#because they are incapable of seeing each other in a family way

[seresinhangmanjake]

Hey! I saw you were accepting Feyd requests and I got so excited! Could you do something where Feyd and reader have been married for a little while, have been pretty stand-offish and just keeping up appearances. They get into a fight over something stupid, saying hurtful things because reader still believes Feyd is incapable of feelings. Turns out he’s really protective though and gets seriously injured saving her during an attack? Reader panics trying to help him and the feels super guilty, meanwhile Feyd is enjoying the attention.

Staining

Feyd-Rautha x reader

Notes/Warnings: It's slightly different, but I hope you like it anyway. Mentions of blood and death. Smut so 18+. I'm sure there's typos. I think that's it.

Words: 4100

Feyd-Rautha Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag list

“You’re heartless”—that’s what you spit at him after watching him rip apart another family right before your eyes. 

He slaughtered a man for a petty crime, and then you had to watch what would become of the wife and children. 

He gave them options, of course. He presents all of them with a choice: to be servants for his House or to fight for survival in the slums of Giedi Prime. For the mother, it likely means you’ll have a new handmaid. For the boys, they will be trained so they can one day face off in the arena. Either way, it's no life.

As he announced the options for their future, you couldn’t look away from her: the woman whose husband lay at her feet, the blood drained from his body as she attempted to shield her two young sons behind her small frame. You watched her kind eyes go permanently wide out of shock. She needed to answer your husband’s question, give a response to his merciful offer, but she couldn’t. Nothing on her moved save for the grip she had on her boys, which only tightened the longer she stared at her dead lover. 

You knew what would happen to them. Your husband found her silence and inability to snap out of her trace irritating. She would make a poor handmaid if she could not listen. The boys, however, could still make fine warriors—guaranteed entertainment a few years down the line. 

So he separated them. Allowed the guards to pry them away from their mother’s fingers—who left her state of shock behind only when she felt them being ripped from her hands—before dragging them to cells with tears streaming down their round cheeks. 

Their mother collapsed to the floor by her dead husband. His blood soaked her skirts. You didn’t know how a man could do this to his own people for something as simple as the theft of some food, but he does, and often. Then he had her thrown out, back to the slums where she came from. 

She’ll never see her boys again. If you know your husband, he will likely one day force the two to face off with each other in the arena. After all, that’s where his uncle finds entertainment, and your husband will do anything to please the old man. 

Long after his guards have departed with the woman, you’re still staring at the body on the floor. The red around him is congealing. If you run your finger through it, the digit will return sticky and thickly coated. He’ll stain your skin. He’ll stain through your skin onto your insides. He’ll never come off. 

He’s like your husband, you think. Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen stained you, and impressively, he didn’t even have to touch you to achieve that. Simply being in his presence was enough to leave his mark, and you’re in his presence plenty, just not how you imagined you would be when you married him. You imagined being in his bed. You imagined kisses and loving caresses and sweet words—that kind of staining. But you were a naive girl when your parents dropped you off on this planet, and you quickly learned how to be a woman; a woman whose husband only uses her for formality’s sake. 

You don’t know why you have to be by his side for this, though, but he always ensures that you are. The two of you…a solidified front to the world, as if you agree with the choices he makes and the punishment he doles out to those who don’t deserve it.

So that’s why you say it. Because you’re tired of this, tired of being silent, hating the idea that your silence might lead him to think the two of you are on the same page; that you’re a team. 

“You’re heartless.”

His head whips to you. “Heartless…” His voice around the word is vile; thick and rich like the blood on the floor. With a few steps in your direction he is in your space and you clasp your hands in front of you, fingers squeezing tightly to keep yourself from running off. He stares down at you, a luminous blue that you found so stunningly gorgeous when you first met him now a pair of frozen icicles stabbing into your skull. “I’m heartless?”

Your swallow is rough. Dry and scratchy. 

“I’m not the one who steals from his neighbors. I’m not the one who risks leaving his wife alone for the rest of her life,” he says. “They know the laws. They know the consequences.”

“And the woman? She deserves to be alone, rotting away in poor living conditions because of his choice? Her children deserve to die for your entertainment?”

“You take issue with how I handle things?”

“Yes.”

Feyd’s back teeth clench. His jaw sets in a sharp line. “Another reason for you to hate me then,” he grits out.

You blink. Your lips part. Another reason? You don’t have multiple reasons, and there’s certainly nothing you’ve done to indicate that you do. You used to hate that he didn’t, and doesn’t, care about you, but you’ve never said a word about it. You’ve never bothered him about sleeping in separate rooms or asked him to give you anything of himself. This—his treatment of his people in situations like this one—isn’t another reason. It’s the reason. 

“You could deal with these matters differently,” you say.

His fingers form balls at his sides. His mouth opens. It closes. He shakes his head and walks past you but pauses before he is completely out of your peripherals. “This is how things are done here,” he says. “You’ve been my wife for five months now. You need to get used to it.”

—

You don’t get used to it. You don’t get used to it because he doesn’t demand you be by his side at his executions anymore. Not after that day. 

You’d never spoken up before that moment, and it cost you what little interaction you had with your husband, which you despise to say was precious. You may not love him, and at times hate him, but he is the only thing you have on this planet. Little as you spoke to one another before, you held onto it because no one else gives a damn about you. Not that he does either, but at least he would give you a word or two. His brother and the Baron don’t bother, leaving you to Feyd to decide what to do with and when to do it. 

However, you imagine they didn’t expect that he would never touch you, and based on the way they watch you and Feyd when you’re forced to join the Harkonnen’s for dinner, you imagine they’re now aware that whatever was between you—minute as it was—is gone. He doesn’t even call on you for formal events. He no longer cares about showing a unified front to the other Great Houses. But you do.

You know what reputation means to the Harkonnens, and regardless of how you feel about the history of Feyd’s choices, you’re not willing to present your life on Giedi Prime as a failure. The two of you are too young for whispers to spread among influential families of a tainted marriage, a crack in the system. You don’t need questions floating about in regards to a unification that will not result in an heir. The end of the Harkonnen line, they’ll say, as Rabban, much older than your husband, has yet to choose a wife. How unfortunate, they’ll slyly mutter around the rims of their champagne glasses. And you’re not ready for that. 

So, with the exception of executions, you attend the events your husband does not invite you to anymore. You make sure your face is seen, especially when most vital. At his meetings, at his fights in the arena, and at Harkonnen parties such as this one. 

People enjoy themselves here. Shockingly, a few strong drinks eases the tension between Houses, and Giedi Prime has the strongest drinks of them all. It’s a tactic. A genius one, if you’re honest. The Baron invites his guests and gets them in a good mood and strikes deals one cannot go back on. Brilliant. Something you might have thought of yourself if your husband let you share your thoughts; thoughts you have plenty of. But no one cares how you would rule this planet if you had a say in its future.

You watch the Houses mingle about. You watch them laugh and dance. You watch them watch your husband. You watch them watch you. You watch the wheels turn in their alcohol-addled brains. You roll your eyes at what he doesn’t see. 

Ungluing yourself from your designated spot, you step up the staircase that leads to the Harkonnen men, your husband and his brother flanking the throne the Baron sits upon. You don’t think to speak to any of them; you didn’t break away from your assigned location for words. Instead, for all to see, you reach up to cup Feyd’s cheek and turn his head toward you for the first kiss since the day of your wedding. A gentle brush of lips. A buzz more engulfing than any drink could offer.

He freezes, and when you pull back his lips are still parted. His eyes open slowly and he stares down at you in awed confusion. How he doesn’t understand why you’ve done what you’ve done is just short of bewildering, but it doesn’t seem to click. 

“You–”

“I’m going to retire for the night,” you tell him. You’ve been at this party long enough, and the guests have now seen what they needed to see. Not to mention, their tipsy state means they’ll soon forget any thoughts they have about you until morning. They’ll stop searching for your presence. 

You don’t wait for your husband’s nod of approval. You’re pretty sure he doesn’t care where you are at any given time anyway, so you descend the staircase and exit the grand room into the hall that leads to your bedroom.

The echo of footsteps follows and you’re bold enough to believe it could be Feyd before a blade is pressed against your throat from behind. For a moment, you think it still might be your husband—retaliation for the kiss that re-sparked a feeling you’ve been trying to ignore since you married him—but the voice in your ear is feminine. 

“He killed my husband, my Lady,” the voice says, and you instantly remember her. It’s been two months but nothing could make you forget the look in her eyes. “I want my sons.”

You swallow hard. The blade nicks your throat from the additional force. A droplet trickles down your neck. “I can’t return your sons to you,” you tell her, at the same time questioning how she infiltrated such a secure place. But you suppose with the number of guests, slipping in would not have been the most difficult of challenges. 

You wince at the deepening cut. Your heartbeat quickens, doing little to aid in stopping the blood seeping from your wound. “You’re the na-Baronness.”

“I have little power here.”

“I don’t care!” she shouts, her words bouncing off the walls. “I want my boys,” and you think now she’s crying. Her tone alters. Something catches in her throat. “What’s happened to them?”

You don't wish to tell her, but you’re in no position to deny her requests. “They’re alive and well,” you say, which isn’t a complete lie. The Baron prefers strong, well-fed fighters—the duels last longer that way. 

“I want them back!”

“As much as I would like to, I cannot give them back to you. It’s not my decision.”

“Then I’ll take you from him,” she spits. “The way he took mine.”

You must’ve put on a grander show than you expected with that kiss because she seems to fully believe that your death would matter to him. But you know he won’t blink an eye. He might even thank her. Reward her by reuniting her with her sons, though unlikely. 

“He won’t care,” you tell her. 

“I have seen him, my Lady. He will care,” she says, and you don’t know how she could possibly come to that conclusion or why. It’s not as if the people of Giedi Prime sense a kind capability from the Harkonnens. “He will–”

She chokes. The blade trembles then drops from your neck. You quickly glance down to find Feyd’s knife deep in her side. 

Many things are a mystery to you in that moment. Why he bothered to leave the party; why he came down this hall of all halls, especially when his room resides in another; and why he pierced her side rather than go for the neck, which would have instantly ended her. His mistake. An uncharacteristic mistake.

The woman whips around, freeing you, and you stumble out of reach. They’re a blur of battling bodies as you get your footing, but then it catches up with you—the pain. Your hand goes to your neck and you make a little noise at the sting of your fresh wound. Your mistake. 

Feyd looks away from her in search of you for a single second. Not even. A half-second. But the woman is smaller, quicker, and the distraction is enough. Her blade slides into his abdomen. He grunts. You gasp.

He regains his focus and, by her hair, he rips her head back to expose her throat and shoves the blade through her neck. Blood spurts across his chest as he removes the weapon, and she collapses to her knees before the rest of her body flops to the floor. 

Feyd takes a shaky step back, staring down at the blade in his torso. He drops his knife and his hand goes to the hilt of the other. 

“No, don’t!” you yell, but you’re too late. He jerks the blade out and it clatters on the ground. His palm does nothing to stop the flow of crimson. 

Rushing to him, you fall to the floor as he does. You press your hands on top of his to keep the pressure but it’s useless. “Don’t you know anything?” you mutter. “You should’ve kept the damn thing in.”

He chuckles. The bastard actually chuckles. Then his other hand raises and lands on top of yours. You think he’s trying to add more pressure, but his touch is gentle. His thumb runs over your knuckles. 

“It’s alright,” he says, and you’ve never heard his voice so devoid of depth and strength.

“No, it’s not,” you retort, irritated. 

“You still hate me?”

“Shut up!” you snap. “Help!” Yanking the black chiffon sleeve off your gown, it tears free and you ball the material to shove it against his wound. “Help!” 

Guards burst through the doors and run to you. You sigh with relief, but when you look down, your husband is paler than you’ve ever seen him. 

“Feyd…” 

You’re shoved out of the way in a second, flung to the side like a flicked-away ant, and then he’s taken from you. You watch them until he’s out of view. When you glance down at your hands, they’re stained with him. 

—

They bandaged your neck in mere minutes and you find it aggrivating that they couldn’t work as efficiently on him. You’ve been dead silent for hours now, expecting to hear screams of pain as they stitch him back together, but then you remember he’s a glutton for pain. He’s probably enjoying it, the sick bastard. But you’re not enjoying it—the waiting, the limbo. It’s torturous. 

You’ve never seen him hurt before. You’ve witnessed his skills in the arena, and not once in your seven months of marriage has someone gotten a decent slash on him. 

Guilt hits you hard as you recall that it’s your fault. That woman was skilled as well—you suppose she would be if she was raised to live where she did—but if you hadn’t made that noise, if you hadn’t distracted him, she would’ve been dead before she could do her damage. This wouldn’t have happened. 

Just then, a knock comes at your door. You speak for them to enter and a guard peeks into your room. “My Lady…” he says, and you pray you’re not about to be told your husband didn’t survive a single stab wound. “You can come with me.”

You don’t wait around for more. You hop to your feet and quickly follow through hall after hall until you’re at his room. 

“What will I see when I walk in there?” you ask. 

“He’s fine, my Lady,” he says, bowing his head to dismiss himself before returning to his post. 

Turning the knob, you edge the door open and step inside. The bed is in immediate view, but he’s not in it. He’s not in it and he should be. Not even the covers are pulled back. Maybe the guard misled you. If he were fine, surely he would be resting. 

You make your way in further. 

“You’re here.” 

Your head snaps to your right where he’s leaning against the lone table in his room, a lit orb on the wooden surface illuminating him from behind in a white glow. He’s less pale than he was; what little rosiness he once had returned to his skin. 

Clearing your throat, you say, “I was told to come.”

“Because I told them to bring you,” he says. 

Your heart pounds at the bareness of his torso, the thickness of his arms as they cross in front of his chest. It pounds in a different way, an off-kilter way, when you notice the dressings wrapped around his waist and the patch of blood that is seeping through three layers of it. 

He must see your distraction because he says, “It’s fine.” Your eyes flick back to his. A beat of silence passes between you. You’re unsure how to continue now that he’s seen the concern you have for him. “I suppose you’re disappointed.”

“Disappointed?” you repeat. “What for?”

“I’m alive.”

Your jaw drops ever so slightly. You recover as best you can before you say, “Feyd, I don’t want you to—I’ve never wanted you to–”

He holds up his hand, cutting you off. “I’m going to listen to you.”

Your brow pinches. Why did he silence you, then? “Listen to me about what?”

He takes a deep breath, an action that lifts his shoulders and has them falling heavily back down. His eyes penetrate you as they’ve always done, but the iciness is gone. “I don’t care if the people I hurt want to kill me,” he starts. “But she didn’t come to kill me; she came to hurt me by killing you. So I will listen to your thoughts when it comes to dealing with matters like that one.” He pauses, expecting a response, but you don’t quite know what to give him, so he continues. “Your voice will make fewer enemies.”

“You care about making enemies?” Since when would a Harkonnen ever care about such a thing? Especially when they are known for doing that thing so well.

“I care when they come after my wife,” he says. Pushing off the table, he leisurely steps toward you. You’re stuck to your spot. “The men of my House do not have a history of caring about their wives. They’ve never cared if their actions bring them harm, and yet, people have used our wives as pawns for revenge for centuries. Many have died to prove a point. I’m not going to let you be one of them.”

He stops only to not collide with your body. You have to look up to maintain eye contact, and when you do, his breath brushes over your lips. “Why didn’t you kill her when you could have? You stabbed her in the side. You avoided vital organs.”

“Because you wouldn’t have wanted me to kill her if I didn’t have to,” he says. “So I didn’t kill her…until I had to.”

You suck in a sharp breath. You didn’t know he was capable of such restraint. You didn’t know he had enough fragments of a heart to glue together to keep him from doing exactly as he pleases. 

His hand lands on your hip and his thumb begins to rub up and down over the curve of it. He hasn’t touched you…ever. In fact, he’s seemed over the months to deliberately avoid it. Like your skin would burn him even through the fabric of your gowns. Anytime it looked like he would try, he’d pull back before flesh grazed flesh. 

“You hadn’t kissed me since we married,” he says, so gentle in that low voice that it’s practically a whisper. It doesn’t make the heat of his breath any less intense against your skin. 

“People were watching too intensely,” you inform him. “They were thinking something was wrong between us, I could tell, and I didn’t want to give them that power over you.”

“So that was it, then?” he asks. “That’s the only reason you did it?”

“That’s–” you swallow, debating whether or not to say it, to give him more. 

“What?”

“That’s the reason I did it,” you decide to tell him, and his face shifts; his features alter in a manner you’ve never seen. He looks down to his feet. He nods and his touch disappears, and now you feel cold and you hate it. “But that’s not the only reason I wanted to do it.”

He freezes as he did before. For a moment, his chest stops rising and falling with expected breaths. When his tongue darts out to wet his lips, he raises his head. 

You can’t stop staring, even though your brain is telling you to get ahold of yourself. His mouth is so plush. You’ve always known it. It’s always done something to you. And whatever that something is, it’s more potent now that he’s so close and you can see his lips glistening in the low light. 

“Will you do it again?” he asks.

Again? You didn’t imagine he wanted you to do it the first time, or the second. The first was an obligation. The second was not exactly mutually agreed upon. But as he stands in front of you, asking, you can’t bring yourself to say no. You don’t want to say no. So you say yes, and you inch up on your toes until your lips meet his. 

Immediately, he’s yanking your body flush against his. His hand goes into your hair, and he parts his lips so they can better lock with yours. He’s good at this, and you don’t want to think about why, can’t think about why without a knot of jealousy settling in your gut that only dissipates when those hands travel down your body to the back of your thighs. You’re in the air, your legs wrapped around his waist, your lips still sealed for one second more before your back hits the mattress and he’s on top of you with his leg shoving between yours, nudging your thighs open for him. 

You don’t know the exact moment it happens, but your skirts are up to your waist and he’s inside of you, moving in and out, kissing your neck and pulling gasps from your throat, and it feels right, good, like pieces falling together. A bit of you feels guilty for that. That you can know what he’s done to people and still want to feel the pleasure of every inch that he’s giving you. You’re selfish, maybe that’s it. Maybe you’ve always been and you didn’t know it. You can’t bring yourself to care as he makes those deep noises in your ear and stains your insides.

After you’re sated, you lay there for a while with him in your arms and his arms wrapped around your waist. His head rests on your chest. You think about the things you’ve done to each other in the course of an hour and it brings a blush to your cheeks. You think about how you can’t go back and that you don’t want to. You’ve wanted this from the beginning, despite what he’s done. You expected it when you married him only to be sorely disappointed at his lack, or what appeared as a lack, of interest. You’re definitely selfish, at least when it comes to him. But you refuse to be when it comes to other matters.

“I want something from you,” you say. He hums, content. “I want us to take in that woman's boys.”

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 103: Peace and Family

How nice it was to see the Forgers go on an outing again!

A few things to notice...

I'll start with Twiyor hehehe:

This is easily my favorite panel in the chapter. They're getting closer and closer!! Loid sits first, Yor follows. She's not shy about siting next to him. Good for you, Yor! 👏

See how comfortable they are with each other? She has a soft smile and he's not pretending anything; he's just there, existing. By the way, observe their body language: Both of Yor's knees are pointing at her husband, she's also leaning slightly towards him. Twilight, on the other hand, sits at a more neutral position, still it's an open position. Notice how one of his knees is pointing at her too. And their hands are mirroring each other.

It's worth mentioning that Yor is such a good influence on Twilight. This man suffers from anxiety and it's hard for him to turn his brain off and just relax. Yor reminds him of this. She is his peace 😌

And look at Twilight being honest with his wife and admitting something very true about himself (that it's hard for him to stay still). I believe that every time Twilight is honest with Yor, they get closer. In this chapter there wasn't even a fake twiyor moment for this to happen. We're making progress!

Also, did you notice Yor teased Loid?

It is the sacred duty of a wife to tease her husband and call him old every once in a while 🤣 I'm glad Yor is finally fulfilling this fun wifely obligation 😆

All joking aside, it's pretty obvious Yor feels much more comfortable with Loid now. When they are with other people, she still gets nervous, probably because she thinks she could mess up and blow their cover. However, when they are alone, she seems much more relaxed and able to make comments like this that show that she trusts Loid enough to joke with him, to tell him in between lines that she notices things about him (just as he notices everything about her) and that she worries about him too.

Endo is a master of "show, don't tell" and he's been showing us how Twilight and Yor are getting closer little by little. It's in every detail: their body language, the way they talk to each other, the words they use, how they see each other.

Another example in this chapter? Twilight is incapable of saying "no" to his wife hehehe.

Yup, he still has that shoujo filter attached to his eyes when it comes to Yor.

Now that we have overanalyzed Twiyor, it's time for some crazy theories.

This could be important!

Don't you find it funny that each gave a different answer according to their experience?

Yor feels lonely, because she doesn't feel like she's normal enough to belong to society and it's hard for her to make friends.

Twilight got separated from his his herd. His family and friends died and he had to go to a different country, where he is scared and feels in constant danger just like Belle.

AND ANYA?! I'm wondering if this is a clue. I'm wondering if Anya is a missing person, meaning someone is looking for her, whether it's Project Apple or her biological family.

Talking about Project Apple, we seem to get crumbs every once in a while. I believe it's still too early to get an arc that will actually involve Anya and Project Apple together, but we'll know more as the story moves forward. It's a good sign that Project Apple is in Twilight's mind; he has good instincts for this. We may see him or Yor get involved with it in one of their missions before we learn Anya's past. OR either of her parents may discover what Project Apple is really about without knowing one of the test subjects is their own daughter.

Something that Anya has said several times is that her parents are dangerous people. It's easy to forget about this, but it's true. Twilight and Yor are very dangerous, but not for Anya. The day they find out someone hurt their little girl, it'll be a very bad day for all the people who participated in Project Apple.

[babydollmarauders]

SWEETEST GIFT — LUKE HUGHES

luke hughes x fem!reader

12 DAYS OF KINKMAS

summary: in which Luke gives y/n the sweetest gift, resulting in an eventful christmas night

warnings: anxiety, NSFW CONTENT, praise, oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v (protected). (5k words)

notes: merry christmas and welcome to the final day of kinkmas! i hope you’ve all enjoyed these past 12 days and that everyone has a wonderful holiday! this is the longest fic of them all because apparently i’m actually incapable of writing a short luke smut…

i’m late.

it’s arguably the most important date so far in my relationship, and i’m late.

i don’t mean to be, obviously; the last thing i wanna do is make a bad first impression on my boyfriend’s teammates, but under the circumstances, it was completely out of my control.

i told my family several times that i needed to be out the door by four o’clock, and i thought they understood that. but then christmas breakfast turned into christmas brunch and gifts were opened late and then my mother insisted i stayed until my little cousins arrived and i still had to get changed and it was a chaotic mess all the way until i got out the door.

at five o’clock.

an entire hour later than i was supposed to leave.

so now here i am, having driven barefoot to my boyfriends apartment and only just now pulling my boots on, messy bun unreasonably… messy, and his gift having fallen onto the floor of my car after some definite traffic law violations in order to arrive as quick as possible.

once my boots are zipped securely on my feet, i’m leaning almost entirely over the center console, my hand patting at the passengers side floor until i finally grasp the present; a box wrapped in shiny red paper.

i quickly stumble out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me before i take off into the apartment complex. the wait for the elevator feels infinite, and the ride up even longer, but i finally reach the apartment door.

faint music drifts through the cracked open door, the sounds of multiple men talking each other overpowering the melodies that play, and i knock lightly upon the wood. after one more knock and two minutes of nobody answering, i push the door open, peeking my head in to find nobody in the entry way.

tip-toeing in, i close the door behind me, the short heels of my boots clicking against the hardwood floor as i shrug my coat off, hanging it on the overcrowded coat rack by the door before i wander further into the apartment.

i determine the source of the voices as the kitchen, but opt to veer off and drop Luke’s present off in his bedroom before i join them, as i know we won’t be exchanging gifts until after dinner. i set the gift on his bed, leaving his bedroom door open on my way out, but rather than walking into the empty hallway, i find myself colliding with a hard chest as someone leaves the restroom.

“oh shit, sorry!” i squeak, looking up to find a confused face staring back at me.

the unfamiliar man is tall, at least a couple inches taller than my boyfriend, with blue-green eyes and brown buzzed hair. he stares down at me a frown and threaded brows.

“excuse me, are you supposed to be here?” he questions, and i nod quickly, swallowing harshly as i try to push down the anxiety of meeting this new person.

i glance down the hallway in hopes that Luke will miraculously appear, but i can still hear him laughing in the kitchen, “yes, yeah! i am!”

the man narrows his eyes at me, “yeah, ‘cause that didn’t sound suspicious.”

he stalks down the hallway quickly towards the kitchen, my shorter legs following behind him.

“guys, there’s a girl over here! never seen her before!” the man calls out, his voice carrying over the sound of all the others and gaining the guys attention.

one by one i see heads peeking out from the kitchen, making me stop in my tracks. my hands shake with anxiety as they all peer back at me, some faces looking frustrated or annoyed, until finally my boyfriend emerges from the kitchen.

a small smile is painted across his lips, but it drops as he sees my nervous body languages. picking my steps back up, i walk slowly into his arms, incredibly perceptive of the amount of eyes that watch me.

“hi, angel.” Luke’s arms enclose around my waist, pulling me tight against him as he speaks.

“hi, Lukey. sorry, i’m late.” his body shakes as he chuckles, brushing off my apologies.

“it’s okay,” he assures me as i pull away, “i see you met Bass.”

i turn, my back pressing against Luke’s chest as his arm winds around to hug around my stomach, facing his teammates, who all seem a lot less menacing now that they know i’m not a crazy fangirl who found her way in.

“Bass,” i repeat, staring at the man whom i ran into. i rack my brain for a moment, trying to remember who Luke has said this man is in the past, “ah, yes, Nathan!”

Nathan nods with a smile, “you can just call me Nate or Bass, all the guys do. sorry about scaring you, didn’t realize you were Rusty’s girl.”

i bite back a laugh at my boyfriend’s hockey nickname. i’ve heard it before, but it’ll take some getting used to.

“it’s okay.”

Luke points out each friend, introducing them one by one until i’ve met all five; Nico, Dawson, John, Timo, and Nathan.

“and then you know Jack.” Luke waves his brother off, making me chuckle.

“yeah, hi, Jack.”

Jack smiles, “hi, y/n. there’s some wine in the kitchen, if you want some.”

the guys retreat to living room after Luke promises to check on the ham in the oven, guiding me into the kitchen. grabbing a wine glass from a cupboard, he fills it with a red wine before turning and leaning against the counter, handing the glass off to me.

“you look like you could use it.” he laughs, making me slap his chest in playful annoyance.

“i could! my family is batshit crazy,” i sigh, taking a big gulp of the wine before i set the glass down on the counter, “i was supposed to be here an hour ago but apparently my mother can’t tell time and lord knows i’m not allowed to leave until she deems christmas over.”

i walk myself between his slightly spread legs, dropping my forehead on his chest as i groan, “i just need food and cuddles.”

“well, i can check one thing off that list, but i can’t promise the ham will be edible, after all, Jack made it so…”

a giggle falls from my lips as i peer up into his eyes, shrugging my shoulders, “yeah, maybe i’ll stick to the mashed potatoes.”

the rest of the evening goes about as smoothly as i figured it would; i had to end up finishing the ham because i had absolutely no faith in Jack to not overcook it, the guys playfully teased Luke and told me funny stories of things he’s done on roadies or in the locker room, and we all sat around the living room and ate christmas dinner as Jack and Dawson heavily debated what the best christmas movie is.

finally, about three hours later, the guys took off to a local bar for some drinks and darts, Luke and i staying back in order to spend some alone time together.

“c’mon, i wanna give you your gift.” Luke smiles, hand slipping into mine as we rise from the couch, walking down the hallways and into his room.

he shuts the door behind us, grabbing a small, poorly wrapped present off of his dresser before we both sit on his bed.

“okay, wait, you first.” i tell him, picking the red present up off the mattress and pushing it into his hands.

my boyfriend was a bit difficult to shop for, seeing ad when he wants something, he usually just buys it. but i figured i could never go wrong by combining something he loves with one of his favorite hobbies.

he hands me my present, but i wait to unwrap it until he wraps his, rather enjoying watching him shed the paper from the box. a smile spreads across his face as he looks up at me.

“it’s a lego model of the UMich football stadium! i figured it was something for you to do over the next couple free days, or just whenever you want, but i thought it was perfect because you love building lego sets and you love michigan and-”

my ramble is cut off gently by his lips, his hand cupping my cheek as he kisses me slowly.

“i love it,” he says as he pulls away, eyes gazing straight into mine as he smiles, “it’s extremely thoughtful. maybe you can help me build it?”

i nod, leaning in to press my lips against his once more, “if you want me to, i’ll happily do so. or i’ll just keep you company as you build it.”

“that sounds great, angel. alright, you’re turn!”

i giggle at his enthusiasm, looking down at the small gift in my hands. i slowly peel the wrapping paper off, making a mental note to teach him how to wrap in the new year, until i finally unveil a velvet jewelry box.

my eyes widen, flickering up to my boyfriend in surprise, but he just gives me a small, encouraging nod.

flipping open the top, a simple yet beautiful necklace comes into view; a dainty silver chain with a tiny, minimalistic ‘L’ in the middle.

“oh my god,” i breathe out, my hand rising to my lips in shock, “Luke, this is beautiful.”

“i thought maybe you could wear it when you come to watch me play.” his cheeks blush a rosy pink as i look back up at him, obviously a bit more self-conscious now than he was merely minutes ago.

“can you put it on me?” i ask him, and he nods, taking the box from my hands in order to pull the necklace from the velvet interior.

i twist around, holding my hair up and allowing him to gently clasp the necklace around my neck. his fingers graze the back of my neck, sending shockwaves throughout my body as he makes sure the necklace is secure before he lets go, his hands smoothing over my shoulders and down my arms when he finishes.

i turn again, facing him once more as my hand reaches up to my collarbone, my fingertips running over the cool metal as i grin.

“it’s so beautiful, Lukey. i love it.” i cup his cheeks, pulling his face forward to press an excited kiss against his lips.

i kiss him breathlessly, our lips locking as i crawl into his lap, one leg on each side of his body, “i love you.”

i tense after the three monumental words leave my mouth, a heat of the moment confession that i wasn’t sure he was ready to hear; but, i know i’ve been ready to say.

“shit, you- uh- you don’t have to say it back. please, don’t feel like you have to say it if you aren’t ready. i mean, i know i was ready, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. you can take your ti-”

for the second time tonight, my words are shortened by my boyfriend’s lips against mine, a smile fighting against his facial muscles as he kisses me.

“i love you too.” he whispers.

my heart races, beating so strongly it feels as though it’s about to escape my chest, but my body relaxes, my eyes gazing into his as i sigh.

“you do?”

he nods, hands rubbing gently up my sides in comforting movements, “i do. i love you so much.”

i’m overwhelmed with relief and joy, the corners of my lips quirking up in a wide grin; absolutely bewitched by the beautiful boy in front of me.

i’m not sure what i’ve done in life to have deserved someone as kind, humorous, and caring as Luke; someone who gets me sweet, thoughtful gifts; who does anything to ease my anxiety the moment he spots the signs; who loves me for exactly who i am, and who reminds me every day that i’m gorgeous and perfect in my own way. but, i know that i’m incredibly grateful to have him in my life, and i want to share all of life’s beautiful moments with him.

my lips descend upon his, a breathy sigh blowing from my nose as my eyes flutter closed, pulling him deeper into the kiss with my grip on the back of his neck. his hands still on my waist, fingers gripping a little tighter as i begin to rock my hips slowly against his.

he groans into my lips, hands stilling my hips as he pulls away, our faces still close enough that i can feel his breath against my lips, and i whine at the loss of the delicious feeling that had begun rolling through my body.

“you gotta stop, angel.” he gulps, voice tight and shaky, “if you don’t, i’m gonna have a… situation, and i don’t wanna make you feel like you have to do anything yet.”

my skin feels hot, uncomfortable even, and i register it quickly as want.

despite the fact that Luke and i haven’t actually done anything yet, it’s not like i’m unfamiliar with being horny, or even having had sex. i just wanted to take things slow him; wanted to take time to enjoy our relationship without the physicality that’s made my past relationships messy.

i heave in a breath, my chest brushing against his, and the feeling of my peaked nipples skimming against his hard body makes me all the more aroused.

“i’m ready, Lukey.” i tell him in a breathy whine.

his eyes flicker in size, swallowing harshly before he speaks, “are you sure?”

“yes.” i nod, placing a short kiss on his lips, “i’m ready, and now is the perfect time; the apartment is empty, it’s just us two, and i love you so much.”

“if you don’t want to, i’m not pushing! i’m okay with just watching a movie or cuddling, we don’t have to do anything.” i add.

Luke’s hand cradles my face, pulling me into another kiss, “of course, i want to. you’re the most stunning, most thoughtful and sweetest girl i’ve ever met; i’d be a damn fool not to want this.”

i bite back a giggle, blood rushing to my cheeks from his affectionate words.

“but i don’t want you to feel rushed. i’ll wait as long as you want, because i don’t want you to feel like you have to sleep with me just because i said i love you.”

“i don’t feel like that.” i shake my head, the back of my hand ghosting over his cheek, “i really want this, Luke. i mean it. i feel safe with you, i trust you.”

he smiles, a divine smile that makes my heart do flips, overwhelmed with love for the pure soul that has entangled with mine in the absolute best ways.

“you trust me?” he echoes, hands sliding down to cup my ass, making me shiver in anticipation.

“mhm.”

with my hum of a response, i’m suddenly flipped over, my back bouncing onto the mattress, my hair sprawling over the pillows as my boyfriend hovers over top of me. his hot breath fans over my neck, lips pressing against my heated skin and making me sigh in contentment.

he paves a path with his lips, soft and slow, down to the collar of my sweater, the only sound in the room being my heavy pants and his wet kisses.

“Luke.” i sigh as his hands travel up my sides, sliding underneath my top. he hums against my collarbone, his thumbs grazing over my ribs until his hands cup underneath my breasts, my sweater bunched up.

chilled air hits against my stomach, my abdomen tightening in response, and i desire nothing more than to rid the layers between us.

“take it off me, please.”

he pulls away at my plea, hands shimmying my sweater up and over my head, pulling my arms free before he flings the fabric to the floor.

his eyes rake my body in silence for several moments, and i begin to feel self-consciousness creep up on me, my arms wrapping over my stomach. but he’s not having it, fingers enclosing around my wrists and pulling them away.

“uh-uh, none of that.” he whispers breathlessly, “you’re beautiful, angel. so fucking perfect.”

my cheeks flush, confidence filling me from the inside out as he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, his eyes blown out and darkened with lust.

“thank you.” he shakes his head at my response.

“don’t thank me.” he says, “if you knew the things i’m thinking of doing to you right now, you wouldn’t be thanking me.”

his words light a fire deep in my core, my panties dampening with every word that drops from his perfect lips.

“no, i think i would.” i rasp, voice low and dripping with lust, “i think i would want to thank you a million times over.”

“i need you so bad.” i confess.

my hands lock around his neck, pulling him back down to me. he kisses me in earnest, hips rolling down into mine, his quickly hardening erection pressing against my jean clad core.

i moan against him, a low guttural sound that pours out when his hands come up to massage my breasts over my padless red bra. he dips down, embedding open mouthed kisses upon my skin, leading down to my cleavage.

“can i?” he asks, fingers edging the cups of my bra, and i nod in approval.

he rolls his hips into mine again, my back arching, and he slips his hand underneath me, unhooking my bra with fumbling fingers. he pulls it off my body, once again discarding the clothing to the floor.

his thumbs circle my nipples and he watches me as my eyes fly shut, my lips parting as i let out a shaky breath in response to his actions.

“i’m the luckiest guy in the damn world.” he huffs, so quietly that i’m not sure he was even talking to me, more so whispering to himself.

“Luke, please,” i whine, “less talking, more touching.”

my words earn a melodious chuckle from his lips before he lowers his head to my chest, continuing to play with one nipple as the other gets extra attention. his tongue drags around the stiffed peak before its caught between his lips, softly sucked and grazed extra lightly by his teeth, making my body tremble.

after a few moments he switches, giving proper love to the other side. my leg hooks around his waist, hips bucking up to rub my clothes cunt against his now fully hardened erection.

my hands fist his shirt at his shoulder blades, tugging lightly.

“off,” i breathe, “i want this off. i wanna feel you.”

Luke pulls away from my breast, my nipple dropping from his mouth with a pop, and within seconds he’s leaning back, tugging the shirt over his head. suddenly it’s my turn to gape and stare.

obviously, i’ve seen him shirtless, but his body is one i’ll never tire of; the sight will forever and always make my heart beat faster, my core get wetter, and my soul sigh.

“take a picture, angel,” he winks, “it’ll last longer.”

he’s joking, but if i had my phone on me, i would.

“kiss me, please?”

i don’t have to say any more, those words enough to bring his lips back to mine, our bare chests pressing against one another. we take our time, tossing and turning in the bed, our lips rarely straying from each other’s, until i finally rid myself of my jeans, entirely too ready to move on.

“look at me,” he says, his lips dragging on my stomach as he speaks, “you trust me, yeah?”

“yes,” i nod, breath shaky, “i do.”

“i want you to relax. keep your eyes on me, angel.”

i nod again, eyes trained on his unruly mess of curls as his thumbs tuck into the waistband of my panties, his eyes lifting back to mine in await of approval. when i give him the go ahead, he’s pulling the last fabric that adorns my body down my thighs, past my calves, and throwing them onto the floor.

i lay stripped down in front of him, in a state of complete and utter vulnerability, yet too needy and love drunk to bring myself to care about the way i look.

he lays down on his stomach between my legs, making my breath hitch as his warm breath hits my wet pussy. but when i feel his tongue glide through my folds, tensing when he reaches my clit to provide pressure, that breath is released in a heavy yet quivering sigh.

my hands reach out to tangle in his curls as he slowly drags his tongue around my achingly wet cunt, flexing and flattening the oral muscle depending on where it is on my body.

“Lukey,” i pant, body shaking as his lips enclose around my puffy clit, rolling it between them lightly before letting it go.

he pulls back with a smile, juices glistening around his mouth and chin, “you think you can take my fingers, angel?”

“mhm,” i nod, “yes, please!”

he dives back in, this time picking up his pace; and not a moment later, i’m squirming, a cry of contentment echoing through the room as he pushes two fingers in, curling them up with every thrust he makes.

i’ve given up on words, relying on the sounds that fall from my lips to let him know how surreal his movements feel.

his fingers begin to scissor, adding a pleasurably painful stretch in order to help me ready for him, and at the same time, he flicks his tongue against my clit, successfully drawing my mind away from the pain and towards the immense pleasure he’s bringing me.

my stomach feels tight, pressure building with every movement of his tongue and every thrust of his fingers.

“i’m so close.” i tell him in a breathless whimper, my hips grinding down upon his face and hand.

he moans against me in response, vibrations reverberating through me, and my walls begin to tighten around his fingers, the familiar feeling of balancing on the edge of orgasm spreading through my body.

my thighs close around his head, but he just hums against me again, making my toes curl against the sheets.

“Luke, i’m gonna cum.” i warn him, voice tightly strained, my breath catching in my throat.

my body is hot and sticky, the air moist as his hand begins smoothing up and down my thigh, and i take that as the sign to let go, my legs shaking as i finally reach my release.

Luke continues to lap at my clit, while his fingers work me through my orgasm until i can’t take anymore. breath heavy and body trembling, i push his head away, his face finally emerging with wet, swollen lips and a soft smirk.

“did so good for me.” he praises, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before he hovers back over me, pressing his lips against mine.

his tongue tangles with mine, tasting salty yet a little sweet, and i moan against his lips, my hands trail down his abs to hook into the waistband of his jeans.

“you gotta wait a second, angel,” he mumbles against my lips, “don’t wanna overwork you.”

i groan, turning my head, and his lips press against my neck.

“fuck that,” i tell him, fingers fumbling with the button of his pants, “i want you now.”

“if you’re sure?” i nod quickly at his words, making him sit back.

he hastily unbuckles his belt, not bothering to take it off before he’s unzipping his jeans, kicking them off and onto the floor before he rids himself of his boxers.

his cock springs free, his tip a harsh red and precum beads at the slit, glistening in the low light of the bedroom.

leaning over to his nightstand, he digs around in the drawer for a moment before his hand emerges with a shiny foil packet. he tears the packet open, pulling the condom out and carefully sliding it onto himself, and i watch with desperate eyes as he gives himself a few tugs before turning back to me.

he hovers above me, bent on one forearm as his other hand grasps his shaft. he spreads my wetness around with his tip, sliding through my folds easily, and when he taps against my clit, my whole body aches with need.

“please.” i beg, and that’s all it takes for him to line up with my entrance, his lips connecting with mine as he slowly pushes in.

i whimper against his lips, his cock stretching me with a stinging sensation with every inch that he pushes in, and he stills, opening his eyes to peer down at me.

“are you okay?” he asks softly, petting hair out of my face gently as he speaks.

“mhm,” i nod, hands grasping at his back, “keep going.”

he does as i say, this time giving shallow thrusts in order to work himself in slowly, only taking what my body allows him until he can finally sink into me entirely. by the time he’s completely in, the stinging pain has subsided, making way for blissful pleasure, but he still stops to check again.

after my reassurance, he picks up again, thrusting properly, but still slowly. his lips press back against mine, kissing me with raw passion and love.

“faster.” i whisper against his lips.

his hips speed up into fast, deep strokes, a hand snaking down to grip my waist. my moans carry through the room, conjoining with the sounds of sex and his hips slapping against mine as my leg hooks around his waist.

gripping his back, my nails scratch into his skin, earning a groaned whine from my boyfriend as his face buries into my neck, his thrusts gaining a harshness that they hadn’t held before.

“say you love me.” he gruffs against my skin, so low that i almost didn’t hear him.

“i love you,” i breathe out, “i love you, i love you, i love you.”

his lips connect with my collarbone, each kiss broken up by a single confession of love muttered from his tongue.

i can feel the knots forming in my stomach again, like a ball of yarn tangling and tangling, further tying together with each thrust of his hips. the tip of his cock smacks against my g-spot, my back arching from the mattress as i make a particularly loud cry.

“right there!” i tell him in a broken sob.

he smirks against my skin, angling his hips just right before thrusting back in to hit the spot again. now with each stroke, my orgasm builds even quicker, my nails scratching down his back.

my walls clench around him, making him grunt into my neck, and he picks his head up to kiss my lips, his thrusts becoming quicker and slowly losing rhythm.

“i’m close,” he mumbles, “so close.”

i nod in agreement, “me too.”

his hand slides between us, his thumb finding its way to my swollen clit, and he begins rubbing harsh circles into it, making my hips jolt, my breath catching i’m my throat.

“cum for me, angel,” he whispers, “let go.”

i nod, for what i’m not sure, but my body tenses up underneath him, walls tightening around his cock as he continues to thrust, and my eyes roll back, legs shaking as i come undone around him.

he fucks me through my orgasm, kissing me through my heavy breathing as his thrusts speed up, becoming sloppier and sloppier as he chases his high until he finally stills. his hips stutter as he grunts, releasing into the condom.

his body collapses on mine, the grounding weight bringing me back down to earth as we both pant in uneven breaths, our chests rising and falling rapidly.

we lay in silence for several minutes, enjoying the serenity of the quiet until he rolls off of me, slipping out from inside me.

“that was…” he trails off and i giggle, nodding my head.

“why did i wanna wait again?” he laughs at my response, shaking his head.

“i’m glad we did,” his fingers trail over my stomach, drawing shapes in my skin. “it was worth the wait, and i think knowing we love each other just made it more special.”

i hum in agreement, wrapping my hand around his before lifting it to my lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles.

he presses a kiss to my cheek before getting up to dispose of the condom. pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he assures me that he’ll be right back before leaving the room, reappearing a few minutes later with a granola bar and a water, along with a damp washcloth.

“head up,” he coos holding the water to my lips, and i let him help me take a few sips before he hands me the granola bar.

he cleans me up, my body shaking as he runs the cloth through my sensitive core, as i eat the snack, resting the wrapper on his nightstand.

he rifles through his dresser, coming back to the bed with a pair of of boxers and a t-shirt, and he helps me into them before climbing into the bed beside me. he pulls me back into him, his nose burying into the side of my neck as he kisses the back of it.

“i love you.” he tells me, arm winding around my stomach as he spoons me, my back to his chest.

my eyes feel as heavy as lead, but my heart races at his words, my entire world shifting into a golden state.

“i love you too.” i repeat, immediately followed by a heavy yawn.

“go to sleep, angel,” he hums and i can feel his eyelids flutter closed against my skin, “i’m right here.”

and with his reassurance and the feeling of his body pressed to mine, i allow by body to shut down, my breathing evening out as i fall asleep.

[radioactive-earthshine]

Let's talk about Impulse 1995 and the theme of fostering and family.

Reading Impulse 1995 as one long story about the challenges and heartbreak of being a foster child under unusual circumstances AND as a story about home, family and love in general really is an experience - not just with Bart as the main character but also his friends who also have broken homes and experiences involving deep loss themselves as they navigate a world as vulnerable teenagers with complicated homes. Specifically Carol and Bart's adjacent mirroring in their foster placement and experiences with home is quite interesting when examined side-by-side and it makes sense why they end up as best friends.

Carol's brother was put in a place through sudden tragedy with the loss of their parents to be the bread winner and caregiver for Carol and their little sister.

We never see the conversation that led up to Max taking in Bart - but as the result of several tragedies Bart was in a position where only Max was able to take him in as a mentor and a care taker, not a parent to start.

So we have these two teenagers who were orphaned in different ways with deeply contrasting back histories find each other as best friends.

Carol remembers her parents and their love - Bart never got this and only got a brief moment with his mother.

Carol is living with her brother because he is as far as we know the only family she has to rely on - Bart meanwhile has his Grandmother and his cousin through her (Wally) however they each are incapable of taking him in due to varying valid circumstances.

Carol is raised in a household of love - Bart is in (to start) a household of obligation where Max's initial intentions were never to actually raise Bart but to simply be a mentor and teach him how to use his speed and acclimate to the real physical world.

The circumstances around Bart and the affection he receives from Max do change dramatically as the series progresses (and Helen has a major part in that we cannot exclude her) and he finally gets to experience a home filled with love.

Then like Carol - it changes dramatically and he loses Max and Helen and he has to be raised by people he cares deeply for but are not his parents (though they eventually do say the love Bart like a son it doesn't start that way).

We also see more characters other than Bart and Carol as art of this unifying theme of home, family, love, fostering, obligation etc and each with their own unique place within it. Preston and his mentally ill mother who beat him brutally and his complicated feelings towards her. Wilfred "Evil Eye" Parker and his insistence on growing up to be a villain so he can finally get his father's (and grandfather's) approval. Mike Ringer and his own feelings of loss and redirected anger towards his own father when his mother died.

White Lightning and her very close loving relationship with her mother where they made a home on the road

And also how can we forget Max Mercury and his daughter Dr. Helen Claiborne and their fractured and difficult relationship as absent father and daughter and everything that led up to Helen existing in the first place.

Impulse 1995 is a compelling series about forgiveness, fostering, finding home and love when there was neither to start including loving oneself and forming a community around friendship with an unintentional unifying theme.

Naturally this is not the only theme within Impulse that takes the spotlight but it is the one we're focusing on in this post.

[panxramic]

People bringing up Chayanne is a glass child like yeah this has been a huge thing and was one of the culminating points of the fight that happened with Chayanne and Tallulah last year. I love this family sm and I love the way q!Phil is portrayed as a flawed parent

I don’t think a lot of people realize that q!Phil is absolutely incapable of reading emotions specifically Chayanne’s. Especially when Chayanne hides them to act tougher and fine. It’s a double edge sword and it’s nothing that can be fixed if it’s not said to his face.

ex: when Chayanne said that he hated fighting q!Phil he IMMEDIATELY broke into “I’m so sorry” and apologized over and over again you can tell he felt HORRIBLE. He cracked the moment Chayanne started opening up about what he really felt.

q!Phil sucks ass at noticing when his kid feels a certain way and it’s something he KNOWS. It’s why they said they would open up to each other more because q!Phil just /cant/ read his kids minds. And Chayanne is trying his best to slowly let out his emotions and that’s GOOD.

It’s FINE. He doesn’t need to bleed right then and there. It will take time for him to process what happened and it will take time for him to open up and q!Phil will be there ready when he can.

And I know it fucking sucks to see it happen but I for one think it needs to happen.

q!Phil and Chayanne’s relationship is very unique and specific. They believe in each others abilities and trust each other to take care of themselves. Chayanne has always seen his dad as untouchable so imagine how he feels knowing that he’s not invincible?

Chayanne is a mirror image of q!Phil both in all the good and the bad. Things aren’t black and white as most people make it out to be and no q!Phil is not a horrible parent, he’s not a bad guy and no Chayanne does not think less of his father.

Having q!Phil in Chayanne’s life has been so important to his development and it’s been good. He just needs the balance that q!Missa brings. Because in all the flaws that q!Missa has q!Phil is there to pick him up and vice versa.

The death family is the most flawed, troubled, loved, imperfectly perfect family and it’s why I love them so deeply. Because through all the pain and flaws they prefer to go through it together. They love one another and support each other unconditionally.

[autumnoakes]

same vein as i'm upset but people keep explaining the other person's actions to me. like great! i'm still upset though

i don't think i like talking to my family on certain issues. especially ones that they themselves don't understand or experience. i've had my experiences with transphobia brushed off because "not everyone's like that 🙄" like. okay. so therefore i should shut the fuck up. got it. thanks for NOT listening to me 👍

[jybyls]

Letter || J.O

Materlist

Synopsis: Jenna received a letter from you.

Warnings: Angst, rushed, mental illness, and bad writing.

Words: 2.9k

- 📜🎧🍂 -

"You were my everything, but I had to let you go for your own good. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but I promise it isn't. I would've broken you, and I'd never forgive myself if I had messed up such a loving and pure soul. You need someone who can treat you right. And I'm incapable of doing that. I'm too caught up in my own shit that I barely make time for you. You don't need me. You might think you do, but I assure you, you don't. I'm not the person you think I am. I'm a fucked up mess who needs help but not from you. You have your own issues and having do deal with me will only drown you. I'm grateful for you. Really. You mean so much to me, so much more than you imagine. I don't want to let you go, but I have to. I'm losing myself. My mind don't ever shuts down. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't move from bed, I can't talk, I can't do anything. I barely had the strength to write this, but I'm doing it for you, because it'll selfish to disappear without telling you why. At least a part of it. Every interest I had don't mean anything to me anymore. But you do. You mean the world for me and I can't let that world fall apart simply because I am not well. You have your friends and there are the greatest, you have your family who is just as lovely. I'm also grateful for them. And a little jealous of them, because they have you. I'm learning how to heal but it's not easy. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever heal. My scars are part of me. I know scars fade but those ones are too deep, they're into me now, and that's alright. I'll learn how to live with them. Or I'll try to. You helped me so much without even knowing it. You saved me, Jenna, you're my savior. I've never connected with someone the way I have with you. When I looked into your eyes, that sudden sense of hope came to me, a sense that I could if I had you by my side. But no one should be responsible for someone else's life. You know I live for the little things in life, the sunrises at 6 a.m the sunsets at 6 p.m, the smile a stranger gives you when you walk past them, old couples giving flowers to each other, but those things don't make me feel anything no more. I wanted you to see the person I hid so well, but you didn't. I don't blame you, I'm got good at hiding myself. But I can't escape this person anymore. I have to admit it to myself that this is who I am. An empty, cold, selfish, jerk with major mental illness. Be happy for me. Because I don't think I'll ever be able to feel any kind of happiness ever again. Smile for me. Because I lost mine forever. Laugh for me. Because you were the only thing that made me crakled. Live for me. Because I don't think I will make it.

I love you forever, Jenna Marie Ortega."

Tears fell down of her eyes. You weren't alright, and she didn't see it. How could she have missed it ? How could she forgive herself ? A thousand wonders went through her mind, but it was already too late. You have now left. Forever.

- 📜🎧🍂 -

A/n: I know I said the next post would be the Cairo fic, but yeah, I needed to vent, so maybe I could find my will to write again. Have a good day/night. Love y'all <3

[hyperlexichypatia]

can you elaborate on why you don't think nursing homes should exist? I'm genuinely curious, not trying to engage in bad faith, but i do feel like many elders do need a level of medical care that can't be provided well in a home environment, and benefit socially from being surrounded by their peers. is it more a matter of eliminating the huge staff-"client"(-billpayer, generally a younger relative) power differentials and potential for abuse that exists there, the way nursing homes tend to be relatively isolated from the surrounding community & many restrict certain freedoms, or is there something else more inherent to the structure (i.e., incapable of being reformed or mitigated) that I'm missing? i guess i'm wondering how different a more just model for elder care would look from nursing homes

Yeah, it's everything you said -- nursing homes inherently restrict their residents' freedoms (how many would pass the burrito test?), don't see the residents as the decision-making clients, infantilize and segregate their residents, etc.

As for socializing with their peers, if older disabled people lived among the general population, they could still socialize with other older disabled people if they wanted to, and also with younger people, abled people, and others. "This population that has been systemically excluded from society should live among themselves in a congregate setting so they can socialize" isn't a particularly good argument for nursing homes; it's an argument against the ageist/ableist segregation that exists in the rest of society.

Could nursing homes be reformed/mitigated? I mean, I'm a strong harm reductionist; I believe every harmful institution should be reformed and mitigated as much as possible. That might mean more freedom for residents, more privacy for residents, more transportation to and from other places in the community. But if a nursing home were "reformed" to the point that it was no longer harmful -- if it no longer exerted coercive control over its residents, if its residents had the same freedom and privacy and autonomy and freedom of movement as anyone in the outside world -- it would functionally cease to be a "nursing home" and would just be... well, an apartment building. Or, if it's an apartment building specifically for older disabled people, without the coercive control, a "retirement community" (although sometimes coercive-control nursing homes are also called "retirement communities" so who knows?).

Home and community based services for disabled people, if properly funded, can replicate most of the assistance a nursing home provides -- now, I do say most, but people who need multiple-times-a-day medical care from a medical provider might choose a living situation that involves specific proximity to medical care. That doesn't mean a nursing home; it might mean, for example, an apartment building near a hospital that caters to people undergoing regular treatment. But it's important that many nursing home residents don't need daily medical care from medical providers. They they need accessible assistance with activities of daily living, which can easily be made accessible outside a medicalized setting, and, in particular, without the coercive control of a nursing home.

Or, short version (sorry, I have a fever) -- the problem with nursing homes is the coercive control. Fund home and community based services. Hire CNAs and install accessible features in the homes of disabled people who need them with the money governments and families can save by abolishing nursing homes. Not everyone in a nursing home is there because they need medical treatment, but even for those who do, there are ways to situate housing and medical needs in proximity to each other that don't involve residents being forcibly drugged or given a bedtime or needing permission to have sex. Let Grandpa fuck (if he wants to).

[cvnt4him]

Can I request Hawks x reader Enimies/rivals with smut and then fluff towards the end

As you all know I love and adore izuku midoriya, however, I am loving this req mostly because I get to expand my horizons on characters hopefully I didn't stray too far away from hawks actual character, I hope you all enjoy and leave more reqs!!!

Enemies With Benefits.

...........................................

You and hawks, or rather keigo takami, had met in UA highschool, he was best friend with rumi usagiyama, she was cool, strong, reliable and trust worthy, they were best friends until you came along.

She never really had any girlfriends mostly because she wasn't too girly, she liked getting her hands dirty, she wasn't afraid to be in the splash zone, which to her surprise, you were just like her, you liked to be messy and get your hands dirty as well, you walked with your head held high and spoke loudly with confidence.

She loved that, you weren't shy and quiet like most girls that attended at the same time as the three of you, you were loud and boasted and demanded what you wanted and made damn sure you were going to get to your goals no matter what it took, you were respectable and she enjoyed that, it wad a breath if fresh air to have a cool girl to hang around in rumi's opinion.

Keigo however, he loathed it. He loathed you, he had so much hatred and spite for you it was honestly impeccable he still was trying to be a hero, he didn't hate you for befriending his best friend, no. But rather because your quirks were so similar, because you were much better than him, faster, stronger, and overall better. You were better. It didn't take a microscope to see that.

So when you were with going against each other in the sports festival, he'd thought he had the upper hand when he got you tit he ground, he was ready to throw you out yet you had s trick up your sleeves, there was a lot of smoke and debris flying around, you shed that to your advantage, blowing tbe smoke and debris his way making it to where he couldn't see, he rubbed his eyes the heavy amount of smoke and sand getting in his eyes, he tried to make out your figure through the smoke yet failed as you flew him out of the ring, therefore winning the battle against him, rumi cheered you on and laughed that her other friend had lost, she was a team player and still congratulated the both of you and told keigo, 'better luck next time!'

But did that anger him even more, not only had he lost to the likes of you, but to his surprise there were agents in the crowd looking and looking over you all to pick out and recruit the best of the best, he knew he had to do a good job, he tried so hard, and when you ajd besten him, it enraged him, a fiery pit of fury burning inside if him, he hated you, your shitty smile, and that shit eating grin you gave him as you turned to look at him with a chuckle, you walked last him and bumped him nearly knocking him over, and fluttering your wings in his face.

"whoops! Better watch out, baby bird."

You digressed, laughing and walking away with a sway to your hips, he growled under his breath before pushing you against the wall catching you and rumi off guard.

"hey, what the hell takami?"

Rumi shouted at him, coming to your defense as you looked at him with a spite filled look, you hated him just as much as he hated you, that hate could be sensed from a mile away, your squinted eyes loomed up to his, his hair covering his eyes from the side but you could see them, his burning, fury filled, yellow eyes, they peered at you from beneath his hair, they stared deep into your own with such hatred, you weren't affected by it, not even phased even a little, he didn't make you scared, you thought he was pathetic, worthless.

"you walk around with your head held high, all high and mighty thinking you're better than me, but you're not. You're some snobby rich bitch from a good family and a good home, you're a self centered, conceited piece of trash who's incapable of love, you push others away and you take, you feed off of others and once there's nothing left for one to give you, you vanish, you're a user, an abuser, and you are a manipulative gaslighting piece of shit."

With every word he uttered, venom spat right along with them, he knew it would be unheroic to fight you head on, he didn't want to get kicked out, UA was his ticket to becoming a hero like his idol, so he fought you with words, he knew they would get to you, by the way tour face looked in shock and anger and slight embarrassment he could tell they defintely hit you where it hurt.

You were speechless, rumi just sat there wide eyed at the both if you before pilling keigo off of you.

"what the fuck, man? How could you say something like that, she's -"

Rumi continued yelling at him for the cruel things he said to you, the words she spoke falling into deaf ears, you both glared at each other with piercing eyes, you growled lightly before scoffing, a smile falling right back onto your face, it angered him even more, how could you smile knowing what he'd just said to you? Had it not affected you?!

You laughed before walking away, rumi stopped talking as you grabbed her attention, keigo's eyes never left you once.

You stopped right next to him, your mouth right next to his ear before you whispered something so vile, so disgustingly crass it made his stomach turn, he wanted to puke, lunge at you, something, everything. But he just froze. Tears threatening to spill from his eyes, not out of sadness or humiliation, but out of anger, be was so angry he almost cried.

"never forget where you came from, you loser wanna be, you're a nobody and you're unloved, how dare, you even come to me, telling me I'm incapable of love when you've never had any to begin with. Speak what you know, not what you think you know."

A smirk was plastered on your face as you walked away, taking your win with pride, your head was still held high as you laughed to yourself, knowing what you'd said definitely struck a nerve.

Keigo takami vowed, that he'd never stop training to be better than you, he was better than you, and he was gonna prove it no matter what.

______

Years had past, he hadn't given you a single thought since you all had graduated, he became a hero, #2 at that, and you became a---

'this just in, a villain has struck a local bank, making a huge hit, clearing out the entire bank! While we wait for the heroes we--'

Hawks was already on the scene, clearing the bad guys of the money they'd stolen and scared the day with a smirk, giving autographs and taking pictures with his numerous of fan girls.

"awwwh, baby bird, are you trying to get one of these teenagers to love you? How pathetic."

His eyes shot open wide, horror filled them, he hadn't heard that voice, that name, in such a long time. There was no way.. you were the one behind this, he thought it was too easy, there was no way these simple criminals were behind a huge heist, something this big couldn't have been orchestrated by one of these lowlife thugs.

He turned around to see your wings wide and open, you were in a black suit with a hood over your head, a maniacal smile being plastered on your face as you held a finger gun out to him, what were you doing, he squinted his eyes and took his glasses off to get a better look at you.

"pew."

Was all that was heard from you before he was shot in the wing with a quirk canceling bullet, you had discovered some time ago that yes his wings are apart of his body but they're also his quirk, the bullet won't take his wings away but they will weaken them, he won't be able to fly or even move his wings without being in utter discomfort, suffering as you laugh above him with glee.

He groaned people screaming as need reporters and other reporters cried the scene taking shots of you as you just smiled before being captured by none other than the #1 hero, endeavour.

Everyone hollered and gave cheers and hoorays and the #1 hero had saved the day!!

You pouted as he held you if his shoulder in hand cuffs, you had been on the run for a while, finally you'd been caught, but again to hawks this felt just too easy for him to wrap his head around, he tried to stand before being betrayed by his legs, they were weak, he was weak, everything started to get blurred around him as he looked intensely pale, before anyone knee uit he'd passed out, body thudding against the ground.

____

It had been three days since he had gotten shot, he was able to move around well and fly faster than ever, all he needed was a little rest and he was back in action!

But he still couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, he felt uncomfortable everywhere he went, maybe it was side effects from the bullet, or maybe it was him being hungry, but he just couldn't relax for the life of him.

He tried to fall asleep in his bed without ail, he moved around and shifted all about to find comfort, suddenly his wings felt too big, and his hair was just everywhere, he'd gotten so sweaty he felt like he just went for a run. He sighed in annoyance one last time before finding comfort, he held his pillow and closed his eyes tightly, before something clouded his thoughts.

You.

The way you laughed at him, called him that oh so annoying name, the way you looked.

His eyes shot wide open as he furrowed his brows in anger, he groaned loudly.

It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

He walked around endeavours agency in anger, he knew he was going to have to go and see you in jail he knew he was going to have to settle this lifetime battle you two have had since you were kids.

He sighed and jumped out of the nearest window before flying over to Tartarus, the prison where the most evil, most vile, the most cruelest and inhumane villians go, so why the hell were you there. He thought to himself with a chuckle.

He arrived, being let inside, as he made his way to your cell. Empty. It was fucking empty.

"GUARDS!... Is her cell supposed to be this empty?"

The guards were in shock, one of them sounding an alarm causing a number of people to look around for you, you were known to be in spots you weren't supposed to be.

Hawks groaned, leaving the jail and flying over the city, there was just no way you managed to escape from there threshold. The greatest villain of all time, AFO hadn't even done that, not without hell at least.

He couldn't wrap his head around it, you weren't even a threat to society, you were some bitchy cunt who tried to prove a point that was irrelevant and useless, how did you even get into UA, why did you even go to UA if you were just going to be a villain in the first place?

So many questions filled his head, he was confused angry and hungry, he decided to pop over to the burger shop he and rumi used to go to all the time, you occasionally accompanied rumi as you two were friends.

He decided to take a break and flew down to the shop, he ordered his usual and sat on top of a building eating and staring at the sunset, he sighed in content with his delicious burger before feeling like he was being watched again.

He finished his burger, standing and wiping off his hands, he stretched his wings out and stretched his body with a moan, before sighing one last time as he tackled you fastly on top of the roof, pinning you down with a frown.

"hello, baby bird.~" you sang to him from beneath him, you were still in your prison clothes as you smiled up at him, he groaned as he peered down at you with spite filled eyes.

"awh do you still hate me for winning the sports festival when we were kids? Come on man that was like so many years ago, grow a pair."

You roll your eyes at him as he surprisingly lets you stand up, he moves to get off of you as he sighed in annoyance.

"you're going back to Tartarus."

"I'll just get out again, let's not waste anyone time eh?"

He pushed you back onto the ground, you fell with a thud, groaning and looking up at him in anger.

"what the hell man?"

"we're not friends, I in fact hate you wish I could kiss you with my bare hands, however I am a hero and can't do that, so I suppose I'll just have to send you back to jail, I'm sure they won't mind if you have a couple of bruises."

He smirked and cracked his knuckles, earning an earnest chuckle from you, he rolled his eye before dropping his arms.

"you don't want to fight, baby bird, we both know you just want to sit down and have a talk about friendship and goodliness." You scoff, and laugh at him making him look at you with hate filled eyes once more.

"besides,... I missed you." You admit lowly, looking away from the blonde as you look out into the distance, smile slightly faded and your laughing ceased.

He lifted an eyebrow at you, looking you up and down before scoffing, he didn't believe you one bit, you'd always hated him, and for what? The only time he'd actually treated you with disrespect was when you won the sports festival, he'd always been somewhat civil towards you.

"yeah okay sure, enough games degenerate you're going back to Tartarus."

"why were you even there, keigo?"

You question, looking back at him with a piercing gaze, he shivered at your eyes staring directly into his, his feathers ruffling up slightly, he couldn't look away from your eyes it's like they were sucking him in and hypnotizing him, he didn't remember you being so pretty.

He gulped before managing to get out of the trance you put him in, his eyes shooting down to his feet as he crosses his arms and pulled his wings in.

"you were there for me huh."

You ask, but not as a question, you knew he was, he had no business being there 5 days after you'd gotten put in there, there was no reason for him to be there if not for you.

He sighed and looked back up at you, his arms finding themselves back at his side again.

"I wanted to talk." He answers bluntly, skipping the lies and other lame excuses.

"about what, baby bird? I'm all ears."

You say, the wind billowing into your hair in the best way, the sunsets arrays shining onto your beautiful skin, making you look so gorgeous.

You were breathtaking to him, why had he started to feel these odd feelings about you now? You were a villain it goes against his code as a hero to even affiliate with a villain outside of a mission.

All he could do was look at you, he couldn't think of any words at the given moment, that stupid name he hated so much becoming rather appealing, he thought so hard about your words, it bringing a slight blush to his face.

You smiled, you'd thought he looked pretty well, the years have traded him fairly, he was rather handsome dare you say, his eyes looked more attractive than normal, the vibrant electrifying gaze he has, so intense and sexy, you couldn't possibly look away now.

You bit your lip as you moved closer to him, his eyes watched you closely, your every move his eyes moved along with them, he stared down at you something else filling his eyes that you noticed, want, he wanted you and you knew it.

You wanted him just as badly, the tension between you two becoming rather sexual, his breaths and changed, you continued to get closer to him as your faces were so close, his breath fanned your face lightly, the smell of the burger coming off of it but you hadn't minded it too much, it was kind of nostalgic in a way.

His eyes kept faltering from your eyes to your lips, the way he licked his rather dried lips made you chuckle lightly, you were tired of beating sound the bush, you pulled him into a rough passionate kiss moans and groans coming from the two of you, the way he pulled at your waist and tugged at the bottom hem of your shirt signaling he wanted it off, it caused you to feel hazy, he pulled you deeper into the kiss, tongues gliding and dancing so sweetly against each other like they were made to.

You pulled away, he tried following your lips before accepting the end of it, both of your breaths were heavy as you tried regaining air into your system, he held you tightly looking down at you with those piercing lucent eyes, his yellow eyes become more lust filled and lidded as he looked at you, you swallowed, his eyes never leaving touz waiting to see what you'll do next.

You liked that, he was waiting for you, waiting for you to do something it's almost as if you were in control.

"we should go somewhere a little more private, yeah?" You sing to him, your voice light and breathy as you still tried to catch your breath from the previous heat filled kiss.

He nodded before grabbing you and picking you up, holding you bridal style, it made you squeak lightly, you and wings you could just fly.

"I can fl---"

"i can get us there faster." Was all he said as he cut you off mid sentence, zooming through the sky in what seemed like a very, he hadn't wanted this moment between you two to vanish, he wanted to be as quick as possible to get back to you.

You couldn't fly as fast as him, that's for sure, when he settled you down in his house, coming in through the window you were dizzy, the fastness from his flying causing you to have some kind of jet lag, and you weren't even in the air for that long, you fell against his chest as he quickly brought your lips back to his, pulling your face up by your chin, as he pressed his soft lips to yours, a light sound leaving his throat, he must have really needed you.

You happily kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck as he put you down on the couch, hm getting on his knees as the kiss suddenly broke, you sigh and you watch the way his eyes trailed your body up and down slowly, he looked at you with such needy eyes.

His eyes stopped at your thighs, his hands big warm hands rubbed up your body before coming back down and gripping your high rather harshly z you winced, his eyes shot up to you, but not in concern, he had a mischievous look in his eyes, the need still being laced in his lucent yellow eyes.

He pulled your pants off hurriedly, like he wanted what was behind them in an instant, he looked back down to your now bare thighs, they were so soft and squishy under his touch, the way his warm hands touched you body sent a shiver down you spine, you just looked down at him as he rubbed your thighs, squishing and squeezing them with every touch, he finally pushed your thighs apart, before seeing a damp spot in between your thighs that was on your panties.

A smile shot to his face, you wanted him just as bad as he did you, his hands moved to touch the inner flesh of your thighs, a sigh leaving you as he glanced up to you before looking bad down to your clothed cunt, to weren't embarrassed by the want the dripped from you cunt, you had wanted him and you weren't ashamed of that, especially because you knew he wanted you too.

He moved his face closer to your clothed cunt, taking off his jacket in one swift motion as he buried his face in between your thighs, his eyes rolled shut as he licked a stripe up your cunt earning a whimper from you as your whole body shook, you were instantly hit with an intoxicating feeling inside, one lick from him and you already were ready to take his cock whole.

He kept licking long languid stripes up your clothed cunt, a wet patch forming from his tongue and your juices mixing and dampening the cloth that covered you, your taste danced on his tongue so nicely, he was drunk off of the little that he was given, he couldn't Wait to taste every bit of you.

No, he really couldn't, he ripped out panties off of you with one hand, they broke as he simply threw them somewhere before diving right back into your pussy, his nose tickling your clit in the sweetest way, his tongue licked and slurped all of your juices up expertly, all you could do was moan and kay your head back from the feeling he was giving you, your hand fell into his messy blonde hair as he shook his head around, groaning around your clit as he sucked it, the vibration sending chills up your entire body.

You lightly tugged at his hair trying to get him away from your cunt, you hadn't even cum yet you were heavily overstimulated, it hurt in such a delicious way, he pushed his head deeper into tiur cunt, you hand feel out of his hair at the immense pleasure he was giving you, he looked up at you the entire time, his lucent lidded deep lust filled eyes, staring at your body, the way you moved and squirmed underneath him, he was the one giving you pleasure, you needed him, and he could strip your upcoming orgasm away from you at any given moment.

You wrap your legs around his head, locking him in place and which he happily accepted, he was so pussy drunk, drinking everything you gave him willingly, he slurped and sucked at your clit licking it with light and fast licks, he managed to move from the painful grasp of your legs wrapped around his head to catch a breath, his mouth and chin dripping in your arousal, you breathed heavily, looking at him as he didn't bother wiping his mouth, simply diving back into your cunt and devouring you all over again.

It hadn't taken long for you to cum around his tongue, he guided you through you mind boggling, toe curling, gut wrenching orgasm, you moaned aloud as he drank everything you gave him, staring up at you and watching your face contort in such beautiful ways, your brows furrowing, the sweat slightly sticking to your forehead, the way your eyes squeezed shut, you were too entrancing to be real.

He moved away from your cunt with a smack of his lips, licking every last bit of your arousal off of his lips and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, his breath smelled exactly like you, he hadn't minded though. He moved back up to your face, the strong scent of your cunt sticking to his breath, he pulled you into a somewhat soft kiss, you were still trying to regain your composure before he'd pulled you into the kiss, it was sweet, gentle, and compassionate, he kissed you like he loved you only soon to fuck you like he genuinely hated you.

Before he had, but getting you like this, seeing you in a vulnerable estate, he hadn't necessarily wanted to kill you anymore, he wouldn't go as far I say he liked you more or less just liked eating you out.

The kiss became more passionate, filled with lust and greed from both sides, a groan escaping him as he moves to take off his suit as you grab at his pants attempting to unbuckle this belt, you were so close and yet, the heat of the moment, everything that was once there vanished once his phone rang.

His pants vibration from his phone ringing loudly in his pocket, he rolled his eye before grabbing at it to see who it was.

"shit, endeavour."

He sighed heavily before picking it up.

"go for hawks."

You snort, cringing at this, trying to hold back a laugh as he glared at you, his now he remembered why he disliked you heavily, you couldn't never take anything seriously, hell he bets you even would want him to fuck you whilst he were in an important call, fucking slut.

You could hardly make out coherent words but from guessing you figured it was about you escaping.

Hawks sighed once more before banging up the phone at grabbing at his jacket that was thrown off of him previously.

"awwh, where ya' going, lover boy?" You ask with wide eyes and a pout, he scoffs and rolls his eyes, grabbing his glasses out of his coat pocket and putting them on.

"stay here. I'll deal with your slutty ass once I get back."

He gives you a rebuttal before zooming out of the window before you could even say anything back, you roll your eyes with a smile, laying back on his couch, it was rather comfortable, you'd supposed you'd be there for a while so might as well get settled in.

...........................................

AN: wow this was an interesting one, I couldn't figure out if I wanted to do a full blown smut or something light so I js went ahead w something light sorry if it wasn't what you'd expected, again this is my first time straying away from my main bae, [my zuzubear] i hope i stayed true to hawks' snarky teasing character!!

[ulysses000]

I didn't see au about Niji running away from Germa so……

Niji escaped from Germa as a kid after Sanji because as Sanji escaped, Judge became more demanding on the brothers' training. Specifically Niji got a lot of flak because of his bursts of electricity. Sometimes in a fit of emotion, he could knock out the entire staff and half the equipment nearby… "And the son of the great Judge should not be so weak and incapable." …… So Niji decided to run away to make a name for himself and prove to his father what he was worth.

He travelled around North Blue for a while, tearing himself away from his father, who immediately put a bounty on him because "bandits have stolen his son, bring him back at any cost". So on one island he ran into Hawkins and his crew. He noticed that there was a GODdamn HUGE tALking CAt!!!! WHo ALSO LEtS OuT LIGhTNiNg BoLts!!! Niji decided to follow them for a bit and when the moment was right, got closer. Niji was almost immediately in contact with Faust, Hawkins was suspicious because "hmm……. you remind me of someone…… okay…….." Since Faust wasn't born on Zou, he didn't have a vivre card, but Basil made a couple of predictions, calculated the path by the stars, a couple of rituals and sent Niji on his way.

When Niji did get on the fucking elephant, he ran into Carrot, who immediately dragged him over to the others. Like "LOOK AT THIS FUNNY-LOOKING GUY!!! HE'S GOT EARS!!! HE'S A BLUE BUNNY!!!" In the end, yes, Niji stayed with Zou. He trained with Pedro for a long time, so he was able to fully master his modification. Carrot became like his annoying little sister because they spent a lot of time training. Also went to the Musketeer Patrol because, thanks to the care and attention of those around him, he realised that his power should serve to protect, not destroy.

He would have lived there in peace and harmony, but Jack the Drought came along...

Niji fought for the Minks like a beast, like hell, generally super because due to his modified body he is more resistant to poisons. Anyway Niji fights off Jack, but all his mates are on the verge of death because of the poison, but then………………… Sanji shows up.

They were both shocked to see each other, but decided to put off the "family greetings" for later. But I think after everything, they had a weird conversation about what's even going on in style: "Why the fuck aren't you under our “daddy's” skirt?" "None of your fucking business, I thought you were dead a long time ago." "Shut your mouth! I've been nursing your mates back to health!" "Well, thank you for fucking saving my family. Fuck no! I'm not thanking you, I'm thanking your raccoon." "……" "…..." "Family?? ………" "Oh, shit…."

[flowerbloom-arts]

AU where the Shifting Mound doesn't snatch the Damsel so soon and you have to deal with the repercussions of existing past "Happily Ever After" with a voluntarily undeveloped Sweet Love Interest™.

(also, yippee finally found a way to put my 2 interests together!!)

(absolutely incomprehensible ramble under the cut.)

Okay so I'm going to make this as understandable as possible for the uninitiated, whether it be for the Moomin comic strip or the franchise at large.

The plushie the Damsel is holding is that of the Snork Maiden (or just Snorkmaiden), the girlfriend/love interest for the main character, Moomintroll. Now, Snorkmaiden is an interesting and largely misunderstood character, especially when it comes to her comic version where she's a bit of a "promiscuous" character who oftentimes ditches Moomintroll for another man when she sees fit, this is where the misunderstanding lies.

Snorkmaiden haters will dismiss this (if they were to read the comics, because in all honesty they aren't that widely considered or even read in the fandom) as an addition to her general unlikeability as an "obstacle" to the fandom's main gay ship between Moomintroll and his best friend, Snorkmaiden sympathizers will leap to justify this with the good ol' It Was Heteronormativity All Along, which is a very... Honestly lazy reading/justification of her character which doesn't hold up under scrutiny. I, however, have an obviously superior reading of her character (/not serious)

Snorkmaiden simply has a very different definition of romance or at least wants to gain something different out of the concept of romance as opposed to the general public perception built up around it, one which even Moomintroll can't even begin to grasp.

What she gets out of romance, and where it begins and ends for her, is the adventurous fall and honeymoon of it, and each new man she gets into a relationship with is thematically appropriate to the adventure/problem of the week that she and her boyfriend's family are currently facing. When she goes to the French Riviera she starts dating a rich actor because it is a tourist shoreline city where all the celebrities go, when she finds herself in the wintery unknown (she and the Moomins usually hibernate through it, they're creatures like that) she catches a crush on a professional winter sportsman, when she decides to live a hedonist life because some self-proclaimed prophet came in and told everyone to she decides to start it by running away with someone new, when she gets a job as a secretary she falls in love with a coworker who is really interested in accounting, so on and so forth. Even with Moomintroll, they fell in love upon her introduction and Moomintroll signifies a new life in the valley in which they currently live in.

And in the end all of these new romances fall apart either due to unfortunate circumstances, Moomintroll's jealous intervention or her simply becoming disinterested eventually, and in the end of all of them she returns to Moomintroll, as per formulaic comic strip storytelling. (I must mention that Moomintroll also falls in love with other women based on their looks, and he also fell in love with Snorkmaiden because he thought she was pretty, so, he's not that much better really)

This is a repeating cycle, one that Snorkmaiden is simply incapable of breaking out of due to the conventions of her narrative. No matter what she tries, where she goes, who she gets with, she'll always end up back in Moomintroll's arms whether he "earns it back through chivalry" or she runs back to him much to her previous chagrin. It's a self-fulfilling cycle too, in one comic it's shown that she's so used to Moomintroll's behavior that it sours her current relationship with an already bad partner even further. If she was capable of Truly Leaving then she stopped being capable at that point. Snorkmaiden is stuck with a long-term boyfriend when she normally strives in a short-term relationship.

She's also deeply entrenched in romance tropes and loves to roleplay them with Moomintroll, and especially loves them when she thinks they're real, these tropes she fancies usually tend toward kidnapping (and not alot of rescuing) or romantic sacrifice such as dueling or... Romeo and Juliet. These things are extensions of her ideas on what romance is, more about the short-term thrill than the long-term contentment.

Of course, with most Moomin media having a child demographic as opposed to the adult newspaper readers of the comics, Snorkmaiden's character in adaptations of these stories get presented without the depth or the means for that depth, as she gets presented as either a somewhat boring playdate to Moomintroll with grand, childish ideas of romance or a naggy girlfriend whom the writers try to make feminist but ultimately fails to deliver on anything subversive or substantial.

How this ties into the Princess is the cyclical nature of it all, the choices with no branching ends, the new experiences with seemingly no development, the change and then the sudden stop. And with the Damsel in particular it is the reduction of such an interesting and intriguing person full of potential to a cutout of a simple Love Interest. All that anguish is suddenly washed away into something more palatable, a parody of a fairytale princess, a goodness so pure that it is sickening, no motivation behind the eyes except for one simple goal.

Now. Don't get me wrong, the Damsel is my favorite princess, between the Adversaries and the Towers and the Witches and Wilds, the Damsel is the one which captivated my singular interest, becaus I'm not immune to her trappings of adorable beauty and saccharine sweetness with no other motivation than to make her hero happy, I believe that it's a combination of the player's desire for her to be a normal princess they can have a happy ending with but also her willfully stripping herself out of guilt of what she's done to the player.

She stripped herself of any real personhood just to make us happy, and that is the purest motivation anyone can have, really, a terribly misguided one but the sentiment is immeasurable. I pity her and I love her and I want her to be so genuinely happy because of what she's gone through but I know very well that she's incapable of that because the decisions the player chose made her that way, she is made incapable of genuine happiness without total dependence on the player's feelings and that really breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart when she's reduced to a crappy middle school anime drawing when she's put through the pressure of getting interrogated or being told strange things about what would make the player happy.

It breaks my heart when she's finally free but then immediately met with the coldness of the Shifting Mound and thought that coldness was happiness.

It breaks my heart when she accepts her second death with tears in her eyes and a smile because she thinks that's what made the player happy, and yet somehow she couldn't accept it as a real decision the player made on their own because in the first time she was warned that they were possessed, so the only conclusion she could come up with was that the cabin was causing this pain and so as the Grey she decides to burn the whole place to the ground and stare at you lovingly until her face melts away.

It breaks my heart that the Grey is in a wedding dress, on top of that.

She's so desperate to cling onto the first person to show her kindness that she seems to have become broken over it. She's so terribly tragic that I can't help but keep thinking about her and the million heartbreaks knowing that she's so lovely and selfless but she wasn't Real anymore.

I want her to have a massive fairytale wedding like at the end of Disney's old Cinderella movie and live forever with some physical manifestation of Voice of the Smitten. I want her to come back to personhood and cry and not be snapped like a twig over it. I want the Damsel to be happy in any way she seems fit to be but I know that can never happy, both by the nature of the game but also in the very programming of her character.

She is trapped, whether it's in the cabin, her own circular mentality or as part of the Shifting Mound, she's incapable of of being really free as her own person unless you count the ending of us leaving with the no-blade blade starter princess.

... And that's why I think she should hold a massive Snorkmaiden fair prize won by her darling new butch knight girlfriend.

[lurkingshan]

The Ride or Die Drama Couples List

So the other night I got a little sassy on main because some of the girlies were complaining that King the Land is focusing more on the couple moments (aka relationship development) between Gu Won and Sa Rang and doesn’t have enough plot. Which is a very typical fandom complaint about romcoms that I absolutely hate, because in a good romance the relationship is the plot, people! It’s bizarre attitudes like this that get us random murder plots spliced into every other romcom for the ratings, and I am begging y’all to stop the madness. 

Ahem. Anyway, that post seemed to resonate with some folks and get them discussing other dramas, and so inevitably @troubled-mind wandered into my notes and said gee Shan, it seems like maybe you should make a list of dramas that show us couples in a relationship and explore how they make it work and ultimately stay together. And I’ve warned y’all before, if you make a stray comment in my direction there will be a list coming your way. So here I am again, doing the absolute most.

Today I present to you a list of my favorite dramas that show you not only how the couple gets together, but also how they stay together. Criteria:

The couple doesn’t have to be together when the drama starts, but they do have to actually begin their romantic relationship no later than halfway through the drama’s run so that we have substantial time with them as a couple

The relationship development between the couple is a primary plot driver (so no dramas where there’s a great long term couple just hanging out in the background)

The relationship story may include some physical separation or even a temporary breakup, but not the betrayal kind–these are the sort that actually force an unaddressed issue to the surface and ultimately bring the couple even closer 

Happy endings only, these pairs are sticking together 

Ride or Die Drama Couples

Bad Buddy - Pat and Pran

(Thailand, YouTube)

This is tumblr so do I really need to tell y’all about Pat and Pran? There is a reason we all lost our minds over this show and it’s because we got to be in this relationship with them so intensely and see them fight to stay together despite it all. Their ending is bittersweet because of their families, but the show leaves us no doubt that they both think the other is worth it and they will always stick it out together. 

Dark Blue Kiss - Pete and Kao

(Thailand, YouTube)

Shout out to the OGs! Pete and Kao originally got together in the Kiss series (you can watch it, but you really don’t have to, fam) and Dark Blue Kiss brings them back three years into their long-term relationship to give us a peek into their struggles with the closet and the toll it takes on both of them individually as well as the strain it puts on their relationship. 

Flower of Evil - Hee Sung and Ji Won

(S Korea, Netflix or Viki)

Hee Sung and Ji Won are already married (with an adorable daughter) when this drama begins, and the backstory of their relationship is unspooled alongside the larger mystery at the heart of the show. One of the most fascinating and heart wrenching love stories I have ever seen, centered on a character who is so emotionally damaged that he genuinely believes he is incapable of love even as love pours out of him. Damn, I’m gonna make myself cry into my oatmeal.

It’s Okay, That’s Love - Jae Yeol and Hae Soo

(S Korea, Viki)

Speaking of crying, lord. Ahhhhhhh. Let me pull myself together. It’s Okay, That’s Love is a healing drama about two people who fall in love and support each other through serious mental health challenges. I don’t really want to say much more than that. Bring tissues, besties!

La Pluie - Patts and Saengtai

(Thailand, iQIYI)

My beloved! This Thai drama is about a pair of soulmates–or are they–who find each other and try to make their relationship work. That’s it, that’s the show. In this drama, the relationship truly is the plot, despite some of the fantasy elements being used to highlight its themes. La Pluie is about the importance of choice and a rebuke of romantic fantasies that fate and destiny will handle your love life for you. I and many others have written about it extensively, so if you decide to watch, you can go nuts on meta. 

Lighter & Princess - Li Xun and Zhu Yun

(China, Viki)

I really love this show. This is a long format drama so there will be longer stretches where the couple still has not officially gotten together, but the relationship between them is the heart of the entire show, and we get the distinct pleasure of watching them fall in love twice, and the second time figure out how to make it stick. Such a treat.

One Spring Night - Ji Ho and Jung In

(S Korea, Netflix)

Oh how I love this quiet little drama about two people who fall for each other while one is still in a relationship with someone else, and figure out how to untangle the mess they’re in. We get to see them not only fall in love, but figure out how to become a unit who can withstand the harsh judgment coming their way and become a family on their own terms. Bonus adorable child alert!

Tomorrow With You - So Joon and Ma Rin

(S Korea, Viki)

This time travel melodrama is one of those that I started with no expectations and then sat up part way through and said what gave you the right to be this good! This is another one where the relationship begins for dubious reasons, but the suspect motives are quickly taken over by genuine feeling. We really get to live with the relationship in this one and the message is all about treasuring the life and time we have together. 

The Rebel Princess - Awu (Wang Xuan) and Xiao Qi

(China, Viki)

I think the phrase Ride or Die was actually invented for them. Talk about a power couple. Once these two get to know each other (this is a historical so as per usual, their marriage wasn’t actually their choice but rather the result of some asshole’s machinations in a quest for power, joke’s on them though) they are in, baby, and their devotion and loyalty never wavers. This is a historical epic in war time, so the couple will be physically separated multiple times, but it only makes them stronger and each of their reunions sweeter. Their relationship is the heart of the show and the throughline in their chaotic lives.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Shiro and Kenji

(Japan, the ether)

Saving the best for last because this right here is the GOAT in this category. It sits at the top of my all-time favorite dramas list and I love it passionately. Because y’all? This drama is explicitly about a middle-aged couple learning how to be together in a long-term relationship. That is the entire plot. And it’s fantastic. Stop reading this and go watch it!

Honorable Mentions

Yumi’s Cells - Yu Mi and Goo Wong 

(S Korea, Viki)

This one is not on the list proper because (gasp) the couple doesn’t end up together. I know, I’m still sad about it, too, even though I went into this drama fully aware of the concept (a season about each of Yu Mi’s major relationships). But man. Yu Mi and Goo Wong just have that something, you know? Even knowing they don’t stick it out, it’s a delight to watch them fall in love and settle into a relationship together. Technically there is a second season featuring Yu Mi’s next relationship (Babi? I don’t know her), but I don’t want to recommend it and you can’t make me.

I must also give a shout out to the bl season 2s that exist expressly for the purpose of showing how the characters settle into a relationship after the first season get together:

Gameboys 2 (Philippines, Gaga) - Cairo and Gavreel

Minato’s Laundromat 2 (Japan, Gaga)- Shin and Minato 

SOTUS S and Our Skyy (Thailand, YouTube) - Kongpob and Arthit

Still 2gether (Thailand, YouTube) - Tine and Sarawat

Utsukushii Kare 2 (Japan, Gaga) - Hira and Kiyoi

And because this is my post and I make the rules, I am also doing some honorable mentions of the friends to lovers slow burns where technically they are not together until the final arc of the story but let’s be serious they are together the whole time and just don’t realize it yet so you know exactly what their relationship is going to look like:

Fight for My Way (S Korea, Viki) - Dong Man and Ae Ra

Happiness (S Korea, Viki) - Sae Bom and Yi Hyun

Hospital Playlist 1 and 2 (S Korea, Viki) - Song Hwa and Ik Jun

My Only 12% (Thailand, iQIYI) - Seeiw and Cake

My Ride (Thailand, Gaga or YouTube) - Mork and Tawan 

Romance is a Bonus Book (S Korea, Netflix) - Dan Yi and Eun Ho

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo (S Korea, Viki) - Joon Hyeong and Bok Joo

Whoops you woke the beast @troubled-mind. @rocketturtle4 @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers here are more for your mile long rec lists. :)))

[mamayan]

I would love to see your thoughts on Kurapika 👀 what kind of yandere would he be? I personally think he’s the protective type that wants his darling to be happy despite kidnapping her

Good question Nonnie~

tw: NSFW • Yandere Themes • Toxic Mindset • Manipulation • Isolation • Paranoia • Mentions of Sex

Kurapika is a delusional and paranoid type yandere.

With his strong sense of justice, Kurapika feels wholly disgusted when his feelings of love take a darker turn into obsession and infatuation. So much so that he in fact, simply denies it is happening at all. He will justify every action he makes even if confronted about it.

Leorio or Gon may be the ones who try to talk sense into him, but he truly can’t see anything wrong with his actions. He wasn’t stalking you, he was walking you home… without your knowledge. He never hurt those guys who picked on you, he gave them a stern talking to… after drowning them in their own blood. He believes each and every action is for your benefit, whether you see it or not.

He also views you as incompetent, incapable of caring for yourself properly and therefore in need of him. Kurapika seeks purpose and use, so he finds a darling who can fulfill that or creates a situation in which they do. It’s not hard for a Pro-Hunter to make a regular little civilian’s life miserable and unlivable. He truly doesn’t have to do anything to make your job go up in smoke, your home, your friends and family. He sees it at his right to do so as well, he’s your protector and provider in his mind.

That being said, if his darling is cooperative and responsive, he’s likely the most reasonable type of yandere there is. To reciprocate his love and buy into his strange paranoia, his darling will be given almost as normal as a life as they can hope. Kurapika isn’t jealous of others, he’s worried they’ll harm you. He’s worried he’ll lose you most of all, so if you willingly stick close, reassure him, then he’s as close to a normal lover as you can get with a yandere.

The opposite remains true too though, because if his darling doesn’t give in, if they fight back at every turn? He becomes almost manic with stress and is likely to have a mental break. If your constant pushing throws him over the edge, he’s likely to snap and just imprison you. Take you into a basement and lock you up until you break. It’s easier if you’re compliant, and it will make his heart ache, but he’s a stubborn man and is willing to make that sacrifice for your safety.

Kurapika does draw the line at physically harming you. He’s a gentle lover through and through, and even sex with him is as such. He’s a service top at best, a switch leaning most of the time. If he trusts you, he’ll give up control for you if you’re being intimate. He likes you on top, riding him, because it feels like you want him all to yourself like that. He also enjoys sitting up with you in his lap too, the intimacy so much deeper for him and his cock inside of you. He’s also a hand holder, whether it’s with him on top or while you ride him and he offers his hand as a stabilizer for you to bounce easier. Either way, he likes holding your hand.

As a yandere, I’d say Kurapika falls under a 3/10 in the danger level. He does love you, but he doesn’t trust you either.

Post dividers/@cafekitsune

[plutosunshine]

Astro Notes Pt. 10

✨ It is very interesting to me that both Gemini and Virgo are ruled by Mercury but are so different. Especially in terms of lies. Gemini's lies are their second nature. It doesn’t mean they lie all the time but if they need to, it is not a big problem. Also, they (I mean Gemini placements) are good at uplifting their friends so they’ll lie to make a friend happy. At the same time, Virgo placements feel like they betray themselves when they lie. Sometimes they say the truth that hurts but you may be sure that Virgo won't stab you in the back.

✨ Leo Mars people want to be right soooo much! They feel offended when they are wrong. It is that kind of person who will tell you “WHAT I TOLD YOU! I WAS RIGHT!”.

✨ I know this thing may be applied to any Pisces placement but Pisces Moon just NEEDS someone to help out. They feel empty when they aren’t doing something good for others. They may even have helpless friends with addictions or mental issues so that they could be there for them.

✨ Having 8th house overlays with your friends is sooo good. You are going through tough experiences together and transforming each other. This is the type of friend that will help you no matter what. Deep connection, conversations, and mutual understanding. You may help each other to heal deep wounds.

✨ Yes, it is very difficult to be on the same wave with a person whose Moon squares yours. However, when you have a deep bonding and desire to develop a relationship, you can deal with it. You have to understand that you never will fully understand the deep feelings and emotions of each other and you will never fully relate but know that you may find a way to cope. With time, it even deepens your connection, because you need to be more attentive and understanding.

✨ I want to mention again how important it is for Virgo Suns to have a purpose or do something no matter what. Virgo energy is so hard-working and restless that you need to navigate this energy to the right place. When you have nothing to do, no purpose or things to do, you subconsciously blame and criticize yourself which leads to low energy levels and low self-esteem.

✨ Also, Sun square Pluto can relate as well. Pluto creates much tension and when a person doesn’t have something where they can invest this intense energy, a person starts to destroy themselves.

✨ People with the 7th house in Aquarius often remain friends with their exes. I see all the time when their ex is their closest friend after the breakup. Also, it is common among people with Venus in Gemini and the 11th house. But there are a lot of indicators.

✨ People with Jupiter in the 2nd or 8th are so happy. They even don’t do anything but they have money somehow. Money just comes to them easily. (Don’t forget about other placements before saying that it's not true in your case!)

✨ People with the North Node in Leo have a chance to perform throughout their life. Maybe you reject it but it will find you anyway. Even if it is a small concert in your school or a local band that even doesn’t perform that much. Life will gift you opportunities to show yourself so don’t miss it!

✨ If you have Saturn in the 10th house, just listen. DON'T GIVE UP! I know you have high expectations for yourself and you feel incapable at times but once you give up, it will make you miserable. Don't give up on your dreams and goals! If you don’t satisfy this placement it will slowly kill you from the inside.

✨ People with Chiron in the 4th often feel guilt in terms of their family. Whatever happens in their family, they blame themselves. They think they could help or prevent some situations and it may kill them from the inside.

✨ Having Cancer placements for men in our society is crazy. Cancer energy is so vulnerable and sensitive but our society makes men hide it, which leads to suppressed anger and other emotions. That is why a lot of men with Cancer Mars have anger issues. They don’t know how to express emotions and blame themselves when they show weaknesses and insecurities.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for breaking up with my partner over something my best friend told me?

Hi, I'm 20, (they/he) and have been seeing said partner, 23 (any, also I'll call them V from now on) for almost three years apparently. We met in 2020 at a BLM demonstration and quickly became friends. Back then I had been crushing on them for a while but was in a then closed relationship. My girlfriend of that time (20, she/her, let'scall her F) and I opened our relationship and around Halloween I told V. They asked if it was open sexually or also open romantically. After discussing it with F, we said romantically as well, even though I knew that I was unable to commit 100% to loving someone besides F.

Yes, I know. I should have been honest back then. And I was, in a way. I told V that I didn't think I could love them the same way I loved F. It didn't matter then. But it does now.

F broke up with me in February and since then V and I have gotten closer and gone on regular dates and stuff. I still can't love them the way I should, though. I don't know why. We send each other hearts all the time and I tell them I love them, but only in English, because the words in my native language are too heavy and more meaningful (to me at least).

Now I have thought about breaking up with V thousands of times, and always felt bad because how do I explain that even though I said it(that I loved them) I never meant it 100%?

Last week my two best friends W (20, any) and K(20, he/him) (who are dating btw) were supposed to look after my cat (3, she/her). V was there when W showed up and I explained what to do, when to feed her etc.

Now apparently, when I was gone for a hot second to take out the trash or something, V bit W. V has always been a very affectionate and touchy person which has put off both W and K before, since they barely know V and aren't that touchy even with people they know very well (like me. We've known each other for 9 years and been best friends for 8 and 6 of those respectively). So W told me they signalled that they felt uncomfortable with that but V tried to do it a second time and was only apprehended by W fleeing.

Normally, this kind of boundary violation would cause me to cut ties with someone immediately. I am not a stranger to unwanted affection and know that W feels extremely violated by this. It affected them so much they were mentally incapable to take care of my cat and in the end, V ended up looking after her. Which is why it is so hard for me to know what to do.

W is my best friend. I love them dearly and wouldn't have survived school without them. They were violated and felt so horrible and dirty they had to take a long shower to even feel like a person again.

V is my partner who keeps telling their friends and family how well things are between us. I love their mum and I know some of their friends through work and the CSD parade. I feel so guilty about sort of lying to them and saw this incident as an out of a relationship that should've provably ended months ago.

So would breaking up with them over this make me the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[salvidida]

Everything about Scar's treatment in Brotherhood sucks so bad, but there was something specific that has been bothering me for awhile. I hadn't been able to quite put my finger on what it was since watching FMAB for the first time recently (as a lifelong 03 fan). So I rewatched FMA 03 again and it finally clicked what it was that further upsets me about Brotherhood regarding Scar, besides the more obvious imperialist propaganda and racism:

The Elric's relationship to him.

Now obviously Ed's racism towards Scar in Brotherhood is pointed out frequently enough, but it doesn't stop there. It's the way that Brohood Ed is incapable and fully resistant to ever bridging that gap besides a deeply uneasy allyship-of-convenience. Al is also fully distant from Scar, besides their mutual antagonism in the earlier arc. And nothing more is really explored here between these characters.

And I didn't realize how much I valued the way 03's Scar, Ed, and Al contrast, overlap, mirror, battle, and support one another. Their fates and goals are inseparable. Alchemy's impact on the Elrics' lives is reflected with Scar's life and his brother's, as well as their familial relationship to their own brothers; many point out the similarities between 03 Scar and Al, with some noting how Ed and Scar's brother match each other. And the way the Elrics here are more able to engage with the harsh realities that inform Scar's choices and actions versus that of their place as Amestrians, and for Ed as an active member of the military who, despite wanting to cling to his principle of never taking a life, at times can see Scar's point of view and even, with reticence, sympathize with him (Al even more so).

There are layers to the relationship across these three characters. The tension and humanity that arises is a driving force in revealing the dialectics of this show. It's to the point that Al and even at times Ed defend Scar when talking with other characters towards the end of the show, and they even ultimately owe their lives to him (the philosopher stone and grand arcanum that allowed both Ed and Al to live, and for Al to regain his body). And the bond between the Elrics help Scar to forgive his brother, to speak aloud that he loves him in his final moments, before triumphantly accomplishing his goal against the Amestrian military, saving the remaining Liorans, and saving Al from becoming Kimbly's final bomb.

And there are other moments, such as Scar helping Al in Lab 5, telling him he sees his unmistakable humanity after Al helps him save Ishbalan refugees. Scar attempting to help Ed in Lab 5 after he refuses to sacrifice the prisoners for the Philosopher Stone, because he sees the humanity in Ed too, the humanity that can resist merely being a ruthless military dog and scientist. The way Scar treats Al almost like a little brother of his own, and when he mentions that Ed and his older brother share the same kind eyes- said at a time when Scar still harbours ill feelings for his brother's taboos and his sacrifice; which becomes all the more poignant when he forgives his brother before creating a Stone passed down to the Elrics. Scar mentions having sworn off specifically targetting state alchemists post-Lab 5, and this feels like his way of sparing the Elrics of his wrath, even as he holds fast to fighting against an oppressive system with necessary violence. The material here is rich for analysis and appreciation! It doesn't settle on more digestible, black-and-white character archetypes and plot conveniences.

There's a reason why the final outro for 03, where it flashes across four deceased characters who mattered to the Elrics, includes Scar. The man is in the ranks of Trisha, Nina, and Hughes! This isn't a mistake, the writers are intentionally showing the indelible impacts of these people who they cared about.

But with FMAB, it's exceptionally flat here and entirely derogatory. Ed hates Scar, and the narrative treats him as wholly right to do so. Scar needs to repent and reform to the side of his genociders, and never shall these characters interact or converse beyond putting a stop to Father. Scar was nothing more than a vehicle to reach his murdered brother's alchemic research, and an example to be made of any radical who so much as raises a finger against the State. All three of these characters want nothing to do with each other, and that's about as far as we get with them. In Scar's own words, he's nothing more than the 'ooze' (the poison) that arises from military conquest, and by the end of the show it's clear that, even with Scar saving the entire country that destroyed his life, to the Elrics, he will always be that 'ooze'.

In Brotherhood Scar committed what the Elrics clearly considers to be the ultimate sin: he killed Winry's parents, and no matter the circumstances surrounding that event, no matter what else changes, no matter which mass murderers, monsters, and genociders the Elrics can sympathize with, humanize, befriend, and forgive, Scar will never be anything more than an unforgivable murderer. The best everyone gets here is moving on and living seperate lives. Nothing more.

The fact that Ed openly wishes he could beat the shit out of Scar, he verbalizes as such while Winry patches him up and Miles lectures him about the value of reforming the military regime to include more racialized people for its imperialist complex. And the big mercy Ed in this moment offers to Scar is... Not kicking the shit out of him after all.

The juxtaposition between these adaptations, the cold hatred of FMAB versus the entangled, poetic antagonism and comradery of FMA 03 makes experiencing the former anime so depressing. Until watching Broho it never dawned on me just how much I truly appreciated the complexities between Scar and the Elrics in 03. Finding Scar's Earth counterpart at the end of Shambala wasn't just a fun cameo: it feels like a road that leads back to an ally.

At least now I have something I can more consciously enjoy whenever I revisit 03, while articulating yet another reason why I can't stand Broho.