’s a warrior’s duty to protect that which he treasures.”

Painfully, genuinely sweet lines that work only because he’s showing his real self and is not being over-the-top.

“Could I... hold your hand?”

Boasting: AKA showing off his muscles and hyping himself up (desperate moves he thankfully only rarely uses now thanks to his experience with Snow White)

The issue with all of these is that they come across as a bit fake or showy, as this type of flirting really isn’t for everyone. So a line missing when flirting with his self-conscious s/o is something he sort of expected. He doesn’t think it’s because they’re self-conscious, Arthur just thinks he messed up.

The way the self-consciousness manifests itself is going to change the way he reacts. For example, if they withdraw a lot, he’s going to think he really goofed it and is going to apologize, asking for clarification on what he did wrong so that he doesn’t do it again. That’s a very different reaction than if s/o were to bluntly tell him they didn’t believe him, leaving him dumbfounded.

The first reaction aside, Arthur would want to let them know he genuinely meant it, but his own lack of experience would really get in the way of that. How does he go about this? Him being him though, he would confront them directly about it and in that moment let his inner sweetheart shine as he makes it clear that he meant what he said. 

If they want to explain why they feel that way about themselves, great he’ll listen, but even if they don’t he asks them to not speak about themselves that way. They’re too wonderful to be hateful towards themselves.

After that the prince makes it a point to compliment them every single day. It’s not even always flirting, it’s straight up compliments. Their smarts, their passions, their looks, their hands, their eyes - everything is free game, and he’s not going to stop giving sincere compliments until they get it through their heads he likes them for them for a reason, and they should too. 

Pino

Stating facts about them counts as flirting, right? Cards on the table I don’t think Pino is really capable of flirting well, at least not on purpose. Yes, he’s mature and the eldest but that doesn’t necessarily equip him for the terrifying world that is interpersonal relationships outside of family. To even try to flirt takes a massive amount of pondering before he lets out a single word

His flirting, thus, is not so much flirting as it is:

A) stating things he likes about them/ Sort of.

“You are very smart. And strong. Strong and smart. Smrong.”

“You are a good size.”

B) complimenting them about something they did.

“Good job.”

“’You did good with that.” 

C) Giving up and just staring silently trying to think of something to say. Anything. Come on brain you helped build a selfie machine surely stringing words together isn’t that hard.

That one video of Lin-Manuel Miranda chanting “Come on brain, think of things.”

D) Any of the above, only his brothers are there to be the world’s best worst okayest wingmen.

The thing is, is that with this style of flirting barely comes across as flirting. S/o or not, it is going to be very difficult for anyone to pick up on any of this as intentional romantic interest rather than Pino being... Pino. Most people would maybe register this as awkward platonic compliments, if even that. His insecure s/o’s self-consciousness may not kick in for a while until they figure out that this is Pino desperately trying to show intentions.

Someone give this man cue cards he’s hurting.

Actually no don’t do that his brothers might get ideas. 

Despite this terrible inability to communicate romantic feelings, Pino does have one thing going for him. A stupid amount of emotional knowledge courtesy of keeping an eye on his brothers. Pino’s not dumb. When it comes to the people he really cares about he can get a good read on them. His s/o is no different. 

Upon realizing that s/o, the same s/o he has been pining after for weeks of awkward semi-flirting, has self-conscious issues, Pino is baffled. Bamboozled. Confusioned. Setting his own feelings to the side, the eldest brother works up the nerve to tell them full throttle that they are awesome. He doesn’t know what they have been through, nor where the feelings come from, but he will not let this stand. He is a little curt and blunt, but the intent is there.

If his s/o says 1 tiny negative thing about themselves, he’s armed with something they cannot deny. Facts. Pino has been debating his brothers for years, he will make charts if he has to.

Noki

Constant non-stopping stream of compliments. Noki is what happens when a fidget spinner is outfitted with an energy-drink powered engine. Pino, Hans and Jack can only somewhat keep him from vibrating into another dimension, and that’s with their powers combined. When he has someone in his sights, that energy is re-focused on making his s/o feel like royalty. 

Flirting is, if nothing else, absolutely amazing to witness in just how it is:

One constant stream of consciousness that results in compliment after compliment.

“That’s amazing, you’re amazing, that hat really suits you-”

“Your hair looks really nice today, though it usually looks nice every day-”

Painfully, unapologetically, sincerely sweet, gen-u-ine statements that could give anyone a bad case of sugar rush. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to be here? I really like spending time with you, you’re a really fun person.”

“When you smile your noise gets all crinkly and it’s super cute, you’re like a kitten!”

Cheesy, horrible one-liners that were bad in high school then and are bad in current times now. 

“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.” 

^^^^ That’s as much as I’m writing on that, this stuff is painful.

The painful part in all of this is that Noki, being Noki, is going to have no flippin’ clue that his s/o is feeling about this until he starts paying very close attention to their reactions. Are they turning away from him because they are hiding a blush, or because they are hiding tears? Are they blushing and incoherent because he’s just that good, or because they have no idea how to respond, this is a new experience to them, someone please show them mercy and send help. 

“Wait, you don’t believe me??? Why?!” Noki is not going to hide his bewilderment at all. This whole time he’s been flirting with them and they thought he was kidding??? He thought he was bad at this, not that they were going through some insecurities he may be encountering for the first time. He is going to sit down next to them, and s/o has about two seconds to decide whether or not they’re going to talk about it, because otherwise he is.

“You are amazing though! Everyone knows it! Snow White, Merlin, Sword-head, Hans, Jack, my brothers- we all know it! Do you think I could invent something that can possibly help this? You should have to go through life thinking badly of yourself when the world is a brighter place because of you! I-” 

TBH I do not have room for the whole rant here, but essentially this would likely wind up with him confessing because this is painfully obvious. 

By the end of this, he plans to make them blushy every single day until they see the them he sees, and beyond that too!

Kio

Shy sweetness that will punch you in the stomach when you least expect it. Oh you thought because he’s shyer and quieter than his brothers (and the entirety of the F7) that he isn’t capable of delivering some one-hit KOs using nothing but his words? You thought?! Pino is awkward but mature, Noki is a ball of constant validation, but Kio will use his reputation for shyness as an excuse to flirt out of the blue and then move on like nothing happened. 

Personal touch may be awkward for him but verbally making his s/o a goober just like him is his secret to being confident with his words. His s/o is in for it. 

Kio is a sneaky bastard who has the least range of flirtation (only 2 types really) but boy oh boy are they wildly different. 

The supreme sweetness that Noki (most of the boys if we’re being honest) take notes on when they want to be sweet to their loved ones.

“That’s a new bracelet isn’t it? It’s really suits you, you make it look good.”

“All your expressions are lovely but when you smile, the whole world seems brighter.”

The, ah, spicy stuff that none of the F7 besides Pino know that he is capable of uttering. Pino has no proof and is going crazy trying to prove to the group that the youngest brother can be downright heated with his flirting. 

“I could see you anywhere and be happy. Outside. Inside. In a house. In the bed. Especially the last one.”

“Your eyes are not the only part of you I could get lost in.”

Kio does not have the problem of not being clear in flirting. He’s not subtle. At all. As you’ve seen in some of the examples. The problem is that it can be a lot for a person to process, especially one that has self-consciousness issues. It really is out of the blue, which can throw the other person off when they’re not expecting it. Which is always. 

Thankfully, he is the happy middle between Noki and Pino’s ability to sense that something is wrong. It does take him a bit to pick up on it, but eventually he puts two and two together to realize s/o really is reacting oddly. Not in that they’re shy, but that there’s an underlying issue. It does take him a while to talk about it though because he has no clue how to approach it. It’s not a subject he’s good at tackling. 

The thought his s/o is going through this solo though does get him to gently pull them aside and ask them about it. He wants to know if it’s him overstepping into a very uncomfortable territory, if it’s specific things that trigger a certain response or if it’s something else entirely. Kio is a good listener, and mentally remembers a lot of notes for the next time he wants to compliment them. 

Very much makes it a point to let them know that hey, he likes them for them, and that yes, he is going to continue to give specific compliments their way because he adores them and they are worth it. 

[roostercrowedatmidnight]

Morgana was in love with Gwen – an analysis of series 3 of Merlin

This is an analysis I wrote of why I think Morgana was in love with Gwen, and how it culminated in Morgana’s betrayal of Gwen and Arthur in series 3.

When Morgana comes back from her year away at the start of series 3, she quickly turns on the people she used to care about. It’s understandable that she feels hate towards Uther, who has threatened and physically harmed Morgana before, as well as continuously prosecuting Morgana’s people; Gaius, who gaslighted her and consistently drugged her in an attempt to hide her identity; and Merlin, who literally tried to murder her. However, the two people who didn’t directly wrong Morgana were Gwen and Arthur. Her hatred of Arthur could be linked to the fact that he often assists his father in hunting down and executing magic users. But it could also be for another reason.

Morgana doesn’t attempt to directly harm or kill Arthur and Gwen for the first half of series 3. While she is more distant with both of them, she doesn’t make any obvious acts of aggression towards either person. Morgana doesn’t actually attempt to hurt Gwen or Arthur until episode 7, ‘The Castle of Fyrien’. After that, she continues trying to cause them harm, especially after dreaming of Gwen marrying Arthur in episode 10 of series 3, ‘Queen of Hearts’. Maybe it’s because she didn’t have any good opportunities to kill Arthur in the first few episodes. Or maybe it’s because of the events of episode 6, ‘The Changeling’.

Unlike Merlin, Morgana is unaware of Arthur and Gwen’s feelings for each other in series 2. She doesn’t figure it out until ‘The Changeling’, when she notices Gwen and Arthur’s eye contact at dinner.

We all know that Morgana is a very good actor. She may not reveal much about how she feels in this scene, but you can tell she’s a little shook. You can see in her eyes that her braincell is firing up.

It’s after this episode that Morgana starts going hardcore on trying to kill Gwen and Arthur. She first harms Gwen to hurt and manipulate Arthur, and then later on does it because she knows Gwen will marry Arthur one day and become Queen. When discussing these things with Morgause, Morgana frames it as though she wants power, and Arthur and Gwen are both standing in her way. Morgause has strongly instilled in Morgana that ruling over Camelot just as brutally as Uther is the only way that Morgana can get revenge and free magical people from oppression. And while it’s true that Morgana hurts Gwen and Arthur to gain power, I think another reason why she does it is because she is in love with Gwen.

In Merlin, magic is a thinly veiled metaphor for being LGBTQ (at least in my opinion -- if you think it’s a metaphor for a different group facing oppression then I’m totally behind that idea as well). While they never canonically make any of the characters overtly LGBTQ (because TV writers are cowards), holding the secret of having magic can easily be paralleled with holding the secret of being queer, and Morgana’s discovery of her own magic in series 1 and 2 can be paralleled with her coming to terms with the fact that she’s queer. If we assume that these things are linked, then Morgana’s discovery and acceptance of her magic in series 1, 2 and 3 is happening at the same time as her realisation that she’s queer and has a crush on Gwen. When Morgana comes back at the beginning of series 3, though much has changed, I believe she still genuinely cares about Gwen. And then she finds out about Gwen and Arthur.

Morgana has noticed Gwen having crushes on people before. She could tell that Gwen liked Merlin, and I think she had an idea of Gwen’s feelings for Lancelot when he first arrived. Neither of these crushes seemed to bother Morgana very much. Lancelot arrived and then quickly departed, so Morgana probably thought Gwen’s feelings would be a fleeting thing. Morgana probably didn’t consider Merlin much of a threat either -- maybe she thought his and Gwen’s feelings would be short-lived. Morgana also wasn’t very close to Lancelot, nor was she super close to Merlin at the start of series 1. With Arthur, though, it’s personal; Arthur is one of the people Morgana trusts the most, and she probably knows that he is the sort of person who doesn’t bestow his affections lightly. To Morgana, Arthur’s feelings for Gwen, as well as Gwen’s feelings for Arthur, are a direct and deeply personal betrayal.

One of Uther’s and Morgana’s biggest weaknesses is their unwillingness to forgive and let go of the past. Arthur, unlike his sister and father, has a great capacity to move on from past wrongs and forgive others, as do Gwen and (sometimes) Merlin. Uther’s failure to move on from the mistakes of the past is the driving evil of the show, while Morgana’s determination to get revenge on the people who have wronged her is what makes her begin to lose her way as the show progresses. So when Morgana finds out about Arthur and Gwen, it is an unforgivable betrayal from the two people she once loved more than anyone else.

The one time Morgana offers forgiveness is in the series 3 finale. Near the end of ‘The Coming of Arthur: Part 1′, Morgana believes she is about to achieve her great victory. She is close to dethroning Uther, and Arthur is either dead already or walking towards certain death. Morgana’s ascension is no longer threatened, and with Arthur gone, neither is her relationship with Gwen.

Morgana could easily allow Gwen to die, since it’s possible that she still threatens Morgana’s future reign. Strategically speaking, Morgana doesn’t gain anything from offering Gwen safety. But she does it anyway -- in her own way, Morgana is offering Gwen once last chance to choose her over Arthur.

Yeah, Gwen’s lying, and understandably so: Morgause’s people are ruthless and her hold over Morgana dangerous, Merlin and Arthur are still Gwen’s friends and she wants to protect them, and if Gwen refuses Morgana’s offer she will definitely be killed. But Morgana doesn’t know Gwen is lying. Morgana is still suspicious - she is used to being lied to and betrayed - but she also truly hopes that Gwen is telling the truth.

When Morgana discovers that Gwen is still on Arthur’s side, Morgana feels betrayed once more. She no longer cares what happens to Gwen. It is only because of Morgause’s plan to enchant Gwen to find Arthur that Gwen lives.

So in summary, I think Morgana was in love with Gwen, and her inability to forgive is what made her turn so suddenly on Gwen and Arthur. Morgana has been betrayed by pretty much everyone in her life, either intentionally or unintentionally, and it leaves an emotional scar that Morgana never heals from.

This was very long, but whatever. Hope you enjoyed. Shout out to @cats-n-swords​ for our combined braincell leading to our initial realisation that Morgana hated Arthur so much because she was in love with Gwen.

[badchoicesposts]

In a Land of Myth...

Chapter 10

Summary: When Selene, a young sorceress, arrived in Stormholt she had every intention of remaining anonymous. King Constantine Rys had strict rules on sorcery. The act itself was punishable by death, and she had no desire to be burnt at the stake for her “crimes”. However, it becomes increasingly difficult for her to remain unseen when she becomes Prince Liam’s personal maidservant, and it seems that it’s her job to protect him from everyone that wants to kill him.

Disclaimer: This AU is a cross between TRR, The Crown and The Flame, and BBC’s Merlin. Merlin follows the tale of King Arthur and the sorcerer Merlin. Merlin comes to Camelot where magic is outlawed and is made Prince Arthur’s servant. You do not have to watch the show to understand this fic, but it is based on the BBC show Merlin so the story line will be similar. I don’t own the plot to Merlin or any of the TRR characters.

Word Count: 4,672

Author’s Note: This series is finally back and with a new mood board! Thanks so much for being so patient with the fact that it took so long!

Taglist: @flowerpowell​, @bobasheebaby​, @alexintheskyy​, @slytherincursebreaker​​, @kingliam2019​, @furiousherringoperatortoad​​, @goldenbirdcrystalcage​​, @burnsoslow​​, @zilch3, @desiree-0816, @sanchita012​​

Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist!

Catch Up: Masterlist

Everyone had gathered in the council chambers for the sentencing that was about to happen. Madeleine and Regina were standing on either side of Constantine. The queen’s face was hard, and Selene quickly noticed that she was looking anywhere but at her husband. Madeleine was staring down at Drake with sympathy. Selene hadn’t spent much time with the woman apart from when they had spoken during the tournament, but she could still tell that the thought of Drake being harmed was troubling her. Bastien and Leo were standing together nearby with Savannah in good health, sobbing into Bastien’s shoulder. Selene fought back her own tears as she took in the scene, realizing the horrible outcome from what had been her positive intentions. 

However, the look on Liam’s face was absolutely heartbroken as he took in the sight of his best friend on his knees, awaiting a death sentence from his father.

“What is going on?” Liam demanded walking up to his father. 

“Your sister was infected by the disease,” Constantine said, directing his words to Drake. 

“Yes.”

“And she has recovered? She is the only one who has been afflicted to make a recovery. Were you the only one with her during this time?” Constantine continued, as Selene made her way to stand with Bastien, Savannah, and Leo. 

Drake’s eyes flitted to her momentarily, before returning his gaze to Constantine. 

“Yes,” he responded in a monotone voice. 

“And this is what you used to cure her?” he asked, holding up the poultice. 

A look of shock crossed his face as he properly looked over the item for the first time. 

“I’ve- I’ve never seen that before in my life,” he said, genuinely worried this time. 

“It was found under her pillow,” he said, gesturing towards Savannah. 

Drake continued to stare at the poultice, a look of realization coming towards his face as he glanced back over to Selene for a second. 

“Undo your enchantment. Put an end to this plague,” he barked, causing Drake to flinch. 

“Father! Drake isn’t a sorcerer. I have known him all my life. So has Leo and Madeleine. I would be prepared to swear on his innocence,” Liam pleaded with his father. 

“His sister is the only one who has survived this curse. He was the only one with her as she lay dying. The court physician has not been able to find a cure, but he knew how to stop it,” Constantine argued. 

“Father, please!” Liam continued.

“Drake is a good man. Just as his father was,” Leo said, moving towards them with a fire in his eyes. 

Constantine seemed agitated at Leo’s attempt to remind him of Jackson Walker’s sacrifice and raised his hand to silence both of his sons.

“Undo the enchantment, and I will show you mercy,” he said, looking down at his prisoner once again. 

“I am not a sorcerer. I can’t undo it!” Drake said, his voice laced with fear this time.

“Then you have forced my hand. Under these circumstances I have no choice but to sentence you to death,” Constantine said, his voice filled with controlled anger and hatred.

The room erupted with noise and protests at his words, and Selene felt a few tears escape her eyes as she watched two guards move forward and force Drake onto his feet before beginning to drag him out of the room. Selene made a split second decision, not seeing any other way of stopping Drake from being put to death because of her crimes, and moved towards Constantine. 

“I did it! I used magic to cure Savannah. Drake’s not the sorcerer, I am!” she said, stopping in front of him. 

“Selene!” Bastien exclaimed, looking at her as if she were crazy. 

Everyone stood staring at her in shock, Constantine almost seemed amused.

“I place myself at your mercy, my king,” she said, bowing her head slightly as Constantine regarded her with curiosity.

“Guards, take her away as well,” Constantine said, causing one of the guards to release Drake’s arm and grab onto her.

“Father, I can’t allow this. I know for a fact Selene is innocent. There’s no way she is a sorcerer,” Liam said, pulling her away from the man holding onto her and keeping her protectively at his side. 

“She admitted it,” Constantine simply replied. 

“She saved my life. I trust her completely,” Liam insisted. 

“Yes, she has saved your life and trouble has seemed to follow her since. Was she not the one who alerted you that Sir Neville was using an enchanted shield?” Constantine asked. 

“Yes, b-but that was because she witnessed it first hand, not because she is an enchantress,” Liam sputtered out. 

“Why would she make up a story about curing Savannah Walker?” Constantine continued. 

Liam hesitated for a moment.

“I’ve seen the two of them together. It is obvious that she has feelings for Drake Walker, and she was simply trying to save his life,” he said.

“I don’t have feelings for him! I’m telling the truth,” she insisted irritably. 

Liam glared down at her for a moment, but the two were pulled out of their stare down by Constantine’s low laugh. 

“These must be very strong feelings if she is willing to give her life for his,” he said. “I will excuse you once and only once. Don’t waste my time again. Guards, take him away.”

The guards nodded to their king and began to drag Drake away. Liam gripped Selene’s arm and pulled her out of the room as well before anyone could say anything else. After they had made it far away enough from the council chambers, she roughly pulled her arm out of his grip and rounded on him angrily. 

“Why did you do that? You can’t actually believe Drake is responsible for this?” she practically screamed. 

“I know Drake isn’t responsible for this, but it won’t do us any good to have the both of you arrested,” he explained calmly. “My father has it in his head that Drake is the one who caused this. He would have executed you and then when the plague didn’t end, he would go after Drake again. I would have lost the both of you.”

Selene noted the sadness in his voice as he spoke, but didn’t mention it. 

“How do you know I was lying? How do you know that I’m truly not the one who saved Savannah?” she asked. 

Liam looked conflicted at her words.

“I guess I don’t. But, whoever saved Savannah Walker did it out of the kindness of their heart, and whoever caused this plague did it out of spite and evil. So I don’t know if you’re lying or not, but I don’t believe that you’re evil, Selene. You shouldn’t have to die for something you didn’t do,” he finally said. 

“What about Drake? How do we save him?” she asked.

“We have until sunrise tomorrow morning to find the person actually responsible,” he said. 

Selene nodded her head and hesitated for a moment before asking the question that had been on her mind for the past few minutes. 

“Can I see him?” she asked quietly. “I- I need to see him before we do anything else.” 

Liam studied her features, noticed the look of hurt and despair on her face and nodded slowly. 

“Follow me.”

Liam led her down to the dungeons of the castle and stopped to speak with the men guarding the cells before motioning her along. 

“Go ahead. You only have a few minutes,” he said, showing her which cell to go to and walking away with the guards to give them some privacy. 

Selene cautiously approached Drake’s cell and saw him sitting on the floor through the bars of the cell doors, his hands still chained together. He looked up when he noticed her and she smiled at him sadly. 

“Drake, I’m so sorry,” she said, fighting back her tears once again as she sat down on the floor next to the cell.

The man scooted closer to the cell door and smiled at her softly.

“Don’t be. You saved my sister’s life,” he responded, letting out a laugh at her shocked expression. 

“How did-” she began to ask before he cut her off.

“Besides from the fact that you announced it to everyone earlier?” he said, causing her to scoff defensively. 

“Liam convinced everyone else that I was lying,” she said. 

“I’m not everyone else,” he said, with a smirk. “It was fairly easy to figure out once I looked at all of the facts.”

“What facts? Have I really been that sloppy?” 

“No. But first you save Liam’s life when no one else would have been able to. Then, you ask me to steal a dog statue, and the next day you have a new pet. After that my sister got sick, but miraculously healed immediately after you visited her. And, finally, the most damning piece of evidence was that you made the poultice with the handkerchief I gave you,” he concluded, letting out a genuine laugh at the cringe on her face. 

“Drake, I’m so sorry,” she said with anguish as she wrapped her hand around one of the bars on the cell door. 

Drake smiled at her sadly and, because of the shackles, raised both of his hands to wrap one of them around hers.

“Don’t be. Like I said, you saved my sister’s life,” he responded, as she let her tears fall freely. 

“And I’ve practically ended yours in the process,” she cried. 

“Shhh, Selene, don’t cry,” he tried to soothe her, which only made her cry harder. “Hey, look at me.”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. She was supposed to be the one comforting him, but instead it was happening the other way around.

“Promise me you won’t blame yourself for this,” he said softly. 

“But, it’s my fault,” she sniffled. 

“Promise me,” he insisted.

“No, I won’t have to,” she said determined, drying her eyes again. “Liam and I are going to figure this out. I’ll get you out of here.” 

She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile and rose to her feet. Selene navigated the castle halls with determination. She found Bastien outside with a group of new recruits, instructing them halfheartedly. 

“I made a mistake,” she said, pulling him aside. “You can yell at me for it later, but right now I need to figure out what’s contaminating the water so I can help Liam prove that Drake’s innocent. But, I can’t do it without your help.”

Bastien looked at her for a moment, his steely eyes fixed directly on her face. She couldn’t tell what was going through his mind. She wasn’t sure if he was angry or not, but she could tell that Drake’s sentencing wasn’t sitting well with him. 

“Follow me,” he finally said.

He whispered a few words to Leo and then began leading her around to the back of the castle. They walked through a small back door that led to a large stone staircase, grabbing a wood torch and igniting the top to light their way. They travelled through an underground cave for a while before they came to an underground reservoir. 

“This is the source of all of the water in Stormholt,” he said, leading her over to the water.

Selene looked over the pool of water. Nothing seemed awry, and the water itself looked perfectly normal. 

“Maybe we should take a sample, and Xinghai can-” she began to say before being interrupted by a loud splash behind him. 

A loud roar broke through the silent air, and Bastien pulled Selene behind him as they turned to look at the creature that had just jumped out of the water. The beast was larger than any man and was made up of sickly green skin that resembled a thick hide more so than human skin. It had huge fangs and long, threatening claws. Selene knew that there were some creatures she had never encountered before that existed, but the sight of the beast still shocked her nonetheless. With another loud splash the creature disappeared back into the water, leaving Selene and Bastien frozen with fear.

“What was that?” she basically shrieked, as Bastien pulled her away from the water and back through the caves to their chambers. 

He walked to his wardrobe and felt around the inside of it for the small latch located on the floor of the piece of furniture. It opened to reveal a small compartment that a person wouldn’t have noticed unless they had been looking for it. He pulled out a thick book and began flipping through it as he approached her. 

“An afanc. A creature born of clay,” he said, resting the book on the table in front of her. 

She looked at the picture of the creature in the book and shuddered as she read how powerful a sorcerer must be in order to create one. She realized that whoever they were dealing with was much more trouble than either one of them had originally thought. However, their focus at the moment needed to be on figuring out how to defeat the beast before Drake was burned at the stake. 

“How do we stop it?” she asked, noting that the book had not given any information on that topic. 

Bastien walked back to his wardrobe and pulled out several more thick volumes. Selene had to stop herself from questioning why he hid all of these books from her as he dropped them onto the table as well. 

“I’m not sure. But, the answer may be in one of these books.”

“We don’t have time to look through all of them,” she said, grabbing the book on top of the pile and flipping through the pages. “This could take forever.”

She racked her brains for a solution, for some way to fix the mess she had created. Only one answer came to mind, and she already dreaded having to go through with it. 

“Excuse me,” she said, grabbing her cloak and wrapping it around her shoulders. 

“Where are you going?”

“To get help,” she said, leaving the room without another word and descending past the dungeons and into the depths of the castle. 

Once she had reached the small ledge that led to the cave, she called for help. After a few moments, the large blue dragon made his appearance in front of her, the chain around his ankle glinting in the light from her torch.

“I wondered when you would seek me out again,” he said, in a low voice. 

“I need to know how to defeat an afanc,” she responded, deciding to get straight to the point. 

“Yes, it seems that you do,” he replied in the same tone of slight arrogance that had bothered her when she first met him.

“Can you tell me?” 

“You must trust the elements at your command.”

“The elements? What elements? I don’t understand. What exactly do I need to do?”

“You can not do this alone,” the dragon responded. “You are one side of the coin. Liam is the other.” 

“So, Liam has to help me,” she stated. “But, what exactly do we have to do?”

“Trust the elements,” he responded again, flapping his wings and rising into the air. 

“Wait!” she called after him. “What does that mean?” 

The dragon simply chuckled in response and flew out of sight, and Selene was left standing dumbfounded on the ledge. She had to try her best to control her anger as she left the dragon’s underground prison, the skirt of her dress flowing out behind her in the wind. Would it really have been that difficult for him to just tell her what she needed to do? Why did he insist on giving her vague answers all of the time?

“Do you know anything about the elements?” she asked Bastien when she had once again met up with him.

“The elements? No, why?” 

“It’s supposed to help me defeat the afanc.”

“Where did you run off to?” he questioned, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

“Please just trust me. Drake only has a few hours left,” she said, her voice filled with anguish and desperation.

Bastien’s gaze softened.

“Liam was right. You truly do have feelings for him don’t you?” 

“I-I don’t know what my feelings for him are, but I need him to live for me to figure them out. He doesn’t deserve to die for this, Bas.”

Selene hadn’t realized that while they were talking Bastien had been leading them to the Xinghai and Hana’s quarters. 

“If anyone knows about elements it’s Xinghai,” he said, knocking on the door before pushing it open. 

Xinghai had been examining a vial full of water when they had entered. There was a shriveled up flower suspended in the liquid.

“The flower has only been in the water for a few minutes,” he explained while lowering the vial down to rest on his work surface. “Whatever is contaminating the water is killing quickly.”

Selene looked to Bastien nervously for a moment before speaking. 

“Xinghai, do you know anything about elements,” she asked. 

“Elements?” he gave her a questioning look before continuing. “Yes. The study of the base elements is at the heart of the scientific process. The four base elements are earth, water, wind, and fire.”

Bastien and Selene shared a look of realization as the physician continued to ramble on about the scientific process and elements. 

“Wind and fire. The afanc is made of earth and water, so wind and fire should be able to defeat it,” Bastien said, causing Xinghai to stop his lecture. 

“Afanc?” he questioned. 

“A magical beast. It’s what’s infecting the water,” Bastien said, causing Selene to look at him with surprise. 

“Xinghai knew my mother before her death. He knows of my knowledge of magic,” he explained, emphasizing the words my knowledge to indicate that the man didn’t know that either of them currently possessed magic abilities. 

“I should go talk to Liam,” she said, nodding to indicate that she understood what he meant. 

She began to run out of the quarters when Bastien called her back. 

“Selene, be careful,” he said. 

“I’m always careful,” she retorted with a smile, once again taking off in search of the prince.

“Selene, where have you been?” Liam asked, when they finally ran into each other in the palace courtyard. 

“We need to go. The water is being infected by an afanc. A magical creature made of clay. If we stop it the water will be safe again,” she said, leading him back down to the caves that housed the underground reservoir. 

“How did you find out about this?” he asked, chasing after her, his sword clenched tightly in his hand. 

“Um, Bastien's mother?” she said nervously. 

“What?” Liam asked, pulling her to a stop and looking to her with confusion. 

“His mother was a sorceress.”

“Right, she was killed during the Great Purge,” he filled in.

“Yes! After I talked to Drake this morning we went down to the water reserves to see if anything seemed out of the ordinary when a beast jumped out of the water,” she said, beginning to walk again.“He recognized the beast as an afanc because he had seen it in one of his mother’s books.” She hoped it was a convincing enough lie and was grateful when Liam didn’t question her further. 

“I’m coming with you!” a voice called behind them, causing them to both turn in shock.

Madeleine stood before them, her arms crossed over her chest and her jaw set in determination. 

“You can’t,” Liam said, walking over to her. 

“Why? Because I’m a woman. That excuse doesn’t work so long as Selene is going with you,” she said, causing Liam to roll his eyes. 

“You know that’s not why. If anything were to happen to you my father would kill me,” he said. 

“He’ll get over it. I’m coming with you,” she said.

Liam looked over to Selene for help, but she simply shrugged in response. Liam finally relented and the three of them continued walking. They stopped when they reached the back door that led under to the water reserve and each grabbed a wooden torch. 

They reached the water reserve and began approaching the area with great caution, Selene and Liam both keeping an eye out for the creature. They stood around the pool of water, expecting the beast to jump out at any moment, but were unpleasantly surprised when they heard a loud roar come from somewhere behind them. 

Selene and Madeleine shrieked as they all spun around, catching a quick glimpse of the monster they were trying to but an end to. The creature was revolted by the sight of the fire and disappeared a moment later. 

“What was that?” Madeleine asked, having missed the conversation earlier.

“I’ll explain later,” Selene said, already on edge. 

“Did you see which way it went?” Liam questioned her as he tried to follow after the beast, but was hindered from doing so because the large cave was made up of several tunnels that all went in opposite directions.

They heard another loud roar coming from their left and took off after the sound. The snarling got louder as they got closer and closer to the beast, all fearing for their lives, but none willing to turn back. The air was thick with tension as they caught sight of the afanc once again. The creature recoiled as the fire got closer to it, but did not back down. Selene could not claim to know what was going through its mind, but surely it must have thought it could kill them before they killed it. The animal was ferocious and larger than a bear. They were measly opponents.

Liam held out his sword in front of him and positioned himself into a fighting stance. He and the afanc danced around each other as they prepared for battle, and the creature continued to growl and hiss.

“Use the torch,” Selene instructed.

Liam obeyed and held the torch farther out in front of him, his sword still at the ready just in case. He waved the torch out in front of him, the fire coming closer and closer to the beast, but not harming it. Madeleine followed his actions with her own torch, doubling the amount of fire that was surrounding the creature. Selene knew that the rest was up to her. She hadn’t fully explained to Liam how to defeat the beast so he did not know what was required to defeat it. She mumbled an incantation under her breath, and the area was suddenly filled with a strong breeze. The breeze collided with the fire, causing the flames to fan out in front of them and incase the afanc, burning it’s flesh as it groaned in agony. 

The trio stood silently for a moment after they were sure the creature was dead. Liam finally broke the silence a while later, saying the words she had been waiting to hear since that morning. 

“Let’s go release, Drake.” 

As they passed by the water reservoir once again on their way out of the caves, a flash of white caught her eye. She allowed Liam and Madeleine to walk ahead of her and bent down to pick it up. The item resembled an egg shell, but was much bigger and whiter than a chicken egg. There were several ancient markings on the shell as well. 

“Liam, wait!” she called, running to catch up with him and showing him the shell. “Before we go speak with your father about releasing Drake we should talk to Bas first.”

He looked at her skeptically for a moment causing her to continue. 

“I don’t want him to accuse Drake of summoning the afanc.”

“And what good will that shell do?” he asked.

“I don’t know. But, I have a feeling,” she said, not being able to fully put her finger on what it was about the shell that was so compelling to her. 

It was almost as if she could feel the magic radiating off of it. 

“Okay,” he finally responded skeptically. 

She smiled at him in gratitude and they left the caves, both feeling significantly lighter knowing that the cause of the plague had been identified and taken care of. However, there was still a sense of dread in the pit of Selene’s stomach. The feeling wasn’t unfamiliar to her. She had gotten this feeling several times before, but each time it had been followed by something bad happening. It hadn’t always been something extreme, for example she had once gotten the feeling only to have gotten stuck out in the rain while on a patrol with Liam. Other times it had been more serious. On one occasion she had experienced it, and that year her village’s harvest had not been as fruitful as hoped and most of the inhabitants had a rough winter trying to scrape together enough food to survive. However, this time Selene was sure that something truly terrible was about to happen. It would be more than just a minor inconvenience. 

“Bas!” she called as she entered their chambers with Liam close behind her. Madeleine had returned to her chambers in hopes that Constantine wouldn’t find out that she had ever come with them.  

“Are the two of you alright?” he asked, coming over to them with a look of concern. 

“We’re fine. The afanc is dead,” she said with a small smile. 

Much to her surprise Bastien pulled her into a hug. He squeezed her in his arms lovingly and let out a sigh of relief. 

“We were going to speak with Constantine about releasing Drake, but I saw this on the ground when we were leaving the caves, and I wanted to speak with you first,” she said, handing him the egg shell. 

Although Bastien’s facial expression didn’t change, Selene could see the distress behind his eyes. 

“What? What is it? I can feel it, Bas. I can tell that it’s not good,” she whispered so that only he could hear. 

Bastien cleared his throat and brushed her off, a look of discomfort still evident in his usual stoic gaze. 

“It’s nothing. The afanc hatched from this shell,” he said, not meeting her eyes. “Completely harmless. The two of you should head down to the cells to release Drake. I’ll speak with Constantine.” 

~~~

“Damnit, Selene!” Lucretia growled in frustration.

She angrily swiped her hand through the water in the stone basin she was standing over. The waves, which she had been using to watch the events that were unfolding in Stormholt just a few moments earlier, became still and clear once again. With the enchantment that was allowing her to watch as everything played out as if it were a movie gone, the water was now just water. 

She paced back and forth in front of the basin frantically. Her afanc was dead. It was supposed to bring about the fall of Constantine Rys and his son, and with that, the fall of Stormholt as well. The afanc was her ticket to revenge. But, now because of Selene the creature was dead. 

“Selene. Selene,” she whispered the young witch’s name repeatedly. 

She had heard of Selene. She was the one the fire-users spoke of, although by a different name. She was the one that was supposed to help Prince Liam unite the lands. 

Lucretia had once rejoiced over that prophecy. But now, she couldn’t even picture it coming to pass. Constantine Rys hated magic, despised it. There was no way any son of his would ever be any different. No, she needed to be rid of them all. Constantine had brought this upon himself after all. He should reap the consequences of all the problems his bigotry had caused, and that is exactly what he would do. She would end the Rys line for good. 

[namelessarcher]

Hello, hope you're doing okay considering what's happening out there! Can I request for Arthur Pendragon and Merlin having a s/o that lacks self-preservation? Like they tend to overexert themselves and ignore their injuries that aren't completely healed because they wish to become a better master. They don't say it outright, but they do this to avoid another situation similar to what happened in Fuyuki

Arthur Pendragon

Arthur can see how your current path was one wrought with despair and destruction. Every step you took was filled with hardship, and he could feel the desperation in your actions despite how your words and body language showed otherwise. To those that weren’t close enough to you, they did not see how you’d always choose the riskier option over the safer choice if it meant that the riskier one would lead to fewer casualties. The real risk was never how much they’d have to fight, or how long they had to fight, but rather how safe it was for you.

Arthur does his best to keep you safe and out of trouble, but sometimes he feels like he can’t predict your actions as well as he thought he could. He understood your mindset and your rationality rather well, yet when it came down to the actual moment and you were forced to change your path, he wasn’t always at hand to stop you. It worries him immensely how you just ignore your own well-being for the sake of ending the fighting faster, for the sake of saving the world.

He gets it, really he does. He understands more so than others how important it is to protect the world and to save humanity. After all, that was his purpose as well, it was perhaps the reason why he felt such kinship and fondness towards you - that both of you were aiming for the same goal, albeit with a slightly altered path. He wants nothing more than to make sure you actually reach your goal, even if he has to put his world-hopping on hold, he’ll stay by your side as long as he can until your goals reach fruition.

But he doesn’t want to see you reaching your goals and destroy yourself in the process. Yes, there was a limit on the amount of time you had to complete and reach the goal of saving humanity, but honestly he wanted nothing more than to keep you off the field if he could. It pained him that no matter how much he tried to talk some sense into you to just take a day off, to rest for an extra 5 minutes, you’d shake your head and just trudge into the field with bandages barely replaced and refreshed.

It’s not long before Arthur finally pulls you aside, yet again, but this time with more desperation than he had anticipated to ask you to just take care of yourself properly. It doesn’t hit you until you hear the pleading tone in his voice and see the concern in his eyes. He knows that you’ve been carrying a heavy burden, and he also knows that you’ve been bottling it all up for a while now. You haven’t bothered to tell anyone the reason behind your desperation. No one knew what made you push yourself to the death. They had chalked it up to the burden of saving humanity, but when you finally admit that you had to get stronger, that you had to get better because you couldn’t afford to lose anyone else - that was when Arthur and everyone else in Chaldea realized that you were still holding yourself accountable for the events of Fuyuki.

You don’t change overnight, but you do start to reconsider your actions before burning yourself out. It helps that Arthur is always there by your side to reaffirm that your conviction and purpose is correct and that it’s valid for you to feel frustrated about past events. However, he doesn’t want you to linger on them and wants you to live for the present. He wants you to remember that the past is there to help you learn from your mistakes, not to hold your mistakes over your head for the rest of your life and making you feel like you aren’t good enough. His support and encouragement helps you realize how detrimental your previous mentality and stance on taking on the task before you was, and helps you learn from it instead of having it burden you further.

Merlin

Merlin knew what it was that made you push yourself to your limits every single time. He could still remember witnessing the despair and horror on your face when you had lost the Director. And to this day, he can still see the anguish on your face every time you wake up from that same nightmare every other day. You can still hear the cry for help, the despair in her voice and the sorrow from not ever feeling worthy. Marisbury’s cries for help echoed within you and you couldn’t help but carry those memories as a constant reminder that you weren’t good enough.

He hated it though. He hated how you took risks without even considering the consequences, and no matter how many times he’d advise you not to, you never listened. Why was that? He couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t take his advice to heart, he knew he messed around a lot, but as soon as he stepped foot on the battlefield with you there wasn’t a moment where he wasn’t serious. After all, if he had given you the wrong strategy, if he didn’t tell you all the possibilities to survive the upcoming battle, then he failed you not only as your trusted Servant, but also as your Beloved.

He does his best not to nag at you all the time though since he knows you probably have heard it enough from your other Servants, yet perhaps he should nag you more cause at least you consider his words. It’s not helpful though as he notices over time you just sit there staring at the campfire as his words go in one ear and out the other.

Merlin isn’t the type to tiptoe around the topic, nor is he the type to sugarcoat it. He can’t stand that one night you’d tell him how much you love him and how he means the world to you and that you’ll do your best to survive and live just so that you could be with him longer - and then the next morning you’re throwing yourself onto the field without a single worry or thought in your head about your survivability.

When Merlin calls you out on it, it’s perhaps the first time you hear so much anger and disappointment in his voice - genuine anger and disappointment. He’s feigned his emotions many times, in fact, to this day he still claims that he cannot feel the emotions that many others feel, yet here he was, feeling genuinely upset and frustrated with you. It startles you and brings you to tears upon hearing his anger directed at you. You never meant to purposely do this to him. You never even realized that you’ve been pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion several times.

It’s after this confrontation that you finally begin to realize what you’ve been doing to yourself, and consequently what you’ve done to others around you to basically protect you from yourself. He’s glad that he’s finally helped you see reason and logic, and honestly he’s more frightened at himself for experiencing such vivid emotions. But he can’t help but feel some sense of happiness that he finally gets to help you realize your real potential instead of letting you walk upon a path of destruction.

[wordsablaze]

13~ Adrenaline

Magic and Misery Merlin might use magic to help Arthur but he rarely uses it to help himself, which leads to an awful lot of misery… written for whumptober, enjoy!

A/N: okay, this seriously got away from me and ended up double the intended length but here’s a hopefully satisfying continuation of my last piece x

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Merlin rarely screams.

He’s so used to being quiet and hiding his pain to maintain his reputation as a bubbly manservant who always smiles at everything and cracks endless jokes. Even in front of Gaius.

The last couple of days have made up for all of that.

He easily loses count of how many times he’s screamed in pain during his sentence with the witchfinder, both due to internal agony related to the magic-suppressing shackles and the inflicted external wounds.

And the third day’s morning sees him screaming yet again, albeit weakly this time, as freezing water is unkindly poured over him; it’s a shock and a half.

“I thought you might be dehydrated,” the witchfinder explains, even though it’s more of a taunt.

Merlin just glares up at him, not even bothering to try and straighten his posture from where he’s awkwardly slumped against the wall because his limbs feel like the mud he usually has to clean off the horses after it’s been raining.

“What? No thanks?” Aredian’s son crouches down and lifts Merlin’s chin with his hand, smirking. “Do you need more incentive to show your gratitude?”

Naturally, Merlin doesn’t reply.

He’s too busy trying to figure out if he’s now freezing because of the unwanted shower or if the burning in every atom of his magical being is just so intense that it only feels as though his soul has frozen over and is now shattering into tiny fragments, fragments that are slowly piercing his organs.

Within seconds, the witchfinder’s other hand presses down onto the stitched wound on his arm, eliciting a sharp, broken whimper from Merlin, who can’t help but also flinch away from the pain.

“Much better!” Aredian’s son beams brightly, as if he were a child getting his way.

A lack of sleep means Merlin doesn’t even have the energy to mentally form a comeback to that, never mind actually say one out loud. He just waits until Aredian’s son is satisfied and lets go of him again so he can exhale softly, pulling his arm closer to his chest protectively.

“I had so many fun things planned for today but I might have to change them if you’re so unwilling to talk,” Aredian’s son announces.

Merlin just waits, blinking water out of his eyes.

“I think we’ll go for a ride,” he announces eventually, making Merlin groan.

He knows what’s coming but it still hurts - it hurts so, so much - when Aredian’s son unfastens the chain and yanks him to his unsteady feet, not bothering to let him steady himself before starting to march towards the door.

Merlin almost falls over in his haste to stumble after Aredian’s son, his numb feet just about managing not to let him fall until they arrive back at the cart. Only then does he stumble and end up on the ground, groaning softly as the witchfinder grins down at him.

“Pathetic,” he comments gleefully.

Merlin flinches from the word, using his less injured arm - that is, the one without the stitches - to push himself upright as he bites down on his lip to stop himself crying out.

Aredian’s son just grabs his ruined t-shirt and hauls him up, practically tossing him back into the cage before securing the chains to the cart once more. He’d lost his jacket and necktie at some point, probably when all those blades had gotten involved, so he can’t stop himself from shivering when his skin touches the cold metal of the cage.

“Comfortable?”

Merlin lets his eyes shut and refuses to acknowledge the question, but regrets that when Aredian’s son bangs on the cage, the reverberation echoing through his bones and drawing out yet another whimper.

He feels himself slide down until he’s not touching the bars anymore, curling into himself to make himself smaller, less noticeable, less of a target.

Aredian’s son just angrily grumbles something about a confession and, soon enough, the cart starts moving. Hitting as many rocks and bumps in the road as possible, it seems.

When they stop, Merlin doesn’t notice.

What he does notice, however, is the chains rattling and the shackles rubbing against his bruised wrists, where the skin is raw from when he’d found the energy to struggle.

He hisses softly, his eyes blearily blinking themselves open.

“Merlin?”

Arthur.

Merlin gasps, pulling himself upright with newfound strength, carelessly lifting a hand to rub his eyes, ignoring the pain that shoots down his arm.

“I can’t- Merlin, stop moving!”

Definitely Arthur.

But Merlin obeys anyway, his gaze finally focusing on a familiar face as Arthur draws out his sword. Despite the familiar face, however, Merlin flinches as light glints of the sword, pulling himself into the opposite corner.

“No, Merlin, I wasn’t-” Arthur cuts himself off, sighing sadly, and swallows before sheathing his sword almost guiltily and turning to the menacing chains once more.

Merlin lets his eyes fall shut again regardless of how much he wants to see Arthur, how much he wants to see if Arthur will stay.

He’s missed Arthur.

There’s about a minute’s silence before an almighty, metallic noise rings out and Merlin abruptly feels alive.

He gasps, ducking his head to hide his eyes as they widen because he can feel, actually feel the powerful golden glow that radiates from them. He covers his head with his arms as his heart blooms again, as his soul finally starts to thaw and comfort him again, as his magic roams free under his skin again.

He breathes.

Inhales.

Exhales.

Simply breathing.

He’d forgotten how liberating it feels to be able to breathe normally.

He waits until he feels his magic settle, nestle inside him where it can’t be found, before looking up.

Arthur’s tears greet him.

He frowns but no, he’s not hallucinating, Arthur Pendragon is in front of him, is crying in front of him.

“Arthur…” Merlin breathes, a small smile blooming on his face.

Arthur looks conflicted but he beams as Merlin smiles, letting them share their relief for a moment before clambering onto the cart and unfastening the bolt on the cage, practically throwing the door open.

“Come on, Merlin, I have to get you out of here,” he says quickly, hushed.

Merlin nods, pushing himself towards Arthur and letting himself be swiftly but kindly guided off the cart.

Instantly, there are arms around him.

Merlin’s smile only lasts a second before Arthur’s hand brushes the stitched wound on his shoulder and he cries out, wincing enough for Arthur to pull back in concern. “Merlin?”

“S- sorry,” he manages, unable to stop smiling despite the pain.

“Oh, Merlin. I’m so sorry,” Arthur tells him sincerely.

Someone starts yelling somewhere behind them - apparently, Aredian’s son hadn’t missed the commotion - and Arthur’s eyes widen, glancing around frantically before settling back on Merlin. “I’m sorry if this hurts,” he whispers.

Then Merlin’s feet are leaving the ground and his head is suddenly on Arthur’s shoulder.

He whimpers but clings to Arthur as he bites down on his lip, forcing himself to stay quiet, focusing on his magic, trying to see how much of it he can use to help them escape, to help prevent Arthur having to face the witchfinder too.

Not much, apparently.

But just enough.

With the help of Arthur’s strength and a sprinkling of Merlin’s magic, they manage to make it far away enough that they can’t even hear whoever it was chasing them anymore. Only then does Arthur stop and let Merlin down, making sure there’s a tree behind him that he can lean on.

“I’m so glad you’re alive.” Arthur smiles.

When he doesn’t continue with how he’d be losing someone to use as target practice or something of the like, Merlin lets himself smile properly for the first time in days.

“Why… I mean, how did you…?” Merlin stops suddenly, unsure of what exactly he should be asking.

Arthur understands anyway.

He shrugs. “I persuaded my father that three nights was far too long to result in a genuine confession and then I simply followed the tracks to find you.”

“You followed the tracks?” Merlin echoes, unsure where his energy is coming from but unable to resist an opportunity to tease Arthur.

Arthur clears his throat pointedly. “I may have, uhm, asked… everyone… if they’d seen a witchfinder.”

Something soft, something like happiness, spreads through Merlin as he imagines Arthur questioning so many people just to look for him. It means more to him than he can care to admit and it makes his suffering at the hands of the witchfinder just a little more tolerable.

“Arthur, we can’t stay here,” Merlin finds himself saying, despite his heart wanting to do just that.

Arthur nods solemnly. “I know, we have to get you back home- Uh, that is, to Gaius. So he can heal you. Because you don’t look good at all.”

Merlin has questions but he makes a note of and saves them for another time.

When Arthur moves to pick him up again, Merlin holds up a hand and steps back just enough to prove a point. He ignores the way Arthur looks horrified at the bruising on his wrist and swallows. “I can walk.”

“Merlin…”

“We’ll be faster this way,” Merlin argues.

Arthur takes a moment but nods once more, pausing briefly before grabbing Merlin’s hand and starting to run.

“I only said I could walk, Arthur!” Merlin yells as they start moving.

“You also said you wanted to go faster!” Arthur yells back, his voice laced with equal amounts of amusement and concern.

Merlin had anticipated himself falling but he does nothing of the sort, a strange sort of strength pushing him forward, allowing him to keep up with Arthur as they sprint their way towards Camelot.

They don’t speak but they don’t need to.

If Arthur’s hand wasn’t firmly gripping Merlin’s as they ran, Merlin would have thought he was imagining this as some kind of fever dream. It just seems unreal that Arthur would search so desperately for him but he’s not complaining; if this is the reward for maintaining his end of destiny’s bargain, he’ll gladly accept it.

“Are you okay?” Arthur asks breathlessly at one point, glancing sideways.

Merlin nods, not even lying when he manages to reply, “Never been better!”

They carry on, through the forests and over the mostly deserted roads, stopping for nothing and no-one as they move, their fingers firmly intertwined as if their lives depend on it.

Eventually, the castle comes into view and the two of them share a slightly exhausted but still exhilarated grin as they somewhat carelessly navigate their way through the streets until they burst into the courtyard.

Coming to a stop, Arthur looks over to Merlin, pure relief in his expression.

Merlin sends him a lopsided grin in return.

But then the blistering pain of the last few days catches up to him and he whimpers again, his hand falling from Arthur’s as he doubles over, his body aching all over.

Agony burns and dances across his skin, creating nonsensical patterns between his wounds and connecting the dots of all his bruises. It hurts and although it's slightly better than before because his magic is trying its best to help dull his pain, it still hurts a little too much for him to bear.

“Merlin!”

He can hear Arthur’s concern but it seems that his adrenaline could only last so long.

Satisfied that he’s back in Camelot, back where he’s safe, back home, Merlin offers Arthur a soft smile before letting the soothing comfort of darkness take over, take away his pain.

He just about registers himself collapsing before he sinks into unconsciousness.

At least Arthur's there to catch him this time.

-

I legitimately haven't read this through properly so my bad if it read a bit strangely! I hope it was okay though :)

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like/reblog but please don’t repost, thanks! masterlist

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Can you do Merlin (I know again but I like reading your metas) and Harry Potter for the ask meme? 😊

5 things I’d change about Merlin:

1. Morgana’s entire arc. I briefly discussed this in the previous ask you sent where I talked about characters I couldn’t sympathise with, but I feel like Morgana’s entire arc across the series was handled terribly. The idea of Morgana transitioning from a protagonist to an antagonist was interesting and I’m perfectly happy with that, but it needed to be written so much better than it was. I think more attention needed to be given to Morgana’s internal processes and motivations. How did she change so drastically from such a compassionate and caring person to such a hardened and ruthless villain? I can’t pinpoint what specific event caused that rapid change and I think that’s the problem with Morgana. The development needed to unfold a lot slower and there should’ve been a clearly traceable line of events and growing of thoughts and feelings that led her to where she ended up. I know that she did have certain pivotal events that changed her - meeting Mordred, discovering she had magic and living with Uther’s hatred for magic, Merlin poisoning her, finding out Uther was her father and had been lying her all those years, meeting Morgause - but I still feel like none of that fully justified the sudden change in her character. I think the writing of her character in the later seasons needed to be more sympathetic and instead of reducing her to a villain, there still needed to be some level of insight into Morgana as a person. Ultimately, Morgana’s actions were driven by her desire to make magic legal, put an end to Uther’s persecution of those with magic and take her rightful place on the throne. All of that is completely understandable and even reasonable, but it gets lost in the mess of trying to make her the worst villain in the world and Merlin and Arthur’s archenemy. 

2. Arthur finds out about Merlin’s magic before the finale. We all knew from day one that Arthur had to find out about Merlin having magic at some point, but to make us wait until the very last episode was cruel and a pretty poor decision. There was so much development involved in Arthur discovering Merlin’s secret. It was the one massive barrier that was constantly between them and by making Arthur find out in the finale, they had to cram an entire season’s worth of disbelief, confusion, angst and acceptance into one episode. Arthur learning about Merlin’s magic represented the turning point for him. Already throughout the series we saw that he didn’t hold the same harsh beliefs that Uther did about magic and that he was a lot more open minded and forgiving than his father. To find out that Merlin had magic would’ve completely turned his world upside down and make him question the beliefs, morals and principles he’d carried his entire life. The prophecy of Merlin and Arthur creating a golden age never truly happened because it couldn’t happen as long as Arthur was in the dark about Merlin’s magic. It’s only through finding that out and coming to accept Merlin’s magic as being part of who he was that the two of them could’ve truly become a partnership and worked towards building a better and brighter kingdom. It’s only through understanding Merlin’s struggles and experiences with magic that Arthur could’ve come to make the decision to make the practice of magic legal in Camelot and stop the persecution of those that practised it. The central conflict throughout Merlin is essentially one between those with magic and those without it, and Merlin and Arthur are the embodiment of that. Arthur is the king, he’s the one with the power to govern the kingdom and make the laws that Camelot lives by, he doesn’t have magic and has an ingrained prejudice against those that do that’s passed down to him from Uther. Then there’s Merlin, the most powerful warlock of all time that has so much magic yet is completely powerless when it comes to making the decisions that impact the kingdom. Like the show said, they were two sides of the same coin and only together could they bring the peace and balance between magical and non-magical people. But as I said above, in order to do that Arthur needed to know everything and have his eyes opened to the fact that magic was not the enemy, and that if it hadn’t been for Merlin’s magic he would’ve been dead in the pilot and the entire kingdom would’ve fallen to ruin. 

3. ARTHUR LIVES, Gwaine lives, Lancelot lives, everybody lives! I appreciate that Arthur’s death was temporary and there’s some level of comfort to take from that, but it still felt like everything that happened was for nothing. All of the blood, sweat, tears shed and sacrifices, pain and devotion Merlin endured to protect Arthur and fulfil their destinies felt utterly pointless. I don’t even care if it’s too idealistic and too much of a fairytale ending, the finale should’ve been Arthur and Merlin side by side in the castle looking out over Camelot, the sun setting in the sky and Kilgarrah narrating that they fulfilled their prophecies and it truly was the beginning of a golden age of Albion. Killing Arthur was unnecessary and a very unsatisfying and devastating conclusion to the story. The only ending that would’ve made sense to me is Merlin and Arthur together at the end, having overcome all the obstacles and evil they’d faced and created a united Camelot where magic was able to thrive in a new way, with the future ahead of them and endless possibilities for all the good they’re going to do together. As for Gwaine and Lancelot, I think they both should’ve survived until the end. Gwaine’s death was even more unnecessary than Arthur’s, there was just no impact or reason for it. I’ve always loved Lancelot and think he was killed way too prematurely, and should’ve been a part of the round table. I also disliked the way he was resurrected by Morgana to be used against Arthur and would completely scrap that plot.

4. Merlin and Morgana’s relationship. By this, I don’t mean I think Merlin and Morgana should’ve had a romantic relationship, but I think there was sooo much potential where Merlin and Morgana were concerned. Just as Merlin and Arthur’s destinies were entwined, so were Merlin and Morgana’s, and I think there were so many layers to their relationship that could’ve been explored. Morgana’s number one fear was Emrys and in keeping her in the dark about Merlin being Emrys, it simplified the storyline a lot and made something that could’ve been incredibly interesting pretty boring. I think Morgana should’ve definitely learned about Merlin’s magic before Arthur and that Merlin should’ve been there to try and help her adjust and teach her about how to control her magic. I also think that Morgana’s transition to the dark side could’ve involved Merlin a lot more with Morgana trying to turn Merlin against Arthur by preaching that Arthur would never accept him for who he really was and that only with her on the throne would they ever truly be free and magic not be a crime. This could’ve also provided some interesting development for Merlin with him being genuinely torn between his loyalties to Arthur and Morgana, and his desire to protect Arthur and maintain his duties to Camelot and his want to be free and for magic to have free reign too. By maintaining that friendship between Merlin and Morgana for longer, it also would’ve created much more conflict when Morgana found out that Merlin was Emrys. This would also tie into the first point I discussed about Morgana’s arc, because it would’ve kept Morgana more human by building on that relationship with Merlin and having her connect with the protagonist on a deeper level. It also would’ve complicated her role as a villain, because she would still have loyalties and affection for Merlin. Whether or not that relationship could’ve gone to the romantic level, I really don’t know. I’m not a Mergana shipper, but I’m not opposed to it either. I think it would’ve worked incredibly well whether it remained a friendship or if it turned into a romance. 

5. Gwen and Arthur have a baby. This is quite a simple one in comparison to the others, but I always felt like Gwen should’ve been pregnant at some point on the show. I don’t think it necessarily would’ve made sense for the baby to be born in the middle of the series because it would’ve detracted from the main story, but there definitely should’ve been an announcement that Gwen was pregnant in the last season. The reason for this is that it would’ve been a huge celebration of the continuation of Arthur’s family line and provides a nice image of a future with mini Arthur’s and Gwen’s, but also it would’ve been another huge milestone that Arthur and Gwen had overcome after facing so many obstacles and being told that their love could never be. 

5 things I’d change about Harry Potter:

1. REMUS, SIRIUS AND DOBBY LIVE. I understand that death is part of life and in a series like Harry Potter where there’s an actual war there’s inevitably going to be casualties but not Sirius and Remus. Sirius was killed way too prematurely and still had so much to offer. He’s one of the best written and complex characters in the series and would’ve added so much to the story if he’d have lived. It’s exactly the same with Remus. He was such an interesting character that was an unnecessary sacrifice and I will never accept that Teddy had to grow up an orphan just like Harry. It’s too tragic. As for Dobby, why would anyone ever want to kill Dobby? It’s too sad and although I do think his death is effective in evoking the kind of emotion JKR wanted us to feel, I just love Dobby too much and can’t help but wish he’d lived. Also, poor Hedwig too. Let her live. Poor baby.

2. The entire epilogue. I’m pretty sure every HP fan will agree with me on this one. The epilogue in Deathly Hallows was just so awful. After everything that happened to write such a wishy washy happy ending like that was ridiculous. It wasn’t necessary for us to know that and it would’ve been so much more effective if what came afterwards was left to the readers’ imagination and interpretation. We were already given a happy ending with the defeat of Voldemort and there really wasn’t any need for JKR to take it that step further. 

3. Snape’s entire arc. As a writer myself, I can just feel that not much thought was put into Snape’s character. JKR wanted to create a villain that wasn’t really a villain but failed spectacularly. The idea that Snape was always on Harry’s side and protecting him behind the scenes completely undermines his behaviour and actions across the 7 books. And his reasoning being that he was in love with Lily just has no weight to it. Is he really so pathetic that he spent the rest of his life obsessing over a woman who never wanted him and married another man, and waded into her son’s life because he somehow felt that brought him closer to her? There’s just something incredibly disturbing about it and it’s a weak character arc. 

4. The general portrayal of villains - particularly Voldemort and the Malfoy’s. JKR has tried to defend herself numerous times about the way she wrote the houses, with the general opinion being all Gryffindors are pure hearted heroes and all Slytherins are evil whilst Ravenclaws are somewhere in the background reading and Hufflepuffs just go with the flow. JKR falls into the trap of using stereotypes and makes her villains one dimensional. Voldemort is the obvious example here. What made him become so utterly evil? I mean, there really is nothing redeemable about him yet from flashbacks we learn that he was a pretty normal, even charming child. What could possibly cause that drastic turn to the dark side? The idea of wanting to create horcruxes does not in itself mean he was evil, in fact, it’s pretty in-keeping with the ambition associated with Slytherins - he wanted to be as powerful and strong as he possibly could be. Yet the moment he learned what had to be done to make it happen why didn’t he decide against it? Why did human life mean less to him than being immortal? Draco is another example. Draco is arguably one of the most intriguing characters in the series, but his struggles are not gone into in enough depth. Obviously, there’s restrictions with how far JKR was able to go with it since the books are from Harry’s POV, but just how I discussed Morgana and Merlin’s relationship, Harry and Draco’s relationship had a very similar dynamic and could’ve been built upon so much more to make the story even more interesting. Even though Draco was supposed to be Harry’s archenemy, there’s a bond there between the two boys, a sense of familiarity and obligation that means when Harry first understood the extent to which Draco was involved with Voldemort it could’ve create so much more conflict than we got. JKR did go there, but she just didn’t take it far enough. Similarly, the rest of the Malfoy’s are portrayed as being evil but why? You’ll notice that I’m one of those people that just can’t accept someone being evil and the only explanation being because they are. Very few people are actually born evil, only psychopaths, but surely all of these villainous characters can’t be psychopaths? So what is their drive? What went so wrong in their past that they behave this way? In my opinion it is so hard to write a realistic and strong antagonist and JKR is one of the many writers that fails to do any villain justice. 

5. The time-turner. Although the time-turner was great in that it allowed Harry and Hermione to save Sirius and Buckbeak, the introduction of time travel completely detracts from the entire story. I saw this meme years ago: 

and distinctly remember laughing out loud because it’s so true. JKR can preach whatever philosophical crap she wants about how messing with time could have disastrous consequences and that’s why they couldn’t use the time turner for any other purpose, but with the power to time travel why wouldn’t the characters simply go back and change the key events in their lives that they want to erase? Why wouldn’t Harry go back to the night his parents were killed to save them and kill Voldemort for good in the process? Any rational human would and say to hell with the consequences. From Harry’s perspective there was nothing to lose in doing that, in fact, it would solve all of his life’s problems. It’s just ridicilous that McGonagall would give such a powerful and potentially earth destroying object (if it fell into the wrong hands) to a young teenage girl just so she can take on extra classes. There is no logic in it and there is no satisfying or adequate reason as to why Dumbledore thinks it’s perfectly okay to go back in time to save Buckbeak and Sirius but that it would be abhorrent to use it for any other reason. 

Wow, so that’s it. Sorry this got so long, I really wanted to put a lot of thought into it. It’s so hard to narrow it down to just 5 things and to cast my mind back to the entire series to recall what I didn’t like. For Harry Potter I was going to say I’d change all of the romances, but then the point about the epilogue kinda does that for me. Anyway, thanks for asking again, Tasneem, you know how much I love writing these kind of metas! :)

[glatisants]

Albion: The Legend of Arthur (Closing Thoughts)

I’m gonna start with some really general, spoiler-free notes on what I liked, what did and didn’t work, the characterization choices, and that kind of thing. Further down will a more specific discussion of the story and writing decisions and such, and that will get into more spoilery territory.

also before I get into my subjective opinions about the series, I want to say that this should be taken with a tremendous grain of salt, given that

I am probably not the best person to ask for lit recs in general, given that my favorite piece of Arthurian lit is unironically, wholeheartedly The Dream of Rhonabwy;

My standards for audio media are probably lower than most people’s—I used to listen to 1940s radio for fun and that has absolutely numbed my palate;

I’m a little biased, in that I think Owain/Ywain is sort of underrepresented in Arthurian media, and as such I get irrationally excited whenever he’s included as a character in anything, however loose that characterization may be (my caveat, though, is that I strongly dislike the real historical Owain mab Urien; I want a cool Owain/Ywain who is also very obviously fictional).

***

All in all, I liked it, but I’m not sure I liked it as an Arthurian adaptation. Something like this is kind of a departure for me—honestly, I’m not usually a fan of Arthurian adaptations that do away with the Round Table and make Arthur a 5th century warlord. Legendry, and particularly Arthurian legends, can be this very odd thing, in that it lies in this liminal space between pure mythology and, like, history fanfiction, and honestly that makes me very uncomfortable.

I get the sense that the writers’ main sources were mainly “chronicle”-type things and Welsh bardic poetry—things like Nennius, Aneirin, Taliesin, Geoffrey of Monmouth, maybe Layamon’s Brut, and possibly the Welsh Triads and the Mabinogion. When certain familiar narrative elements are stripped away—no Round Table, no Grail, no courtly love—it can be difficult to reconcile that with more traditional takes on Arthuriana. Still, it’s not like I’m an expert on adaptational integrity, and I know modern authors do weirder takes all the time. And some things—such as the sword in the stone, and the idea of a Round Table—are hinted at in a way that are tailored to the more “grounded” nature of the story, while still capturing the ideas that live behind the symbols. And magic and fantasy do enter the story, in a deeply satisfying way, even as the story is largely focused on politics and warfare.

The gritty, “realistic” setting of Dark Ages Wales can be a dealbreaker for some people; honestly, I’ve felt that way before. I did appreciate it wasn’t overly violent, and there wasn’t any rape/sexual assault—there is one scene where a character is implicitly threatened by a group of Picts (but to put it mildly, things turn out well for her), and in the final episode one character is almost forced into an unwanted political marriage, but those are the only moments I can think of. And the series as a whole ended up being more optimistic than I thought it would be. The main themes are that hope is a beacon that lights the way into the future, and that stories are powerful and immortal (a bit cheesy, perhaps, but I love that sort of thing).

Characterization Notes

Gwenhwyvar—I absolutely loved this take on Gwen; something about the way she was written just hit perfectly for me. She was incredibly clever, perceptive, and protective of her people above all else; she was serious, astute and pragmatic, but also kind and gracious. She commanded an army, and yet always approached conflicts with the priority of peace.

I’m not usually a fan of Warrior Princess Gwen because it can remove a lot of the subtlety of her character, but that problem didn’t come up here; they make a point of showing how she’s underestimated by her peers and uses this fact to her advantage in order to wield her power discreetly. But when she met for political negotiations with councils of men, they always spoke as equals, with nothing but respect for her.

Arthur—Honestly, he fell flat for me compared to the other characters, and I felt like I couldn’t get a good sense of him. Arthur can be a tricky character to write, because there’s this inherent need to make him stand out as a heroic figure, and that usually entails either seeing him eye to eye or elevating him to great heights; either he’s written as someone someone people can emotionally connect to and see in a personable way, or he is extraordinarily capable and thus untouchable. Here, I think that the pathos was largely found in characters like Anna and Owain, and that untouchable capability in Gwenhwyvar, and it seemed perfectly natural that the focus would move away from Arthur and towards them as the series progressed.

Honestly this might have been intentional—one of the points we’re left with by the end is the idea that Arthur grew to be far more than he ever could have realistically been, and that the hope he inspired was the reason he lived on in the stories, rather than who he might have been as a person.

Medraut—I found him a bit underdeveloped, and that was a shame—I really wish we’d gotten to see more of him. There were some mentions of his past friendship with Arthur, but that tension was hardly felt until they finally met in battle; I think there could have been a lot of potential there, and besides, he was a fun character. He was charismatic and affable, manipulative and petty, stuck on nursing old grudges; but he was also without friends, family or country, completely alienated and digging himself into a deeper ditch with every move he made. 

Owain—Genuinely uncertain how I feel about this characterization! He was intelligent, good-hearted, courageous, caring, and thoughtful; he was extremely likable, and I found that…a bit odd, honestly. I can’t really articulate my thoughts further than that. 

Others: Myrddin—this is the only take on Merlin I’ve ever genuinely liked. He’s such a nuisance and just beautifully weird. Aergol—I found him really interesting, and I was actually a little surprised by how much he grew on me by the end. Cynon—I found him such a tragic, miserable character, equal parts contemptible and heartbreaking. 

Room For Improvement

The pacing mostly fine, but a little bit odd in places—I felt like the final act could have used a bit more buildup.

Audio coherence could’ve been better during some of the action scenes—there were definitely a few parts where I was not totally sure what was supposed to be happening. Most of the time it didn’t bother me, but when it’s something like Arthur facing off against Medraut, that should be a dramatic high point, and I want focus and clarity; otherwise, whatever is trying to be conveyed will inevitably come across as anticlimactic.

I might’ve liked to see music used in more interesting ways, bc it can be really integral to effective sound design. There were a couple scenes where it was used really well (the leadup to the Battle of Badon, for instance), and I would’ve loved more of that.

I don’t know if this was supposed to be an intentional choice, but I could not take the Saxon characters seriously at all—they were performed in such an over-the-top way that they made me laugh more than anything else. The other characters were portrayed very well, I found the voice acting quite strong, so the sheer oddness of the Saxons stood out to me.

***

Okay spoilers below

I was all about Anna’s storyline and I think it was one of the strongest parts of the series. I loved the idea of this woman, killed unjustly for fiercely clinging to her ideals in spite of tremendous pressure, finding strength in her fallen ancestors and rising again as a powerful enchantress determined to seek revenge. It felt right for her, totally cathartic, and I was glad that she was treated so sympathetically.

I tried not to think about it too deeply, but I think I saw her as sort of a Morgan/Morgause composite; obviously the name Anna is associated with Morgause, and she’s linked with Lewdwn (aka Lot) of Gododdin, but her transformation to enchantress led her to call herself Morgan.

It was pretty clear that Owain had feelings for Arthur, but I sort of wish it was a little less implicit (fyi for people who haven’t read the other recaps, they’re the same age and not related in this). Like, I guess they were involved in a major plot point that was a pretty clear allusion to Achilles and Patroclus, and other characters kept mentioning rumors about them, but the most direct reference we got was Arthur confessing to Gwen that they had been together briefly when they were kids, and while Arthur never loved him, he had never thought to ask Owain how he felt. By the end, you kind of get the sense that Owain’s main motivation all along has been this love/loyalty, but it’s done in such a subtle way it leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and the fact that there was so much in their dynamic that went unspoken just exacerbates that.

I wasn’t sure how to read the ending and especially the final line. What I’m going with—just my personal interpretation—is that both Anna and Owain are stuck somewhere between life and death, possibly in a literal way as well as a figurative one. One of the recurring themes is, like, legendry as a means of resurrection and even immortality; legends are a place between life and death, where the dead are made immortal to walk among the living. So by the end, both of them have come to see firsthand how legends are made, and have become people tied to the liminal space of legendry, and thus belong to neither world.

I say this could be in a literal way as well as a figurative one bc Anna was given new life both through a physical transformation and the stories people would tell about her, and possibly some combination of both. And I think this could apply to Owain as well—maybe when he chose to take on the mantle of Arthur, he and his bronze sword somehow joined that part of the Otherworld with Anna and Merlin, and he became the proverbial King Asleep in the Mountain. But that might be a bit of a stretch. 

***

That’s all I have to say about this. I think the combined word count of all these posts could be a full-fledged novella, so thank you for your patience and for reading!

[terapsina]

       a pebble that’s dropped in a different pond (morgana & gwen fic)

(after realizing how much I wished that Morgana had told Gwen instead of Merlin about her magic I realized that I actually wanted to write it. So I did. Be warned that this is a friendship fic... though it doesn’t have anything to preclude it from being a romance (except like one sentence at the very end) so if you read it as such I really won’t mind.)

- ao3 -

She has magic.

It’s the only thing running through her head. On repeat. Again and again that thought comes and she flinches under its unmerciful glare every time.

Merlin is staring at her. His eyes wide and that guileless expression clearly urging her to tell him what has brought her in the middle of the night running for Gaius’ chambers in nothing but her nightgown.

“You can trust me, Morgana.” Merlin says and she almost tells him, almost blurts it out. “You know you can.”

Her mouth opens and that damning sentence is on the tip of her tongue ‘I think I have magic’.

She does know. Merlin is a good man, yes, but so is Arthur and she’s seen him lead dozens of sorcerers to their deaths. And she knows Merlin so much less well than she knows the boy she grew up besides.

It’s true that Merlin helped her save the Druid child. She knows he doesn’t hate magic in the same deep seeded way that the people of Camelot do. But there’s a difference between protecting a child they’ll never see again and lying to the king every day, lying to the crown prince every day.

She can’t afford to trust Arthur’s manservant that much. No matter that he’s nearly a friend.

“Nothing. It’s… nothing. I just had a bad dream, that’s all.” She smiles at him, trying to make it look genuine.

“Oh… alright.” Merlin answers, though she sees that he clearly doesn’t believe her. “Goodnight, my Lady.”

“Goodnight Merlin.” She says without the tremor that was in her voice minutes ago, her composure returning now that she’s decided to pull it back over her shoulders with an ease that’s years practiced. She turns around and starts walking back to her chambers, forcing herself not to run.

As soon as she turns a corner her politely pleasant expression breaks apart and she hurriedly wipes at her cheeks with her hand.

She can’t tell Merlin but she doesn’t know what else to do, Gaius’ sleep potions do nothing, they’re useless against the nightmares- against the visions. They did nothing to stop her window from exploding or her vase from shattering.

She has magic and she can’t keep it contained. She doesn’t know how. Any day now she’ll find herself burning alive, whether it’s inside her own rooms because she lost control again or under her chamber’s windows in the palace square.

Her chest aches with new terror as her breathing grows shallow and her heart starts beating against her rib cage. But she’s almost to her rooms now and so she forces herself to walk past the two guards stationed near the entrance after yesterday’s events without falling apart. Leaving in the middle of the night to see Gauis after waking from a nightmare isn’t unusual for Lady Morgana, having a panic attack in front of them would be, and she can’t afford to be brought before Uther like this.

Her hands shake as she opens the door and slips inside, she hopes they take it for a shiver, the castle is cold at night and she forgot to pull a cloak over her shoulders when she left.

As soon as the door slides shut she falls against it and crosses her hands over her stomach, pressing against it, bends over trying to gasp down some air. It doesn’t help.

She can’t- can’t breathe.

And she can’t call for help, already she feels that same feeling starting to buzz in her veins, she’s about to either fall unconscious or do something worse and she can’t call for help.

There’s no one, no one here she can trust. No one here she can tell this to. No one that can help her.

‘Help me, please help me, someone please, please help me.’

And then she sees that Gwen’s maidservant room has the door half open and remembers that there is someone. Gwen keeps it closed when she’s not there, it’s only open when Gwen spends the night here instead of at her home down in the village, so that she can hear if Morgana calls her. Gwen doesn’t usually stay, but Morgana’s ‘nightmares’ have gotten bad during the past few weeks and she knows that Gwen’s been worried about her, had decided that it might be better if there was someone around to wake her if she started screaming in the middle of the night.

She stumbles back to her feet and, still hyperventilating, moves for the one person that she trusts to help without calling for half the castle first.

“Gwen.” Morgana whispers, her voice choked and desperate. “Gwen!”

She pulls the door open all the way and calls her friend’s name again.

In moments Gwen is awake and at Morgana’s side. Eyes worried and hands warm and grasping Morgana’s face.

“Breathe, my Lady.” Gwen commands at once. “Slow, deep breaths. Morgana, breathe with me!”

But Morgana just shakes her head.

“In-” Gwen says putting Morgana’s hand over her chest and urging her to follow her example “-and out.”

“In-” Gwen repeats as Morgana gasps in a breath and tries to hold it, her chest burns, and the thing in her veins is rising to the surface as she tries to hold it back, but it’s like oil in boiling water, stubbornly trying to rise to the top. She clenches her eyes closed. “-and out.”

“In-” She breathes in and at the back of her mind chants it; ‘In. In. Keep it in. Please stay in.’ "-and out.”

Every candle in Gwen’s room lights up at once and Morgana freezes in place even as she exhales a shuddering breath. Her eyes open and connect with Gwen’s and she sees her startle out of her worry.

“What-?” Gwen face twists in confusion and the beginning of fear, looking around for the source of the obvious magic.

Morgana sits frozen and helpless and tries to think, to say something, anything to stop Gwen from figuring it out, from realizing that her friend is just like the monster that got her father killed. Like the monsters that come to terrorize Camelot nearly every month it seems.

She could scream, could look over Gwen’s shoulder and pretend to see something, could lie about an intruder that vanished before Gwen had a chance to turn around.

She could,- but…

But she has no more strength for a lie tonight. She’s tired and scared and falling apart and Gwen is her best friend, she can trust her best friend, can’t she?

She doesn’t look away, she doesn’t scream. She waits for a moment until Gwen is looking at her again and opens her mouth and- “I think I have magic.”

She knows Gwen better than she knows Merlin, better than she knows Arthur. Gwen is the kindest person Morgana has ever met, she’s sweet and brave and good, better than any royal she knows, certainly better than Morgana herself. And still she’s never been so terrified in her life, and she doesn’t know what scares her more; that Gwen will tell Uther, or that Gwen will look at her and see only a monster.

“I have magic.” She says again as Gwen stares at her, face shocked and uncomprehending. “No one broke into my rooms yesterday, it was me, I broke the window. And my nightmares come true. And I can’t make it stop. I want to make it stop. Gwen, how do I make it stop?”

And then she really does start crying, she pulls her knees to her chest and turns her face away from Gwen’s and starts sobbing into her nightgown.

And then after a moment, a hesitant hand touches her shoulder and pulls her forward into an embrace, a hand starts running over the back of her head, slow and soothing.

“It’s alright Morgana, We’ll figure it out. I’ll help.” Gwen’s voice is a fierce whisper and the relief that blooms inside Morgana’s chest is so powerful she knows her knees would have buckled with it if she wasn’t already on the floor. “I’ll help.”

-

Gwen doesn’t know what to believe. Doesn’t know if magic is evil or not, doesn’t know where to even begin to look for those answers. She doesn’t know where the Druids are hiding, doesn’t know where to search for their help or if they would even give it to the Ward of Uther Pendragon.

But she knows this.

She knows that Morgana is not evil. She’s known her since they were children, she knows the heart that beats inside her Lady’s chest and knows there is no cruelty there.

She knows she’s not going to risk her friend’s execution. Knows she will break as many laws of Camelot as she needs to to keep Morgana safe from their King’s hatred of magic.

Guinevere was raised by her father to do the right thing whatever that may be, and to recognize what’s right whether the laws of their kingdom agreed or not.

She doesn’t know if magic is evil; she knows it to be dangerous, knows it’s power can be terrible - has seen it be terrible. But until she learned Morgana’s secret she hadn’t known that magic didn’t need to be chosen, didn’t know that you could be born with it or that someone might not have a choice in possessing it.

And she knows that no person is born evil.

So Gwen doesn’t understand magic, she’s not sure she ever will, but she doesn’t have to trust it to trust Morgana. And she certainly doesn’t have to trust it to help her friend find a way to trust herself with it.

-

The gold crown touches Queen Guinevere’s head, sunlight shimmering against its surface. There is an immeasurable sort of strength to her shoulders, a regality to her bearing that Morgana has always seen in her but which is breathtaking to behold being realized.

The Kingdom of Camelot cheers for its Once and Future Queen and Morgana celebrates alongside it.

‘Long live the Queen.’ Morgana whispers into Gwen’s mind with a joyful smile.