#the song saved her like it never could nicky and like it was supposed to for nicky

[roots-symphony]

what's so interesting is that agatha and nicky clearly had their cons well-oiled, and at the end it seems they even started turning their song into a part of it as well, like i don't think that was the first time nicky sang that song for an audience and they used it to lure witches (i do think it's the first time that it /technically/ didn't work), and how after nicky died it continued to gain popularity and be so well-known it became a legend, and along with that agatha being known as the only survivor of the road and people (like billy) seeking her out to walk it or just for knowledge of it. and i think that had been the idea when they first started using it as a con. making it so they no longer had to travel and scavenge, using it as a lure to bring the witches to them in order to keep nicky alive, but only one small misstep and rio got him anyway

and then thinking about how lorna, who had a generational curse placed upon her family that is going to kill both her and her daughter and who desperately wants to see her daughter survive, heard this song and created her own version to use as a protection spell for her daughter and, like agatha did before her, she made her version so well-known and so popular that years and years after death it's still protecting her daughter, until ultimately her daughter was finally able to use it to break the curse and save herself

idk just.. they're like two sides of the same coin, or distorted mirrors of each other

agathas love was so powerful and so strong that death gave nicky time

lornas love was so powerful and so strong that the ballad gave alice time and even freed her

if nicky hadnt been taken that night, could it have eventually freed him as well? rio said agatha used the dark magic of the darkhold to hide herself from rio, so was that the end goal? they'd continue to lure witches to both keep nicky alive and to have agatha become powerful enough to forever keep them hidden?

[mermaidsirennikita]

We need the full lashings against the margarita show

Honestly, I don't have much new to say except that it's actually such a bummer to see a book I love this much be turned into not only a bad adaptation, but a bad show. If it made a lot of changes but was well-written and created, I'd get over it. One example of an adaptation of a book I enjoyed that was a bad adaptation but a good movie is A Simple Favor--it's really not all that much like the book and has a totally different ending, but tbh? The stylistic choices made it better. This can be done. Interview with the Vampire (the show) changed a lot of things about the source material--the time period, Louis and Claudia's race and origins, a lot about Daniel, the explicit sexuality and romance of Louis and Lestat's relationship--but it honestly, for the most part, elevated the story.

But this is like... legitimately a super weak show. I've actually never experienced this before lol. Most of the books I truly love love love don't get turned into shows or movies, and those that have I'm usually pretty happy with. This is new for me!

(Also, wasn't Nicky an Italian prince in the book? This is such a non-issue, but I feel like random Italian royalty~ is way more believable than random Irish royalty. For fuck's sake, a Borghese "prince" was on THE BACHELOR. Beverly d'Angelo was married to an Italian prince. They're not that hard to find. WHERE ARE THESE IRISH PRINCES??)

Special callouts for the latest batch include:

--the "I don't regret that dress", an objectively cool, punchy line that absolutely sums up Daisy's character--a woman who's lived hard and wild and is aware that she's messy and feels bad about some things but also objectively enjoys certain aspects of living hard and perhaps misses them--getting flipped into "I don't regret that day". LOL. WHAT WAS THE REASON. That's what I don't get about so many adaptational choices. There's no fucking reason. No reason at all. It really feels, sometimes, that they want Daisy to be more approachable and everygirl when the point of her appeal is that she isn't approachable and everygirl. You aren't supposed to identify with Daisy; you're supposed to admire her, want to be her, and then realize that there is a catch to being as cool as Daisy. You also have to commit to being as fucked as she is.

--Simone's queer disco queen subplot was legitimately one of the most interesting things the show has given (the song was one of the better ones too, even if the lyrics were... still rough....) but ultimately, she still exists to go save Daisy and that sucks. Honestly surprised the show didn't replace Simone going there with more DaisyBilly fanservice. There's a lot the show sort of skirted around about Simone wanting to be successful as easily as Daisy, a privileged white woman, could be; how much she wanted to be open with her own truly committed lesbian relationship the way Daisy could be about her fly by night straight marriage. But rather than delving deep, we have Daisy literally going "IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME OR SOMETHING" a la Regina George.

And if Daisy had been sympathetic versus obnoxious up until this moment, if we'd had real investment in that friendship, I think it could've read as a slap in the face. Like "oh wow, this woman who seems cool and chill and impossibly chic is actually a fucking messy drug addict who, like many addicts, says ridiculously gross, fucked up shit in a moment, she is cool and she is chic and she is talented but she has a serious ugly side", which is something I think... Let's give an example. A Star Is Born (2019)! Did well. Yeah, you could make jokes about Jackson Maine pissing his pants, but to ME, the moment that rang as "oh this is ugly, even though he's been so lovely otherwise" is when he, while shitfaced and jealous, calls his wife, who he knows is insecure about her looks, ugly to her face. While she's naked in front of him. That scene, after you watch how loving and tender he is, even while fucked up, reads as a harsh slap. It's very realistic, if you've been around people who are otherwise loving and amazing, who struggle with addiction. They do that shit. It hurts. It doesn't necessarily invalidate who they are when they're in better places; which makes it hurt more.

Daisy has been so fucking obnoxious when she's... Sober? High but reading sober because the show hasn't gone in on how much of an addict Daisy is and their version of "functional heavy drug user" is "basically sober, maybe a little stoned"? That this moment just read as more of Daisy being obnoxious. Plus, a lot of this agency is taken from Daisy's hands, and we're told that Nicky is manipulating her. The thing is that Nicky was a total symptom in the book--he was a symptom of Daisy's addiction issues, her mental health problems, and her damage with Billy. He was not a cause. He may not have encouraged her to get better, he may have sped up some escalation, but honestly? Daisy was already a pretty fucking messy person before marrying him. Daisy was already showing up high and drinking throughout the day. She handled it worse on the tour, but a lot of that was touring and having to be around Billy while being in love with him and rejected by him. The show, imo, has done such a poor job of portraying the extent of Daisy's issues that it feels like they suddenly RAMP UP in these episodes, when in fact Daisy had always been an addict with PROBLEMS PROBLEMS, which is! A huge reason! Why Billy can't be with her. The show boils a lot of that down to Camila v. Daisy, and while Billy's love for Camila (and his kids) was a major roadblock... It's possible that if Billy and Daisy had met while he was married to Camila but without the addiction issue in hand? Maybe things would've been different. I don't know. Maybe. But Billy also literally wanted to be alive and a present father, and he could've done that had he and Camila broken up, but he couldn't have done that had he relapsed.

--I found the "Daisy in the shower with Billy" scene so funny. It was just so... corny. Like, this literally reads as bad fanfic. Camila is shuttled off to the side, barely present and mostly dealing with a guy who she isn't into. Billy is holding Daisy and going "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! NOAH THIS ISN'T YOU". It's so unbelievably corny. Billy in the book would've been wrecked about Daisy almost dying and then sublimated that by keeping his distance and then showing up to be like ".... so was it worth it? Almost dying for a bump" and then they would've either been completely cold or had some massive blowup about a song.

Similarly, the way Billy and Daisy fight on this show is so contrived lmao. A lot of the way they fought in the book was similar to how they expressed their love; the love was conveyed in lyrics and performance. The anger was conveyed into conflict about the music, which the show sorta does but it also has them getting up in each other's face to scream about Nicky, and it seems like they are BEGGING you to believe in the chemistry and I.... don't.

--The downplaying of Camila is very sad, and I find it endlessly hilarious that the show is all "pat us on the back, we champion diversity by having Simone go from The Black Best Friend to The Black Best Friend with a Minor Subplot, also Billy's Latina wife is going to be more complacent and mostly just sad about his cheating and probably die sooner also".

Again I say, as Warren and Camila speak Spanish to each other and Eddie gives us his best Nice Guy... If we were going to give Camila full affair.............. why not have it be Warren......

--Karen just announcing her relationship with Graham, which was a full secret in the book even decades later, in order to prop up Graham's ego.................. truly wild. Lol so much of Karen on the show is about male ego, it's ridiculous.

[super-unpredictable98]

Make Me Sway | Song of Sway Lake AU

Chapter 4: Old-Fashioned Romance

Warning: Strong language, a bit of violence (non-graphic)

(Make Me Sway masterlist)

"Good morning, my Lady of the Flowers," Nikolai greeted, pulling a chair when Lada arrived for breakfast, he had been up all night, organizing a special corner in his room where he would keep their memories safe, then he made sure the flag was in order and rowed the guideboat across the lake like Commander Sway used to do.

"Thank you," she smiled at him, it was nice to have a guy who doesn't immediately disappear after they have sex for a change.

"You're late dear," Charlie pointed out. "You seem weird, what happened?"

"Nothing, what do you mean?"

"I don't know... You seem happy."

"Is that so bad, gran?"

"I suppose not," she said in the most unconvincing way.

"I have a surprise for you, Lada," Nikolai kissed her cheek as he prepared her plate.

"Oh, we're starting to take liberties, I see..." Charlie murmured.

"Gran!" she scolded.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sway, I didn't mean to-"

"There's nothing to apologize for, Nikolai," Ollie cut him off, if there was someone he disliked more than his sister, was his grandma. "She just can't stand people being happy around her."

"Anyway," Lada put her hand on top of Nikolai's, there was no point in pretending nothing happened. "What's your surprise?"

"I'm gonna teach you how to swim," he exclaimed proudly. "This way you don't have to be scared when we get on the boat next time."

"You're so sweet, Nicky."

"Nicky?" Ollie nearly screamed.

"I'm afraid today won't be possible, kids," Charlie wasn't fazed in the slightest, or at least she didn't let it show. "We are going to the town hearing, remember, dear?"

"You need to drag your minion with you, grandma?" Ollie sneered.

"Lada is actually very passionate about saving the lake, she loves this place just like your grandfather used to."

"Of course, I forgot, she's perfect!"

"Jealousy is not a good look on you, Oliver."

"I'll drive you," Nikolai offered.

"You don't have to, I'll do it..." Lada shook her head, sure there were more interesting things for him to do than sit through a boring town hearing about saving a lake no one wants to save.

"I insist, Zvezda," he held her hand, bringing it to his lips. "It will be my pleasure to take you both."

"That's very nice of you, Nikolai," Charlie finally said something that didn't sound like mockery.

"Are you coming with us?" Lada glanced over at her brother.

"Sorry, I have other shit to do."

"Language!" Charlie gave him a stern look. "I don't know why you still ask, dear. He never cared about the lake."

Noticing tears gathered in Lada's eyes, Nikolai quickly leaned closer to her. "Did you have sweet dreams last night?" he smirked.

"Yeah, I had a dream about being in Romeo and Juliet," she felt a tightness in her chest, almost like the feeling of wanting something that was gone forever.

"And who was your Romeo?"

"He was too handsome and kind to be a real person," she shook her head, quickly wiping her eyes. "And you? Did you sleep well?"

"I couldn't sleep again, a song got stuck in my head."

"Really?"

"Yes... Unforgettable," seems like they had their own Eskimo Day now.

"You should really get some sleep, Nikolai, spending all those nights awake can't be good for you."

"I don't need to sleep if I dream when I'm awake."

"We should get dressed," Charlie cut their conversation short after watching the couple talking in codes like she used to do with Hal. "Put on your best outfit, Lada."

"Yes, gran," she finished her toast and headed back to the room.

Oh, if only I were 10 years younger, we could be a beautiful couple, Lada thought, letting her tears flow. 

She didn't exactly know why she was crying, her grandma's ruthless attitude, Ollie's gratuitous hate, Nikolai's endless kindness, how much she missed her father at that moment (he would have the perfect song to make her feel better), and the lake. The lake she was so desperately holding on to, but no one else seemed to care about.

"Marlena, have you seen my necklace?" she walked into the kitchen.

"Which one, sweetie?" 

"The pearl one that grandma gave me when I turned 15."

"No, sorry."

"It's okay, I'll find another one. I probably just left it in another drawer."

She was on the way back to the room when she bumped into Nikolai, he was tucking his royal blue shit into his pants hastily, but immediately stopped when he saw her.

"You look gorgeous," he looked her up and down, as he normally did.

"You look nice too."

"Are you ready?"

"Almost, I was just gonna put on a necklace," she walked by him and searched through her jewelry box. 

"Allow me," Nikolai took the necklace from her hand and carefully draped it around her neck, securing it on the back and leaning in to place a tender kiss on her shoulder. "Perfect."

—————————————————— 

"A large town dock will bring new boats, business this community needs," Jim was speaking as everyone cheered him on. Ugh, the people upstate... Lada never liked them, ever since she was a kid.

Once the floor was open to public comments, Charlie took her hand, dragging her to the podium. She wished Nikolai was there, but of course he "had to stay in the car, this business didn't concern him", as her grandma would say.

Under all the whispered comments and dirty looks, the two women stood before the audience. It wasn't nearly as big as the ones Lada was used to back in the City, but it was twice as intimidating because she already knew, before she even started, that they were not gonna like her show.

"I grew up on this lake," Charlie began. "My kids and grandkids grew up on this lake."

"Two weeks a year doesn't give you the right..." some lady in the audience tried to interrupt, but Jim was quick to come in their defense. 

"Let her talk!" he shouted.

"It used to be this lake connected us to the past, to nature, to each other, to silence," Charlie continued over all the mean comments. "First we lost the trout, then most of the loons. While I wish Jim success in his son's jet ski business, a public dock will triple the amount of motors on this lake. Tell them about your research, dear."

"I have been looking into the outcome of other lakes that got public docks," Lada took a deep breath as she saw Nikolai approaching the doorframe, watching what she had to say mesmerized. "When Eel lake got their dock, they saw milfoil come in from outside boats. It destroyed their purple reed, their fish stock. This place is too special to lose because of a couple bucks, I don't know how many of you understand how important this place is, not only to me... This isn't about a dock, this is about the water. The purity of this lake, our lake."

"Your lake, right, princess?" a voice pierced through the crowd, the young boy, Jim's son was the one saying it.

"This lake isn't yours anymore, I don't have to listen to this... Go back to Broadway, you spoiled brat!"

One by one the people left the town hall in a rage. None of them had a clue, opening the lake would be like opening the memories, the loves, the losses, the grief, their entire lives, to be trampled on by some self-centered teenagers.

"Come on, let's go," Nikolai walked up to them and took Lada's hand. 

"I just wanted to keep everything..." 

"I know, these people don't know what they're talking about, let's get back home, okay?"

"Don't worry, Lada, we'll find a way," Charlie said, but in her eyes, she could see how disheartened her grandma was as they walked back to the car.

"Do you hear this?" Jim's son followed them furiously, shoving his finger in Lada's chest. "That's a 460Z, one day this lake is gonna be a destination whether you like it or not, you spoiled bitch!"

"What did you just say?" Nikolai growled, rolling up his sleeves as Charlie quickly walked away. "Get in the car, darling, I'll take care of this bastard."

"Nicky, don't-" she truly didn't want more problems.

"Listen to your bitch, Nicky," the boy challenged.

"You don't talk to a lady like that, you hear me? I'll break your face, you little shit!" he grabbed the boy by the collar throwing him to the ground. "Apologize right now!"

Luckily Jim showed up before the situation could escalate and took his son away while Nikolai opened the door for Lada. She felt sick to her stomach, on one side it was very sweet (and almost sexy) that he was willing to fight for her, but on the other side, she knew deep in her heart that she was about to lose the lake.

"Have you seen my hair bow?" Lada touched her head, her dark locks falling on her face.

"No, it must've fallen," Nikolai started the car.

The entire way back, they were silent, he just held her hand hoping that was enough while he couldn't say what he really wanted to or kiss her troubles away like the night before. Charlie observed from the backseat, remembering how Hal held her hand on their way to the honeymoon, with the same devotion, the same adoration.

"Get ready, darling," Nikolai whispered as they parked in front of the house. "Let's steal the guideboat for a few hours and get lost on the lake. I have something important to ask you."

"Okay, I'm just gonna get out of these clothes."

"Something I would love to help you with."

"If you did, we wouldn't leave the room, Nicky."

"Meet me at the dock."

"Meet me at the dock..." Ollie mocked his accent as Lada walked back inside. "What is going on between you two?"

"Oh, now you wanna talk to me? Interesting," she tilted her head. "For your information, we're just... wait, do you hear that? It's Marlena."

The two siblings followed the quiet sobs coming from the kitchen where Marlena was washing the dishes and crying as she looked out the window.

"Are you okay?" they asked nearly at the same time.

"You kids are sweet, like your father," she wiped her tears away quickly. "He did his best after your mother left, but it's hard to live without love."

"Yeah, he really tried to be a good dad, I'm grateful for him," Lada had forgotten about him for a few hours or the reason why she was there in the first place. Suddenly she felt very guilty about enjoying a romantic boat ride. "I miss him a lot."

"He was so quiet," Marlena mused, she could still see him when she closed her eyes. "Did he ever show you his collection?"

"Some of it, right Ollie? I know he has a few records hidden around the house, he used to say he'd tell me about them when I was older, but he never did," Lada sighed. 

"Have you found that record your grandma wants so bad?" 

"No luck yet," the young woman mumbled, her mind wandering far away as she watched Nikolai making his way to the dock.

"I don't trust him," Marlena muttered, almost like a warning.

"Why not? What's wrong with Nikolai?" all those years growing up with Marlena had taught her not to doubt her intuition, but she didn't want to believe her.

"I don't know, he just seems a little too good to be true, I saw him looking at the pictures the other day, something didn't feel right."

Trying to ignore that queasy feeling in her stomach, Lada quietly left to change. It wasn't possible that the only reason why he liked her was that... No that would be sick. 

She was her own person born in 1963, not 1923. She was a modern woman with a great personality and her appearance had nothing to do with the reason why Nikolai has been so insistent.

—————————————————— 

"Hey there, Myshka,"  Nikolai smiled when he saw her. He offered his hand to help her into the boat, being very mindful and respectful when touching her. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, but I wanted to ask you something, it's probably stupid and you're gonna laugh, but I need to ask..."

"Good, I have something to ask as well," he got a hold of the oars and started rowing without knowing exactly where he wanted to go.

"Oh, okay, you go first then."

"You know I like you, right? I like you a lot," he started. For the first time, he didn't seem to know which words to use. "I think you're the most wonderful woman I've ever met. You're funny and beautiful, you're sweet and elegant, you're perfect in every single way. I thought I would never find a woman worth giving my heart to, but I was wrong... You are worth it, Lada."

"Stop this nonsense, Nicky," she shook her head, with a smile, thinking he must be high or something.

"No, I mean it! I want you to be my girlfriend. Would you please be my girlfriend?"

"Are you serious?" she frowned, thinking about the reasons behind that question.

"Of course I am, Zvezda. You deserve romance, you deserve someone who will care for you," he stopped rowing and took her hands, kissing her knuckers lovingly. "I will bring you flowers, take you out to dance, we can take long walks and talk about nothing and everything, I will make you so happy."

"Nikolai... You don't like me," it pained her to think about it, but the more he poured his heart out, the more she realized he was thinking of another version of her, a version he made up. "You just think you like me because I look like the old pictures on the walls, and you think we can live this ultra-romantic, old-fashioned fantasy, this isn't healthy and it's not real."

"At first yes, I won't lie to you, but from the moment I heard you sing that song, I just... Fell for you," he stared right through her as if he was dreaming. "Not her, not anyone else, you. I'm completely in love with you and I know you feel the same. I know after that moment we shared yesterday."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Nicky," she felt tears running down her face. She really wanted to say yes, she did like him more than she cared to admit, but after what Marlena said and after what he revealed to her about his expectations for this relationship, she couldn't lead him on. "You're a little young for me."

"Don't you like me? Don't I make you feel good when we're together? Didn't I make you feel good yesterday when we made love?"

 "I do, and you do, you did...That's why I don't want you to idealize someone I'm not, because then both of our hearts will be broken."

"I am not giving up on you, girls these days are just so-"

"I am a girl from these days! I live in New York City in a studio apartment in Midtown, I work full time, I have sex before marriage, and I take the pill..."

"But you are different, your soul is old like mine."

"You don't really want me, you'll just be disappointed, Nikolai, I'm not the person you think I am. I am no Lady of the Flowers, I'm just Lada Sway."

"I don't think you are another person, I just love you, just that, plain and simple. I love you, Lada Sway, please give me a chance. I promise I will be the best boyfriend you can think of, I'll do anything for you. I'd kill and die for you if you asked."

"I don't know."

"Please say yes?" he looked at her with hopeful eyes.

"How about a maybe? I need to think, you need to think... How about we just see how things turn out."

"That's good, I'm happy with it," he grinned, looking victorious. "You'll see, I'll show you my feelings are real, you won't regret it."

By the time they got back to the dock, the sun was starting to set and rain was starting to pour. Nikolai immediately took his shirt off to cover Lada.

"You don't have to do this..."

"I don't want you to catch cold."

"And what happens to you?"

"I'm tough, nothing will happen to me."

Lada ran up to her room to dry herself and avoid Ollie's and grandma's questions about her love life. She liked him, why was she letting those stupid thoughts dictate how she feels?

"Hey, Lada," Ollie called, he was sitting next to Nikolai, in front of a pile of records. "Where did you look for the... You know what?"

"Pretty much everywhere," she joined them in front of the record player. "Every room, every drawer, and cabinet, I haven't found it. I don't know where else to look."

"What are these markings?" Nikolai pointed at the black dots on the cover of a Madonna album.

"Everyone in the family has their own way of ranking records," Ollie explained. "When I was little I graded these so I wouldn't accidentally DJ subpar music."

"What is your technique?" he asked, taking Lada's hand.

"I use numbers, zero to ten, pretty simple."

"Olivia Newton-John, A," Nikolai grimaced. "And an 8,5 from Lada."

"What? She's... Hot," Ollie shrugged.

"Who cares, Oliver? Physical is such a good song, that song alone makes the album worth it," Lada laughed. "Although, Make a Move on Me is pretty good too."

"Harry Belafonte," Nikolai took another one of the records. "He's like black Neil Diamond! Look, Julio Iglesias, he's like the Spanish Neil Diamond..."

Ollie and Lada chuckled, he wasn't completely wrong. God, why did he have to be so charming and captivating?

"That is a terribly good recording, such a handsome man," Charlie said as she stood looking down on them. Just her voice, made Lada shiver, she was starting to understand more and more why Oliver was so hostile to anyone who reminded him of her.

"B minus, it's not his best calypso," he mumbled, looking back at the tray she was holding. "What are those?"

"Just a little surprise for my grandkids... and this nice young man."

"Moscow mule," Nikolai pulled a chair for Charlie, wanting to show Lada how much of a gentleman he could be. "Famous American drink," he took one of the glasses.

"Russian and American seem to be a good combination," Lada winked at him before taking a sip. She did promise to give him a chance...

"I think so too, and one day we'll have the most beautiful Russian-American children to prove it."

"Children?" Charlie choked on her drink.

"He's joking, gran..." Lada looked at Nikolai, slightly terrified, but he simply smiled, standing by his affirmation. Did he really mean that? Was he actually serious about this whole thing?

"Oh, look," Charlie quickly changed her focus to something else, grabbing a forgotten record from the pile, graded an F minus, one star (in her own system), and zero point five. "Looks like we all agree on this one... Not a handsome fellow."

"What is it with you and your obsession for grading music based on how hot the singer is?" Lada rolled her eyes.

"What did Timmy think about this one?" Charlie asked, a question none of the siblings wanted to answer.

"Looks like Americans would rather organize music than hear it, in Russia we simply dance," Nikolai got up.

"What are you doing?" Ollie muttered.

"Inviting this lovely lady to dance with me," he took Lada's hand and spun around the room with her. 

"Nikolai, what is going on?" she whispered.

"I'm trying to throw her off the scent, if she's worried about you and me, she doesn't look for the record... Your grandma not liking me had to be useful for something."

"Where did you get this idea?"

"She thinks I'm trying to seduce you for green card, I heard her say it the other-"

Before he could finish, all the lights turned off and Lada screamed, hiding against his chest.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" Nikolai seemed to find it funny and worrying at the same time

"There's a reason why I moved to the city that never sleeps..." 

"Relax, I can fix it, darling. Don't worry," he tried to leave and see what was wrong, but she didn't let go.

"Don't leave me alone."

"You have to be joking. Lada, a nearly 30-year-old woman scared of the dark?" Charlie scoffed. 

"Maybe she has her reasons," Ollie muttered, taking his sister's hand, a feeling growing inside of him he couldn't quite understand, it was almost like in the dark they were kids again, he wasn't so angry at her anymore. "I'll stay with you, we can hide like we used to."

"Okay..." she took his hand hesitantly.

"I will be right back," Nikolai grabbed an umbrella. "You won't even have time to miss me."

Tag List: @seanfalco @firstpersonnarrator @holidayspirits @salvador-daley​

[isabellehemlock]

[ you can find the google doc with links right here for a quick reference ]

Welcome to my fic rec list based on me desperately trying to whittle down my marked for later list!  As a fandom treat/gift to myself, I chose to read a fic a day (now in reality I managed nine and the rest are a combination of recs I’ve seen around and coming up next on my list).  BUT you get the idea lol, so here we go!

The majority are Joe and Nicky, but there’s AU’s, canon’s and an Andy and Quynh, a Book of Nile, and a crossover AU a Luca/Luca character pairing as well - everything is linked to include tumblr handle (when listed on the AO3 profile), and word count, rating and completed/WIP status given along with the summary.  

Hope you find something you might like to check out, and I tried to include both authors I’ve recced before as well as ones I haven’t for the variety ;)

Don’t hesitate to let me know if I need to update any tumblr handles, or if the link is broken - and happy reading ❤

Listed in ascending order of rating:

Snowed In With You by @beepbeepsan - Rated Teen - 8.3k - Completed

It’s almost dark when Quỳnh’s car gets stuck in the snow on the side of the mountain pass. Thankfully, an attractive stranger comes to her rescue.

Embrace your inner anti-hero by @fitzcamebacktome - Rated Teen - 2.5k (so far) - WIP

Nicolò Di Genova has a secret.

Technically it's due to being forced to sign an NDA from working at the Better Life Foundation, but it still means that he's keeping things from his boyfriend nonetheless. Things that he wishes he could share - hopes that he can share soon - because right now the secrecy is eating him alive.

Partially due to his excitement involving a scientific breakthrough of the existence of new life.

Basically the Venom AU that no one asked for!

this song is new to me by captainshakespear - Rated Mature - 9.3k - Completed

He tries again, to pursue relationships with other sweet, interesting men that go beyond simply sharing thoughts and meals. If everyone else likes sex so much, then there is nothing for him to do except get used to it.

The anxiety persists. None of these romances last long. He starts wondering if it’s not a problem with his partners, but a problem with him.

The Miracle of Love by @zairaalbereo - Rated Mature - 8.1k (so far) - WIP

“You were at the airport.” Nicolò’s heartbeat picks up as understanding creeps in. “Why?”

Quynh rolls her eyes. “You know why,” she scoffs and points in the direction of Joe’s room. “Because he was supposed to be dead five hours ago, that’s why!”

“No. No, no, no. Nicolò shakes his head, desperation tightening his throat. “No, that can’t be.”

“It has to be.” She flips her hair over her shoulder. “So stop. Interfering.”

Or Nicky is a guardian angel who accidentally saves Joe when he really wasn't supposed to. Now he can't stop.

skin by @bewires - Rated Explicit - 1.9k - Completed

“Oh,” Yusuf says.

“What is it?” Nico asks. “Do I displease you, should I—“

“No,” Yusuf says hastily. “Never. It’s just—“ he reaches out to run his finger along the fold of skin hiding the pink head of Nico’s erection. “I haven’t seen this before.”

Starting the new year off right by @disregardandfelicity - Rated Explicit - 6.1k - Completed

Joe hangs up the phone and gives himself a moment to mourn the surprises he had planned, the fantasies he’d had of kissing Nicky at midnight buzzed on champagne.

Christmas decorations still lay scattered at his feet. The idea was to surprise Nicky by having them decorate a tree in Joe’s living room, since doing much of anything in Nicky’s tiny apartment, shared with a revolving door of roommates, is rarely an option.

“Well that was a dumb idea,” he mutters to himself.

A few months into his new relationship with Nicky, Joe has been meticulously planning how they're going to spend the holidays. Nicky, however, has other plans. Plans that don't involve him.

Una notte napolitana by @sal-si-puedes - Rated Explicit - 2.6k - Completed 

The smile on Martin’s lips broadens. He hasn’t been to an establishment like this in quite a while, and he’s enjoying the light-heartedness and the hint of festivity in the patrons’ clothes after those long months at sea, after their soot, after the grease and the noise of the ship’s belly.

Or, instead of going to the open-air dance hall after his return from sea, Martin visits a gay bar in Naples. Instead of sleeping with Margherita, he spends the night with a young man from Calabria, one Primo Nizzuto.

(Set before the events of “Trust”, in the late 1960s. Since it’s never been clearly established, when ME takes place, and since I wanted a slightly younger Primo, this seems a fair choice. ;D)

The Journey Home by @ao3-arkada - Rated Explicit - 9.6k (so far) - WIP

When they met, Yusuf was a merchant trading across Europa, and Nicolò a priest turned warrior paying off a debt of honor in the Norse lands. Yusuf fell in love with Nicolò slowly - spending a week together each year before he was compelled to travel onwards and leave Nicolò behind.

Nicolò fell in love almost as soon as they met.

Now they are each other’s, crossing Europa side by side. Ahead of them is a journey of a thousand miles, and a lesson that loving a person up close is very different to loving them from afar.

two can play/both can win by @mieraspeller - Rated Explicit - 2k - Completed

Yusuf wants a reaction and gets more than he bargained for. (Feelings. He gets feelings.)

Honorable mentions of three more coming up next on my to read list!!

A Knight In Shining Armor by @spacewitchqueen - Rated Mature - 1.3k (so far) - WIP

Prince Yusuf has been raised to fulfill royal duties and do what is best for his kingdom, he knows what being a prince entails and he accepts the responsibility, even when it means he's not as free as he would like to be. And then he meets an intriguing Knight.

Only one way off the mountain after all by @dreamtiwasanarchitect - Rated Explicit - 10.5k - Completed

The man shakes his head, but then he puts a hand on his chest. “Knee-key,” he says.

“Knee key?” Joe blinks, baffled.

“Knee-key,” the man repeats.

Something clicks in Joe’s brain. “Oh. Ah—” he scrambles for a translation “—you are called Nicky?” he thinks he asks in Italian.

The man’s face brightens. “Si,” he says, then he unleashes a long stream of Italian that Joe doesn’t come close to comprehending.

“Uh, sorry,” Joe says, shaking his head. He shrugs helplessly. “Mi dispiace, no italiano.”

A failed attempt at outdoor recreation leaves Joe stranded in a mountain cabin. Good thing he has company.

À quoi bon se bousculer? by @sindirimba - Rated Explicit - 2.6k - Completed

“Baby,” she murmurs, scratching her nails down along the back of his neck, making him groan softly. “What’re you up for?”

His lips twitch and he pulls back slightly, eyes searching her face. “Hmm, we need to do the dishes, don’t we?”

[andrea-lyn]

The Recs (Less Travelled)

I’m excited to bring you the first installment of my ‘roads less travelled’ recs! I will be doing another round of this, probably once the Ted Lasso fic tag hits about 25 pages, and then I’ll also grab a couple more fandoms to collect in there! 

The Rules:

Each fandom/pairing was sorted on Archive of Our Own by completed works. Anything recced here was not in the first ten pages when sorted by kudos at the time of reccing. There may be some more well-known authors on this list, but the specific fics I’ve picked are ones that didn’t crack that top ten or just didn’t get much traction and I think deserve it, so hopefully I have also balanced it out with other under the radar (and still great!) works. As ever, I have a pinned post of my other recs (none have been duplicated from there), so you can also check those out! Under the cut you’ll find 10 recs in each fandom for:

Raven Cycle

Roswell New Mexico

The Old Guard

Inception

Star Trek (mainly Kirk/McCoy)

The Raven Cycle

savor all the little pieces by littlelionvanz

“Since when do you garden?”

Ronan snorted, “Since I grew up on a fucking farm, genius. Jesus who gave you permission to pursue higher education.”

the old grip of the familiar by littleseal

"There is a single black feather and a printed out picture of Gansey, Blue and Cheng standing in front of some fucking monument Ronan didn’t care enough to remember the name of. Gansey sent it to Ronan’s phone some time ago, but it sat in his messages until Adam picked it up and grinned at it so hard that, one afternoon later, Ronan cursed and kicked and glared his old printer back to life in order to print it out.

Fuck, he thinks, I’m in love with a hoarder."

Adam collects things. Ronan is in love with him.

No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin by gansey_is_our_king

Ronan Lynch has wanted to kiss Adam Parrish for a long time.

(alternately titled: four times that Ronan could have kissed Adam)

Cheers to Another Seven Years! by skyermirth

Adam left Henrietta for Harvard and never returned. Now, seven years has passed, and an unexpected work assignment has brought him back to a place and people he hardly recognizes.

Row, row, row your boat by emmerrr

“What. Why are you smiling at me,” he says suspiciously.

Adam shrugs. “You’re cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m terrifying.”

“Terrifyingly cute,” Adam says.

and now the world is ours to take / and every single move is ours to make by thatlittleblackcat

"Adam was the scientist, Ronan was the data, and Orphan Girl was the key that explained the strange outliers that Ronan presented, his previously unexplainable actions."

//

Adam sorts out his feelings, Ronan helps him, Gansey is the number one dad friend, Blue is the number one mom friend and Henry tries to make Ronan smile. Otherwise known as the story of how Orphan Girl became Opal.

All These Things You Make Me Feel by SilverOpals394

It was late. Adam could feel the long day catching up to him as he left Boyd’s, all his energy exhausted. When he started his car, the tape deck whirred to life once more. He sighed and raised his hand to turn it off, but before he did a soft melody began to play.

AU in which the mixtape Ronan made for Adam only plays the murder squash song until Adam realizes he's in love with Ronan, too.

Ways to Communicate by Jalules

Blue Sargent reflects on an early memory (and gets busy with her boyfriends.)

(The two things are related, trust me.)

Hold Me Closer, I'm Safe in Your Arms by actuallyronanlynch

“You wanna tell me why I had to hear from Henry Cheng that my boyfriend was at the hospital?” Adam hissed, though his voice wasn’t as acidic as it could’ve been. Ronan took small victories where he could.

“You don’t have a cellphone,” Ronan pointed out flatly. “It’s not like I could’ve gotten a hold of you.”

arts and crafts and the inevitability of death by sunshineinthestorm

Adam comes to the public library in search of a study spot, not a boyfriend. 

But it must be his lucky day—because he ends up with a bit of both.

 Roswell New Mexico

a conversation between insignificant others by Bellakitse

“Hey…have you noticed that our boyfriends are madly in love with each other?"

“You noticed that too, huh,” she answers dryly, letting out a huff of reluctant amusement.

***

Forrest and Maria share a drink and a conversation and start a friendship.

Own Personal Hell by BeStillMySlashyHeart

Now that Isobel's getting the hang of her telekinesis, Michael decides to test out his telepathic abilities. It backfires. Badly. Now Michael's trapped inside his own mind and only one person can break him out.

Drop the Hammer by brightloveee

Max makes a new friend at the shooting range, who turns out to be even more bad-ass than he expected.

(Takes place mid-S1)

Boys Like You by forgadgetsandgizmos

Curly, dirty blond hair (the mere description ‘curly’ felt like an injustice) twisted in every direction off his head, a sharp contrast with the scruff darkening his strong jawline and scowl-ridden face.

Alex made a mental note to compliment Maria on her excellent taste in men.

—

Or, Alex has coffee with Maria's one-night stand, a man who he definitely does not have a crush on.

let's exchange the experience by lostin_space

Michael decides they need to quarantine.

OR

Michael floods Alex with love and care over and over and over.

This Is Hardcore by Anonymous

Michael makes a proposal. Alex accepts. Michael wonders what the hell he’s gotten himself into.

i don't know what to think (but i think of supernovas) by Milzilla

michael discovers that the console can talk. then, he discovers it can do far more than that.

iridescence on skin by Lire_Casander

In a world where (almost) everyone has a tattoo on their right wrist with one set of coordinates that point to the place where their soulmate is born, Alex thought he wouldn't be any different. He couldn't be more mistaken.

He has two.

The Real Thing by elliebird

Max checks on Michael the morning after Michael saves Max’s ass from Wyatt Long and his dumbass buddies. He sees more than he’s supposed to.

Written for a Tumblr anon who one of their friends walking in on them or anyone of them finding out about Michael and Alex in an interesting way 

Sundering by romancandles 

“You know it was just an Air Force balloon, right?” says Alex.

Michael smirks. “That’s what they want you to think,” he says, with a wink.

The Old Guard

Peer Reviewed by ishandahalf

[From:] Journal of Medieval Studies (jms.eds@jms.com)

[Subject:] Ad-hoc note from the editor

I have noticed an uncommon level of animosity in your responses to your reviewers (or rather, one reviewer in particular). I am writing to ask if you would please do your best to keep your interactions civil. In fairness, I have also sent a similar request to the reviewer you seem to have this friction with. I trust you will both try and remain more professional in the future.

Again, thank you for submitting your work to this journal.

Sincerely,

James Copley, PhD

Editor-in-Chief

Journal of Medieval Studies

An (accidental) academic epistolary romance as (inadvertently) documented via a (theoretically) rigorously blinded peer review process.[citation needed]

third for a word and the song keeps going Macremae

It was honestly shaping up to be a pretty uneventful year before the Vatican got on Nicky’s bad side.

Or: three times in 2008 that the team genuinely thought about killing Nicky if only to get him to shut up about the changes to the Catholic English Mass and his unrelenting opinions on them, and one time Nile did.

Apex Predators In Island Ecosystems (Freeman et al., in press) by Sixthlight

Palaeobotany PhD student Nile Freeman and her supervisor Joe al-Kaysani are invited to billionaire Stephen Merrick’s new project – a theme park full of cloned dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?

This Rough Magic by Marivan

When Joe came to Scotland to study the sea, he did not expect to also encounter a beautiful man claiming that A. he’s a selkie and B. they’re married because Joe picked up his scarf.

It sounds like a fairy tale and that’s a problem. Because Joe’s a scientist. And selkies don’t exist.

Wars for the broken by Yuliares

Five years into his exile, Booker is joined by a companion he never expected to meet. Together, they try to work on healing.

Sometimes they go down to the sewers just so she can scream and scream. “I like to hear it echo,” she explains. “Underwater, you can’t hear anything. Here, at least I can be heard.”

“I don’t feel like a warrior anymore,” she tells him, throwing bread crumbs at pigeons. “I feel broken.”

“You’re still a warrior,” he says roughly. “This is still fighting.”

a good (eighth) impression by deanniker

Over the next few months, Joe runs into Nicky every so often at the farmer’s market. Some weekends Nicky doesn’t make it, because of his work schedule - Joe doesn’t understand it because he doesn’t ask, though he does start to recognize when one of those missing weekends is coming up because Nicky will stock up on things with longer shelf-life. When they do run into each other, they make small talk and move through the stalls together.

Joe doesn’t mention it to Lykon when he stops by, because it is kind of weird, that Lykon’s ex-boyfriend texts Joe things like - If you’re here, the apples look particularly good this week and thank you for that recipe, I did not know what I was going to do with that much couscous

Or,

Joe wouldn't usually consider starting anything with his best friend's ex, but as long as they keep it casual, it shouldn't be weird... right?

get back to where you once belonged by tenderjock

Nile takes a sip of her cappuccino and closes her eyes.

(Booker and Nile get that coffee. Life happens, along the way.)

a house; a home by mehm

“Is this a kidnapping?” Joe asks as Nicky checks both their seat belts. “Like, I don’t mind. It’s just not quite what I expected for my birthday.”

In which Joe gets a birthday surprise, because that’s the stuff you have time for when you and the love of your life become mortal at the same time.

the ties that bind by damaskrose

“There’s a story I heard many times,” Andy begins, “in the Mediterranean. Threads of fate and three sisters. One to spin, one to measure, and one to cut.”

Clutter And Croutons by flawedamythyst

Joe and Nicky have an argument, and then Nicky talks to Nile about what it really means to be in a relationship for 900 years.

Inception

My Big Fat Slightly Annoying Wedding by jibrailis

Arthur and Eames elope for ~tax reasons. Certain people in their lives are not happy at the lack of a wedding.

Remember Sydney by pathera

When Eames shambles into the safe house outside of London, he finds a red light blinking on the phone.

For the inception_kink prompt:

Arthur is on a plane which is about to crash. No way anyone is going to survive. Instead of panicking he calmly calls the team's office and gets the answering machine. He hangs up before the plane crashes.

Give me Arthur's last message to the team.

 (TW: Character Death / Angst)

Of Such Deceitfulness and Suavity by delires

In which emotions manifest themselves in unusual ways.

YO, K2tog (it's like a code) by lazulisong

“Oh my God,” moans Arthur. “I’ve paid less for Somnacin. Good Somnacin.” A horrible thought strikes him. “How much is the yarn --”

“I want you to have an unguarded reaction,” Eames tells him, and pulls him up from the floor.

(They run an extraction on a knitter.)

hit the ground running by orphan_account

"I travelled halfway around the world for you. I dealt with the French for you."

Valley by wldnst

It's an old story: a knight, a prince, a kingdom in peril.

If This Is Rain Let It Fall On Me and Drown Me by Brangwen

We used to be so brave, Eames thought. Of the two of them, Arthur had always been the more fearless.

a gentle familiarity by jollypuppet

Two weeks later, Eames is on his doorstep with bad Italian takeout and a grin, and Arthur tells him he can sleep on the couch.

Your Crisis Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by sevenimpossiblethings

Arthur doesn't do snow, Ariadne is determined to be as Midwestern as possible, and blizzards make cell phone service unreliable.

Let’s Say I Do (I Do) by xsilverdreamsx

There were, perhaps some things worse that this, Arthur thinks, as he glares at the letter in his hand with his name printed clearly in bold ink, indicating his presence in two weeks for his esteemed marriage to one William H. Eames, III, at St. Catherine's Church in London, England.

Star Trek (predominantly Kirk/McCoy)

Show the World That Something Good Can Work by knune

Leonard McCoy is a doctor, not a personal assistant, and maybe that's why he can't stand working for Jim Kirk.

It's in the little things by winterover

Bones is bemused by a persistent secret admirer.

"Wedding" Away with It by pendrogon

One morning, Bones wakes up and he's single. By the same afternoon, he's married to Jim Kirk for Arbitrary Fic Reasons(TM).

How Long Will You Stay (For Your Whole Life) by withthepilot

Jim Kirk, deputy director of the Enterprise parks and recreation department, sees all of his hard work fall to pieces when budget specialist Leonard McCoy arrives from the state capital to cut Jim's budget and threaten the livelihoods of his colleagues. But thanks to a major parks project, Leonard finds a place in the department, as well as in Jim's life—and when all is said and done, Jim doesn't want him to leave.

All-Time Favorite by mardia

What to do when your best friend suddenly starts making new friends. 

Joy Ride by Cards_Slash

While running for their lives from an alien species Kirk had accidentally enraged, they come across a car. And well, if you were to come across a car while being chased by aliens that wanted you dead, and you possessed some lingering knowledge of how to drive a car similar to said car, you would have decided to drive it toward the nearest cliff too.

Also a gunfight.

Syncytia by epistolic

He’d signed up for Starfleet on an impulse, but Starfleet meant James Tiberius Kirk: the first – and second, and third, and fourth – big mistake of Leonard McCoy’s life.

Renovation by canistakahari

Jim has a whammy put on him by an alien death ray and he suddenly craves domesticity. He's crazy with longing to shop at space!Ikea and get potted bamboo and he starts looking into adopting AND HE HATES HIMSELF AND CANNOT CONTROL THE SHIT. Luckily, McCoy is drunk all the time and plays house.

17:08 by butterflycell

She'd watched the news holos with a sick feeling, searching for information that was completely obvious in its absence. Amidst the reports of the the Enterprise's miraculous recovery and the damages sustained, there had been next to nothing about the crew or her captain. Jim had been mentioned only in passing, his name shied away from as his first officer limited interaction to the bare essentials.

The Honey of Hybla by shrift

"Bones, prepare to be my date."

[cryhardanddanceharder]

TOG immortals x Of Monster and Men songs

Album 1: My head is an animal

1. Dirty Paws: I feel this song gives so many Andy's vibes. Fetus Andy, before being immortal. There's something mystical and old in this song, just like Andy. She became the best fighter of her tribe, she quyckly overcome her older sisters and her mom started to see her as a threat. "The dragonfly it ran away, but it came back with a story to say". Andy ran away after being killed by her own people, but she came back to regain her place and show everyone she is still alive. "She ran down the forest". Mood! Very aesthetic of Andy. "The bees had declared a war". Of course, her mother wouldn't give her tribe to her without a fight. "But she and her furry friends took down the queen bee and her men, and that's how the story goes, the story of the beast with those four dirty paws". Andy won, but she probably felt like a beast for going against her own mother and her people. There's heartbreak in the betrayal, on having her first death done by her mother's orders.

2. King and Lionheart: this is a Joe and Nicky song. "Taking over this town, they should worry. But these problems aside I think I taught you well, that we won't run" Okay, this is them in the cruzades era. Listen, that's them just after they finally fall in love. "We're here to stay" They were in different sides of a war, but once they realised they are immortal and once they fall in love they decide to stay there, still fighting for their people. "We're still the same" Yes, they are immortal and in love, but they are still their own person. Joe is muslim and Nicky is catholic. "Howling ghosts they reappear, in mountains that are stacked with fear, but you're a king and I'm a lionheart" the ghosts are their religions and their stories with them, it's a topic that is always going to reappear between them because is part of who they are. But still, they love each other. "And as the world comes to an end I'll be here to hold your hand" just them and their pure love prevailing.

3. Numb bears: this is a Joe song. I feel this song is about when he left his home to go to the crusades. "Can't remember when it was dark or the sun coming up. Far across the ocean alone, while numb bears at home". The joerney is long and he can't keep the tracks of the days, and once he is in Jerusalen to keep track of the time it becomes worst. "Said I could never get there" His family probably believe that it didn't make sense to go fight a war long away from their home, believe that he wouldn't get there. They think Joe is only a merchant, just like everyone in his family. He is not a soldier. But Joe gets to Jerusalen and fight a war he believed in. "While numb bears at home said I could never get there, but I'm already there. Already there" this could be also a metaphor about the muslims. Catholics thought they would never get to Jerusalen and fight the war. But they did. And in some way they were already there, before the war, because it was their land first.

4. Sloom: this is a Nile song. I feel it could be about her relationship with her father. "The books that I keep by my bags are full of your stories" She keeps her father's books/diaries, those who he wrote while he was in the navy. She takes them with her when she decides to enlist herself. "A little dream of mine, a little nightmare of yours", She knows that her dream about following his steps would be a nightmare to him. He wouldn't want her to be a soldier, he would want her to choose any other profession where she could be safe, but not the one he did. "To be asked to take this plunge, to forgive and forget, and be the better man", This is about forgiving his father from for dying. She feels the responsability to be better than him. Her mind tells her: forgive him, but don't die, don't abandon your mom and brother like he did. "And I'll meet your eyes for the very first time, for the very last" Still Nile thinks she probably is going to die like him, in action. And when that happens, she will see him again. "So love me mother, and love me father, and love my brother as well" Nile loves her family so much, and just want to be loved in return by them, despite their choices and mistakes.

5. Little talks: this is a Booker song. This is about him and her wife. How the truth about his immortality changed their relationship. "And some days I can't even dress myself" "It's killing me to see you this way". How Booker saw her grow old, but he didin't, he stayed the same. "There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back" She stopped talking to him about the things that matters, because she started to see him like a different person. Part of herself resented him for his immortality. "Well, tell her that I miss our little talks", Booker missed her. They were still together, but they were not. They couldn't talk anymore like they used to. Something in their trust broke, because for her wife his immortality changed him. "Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past" She will die, and he will not :( "We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love" They were happily in love once, before he was immortal, before he went to war. "You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you" Booker was with her until she died :( "I'll see you when I fall asleep", that's the only way that he gets to keep her, in his memories and his dreams.

6. From Finner: this could be Andy/Lykon/Quỳnh song, but also a Andy/Quỳnh/Joe/Nicky song. There is something chill about this song. I feel like is them, just relaxing and being themselves. "And we are far from home, but we're so happy. Far from home, all alone, but we're so happy" They are all far from their homes, they had leave them behind. They are all alone, because there is no one else like them. But somewhere along the way, their concept of home changed. They are happy to be far from what is it supposed to be their home. The whole world is their home now, as long they have each other. They are the safe place to always come back to. Home is not where they came from, is where they are. Family is not only their blood ancestors, they are their own family because they love each other. "Keep your heads held high".

7. Six weeks: this is a Quỳnh song. Is about how she handled immortality at the beginning. "We fall to the ground" and "We crawl on the ground" are perfect quotes to express how she was feeling. She felt like everything she did was a effort and no matter how hard she tried she felt down again. "Alone, I fight these animals. Alone, until I get home" Quỳnh feels alone and she feels like she has to fight against all the pain immortality brings on her. The animals are her dark thoughst, her anxiety, her grief, her mental health. And Quỳnh wans to go home, but her home as she has known it doesn't exist anymore, nor the poeple she had loved. "A wolf, wolf and I, We share the same cold meal. I float on, float on down. We ride, we ride, we ride, we ride it all out" The wolf meaning her worst moment, when she finally gives up and put herself in the middle of a dessert. She rather be there, in the middle of nowhere, alone, dying constantly... that having to keep dealing with the pain of living an immortal life sorrounded by mortal people. "Coming back, I'm coming back. She follows me into the woods, takes me home" Andy follows her into the woods dessert, founds her and takes her back to the world. Now Quỳnh knows she is not alone, there are more immortal people after all.

8. Love Love Love: this is an andromaquynh sad song. Is about Andy and her guilt. "Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away. And maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it" This is Andy's pain when she thinks about Quỳnh in the bottom of the ocean, waiting to be recued by her. She feels guilty for had given Quỳnh the hope that she could be capable to save her from anything. "'Cause you love, love, love, when you know I can't love you" Andy feels like Quỳnh stills love her, but she can't, she can't love her the way she wants because Quỳnh is not there, she can't because she is the one who left her in her prision and stopped looking for her, because Quỳnh deserves to be loved by someone who wouldn't give up. Andy wishes she couldn't love her cause it hurts too much. "So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it, the way you held me so tight, all through the night" Andy wishes she could forget Quỳnh and Quỳnh could forget her, because maybe, if they both forget about how much they love each other, being apart wouldn't hurt so much. Andy hopes the few minutes that Quỳnh gets to have alive under the ocean she doesn't remember her, because if she does and everytime she wakes comes alive realises that Andy still didn't save her, that would be too heartbreaking.

9. Your Bones: this is a Lykon song. Is about how Andy and Quỳnh said goodbye to him. "In the spring we made a boat, out of feathers, out of bones" They made a boat and put Lykon's body on it. "We set fire to our homes". They set the boat on fire. Home, they are each others home. And Lykon was like a home to them. I feel that ritual could be something old or folk. Maybe Lykon's people used to that as a way to grief the people who died in battles. "Hold on to what we are, hold on to your heart" This is the first time that Andy and Quỳnh lost someone as them, an immortal. They weren't supposed to die. So they hurt and they rage. But at the end of the they, they have to hold on to each other to move on and keep living. "Said goodbye to you my friend, as the fire spread. All that's left are your bones, that will soon sink like stones" The only way to move on is to say goodbye to him. This is so sad :( But they hold on, they keep him in their hearts.

10. Lake House: this a song about Andy and her boys. Is about their safehouses they have around the world and what it means for them when they are together in one of them, reunited for a job, but still feeling like a family. "I miss the comfort of this house" They miss the safehouses and their time together when they are apart. They miss each other, because when they are together they are happy. "Can you chase the fire away?" This is part of how their relationship is, they help each other to chase the "fire" away. Fire meaning the things that hurts and haunts them, the things that holds them back and don't let them live in peace. Fire meaning the disasters of the world. No matter how much fire there is and how bad it gets, they keep fighting against it, they keep fighting to make things better. "In the fall, we sleep all day" The fall meaning the missions and sleep the breakes they take from them. They need to take care of themselves too, so sometimes they stop doing missions and take time to heal. Like at de beggining of the movie, they were on a break. But fall ends at some point, and they have to go back to do things. They give each other time to heal, but then they are back doing what they do. They have to remind each other that doing things is part of being okay too.

11. Yellow Light: this is an andromaquynh song. "I'm looking for a place to start and everything feels so different now" This is when Quỳnh is finally out of the ocean. When she goes back to the world, everything is different. 500 years is a long time and everything is new to her. "Just grab a hold of my hand, I will lead you through this wonderland" This is what Andy offers when they are reunited. She still loves Quỳnh, so she will hold on to her and never let her go again. Andy will guide her in her descovery of this new world if she lets her. "But sharks are swimmin' in the sea, just follow my yellow light and ignore all those big warning signs" They are in love, but there still obstacles in the way. There's pain and trauma to deal with. There's Andy's mortality and Quỳnh's ptsd. "The earth is shaking and I see a light, the light is blinding my eyes, as the soft walls eat us alive" I'm gonna take this is as a kind of a happy ending. Even thought there's pain, trauma, anxiety, fights and dark thoughts; there's still light, there's still hope. That's their love. They gave into their love once again. They let their soft walls love eats them. Bye darkness and hatred, hello forgiveness and bright yellow light of love that blinds them.

BT. Mountain Sound: this is a happy song about Andy, Lykon and Quỳnh adventures together. "I heard them calling in the distance, so I packed my things and ran far away from all the trouble I had caused with my two hands" Yes, they are a chaotic trio. I imagine them causing troubles along the way and having to go away before things can get worse. Quỳnh did you just stole the wife of the Sir X of this village? Andy did you just killed that man because you didn't like the way he tame the horses? Lykon did you steal that honey from the market? "Hold your horses now, we sleep until the sun goes down. Through the woods we ran, deep into the mountain sound" Horses!! Andy loves horses aksjdalksd. That's how they travel, horses with them all the time please, Andy needs them to be happy. Lykon likes walking better and Quỳnh is secretly a little jealous of the horses because Andy gives them too much attention. "And as I looked around, I began to notice that we were nothing like the rest" Of course they are not like the rest, they are immortal! They found each other and they are their own little family, traveling around the world together.

BT. Slow and Steady: this is an angsty Andy song. "I am all alone" Yes, she was alone for like 3000 or 4000 years. That's so long!! So much loneliness and pain! :( I think most of the fandom forget this and don't realise how much she must have suffer in her alone time "I spend my night dancing with my own shadow", I can totally imagine Andy dancing alone, in the middle of nowhere, lot of times. "I'm letting go, but I've never felt better, passing by all the monsters in my head" She had to learn to let go and move on so many times, she had lost so many people that she loved along the way. Her mental health is constantly a challenge. Her anxiety, her depression, her fears about time concepts and love. She feels alone and misunderstood. No one knows that she will keep living and outrunning generation after generation, and she will keep testifying how societies destroy themselves and others. "And I move slow and steady, but I feel like a waterfall. I move slow and steady, past the ones that I used to know. And I'm never ready, 'cause I know, I know, I know that time won't let me show what I want to show" I feel these are the best words to describe her and they hit so deep in the worst way. Andy is old and tired, in every sense you can be tired: emotionally, physically, mentally... but she just keeps living.

[julieandthephantomsblogduh]

We’re Sorry

Luke!sister reader x Reggie

I am legit the biggest fan of the luke!sister x reggie trooop so... Also this is kinda the plot for the next Malia episode so watch out for that. Legit when I saw this I was so excited to write it!!! There wasn’t a specific song mentioned here but as soon as I read this prompt the song Bang Bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj popped in my head so I decided to roll with it. Anyway stay safe ya’ll and I hope you enjoy! - Requested by @xyacelisx​ (I just realized I lost the actual ask which sucks but thats okay)

PS for the song - Y/N is Jessie J, Julie is Ariana Grande because their range is beautiful and Flynn is Nicki Minaj because her wrap in I Got The Music was amazing

We stood on the stage as the entire school flooded out to head to Carrie’s house.

“Great, just great...” Julie sits at the edge of the stage, feet dangling off.

“At least the new kid is still here,” Flynn says, pointing to the new kid dancing with another kid.

“C’mon Julie,” I say, trying to pull her up, “Two people is still an audience, you can still perform.”

“What’s the point? Everybody wanted to see Julie and the Phantoms... not just Julie.”

“If they don’t wanna respect you and be for there for you... girl you don’t need them,” I say walking towards the dj table and clicking a song, “You got us”

Music starts playing

Both girls turn to look at me as I shrug my shoulders, “Hey this was our anthem like five years ago,” I grab a mic off the table and switch it on.

Sure she got a body like an hourglass

But I can give it to you all the time

Sure she got a booty like a Cadillac

But I can send you into overdrive (oh)

Flynn joins me on stage,

You've been waiting for that

Step on up, swing your bat

I walk up to Julie and hand her mic to her,

You see anybody could be bad to you

You need a good girl to blow your mind, yeah

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)

Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)

Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

Julie takes over as the boys pop out onto the dance floor,

She might've let you hold her hand at school

But I'mma show you how to graduate

“Guess who just showed up?” I told Flynn. She just rolls her eyes at me, “You guys don’t deserve someone who shows up three hours late”

No, I don't need to hear you talk the talk

Just come and show me what your momma gave (oh yeah)

I heard you've gotta big baby, mouth but don't say a thing

See anybody could be good to you

You need a bad girl to blow your mind

Julie walks back to us, and we start jumping around stage

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)

Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)

Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

“FLYNN DROP THOSE BEATS”

(You know what, girls? let me show you how to do it)

She flips her hair and starts rocking out, Julie and I hyping her

It's Myx Moscato

It's frizz in a bottle

It's Nicki full throttle, it's oh, oh

Swimming in the grotto

We winning in the lotto

We dipping in the powder blue, four door

Kitten so good

It's dripping on wood

Get a ride in the engine that could

Go, Batman, robbin' it

Bang bang, cockin' it

Queen Nicki dominant, prominent

It's me, Julie, and Y/N

We all smile looking at each other; Flynn continues spitting bars

If they test me, they sorry

Ride his uh like a Harley

Then pull off in his Ferrari

If he hanging we banging

Phone ringing, he slanging

It ain't karaoke night but get the mic 'cause I'm singing

B to the A to the N to the G to the uh

B to the A to the N to the G to the hey

I walk to the front of the stage, belting out

See anybody could be good to you

You need a bad girl to blow your mind (your mind) (okay)

“YES Y/N” I can see Reggies mouth gape a little

I walk back to them, we jump around, dancing and singing;

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)

Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)

Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)

Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)

Yo, I said bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang

Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)

Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)

Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)

Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)

I bring the girls in for a hug, “I love you guys.”

“That was amazing!” I hear Luke say, looking at us.

I was too mad to even think about listening to them right now. “I’m going to get some Ice cream for us,” I say walking away.

I head towards the cafeteria, letting out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I can’t believe they had the nerve to show up after not coming on time. They literally promised Julie they wouldn’t be late. I try pulling open the doors to the kitchen, only to realize that I had left the keys in the gym. Letting out a yell of frustration, I slide down the door, sitting on the floor with my head in my hands.

“Y/n!”

I look up to see Luke and Reggie staring back at me.

“What do you guys want?”

“You have such a pretty voice,” Reggie says, smiling at me with a look of adoration on his face.

“Thank you,” I whisper, looking down. Right now, compliments weren’t going to save them.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked, crouching down in front of me.

“Am I okay? Do I look okay to you guys? Also you should be asking Julie that. You guys left her dying today. You abandoned her today... and when you do that to my best friend you do it to me. You guys broke the biggest promise you made to her,” I glare at them.

“We’re sorry about that. We just got... carried away.” Reggie tries, also taking a seat in front of me.

I let out a huff, “Sorry is not going to cut it guys. You really hurt Julie and I today.”

“We had a good reason...” Luke tries.

“No you didn’t,” I interrupt him, “I understand why you wanted revenge on Bobby. I do. He betrayed me to by not telling me about the songs... about you. But you could have done that another time. Today was supposed to be about Julie and the Phantoms, the start of something new. That’s not going to work until you guys can understand that the best way to get revenge is by becoming something better without him.”

“You’re right Y/n, and we’re sorry we didn’t realize that before,” Luke says.

“Please forgive us Y/n... we’re really sorry,” Reggie starts.

“And if you won’t forgive us...” Luke says with a little smirk, “We’re going to follow you everywhere and sing ‘We’re sorry’ to you until you forgive us.”

I give them a confused look. I had no idea what we’re sorry was, “I have no idea  what that is?”

They both look at each other before standing up and clearing their throats. Suddenly, they start harmonizing and sing the words, ‘We’re sorry’, over and over again.

I let that go on for a minute before I start getting annoyed, “Okay OKAY stop... please.”

“Please forgive us,” Luke asks, with his puppy eyes 🥺

“Yeah Y/n...” Reggie says, pulling out his best pout and puppy eyes, “Pleasse forgive us.”

I continue to glare at them, even though my heart was telling me to just forgive them.

“Fine then,” Luke says, holding his hands out and his guitar appears out of nowhere.

He starts strumming it before the two boys start singing, ‘We’re Sorry’ again. Over and over and over and over and over and...

I look between the two of them, “Okay please stop...” I plead standing up, “You guys are... ugh.”

They turn to face each other before looking back at me.

“So you forgive us?” Luke says, smiling.

“Only if you guys profusely apologize to Julie for hurting her and making it up to her somehow, and...” I turn to face Reggie, “If Reggie comes over tonight and sings me his country song.”

“Okay never mind, you don’t need to forgive us,” Luke says, tugging Reggie away.

“C’mon man!” Reggie says, “That songs all yours Y/n!” He gives me a little wink.

“No! Stop flirting!” Luke stays, trying to physically block us from each other. “And you!” He turns towards Reggie, “Stop hitting on my sister!”

“Sorry, she’s too pretty,” He sends me a smirk, making me blush.

“Reggie!” He goes to hit him but Reggie flashes away, saying, “See you later babe.”

I blush as Luke turns towards me, “No! No Reggie.”

“Yes Reggie,” I smirk walking back towards the gym.

“No Y/n! Come back... please... y/n!”

I just continue to walk away laughing, “Sorry big brother. You should have been on time.”

Bang Bang By Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj.

I hope this was to ya’lls satisfaction and you guys liked it. My requests are open and feedback is always welcomed. Thanks and stay safe ❤️

[artificialqueens]

It'd Be Easy if I Hated You (Crystal x Gigi) - A-tresia

What else is she supposed to do when the things she loves about Crystal, her favorite bits, the little pieces that she wants to keep as happy memories are all of the same bits that make her feel like a bruise?

Written for the song fic exchange for @goodemethyd. Inspired by If I Hated You by FLETCHER.

If I hated you, I know that I could do this on my own

Gigi’s having a day so she decides that maybe doing mundane chores on a Wednesday afternoon will distract her enough from going into a full-blown bad mood. She’s standing in the freezer aisle of the grocery store, busy deciding between mint chocolate chip and cookie dough ice cream, when she gets a whiff of something and suddenly it smells like hot summer nights spent high as a kite, laying out on the grass in the backyard looking up at the stars. Suddenly it smells like cold winter afternoons spent cuddling under an itchy knitted throw, watching Love Actually for the eleven-hundredth time. Suddenly it smells like Monday mornings scrambling to get ready to beat the morning traffic rush, occasionally stopping to button a blouse or tuck in a stray piece of hair. Suddenly it smells like neck kisses. Like lazy make-out sessions. Like angry fucking. Like makeup sex. It smells happy. And sad. And comforting. It smells like a hug – the hug – Gigi knows she badly needs today.

This  – what just happened – she’s not sure she likes it. It feels too visceral.

The plan is to do groceries, wash the dishes that are a seemingly constant presence in the sink, clean the apartment, maybe organize her closet if there’s still time. The plan isn’t to think about her. The plan is never to think about her – not anymore. But this smell, obviously not distinctly her because she’s enveloped in it and she’s not here (Gigi checked), is sending her mind into a mild panic. How silly, she thinks, that her heart is slamming so hard against her ribcage because of this perfume. A perfume of all things. So maybe chores can wait until the weekend because her mood just took a turn for the worse.

She’s pouring herself a third glass of gin and tonic (more like three-quarters gin and a teeny tiny splash of tonic, for show) when Gigi decides that she’s in this mood and in her feels anyway, why not go all in. She allows herself to think about Crystal and the way things ended between them. It’s not ideal and she knows it’s not healthy but sometimes, she thinks, it’s what she needs. Maybe to figure out what really went wrong, how she could have changed things, how she could have saved them.

She thinks back on the way she tugged on Crystal’s hand and the way Crystal turned to look at her like she already knew what she was about to say, the way her chest hurt when she tried and failed to get the words out, the way Crystal’s face didn’t break when she said “this isn’t working anymore, isn’t it?”, the way her tears fell when she nodded yes. If she concentrates well enough, she swears she could feel the way Crystal squeezed her hand before she dropped it, she could hear the way Crystal’s voice cracked when she said “I’m sorry”, she could feel the warmth that Crystal seems to always radiate when she hugged her one last time.

Sometimes, Gigi thinks, it would be easier for her if she harbored negative feelings towards Crystal. It’d be easier to move on with her life if Crystal was a jerk and they ended things on a bad note. But she isn’t – Crystal could never be the bad guy, at least in her eyes. And the breakup wasn’t even bad – it was mutual and amicable and just the bookend to a relationship that was gradually unraveling.

This isn’t the first time Gigi finds her thumb hovering over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at her almost tauntingly. On better days, she’d like to think her emotional intelligence is high enough to stop her from texting but alcohol makes her reckless, making her make decisions out of impulsiveness and neediness.

Hey.

Delete.

Hi Crys.

Delete.

Hey, what’s up?

Delete.

I miss you.

She presses send before she overthinks it and as it is, finds herself passing out on the couch with her phone still in her hand.

Gigi doesn’t see Crystal’s reply until she blinks awake at ten in the morning – late for work, late for life.

Miss you too G xx

It’s strange, she thinks, that she spent eight years of her life knowing everything there is to know about Crystal – how she’s particular about the soft scramble of her eggs, the exact length of the scar down her thigh from a biking accident when she was twelve years old, the exact way she can kiss her neck to make her putty in her hands – and then to sit here like an idiot, not knowing if Crystal telling her she misses her too is real or not real. If she concentrates on it too hard, she knows she’ll drive herself crazy trying to make sense of it all.

The only wish Gigi makes every day when she wakes up is to just be okay. Most days, Gigi can not tell how she got there – there, where she can stand in front of her closet and pick out clothes that don’t remind her of the ways Crystal has taken them off her, where she can use her favorite coffee mug without thinking of the way Crystal chipped her tooth with it and just laughed the whole drive to the dentist, where she can buy the toothpaste they used to use together without thinking of the way Crystal tastes when she kisses her goodbye every morning.

Some days, and today feels like one of those days, she feels like she’s still here – here in square one. It really isn’t easy. In fact, it’s work – a lot of work – to make a conscious effort to stop herself from thinking, overthinking, remembering.

And of course, because she allowed herself to be in her feelings, the universe thinks she has the right to pile on. Crystal is in everything. She’s everywhere.

In the lady who had to repeat to the barista not to add any sugar to her coffee because she likes it black black.

In the car with their top-down next to her at the stoplight blasting Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches.

In the child who was throwing a tantrum at the store, insisting that he wants a donkey piñata at his birthday party.

In the speck of glitter that she finds stuck on her elbow after she’s done cleaning her car.

In the pumpkin spice scented room spray Nicky bought for her that just smells absolutely horrendous. She remembers almost throwing up when Crystal bought this exact same room spray, thinking it smelled delicious (it doesn’t).  

In the bottle of almost-gone seasoning mix that she can’t even read the name of – one that Crystal insisted they needed to buy to make this one thing that they only made once.

What else is she supposed to do when the things she loves about Crystal, her favorite bits, the little pieces that she wants to keep as happy memories are all of the same bits that make her feel like a bruise?

Wish I could’ve loved you better Wish you’d kiss me; wish I wasn’t me

“You’ll get home okay?” Jaida asks her, tucking some hair behind Gigi’s ear.

Gigi nods. “Happy birthday, sweets,” Gigi says, leaning in to hug her friend.

“Happy birthday to you too,” she says, returning the hug. “It was a good one this year, no?”

Gigi shrugs and makes a non-committal sound as she releases Jaida from their hug.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just different this year.” It’s the first time in eight years that she’s celebrated her birthday without Crystal.

Jaida knows why it’s different this year, why she finished a bottle of tequila alone, why she kept on looking at the door to see who’s coming in. “You still love her.” It’s not a question. And Gigi thinks it will never be a question.

“I- Just- Jaida, I want her to be here.”

“Okay, okay,” she says with a comforting pat on the back, “We’ll talk more about this when we’re both sober, okay? We’ll figure out how to patch you right back up.”

Gigi nods, deciding that this is the end of this conversation. They wait in silence for Gigi’s Uber to come. Jaida kisses her cheek good night when it does and makes her promise to text the moment she gets home and of course says yes. She buckles herself in and waves goodbye.

The ride home lulls Gigi to sleep and she finds herself woken up by her Uber driver, letting her know that she’s home. She thanks him and gets out of the car only to discover that she, in fact, isn’t home. Not her home. Not anymore.

Gigi recognizes her surroundings and quickly sobers up – as sober as she can get after eight (she’s not really sure of how many, might have been the whole bottle) tequila shots. She looks at her phone and figures out how she got here. Of course, her Uber app still has this address set as home even though she hasn’t lived here in six months.

She knows she should just order another car and head home like this mistake never happened. But she’s already here. And she’s really fucking drunk. And she’s been thinking about Crystal all week. And if she wants to be honest with herself, she misses her so much it hurts.

She reaches the door and rings the bell before she can think any better of it. She checks the time after she rings the bell and thinks maybe it’s a bad idea. It obviously is – she’s drunk and it’s three in the fucking morning. But she’s here. She’s already rang the bell. And now she can hear movement coming from the inside, she can hear the door unlocking, she can see the door opening, and she can see Crystal’s sleepy face as it shows up from behind the door.

“Hi.”

“Gigi?” Crystal rasps, still trying to wipe the sleep off her eyes.

“Why weren’t you there?” Gigi tries to sound mad and accusatory but all she sounds right now is sad and pathetic.

“Where?”

“At the party.”

Crystal scratches her head. “I didn’t think you’d want me there,” she whispers.

“What about Jaida? Didn’t you want to be there for her?” Yes, Gigi thinks to herself, be mad on Jaida’s behalf.

“She knew I wasn’t coming,” Crystal shrugs. “I’m taking her out for a birthday lunch sometime this week.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

“I didn’t know you weren’t coming and I wanted you to be there.”

Crystal takes a deep breath and Gigi, for a split second, thinks she was going to say that the breakup has been a mistake and they should forget about everything that has happened and they could ride into the sunset to live happily ever after. Instead, she asks Gigi what she’s doing at her house, drunk, at three in the morning.

“I - I don’t know.”

Crystal moves to open the door wider. “Do you want to come in?”

“I don’t, no,” she says. And she really doesn’t. This isn’t her space anymore; it’s Crystal’s. And her drunk self can’t take it. She doesn’t want to see Crystal pattering around in a space that they once shared and sit there as a guest – unexpected, maybe unwanted, but still a guest.

She turns to sit on the front step instead. She shuts her eyes and lowers her head between her legs. If this is to stop herself from throwing up or to stop herself from looking at Crystal with the heart eyes she knows she has, she’s not quite sure. But she keeps that position until she hears the door shut, until she feels a warm presence beside her, until she feels an arm encircle her.

The way she immediately leans against Crystal and lets her wrap her in her arms is instinctive and she catches herself before she could bury her face further against her chest – where it smells like warmth and clean laundry and just the vaguest hint of her woody perfume.

“Sorry,” she whispers as she scoots away, looking slightly embarrassed at the way her body reacts to Crystal.

“Did you have a good time at your party?”

Gigi raises a brow at her. “Is this what we’re doing?”

“What?”

“Sit here and make small talk like we don’t know each other?”

Crystal takes a deep breath as if trying to think of something to say – but she says nothing. She sits there quietly, hands tugging her robe closer for more warmth, hair disheveled from sleep, eyes curiously looking at Gigi.

Gigi lets the silence sit between them for a beat before word vomiting everything she’s been holding on to for the last six months.

“I just miss you all the time and I’ve tried to get over it, get over you but nothing is ever good enough.”

Get over is the wrong phrase to use because she’s not over her and she probably never will be. She can learn how to be Crystal’s friend, maybe – but she’s not sure she can learn how to balance that with still being in love with her. Gigi thinks she needs to start getting used to living a life without her.

“I keep thinking about how I used to feel like we were a forever thing and wow, fuck, now we’ve been broken up what? Six months? And I’m running out of reasons to justify why we aren’t together anymore.”

She looks over at Crystal who has suddenly found the ground and her feet to be more interesting. She knows this Crystal, though – this Crystal who would get up from bed in the middle of the night and sit on her front step cold and barefoot and in her pajamas to listen. This Crystal would let her ramble on just to get her feelings out. This Crystal is not thinking of anything to say back; she’ll think about that when Gigi has said her piece.

“Do you know how fucking hard it is to lay in bed at night, in the dark, and not miss you? To keep on telling myself that dreaming about getting back together with you is only a dream?” Gigi takes a deep breath and tells herself not to cry. “It’s so fucking hard, Crystal. Wouldn’t it be easier if I hated you so I didn’t have to feel this way?”

Crystal sighs and shifts to take a good look at her. Gigi gives her a moment to collect her thoughts. But she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she reaches her hand up to Gigi’s face and Gigi looks at her suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“Eyelash,” she says, picking it up from her right cheek and showing it to Gigi. “Make a wish.”

Gigi closes her eyes for longer than necessary. She wishes for a lot of things – she wishes she wasn’t here right now, she wishes Crystal would kiss her, she wishes she’d forget but also not forget, she wishes they’d get back together. But the alcohol in her bloodstream is just the right amount of warming to let her be honest about her biggest one. “Wish I could’ve loved you better,” she says with her eyes still closed.

She hears Crystal whisper her name in a way she knows she’s about to say something sweet, something meaningful, something so very Crystal so she groans out loud to stop Crystal from saying something. “I need to go home,” Gigi says, getting up from the step.

Crystal gets up with her, making sure she’s near enough in case Gigi stumbles. “Let me drive you home,” she offers.

“I can just order a car,” Gigi says, pulling out her phone from her coat pocket.

Crystal rolls her eyes at her. “I’m here; my car’s right there.”

“Okay,” Gigi nods.

Crystal tells her she’ll be quick to get her keys and a coat and Gigi contemplates ordering a car anyway. But Crystal’s back as quickly as she promised.

“Ready?”

Gigi nods. She feels a warm hand on the small of her back guiding her to the car. It feels natural, it feels them. But Gigi knows it shouldn’t. She quickly buckles herself in the passenger seat and leans her head against the window.

She’s not quite as drunk now but she’s not quite sober either; everything is still a bit fuzzy around the edges. It hits Gigi, as she sees Crystal sliding into the seat, how fucking awkward this is. They haven’t seen each other in months yet here they are at almost four in the morning being whatever it is they are right now. This feels like what it really is – exes awkwardly trying to reconcile what’s left of their friendship.

“I’m sorry,” Gigi says, breaking the awkward silence that’s been sitting between them since they started driving.

Crystal glances quickly at her. “For what?”

“For things.” For dragging Crystal out of bed to drive her home. For looking a mess and feeling like it too. For how things ended – for ending things at all. For still being in love with Crystal.

There’s still a lot to say and also nothing else left to say. It’s quiet the rest of the ride except for Crystal humming to a song playing in her head.

Crystal pulls into Gigi’s driveway and Gigi doesn’t move to get out right away, feeling like there’s something important she still wants to say amongst the drunken rambling she’s already done. She wants to stay but she also wants to leave. And when she finally decides it’s taking too long and it’s making things too awkward and she’s one leg out of the car, Crystal stops her with a hand on her arm.

“Gee?”

“Yes?”

“You said you wish you could’ve loved me better and I don’t think you could have.”

“I– Crys, what do you mean?”

“You loved me enough and you loved me best.”

“Oh.” Gigi stares at her for a beat, hand gripping the car door handle tighter.

“Just– it’s just I know it’s not great right now between us but…”

“Crys?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for driving me home,” she says, getting out of the car – finally. Her heart can’t take any more emotions.

“Right, of course,” Crystal nods to herself as Gigi shuts the door.

Gigi waves goodbye as she watches Crystal drive away, waiting for the sound of her car to fizzle out completely before making her way inside.

You know I dream about Getting back together in the future I could focus on you

It starts when Gigi decides that she most definitely must text Crystal a thank you for driving her home and an apology for waking her up in the middle of the night. It’s short and simple and direct to the point. It doesn’t leave room for misinterpretation and room for extra conversation.

What she doesn’t expect is for Crystal to keep texting. For it to spark a whole chain of texts.

First, it’s just the casual hi, hello, how are you?

Then it’s a Merry Christmas.

And a Happy New Year. With a lingering unsaid wish you were my new year’s kiss. But it’s okay, I’d rather have none than it to be not you.

Then it becomes hey, I saw this and remembered you. A link to a funny Twitter thread. A depreciating Tumblr post. A viral TikTok video. A YouTube clip from a TV show they used to watch together.

Then they’re randomly hanging out to get coffee for a long catch up. Then it becomes a standing afternoon snack coffee date.

Out for lunch. First to try that place near Gigi’s work. Then once a week.

Out for dinner. Always just the two of them, both scared to involve other people and acknowledge whatever it is they are – casual places first then eventually date night places that they used to go to or places they said they’d try.

“Are we friends?” Gigi asks her one night.

“I don’t know, is that what you want?”

They aren’t friends. They’re more than that but they’re also less than that.

It’s not like things between her and Crystal ended on bad terms. Sure, it was a bit disjointed in the end when they both realized they wanted different things out of the relationship – Gigi wanting independence and flexibility and Crystal wanting constancy and marriage. But really, there’s no denying that there was love there. That there’s still love here.

“I don’t know either. But I like this, whatever this is,” she says. And it’s true.

It’s natural. This. Them. If anything, the weirdest thing about this is how natural it feels, how easily they fall back into a routine as if they’d never stopped.

Gigi’s phone keeps blowing up when she’s at dinner with Jaida. She instinctively reaches out to her phone every time it buzzes, always so quick to respond.

“Geege, have you met someone new without telling me?” she teases, trying to peek at Gigi’s phone.

“What?”

“You have that look on your face.”

“Oh, um, it’s just Crystal,” she says, showing Jaida her phone – not like there’s anything to hide. But also, yes, there’s something to hide. Jaida doesn’t have to know that the lock screen on her phone is still that picture of her and Crystal at Coachella.

“I didn’t know you were friendly again. When did that happen?”

“Since our party.”

“That long?”

Gigi nods. Yes, that long. It’s now already Spring, almost Crystal’s birthday.

“That stupid look on your stupid face is a look I haven’t seen in almost a year.”

“What about it?”

“I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying I think you should be careful.”

Part of her is screaming not to get her hopes up – that maybe this is just them talking it out and getting the closure that they need. But there’s also the other part, a bigger part, that hopes this is them finally swallowing their pride and fixing what they couldn’t fix. But the thing is, Gigi’s hopes are already so up there.

“What is it you want from her?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to be friends? Do you want to close the space a little? Do you want to try getting back together?”

“I don’t know how to be around her and not fucking feel everything.”

Ideally, she would like to reach a point where thinking of Crystal, talking about Crystal, talking to Crystal doesn’t leave her aching inside. But she feels like a string that has been pulled on too many times. Gigi feels defeated and just allows herself to acknowledge everything that her brain has already taken notice of.

“I want her back. She’s the love of my life, Jaida. How did we let this happen?”

Jaida goes on a whole tirade about something or another but Gigi doesn’t hear any of it because she’s busy dying inside from the text exchange that is happening.

Thinking of opening a bottle of wine and starting a movie. Want to join?

Gigi’s feeling bold and flirty.

Miss me already?

And she expects nothing but honesty from Crystal.

Yes.

She looks up at Jaida, she can’t hear her but she’s still talking. “J, I have to go,” she says.

I don’t know if you know this but you’re very hard to stay away from.

Don’t start without me.

The way the space between them on the couch shrinks gradually each time one of them gets up and comes back from the toilet or back with snacks and drinks does not go unnoticed. They don’t say anything about it and they don’t shy away when they start leaning into each other. When Gigi notices Crystal starting to doze off in the middle of their second movie, she lets her rest her head against her shoulder.

Crystal shifts against her, shoulders rising rhythmically, breath steady, sighing quietly in her sleep. Crystal tucks her face further into Gigi’s shoulder, and Gigi presses her cheek against Crystal’s head, and she knows she’s going to be stuck loving this person in her arms for the rest of her life – whether Crystal loves her the same way or not.

She thinks back to the last time they sat on this couch, supposedly watching one of Crystal’s favorite movies, but giving up the pretense of paying attention to the movie about fifteen minutes in to enjoy each other’s mouths instead.

This feels intimate, far too intimate for what they are right now. In the back of her mind, Gigi finds it hard to believe how she had tried to imagine a future with this intimacy and togetherness and decided that it wasn’t for her.

It’s a little past midnight and if Gigi is being totally honest with herself, she doesn’t ever want to leave. She sinks her nose into Crystal’s hair and inhales deeply – her smell always intoxicating; now smelling like a dream she once had.

“Crys,” Gigi whispers, gently shaking her awake. She really doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want this night to end, doesn’t want to say goodbye (tonight or ever again).

“Hmm?” Crystal grumbles, leaning in closer without opening her eyes.

“I have to go.”

Crystal stays still and Gigi thinks she’s fallen back asleep.

“Crys, I have to go,” she repeats.

Crystal sits up straight to look at Gigi. “Or you can stay,” she suggests, still blinking the sleep out of her eyes.

Gigi turns to look at Crystal straight in the eyes, silently hoping that Crystal understands that really, she doesn’t want to go home either. But they both know she should. “I really shouldn’t be here.” Gigi reluctantly gets up from the couch and holds her hand out to Crystal. “Are you going to walk me to the door?”

Crystal lets herself be pulled up to her feet and stretches out her neck and back before grabbing Gigi’s hand again to walk her to the door. Gigi drops Crystal’s hand when she puts on her shoes and when she straightens up again, she sees a look in Crystal’s eyes – it’s familiar but it’s also hesitant.

“This was good, right?”

“It was, I’m glad we could spend time like this.”

Gigi sees Crystal hesitate for a fleeting moment and what she says is not what Gigi was expecting at all. “You were it for me, you know? You still are. And I want that back, what we had,” Crystal says reaching out to take Gigi’s hand in hers again.

There’s still that space between them that hasn’t been breached yet. And Gigi isn’t sure how to get past it. But apparently, Crystal can dive into it headfirst.

Gigi tries to keep her face neutral but it isn’t so easy when her heart wants to beat out of her chest. She’s in love with her. She always has been. And she thinks she always will be, in all of the best and worst ways.

“I’m scared it will be the same. But also not the same. Do you know what I mean?”

All they’d ever done was love each other so much, too much, and it still had not been enough.

“It doesn’t have to be anything, does it? It just has to be you and me.”

[missjanjie]

As If We Never Said Goodbye | Jankie

Title: As If We Never Said Goodbye Summary: After their senior year of high school, a summer camp reunion is held when seven former campers return as counselors. While a lot has changed over the past six years, some haven't at all - especially for Jan and Jackie. Word Count: 1955 Relationship(s): Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: G

read on ao3

The reunion among all the former campers was truly a heartwarming one. All of the girls were happy to see each other after six years, eager with curiosity to see how much had changed (and how much hadn’t). There was screaming and hugs all around as everyone was quick to get reacquainted, and they had a whole weekend to themselves before the campers showed up.

“Oh, well that’s just not fair,” Jan clicked her tongue and shook her head. “How did they all grow up to be models?” she asked, gesturing to Gigi, Nicky, and Jaida.

Rock nodded. “It seems like just yesterday I was fighting Nicky over pokémon cards while Jaida tried to stop her from convincing Crystal to eat glue again. Time flies.”

Jan nodded, but she’d stopped listening, instead, she was looking around, looking for something, someone.

As if she could read her mind, Rock tapped her shoulder. “Your girlfriend’s coming,” she said and cocked her head in that direction.

“Shut up,” Jan shoved her lightly. “Jackie was my summer camp bestie. I missed her,” she insisted.

Before Rock could call her bluff, Jackie ran over to them. “Jan! Rock! Hi!” She gave each of them a big hug - though Jan’s might’ve lasted a bit longer. “Oh wow, you guys look great,” she observed.

“You’re not even looking at me,” Rock retorted before she wandered off to get reacquainted with the rest of her old friends.

Not that Jackie noticed, as the world around her became nothing more than background noise when she laid eyes on Jan. It was hard to believe this was the same girl that picked her first every soccer game and sang the loudest every karaoke night. Her eyes sparkled with the same enthusiasm she seemed to get just from existing. In a way, Jackie felt like she was back home. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

Jan was grinning from ear to ear, practically bouncing on her feet. Memories of that summer never fully left her mind, it was some of the most formative months of her life, she had learned so much about herself, stuff she might have otherwise ignored for another couple years. And a lot of that was directly due to Jackie. “You too. It’s been way too long. And you, wow, you look amazing too.”

“God, we have so much to catch up on, I don’t even know where to begin,” Jackie mused.

Jan started to speak, then her eyes widened. “The time capsule!” She looked around, then began calling out for all the girls to gather back around her. “Guys! We need to dig up the time capsule,” she grinned.

The memory dawned on everyone around the same time, the group of them talking excitedly among themselves, trying to remember where it was buried, where they could get a shovel to dig it out. They settled on splitting out in two groups – Crystal, Gigi, Jackie, and Nicky would retrace their years-old steps to find the burial site while Jan, Jaida, and Rock went to find shovels.

“I know we’re close,” Crystal remarked. “I can feel it.”

“This must be it,” Gigi pointed to a spot where there was dirt piled up, standing out amidst the grass, with a border of rocks around it. “I remember Nicky and I spent ages looking for enough pretty rocks.”

Nicky chuckled softly. “We had very discerning tastes.”

Jackie was only vaguely paying attention, mostly waiting for the other group to return. “Do you guys remember what you put in?”

“I know Jaida and I both put our paper mache projects in there, so I hope they didn’t disintegrate,” Gigi mused. “What did you put in?”

“I remember what she put in,” Crystal announced, elbowing Jackie’s side and grinning far too broadly. She had watched Jackie work on her item for hours on end, she didn’t know it could take someone that long, and Jackie didn’t even let her see the final result.

Jackie blushed. “And you need to be quiet. I don’t want to ruin it,” she said pointedly.

Crystal just giggled. “Relax, she’s not even here.”

“Who’s not here?” Jan asked as her group returned with shovels.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Gigi cut in, much to Jackie’s relief. “So, who’s doing the digging? Because I call ‘not it’.”

Jan chuckled and ushered her out of the way. “Rock and I got it, don’t worry,” she assured as the two of them started digging. “This shit is heavy though, no wonder Brooke and Kameron wouldn’t let us do it,” she recalled with a laugh.

“Aw, I miss them,” Rock hummed. “We should look them up on Instagram or something later.”

“I bet they’re still hot,” Nicky mused, causing some of the group to look at her oddly. “What? I couldn’t have been the only one thinking it,” she insisted, to which the girls reluctantly conceded to.

“Okay, we hit it!” Jan called out, she and Rock hoisting it out of the ground and setting it on the grass. “Oh, I’m so excited!” she said as if her whole body wasn’t nearly vibrating with enthusiasm.

Rock was the one to actually open the capsule (which was actually a toolbox they had all decorated), taking out the letter they had collectively written first, then squinted as she tried to read. “I’m gonna be honest, you guys, I can’t decipher any of this. We’ll have to go around and read our own entries later.”

Jan went to look through the capsule while Rock set the letter aside. “Let’s see… I recognize this little guy,” she cooed, holding up Nicky’s stuffed sheep.

“Meryl Sheep!” Nicky’s eyes lit up as she grabbed the toy. “Aw, my collection hasn’t been the same without you.” She looked back to Jan, gesturing for her to continue.

“We have Gigi and Jaida’s paper mache projects,” Jan continued, holding up the two crafts, one of a helmet that could fit the average baby doll, and the other of an apple with a comically angry face painted on. “And Rock’s Pokémon card,” she continued.

“Wait, gimme that!” Rock grabbed the sealed plastic pouch it was in. “D’you guys know how much this is worth?” She got blank stares in response, save for Nicky who shared her excitement.

“Smart move preserving it,” Jan hummed. “My mixtape!” she grinned, holding up a CD. “Miss Vanjie helped me burn a CD, and I put a song that made me think of everyone, like Burning Up for Crystal, Lady Marmalade for Nicky…” she continued looking down the list, her cheeks suddenly reddening. She didn't want to announce that she'd picked Alone by Heart for Jackie. “Well, you get the idea,” she summed up, reaching into the box and grabbing the next item, only to drop it. “Jesus Christ! Why is that there?”

Crystal picked the furby off the ground. The fur was partially singed on one side and had a bald spot on the other. “Oh yeah, I forgot I put Arson in there.”

Gigi pinched the bridge of her nose. “Tell me you didn’t actually name it ‘Arson’.”

“It survived being tossed into a campfire, Gigi,” she retorted as if the name choice should have obviously made sense. “There should still be another thing in there, right?”

Jan nodded, picking an envelope up from the bottom of the box. “Jackie, this must be yours, right?” she asked, holding it up and displaying the heart drawn in the center.

Even though it had been six years, Jackie’s heart started racing as soon as she saw that letter. Her throat tightened and her face flushed red. “I… Yeah… That’s mine,” she swallowed thickly, forcing herself to add, “read it.”

Jan looked at Jackie with a flash of concern in her expression, but obliged nonetheless, peeling off the Star Trek sticker the envelope had been sealed with and taking the note out.

“Dear Jan, I know we’re supposed to put something in the capsule that makes us think of our whole camp experience, but that’s actually why I’m doing this. My favorite part of the summer is you. I love how you pick me first every time we play soccer or kickball even though you know I can’t play. I love the way you spent your free hour helping clean all the paint and glitter off of me after Crystal’s project exploded (she’s watching me while I write this, I think she’s mad I told her she can’t copy my idea, and she’s probably watching you now, standing with Gigi anyway),” Jan looked up, noting that Crystal was standing with her arm around Gigi’s waist - all of them giggling at that before she continued.

“I love that you spent all week talking about how much you love horror movies, but wouldn’t go outside during Halloween night. I also love what happened that night, though I don’t know if it meant anything to you, or if you were just caught up in the moment. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t know where we’ll be when you read this, if we have girlfriends or pretend to have boyfriends, but right now, I love you. I love you a lot. Sincerely, Jackie.” Jan hadn’t realized tears were forming in her eyes until she finished reading and had to blink them away. The wave of emotion that hit her was hard to describe - twelve-year-old Jackie had poured her soul into this letter, and it made her heart swell.

It was clear that neither Jan nor Jackie were ready to say anything yet. “That was beautiful, Jackie,” Jaida offered, trying to ease the tension that had built up around them.

“Wow… I didn’t realize you felt that way,” Jan finally said.

“Really? Not even a little?” Nicky chimed in before Jaida elbowed her to get her to shut up.

Jackie let out a breath that vaguely resembled a laugh. “No, it’s okay,” she said to Nicky and Jaida before turning back to Jan. “It was one of those things that everyone else just knew.”

Jan chewed on her lip. “Everyone except me. I wish I’d known, though. Because I felt the same way - don’t say it, Nicky - the whole time.”

“I think you guys need some privacy,” Gigi said gently. “Why don’t you take a walk or something?”

Jackie nodded and already turned to start walking away. “Good idea,” she said, heading down the hiking trail with Jan doing a quick jog to catch up with her.

“So, um…” Jan cleared her throat. “Are you dating anyone?”

For the first time since the envelope came out, Jackie smiled and let herself look at Jan. “No, I’m not, are you?”

Jan shook her head. “I’m not either,” she said, then suddenly stopped walking. “Wait…”

Jackie stopped, turning back to look at her. “What?”

Wordlessly, Jan cupped Jackie’s face and kissed her deeply. It was nothing like the chaste peck they’d shared during the Halloween party six years ago. It was heated and fervent, both of them holding onto each other for dear life until their lungs begged for air. “Yeah,” she smiled as she stood upright, “the spark’s still there.”

“Did we just sign up for a summer romance, then?” Jackie asked with a light laugh.

“At least… Where are you going to college?”

“Columbia, finally moving out to the big city.”

“I’m not surprised in the slightest,” Jan chuckled. “I’m going to The American Academy of Dramatic Arts which…” her eyes went wide, “is also in Manhattan.”

Jackie’s face broke into a broad grin as she pulled Jan into a hug. “Isn’t that amazing?”

“Yeah,” Jan agreed as she melted into Jackie’s arms. “It’ll be nice to not have to say goodbye this time.”

[emeraldwaves]

Title: The Sweetest Girl Pairing: KateAaron, Andreil Rating: T Word Count: 5,009 AO3

Summary:

Aaron doesn't consider himself a good Postmate. He doesn't particularly like his job. However, there's one bakery that he doesn't mind picking up orders from.

This was written for the @aftgexchange for @thetallwinchester ! I hope you enjoy this silly little Bakery AU! :D Thank you for the prompt!!

The phone buzzes on Aaron's dashboard and he looks at the device with disdain. If looks could kill, the thing would've exploded right there in his damn car.

[You have one new delivery request!]

Aaron regrets everything.

The small line is slowly moving down his screen. He's running out of time to accept this order and though he really doesn't want to, he knows it's either this one or some other shitty food pick up.

He taps his screen, accepting the order, and sighs.

Postmates sucks. Not as bad as Uber, cause there is far less human interaction with Postmates, but people can be so damn finicky about their food.

He pulls up the order on his phone screen. Fox Bakery, three miles from where he is now. Not bad, though he's never heard of this place. The person wants some cookies and a bagel. Interesting combination, but not the weirdest order he's ever gotten.

Putting the car in drive, he follows the map on his phone, annoyed he even has to do this. Postmates isn't a difficult job, but it's not ideal. It's tedious, it wears down Aaron's car, people are rude, and the list of awful shit goes on and on, but it pays the damn bills well enough.

Living with his brother and his cousin in their tiny apartment also isn't ideal, but he tries not to complain about that either. At least, not out loud. It's a place to live, a means to an end. Eventually, he'll be done with medical school and he'll be making so much money he'll be able to buy multiple houses. Houses he won't have to share with Andrew and Nicky.

It takes him a minute to find the damn bakery. It's actually not on the road it says it's on. It's down a side alleyway, sort of around the back of the street. Without the stupid little Postmates app, Aaron would definitely have gotten lost.

The front entrance has a few paw prints on it, and the logo is orange: Fox Bakery. A fox sits behind the text, it's tail making the curve of the 'y'. Aaron's just happy he found the damn place.

He pulls the door open, a small bell jingling at the top. The place smells heavenly, Aaron can't deny that. He doesn't have his brother's sweet tooth, but stepping in here, he can see the appeal. It smells like freshly baked cake and sugar. The smell wraps itself around his body and Aaron could take a nap right there on the floor, letting the comfort take over.

"Welcome!" A chipper voice calls out, and a girl pops up from behind one of the counters. Her long brown hair is tied up into a ponytail, a bow wrapped around it. The ribbons almost look like little fox ears. Lame. Her smile is wide, her dark eyes glistening with excitement.

Honestly, no one should be this excited working in the customer service industry, but she's certainly owning it, and Aaron can't fault her.

"Can I help you? We just took some cakes out of the oven if you're looking for something fresh!" Her voice takes on a bit of a sing-song, the lilting tone soft, yet tempting. Aaron's mouth goes dry.

For a second he forgets why he's there. Between her beautiful face, and the delicious smell, he tries to focus, but he just keeps staring.

"Uh," he says finally. Real smooth. He needs to get out of here. "I'm picking up for... Jeremy? Postmates," he says, holding up his phone.

"Oh! Great! Of course!" The girl beams at him and makes her way to a small shelf near the back. There are a few bags there, probably waiting to be picked up. "Here you go! Three cookies and an everything bagel," she says. "Do you know if they want cream cheese?"

"Just... throw some in there," he says, waving his hand to the side. He doesn't really care either way, but getting to stay here for a couple additional seconds isn't all that bad.

"Sounds great!" She tosses a few tiny cups of cream cheese into the bag and wraps it up, putting a cute fox sticker on the edge of the bag to keep it shut. Reaching over the counter, she hands it to him.

"Thanks," he mutters, taking it from her. Orange looks horrible on everyone, but somehow she makes it work. His eyes fall on the name tag on her sweater: Katelyn. Cute.

"Katelyn," he says, not realizing he said anything out loud.

"Yes? Oh! Yes! That's my name," she giggles. "Do you want to try something? I mean, since you came all the way here."

Aaron glances around the case. He really doesn't have much of a sweet tooth... "Uh, no thanks."

"Oh." Her face falls and she presses her teeth into her lower lip before smiling again. "No worries! Happy delivery!"

Fuck, he's dumb. He mentally kicks himself for saying anything. How is it he loses his mind so quickly over one pretty girl? He's not normally this awkward. Actually, that's debatable, but whatever. "Thanks," he mutters again, and rushes out of the store.

At least the bakery is out of the way, so not many people order from there. Maybe he'll never go back.

~~

The problem is, Aaron wants to go back. He can't stop thinking about stupid Katelyn and how cute she is and the soft orange ribbon in her dark brown hair. She's stunning. Absolutely stunning, and as much as he hates his damn job, he's secretly waiting to get pinged for Fox Bakery.

But it never comes.

He supposes he could go there himself, and actually order something, but Aaron tries not to go to restaurants in his free time. He saves money by cooking at home, and why would he want to go places he always has to go for work? Still, he's actually tempted to go back and buy something just to see her one more time.

Creepy.

No, he's not a creep, and he won't go back for no reason.

But he will go back if he gets another order from there. Which, thankfully, a week and a half later he does. It's probably the fastest he's ever accepted an order.

The little bell jingles when he enters the place, and a short guy stands by the register. He's got bright blue eyes and messy brown hair and he looks entirely uninterested in being there. Disappointment washes over Aaron. Of course Katelyn doesn't work there everyday and he shouldn't expect her to always be there.

Sighing, he makes his way to the counter, taking the loss. "Hey, I'm picking up a delivery for Postmates."

The guy looks up, face unchanging. "Yeah, okay. Name?"

"Uh, Laila," he says, glancing down at his phone.

"'Kay." The guy walks over to the shelf right as Katelyn opens the door from the back, stepping behind the counter.

"Oh! Hey! It's the Postmates guy!" She laughs, and gestures to him.

"You know him?" The other worker asks, pulling the bag from the shelf.

She turns to look at him, her dark eyes full of excitement yet again. How someone can be so happy working in a bakery is beyond Aaron. "Well, sort of! He's come in before." She looks down, her cheeks flushing. "Sorry, I actually never got your name."

"Aaron," he says, reaching over the counter.

"Katelyn!" She smiles, waving at him. Though she quickly straightens up and gasps. "I-I mean I guess you already knew that from my name tag!" She gestures to the small badge on her shirt.

"Yeah," Aaron says.

The guy next to them scoffs, and clicks his tongue. "Shouldn't you deliver your order?" he asks.

Immediately, Aaron frowns. Who the hell is this guy? Maybe he's Katelyn's boyfriend and he wants Aaron to leave cause his girlfriend is obviously one of those people who is nice to everyone. Or maybe he has a crush on Katelyn and is jealous her attention is elsewhere.

"Oh! Neil's right!" she says. "Sorry for keeping you."

He wants to urge her that it's not a big deal. Worse case, he just gets less of a tip, which honestly, he wouldn't mind if it was because he stood here talking to her.

"Do you want a small sample to go?" She asks, and Aaron glances around the store. He should probably take something. It would be the polite thing to do, but Aaron really doesn't know what to take.

"I should... probably get going," he says, gesturing to the door. So much for staying and talking to her.

"Right! Of course! Good luck, Aaron!" She bows her head toward him and he stands, watching her. He waves, after what seems like both an eternity and not long enough, and heads back out the door. He wishes things had lasted longer than that.

~~

He notices the bakery popping up more and more on his Postmates app. It's like everyone suddenly realized what a hidden gem this is. For once, Aaron doesn't care. He doesn't even care that he has to park on a side street and walk all the way around through the alley just to get to the damn place.

It's worth it when Katelyn is there.

He's been lucky. The majority of the time he goes, Katelyn is there. She always greets him, popping up from behind the counter with a cheery: "Hello Aaron!" A few times he's even smiled at her.

Every time he leaves, she asks if he wants to try something, and he always says no. Each time, he starts to regret it more and more. He just... panics when she asks, never sure what to pick.

A few times he goes, and Neil is there working by himself, and Aaron hates those times. Neil is nothing like Katelyn. The guy is completely uninterested in everything, and even though they both know each other's name, the conversation is always as short as it can possibly be. Aaron grabs his order and practically dashes out the door.

He wonders if Neil notices the difference between when Katelyn is there or not there. Aaron spends a grand total of 10 seconds in the store when it's just Neil but with Katelyn he always lingers for at least a minute. Or two.

It's stupid because he never actually talks about anything with her. Usually she talks about the specials or asks how Aaron's deliveries have been. One time, she talked about a rude customer who had come in just moments before. Aaron's honestly thankful he hadn't been there, because he probably would've punched the guy’s face in if he saw someone being rude to her.

One day, he gets a particularly large order: a dozen donuts, some cupcakes, and a half dozen cookies. He's hoping he gets there early, before the order is ready. Hopefully Katelyn will be there too.

Aaron doesn't really understand what it is about the girl that interests him so much. Honestly, he should despise someone as peppy as her. Yet, he can't help but find her endearing. He loves the way she giggles, and how her hair is always pulled back into a signature ponytail. He adores the way she says his name. Somehow, she always manages to punctuate the 'A's like they're really important.

Making his way down the side alley, he pops into the store, the tiny bell jingling. "Hi Aaron!" He hears her voice immediately, the high pitched tone cutting through the small room.

"Hey Katelyn."

"You know," she says, leaning against the countertop. "I was hoping this big order would be you. We're just waiting on the cupcakes!"

"No problem," he says, and for once he actually means it. Waiting for this order will be anything but torture.

"I can go check on them if you'd like! I know people can be mean when their food isn't on time," Katelyn says, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips.

"More bad customers today?" Aaron asks, looking around the empty bakery. He's glad when he's in here alone, it means he has the chance to try and talk to her, even if he often sucks at it.

Katelyn shakes her head. "No... the other day, my roommate gave our Postmate a horrible tip because he couldn't find our apartment. I felt so bad, I couldn't stop thinking about you and how hard you work. Even if a Postmate is slow, I try not to tip them too badly."

Aaron's cheeks light up. He's not even that good at his job. He doesn't even like working for Postmates. "Oh, uh, well, you know, not everyone is a good Postmate."

"I know, but who knows, maybe they legitimately got lost! Our complex is a little confusing," she explains.

Aaron is about to say he understands because he's gotten lost before but he gets cut off when a woman with long dark braids steps out from the backroom, carrying a hot tray of cupcakes. The smell is overwhelming, and it actually makes his stomach gurgle.

"Hello!" The woman says, placing the tray down. "Is this a regular?"

"Sort of!" Katelyn laughs. "This is Aaron, he's a Postmates driver."

"Oh! Hello!" The woman smiles. "I'm Dan. My husband Matt and I own this place. Thank you for coming by."

"Oh, cool," Aaron says, mostly because he has no idea what else to say.

"I'll get these bagged up for you," Katelyn says, and carries the tray over, wrapping up the cupcakes. "Are you sure I can't interest you in one? You've been in here so many times and never tried anything."

Aaron purses his lips. He always feels guilty saying no, and especially now, in front of the owner. This probably isn't the time to refuse. Swallowing, he nods his head. "Yeah, I'll uh, I'll take a cupcake." He supposes he can give it to Andrew.

Katelyn's face lights up, her eyes shimmer. She claps her hands together. "Of course! It'll be my treat! I promise you'll love it. I think cupcakes are our specialty... though, I do like the chocolate chip cookies too. A classic, you know?" She wraps up the treat and puts it in a separate bag, holding both out to him.

Nodding, Aaron takes the bags from her, separating the two. "Thanks."

"See you soon!" she says, waving, her beautiful smile lighting up her face. Holy heck she's so cute, Aaron wants to bury his head and never look at anything else again.

"Yeah," he nods, trying to stay cool. "See ya'."

He really does hope he'll see her again soon.

~~

"What the hell is this?" Andrew asks, holding the cupcake in his hand. He twists it around and gives it a glare. "You poison this?"

Aaron rolls his eyes, clicking his tongue. "Yes. When you eat it, you'll finally die."

His cousin pouts, looking at the sweet treat in Andrew's hand. "You didn't get me one?"

"Nope. She only gave me one freebie. I wasn't gonna buy more," Aaron shrugs, hopping over the couch to take a seat.

"Dammit, Aaron! You should've handed it to me, at least I would've shared with Andrew-wait," Nicky says, stopping in the middle of his thought. "She?!" He gasps loudly, and makes his way around the couch, cupcake completely forgotten. "Aaron, do you have a girlfriend?!"

"Gross," Andrew scoffs, unwrapping the cupcake on the couch.

"...I don't... have a girlfriend..."

"He hesitated!" Nicky screams, bouncing up and down on the squeaky cushion. "Who is she, and why is she giving you free cupcakes?!"

"I dunno, she's just a girl at this bakery," Aaron says, shrugging. He sinks back into the couch. The last thing he wants to do is tell them about Katelyn. He'll never hear the end of it, and Andrew might hunt her down and murder her. So, better to keep his mouth shut.

Next to him, the wrapper crinkles, and Andrew tosses the trash on the table in front of them, ready to dive into the treat.

Nicky scoffs loudly. "Aaron, your cheeks are red. You're lying!" He hums loudly, bouncing up and down once again.

"I'm not lying!"

"You are!"

"Fuck," Andrew curses next to them and both Aaron and Nicky turn to look at the unruly blond. "Where the fuck did you get this?"

"Uh... why?" Aaron asks, immediately skeptical. The last thing he needs is his brother snooping around in his business. He likes Katelyn. As much as he hates to admit it, he likes her. He likes her smile, her hair, how she probably smells like freshly baked treats all the time. He likes going into the bakery; he doesn't want his brother and his cousin to ruin this for him.

"Aaron. I asked you where the fuck you got this," Andrew repeats. He's holding the cupcake in his hand, bouncing it up and down, a large bite missing from it. He's got a bit of frosting on his nose, but Aaron isn't about to point that out.

"Just a small bakery in town."

"We're going," Andrew says, shoving the rest of it into his mouth.

"What?"

"Tomorrow," he says, after swallowing. "We're going to this bakery."

Needless to say, Aaron knows he doesn't have much of a choice.

~~

Katelyn blinks when Aaron steps into Fox Bakery with his twin. He supposes it's pretty jarring, seeing two people who look exactly the same when you don't expect it. "Hi Aaron! You didn't tell me you had a twin." Katelyn smiles her glowing smile.

"Yeah, this is Andrew," he says, gesturing to his brother who is eyeing all of the sweets behind the glass counters.

"Can I help you?" Neil asks, looking down at the blond. Andrew tilts his head up, stares at Neil and scoffs, like he's seen the most disgusting thing in the world. Only, Aaron knows his brother well enough to know that disgust means Andrew is interested. Of course his brother would be interested in Neil. The two of them can be uninterested assholes together. It's oddly perfect.

"No," Andrew clicks his tongue and Katelyn immediately looks distressed.

"Is he okay?" She whispers the question, leaning over the countertop.

Aaron rolls his eyes, looking at the way his brother continues to scan the treats, his eyes constantly flicking back toward Neil. "Yeah," he says. "He's just like that. It's fine."

"Oh," Katelyn says, narrowing her eyes at the two boys. "Well then, are you here to pick up an order?"

"Nah, my brother..." He pauses, realizing he doesn't want to tell her that he didn't eat the cupcake she gave. For some reason, he thinks it might hurt her feelings. "I gave him some of the cupcake and he really liked it. He's got more of a sweet tooth than I do."

"I see!" she says, smiling. "I can give him suggestions-"

"No, just... let him do his thing," he says, but then quickly turns back to her. "You can suggest stuff to me, though." Even if he ends up giving it to Nicky this time, at least he can get her talking.

"Oh! Okay, well, I'm gonna force you to pick a chocolate chip cookie. Like I said, classic," she giggles, pulling one off of the shelf. "I'm also a fan of the fudge, but if you don't like sweets I think that might be too sweet!"

Aaron honestly stops listening to the specifics of what she's saying and just watches her talk. He's ignoring everything else. He doesn't even notice the stare down Andrew and Neil seem to be having. He watches as Katelyn gestures to various treats, her eyes lighting up as she talks about each one. She's really passionate about working at this bakery, unexpected, since Aaron can't imagine working around people and food in a serious way. But Katelyn seems to know everything about what they have in the bakery.

She's put together a variety of treats for him to try and he doesn't even know what half of them are, but she's so excited about it he doesn't wanna disappoint her.

Neil slides a tray of more sweets down to the register. "These are for him," he says, gesturing to Andrew. His twin looks vaguely amused, and pleased with his selection.

"I'll ring you guys up," Katelyn nods. "You'll have to let me know what you think the next time you come in."

"Yeah," he says. "I'll let you know." He wishes he could share the treats with her, but that would require him to ask her to spend time with him outside of their little encounters and, well, he's just not ready to do that.

~~

Later, he actually tries some of the treats Katelyn gave him before Nicky steals the rest. She was right, the chocolate chip cookie was the best, by far. It's so good, in fact, he wouldn't mind having another one. Some of the cakes are a bit too sweet, but he tried.

Andrew is absolutely addicted to the Fox Bakery. He goes all the time now, usually without Aaron, and he buys shit for himself. Aaron can't complain, but he does get a little jealous of the fact that Andrew is always going there. A couple of times he thought to go with his brother, but he doesn't want his brother to see him around Katelyn. Nicky and Andrew have already teased him enough for it.

There's a part of him that wants to ask Katelyn out, but he has no idea if she's interested. Hell, she might have a boyfriend! Maybe it's Neil? Either way, Aaron isn't ready to just jump into asking Katelyn out. Besides, why would she be interested in someone who barely talks to her, despite how nice she's been to him?

Aaron likes to think he can keep his mind off her, but what really does him in is seeing Neil at their apartment a few weeks later. He's stopped into the bakery a few times to make a few deliveries, and Neil never once said anything to him. Yet here he sits, on their couch, leaning against Andrew.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Aaron yells.

"Uh, I'm hanging out with your brother, my boyfriend," Neil says, shrugging as if he's so confused why Aaron is so mad.

"Your what?!

"Unlike some people, I take what I want," Andrew says, popping a mini cupcake into his mouth. Aaron hopes the idiot gets fat from all the sweets he keeps eating just to, apparently, go and hit on Neil.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Aaron growls, folding his arms over his chest.

Nicky pokes his head out of the kitchen, carrying a large bowl of popcorn. "It means that you've been pining over Katelyn for months now and have done nothing about it."

"W-What?!" Aaron scoffs, taken aback. "You've never even been to the bakery!" He yells, trying to shift the focus to Nicky.

"No, but Neil and Andrew told me all about it," Nicky shrugs. "Plus, I know you! You probably just stand there, all quiet like an idiot, barely talking to her!"

"I talk to her!"

"Barely," Neil scoffs, reaching forward into the bucket to grab popcorn. "Not like she's any better. She's always talking about you, hoping every time we get a Postmates order that you'll be picking it up."

Aaron's heart skips a beat. Katelyn talks about him? It's not just him who is constantly thinking about her, hoping an order for Fox Bakery will pop up. She wants to see him? She wants him to come in? "S-She is?" He asks the question before he can stop himself.

"Yup," Neil shrugs.

"Oh man, so you're both pining fools! It's perfect!" Nicky yells, laughing as he leans back against the couch.

"Shut up!" Aaron yells, glaring at his cousin."You know what? I'll go right now!" He stomps toward the door and grabs his jacket.

"It's closed," Neil calls out.

Huffing, Aaron slams his jacket back onto the hook and storms into his room. "Fine, I'll go tomorrow!" He slams the door shut behind him. Stupid Andrew, asking out stupid Neil. How the hell did his brother just swoop in and get this guy? At the very least, Neil is just an asshole, and not interested in Katelyn.

Still, Aaron has no idea how he plans to ask her out, but he knows if he doesn't he'll never hear the end of it from the rest of them.

~~

Aaron tries not to think about how weird it is that he's going to the bakery alone for no reason than to ask Katelyn on a date.

A date.

He swallows, the word circling around in his head like a scary demon he has no idea how to face. It's not like he's never asked girls out before, but the thing is, he's never asked Katelyn out before. Katelyn, with her perfect smile, her passion for bakery treats and her signature ponytail that bounces against her neck every time she walks around.

Swallowing, he yanks the door open. He can do this. He's been walking into this bakery for months now. She knows him, he knows her, it'll be easy and not creepy at all.

He smooths out his jacket and steps inside, the small bell jingling as he does. Aaron sees Katelyn right away, bent over, slowly sliding pink and yellow cupcakes into place. She's humming softly, singing along with whatever basic pop song is playing on the radio.

When the bell jingles, she looks up and immediately stands, her ponytail bouncing with her body. "Aaron! Hi! Good to see you! I feel like it's been a few days. Though, your brother came in to see Neil. Are they dating? Neil won't tell me," she pouts.

Her words fire at him quickly and Aaron blinks, staring at her curious eyes. "Uh, I think so," he mutters, rubbing his forehead. "About that-"

"Oh, I know Neil seems a little blunt, but he's a really good guy. Pretty funny actually! So, don't worry about your brother," Katelyn giggles, reassuring him. She waves her hand up and down gently.

"I don’t. I mean that's good," he says.

"Mhm!" She nods, and heads over to the shelf where the delivery orders are. "Picking up?"

"Actually, uhm, no," Aaron says, swallowing.

"Oh! Did you come for your brother? Or... did I sway you with the treats I picked out?"

"The chocolate chip cookie was really amazing," he says. "You did sway me there." He rubs his hands together, leaning against the counter. How is he supposed to just ask her out? Will she think he's only doing it because of Neil and Andrew? Stupid Andrew, jumping into this random relationship with Neil.

"Great! I can give you more, or other things to try, if you want!" She offers it so genuinely, saying it with such a huge smile on her face. It makes his heart flutter, his cheeks growing far too red for his own good. He has to ask, he can't keep standing here staring at her like a total idiot!

"What if... we tried them together?" he asks, the question so quiet.

"Together?" She tilts her head. "Well, I've already tried pretty much everything in the store."

Shit, of course she has! What a stupid way to ask her to spend time together! He mentally slaps himself and exhales. He can do this, he can explain.

"No, uh, okay. Maybe we could get sweets somewhere else then?"

"Oh, but I mean, I'll still show you what's best here," she says, waving her hands back and forth quickly. "I don't want to be biased, but I think we're the best bakery in town."

Dammit.

Shaking his head, he slams his hands down on the glass. "No! Katelyn, I'm asking if you want to go somewhere with me! We can go, you know, on a date!"

She freezes, blinking once and then again, staring at him while his cheeks grow redder and redder. "Oh..." she whispers. "O-Oh!"

He's a fool. An utter and total fool. Neil probably just told him Katelyn was interested to trick him into looking like a total idiot when his brother had done everything right and perfect or whatever.

"Look, you don't have to it was a stupid-"

"What? Aaron! Of course I would want to... go on a date! I-I just was so surprised you asked, I thought you never would," she yells, her words slurring together as she rushes them out.

Huh? What? She really... had been waiting for him to ask!?

"To be honest, I was getting really close to just asking you myself, but there was a small part of me that was hoping you would and... yes! I would love to go out!"

Aaron tries not to look like more of an idiot by doing a stupid dance or something, so instead, he smiles, unable to stop himself. He pulls out his phone and pushes it across the counter. "Put your number in, I'll uh, I'll call you and we can compare schedules?"

"Sure!" she says, picking up his phone while she hands hers to him. "You do the same."

"Great," he mutters, the two trading back their phones.

"I'm... really excited!" She laughs, the sound echoing in the small bakery.

He has no idea what they're going to end up doing, but he has a feeling he's going to love it no matter what. He honestly doesn't care what they do, as long as he gets to learn more about her, and listen to her laugh and talk. Maybe even kiss...

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself.

"Yeah, I'm really excited too," he says, a smile stuck to his face while he stares at her excited dark eyes.

He can't believe he found Katelyn because some idiot wanted to order some dessert on Postmates. He supposes he can't hate his job all that much, if it led him to the sweetest girl.

[100storiesin2020]

West Coast Friendship - an AFTG fic

This story was inspired by an Owl City song of the same name. Why mix Owl City and All for the Game? Ask the Muse.

TW: Neil’s past, specifically his mother, her abuse, and the events surrounding her death. Also, nightmares.

****

Neil woke with a gasp.

Heart pounding, he took stock of his surroundings. The apartment was dark, but his eyes were already adjusted. A phone, plugged in, sitting on the coffee table. Two pairs of shoes, resting by the door. A jacket and a hoodie hanging on the wall, looking almost surreal in these early hours. He was on a couch, tucked in under a thick blanket adorned with fox paws. He sighed in relief. This was his and Andrew’s apartment, and he was sleeping on the couch because yesterday had been a bad day. They were comfortable sleeping in the same bed, these days, but occasionally one of their pasts would rear its ugly head. Space was helpful when that happened to Andrew. Unfortunately it was less helpful for Neil.

Neil tried to calm his breathing. He was Neil Josten. He was, and always would be, a Fox. He was a professional Exy player. He lived in Denver, Colorado, and lived with his husband Andrew Minyard. He was twenty-five years old.

This chant wouldn’t stop the memories tonight.

He’d had a nightmare, a montage of memories about his mother. He thought of the way her hair had been difficult to manage, damaged by all the rounds of dye. He thought of her rough hands, her loud voice, her demands that he run and run and never look back.

And the walls were closing in, like the darkness around him.

Neil stood and put on his shoes. A run would help. He grabbed his phone and his wallet, having learned years ago that it was easier to take them with him than it was to fight about it later. Their apartment porch light was very bright and he didn’t want to wake Andrew when he left, so he snuck down the dark metal shape of the rusty fire escape.

The run did not help.

It did reduce the physical urge to move, but it wasn’t enough. Neil continued for miles and miles, trying to stop his mother’s voice chanting /run, Abram, run and don’t look back./ He knew she had been abusive. It had taken him years to recognize it, but he knew it was true. It wasn’t the whole truth, though. She was abusive, and she had been all he had, and he had loved her.

He had broken his promises.  He was quite clearly stuck here, held to Denver by contracts and Andrew, unable to run and unwilling to try. If only he had gotten to say goodbye -

He stopped. All he really needed was to say goodbye.

He devised a plan.

An hour later, he was at the airport. He’d bought a one-way ticket on the first flight available, and was going to make it just in time. He had called an Uber and left straight from his 4am run to the airport, not even stopping at home for a change of clothes. He felt an urgency, as if he needed to go now or it would never happen at all.

Neil opened his phone to text Andrew. I’m going to California. He sent the flight details. He thought for a moment, and decided to add Not running. Saying goodbye.

Neil checked the message again just before takeoff. Read at 6:23 am. Andrew hadn’t replied, but he’d gotten the message. There had never been any chance of Andrew coming with him, as much as Neil would have appreciated having him along. There were just too many hard memories in California.

The flight was too short.

Several modes of transportation later, Neil was in a rental car, nearing the beach where he had left his mother behind. Clouds were blowing in from the ocean, and it looked like it may rain. Or it may not. He’d never become familiar with coastal weather. The place snuck up on him, probably because he was approaching from the opposite direction, but there was no mistaking this beach. This was it.

smoke and waves and flames and salty air

He pulled off the road and walked towards the beach. He didn’t know exactly where he’d buried his mother, and there were no signs of where it might have been. Of course, there might not have been any signs by the next morning, thanks to the waves.

Neil sat in the sand and lit a cigarette. It was surreal. He could almost smell the burning car, hear the ripping sound of dried blood -

No. That was not why he had come.

He’d left that moment behind long ago. Right now, it wasn’t about the end. It was about the life before that.

Neil could picture Mary clearly. Her hair had been a light blond, quite beautiful, but he hadn’t seen it that way in years. She had preferred to dye it dark brown, rather muddy, which didn’t suit her skin tone but was admittedly less memorable. She’d always had a fearful manner, but a ruthless one too. It left its mark in her face - the worried lines, the determined expression, a permanent case of what Allison would have called “rbf”. 

It was almost as if she was here, just out of sight. Out there over the ocean, where the rain was beginning. 

“I’m sorry, Mom. I couldn’t run anymore,” Neil began to say. “I broke my promise to you. It was too hard to go on without you, and I stayed in one place too long.

It was the best decision I ever made.”

Neil paused, watching the rain fall on the ocean. It drifted in closer, blown into shore, but it was light and he had a hoodie. It fit the mood, really.

He continued. “I don’t really believe in a life after this. It’s hard to without believing in God, and no matter what Renee and Nicky say, I can’t believe a God would allow monsters to roam the world as they do. But I had to say goodbye to you.

I’ve let go of what you taught me. I stopped running. I started playing Exy. It gave me something to live for, after you were gone. And it was only the first of many stupid decisions I made.” Neil smirked. “You would have been furious. First it was signing with Kevin, even though he didn’t recognize me. Then it was appearing on TV. Then it was roasting Riko Moriyama himself on TV, and from there it only escalated.” Neil paused, remembering.

“I broke every rule you ever taught me,” he choked. He could see her now, angry and fierce, hand raised to slap him again and again and again and again. “You would be so angry with me. I was angry with myself.” The tears started to fall.

“I failed you, Mom.”

He sat there and cried with only his memories and the waves for company.

Neil had arrived in midmorning, but the sun was nearing the horizon when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It startled him half out of skin. He turned and tackled the person behind him, catching them off guard and pinning them to the sand before he realized who it was.

It was Matt. “Whoa there, Neil,” he said with a laugh. “I guess you didn’t hear me calling your name.”

Neil wiped the last of the tears from his eyes. “Matt??” He asked incredulously. “Why are you here??”

Matt shrugged. “Away game in LA this weekend.”

“But why are you here?”

Matt grinned. “Would you believe that Andrew sent me?” Neil just looked at him in shock. “He said you needed someone and posted your location in the Fox chat.”

“My location.” Neil deadpanned.

Matt scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Well, yeah,” he said. “Apparently he has a tracking app on your phone in case you get kidnapped again.” Of course he did. “Anyway, I was the closest to you, so I came.” He put his hands on Neil’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. “I’m always here for you, Neil.”

It was too much. Neil tackled him again, in a hug this time, and started to cry again. This wasn’t like him, all these tears, but he supposed that he was only now allowing himself to finish the grieving process for his mom. Matt hugged him back, and they stood there for a while.

He may have lost his mother, but he had gained a whole new family because of it. He would never feel alone in their arms.

At this point the tide started to come in, surprising them both when the warm water suddenly washed around their ankles. It felt almost familiar, in a way. Maybe this water remembered him. The evening tide must know the whole ocean side quite well, after all.

Matt ruffled Neil’s hair and stepped back. “Do you feel better now?”

Neil thought, and then nodded slowly. “I’ll be alright now. I came to say goodbye to Mom, once and for all.” He turned back to the ocean, removing his shoes and walking in until the water was up to his knees. Matt stayed on the shore, watching him.

“I failed you,” Neil whispered into the waves. “You died trying to save my life, and I thanked you by breaking all your rules. But I managed something you did not. I /lived./

Father is dead. The Moriyamas own me, but I live life on my own terms. I have a husband, and a family, and I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do.

Thank you for helping me live long enough to get here.

Goodbye, Mom.”

And with that, he turned back to Matt and they started towards the car. “It’s strange to me that Andrew isn’t here.” It wasn’t a question, technically, but Neil wasn’t Andrew. He would answer this.

“There’s a reason for that,” Neil replied with a smirk.

“And that is?”

“Where we are.”

“The beach?”

Neil shook his head. “Not quite. There’s only one place that Andrew will never go. And since he isn’t here, well. I must be in California.”

[darklingichor]

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell *Major Spoilers*

I wrote a little about this book last month, but I want to write more. This is one of those books that has been lingering in my brain so what follows will be long and rambling.

Now, I haven't read Fangirl I've been pulled more toward action adventure and humor in my fiction, for a while now. Hmm, I wonder what could have happened a few years back  that would cause a Pacific Northwest liberal to feel the need for escape? Just one of those things, I suppose.

I need to read it, if only because I wrote Harry Potter fanfic for years and sort of lost myself in it right after high school.

Anyway.

I've heard people calling Carry On an HP knock off. I don't get this. Simon Snow is obviously Fangirl's Harry Potter. That makes Carry On more of a tongue in cheek homage to HP and stories like it as well as something of a love letter to fanfic writers.

A lot of the main characters start out as your standard for this type of story. "The Hero", "The Mentor", "The Damsel", "The Enemy", "The Unspeakable Evil."

Through the book it becomes clear that our hero is well meaning but ill-suited for the role that his mentor thinks he place him in. The mentor is shown to be unhinged. The damsel is sick of screaming and doesn't want to be in the story at all. The enemy is love sick for the hero and dealing with the puberty from hell. The unspeakable evil, isn't. Its just an unforeseen byproduct of the mentor's plan, in which, the hero, is a pawn.

The book plays with archetypes and I read some of them as being fairly meta about their expected place in the story.

Agetha, especially, seems to know her role and resent it. She's who is saved by the hero, whether she likes it or not.

Baz is so certain of his role as "The Enemy" that until his role flips, he's sure his destiny is to be killed by the person he's in love with.

Simon knows his role so well, he's on auto pilot as a defence mechanism. He's either going to die, or he'll get a stock Happily Ever After. He doesn't even allow himself to think too much about what really matters to him, because he knows his life isn't really his.

I would have loved this book because of everything I wrote above, but add to it the nods to fan contribution? It was enough to make me remember my old ff.n login!

I don't know if Rainbow Rowell researched fan fiction but I figure she must have.

I mean, the things I saw played with and reshaped in Carry On, are fanfic tropes. Rowell took things that grew out of fans having fun with their favorite characters and made them canon.

Main character going out with an exchange student, pop culture references, evil good guy, and:

Four words: Draco is a vampire.

Sure, not every fic that used these were the best, but so what? Many were sincere.

What better way to go to Hogwarts as a person raised outside the UK than to live though an OC in an exchange program?

It was weird that no one in the wizard world listened to muggle music, watched movies or TV. Even the muggleborns? I'm sorry, but I was in the same age range as the characters. In fact, if Harry were real, he would be three years older than me. You can't convince me that there were not at least a couple of muggleborns who were  sending an owl a week to remind their parents to tape Friends or My So-Called Life.

There were a fair few stories where Dumbledore or even Harry turned out to be evil. Even before we found out Dumbledore wasn't a saint. It can be fun to play with expectations and Dumbledore was too perfect for too long.

The vampire thing? I mean, why not? Either Draco or Snape. It fits enough for a fic, and you can get some fun stuff out of it. Besides Hogwarts allowed a warewolf, why not a vampire?

The point is, this book reminds me of some goofy fics I read but also reminds me of some that I sometimes have to remind myself aren't canon, because fan fiction can be amazing.

Example: It has been years but I still remember a great fic that someone wrote about Uric The Oddball's years at Hogwarts. I don't remember much about it off hand but I do know that if I re-read HP, when Uric is mentioned, I think of this story like it is something that is actually in the history of the series. (Dude, I googled "Uric the Oddball fan fiction" on a whim. Popped right up: Uric the Oddball and the Wild Hunt by Ariana Deralte. Guess I shouldn't be surprised! Maybe I should read it again to see if it's still as good as I remember).

So yeah, Carry On is so not an HP knock off and has a number of things that I think make me like it more.

The first one is diversity. It is very nice to have it explicitly said in the text that characters are of different ethnicities, sexualities, and abilities. Watford is a far better representation of a population than Hogwarts is, outside of fanfic (It wasn't there, people wrote it in).

Then there is magic itself, it comes from somewhere it's in the environment, it has to do with celestial alignment, people give words power to channel that energy.

That brings me to something that made me adore the world building here.

The actuality of Simon Snow's universe is that Mages cannot exist independently without the Normals. Without the Normals giving weight and meaning to turns of phrase, rhyme and songs, the Mages couldn't do what they do. Add to that, this means that magic is ever evolving and the Mages must learn about and be a part of, to some extent, the Normal world. This makes Mages who look down on Normals seem even more ridiculous.

I also think this book handled romance better than Harry Potter. I don't know what it was but the relationships seemed awkward and strained in HP. Maybe it was because most of it was shoved into one book, like Hogwarts's water supply was spiked with hormones? I don't know.

What I do know is that even though Simon and Agetha are going through the motions of being together in this book, they still feel like two people who have been dating for a long time.

We don't get a lot about Penny and her boyfriend, but the way she is described talking about him reminds me of how my best friend would talk about her boyfriends when she was visiting me. The way she would go on, you'd think that he was on the moon instead of 90 miles away. I bought that Penny and her boyfriend enjoy each other's company.

And the biggie. Simon and Baz

I almost didn't read this book for two reasons. First: Vampire main character. I love vampires, but I lived through the deluge of Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries, not to mention that every other book seemed to be about vampires. Even though I didn't watch or read all of them, I just got vampired out.

Second: I have never been one for the whole "enemies to love interest" thing. The Harry/Draco pairing never spoke to me.  Not that I never read fics that managed that ship well, it was just not my favorite, probably because I just never liked Draco.  I tend to prefer romances that are built on friendship (Remus and Sirius dated each other at some point, and nothing can convince me otherwise).

All that being said, I like the Simon/Baz pairing.

I like that Baz freely admits to the reader that a lot of his tormenting of Simon is pigtail pulling.

I like that Simon is more or less: "I like a guy? A guy who was my nemisis? That's new, let's go for it."

There's none of that "Hate turns to love" shit that I personally can't stand.  None of the "I am evil, yet his light draws me" or "His darkness is so seductive"

Baz isn't a villain needing to rethink his position. He's a slightly snobby guy with a lot of family pressure, who is in love with a dude who has been set up as opposition, by the adults in his life.

Simon isn't a good guy wanting to be bad. He's a guy who is following the path set out for him without giving context to his feelings with thought, because he doesn't think. So, when Baz doesn't show up at the first of the year, Simon knows 3 things for sure:

Baz is his enemy

His enemy is not there

He feels very uneasy about it.

Why?

See numbers 1 & 2

This equals out to "plotting" in Simon's mind because that's what enemies do.

It doesn't dawn on him that he was actually missing Baz and that he has romantic feelings for him until later

I also like the interaction between them. Again, I buy that they like each other. The simpler moments, like sharing food, or being flirty. It also makes sense that Baz is so nervous and guarded about the relationship. It fits that they would bicker and argue while trying to figure every thing out.

The relationships feel authentic.

In fact all of the relationships between  the characters feel authentic.  The sibling relationships between Ebb and Nicky, I know siblings that close. The interaction between Baz and his little sister, I know people like them too. The Friendships; in my opinion, too few friends in fiction are depicted messing with each other or being lovingly annoyed by each other.

I've known my two best friends most of my life. Not a day goes by where one of us doesn't say something that if it was said by anyone else, it would lead to a fight. Said by us, it's funny, or at least something we can't argue with.

So I related when Baz's friend complained that he had wasted his childhood hating Simon now that Simon and Baz were no longer enemies and Baz said: "What else were you going to do with your childhood?"

I spent my 20's with my friends seemingly taking turns crashing at my apartment. I spent most of my time ossulating between wishing they would go home and being glad they were there.

So at the beginning of the book, when Penny won't leave Simon's room? I saw myself in the way Simon felt about it.

That authentic and relatable quality was what I really liked about the quiet - if not Happily Ever After - then the Attempting Normal For Now ending each character got.

Well, as normal as you can get with a story involving  mages, vampires and powerful Elton John songs.

I am a dodecahedron of geekdom, btw and the classic rock side jumped up and down clapping hands at all of the music references (and giggled when Carry On was fallowed by Wayward Son which will be followed by Anyway The Wind Blows). 

And now we come to the reason I have not read the sequel even though it is sitting in a bag with the rest of this year's Powell's haul.

From what I have read, Wayward Son is, at least in part, about what happens after Happily Ever After and ends on a cliffhanger. 

After Happily Ever After with a cliffhanger and no release date... Yeah, that will drive me crazy. I haven't even read the second book and I'm already thinking about the third. Aw man! Who dies? Who breaks up? Who becomes evil?

So, even though road trip stories are right up there with time travel stories as one of my favorites, even though I love the idea of showing a character battling depression, even though I love these characters, period; Wayward Son will stay unread until I run out of new books to read, or the next book's release date is close. Whichever comes first, because I want to think of the characters in their quiet ending ending for a little while.

[fallingin-like]

november 14

14. sleeping with ghosts by @boybeaulieu​ [requested by @fuzzballsheltiepants]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this fic is a super cool band!au that has andrew and gang playing placebo songs and neil as a solo singer. there has great use of a non-linear timeline. be prepared to feel all of the feelings

this fic is such an emotional rollercoaster, especially with the jumps between when andrew and neil are together and broken up. the juxtaposition of happy vs bad times made everything that much more impactful. i was reading so quickly just wanting to know what was going to happen next.

parts i enjoyed:

”being back to numbness is not exactly a revelation, more of a failure” oh oof i feel this. that feeling of ‘i had hoped this would not happen but i am not surprised, just disappointed/resigned’

”he can’t stop writing songs even in his own thoughts” woah i actually relate to this a bit. a couple years ago i was writing letters to someone and i found myself constantly drafting letters in my head, narrating my thoughts to them even though they weren’t around

”smiles andrew, sharp, all teeth and no joy whatsoever” oh nO andrew ;-;

”there is no way he is going anywhere neil josten might even breathe the same air he’s breathing. no way. no, nein, njet. fifteen minutes later, he’s signing a new contract” LOL i’m interested, is this due to pressure from the rest of the band or… maybe a little bit of andrew hoping to see neil?

”the anxiety that should come with that realisation is missing, this is a moment he will remember […] maybe what he means to say is that this is a moment he will want to remember” oh this is so soft. i’m so happy, but worried because i know this all goes wrong

hhhh andrew writing about neil!! very cute. also cute is “this is the first time andrew actively asks him about his album and it shows in a way neil looks taken aback, but hopeful”

honestly reading about andrew when he’s crazy high and numb is so hard

aaron going after that technician is a great moment. even though the twins have such a rocky relationship, at the end of the day, aaron will protect andrew and andrew will protect aaron and i love seeing that.

the conversation between andrew and renee is so interesting. they have such a complicated, yet simple relationship, always knowing how to communicate without saying things, when to push and when to back down. seeing andrew feel comfortable enough to finally talk about neil is a good example of how much he trusts her

PICTURES OF RIKO KISSING NEIL EXCUSE ME WHAT IS GOING ON (i secretly love this because i love angst)

this first meeting between andrew and neil is really interesting to read. it’s basically a one-sided conversation but we learn so much because even though he’s not speaking, we get to see andrew’s thoughts and how he reacts to everything  and oo i love seeing both their tempers coming out, they clash in a way that works so well because it almost balances each other out

and with that, he turns around and makes to leave. andrew… andrew is a bit star struck.” oh the irony here

soooo does neil watch andrew leave and follow him to the roof? or does he just happen to be there (because i really want to believe neil followed him, but also wanted to give him some space)

”his monsters (nobody should ever know he calls them his, in his mind)” cute! and also i was not surprised at all because this is very in character. andrew is so possessive and, in his own way, caring 

”for once, andrew wants to be selfish, he wants to think about himself and finally, finally let go of song to say goodbye. it will either kill him or free him. he hopes it’s the latter, he used to hope it’d be the first” oh this is so sad, andrew’s longing to do something for himself for once and the reminder of when he was suicidal

”this feels like discovering aaron’s addiction and locking him in that bathroom, like watching him go in and never come back out. like breaking the door open and blowing air into his lungs and hearing nicky frantically dialling 911” wait a second. so what happens in this universe?

”the reply said: i’m sorry, one day you’ll understand” oh my goodness there has to be something more going on. what is riko threatening/blackmailing neil with?

the way that you write the relationship between andrew and aaron is really interesting, there’s so much unresolved tension. love seeing aaron finally stand up for himself and share the song he wrote

interesting the timeline you’ve gone with, having betsy and andrew not that close to each other during aaron’s trial. the trial itself… it’s very painful and i hate to think that andrew has to share such a vulnerable part of himself to save his brother

”sometimes i think about how it would be if you were the one tilda chose, wish it, even.” woah this is something that would be cool to explore. how each twin would have turned out differently if faced with the opposite situation, because although they’re twins, they’re still so different. how would it affect everything that happens in the books? i wonder if andrew would have joined exy

”exit wounds, though, is a trump card. just like neil. it will either set him free or kill him, andrew has the uncanny suspicion it’ll be the last one” hhhhh how dare you do this to me

oH DANG WHAT DID YOU DO TO NEIL? i really like that you have this from andrew’s perspective, keeps everything so suspenseful. what the heck this scene is so intense.

hmm seth’s death is interesting. to have everyone present and seeing their reactions, especially aaron’s, makes it that much more impactful

”as all over the place and exuberant as nicky is, he’s also quite observant. if he weren’t his cousin, andrew would have to eliminate him” haha this is exactly something that andrew would think, with his odd sense of affection.

”andrew realises more and more with each word that if he were to sign this, he’d be stepping from a cell into a cage” love the way that you described this

i like that you had andrew meet with bee, it’s comforting to think that through this rough time andrew still has someone around that he trusts to share with. who won’t judge him and just wants the best for him

ahh seeing the events leading up to neil’s tour gives a lot more understanding of the thought process of neil’s decision and why andrew is reacting the way he is

i actually can’t believe kevin. first of all, it’s actually pretty impressive that he has been able to hide riko contacting him for so long (although i suppose that andrew hasn’t been as observant as usually since the call). to think that he knew for so long about who neil was but didn’t say anything?? 

andrew and neil’s march 2018 fight is a big oof.

”he is done being carved open like this, with no knife or pain or malice. with interest and intrigue and plain, simple curiosity. it should feel like being carved open, it’s more like being gently torn apart” woah the wording you used for this is so amazing, i love these lines

”if you could see yourself the way i see you on that stage, you wouldn’t even think about that. it’s a risk, but one that’s worth taking, i should know about that” oh neil, you always know where to hit and how to hit the hardest

”it’s been a very long time since andrew has felt fear outside his nightmares, this unease settling in his stomach is certainly not welcomed. it also isn’t anything new” ahHHHHHHHH

neil’s performance was great, i liked that he left stage immediately and just ran straight to andrew. how did neil free himself of riko? was it since nathan was killed?

this was a really interesting fic, the changes you made from canon made it unpredictable in a good way and kept me wanting to know more. i think i probably would have found it even better, had i been familiar with the songs that you reference throughout. either way, i think the ones that you chose fit well into the story that you were trying to tell because the lyrics that you included were great. i liked the way that you used different time jumps for each section to build suspense and also reflect and show how certain events were influenced. thanks for writing this!!

[briangroth27]

Ready or Not Review

I really liked Ready or Not! It’s a very entertaining horror adventure with a healthy dose of comedy and a great lead in Samara Weaving. The supporting cast is on point too and everyone involved more than capably delivers a really fun thrill ride!

Full Spoilers...

Weaving's Grace is hoping to find a family once she marries her fiancé, Alex (Mark O’Brien), but everything goes wrong when his family tradition of playing a game each wedding night leaves her running for her life. Weaving imbues Grace with a winning way that makes her easy to root for, which is very important since we don't learn much about her interests or aspirations outside the family here. Her interactions with and reactions to the members of the Le Domas clan (along with her struggle to survive) give us a good grasp of who she is as a person (and that's just as if not more important as her biography), but I would've liked to know what she wanted out of life beyond a family and a solid home. Given no one in the movie really gets those details, however, it doesn't feel like she was slighted or underwritten. Her drive to have a family after living through foster homes was strong enough to give her a relatable goal and to fuel the tragedy that what she wants demands her death. The movie sends her through the ringer and Weaving absolutely sold Grace's growing confidence and grit in the face of so many would-be killers. She wasn't ever helpless or short of the ability to defend herself, but carving out an independent life apart from what she wanted was handled really well as the metaphorical component to her literal struggle to survive. I really liked that her most deliberate murder was the one that also eliminated any chance of a happy marriage to Alex, since she kills his mom Becky (Andie MacDowell), whom he loved her more than his new wife.

The script and direction did a great job of balancing Alex’s wish that he was different from his family with the dawning truths that he really did believe as they did and that he would choose them over Grace. The very act of putting her in a situation that could lead to her death without telling her—even if the Hide & Seek card hadn't been drawn in 30 years—was a huge red flag and I'm glad they followed through to the conclusion of that plot point. The romantic music swelling when he told Grace he'd proposed to her because she'd leave him otherwise didn't convince me that he was a good guy (he would have explained why they couldn’t get married or just let her go rather than risk her life if he really loved her), so I was happy the movie used the romantic music as a trick instead of a true emotional beat. There were other small hints at his turn along the way, so his was a nicely-constructed and acted arc too.

Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody) was initially drawn as sleazy and unlikable, so I wasn’t expecting either of the moments where he helps Grace escape. I definitely didn’t think he’d turn out to be the best of his clan, particularly given his role in the last Hide & Seek game they played. However, I fully bought his turn after Brody and the movie showed the toll his choice back then had taken on him and how exhausted with everything about his family he was. Most of the Le Domas family were pretty affable on the surface (accounting for niceties at a wedding), and the actors and writers crafted a nice blend of reasons for them to stick with the family as well as some very entertaining comic relief within the group. Like Grace, we don’t hear a lot about their goals or dreams, but through the writing and performances it was easy to see who these people were from their actions and interactions alone. I did believe that they were truly hoping the Hide & Seek card wasn’t pulled and not just because they knew they’d all be terrible at hunting a person. That obviously doesn’t excuse any of their actions—they still put Grace in that position and immediately went through with trying to kill her to save themselves and the family business—but I liked that the movie took the step of giving them a bit of humanity before carrying out their ritual. That actually made them scarier, since people who do evil, selfish things are still people and pretending that only inhuman monsters are murderers (or racists, sexists, white supremacists, etc.) is dangerous.

There are some solid foils set up for Grace amongst the women of the Le Domas family. Becky is who Grace might want to be: the outsider welcomed into the family so that she can build a large one of her own and in doing so, find a stable home. They have the closest bond, come from similar lower class backgrounds, and the movie makes note of them both being smokers, providing another small connection between them (even if Grace lies about it to impress Becky). The ironically-named Charity (Elyse Levesque) is the cliché reflection of Grace (and possibly how we’d expect a wealthy family to see someone joining them from the lower classes): she’s literally there for the money and security that being part of this family provides. Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) is Grace without her grit (and what Grace hopes the family doesn’t see her as): a screw-up in over her head who has no idea what she’s doing, but who’s desperate to impress the family. Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni), on the other hand, is who Grace could be if she were all grit and devotion to the family. Looking at them this way had me wondering if the men in the Le Domas clan are foils for Alex as well. Daniel is set up as the red herring evil brother and their trajectories are opposites: Alex left but never really “left” the family while Daniel stayed, but that only allowed him to stew in how terrible they all are. Fitch (Kristian Bruun) does bring up cutting and running once, but ultimately he’s fully willing to go along with the ritual and between Alex fleeing the family and Daniel drinking himself into snark, before Alex’s turn Fitch is kind of the best son Tony (Henry Czerny) has (even if he’s a son-in-law, ensuring he’ll never be treated like blood). Tony’s devoted to the ritual and will absolutely kill to protect his family, though he wishes he didn’t have to. He’s what Alex probably would have become had Grace pulled a different card. Emilie and Fitch’s sons Georgie (Liam MacDonald) and Gabe (Ethan Tavares) also mirror Daniel and Alex, with one of them being hidden for most of the movie and the other taking part in the family’s ritual “because everyone else was doing it.” 

Since I saw the first trailer, I was hoping Mr. Le Bael would be a real demon, so I absolutely loved that he actually was mystically sustaining this family’s fortune in exchange for this ritual! Just before that reveal, when it seemed nothing would happen to the family for not killing Grace before dawn, the family’s awkward “well shoot…what do we do now?” moment was played perfectly, so that was a bit of the best of both worlds. I thought Grace was going to have to fight off the whole family at once somehow, since they’d still have to kill her to get away with it. However, the parade of exploding devil worshipers that followed instead was a fitting end to these terrible people: they’re all brought down by the thing they thought would make their dreams come true (which is a nice parallel to Grace’s biggest dream turning into a nightmare). I thought Mr. Le Bael might offer Grace a deal of her own for surviving the night, but I’m glad he just gave her a nod of approval instead.

The violence throughout the film expertly walks the same cartoony/serious line that the tone of the whole movie does. That’s very hard to do while still keeping the stakes high, but this movie completely and consistently pulls it off. There’s a lot of gore (though not too gross-out graphic IMO) that’s used well to comedic effect, until Grace starts getting injured and it takes a turn to decidedly not comedic; then they play the seriousness and pain of those injuries just as effectively. While the accidental deaths are comical, I wish they weren’t solely reserved for women (Hanneke Talbot, Celine Tsai, and Daniela Barbosa, who play the Le Dormas maids), though I suppose that’s the comment on these villains: this rich family didn’t care about their value beyond bemoaning how well they’d served them.

Criticisms of the upper class like that are effectively deployed throughout the film, from joining/maintaining a ridiculously wealthy family being the only way several characters think they can have a good/secure life, to the only non-white people associated with the family being among their hired and quickly-forgotten help, to their fortune being built on games rather than socially-helpful endeavors (not that diversions aren’t important) as if they’ve never had to take anything but this ritual seriously (not to mention the literal deal with the devil alleviating any hard work they might’ve had to do to make said fortune), to the flimsy “this is just how I was raised” excuse Alex and Georgie give. Given that the butler Stevens (John Ralston), Tony, and Helene are the most effective/vicious hunters, there’s also a vibe that the old white people are the ones fighting hardest to maintain their traditions (sometimes even if they know they don’t make sense anymore) and way of life by using the younger generation as expendable pawns and targets. Even when outside authority figures are trying to be helpful, they’re ultimately playing into the Le Domas family’s interests instead of the common person’s, like when Grace explains that she’s being hunted and the family car’s security agent Justin (Nat Faxon) turns the car off (since it’s been reported stolen) while offering half-meant hopes (and prayers?) that she makes it out alive. 

The score is fun (and the Hide & Seek song is very creepy!), while the production design of the Le Domas mansion and the movie in general feels perfectly fitting for this kind of story (as others online have pointed out). The pacing is excellent, giving us enough time to get to know Grace and her new family in the first act before everything goes crazy, which also gives her a glimpse of the life she wants before ripping it away and lets them play some relatable “dealing with the in-laws” gags. Once the game begins, the comedy and thrills don’t stop until the end!

Ready or Not continues the steady build of solid horror movies heading into the Halloween season this year! I can’t wait to pick it up on Blu-ray. It’s definitely a blast and it’s more than worth a trip to the theater to see it!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!  

[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

Chapter Four of my Baz and Simon Travel AU! Continued thanks to @basic-banshee and @vkelleyart for reading it over! Excerpt below.

 Read the fic at AO3. 

Chapter Four

Baz

I couldn’t sit there for one more minute.

I’m pacing back and forth in our tower room. I’m expecting Simon to come in at any moment. I’m not sure if I’m grateful he hasn’t or desperately wishing he would.

I should probably be grateful he hasn’t. I’d be sure to snap at him and hate myself even more than I already do at the moment.

I’ve checked online. It’s as Sgt. Petty said. The flights are all canceled—from New York to Atlanta—for today as well.

Fuck it all.

With the cataclysmic storm paralyzing this entire part of the country it will take a bloody miracle for me to get home for Christmas Day.

Or even Boxing Day. Mordelia’s birthday.

I haven’t texted her since the storm hit. I don’t know what to say. I told her I’d be home for Christmas, just like that infernal song that’s been on continuous repeat on the radio for bloody weeks on end now.

‘If only in my dreams,’ like fucking sad Bing Crosby sang.

I hate that song.

I hate quite a lot at the moment, this fucking storm and my travel planning abilities currently occupying the top spots on my list.

It’s no use. My pacing is only agitating me more. I think about calling my father but I can’t let myself do it. I know what hearing his voice will do to me right now. Or Mordelia’s.

I’ve got to hold it together. Come up with a plan.

I’m good at that. Making plans. Not these bloody plans. I’ve made a right hash of this entire trip.

I pull out my mobile and start searching airline websites.

Flights for tomorrow are still listed—from Baltimore, Washington, Philadelphia. I’m tempted to book flights from all three, on the off chance one of those airports clears by then.

But that might be a bit much, even for me.

In the end it doesn’t make a bloody bit of difference because there simply aren’t tickets to be had.

British Airways is booked solid. Economy to First Class. All three airports.

And so it goes. Same for United. And American. And Virgin bloody Atlantic.

Fuck.

Delta has one seat left from Philadelphia. I don’t even consider it.  Simon and I are a package deal. I’ve not dragged him here with me to be separated from him now.

Or ever, a voice whispers in my head but I stubbornly reject the thought. It’s pointless to let myself indulge my fantasies. I know how he feels about me.

Running into Simon may be the only redeeming feature of this entire situation but I can't allow myself to dwell on that.

After what feels like endless searching I finally find two First Class tickets on an Icelandair flight departing from Washington tomorrow.

I click through to purchase them. I’m not worried about paying for Simon. I know he’ll pay me back. He’s never had much money but he’s an absolute stickler for paying his debts. Always has been. It’s a point of pride with him.

It’s not like I’m going to let him pay for the upgrade. That’s on me.

The price for these tickets is surprisingly reasonable considering the First-Class designation. Odd.

The reason becomes clear when I click through to seat selection. These aren’t British Airways style First Class seats. They’re essentially glorified Economy. Not single-seat pods but regular seats, two to a side, and wider than the basic offerings.

I’m not complaining. There are two seats together. It’s better than I could have dreamed. It will let me be near him for a few more hours, even if it’s simply sharing an armrest.

Booking session over, I collapse into one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace. It’s all ashes, the fire having burned out overnight. It’s quite chilly in the room. I’ve half a mind to throw a log in the grate and start a blaze but I should probably get myself downstairs to let Simon know I’ve found us tickets, for whatever that’s worth.

If the airport is even functional tomorrow.

I don’t move though. Now that I’ve got a moment to myself I find I need the solitude. To pull myself together.

It’s heady, being in Simon’s company again. I’d convinced myself I was over him, that it was just a youthful infatuation, a school-boy crush.

It didn’t take more than a minute in his presence to realize that was bollocks. I’m as besotted as ever.

More, in fact.

It’s harder to act detached, to keep up my disinterested demeanor, that bland mask of indifference and arrogance I had cultivated so carefully at Watford, when all I want to do is be near him, bask in the sight of him, have him hold my hand like he did last night.

I’m hopeless. Utterly pathetic.

I’d give anything to go back. To start over.

I don’t know how long I stare at the ashes in front of me, thinking back on every cruel insult, cold glare, or insensitive comment I’ve made to him over the years.

I sit up and lean forward, raking my hands through my hair in frustration.

Eventually the chill of the room gets to me. I wonder if that brief power outage shorted the heating system. I’ll have to ask Ebb. It will make for an unpleasant night if the room gets any colder.

An unbidden image of cuddling with Simon in front of a roaring fire takes over my thoughts. If only that were a possibility.

There’s no going back, I think to myself, as I make my way downstairs.

But maybe there’s a way forward.

Fate gave me Simon as a roommate. Now Fate has unexpectedly brought him back into my life. Maybe there is such a thing as a second chance.

I’d be an absolute knobhead if I let myself fuck it up again.

Simon

The cold finally drives me inside. I dawdle in the foyer for a few minutes but the other guests have taken over the dining room and it’s awkward to stand here and stare at them. It’s not like I’m going to take a seat and have a second breakfast.

It’s tempting but my stomach is too churned up from my conversation with Ebb.

I could go back to the room but I’m not quite prepared to come face to face with Baz, what with this realization I’ve just made.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to face him again without blurting it out or going down in a blaze of mortification.

Fuck.

The people eating are beginning to stare at me.

Even if she’s completely upended my world, Ebb is still a kind person. I’ll go help her with the washing up. It’ll keep me from running into Baz and perhaps give me chance to sort myself.

I desperately need sorting.

She’s at the stove again when I enter the kitchen.

“Need some help, Ebb?”

“Ah, you’re back then, Simon.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry about earlier. Nicky says it’s one of my failings. I read too much into things and don’t know when to stop talking.” She wrinkles her nose at me. “I suppose that’s two failings. I’m sure he’s got a list of them for me.”

“No, it’s alright. I mean, I understand why you might have thought that. But it’s not what you think, I want to make that clear.”

“Understood.

“You need a hand then? I can do the washing up?”

Ebb grins at me. Her whole face lights up. “That’d be great, Simon. Thank you. I’d rather not use the dishwasher, to save generator power. You’ll be such a help.”

Ebb goes back to cooking and I lose myself in the repetitive mundanity of washing up.

But it doesn’t manage to distract me from thinking about Baz.

It makes a kind of sense, now that I think about it. Penny used to complain that I was obsessed with Baz. That I used to talk about him constantly. Seventh year she even put a limit on how many times I could mention his name in a conversation.

I’d argue it was because he was such a fucking wanker and as my best friend she should be an understanding audience for my litany of grievances. Not to mention she complained about Trixie just as much.

Maybe not as much. But certainly as vehemently.

But that doesn’t explain why I used to track him with my eyes. No matter where we were.

How I always knew where to find Baz.

Or why I nearly went mental eighth year when he didn’t show up for the first month of school. You’d think someone could have bothered to let me know he’d been hurt playing tennis and had surgery.

Or how I could recognize the scent of his posh shampoo if he’d been down a hallway before me, or what made me pause outside our room to listen to him play his violin.

How I still know the exact way Baz’s wet hair frames his face when he comes out of the shower.

Why the softness in his voice when he says my name now makes me shiver.

I am so fucked.

How am I going to share a room with him tonight, a bed with him tonight, when I want nothing more than to sink my hands into the silken mass of his hair and see the silver of his eyes gazing into mine?

I put the last dish in the rack and dry my hands on the nearest dishtowel.

Ebb’s hand taps my forearm. “Thank you, Simon. No need to worry about drying them or putting them away. I’ll be pulling them out for lunch anyway.”

I nod. “Right.”

I cast about for a topic of conversation and notice the hum I had heard at breakfast. “You said something about a generator earlier, Ebb?”

“Yeah. Power’s out all over town. The ice storm must have downed a line somewhere. We’ll be alright, never you worry. I had that generator put in a few years ago, thanks to Nicky’s nagging me. It does the job. Might find the house a bit cold as the day goes on. I need the power for the kitchen and freezer and the lights. That leaves me with less for the heating, if I want it to last.”

“How cold do you expect it to get?” I remember how Baz used to complain about the open window. He gets cold more easily than anyone I know. “Baz isn’t much used to the cold.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad. I’ve got plenty of blankets to spare and your room has a fireplace, which should help. Heat rises so the bedroom should be warm enough, if you keep the fire going through the night. I’ll make sure to put some of the extra blankets up there for you.” Her face creases in thought suddenly and her grip on my forearm tightens. “You’ll be alright up there another night, Simon? I had a different assumption when I put you boys there together . . .”

No help for it. I know she’s not got another room and after what I said to Baz last night about it not being a big deal to share a bed I can’t quite change my mind without arousing some suspicion on his part.

“No, it’s fine, Ebb. Just . . . uh . . . let’s just keep this conversation to ourselves? I don’t want Baz to have to worry about that too.”

“Worry about what?” Baz says, walking into the kitchen.

Fuck. How much did he hear?

“Uh, erm . . .”

Ebb saves the day. “I was telling Simon it might get a bit chilly upstairs tonight, with the power out and us relying on the generator. I’ve got plenty of blankets and firewood to keep your room comfortable.” She smiles at him and bumps my shoulder. “He didn’t want to worry you.”

Baz darts his eyes in my direction and there’s that softness in his gaze again. I’d call it fond, if I didn’t know better.

“I know you hate the cold.” I mumble. “Always complaining about the damn window.”

If anything, that makes him look even softer. “Thank you, Simon.”

I can’t even describe what it feels like to hear him call me that instead of Snow. I didn’t think he’d take me seriously, last night, when I told him I like it better. I thought he’d sneer or take the piss about it.

But he’s not called me Snow since I mentioned it.

Baz and I are smiling at each other and I can’t think of anything to say. It’s going to get awkward quickly if I don’t do something.

Thank the stars for Ebb. I don’t know what kind of fool I’d make of myself if it weren’t for her. She jumps right in again. “Simon’s been a dear to help me here in the kitchen. The dishwasher takes up more than its fair share of power.”

“You have enough to get through?” Baz asks, eyebrows coming together in concern.

“Oh, we’ll be fine. Not the first time and won’t be the last.” She grins at him. “I’m sure you boys have things to sort out about your plans. I’ll go fetch the extra blankets for your room and make sure you’ve enough firewood to last the night.”

And with that Ebb leaves the kitchen.

Which means I’m alone. With Baz.

Baz leans against the doorframe and arches one eyebrow. “I’ve been making some plans.”

“You’re good at that.”

Both eyebrows go up. “I’m glad you have such faith in me. I’m not so confident. Anything could happen with this blasted weather.”

It’s a bit surreal again, having such a civil conversation with Baz. I don’t trust my voice so I just nod.

“I found tickets to London. For tomorrow.”

This gets my attention. “I’ve got to do that myself, don’t I? With my refund voucher?”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to risk losing them. They aren’t ideal.” His face colors a bit. It’s the oddest thing, seeing Baz blush.

I like it.

“What’s the issue?”

“Everything was booked. All I could find were two seats on Icelandair. It’s not a direct flight.”

“But my voucher is for British.” I’m a bit nervous now. Redeeming a refund voucher for a flight is one thing but I’m not in a position to pay for an entirely new flight.

I’ve got money. Enough to cover my usual monthly expenses. The care home internship doesn’t pay much but I’d saved enough for this trip and tucked a bit away for an emergency.

I suppose this is an emergency.

I’ve not thought this through, have I? There’s the room here, the rental car, this flight Baz has booked.

I should have stayed at the airport in New York. I can’t afford much more of this. I’d not been thinking of the cost, when I’d agreed to go with him.

I just couldn’t seem to say no once he’d asked.

Baz’s words break into my spiraling thoughts. “It’s fine. I took care of your ticket.” That doesn’t help.

“I’ll pay you back, of course. For the ticket.” I swallow and keep going. “And the rental car. And the room.” It’ll be a pretty big dent in my savings but I don’t like the idea of owing Baz money. “As soon as . . . as soon as we get back.” I swallow again. “If it’s alright to wait that long?”

He’s giving me the oddest look.

Baz

I knew he’d start blustering about the money. I don’t want him to worry. I know he’s good for it and honestly, I’m the one who dragged him on this road trip. I’d never intended for him to foot any of the bill for the car or accommodations. Or the flight upgrade.

“Simon. It’s fine, truly. I didn’t want to lose the ticket. You’ll get the refund from British when you get back. You can pay me then. And I’ll not hear one word about you paying for the car or the room.” I take a step closer to him. “I practically demanded you accompany me on this disaster of a road trip. There is no way I’ll accept money from you for any of this. I’ll take no argument on that.”

“But . . . but . . .”

I frown. “Not a word, Simon. I’d be paying for all of it if I’d been alone. I won’t hear any more on the subject. We’ll sort the ticket issue when we get home. For now, let’s hope the flight I booked actually leaves tomorrow.”

I’m going to get an argument from him. I can tell by the way his jaw is jutting forward. I know this look.

Simon

A part of me is relieved to hear him say that but I also don’t think it’s fair. It’s not like he kidnapped me and whisked me away against my will.

I’m here because I want to be.

“It’s not like I’m here unwillingly, Baz. I should pay my fair share.”

He rolls his eyes. “I told you I’d be paying for this all, whether you were here or not. It’s been much more pleasant for me, to have your company, but that certainly doesn’t put any obligation on you. I invited you. If anything, you’re my guest. No more arguments, Simon. Let it be.”

Did Baz say my company was pleasant?

I blink at him for a moment, unsure how to process that. “I’m paying you back for the ticket, as soon as we get home.” I’ve said that already but my mind’s a blank.

“I know that. It never crossed my mind to doubt that you would. The rest isn’t important, Simon. I’m grateful to have you with me.”

There’s that softness again. In his voice and in his eyes. He’s saying things in Baz’s voice that I’d never imagined I’d hear Baz say. He’s looking at me in a way I’ve never seen before.

Ebb’s words come back to me. He is surprising me.

I don’t know what it means.

Baz

Simon eventually stops arguing about the money. I’m sure it’ll come up again, once we get home. But for now, he’s letting it rest.

We’re in Ebb’s front room, seated in front of a roaring fire. I’d finally managed to drag him out of the kitchen.

It’s a cosy room, lined with bookshelves, overstuffed chairs and long, low sofas. There are piles of board games and puzzles. Ebb brought in a platter of biscuits a short while ago.

It’s also full of all the other people who are staying here. There aren’t many but still more than enough for me.

We’ve made their acquaintance, thanks to their proximity in this room. Americans are so forthright about themselves. It’s quite unsettling.  

Simon is on a first name basis with most of them now and has uncovered such depths of back story on each of them that it’s making my head spin.

I’d finally retreated to this corner. There is only so much conversation with strangers that I can take under the best of circumstances.

Simon eventually made his way back to me, a plate of biscuits in hand. He’s polished them all off.

I managed to eat one.

He’s here and we’re bickering and it reminds me so much of how we used to be, except it’s got none of the bitterness.

“I’ve never been to Iceland.”

“It’s not like we’re going to see any of it. I think we’ve only got an hour or two at the airport there.”

“It still counts as another country I’ve been to, Baz.”

“Layovers don’t count.”

“Do to me.”

“How can they count if all you see is the airport and a lavatory? You don’t get any sense of the culture that way.”

Simon frowns. “You get plenty sense of a place from lavatories.”

I don’t want to think about that.

Midday comes and goes and Ebb feeds us all again. Simon volunteers to help with the washing up again and I find myself drying the dishes as he washes them.

It’s mindless work but it lets me be near him and indulge myself.

It’s inconsequential conversation but it makes me think that perhaps, in these new circumstances, that possibly we can find a way to be friends.

I’d like that.

I’d like that a lot.

Simon

I’d offered to help Ebb again but I hadn’t expected Baz to join me.

It’s oddly domestic and I can’t say I object to it.

The rest of the afternoon passes slowly. I unwisely convince Baz to play chess and as expected he trounces me handily. We end up playing three games and he annihilates me each time.

You’d think I’d be more frustrated about losing but I like watching him as he thinks through his moves. He’s seated across from me so it’s natural for me to face him. And study him. It’s probably why I’m losing so badly. I should be contemplating the board, not Baz.

Baz is far more interesting.

Ebb feeds us again at dinnertime and I swear I’ll not fit in my jeans if we stay one more day here. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten so well.

I can sense Baz has had his fill of people.

He’s a brilliant conversationalist and can talk to anyone but I’ve realized it wears on him. He far preferred hanging about in our room than loitering in the common areas at school. The first years I assumed it was because he thought he was better than everyone else. Or wanted to irritate me by always being around.

But that’s not it. People just wear him out.

Penny’s that way too. She’s got a few friends that I swear she’d die for but outside of that small circle she simply can’t be bothered. “You have too many friends, Simon,” she’d say. “You can’t invest yourself in that many people. It’s exhausting.”

“Ready to go up to the room, Baz? Call it a night?” It’s early yet but I can tell he’s done with small talk.

“Sounds good to me.” There’s relief in his eyes and also a glint of something else. I can’t place it. Probably just relief. I’m too eager to read more into every little thing he does tonight.

I grab a puzzle from the stack on the nearby table, in case we need something to pass the time. Knowing Baz, he’s got a book stashed in that bag of his.

That’s fine. I can entertain myself with the puzzle if need be.

Our sitting room is freezing. Blast it. Ebb told me to start the fire before we wanted to come up for the night and I’d completely forgotten about it.

Baz gets the fire blazing in no time but it’s going to take hours for these rooms to heat up.

“I’ll find the blankets Ebb brought, shall I?”

“Good thought. This feels like a bloody icebox. I’ll come up with you. I need another layer.”

The room upstairs is even colder. I don’t know how we’re going to sleep up here if it doesn’t warm up. I don’t think even the stack of blankets Ebb left us is going to do much.

We’re both back by the fireplace in moments, huddled on the floor, as close to the heat as we can get. I’ve got a blanket over my shoulders and Baz has another tightly wrapped around his.

I’m leaning against the armchair behind me, watching the flickering light play over Baz’s face. He’s bathed in the golden glow and he’s close enough to touch.

Baz

It’s bloody cold in here.

I’m as close to the fire as I can get, closer to it than Simon is. He’s leaning against one of the armchairs but I’ve tucked myself right next to the fireplace, curled up so the heat reaches me and turned enough that I can still see him.

He looks golden in this light—his hair, his skin, the light reflecting in his eyes.

He’s beautiful.

His hair’s a mess, curls springing up and flopping onto his forehead.  The blanket hides the rest of him, except for his legs which are stretched out mere inches away from me.

He has a hole in one sock.

In my fantasies I’d tell him I was still too cold. And he’d tell me to come sit next to him. I’d lean into his warmth and let him chase the chill away.

In my reality I lean against the cold stone of the fireplace and try to tuck as much of myself under the blanket as I can. The fire is warming my face and hands but isn’t doing much for the rest of me.

Simon  

I think about going upstairs and getting another blanket for Baz. He’s pressed up to the fireplace, blanket wrapped around him, just his face and hands out. He’s curled up into a ball but I can see he’s shivering.

I’m about to stand up when I get a better idea. I’m not sure I’d be daring enough to suggest it under any other circumstances.

But I feel reckless at the moment.

“Baz.”

He turns to look at me. “Yes?”

“Come here.”

“What?”

“Come here. You’re freezing. If we share the blankets it’ll be like we each have two.”

He stares at me, not moving, eyes wide and dark.

I’m an idiot. Of course, he’s not moving.  He doesn’t want to be further away from the fire. I don’t know what I was thinking to suggest that.

But a moment later he’s at my side, seated shoulder to shoulder with me. Baz won’t meet my eyes but he lets me drape my blanket over him too. He pulls his knees up and places his blanket over our legs, shifting closer to me as he does.

“It might be warmer this way.” He’s so close but I still have to dip my head to hear him, his words are said so quietly. The familiar scent of him, cedar and bergamot, overwhelms me. His face in inches away. I could reach out and tuck that strand of hair behind his ear. I could . . .

It’s awkward with our shoulders pressed together, bumping and jostling. We’d have more blanket cover if I put my arm around him and pulled him closer.

I stop thinking about it and just do it.

He tucks himself into my side, finding his position as if he’s always had a place there.

Maybe he has.

He doesn’t speak again but when his head drops onto my shoulder I feel like a puzzle piece has clicked into place.

I’ve got Baz Pitch in my arms.

It feels good. It feels right.

Baz  

My fantasies have become a reality. I am curled up in front of a fire, in the arms of Simon Snow.

Christ, I’m living a charmed life.

Simon

I could kiss him. I could dip down and kiss the top of his head. Could breathe in the scent of his hair. See if it’s as soft as it looks. Sink my fingers into it as I lift his face to mine.

Baz

I could kiss him. I could tilt my head up and look into those impossibly blue eyes and kiss him. Trace my lips up his neck, follow that line of moles up his jaw.

Kiss that mole on his cheek that I love.

I could do it.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Simon

I need to stop thinking about kissing him. I’d not even expected this, when we came upstairs. I might have pictured it in my head, might have fantasized about it a bit when I brought the blankets down.

I thought he’d curl up in a chair with his book. That I’d sprawl out of the floor with the puzzle.

This is far better.

I don’t want to do anything to unsettle him.

I’ve got to stop thinking about kissing him.

It’s difficult when he’s so close.

I want him close.

So, of course, I decide to start talking.

“You all right, Baz? Warm enough?”

I’m such an idiot.

His head comes off my shoulder and he straightens up, shifting slightly away from me. “Yes, yes. Much better. Sorry, didn’t mean to crowd you there.” He shakes his head and tries to shift away a bit more. “I’m fine now. It’s warming up in here. ” It’s not appreciably warmer. I know he’s just saying that.

I tighten my arm around his shoulder. I should shut up but my mouth keeps forming words. “I didn’t ask because I wanted you to move away.”

That makes him turn to look at me. He’s so close. I could lean forward and touch his lips with mine.

But I don’t.

“Just stay, Baz. Stay with me here. Please.” It comes out as a whisper.

Miraculously he does just that. He looks at me for a moment and then he shifts closer again, letting me pull him to me.

When he finally brings his head to rest on my shoulder again I let myself exhale the breath I’d been holding.

I do what I wanted to do before. I brush my lips on his hair and then rest my cheek on his head. His hair is as soft as I’ve imagined. Softer.

I’ve got him where I want him.  Where he belongs.

Where I belong.

Baz

I think he kissed the top of my head. I may be delirious and just imagining it. I don’t know. I wonder if Simon can feel how rapidly my heart is beating.

I feel drunk. Light-headed. The clean, sharp scent of Simon Snow is all around me.

He’s all around me. I’m overwhelmed with his proximity. His arm is holding me close, my toes are tucked under his thigh, his head is resting on mine and I think I must be dreaming.

I don’t want to wake up from this.

[lovelyharrystories]

Chapter eight

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You woke up the next morning feeling awful. You just couldn’t find sleep last night. You kept thinking about your conversation you will have with Harry. What were you going to say and how will you say them? Since, he was so cold to you last night you feared his reaction also.

You went downstairs in the dining room where half of the guest were already getting themselves breakfast. You looked around the buffet the hotel had set up and took a plate.

“Good morning sunshine.” You heard a very happy voice say from behind you.

“Good morning Nicky.” You said and looked at him with an innocent smile. Nick scolded at you for calling him that. You laughed when he left to sit down.

You already had a croissant on your plate and were looking at the different sorts of jam when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You tensed and before you could turn around to see who it is you heard “We’ll talk after breakfast, my room.” And gone was the hand on your shoulder.

You took the first thing your hand could reach from the table and walked over to Nick who was chatting with other guests.

“Hey.” You said and sad down.

Nick looked at you and said, “So what did lover boy have to say? Having a little get away in his room?”

You rolled your eyes at Nick and took your napkin to clean your hands.

“No, we haven’t talked yet. He was in quite a bad mood yesterday.” You said. Nick reached for the napkin in your hand that you were apparently choking.

“I am going to save this fellow from your death grip first.” And he placed it next to his plate.

“And a bad mood? I can’t seem to remember Harry being in a bad mood yesterday. He was tired yes, but he was joking around when I was with him.” Nick said, and the statement made your nerves go up with a hundred. You had hoped his cold behavior towards you wasn’t really meant at you and that he was just a bit pissed at everybody. But apparently it was just at you.

Nick could see you were starting to panic, and he swiftly putted an arm around your shoulder.

“Oh god, forget what I said. He was probably tired, I can’t imagine Harry being mean to anybody.” Nick said, and you sighed. This made Nick believe you were better again but really it was, so he would leave you alone. Nick was a great friend but right now your mind was going through all the possible situations where Harry is just yelling in your face.

For the rest of breakfast, you tried your best to pay attention to the conversation going on at the table. You smiled when you had too and laughed when a joke was told. In the middle of breakfast, you saw Harry stand up and walk towards the stairs.

When everybody was going back to their rooms to get ready for the wedding that will take place at 2pm. You and Nick were walking towards your rooms, Nick in the middle of telling a story about a girl tripping and almost falling on the wedding cake. Still, your mind was somewhere else, and you apparently weren’t that good at hiding it.

“It will be fine.” Nick said and gave you a hug when you reached his door. You sighed and felt your heart beating fast against his chest.

“You going to talk with him now?” You could only nod. Nick gave your shoulder a squeeze and before he entered his room he said.

“When you guys make up and all that, remember the wedding starts at 2.” and closed the door but he still saw you giving him the finger.

You shook your head at his behavior and took a deep breath walking on to the end of the corridor where your and then Harry’s room is. When you reached his door, you were hesitant. Do you just knock, or do you text him? Your hands were sweating but you decided to just knock on his door and get this all over with.

You knocked on his door twice and waited. You could hear shuffling from the other side of the room and cursed quietly at yourself. Why did you knock? He could have been busy. Well he did say he wanted to talk to you… You were about to turn around and flee in your own room when the door opened. Your eyes met, and you took in a breath. His eyes had always been a feature that you liked a lot.

“Hi, c’mon in.” Harry said, and he made room for you to pass. You cautiously walked in, like you were scared to walk into his personal space.

“Sorry for the mess, I didn’t really see the point in unpacking.” He said, but his room really wasn’t that messy. Yes, his duffle bag was in a corner and there were some shoes and clothes laying around the bag but for the rest everything seemed quite clean. If, he only saw your room.

“Well this is nothing compared to my room.” You said, with this comment you hoped the tension would lesson a little bit in the room. It seemed to work a little but because Harry chuckled.

“I want to apologize about yesterday. I am sorry for being so cold towards you. I am not mad at you, I have no reason to be.” He said, and you could feel a lot of tension fall of your shoulders.

“Well, you did have a reason. “You said.

“Do I? I asked you out and you said ‘no’ which was a possible answer on the question.” Harry said, he wasn’t looking you in the eye like he normally does when he said it.

“Well, you can be because I should have said ‘yes’, because I really did want to.” You said.

“Why did you say no?”

“It’s really stupid, I made a promise to my dad a few years ago that I wouldn’t let men distract me from my work.” You said and now it was your turn to not look him in the eye.

“So, you haven’t dated in all these years?” Harry asked.

“I have.” You said, and that made Harry look at you with confusion. “I have been on dates before with guys, but it was like I knew it wasn’t going to last. I want out with them and had fun but that was it. When you asked me, it was like I knew it wouldn’t be one and done.”

“So, what made you change your mind?”

“My friends made me realize that the promise can’t prevent me from being happy and you do make me happy.” You said looking down because you felt shy under his intense stare.

“It seems that I then have a reason for being mad at you for lying.” Harry said and even though his face was very serious you could hear humor in his voice.

“You will have to make it up to me.” He said, and you smiled, liking the fact that you two were back to normal.

“Oh really? And what did you have in mind?” You said.

“Surprise me.”

“How about I take you on a date instead.” You said and there was a sparkle in Harry’s eyes.

“I have never been asked on a date before and it will have to be a good one because the date I had planned back in Miami was going to be awesome.” Harry said jokingly but you couldn’t laugh because you only felt guilt.

“You had planned something?” You asked, and Harry immediately saw it was bugging you.

“Well, I had something in mind to do but it wasn’t like I had planned a whole event.” Harry said trying to reassure you. You only nodded.

“Hey, it’s fine. You didn’t leave me heartbroken. Yes, I was hoping you would say ‘yes’ to the date and I was bummed you didn’t, but I am fine. Plus, you are going to make it up to me.” Harry said, and you laughed. He smiled when he saw you laugh and pulled you in a hug. It was great to be in his arms. The butterflies you always feel when he is around are present more than ever. Just being in his arms makes you relax completely. How can somebody be so good at hugging?

When you both pulled away you asked, “How are you?”

The question took Harry by surprise. “I am good, why would you ask?”

“Well you were quite pissed yesterday and if it wasn’t me than what got you all worked up?” You asked concern showing on your face which made Harry’s guard go down.

“Oh that. I am starting to write for my next album, but it seems like my inspiration is very far to find. I just can’t seem to get a song right. And then you have management who is asking for new material. It’s just a lot of pressure, it’s also the reason why I was late yesterday. I was supposed to be in London two days ago. And I couldn’t really show my irritation here could I. I haven’t seen my mom and sister in a while. I am sorry for reacting like that, I just really didn’t think you would be here.” Harry said, guilt now present on his face.

It was like a reflex, but you putted both your hands on his cheeks and caressed the wrinkle out of his forehead. “It’s okay, I know how much pressure it can be.”

“Thank you.” Harry said.

“For what?” You asked.

“Asking.” He said, and you pulled him in a hug. Your heart broke at the fact that he is feeling so stressed, you knew what it felt like and you wouldn’t wish the pressure of the music industry on anybody.

“I met your mom and sister yesterday.” You said, and Harry pulled away from the hug.

“Please don’t tell me they told you embarrassing stories from when I was a kid.”

You laughed at the face he was making, apparently his mom and sister had a habit of telling them because otherwise he wouldn’t react like that. “No, they didn’t. The meeting was a bit awkward considering how things were between us and all that.”

“They probably didn’t notice.” Harry said.

You both kept talking for a while longer. You told Harry that you had met his mom and sister to which he asked with a groan if they had told some embarrassing story from when he was little. You also talked about your rehearsals for tour and Harry talked about his tour. You both had lost track of time because when you looked at the time it was already 12am.

Harry had taken you and Nick to a small cafe for a quick lunch because the wedding would be starting soon. Nick seemed to be very happy about the fact that you both had made up and was telling stories all through lunch.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful. It was in a small chapel not so far from the hotel. Both bride and groom were beautiful and the happiness on their faces when they said, ‘I do.’ had made you reach for a tissue. During the ceremony you were seated more in the back with Nick while Harry was seated with his mom and sister and her boyfriend more at the front.

Talking about Harry he was dressed in a simple black suit with a white shirt underneath it. It was a very ‘casual’ look if you consider Harry’s fashion choices but that didn’t change the fact that he looked very handsome.

During the reception and finally the dinner Harry was always close to you. Not that you were complaining. It felt amazing to talk to him, you had really missed him those couple of weeks apart. He had introduced you to some of his family. His mom and sister came to sit at your table for a while too in between courses, they did tell some stories from Harry’s childhood and that was the only time he had left your side to go to the restroom but really, he just didn’t want to sit next to you because he didn’t want to be embarrassed.

The night went by fast and this was because you were having so much fun. Both you and Harry had been drinking quite a bit during the night and had been dancing for most of it. You knew tomorrow morning was going to be hard, considering you will probably be very hung over and had to catch a flight back to NYC but that didn’t matter right now.

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This hasn’t been edited yet, so I am sorry about any mistakes but thank you so much for reading

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