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I checked out the "canon jiang cheng" in hopes of finding my people and yet all I've found are JC stans saying the weirdest of things were absolutely canon.
I am very tired.
Then I figured that I should just try my hand at the character tag and regretted it even more when I fell on an anti wwx post.
I didn't know those people existed and frankly, I am worried for them.
Seriously tho, this post was unreal, I can't believe I just read that with my own two eyes.
Can I rant with you please?
Yeah there was a whole thing when twitter users fled back to tumblr where twitter jc stans decided to “reclaim” the tag because they’re upset they didn’t successfully bully canon enjoyers out the fandom. They usually either fill it with fanon jc mess, jc thirst edits, or hate for any other character with the intention of antagonizing everyone else like they did in the main novel tag and the main jc character tag. I personally don’t use character tags to know how bad it’s gotten, but I use my mutuals to find new blogs to follow by paying attention to who they reblog from.
I don’t mind ranting, as long as it’s about a fandom trend and not about specific individuals* whose content you can trace back to.
*caveat to the “specific individuals”: sometimes I do talk about identifiable individuals, but usually it’s because they’ve either directly interacted with me or I am pointing out the disproportionate influence they’ve had on fandom in negative ways, so still fandom trend commentary. I don’t care about dissecting every individual jc stan fic or headcanon or “meta,” though, because they all say the same thing and jumping on one person for doing what the whole group is doing feels redundant.
#mdzs asks#anon#i also don’t use character tags#because the moment I start using them#is the moment I’m gonna turn into one of the biggest bullies on this site#and i am showing so much self-restraint#to not make this place more hostile than it already is#so i can enjoy a fandom experience for one rather than entrenching myself in the sewers with the rest of the rats#I’m very sorry about what happened to the canon jc tag tho#my friends created that#i watched it come into being#and it makes me very *angry* how it’s being misappropriated
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Going legitimately insane because all my brain has been able to chew on has been this particular callback and what it means for the headspace that Fadel is in at the end of episode 6.
It's insane that Fadel even said that to Bison in the first place because the Fadel of episode 5 knew better than to believe it was possible for anyone to truly bare themselves to another person, knew better than to want to know and be known and chosen despite it all. To the Fadel of episode 5, "laying yourself bare" was an impossibility because of how much power it gives the other person, and Fadel's mind is too practical, his circumstances too complex, his heart too fragile to ever give that to anyone ever again.
But Fadel's walls began to crack in the face of Style's honesty and the shared pain of knowing what it is to loose someone precious; cracked under the weight of Style pressing kisses to his scar and laying Fadel bare to bring him pleasure; shattered in the face of Style giving himself over to loving Fadel for a whole night -- and Fadel woke up half underneath the spread of Style's body and found himself already in love.
And do you know how I know this? Because of all the things Fadel could have said he liked about Style, he chooses this. It's not that Style is effortlessly kind and thoughtlessly generous at times. It's not that Style is hot and sexy and frankly kind of a slut (specifically for Fadel). It's not even that Style has secret, hidden depths and an unexpectedly shared pain which allows him to understand and empathise with Fadel in a way that no one but Bison has been able to for a very long time.
No, it's his cockiness. His arrogance. The way Style is unabashedly himself and makes no apologies for it. The way Style will literally dance to his own tune and sing at the top of his lungs with no care for anyone else's opinion unless it's to appreciate it. The way Style walks into the room and has the confidence to put his body on display and already know that he will be welcomed and wanted -- and this confidence meant that he assumed Fadel would find him attractive, and would not stop until Fadel eventually gave in to that attraction.
It's telling that it's these specific instances that come to mind when Fadel thinks about Style's lips. There are so many scenes and shots they could have chosen (because lbr here Dunk, and therefore Style, really does have amazing lips), so it feels very intentional that Fadel thinks firstly of the time Style refused to back off when Fadel pretended not to miss him, and then the moment when Fadel finally admitted that he did and was rewarded with Style's reassurance and reciprocated vulnerability and wholehearted embrace. Also, because this was the last episode that Style did not Know, and therefore was still being fully honest with Fadel. Both instances are Fadel appreciating in hindsight the way Style's very nature -- the way he would not give up, the way he keeps pushing and pushing even in the face of Fadel's seeming impassivity -- gives Fadel not only the opportunity but the impetus to finally let go of his control and acknowledge his feelings for Style.
It's explicit confirmation that Fadel enjoys and appreciates and has grown to love Style's personality and antics and the way he expresses himself.
So the Fadel in episode 6 dares to ask for Style's honesty and gives with it an explicit promise of trust and acceptance in return. After recognising the effort Style has had to put in to find ways to connect with Fadel (heavy metal vs pop rock), he now asks for Style to be real with him because Fadel understands himself to be ready to love, and in loving Style, is able to offer the very thing he wants the most from Style: "acceptance of who he really is".
We also see the evidence of Fadel's unspoken promise in the way that he now responds with an almost easy openness to Style's questions in stark contrast to the Fadel in the early part of the show. If he wants Style to accept him, he can't continue keeping all his secrets. So now, he gives Style pieces of himself with barely a thought, and lets Style use them to push and prod and drag to light the very things he used to keep hidden because he thought they weren't useful or helpful or worthy of being loved (see @sherrymagic's gorgeous gifset + my tags on it).
It's also in the way he now allows Style to take him outside of his comfort zone because he trusts that the private joys he's kept to himself are safe in Style's hands; that, moreover, Style will look to Fadel's happiness and not make a mockery of it.
I'm obsessed with the moment in the screenshot on the bottom right because Fadel looks so completely out of his element and almost in a state of shock. He's literally standing separated from the rest of the group in the composition of the shot, hesitation writ in every line of his body, while Style, who isn't even a fan of this band or this music, fits in with the band seamlessly.
But this hesitation isn't because of discomfort, it's nervousness and an almost joyous disbelief because Fadel could never have done this on his own, he would never have allowed himself the indulgence of actually showing his love for his favourite band if Style hadn't taken the initiative to drag him there and ask for the photo. And, oh, how wonderful it must have felt to see Style prove his own words by being right there by Fadel's side as he lets himself go, as he lets himself be himself without fear, for the first time in what must have felt like forever.
In a single, perfect night, Style has been exactly, precisely, breathtakingly everything Fadel could ever have wanted; because in a single night of Fadel finally having the courage to bare himself to another person, Style gave Fadel not only acceptance but a celebration of who Fadel is. With everything Style does that night, he ties himself to Fadel; he ties his happiness to Fadel's and his comfort to the warmth of Fadel's embrace. Style fashioned himself into exactly what Fadel wanted -- and now that Fadel has had a taste of it, how can he possibly go back?
Which is why Fadel already knows that it's too late for him, he knows that he is already in love; knows, moreover, that he has rewritten parts of himself to seek out and miss and yearn for Style; has even learned to love Style the way he understands Style wants to be loved.
So Fadel might as well keep the promise he made to Style with his lips pressed shut against the lies he didn't want to keep telling Style. He might as well give Style more days and nights and chances to spin his lies, because at least Fadel has the meager comfort of knowing he spoke the truth.
Because if Style wants to keep playing this game, if Style is able to so be so convincingly deceptive that Fadel can no longer trust himself to tell when Style is lying, then Fadel will take the punishment of choosing honesty in the face of his betrayal. Fadel will fashion himself into a heartless tool and allow himself the indulgence of playing this tantalising part -- because he may just find a way to save Bison in the process.
And to Fadel, it does not matter if his own heart gets broken along the way, because Fadel deserves the punishment of laying himself bare to the man who does not love him in return; he deserves to give Style the power of knowing the hold he has over Fadel.
But doing so is a punishment for Style, too, because if Fadel must love, then he is going to weaponise his own feelings in the fight he now thinks he has to wage against Style. Because two can play this game of cruelty, and Fadel does not care if this sword is double edged because cutting himself to pieces is a small price to pay if it means dragging Style along with him into hell.
After all, what's another crack when his whole entire world has already been so utterly and completely shattered?
#i started this post pretty much the day the episode dropped and every single meta post i've written since has just been byproducts#of this one harrowing thought that Fadel is taking his own feelings and fashioning them into the ultimate weapon to bring Style down.#because it can simultaneously be true that he plans to do this whilst also understanding that he now genuinely is IN LOVE with Style.#the simultaneous acceptance of his feelings and the callous and clinical use of them -- yeah this is the killer we saw in episode 1#and the fact that Fadel thinks this is is what he needs to do; that this is WHO HE NEEDS TO BE when he's actually SO WRONG#because every beautiful perfect loving moment Style gave him this episode was in TRUTH and IN SPITE of the lies he had to tell Fadel.#it's just BREAKING ME OPEN. T_T somebody please hold me i'm really Not Okay!!!! T_T#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#stylefadel#thk ep 6#thk meta#fadelstyle meta#joongdunk#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#<- once again if you want to tag block me i would so understand ^^;;;
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hi Emma! Who do you consider your friends do you have a crush on anybody?
" For crushes... "
#ITS SO SO FUNNY HOW MUCH PAIRINGS FIT MELLY? i felt like i needed to draw her as the greed talked about in the bible#AND MELLY POTENTIALLY KNOWING WENDY FOOTE BEFORE THE MANOR? omg... im so excited to see their lore#2022 me would be so sad emmamelly is not bros otp no more#NOT THAT EMMAMELLY IS BAD AND GONE heh.#swaytura on the mind though u feel#idv#identity v#emma woods#identity v gardener#survivor ask blog#idv gardener#ask emma woods#identity v ask blog#mentions:#melly plinius#wendy foote#give her like 20 seconds before she crushes again trust#a moment to talk about ships:#I dont got a defined crush/relationship for Emma! I love all her ships ^^ it's so silly to see other peoples portrayals and hcs#I started off shipping Emma and Melly because of garden scenarios and how they'd share a mutual bond through their nature expertise#Tracy and Emma are one of my OG ships too! super cute! From gears to plants they both have their own parallels to learn from eachother#when I first started this blog I used to talk to this Mun and they started sending me Emma and Naib artworks!#my goodness their excitement was contagious ^^! I hope theyre doing alright.#To that one Kurt/Servais and Emma shipper I see you! the pairings are super calming and I think itd be interesting to explore their past!#Someone posted Lucky x Emma here too and heh.. I totally get you. theyd get into such shenanigans together and they seem sweet!#Then I've been seeing alot of Norton and Emma recently on tiktok! Theres this one artist that draws them in such silly scenarios#But everytime I think about shipping them I get flashbacks to a minecraft server with nortnaib and i feel like damn... betrayal </3#how could i do that to my nortnaib besties#Then when playing with my friend on IDV I noticed they had Mary and Emma room pictures and yknow what? go queen#hcs are very much appreciated :) maybe when i open asks again i'd love to hear everyones thoughts.
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford season 2#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x10#I really didn't want to gif a single frame of Caleb. But I did want to gif this scene. So sacrifices had to be made 🤣#Absolute INSANE behavior Tim. INSANE! and yet justified given how much of a piece of sh-- Caleb turned out to be. He had creepy vibes#from the get go. It's interesting how Tim said that Lucy hesitated with Caleb.#The only hesitancy (and frustration) I detect is this conversation taking place while Tim is there and Lucy being very aware of that.#And Tim at the end handing her the paper. Lucy observing how he's acting and how quickly he shifted into protective mode. Tim standing#there with a part of him not feeling right about this whole thing & later projecting that as Lucy being the one who didn't.#He was overwhelmed by his guilt and in such anguish. Just falling apart at the thought of losing her because he gave her advice#as a friend and not as her training officer. Something awful happening to someone else. To Lucy... collecting more guilt#and piling it on top of all the other times that happened. That someone suffered because of 'his actions'#Neither Tim or Lucy saw this sadistic monster coming. And Tim may not have suspected him...#But there was something about Caleb and that interaction that had Tim stepping into that role of the fierce protector.#And Tim isn't only emitting protective energy here...🟢 * Puts a green circle there and doesn't elaborate * Yaass queen give us nothing 🤣#The green circle of jealousy and Tim is standing inside of it.#But he's also coming across as distrustful of Caleb's intentions which is not alarming as they're in the midst of the chaos#surrounding a serial killer. It's rather expected to be that way. It's how Tim said he should've known. He should've suspected him.#He's a cop. And yet he started interrogating like a cop would & as if he were a suspect. Asking for a last name. What he does for a living.#He behaved in that way for a reason. So something definitely felt off but the need to be Lucy's friend in that moment#that he encouraged her to go out with him came before his instinct to be a cop or even her T.O .#In other words... He prioritized Lucy and what he thought she needed. He shifted the focus from the case onto her by#suggesting she focus on something else. And when she was taken... that focus on her became heightened by the gravity of the situation.#+ The EYE CONTACT. Tim & Lucy having their own private moment. The silent communication between them while Caleb rambles on#in the background about something unimportant. I have so much more to say but I've reached my tag limit 🤣*whispers with feeling* f**k..
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what's so interesting is that agatha and nicky clearly had their cons well-oiled, and at the end it seems they even started turning their song into a part of it as well, like i don't think that was the first time nicky sang that song for an audience and they used it to lure witches (i do think it's the first time that it /technically/ didn't work), and how after nicky died it continued to gain popularity and be so well-known it became a legend, and along with that agatha being known as the only survivor of the road and people (like billy) seeking her out to walk it or just for knowledge of it. and i think that had been the idea when they first started using it as a con. making it so they no longer had to travel and scavenge, using it as a lure to bring the witches to them in order to keep nicky alive, but only one small misstep and rio got him anyway
and then thinking about how lorna, who had a generational curse placed upon her family that is going to kill both her and her daughter and who desperately wants to see her daughter survive, heard this song and created her own version to use as a protection spell for her daughter and, like agatha did before her, she made her version so well-known and so popular that years and years after death it's still protecting her daughter, until ultimately her daughter was finally able to use it to break the curse and save herself
idk just.. they're like two sides of the same coin, or distorted mirrors of each other
agathas love was so powerful and so strong that death gave nicky time
lornas love was so powerful and so strong that the ballad gave alice time and even freed her
if nicky hadnt been taken that night, could it have eventually freed him as well? rio said agatha used the dark magic of the darkhold to hide herself from rio, so was that the end goal? they'd continue to lure witches to both keep nicky alive and to have agatha become powerful enough to forever keep them hidden?
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#agatha harkness#nicholas scratch#alice wu gulliver#lorna wu#txt#me before the finale: and i'll save this song to use the lyrics to make gifsets of agatha x rio since i'll finally have more scenes to use#me after the finale: lorna/alice and agatha/nicholas parallels let's goooo#and there's something so poetic about how alice died too#like the song worked for her in ways it could never have worked for nicky#the song saved her like it never could nicky and like it was supposed to for nicky#and ultimately she dies the same as all the witches who had been drained to keep nicky living#do you think instead of just a loss of control agathas grief and bitterness chose to take from alice#because why should what was meant to save nicky save her instead?#i wonder if that moment when she watches it fizzle does she think of lorna?#does hearing nicky's voice allow her to see the similarities from a different perspective instead of through her grief#through her love of her son and connect it to lorna's love of her daughter? their struggle was the same for as much as it was different#idk it's just... agatha was planning to drain them from the start#why was /this/ one different. why did she have that look on her face after#especially after being confronted with her own mother who would have seen her die
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Nirei and Sakura are NOT beating the "unconditionally in love" allegations. In fact, they're just proving to be in love over and over again with each chapter
#the fact that i'm not using all their moments because they're too gay and they're always together#so i'd have to reread the manga again#and yes i said again bc i reread it already#but oh lord just make them kiss cmon cmon#it's about the protectiveness and trust they have on each other#it's about nirei's admiration for sakura and sakura being unable to take that love bc he hates himself and nirei giving it to him anyway#it's about nirei asking him to share his burden with him#it's about sakura protecting his first real friend with his life to the point of feeling guilty every time nirei's in danger#it's about sakura starting to trust nirei to protect himself too#IT'S ABOUT RELYING ON EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME#the way this is just me and my partner i am losing it#wind breaker#wind breaker (satoru nii)#nirei akihiko#sakura haruka#whatever the shipname is called#bc i haven't seen anyone use a shipname for them so whatever#but they're my favorite ship without a doubt
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LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
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What’s with the Wells siblings and falling into fountains with their best friends?
#thunderstomm#tomm talks#tomm art#thunderstomm art#doodles#my doodles#the fairly oddparents: a new wish#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents: a new wish#fairly oddparents#hazel wells#dev dimmadome#antony wells#deja fop#OOOOUGH the new episode was so cute !! i knew i had to draw antony from the moment i saw him- he’s so cool!#I really like the design of his friend too- I think her name is Deja? as in deja vu? interesting… anywho she’s pretty and I had to draw her#hazel and dev are here too because I like them and they’re cool#I’m still not over the fountain parallel. like that’s way too intentional#they want us to draw that connection. has me curious for what happens next!!#I do hope we hear an antony update and he starts dating his friend. that’d be cute#what these parallels mean for dev n hazel I don’t know but I am seated nonetheless#okay to reblog#please reblog#!!#(:
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Making content for all 5 tcf fans out there
Bonus:
#cale henituse#the trash of the count's family#raon miru#Tcf#Art#Comic#I'm gonna be real I had too much fun with this#Also they look like foxes more than cats because I... Wanted them to. Yeah I don't have an excuse#I mean just look at how big they are in the bottom panel lmfao. Them honkers#Anyways I'm using a new technique to make art and it's shockingly fun#3d models baybe. Who knew they were so useful#Anyways I had to really struggle not to scrap the whole thing and redraw Cale to look more dynamic#Alas. I'll get good at using models eventually#Only rlly need em for the hoomans tho. Their faces are so... lumpy... it's hard to grasp#On the note of tcf. You should read it. Yeah you. The one who's reading this.#Did you like rainworlds story? Do you dislike how romance dominates everything? Do you like going crazy? Then you're probably like me.#There's a graphic novel (manhwa) if you're not into actual reading (the manhwa is actually insanely good and it's so deserved)#(like I'm convinced it started as a passion project. The artist goes so hard for no reason)#I'll probably illustrate some moments from the story if the mood hits me. This is gonna be my second read#(it's 2 million words it takes like at least a hundred hours to read it all) so I'm having fun discovering all the foreshadowing I missed#Actually let's see. Oh yeah. Lmao I've been reading for 28 hours and I'm 20% of the way through part 1#Idk how accurate that number is but I'm not a slow reader 😂#The Infinite Book™.#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#lcf
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illario was so right... this one traumatized crow boy really can contain such a universe of pure and childlike wonder at the mere existence -- the concept! -- of wyverns. even through the horrors
#after hearing that caterina would never let him have a wyvern dagger even when he grew up rye is definitely and for sure#buying lucanis every kind of wyvern-themed thing his little special interest heart could desire.#all while keeping hard unbroken eye contact with caterina over lucanis' shoulder#bitch I'm a speaker to the dead and the dead are savage fucking TRY me if you dare I won't hesitate#(I think the more he starts to glean about lucanis' childhood the more this is just rye's general stance with caterina at all times haha#'he loves you despite everything so I won't actively make trouble here. but the ice you're on with me is SO paper thin lady'#I think caterina has enough instinct to recognize real danger honed through a long and lethal life to heed the warning)#hearing the complete unvarnished delight in his voice when you buy him the dagger in treviso was probably rye's '...oh' moment haha#his banter about potentially using the body after a contract to bait in wyverns so he could just. look at them.#because just getting to look at them would be enough.#this guy is autistic and also a huge loss to the academic field of zoology in a different life he would have written The definitive text#about wyverns. there would be nothing left to discover after he was done he'd get it all#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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Ugh I can’t stand how chiefs fans are making fun of jamarr and calling him a diva (among other names) when Travis literally screamed in his coach’s face during the Super Bowl and has been ejected from a game before for disrespecting the ref.
tbh i don't mind chiefs fans shit talking ja'marr, they have every reason to hate him. he's embarrassed their team plenty and has done more than his share of shit talking. let them have their fun (although i agree it's def hypocritical after that travis moment that i guess no one ever wants to talk about!)
what upsets me SO much though is seeing our own fans turn on him. calling him selfish for the hold-in, blaming him for the contract debacle, saying he's overrated, saying we should trade him and keep tee (when they were all saying the exact opposite when tee requested a trade TWICE a few months ago 🙄). and i do understand that ja'marr was in the wrong for this penalty, but getting ridiculous penalties against the chiefs is kind of just what he does! like it cannot be emphasized enough how much that man hates the chiefs lmao.
ja'marr has been STRUGGLING these past few months and it's obvious how much of a toll this has taken on him. i'm not at all surprised things boiled over to a tipping point when he thought he was tackled in a particularly dangerous way (whether he was right or wrong, he DID believe it). right now he's taking a huge risk being out on the field at all without any real guarantees for the future. that shit is scary, it's scary betting on yourself even when you do believe in yourself 100%. people play better when they feel secure, when they feel valued, and the front office did everything they could this offseason to make him feel the opposite.
i'm really hoping he can have a big game this monday. supposedly the commanders defense is Not Good, so that should help us! (i just hope it isn't a trap game for us. but the fact that we're 0-2 i think will make the guys take it seriously.) winning helps cure all ails for competitors like ja'marr, and i believe we've got a lot of that ahead of us!
#also god i was thinking the other day#ja'marr is YOUNG!#he's not a child but like he got thrust into stardom at 18 when he was just becoming a man#and (for the most part) he has handled all that insanity well!#he's always been known as a hard worker and good team player#and now suddenly we're all turning on him because y'all are frustrated with another 0-2 start??#he is NOT the problem. find a new scapegoat!#also also i do think joe may be feeling some guilt/just a general feeling of unease after the Shove Heard Around The World#like joe wasn't at fault either. he was doing the right thing to try to break it up#but you know ja'marr felt that shove like a fucking slap in the face at that moment#it's supposed to be them against the world. ja'marr defends joe against any and everything#(including perfectly logical things like pat being objectively better lol)#joe shoving him back and taking the ref's side must have hurt. regardless of if it was right or wrong.#but of course joe would see it as having ja'marr's back because he was trying to stop further punishment#messy messy messy!#no one is in the wrong! and frankly i love the chance of Character Analysis this gave us.#but let's get the good vibes back soon please!
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november ko-fi fic!
hiya!! i am still working on the november ko-fi fic (to be published hopefully sometime this weekend)
(KUWSK family meal aka american thanksgiving themed with ✨chaos✨ to make it wholesome after the last two mob-themed ones lmao)
BUT i'm announcing here that i will be stopping the ko-fi fics after november!! with my grad program picking up, i've found that it's been really hard to balance how much i want to write, study, and just be here in this space online with y'all - and the ko-fi fics have been a ton of fun and honestly so good for my writing abilities, but they've also become a stressor the later in the month it gets without posting when i wanted to commit to having them out at the beginning of each month :(
so to make sure that no one gets charged in december, i'm just gonna delete my ko-fi the last day of november! all the fics i've posted on there will make their way to ao3 (probably in the first month of 2025) so no one will actually lose access to anything - i would just feel really bad if people were charged because they didn't see this or cause they didn't cancel in time or anything!
in all, this has been really fun for me and i'm really really so incredibly thankful for everyone who has become a supporter of my ko-fi (either for a few months or a day or the entire year it's been running). thank you thank you so much!! and i hope you enjoyed these little fics as well <3
#kit's kofi fics#ive been missing the amount of time i used to have for fandom space#especially on tumblr#and i've been so focused on writing my bb fic (still ebcause the mods are angels and im late to having it finished)#that all my writing time has gone there#and then my next priority is my kofi#and i want my next priority to be something different entirely#like whatever i want at the moment you know?#i remembered way late at night the other night that i never finished the hanahaki fic#and i was like!!!! the hanahaki fic!!#but finals are starting (they're essays i should have started them ages ago)#and i have my bb fic to finish (thank you mods for letting me have extra time)#and i have the kofi fic etc etc#so one has to go#and this is what i picked and i am honestly so grateful and ahppy for everything#and i hope the last one (KUWSK) shows that#because its been a pleasure to write
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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A brain dump of thoughts after Agatha All Along ep 6:
Okay but like. The parallels between Agatha and Billy that we get to see now????
Both of their mothers chose to protect other people, complete strangers, over their own children??? Like. We know Wanda made the right choice, sacrificing her family for the greater good, but in her own twisted way did Evanora believe she was doing the same? Did she ever love her daughter? On some deep level, beneath the anger and hatred and warped sense of justice did it hurt her to try to kill her own child? She believed Agatha would bring countless death and destruction, that she was destined to be evil. As warped as her justifications were did she see it as a selfless sacrifice like Wanda's? Does that make it right? Does Billy have as much reason as Agatha to be angry with his mother for choosing to let him and his brother die? Do her truly selfless intentions matter to a child was just desperate to survive? Will he be able to forgive Wanda before that resentment is used against him? Is Agatha just trying to manipulate him by taunting him about Wanda or does she truly see a bit of herself in a child whose mother tried to kill him? (Edited)
Both of them were forced to do something horrible just to survive??? Agatha had to murder her own family. Billy had to steal the body of a boy who had just died. He had to pretend to be the child of these poor unsuspecting parents who just want their son back. Who have no idea their child is dead. The Kaplans will never get to bury William. He has to look them in the eye every single day knowing he's not really their son but what else was he supposed to do? He hates what he's doing to these people but what choice did he have? Could he even control it or did his soul instinctively seek out a new vessel to protect itself? Agatha was just a child who didn't want to die. Billy was just a child who didn't want to die. Were they selfish? Could they control it? Can we truly blame them if they could?
Both of them do terrible things when they feel backed into a corner or overwhelmed or emotional??? Things that they come to regret as soon as the emotions clear??? Billy looked horrified when he finally realized what he had done to Lilia and Jen but he's an intensely powerful and traumatized child who was overcome with grief and anger. Do we really think every single one of Agatha's kills was 100% self-defense? Do we really think she never killed someone in a fit of anger only to regret it after? And maybe Agatha has come to accept and embrace that now but she must have been like Billy when she was young. (Billy is literally the same age Agatha was when she killed her coven and was even younger when he took William's body) She must have been horrified at her power, at the things she did when she felt trapped. She must have bent over backward trying to defend herself and justify her own actions before realizing no one would believe she didn't want to do those things so she might as well embrace her power to its fullest potential ("I'm not that nice").
Both of them are walking the road for someone they lost??? I know Agatha says she's on the road for her power back but that's not how the road works, right? It doesn't give you what you want it gives you what you're missing. I think if Agatha was really able to get anything at all in the world, it wouldn't be her magic. Agatha is looking for Nicky. Billy is looking for Tommy. I don't know if either of them will really get that at the end but they are absolutely in this for the same reason.
I know there are mixed responses to this episode (at least when I first scrolled through the tag) but I for one really enjoyed it. I was really worried they were going to half-ass the explanation for why Billy was being Like This and fuck up one of the only queer Marvel Comics characters but comparing his actions to Agatha's and showing us this kid who is SO MUCH like how Agatha must have been when she was his age is so much fun actually. Like, it would have been really great but pacing-wise we probably couldn't have spent the necessary time going back into Agatha's past and diving deep into her progression from "scared child who does horrible things out of desperation for survival" to "cutthroat witch who is more than eager to hurt and betray others for her own personal gain". But we get to see it happen to Billy over the rest of the season and maybe even multiple MCU projects!!! Or maybe we'll get to see him make different choices. Maybe Agatha will be able to give him the chance no one gave her. Maybe history doesn't have to repeat itself. Maybe Billy's journey will give Agatha the chance to change her own story once and for all.
Idk this is really rambly and maybe my opinion will change as I think about it more but my first reactions are positive. Yeah on a meta level it sucks that the wlw couple is moving so slowly in their own show while the young, conventionally attractive mlm couple got to kiss within their first few minutes of screentime and they probably could have put in the effort to intentionally combat the miserable lesbians trope. But on a story level, I'm personally glad they're not rushing Agatha and Rio's arc. They're definitely going to get their moment but the reason they're so compelling is because of their history and the tragedy between them. We don't have all the details of what really happened between them yet but I don't think it's something you can just kiss and make up about. Billy and Eddie are teenagers with no real baggage between them. Agatha and Rio have possibly centuries of hurt and anger and betrayal to work through Let Them Cook! It'll be that much sweeter and their relationship is one of the CORE overarching plots of the show you don't want them to rush it. (Also I personally am too ace for the "we're gonna make up by having hot sex about it" type of conflict resolution and would have hated if Agatha and Rio were intimate before sorting at least some of their shit out but that's just me ik a lot of people would have enjoyed it and I'm sure it could have been really compelling but I actually cannot stand those kinds of plots most of the time.)
Also just keep in mind that the only other named queer characters we've had in the MCU literally ever are Phastos and Ben in the Eternals and like. Yeah it shouldn't have taken this long for a queer lead but the massive jump??? We went from one character (out of like ten mains) whose partner has minimal personality traits and like five minutes of screen time to a show with two main character on-screen queer romances!!!! In the Marvel Cinematic Universe??? And one of them is a season-long complex and interesting story that is a central plot of the series and not just half-baked fanservice!!! And one is just sweet innocent love between kids who care about each other!!! I do wish wlw stories didn't always have to come with attractive cis gay men but do y'all understand how huge this is for the MCU????? It shouldn't have taken this long and we can definitely criticize the negative tropes the show falls victim to but net positive progress is always something to be happy about. If you're not familiar with the greater MCU and the history of Marvel in general just understand that this is actually insane for them and I'm so excited for the doors that just opened for future queer storylines, but that can only happen if we show Marvel that, yes we do want queer characters being openly intimate on screen. Be happy for Billy, keep being happy for Agatha and Rio during all stages of their story and maybe we'll get to see more of this!!!
#i am literally gnawing at the walls about billy and agatha they're soooooo yes please give me more of this#yes this is agatha's show and she should be the center of it#yes we needed to see billy's backstory for his character to be fully-formed and to do the comics justice#two things can be true at the same time#again it is really frustrating on a meta level that the wlw couple had to get sidelined for an entire episode on their own show#but i also would have been really mad if they'd butchered such an important queer marvel character as billy kaplan#yes it's a very common trope of the wlw characters always suffering and fighting while the mlm characters just get to be happy#and the writers should be called out for it and we should be upset about it because they really should know better by now#yes billy and eddie are a monumental moment for the mcu and we need to celebrate that#because if they only see us angry about the SECOND EVER QUEER MCU COUPLE they'll use it as an excuse to cut queer storylines in the future#if y'all give them an excuse to think the reason you didn't like billy and eddie was because they're gay#and we get another twenty years of queerbaiting in marvel because yall couldn't be happy about baby steps for once i'm going to start bitin#ALSO ALSO last thing i swear but agatha harkness is not queer in the comics they GAVE us a new wlw relationship PLEASE be happy about that#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#agatha harkness#billy maximoff#teen agatha all along#mcu
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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